Fisher House Salutes

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WE SALUTE:

Story by Michelle Baldanza

COMING TOGETHER TO HELP SURVIVORS

"We all have a role to play in supporting the mental health for both veterans and their families. Fisher House is proud to be a part of a community of nonprofits and public and private organizations who all bring different, unique strengths to this fight.” — Ken Fisher At Fisher House Foundation, our mission is to be here for veterans, service members, and their families. We know that bringing our strengths together with those of other military nonprofits benefits those we serve as we help families heal through the recovery process. Sometimes, that recovery process includes coping with loss.

Earlier this year, three nonprofits came together to help a very special segment of military spouses who had lost their service member to suicide. Home Base, an organization that provides free clinical care to support veterans, service members, and their families; the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), that provides support to families of America’s fallen heroes; and Fisher House Foundation, through our Hero Miles and Hotel for Heroes programs; supported 12 spouses during a two-week clinical program designed specifically to help them through their grieving process.

“They understand the vulnerability that we have, they respect and they honor, and they appreciate us,” said Petra Jackson-Oxford, whose husband took his own life in 2020. “The 12 of us bonded forever. We are so tight. We are so protective over each other. In fact, we text each other all the time. A couple of the sisters are still struggling right now,” she shared. “It's like you're not alone. You have 11 sisters that are right there with you, and that could not have happened without Fisher House Foundation, without Home Base, without TAPS.”

Home Base has hosted a two-week moderate and intensive clinical program for veterans for the past six years, but about four years ago, they felt that there was a part of the veteran and military population that wasn’t being fully served. They began working closely with TAPS to put together a very similar model to the veteran program for partners who had lost military loved ones to suicide.

“Many of the partners have either witnessed or had found their loved one, so many of them also met criteria for PTSD themselves, and of course, had very significant grief mixed with PTSD,” said Laura Harward, co-director of the Intensive Clinical Program at Home Base. “We made some adjustments for our program in terms of focusing more on grief, but we kept many of the core components of the group work.”

Throughout the two weeks, attendees did a combination of individual and group therapy that included mindfulness and resiliency, ways to manage stress, exposure therapy,

Left Photo: Petra (left) and Lisa (right) pose during Home Base's two-week clinical program. Center Photo: The Home Base National Center of Excellence common area in Charlestown, Massachusetts is a place for attendees to relax. Right Photo: Participants spent a therapeutic day with horses at the Ironstone Farm in Andover, Massachusetts.

learning to set boundaries, handling conflict, and peer-based emotional support outside of clinic hours, facilitated by TAPS staff who are also survivors. They attended art therapy and a day at a horse farm, did yoga and mindfulness breathing exercises, but most importantly, they formed a bond with each other because of the unique circumstances that brought them together, she explained.

Lisa Ocelnik, whose partner died by suicide in 2018, touched on the impact of her fellow attendees. “First and foremost, the experience of just being around 11 other women who get it was healing. Suicide is such a difficult and taboo subject in our society and is not often understood or talked about. Suddenly you're with 11 other women that have gone through it and all of the accompanying mountains that you’re climbing.”

Some of the programs during the workshop were very hands on. Barbara Block, whose husband died in 2019, talked about the lessons learned after a day trip to Ironstone Farm in Andover, Massachusetts. Intimidated by the size of the horse and never having ridden one before, she asked the trainer to stay with her while she rode.

“When we got back into class, I thought, you know, it was okay that I didn't have the woman drop the reigns and have me do it. It's okay to let people help me. And that was a big takeaway. Now I had no idea by going to a horse farm that I was going to learn a life lesson about accepting help from a volunteer and a horse,” she said.

Fisher House Foundation has been involved with the Home Base programs for the past five years. Home Base wanted to extend their services to military and veterans throughout the country, but needed assistance with lodging, and later flights. That is where Fisher House Foundation came in with the Hotel for Heroes and Hero Miles programs that use donated hotel points and airline miles to pay for rooms and flights. When the Foundation was approached about helping with this new cohort, the answer was immediate.

"These relationships that we have built with Home Base and TAPS have been built because we work in a common space and it's as simple as you pick up the phone to call your friend and say, 'I need help,’” said Fisher House Foundation Vice President of Strategic Initiatives Leticia Stropes. “We fill the gaps for one another so that we can each continue our shared mission of helping military and veteran families.”

“As Fisher House has done for over three decades, when a critical need arises for our veterans and their families, they answer the call with compassion, intelligence, and commitment,” said Michael Allard, Chief Operating Officer of Home Base. “The DoD and VA are not designed to care for our families of the fallen suffering from trauma and complex grief, but like-minded organizations with a shared commitment to excellence can come together to recognize the gaps and provide the world-class healing that our families deserve. Home Base is proud and honored to count Fisher House and TAPS as our friends and best-in-class beacons of hope for our families of the fallen.”

"Suicide loss survivors who are physically exposed to the deaths can be at increased risk for suicide themselves," said Dr. Carla Stumpf Patton, TAPS Senior Director of Suicide Prevention and Postvention Programs. "So when Home Base offered to develop a program for this population, we were honored to collaborate with them. At TAPS, we know from experience that postvention care is a critical element of any prevention strategy. Home Base understands that, too. Together we are saving lives by offering survivors the tools they need to create a hopeful future of healing and growth."

Lisa, Barbara, and Petra all shared two main points about their experience. First, the bond created between the 12 women attending the program was incredibly strong and was a huge part of why the program is so valuable, and second, there are so many more survivors that need the opportunity to get this help and support.

To learn more or donate loyalty points or miles to the Hero Programs go to www.fisherhouse.org/programs. To learn more about Home Base or TAPS go to www.homebase.org or www.TAPS.org.