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VOLUME 1 | JULY 2008 | www.flawles.com
Lesbian Lifestyle and Entertainment
The Same-Sex Marriage ISSUE
The Modern-Day Lesbian Who is FlawLes?
Magazine
FlawLES
In-house
FlawLes
Magazine
PUBLISHER JMD & Associates | FlawLes
PRODUCTION DIRECTOR Talonya Geary talonya@FlawLes.com CREATIVE ART DIRECTOR Wendy Ochoa wendy@FlawLes.com EDITOR Christine Kulick editor@FlawLes.com EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS Amanda Gossard, Anna Warner, Annette O’Neil, Ben Cartwright, Dan Kirsch, Dr. Delores Jacobs, Jessica McKimmie, Kimberly Grubbs, Lady4Lady, Rosa Jurjevics, Sarafina Scapiccio, TJ Seguine and Wes Goo.
DESIGN AyAyAyDesign
www.ayayaydesign.com
PHOTOGRAPHY Joanne Brannigan www.JoanneBrannigan.com Phil Collum www.philcollumphotography.com
MAKE-UP Marla Verdugo Erlinda Coronado
STYLIST
Say Lula Salon
ADVERTISING ads@FlawLes.com |
858.437.1344
FlawLes Who is
By now the question is rhetorical, however we thought we should take the time to answer this question in our own words. Rarely do you have the opportunity to capture the attention of an audience for the sole purpose of defining yourself, what you do, who you are, and why you do it. So here goes: FlawLes is a name and a concept that we developed over a year and a half ago to address the issues and demands of a changing lesbian community. By identity and simple definition, we felt included. However, we didn’t feel like we were participating enough. We looked to a number of already established women in the community to collaborate with, support and learn from. When we launched FlawLes.com, we hoped that our online calendar, articles, blogs, pictures and everything else the online space offered would provide a place for women to connect with other women. Through events and new monthly socials like the Supper Club, FlawLes started showing up in more places. With a very specific outcome, we scouted some of the nicest venues in San Diego to host special events and fundraisers. FlawLes was a movement to us, and in order to get this message out we needed to get it to the community. These events aimed to entertain and inspire all types of women from avariety of ages and backgrounds, accompanied by a strong and positive message: Everybody is invited. What started out as “just a website” to bridge the gap in the lesbian community, has now evolved into a wide-open space for ideas, creativity, entertainment and now a print publication. The vision of this magazine is to move beyond the virtual world of flawLes.com to get the pictures, the stories, the attention, and the feedback of readers, subscribers [and lesbians] everywhere. Through the process, we hope that new doors open for some, and allow foundations to get stronger for others.
Cover: Photographed at The Ivy Hotel by Joanne Brannigan. Models provided by Lipstik Inc.
WEBSITE www.FlawLes.com
In a society now facing the inevitable opportunities and awareness of the LGBT community, we truly wanted to “be the change we wished to see”. It’s never been our goal to change the minds or identities of women, but rather bring them to the surface to serve as great examples for those still struggling to find theirs. FlawLes wants to highlight these women. FlawLes wants to celebrate their victories and support their challenges ahead. And we hope that we can create a community that unites, not divides. FlawLes, although just a name, has been an amazing journey to find compelling reasons to move ourselves and our community forward, while continually searching for opportunities to give back. Through this magazine, we hope that you find both value and your place to experience the community that surrounds us. We value you. We honor you. And no matter whom you are or whom you choose to be, we want you to know that we are in this together and we all deserve to be FlawLes.
FlawLes would like to thank everybody who supported our vision and made this concept a reality. FlawLes is published on a quarterly basis by JMD & Associates and FlawLes. Opinions expressed are not necessarily the opinions of FlawLes or its staff, advertisers, readers, with the exception of editorials. Copyright 2008. All Rights Reserved. No portion of the publication may be reproduced in any manner without the expressed consent of FlawLes.
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 3
In-house | Editor Spotlight
20
Letter from
the FlawLes Editor
By Christine Kulick | Editor
FlawLes captured me from the first moment I heard the name. I’ve always wanted to play an important role in an organization that dealt with our community in the highest regard, and FlawLes was just that. When first introduced to FlawLes, I was already searching for something new and fresh, and the concepts and opportunities that were available through this publication were are great fit for me to really exhibit my craft. As a young writer and editor, I feel like I’ve already found my ultimate dream job. Staying true to the original vision of this first issue, it was important to me that my work promote the feminine spirit and provide meaning to the modern-day lesbian. I am extremely grateful and honored to be working on this magazine, and look forward to the feedback and comments of our readers and subscribers. I’ve already been taken over by FlawLes in the best possible way, and couldn’t be more excited for all of you to feel the same!
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 4
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CONTENTS 3. 4 6. 7&16. 8. 15. 17. 18. 20.
Who is FlawLes Editor Spotlight QLES. Ask a Les Culture Vulture Modern-day Lesbian Interview with Shannon Wentworth Lesbros Sign Me Up Same-Sex Marriage
23. 27. 28. 30. 31. 33. 34. 37. 38.
Make Your Mark Mama & Mommy You are Such a Lesbian He Said, She Said SD PRIDE 2008. For the Ladies... Our Lesbian-American Agenda. Sexcapades ActiveLES LES BE SCENE
Qles QLES
Ask a LES
Y
I’m going to be bringing home my girlfriend for the first time, I hope. I am out to my family but we don’t talk about it very much. Not only has she never met my family but I’ve never brought a GIRL home before. We are getting serious and it’s time to take this step. Do you have any suggestions on what to tell my family?—Kayla D.
ou’ve got Q’s? We have a Q for you! Nicknamed Q by her collegiate teammates, she is here to serve you! Ask her anything and she’ll give you everything! Q is the LES expert!
QLES: Basically each situation is different for each family and/or person involved. Because you and your family don’t talk too much about it, maybe now is a good time to start doing so! Talk to your parents about just how serious you are with your girlfriend; tell them she is so important in your life that you want them to meet her. Start talking and little by little see what happens! Take a chance on it and see what happens babe!
I’m 16 and I just came out to my best friend. She didn’t talk to me for three days and then yesterday she came up to me and pushed me against my locker and kissed me! I haven’t seen her in over a week. I’m so confused, what is happening? —Jackie K.
Ok, my girlfriend and I have been together for three years and she just asked me to take a break for a little while to think things over. I can’t think of anything on my side that I see wrong with our relationship, yet she seems to be getting closer with her friend from work. Do you think our relationship is pretty much over? –Leslie N.
QLES: Whoa! That is quite an experience. I am proud of you for coming out so young to someone you trust. I came out young as well and it just made me that much stronger! As far as your friend, I think she is probably just as confused as you. She is also probably scared to see you after kissing you and facing the reality of the entire situation. Try finding her at school and just saying hello. You never know she might be waiting for you to make the first move, just like you did with telling her in the first place!
QLES: Wow, I think I’ve been in your shoes. Honestly, a break usually breaks that certain bond that was there. If you do get back together, there is always that wondering of what happened during the break, do you still do the same things and such. Ask her if she’d be interested in discussing what you’re going to be doing on this break and if she’d want to be honest about it. Have you talked to her about exactly why she needs this break? All you can do now, is give it time.
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 6
W
While Diversionary Theatre put the moniker Camp, Comedy, Classic on the cover of its 2008-2009 season brochure, dig a bit deeper and find existentialism, shtick, and sassy in three of the season’s offerings which feature intriguing lesbian characters. Founded in 1986, Diversionary is the nation’s third oldest continuously producing LGBT theatre. Five of the six mainstage shows this season feature lesbian characters, and FlawLes will have a group night at all six productions during the year. Many of us read Jean-Paul Sartre’s classic fantasy “No Exit” in high school or college, but few remember that there is a lesbian character. In this ‘existentialist’ play, two women and one man are locked up together in one hideous room in hell.....for eternity. The three expect to be tortured, but no torturer arrives and they realize they are there to torture each other. “We marveled at the language and ideas of the play,” said
DIVERSIONARY
CULTURE VULTURE
Theatre
Dan Kirsch, Diversionary’s Executive/Artistic Director, “and of how timely the message is to our national conversation about war, the environment and sexuality.” For the Holiday season, Diversionary will present the West Coast Premiere of “Scrooge in Rouge” – A British Music Hall Christmas Carol, staring Vesta Virile, male impersonator extraordinaire playing Scrooge. While we tend to associate this type of gender bending with our confused, postmodern world, it actually has a history on the stage that reaches back beyond music hall entertainment. In January, keep your eye out for the new play “As Much As You Can”, being produced in collaboration with the San Diego Black Ensemble Theatre, a quiet, achingly humorous study of a family that manages to survive its self-inflicted crises. The main character has a lesbian half-sister and a sassy lesbian friend!
Please join FlawLes at Diversionary, and meet every one of these fun, fabulous and slightly flawed characters. For more info on FlawLes Nights at Diversionary, check www.FlawLes.com
FlawLes Top 11 (Because 10 just wasn’t enough!) 1. San Diego Pride // JUL 18 – 20 www.sdpride.org
6. Melissa Etheridge: The Revival Tour // Aug30 www.viejasentertainment.com
2. SPLASH Pool Party, hosted by FlawLes and 607 7. More Super Sundays // Every 2nd SUN Productions // JUL 20 www.moresuper.com www.FlawLes.com and www.607events.com 3. FlawLes Magazine Launch Party @ UNIVERSAL // AUG 3 www.FlawLes.com 4. CitYFest // AUG 10 www.hillcrestbusinessassociation.com 5. THREAD Fashion Show // AUG 17 www.threadshow.com
8. Trolley Dances// Sep 27-28, Oct 4-5 www.sandiegodancetheater.org 9. Ray at Night // Every 2nd Saturday www.rayatnight.com 10. Critical Mass // Every Last Friday www.critical-mass.info 11. San Diego Dyke March 2008 //Sat July 26 www.myspace.com/dykemarchsd
VIEW MORE ON THE EVENTS CALENDAR AT www.FlawLes.com
Photography by Phil Collum
The Modern-Day Lesbian
“We had the pleasure of capturing an incredibly diverse and accomplished group of women who told us their stories in the smiles, glares and laughs that each one held in their pose.� FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 8
What happened to the stereotypes? What would you say if I ask you to define what it means to be a “modern-day” lesbian? Think for a minute about all of the stereotypes. Trust me, we have dedicated hours of reading, entire evening conversations, days of internet surfing and a king’s ransom in cell phone bills to retrieve this answer. Yet we have still not come up with a definition or conclusion better than the title itself – what happened to the stereotypes? To us, the modern-day lesbian is one who shares this modernday world, its modern-day challenges, obstacles and opportunities to truly redefine how we see ourselves. Let’s stop right there. As we try to identify the meaning, we run into question upon question: what is a modern-day lesbian? Is she young or is she more mature than me? Is
Photography by Joanne Brannigan
ML The modern day lesbian is someone who is going out and creating themselves. Growing up, I remember the stereotypes of lesbians and certain career paths they felt they had to follow. Now, I feel the lesbian community has found themselves, and is reaching outside the box to be who they really want to be, creating their own sense of identity within the community. As a Dj, I have definitely created my own sense of identity within this community by following my passion for music. And I feel lucky to have a place here, to empower and inspire so many people through music. A quote I live by: “Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself.”
- DJ Dirty Kurty A modern day lesbian is an independent woman, who passes no judgement on anyone. She is confident in herself and sexuality, regardless of what other narrow-minded people may think. She has great friends and a passion for life. I would like to think that I fit the modern day lesbian in the community. I have many passions in my life, I do not discriminate and try to get along with everyone. Remember confidence is sexy!
- Diana McCallister FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 9
The Modern-Day Lesbian
Suzanne Hawkins and Jennifer Campbell first met at the Women’s Resource Center Gala in 2006. Between them, Dr. Jen and Suzanne have seven adult children and seven grandchildren who range in age from nine to twenty-two. Suzanne currently works part time with children with autism. Dr. Jen teaches Integrative Medicine to doctoral candidates at the Pacific College of Oriental Medicine, and is Board Certified in Holistic Medicine. Both are members of the Board of Advisors of the BCAUSE Fund, a local lesbian breast cancer fund. Dr. Jen is on the Board of Directors of the San Diego Human Dignity Foundation and is active in politics serving as the Central Regional Coordinator for the Grassroots Organizing Team (GO Team) of the San Diego County Democratic Party.
1Dee she sexy, soft and feminine or simple, but rough around the edges? Does she still play softball and wear her hair tucked beneath her favorite baseball hat or does she spend hours shopping for the right pair of highheeled shoes? Does she enjoy fine art and fashion? Will she reach for a beer over a martini? Is she out at work or does her family still think that Chris is her “roommate”? Is she in transition? How does she identify herself? Does she even see herself as a les-
WE didn’t have to but want to know who we really are and what we really want as lesbians today. bian, or rather use queer to “include” more of the world that surrounds her? You see? At this rate we could be here forever, so for the sake of sanity, let us leave you with one
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 10
more question. Do we even have to define the modern-day lesbian? Yes. The answer is simple to us. WE need to. WE didn’t have to but wanted to know who we really are and what we really want as lesbians today. We are very well Marla & Novia aware of the fact that by our mere attempt ignissim mauris vitae nulla to define the modern-day lesbian, we put viverra scelerisque. Class apAndrea Kane ignisourselves at risk of angering some or sociosqu ele- Sally tent taciti ad litora ignissim sim mauris vitae nullaHall viverra torquent per conubia nostra, vating others. But regardless of whatever mauris nulla viverra scelerisque. Classvitae aptent per inceptos himenaeos.Class aptent scelerisque. kind of lesbian you are [or are not], itsociosqu seems taciti ad litora torSuspendisse id leo eget purus taciti sociosqu litora torclear that this community wants to per particiquent conubia nostra,ad per elementum aliquet. quent per nostra, per CSI SAN DIEinceptos himenaeos. conubia Suspate more Dee, in the overall game of life and, inceptos himenaeos. Suspendisse id leo eget purus GOlevels . Praesent purus nec to varying and luctus, degrees, to be part of id leo eget purus pulvinar blandit, mi nunc eleifend pendisse elementum aliquet. an inspiring LGBTQ community.
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The pictures and the people est, acpast viverra mauris sodales In these months of velit countless phonulla.we Duis egestasout orci to shoots, reached toaca ante. number of Pellentesque elementum. Donec individuals to see they wereetdoing, euismod portawhat elit. Curabitur what they wanted, and really how they saw
French Bohemian Restaurant & Bar
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“The group of friends that I hang out with are all different types of lesbians so we are not just a clique with the same style. I am a Lipstick lesbian. Very feminine in mostly everything I do, very outspoken, with an open mind and an open heart...My girlfriend treats me like a lady...opens doors for me...walks on the outside of me when we are on the street, etc. She brings home the bacon...and I cook it. But she knows who’s boss! Just kidding. I am very open about my sexuality, because you can’t help who you fall in love with, and everyone should be able to love whomever they want.” - Marla Verdugo
The Modern-Day Lesbian
themselves. They were not exclusively picked to end our journey or story, but rather to serve as a foundation for us to begin our search to highlight and illustrate our community for the years to come. We asked to take their pictures to help us capture what we could not explain in words alone. What we found was both enlightening and impressive. We had the pleasure of capturing an incredibly diverse and accomplished group of women who told us their stories in the smiles, glares and laughs that each one held in their pose. We witnessed the pride that comes from wearing the uniform of a law enforcement agent and learned about the confidence to define fashion through cutting-edge design and creative risk. We felt the gentle kindness and gratitude of new mothers, and sensed the intention of political activists and philanthropists to change the world. We met young entrepreneurs, who had enough vision to influence an entire community, and athletes with enough momentum to become tomorrow’s
What we found was both enlightening and impressive.
headline. And we came to know musicians, lawyers, drag kings, writers, financial planners, make-up artists and many more. All of whom impressed us with their diversity and commitment to absolute individuality. We listened to the struggles of securing one’s identity, while fostering the growth of another’s appeal. But in the end, we conclude that we’ve come a long way as queers, lesbians and a community in the modern-day.
I have always been queer -- which gives me the full spectrum of sexual expression that works for me. I have dated women, men and transgenders, so I think I more than aptly fit the queer bill. - Andrea Kane I am a soft-butch lesbian. A hard worker, I take pride in my work in the blue collar industry. I have a strong passion for music and art. While my style of dress could be defined as “greaser”, I am a gentle lady with the utmost respect for women. I open doors, but my ego doesn’t get in the way of letting my lady do the same for me. - Roni
“To me a modern day lesbian is an independent woman who is strong and feminine. She is beautiful and fashionable. Modern lesbians have careers and families. They are open-minded and happy with their lives. They don’t have to hide who they are, they are proud of their lifestyle.” -Lisa Telepman
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 13
Photography by Phil Collum
The Modern-Day Lesbian
I began to design and create my own pieces from a lack of finding things I liked, and later started to construct pieces for friends. People later began suggesting that I start my own business, but mostly, it was the lesbian crowd that urged me forward. The girls wanted big, edgier accessories. So instead of designing specifically for all of my guy friends, I began to develop a very unisexual line. Andria Renee, officially launched in 2005, now produces a variety of belts, buckles, cuffs and watches. I present to you, all things I could never find in any store. – Andrea Duvall
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 14
Doesn’t that sound SWEET? SWEET is the first eco-friendly lesbian cruise line that combines lesbians, parties, live entertainment, volunteering and so much more. Fun is the number one priority
Interview with SWEET CEO,
Shannon Wentworth
So SWEET Never Felt So Right
for all SWEET guests along with inspiring opportunities each step of the way. It is the first lesbian cruise line that looks to have fun while giving back to the environment, community and people of the world. “We’re looking for ways to minimize impact on the environment while doing the things we love. Yes, we’re a long way from having giant cruises become truly green but we can do things like offset the pollution caused by our air and leave the actual ports we stop at better than when we found them,” said chief executive officer and founding partner Shannon Wentworth. The biggest goal of this new lesbian cruise is to make it easier to do the things lesbians love to do. Wentworth spoke about knowing so many people with big dreams involving ways to better the environment, yet couldn’t afford to do so. Her goal is to have fun while making a difference in the world, even if it’s just cleaning up a local beach.
How can it be so affordable? “We want to make everything SWEET. That means no hidden charges, proper cancellation fees and terms and conditions and we’re even offering a payment plan. The payment plan is free and guaranteed no interest.”
Ok, so what separates this cruise from other lesbian travel?
To begin, combine parties and live entertainment with volunteering and a personal wellness staff. Begin creating the feeling of awareness in the world and self esteem at the same time. End with the satisfaction of knowing that the lesbian name is out in the world for doing something inspiring and knowing you could easily become a part of it.
“The amenities of cruise travel and the involvement of volunteering. We’re look to have each port offer approximately 100 people to do the volunteer action of that day. We want to show people in our community, were not scary monsters (as some stereotypes make us out to be), but that we care about the world we live in. Show more of the world that lesbians are here to help.”
Is there a specific statement that goes along with SWEET? “We just want everything to be SWEET. We want SWEET to be a life base for people who care about their issues and teaching them how to live a healthier and greener life.”
That sounds great! SWEET do that?
How
will
“It will be like ‘a volunteer vacation’ looking to serve the means of the lesbian population and their desire to volunteer. I want Sweet to be a company shaped by our guests and what they want out of their lives. We will
have a staff designed to help with promoting self esteem, fitness, wellness, and health. We want SWEET to help lesbians life up a notch.”
Wow that sounds great! So what would be the typical SWEET guest? “Anyone who is moved and motivated. Anyone who is geared towards making an impact! We make it easier for younger lesbians to go and get involved. For example, rooms with 4 beds, get a bunch of your girlfriends together and it’s roughly $750 a week. We learned that 20- to 30- year old lesbians are politically aware, smart and think through the impact of their actions. Lesbians are serious people. It’s basically a guilt free experience because it is so affordable.”
Exactly how is this cruise so affordable? “We keep costs low, we don’t hire a huge spokesperson, and we rely on people to market us. We save people money by working with gay and lesbian funded businesses that want to help to underwrite the costs of cruises. We’re going to have some big name sponsors on board and already have some big names ‘talking us up’. Make it sweet, keep it sweet.”
What’s the biggest name that has spoken of your cruises so far? “I’m actually in the process of putting up a blog about Sharon Stone who recently auctioned off a $7000 cruise for us and it’s original value was only $6200. She just said such great things about SWEET. We also have some great celebrities and community members coming aboard like Jen Foster, who just won first place in the AAA category at the International Songwriter’s competition and a special surprise guest will also be on board.”
How can people find out more information about SWEET and become more involved? “We are very excited about women doing certain charitable events and will look to sponsor some participants. We have teams in both the AIDS Lifecycle beginning in San Francisco and the AIDS Walk in San Francisco as well. We’ll have parties to raise money, we’ll be organizing teams, and much more.”
So I understand you’re very inspired by people and ideas, what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
“My mom always told me, ‘Don’t touch that and wash your hands.’ No, seriously she said if you don’t try you can’t ever succeed. I always want to try and then I can say I did it! SWEET!”
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 15
CULTURE VULTURE
Page to Stage
La Jolla Playhouse “Encompassing commissions, readings, workshops and workshop productions, Page To Stage serves the specific needs of a project at all stages in its evolution, helping artists take their work to the next level of development”.
c
ompelling. Innovative. Provocative. Theatre. These are the four words that make up the 08’ – 09’ program mantra of the La Jolla Playhouse. And after checking out what’s in store for audiences of the Page to Stage productions, there’s no secret as to these word choices. Now in its sixth year, Page to Stage is a signature program for cutting-edge theatre lovers looking for new adventures in the arts. Leading by example, the Page to Stage program activates its artists and integrates its audiences into the creative and technical development of one lucky production. It is here where the true culture vulture can feel a part of the rise of
each new play, in spiring recommended changes to both the playwright and its respective director. What’s great is that the Page to Stage process puts the audience in the critic’s seat, witnessing each play’s rehearsal and actual run of the show. And unlike a typical seat-dropped comment card that preserves little more than anonymity, this critiquing process encourages audiences to immediately provide theirfeedback, reactions and overall laundry list of pros and cons. Not only is this exciting to the loyal fans of the theatre, but the Page to Stage events grant an “all-access” pass to newcomers, hopefully resulting in a lifetime of arts patronage. On July 27th, FlawLes adds a new dimension to the Supper Club as we ascend upon The Nightwatcher to put in our two cents. Please join us for the show by contacting the La Jolla Playhouse directly at (858) 5501010 to purchase your ticket. Don’t forget to mention that you are with the FlawLes Supper Club for reserved seating.
LESBROS By Ben Cartwright Every gay man seems to have a fag-hag that he drags around. You’ve seen her – the straight girl that bounces around the dance floor all night garnering the attention of all the other gay men who, oddly, seem to be fascinated with her breasts. She typically is obnoxiously loud and usually ends up throwing up or tripping at the end of the night. But she’s great fun to hang out with, is always there for him, and really is the best friend a gay man could have.
“Lesbians seem to have a more relaxed approach to life” But what about lesbians? Do they get to tote around an equivalent of the ever so reliable fag-hag? While there is not as much written information about the trend, a term has been coined for men who prefer the
company of lesbians. And we’re not talking about the average straight guy that thinks it is hot to watch two “chicks” get it on. We are talking about the “lesbro” – a guy who prefers to hang out with lesbians. So yes, the lesbro is often gay himself. When I first started thinking about this concept, I wondered if I would even be able to find anyone who fit this definition. To my surprise, I was able to dig-up quite a few men – gay men – that proudly rock this title. Isaac, a 20-year old gay male who lives with a lesbian and her bi-sexual girlfriend, did not realize he was a “lesbro” until he moved in with these two women. “There is a lot less drama (around lesbians) – I don’t have to deal with the gay guy on gay guy drama that is created due to the tension of hooking up with each other,” said Isaac. Bryan, a 23-year old gay male, participated in a group trip to the Long Beach Pride celebrations on May 18th and went with a group that included himself and a bunch of lesbians. After talking to the group for sometime, one of the other carpoolers told Bryan that he was a lesbro. “I was shocked at first, then looked around and saw that I was surrounded by five of my lesbian friends, and I was comfortable,” said Bryan. Bryan also feels a less hostile environment when playing the lesbro role, as he doesn’t feel the sense of competition that he feels when with his other gay male friends. Allan, an 18-year old male agreed, “Lesbians seem to have a more relaxed approach to life.” Not
only does Allan have the privilege of having many lesbian friends, but his sister also identifies as lesbian. None of the gay men I spoke to seemed to take issue or offense with the label “lesbro” and seemingly prefer the term! Whatever the case may be, these men who hang out with lesbians seem to love their company above it all. Allan sums it nicely: “I don’t know how they do that thing that lesbians do, but I love them for it.”
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Sign me up By Kimberly Grubbs At a recent lesbian-sponsored event in San Diego, I was reminded of how few lesbians I truly know. “Who are you, and why don’t I know you?� asked a woman curious to know me, as if to insinuate that all lesbians in San Diego should be already acquainted. My typical response to these often-asked questions is that, although I have lived in San Diego for a little over five years, I was in a three-and-ahalf-year committed relationship with a woman who rarely enjoyed nights “out on the town�, and I was engaged in a six month long distance relationship. This answer seems to suffice each woman’s curiosity, and at the same time it resonates with an unsettling feeling and is a catalyst to many questions for me.
When I received my first lesbian handbook in my late teens, I thought it was a joke.
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Must I self-identify as being part of a subculture in order to better acquaint myself with other lesbians? What subculture do I “belong� to? With what counterculture do I want to be affiliated or associated? Who are “my peeps� and are they the group that I want to belong to? What kind of lesbian am I? When I received my first lesbian handbook in my late teens, I thought it was a joke. But, alas, it was not a joke. My older cousin, who is also a lesbian, had introduced me to the Indigo Girls several years earlier, and I was a fan of the politically driven singer-songwriter Ani DiFranco as well. So, I knew that I was not alone in being sexually attracted to the same sex. But, another lesbian mentor thought I needed a little push into the “real world� of being a gay woman. I guess she thought that I needed to figure out which kind of lesbian I was. She gave me the satirical book, “So You Want to Be a Lesbian� by Liz Tracey and Sydney Pokorny which describes in brief several categories of lesbians such as the bull dyke lesbian, the granola lesbian, the butch, the femme, the jock, etc. The book also describes snippets of lesbian culture.
My self-identified feminist core felt very conflicted as I turned each page, intrigued from cover to cover. First, “No, I do not want to be a lesbian. I am a lesbian.� Second, “What if I don’t feel like any one category suits me? Is there a quiz I can take or a checklist to see which one of the lesbian groups I belong to? If I “qualify�, where do I go to sign up for one of these groups, if I am interested?� And most horrifying of all, “If I don’t identify with any one of these groups, does that mean I am not a lesbian?� Fortunately, my first college was a women’s university. I found that being surrounded by women in an academic collegiate setting was truly empowering. Women of all walks of life were involved politically, artistically, athletically, spiritually, academically, not so academically ;), socially, economically, and culturally. It was truly a beautiful experience. My peers followed their hearts and passions as they developed into their womanhood. The woman who got up at sunrise to take care of the horses at the stables to earn tuition was the roommate of an heiress of a Texas oil giant. The captain of the volleyball team was a community outreach leader in a local church; she also supported the local gay bar on the weekends. The small-town Midwestern girl studying Biology and midwifery sat at the same dinner table as the upper class Northeastern city girl studying film, dance, and philosophy. The Russian girl, who was a published writer in Social Psychology, partied with rising artists, teachers, economists, and political activists. The experience of living on campus with 500 women from all over the country and the world gave me an incomparable perspective and insight into the possibilities of all women everywhere. I learned that I can be whoever I want to be and that I can just be. “I am that I am� was a phrase a couple of friends came up with after a long night of hearty discussion with lively libations. I came away from that discussion really embracing the idea that as a lesbian, as a woman, as a person, I can also embrace the artist, the athlete, the advocate, the social butterfly, the sexual being, the leather, the make-up, the granola, the literature, the music within myself and others. Why must we be associated with one subculture or counterculture at all? What is wrong with one, united, lesbian culture? We are all flawless, after all, right?
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FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 20
The Wedding Industry Can’t Wait To Meet You
By Annette O’Neil There are those who think the California gold rush ended in the 1850’s. They’re mistaken, and obviously haven’t peeked into a jewelry store or driven past Cake And Art in West Hollywood since the California Supreme Court ruled in favor of same-sex marriage. Retail mega-player Macy’s even took out full-page newspaper ads in Los Angeles and San Francisco within days of the California Supreme Court’s decision. “First comes love,” the wording scrolls out under a pair of cuddling wedding rings, “Then comes marriage. And now it’s a milestone every couple in California can celebrate.” This celebration is rockin’. Couples in the US spend an estimated $72 billion per year to get hitched. According to a study by UCLA’s Williams Institute, same-sex couples could grow California’s piece of that pie by a full $684 million. (The average budget for an American wedding has pushed past twenty grand and, in California, that number grows to $32,160.) If these estimates prove correct, the same-sex wedding industry would add $64 million to the state’s budget. The same study also postulates that the net impact on matrimonial tourism alone is likely to equal a staggering $166.8 million to $567.3 million in business revenue. Sacramento seems rightfully pleased with itself. “I’m wishing everyone good luck with
VOTE “NO” ON PROP 8
Photography by Joanne Brannigan | www.Joannebrannigan.com
Taking The Cake:
their marriages,” California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said in a statement regarding the decision, “and I hope that California’s economy is booming because everyone is going to come here and get married.” After all, gay and lesbian wedding business has long been diverted to Canada, and the state is happy to bring that revenue back home. The Williams study determines that marriage tourism alone is likely to net the Golden State an impressive $12.1 to $41.1 million in new sales tax revenues. It’s enough to make any budgetweary legislator smile. What does this all mean, though, for lesbians just beginning to navigate the shark-infested waters of wedding planning? With the new ruling, there’s likely to be a knock-down, drag-out vendor war for the rich new blood that same-sex couples represent in the cutthroat wedding industry. (After all, the average annual income of the average American lesbian household clocks in nearly 60% higher than the U.S. median income.) The benefits of this major market shift are not insignificant. Renellie in Costa Mesa, for example, will make you a custom cake-topper – you choose the gender and ethnicity of each of the two figures, and they’ll construct a couple that matches you perfectly. Such a thing didn’t exist until recently;
SAME-SEX now, Renellie’s business is booming. The tux-or-dress and invitation-wording debates are raging, but this has been a community of individualists since time immemorial. Creative solutions abound, and there’s an abundance of artisans and service providers that are hanging out their rainbow shingles these days. In the wedding industry’s frantic dive for your wallet, it’ll be hard to sort out who has your best interests at heart. In San Diego, try to patronize GSDBA businesses and other business who have continuosly show solid support of the lesbian community wherever possible. Educate yourself as much as possible about the wedding industry before you start the process. TwoBrides.com is a great place to start, but don’t automatically discount heterocentric books about wedding planning. While not specific to your case, they have a lot to share about common general pitfalls and practices, and checking a short stack out of the library is likely to yield some very useful advice. Scout potential vendors on rating sites like yelp.com – more and more firsthand lesbian experiences are popping up in the commentary. Finally, keep the lines of communication open. In the parade of vendors and the flurry of deposit checks and credit card receipts, your focus should always remain on the love you’re celebrating. Congratulations, ladies, and good luck!
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FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 22
M ake Your M ar k By Dr. Delores A. Jacobs “You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.” Woodrow Wilson said it, and although he wasn’t a lesbian (we’re fairly certain), he was absolutely right. We are not defined simply by who we say we are - we are also defined by what we do. So, as a modern day lesbian, what is it that you do to define yourself? How are you making an impact? This is your world - are you a part of making it a better place for you to live? It’s not hard to do but, like all good things, it requires an investment. Making sure that your future is brighter than your past requires you to invest your time, your talent and your treasure. And there is one place where your investment will honor your past, provide for your needs in the present and empower your future - The Center. Right now, our community is focused on the future the anti-marriage amendment is at the top of everyone’s mind. After the jubilation of our Supreme Court victory it is hard to think that we could win the right to full marriage equality only to have it snatched away a few months later. But that is exactly the scenario we face, and preventing it will be a very expensive fight. What does that mean? It means that each of us must do something. We must do all that we can to ensure the amendment does not pass. It means that we must give our time, our talent and our treasure right now to protect the rights we have all worked so hard for so long to win. It
means that your donation of both time and money to The Center Advocacy Project, which will actively fight the amendment, is absolutely critical. But it is also important to remember the long game. The Women’s Resource Center at The Center is the heart of the women’s community. It was formed by women, for women. It offers support, education and health referral services for LBT women all across San Diego County. It also provides social groups and events ranging from weekly book groups to the ever-popular Red Hot dances. In times of crisis, in times of need and in times of celebration, it is a resource for all of us. It keeps us informed, it keeps us involved and it keeps us connected.
Define yourself. Do something. Fight to keep the right to marriage equality that we have so recently won by visiting www.centeradvocacy.org to donate and volunteer today. Help ensure that our women’s community remains healthy, active and able to care for its own by visiting www.thecentersd.org/donate.php.
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 23
ALL ABOUT YOU
I’M WORKING ON IT
When would NOW be a good time?
By Wes Goo I’m in a profession that involves me asking people why they haven’t accomplished the things they’ve wanted in both their personal and professional lives. If you think about your own life, aren’t you also confronted by a list of things you want to do or be and the cold, hard fact that - no matter what the reason - you’re not that person yet nor do you have “those things?” When I ask a group of people why they don’t have those things, they usually give me a list of reasons: not enough money, no time, too busy, feeling lazy, procrastinate, lack of knowledge, fear, etc. All of those things are what people believe about why they’ve not yet been able to accom-
How
many times have we said: “I’m working on it”
plish what they want. It’s a belief. But then again, what is “no money?” How much time is enough time? If I gave you $5 million dollars to work out everyday for three weeks straight, would you still feel lazy? Or would you push through whatever tiredness you feel to do it? Of course, the most
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 24
dangerous one appears to be procrastination. For, with that, we deceive ourselves. We’ll get to it tomorrow. And more often than not, tomorrow never comes. But actually, there is one excuse that, in my opinion, is worst of all. It’s when we say “I’m working on it.” But why that? “If I’m working on it, isn’t that a good thing?” Of course! But for about 99% of all people, “I’m working on it” is really procrastination in sheep’s clothing. It looks like this:I don’t like my financial situation and money is scarce ... but I’m working on it. I don’t like my physical body ... and eating right and working out is tough ... I’m working on it. It’s a drug, we drug ourselves with the idea to quench the pain of facing the fact that we’re NOT working on it. Or working on it at such a rate that we most likely won’t see the results in the timeframe we’d wish. How many times have we said “I’m working on it” only to buy ourselves another few moments, a few days, weeks, months and sometimes years of NOT doing it? The temptation to use “I’m working on it” is the same temptation to use a credit card. In fact, saying it is akin to using an emotional credit card. When we’re feeling bad about our current results in any given area, we “swipe” our
emotional credit card in order to buy ourselves more time to feel better about where we’re at. The problem is, we’ll have to pay that bill later. How do we pay, you may ask? With months and years NOT accomplishing what we want; not living the life of our dreams. We talk and we never do. So is there a good version of “I’m working on it?” YES! It’s where you can see DAILY or WEEKLY MASSIVE MEASURABLE results. If a week can go by and you’ve seen little accomplishment, then perhaps you’re using “I’m working on it” as a drug. If you can see massive measurable results after a week, then you know you’re really DOING IT. Not just “working on it.” You know when most people go for marriage counseling? When it’s too late. You’ve heard of the person that goes to the doctor and the doctor says, “Look, unless you lose weight, get in shape, stop smoking, drinking, partying ... you’re going to die.” What normally has to happen before that person makes the change? They get sick or have a heart attack. My question for you is how sick do you need to get before you do something about it? When will you reach the point when you say “enough is enough” and DECIDE to do it? When would NOW be a good time?
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M By Anna Warner. We’re up in our office like we dreamed we’d be this time last year - my wife, Kim Warner, our son Hudson, and me, Anna Warner. We used to say to each other, “We’ll be working up here, honey, just like we are now, and there will be a little baby next to us filling this swing chair and basinet!” And here he is...he’s in the basinet just waking up. We’re now the two American gay moms of a little Viking baby. Our donor is a Dane whom we’ve never met, but found his stellar profile on a European Cryobank website. We actually got pregnant really easy in May 2007, after having had an already charmed relationship over the past four years. I’m sharing these details, as I was looking for them in other people’s gay stories. In fact, a mentor of mine suggested that we begin seeking out other gay parents, in order to find similar experiences that we could eventually relate. But no matter what parents share with you, no one can convey the amount or type of love your own baby brings to you and your partner. It is WONDERFUL, but Kim and I had actually gone back and forth on whether or not we had wanted to take this path. After crying at the warmth we felt online from this Euro-sperm bank, we placed our online order for the first donor...a Hugo Boss model! And I breathed a sigh of relief, but began picturing how I was going to explain to our child that I had chosen his donor from such vain motives. So, we scrolled through our daddy options again, narrowing them down to donors who had left either a picture or letter (to offer to our child later in their life). We chose a new donor, a writer who left a mildly explanatory hand-written letter to our angel to be!
Photography by Joanne Brannigan
“Mama” & “Mommy”
We were unable to get pregnant for over two months. But by the fourth month, we got more seious as we began our online shopping, buying syringes and speculums. We took my temperature, observed my ovulation, and per our Fertility doctor’s suggestion, Kim inseminated me at home. Actually, we paid our Fertility specialist to tell us we should inseminate at home for six months prior to doctors intervening; a GREAT suggestion that saved us any unnecessary future expenses and outside interference. A trip to Rite Aid for a pregnancy test, and BAM! This time, we were PREGNANT! (Even our pregnancy was charmed!) I took ZERO classes, and read a smidgen’ of “What to Expect when Expecting”. I wanted as little information as possible, as far as where we “should” be, or what I “should” feel...I stayed out of I wanted as little fear much easier with less ininformation as formation! On the other hand, possible, as far as my partner insisted on telling me about all the fatal dangers where we “Should” be, of cantaloupe, chords around or what I “Should” babies’ necks, c-sections, feel... blood pressure, etc... I gently requested that she allow me to live in blind naiveté for nine months. As a result, I stayed in much peace and serenity, until they raised the sheet before my chin at the c-section. There’s so much more to relay. So much more to our story - like how our parents each individually fell in love with Hudson, regardless of their worries, their prejudices,
FLAWLES MAGAZINE | FlawLes.com | 27
and opinions surrounding gay parenting. Like, how at the end of a few months of family therapy for my parents and I, I blurted at the last session, “And, we’re (my lesbian partner and I-the main theme of therapy) gonna have a baby!” Like how EVERY song about children or kids makes us cry now. We’re learning so much, like how I’m the booby mom, and how Kim is the bath mommy, and how special roles are so important. We’re still working out our new relationship, one that involves a lot less sleep and a lot more diapers. As far as being GAY MOMMIES in society...we haven’t really experienced any foreseeable discrimination, yet. We haven’t had the opportunity to be snubbed by classroom parents or t-ball coaches. But the fear that our son could be hurt is very real for us now. I look into his gorgeous blue eyes and tear up, thinking that he could possibly resent us one day, wondering where his daddy is. But the WONDERFULLY true advice I’ve been given by several other exemplary parents is that there isn’t a child in the world who has escaped pain on this earth, no matter their parental situation. Hudson may also feel complete and whole with us two SUPER MOMMIES, otherwise known as “Mama” and “Mommy”. We’re all learning together, and we know things are pretty great when he cracks one of his killer smiles at us (I’m so happy he inherited my dimples!!). We’re throwing on his t-shirt that reads, “Made in America with Scandinavian Parts,” and we’re off for a walk, one of our newer joys.
YouAreSuchALesbian
By Christine Kulick You know you’ve all heard it and said it at times. You know that people, friends and loved ones say it with the best intentions. To you, it’s an honor and means the world to be called SUCH a lesbian. Come on, it’s a compliment to be the lesbian of all lesbians! But, what makes your friend call you such a lesbian? Those lovely, fun stereotypes: You correct statements meant for straight men but put a lesbian twist on them... You play softball and love the cliché... You have “nipple confidence” and make it clear to your friends... Your fingernails are short (for obvious reasons)... You end up looking like your girlfriend... You get told that you can change tires, kill spiders and build houses... You’re wearing plaid, flannel or a polo as you read this... You drive a truck or you want to drive a truck... You’re also listening to Tegan and Sara as you read this... Your last real vacation was Dinah Shore... So when you get told that you’re such a lesbian, take it as a compliment. After all, it’s usually by your friend making fun of your sexual comments about that hot softball player right?
He Said, She Said:
Reflections of a Couple in Transition
By Sarafina Scapicchio & TJ Seguine If five years ago you would have told me that I would be planning a commitment ceremony with a man—I would have said you were crazy. I had been an “out” lesbian since the age of 14! Then again, if anyone would have told my partner five years ago that he would be transitioning his gender and becoming legally male—he would not have believed it either! However, that is exactly what has happened. In November of this year, we’ll celebrate five happy years together in a commitment ceremony in front of family and friends. By then, TJ will have finished his transition from a very handsome butch dyke into a very handsome guy. So how did we traverse this monumental change without our relationship falling to pieces? We kept things simple, kept things honest, and we kept our love alive.
I. Communication Is Key He said, “This transition meant bringing something I had kept a secret—even from myself—to the forefront of my consciousness. I was afraid of losing my partner, my friends, my family—but still I did not want to give up the possibility that I could live my life fully as a man-- how I saw myself on the inside. It could have been easy to become defensive. I had to think a lot about what I needed and why, so I could help her understand.” She said, “The transition here was not only for him—but for me, as well. I went from being seen as a femme lesbian to a “straight girl”. Even close friends asked me if I now identified as bisexual. It was really important to me that he continue to support my identity if I was going to support his.”
II. Seek out Medical Support She said, “Early on we both decided to see a therapist individually once a week. Having a whole hour a week to hash out the various feelings that were coming up for me in a safe space was amazing. It also kept our relationship pretty drama free!” He said, “We also went to the various doctor appointments together. Once we were able to ask our questions to a medical professional, I think we were both less apprehensive about the process.”
III. Educate Yourself She said, “Don’t take what your friends say as gospel or let their concerns become your concerns! So much of what I heard was based on misinformation. Look things up yourself and remember that so many of the results are based on the individual.” He said, “There is a lot of weird information out there. I chose to stick to the advice of my doctors. Take what you find online with a grain of salt. “
IV. Get Involved With the Local Community He said, “Getting to know the guys in our local San Diego FTMI (Female to Male International) chapter has been a great source of support. Everyone in the group is at different stages in the process. It has been great to be able to talk and compare or even just socialize with folks that know what you are going through. She said, “I knew I wasn’t the only dyke that has ever gone through this experience! I sought out the SOFFA (Significant Other, Friends, Family and Allies) group at the local FTMI chapter. It was great to meet so many strong and intelligent women (gay, bi and straight!) who were sharing this experience. I am now one of the co-facilitators of the group!”
V. Bring Supportive Family and Friends Into the Loop She said, “Once we were one the same page and had a mapped out a plan for the transition, we brought our close friends out for dinner or coffee and “came out” to them as a couple. It really helped their apprehensions to see that we were approaching this as a united front.” He said, “It was good to have my partner with me while telling folks. One of my best guy friends burst into tears when we gave him the news. But, Sarafina was there to reassure him that he wasn’t losing a friend- I was the same “guy” I had always been. Who better to reassure him than the person who chooses to share her life with me?”
JUL 15 7-11pm
TULIP Tuesday
JUL16 9-2am
Ladies Pride Cocktail Party
Pride Events For Women
JUL17 9-2am JUL18 5-7pm JUL18 5-9pm
Bar Basic
Hawthorn’s www.607events.com
JUL 19 11am JUL 19 11am
DECOS SIKstores.com
Ladies Happy Hour Bourbon Street 2nd Annual
JUL18 7pm
Pre Pride
thelavenderlens.com
JUL 19 9 pm
MILK Pride Party
JUL 19 2-5 am
MILK’s After-Party
JUL 20 11am
Pride Festival
The Abbey
JUL 20
12-8 pm
JUL 18 7-11pm
G-Spot Pride Event
JUL 18 9 pm
So Sexy
Numbers www.607events.com
The Flame
Splash Pride Pool Party Hotel Solamar www.FlawLes.com www.607events.com
THE JUNGLE DECOS SIKstores.com
Balboa Park www.sdpride.com thelavenderlens.com
Bamboo Lounge
Wino’s Blind Tasting Ladies Night
The Abbey
Lavender Stage
Pre Pride Ladies Night
lgbtfriends.meetup.com/204
JUL18
Pride Festival
Balboa Park www.sdpride.com
QUEENS of the Jungle
JUL18 6pm
7-10.30pm
Hillcrest www.sdpride.com
Lavender Stage
The Blackout Party Rich’s www.607events.com
Pride Parade
JUL 20 6-2 am
Ladies Foam Party
JUL 25 7-9pm
The Rubber Rose
JUL 26 11am
San Diego Dyke March 2008
Bourbon Street
2 Year Anniversary U-31
The Center
FOR MORE INFORMATION ON ALL THESE EVENTS VISIT
www.FlawLes.com/pride2008
By Rosa Jurjevics It was out in the desert when filmmaker Minda Martin first caught the movie bug. As a child, she would spend hours envisioning scenes and stories in the vastness of the outdoors. Lauren Berliner’s love affair with film started in quite the same manner. As an enterprising youngster, she corralled her peers together to “shoot” a movie, a game in which she played the role of director. “I’d make them act out a movie,” she says. “I don’t know how I got them to do this but this happened on multiple occasions.” Now, as adults, Martin and Berliner are living out their childhood dreams. Martin, an assistant professor of media at Cal State San Marcos, began as a creative writer but eventually found her way to the film world during her years at college. Independently, Martin made a movie about her mother’s death, which got her into the film program at CalArts, an institution of the arts specializing in film and video. As a student there, she completed a documentary called “a.k.a Kathe,” that centers around a Mexican-American family from Arizona as they deal with the death of one of their family members. The film follows, Martin says, “a vicious cycle of violence, sexual abuse and the injustice of the prison industrial complex” as the films’ protagonists head down an increasingly dangerous path. From there, Martin made some headway in the commercial industry, working at Sony as a sound mixer, a job she ultimately disliked. “I worked a late night shift mixing a film that was really horrible,” she says. “I spent many, many nights listening to car crashes and bombs and gunfire and women’s screams. [It’s] amazing how many variations of a woman’s scream goes into a database in Hollywood.”
“it’s not girl meets girl or boy meets boy, it’s just a story about a regular queer person in the everyday world.” Soon, Martin headed out on her own, taking a job as a lecturer at UC San Diego and, eventually, the teaching position at Cal State San Marcos. This career move ultimately, she says, enabled her filmmaking career to go on further. “Basically I have a little post production studio in my apartment that’s on lease [from] the institution, which is great because it enabled me to continue working,” Martin says. “It allowed me to finish ‘Monsoon Street, ’77,’ which is a film in which a wildly imaginative tomboy escapes the life created by a distracted mother in an experimental and visually eccentric look at addiction and creativity. So I’m very grateful for the educational offerings.” Berliner started her career as a filmmaker after interning at Women Make Movies, a female-fronted
production company based in New York City. As a junior in college, she watched the company’s entire film collection during her summer there. “It helped me understand myself as a feminist, the possibilities for women filmmakers and how to tell stories through documentary and experimental techniques,” says Berliner. However, after graduating from school, Berliner went on to spend six years in advertising as a strategist for the Truth anti-smoking campaign. “At some point I realized I was twenty-six or twenty-seven and I was still in advertising,” says Berliner. “I hadn’t started being a real filmmaker and so I quit the job.” For her first big film, Berliner tackled the topic of egg donation and shot a documentary, “All in One Basket,” which she made as a graduate student at Emerson College located on the east coast. Berliner describes that this documentary explains the physical and emotional experience of donating eggs covering aspects of the donation process she says had received little attention at the time. Now, a PhD student at UC San Diego, Berliner is pursuing her degree in communication.
FIlmmaker: Minda Martin For both Berliner and Martin, the label “queer filmmaker” is one that they embrace. As she enjoys the title, Martin seeks to reach a broader audience than the large and liberal LGBTQ community. “I really want to reach people in my audience who actually tend to be more homophobic,” she says. For Berliner—and Martin as well— being a queer filmmaker doesn’t necessarily mean making films specifically about queer issues, she says. Regardless of the type of media she is making, Berliner’s queerness “informs her perspective”. “I think that there’s a real opportunity to produce films with a queer eye, for lack of a better term,” she says, “it’s not girl meets girl or boy meets boy, it’s just a story about a regular queer person in the everyday world.” Currently, both Berliner and Martin are working on other projects. The two are also planning, in collaboration, a film titled “My Lesbian-American Agenda,” which will be a comedic piece that seeks to explore and dispel preconceived notions—both from a straight and queer perspective—of what it means to be a lesbian.
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SEXCAPADES
One girl’s journal (in and out of the bedroom)
“Dear Billie” by Lady4Lady You know you are in trouble when your 54-year-old therapist blurts out “Oh Shit!” in the middle of your session. After years of serial dating and attempting to convert straight girl after straight girl, I was tired of ending up with a broken heart and a broken bed. As a result, I de-
cided to try my chances with online dating. What better way to weed out the bisexuals and first timers to find the gayer-than-gay love of my life, right? And then there was Billie. Admittedly, I am a picky kid. The typical lesbian does nothing for my libido. Give me a straight, femme woman, athletic and toned with an ass in a skirt, and I will make her
go for days! I can even get her to fall “head over heels” in love with me in no time at all. If this sounds cocky, it’s because I am. I have no problem finding fun, beautiful women to date or to sleep with. My real issue is that I continually find myself with straight women who can offer me no real future. And then there was Billie. I’ve dated and slept with some of the most beautiful, sexy and sensual women you will ever meet. Only to find myself months later (and in one case five years later), realizing that just because we can have sex for days (and days and days), it doesn’t mean that she is gay or we can have a real long term relationship. So after yet another break up with a “straight” girl, I decided to try online dating to find a real-life lesbian. Within a few hours of putting up a profile I had over 35 winks and emails. After sifting through all the offers, I had three dates with three different girls in the first week! And then there was Billie... Visit www.FlawLes.com to read what really happens next.
ACTIVELES
By Amanda Gossard
You know about the California Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the ban on gay
this ridiculous anti-gay initiative! I encourage all of you ladies who have been
marriage. You have read the articles declaring victory for the LGBT community and
active-less in our community to become active lesbians: ActiveLES. NOW is the
how May 15th marked the end of the long struggle to gain equal marital rights. It
time to go to The Center in Hillcrest and help raise awareness in the community.
will take 30 days for the overturn to take effect and for city halls to start marrying
NOW is the time to register to vote. NOW is the time to understand your rights
us, our friends and our relatives. I encourage everyone who has been waiting for
as a human being. NOW is the time to come out to your family, friends and co-
this moment to pursue this great opportunity, for it may not last. In 2000, California
workers to rid the irrational stereotypes that plague the LGBT community and
voters voted against gay marriage, which instituted the recently-defeated ban. Over
help everyone to see us as we are. We are daughters, we are mothers, we are
the past few months, there has been a petition circulating in California like malaria
waitresses, we are lawyers, we are school teachers and police officers. We
through the blood stream. This petition threatens the equality we have gained so far
deserve what everyone else is fortunate to have: the right to love who we want
by launching a similar initiative to the one that hurt us in 2000, a statewide vote trying
and the right to show this love and commitment through a state-recognized
to forever define marriage as strictly between a man and a woman. That would
marriage ceremony. Become an ActiveLES. Take up the fight to mandate
mean that come this November is primary election, it would be up to us to defeat
equality. Your right to marry depends on it.
FashionLES
Stick with FlawLes for the hottest local boutiques to freshen up your wardrobe.
By Jessica McKimmie MESH For hot trends and accessories. Off the main drag in North Park, Mesh is the spot for funky tees, dresses, accessories and my fave undies in town – get your Frank Dandy fix here! A great assortment of boys and girls styles that will outfit you or your lover. Michael, one of the owners, rocks local art on his walls and carries specialty items like wiener dog necklaces and leather accessories. Find it: 2980 North Park Way, San Diego www.shopmeshsd.com
BESOS not BOMBS For political cross-cultural couture. Meet Andi Michele Bradenburg, a local designer whose clothing line is the epitome of cross-culture meets political vintage fashion. A beautiful LatinaArmenian-American, Andi was adopted into a German-Jewish family, grew up on the border, lived in SF and Japan in her adult years and then settled in San Diego. Andi is also well-known internationally for her street photography, mixed media art, and phenomenal DJ skills. Visit her boutique and you’ll notice the prevalent Besos stamp of big red lips (Besos is kiss in Spanish). And if the brand name isn’t enough of a statement, when you look inside the lockers used as shelves, you’ll get hand designed political lessons on every shirt. Her truly unique boutique is equipped with turn tables and mood-right lighting that accentuate the shirts, jackets, belts, dresses and more. Open on most Fridays from 8 p.m. to midnight (or by appointment), have happy hour at the Turf Club and head on over - you’ll be glad you did. Find it: 18 25th Street at B Street, Golden Hill. www.besosnotbombs.com
UNIV For fresh sneakers and style. If you’re a sneaker die-hard check out UNIV in Encinitas. Skate-shop by day, you can get your sneaker on and leave with some cute girly clothes too – with nothing too expensive. The best feature: join their frequent shopper list and Allan will call your cell when they get new kicks in your size. Now that’s service. Seriously! Find it: 1053B South Coast Highway 101, Encinitas www.univ-shop.com MILO For stompable art. The anticipation is building for Milo to open its doors. Boasting premium-grade custom sneakers, streetwear and artwork, we think French-born owner Magali Jay-Snyder is on to something big. Located on North Park’s historical art district, Milo keeps the theme alive with hand-painted vans you can wear out the door. Find it: 3824 Ray Street, San Diego www.myspace.com/miloshoesandgallery JUNC For that classy vintage touch. Formerly Sugar, this South Park spot across from the Whistle Stop sports great jewelry, hats, and real vintage wearables to spice up your collection. With new items mixed in as well, you’ll be sure to challenge your drab attire at this boutique. I mean, where else can you find a belt buckle with a buck head on it? Find It: 2205 Fern Street, San Diego www.myspace.com/sugarltd
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Les be scene
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Photography by Joanne Brannigan , Phil Collum, Wendy Ochoa
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