Getting Back into the Dating Game

By Emily Drez

After losing a long-term partner, you may start to develop an interest in dating somebody else and wonder if it’s even the right time to start playing the field again. The truth is, there is no blueprint for dating after the death or divorce of your spouse, but there are some measures you can take to facilitate the process. Here are some crucial guidelines to help you get back into the dating game: Take time to move on. It’s important to stay single for some time before you get into your next relationship. Take all the time you need to heal before you become involved with someone else, whether that be a few months or a few years, because any raw feelings you may have after your previous relationship can do significant damage to your next. If you’re going through a divorce, you should wait until after the divorce is finalized to start dating again. The process of getting a divorce is grueling, emotional, and sometimes traumatizing, and it can be tempting to want to lean on someone else for emotional support. However, it’s best to process these feelings by yourself so you can heal without any inhibitions. Prioritize yourself. Ask yourself, do I want to go on a date, or do I feel like I need to? If you truly want to go on a date with this person, great! If you feel obligated to go on a date because you feel lonely, spiteful, or like you need a distraction from the hurt, it’s probably best you stay home. Here’s the thing: you need to find happiness in yourself before you find happiness in someone else. During your healing process, you should learn to be comfortable with your own company. Doing activities alone such as reading a book in a coffee shop, wandering around your favorite store, or taking a drive around town can actually prepare you for a relationship because you will realize you do not need anyone else to make you happy. Go on many dates. Once you’re ready, don’t be afraid to go on casual dates with multiple people. This doesn’t mean having emotionally charged flings, but rather taking time to ensure you know what you want in a partner. It’s also important to socialize a lot not only to improve your emotional health but also to expand your horizons. You might have thought you had a specific type, but by casually dating multiple people, you may click with someone you never thought you would have dated in the past. Give yourself options and make sure you communicate with your date whether you want to be casual or exclusive. Here are some great places where you can meet people with similar interests: - Church groups - The gym - The park - The library - Sports events - Online If your preferred route is online, beware of scammers. Never give away personal information to those who ask for it, and watch out for the people who ask for money, even if it’s just a few dollars. Otherwise, have fun, and don’t forget to be yourself.