Avoid Avoid YourNext IdentityCrisisby ShiftingFirst

byChloéTaylorBrown

The first time I shifted my identity I was sixteen. I wasn’t intentional about it because I didn’t know it was a thing or how I would have defined or described what I was doing at the time. But the truth is, an opportunity for me to shift and become who I wanted to be was presented to me after I was rescued from a terrible situation and invited to live with an aunt and uncle and their two children, half-way through my junior year of high school. This occurred following an incident I had been a part of at my high school, where I was definitely on my way to becoming a wayward teen just three years after the death of my mother who had been killed in a car crash, leaving eight children for my grandmother to raise That particular Friday afternoon, my fragile identity and broken paradigm completely crashed I believed in my heart that no one cared >

But my Aunt Anita did care She saved my very existence that Friday evening On Saturday she took me shopping to purchase the beginning pieces of a fabulous new wardrobe. On Sunday we all went to church; it was “ proper ” and conservative. On Monday my aunt and uncle enrolled me in the same high school as their two children.

During the course of that very first day and first few weeks of being at my new school, I sensed an overwhelming acceptance from everyone I encountered the teachers, and especially all the new cool, super-smart students The girls and the guys were incredibly friendly toward me and wanted me to feel included They did a fantastic job of allowing me to just be in a safe way

After only a couple months of being at my new school, in study hall a free period where we all got to interact with each other in open discussions I observed how free I was feeling and how my communication had gone from passive to confident and engaging in such a short time. I saw how the other kids respected and valued me and what I had to contribute. I was encouraged by the way they were responding to me and who I was being unlike the perceived disrespect I got from teachers and from many peers at my old school.

It was in that moment that it hit me. “Wow,” I thought. “I can be who I want to be here.”

I began feeling brave enough to talk about my goals “I’m going to be a model,” I told my classmates There were no side-eyes or outbursts of laughter, the way kids had reacted at my previous school My aunt and several of her girlfriends helped me to get ready to be who I wanted to be By the time I arrived at Mississippi State University a year and a half later, majoring in Fashion Merchandising and Design, I was able to hold, maintain, and expand my vision of being a model

Four years later, I managed to land an internship at a small fashion retail chain in Hayward, California With nothing but potential, determination and a burning desire, I happened to meet a woman on the streets of San Francisco who recommended I call a photographer; and this photographer personally walked me into Elite Model Management to meet Paul Butler who became my first Model Booker at my first modeling agency.

But being accepted into the agency was not the same as being ready I had to shift my identity again