WE’RE DOOMED: HOW REALITY TV DATING SHOWS HOLD A MIRROR TO THE DARK SIDE OF DATING IN REALITY

Words by Mallory Pace

The combination of reality TV and desperate singles searching for love is one of television’s guiltiest pleasures. What started as an innocent skit of matchmaking on a late night talk show in 1965 has turned into a mountain of dating shows for almost every situation imaginable, all with the same goal in mind: find true love. But what is it about this concept that we find so endearing, or better yet, captivating? And what does that say about the society it aims to reflect?

Reality TV is hardly new to the entertainment industry; it’s arguably one of the backbones to daytime television and the gateway drug to using media consumption as a form of escape. What’s so attractive about reality TV compared to soap operas or drama series is the humanity (or the lack thereof) found on the screen. Shows like “Survivor” and “Big Brother” really captured this newfound idea that you don’t have to be an actor to be entertaining, nor does a good show have to have the highest-quality production and special effects to secure high ratings. The rawness and transparency of reality TV allows viewers to step outside of their everyday life and be a part of this world of drama, sex and scandal all through a screen. If you’re a fan of reality TV or have ever indulged in even a season, you know that feeling of excitement and anticipation being immersed into their world as if you really are experiencing it with them. Dating shows have simply taken it to a different level of melodramatics.

It started off relatively tame in 2002 with shows like “The Bachelor” where one lucky man is presented with 20 or so women to fight for his love and ultimate engagement through petty dramas and jealousy-fueled schemes. Becoming an immediate hit, reality TV dating shows arrived on the cusp of changing the TV industry as we knew it. The next season would turn into “The Bachelorette,” giving a runner-up from the previous season a chance to find love. The cycle continued year after year, snowballing the franchise into one of the most recognizable dating shows to this day with 49 total seasons of “The Bachelor” and “ The Bachelorette.” They aired the spin-off, “Bachelor in Paradise” in 2013, putting former contestants on a remote island to mix, mingle and overcome inevitable drama in the quest for love. Then there’s shows like “Temptation Island,” first airing on Fox in 2001, where the loyalty and strength of “happy couples” were put to the test through lustful temptation.

The formula of “Temptation Island” would become a sort of blueprint for how a majority of today’s dating shows look, and there’s a lot of them. The most popular tropes circulating TV today are those that put a hodgepodge of single people on a beach and let the story write itself. Originating in the United Kingdom in 2005, “Love Island” has since expanded internationally, airing shows in the U.S. and Australia. The variation of today’s reality TV dating shows is almost overwhelming: some follow the more mainstream structure of hot people fighting and falling in love; some are based around blind dating to emphasize the importance of personality while simultaneously showcasing the depth of human superficiality; and some utilize a weird or shock factor like “Farmer Wants a Wife,” “Naked Attraction” and “Dated & Related.” I’m sure you can gather what those are about. The evolution of dating shows alone could be dissected as a twisted reflection of society, but I don’t have all day.

So why is there such a societal obsession with these dating shows? Sure, they’re entertaining and perhaps an escape into a world unlike your own, but is there more to it? Or are we simply zombies searching for brain-rotting content to fill a gaping hole? Probably, but theories around our attraction to this type of media revolve more around our traits as human beings.

We must first understand how the structure of these shows capture millions of attention in the first place. An article by “Cosmopolitan” explains that reality TV dating shows hit all the marks in what audiences look for in entertainment: the dramatization of soap operas, the competitiveness of game shows, the realness of reality TV and the fantasy of love and lust. Dating shows embody everything human beings innately desire — love, sex, gossip and drama. The article says that by combining elements of fiction and non-fiction in creating these dating shows, “our collective understanding of what’s real and what’s not is continuously blurred.”

Some experts also say that today’s reality TV dating shows contain somewhat of an overlap with our society’s history of love and marriage that makes it innately appealing to our pursuit for partnership. An article by the BBC on this same topic suggested that shows like “The Bachelor,” where 20+ individuals are pitted against each other to obtain one person’s love, are almost old-fashioned in a way. When you think about it in the context of the 1700s perhaps, when women needed to compete for marriage to secure social status and wealth, they had to prove themselves as suitable enough to be a wife. Clearly things have changed quite a bit by the time “The Bachelor” came around, but you can still see similarities in the underlying concept in some ways. We’ve somehow modernized misogyny into a form of entertainment, but at least we’re including the men now. So full circle!

There’s also the fact that we can become attached to dating show contes -

tants in the same way we might with other fictional characters. A parasocial relationship can be formed with people on a dating show, both negatively and positively. We feel heartbreak for the person or couple who gets broken apart by a “hot new bombshell that just entered the villa.” We may develop a one-sided hatred for a contestant as if they just killed a puppy on national television or perhaps internalize romantic feelings for someone on the other side of the screen. Dating shows, like fictional media, enable this side to human beings who long for connection, making us feel a little less alone throughout the episode.

In the same way we might build connections with dating show stars, we also build bonds with each other along the way. Friends, family, co-workers, strangers, it doesn’t matter — there’s no feeling quite like finding someone who shares the same passion and involvement in a show as you do, especially as the drama unfolds in real time. Finally getting to spill your thoughts and opinions about a certain person or situation with someone who actually understands is one of the best and most genuine ways to connect with someone. In such a divided time in our nation, it’s unifying to know we at least can come together to gab about the latest episode of “Love Island.”

Then there’s the fact that watching people fall in love is comforting, even if it’s not in the most natural way. When it comes down to it, most people yearn for true love — an intangible desperation we’ve been told is the key to happiness since childhood. Watching a dating show is hardly any different than a Disney fairytale, i.e., it’s not real. There certainly have been happy endings in dating show history, but it’s more often than not the couples that get engaged end up splitting shortly after. But it doesn’t really matter all that much anyway because people are watching for drama, jealousy, fights and turmoil. In reality TV, a happy ending is only an added bonus, not a requirement by any means.

Speaking of fairy tales, a vital ingredient to a good dating show is a seasonal villain. It’s that one person made out to seem like the worst person in the world, even if it’s just how they’re being edited to seem. On one hand, this drives ratings up and allows viewers to bond over their shared hate for someone (which always brings people together), but on the other hand, it’s a little messed up. There’s an unspoken acknowledgement that reality TV isn’t 100% reality 100% of the time. We all know how producers and directors can edit certain situations to fit the mold of what makes a good dating show — the level and quality of the drama that occurs. Sometimes the scripts write themselves and the villains and heroes are cast naturally, but when things become too quiet and therefore, boring, the plot needs shaking up.

Most people are well aware of who’s really pulling the strings behind the curtain, but that doesn’t stop viewers from developing a genuine distaste or hatred for particular contestants. Again, because it’s exciting to create and be involved in someone else’s drama. It’s only unfortunate for the person on the receiving end of the hate mail. This provokes another question surrounding dating shows: why in the world would anyone want to be on one?

It’s most likely a toss-up between who on the show is genuinely there to find a connection and life-long partner and those who decided watching it through a screen wasn’t fulfilling anymore and now need to be fully immersed. Aside from any personal motives one might have for being on a dating show, it might very well be that it’s simply something new to experience. An article by “Psychology Today” suggests that reality TV aims to challenge people’s security, both as an individual and as a potential couple. This type of environment is curated to resemble real-world dating in the sense that people date around, do questionable things and ultimately put themselves first in hopes

to find their partner. But in reality TV, that’s all being displayed right in front of you, which is a very unnatural and uncomfortable situation to put yourself in, but that’s the name of the game, which is exactly what it is: a game. Even if you win or lose, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience at best. Plus, when you’re a single, attractive 20-something, what do you have to lose, really?

We’ve established that the world of dating shows is ultimately a game to be played, but is it only a game? Or are there any consequences to consuming mass amounts of media depicting just how superficial, jealous and conniving our society is? Reality TV has its name for a reason — it shines a light on the part of reality that most people prefer to keep behind closed doors to the extent that the harshness and cruelty of our society is almost perfectly reflected on the screen. The chaos, belligerence and deceitfulness we see in reality TV is more than an entertaining show, but a third person point of view into society itself. Consider the show “Love Is Blind,” where contestants get to know each other without seeing their faces until the very end. Some end well, providing a heart-felt feeling that love does prevail. But others aren’t as successful, and superficiality replaces the initial connection made, confirming that love, in fact, is not blind.

When you consider why reality shows are packed with secrecy, heartbreak and drama, the actual reality of it is much more disturbing — because it’s holding a mirror to humanity. Sociologist Danielle Lindemann writes in her book “True Story: What Reality TV Says About Us,” “for all of its extreme personalities and outlandish premises, reality TV reflects how regressive we truly are.”

Dating shows reflect a part of history, but also a shift in today’s dating culture. With apps like Tinder and Hinge, we’re presented with a small synopsis of a person and judge them accordingly, sometimes in a matter of seconds. A whole genre of dating shows follow the same blueprint, contributing to the notion that people are disposable. Likewise, the ever-widening dating pool makes it seem as if options are endless when it comes to finding a life partner, but we all know that’s not exactly the case. The same goes for dating shows like “Love Island” and “Too Hot To Handle,” where a pool of singles come together, ready to mingle. But even then creating a genuine connection is still nearly impossible.

Considering that perspective, the consequences to constantly viewing such media are inflicted on both society and the individuals’ approach to seeking love. These shows hold a risk of normalizing toxic behaviors when it comes to dating, warping one’s expectation of what love should look like. Being constantly exposed to this form of media could potentially desensitize a person’s capacity to create boundaries and expectations in their own relationships if that line between what’s real and what’s not isn’t defined. That might be an extreme case, but there’s no denying that the media holds a level of influence on its audience, especially impressionable ones.

Reality TV, like all forms of entertainment, is a means of escapism at its core. Life can feel mundane and repetitive at times, but having something to look forward to at the end of the day can be genuinely helpful, even if it’s something as simple as a new episode. There’s excitement and a sense of community found in bonding over these shows with friends and total strangers, and the best part is that you’re completely detached from the actual drama, allowing you to sleep at night scot-free.

On a deeper level, these shows highlight what it means to be human and searching for love, highs and lows included, because love brings out the best

and worst of people, which is the human experience after all. We connect with dating shows because we can all see a little of ourselves in them at times — from relating to just how crazy love can make a person, to witnessing the dystopian, yet all too familiar reality found within the desperate conquest for love — proving that cameras or not, for better or for worse, we’re all the same at the end of the day.