Folio Weekly 02/24/16

2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

THIS WEEK // 2.24-3.1.16 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 48 COVER STORY

TOUGH SELL

[12]

Young progressives are sold on BERNIE SANDERS, but to win the race, he needs to reach the black community STORY BY SUSAN COOPER EASTMAN PHOTOS BY DENNIS HO

FEATURED ARTICLES

IN MEMORIAM

[8]

BY CLAIRE GOFORTH & DANIEL A. BROWN Jacksonville Mourns TOM McCLEERY, The Patron Saint of Five Points

PAY IT BACKWARD

[9]

BY AG GANCARSKI Looking at the next few decades of PENSION TAX

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?

[39]

BY DR. MICHAEL VICKO ZOLONDEK Why no Christian should oppose Councilman Hazouri’s HRO BILL

COLUMNS + CALENDARS FROM THE EDITOR MAIL/B&B OUR PICKS CITIMAMA FIGHTIN’ WORDS LET THERE BE LIT FILM MAGIC LANTERNS

4 5 6 8 9 10 17 19

ARTS MUSIC LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR THE KNIFE DINING BITE-SIZED PINT-SIZED PETS

22 25 28 30 31 32 33 34

CROSSWORD ASTROLOGY NEWS OF THE WEIRD I SAW U CLASSIFIEDS BACKPAGE

DISTRIBUTION

GET SOCIAL

ADVERTISING

FOLIOWEEKLY.COM

Bobby Pendexter / cosmicdistributions@gmail.com

PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor staylor@folioweekly.com / 904.860.2465

EDITORIAL

EDITOR • Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com / ext. 128 WRITER-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Brenton Crozier, Josue Cruz, Julie Delegal, Jordan Ferrell, AG Gancarski, Dan Hudak, Dale Ratermann, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Keith Marks, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Jeff Meyers, Greg Parlier, Kara Pound, Chuck Shepherd, Marc Wisdom VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry, Carl Rosen

DESIGN

ART DIRECTOR • Chaz Bäck cback@folioweekly.com / ext. 116 SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Dana Fasano dfasano@folioweekly.com / ext. 117 PHOTO EDITOR/GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Dennis Ho dho@folioweekly.com / ext. 122 DESIGN INTERN • Madison Gross design@folioweekly.com WEB CONTENT INTERN • Hudson Bäck

BUSINESS & ADMINISTRATION

BUSINESS MANAGER • Amanda Engebretsen fpiadmin@folioweekly.com / ext. 119 ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER • T. Farrar Martin fmartin@folioweekly.com / ext.112

36 36 37 37 38 39

PUBLISHER Sam Taylor staylor@folioweekly.com / ext. 111 SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER Kathrin Lancelle klancelle@folioweekly.com / ext. 124 MULTIMEDIA ACCOUNT MANAGERS CJ Allen callen@folioweekly.com / ext.140 Diana Allen diana@folioweekly.com / ext. 144 Madison Gross madisong@folioweekly.com / ext.145 Ashley Malone ashleym@folioweekly.com / ext.143 Suzanne McLeod suzannem@folioweekly.com / ext.142 Lauren McPherson laurenm@folioweekly.com / ext. 130 Nathan Niedel nathan@folioweekly.com / ext. 147 Jessie Norman jessie@folioweekly.com / ext. 146 Todd Rykaczewski toddr@folioweekly.com / ext. 127 FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY THROUGHOUT NORTHEAST FLORIDA. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication.

Folio Weekly Magazine welcomes editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received two weeks in advance of event date.

Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2016. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free issue copy per person.

Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability.

First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly.

Folio Weekly Magazine is printed on 100% recycled paper using soy-based inks.

visit us online at

thefolioweekly

@folioweekly

@folioweekly

Mobile App

For the best in Live Music, Arts, Sports, Food and Nightlife, download our DOJAX Mobile App by texting “Folio” to 77948

45 West Bay Street, Suite 103 Jacksonville, Florida 32202 PHONE 904.260.9770 FAX 904.260.9773 FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3

FROM THE EDITOR

ZIKA VIRUS AND OUR REPRODUCTIVE FREEDOM ZIKA VIRUS IS HERE. AS OF THIS writing, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is reporting that Florida, with 28 confirmed, has approximately twice as many cases as any other state.

All the identified cases in the U.S. thus far are travelrelated, but if the rate of infection in the U.S. mimics that of our southerly neighbors in Central and South America, as temperatures climb over the next few months, giving rise to billions of potentially virus-carrying mosquitoes, Zika is going to sweep the nation, leaving thousands and thousands, perhaps millions, infected in its wake. And there’s no amount of poison that mosquito control can spray to change that grim reality.

For the vast majority of those infected, Zika virus is an unpleasant inconvenience; its symptoms mimic that of the flu combined with pink eye and a rash. The virus is not life-threatening in any but the most extreme circumstances.

But the real victims of Zika cannot walk or talk, and many of them never will.

Pregnant women who contract Zika can pass the virus on to their unborn child, in whom it can cause microcephaly, or an abnormally small head and brain. The condition ranges from mild and essentially unnoticeable, to severe and extremely debilitating, even potentially fatal. According to the CDC, infants with severe microcephaly may be so intellectually disabled that they will never learn to speak, and may also suffer from seizures, difficulty eating and/or swallowing, hearing and/or vision loss and balance and coordination problems. Or they could die.

The severity of the epidemic — the World Health Organization estimates there have been three to four million cases in the Americas in the past year — and the lack of a cure led the government of El Salvador to urge all women to delay pregnancy until 2018.

But what about women who are already pregnant and contract Zika? Abortion is illegal in many countries most affected by the virus, including El Salvador, leaving women with two untenable choices: Get an abortion and risk imprisonment, or carry to term and risk having a child with severe, lifelong disabilities, or a baby who dies in infancy.

If some of our local lawmakers have their way, pregnant Floridians who contract Zika will be faced with the same options.

Right now there are several bills kicking around the Florida Legislature that could outlaw or severely restrict women’s access to abortion. (See “The Cost of Silence,” Dec. 16) One such bill would make performing an abortion, or operating a place where the (statistically safe) procedures are performed, a first-degree felony punishable by up to 30 years in prison. Co-introducers of this bill, the “Florida for Life Act,” include Northeast Floridian representatives Charles Van Zant, R.-District 19, and Travis W. Cummings, R.District 18.

4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

Van Zant also co-sponsors a bill with Rep. Jay Fant, R.-District 15, which would require doctors who perform abortions to have admitting privileges at hospitals within 30 miles of their practice, a requirement that could close half of Florida’s abortion providers. Both the American Medical Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists oppose this bill.

In its worst form, getting an abortion is an arguably unethical choice by an irresponsible woman who, for seemingly inexplicable reasons, would rather have repeated abortions than take precautions to avoid pregnancy. In its best form, it saves a woman’s life.

Certain of the hordes of extremist, borderline militant “Christians,” not to mention the voters who elect them, seem to have no problem saying from the isolation chambers of the legislature that abortion is wrong, wrong, wrong, no matter the circumstances.

But how easy is it to counsel an 11-yearold survivor of incestuous rape that she must carry to term? Or to tell a single mother that she has no choice but to have another child, even if it means her family will lose their house and be forced to go on welfare because her employer isn’t required to provide paid maternity leave? Or to comfort families whose beloved wives, sisters, daughters and mothers died from sepsis caused by dirty back-alley abortions? Or to explain why there’s a shortage of qualified physicians to provide reproductive care because the state has thrown so many in prison? Make no mistake, these things will happen if abortion is outlawed.

By continuing to wage a legislative war against reproductive freedom, our representatives are substituting their judgment for that of the individual; they’re telling women that their judgment is superior to ours, no matter the circumstances of our lives.

Abortion is not a black-and-white issue. It is a complex, nuanced issue with variations too broad to be crammed into a categorical ban. That’s why it has been legal since 1973. Because the best person to decide whether a woman should have a baby or get an abortion, no matter the reason, is the woman herself.

Claire Goforth Claire@folioweekly.com

THE MAIL FRUSTRATION RATIONS

RE: “STICKING IT TO SOLAR,” BY CLAIRE GOFORTH, AT FOLIOWEEKLY.COM Thanks for covering the solar/JEA story yesterday. It was well written and I’d say it pretty much voiced exactly the frustrations of the solar industry and solar advocates. As you know, the issues we’re dealing with are huge, not just in Jacksonville, but all across the country.

Shellie Thies via email

INSIGHTS SIGHTED

RE: “STUDY HARD,” BY GREG PARLIER As someone who cares about our environment, I appreciated the insight that your recent article on Georgia Pacific offered. I read your introduction and appreciated your candid, yet heartfelt approach and look forward to reading more insightful articles from Folio Weekly.

Michael Karstetter via email

OBVIOUS VILLAIN

RE: “THE MAYOR HAS TWO FACES,” BY CLAIRE GOFORTH I don’t recall Folio Weekly Photoshopping a pic of Alvin Brown as a comic-book villain when he was non-committal on the HRO. #ObviousBias Cody Barksdale via Facebook

GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE...

RE: “LOCKED AND LOADED,” BY CLAIRE GOFORTH Locked and Loaded is an informative article. It is sad that there is so much violence with guns, not just in Jacksonville but in the USA. We are the top country in mass shootings. It is time to come up with education, statistics, and changed laws to deal with this absurd problem in our nation.

I encourage people join “Everytown for Gun Safety,” “Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America,” “Coalition to Stop Gun Violence,” or “Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence.” Yes, you can join if you own a gun.

Shari Riepe via email LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly Magazine, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO JULIE STACKHOUSE Stackhouse was the first woman, and third overall runner, to finish 26.2 With Donna on Feb. 14. Stackhouse is the first woman from Jacksonville to come in first in The Donna. Three cheers for the home team!

BOUQUETS TO JSO LT. STEVE MULLEN AND OFFICER BRAD SMITH On Feb. 22, the off-duty officers observed a 9 ft. Leatherback Sea Turtle entangled in a crab trap two miles offshore. They pulled alongside and gently freed the poor creature from the trap’s rope that was looped around its neck. A video of the rescue is on JSO’s Facebook page.

BRICKBATS TO DR. CONSTANCE HALL Dr. Hall was caught with her texting fingers in the poisonous cookie jar when local media published disparaging texts she sent about Duval County Schools Superintendent Nikolai Vitti, referring to him as “special ed in action.” Vitti, who overcame dyslexia, was as appalled as the rest of us.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A PROVERBIAL BRICKBAT? Send your submissions to mail@folioweekly.com. Submissions should be a maximum of 50 words and concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

FRI

26

HERITAGE HOEDOWN! GREEK FEST

Greek culture can trace its ancestry back to 270,000 B.C. – maybe that explains why they have a lot of experience in knowing how to par-tay! The Jax Greek Festival features traditional foods galore, live music, traditional dancing and kids’ activities. 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Friday, Feb. 26; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 27, and 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 28, Morocco Shrine Auditorium, Southside, $3, military with ID and kids under 12 get in free; for details, go to jaxgreekfest.com.

OUR PICKS

REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

AMERICAN CLASSICS SARAH BOONE

Local music lovers who get their kicks from hearing the songs from the Great American Songbook must take in The Double Threats: A Celebration of Composer/Lyricists, Sarah Boone’s solo cabaret act.

As executive director of Theater Jacksonville, Boone makes sure this historical venue runs smoothly. And when the soulful chanteuse herself hits the stage, she brings her own kind of svelte style interpreting classic, much-loved standards. 8 p.m. (light supper with wine at 7 p.m.) Saturday, Feb. 27, Theatre Jacksonville, San Marco, 396-4425, $60; $50 theater subscribers; proceeds benefit Theatre Jacksonville programs; theatrejax.com.

FRI

26

CULINARY CAUSE 3 SQUARES

SAT

27

From the advent of craft breweries to gourmet food trucks rolling up to nearly every vacant spot, Northeast Florida is enjoying a veritable gastronomical renaissance.

Local foodies can now sample a cornucopia of culinary delights and dig some boss tunes at the second annual 3 Squares Dining Fundraiser. This event features food and drink offerings from 33 Northeast Florida restaurants, culinary schools, caterers and beverage distributors, along with a raffle-auction and live music by The Firewater Tent Revival. Better still, all proceeds benefit Feeding Northeast Florida food programs and ongoing efforts to stomping out hunger in this area. 6-9 p.m. Friday, Feb. 26, Prime Osborn Convention Center, Downtown, $70; $100 VIP; 201-4416, 3squaresjax.com.

WED

2

GREAT SCOT!

THE SCOTTISH GAMES & FESTIVAL

The 20th annual Northeast Florida Scottish Games & Festival features plenty of traditional foods, live music by Albannach (pictured), Cleghorn, Cuttin’ Bracken, and Ron Davis, a fiddle competition, Highland dancing, a Tartan parade, athletic competition including the caber toss, kilted mile run (cups not included), the hammer throw, sheaf toss, stone throw, battle axe throwing and sheep dog trials, and the noble Clydesdales.

9 a.m.-10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 27, Clay County Fairgrounds, Green Cove Springs, $12 advance; $15 day of, neflgames.com.

6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

TUNEFUL TWO THE OH HELLOS This Texas folk-rock duo only formed back in 2011, but The Oh SAT

27

Hellos have become de facto darlings on the indie music scene.

Brother-and-sis Tyler and Maggie Heath (who are known to be joined by a backing band in concert) have released four critically lauded albums and are veterans of NPR’s savvy Tiny Desk Concert series. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, March 2; with openers Complicated Animals, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party, $20 advance; $25 day of, staugamphitheatre.com.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

FOLIO VOICES : CITIZEN MAMA

IN MEMORIAM

PURE

School Board and Superintendent squabbles cloud REAL ISSUES

DISTRACTION JACKSONVILLE MOURNS

TOM McCLEERY

THE PATRON SAINT OF FIVE POINTS ON FEB. 22, JACKSONVILLE LOST ONE OF THE city’s treasures, an iconic trailblazer, a man ahead of his time. Originally from upstate New York, in the early ’70s, Thomas “Tom” E. McCleery, the “Patron Saint of Five Points,” settled in the Riverside neighborhood, where he would reside until his death.

Upon arriving to work one day in 1976, McCleery (1942-2016) swore loudly and walked out, abandoning his sales career. Everyone in his Prudential Building office huddled by the windows and watched him walk home across the Acosta Bridge, wondering if perhaps Tom would jump; instead, he threw his necktie into the river.

He’d intended a long sabbatical from work, but weeks later, in part inspired by the urging of their longtime friend Wayne Wood, Tom and his beloved Gunnel Humphreys paid $3,000 to buy Edge City in Five Points.

“It was in pitiful shape. We had no idea about business at all. We still don’t,” says Humphreys, adding, “We always followed our intuition, our instincts. Everybody thought, ‘Oh, it won’t last.’”

They turned the former head shop on Park Street into a thriving, funky boutique that matched their peaceful, artistic hippie values and styles. At the time, alternative culture in Jacksonville was truly an “underground” phenomenon. Stocking the latest in hip clothing and accessories, the store also eventually became a kind of oasis for local artists and outcasts. Edge City outlived the waves of punk, grunge, hip hop and everything in between, weathering the storm of fads on the strengths of McCleery and Humphrey’s friendly, inviting personalities and knowledgeable approach to cutting-edge fashion.

“We were the renegades of the neighborhood,” Humphreys recalls.

Over four decades, the couple put their sweat, hearts and backs into the store and the neighborhood, fostering the vibrant, eclectic cultural center that exists there today.

“That one store gave Five Points its vibe. The entire neighborhood took on their sense of style,” says Wood.

Mourners took to social media on Monday to share memories of and pay respects to a man whose kindness, creativity and particular je ne sais quoi inspired everyone who knew him and many who didn’t. Some recalled him tooling around the neighborhood in his Volkswagen Karmann Ghia; others wrote movingly of how he retained his elegance, humor and dignity even as his health declined. “[Tom’s] personality not only infected the neighborhood, his personality became the neighborhood. He will be sorely missed,” Wood says.

McCleery is survived by scores of friends and comrades and his darling partner in life, business and love, Gunnel Humphreys. No service is planned. “I think we’ll just raise a glass,” she says.

Cheers to you, Tom, may you rest in peace.

Thomas “Tom” E. McCleery, 1942-2016 By: Claire Goforth and Daniel A. Brown 8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

WE WERE SCHEDULED TO TALK ABOUT charter schools. Lawmakers in the Florida House have proposed a budget item that would give the lion’s share of available capital for improvements to 650 charter schools, leaving 3,620 public schools to share the crumbs. And Duval County has some of the oldest, capital-needy buildings in the state.

Instead, we talked about the elephant in the room. Superintendent Nikolai Vitti addressed Duval County School Board member Connie Hall’s unfortunate text: “Special Ed in action.”

“It’s pure distraction,” Vitti says. But as a person with a disability who has dealt with these kinds of painful slurs all his life, he can’t quite let it go.

Not without a personal apology from Hall.

“There has to be reconciliation,” he says.

The Harvard-educated superintendent publicly shared his experiences with dyslexia in a Folio Weekly Magazine cover story in 2013, “A New Way to Read.”

He wanted to inspire students by telling his personal story of overcoming a learning disability. He says he was simply floored by Hall’s text.

“You start to look at it in a personal way, because you’re a human being.”

Folio Weekly Magazine reached out to Dr. Hall by phone and email, but as of this writing, she had not responded.

A CHARTER SCHOOL LOBBYIST’S REVENGE

ON FEB. 11, HALL’S TEXTS WERE RELEASED in response to a public records request made

by Miami attorney Robert H. Fernandez last November. That emailed request appeared in district officials’ inboxes a day after charter school lobbyist Ralph Arza televised his threats to raise ethics complaints against board members who voted against charter schools.

Arza is a former member of the Florida House of Representatives who pled guilty in a witness tampering case following his own ethics scandal. Fernandez was deputy general counsel for Governor Jeb Bush, and fought in court for Bush’s school privatization agenda. (Cover story, “Play Ball?,” Dec. 9.)

It’s no coincidence that the public records requests in Duval

were aimed at Hall, Paula Wright, and Becki Couch, who voted against a charter school application in October.

And there’s no question that the relationship between Vitti and board members Couch, Hall and Wright has been contentious. (Citizen Mama, “Boundary Issues,” Dec. 2) As educators, the three board members naturally have relationships with other district employees, and they may share a different vision for how school boards and superintendents are supposed to interact.

And their districts, along with Board member Cheryl Grymes’, are heavily affected by Vitti’s proposed boundary and program changes.

ROLES, RACE, AND RIFTS

VITTI ACKNOWLEDGES HE WAS AN OUTSIDER who, upon arriving in Duval County, “instantly” started tackling issues in Jacksonville’s urban core: He changed principal assignments, addressed technology deficits, and started to deal with the graduation rate, he says.

He contends that modernized school districts in large, urban areas don’t micromanage day-to-day matters like personnel decisions anymore.

But the shift from working in the trenches to working on policy is even more difficult for school board representatives who have to shoulder an extra burden because of their race; African-American school board members have always had to fight for equity and demand accountability for their constituents.

“We’re talking about poverty. We’re talking about institutional racism. We’re talking about limited resources. Really, the state is not supportive of traditional public schools.

“You talk about tough issues that naturally lead to passionate voices,” Vitti says.

He takes responsibility for the times when his own intensity has overwhelmed and offended board members. “That’s on me.”

He knew what he was getting into when he started, he says. Two of the seven board members, Paula Wright and Betty Burney, voted against hiring him in 2012. The other candidate, like Wright, Burney, and Burney’s successor, Hall, was African American.

“It was vicious,” Vitti says. “It was personal to Paula and Betty not to have [hired] Dr. Cash. It became an issue of race.”

But Vitti says the racial tension and the educator versus non-educator axis on the board aren’t its only problems.

THE PARTISAN PROBLEM

HE FEELS THE IDEOLOGICAL POSITIONS TO which board members Scott Shine and Jason Fischer consistently default don’t help matters. Rather, their political reactions serve only to further polarize the process.

Fischer, a Republican, is running for House District 16 against former house member and city councilman Dick Kravitz.

In reaction to Hall’s text, during a meeting she did not attend, Fischer called for her immediate resignation.

His tag-team fellow conservative on the school board, Scott Shine, called for the district’s internal auditor, who received the text, to be fired.

Shine also recently left a comment on educator Chris Guerrieri’s blog referring to the latter’s “liberal friends” on the nonpartisan board — Wright, Hall, and Couch. Guerrieri, who is known for his bombastic and hyperbolic style, often criticizes Vitti and board members in his blog.

Shine was ostensibly celebrating the board’s decision to renew training for its teachers on social media policy, but according to Couch, the policy targets teachers’ statements about and interactions with students, not teacher blogs. Limiting government employees’ speech would run afoul of the First Amendment, after all.

It’s a constitutional protection that has been squandered this week on grievous private texts, abuse of the public records process, and partisan rants.

“I’m still optimistic that this group can put aside personal and political differences to focus on the work,” Superintendent Vitti says. And by “this group,” he means all seven board members.

Julie Delegal mail@folioweekly.com __________________________ Disclosure: Julie Delegal contributed to Scott Shine’s school board campaign in 2014.

FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS

PAY ITBACKWARD R Looking at the next few decades of PENSION TAX

I MADE A LOT OF NOISE LAST WEEK TELLING the Lenny Curry administration to show its work on the pension tax. Ultimately, it was to their benefit, as well as that of City Council, to fill in the blanks on the deal they want to push through. To their credit, they did just that.

Last week, I had a conversation with Mike Weinstein, Jacksonville’s Chief Financial Officer, after reviewing some specs of the plan itself.

The current scenario, Weinstein told me, “has us paying out what we can’t afford,” with Fiscal Year 2020 as the first year that benefit could be realized, in the form of $100 million of anticipated savings across the Police & Fire Pension Fund, the General Employees Fund, and the Correctional Officers fund.

A hundred million dollars is serious money.

The budget, which comes in at around a billion dollars annually, has been effectively flat for many years. In recent years, the city has lost more than 1,000 full-time employees, as departments took cuts, with serious ramifications. And not just in public safety, either; even something quotidian as code enforcement is seriously hampered by the lack of available bodies to do the job.

And raises? It’s been close to a decade since many rank-and-file employees have received any.

The pension reform bill put forth at the end of Alvin Brown’s administration was a significant step forward. It committed the city to use tangible resources to fill the unfunded liability hole. Yet it came at a price. The extra $32 million the city would invest beyond the unfunded liability burden would lead to a “lost decade,” to borrow a phrase from Bill Bishop. That decade would be lost in terms of infrastructure, public safety, and all of the other things that made Jacksonville a nice place to move to in decades past.

Why would it be lost? Because capital would be going to the unfunded liability, which is a budgetary obligation ahead of everything else, from stormwater projects to road repaving and capital improvements.

Those in the know will tell you that Jacksonville can’t afford the deal. Even in 2015, when the accord was being finalized, there was an unspoken consensus that things would get really interesting once that $32 million extra hit kicked in.

Well, it still kicks in with the current deal. But the city is able to handle it, through repurposing the Better Jacksonville Plan half-cent tax. Whether you believe it’s a new tax or not is a matter of semantics. It’s easy to defend it as repurposing. And it’s equally easy for those opposed to the mayor to put on the political strategist hat and say Ol’ Tax & Spend Lenny Is at It AGAIN. (A discursive note: Jacksonville, being Jacksonville, has operatives who don’t play hardball very well, which is a big part of

the reason both major mayoral campaigns brought in ringers to do the heavy lifting.

It would be easy to do the “Curry-nomics” mailer, if someone were interested in throwing salt in the mayor’s game. But no one who matters will do so anytime soon.)

The phrase that jumped out of the 14-page actuarial analysis of the proposed deal, to me and to other observers, is “deferred contribution.”

The reality is that if this deal goes through as currently formulated, there’s a real chance Jacksonville will be on the hook for the half-cent sales tax being dedicated to this purpose until 2060.

I’ll be dead by then, assuming that actuarial tables and my high-fat, sugarladen diet have predictive quality. And most

of you reading this, right now, will likely be dead, too, or at least on the downward slope toward senescence.

One hopes the Wheel of Fortune will still be around then, as this tax will be. Must be, in fact; it’s a revenue stream, says Weinstein, that the city “can’t afford to do without.”

The first payment in any budget, Weinstein says, is the unfunded liability. Up until now, “nobody’s been able to create a new revenue stream.”

And there are salutary benefits. The measure would close the defined benefit programs, “so they’re never a problem again.” And they bring “relief ” to the Curry Administration and whatever follows before 2030, “when the cash starts rolling in.”

This isn’t a done deal, Weinstein cautions.

It’s a “small piece of the puzzle” and “we’re going to have to get approval.”

It’s not pretty at all, and the mayor will be the first to tell you that. But one of the things Curry ran on was getting the fiscal house in order. People take issue with a regressive tax being used to address this obligation.

They want millage rate hikes. But that’s easy for them to say; they don’t have to deal with political donors, for whom jacked-up property taxes are a no-go.

A.G. Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

FOLIO VOICES: LET THERE BE LIT

photo by Fred Dale, Sr.

New Orleans expat finds POETIC VOICE in Jacksonville

PLACE VALUE

F

red Dale acknowledges the irony. The poet and University of North Florida English professor never felt at home in his hometown of New Orleans, one of America’s most distinctive cities, but in Jacksonville, where he’s lived since 1987, he says, “I’ve become a poet of place.”

In The Sleep of Blue Moon Flowers, Dale’s new audio chapbook from Mark Ari’s EAT Poems series (eatwords.net), New Orleans and Riverside/Avondale get equal time. In “Oxbow Lakes,” Dale’s grandfather, still a young boy, “jumped into Bayou St. John / with no intention of ever coming back.” In “The Luminaria Sleeps,” Dale writes of the Riverside/Avondale Christmas tradition of lining its streets with small paper lanterns.

If you listen close enough, which is precisely what poetry asks of us, you can still hear New Orleans as Dale reads. Beneath what sounds like that Midwestern “broadcast standard” accent, certain words have a Nawlins flat-A that sounds Brooklyn-esque to me, and when Dale reads, “There was not time enough / for a boy to idle under the humid moon of New Orleans and remain / only a boy,” “humid” sounds like “yumid.”

By his late teens, Dale knew he “had to get out” of New Orleans. Tending bar, he saw drug addiction “chew people up.”

“Within a year or two of my moving, it killed my very best friend. I had seen that coming for me, but when I turned my ship in the other direction, he didn’t.”

As an expat, Dale loves New Orleans from afar. When he first discovered the Riverside/ Avondale area, it reminded him of “a more civil uptown New Orleans.”

In “Learning is All,” first published in Jacksonville’s own Perversion Magazine, place and accent become metaphors.

“I am learning to pronounce your place / in the work of love,” he writes.

“I am learning to imitate your echo / so I will be familiar to you, / and when the love washes back / with an accent not quite / your own, you’ll think nothing / of it and let me stay.”

FOR A LONG TIME, FRED DALE THOUGHT “Marriage House” was the only poem he’d ever write.

“I thought I’d gotten really lucky once,” Dale says, “that I’d never be able to do that again.”

It’s the oldest poem in the new collection, and Dale still says, “I’ll never write anything else that means as much to me as that poem.”

“Marriage House” calls darkness “the flower of light” and describes how places make people part of them. “We move into houses / and become them. I listen, / settling into the walls, the dark / corners.”

10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

That kind of listening skill and attunement to the subtleties of place must be integral to haunting.

“We had a ghost there,” he says.

He means the house he and his wife previously occupied, south of Downtown in St. Nicholas, a once-condemned house a smuggler had built for his daughter.

That ghost wasn’t his first. His aunt and uncle live in an old tobacco plantation house in Vacherie, Louisiana, where parts of a movie adaptation of New Orleans writer Kate Chopin’s novel The Awakening were shot.

When Dale was a little boy, his Uncle Mike took him through the house before it was restored. “The floorboards were gone. There were just the joists.”

He still gets goosebumps when he talks about it. In one room, he went “sheet-white” with fear. A clairvoyant friend of his Aunt Claudette’s had the same reaction. In that room, Vacherie had long hosted its wakes for the dead.

THE PLACES OF WHICH FRED DALE WRITES are often domestic: a urinal, a front porch, an oak tree, a birdhouse — never mind that “Self-Portrait above the Urinal” takes its setting from St. Nick’s Bar in St. Nicholas.

He describes the poem “The Luminaria Sleeps” as “another really good accident,” adding, “There are lines in that poem I never knew I’d be capable of writing.”

He’d become active in neighborhood organizations, and was surprised, he says, “that I spoke publically for my community.

I’d never done that before.” At the same time, he felt awed by Jacksonville writer Hurley Winkler’s pride in her city. “When I was her age, I just wanted to get the hell out of New Orleans.”

The subjects of Dale’s most recent poems include the uncanny callings of the barred owls of Riverside, a homeless woman he’s seen around the neighborhood for years, and walking his “occasional jerk of a dog” named Earl.

Recently, in a bagel shop that used to be a bar, Dale realized he and his wife were standing in the same spot where they’d met in 1987.

She’d asked him to dance and he refused, out of intimidation. No one had ever refused to dance with her and no one had ever asked him to dance. A year later, they recognized each other and soon became a couple.

Dale says the calling to write is allconsuming. It’s given him “an identity I’d previously thrown away that I now acknowledge in having become a poet of place.”

Tim Gilmore mail@folioweekly.com

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

Young progressives are sold on BERNIE SANDERS, but to win the race, he needs to reach THE BLACK COMMUNITY Sanders is an unapologetic dyed-in-the wool lefty liberal, a democratic socialist.

TOUGH SELL

W

hen she voted the first time, as soon as she became of age in 2012, Bri Feinberg went against her conservative Republican upbringing.

She voted for Barack Obama.

Lots of people voted for Obama. That’s how he got elected president, twice. But in Jacksonville, voters like Feinberg symbolized a possible shift in the zeitgeist. Jacksonville’s arts and ideas and academic communities and food culture are welcoming and lively and diverse, but the money and the power still resides with a conservative, Southern, Christian and Republican elite. For a child of conservatives to choose Obama signified a change.

That shift seemed seismic when a University of North Florida poll in March 2015 stated that 62 percent of voters supported civil rights protections for the LGBT community.

But not so fast. The Republican mayor remains opposed. City councilmembers are reluctant. And then former mayor and

STORY BY SUSAN COOPER EASTMAN

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

current City Councilmember Tommy Hazouri withdraws a bill to amend the city’s Human Rights Ordinance to include protections from discrimination.

Meanwhile, on the youth front, as another presidential election rolls into view, Feinberg is even more radicalized. She’s moved to the left of most Democrats. She is part of a committed cadre of young, smart, informed supporters and super-volunteers working to elect Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders president.

She wants the minimum wage raised to $15 an hour. She wants free public college education. She believes in reining in Wall Street, breaking up big banks, addressing climate change, restoring the clout of the working class and creating a safety net for the poor.

That’s Sanders’ platform — A to Z. He says millions of Americans need to stand up and come together to demand the government and the economy work for them, not just for a super-wealthy few. He says the federal government plays a vital role in guaranteeing all Americans have a decent quality of life.

PHOTOS BY DENNIS HO

Local politico Ben Weaver says it’s a time in the fabric of our political and social life when a new wave of liberalism is gaining momentum.

He says the election is about this movement, and not about Bernie Sanders or Hillary Clinton.

Indeed, it seems as though, after years of liberal politicians being anxious to assure voters they are tough on crime and not too hard on corporations, like President Bill Clinton did in the wake of President Reagan’s administration, Obama represented Change and then Hope.

Sanders is an unapologetic dyed-in-the wool lefty liberal, a democratic socialist.

It’s a political philosophy that syncs with Millennials and Gen Xers, who’ve only known a Democratic Party positioning itself as moderate and middle of the road in reaction to a right-tilting Republican Party, and with Boomers, whose inner Democrat has remained left of center. Sanders seems to awaken in each generation a yearning for the American promise.

“My generation supports Bernie Sanders.

Social issues are really important to us,” says 16-year-old Kaelyn Joseph at a meeting of local volunteers with national staff at a union hall in December. “We’re inheriting the United States of America, and it is pretty effed-up. The economy is not the best. The two parties are at each other’s throats. We need to start fixing things now before it’s too late.

“That’s why it’s important to be active politically and to educate ourselves and get involved.”

For Boomers who support him, including veteran campaigners for past presidential candidates, Bernie Sanders has long represented the liberal ideal. With young voters new to the political process embracing his egalitarian ideals, Sanders seems radical and new.

“He’s stood for things I believe in since he marched with Martin Luther King 50 years ago,” said Kerry Green, who held a portrait of

MLK on a stick in front of his face and carried a sign, “50 Years of Fighting 4 Civil Rights” when Sanders supporters marched in the Martin Luther King Jr. parade in Downtown Jacksonville on Jan. 18. Green adds, “He’s a true candidate for the people.”

“Bernie Sanders speaks to the idea that what is good for one is good for all,” says Gabie Ruiz, 48, an elementary school teacher and yoga and Zumba instructor at a local YMCA, who phone-banked for Sanders and marched in the MLK parade.

Yet just last year, Feinberg didn’t have any idea who Sanders was or who she’d support in 2016. She expected to vote for Hillary Clinton — a liberal Democrat, a woman, the Secretary of State under Obama. Then she filled out a Reddit survey that promised to match one’s politics with a presidential candidate at isidewith.com.

She thought it was a joke when a picture of Sanders popped up on her screen and reported she shared 98 percent of his beliefs.

“Why are you showing me this crazy-ass old white guy?” Feinberg remembers thinking.

Since then, Feinberg has found community and mission among the core group of like-minded progressives who form the base of the grassroots Sanders organization in Jacksonville.

On Feb. 1, the night of the Iowa Caucus, she lay on her back on the floor of the lounge at 220 Riverside in front of a large flatscreen television mounted on the wall while other bleary-eyed Sanders supporters sprawled over chairs, watching the results come in.

By midnight, Sanders had crept closer and closer to Clinton’s totals. He was behind by only three delegates. Matt Krieger, a tall, thin, redheaded, bespectacled and enthusiastic Sanders supporter, jumped up and down, shouting some preverbal yelps of enthusiasm.

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>

One problem for the Vermont senator is that many black voters still don’t know who the crazy-ass old white guy is.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

TOUGH SELL <<< FROM PREVIOUS He then sat in an armchair in front of the TV and bit his knuckles, saying over and over, “Oh my God,” “oh my God,” “oh my God.” It was their victory. They’d made hundreds of calls to likely Sanders voters in Iowa, just like the national campaign had asked of them.

They’d organized weekly phone banks. They’d registered voters. They’d talked to voters at First Wednesday Art Walk and Riverside Arts Market. They’d marched in the Pride Parade and in the MLK parade. A group of them drove to Charleston, South Carolina to be at the Jan. 17 debates.

“This is all about getting Sanders elected president,” a happy Feinberg said that night.

T

he Iowa Caucus and the rout in New Hampshire were personal victories for these Berniecrats.

They believe the revolution Sanders speaks of is within reach.

But, as the Democratic primary moves to the South, both Clinton and Sanders must win over African-American voters.

Sanders trails Clinton among all Democrats.

Among likely Democratic voters in South Carolina, a poll released Feb. 14 showed Clinton with 59 percent of the vote and Sanders with 40 percent.

The first primary in the South will be held in South Carolina this Saturday, Feb. 27. In 2008, black voters made up half of the total Democrat vote. And after South Carolina, Sanders and Clinton will face off in 12 primaries on March 1, called Super Tuesday.

Florida’s primary is on March 15.

TOP: Weaver says a new wave of liberalism is gaining momentum; BOTTOM: As another presidential election rolls into view, Feinberg is even more radicalized. She’s moved to the left of most Democrats.

14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

A Washington Post-ABC News poll last year reported 75 percent of African Americans said Clinton understood their problems. A Gallup poll in August showed Clinton with an 80 percent favorability rate, compared to 23 percent for Sanders.

Those are hard numbers to beat when fighting against a well-financed political juggernaut. Sanders is fighting Clinton in South Carolina with ground forces. Bill Clinton is there campaigning for his wife, reminding voters of the economic prosperity under his administration and the increase in black home ownership. The Sanders campaign has 240 staffers on the ground, 80 percent of them black, David Ramsey at Arkansas Times reports.

Opio Sokoni, general manager of the black newspaper Florida Star, adjunct professor at Jacksonville University and past president of the local chapter of Southern Christian Leadership Conference, says neither Clinton nor Sanders can expect the love that black voters brought to Obama. They turned out for Obama. It was personal. He realizes neither Clinton nor Sanders can ever have the same significance to the black community as the

“It seems like people have short memories,” Sokoni says.

Both Clinton and Sanders promise to address mass incarceration and to tighten regulation on the financial industry. Clinton promises to continue the Obama legacy and to be a pragmatist who can move the ball down the field. Sanders promises a revolution to end the chokehold that the predatory wealthy class has on the poor and middle classes. That message should appeal to black voters, Sokoni says, if they believe it’s more than more talk.

“Black people do want change,” Sokoni says.

But one problem for the Vermont senator is that many black voters still don’t know who the crazy-ass old white guy is. That’s changing as Sanders gets more media attention with his Iowa and New Hampshire wins, but not a lot of people are news-hounds and political

junkies. And Clinton is a known commodity.

The Sanders volunteer organization began outreach to Jacksonville’s black community recently with a voter registration drive at Edward Waters College and Florida State College at Jacksonville. That exercise seems anemic compared to the effort that will be required to reach large numbers of black voters.

“It’s easy to get college students to understand,” said Wells Todd, a Jacksonville Progressive Coalition member and a retired African-American social studies teacher.

“But getting to the heart of the community, to the people who are really affected by these policies. That’s the thing.”

In February, a group of about 35 Sanders supporters took the campaign to the streets when they marched in the King parade. It was a decent showing, with marchers holding

signs proclaiming “Black Lives Matter” and “Latino Votes for Bernie.” But clusters of folks sitting on the sidewalk by EverBank Field as the Sanders contingent passed by said they really had not begun researching presidential candidates, hadn’t really watched the debates and they didn’t know much about Sanders.

That’s a lot to overcome.

Kristellys Zolondek, lead organizer of the local Sanders grassroots effort, believes that local support for Sanders will grow when the campaign puts its focus here. That’s what happened in Iowa, she says. And she believes that will happen in Nevada and South Carolina.

“When people hear his message, the message resonates. We are not worried about

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>

Feinberg thought it was a joke when a picture of Sanders popped up on her screen and reported she shared 98 percent of his beliefs. “WHY ARE YOU SHOWING ME THIS CRAZY-ASS OLD WHITE GUY?” she thought.

first black president. But he questions black support for Clinton.

President Bill Clinton championed the 1994 crime bill, with its “three strikes, you’re out” laws and dramatically increased sentences for crack over powder cocaine. The brunt of these laws fell on the black community and on black men.

Mass incarceration during the Clinton Administration increased until the U.S. had the highest number of citizens in jail of any nation in the world. The Clinton Administration also signed the bill into law that dismantled welfare, putting a five-year limit on aid and denying welfare benefits to anyone with a criminal record. And he supported deregulating the financial industry.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

TOUGH SELL <<< FROM PREVIOUS the South,” Zolondek boasts. “It can happen.

It’s happening. When the campaign puts resources in a state, things happen.”

The main focus of the national campaign so far has been to enroll local volunteers in an effort to turn out voters in other states by ramping up a national phone-banking operation. As the primaries head to Florida, Zolondek said she expects the campaign to unleash an army of canvassers to go door-to-door and explain Sanders and his platform to voters.

President Obama won 95 percent of the black vote and 67 percent of the Hispanic

vote in 2008, in part by marshaling a comprehensive field operation to reach voters. Black pastors organized caravans to go to the voting booths in a massive Souls to the Polls drive during early voting. When Jacksonville’s first black mayor won an improbable Democratic victory, a major part of that success was due to his ground game.

Former Mayor Alvin Brown’s people knocked on doors.

Two weeks ago, Clinton’s campaign announced it would be opening a local campaign office. Meanwhile, Sanders’ supporters are holding phone banks to call voters in Nevada.

Aleta Alston-Toure worked as a field organizer in Jacksonville for Obama in 2012 and then founded the local progressive political

organization, the New Jim Crow Movement.

She says Obama’s network campaign involved 125 churches in Souls to the Polls. She thinks that the Berniecrats need to take the lead from local blacks and black progressives.

“Why can’t it happen for Bernie Sanders?” she asks. “If they know how to work with black progressives and what that would look like, it can happen. Young white progressives to sit down with us — not email, not Facebook — sit with us and be humble and let go of control and sit with us as allies.

“That’s how it work[ed] during Freedom Summer,” she continues, referencing the busloads of blacks and whites who came to the South to protest segregation in 1964.

“Black and white people working side-by-

side. We need to go into those communities together, to the Northside and the Eastside and the Westside.”

The Sanders revolution his supporters are hoping for — nay, counting on — will involve more than the White House. Sanders’ plain talk and his democratic socialism brought together a committed group of

“We want to REDEFINE WHAT A DEMOCRAT IS,” Zolondek says.

Sanders seems radical and new to young voters new to the political process.

lefty progressives, and Zolondek says they plan to seek roles within the local and state Democratic Party to tilt it further to the left. “We want to bring everyone with a progressive platform into the Democratic Party,” she says. Zolondek is running for president of the Duval County Young Democrats. Other Berniecrats are challenging incumbents for elective office. “It’s a statewide effort,” says Zolondek. ”We want to redefine what a Democrat is,” she adds.

Bernie Sanders supporters say they’ve been active in the discussion about adding protections for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender persons to the city’s human rights ordinance. Weaver says they will also address other issues Sanders has spoken on nationally on a local level, such as aggressive policing, aggressive prosecutions and unfair labor practices.

“We are putting together a movement on the local level that will empower the national movement,” says Weaver.

“If Sanders doesn’t win, it’s not the end,” says Kaelyn Joseph. “Someone else will come along to represent those same ideas,” she says.

And if Bernie Sanders does become the Democratic candidate and he wins the White House, that’s when the real organizing will have to begin.

“The revolution starts the moment he is elected,” says Ruiz.

Susan Cooper Eastman mail@folioweekly.com 16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

FOLIO A+E : FILM

GOING FOR

THE GOLD FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE presents our 2016 Oscar Predictions

Joy

Room

The Revenant

A

The Big Short

mid the #Oscarssowhite controversy, fashion hysteria and shameless selfpromotion that comprise the craziness of Oscar season, some intriguing races have emerged. And this Sunday night we’ll witness who will win, place, or show. This column focuses on the “big six” categories, but those in Oscar pools can expect The Big Short and Spotlight to win the writing awards, The Revenant to take cinematography, Mad Max: Fury Road to take editing, production design, costume design and makeup, and the legendary Ennio Morricone (The Man With No Name trilogy) to win his first Oscar for composing the original score for The Hateful Eight.

After six total nominations, Leonardo DiCaprio will finally win a BEST ACTOR Oscar for his work in The Revenant, and rightfully so, as he was nothing short of spectacular.

His performance is the culmination of 20 years of great work and daring choices, and there’s little doubt among the experts that he’s the man to beat. Also nominated are Bryan Cranston for Trumbo, Matt Damon for The Martian, Michael Fassbender for Steve Jobs and Eddie Redmayne for The Danish Girl.

WILL WIN: DiCaprio. SHOULD WIN: DiCaprio.

BEST ACTRESS is similarly predictable, as Brie Larson has won all the major awards leading up to the Oscars for her work in Room.

Her performance is emotional, complicated and moving, a real gut-punch of heartache and sorrow that’s a legit accomplishment for any actress. Saoirse Ronan gave my favorite performance of the year in Brooklyn and is rightfully nominated here, as are Jennifer Lawrence for Joy, Cate Blanchett for Carol and Charlotte Rampling for 45 Years. WILL WIN: Larson. SHOULD WIN: Ronan.

The Martian Many feel Sylvester Stallone will take BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR for Creed, and it certainly was a wonderful performance. Watching it felt like catching up with that uncle you haven’t seen in years and soaking up his sage advice. It’s also a career highlight for Stallone, as he returned to the role that made him famous (Rocky Balboa).

Hollywood couldn’t write a better story. He faces tough competition, though, from Mark Ruffalo as the heart and soul of Spotlight, Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies, Christian Bale in The Big Short and Tom Hardy in The Revenant. WILL WIN: Stallone. SHOULD WIN: Ruffalo.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS is similarly murky.

Early awards have split between nominees Kate Winslet (Steve Jobs) and Alicia Vikander (The Danish Girl), which makes this a tough one to call. Add in Rooney Mara’s phenomenal turn opposite Blanchett in Carol, Rachel McAdams great work in Spotlight and Jennifer Jason Leigh in The Hateful Eight, and you have an outstanding and competitive category. In the end, though, the emotional power of Vikander as a woman whose husband decides he wants to be a woman should be enough to prevail. WILL WIN: Vikander. SHOULD WIN: Mara.

If Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu wins BEST DIRECTOR for The Revenant, he will become the third director in history to win in consecutive years (John Ford, ’40 and ’41, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, ’49 and ’50); you’ll recall Inarritu won last year for Birdman. Given the ambition and scope of The Revenant, and the fact that he won the Director’s Guild Award, which is a precursor to winning the Oscar, Inarritu is the strong favorite here. However, George Miller did great work in Mad Max: Fury Road, Adam McKay brought delightful humor and

clarity to complicated issues in The Big Short, Tom McCarthy made investigative journalism compelling in Spotlight and Lenny Abrahamson told a simple story extraordinarily well in Room.

WILL WIN: Inarritu. SHOULD WIN: Inarritu.

Only four times in Oscar history has a BEST PICTURE winner come from a film that did not receive a Best Director nomination: 1927, 1932, 1989, and 2012. This will not be one of those years. None of the big three — The Martian, Bridge of Spies and Brooklyn (none of which have directing nominations) — has the widespread industry support needed to win. Similarly, Room is a nice movie, but it will receive its big award when Larson wins Best Actress. And a full-fledged action flick has never won Best Picture, so Mad Max: Fury Road will have to rely on technical awards to boost its tally.

Which leaves us with three. Ordinarily we rely on the Guild Awards to reveal the frontrunner, because they’re an indication of what industry professionals think is the year’s best, but this year that’s little help: The Big Short won the Producer’s Guild, Spotlight won the Screen Actor’s Guild, and The Revenant won the Director’s Guild. With the three guilds splitting, it’s anyone’s guess, though it’s worth noting that The Revenant is the trendy pick with the most positive buzz. However, this one statistic is inescapable: The Producer’s Guild has matched the Oscar winner for the last eight consecutive years, and its preferential ballot voting system is the only one in the guilds that matches how the Oscars choose Best Picture.

WILL WIN: The Big Short. SHOULD WIN: The Martian, which was my No. 1 movie of 2015.

Dan Hudak mail@folioweekly.com FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

FILM LISTINGS FILM RATINGS

MILES DAVIS **** ART DAVIS **@@

SKEETER DAVIS ***@ MAC DAVIS *@@@

AREA SCREENINGS

SUN-RAY CINEMA The Witch and Zoolander 2 screen at 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com.

Citizen Kane screens Feb. 25. Where to Invade Next and The Boy and the World start Feb. 26.

THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Mustang and 45 Years are screened. 9 to 5 runs at noon and 6 p.m. Feb. 25. 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

IMAX THEATER Deadpool, Rocky Mountain Express, National Parks Adventure, Secret Ocean and Living in the Age of Airplanes screen at World Golf Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, St. Johns, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

NOW SHOWING

13 HOURS: THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BENGHAZI Rated R A U.S. compound in Libya is attacked and one of the American ambassadors is killed. A military security team tries to keep themselves and the personnel around them alive. Costars Toby Stephens, John Krasinski, Freddie Stroma and Pablo Schreiber.

THE BIG SHORT **** Rated R This takes the mortgage crisis and breaks it into small pieces easy to comprehend. Strong performances by A-list actors, creative flourishes and a few squirmy laughs. Based on Michael Lewis’ nonfiction bestseller, it’s about three groups who see the meltdown looming, even though the mortgage industry was flourishing. Costars Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Finn Wittrock, John Magaro and Brad Pitt. — Dan Hudak THE BOY Rated PG-13 A young American woman (Lauren Cohan) is hired as nanny to an English family – but the child she’s to tend to is a doll. A doll. And the adults have some seriously weird rules she must follow. I don’t know about you, but I’d get the first wagon outta town. Costars Rupert Evans and James Russell.

CAROL ***G Rated R Writer-director Todd Haynes set this story in ’50s America – a repressive, male-dominated time of intolerance and exclusion. Cate Blanchett is Carol, mother to Rindy (Sadie Heim), bored wife to Harge (Kyle Chandler) – they’re divorcing. It’s Christmas, so Carol goes to New York to shop. In a store, she meets Therese (Rooney Mara), a shy clerk and aspiring photographer. Therese’s boyfriend, Richard (Jake Lacy), wants to take her to Europe and marry her, yet she hesitates. — DH

C

oming soon to a theater near us (specifically, Sun-Ray Cinema) is a year-long series of Orson Welles classics which no connoisseur of film, or just plain movie-lover, will want to pass up. Dubbed “101 Years of Orson Welles,” the line-up includes two showings each month (from 35mm prints, no less) of a different film with Welles either as

CONCUSSION Rated PG-13 Will Smith is Dr. Bennett Omalu, a forensic neuropathologist who finds an anomaly in a pro football player’s brain during an autopsy. He meets seemingly insurmountable obstacles when he tries to get the truth about the violence and damage associated with concussions suffered by playing contact sports. Costars Alec Baldwin, Gugu MbathaRaw, Paul Reiser and Arliss Howard.

DEADPOOL Rated R Another ultramilitary type goes rogue and gets powers we don’t have. BFD. Costars Ryan Reynolds, T.J. Miller.

DIRTY GRANDPA Rated R We like Robert De Niro and Zac Efron, despite this goofy unnecessary movie. And we really like Aubrey Plaza, whose deadpan delivery is great. Costars Dermot Mulroney, Julianne Hough and Zoey Deutch.

FIFTY SHADES OF BLACK Rated R It’s Marlon Wayans and Fred Willard in this comedic spoof of those allegedly sexy stories everyone was drooling over last year. Costars

Mike Epps, Jane Seymour, Florence Henderson – wait, what? Florence Henderson?

THE FINEST HOURS ***@ Rated R This harrowing story of death-defying heroics, teamwork and bitter, frosty, wet, nasty cold tells of Coast Guardsmen who went through a blizzard, pounding ocean waves and pouring rain more than 10 miles offshore to rescue the crew of a shipwrecked oil tanker. Fear and true grit kept them going. Costars Chris Pine, Holliday Grainger, Casey Affleck, Ben Foster, Kyle Gallner and John Magaro. — DH GODS OF EGYPT Rated PG-13 Chisled physiques in shiny armor, sweating and rippling … oh … uh, didn’t see you sitting there. Mortals and, apparently, gods fight for the right to rule the empire. Costars Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Gerard Butler and Geoffrey Rush.

HAIL CAESAR! *G@@ Rated PG-13 This comedy, set in the early 1950s, has movie studio boss Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) trying to find star Baird Whitlock (George Clooney) after Baird’s kidnapped. There’s one production day in Baird’s big-budget epic, and he has to do his big speech.

Communists took him, to brainwash him. Costars Ralph Fiennes, Scarlett Johansson, Frances McDormand (married to one of the Coen brothers, who wrote and directed this), Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, and Christopher Lambert.

HOW TO BE SINGLE Rated R The pressure’s on for single people in NYC. Costas Dakota Johnson, Rebel Wilson, Leslie Mann, Damon Wayans Jr., Colin Jost and Anders Holm.

JANE GOT A GUN Rated R Natalie Portman plays a woman whose husband, a criminal, is being threatened by a gang. So she implores her ex-boyfriend to help save hubby. Costars Joel Edgerton, Ewan McGregor.

JOY **@@ Rated PG-13 Jennifer Lawrence stars as Joy, a single mom who lives with her mother Terry (Virginia Madsen) and grandmother Mimi (Diane Ladd). Her father Rudy (Robert De Niro) breaks up with his girlfriend and moves into Joy’s basement, where Joy’s ex Tony (Édgar Ramírez) currently resides. Only Joy’s best friend from childhood, Jackie (Dascha Polanco), is a confidante in her chaotic daily life. Joy’s always been smart and creative, but never able to realize her dreams or ideas. Then she invents “Miracle Mop,” a self-wringing, washable contraption unlike any mop ever slung around a kitchen floor. She goes to her dad’s girlfriend, Trudy (Isabella Rossellini), for financial help, but is unprepared for the hardships she will face – concept design, production, intellectual property, etc. — DH KUNG FU PANDA 3 **G@ Rated PG Po (Jack Black) is still a disaster of a panda bear. He’s a kung fu master who saved his village from dastardly villains more than once, yet he’s still an unorthodox klutz man-child who seems to destroy everything in his path. Po has no idea how to take over training duties when Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) retires.

Cohorts Monkey (Jackie Chan), Crane (David Cross), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Tigress (Angelina Jolie) and Viper (Lucy Liu) help, but there are bigger issues at hand. — DH NORM OF THE NORTH Rated PG Norm, a lovable polar bear, and his lemming friends have travelled to the Big Apple instead of their usual habitat, the Arctic Circle. Norm is swept up in a large corporation involved with profiting from that same frozen land. Voices by Rob Schneider, Heather Graham, Ken Jeong, Bill Nighy, Colm Meany and Loretta Devine.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: AN EVENING WITH SCOUT St. Johns Reads presents a screening of the 1962 film To Kill a Mockingbird, followed by an appearance by Academy Award-nominated actress Mary Badham, who discusses her on-set experiences playing the character/narrator Scout, her lifelong friendship with Gregory Peck, and the legacy of the late Harper Lee, at 6 p.m. Feb. 27 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, free; bring pillows/blankets, refreshments available, staugamphitheatre.com.

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

FILM LISTINGS RACE Rated PG-13 The struggle to become the greatest track and field athlete on Earth is profiled in this historical drama about the peerless Jesse Owens (Stephan James), whose accomplishments in the sport catapulted him to the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, Germany. Adolf Hitler ruled that sphere – and hated all non-Aryans. Jesse showed him how a black man could not only compete against Der Fürer’s fair-haired automatons, but beat them decisively, with grace and poise. Costars Jason Sudeikis, Jeremy Irons, William Hurt and Carice van Houten, as filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl. Luz Long (David Kross), a German runner, embraced Jesse after his victories and they became friends. Which no doubt pissed off ol’ One-Ball Hitler.

THE REVENANT **G@ Rated R There’s not one scene, or moment, with even a hint of anything pleasant.

Based on a true story, it’s a glum exercise in survival.

Leonardo DiCaprio is fur trapper Hugh Glass, hunting under threat of attack by natives and French hunters. Hugh is mauled by a grizzly in a brutal scene. His group tends to him, but it slows them down. Thinking Hugh is near death, the captain asks two men to stay with young Hawk (Forrest Goodluck) and dying Hugh – and bury Hugh. One man panics, kills Hawk and buries Hugh alive, then splits. Nearly two hours of Hugh struggling to find the bastards follows. — DH RISEN Rated PG-13 This is the story of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ – from the viewpoint of a nonbeliever. Costars Joseph Fiennes, Tom Felton, Peter Firth and Cliff Curtis.

THE ORIGINAL AUTEUR COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR US (specifically, Sun-Ray Cinema) is a year-long series of Orson Welles classics which no connoisseur of film, or just plain movie-lover, will want to pass up. Dubbed “101 Years of Orson Welles,” the line-up includes two showings each month (from 35mm prints, no less) of a different film with Welles either as director or star, and sometimes both.

Appropriately, the schedule begins in late February with Citizen Kane, usually voted by experts as the greatest American movie ever made. I certainly concur. And to see Kane on the big screen means I can check one more item off my bucket list.

Psyched about Sun-Ray’s upcoming series, I decided to again watch two of my favorite Welles films, both recently released on Blu-ray, and both will look even bigger and better when they get the Sun-Ray treatment later this year. In both films, Welles directs himself in a supporting role as the villain, memorably nasty in the first and massively complex in the second.

The Stranger (1946) was Welles’ first credited feature after Citizen Kane and The Magnificent Ambersons, and though it was the director’s most popular film ever upon its initial release, the movie still stays in the shadows of the two prior classics and others to come.

A solid thriller anyway in the best tradition of Alfred Hitchcock and film noir, The Stranger may lack subtlety but the style shines through.

Welles plays escaped Nazi mastermind Franz Kindler, who’s taken up residence in Connecticut at a small college using the name Professor Charles Rankin. On his trail is Mr. Wilson (Edward G. Robinson), an indefatigable government agent who arrives in town on the day Rankin is marrying the beautiful Mary Longstreet (Loretta Young), daughter of a Supreme Court Justice.

Much like Hitchcock’s superior Shadow of a Doubt (1943), Welles infects the idyllic American town with a dark dose of reality with his the diabolical Kindler/Rankin, who manages to fool just about everyone before his real self is revealed. The film’s set piece is a clock tower where Welles stages a suspenseful climax, much like Hitchcock’s Saboteur and Vertigo.

Welles was often criticized by his enemies as being egotistical – always giving himself the best roles and dialogue. The Stranger, however, is one film that readily refutes that argument, as the director lets Robinson (a villain in his early days)

TRIPLE 9 Rated R It’s hard to tell the good cops from the bad cops – in this movie, not in real life. Don’t get all lathery.

The corrupt ones connect with an extremely violent gang of expert thieves to do a big job, somehow involving the Russian mob. Anyway, it costars Kate Winslet, Aaron Paul, Casey Affleck, the marvelous Chiwetel Ejiofor, Woody Harrelson and Anthony Mackie.

WHERE TO INVADE NEXT Rated R Michael Moore’s at it again. This time he’s in Finland, among other countries, having “invaded” the cold but welcoming land. Whatever.

THE WITCH **** Rated R This brilliant atmospheric set piece by writer/director Robert Eggers opens with a simple title card reading “A New England Folktale.” Through shots of the chill Massachusetts wilderness comes banished farmer William (Ralph Ineson) and his family – they’ve been driven from a village for, apparently, interpreting scripture differently. The family’s newborn child is abducted while under the watchful eye of Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy). A blood ritual, shot in ominous shadows cast by flickering firelight, is stunning and horrific, setting the tone for the rest of the film.

Realism, amid supernatural themes, is paramount, lending an undercurrent of uncertainty that makes it compelling. It rolls out, as promised, like a folktale, so farfetched in relation to our modern sensibilities, yet so hauntingly believable.

ZOOLANDER 2 Rated PG-13 Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are back doing their little turns on the catwalk because a rival wants to shut them down. Costars Penelope Cruz, Benedict Cumberbatch, Will Ferrell, Justin Theroux, Macaulay Culkin (no kidding), Billy Zane, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato.

MAGIC LANTERNS

rise to the occasion as American spokesman.

Welles’ performance is sinister, too, the Nazi’s mask slipping briefly at a dinner table when he dismisses Karl Marx as a Jew, not a German.

In Touch of Evil 12 years later in 1958, Welles is near the very top of his form, though it would take decades for the movie to achieve the shape and form he originally intended. The history of the editing and re-editing of Touch of Evil from its initial release to the present version(s) available is another story in itself. As was often the case with Welles, studio executives had other ideas about what the finished film should be.

Touch of Evil subsequently bombed in the U.S., but was a big hit abroad at the 1958 Brussels World’s Fair where François Truffaut and Jean-Luc Godard (then fledgling critics) awarded it top prize.

The only reason Welles was allowed to direct the film in the first place was due to the insistence of star Charlton Heston, a tribute to the actor’s artistic insights. (Heston was Judah Ben-Hur the next year, nabbing the 1960 Oscar for Best Actor.) The complex plot, made even more so by Welles’ contributions, involved police corruption, drugs, murder, and a variety of memorable minor characters, played

by Marlene Dietrich, Dennis Weaver, Akim Tamiroff, and Mercedes McCambridge.

The film’s leads are Heston as a Mexican law officer, Janet Leigh as his harried wife, and Welles as the overweight, unshaven dirty cop with his hand in everything, despite an intellect and conscience that know better.

Great performances all around, with dazzling but unobtrusive camera movement, everything orchestrated to the shadings of classic noir, elevate Touch of Evil above its genre roots.

The movie is classic Orson Welles, which is practically a cinematic tautology.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com ————————————————— Sun-Ray Cinema’s “101 Years of Orson Welles” series begins with two screenings of Citizen Kane 7 p.m. Feb. 25 and 12:30 p.m. Feb. 28, $9.50 for each; $60 for all 12 films. The series runs through Dec. 18; sunraycinema.com.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

FOLIO A+E : ARTS LIMELIGHT THEATRE’S latest is a dark comedy that takes a sardonic look at aging, retirement homes, and a dystopian America

L

OLDAT HOME FOLKS

do something that brings new life. So they all ooking forward to your Golden Years? begin to stand up to the system and start to You might want to reconsider that dream demand their rights. after seeing the Limelight Theatre’s new production, A Facility for Living. After the You’re referring to Lou Agresta’s character, demise of Medicare, and the election of Joe Taylor, right?

President Dick Cheney, retired actor Joe Yes, he’s the man who comes in and brings Taylor moves into a prison-turned-elder-carefacility. And then the real fun begins! Written in new life. He’s an actor and he comes in

by Katie Forgette, A Facility for Living is and finds out that these other people have directed by Margaret Kaler and features stage done theater and he says, “Well, we should do management by Jennifer Latka. The show theater.” And they say, “Oh, no. We’ve tried this runs March 4 through March 26 and stars Lou and we’ve done that.” And he says, “No. C’mon, Agresta as Joe, Brad Segal as Wally, E-Rock let’s try it.” So they do readings of plays that Rasmussen as Kevin, Mary they’ve always wanted to do. It Jung-Martin as Judy, Natalie helps bring back that spark of A FACILITY FOR LIVING Beltrami as Mitzi, and Rhona interest in life. The nurse, who is

Bentz as Nurse Claudia.

Folio Weekly Magazine spoke with Kaler, a lifelong St. Augustinian with decades of experience in theater, about directing A Facility for Living and the characters’ struggles to find meaning in their lives.

7:30 p.m. March 3, 4, and 5; 2 p.m. March 6 Limelight Theatre, St. Augustine, $15 for March 3; $26 adults, $24 seniors, $20 military/students; $10 student rush (30 minutes before show); free child ticket with full paid adult ticket; through March 26, limelight-theatre.org.

Folio Weekly Magazine: Tell us about the story of A Facility for Living.

Margaret Kaler: It takes place in a nursing home that was formerly a prison, so that idea of the connection between the two and the way that they could be run as institutions is immediately drawn. And it’s a satire, so it plays up all of what could be the worst attributes of a nursing home.

And probably what are the worst, which, for me, would probably be the loss of autonomy.

You lose a lot of freedom.

How do the characters deal with this loss of freedom?

There’s a nurse who’s very strict and they kind of get a turnaround when somebody new comes in and shows them that they can all 22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

the villain, doesn’t want them to do this. She doesn’t want them to do anything that she doesn’t decide that they should do. She wants them to be quiet and go to sleep, basically.

What obstacles did you face directing the play?

There are a couple of long scenes in it — especially in the first act — where you’ve got to set things up. So keeping it moving and light enough in the first act so that it’s funny is something of a challenge.

And we’re still working on that.

How do you think this play speaks to the way the elderly are treated in American society?

Well, this is really about what can happen to people who don’t have an advocate in the healthcare system or don’t have an advocate in the facility in which they live. These people don’t have a lot of contact with relatives and so they are pretty much [alone] and in this case, it’s being interpreted quite harshly.

Kara Pound mail@folioweekly.com

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

+ EVENTS ARTS ARTS + EVENTS

music, 8 a.m.-12:30 p.m. Feb. 24, St. Johns Pier Park, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 347-8007, thecivicassociation.org.

COMMUNITY FARMERS & ART MARKET Art, crafts, jewelry, 4-7 p.m. Feb. 24, 4300 St. Johns Ave., Riverside, 607-9935.

WINTER RAM Some of Riverside Arts Market’s artists, food artists and local, seasonal produce are featured, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. Feb. 27 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

The regular RAM begins its eighth season on March 5.

UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT Self-guided tour of galleries, antique stores and shops, 5-9 p.m. Feb. 27 and every last Sat. in St. Augustine’s San Marco District, 824-3152.

MUSEUMS

The 30th annual DOUGLAS ANDERSON SCHOOL OF THE ARTS EXTRAVAGANZA, featuring an evening of artistry and entertainment by the school’s students, is featured Feb. 26 at Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, in Downtown Jacksonville.

PERFORMANCE

DASOTA EXTRAVAGANZA The 30th annual Douglas Anderson School of the Arts Extravaganza, featuring artistry and entertainment by the school’s students, is held 6:30 p.m. Feb. 26 at Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, 633-6110, $15-$75, ticketmaster.com.

THE McCARTNEY YEARS This musical tribute to Sir Paul McCartney (you know, the Beatle who was denied entry to a recent Grammy party!), featuring music of the Fab Four and Wings, is held at 7 p.m.

Feb. 28 at Times-Union Center’s Terry Theater, Downtown, 442-2929, $50.50, artistseriesjax.org.

STUPID F*CKING BIRD The 5 & Dime presents Aaron Posner’s play that’s “sort of adapted from Anton Chekov’s The Seagull,” 7:30 p.m.

Feb. 25, 26, and 27 at 700 E. Union St., Downtown, $20, the5anddime.org.

TED VIGIL AS JOHN DENVER Vigil, considered the premiere John Denver tribute artist, performs Feb. 29. Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch at noon, with Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menu (salad, Southern-style fried catfi sh, maple glazed chicken, braised lamb shank, wild mushrooms ragout, fried cheesecake); Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $64 plus tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

MOTHERS AND SONS Players by the Sea stages Terrence McNally’s critically lauded drama of a mother’s attempt to reconcile with her late son’s partner, 8 p.m. Feb. 25, 26, and 27 at 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, 249-0289, $23, playersbythesea.org.

BIG RIVER Roger Miller’s Tony-winning musical adaptation of Mark Twain’s classic, Tom Sawyer, is staged through March 20.

Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch at noon; Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menu (salad, chicken gumbo, dirty rice, Southernstyle fried catfish, pork ossobuco, maple glazed chicken, eggplant parmesan, Mississippi mud pie, strawberry shortcake); Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $35-$55 plus tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ

A TRIBUTE TO BLACK HISTORY MONTH Dr. Gordon Brock, Wind Symphony conductor, and Dr. Ann Adams, Concert Band conductor, lead the UNF Wind Ensemble and Concert Band in a tribute to Black History Month, with narration by former UNF president Dr. Adam Herbert, 7:30 p.m. Feb. 24 at University of North Florida’s Lazzara Performance Hall, 1 UNF Dr., Southside, 620-2878, $10; students free, unf.edu/coas/music/calendar.aspx.

JAZZ COMBO NIGHT Lynne Arriale coordinates the jazz music at 7:30 p.m. Feb. 25 at University Of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 620-2878, unf.edu/coas/music/calendar.aspx.

JEFF COFFIN & THE MU’TET Grammy-winning saxophonist Coffin, known for his work with Béla Fleck & the Flecktones and Dave Matthews Band, performs 7:30 p.m. Feb. 26 at Jacksonville University’s Terry Concert Hall, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 2567386, $25; free for students with ID, arts.ju.edu.

LAWSON ENSEMBLE CONCERT Violinists Rimma Bergeron-Langlois and Aurica Duca, violist Clinton Dewing, and cellist Dr. Nick Curry perform works by Mendelssohn and Mozart, 7:30 p.m. Feb. 26 at University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 620-2878, unf.edu/coas/music/ calendar.aspx.

JAZZMEIA HORN Jazz vocalist Horn, winner of the 2015 Thelonious Monk Institute International Jazz Competition, performs 8 p.m.

Feb. 26 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, $14-$24, ritzjacksonville.com.

SARAH BOONE Vocalist Boone’s The Double Threats: A Celebration of Composer/Lyricists, songs of the Great American Songbook from the ’30s to today, 7 p.m. light supper with wine; performance 8 p.m. Feb. 27 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., San Marco, 396-4425, $60; $50 subscribers; proceeds benefit the theater’s programs, theatrejax.com.

JOSHUA BELL Celebrated violinist Bell performs with the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, in a concert featuring works by

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

Salonen, Sibelius, and Tchaikovsky, 7 p.m. Feb. 27 at the Times-Union Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 354-5547, $75-$125, jaxsymphony.org.

DR. SEUSS’ GREEN EGGS & HAM The Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra, soprano Audrey Cummings, and narrator Maria Jette present Robert Kapilow’s musical rendering of Dr. Seuss’ much-loved children’s book, about an incredibly temperamental and whiny eater, along with works by Ravel, at 3 p.m. Feb. 28 at the Times-Union Center’s Jacoby Hall, 354-5547; pre-concert activities 2 p.m., $16-$26, jaxsymphony.org.

CHRIS THILE Grammy-winning mandolinist Thile, known for his work with the Punch Brothers and Nickel Creek, performs solo works by Bach and original compositions at 5 p.m. Feb. 28 at Ritz-Carlton, Amelia Island, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., Fernandina Beach, $60, ameliaislandchambermusicfestival.com.

FERMIN GUITAR TRIO The acclaimed guitar ensemble performs at 6 p.m. Feb. 28 at Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $5, limelight-theatre.org.

JAZZ GUITAR IN ATLANTIC BEACH Guitarist Taylor Roberts is featured 7-10 p.m. every Tue. and Wed. at Ocean 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., 247-0060, ocean60.com.

JAZZ IN FERNANDINA BEACH Miguel Paley performs every Fri., Sat., and Sun. evening at La Mancha, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646.

COMEDY

THE THREE TENORS (WHO CAN’T SING) Vic DiBitetto, Richie Minervini, and Fred Rubino star in a comedy improv and audience participation show, 8 p.m.

Feb. 27 at Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, 276-6750, $30-$50, thcenter.org.

DeRAY DAVIS Comic Davis, known for his role as the “Hustle Guy” in Barbershop movies, appears 7:30 p.m. Feb. 25, 7:30 and 9:45 p.m. Feb. 26, and 7:30, 9:45, and 11:45 p.m. Feb. 27 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 2924242, $27.50-$32.50, comedyzone.com.

CALLS & WORKSHOPS

CALL TO ARTISTS The Butterfield Art Garage is accepting submissions for its second annual Community Art Eggstravaganza. All entries must be received by Feb. 26.

For complete guidelines, go to butterfieldgarage.com.

PLAYERS BY THE SEA NEW VOICES PROJECT PbtS accepts submissions of original works by local playwrights for its New Voices project. Two winners are chosen; winning playwrights work with a dramaturg to develop their pieces, which are then in a stage production. Prize includes a $2,000 stipend. Deadline March 1; playersbythesea.org/ new-voices.html.

THE ELBOW SEEKS BANDS The Elbow, Downtown’s official entertainment district, acceptd artist submissions for its local music compilation, Amplified Vol. 2. Deadline March 1. Local bands, any genre, can submit original works to theelbowjax.com/amplified-artist-submission.

(NEU) SONICS MUSIC INITIATIVE Experimental saxophonist-composer Jamison Williams offers a sixweek course of workshops with local and visiting improv musician-instructors, at Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum, 101 W. First St., Downtown; for more info, go to neusonics.org.

VINTAGE PLAYERS SEEKS OLDER ACTORS Senior theater company seeks actors ages 50 and older for upcoming local theatrical productions. Call Gary Baker at 616-1568.

ARTS IN THE PARK Annual limited, juried April event at Atlantic Beach’s Johansen Park seeks applications; coab.us.

2016 ART & COMMUNITY GRANTS NOW OPEN The Community Foundation for Northeast Florida has posted grant applications for categories including Early Childhood Nonprofit Organizations, Individual Artists (Art Ventures), Small Arts Organizations (Art Ventures), and Visual Arts in St. Augustine (Dr. JoAnn Crisp-Ellert Fund). Deadlines vary; for more info and to apply, go to jaxcf.org/apply.

ART WALKS & MARKETS

WEDNESDAY MARKET Produce, arts, crafts, food, live

BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. The exhibit Lights Up: 50 Years of Players by the Sea is currently on display.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Archipenko: A Modern Legacy, 80 works by modern sculptor Alexander Archipenko, through April 17. Conservation, Beautification, and a City Plan: Ninah Cummer and the Establishment of Jacksonville Parks is on display through Nov. 27. Julien De Casablanca: The Outings Project is on display through May 1. Rockwell Kent: The Shakespeare Portfolio exhibits through May 15. David Hayes: The Sentinel Series, sculptures of geometrically abstract, organic forms, displays through Oct. 2.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. The event Coffee Talk with a Curator, featuring a discussion with Curator of Collections Ben Thompson that focuses on the museum’s approach toward exhibiting and collecting, includes coffee and breakfast bites; 10:30 a.m.-noon Feb. 27, $10 for nonmembers. The Other: Nurturing a New Ecology in Printmaking, featuring works by women printmakers, is on display through April 10. In Living Color: Andy Warhol & Contemporary Printmaking and Time Zones: James Rosenquist & Printmaking at the Millennium are on display through May 15. Project Atrium: Ian Johnston, Johnston’s Fish Tales, themes of consumption and material waste, exhibits through Feb. 28. Allegory of Fortune: Photographs by Amanda Rosenblatt, runs through March 27.

RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, ritzjacksonville.com. Through Our Eyes 2016: Sensory Perception, 60 works by 18 African-American artists, through Aug. 14.

GALLERIES

ADELE GRAGE CULTURAL CENTER 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-5828, coab.us. By the Sea, new paintings by Linda Olsen, through March 4.

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7371, arts.ju.edu. Landmark: Alternative Views of the Landscape, works by Ryan Adrick, Tracy Longley-Cook, Rachel Girard Reisert, and Janelle Young, and Phillip Scarpone’s Fragments of Recollection: Building a New Whole, are on display through March 16.

THE ART CENTER The Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 139, Downtown, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. The group show Food Cravings is on display through March 14.

BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577, butterfieldgarage. com. Metal, Stone, Canvas: The Art of Carlyle Gibbs, innovative, handcrafted jewelry, through March 1.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/newsevents/crisp-ellert-art-museum. Layout, recent works by sculptor Krysten Cunningham, is on display through Feb. 27.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreet galleryart.com. Mermaid Magic is on display through April 5.

FLORIDA MINING GALLERY 5300 Shad Rd., Southside, 535-7252, floridamininggallery.com. Visual Artifacts Part Two – One Mind Two Realities, works by multimedia artist Ambler Hutchinson, through March.

GALLERY725 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 5, Atlantic Beach, 345-9320, gallery725.com. Works of the winners of the Local Exposure photography contest are displayed.

JACKSONVILLE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT 741-3546, flyjax.com. Haskell Gallery features The Weirdness & Beauty, by Jeff Whipple; Connector Bridge Cases feature The Spirit of Jacksonville, through March. Concourse Cases exhibit Tall Tales, by Raymond Gaddy, through March 21.

J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200, jjohnsongallery. com. Friends, a group show featuring prints, painting, photography, and sculpture, is on display through March 17.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org/~karpeles/ jaxfrm.html. The exhibit Evita, a selection of the letters and journals of Eva Perón, the First Lady of Argentina, 1946-’52, displays through May 1. Bright Interiors, Landscapes and Hauntingly Surreal Figures, acrylic and mixed media works by Troy Eittreim, is on display through Feb. 28.

SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB 15 Ocean St., Downtown, 844-5000, facebook.com/spliffs gastropub. 3D Paintings by Jessica Becker is on display.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310. Black, White & Shades of Gray, Mythos & Fauna, and Our Native Past: First Peoples through Feb. 28.

EVENTS

NORTH FLORIDA INVENTORS/INNOVATORS GROUP Award-winning inventor Stephen Key is the featured

speaker at noon Feb. 24 at River City Brewing Company, 835 Museum Cir., Southbank. Key discusses “How to License an Idea With or Without a Patent.” Attendees must purchase a lunch. nfiig.com.

THE DUEL IN HEMMING PARK Northeast Florida cultural honchos Wayne Wood and Steve Williams battle it out, 5:30-8:30 p.m. Feb. 25 at Hemming Park, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown. The choice of weapons will be decided by a coin toss prior to the duel. The event is free, but wagers are encouraged; proceeds benefiy the victor’s choice of charitable cause; hemmingpark.org.

GREEK FEST The Jax Greek Festival features traditional Greek foods, live music, dancing and kids’ activities, 11 a.m.-10 p.m. Feb. 26; 11 a.m.-11 p.m. Feb. 27, and 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Feb. 28 at Morocco Shrine Auditorium, 3800 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Southside, $3, military with ID and kids under 12 get in free; for a schedule of events, go to jaxgreekfest.com.

3 SQUARES DINING FUNDRAISER This event features food and drink offerings from 45 notable Northeast Florida restaurants, culinary schools, caterers and beverage distributors, along with a raffleauction and live music by The Firewater Tent Revival, 6-9 p.m. Feb. 26 at Prime Osborn Convention Center, 1000 W. Water St., Downtown, $70; $100 VIP; proceeds benefit Feeding Northeast Florida food programs, 201-4416, 3squaresjax.com.

HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS The legendary trick-rich B-ball team (now in its 90th year!), ball-handling wizardry, basketball artistry, and family entertainment, hits the court 7 p.m. Feb. 26 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 301 A. Philip Randolph Blvd., Downtown, 630-3900, $26.50-$350.50 (VIP), ticketmaster.com.

INSANE INFLATABLE 5K The 5K race, which challenges runners with a course of inflatable obstacles, kicks off 8:30 a.m. Feb. 27 at EverBank Field, Downtown, 633-6100, $65-$100, insaneinflatable5k.com/jacksonville-fl.

THE SCOTTISH GAMES & FESTIVAL The 20th annual Northeast Florida Scottish Games & Festival features traditional Scottish foods, live music by Albannach, Cleghorn, Cuttin’ Bracken, and Ron Davis, bagpipe and drumming competitions, Highland dancing, a Tartan parade, athletic competitions, and sheepdog trials 9 a.m.-10 p.m. Feb. 27 at Clay County Fairgrounds, 2497 S.R. 16 W., Green Cove Springs, $12 advance; $15 day of. neflgames.com.

ANCIENT CITY CAT CLUB The show features more than 125 pedigreed cats and household pets, cat-related merchandise, and a food truck, is held 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Feb. 27 and 28 at Solomon Calhoun Community Center, 1300 Duval St., St. Augustine, $6; $4 seniors, $3 students, 209-0395.

ANCIENT CITY ROMANCE AUTHORS Susan Kiernan-Lewis, Timonique Stephens, and Debra Jess discuss self-publishing, 1-2:30 p.m. Feb. 27 at MAY Management Services, 240 Canal Blvd., Ste. 2, Ponte Vedra Beach, ancientcityromanceauthors.com.

JACKSONVILLE ARMADA VS. NEW YORK RED BULLS Local football faves Jacksonville Armada take on the New York Red Bulls at 6 p.m. Feb. 27 at the Baseball Grounds, 301 A. Philip Randolph Blvd., Downtown, tickets start at $10, 633-6100, ticketmaster.com.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD: AN EVENING WITH SCOUT St. Johns Reads presents a screening of the 1962 film To Kill a Mockingbird, followed by an appearance by Academy Award-nominated actress Mary Badham, who discusses her on-set experiences as Scout, her lifelong friendship with Gregory Peck, and the legacy of the late Harper Lee, 6 p.m. Feb. 27 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, free; bring pillows/blankets, refreshments available, staugamphitheatre.com.

JACKSONVILLE GIANTS VS. TEXAS SKY The Jacksonville Giants take on the Texas Sky at 7:30 p.m. Feb. 27 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Downtown, $10-$125, 630-3900, ticketmaster. com.

PREMIER BRIDE EXPO The Premier Bride Expo features more than 100 local vendors representing more than 20 wedding categories including reception venues, photographers, cake bakers, florists, hair and makeup, invitations, and catering, 1-4 p.m. Feb. 28 at Renaissance World Golf Village & Convention Center, 500 S. Legacy Trail, St. Augustine, 551-2713, $8 advance; $12 at the door, premierbrideexpo.com.

PECHA KUCHA: HRO Local speakers Monica P. DePaul, Maureen Henson, Rabbi Joshua Leif, Jimmy Midyette, Jake Moore, Chevara Orrin, and Hope McMath, present 20 slides and comment on each for 20 seconds on the topic of Jacksonville’s Human Rights Ordinance, 6:30 p.m. (5 p.m. happy hour) Feb. 29 at Hemming Park, Downtown; free event, register at eventbrite.com, hemmingpark.org.

SEC WOMEN’S BASKETBALL TOURNEY The first round of the SEC Women’s Basketball tournament gets underway at 11 a.m. March 2 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 301 Randolph Blvd., Downtown, 630-3900, $10, ticketmaster.com.

FLORIDA FORUM SERIES – PEYTON MANNING The Women’s Board of Wolfson Children’s Hospital presents its Florida Forum Speaker Series featuring Super Bowl 50 winning quarterback, Denver Broncos Peyton Manning, at 7 p.m. March 2 at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts, 300 Water St., Downtown, 202-2886, $100, thefloridaforum.

FREE TAX PREPARATION HELP AT THE LIBRARY Jacksonville Public Library and its partners United Way of North Florida-Real$ense and AARP provide free tax preparation assistance through April 16 at nine county libraries: Beaches, Bradham Brooks, Main, Pablo Creek, Regency Square, South Mandarin, Southeast Regional, University Park, Webb Wesconnett. For details, go to jaxpubliclibrary.org.

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC Queens-via-Uruguay folkie JUAN WAUTERS goes big with small-scale tunes and low-key aspirations

STAND UP

AND BE HEARD T

“existential questioning through pop music” he first time I heard the playful yet and a “reciprocal process of self-actualization.” thoughtful folk music of Juan Wauters, That, Wauters says, is his current one thing came to mind: Here’s our motivation to write and perform. “Everything 21st-century Paul Simon. Maybe it’s the way I’m doing is a method of expressing myself,” Simon, who grew up in Queens as the son of he says. “That’s something that I cherish and assimilated Jewish immigrants, and Wauters, never want to lose.” In fact, he considers who moved to the borough from Uruguay as introspection a requirement: If he writes songs a teenager, represent vastly different but also that “don’t have much to do with me,” they interconnected New York City existences. lack vision, voice, and perspective, he says.

Maybe it’s the folk-centric intimacy of Curtly, he adds, “I don’t like them as much.”

Wauters’ sound which, like Simon’s early So go ahead, Juan Wauters: As the work, relies on unvarnished acoustic guitar Internet says, you do you. Even though his and clearly annunciated vocals. Maybe it’s music is basic, he can command stages and the way Wauters wrangles his subject matter captivate crowds thanks to the emotional — friendship, community, introspection, impact of his songs and a lovably DIY self-actualization, the minutiae of daylight show put on by longtime friend and to-day life — into deceptively fanciful yet collaborator Matthew Volz. Wauters usually profound metaphors. Maybe — and forgive tours solo, but on this one, he has fellow me here — it’s because both gentlemen are South American-turned-New Yorker Juan (ahem) rather diminutive.

Zaballa opening for and backing him with Or maybe I’m just crazy. Wauters didn’t his band Tall Juan. “I enjoy playing by start playing or writing music or performing myself,” says Wauters. “I improvise a lot, and live until he was almost 20. His first musical I play what makes me happy love was ’90s hip-hop. His and whatever feels right first band was the cheery JUAN WAUTERS, TALL JUAN, each night, so I don’t want anti-folk outfit The Beets, HONEY CHAMBER, LAKE to have a steady lineup. I which achieved cult status DISNEY, STEVEN MARSHEK prefer calling friends to in New York’s underground 8 p.m. Feb. 27, Rain Dogs, back me up.” community. And unlike Riverside, $8 Another layer of Wauters’ Simon, who famously unpredictability? His recent ditched Art Garfunkel embrace of writing and signing in Spanish, at the height of their late ’60s popularity something he never did with The Beets. “I to become even more famous on his own, started playing music in New York, where the Wauters has little interest in careerism.

“Playing music is what I like doing audience was mostly English-speaking, so I the most,” he tells Folio Weekly Magazine. sang mostly in English,” he says. “On Who “I’m not complaining at all — it’s better Me?, I switched between English and Spanish than having a regular job. But at the same very naturally, but lately I’m becoming more time, I find myself getting uncomfortable self-conscious of it. I realize how important it considering music my job. By making it my is for Spanish speakers — especially kids that everyday thing, my music becomes public, were born here to Spanish-speaking families and people pay attention to it, which makes — to hear songs sung in Spanish.” me self-conscious, which can then affect my Which goes right back to his roots in job. I’m not the kind of guy that loves the Queens. Wauters says he ‘big ups’ the borough, spotlight. I hope success comes slowly — I considered the most ethnically diverse urban area in the world, because it welcomed him don’t want to dive all the way in. I have to with open arms. “Queens is home,” he says. look out for myself.”

“Because there are people there from all In many ways, Wauters’ embrace of the over the world, you become a local right singer/songwriter route, which he kicked away.” When I finally worked up the nerve off in 2014 with the album North American to ask about the Paul Simon comparison, he Poetry, has afforded him the chance to laughed: “I like to represent Queens because test deeper waters. The Beets didn’t tour a lot of great artists have come out of there.” much beyond New York City, invoking Contemplation spiked with humility — that The Ramones’ “neighborhood kid” roots might be the biggest difference between Juan and Howard Stern’s raunchy pugnacity as Wauters and Paul Simon. touchstones. Wauters’ biography, though, Nick McGregor describes his solo work on North American mail@folioweekly.com Poetry and its 2015 follow-up, Who Me?, as

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

FEED

Jacksonville’s Parker Urban Band wants to put NUTRITIONAL MUSIC in your ears

I

t’s hard to be in a band. When you’re creating something, it’s not always easy to get people on the same page. John Lennon never wanted to wear a suit, Mick Jagger and Keith Richards aren’t exactly best friends, and good Lord, look up what some of the members of Norwegian Black-Metal Masters Mayhem did to each other. Point is, it’s tough to keep it going. John Parkerurban, however, may have found the magic formula, and it isn’t a complicated one. The guitarist and leader of the Parker Urban Band — a collection of funk junkies, jam band enthusiasts and sweet, soulful voices that make up one of Jacksonville’s better big member bands — has found that having a group of folks who act more like a family than a band is the key. His message is all about harmony and family, and the music is pretty much the same.

Recently Parkerurban spoke with Folio Weekly Magazine about his influences, working with a lot of band members and being the chillest Marine ever … Semper Funk, y’all.

YOUR

HEAD

It’s a blessing. We are a family. The members in our band now and the people who have been in it previously, we are all a family, and they’re all very talented. And that is great, but the biggest thing is personalities, and surrounding ourselves with musicians who share the vibe.

That makes it easier to lead a band. Everyone in it is here because they want to be here, it isn’t about money or anything else. First, it’s about being good people, and then second, hopefully they’re really good musicians as well.

Is that a lesson you learned from being in past bands?

Yes, sir, yeah, I sure did. I was in the Marine Corps for 12 years, and I played in other bands, but I didn’t really learn it until later on. I was stationed in Jacksonville, and this is where I really started playing more frequently. I hit all the open mics all the time and checked out other people’s bands … you find out what works and what don’t work. You could have a prodigy player who’s one of the baddest players in the United States, but that don’t mean it’ll work.

They may have another vision, or they might be playing to make a living. Our vision is to make music with no expectations. We hope people will like it, and if it makes money, that’s a plus.

Folio Weekly Magazine: How did the band come together?

Basically me and my wife, Juanita, and Myrna [Stallworth] were the core members. It started as a project back in 2012 with a certain vision in Jam bands and the Marine Corps don’t mind to play festivals and write some original, usually go together. What did you learn in the soulful music. We were influenced by Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings, John Corps that intersects with Scofield, and Eric Krasno. playing in a band?

SEAWALK MUSIC FESTIVAL: They all have a certain sound, I was one of the most PARKER URBAN BAND, HERD like a raw sound, and a real OF WATTS, GRANDPA’S COUGH laid-back Marines ever. vibe that has influenced the MEDICINE, CORBITT CLAMPITT My concept was different. vision of this band. We aren’t I wasn’t a screamer; I EXPERIENCE, MORE out to take back radio, but to was more about respect Feb. 27 & 28, SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach, free; create some real music that and trying to understand communityfirstseawalkmusicfest.com hasn’t been overproduced people and their different and for people who are backgrounds. What I interested in something different. Looking at did learn is somebody has to be a leader. If some of those bands, we were inspired to add someone doesn’t keep things going, things some brass instruments, an organ, percussion aren’t going to work. We have to keep moving. and everything else that goes along with it.

I was in charge of 40 Marines and 20 sailors, and that helped me with working with I hear rhythm & blues, gospel, Southern rock, groups. You learn not to flip out when a car jam band stuff. It really is an amalgamation breaks down or someone is late. It is what it of several genres. is, it’s life, it’s going to happen again. You have I think it kinda just came out when we played. to keep going.

It’s almost like driving down the road, and you know where you need to go, but you don’t What do you hope audiences will remember about Parker Urban Band after they attend remember passing the rest stops and the other one of your shows? things you normally see. It’s hard to explain.

We want to deliver an uplifting vibe to We write music together, we focus on melodies. whoever listens. But also, we want it to be A lot of our songs start with riffs I record on fresh to the ear. There are a lot of bands out my phone, or a melody Juanita comes up with. there, and lots of choices, but we want to put My influence is fusion and a lot of jazz and something out that’s fresh to the ear. Not the some Allman Brothers. But everyone in the same old stuff you hear on mainstream radio. band, basically, whatever their inspiration is, My vision I try to share is, there’s no right and we embrace it. You end up with jam band, jazz wrong in creating music, and I want that to progressions, some country twang and some show in our songs. Hopefully, it’s nutritional harmonies, and also some meaningful lyrics. lyrical and musical content.

Danny Kelly What’s it like to play in a band where mail@folioweekly.com everybody is on time and on top of their game?

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

Grammy Award-winning mandolinist CHRIS THILE, known for his work with the Punch Brothers and Nickel Creek, performs solo works by Bach and original compositions Feb. 28 at Ritz-Carlton Amelia Island, Fernandina Beach.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. Feb. 24 at Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247.

DAN VOLL 6:30 p.m. Feb. 24 & March 2 at Alley Cat Seafood, 316 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 491-1001.

MURIEL ANDERSON 7:30 p.m. Feb. 24 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10.

O.A.R.: YOU PICK the SET TOUR 8 p.m. Feb. 24 at Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $35.50-$45.50.

CHARLES BRADLEY & HIS EXTRAORDINAIRES, 3CLOPS 8 p.m. Feb. 24 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N.,

28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

209-0399, $33 advanced; $38 day of.

The PISS POOR PLAYERS, MUDTOWN, COWBOY ROLEX 8 p.m.

Feb. 24 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown.

CREED BRATTON (ex-Grassroots; from The Office) 8 p.m. Feb. 24 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $17-$40.

JON STICKLEY TRIO, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE 8 p.m.

Feb. 25, 1904 Music Hall, $8 advance; $10 day of.

VINCE GILL, LYLE LOVETT 8 p.m. Feb. 25, The Florida Theatre, $42.50-$79.50.

NIKKI HILL, SECRET CIGARETTES, FAZE WAVE 8 p.m. Feb. 25, Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $5 advance; $10 day of.

WET BRAIN, RUKUT, TWINKI, The MOLD 8 p.m. Feb. 25 at Rain Dogs, 1045 Park St., Riverside, 379-4969.

3 the BAND 9 p.m. Feb. 25 at Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680.

MAYFIELD BLUEGRASS 6 p.m. Feb. 26 at Slider’s Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina Beach, 277-6652.

Destination Okeechobee Show: NEW MOVEMENT, YOUNG STEP, LOCOCHINO, SOLAR ELIPSIS, DINOSAUR DAZE, DARK MATTER 7 p.m. Feb. 26, Jack Rabbits, $10.

PETER CASE 7:30 Feb. 26, Mudville Music Room, $15.

THIS FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES, CRUSHED OUT, KATIE GRACE HELOW 8 p.m. Feb. 26, Burro Bar. VON STARNTZ, COUGAR BARREL 8 p.m. Feb. 26, 1904 Music Hall, $8 advance; $10 day of.

MOPE GROOVES, TWINKI, UNITED TYLERS of TYLER, DJ REQUEST 8 p.m. Feb. 26, Rain Dogs.

Experience Hendrix: BILLY COX, BUDDY GUY, ZAKK WYLDE, KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD, JONNY LANG, DWEEZIL ZAPPA, KEB MO, ERIC JOHNSON, CHRIS LAYTON, MATO NANJI, NOAH HUNT, HENRI BROWN 8 p.m. Feb. 26, Florida Theatre, $49.50-$99.50.

FAT CACTUS 9 p.m. Feb. 26 & 27 at The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611.

BREAK EVEN BAND 9:30 p.m. Feb. 26 at Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208.

The GOOTCH 10 p.m. Feb. 26 & 27, Flying Iguana.

SeaWalk Music Festival: GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, CORBITT CLAMPITT EXPERIENCE, FLAT LAND, HERD of WATTS, PARKER URBAN BAND, SPICE & the PO BOYS, SMOKESTACK, BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND, The FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL, CAT McWILLIAMS BAND Feb. 27 & 28, SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach, free; for schedule and to score $30 VIP tickets, go to communityfirstseawalkmusicfest.com.

DAVID COOK, TONY LUCCA 7 p.m. Feb. 27 at Mavericks Live, Jax Landing, Downtown, 356-1110, $18 advance; $20 day of.

MADBALL 8 p.m. Feb. 27, Burro Bar. JUAN WAUTERS, TALL JUAN, STEVEN MARSHEK, HONEY CHAMBER, LAKE DISNEY 8 p.m. Feb. 27, Rain Dogs, $8.

JEREMIAH MOTIONS, AUTOMATIK FIT, ELI the POET 8 p.m.

Feb. 27, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.

SWMRS, The FRIGHTS, PALM TREES & POWER LINES 8 p.m. Feb. 27, 1904 Music Hall, $10 advance; $12 day of.

RICHARD MARX 8 p.m. Feb. 27, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $49.50-$59.50.

5 O’CLOCK SHADOW 9:30 p.m. Feb. 27, Whiskey Jax. NEW FOUND GLORY, PROTAGONIST 7 p.m. Feb. 28, 1904 Music Hall, $24.

ALABAMA 7 p.m. Feb. 28 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $39.50-$110.

The AUSTRALIAN BEE GEES (Bee Gees tribute) 7 p.m. Feb. 28, The Florida Theatre, $25-$59.

BALLYHOO, RESINATED, CLOUD 9 VIBES 8 p.m. Feb. 28, Jack Rabbits, $13 advance; $15 day of.

DARREN CORLEW 8:30 p.m. Feb. 28, Flying Iguana.

MARBIN 8 p.m. Feb. 29, Jack Rabbits, $10 advance; $15 day of.

BAG RAIDERS, PLASTIC PLATES, MZG 8 p.m. March 2, Jack Rabbits, $15 advance; $20 day of.

SWIMM, SOMEDAY RIVER, COMMUNITY CENTER 6 p.m.

March 2, 1904 Music Hall.

The OH HELLOS, COMPLICATED ANIMALS 7:30 p.m. March 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party, $20 advance; $25 day of.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

The ZOMBIES March 3, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SOUTHERN CULTURE on the SKIDS March 3, Colonial Quarter IL VOLO March 3, The Florida Theatre BLACK VIOLIN March 3, The Ritz Theatre JOE JACK TALCUM, COOLZEY, D&D SLUGGERS, DIGDOG March 3, Rain Dogs WALTER “WOLFMAN” WASHINGTON March 3, Jack Rabbits WHETHERMAN March 3 & 4, Blue Jay Listening Room DAN + SHAY March 3, Mavericks Live ROGER McGUINN March 4, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall STEVE MILLER BAND March 4, St. Augustine Amphitheatre COREY SMITH March 4, Mavericks Live HERB ALPERT & LANI HALL March 4, The Florida Theatre Okeechobee Music & Arts Festival: MUMFORD & SONS, KENDRICK LAMAR, SKRILLEX, BASSNECTAR, ROBERT PLANT & the SENSATIONAL SPACE SHIFTERS, ODESZA, DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES, The AVETT BROTHERS, FUTURE, MIGUEL, FETTY WAP, WEEN March 4-6, Okeechobee JASON ISBELL, SHOVELS & ROPE March 5, St. Aug. Amph.

GHOSTWITCH, INNER DEMONS, BLACK STACHE, COUGHIN, APPALACHIAN DEATH RAP March 5, 1904 Music Hall Great Guitar Gathering: ANA VIDOVIC, BADI ASSAD March 5, Florida Theatre ROBERT PLANT & the SENSATIONAL SHIFTERS, The SONICS March 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre HARUM SCARUM, TIGER FAWN, UNCLE MARTY & FRIENDS March 6, Planet Sarbez JEWEL March 6, The Florida Theatre BABY CHAM & LAWLESS BAND March 6, Mavericks Live CREEPOID, HOLLY HUNT, FEVER HANDS, LA-A March 7, Burro Bar GEORGE WINSTON March 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall The GODDAMN GALLOWS, MUDTOWN, SNAKE BLOOD REMEDY, CAINT NEVER COULD March 8, Burro Bar JIM BREUER March 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall CHEW, COSMIC GROOVE, PUDDLED, NIGHT WARS March 10, Planet Sarbez The IGIVE March 10, Burro Bar SOMOS, PETAL, SUPERWEAKS March 10, 1904 Music Hall GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH, GOOCH PALMS March 11, Burro Bar MERLE HAGGARD March 11, The Florida Theatre RESONANT ROGUES March 11, Blue Jay Listening Room MOODY BLUES March 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RIHANNA March 12, Veterans Memorial Arena BATTALION of SAINTS, PHOBIA, CONCRETE CRIMINALS March 12, Burro Bar BLUE MAN GROUP March 12 & 13, Times-Union Center SAVING ABEL March 13, The Green Room EMMETT CAHILL March 13, Culhane’s Irish Pub DUBLIN CITY RAMBLERS March 15, Culhane’s Irish Pub GORDON LIGHTFOOT March 16, The Florida Theatre The REVEREND PEYTON’S BIG DAMN BAND March 16, Original Café Eleven

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC Suwannee Springfest: JOHN PRINE, DEL McCOURY, JIM

LAUDERDALE, DONNA the BUFFALO March 17-20, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park GET the LED OUT March 17, The Florida Theatre Rock & Worship Roadshow: NEWSBOYS, JEREMY CAMP, MANDISA, PHIL WICKHAM, FAMILY FORCE 5, AUDIO ADRENALINE March 17, Veterans Memorial Arena JOHNNY CLEGG & HIS BAND March 18, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JOE SATRIANI March 19, The Florida Theatre GREAT ATLANTIC FESTIVAL March 19, SeaWalk Pavilion The FAB FOUR: The ULTIMATE TRIBUTE March 19, PVC Hall ALAN DOYLE & BAND March 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ABSU March 20, Burro Bar BILL GAITHER & GAITHER VOCAL BAND: DAVID PHELPS, WES HAMPTON, ADAM CRABB, TODD SUTTLES March 20, T-U Center K. MICHELLE & FRIENDS March 20, The Florida Theatre SAOSIN March 22, Mavericks Live MOVEMENTS March 22, 1904 Music Hall CHICAGO, EARTH, WIND & FIRE March 23, Vets Memorial Arena SETH GLIER March 24, The Original Café Eleven ARETHA FRANKLIN March 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ONE-EYED DOLL, EYES SET to KILL, OPEN YOUR EYES, VISIONS March 25, The Green Room NRBQ, The BASEBALL PROJECT March 25, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party LION in the MANE, CITY UNDER SIEGE March 25, Jack Rabbits The LACS March 25, Mavericks Live WET BRAIN, RUKUT, TWINKI, The MOLD March 25, Rain Dogs BOYTOY, TEENAGE LOBOTOMY March 26, Shanghai Nobby’s STRAND of OAKS March 26, Hemming Park MOPE GROOVES, TWINKI, UNITED TYLERS of TYLER, DJ REQUEST March 26, Rain Dogs INTRONAUT, SCALE the SUMMIT March 26, 1904 Music Hall BYRNE & KELLY March 29, Culhane’s Irish Pub DURAN DURAN March 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BONERAMA March 31, 1904 Music Hall CECILE McLORIN SALVANT March 31, The Ritz Theatre COODER, WHITE & SKAGGS March 31, P.Vedra Concert Hall ACE FREHLEY, GEOFF TATE April 1, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall AFROMAN April 1, The Green Room SPRINGING the BLUES April 1-3, SeaWalk Pavilion WHISKEY DICK April 1, Burro Bar Inaugural Fool’s Paradise: LETTUCE & FRIENDS, GRIZ, CHRIS ROBINSON’S SOUL REVUE (George Porter Jr., Ivan Neville, Eric Krasno, Nikki Glaspie, Neal Casal & Shady Horns), GOLDFISH, The NTH POWER, VULFPECK April 1 & 2, St. Aug. Amphitheatre OF MONTREAL April 3, Mavericks Live CHAD VALLEY, BLACKBIR BLACKBIRD April 4, 1904 Music Hall DAILEY & VINCENT April 7, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SUNN O))), BIG BRAVE April 7, Sun-Ray Cinema

STICK FIGURE April 8, Mavericks Live Grammy REBIRTH BRASS BAND April 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Award-winning Hall saxophonist DAWES, HISS GOLDEN MESSENGER April 9, P.V. JEFF COFFIN, Concert Hall LET IT BE: Celebration of the Beatles April 10, Florida known for Theatre his work with LERA LYNN, ISRAEL NASH, RIVERNECKS April 10, St. Béla Fleck & Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party the Flecktones CITIZEN & TURNOVER, SORORITY, MILK TEETH April and the Dave 10, 1904 Music Hall Matthews AMY HELM April 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Band, leads his PEARL JAM April 13-16, Veterans Memorial Arena 12th Annual Wanee Music Festival: WIDESPREAD eclectic group PANIC, GREGG ALLMAN, GOV’T MULE, LES BRERS, THE MU’TET at UMPHREY’S McGEE, BRUCE HORNSBY, STANLEY 7:30 p.m. Feb. 26 CLARKE, MELVIN SEALS & JGB, KARL DENSON April at Jacksonville 14, 15 & 16 University’s Terry RITA WILSON April 15, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Concert Hall BILLY CURRINGTON, KELSEA BALLERINI April 18, St. in Arlington.

Augustine Amphitheatre The BRONX WANDERERS April 16, The Florida Theatre BARRAGE 8 April 17, The Florida Theatre Mayfield Bluegrass 6 p.m. Feb. 26 JESSE COOK April 18, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SURF RESTAURANT, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Yancy Generation Axe: STEVE VAI, ZAKK WYLDE, YNGWIE Clegg every Tue. & Thur. Black Jack Band every Fri. MALMSTEEN, NUNO BETTENCOURT, TOSIN ABASI April 20, The Florida Theatre AVONDALE, ORTEGA One Night of Queen: GARY MULLEN & the WORKS April 20, CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. A NIGHT with JANIS JOPLIN April 21, The Florida Theatre ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur.

IRATION April 21, Mavericks Live Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance every Fri. BEN FOLDS April 22, The Florida Theatre RASCAL FLATTS, JANA KRAMER April 22, St. Augustine THE BEACHES Amphitheatre (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted) SLEEPMAKESWAVES, MONUMENTS, ENTHEOS, The BLUE JAY Listening Room, 412 Second St., 834-1315 CONTORTIONIST April 22, 1904 Music Hall Whetherman 7 p.m. March 3 & 4.

Legends of Southern Hip Hop: MYSTIKAL, JUVENILE, FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, TRICK DADDY, BUN B, PROJECT PAT, TOO SHORT April 22, 853-5680 3 the Band 9 p.m. Feb. 25. The Gootch Feb. 26 & Veterans Memorial Arena 27. Darren Corlew Feb. 28 NOFX April 23, Mavericks Live GUSTO’S Italian Restaurant, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Monica DaSilva 7:30 p.m. every Thur. Murray Goff 7:30 p.m. every Fri. Under the Bus 7:30 AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA p.m. every Sat. ALLEY CAT Seafood & Beer House, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Ozone Dan Voll 6:30 p.m. Feb. 24 & March 2 Baby 7 p.m. Feb. 27. Back from the Brink Mon. GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Buck LYNCH’S, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Briteside 10 p.m. Feb. Smith Thur. Yancy Clegg Sun. Vinyl Record Nite every Tue. 26 & 27 LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley jazz MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Blue show every Fri.-Sun. Muse Feb. 24. Zargon Feb. 25. Ivey West Feb. 26. Herd of SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 Watts Feb. 27

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC “I don’t think Jimi done it this a-way.” Experience Hendrix features former Band of Gypsys bassist BILLY COX (pictured) jamming with a veritable army of guitarists including BUDDY GUY, ZAKK WYLDE, KENNY WAYNE SHEPHERD, JONNY LANG, DWEEZIL ZAPPA, KEB MO, ERIC JOHNSON, CHRIS LAYTON, MATO NANJI, NOAH HUNT, and HENRI BROWN, Feb. 26 at The Florida Theatre, Downtown.

MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur.

RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Big John Feb. 24. Decoy Feb. 25. Love Monkey Feb. 26 & 27. T. Martin & the Troublemakers 7 p.m. Feb. 28 SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444 The Crazy Daysies 6 p.m. Feb. 24. Charlie Walker Feb. 26. Cody Nix Feb. 28 SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881 Billy Bowers 6 p.m. Feb. 26

DOWNTOWN

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. Creed Bratton Feb. 24. Jon Stickley Trio, Grandpa’s Cough Medicine Feb. 25. Von Starntz, Cougar Barrel Feb. 26. Swmrs, The Frights, Palm Trees & Power Lines Feb. 27. New Found Glory, Protagonist Feb. 28.

Swimm, Someday River, Community Center 6 p.m. March 2 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. The Piss Poor Players, Mudtown, Cowboy Rolex 8 p.m. Feb. 24. This Frontier Needs Heroes, Crushed Out, Katie Grace Helow 8 p.m. Feb. 26.

Madball Feb. 27 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance every Fri. DJ NickFresh Sat. DJ Randall 9 p.m. Mon. DJ Hollywood Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. Feb. 24. Ace Winn 8 p.m. Feb. 26. Cortnie Frazier 8 p.m. Feb. 27 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 Spanky the Band 7 p.m. Feb. 26. SunJammer 7 p.m. Feb. 27 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m.-2 a.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m.-2 a.m. every Sat.

MOPE

WET

6 1/4” deep

30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

THE DUDE BEHIND THE COUNTER AT A LOCAL used-book store finds out you’re a music writer for the area alt-weekly and says, “Man, I am promoting a couple of shows at Rain Dogs, and I’d love for you to cover them,” and you, being the hallowed and respected music writer with elite, unfathomable taste, nod and humor him and say, “Yeah, dude, I’d be happy to take a look at it” (Standard Blowoff Line #372), and give him your email address expecting to get some bullshit press release on the latest cheeswhiz emo or indie-pop trio, only to have to turn him down because he sent you a press release on the latest cheese-whiz emo or indie-pop trio.

This run-on sentence fragment was brought to you by a writer who has spent the past 25plus years fielding such press releases, and it has, indeed, felt like one, long run-on sentence fragment. But once in a great while, one of these bedroom promoters brings in a band or two that are worth checking out. We can be grateful that the dude who collared me at the bookstore was good-natured, reliable promoter Josh Dunn, and the shows he was hawking are happening at my favorite Riverside hole-in-the-wall.

First we have the most unusual MOPE GROOVES, performing on Friday, Feb. 26. This Portland quartet is serious DIY. Hand-drawn cassette covers; craggy, nearly out-of-tune threechord Kinks-like rock; nearly obscene, low-budget videos; earthy, punch-you-in-the-crotch lyrics. It’s hard not to like this weirdness, especially if you’re into low-fi indie weirdness.

The band’s sort-of theme song, released on 2013’s Lamebrain EP, is a goofy, Weenesque suburban lament, the video for which features

MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Duelle 9 p.m. Feb. 26. David Cook, Tony Lucca 7 p.m. Feb. 27. Dan + Shay March 3.

Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat. UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay, 699-8186 John Graham Feb. 27

MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., 388-7807 King of the Hill, With Every Wind, The Commons, Summer Frost, Cassidy Lee Feb. 26. Cellus, Kiddz Church, Rab G, The Servant, 878 March 4 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Wet Brain, Rukut, Twinki, The Mold 8 p.m. Feb. 25. Mope Grooves, Twinki, United Tylers of Tyler, DJ Request 8 p.m. Feb. 26. Juan Wauters, Tall Juan, Steven Marshek, Honey Chamber, Lake Disney Feb. 27. Joe Jack Talcum, Coolzey, D&D Sluggers, Digdog March 3

FLEMING ISLAND

ST. AUGUSTINE

WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Robert Brown Jr., The Confluent Feb. 28. Deck music Fri., Sat. & Sun.

INTRACOASTAL WEST

CLIFF’S Bar, 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, 645-5162 Live music 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Cloud 9 Feb. 26. Retro Kats Feb. 27. Live music Fri. & Sat.

MANDARIN, JULINGTON

DAVE’S MUSIC BAR & GRILL, 9965 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 48, 575-4935 Randy Cash Feb. 26. Shayne & Clinton Feb. 27 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine, 880-3040 Live music most weekends. Open jam 7 p.m. Mon.

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael Tue.-Sat. The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Fat Cactus 9 p.m. Feb. 26 & 27. DJ Big Mike every Thur.

PONTE VEDRA

PUSSER’S, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Ryan Crary 6 p.m. Feb. 24 & March 2. Caleb Joye 6 p.m. Feb. 25. Aaron Koerner Feb. 26.

Ryan Crary 7 p.m. Feb. 27. Anton LaPLume 6 p.m. March 3 TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 The Rubies Feb. 24. Gary Starling Feb. 25. Samuel Sanders & Darren Escar Feb. 26.

Latin All Stars Feb. 27

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

ACROSS THE STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Erode, Lowercase g, Geny Pigs, River City Kats Feb. 27

THE CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Deron Baker 2 p.m., Ain’t Too Proud to Beg 7 p.m. Feb. 26. Evan D. 2 p.m., Billy Buchanan & Free Avenue 7 p.m. Feb. 27. Vinny Jacobs 2 p.m. Feb. 28 TRADEWINDS LOUNGE, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Cottonmouth Feb. 26 & 27. Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. Elizabeth Roth 1 p.m. every Sun.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Nikki Hill, Secret Cigarettes, Faze Wave 8 p.m. Feb. 25. Destination Okeechobee Show: New Movement, Young Step, Locochino, Solar Elipsis, Dinosaur Daze, Dark Matter 7 p.m. Feb. 26.

Jeremiah Motions, Automatik Fit, Eli the Poet 8 p.m. Feb. 27.

Ballyhoo, Resinated, Cloud 9 Vibes 8 p.m. Feb. 28. Marbin 8 p.m.

Feb. 29. Bag Raiders, Plastic Plates, MZG 8 p.m. March 2 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Muriel Anderson 7:30 p.m. Feb. 24. Kenny Chinn, Eric Hunter, Rick Kirkland, Ernie Lombardi, Rob Chapman, Bryan Tomlinson, Ms. Leighton Chantel Feb. 25. Peter Case Feb. 26.

Roy Peak, John Dickie IV March 1

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Charlie Walker 8 p.m. Feb. 25. Whetherman Feb. 26. Robbie Lit Feb. 27 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Circle of Break Even Band 9:30 p.m. Feb. 26. 5 O’Clock Shadow 9:30 p.m. Feb. 27. Country Jam Wed. Melissa Smith Thur.

Mojo Roux Blues Sun.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

MOLLY BROWN’S Pub, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044 Clinton Lane Darnell, Shayne Rammler Feb. 24 THREE LAYERS COFFEEHOUSE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Verbal Essence 7 p.m. Feb. 29. Open mic every Thur.

THE KNIFE a masturbating half-man, half-Cookie-Monstertype-thing. It’s basically a three-chord slop fest, but damn if it isn’t completely enjoyable. You’ll be singing along with the two-word chorus: “Mope Grooves.”

That could be said for most of Mope Grooves’ tunes. The new EP, 300 Million Lizards Can’t be Wrong, comprises five similar songs. No more than three or four chords per, and all sloppy, low-fi goofiness. My faves are “Hey! Lizard Child,” a Ramones-y throbber with a catchy-as-hell chorus, and “Joy,” with its picked bass line, washy guitars and reverse-delay vocals creating a decidedly ’90s vibe. Still low-budge, but oddly alt-rocky, too.

There’s even an (ironic?) hammer-on guitar solo, à la Eddie Van Halen.

Don’t worry. The song lasts all of one minute, 40 seconds.

Next up is WET BRAIN, appearing on Friday, March 25. Fans of early Sleater-Kinney (before Carrie Brownstein became a household name) and Bikini Kill (before Kathleen Hanna went all Le Tigre on our asses) will dig the hell out of this Baltimore punk quartet. This is minor-key raging feminist grrrl punk with an ear for the offensive, and it’s an uncompromising blend.

Take a sampling of lyrics in “Waitress.” “I’ll tip you 25 cents more if you’ll give my dick a rub” and “Squish those tits together girl, and show me what you’re all about.” Though waiting tables isn’t strictly a woman’s job (anymore), females invariably bear the brunt of the abuse while delivering your victuals.

Wet Brain uses the restaurant as a battlefield, and their relentless assault plays out in line after line of caustic taunts. Find the words repellant? Try having a crusty geezer’s hand up your skirt while tossing slop for a pittance for a boss who identifies you in board meetings as “nonessential human capital.”

That is repellant.

Wet Brain’s new record, Not Sorry (wetwetbrain.bandcamp.com) is more of the same.

“Wife Life” is straight-up Bikini Kill, gangster punk

THE KNIFE

Wet Brain that dives into an odd-time metal midsection.

“Plan B” is a similar punky pro-choice manifesto, a fist in the flabby, white jowls of the radical Right. This one also mixes in odd-time riffs, not unlike more progressive late-era Black Flag tunes.

“Scum” is a revenge number, all seething jealousy and more “Peter Gunn” punk riffs. “Back Hand” is an anti-domestic abuse screamer. This stuff is not for the faint of heart. It’s angry, dark, violent and purposeful – a sect of punk I thought had closed for business some time ago.

Thank the punk gods Wet Brain’s keeping the doors open.

John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com

_____________________________________________________

WET BRAIN, RUKUT, TWINKI, THE MOLD 8 p.m.

March 25; MOPE GROOVES, TWINKI, UNITED TYLERS of TYLER, DJ REQUEST 8 p.m. March 26, both at Rain Dogs, Riverside, facebook.com/raindogsjax.

BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. New York-style gourmet pizzas, baked dishes. All-day HH Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM, 204 Third Ave. S., 246-7823. F 2015 BOJ winner.

Subs made with fresh ingredients for 25+ years. One word: Peruvian. Big salads, blue-ribbon iced tea. $ BW TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201.

F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. ESPETO Brazilian Steakhouse, 1396 Beach Blvd., 388-4884, espetosteakhouse.com. Beef, pork, lamb, chicken, sausage; full menu, bar fare, craft cocktails, Brazilian beers. $$ FB D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F 2015 BOJ winner.

Latin American, tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare. 100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily LARRY’S Giant Subs, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE

When you’re in Downtown Jacksonville, grab a fresh salad or sandwich and a made-to-order cup of joe from the friendly folks at Urban Grind Coffee Company.

Photo by Dennis Ho

ORANGE PARK.

DINING DIRECTORY AMELIA ISLAND FERNANDINA BEACH

29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919, 29southrestau rant.com. F Chef Scotty Schwartz’s traditional regional cuisine has modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BARBERITOS, 1519 Sadler Rd., 277-2505. 463867 S.R. 200, Ste. 5, Yulee, 321-2240, barberitos.com. F Southwestern fare; burritos, tacos, quesadillas, salsa. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BEACH DINER, 2006 S. Eighth St., 310-3750, beachdiner. com. Innovative breakfast: Eggs on the Bayou, fish-n-grits; French toast, riders, omelets. Lunch fare: salads, burgers, sandwiches, shrimp & crabmeat salad. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BEECH STREET Bar & Grill, 801 Beech St., 572-1390, beech streetbarandgrill.com. In restored 1889 home, Chef Charles creates with fresh, local ingredients. Local seafood, handcut Florida steaks, housemade pasta, daily specials, small plates, street food. $$$-$$$$ FB D Tue.-Sat.; Brunch, D Sun. BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F Family-owned; historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio.

Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily THE CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, amelia crabtrap.com. F $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily DAVID’S Restaurant & Lounge, 802 Ash St., 310-6049, ameli aislanddavids.com. Fine dining, historic district. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb. $$$$ FB D Wed.-Mon. DICK’S Wings & Grill, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469.

450077 S.R. 200, 879-0993. 2015 BOJ. SEE ORANGE PARK. ELIZABETH POINTE LODGE, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. F Award-winning B&B. Seaside dining, inside or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily. Homestyle soups, sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW B L D Daily HOLA CUBAN CAFÉ, 117 Centre St., 321-0163, holacuban cafe.com. F $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddianes cafe.com. F 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan/vegetarian. Porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S at Thompson House, 11 S. 7th St., 432-8394, lulusamelia.com. F Po’boys, salads, local seafood, local shrimp. Reservations. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriver pizza.net. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Northern-style

To get your restaurant listed here, just call your account manager or Sam Taylor at 904.260.9770 ext. 111 or staylor@folioweekly.com.

DINING DIRECTORY KEY

Average Entrée Cost $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club tasting. fwbiteclub.com.

2015 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. PABLO’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT GRILL & CANTINA, 12 N. Second St., 261-0049. Chicken, carnes, fajitas, burritos, tacos, daily specials. Margaritas. $$$ FB K TO L D Daily THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F Near historic district. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads, made from scratch. $ K TO B L Wed.-Sun. PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service; NYC-style.

Specialty pizzas, pie/slice, toppings: truffle mushrooms, little neck clams, eggs, shrimp. Courtyard. $$ BW TO L D Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132, plaefl.net. Bite Club. Bistro-style venue serves whole fried fish, duck breast.

Outside. $$$ FB L Tue.-Sat.; D Nightly SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesal typelicanamelia.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, local shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront. Crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310. F 2015 BOJ winner. In an old gas station; blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

DICK’S Wings & Grill, 9119 Merrill Rd., 745-9300. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S, 1301 Monument Rd., 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK. The STEAKHOUSE @ Gold Club, 320 Gen. Doolittle Dr., 645-5500, jacksonvillegoldclub.com. Lunch and dinner specials, free HH buffets Thur. & Fri. $$$ FB L D Daily

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes, Nathan’s grilled hot dogs. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years.

American pub. 1/2-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta.

Local beers. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO NO. 4 Urban BBQ & Whiskey Bar, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 40+ years.

Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurant orsay.com. 2015 BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; locally grown organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. Snail of Approval. $$$ FB K R, Sun.; D Nightly

SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare, from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. BELLA VITA Ristorante Italiano, 3825 Baymeadows, 6461370, bellavitajax.com. F Authentic cuisine. $$ FB L D Daily INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows, Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F 2015 BOJ. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet.

Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LARRY’S Giant Subs, 3928 Baymeadows, 737-7740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows, 425-9142. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030

MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club.

2015 BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine in, patio. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637, poestavern.com. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, hand-cut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F For 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SALT LIFE Food Shack, 1018 Third St. N., 372-4456, saltlife foodshack.com. Specialties: signature tuna poke bowl, sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp, in modern open-air space. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SLIDERS Seafood Grille & Oyster Bar, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot.

Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS Sports Grille, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. 2015 BOJ winner. 20+ tap beers, TVs. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily SURFING SOMBRERO, 222 First St. N., 834-9377.

Oceanfront place serves authentic fare – like paella. Drink specials. Dine in or outside. $$ FB L D Daily SURFWICHES Sandwich Shop, 1537 Penman Rd., 241-6996, surfwiches.com. Craft sandwich shop; Yankee-style steaks, hoagies, all made to order. $ BW TO K L D Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. F New York-style deli has freshly made subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian items. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. THE CANDY APPLE Café & Cocktails, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Sandwiches, entrées, salads. $$ FB K L, Mon.; L D Tue.-Sun. CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth, 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi serves Italian fare, 35+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza.

Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat.

CAROLYN PRESCOTT

GRILL ME!

Brett's Waterway Café 1 Front St., Fernandina Beach YEARS IN THE BIZ: 50

FAVE RESTAURANT (other than mine): BarZin Bistro, Fernandina FAVE CUISINE STYLE: Any style FAVE INGREDIENTS: Wine and rum IDEAL MEAL: Any seafood – except salmon WON’T CROSS MY LIPS: Salmon INSIDER’S SECRET: Keep yourself happy and love your job.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: Val Kilmer CULINARY TREAT: Desserts Baymeadows, 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI Grille, 9551 Baymeadows, Ste. 1, 646-9506, ptgrille.com. Family-owned; traditional, vegetarian, new Thai; curries, seafood, noodles, soups. Low-sodium, gluten-free, too. $$$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun. TEQUILA’S Mexican Restaurant, 10915 Baymeadows, Ste. 101, 363-1365, tequilasjacksonville.com. F Authentic fare, fresh ingredients. Vegetarian dishes; drink specials.

Nonstop happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily THE WELL Watering Hole, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, wines glass/bottle. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. $$ BW K TO D Tue.-Sat. WHISKEY JAX Kitchen + Cocktails, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 135, 634-7208, whiskeyjax.com. Gastropub has craft beers, burgers, handhelds, tacos, whiskey. $$ FB L D Sat. & Sun.; D Daily.

OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L Mon.-Fri. SWEET PETE’S, 400 N. Hogan St., 376-7161. F All-natural sweet shop has candy made of all natural flavors, no artificial anything. Several kinds of honey. $ TO Daily ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodi acbarandgrill.com. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. Happy hour Wed.-Sat. $ FB L Mon.-Fri.

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8,

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

DINING DIRECTORY 264-0636. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar.

Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. DICK’S WINGS, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S, 10750 Atlantic, Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE O. PARK. TIME OUT Sports Grill, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999, timeoutsportsgrill.com. F Locally-owned-and-operated.

Hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps. Daily drink specials, HDTVs. Late-nite menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

MANDARIN, NW ST. JOHNS

AKEL’S Deli, 12926 Granbay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN.

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199.

F Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S WINGS, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-7087. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. FIRST COAST Deli & Grill, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477.

Diner: pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers. $ K TO B L Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines.

Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT Pizza & Grill, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773, redelephantpizza.com. Casual, familyfriendly eatery. Pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials, burgers, pasta, plus gluten-free-friendly items. $ FB K L D Daily

ORANGE PARK

CHEERS PARK AVENUE, 1138 Park Ave., 269-4855. $$ FB L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 6055 Youngerman Cir., 778-1101, dickswingsandgrill.com. 1803 East West Pkwy., 375-2559. 2015 BOJ winner. NASCAR theme.

365 varieties of wings, half-pound burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club.com.

Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370.

photo by Rebecca Gib Gibson son

BITE-SIZED

ALL YOU CAN EAT – FUJI SUSHI OR offe options offers

SLURP

BITE SIZED

a-plenty

For those who the LOVERS O SO OF S SUSHI SH AN AND HIBACHI C AREE h aren’t’t as obsessed b d with ith th h jjoys of hot, translucent liquids as I am, let me describe undoubtedly familiar with the clear soup that it. It’s a simple broth with crunchy bits of tempura precedes an entrée. I’m a big fan of clear soup, on top. Salty and addictive. I slurped this in a few so it’s no surprise that I’m also a fan of any place seconds and moved on to buttery noodles, then that lets me eat exorbitant amounts of it. Take a the sushi. A sweet potato sushi roll sounds a bit moment and ponder the delicious possibilities of strange, but it’s one of my favorites. This is potato unlimited soup servings. That’s right: unlimited. at its best: crunchy and fried. Dip it into a bit of soy FUJI SUSHI keeps my bowl full with its $10.99 sauce and … yum. The green dragon roll has a eat-all-you-want lunch menu. sliver of avocado over a shrimp tempura roll. It pairs There are three locations – Mandarin, perfectly with a mixture of my creation, soy sauce, Southside and San Marco, my personal stomping wasabi, and ginger dressing. You can call it “The grounds. Fuji Sushi should not be confused with Gibson Dippin’.” similarly named sushi joints My second round of around Northeast Florida; FUJI SUSHI lunch included another clear others can try but Fuji Sushi 1950 San Marco Blvd., soup and a spicy shrimp is the gold standard.

Jacksonville, 619-3899, tempura hand roll. It was my The primary order of 999sushi.com first hand roll and I loved it. business at San Marco’s Fuji Rather than rice wrapped Sushi is deciding what should around seaweed, this had seaweed on the outside. be brought out first. Salad, sushi, or noodles? At Fuji I didn’t think that would alter the flavor until I Sushi, you have a choice. Fill out the order sheet at took the first bite. The seaweed definitely popped, your table by writing the numbers that correspond giving the cone-shaped roll a salty, distinctly to the menu item. The lunch menu is limited to seafood-y taste. select dishes (dinner has more options). Even At a typical sushi place, I’ll end up paying without a full menu, there’s still plenty to choose. around $15 for two rolls, soup, and salad. Fuji I started with – you guessed it – clear soup, Sushi is less expensive, and the possibilities along with a ginger salad, veggies, noodles, a are nearly limitless. Swing by at lunchtime, 11 sweet potato roll, and the green dragon sushi roll. It a.m.-3:30 p.m., and try something new. You’ll be sounds like a ton of food for a first course, but the pleasantly surprised, and certainly full. Don’t forget portions are perfectly sized. Fuji is serious about not to follow my lead and get a bowl – or four – of wasting anything, which I appreciate. The fine print you-know-what before you leave. on the ordering forms threatens a fee for uneaten Rebecca Gibson items. I seriously doubt that anyone has ever been mail@folioweekly.com fined, but be sure to clean your plate.

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com. F All over the area, Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups, salads. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snac shack.menu. F Bakery and café; bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ K BW TO B, L & D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S Pizza, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F ’15 BOJ. SEE BEACHES. DICK’S WINGS, 100 Marketside Ave., 829-8134, dickswings andgrill.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S SUBS, 830 A1A N., 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for Americans; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tue.-Sat. AKEL’S Deli, 245 Riverside Ave., 791-3336. F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., 388-8384. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, black sheep5points.com. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1 & 2, 855-1181. F 2015 BOJ winner. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Local craft beer, espresso, coffee, wine. Rotating drafts, 75+ can craft beers; sodas, tea. Rotating seasonal menu: waffles, pastries, toasts, desserts, specialty coffees, craft beers. $$ BW K B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Daily.

DERBY ON PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro air in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$ FB TO Wknd brunch. B, L D Tue.-Sun. EDGEWOOD Bakery, 1012 S. Edgewood Ave., 389-8054, edgewoodbakery.com. 68+ years, full-service. From-scratch pastries, petit fours, pies, custom cakes. Espresso/pastry café: sandwiches, smoothies, soups. $$ K TO B L Tue.-Sat. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2015 BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches.

Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Juice bar; organic fruits, veggies. 300+ craft/ imports, 50 wines, meats, deli, raw, vitamins. Wraps, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com. Modern Italian cuisine. Handcraft cocktails. $$-$$$ FB TO K L D Daily JOHNNY’S Deli & Grille, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. F Casual; sandwiches, classic salads, homefries. $ TO B L Daily KNEAD Bakeshop, 1173 Edgewood Ave. S., 634-7617.

Locally-owned, family-run; made-from-scratch pastries, artisan breads, pies, sandwiches. $ TO B L Tue.-Sun. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794.

7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR-B-Q, 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551, monroessmokehousebbq.com. Wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey, chicken, ribs. Sides: beans, baked beans, mac-n-cheese, collards. $$ K TO L Mon.-Sat.; D Fri. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire. com. F Southwestern fish tacos, enchiladas. HH Mon.-Sat. upstairs lounge, all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS Irish Pub, 1521 Margaret, 854-9300, obroth ersirishpub.com. F Stilton crust shepherd’s pie, Guinness mac-n-cheese, fish-n-chips. Patio. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 1526 King St., 503-4060. SEE

DINING DIRECTORY

Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. Sun. brunch. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. ONE TWENTY THREE BURGER HOUSE, 123 King St., 687-2790. From Carmelo’s owners. Premium burgers, made with beef from NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Woodfired pizzas, ice cream bar, Old World milkshakes. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A Beach Blvd., 217-3256, saltlifefoodshack.com. SEE BEACHES.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL Thai & Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Pad Thai, curry, tempura, vegetarian, seafood, stir-fry, specials. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired; steak frites, oakfired pizza, raw bar seasonal selections. $$$ FB TO L D Daily DICK’S Wings, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. EUROPEAN STREET Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusion sushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves a variety of fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily The GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Artisanal cheese plate, empanada, bruschetta, cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. HAMBURGER MARY’S BAR & GRILLE, 3333 Beach Blvd., 551-2048, hamburgermarys.com. F ’15 BOJ winner.

Wings, sammies, nachos, entrées, burgers. $$ K TO FB L D Daily KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. 2015 BOJ winner.

Local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu, fresh, locally sourced ingredients. Sunday brunch. $$ FB L D Daily MEZZE BAR & GRILL, 2016 Hendricks Ave., 683-0693, mezzejax.com. Classic drinks, basil martinis, 35 drafts, local/crafts, Mediterranean cuisine. Hookah. Happy Hour. $$ FB D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metro diner.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Original upscale diner.

Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. $$ B R L Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Ave., 399-8815, pizzapalacejax.com. F Family-owned-&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, lasagna. Dine outside. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SCORES, 4923 Univ. Blvd. W., 739-6966. $$ FB D Nightly.

TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Ave., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats. Craft beers, craft cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus.

Reservations. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. BARBERITOS, 4320 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., Ste. 106, 807-9060. F SEE AMELIA ISLAND. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. DIM SUM Room, 9041 Southside Blvd., 363-9888, thedimsu mroom.com. Shrimp dumplings, sesame ball. Traditional Hong Kong noodles, barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET Café, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. JC HOMEMADE PASTRIES FILIPINO CUISINE & KARAOKE, 12192 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 619-4303. Authentic Filipino fare. $$ Fri.-Sun. TO. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE

rain dogs, 1045 Park, 379-4969. ’15 BOJ. Bar food. $ D SBRAGA & COMPANY, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 114, 746-0909, sbragadining.com. Chef Kevin Sbraga has a contemporary approach to local influences. Go-to dishes: hog & hominy, fish fry, carrot ceviche. $$-$$$ FB TO L D Daily SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2015 BOJ winner.

Healthy, light vegan fare; local, organic ingredients.

Specials, on bread, local greens or rice, change daily.

Coffees, teas. $ Tue.-Sun. SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafe jacksonville.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll.

Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. $$ BW L D Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. CARMELO’S Marketplace Pizzeria, 146 King St., 494-6658, carmelosmarketplace.com. New York-style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats & cheeses, garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 965 S.R. 16, 825-4540. 4010 U.S. 1 S., 547-2669. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. THE FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Updated Southern fare.

ENDURANCE BEER DRINKING BEER FESTIVALS offer opportunity to expand palate

WHEN THE WINTER WEATHER BEGINS TO GIVE way to warmer spring days, it signals the beginning of beer festival season. Ah, the heady days of freely flowing beer from what seem like never-ending taps, with dozens upon dozens of beers from craft brewers far and wide. The tinkle of a beer-tasting cup hitting the ground when a tipsy imbiber drops it and the endless lines where beer-lovers meet other beer-lovers and swap whale stories (for the uninitiated, whales are what beer aficionados call extremely rare beers). These are the experiences beer fest attendees crave … or are they?

According to online ticketing and eventplanning platform Eventbrite, Millennials are indeed interested in big beer festivals that present hundreds of beers to sample, but they’re also interested in other types of events.

Overwhelmingly, by a margin of 96 percent, the reason cited for going to craft beer fests was to experience new beers. Following that, with 77 percent, were events paired with food, like bacon or barbecue, and 67 percent who said they prefer festivals that benefi t a charitable organization.

Over the next few months, those seeking festivals won’t be disappointed. The first of the local hops-centric happenings, Riverside Craft Beer Festival, is this weekend. It’s at the site of the popular Riverside Arts Market on Saturday, Feb. 27, under the Fuller Warren Bridge. Now in its third year, the festival attracted more than 4,000 attendees in its first two years. Put on each year by Rotary Club of Riverside, it benefits Community PedsCare, Community Hospice’s pediatric program. Expect to find more than 100 quaffs to sample, 11 food trucks and music by The Firewater Tent Revival.

Experienced festival-goers recommend you follow a few simple tips to ensure full enjoyment and stay safe. One of the most important nuggets of advice: Remember that beer festivals are marathons, not sprints; they’re designed for folks to taste new beers, not to be drunk fests. Other tips: Stay hydrated (meaning water; alcohol is dehydrating) and get home safely by taking a cab or Uber (meaning do not drink and drive).

No matter what reason you give to attend beer festivals, when you do, be sure to try new beers and expand your experiences. You may find a new favorite brew.

Here are some Florida festivals to check out:

PINT SIZED

ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR B-Q, 10771 Beach Blvd., 996-7900, monroessmokehousebbq.com. SEE RIVERSIDE. OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730, ovinte. com. 2015 BOJ winner. European-style, influenced by Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, selections from charcuterie menu. $$$ BW TO R D Daily STICKY FINGERS SMOKEHOUSE, 8129 Point Meadows Way, 493-7427, stickyfingers.com. Memphis-style hickorysmoked ribs, wings, pulled pork, barbecue – five legendary sauces and a dozen sides. $$$ FB K TO L D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, tavernayamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily

BAYMEADOWS.

PINT-SIZED

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 12400 Yellow Bluff Rd., Ste. 101, 619-9828. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Fajitas, burritos, daily specials, enchiladas. Happy Hour; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999.

SEE ORANGE PARK.

MOLLY BROWN’S PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044. F $$ FB TO L D Daily

RIVERSIDE CRAFT BEER FESTIVAL 4-7 p.m. Feb. 27; VIP 3-7 p.m.

Under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave. General admission $35 if bought online at Eventbrite before Feb. 25; $40 at gate. VIP admission $50 SPACE COAST CRAFT BEER FESTIVAL 2-5 p.m. Feb. 27; VIP 1-5 p.m.

1440 Sportsman Lane N.E., Palm Bay $30 in advance if bought online at spacecoastcraftbeerfestival.com; $40 at gate 2016 CHEW & BREW CRAFT BEER & FOOD TRUCK CHAMPIONSHIP 4-10 p.m. April 16 SeaWalk Pavilion, First Street North, Jax Beach Admission is free, but attendees can register at Eventbrite for a wristband entitling wearer to $1-off beers.

Marc Wisdom mail@folioweekly.com FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

UPCOMING PET EVENTS FCNMHP CASSAT CLINIC GRAND OPENING First Coast No More Homeless Pets celebrates the grand opening of its new clinic facility, 6:30-8:30 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 25 at Cassat Avenue Clinic, 464 Cassat Ave., Jacksonville; tickets $103.49-$709.95, 520-7900, fcnmhp. org, eventbrite.com. The happy event benefits the completion of the new Cassat Clinic, opening this spring. With the capability to serve three times as many pets, the new clinic is a significant milestone in spreading its nokill mission.

ADOPTABLES

CHANCEY

Take a Chancey on Me If you’re in the mood for a little adventure, I’m the dog for you!

Running, playing, and fetching are a few of my favorite things. Basic commands come easy to me. And strangers? No such thing! I make friends wherever I go — so no more lonely nights. Come meet me at the Jacksonville Humane Society and take a chance-y on me! For adoption information, visit jaxhumane.org DAWGZ FOR DOGS K9s For Warriors holds a benefit from 6-8 p.m. on Thursday, Feb. 25, featuring Veterans United Craft Brewery products, at Brewz N Dawgz, 1974 U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine, 686-1956, K9sforwarriors.com. Proceeds help the organization’s programs for heroes.

THE INTERNATIONAL CAT ASSOCIATION SHOW Ancient City Cat Club presents this show, featuring a fundraising raffle, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

Sat. and Sun., Feb. 27 and 28, at Solomon Calhoun Community Center, 1300 Duval St., St. Augustine, $6 adults, $4 students with I.D., $3 for kids older than six, and free admission for children younger than three years old.

Proceeds benefit Cats For K.E.E.P.S. and S.A.F.E. For details, call 829-0381.

P

FO

FO

R

De of

Dea I’m but park Tha

Hi, F

bark som with natu und edit

pitc Som clas bark them

mod ther beg to b

pitc gree dog

mid the ano wha agg pes mod

mid a st the

ADOPTABLES

TIGGER

Big Cat in a Big City It won’t take a leap of faith for you to fall in love with me. I’m a tiger (or a Tigger) in a cat’s body. If snuggling under the covers is your bag, then baby, I’m yours.

Don’t worry about heartbreak – my heart is pure gold and I could never leave you. Let’s blow this Humane Society popsicle stand and head for your place.

For adoption details, visit jaxhumane.org LB REPTILE EXPERIENCE Members of the Jacksonville Herpetological Society, this organization provides educational shows for schools, daycares, 34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

U

libr par nui Con cal

DO Thi

To s pric

TS

G es

e; p. ts

nic o-

ne, elp

m.

D., on

PETS LOOKIN’ FOR LOVE FOLIO

W E E K LY

FOLIO LIVING

PET

LOVERS’

GUIDE

DEAR DAVI

RUFF TALK

Decoding the LANGUAGE of dogs

Dear Davi, I’m a Basenji, so I don’t get the whole barking thing, but I want to make friends with the other dogs at the park. Can you help me grasp their language?

Thanks, Fimi the Basenji Hi, Fimi, Let’s face it – except for you Basenjis, dogs bark. Some dogs bark for a good reason and some bark for no reason at all. Barking, along with whining, howling and growling, are our natural ways to communicate. To help you better understand the meaning behind some barks, I edited these translations from petsafe.com: Continuous rapid barking at a midrange pitch: “Call the pack! There’s a potential problem!

Someone is coming into our territory!” This is the classic bark – probably the most commonly heard bark of all. It’s loud and prepares dogs to defend themselves, if necessary.

Prolonged or incessant barking with moderate to long intervals: “Is there anybody there? I’m lonely.” This is the bark of a dog begging for company. It’s most often our response to being left alone for long periods of time.

One or two sharp, short barks at a midrange pitch: “Hello there!” This is the most typical greeting sound dogs make when they see another dog or human friend.

Single sharp, short bark at a lower midrange pitch: “Stop that! Go away!” This is the sound of an annoyed dog – probably at another animal or person who should stop what they’re doing and back off. The dog is not aggressive yet – just annoyed. However, continue pestering and the dog may move into attack mode.

Single sharp, short bark at a higher midrange: “What’s this?” or “Huh?” This is a startled or surprised sound. If it’s repeated, the meaning changes to “Come look at this!”

which alerts you to a take a look at something interesting.

Single yelp or very short, high-pitched bark: “Ouch!” This is our response to sudden, unexpected pain, but one that usually goes away.

Series of yelps: “I’m hurting!” or “I’m scared.” This is our response to intense fear or severe pain and is a cry for help.

Stutter-bark with a midrange pitch: “Let’s play!” This is the bark of a dog asking another to join in the fun. It sounds like “arrrr-ruff.”

Whimpering: “I’m frightened” or “I’m suffering.” This is a soft, low and quiet kind of sound a dog might make when it’s hurt, sad or suffering. Pay attention.

Whining: “I want” or “I need.” High-pitched whining is the sound let out by a dog who wants something, maybe food or a toy. The urgency depends on loudness and frequency – louder and more frequent means “I want it now!”

Growl with a low pitched bark: “I’m upset, and if you push me, I will fight!” A grumbling growl quickly followed by a loud bark means the dog is in attack mode. This dog is aggravated, ready to fi ght. If you hear this, back off and defuse the situation.

So, Fimi, even though you can’t answer dogs in their barking language (humans can’t either, you know), now you might be able to understand them better.

Davi mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Davi is a brown dachshund with an appetite for adventure. He loves sweet potato treats, playing at the park with friends, and exploring the unknown.

KEEP IT MOVIN’: PET TIP OF THE WEEK GO TAKE A LONG WALK ON A SHORT LEASH

We know you’re tired after work. Otherwise, why would you spend so much time horking down Harvest Crisps and watching Project Runway? But your pet needs exercise. Lack of exercise can lead to obesity, behavioral problems, muscle and joint pain and a shortened life span for your beloved pooch. And by exercise, we mean an actual walk, not an obligatory trudge across the street so your dog can crap on the lawn of that one neighbor who insists on flying a Confederate flag in 2016. Regardless of age, breed and size, dogs need at least 30 minutes of exercise every day. So get off your haunches and leash up!

UPCOMING PET EVENTS CONTINUED libraries, corporate events and birthday parties. The owners were recently designated nuisance alligator trappers for Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission. For booking details, call 703-0249 or go to lbreptileexperience.com.

DOGWOOD PARK This park offers off-leash hiking, swimming,

agility course, and a special area for kids and dogs with playground equipment. Memberships, classes, dock diving, bathing and an area for special events. Open 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Mon.Fri.; 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Sat. and Sun. For nighttime canine enjoyment, three lighted acres are available until 10 p.m. 7407 Salisbury Rd., Southside, 296-3636, jaxdog.com.

To see your pet event here, send event name, time, date, location with complete street address and city, admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@folioweekly.com – at least two weeks before the event.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE CROSSWORD by DALE RATERMANN. Presented by

SAN MARCO 2044 SAN MARCO BLVD. 398-9741

PONTE VEDRA

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A NORTH 280-1202

ACROSS

1 Govt. workplace watchdog 5 Armada warning: yellow ___ 9 So-so bestbet pair 14 Jaguars owner ($5.6 billion) 15 Jacksonville Opera Theatre solo 16 Pharmaceuticals mogul ($4.3 billion) 17 Cheery song 18 Do a repair at Chamblin Bookmine 19 Ponte Vedra veranda 20 Florida Forensic League side 21 Stubborn beasts 23 Foxy Lady Cruises trip 24 Black Creek Outfitters craft 26 Wear and tear 28 Jacksonvillian Pat Boone’s song: “___ Too Soon To Know” 31 Did the Jacksonville Bank Marathon 32 Florida Pest Control target 33 Stereotypical pirate leg 36 Like a Suns perfect game 38 Small details 40 Puzzle theme, and hint to 14-, 16-, 66- and 68-Across and 6- and 47-Down 43 Move to a new position 44 M*A*S*H setting 45 Falcons on EverBank

1

2

3

SOUTHSIDE

AVONDALE 3617 ST. JOHNS AVE. 10300 SOUTHSIDE BLVD. 388-5406 394-1390 AVENUES MALL

Field scoreboard 46 Talleyrand or Hendricks (Abbr.)

47 Hidden Hills Country Club instructor 49 Retired boomer 50 What I can be?

51 Redbox rental: ___ John Malkovich 53 Legends Barber Shop powder 56 King’s tenure 58 Pork fat 62 Speak at Florida State Capitol 64 Product of Espero Pharmaceuticals 65 Sheltered in Jacksonville Harbor 66 Food distribution titan ($3.8 billion) 67 Wait during a Daytona 500 pit stop 68 Investment magnate ($5 billion) 69 Try a T-Ray’s burger 70 Old Russian despot 71 Crafty e-tailer

9 10 11 12 13 22 25 27 28 29 30 32 33 34 35 37 38 39

1 Sooner st.

2 Tibia’s place in UF anatomy class 3 Command of company commander 4 Bit of silliness 5 Beach changing area 6 Carnival Cruises boss ($7.7 billion) 7 Janet Lynne Salon job 8 Coral Gables’ county, briefly

5

6

Jaguars’ org.

At pique’s peak?

Double negative Jacob’s twin Derby on Park recipe directive Shiite alternative Underwood’s jewelry designer, e.g.

Nuts about Prefix with red or structure Banyan Bay Apartments availability sign St. Johns River hazard Put on WJCT Intracoastal Waterway docks Lightens the load Annoy successfully Return address part?

ISP option Even if, informally

A T S E A J A R S

7

A I N C N E H O W E N S E M D D I E U E N N P A O N S T E U P R A O H N S R E A E A M O R E

8

T W I T S

P O R C H

9

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21 24

28

29

30

36

25

$

41

42

66 69

51 56 63

$

D E M I

S N I P

G A S S P H A S E L R V I A C G E E E

L I K E N

E D I C T

12

13

C K A I L S L S

$

27 34

35

$

44 48

49 52

57

58

64

65

67

68

70

71

36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

11

O V E R

39

47

50 55

10

33

$

46

54

M N H A A D O N R I M E Y P E S

P O S T W A R

23

38

37

45

62

26

H U M B I R E R G L O O W A L H D E E

32

43

53

22

31

40

41 Navy specialist 42 Go from 0 to 60, say 47 Natural gas tycoon ($4 billion) 48 Florida State Horseshoe Pitchers feat 50 Jacksonville Symphony chamber group 51 Ospreys and eagles 52 Pecan Roll Bakery sugary coating 53 Farah & Farah suit material, perhaps 54 Yulee HS geometry calculation 55 Big name in Winn-Dixie chips 57 Blue-pencil a Folio Weekly draft 59 Touched down at JAX 60 UNF Arena whistleblowers 61 Boldly resist 63 Tallahassee-toOrange Park dir.

Solution to Dale’s 2.17.16 Puzzle M A S K

DOWN

4

FAULKNER, JONAH, EINSTEIN, SALINGER & WILD THINGS

59

60

61

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Just one species has a big enough throat to swallow a person whole: a sperm whale.

If you happen to be sailing the high seas anytime soon, studiously avoid getting thrown overboard in the vicinity of one of these beasts. The odds are higher than usual that you’d end up in its belly, like Biblical character Jonah. (Though, like him, I bet you’d ultimately escape.) Be careful not to get swallowed up by anything else. It’s true the weeks ahead will be a good time to go on a retreat, flee from the grind and take a break from the usual frenzy. The best way to do that? Choosing the right circumstances rather than leaving it to chance.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have cosmic clearance to fantasize about participating in orgies where you’re loose, free and exuberant. It may not be a good idea to attend a literal orgy, though. For the foreseeable future, all the cleansing revelry and cathartic rapture you need can be gotten through wild stories and outrageous scenes that unfold in your imagination.

Giving yourself the gift of pretend immersions in fertile chaos could recharge spiritual batteries.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): “Hell is the suffering of being unable to love,” wrote novelist J.D. Salinger. If that’s true, you can now ensure you’ll be free of hell for a very long time.

The cosmic omens suggest you have enormous power to expand your capacity for love. Get busy! Dissolve any unconscious blocks you may have about sharing gifts and bestowing blessings. Get rid of attitudes and behaviors that limit your generosity and compassion.

Now’s a great time to launch your “Perpetual Freedom from Hell” campaign.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you’ve been taking,” said journalist Earl Wilson. Do you fit that description?

Probably. It’s high time to find a polite way to flee responsibilities, avoid duties, and hide from burdens. For the foreseeable future, you have a mandate to ignore what bores you. You have the right to avoid any involvement that makes life too damn complicated. And you have a holy obligation to rethink a relationship with influence that weighs you down with menial obligations.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Your illusions are a part of you like your bones and flesh and memory,” writes William Faulkner in Absalom, Absalom! If that’s true, you now have a chance to be a miracle worker. In the weeks ahead, you can summon the uncanny power to rip at least two illusions out by the roots – without any permanent damage. You may temporarily feel a stinging sensation, but that’s a sign healing is underway. Congratulations in advance for getting rid of dead weight.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “We are defined by the lines we choose to cross or to be confined by,” says Virgo writer A.S. Byatt. That’s a key meditation as you enter a phase in which boundaries will be a major theme. During the next eight weeks, you’ll be challenged to decide which people, things and ideas you want to be part of your world, and which you don’t. In some cases, put up barriers and limit connection. In others, you’ll thrive by erasing borders and transcending divisions. The hard part – and the fun part – is knowing which is which. Trust your gut.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): When life gives you lemon juice from concentrate, citric acid, high-fructose corn syrup, modified

cornstarch, potassium citrate, yellow food dye, and gum acacia, what should you do? Make lemonade, of course! You may wish all the raw ingredients life sends would be pure and authentic, but sometimes the mix has artificial stuff. No worries! You have the imaginative chutzpah and resilient willpower needed to turn the mishmash into passable nourishment. An alternative: You could procrastinate for two weeks, when more available resources will be natural.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Your Mythic Metaphor for the next few weeks is dew.

Many cultures regard it as a symbol of life-giving grace. In Kabbalah, divine dew seeps from the Tree of Life. In Chinese folklore, lunar dew purifies vision and nurtures longevity. In the lore of ancient Greece, dew confers fertility. The Iroquois speak of the Great Dew Eagle, who drops healing moisture on land ravaged by evil spirits. The creator god of the Ashanti people created dew soon after making the sun, moon, and stars. Lao-Tse said dew is an emblem of Earth and Heaven’s harmonious marriage. What do you do with the magic dew you’re blessed with?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It’s prime time to love your memory, make vivid use of it, and enhance it. Hints on how: 1. Feel appreciation for the way your life’s old stories form the core of your identity and selfimage. 2. Draw on your recollections of the past to guide in making decisions about the imminent future. 3. Notice everything you see with an intensified focus so you’ll remember it better; it’ll come in handy soon. 4. Make up new memories you wish had happened. Have fun creating scenes from an imagined past.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Most of us know about Albert Einstein’s greatest idea: the general theory of relativity. It was one reason he won a Nobel Prize in Physics.

What was his second-best discovery? Here’s what he said: adding an egg to the pot while he cooked his soup. That way, he could produce a soft-boiled egg without having to dirty a second pot. What are the first- and second-most fabulous ideas you’ve ever had? You’re on the verge of producing new candidates. If it’s OK, I will call you a genius.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You may know the iconic children’s book Where the Wild Things Are. It’s about Max, a boy who takes a dream-like journey from his bedroom to an exotic island, where he becomes king of the weird beasts there. Author Maurice Sendak’s original title was Where the Wild Horses Are. But when his editor realized how inept Sendak was at drawing horses, she told him to come up with a title to match the kinds of creatures he drew skillfully. That was a good idea. The book has sold more than 19 million copies. You may need to deal with a comparable issue. Acknowledge a limitation, then capitalize on adjustments you make.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “People don’t want their lives fixed,” writes Chuck Palahniuk in Survivor. “Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions.

Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up.

Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.” Your challenge in the weeks ahead is to prove Palahniuk wrong, at least in regard to you. You’ll have unprecedented opportunities to solve dilemmas and clean up messy situations. And if you take even partial advantage of the gift, you won’t be plunged into the big scary unknown, but into a new phase of shaping your identity crisply and clearly.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD SHHH! HERE HE COMES!

For more than two years, the head of U.S. Navy intelligence has been prohibited from accessing classified information (as the Pentagon told The Washington Post in January). Vice Admiral Ted Branch came under investigation in 2013 in a corruption scandal involving a foreign defense contractor and various Navy personnel and might have been suspended from all duties — except that, given the political gridlock in Washington, no consensus candidate has emerged. No charges have been filed against Branch, but before he enters any room at the Pentagon, classified material must be stowed.

THAT’S WHAT WE CALL A FAVOR!

Another woman gave birth to her own granddaughter in January. Tracey Thompson, 54, offered to be the surrogate mother for her fertility-challenged daughter, Kelley, and delivered a 6-pound, 11-ounce girl at The Medical Center in Plano, Texas.

GELT GAIT TZU GELT

Overly diligent police departments sometimes feel the need to safeguard towns by zealous enforcement of anti-gambling laws. In November, Altamonte Springs cops raided the Escondido Community Clubhouse, shutting down the retirement village’s games of bingo, bunko, penny poker and — most controversially — the weekly sessions of the culturally venerated mahjong. Though none of the games is illegal under state law, advertising for-money games is, and the ads in Heritage Florida Jewish News were so successful, the pots for the games often exceeded the $10 legal maximum.

HEY, CRIME DOES PAY!

Washington, D.C.’s D.C. Council authorized funding in January to pay stipends to notorious criminals if they stop committing crimes. Police would identify up to 50 residents likely to violently offend again in 2016 and offer them periodic cash payments, plus special training and educational benefits — as long as they stay out of trouble. Officials in Richmond, Virginia, (once overwhelmed by gun deaths) say their program, begun almost

10 years ago, has resulted in a 76 percent drop in gun-related crime.

UH … IS THAT IN THE TRAINING MANUAL? Managerial judgment was on display at a Morro Bay, California, Burger King in January when a prank caller somehow convinced BK employees to begin shattering the store’s windows because of a purported “gas leak.”

Several windows were smashed in, and an investigation of the call is ongoing.

WAY TO GO, ANTHONY! (SUCK IT, TEACH)

In January, 15-year-old Anthony Ruelas, trying to rescue a classmate gasping from an asthma attack, became the latest casualty in public schools’ relentless insistence on “zero tolerance” of any deviation from rules.

Gateway Middle School in Killeen, Texas, suspended Ruelas for two days for what others called his “heroic” assistance, taking the girl in his arms to the nurse’s office — while the teacher, following “procedure,” waited passively for a nurse to email instructions.

(Ruelas defied the teacher, declaring, “[F-word] that — we ain’t got time to wait for no email from the nurse.”) The school district’s superintendent later cited a federal law that he interpreted as justifying the procedure.

DUMBASS PT. I

In January, a 27-year-old man in North Pole, Alaska, was forced to flee a crime scene on foot because he’d locked his keys inside the getaway car. He was identified by surveillance video outside the two businesses he burglarized; he’s still at large.

DUMBASS PT. II

Also in January, David Boulet, in Tacoma, Washington, haplessly tried to steal a police car. As officers chased him on an earlier charge, Boulet spotted a parked, marked squad car (with lights flashing), but apparently thought, in the night’s darkness, that the car was unoccupied. He climbed in — and landed in the lap of a Tacoma police sergeant in the front seat.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

Love is in the air … just inhale, right? Hah! Let Folio Weekly Magazine clear your path to partnership and passion. Connect with that surfer hunk you saw at the Young Vegan Professionals meet-up, or the goddess at Target who “accidentally” dropped a jasmine-scented kazoo in your cart.

Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html and fill out the FREE form correctly (40 words or fewer, dammit) by 5 p.m. Friday – next stop: Bliss!

SCRUBS FROM ST. V @ PUBLIX We checked out at same time; you had St. V lanyard, pinenuts (or similar), yogurt and other things.

Handsome! I was too shy to say anything; regret not speaking when I left parking lot. When: Feb. 18.

Where: Publix Riverside. #1597-0224

CHAMBLINS CHAMPION You had two enormous boxes of books. I held the door open for you. You: Blonde hair, glasses, great smile. Me: Tall, blonde. Would love to discuss literature sometime! When: Dec. 29. Where: Chamblins Uptown. #1585-0106 WELCOME TO ME! You: Tall, dress shirt, tie. I walked by to get your attention, but you were on Bible app on phone. Please come back next Sunday, and I will try again. When: Jan. 3. Where: Moe’s @ Avenues. #1584-0106

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR Sharp-dressed man getting out of blue car to check mail. Me: Dark hair, blue eyes. Speechless at such a good-looking man in the complex. Your building’s somewhere in the 20s. Let’s do some neighborhood loving?! ;) When: Feb. 16. Where: Green Tree Place Apartments. #1596-0224

NEED TLC You: Raven-haired nurse; funky glasses, chatting with co-worker. Me: Curiously smitten; backpack, sling; visiting pre-op over year ago, saw you eating fresh. We have some FB friends in common. Who are you? When: Oct. ’14 & now. Where: St. Vincent’s Subway/FB. #1583-0106

MY ANSWER IS YES You: Very shy. Me: Waiting by the phone. Please call again sometime; I really love your voice! I don’t have your number or I’d text you like I used to. That was fun, wasn’t it? When: Feb. 11. Where: Telephone line. #1595-0217 ENAMORADA DE TI...

Cada vez que puedo me escapo y regreso a donde tu y yo nos vimos por primera vez. Tu: Alto, distinguido. Yo: Chiquita, ojos grandes. Tu tenias un Polo negro, con tu pelo canoso muy buena combinacion. Espero seguirte viendo para siempre. When: Hoy, manana, siempre.

Where: En mis suenos. #1594-0217 PIERCED GIRL WITH DOG You: White SUV, cool shirt, septum piercing, pitbull Scout with heartworm. Me: Guy dressed too warmly for cold morning, with bull mastiff. You tried to talk; I’d been awake 20 minutes. Thinking about missed chance. Let’s meet. When: Feb. 9. Where: Baymeadows Animal Hospital. #1593-0217

RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE You: Looking fine, dressed sharp in sweater vest for Bible study. Me: In church parking lot, to go to Firehouse; did triple-take when I saw you. You make this girl want to go back to church. When: Jan. 27. Where: Southside Baptist Church parking lot. #1591-0217 YOU: THE FIRE First saw you at Fat Kat, September 2003. You: Most beautiful woman I’d ever seen; still most gorgeous woman I know, my heart’s desire.

Cannot wait for our lips to reunite! I love you most!

Love, M.P. When: 2003. Where: Fat Cat. #1590-0217 PRETTY SMILE SAW U TWICE You: Blonde, pretty smile; in Publix, 4:30 p.m. Me: Black cowboy hat; cold outside. You smiled at me (think it was me) passing by.

You passed again, smiling, caught me off-guard. Love to get to know you! When: Jan. 23. Where: Publix@ Southside/Touchton. #1589-0217

WATER AISLE You: Commented on water price; beautiful blond hair, jeans, sweater, very warm and kind. Me: Gray hair, blue eyes, shirt, jeans. We both drink coffee; would love to share a cup with you.

When: Jan. 9, morning. Where: Walmart@foursquare/ U.S. 1 & Southside. #1586-0113

JAX BEACH EARLY A.M. PHOTOS Enjoy sunrise near 34th Ave.; struck up conversation. Asked to take your photos. You: White shorts; got wet as waves caught you.

Never gave you my card to send the pix. When: Sept. 28.

Where: Jax Beach 34th Ave. S. #1581-1230 TATTOOED REDHEAD, ARCHAEOLOGY BOOKS After clarifying sweater was indeed women’s, you laughed at my remark about you fitting into clothes. Our interaction made my day. Judging from book cover, know carbon dating’s your thing. Coffee dating sometime? When: Dec. 11. Where: UNF Bookstore. #1580-1230

TANGO FOR TWO Dance Shack free lesson night. You: Brunette, cute smile, gray booties. Me: Tall, dark eyes, black V-neck.

You wanted to stay and tango; didn’t hear you. My friend told me later! Offer still stand? Lesson’s on me.

When: Feb. 5. Where: Dance Shack. #1592-0217

HAD ME AT GO ’NOLES! Seminole/Armada games, losing beer pong, Pub subs, laughs, cheek kisses = last “first date” I want. You stole my heart; don’t want it back. The start of something sweet? Say you agree; stay forever! When: Oct. 3, ’15. Where: The Garage/ Baseball Grounds. #1587-0120

LET’S RIDE TOPLESS TOGETHER You: Sexy, dark, handsome, sideways ballcap-wearer, BMW convertible.

Me: Hot pink, caramel-covered sweetness, MB convertible. Pressed my horn, blew a kiss. Like a real one in the woods? You know where I am. When: Dec. 26. Where: Leaving UNF Nature Trails. #1582-1230

PUT MY FIRE OUT You: Cute fireman, glasses, looking at stuffed dinosaurs. Wish you’d put my burning desire for you out with your big fire hose. Me: Brunette, yoga pants, hoodie. Too shy to introduce myself. Wish I’d said hello. When: Dec. 9. Where: Publix off Kernan & Atlantic. #1579-1216 ALRIGHT NOW! You: Tall, handsome, sweet leaf. Me: Just a duck. Let’s play Jenga @ Across The Street!

When: Dec. 1. Where: Post & Edgewood. #1578-1216 GOOD LUCK CHARM TEACHER You: Blonde, glasses, long red skirt and shirt, wrist tattoo, near where I studied for final, grading papers. We talked, you said good luck, get sleep. Me: Gray sweater, white collared shirt. Coffee, talk again? When: Dec. 3. Where: Bold Bean Coffee Roasters Riverside. #1577-1209 GIFT WRAP MY HEART You: Beautiful, tall, brunette, green eyes, longest eyelashes ever. Me: Secret admirer.

We chatted; fell for little freckle by eye, infectious smile.

Could listen to you talk gift-wrapping all day. Burger and fries? When: Last week. Where: MOSH. #1576-1209 PLUMBA A penguin sighting that can only compare to Anton Ego’s flashback in Ratatouille; you bring me back to a happier place. Sweaty palms for this lucky bear indicate that we miss each other’s face. One434Evr. When: Anytime. Where: Anywhere. #1575-1209 GREEN SUNGLASSES I see you everywhere. Can I take your sunglasses and smack you with them? You’re too cute for your own good. You’ll never notice me though.

When: Every day. Where: FSCJ. #1574-1209 FOUND UR GIFT CARD, DONATED Target gift card, “To: J_ From: W_” Used card, my $30, bought and donated socks to Salvation Army. Sorry didn’t find you; hope you understand & appreciate doing good for others. When: Nov. 22. Where: Southside Loop parking lot. #1573-1202

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37

CLASSIFIEDS HELP WANTED

STYLIST/NAIL TECH/BARBER Contact: Marcy Denney/ Blow out Hair Studio. APPLY IN PERSON PREFERRED. (3/2/16) PHONE ACTRESSES FROM HOME Must have dedicated landline, great voice. 21+. Up to $18 per hour. Flex Hrs./most Wknds. 800-403-7772. Lipservice.net. (AANCAN) (3/30/16) PAID IN ADVANCE! Make $1,000 a Week Mailing Brochures From Home! No Experience Required. Helping home workers since 2001! Genuine Opportunity. Start Immediately!

TheIncomeHub.com. (AANCAN)(3/23/16)

CAREER TRAINING

AIRLINE CAREERS BEGIN HERE – Get started by training as FAA certified Aviation Technician. Financial aid for qualified students. Job placement assistance. Call Aviation Institute of Maintenance, 800-725-1563. (AANCAN)(2/24/16)

HEALTH

VIAGRA!! 52 PILLS FOR ONLY $99. Your #1 trusted provider for 10 years. Insured and Guaranteed Delivery.

Call today 1-888-403-9028. (AAN CAN)(3/9/16) STRUGGLING WITH DRUGS OR ALCOHOL? Addicted to PILLS? Talk to someone who cares. Call The Addiction Hope & Help Line for a free assessment. 800-978-6674. (2/3/16) ELIMINATE CELLULITE and Inches in weeks! All natural.

Odor free. Works for men or women. Free month supply on select packages. Order now! 844-244-7149. (M-F 9am8pm central) (AANCAN)(3/30/16)

ADOPTION

PREGNANT? THINKING OF ADOPTION? Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families Nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866-413-6293. (AANCAN)(2/24/16)

FINANCIAL

GET THE IRS OFF YOUR BACK! They do not give up until you pay. Tax Solutions Now will get you the best deal. Call 800-691-1655. (AANCAN)(2/17/16) ARE YOU IN BIG TROUBLE WITH THE IRS? Stop wage & bank levies, liens, audits, unfiled tax returns, payroll issues, & resolve tax debt FAST. Call 844-753-1317. (AANCAN) (3/23/16)

38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016

FOR SALE

TIME TO REPLACE YOUR WORN OUT FLOORS/CARPETS? Get 60% off select styles of Carpet, Hardwood, Laminate,Tile! (Product Only, Details at Empiretoday.com) Call EMPIRE TODAY 877-236-0566. (2/24/16)

VEHICLES WANTED

CARS/TRUCKS WANTED!!! We Buy Like New or Damaged.

Running or Not. Get Paid! Free Towing! We’re Local! Call For Quote: 888-420-3808. (AAN CAN)(3/30/16)

HOUSING WANTED

ALL AREAS - ROOMMATES.COM. Lonely? Bored?

Broke? Find the perfect roommate to complement your personality and lifestyle at Roommates.com! (8/3/16)

ADULT

CURIOUS ABOUT MEN? Talk Discreetly with men like you! Try FREE! Call 1-888-779-2789. www.guyspyvoice. com (AAN CAN)(2/24/16)

YOUR PORTAL TO REACHING 95,000+ READERS WEEKLY MISCELLANEOUS

VIAGRA!! 52 PILLS FOR ONLY $99. Your #1 trusted provider for 10 years. Insured and Guaranteed Delivery.

Call today 877-621-7013. (AAN CAN)(3/9/16)

FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

WHAT WOULD

JESUS DO?

Why no Christian should opposee Councilman Hazouri’s HRO BILLL THERE IS A HEATED DEBATE IN JACKSONVILLE surrounding the issue of expanding the HRO to include members of the LGBT community.

Having personally witnessed several of the community discussions and City Council meetings concerning the HRO expansion, and having read and watched a great deal of news coverage on the issue from all sides, I must say that as a New Testament scholar and devout Christian, I found the arguments coming from those Christians who oppose expanding the HRO to be quite troublesome.

Therefore, I thought I would explain why I believe that Christians of any stripe have no reason to oppose the expansion of the HRO, particularly the bill introduced by Councilman Tommy Hazouri.

Let me preface my remarks by noting that the bill introduced by Councilman Hazouri simply includes “sexual orientation, gender identity or expression” alongside “race, color, religion, sex, age, national origin, marital status, and disability” in existing ordinance codes. If this bill is passed and the protections offered to the LGBT community would look the same as the protections currently in the law for these other groups, then there is, in fact, no reason Christians should oppose the bill.

Here’s why.

THE MORAL OBJECTION AND THE RIGHTS OF CHURCHES: One of the most commonly and passionately argued reasons for opposing the HRO is that Christians fear that they and their congregations would have to violate their morals in accommodating and affirming the lifestyles that they believe to be out of line with their biblical worldview(s). This objection, however, seems entirely misguided.

Currently, there are a host of groups who are protected by ordinances, whose lifestyles these Christians would consider to be equally as out of line with their biblical worldview(s) as that of the LGBT community.

I think here of married persons who commit adultery, or who divorce their spouses without their denomination’s approval; Muslims, who are obviously not living a Christian life; and atheists, Buddhists, or any new-age spiritual practitioners who deny the existence of one single deity. Those Christians who oppose Hazouri’s bill would consider members of all of these groups to be “sinners” whose lifestyles they cannot affirm and whom they must call to repentance. Yet, all of these groups are currently protected under existing laws, so why not the LGBT community as well?

To expand the HRO would simply be to offer the legal protections these “sinners” (note the quotation marks!) enjoy to another group of “sinners” (again, quotation marks!), namely the LGBT community. Why are Christians under the impression that they would have to perform an LGBT wedding or include the LGBT community in their ritual

practices when en they currently ly do not have to perform an atheist wedding, or a pagan wedding, or an adulterouss wedding or to include members of these groups in their ritual practices?

THE PUBLIC ACCOMMODATION OBJECTION AND LOVING “SINNERS”: A similar objection was made by Roger Gannam of the Liberty Counsel during various community conversations. He noted that even if the private ritual practices of churches were to be protected, anything that a church does that might be deemed a public accommodation, event, etc., would require them to violate their morals by welcoming participation by LGBT persons. Let me note two things here. Firstly, this again would be true of any other type of “sinner” mentioned.

If there’s a public accommodation, event, etc. in which an atheist or unrepentant Christian adulterer wanted to participate, then one cannot deny them, as they are protected from discrimination. It seems odd to me that there’s a special class of “sinner” these Christians find worthy of discrimination, namely, those of the LGBT community. Either call for the repeal of every existing ordinance Hazouri is amending, or allow the inclusion of yet another “sinful” group.

Secondly, and this was most disturbing to me as a scholar and Christian, Gannam appears to suggest that if churches were to welcome LGBT persons, or any “unrepentant sinner” for that matter, to some of the ministries of the church that might be considered “public,” such as an AA meeting or a soup kitchen, then they are somehow compromising their Christianity. This is utterly absurd and disheartening. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus dined with and spent time in the homes of unrepentant sinners, two of the most intimate and engaging acts of the ancient world. Yes, he likely would have called those persons to repentance at some point, but the fact that he engaged in these activities with them cannot be denied or stressed enough. Thus, given Jesus’ example, one should absolutely engage in community with, and offer care both physically and spiritually to any persons who might be “unrepentant sinners,” be they atheists, adulterers, Buddhists, etc. You may call them to repentance all you’d like, and you may deny them participation in rituals reserved for the repentant Christian. You may not, however, as a Christian living by Jesus’ example, deny these people the care they might need to deal with an addiction, or hunger, or mental illness. Again, and this is beyond

dispute, Jesus did not require repentance of people in order to t engage intimately with w them and/or to provide them with p love and support, l physical or spiritual. p Repentance was absolutely necessary to t participate in the fullness of Christian life, l including rituals, marriage, etc., but not to t receive the love and care of the Christian community.

THE T ONLY REAL POINT OF DEBATE: In light of all of this, and particularly if sexual orientation and identity are simply protected in ways any other race, w religion, marital status, etc., are protected in the existing ordinances, the only real point of debate is that which was also made by Gannam, namely, that the LGBT community doesn’t need to be included in an expanded HRO because it doesn’t face an adequate amount and/or degree of discrimination.

Fine, then. This is at least a valid argument, even if it’s not sound. However, it seems significantly weak.

Firstly, the prima facie case for extending protections to the LGBT community as proposed in Hazouri’s bill has been wellestablished; one need only spend a few hours conversing with LGBT community members and observe that even Mayor Curry has urged the city not discriminate against that community. Therefore, the bill should at least be passed until proved to be unnecessary, and not stalled until proved necessary.

Secondly, I would ask Gannam, and all of those who oppose Councilman Hazouri’s bill, to explain what amount and/or degree of discrimination is necessary in their view for an expanded HRO? And there should be no appeal to a six-year-old study, as the question I’m asking is not whether there is currently discrimination faced by the LGBT community, but rather what amount and/ or degree of discrimination must be faced by the LGBT community in order for something like Hazouri’s bill to be necessary. Until that happens, this argument is nothing more than a disingenuous stalling tactic.

WHY NO CHRISTIAN SHOULD OPPOSE EXPANDING THE HRO: I cannot presume to know if there are other underlying reasons certain people are opposing the HRO. I can only listen to the arguments and concerns that they have put forth. However, given that under Hazouri’s bill the protections that would be offered to the LGBT community are the same as those offered to those practicing other religions, those of whatever marital status, etc., then I’m at a loss for understanding the opposition’s motives. After spending my whole life within the Christian tradition, and having spent the last 10 years studying the New Testament and Jesus in particular, I cannot think of one good reason a Christian would have to oppose Councilman Hazouri’s bill.

Dr. Michael Vicko Zolondek mail@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ Zolondek is a New Testament scholar.

FEBRUARY 24-MARCH 1, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39