Folio Weekly 03/02/16

2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

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FROM THE EDITOR

GET OFF

YOUR LAWN

DEAR NORTHEAST FLORIDA HOMEOWNER: You seem like a nice, wholesome person.

You read this amazing publication, so you’re probably smart and well-informed, too. Given your interest in all things hyper-local, you might eat organic, shop local and donate to numerous do-good local organizations every year. Heck, you might even volunteer your valuable time to pick up trash, mentor troubled kids or read to the elderly.

But you’re killing our river.

To be more specific, your lawn is killing our river.

I know you love the feeling of St. Augustine or Bahia or Bermuda or Centipede or Zoysia beneath your feet, that you take a peculiar pride in the lush green carpet of three-inch blades that flanks your house, that the sight of a single dollar weed poking its stubborn little head out of that manicured turf gives you heart palpitations.

Your lawn is still killing the river.

True, your lawn is only part of the St. Johns River’s pollution problem. Agriculture and industry have been, and continue to be, harming our river far more than any individual homeowner (or golf course) ever could.

The problem with lawns is that most everyone has one. And too few properly use fertilizers, herbicides and pesticides. Like angry rhetoric, the poison is in the dosage.

Every year, Americans dump astonishing quantities of pesticides, herbicides and fertilizer on their lawns.

Every time it rains, these pesticides, herbicides and fertilizers wash into the street, then into the stormwater system, and eventually end up in the river, where they wreak untold damage on aquatic vegetation and wildlife. And the harm doesn’t stop with the river; these substances can harm both ocean and human life.

Stormwater has such a serious impact on the river that the St. Johns River Water Management District reports that it “contributes the majority of the toxic trace metals — such as copper, lead and cadmium — that enter Florida waters and the lower St. Johns River.”

Before you ask, “Toxic trace metals? I thought we were talking about lawns,” you should know that some synthetic chemical pesticides, herbicides and insecticides are created from recycled hazardous industrial 4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

wastes. In a summary of his book, Waste Lands: the Threat of Toxic Fertilizer, toxics policy advocate Matthew Shaffer writes, “The recycling of hazardous industrial wastes into fertilizers introduces several dozen toxic metals and chemicals into the nation’s farm, lawn and garden soils, including such well-known toxic substances as lead and mercury.” These toxic substances leach into groundwater, run off into stormwater systems, and end up in the river, where they are absorbed into the bodies of microorganisms, which are ingested by larger and larger organisms on up the food chain.

Disproportionately concentrated doses of these substances ultimately find their way into predators, including humans, through a process called bioaccumulation.

So not only is your lawn killing the river; it’s killing the ospreys and the herons and your neighbors (which could be a good or bad thing, depending on their penchant for walking around nude with the windows open).

But it’s not too late to change. If you can bear a little diversity of species, stop using herbicides. Better yet, follow the St. Johns Riverkeeper’s advice: “Do not buy fertilizers that contain weed killers.” Consider it a bonus that those weeds that so annoy you are probably flowers that haven’t been given a chance to grow.

If you must fertilize – and I suggest that you do not – do so sparingly. Pay strict attention to the guidelines on how much you need to use per square foot, don’t fertilize before a rainstorm, and do so only twice a year at most.

And insecticides? Insecticides are basically just poison, y’all. And that poison doesn’t get in just our river, it gets in your house, it gets in your pets, and it gets in our air.

If you really, really want to help our river, convert your carpet of monochromatic grass into a “Florida lawn.” A Florida lawn has grass, but also has daisies and pink purslane and dandelions (P.S.: You can make wine from dandelions!) and dollar weed, which is actually edible, and all sorts of other beautiful, interesting species that will provide homes and sustenance for the butterflies, birds and bees that share our habitat. Because it’s not just about our river, it’s about our planet. And your lawn is killing our planet. But it doesn’t have to.

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com

THIS WEEK // 3.2-3.8.16 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 49 COVER STORY

THE RANGER ZONE

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Inside the FDOT’s FREE SERVICE that keeps stranded motorists SAFE and highway traffic MOVING STORY AND PHOTOS BY DENNIS HO

FEATURED ARTICLES

JOHN KEANE: [8] COUNCIL’S PUNCHING BAG

VAPORIZING SMALL BUSINESS

BY AG GANCARSKI Is Jacksonville City Council OVERPLAYING its hand?

BY YANCY CLEGG Vaping FACES AN ATTACK in the Florida Legislature

[9]

SMOKED OUT OF THE INDUSTRY

[10]

BY GREG PARLIER Budding MEDICAL CANNABIS NURSERIES sue the state Department of Health for ignoring their inclusion appeal

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45 West Bay Street, Suite 103 Jacksonville, Florida 32202 PHONE 904.260.9770 FAX 904.260.9773 MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

CRUSTACEAN CELEBRATION! LIONS SEAFOOD FESTIVAL

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The 35th annual St. Augustine Lions Seafood Festival features boatloads (literally!) of fresh seafood as well as fun stuff like cooking contests, a pirate ship and landing, live music, a kids’ zone, clowns (run!), nautical artifacts, and arts and crafts. 3-9 p.m.

Friday, March 4, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. Saturday, March 5, and 11 a.m.5 p.m. Sunday, March 6, Francis Field, $5; kids 15 and younger free; proceeds benefit Lions Club charities, lionsfestival.com.

OUR PICKS

REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

HOWLING BLUES

WALTER “WOLFMAN” WASHINGTON

While hardly a household name, Walter “Wolfman” Washington has been an icon of New Orleans music for a half-century. The now-73-year-old Washington has blessed us with 10 releases featuring his signature growling blend of blues, R&B, and soul. He and his band, The Roadmasters, are known internationally for dominating the concert stage.

8 p.m. Thursday, March 3, Jack Rabbits, San Marco, $15 advance; $20 day of, jaxlive.com.

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PIONEERING PAINTER

KRISTAN KENNEDY Kristan Kennedy has been recognized as one of the most forward-thinking painters on the contemporary arts scene. Her exhibit Sunday features new and old works, abstractions free of any narratives, created on raw canvases that she compulsively paints, washes, scrubs, and constantly rebuilds (pictured, K.Y.S.T.C.T.Y., felt drape, bleach, acrylic ink, gesso, porcelain, 2015). Kennedy has shown her works from Brooklyn to Tokyo, and in her role as curator at the Portland Institute for Contemporary Art (PICA), she’s commissioned works by likeminded artists, ranging from performance art to music and installations. An opening reception is held 5-9 p.m. Friday, March 4, Crisp-Ellert Art Museum, Flagler College, St. Augustine. An artist’s walkthrough is 4 p.m. The exhibit runs through April 16, flagler.edu/news-events/crisp-ellert-art-museum.

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THRASH À LA DUVAL SUPPORT LOCAL METAL! Headbangers, longhairs, and

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A TASTY TIME NORTHEAST FLORIDA VEG FEST In celebration of No Meat March, the sixth annual Northeast Florida Veg Fest holds a daylong celebration of all things vegetarian, including tasty meat-free eats, cooking demos, speakers, live music, a beer garden, kids’ activities, a scavenger hunt and raffles and – our favorite – a pie-eating contest! 11 a.m.-6 p.m. Saturday, March 5, Riverside Park, nfvegfest.org.

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the ever-“mosh curious” are in for a (quite possibly loud) treat when local heavy-hitters Ghostwitch, Inner Demons (pictured), Black Stache, Coughin, and Appalachian Death Trap deliver the goods here this weekend. 8 p.m. Saturday, March 5, 1904 Music Hall, Downtown, $8, 1904musichall.com.

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MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

FOLIO O O VO V VOIC VOICES OICES : FIGHTIN’ FIGHTIN G W WORDS OR O

THE MAIL SOCIALIST BUTTERFLY

RE: “TOUGH SELL,” BY SUSAN COOPER EASTMAN, FEB. 24 DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISM IS AN OXYMORON. There is always a gun to enforce it.

The first minimum wage law was originally passed to keep the unskilled poor from competing with skilled, often union labor. One Georgia congressman stated that he didn’t want n-----s competing with his white constituency.

Somehow the word socialism has been untarnished by the experiences of the 20th century, the bloodiest in history. Adolf Hitler’s party was The German National Socialist Workers Party.

Someone with a name like Feinberg should be wary, not admiring of the socialist ideology. The term USSR stands for the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, which included Russia, Ukraine, Armenia, Kazakhstan, etc.

Socialism and its various permutations resulted in the deaths of about 150 million people by their own governments. Those permutations also included Red China, Pol Pot’s Cambodia and Fidel Castro’s Cuba.

Progressives of the early 20th century were vocal admirers of Vladimir Ulyanov Lenin, Joseph Stalin and Benito Mussolini, who had been a socialist. Lenin’s justification for the terror that followed the communist revolution was “to make an omelet, you have to break some eggs.”

Nowhere in Susan Cooper Eastman’s article did I read even a mention of the sordid history of the ideology she so obviously admires, let alone a discussion of it. I don’t expect to see one anytime soon, either.

No one’s ever asked Bernie Sanders about it, either.

Roderick T. Beaman via email

DULY NOTED

RE: “THE MAYOR HAS TWO FACES,”

BY CLAIRE GOFORTH, FEB. 17 THE ARTICLE ON THE MAYOR AND THE LBGTQ had a sentence that was a bit misleading. It seemingly stated that the mayor needed a proxy to lobby councilmembers in order to avoid sunshine issues, which is not true. The mayor can speak freely to councilmembers as long as

it is one at a time. Sunshine limitations are only between members of the same elected body.

Thanks for following the issue and for being a voice for the citizens of Jax. Art Shad via email

THE PLEASURE IS OURS

RE: “IN MEMORIAM, THOMAS ‘TOM’ E. McCLEERY,” BY CLAIRE GOFORTH AND DANIEL A. BROWN, FEB. 24 I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW VERY PLEASED I WAS to see a feature — with a cover photo — of Tom McCleery in this week’s Folio Weekly Magazine.

It is so nice to have Tom remembered and celebrated for his contribution to the community.

I am not sure of your history in the area, but I can so fondly recall Tom … regularly, unfailingly and unselfishly. Leading the charge to positively transform the Five Points area. He was resolute, while full of love. What a delightfully unique combination.

Of course, I will always remember Tom for so much more, too. But it was so terrific for this tribute recognizing one important slice of Tom. Tib Miller via email

LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly Magazine, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO MARCUS JOHNSON, DIALLO SEKOU AND ISHMAEL A. MUHAMMAD Twice over the past month, the three Good Samaritans, working under the banner of The Kemetic Empire/Urban-Geoponics, gathered and delivered a truckload of water to the residents of Flint, Michigan, whose drinking water has been severely contaminated with lead. And you thought the human race was irredeemable!

BRICKBATS TO JORDAN WILSON As UNF’s Spinnaker recently reported, on Jan. 20, former UNF Student Government Vice President Wilson threatened a young woman in an elevator on campus, saying, “The next time you f**k over one of my friends, you better watch out.” The motivation for the threat appears to be the young woman’s October 2015 report of being sexually assaulted by one of Wilson’s friends. Just … no.

BOUQUETS TO RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET In January, RAM started participating in Fresh Access Bucks, a Florida Organic Growers’ (FOG) program, which helps lower-income families access fresh local produce. For every dollar a Supplemental Nutrition Assistant Program (SNAP) cardholder spends at participating markets, FOG matches it, up to $20 in one market day. That’s what we call the freshmaker!

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A PROVERBIAL BRICKBAT? Send your submissions to mail@folioweekly.com. Submissions should be a maximum of 50 words and concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

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JOHN KEANE:

COUNCIL’S PUNCHING BAG IIss JJacksonville ackksonviille CCity ity CCouncil ounciil O OVERPLAYING VERPLAYING iits ts hhand? andd?

I REALIZE THAT THE DEFAULT MODE O WHEN it comes to discussing John Keane, the ex-executive director of the Police & Fire Pension Fund, is outrage.

We’re to be appalled by his annual pension, which exceeds $200,000.

We’re to be appalled by the shady circumstances under which the Police & Fire Pension Fund senior staff voluntary retirement plan was formulated. Reportedly, there are questions about whether it was conceived in the “sunshine.”

And definitely, the creation of the plan was “unauthorized,” if you agree with the General Counsel and not the PFPF, which obviously believed it had the right to do what it did.

Anger is a clarifying thing. But anger can’t drive policy decisions. Those should be liberated from the lurid garb of emotionalism, and rooted in cost/benefit analysis.

When it comes to Jacksonville’s City Council and John Keane, cool heads never seem to prevail. The outsized rhetorical flourish, the ad hominem parry and thrust … these seem to be operative modes, with a contempt shown for Keane that defies easy categorization.

Exhibit A: At a Feb. 16 Finance Committee meeting, discussion moved toward the “life expectancy projection” of Keane and his wife; Keane is expected to live another 12 years, and his wife another four.

Councilman Bill Gulliford described these projections for the Keanes as “overly aggressive.” That’s the kind of cheap shot you take when you don’t think anybody’s listening.

Gulliford had extenuating circumstances; he’d spent Monday night in the ER with a kidney stone issue, so it’s possible that the malady or his recovery from it affected his internal filter. Who knows? Gulliford was similarly candid last June, when a member of the Eureka Garden Tenants Association came to Council’s public comment and wanted redress.

When the lone Eureka Garden speaker was up front for her three minutes before a half-engaged Council (at the time), Gulliford sardonically read an apartmentfinders. com review of the complex, talking about “hoodrats” living there, police sirens so soothing, they help residents sleep at night, and “weed and alcohol on every corner and in every doorway.”

Councilman Matt Schellenberg wasn’t recovering from a kidney stone incident at Finance last week when he said, regarding potential legislation that could cost the city more than a million dollars (it would be on the hook for the PFPF defense and General Counsel soft costs), “The citizens don’t care if they lose the case. Th ey’d be willing to pay

$2 million on the principle … the money means nothing to me,” in part because “if you look at where we’re going on the unfunded liability, we’re going the wrong way.”

Schellenberg hit these themes again in Council last Tuesday, as if the Finance meeting was a dress rehearsal for demagoguery and high dudgeon on a bigger stage.

Schellenberg alluded to the money the pension fund lost last year. The Jax PFPF’s annual report indicates a major downturn in equity investment income, mirroring that of the tanking global equity markets.

The annual money-weighted rate of return for 2015 is 4 percent.

Many funds are performing worse.

It was the third straight year of decline, though the fund outperformed its 7 percent rate of projected return in the preceding three years.

The fund was hammered in international equity, and energy holdings: international equity returns, down 11.78 percent; energy holdings returns, down 38.77 percent. U.S. equity returns were down about a half percentage point. All told, the net value of fund holdings is down year over year by almost $50 million.

Schellenberg then postured about how “going to court for two million dollars … seems kind of insignificant” because it’s “time for us to be on the offense.”

“By going to court, we will aggravate the hell out of [John Keane],” Schellenberg added, saying that he doesn’t want John Keane to be able to “go on a cruise” or “enjoy his grandchildren.”

“We’re willing to aggravate you, because you’ve been disrespectful to this Council, the administration, and the taxpayers,” Schellenberg said, slipping into the second person to address Keane, who was not in the room.

It’s funny. Mainstream Republicans clucked and maundered oh-so-sadly about the emergence of Donald Trump. But when it comes down to it, Trump lives in that attackdog mode — he doesn’t save it just for soft targets of media-driven opprobrium. Which is more than I can say about Schellenberg’s comments as they relate to John Keane.

The City Council seems to think that by “indefinitely postponing” the settlement agreement, it will get a better deal from the PFPF/Keane. However, there’s a real case to be made that the Council is outside the bounds of good faith negotiation. And there’s an equally compelling case that the Council’s extralegal and irresponsible preening and posturing are breaches of promissory reliance.

A.G. Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski

FOLIO COMMUNITY : NEWS

VAPORIZING SMALL BUSINESS

Vaping FACES AN ATTAC ATTACK CK in the Florida Legislature

Local small businesses like Sean Reynosa’s are in danger of going up in smoke if proposed legislation passes.

IN THE FEW SHORT YEARS SINCE TECHNOLOGY yielded devices that can deliver nicotine without the dangers of carcinogens, small business owners all over the country have gotten into the e-cigarette — or vaping — business.

The growing demand for these e-cigs and the liquid that goes in them has spawned a thriving industry. According to thevapormap.com, which utilizes data from Google maps, there are 229 vape shops and lounges in Florida.

Some might say that vaping is part of a new social cultural trend.

But this new, fast-growing market already faces an attack. Right now, the Florida legislature is considering House Bill 1143, sponsored by Rep. Shawn Harrison (R-Tampa). The bill will amend the Florida Clean Indoor Air Act by categorizing vaping as smoking. The bill does not provide an exception for vape shops and lounges.

This re-identification will ban vaping indoors in public facilities such as restaurants and bars, likely on the grounds that, like secondhand smoke, vaping is harmful to bystanders. (Rep. Harrison did not return requests for comment.)

But vaping’s proponents disagree with this assumption.

They argue that numerous articles and studies have found that the vapor from these devices is essentially harmless to bystanders.

In a May 2015 article in Popular Science magazine, toxicologist Maciej Goniewicz says that tobacco smoke contains thousands of chemicals, 60 of which are known carcinogens. “In vapor, we find just a few of these, at much lower levels,” Goniewicz says.

The article also quotes occupational health expert Igor Burstyn as saying that the U.S. Food & Drug Administration, which has stated that more study is needed to determine if vaping is harmful to bystanders, is “being overcautious.”

Fans also say that vaping offers a healthier and less toxic alternative to smoking tobacco and that, in recent years, many cigarette users have turned to vaping to help them quit smoking.

On no-smoke.org, Dominic Palazzolo agrees vaping can be a less harmful alternative to smoking. “Vaping could be a ‘harm reduction’ alternative to smoking and a possible means for smoking cessation, at least to the same degree as other Food & Drug Administration-approved nicotine replacement therapies,” he writes.

Before he started vaping, Sean Reynosa, co-owner of Speakeasy Vaporium in Fernandina Beach, was a heavy smoker.

“Out of nowhere, my longtime friend Jason Hambrecht bought me a vape starter kit and said he was going to save my life,” Reynosa says. “I feel he did just that.”

Reynosa admits that his first week without nicotine was no walk in the park, but he persevered, continuing to use zero-mg vaping liquid, which is vapor with no nicotine.

“Eventually, I coughed up a golf-ball-size of what can only be explained as 20 years of lung gunk. Literally, a golf-ball-size of hard phlegm and black-like substance. It was shockingly foul. It brought me to the edge of tears thinking about the abuse I had put my body through. I felt shame, but also an overwhelming sense of thanks to have been introduced to vaping,” Reynosa says.

Reynosa and Hambrecht subsequently opened Speakeasy Vaporium together. Today

“Let the industry POLICE THEMSELVES. Business will dictate the success or failure of this technology.”

— FERNANDINA BEACH MAYOR JOHNNY MILLER there’s a petition on the shop’s counter, the Florida Petition for Smoke-Free Vaping Rights, asking people to oppose HB 1143. Their fear, shared by many in the vaping industry, is that the amendment will put them out of business.

To them, this legislation is tantamount to an unjust smothering of a legitimate industry.

Fernandina Beach Mayor Johnny Miller tells Folio Weekly Magazine, “HB 1143 is yet another overreaching act from Tallahassee and restrictive to our local small business. Let the industry police themselves. Business will dictate the success or failure of this technology.”

If HB 1143 passes (it is currently in committee), it will only be legal to vape in the same places that is currently legal to smoke cigarettes. Unless the public and other industry advocates get involved, this legislation may very well be the kiss of death for vaping lounges.

Yancy Clegg mail@folioweekly.com MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

FOLIO COMMUNITY : NEWS

SMOKED OF THE OUT INDUSTRY

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ALMOST 14 MONTHS HAVE PASSED SINCE patients were supposed to get low-THC pot to treat epilepsy or cancer.

It’s been three months since 11 nurseries filed challenges to the Florida Department of Health’s controversial decisions to award licenses to grow and distribute the drug to five nurseries, one in each region of the state.

Rather than gaining clarity, the lack of pot cultivation has resulted in litigation and confusion.

Last month, three nurseries, including San Felasco Nurseries of Gainesville, which Folio Weekly Magazine previously reported (“Muscled Out of the Marijuana Biz,” Jan. 6) filed a joint lawsuit against the DOH and three nurseries seeking “declarative and injunctive relief ” on challenges that are pending before the Florida Division of Administrative Hearings.

According to a press release detailing the reason behind the lawsuit, the nurseries want to be sure the DOH’s Office of Compassionate Use, the branch in charge of both approving and awarding permits for low-THC marijuana production, doesn’t move forward with the process, allowing the preliminarily approved nurseries to begin cultivation of the drug before their challenges are heard.

They fear that if the office moves forward, and the nurseries preliminarily approved invest further in their production and distribution infrastructure, they will be unable to overcome the progress the first nurseries have made in the eyes of DOH, and, even if their challenge is upheld, won’t receive the permit.

McCrory’s Sunny Hill Nursery, in the central region, and 3 Boys Farm (formerly Tornello Landscape), in the southwest region, are also parties to the lawsuit against the department and the three nurseries that were awarded permits in November: Chestnut Hill Tree Farm, Knox Nursery, and Surterra Therapeutics’ partner Alpha Foliage in the northeast, central and southwest regions, respectively.

“We believe the Department [DOH] has approved applications of applicants which fail to meet even basic qualifications. We are confident we can prove this at hearing. Our rights are substantially affected by the Department’s decisions and we are entitled to due process and judicial review,” James McKee says in a press release. McKee is an attorney with the firm Foley & Lardner LLP, which is representing the plaintiff nurseries in the lawsuit.

“In fairness, and consistent with the position taken by administrative law judges on

the issue, we are asking the Circuit Court to prevent the Department from moving forward and effectively depriving us of our due process rights until these issues can be settled.

Normally the action of an agency is stayed until an administrative hearing is held. This is all we are asking for here,” he says.

Their fears appear to be justified, as DOH Communications Director Mara Gambineri writes in an email to FWM that the Office of Compassionate Use is moving forward with inspections of preliminarily approved nurseries.

“I can share that all five of the approved dispensing organizations requested cultivation authorization prior to the February 7 deadline. The Office of Compassionate Use is moving forward with inspections. Per the rule, dispensing organizations must receive begin [sic] dispensing within 210 [days] of receiving cultivation authorization,” she writes.

Gambineri says she expects the authorizations to be given quickly. Alpha Foliage received authorization one day after its Feb. 11 inspection.

In Alachua, Chestnut Hill says they expect to be inspected soon, and will begin cultivation as soon as they’re authorized.

“We are absolutely moving forward and doing our due diligence as the company that was selected to make sure that we can provide this needed medicine to Floridians,” Chestnut Hill owner Bob Wallace states in an email from his public relations firm. “We are ready to begin growing and producing the low-THC products and look forward to getting this medicine to patients as quickly as possible.”

The challenging nurseries say they have the backing of the Florida Division of Administrative Hearings, which has the legal authority to make the final determination in the case of challenges to state agency decisions. However, the DOAH does not have the power to grant an injunction, a judicial order that would restrain an agency, in this case, from continuing an action that threatens the legal right of another.

Therefore, they filed a circuit court lawsuit.

The DOAH will hear San Felasco’s challenge in July.

However, legislation that passed the state House of Representatives Health & Human Services Subcommittee on Feb. 17 includes language that would, if passed by the full legislature, finalize the licenses the DOH awarded in November, rendering the DOAH’s pending decisions moot.

Budding MEDICAL CANNABIS NURSERIES sue the state Department of Health for ignoring their inclusion appeal In the northeast region, San Felasco lost its permit to Chestnut Hill despite scoring higher on the three-member panel’s criteria. They were disqualified because an employee failed his level-two background check for a 2004 misdemeanor for possession of depressants, stimulants, hallucinogens or steroids, which San Felasco argued was not enough to trigger a real disqualification, per DOH rules.

San Felasco also claimed Chestnut Hill was not qualified because it could not show it had been in business for 30 contiguous years, as required for the permit.

Wallace says that claim is “a diversion tactic by the losing bidder, and a dishonest one at that.” He says his tree farm has been in business for “more than 30 years,” and is eligible for the license.

The challenging nurseries insist their lawsuit should not further impede what has been an extremely slow process to cultivate the marijuana, which was approved for production and distribution and signed into law in 2014.

“Our lawsuit will not deprive Florida patients of low-THC medications. Costa Farms has no pending challenges and will be moving forward producing medicines for sale across Florida to those who need these medications,” McKee says.

Costa Farms, of Miami, says in its initial application that it is prepared to provide lowTHC marijuana to the entire state.

Even so, the lawsuit and administrative hearings add to the series of delays, the missteps and questionable decisions that have plagued the Office of Compassionate Use since its inception.

If the DOH proceeds with its authorizations, low-THC marijuana should be available in at least seven months, 20 months after the original deadline, though it’s still not clear what nurseries, other than Costa Farms, will be allowed to participate in what analysts have predicted to be a $780 million industry.

The aforementioned House bill, a combination of HB 307 and HB 1313, includes a provision that would authorize the DOH to add three new dispensing organizations if 250,000 patients across the state seek lowTHC medical marijuana.

But for now, San Felasco and others sit on the sidelines while the Department of Health charges forward with its initial choices for the brand-new, tightly permitted, multimilliondollar industry, without heeding the appeals process in place.

Greg Parlier mail@folioweekly.com

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

Making Northeast Florida’s HIGHWAYS SAFER one tow, tire and gallon of gas at a time

THE

RANGER ZONE

“We try our best to clear the roads, sometimes it’s impossible but it depends on volume of traffic and safety factors, but if we can get it, we will,” Cody Parham says.

STORY AND PHOTOS BY DENNIS HO

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

N

ear the middle of the Buckman Bridge, on the northbound side just before the incline, a red Ford Explorer is festooned, tucked uncomfortably between a lane of traffic and the concrete barrier that prevents cars from careening into the river. The driver is a young man, his head under the hood.

He is visibly nervous, even agitated, for his car, because he’s trapped in a narrow emergency lane, or because it’s in the middle of a bridge, maybe, probably, all three.

Outside the confines of a car, the Buckman is an unfriendly place. It is a loud, sterile landscape, a rigid and unforgiving mix of metal and concrete dangerously active with hurtling vehicles.

The driver mumbles something unintelligible over the roar of cars whizzing by. It’s almost unbearably loud.

“I don’t want no pictures of myself or my truck,” he repeats at a shout, anxiously eyeing my camera.

Meanwhile, Cody Parham, the Road Ranger who has come to assist him, is as cool as a cucumber. He’s done this too many times to count.

Anyone who spends any time on any highway in Northeast Florida has probably seen the First Coast Road Rangers’ vehicles, those white Ford F-150s with the green-

and-yellow branding and electronic truckmounted message boards.

Parham has raised his board and turned on a message. It alternates between a left arrow and the words “MOVE OVER” in all caps, a reminder to obey Florida’s Move Over Law. The driver of the Explorer declines Parham’s offer of a quick tow off the span. He already has a tow truck on the way.

By now, another Road Ranger, Rich Tripp, has arrived and is placing cones along the edge of the emergency lane. He points toward the other side of the road, motioning for cars to move over. Together, Parham and Tripp create a safe zone until the tow truck arrives. ”Our goal is to keep traffic flowing and to keep the road clear,” Parham explains.

“We work pretty much every accident on the highways and help with traffic management.”

Parham is the supervisor of Road Ranger Operators, overseeing a fleet of nine trucks shared by 16 drivers. There are eight Rangers on patrol at any given time between 6:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., five days a week. Operators watch for disabled vehicles in four overlapping segments around the I-295 beltway, while the two drivers guard I-95 from Yulee to World Golf Village Parkway, one guards the entire length of J.T. Butler Boulevard and one covers I-10 as far west as Macclenny.

They have a dispatcher at the Traffic Management Center, the agency that monitors the roads through video cameras

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>

TOP: Rich Tripp directs cars to the outside lanes of the Buckman Bridge. BOTTOM: Cover “model” Ron Tittle is the public information officer for the FDOT. MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

THE

RANGER ZONE

<<< FROM PREVIOUS along the highways. That dispatcher sits next to the dispatcher from the Florida Highway Patrol.

“Law enforcement is the first one to call us,” says Parham. “At an accident, we can handle traffic, keep the officer safe, keep the road safe. You got law enforcement there, fire rescue and first responders there, they’re all on foot and it’s dangerous.”

The Rangers have been contracted by the state since 2007, and because of that government connection, the drivers must pass a background check and have a clean driving record.

“My guys are first aid and CPR certified, too,” Parham proudly says.

All this might come as a surprise to anyone — and there are many — who thinks the Road Rangers organization is a private service. On the contrary, it falls under the purview of the Florida Department of Transportation.

“We’re not here to interfere with enterprises [such as] AAA,” says Ron Tittle, FDOT public information officer. “This is incident management, we’re just trying to keep the roads flowing.”

Parham confirms that aside from providing a gallon of gas, changing a tire or filling a radiator, the Rangers don’t perform repairs.

Back on the road after the Explorer is safely off the Buckman, Parham continues navigating the highways. He drives in the right lane, five miles under the speed limit.

Tittle is along for the ride with Parham, and they talk about traffic as if they were talking about the weather. The dispatcher chimes in intermittently with something new to report: A van out of gas near Monument Road, an overturned vehicle near Old St. Augustine Road, a big rig in need of a safe zone near Airport Road. The dispatches come in smooth staccato, blending with the sounds of the asphalt and the men’s conversation.

Parham has an eagle’s eye for disabled vehicles; he spots one across eight lanes of traffic on I-95 south near the San Marco Boulevard off-ramp.

As he merges onto I-295 south from I-10 west, Parham comments about the fact that there are more accidents on this ramp than anywhere else on the highways.

“It’s probably that blind curve,” offers Tittle, and everyone nods in agreement.

“This is what we do, man. We help out a ton of people,” says Parham. When asked why he does this, he points toward a narrow strip of emergency lane. “There’s a difference between changing a tire and changing a tire right there.”

Dennis Ho dho@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ First Coast JaxLegal Road Rangers *347 for dispatch; firstcoastroadrangers.com

TOP: Supervisor of Road Ranger Operators Cody Parham operates his truck-mounted electronic sign.

BOTTOM: The message alternates between a left arrow and the words “MOVE OVER” in all caps, a reminder to obey Florida’s Move Over Law.

14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

FOLIO A+E : FILM TINA FEY shines in a true-life tale of a news journalist working in Kabul

MISSION

COMPLETE T

he biggest problem with Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is that it stars Tina Fey and was written by Robert Carlock, who, along with Fey, created the TV hit 30 Rock.

Those familiar with their work may expect this movie to be a straight-up comedy, and understandably so, given their track record and the humor-driven trailers. But it isn’t a straight-up comedy; it has funny scenes, but there’s a serious tone that belies the levity.

Anyone expecting nonstop gags, jokes and one-liners will be disappointed.

None of this is Fey’s fault, mind you. She plays her character well in both dramatic and comedic moments. You can, however, blame Carlock and directors Glenn Ficarra and John Requa (Focus) for the unbalanced tone. And, boy, does this matter. Selling the audience one thing (a comedy) and delivering another (funny moments accompanying deadly serious elements) doesn’t work if one seeks positive word-of-mouth. For example: Last fall, Crimson Peak was in some ways sold as a horror movie, even though it was actually a

POLAR EXTREMES

NEW ON VIDEO, TWO RECENT INTERNATIONAL films – one from the extreme Northern hemisphere, the other from its opposite – again demonstrate the universality of human nature … at least when it involves mayhem, violence, and humor.

In both cases, the cast and director may be unfamiliar to most American audiences. However, without detracting from the originality and certainly the quality of the films, the influence of the Coen brothers and Quentin Tarantino is obvious. So if you liked Fargo and Pulp Fiction, these two movies are worth a try.

Let’s start up North first with Jackpot, a 2011 Norwegian film based on a story by Jo Nesbø, the justly acclaimed author of the Harry Hole detective series. The plot is straightforward enough and in its basic outline, not particularly original. In fact, it’s a variation of Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Pardoner’s Tale, written in the 14th century, which itself was an adaptation of an even earlier story. (Sam Raimi, director of The Evil Dead and the first Spider-Man trilogy, used yet another rendering of the same plot in his 1998 thriller, A Simple Plan.)

It’s in the complex narrative approach (with lots of flashbacks) as well as the cinematic details (acting and directing) that Jackpot delivers.

The movie opens with a bloodbath at a combination porn store/strip club. As the police question the sole survivor and obvious suspect – found pinned beneath the body of an obese patron, and clutching a shotgun – the story comes to life. Three ex-cons and their supervisor Oscar

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

is supposed to be in Kabul for only three months, but stays three years.

The film is at its best when the humorous and the dramatic elements work in unison. Kim’s a professional woman in a dangerous area where the populace treats women like second-class citizens, so it’s both funny and a social commentary for her to be called a “shameless whore” because her head isn’t covered when she first arrives in Kabul. Kim’s good looks are also played for laughs when she’s told by men and women that she’s close to a “10” in Kabul, whereas she’d be more like a “five or six” back home. A man wouldn’t be spoken to like this, so it’s an alarming indication that the way we socially and culturally view women is omnipresent, even in the gothic period piece, and it grossed only $31 midst of wartime conflict. million on a $55 million budget.

Aside from being an odd mix of comedy That said, the biggest shame of all with and drama — with a smattering of explosive Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is that the movie is violence thrown in for good measure — the actually good on its own terms. Audiences story lacks a clear narrative thrust. There’s may not appreciate that aspect, though, if they not much pushing it forward besides Kim’s go in with certain expectations and experience adventures in Kabul, so the plot meanders something else. without urgency, episodic in structure rather The seriocomic film is based on Kim than building to a climax. Things happen, Barker’s book The Taliban Shuffle. Fey plays but they rarely feel essential. This is partially Barker, a New York City TV news redeemed in the conclusion, when WHISKEY TANGO various threads come together, but journalist sent to Afghanistan in FOXTROT 2003 to cover Operation Enduring by then it may be too late.

Freedom. In Kabul, she meets And yet, it all works. Fey is ***@ similarly displaced journalists fallible and likeable, an appealing Rated R from around the world, including presence for whom we’re happy gorgeous Brit Tanya (Margot Robbie) and to root even when she makes questionable lothario Iain (Martin Freeman), who’s decisions. The film opens with the song Jump Scottish. She has Nic, a hunky bodyguard Around — always a crowd favorite — and has (Stephen Peacocke), Fahim, a helpful a peppy pop soundtrack throughout. In its guide (Christopher Abbott), and working totality, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is enjoyable, relationships with a Marine Corps general even if it’s not what you expect.

(Billy Bob Thornton) and the future attorney Dan Hudak general of Afghanistan (Alfred Molina). Kim mail@folioweekly.com are, oddly, joint winners of a football (aka soccer) lottery. At that point, greed begins to rear its ugly head, along with all sorts of mitigating factors, resulting in a series of brutal/comic demises, which lead up to the opening, but not quite final, shootout.

Needless to say, nothing is quite as it seems, except for the bewilderment of hapless Oscar (Kyrre Hellum), the only patron of the club/store who wasn’t slaughtered in the debacle. Adapted and directed with élan by Magnus Martens, Jackpot even manages to incorporate a sweet love story within its heady brew of humor and violence.

Down under in Australia, brothers Cameron and Colin Cairnes present even more blood and bigger laughs in their debut film, 100 Bloody Acres. Three friends on their way to a music festival cross paths with two brothers whose organic fertilizer business has recently been going great guns, thanks to the addition of human body parts to the process. The preferred ingredients are human roadkill, but the entrepreneurs will take what they can get.

Don’t worry: 100 Bloody Acres is anything but a clone of Wrong Turn or The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Despite the gore and premise, the movie is solidly grounded in a truly witty script by the Cairnes, with some equally winning performances from the cast of motley characters.

As Sophie, a lovely redhead in whom everyone is interested (for one reason or another), Anna McGahan has both the looks and talent to be a major star. Sophie is spunky and endearing. Her jealous boyfriend James (Oliver Ackland) and their

MAGIC LANTERNS

hophead friend Wes (Jamie Kristian) are more one-dimensional, particularly in her shadow. Still, their mutual idiocy in the face of bloody disaster generates laughs when least expected.

The Morgan Brothers, the fertilizer experts, are a study in contrasts. Reg (Damon Herriman from TV’s Justified) is a bit of lunkhead, a frustrated romantic who develops a soft spot for Sophie. His brother Lindsay (Angus Sampson) is a hulking brute, with his mind and grinding machine focused squarely on the family business. Except, that is, for an unlikely tryst with the unlikeliest of partners.

Bolstered by a soundtrack featuring downhome Aussie tunes as well as a funny advertising ditty for Morgan Brothers Organic Fertilizer, 100 Bloody Acres is an unexpected hoot with guts ’n’ grins to spare. The Cairnes brothers’ second film, Scare Campaign, was released in Australia this past November.

I’m keeping an anxious eye out for it to appear over here.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

FILM LISTINGS FILM RATINGS

SLIM GAILLARD **** SLIM WHITMAN **@@

SLIM MOON ***@ SLIM JIM *@@@

AREA SCREENINGS

WILDLIFE FILM SCREENING University of North Florida Eco Adventure and Environmental Center screen The Forgotten Coast: Return to Wild Florida, March 6 at Robinson Theater.

A reception and tabling by sponsors REI Jacksonville, Sierra Club of Northeast Florida, UNF Environmental Center and UNF Eco Adventure are at 3 p.m., film 3:30 p.m., followed by a Q&A. A raffle and reception follow the panel discussion.

Admission is free. Register at bit.ly/1QgqIfs. 620-5952, floridawildlifecorridor.org.

SUN-RAY CINEMA The Witch, Where to Invade Next and The Boy and the World screen at 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. Oscar nominated shorts start March 3. Anomalisa and Son of Saul start March 4.

THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ The final episode of Downton Abbey is feted 2 p.m. March 6, $40. 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

IMAX THEATER Deadpool, Rocky Mountain Express, National Parks Adventure, Secret Ocean and Living in the Age of Airplanes screen at World Golf Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, St. Johns, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

NOW SHOWING

13 HOURS: THE SECRET SOLDIERS OF BENGHAZI Rated R A U.S. compound in Libya is attacked and an American ambassador is killed. A military security team tries to keep everyone alive. Costars Toby Stephens, John Krasinski, Freddie Stroma and Pablo Schreiber.

THE BIG SHORT **** Rated R Based on Michael Lewis’ nonfiction bestseller, it’s about three groups who see the meltdown looming, even though the mortgage industry flourished. Costars Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Finn Wittrock, John Magaro and Brad Pitt. — Dan Hudak THE BOY Rated PG-13 A young American woman (Lauren Cohan) is hired as nanny to an English family – but the child she’s to tend to is a doll. A doll. And the adults have some seriously weird rules she must follow. I don’t know about you, but I’d get the first wagon outta town. Costars Rupert Evans and James Russell.

DEADPOOL Rated R Another ultramilitary type goes rogue and gets powers. BFD. Costars Ryan Reynolds, T.J. Miller.

EDDIE THE EAGLE Rated PG-13 Michael Edwards (Taron Egerton) was a British ski-jumper who beat the odds yet did not do well at the 1988 Winter Olympics. It’s about perseverance, people. Costars Hugh Jackman.

THE LADY IN THE VAN Rated PG-13 This emotional film is about a British playwright who befriends a grumpy old lady who lives in a van. Just like the title says! Costars Maggie Smith, Alex Jennings and Jim Broadbent.

GODS OF EGYPT Rated PG-13 Chisled physiques in shiny armor, sweating and rippling … oh … uh, didn’t see you sitting there. Mortals and, apparently, gods fight for the right to rule the empire. Costars Brenton Thwaites, Nikolaj CosterWaldau, Gerard Butler and Geoffrey Rush.

LONDON HAS FALLEN Rated R There’s a plot to assassinate a slew of world leaders who are in London for the funeral of England’s prime minister. Costars Alon Aboutboul, Waleed Zuaiter and Mehdi Dehbi.

NORM OF THE NORTH Rated PG Norm, a lovable polar bear, and his lemming friends have travelled to the Big Apple instead of their usual habitat, the Arctic Circle. Norm is swept up in a large corporation involved with profiting from that same frozen land. Voices by Rob Schneider, Heather Graham, Ken Jeong, Bill Nighy, Colm Meany and Loretta Devine.

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR Rated R This horror film is kinda like Pet Sematary, in that a grieving mother tries to resurrect a dead child. But there’s more to it than that, natch.

It’s one of those “Don’t open that door!” scary movies.

RACE Rated PG-13 The struggle to become the greatest track and field athlete on Earth is profiled in this historical drama about the peerless Jesse Owens (Stephan James), whose accomplishments in the sport catapulted him to the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, Germany. Adolf Hitler ruled that sphere – and hated all non-Aryans. Jesse showed him how a black man could not only compete against Der Fürer’s fairhaired automatons, but beat them decisively, with grace and poise. Costars Jason Sudeikis, Jeremy Irons, William Hurt and Carice van Houten, as filmmaker Leni Riefenstahl. Luz Long (David Kross), a German runner, embraced Jesse after his victories and they became friends. Which no doubt pissed off ol’ One-Ball Hitler.

THE REVENANT **G@ Rated R There’s not one scene, or moment, with even a hint of anything pleasant.

Based on a true story, it’s a glum exercise in survival. Oscarwinner Leonardo DiCaprio is fur trapper Hugh Glass, hunting under threat of attack by natives and French hunters. Hugh is mauled by a grizzly in a brutal scene. His group tends to him, but it slows them down. Thinking Hugh is near death, the captain asks two men to stay with young Hawk (Forrest Goodluck) and dying Hugh – and bury Hugh. One man panics, kills Hawk and buries Hugh alive, then splits. Nearly two hours of Hugh struggling to find the bastards follows. — DH RISEN Rated PG-13 This is the story of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ – from the viewpoint of a nonbeliever. Costars Joseph Fiennes, Tom Felton, Peter Firth and Cliff Curtis.

WHERE TO INVADE NEXT Rated R Michael Moore’s at it again. This time he’s in Finland, among other countries, having “invaded” the cold but welcoming land. Whatever.

WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT ***@ Rated R Reviewed in this issue.

THE WITCH **** Rated R Through shots of the chill Massachusetts wilderness comes banished farmer William (Ralph Ineson) and his family – they’ve been driven from a village for, apparently, interpreting scripture differently. Their newborn child is abducted while under the watchful eye of Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy). A blood ritual, shot in shadows cast by fi relight, is stunning and horrific, setting the tone for the rest of the film. It rolls out like a folktale, farfetched in relation to our modern sensibilities, yet hauntingly believable.

HAIL CAESAR! *G@@ Rated PG-13 The comedy, set in the early 1950s, has studio boss Eddie Mannix (Josh Brolin) trying to find star Baird Whitlock (George Clooney) after Baird’s kidnapped. Communists took him to brainwash. Costars Ralph Fiennes, Scarlett Johansson, Frances McDormand, Channing Tatum, Jonah Hill, Christopher Lambert.

ZOOLANDER 2 Rated PG-13 Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson are back doing their little turns on the catwalk because a rival wants to shut them down. Costars Penelope Cruz, Benedict Cumberbatch, Will Ferrell, Justin Theroux, Macaulay Culkin, Billy Zane, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato.

JANE GOT A GUN Rated R Natalie Portman plays a woman whose husband, a criminal, is being threatened by a gang.

So she implores her ex-boyfriend to help save hubby. Costars Joel Edgerton, Ewan McGregor.

ZOOTOPIA Rated PG The new animated film about animals behaving in very human ways starts March 4. Costars the vocal talents of Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Idris Elba, Bonnie Hunt, Tommy Chong, J.K. Simmons, Octavia Spencer and Shakira. Now that’s diversity!

Animal Collective: Disney’s latest animated flick, Zootopia, includes the voice acting of Ginnifer Goodwin, Jason Bateman, Idris Elba, and (for some reason), Tommy Chong.

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

FOLIO A+E : ARTS ou probably remember Jim Breuer keeps comedian Jim Breuer from his role as Brian his PRIORITIES in the 1998 stoner comedy, Half Baked. But there’s so straight

Y

much more to this father, musician and overall jokester than tie-dye shirts, yin yang pendants, and an insatiable case of the munchies. With a career spanning more than two decades, Breuer has been named one of Comedy

& METAL

FAMILY, COMEDY

Central’s “100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time.”

Today, he’s a busy guy, hosting two podcasts, fronting a metal band, and releasing his latest comedy special Jim Breuer: Comic Frenzy. Just steps ahead of his upcoming performance at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, Folio Weekly Magazine talked with Breuer about fatherhood, physical comedy, and Florida.

Folio Weekly Magazine: What are you up to today?

Jim Breuer: What am I up to today? My head is spinning. I’m trying to put together 400 projects today. I’m home. One of my kids is sick, so I’m watching her. And then I’ve got a music video that I’m filming on Saturday. I’ve got a TV show I’m filming in April I’m trying to put together. So my head’s spinning and that’s why I can’t wait to come to Florida.

You have three daughters, right?

Yeah. All girls: 16, 14 and 11.

the uncle or the best friend. I’m him. I’m your uncle. I’m your neighbor. I’m the one you go to, sit down and say, “Tell me another story.

What else happened today?”

You have two podcasts, The Jim Breuer Podcast and The Metal In Me. How do you get your physical comedy to translate over the airwaves?

We do a lot of it through sketches and stuff — what I don’t do on stage. Radio and podcasts; as long as you’re entertaining and captivating and storytelling, the audience will stay with you forever. They start getting a personal, inside part of you, which is what I give a lot more in that arena — they’ll become a part of you forever. The live audience; that’s high energy, one-hour smacking it out one-on-one. But on the radio, I’m also not relying on me. I’m lobbing softballs to other people. I’m creating game shows and life stuff and marriage stuff and family stuff that can go further into detail, whereas on stage, they want laugh, laugh, laugh.

What do they think about what Dad does for a living?

They don’t really talk about it a lot, but the middle one is really funny and so is the little Tell me a bit about your The Metal In Me one. The middle one sort of thinks it’s cool and podcast, which is based on, well, metal music. the little one is sort of impressed, where the Two of the guys on there with me are in my older one could give a shit. She’s 16. She just band [Jim Breuer & the Regulators], so, for wants to know when she can me, I thought kicking off The see her boyfriend and who Metal In Me podcast would JIM BREUER she’s Snapchatting. be — you kind of get to know 8 p.m. March 9, Ponte Vedra who we are before we go up Concert Hall, $34.50-$50, This interview correlates with there. A lot of bands don’t pvconcerthall.com your upcoming Ponte Vedra really let you in like that. Here, Concert Hall performance. Are they’re already going like, “Oh, you familiar with the area?

I can’t wait to see them tour. I can’t wait to Well, I started in Florida back in ’89. I played see Mike and this guy and I hope they do this pretty much everywhere. Every Elks Club, bit.” They’ll fall in love with us before we even bar — you name it, I played it in Florida. I’ve drop the album at the end of May. That’s great promo, too. We take them [listeners] step by never played there [Ponte Vedra Beach], but step by step. Like last week, I exposed them I’ve played close to there. This is my first time, to the song that we did with the lead singer so I’m kind of curious what it will be like [Brian Johnson] of AC/DC. when I show up. I hope there’s a following.

Hopefully I do well, because I did really well a Is the album finished? few years ago in Jacksonville.

Yeah, it is. It’s very family, hard-rockin’ metal.

I know that sounds crazy and goofy, but it So much of what you do involves physical sounds like you’re listening to ’80s hard rock comedy. Was it always that way, even in Van Halen, Motley Crue, AC/DC, but singing your childhood? about raising teenage girls and stuff like that.

Yeah. I’m a storyteller. I’m the street-corner, Kara Pound animated storyteller guy, so I act everything mail@folioweekly.com out. Everyone has that person, whether it’s MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

+ EVENTS ARTS + ARTS EVENTS

PERFORMANCE

CHILDREN OF EDEN Jacksonville University stages Stephen Schwartz and John Caird’s musical telling of the Book of Genesis 7:30 p.m. March 3, 4 and 5 at Swisher Theater, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7386, $10; $5 seniors, military/students/children; through March 13, arts.ju.edu.

SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER Stage adaptation of disco fave; 7:30 p.m. March 7 and 8, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, 276-6750, $43-$63, thcenter.org.

A FACILITY FOR LIVING Limelight Theatre stages Katie Forgett’s dark comedy, about a retired actor who moves to a prison-turned-elder-care-facility in a future, dystopian America, 7:30 p.m. March 3, 4 and 5; 2 p.m. March 6 at 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $26; $24 seniors, $20 military/students; $15 March 3 preview show; through March 26, limelight-theatre.org.

RUN FOR YOUR WIFE Orange Park Community Theatre stages Ray Cooney’s comedy about a British cabbie who tries to be a bigamist, 8 p.m. March 4 and 5; 2 p.m. March 6 at 2900 Moody Ave., 276-2599, $18; $10 students; through March 20, opct.info.

THE MELVILLE BOYS Norm Foster’s comedy of two brothers whose fishing trip changes when two sisters arrive, is staged 8 p.m. March 4 and 5 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., 396-4425, $25; through March 20, theatrejax.com.

WE’VE ONLY JUST BEGUN: CARPENTERS REMEMBERED Nashville vocalist Michelle Berting Brett and her four-piece band perform the music of The Carpenters March 7. Dinner 6 p.m. with Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menu; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 641-1212, $64 + tax, alhambrajax.com.

BECKY’S NEW CAR Amelia Community Theatre stages Steve Dietz’s comedy, about a middle-aged woman given the chance to hit the road, 8 p.m. March 4 and 5; 2 p.m. March 6 at 207/209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, 261-6749, $22; $10 students; through March 12, ameliacommunitytheatre.org.

FRAT HOUSE Stage Aurora stages Daryl Reuben Hall’s comedic musical, about a pastor’s son who joins a college fraternity, 7:30 p.m. March 4 and 5, Amelia Musical Playhouse, 1955 Island Walkway, Fernandina, 277-3455, $20; $15 students, ameliamusicalplayhouse.com.

BIG RIVER Roger Miller’s Tony-winning musical adaptation of Mark Twain’s classic, Tom Sawyer, through March 20. Dinner 6 p.m., brunch noon; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, Southside, $35-$55 plus tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

THE CROSS AND THE LIGHT St. Catherine Catholic Church presents a multimedia musical of the faith-based play of Christ’s Passion through Pentecost, 7:30 p.m. March 3, 10 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. March 4, 7:30 p.m. March 5, and 2 p.m.

March 6, 1649 Kingsley Ave., Orange Park, 637-1197, $10$100, stcatherineop.com.

ALADDIN JR. San José Catholic School students perform a stage adaption of the Disney tale at 4 and 7:30 p.m. March 4 at University of North Florida’s Robinson Theater, 1 UNF Dr., Southside, 733-2313, $10, sanjosecatholicschool.com.

CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ

BLACK VIOLIN Contemporary jazz duo appears 7 p.m.

March 3 at The Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, $30-$35, ritzjacksonville.com.

ORGANIST RECITAL Shannon McKay performs works by Bach, Barber, and Dupré 6 p.m. March 4 at Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine, 38 Cathedral Pl., 824-2806.

AMERICAN LANDSCAPE Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra and mandolinist Jeff Midkin perform works by Picker and Copland 7:30 p.m. March 4 at T-U Center’s Jacoby Hall, 300 Water St., Downtown, 354-5547, $25-$74, jaxsymphony.org.

JASON MARSALIS VIBES QUARTET Vibraphonist Marsalis plays with his jazz combo, 7:30 p.m. March 4, UNF’s Robinson Theater, 620-2878, unf.edu/coas/music/calendar.aspx.

HERB ALPERT, LANI HALL Grammy-winning trumpeter Alpert and vocalist Hall perform jazz, world, and American pop hits at 8 p.m. March 4 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $35-$65, floridatheatre.com.

THE GREAT GUITAR GATHERING: ANA VIDOVIC, BADI ASSAD Acclaimed guitarists Vidovic and Assad perform 7 p.m. March 5 at The Florida Theatre, 355-2787, $25; proceeds benefit Douglas Anderson School of the Arts, floridatheatre.com.

AFRICAN CHILDREN’S CHOIR The choir performs 10:30 a.m.

March 6 at San Jose Baptist Church, 6140 San Jose Blvd., Lakewood, 737-2141, sanjosebaptist.com.

FLORIDA CHAMBER MUSIC PROJECT The ensemble plays works by Haydn and Brahms 3 p.m. March 6, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $25; $100 season pass, pvconcerthall.com.

GEORGE WINSTON Jazz pianist Winston plays 8 p.m. March 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $40-$45, pvconcerthall.com.

COMPOSERS CONCERT Jacksonville University presents original student compositions, 7:30 p.m. March 8 at Terry Concert Hall, Arlington, 256-7386, $10; $5 seniors/military/ students/children; through March 13, arts.ju.edu.

FRANK SINATRA JR.: SINATRA SINGS SINATRA Sinatra pays homage to his father in this multimedia show at 8 p.m.

March 9 at The Florida Theatre, Downtown, 355-2787, $35$72.50, floridatheatre.com.

COMEDY

JIM BREUER Funnyman Breuer, star of Half Baked, appears 8 p.m. March 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 2090399, $34.50-$50, pvconcerthall.com.

MARY LYNN RAJSKUB The comic is on 7:30 p.m. March 3; 7:30 and 9:45 p.m. March 4 and 5, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, $20-$25, comedyzone.com.

DAVID MANN, AKINTUNDE, MARK GREGORY, BIG REDD The Rebirth of Comedy tour is on at 7:30 p.m. March 4 (6 p.m. VIP) at Potters House international, 5119 Normandy Blvd., Northside, $25, details at kingdompromo.net.

ART WALKS & MARKETS

20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

FIRST WEDNESDAY ART WALK The downtown walk, 5-9 p.m. March 2 (themed Shamrockin’ Downtown), has live

music venues and hotspots open after 9 p.m.; spanning 15 blocks in Downtown Jacksonville. iloveartwalk.com.

FIRST FRIDAY ART WALK Tour Art Galleries of St. Augustine March 4; more than 15 galleries participating, 829-0065.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local and regional art, local music – 10:30 a.m. Opening Ceremonies, The 77D’s, Shawn Lightfoot & Friends – food artists and farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

March 5 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

WHITE HARVEST FARMS 10 a.m.-2 p.m. March 5, 5348 Moncrief Rd., Northside, 354-4162; proceeds benefit Clara White Mission, clarawhitemission.org.

MUSEUMS

BEACHES MUSEUM 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. Lights Up: 50 Years of Players by the Sea is currently on display.

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Archipenko: A Modern Legacy, 80 works by modern sculptor Alexander Archipenko, through April 17. Conservation, Beautification, and a City Plan: Ninah Cummer & the Establishment of Jacksonville Parks through Nov. 27. Julien De Casablanca: The Outings Project through May 1. Rockwell Kent: The Shakespeare Portfolio through May 15. David Hayes: The Sentinel Series, sculptures of geometrically abstract, organic forms, through Oct. 2.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. The Other: Nurturing a New Ecology in Printmaking, works by women printmakers, through April 10. In Living Color: Andy Warhol & Contemporary Printmaking and Time Zones: James Rosenquist & Printmaking at the Millennium through May 15. Allegory of Fortune: Photographs by Amanda Rosenblatt, through March 27.

RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 8072010, ritzjacksonville.com. Through Our Eyes 2016: Sensory Perception, works by African-American artists, through Aug. 14.

GALLERIES

233 WEST KING ART GALLERY 233 W. King St., St. Augustine, 217-7470. Sculptor Joe Lemmon’s works display through March.

ADELE GRAGE CENTER 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 2475828, coab.us. Linda Olsen’s By the Sea through March 4.

ALEXANDER BREST MUSEUM & GALLERY Jacksonville University, 2800 University Blvd. N., Arlington, 256-7371, arts.ju.edu. Landmark: Alternative Views of the Landscape,

by Ryan Adrick, Tracy Longley-Cook, Rachel Girard Reisert, and Janelle Young, and Phillip Scarpone’s Fragments of Recollection: Building a New Whole, through March 16.

THE ART CENTER Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 139, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. Food Cravings through March 14.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/news-events/crisp-ellert-art-museum.

Opening reception for Sunday, Kristan Kennedy’s work, 5-9 p.m. March 4 (artist walkthrough 4 p.m.); through April 16.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 2416928, firststreetgalleryart.com. Mermaid Magic through April 5.

JACKSONVILLE INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT 741-3546, flyjax. com. Haskell Gallery: The Weirdness & Beauty, Jeff Whipple; Connector Bridge: The Spirit of Jacksonville, through March.

Concourse: Tall Tales, Raymond Gaddy, through March 21.

J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200, jjohnsongallery.com. Friends, a group show of prints, painting, photography, and sculpture, is on display through March 17.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org/~karpeles/jaxfrm.html.

The exhibit Evita, a selection of the letters and journals of Eva Perón, the First Lady of Argentina, 1946-’52, displays through May 1. Susan Schuenke’s Bold and Beautiful is on display through April 30; opening reception 5-8 p.m. March 8.

SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB 15 Ocean St., Downtown, 844-5000.

3D Paintings by Jessica Becker is on display.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa.org. Miniature Marvels is on display March 4-26.

ST. PAUL’S BY THE SEA EPISCOPAL CHURCH 465 11th Ave. N., Jax Beach, 249-4091, stpaulbythesea.net. Eve Albrecht’s paintings display through March 30.

EVENTS

LIONS SEAFOOD FESTIVAL 35th annual Seafood Festival has seafood, cooking contests, pirate ship, live music, kids’ zone, clowns, nautical artifacts, arts & crafts, 3-9 p.m. March 4, 10 a.m.-9 p.m. March 5, 11 a.m.-5 p.m. March 6, Francis Field, W. Castillo Dr., St. Augustine, $5; kids 15 and younger free; proceeds benefit Lions Club charities, lionsfestival.com.

NORTHEAST FLORIDA VEG FEST Sixth annual Veg Fest has meat-free eats, cooking demos, live music, beer garden, kids’ stuff, a scavenger hunt, raffles, pie-eating contest, 11 a.m.-6 p.m. March 5, Riverside Park, 753 Park St., nfvegfest.org.

JACKSONVILLE SUNS JOB FAIRS Positions: ticket-seller, guest relations, kids’ zone attendant, merchandise, promo team, ticket-taker, usher. 9 a.m.-1 p.m. March 5; 4-7 p.m. March 8, Baseball Grounds, Downtown, 358-2846, jaxsuns.com.

NATIONAL BEER MILE One-mile course; runners run a lap, drink a beer, and repeat four times. Open bar after-party. 11 a.m.-5 p.m. March 5, Unity Plaza, 220 Riverside Ave., $40 advance; $55 day of; nationalbeermile.com.

CLAWS FOR A CAUSE Cool Moose Café holds its second annual lobster bake, a cocktail hour, silent auction, dinner, 6:30-9:30 p.m. March 5, 2708 Park St., Riverside, 381-4242, $65; proceeds benefit Memorial Park Association’s efforts to maintain and preserve the park, coolmoosecafe.net.

GET SCREENED 5K Seventh annual 5K, 9 a.m. March 6, SeaWalk Pavilion, Jax Beach; Borland-Groover Clinic offers colon cancer awareness screening, 8 a.m.; 5K run $25 advance; $30 day of; 5K walk $15; $20 day of; after-party following race, marchtogetscreened.com.

INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY A panel discussion of domestic and international UNF students, noon March 8 at UNF’s Student Union Auditorium, 620-2528, unf.edu.

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

THE SONICS)

HERE IS AN INTERVIEW B (WITH y the time three of the original members of The Sonics — Gerry Roslie, Rob Lind, and Larry Parypa — entered the studio to record This Is The Sonics, nearly a half-century had passed since the garage-rock paragons last made a studio album. The ebbs and flows of popular music tastes that occurred during the band’s long hiatus were intermittently kind to the sounds created by the Tacoma, Washington ensemble in the mid-1960s.

In fact, over the years, a predictable pattern emerged: Every decade or so, for a while, popular music becomes so staid, so predictable, so square, as to elicit a reactionary preference for an emerging sound — usually much more daring, unceremonious, and often frivolous — made by musicians who, when listing divergent influences, often include one band: The Sonics. (Nirvana — whose lead singer was a huge Sonics fan — replacing Paula Abdul atop Billboard charts in the early ’90s may be the most apt example of this oscillating musical trend.)

Menacing attitudes and unconventional abrasive sounds created by The Sonics and their early garage-rock peers (The Kingsmen, The Wailers, Paul Revere & the Raiders, and others of that ilk), have for years been templates for musical counterpunches of punk, grunge, and garage-rock revivals of the ’70s and ’80s.

So it was in 2015, with many musicians from rock-chart toppers The Black Keys to indie music darling Ty Segall singing their praises, the now-septuagenarians entered the studio to record their first album of new material since disbanding 49 years ago to attend college, join other bands, or, in Lind’s case, fight in Vietnam and eventually become a commercial airline pilot. With former Dirtbombs’ bassist and White Stripes producer Jim Diamond at the helm, The Sonics set out to fill the room with their fuzzy, grimy, oft-aped rock. The result is a record that Pitchfork says “spits, snarls, drools, honks, wails, and screams as if it were 1966 all over again.”

It’ll be atop this wave of renewed energy and relevance that The Sonics blast into Northeast Florida in support of an appearance by Robert Plant & the Sensational Space Shifters on Sunday, March 6 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre.

Sonics’ saxophonist Lind talked to Folio Weekly Magazine about how the proto-punks came to pair with the mercurial Plant, as well as the new album and what it’s like to make teenage garage-rock at 72.

The GARAGE-ROCK GODS bring their legendary wallop to Northeast Florida business manager called and said, “Robert is doing a tour of the South and he wants you to join him for the whole tour.” Again, we said, “Who do we have to kill?”

You said Plant admired you guys. Was Led Zeppelin something you listened to after you stopped playing with The Sonics?

I was drafted into the Vietnam War and enlisted in the Navy, went to Officer Candidate School was a Navy pilot. The other guys went to college and joined other bands. So we just kind of stopped playing.

There was no animosity. That was right at the end of ’67. When Led Zeppelin first got to turning into monsters that was the mid-’70s. I was deep into the Navy. But, to answer your question, I was very aware of what they [Led Zeppelin] were doing.

And I’m a rock-’n’-roll guy, so I really loved their songs.

What were you listening to when you made those albums in the ’60s?

Back then, we were doing three or four sets in a show. So we had to have a lot of songs.

We loved Little Richard. We liked Jerry Lee Lewis. And some of the R&B stuff, as long as it had power. We did the whole Rolling Stones songbook. [Laughs.] We did some Beatles stuff, but stayed away from the “Eleanor Rigby” stuff.

We just liked the stuff that rocked.

“One of the MISTAKES for a band like us is if you try to make everything too perfect.

We’re not THE EAGLES.”

What are some differences recording the new album and recording 49 years ago?

Primarily, the difference is technology. When we did those first albums, when you made a mistake, you had to stop and redo the whole thing. For instance, when we recorded “Keep A-Knockin’,” we just killed Jerry [Roslie], who was screaming his guts out. It’s much, much easier now, because you can just go back to that part where you messed up, and just redo it.

Folio Weekly Magazine: How did the whole Robert Plant thing happen?

Rob Lind: For some reason, Robert has had a passing interest in The Sonics for some time.

A couple of years ago, we did an interview with Rolling Stone and the writer had to cancel … because he had to run over to London to do an interview with Robert Plant. When Do you find that, since he sat down, the first thing part of the appeal of ROBERT PLANT & THE SENSATIONAL SHIFTERS, Robert asked was, “How garage rock has to do with THE SONICS are The Sonics doing?” mistakes and rawness, the 7 p.m. March 6, St. Augustine Then last summer, Robert technology hindered you?

Amphitheatre, $49.50-$79.50, did a full North American We were aware of that, but staugamphitheatre.com tour; The Pixies opened for no. One of the mistakes him. The last four or five for a band like us is if you days [of the tour], The Pixies had to drop try to make everything too perfect. We’re out. So, Robert’s people called us and asked if not The Eagles. We’re not going do six-part we wanted to play a bunch of shows and we harmonies and overdub some more. For us, said, “Oh, sure, of course. Who do we have to we have to go in there and go for it. We just kill?” [Laughs.] About two months ago, our have to be who we are.

Have you listened to any garage-rock revival stuff like The Cramps from the late ’70s, or late ’80s Gories? Have you listened to ’90s Seattle grunge? Are there bands you like now that might influence The Sonics’ sound?

No, we pretty closely guard our style. So we are pretty careful about that. But I’m proud of those Seattle guys. I got out of the service and here are all the guys: Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Screaming Trees, Mudhoney. We’ve always been proud of those guys … We were never able to get out of Seattle and those guys did.

All the bands from the 1960s garage-rock era were so young; teens, almost exclusively.

It was music made by young kids. Now that you’re older, how has your approach to rock changed?

Well, we’ve gotten back to playing music late in life and we just feel really lucky. We started in the ’60s, got back together after other careers, in 2005. Now it’s 2016 and we’ve got a lot of experience to bring to the music. We’re pretty solid as to who we are and what we want to play.

Matthew B. Shaw mail@folioweekly.com MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

MEETS NEW

T

OLD SCHOOL

he Dead Milkmen never achieved the same level of mainstream success that came to many of their ’80s brethren. But their jangly, sardonic take on punk rock still served as a critical corrective to the genre’s overly serious, often-militant stance.

Hits like “Punk Rock Girl” and “Bitchin’ Camaro” skewered every subject within reach, while deeper cuts like “The Thing That Eats Hippies” and “Ronald Reagan Killed the Black Dahlia” espoused a subversive, Philly-centric sense of humor that came to signify The Dead Milkmen in all their irreverent glory.

So what’s the thread that tied all things Milkmen together, from the band’s early ’80s beginnings until its acrimonious split in 1995?

In 2008, the band reunited full-time — Joseph “Joe Jack Talcum” Genaro’s nasally “I didn’t expect it, but I welcomed it,” Genaro vocals and steady hand on the guitar. He says — with Dan Stevens of The Low Budgets and keyboardist Rodney Linderman were on bass. Since then, they’ve headlined billed as co-frontmen, but Genaro’s highfestivals, making the childhood dreams of pitched voice usually drifted him to the top. hardcore Milkmen fans come true, along And when the band signed to major label with releasing two solid albums of original Hollywood Records in 1991, the label pushed music, 2011’s The King in Yellow and 2014’s Genaro even further front and center on Soul Pretty Music for Pretty People.

Rotation, Not Richard, But Dick, and Stoney’s Genaro prefers to concentrate his Extra Stout, which ironically sold worse than songwriting efforts on the band these days, their two previous albums, though, and he’s released instant classics Beelzebubba only a couple of solo singles and Metaphysical Graffiti.

JOE JACK TALCUM WITH collections and splits since COOLZEY, D&D SLUGGERS, Along with contract 2000. “I write best if there’s DIGDOG problems, health issues, and a deadline,” he says. “When 8 p.m. March 3, Rain Dogs, the usual pains of growing I was younger, I felt like I Riverside, $8 advance; $10 at the up, that push was one of the had to write songs. Now door, facebook.com/raindogsjax reasons the Milkmen split up.

I don’t feel like I have to, “I didn’t really want the band because of the repertoire.” to break up,” Genaro tells Folio Weekly Magazine.

Time will tell how well Genaro’s repertoire “But for me, writing songs was not going to will match up with tourmates Coolzey, an stop when the band stopped.” Linderman, Dean LA-via-Iowa alt-rapper, and D&D Sluggers, a Sabatino, and Dave Schulthise pursued a variety Nintendo chiptune-enhanced dance-pop duo of post-band activities: journalism, stints with from North Carolina. So how did the unusual Celtic punk groups, academic studies in Serbo(and unusually named) Kidnapped! tour come Croatian literature. And though Genaro fell into about? The good old-fashioned way: “I toured the lucrative world of website development, he with mutual friends of Coolzey’s a few years also stayed more musically active than any of ago,” Genaro says. “We said back then, ‘Let’s get together and do a tour!’ Many years passed the other Milkmen. “Even when the band was and we tried many times, but finally this year together, I wrote songs that were never intended we pulled it off.” for the Milkmen to play,” Genaro says. “And I had no intention of not playing them.”

When asked about his set list, Genaro says A laundry list of other acts followed: he shoots for a 50-50 split. “I like to assess the Butterfly Joe, Touch Me Zoo, The Town crowd first,” he explains. “I usually put a set Managers, The Low Budgets, I Think Like list together, but 95 percent of the time, I don’t Zero, Mohawk Town, The Cheesies. Even adhere to it. I mean, I want people to come to though Genaro self-released eight cassette my shows to hear my own songs, but I know tapes of home-recorded material prior to a lot more people come for Milkmen songs.

2000, he didn’t play an acoustic solo show But it’s acoustic, so they’re getting acoustic until 2004 — the same year that founding versions.” Which will probably please longtime Milkman Dave Schulthise died and the Milkmen fans who fondly recall the band’s remaining members of the band reunited for many stops here at Einstein A Go-Go in the two one-offs that raised money for mental ’80s just fine. health nonprofits and the Serbian monastery Nick McGregor that Schulthise supported. mail@folioweekly.com

The Dead Milkmen frontman JOE JACK TALCUM returns with a mix of classics and lesser-known solo material

22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

Philly indie rockers CREEPOID (pictured) perform with HOLLY HUNT, FEVER HANDS, and LA-A March 7 at Burro Bar, Downtown.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. March 2 at Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247.

RUE SNIDER, MASTER RADICAL, TONGUE PARTY 6 p.m.

March 2 at Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown.

DAN VOLL 6:30 p.m. March 2 & 9 at Alley Cat Seafood, 316 Centre St., Fernandina Beach, 491-1001.

SWIMM, SOMEDAY RIVER, COMMUNITY CENTER, SPEAKING CURSIVE, HONEY CHAMBER, THE SUNSPOTS 6 p.m. March 2 at 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown.

The OH HELLOS, COMPLICATED ANIMALS 7:30 p.m. March

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $20 advance; $25 day of.

BAG RAIDERS, PLASTIC PLATES, MZG 8 p.m. March 2 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $15 advance; $20 day of.

DAN + SHAY 6 p.m. March 3 at Mavericks Live, Jax Landing, Downtown, 356-1110, $20-$30.

WHETHERMAN 7 p.m. March 3 & 4 at Blue Jay Listening Room, 412 N. Second St., Jax Beach, 834-1315, $80.

SOUTHERN CULTURE on the SKIDS, THE WOBBLY TOMS 7 p.m. March 3 at Colonial Quarter, 33 St. George St., St. Augustine, 342-2857, $20.

IL VOLVO 8 p.m. March 3 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $49.50-$85.

WALTER “WOLFMAN” WASHINGTON 8 p.m. March 3, Jack Rabbits, $15 advance; $20 day of.

JOE JACK TALCUM (The Dead Milkmen), COOLZEY, D&D SLUGGERS, DIGDOG 8 p.m. March 3 at Rain Dogs, 1045 Park St., Riverside, 379-4969, $8 advance; $10 at the door.

THE ZOMBIES, COLIN BLUNSTONE, ROD ARGENT, NEW NATIVES 8 p.m. March 3 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $59.50-$150.

Okeechobee Music & Arts Festival: MUMFORD & SONS, KENDRICK LAMAR, SKRILLEX, BASSNECTAR, ROBERT PLANT & the SENSATIONAL SPACESHIFTERS, ODESZA, DARYL HALL & JOHN OATES, The AVETT BROTHERS, FUTURE, MIGUEL, FETTY WAP, WEEN March 4-6 at Sunshine Grove, 12517 NE 91st Ave., Okeechobee, $225-$599; details & tickets at okeechobeefest.com.

COREY SMITH 6 p.m. March 4, Mavericks Live, $20.

GITLO LEE 6:30 p.m. March 4, Alley Cat Seafood.

WHITEY MORGAN 8 p.m. March 4, Jack Rabbits, $15; $75 VIP. MOYAMOYA, The BAND the BEAT, TAMBOR, FUTURE ELEVATORS 8 p.m. March 4, 1904 Music Hall, $8 advance; $10 day of.

STEVE MILLER BAND 8 p.m. March 4 at St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $39.50-$89.50.

ROGER McGUINN 8 p.m. March 4, P.V. Concert Hall, $40-$50.

NO SAINTS 9 p.m. March 4 at The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611.

DON’T CALL ME SHIRLEY 9:30 p.m. March 4 at Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208.

Riverside Arts Market: THE 77D’S, SHAWN LIGHTFOOT & FRIENDS 10:45 a.m. March 5 at 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449.

DAVIS TURNER 6 p.m. March 5 at Slider’s Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina Beach, 277-6652.

JASON ISBELL, SHOVELS & ROPE 7:45 p.m. March 5, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $29.50-$49.50.

THE DOG APOLLO, NORTHE, LE ORCHID 8 p.m. March 5, Jack Rabbits, $10 advance; $15 day of.

GHOSTWITCH, INNER DEMONS, BLACK STACHE, COUGHIN, APPALACHIAN DEATH TRAP 8 p.m. March 5, 1904 Music Hall, $8.

MINDSLIP 9 p.m. March 5, The Roadhouse.

TAKE COVER 9:30 p.m. March 5, Whiskey Jax. HARUM SCARUM, TIGER FAWN, UNCLE MARTY Noon March 6, Planet Sarbez, 115 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 342-0632.

BADFISH (Sublime Tribute) 7 p.m. March 6 at Harmonious Monks, 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0815.

ROBERT PLANT & the SENSATIONAL SHIFTERS, The SONICS 7 p.m. March 6, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $49.50-$79.50.

JEWEL 7:30 p.m. March 6, Florida Theatre, $35-$65.

BABY CHAM & LAWLESS BAND 8 p.m. March 6, Mavericks Live, $10 advance; $15 day of.

The APPLEBUTTER EXPRESS, BACK from the BRINK 8 p.m.

March 6, Jack Rabbits, $10 advance; $15 day of.

CREEPOID, HOLLY HUNT, FEVER HANDS, LA-A 8 p.m. March

7, Burro Bar, $8.

DENNY LAINE (Moody Blues, Wings), THE CRYERS 7 p.m.

March 7, Jack Rabbits, $15 advance; $20 day of.

The GODDAMN GALLOWS, MUDTOWN, SNAKE BLOOD REMEDY, CAINT NEVER COULD 8 p.m. March 8, Burro Bar, $10.

MICHAEL GRAVES (The Misfits), GENY PIGS, The PROPLE 8 p.m. March 8, Jack Rabbits, $10 advance; $15 day of.

HIGHER LEARNING, LUCIDEA, VLAD the INHALER vs.

MATTHEW CONNOR, DR. SCIENCE 8 p.m. March 9, 1904 Music Hall, $10-$12.

The BLACK ATLAS, TRAPPED in STATIC 8 p.m. March 9, Jack Rabbits, $8.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

CHEW, COSMIC GROOVE, PUDDLED, NIGHT WARS March 10, Planet Sarbez The IGIVE March 10, Burro Bar SOMOS, PETAL, SUPERWEAKS March 10, 1904 Music Hall GUANTANAMO BAYWATCH, GOOCH PALMS, ELECTRIC WATER, TWINKI March 11, Burro Bar MERLE HAGGARD March 11, The Florida Theatre RESONANT ROGUES March 11, Blue Jay Listening Room MOODY BLUES March 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RIHANNA March 12, Veterans Memorial Arena BATTALION of SAINTS, PHOBIA, CONCRETE CRIMINALS March 12, Burro Bar BLUE MAN GROUP March 12 & 13, Times-Union Center SAVING ABEL March 13, The Green Room EMMETT CAHILL March 13, Culhane’s Irish Pub DUBLIN CITY RAMBLERS March 15, Culhane’s Irish Pub The JUKEBOX ROMANTICS, ELECTRIC WATER March 15, Burro Bar GORDON LIGHTFOOT March 16, The Florida Theatre The REVEREND PEYTON’S BIG DAMN BAND March 16, Original Café Eleven Suwannee Springfest: JOHN PRINE, DEL McCOURY, JIM LAUDERDALE, DONNA the BUFFALO March 17-20, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park GET the LED OUT March 17, The Florida Theatre Rock & Worship Roadshow: NEWSBOYS, JEREMY CAMP, MANDISA, PHIL WICKHAM, FAMILY FORCE 5, AUDIO ADRENALINE March 17, Veterans Memorial Arena JOHNNY CLEGG & HIS BAND March 18, P.V. Concert Hall JOE SATRIANI March 19, The Florida Theatre GREAT ATLANTIC FESTIVAL March 19, SeaWalk Pavilion The FAB FOUR: The ULTIMATE TRIBUTE March 19, PVC Hall ALAN DOYLE & BAND March 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ABSU, VOMIKAUST, DEAD CENTRE, The NOCTAMBULANT March 20, Burro Bar BILL GAITHER & GAITHER VOCAL BAND: DAVID PHELPS, WES HAMPTON, ADAM CRABB, TODD SUTTLES March 20, T-U Center K. MICHELLE & FRIENDS March 20, The Florida Theatre SAOSIN March 22, Mavericks Live MOVEMENTS March 22, 1904 Music Hall CHICAGO, EARTH, WIND & FIRE March 23, Vets Memorial Arena SETH GLIER March 24, The Original Café Eleven ARETHA FRANKLIN March 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ONE-EYED DOLL, EYES SET to KILL, OPEN YOUR EYES, VISIONS March 25, The Green Room NRBQ, The BASEBALL PROJECT March 25, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party LION in the MANE, CITY UNDER SIEGE March 25, Jack Rabbits The LACS March 25, Mavericks Live WET BRAIN, RUKUT, TWINKI, The MOLD March 25, Rain Dogs BOYTOY, TEENAGE LOBOTOMY March 26, Shanghai Nobby’s

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC KEITH SWEAT, TANK March 26, T-U Center STRAND of OAKS March 26, Hemming Park INTRONAUT, SCALE the SUMMIT March 26, 1904 Music Hall BYRNE & KELLY March 29, Culhane’s Irish Pub DURAN DURAN March 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CECILE McLORIN SALVANT March 31, The Ritz Theatre COODER, WHITE & SKAGGS March 31, P.Vedra Concert Hall ACE FREHLEY, GEOFF TATE April 1, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall AFROMAN April 1, The Green Room SPRINGING the BLUES April 1-3, SeaWalk Pavilion WHISKEY DICK April 1, Burro Bar Inaugural Fool’s Paradise: LETTUCE & FRIENDS, GRIZ, CHRIS ROBINSON’S SOUL REVUE (George Porter Jr., Ivan Neville, Eric Krasno, Nikki Glaspie, Neal Casal, Shady Horns), GOLDFISH, The NTH POWER, VULFPECK April 1 & 2, St. Aug. Amphitheatre OF MONTREAL April 3, Mavericks Live CHAD VALLEY, BLACKBIRD BLACKBIRD April 4, 1904 Music Hall DAILEY & VINCENT April 7, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SUNN O))), BIG BRAVE April 7, Sun-Ray Cinema STICK FIGURE April 8, Mavericks Live LIVING COLOUR April 8, Harmonious Monks REBIRTH BRASS BAND April 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall DAWES, HISS GOLDEN MESSENGER April 9, P.V. Concert Hall LERA LYNN, ISRAEL NASH, RIVERNECKS April 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party CITIZEN & TURNOVER, SORORITY, MILK TEETH April 10, 1904 Music Hall AMY HELM April 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall PEARL JAM April 13-16, Veterans Memorial Arena Wanee Music Festival: WIDESPREAD PANIC, GREGG ALLMAN, GOV’T MULE, LES BRERS, UMPHREY’S McGEE, BRUCE HORNSBY, STANLEY CLARKE, MELVIN SEALS & JGB, KARL DENSON April 14, 15 & 16 RITA WILSON April 15, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BILLY CURRINGTON, KELSEA BALLERINI April 18, St. Augustine Amphitheatre The BRONX WANDERERS April 16, The Florida Theatre BARRAGE 8 April 17, The Florida Theatre JESSE COOK April 18, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Generation Axe: STEVE VAI, ZAKK WYLDE, YNGWIE MALMSTEEN, NUNO the CONVALESCENCE, SO THIS IS SUFFERING April 19, Jack Rabbits BETTENCOURT, TOSIN ABASI April 20, The Florida Theatre One Night of Queen: GARY MULLEN & the WORKS April 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall A NIGHT with JANIS JOPLIN April 21, Florida Theatre IRATION April 21, Mavericks Live BEN FOLDS April 22, The Florida Theatre RASCAL FLATTS, JANA KRAMER April 22, St. Aug. Amp. SLEEPMAKESWAVES, MONUMENTS, ENTHEOS, The

CONTORTIONIST April 22, 1904 Music Hall Legends of Southern Hip Hop: MYSTIKAL, JUVENILE, TRICK DADDY, BUN B, PROJECT PAT, TOO SHORT April 22, Veterans Memorial Arena NOFX April 23, Mavericks Live TOMMY EMMANUEL, The LOWHILLS April 28 & 29, PVC Hall OBN IIIs, BROWN PALACE April 29, Nobby’s JJ GREY & MOFRO April 29, Mavericks Live ANJELAH JOHNSON, BON QUI QUI, GROUP 1 CREW April 30, Florida Theatre ALABAMA SHAKES, DYLAN LeBLANC April 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Welcome to Rockville: ROB ZOMBIE, ZZ TOP, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, A DAY to REMEMBER, MEGADETH, LAMB of GOD, CYPRESS HILL, SEVENDUST, GHOST, ANTHRAX, CLUTCH, YELA WOLF, P.O.D., WE CAME as ROMANS, MEMPHIS MAY FIRE, ISSUES, CROWN the EMPIRE, BEAR TOOTH, TEXAS HIPPIE COALITION, AVATAR, FROM ASHES to NEW, GLORIOUS SONS, WILD THRONE, DISTURBED, SHINE-DOWN, 3 DOORS DOWN, BRING ME the HORIZON, SIXX:A.M., COLLECTIVE SOUL, PENNY WISE, POP EVIL, BULLET for my VALENTINE, HELLYEAH, ASKING ALEXANDRIA, CANDLEBOX, FILTER, ESCAPE the FATE, PARKWAY DRIVE, ENTER SHIKARI, MISS MAY I, WILSON, RED SUN RISING, LACEY STURM, MONSTER TRUCK, CANE HILL April 30 & May 1, Metro Park The GIPSY KINGS, NICOLAS REYES, TONINO BALIARDO May 1, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JBOOG, COMMON KINGS May 6, Mavericks Live The 1975, The JAPANESE HOUSE May 10, St. Aug. Amp. The FRONT BOTTOMS, BRICK + MORTAR. DIET CIG May 11, Mavericks Live ELLIS PAUL May 13, The Original Café Eleven MICHAEL CARBONARO May 13, Times-Union Center STYX, .38 SPECIAL, The OUTLAWS May 14, St. Aug. Amp. DEFTONES, CODE ORANGE May 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHAKEY GRAVES, SON LITTLE May 17, P. Vedra Concert Hall NIGHT RANGER May 19, The Florida Theatre KING & the KILLER (Lance Lipinsky, Bill Cherry) May 20, Mavericks FOALS May 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SALT-N-PEPA, KID ’N PLAY, ROB BASE, COOLIO, TONE LOC, COLOR ME BADD May 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre HERE COME the MUMMIES, NOAH GUTHRIE May 26, PVCHall MODERN ENGLISH May 26, Burro Bar ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO June 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC June 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SALT LIFE FESTIVAL June 18, SeaWalk Pavilion JUSTIN BIEBER June 29, Veterans Memorial Arena BARENAKED LADIES, ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES in the DARK, HOWARD JONES July 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

Byrds founding member and Rock & Roll Hall of Famer ROGER McGUINN performs on March 4 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall.

TWENTY ONE PILOTS July 3, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHAWN MENDES July 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FLIGHT of the CONCHORDS July 17, St. Aug. Amphitheatre 5 SECONDS of SUMMER July 20, Veterans Memorial Arena

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS

AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA

ALLEY CAT Beer House, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 Dan Voll 6:30 p.m. March 2 & 9. Gitlo Lee 6:30 p.m. March 4 LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley jazz show every Fri.-Sun. SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 Davis Turner 6 p.m. March 5 SURF RESTAURANT, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Yancy Clegg every Tue. & Thur. Black Jack Band every Fri.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur.

Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance every Fri.

THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BLUE JAY Listening Room, 412 N. Second St., 834-1315 Whetherman 7 p.m. March 3 & 4 BRASS ANCHOR, 2292 Mayport Rd., AB, 249-0301 Joe Oliff March 2. Anton LaPlume March 5 FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 853-5680 “3” 9 p.m.

March 3. Black Cat Bones March 4 & 5. Ryan Crary March 6

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LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC Goddamn Gallows, Mudtown, Snake Blood Remedy, Caint Never Could 8 p.m. March 8 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance every Fri. DJ NickFresh Sat. DJ Randall 9 p.m. Mon. DJ Hollywood Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m.

March 2 & 9. A Nice Pair 8 p.m.

Orlando indie-folk band TIGER March 4. Chuck Nash 8 p.m. March 5 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 353FAWN (pictured) perform with 1188 Ryan Crary 5 p.m., Ace Winn HARUM SCARUM and UNCLE MARTY Trio 6 p.m. March 2. Radio 80 March & FRIENDS March 6 at Planet 4. 13th Army Band, Rick Arcusa Band Sarbez in St. Augustine. March 5. BandontheRun March 6 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m.GUSTO’S, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov every Wed. 2 a.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m.-2 a.m. every Sat. Monica DaSilva every Thur. Murray Goff Fri. Under the Bus Sat. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Dan + Shay 6 p.m.

HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Badfish 7 March 3. Corey Smith, Trea Landon 6 p.m. March 4. Baby Cham p.m. March 6. Back from the Brink Mon. & Lawless Band 8 p.m. March 6. Joe Buck, DJ Justin every LYNCH’S, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Blind Mason 10 p.m.

Thur.-Sat. March 4. The Wilder Sons 10 p.m. March 5 VOLSTEAD, 115 W. Adams, 414-3171 Go Get Gone March 2 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Dan Hunting March 2. Continuum March 3. Aaron Meows March 4 FLEMING ISLAND MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Ginger WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Highway every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur.

Jones, Cindy Davenport 9 p.m. March 4. Deck music Fri.-Sun. RAGTIME Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Live music every Wed.-Sun. INTRACOASTAL WEST SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444 Savanna Leigh CLIFF’S Bar, 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, 645-5162 Ozone Bassett 6 p.m. March 2 Baby March 4 & 5. Live music 10 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. JERRY’S GRILLE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Sidewalk DOWNTOWN 65 March 4. Boogie Freaks March 5 1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. Swimm, Someday River, Community Center, Speaking Cursive, Honey Chamber, The MANDARIN, JULINGTON Sunspots 6 p.m. March 2. The Band The Beat, Moyamoya, DAVE’S MUSIC BAR & GRILL, 9965 San Jose, 575-4935 Tambor, Future Elevators March 4. Ghostwitch, Inner Demons, Randy Cash March 4. Cat McWilliams March 5 Black Stache, Coughin, Appalachian Death Trap March 5. Ace HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine, 880-3040 Rico, t.ellis March 6. Higher Learning, Lucidea, Vlad the Inhaler Live music most weekends. Open jam 7 p.m. Mon. vs. Matthew Connor, Dr. Science March 9 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. Rue Snider, Master Radical, ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG Tongue Party 6 p.m. March 2. The Drunken Cuddle March 4.

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael Tue.-Sat. Creepoid, Holly Hunt, Fever Hands, La-A 8 p.m. March 7. The

SOUND & FURY

Overset

LAST MONTH, I FILLED THIS SPACE WITH advice for young musicians regarding how to behave in the studio, especially with respect to sound engineers and producers. The reaction among my engineer friends was largely favorable, many agreeing with what I had to say.

Some even added their own interesting ideas about what is acceptable (and not acceptable) within the confines of studio walls. What I failed to realize was how one-sided the debate quickly became, with musicians fielding all sorts of odd requests from exacting engineers.

So on balance, I thought I’d turn the tables and throw a little advice on those local engineers about how to treat musicians who so haplessly wander into their places of business. Again, disregarding this advice can mean trouble – and fewer clients – down the line.

KEEP A CLEAN STUDIO It’s a simple rule, but one that can carry great weight. Most musicians wallow in the fi lth of their rehearsal and performance spaces (garages, storage sheds, warehouses, dingy clubs, etc.) and aren’t used to clean working environments.

But it is crucial that they feel, when they enter your studio, that they are welcome, respected and being offered a filth-free space to create.

There is a difference between a cluttered studio and a messy studio, and clutter – the kind most musicians crave, with amps, guitars and other gear filling the space – is acceptable to a degree.

But knots of cables littering the floor, empty food cartons and beer cans, stained carpets, and stinky furniture scream “cheap as hell” to musicians who are paying you (in most cases, well) to help them feel comfortable, relaxed and ready to get the job done. Help them do that by tidying up every once in awhile.

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BE UNDERSTANDING OF THE INEXPERIENCED MUSICIAN This may be the hardest rule to follow, but it is essential. Experienced musicians (read: jaded) are used to working under the pressure that attends studio sessions. They’re well accustomed to the time constraints, the money being spent and the speed with which things must be completed.

(They can also be assholes about it – see below.)

But novice players, unless preternaturally gifted, will take time to be coaxed into a relaxed state, which is so important to getting clean, usable, powerful tracks. I was working with a band that had a guitar player who melted down every time I pressed “record.” He just couldn’t handle the pressure of knowing he was going to be recorded.

Rehearsals and run-throughs went fine. Press the Little Red Button, and he freaked, nearly in tears and shaking. The easy route would’ve been to ask if someone else in the band could play his part, but that would’ve been insulting, and could have created a rift within the band and made the rest of the sessions highly volatile. Instead, I asked everyone to leave the room and talked him through the parts. We did it in baby steps until we got it. When we called everyone back in, he was nonetheless shaken, but the parts were done, and we could move on without having him humiliated in front of his band.

THE KNIFE

BE UNDERSTANDING OF THE EXPERIENCED MUSICIAN As stated above, experienced musicians can be assholes. Ideally, an experienced musician is what you want. They come in, understand the situation, budget and time constraints, and what needs to be done to get good takes. They’ve done this 100 times before, and whether or not they’re a hired hand or a member of a band, they understand the nature of the beast. But with this knowledge sometimes comes attitude of the worst kind. They may be quick to condescend, tire easily of waiting for ideas to be sorted out or technical glitches to be dealt with, and make it very clear that they’re above it all. Fine. There are two ways to deal with this: 1. Give it right back. 2. Default to diplomacy.

The first option may put the musician in his or her place, but can alienate the musician and the

The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 No Saints 9 p.m. March 4. Mindslip 9 p.m. March 5. DJ Big Mike Thur.

PONTE VEDRA

PUSSER’S, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Ryan Crary March 2. Anton LaPlume March 3. Pili Pili March 4. Jaime Santana March 5 TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Gary Starling March 3.

Complicated Animals March 4. Robbie Litt March 5 & 9

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

ACROSS the STREET, 948 Edgewood S., 683-4182 Blood Bath & Beyond March 5 MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood S., 388-7807 Cellus, Kiddz Church, Rab G, The Servant, 878 8 p.m. March 4 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Joe Jack Talcum, Coolzey, D&D Sluggers, Digdog March 3. Winter Wave March 5 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 The 77D’s, Shawn Lightfoot & Friends 10:45 a.m. March 5

ST. AUGUSTINE

THE CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 The Committee 7 p.m. March 4 & 5. Vinny Jacobs 2 p.m. March 6 PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 Harum Scarum, Tiger Fawn, Uncle Marty & Friends March 6 TRADEWINDS LOUNGE, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Blistur March 4 & 5. Live music 9 p.m. Fri. & Sat.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Bag Raiders, Plastic Plates, MZG 8 p.m. March 2. Walter “Wolfman” Washington 8 p.m. March 3. Whitey Morgan 8 p.m. March 4. The Dog Apollo, Northe, Le Orchid March 5.

The Applebutter Express, Back From the Brink March 6.

Denny Laine, The Cryers March 7. Michael Graves, Geny Pigs, The Prople March 8. The Black Atlas, Trapped in Static March 9 MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Aaron Lee Tasjan 7:30 p.m. March 11

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Lance Neely March 3. Zack Joseph March 4. Ivey West March 5 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Don’t Call Me Shirley March 4. Take Cover 9:30 p.m. March 5. Country Jam Wed. Melissa Smith Thur. Mojo Roux Blues Sun.

THE KNIFE

band, and will certainly not help get things done any faster. Yes, you will have taken the asshole down a few notches, but at what price? At the end of the literal day, if you don’t have usable takes, you’ve failed. Better to smooth the situation by offering reasonable solutions. The word “reasonable” must be employed here, and you set your own standards in that regard. If you’re faced with a musician throwing equipment, physically or verbally abusing you or someone else, or the player refuses to play until demands are met, then we may have a bigger problem, but one that must be discussed outside of the studio – for everyone’s and your equipment’s sake.

REMEMBER YOUR JOB Which is, to capture the best performance at a given time under the given circumstances. Too many engineers want to put their “stamp” on the music they record. But remember: You are not Rick Rubin or Quincy Jones or Ted Templeman or Glyn Johns. Those guys and their ilk were fortunate enough to enjoy a mix of raw talent, timing and earned credentials. Even if you feel you have similarly won your stripes, none of that matters when it comes to recording your next client. So don’t be the asshole you so despise in other musicians. Humble yourself to the cause, make the musicians in your midst feel comfortable, professional and ready to do their best. Give them your respect, help them when they need it, and otherwise allow the music to flow.

John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com

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THE NEED FOR SPEED

DAYTONA INTERNATIONAL SPEEDWAY

Kick it into high gear with a worldwide tradition and milestone event. The 75th annual Bike Week at Daytona International Speedway features seven days of heavy-duty wheel-driven action, including high-flying Monster Energy AMA Supercross, Amateur Supercross, Four-Wheeled ATV, Flat Track Race, The Daytona 200, and a midway packed with vendors, displays, attractions, and sponsors. Saturday, March 5-12, 1801 W. International Speedway Blvd., Daytona; for a full schedule of events, go to daytonainternationalspeedway.com.

BIKE WEEK

.

PICKS

CHROME GETS YOU HOME 75TH ANNUAL BIKE WEEK

Riders unite! The global phenomenon known as Daytona Beach Bike Week turns 75 and we’re geared up for the approaching celebration. Each year, the event that some have called Biker Heaven attracts hundreds of thousands of motorcycle riders, manufacturers, enthusiasts, and suppliers from around the world. And this year’s no different, with a line-up of live music, races, exhibitions, revelry, and more. For your complete guide and information source for everything going on Thursday, March 3-10, go to daytonabikeweek.com.

REASONS TO ATTEND THE 75TH ANNIVERSARY OF DAYTONA BIKE WEEK

HIT THE STRIP MAIN STREET Tap into the heart of the Bike Week action on Daytona Beach’s internationally renowned Main Street. Check out live music from local and national touring acts like Great White, Hairball, Vixen, The Razorbacks, Bobby Friss, Jasmine Caine, and Rockit Fly, along with a variety of food favorites and a plethora of adult beverages. All the details are at daytonabeachmainstreet.com

TWISTED METAL

RIVERFRONT PARK ACTION Ride in style showing off your official gear — clothes and accessories from the only licensed Bike Week vendors.

Then check out live music at the Tiki Bar with performances by Ring of Fire (Johnny Cash Tribute), Halo Violation (pictured), Kings of Chaos, Sniper, and Psycho Magnets. Get your photo taken with TV biker star Michele Smith from American Thunder and TV Thunder, meet the Fireball Girls and then hit Builder’s Row for all the latest swag in bikes and accessories.

All at Riverfront Park, corner of Beach and Main Streets, Daytona Beach; for a full schedule of events, check out officialgearpromotions.com.

LIVE & LOUD ROCK WEEK Get ready to kick out the jams at Jesters Live, Daytona Beach’s

premier music club, as we celebrate Bike Week with a concert line-up of biker-friendly bands sure to satisfy your urge to rock. On March 4, Buckcherry and Blackberry Smoke bring modern rock and Southern rock vibes. Black Label Society and Big House Pete deliver a night of metal and blues rock swagger on March 5. Classic rock legends Creedence Clearwater Revisited with Chris Hennessy perform on March 10. And Southern rock legends Charlie Daniels Band (pictured) and The Marshall Tucker Band play on March 12. All shows at 1653 N. U.S. 1, Ormond Beach; for show times and to score tickets, go to jesterslive.com.

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BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

For a taste of healthful living that’ll also please your palate, try a fresh, cool smoothie at Native Sun Natural Foods Market in San Jose, Baymeadows, or the new location in Jax Beach.

Photo by Dennis Ho

DINING DIRECTORY AMELIA ISLAND FERNANDINA BEACH

29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919, 29southrestau rant.com. F Chef Scotty Schwartz’s traditional regional cuisine has modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BARBERITOS, 1519 Sadler Rd., 277-2505. 463867 S.R. 200, Ste. 5, Yulee, 321-2240, barberitos.com. F Southwestern fare; burritos, tacos, quesadillas, salsa. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BEACH DINER, 2006 S. Eighth St., 310-3750, beachdiner. com. Innovative breakfast: Eggs on the Bayou, fish-n-grits; French toast, riders, omelets. Lunch fare: salads, burgers, sandwiches, shrimp & crabmeat salad. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BEECH STREET Bar & Grill, 801 Beech St., 572-1390, beech streetbarandgrill.com. In restored 1889 home, Chef Charles creates with fresh, local ingredients. Local seafood, handcut Florida steaks, housemade pasta, daily specials, small plates, street food. $$$-$$$$ FB D Tue.-Sat.; Brunch, D Sun. BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F Family-owned; historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio.

Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily THE CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, amelia crabtrap.com. F $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily DAVID’S Restaurant & Lounge, 802 Ash St., 310-6049, ameli aislanddavids.com. Fine dining, historic district. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb. $$$$ FB D Wed.-Mon. DICK’S Wings & Grill, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469.

450077 S.R. 200, 879-0993. 2015 BOJ. SEE ORANGE PARK. ELIZABETH POINTE LODGE, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. F Award-winning B&B. Seaside dining, inside or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily. Homestyle soups, sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW B L D Daily HOLA CUBAN CAFÉ, 117 Centre St., 321-0163, holacuban cafe.com. F $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddianes cafe.com. F 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan/vegetarian. Porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S at Thompson House, 11 S. 7th St., 432-8394, lulusamelia.com. F Po’boys, salads, local seafood, local shrimp. Reservations. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriver pizza.net. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Northern-style

To get your restaurant listed here, just call your account manager or Sam Taylor at 904.260.9770 ext. 111 or staylor@folioweekly.com.

DINING DIRECTORY KEY

Average Entrée Cost $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club tasting. fwbiteclub.com.

2015 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

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pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. PABLO’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT GRILL & CANTINA, 12 N. Second St., 261-0049. Chicken, carnes, fajitas, burritos, tacos, daily specials. Margaritas. $$$ FB K TO L D Daily THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F Near historic district. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads, made from scratch. $ K TO B L Wed.-Sun. PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service; NYC-style.

Specialty pizzas, pie/slice, toppings: truffle mushrooms, little neck clams, eggs, shrimp. Courtyard. $$ BW TO L D Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132, plaefl.net. Bite Club. Bistro-style venue serves whole fried fish, duck breast.

Outside. $$$ FB L Tue.-Sat.; D Nightly SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesal typelicanamelia.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, local shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront. Crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310. F 2015 BOJ winner. In an old gas station; blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat.

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

DICK’S Wings & Grill, 9119 Merrill Rd., 745-9300. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S, 1301 Monument Rd., 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK. The STEAKHOUSE @ Gold Club, 320 Gen. Doolittle Dr., 645-5500, jacksonvillegoldclub.com. Lunch and dinner specials, free HH buffets Thur. & Fri. $$$ FB L D Daily

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes, Nathan’s grilled hot dogs. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years.

American pub. 1/2-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta.

Local beers. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO NO. 4 Urban BBQ & Whiskey Bar, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 40+ years.

Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurant orsay.com. 2015 BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; locally grown organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. Snail of Approval. $$$ FB K R, Sun.; D Nightly

SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare, from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. BELLA VITA Ristorante Italiano, 3825 Baymeadows Rd., 646-1370, bellavitajax.com. F Authentic Italian cuisine. $$ FB L D Daily INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows, Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F 2015 BOJ. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet.

Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LARRY’S Giant Subs, 3928 Baymeadows, 737-7740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows, 425-9142. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

GRILL ME!

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. New York-style gourmet pizzas, baked dishes. All-day HH Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM, 204 Third Ave. S., 246-7823. F 2015 BOJ winner.

Subs made with fresh ingredients for 25+ years. One word: Peruvian. Big salads, blue-ribbon iced tea. $ BW TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201.

F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. ESPETO Brazilian Steakhouse, 1396 Beach Blvd., 388-4884, espetosteakhouse.com. Beef, pork, lamb, chicken, sausage; full menu, bar fare, craft cocktails, Brazilian beers. $$ FB D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F 2015 BOJ winner.

Latin American, tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare. 100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily LARRY’S Subs, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club.

2015 BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine in, patio. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637, poestavern.com. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, hand-cut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F For 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SALT LIFE Food Shack, 1018 Third St. N., 372-4456, saltlife foodshack.com. Specialties: signature tuna poke bowl, sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp, in modern open-air space. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SLIDERS Seafood Grille & Oyster Bar, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot.

Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS Sports Grille, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. 2015 BOJ winner. 20+ tap beers, TVs. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily SURFING SOMBRERO, 222 First St. N., 834-9377.

Oceanfront place serves authentic fare – like paella. Drink specials. Dine in or outside. $$ FB L D Daily SURFWICHES SANDWICH SHOP, 1537 Penman Rd., 241-6996, surfwiches.com. Craft sandwich shop; Yankeestyle steaks, hoagies, all made to order. $ BW TO K L D Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. F New York-style deli has freshly made subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian items. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. THE CANDY APPLE Café & Cocktails, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Sandwiches, entrées, salads. $$ FB K L, Mon.; L D Tue.-Sun. CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth, 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi serves Italian fare, 35+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza.

Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat.

MIKE KAUFMANN

Harmonious Monks 320 N. First St., Jacksonville Beach BIRTHPLACE: Jacksonville

YEARS IN THE BIZ: 25

FAVE RESTAURANT (other than mine): WhiskeyJax, Baymeadows FAVE CUISINE STYLE: Thai cuisine FAVE INGREDIENTS: Garlic and hot sauce IDEAL MEAL: Shrimp & grits on the beach with a lovely.

WON’T CROSS MY LIPS: Sardines INSIDER’S SECRET: Mick Jagger loves our shrimp.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING: Mick Jagger CULINARY TREAT: Triple chocolate delight NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030 Baymeadows, 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI Grille, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-9506, ptgrille.com. Family-owned; traditional, vegetarian, new Thai; curries, seafood, noodles. Lowsodium, gluten-free, too. $$$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun. TEQUILA’S MEXICAN Restaurant, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 101, 363-1365, tequilasjacksonville.com. F Authentic fare, fresh ingredients. Vegetarian dishes; drink specials. Nonstop happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily THE WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, wines glass/bottle. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. $$ BW K TO D Tue.-Sat. WHISKEY JAX Kitchen + Cocktails, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 135, 634-7208, whiskeyjax.com. Gastropub has craft beers, burgers, handhelds, tacos, whiskey. $$ FB L D Sat. & Sun.; D Daily.

OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket. com. F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L Mon.-Fri. SWEET PETE’S, 400 N. Hogan St., 376-7161. F All-natural sweet shop has candy made of all natural flavors, no artificial anything. Several kinds of honey. $ TO Daily ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodi acbarandgrill.com. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. Happy hour Wed.-Sat. $ FB L Mon.-Fri.

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

DINING DIRECTORY MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar.

Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. DICK’S WINGS, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S, 10750 Atlantic, Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE O. PARK. TIME OUT Sports Grill, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999, timeoutsportsgrill.com. F Locally-owned-and-operated.

Hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps. Daily drink specials, HDTVs. Late-nite menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly

MANDARIN, NW ST. JOHNS

AKEL’S Deli, 12926 Granbay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN.

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199.

F Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S WINGS, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-7087. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK.

FIRST COAST Deli & Grill, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477.

Diner: pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers. $ K TO B L Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines.

Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT Pizza & Grill, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773, redelephantpizza.com. Casual, familyfriendly eatery. Pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials, burgers, pasta, plus gluten-free-friendly items. $ FB K L D Daily

ORANGE PARK

CHEERS PARK AVENUE, 1138 Park Ave., 269-4855. $$ FB L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 6055 Youngerman Circle, 778-1101, dickswingsandgrill.com. 1803 East West Pkwy., 375-2559. 2015 BOJ winner. NASCAR theme.

365 varieties of wings, half-pound burgers, ribs. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club.com.

Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat.

photo by Rebecca Gibson

CANTINA LOUIE’S Mexican street food must not be missed

BITE-SIZED

TAKING IT TO

THE STREETS

disloyal After LAST YEAR YEAR, ATLANTIC BOULEVARD GOTT A BIT FFrenchh ffries? i ? IIt seemedd di l l somehow. h Af scarfing the fries, though, I will never have the more colorful when CANTINA LOUIE opened. torta de carnitas any other way.

This is the Mexican street food restaurant’s The now-de rigueur fries, mixed with grilled second location; its fi rst is in St. Augustine. The jalapeños and onions, didn’t need ketchup – they phrase “street food” may be a deterrent for some were great on their own. I envisioned putting folks, but those in the know seeking authentic, them on the torta, though the sandwich was so everyday meals are all over this spot. I was flavorful, it didn’t need anything else. looking forward to trying Mexican street food, The torta included pulled pork, avocado, hoping I’d be able to branch out from my usual tomato, mayo, and queso fresco. I passed on choice, the humble taco. mayo, instead pouring leftover salsa on the bread, Right off the bat, Cantina Louie’s décor which had a perfect soggy/crusty consistency, theme of colorful skulls, an homage to Día de soaking up pork drippings. I los Muertos (Day of the Dead), love queso fresco, so, needless beckoned me. (Be sure to check CANTINA LOUIE to say, I happily devoured out Elvis in all his skeletal 725 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 9, crumbly cheese bits sprinkled glory.) The relaxed atmosphere Atlantic Beach, 372-0123 throughout the sandwich. is enhanced with tantalizing 1900 U.S. 1, St. Augustine, The choices at Cantina smells of sizzling meat.

770-2608, cantinalouie.com Louie are voluminous, with My dining adventure began everybody’s favorite Mexican with unlimited chips and salsa. staples: burritos, tacos, nachos, fajitas, and a Corn chips, cilantro, and tomatoes – is there a variety of margaritas. The menu for brunch (10 better way to start a meal? I think not. The chip a.m.-2 p.m. Sundays) looked amazing – tamales, basket stayed full, too; a serious bonus. chiliaquiles, and my favorite, chorizo con huevos.

Luckily for me, the Wednesday special included And weekend specials feature Mexican street a Margarita Louie ($3.99, $1 off the usual price). corn and tamales. My analysis of Atlantic Beach’s I tried it on the rocks with mango, a departure Mexican street food: Dee-lish! I didn’t miss those from the ordinary lime. The tart, fruity quaff was a plain old tacos at all. delicious accompaniment for chips and salsa.

Rebecca Gibson Then the best part: Mexican street food. mail@folioweekly.com Choosing an item or 12 from the comprehensive menu was among the toughest decisions of my ____________________________________ life. I felt guilty for abandoning carnitas tacos, so I stayed in the same neighborhood with torta de You can read all about the many more local carnitas ($8.99). The sandwich order included gastronomic adventures Rebecca Gibson has had a side of fries – a red flag. Mexican fare with at somewhereinthecityjax.com.

BITE SIZED

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

DINING DIRECTORY LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553.

5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com. F All over the area, Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups, salads. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snac shack.menu. F Bakery and café; bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ K BW TO B, L & D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S Pizza, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F ’15 BOJ. SEE BEACHES. DICK’S WINGS, 100 Marketside Ave., 829-8134, dickswings andgrill.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S SUBS, 830 A1A N., 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for Americans; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tue.-Sat. AKEL’S Deli, 245 Riverside Ave., 791-3336. F SEE DOWNTOWN. AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., 388-8384. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, black sheep5points.com. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1 & 2, 855-1181. F 2015 BOJ winner. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Local craft beer, espresso, coffee, wine. Rotating drafts, 75+ can craft beers; sodas, tea. Rotating seasonal menu: waffles, pastries, toasts, desserts, specialty coffees, craft beers. $$ BW K B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Daily.

DERBY ON PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro air in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$ FB TO Wknd brunch. B, L D Tue.-Sun. EDGEWOOD Bakery, 1012 S. Edgewood Ave., 389-8054, edgewoodbakery.com. 68+ years, full-service. From-scratch pastries, petit fours, pies, custom cakes. Espresso/pastry café: sandwiches, smoothies, soups. $$ K TO B L Tue.-Sat. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2015 BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches.

Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Juice bar; organic fruits, veggies. 300+ craft/imports, 50 wines, meats, deli, raw, vitamins. Wraps, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com. Modern Italian cuisine. Handcraft cocktails. $$-$$$ FB TO K L D Daily JOHNNY’S Deli & Grille, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. F Casual; sandwiches, classic salads, homefries. $ TO B L Daily KNEAD Bakeshop, 1173 Edgewood Ave. S., 634-7617.

Locally-owned, family-run; made-from-scratch pastries, artisan breads, pies, sandwiches. $ TO B L Tue.-Sun. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794.

7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR-B-Q, 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551, monroessmokehousebbq.com. Wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey, chicken, ribs. Sides: beans, baked beans, mac-n-cheese, collards. $$ K TO L Mon.-Sat.; D Fri. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire. com. F Southwestern fish tacos, enchiladas. HH Mon.-Sat. upstairs lounge, all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS Irish Pub, 1521 Margaret, 854-9300, obroth ersirishpub.com. F Stilton crust shepherd’s pie, Guinness mac-n-cheese, fish-n-chips. Patio. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 1526 King St., 503-4060. SEE BAYMEADOWS.

RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park, 379-4969. ’15 BOJ. Bar food. $ D SBRAGA & COMPANY, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 114, 746-0909, sbragadining.com. Chef Kevin Sbraga has a contemporary approach to local influences. Go-to dishes: hog & hominy, fish fry, carrot ceviche. $$-$$$ FB TO L D Daily SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2015 BOJ winner.

Healthy, light vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tue.-Sun. SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafe jacksonville.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll.

Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. $$ BW L D Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. CARMELO’S Marketplace Pizzeria, 146 King St., 494-6658, carmelosmarketplace.com. New York-style brick-oven-baked pizza, fresh sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats & cheeses, garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 965 S.R. 16, 825-4540. 4010 U.S. 1 S., 547-2669. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. THE FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Updated Southern fare.

Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits

32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. Sun. brunch. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. ONE TWENTY THREE BURGER HOUSE, 123 King St., 687-2790. From Carmelo’s owners. Premium burgers, made with beef from NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Woodfired pizzas, ice cream bar, Old World milkshakes. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A Beach Blvd., 217-3256, saltlifefoodshack.com. SEE BEACHES.

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL Thai & Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Pad Thai, curry, tempura, vegetarian, seafood, stir-fry, specials. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired; steak frites, oakfired pizza, raw bar seasonal selections. $$$ FB TO L D Daily DICK’S Wings, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. EUROPEAN STREET Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusion sushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves a variety of fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily The GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Artisanal cheese plate, empanada, bruschetta, cheesecake. 60+ wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. HAMBURGER MARY’S BAR & GRILLE, 3333 Beach Blvd., 551-2048, hamburgermarys.com. F ’15 BOJ winner.

Wings, sammies, nachos, entrées, burgers. $$ K TO FB L D Daily KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. 2015 BOJ winner.

Local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu, fresh, locally sourced ingredients. Sunday brunch. $$ FB L D Daily MEZZE BAR & GRILL, 2016 Hendricks Ave., 683-0693, mezzejax.com. Classic drinks, basil martinis, 35 drafts, local/ crafts, Mediterranean cuisine. Hookah. Happy Hour. $$ FB D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metro diner.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Original upscale diner.

Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. $$ B R L Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Ave., 399-8815, pizzapalacejax.com. F Family-owned-&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, lasagna. Dine outside. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SCORES, 4923 Univ. Blvd. W., 739-6966. $$ FB D Nightly.

TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Ave., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats. Craft beers, craft cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. BARBERITOS, 4320 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., Ste. 106, 807-9060. F SEE AMELIA ISLAND. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. DIM SUM Room, 9041 Southside Blvd., 363-9888, thedimsu mroom.com. Shrimp dumplings, sesame ball. Traditional Hong Kong noodles, barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET Café, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. JC HOMEMADE PASTRIES FILIPINO CUISINE & KARAOKE, 12192 Beach Blvd., Ste. 3, 619-4303. Authentic Filipino fare. $$ Fri.-Sun. TO. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR B-Q, 10771 Beach Blvd., 996-7900, monroessmokehousebbq.com. SEE RIVERSIDE. OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730, ovinte. com. 2015 BOJ winner. European-style, influenced by Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, selections from charcuterie menu. $$$ BW TO R D Daily STICKY FINGERS SMOKEHOUSE, 8129 Point Meadows Way, 493-7427, stickyfingers.com. Memphis-style hickorysmoked ribs, wings, pulled pork, barbecue – five legendary sauces and a dozen sides. $$$ FB K TO L D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, tavernayamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 12400 Yellow Bluff Rd., Ste. 101, 619-9828. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Fajitas, burritos, daily specials, enchiladas. Happy Hour; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999.

SEE ORANGE PARK.

MOLLY BROWN’S PUB & GRILL, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044.

F $$ FB TO L D Daily

PINT-SIZED P INT SIZED

VEGAN

OR BUST Finding VEGAN-

FRIENDLY brews ccan an bbee ttricky ricky AT ITS ESSENCE, BEER IS MADE OF JUST FOUR ingredients: water, malt, hops and yeast. At first glance, it seems obvious that beer – absent any meat, fish or fowl – is, therefore, a vegan beverage.

However, due to several additives that are often used in the brewing process, that conclusion may not be completely true. With the sixth annual Northeast Florida Veg Fest happening this weekend at Riverside Park, a look at what makes a beer vegan – or not – might be in order.

For centuries, cultures of Germany, Belgium and China have brewed beer. In Germany, the German Beer Purity Law of 1516 – the Reinheitsgebot – restricted ingredients allowed for beer brewing to simply water, barley malt and hops; yeast had not yet been discovered. In Belgium, ingredients such as wheat, orange peel, cloves, cardamom, candi sugar, honey and fruit were often added in during the process. Some cultures added corn, rice, oats, rye, vanilla beans, chocolate and other matter.

Even with all these adjuncts (except honey), beer is still vegan. There are other added enhancements, though, that can change that designation.

With the exception of wheat beers, a glass of beer that’s crystal clear is what most beer-drinkers prize. Beer frequently takes on a hazy complexion during fermentation due to suspended proteins and yeast, so brewers often add an agent known as finings to the tank to remove organic compounds in order to clarify it. These finings may disqualify that brew from meeting vegan standards.

While many fining agents such as Irish Moss, silicon dioxide or the synthetic clarifier polyvinylpolypyrrolidone (try to spell that five times fast!), also known as PVPP or polyclar, are considered vegan, other additives are not. The most notable of the finings brewers use that’s not vegan is isinglass. Made from swim bladders of tropical fish, this clarifying ingredient is most definitely not vegan. Another positively non-vegan product used in this process is gelatin, made from the connective tissue found in pork, beef and some fish.

For vegan beer drinkers, identifying which beers fit into their diet can be difficult. However, web resource Barnivore (barnivore.com) can help vegans differentiate between conforming and nonconforming brews. With a database of more than 24,000 beer, wine and liquor products, Barnivore can give any vegan at least a starting point for finding a suitable brewski.

Some vegan beers in Northeast Florida are:

PINT SIZED

I-10 IPA, INTUITION ALE WORKS Most beer produced at this Riverside brewery is veganfriendly, with the exception of those that have had lactose (milk sugar) or honey added.

DUKE’S COLD NOSE BROWN ALE, BOLD CITY BREWERY The suds made at local brewery Bold City are mostly vegan-friendly, with a few exceptions. According to brewery staff, they occasionally produce cask ales with lactose or honey, but those ingredients are never used in their canned products. Bold City is supplying all the beer at the Northeast Florida Veg Fest this year.

JAI ALAI IPA, CIGAR CITY BREWING This Tampa brewery does occasionally produce beers with honey added during the brewing process, but no worries – all those beers are clearly labeled as such on the bottle or can.

Marc Wisdom mail@folioweekly.com ———————————————————– The sixth annual Northeast Florida Veg Fest is held from 11 a.m.-6 p.m. on Saturday, March 5, at Riverside Park, 753 Park St., free general admission; $50 VIP, nfvegfest.org

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

UPCOMING PET EVENTS MUTT MARCH DETAILS Not ready to run a half-marathon? Join the Jacksonville Humane Society for Mutt March at 9 a.m. on Saturday, March 5 at The Jacksonville Landing, Downtown.

This furry, family-friendly event includes dog walks along the river, vendor village, silent auction, live music, and a performance by the Purina Pro Plan Dog Performance Team. Walkers register at jaxhumane.org/events/muttmarch/.

ADOPTABLES

BESSY

Caviar Wishes and Cookie Dreams Good day! My name is Bessy and I’m a very distinguished doggy. I’m a little lady who likes to prance around the yard with my dog pals. I enjoy a good belly rub now and then – who doesn’t? I’m petite and sweet – a dog you must meet.

Please come adopt me from the Jacksonville Humane Society! I’d love to go to Mutt March with you! For adoption information, visit jaxhumane.org USDAA PALS & PAWS AGILITY TRIALS The United States Dog Agility Association holds these trials starting at 8 a.m. on Friday, March 11 at Jacksonville Equestrian Center, 13611 Normandy Blvd., Westside, 255-4254, palsandpawsagility.com. Spectator admission and parking are free. The trials wrap up at 4 p.m.

Sunday, March 13.

2016 FLORIDA INTERNATIONAL DOG SURFING CHAMPIONSHIP Nassau Humane Society partners with Team Surfdog, Dockdogs and Redbones in presenting this exciting contest at 9 a.m. Friday, March 25 through 2 p.m. Sunday, March 27 at 2500 Atlantic Ave., Fernandina Beach. Frisbee dogs, dock jumping, dog surfing competition and more.

310-3350, dockdogs.com.

ADOPTABLES

DARLA

Single Mom Seeks Family Greetings! Around here they call me Darla, short for Darling! I came to the Humane Society with my seven kittens. Yep, seven.

They’ve all been adopted but I’m still waiting. When is it my turn? I’d love to curl up in your lap and take a nap. I’ve been told I’m quite the purr-minator! Come meet me at JHS. For adoption details, visit jaxhumane.org PET CPR, FIRST AID CLASSES The classes are held noon-5 p.m. Sunday, March 6 at 13400 Sutton Park Dr., Ste. 1001, Jacksonville; this session is a fundraiser for K9s For Warriors. Additional classes are held 2-7 p.m. Sunday, April 3 at Salty Paws Healthy Pet Market, 377 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach and 9 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday, April 30 at 8449 Arlington Expressway, Arlington.; 635-3665, petlifesaverjax.com.

34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

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udivine is a bloodhound who left her mark – literally – on a small town in Alabama.

She had just stepped out to go potty and accidentally ran the Trackless Train Trek Half-Marathon on Jan. 16 in Elkmont. The best part? She placed seventh overall, with a time of 1:32:56, putting other runners to shame.

I interviewed Ludivine to get the scoop on her incredible story.

Davi: How did you manage to get involved in running a half-marathon?

Ludivine: I was let loose from my pen, so I wandered down the road, and heard some noise, and headed that way. I was happy to see people and smell food. But then all the people started lining up, and I was, like, What? I followed the pack to see what was going on, and then they all started running at once, so I took off running with them.

So you didn’t register for the race?

No, I didn’t, which is a good thing, because I don’t get an allowance or anything.

What kept you motivated to finish the race?

I was just having fun! I would run off to romp through streams and into yards, I even stopped to sniff a dead rabbit along the way, but what really kept me slogging along were the words pepperoni pizza linked to the end of the race.

Did you make a potty stop along the way?

Yeah. I stopped alongside the trail a couple of times.

Did you stop at water stations for a refreshing lap drink or two?

Nope. I just grabbed a drink from the creek!

Did you feed on a runner’s gel during the race?

People keep talking about runner’s gel, but I don’t know what that is – I’m a dog! Besides, I’m young and I’m a hound – we were bred to run!

What was your average pace per mile?

I’m no good at math – again, I’m a dog, but I think if you divide my race time by 13.1, you’ll get it.

Did you make any new friends while you were running the race?

I’m not sure how many around me really wanted to be my friend as I was bumbling alongside them, but they were all so nice to me after the race – even asked to take my picture and patted me on the head.

How did your paws feel when it was over?

I felt fine; just really, really sleepy!

What was your overall place and what is recorded as your finish time?

I came in seventh and was the highest-placed female. My time was around 1:32.56.

Did you win a prize?

I got an awesome medal, and the ribbon is red, which I think is a good color for me. I hear the race officials are even changing the name of the race to Elkmont’s Hound Dog Half-Marathon.

Ready for another half-marathon?

I don’t know about that yet, but I am running a fundraiser 5K for the United Methodist Children’s Home in April.

Davi mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Davi is a brown dachshund with an appetite for adventure. He loves sweet potato treats, playing at the park with friends, and exploring the unknown.

PET TIP OF THE WEEK: CH-CH-CH-CHANGES VARIETY IS NOT THE SPICE OF A DOG’S LIFE

Much like your Great Aunt Mildred, may she writhe in peace, your dog is a creature of habit. Regular walks, belly rubs, feeding times, and play are the secret ingredients to a happy, healthy pet. You may not know it, but even small changes in your furry friend’s diet can cause serious gastrointestinal discomfort. Experts agree that the best way to change your dog’s food is by gradually incorporating the new variety into the old one over about 10 days.

So, when switching dog foods, be kind: Please take your time!

UPCOMING PET EVENTS CONTINUED LB REPTILE EXPERIENCE Members of the Jacksonville Herpetological Society, this organization provides educational shows for schools, daycares, libraries, corporate events and birthday parties. The owners were recently designated nuisance alligator trappers for Fish & Wildlife Conservation Commission.

For booking details, call 703-0249 or go to lbreptileexperience.com.

DOG WOOD PARK This park offers off-leash hiking, swimming, agility course, and a special area for kids and dogs with playground equipment. Memberships, classes, dock diving, bathing and an event area. Open 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Mon.-Fri.; 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Sat. and Sun. For nighttime canine enjoyment, three lighted acres are available until 10 p.m. 7407 Salisbury Rd. S., Southside, 296-3635, jaxdogs.com.

To see your pet event here, send event name, time, date, location with complete street address and city, admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@folioweekly.com – at least two weeks before the event.

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE CROSSWORD by DALE RATERMANN. Presented by

SAN MARCO 2044 SAN MARCO BLVD. 398-9741

PONTE VEDRA

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A NORTH 280-1202

ACROSS

1 Gators’ sports org.

5 Alhambra Theatre stage comment 10 Miami Dolphins color 14 Link site 15 Person with alligator arms 16 Actress Haylie or Hilary 17 JU face-to-face exam 18 Guinness and Baldwin 19 Last name in fashion 20 Gators helmet feature 22 Wide shoe size 23 Crazy 24 He was in Misery 26 Waffle House rival 28 Immaculate Conception Catholic Church vestment 31 Dennis Ho wedding photo, briefly 32 “___ the season...”

33 “At The Red Sable, to buy a broken pencil is pointless,” e.g.

36 Ends a prayer at First Baptist Church 39 Part of FDR 41 Clump of hair at Verde Eco-Salon 42 I-95 Tractor-trailer 44 Brash talk 45 Entertain, as kids at Beaches Library 48 Committed perjury in court 51 Dawson’s legal partner 1

2

3

SOUTHSIDE

AVONDALE 3617 ST. JOHNS AVE. 10300 SOUTHSIDE BLVD. 388-5406 394-1390 AVENUES MALL

52 Hampton and Days follower 54 Palm Valley Golf Club norm 55 Had a burger at Harpoon Louie’s 56 Children’s Chorus voice 57 Runs a tab at European Street 59 Resembling a Gators cheerleader 62 Help-wanted letters on St. Johns River 64 bestbet poker phrase 68 India’s Restaurant princess 69 Imitates a hot dog 71 Indy 500 winner Luyendyk 72 Dropped Gators punt 73 Part of a ’Noles football shoe 74 Like a Dance Trance physique 75 Victory Casino machine 76 No longer fresh 77 Leave in, to a Folio Weekly editor

DOWN

1 Some NAS personnel 2 The ___ Towne Band 3 Off in the distance, like Pensacola 4 Insurance co. with fowl-mouthed ads?

5 Dr. R. Gregory Smith grp.

6 Hit man’s attachment 7 “Got it!”

8 Con artist’s art

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9 Baptist Medical Center areas, initially 10 Do sums at Mayport Elementary 11 Become fire-proof?

12 Ships passing in the night, maybe 13 Artis Gilmore’s old ’do 21 Pizzamaker John or Murphy 23 Winning margin at the dog track 25 Navy sharpshooter’s asset 27 Stayed in the closet, perhaps 28 Dog on The Jetsons 29 WTLV’s Today host 30 Overwhelmingly 33 Duval born dancer/ actress ___ Kelly 34 Not working out at The Y, probably 35 Like some bank checking accounts 37 Love bug?

38 Wit or pick preceder

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36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MARCH 2-8, 2016

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23

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40 NY destination from JAX 43 Lose it, in slang 46 It gets laid in the bathroom 47 Toronto’s prov.

49 Treece & Treece field 50 “Three” in German class 53 Margarita option at TacoLu’s 56 “Can I give you ___?”

58 Picket line crossers 59 Starfish features 60 France, once 61 Folio Weekly facts and figures 63 High on the draft list 65 In ___ (stuck) 66 Never-ending sentence?

67 It’s definitely not right 69 Mac alternatives 70 Sault ___ Marie

Solution to Dale’s 2.24.16 Puzzle

O K L A

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MATISSE, MORNINGS, NIETZSCHE, POETS & MORNINGS

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S T I R

G E T A T D E F Y

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Actress Blythe Baird writes about the problem that arises when her dog sees her eating a peanut butter and chocolate chip bagel. Her beloved pet begs for a piece and is miserable when it is denied. Baird is demonstrating her love, of course, because she knows that eating chocolate can make canines ill. Life is bestowing a comparable blessing on you. You may feel mad and sad about being deprived of something you want, but the likely truth is, you’ll be lucky not to get it.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I do not literally paint that table, but rather the emotion it produces upon me,” French artist Henri Matisse told an interviewer. “But what if you don’t always have emotion?” she asked him.

Matisse replied: “Then I do not paint. This morning, when I came to work, I had no emotion. So I took a horseback ride. When I returned, I felt like painting, and had all the emotion I wanted.” This is excellent advice to keep in mind. Even more than usual, it’s crucial you imbue every important thing you do with pure, strong emotions. If they’re not immediately available, find them.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Some night soon, I predict, you’ll dream of being an enlightened sovereign who presides over an ecologically sustainable paradise. You’re a visionary leader committed to peace and high culture, so you’ve never gone to war. You share your wealth with your kingdom’s people. You revere scientists and shamans alike, providing them what they need to do good work for the enhancement of the realm. Have fun imagining further details of this dream, or make up your own.

Now’s a great time to visualize a fairy tale version of yourself at the height of your powers, living dreams and sharing gifts.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): It’s not always necessary to have an expansive view of where you’ve been and where you’re going, but it’s crucial right now. Take inventory of the big picture. For guidance, study this from philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: “What have you truly loved? What has uplifted your soul, what has dominated and delighted it at the same time?

Assemble these revered objects in a row before you and they may reveal a law by their nature and their order: the fundamental law of your very self.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Sportswear manufacturer Adidas is looking for ways to repurpose trash humans dump in the oceans. One of its creations is a type of shoe made from illegal deep-sea nets that have been confiscated from poachers. Get inspired by Adidas’ work. From an astrological perspective, now’s a good time to expand and refine your approach to recycling. Brainstorm how you convert waste and refuse into useful, beautiful resources — literally and metaphorically. Is there a ruined or used-up dream that could be transformed into raw material for a shiny new dream?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “There isn’t enough of anything as long as we live,” wrote Raymond Carver. “But at intervals a sweetness appears and, given a chance, prevails.”

According to my astrological omen analysis, you’ll soon be gliding through one of these intervals. You may even experience the strange sensation of being completely satisfied with the quality and amount of sweetness that arrives. To ensure optimal results, be as free from greed as you can possibly be.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “For a wound to heal, you have to clean it out,” says author Yasmin Mogahed. “Again, and again, and again. And this cleaning process stings. The cleaning of a wound hurts. Yes. Healing takes so much work. So

much persistence. And so much patience.” According to my analysis, you should attend to this tough but glorious task. Though the work might be hard, it won’t be nearly as hard as it usually is. And you’re likely to make more progress than you’d be able to at other times.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “The other day, lying in bed,” writes poet Rodger Kamenetz, “I felt my heart beating for the first time in a long while. I realized how little I live in my body, how much in my mind.” He speaks for most of us.

We spend much of our lives entranced by relentless jabber between our ears. The moment is ripe to rebel against this tendency in you. In the weeks ahead, you’ll have a natural talent for celebrating your body.

You’ll be able to commune deeply with its sensations, learn more abut how it works, exult in the pleasure it gives and the wisdom it provides.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In his “Dream Song 67,” poet John Berryman confesses, “I am obliged to perform in complete darkness operations of great delicacy on my self.” Consider embarking on similar heroics.

It’s not an especially favorable time to overhaul your environment or try to get people to change in accordance with your wishes. But it’s a perfect moment to spruce up your inner world, to tinker with and refine it so everything in there works with more grace. The light might not be bright, but there’ll be enough of a glow to see what you’re doing.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Here’s the dictionary’s definition of the word “indelible”: “having the quality of being difficult to remove, wash away, blot out, or efface; incapable of being canceled, lost, or forgotten.”

The word is often used in reference to unpleasant matters: stains on clothes, biases that distort the truth, superstitions held with unshakable conviction, or painful memories of romantic break-ups. You now have more power than usual to dissolve seemingly indelible stuff like that. Find a new teacher or teaching that uplifts you with indelible epiphanies.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): According to poet Tony Hoagland, most of us rarely “manage to finish a thought or a feeling; we usually get lazy or distracted and quit halfway through.” Why? Hoagland theorizes we “don’t have the time to complete the process, and we dislike the difficulty and discomfort of the task.” There’s a cost for this negligence: “We walk around full of half-finished experiences.” That’s why Hoagland became a poet.

He says “poems model the possibility of feeling all the way through an emotional process” and “thinking all the way through a thought.” The weeks ahead are a favorable time to get more in the habit of finishing your feelings and thoughts. It’s also more important than usual to do so! (Hoagland’s comments were in Gulf Coast: A Journal of Literature and Fine Arts.)

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Unless you work at night and sleep by day, you experience the morning on a regular basis.

You may have a love-hate relationship with it; on the one hand, you don’t like to leave a comfy bed so early; on the other hand, you enjoy anticipating interesting events ahead. Aside from your personal associations with the morning, this time of day has been a potent symbol of awakenings and beginnings. Throughout history, poets have invoked it to signify purity and promise. In myth and legend, it represents the chance to see things afresh, to be free of the past’s burdens, to love life unconditionally. Dream interpreters may suggest a dream of morning indicates a renewed capacity to trust oneself. All these meanings are apropos for you now.

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD CAT CULTURE

Longtime National Symphony cellist David Teie announced in November that his crowdfunding project was hugely successful, freeing him to produce an album of music meaningful to cats. (Cats, for example, relax in response to the earliest sound of their mother’s purring, which Teie clocked at 23 harp notes a second.) Teie’s work, according to an October Washington Post feature, includes examining waveforms of real-time purrs and creating an organ sound to mimic the opening and closing of a cat’s vocal chords. His KickStarter pitch raised so much money that he might also try creating music for bored zoo elephants or stressed-out whales. In tests, cats responded well to Teie’s music, according to a 2015 journal article (but with less curiosity at the Washington cat cafe Crumbs & Whiskers).

LEADING ECONOMIC INDICATORS

Amazon.com has riled Buddhist temples in Japan, according to a January Associated Press dispatch, by offering traveling monks rentable online to conduct funerals and other rituals. The monk would go to a home, grave or funeral home, at fees and upgrades ranging from $300 to about $8,500. Many of Japan’s 75,000 Buddhist temples are struggling financially and destined to close.

Complained a spokesman for the Japan Buddhist Association, what Amazon is facilitating “is allowed in no other country in the world.”

UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT

Angel Rivera, 49, was arrested in December in Orlando, on allegations that he punched a child in the face because the boy wasn’t getting dressed for church fast enough.

The boy was wearing an ankle brace, which slowed him down.

Ryan Dailey, 28, was arrested in Las Cruces, New Mexico, in February on several charges after, police said, he beat his mother by pounding her with a Bible. His explanation, cops said, was that when he asked her who her soul belonged to, she repeatedly declined to answer.

WHO KNEW?

The much-maligned pigeon was recently found by researchers to be as skilled as humans at distinguishing between slides of benign versus malignant human breast tissue. Writing in the journal PLOS ONE, specialists from University of Iowa and University of California, Davis lauded the birds’ processing of color, contrast, brightness and image compression, marveling that pigeons see more wavelengths of light than humans, even though their brains are onethousandth the size.

POLICE REPORT

A near-certain robbery of PNC Bank in Zebulon, North Carolina, on Jan. 28 was prevented, with employees treated to an almostslapstick scene in which the bank manager kept the suspect outside by winning a tug-of-war for control of the front door. The manager grabbed the door after noticing an armed, masked man approaching from the parking lot just after the bank opened. The frustrated perp fled emptyhanded, but was at large.

AWKWARD MOMENTS AHEAD IN LOCKUP

Joel Sloan, 51, was booked into jail for DUI by a sheriff ’s deputy in Birmingham, Alabama, in February. Sloan was dressed head-to-toe as a clown. No explanation was offered. Vaughn Tucker, 23, was booked into jail in Tulsa, Oklahoma, in February on drug charges. He was wearing a T-shirt with large lettering on the front: “I Would Cuddle You So Hard.”

DIDN’T THINK IT THROUGH

The robbers of the electronics store Compucell in Springfield, Massachusetts, in December came up empty, but are still at large. A man with a gun jumped the counter and demanded the employee give him money from the locked cash register. The gunman moved to the back door to let in his accomplice, but that merely allowed the employee and two customers to run out the front door, and the accomplice fled, too, sensing that, with no one to unlock the register, the “robbery” was going nowhere.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

Love is in the air … just inhale, right? Hah! Let Folio Weekly Magazine clear your path to partnership and passion. Connect with that surfer hunk you saw at the Young Vegan Professionals meet-up, or the goddess at Target who “accidentally” dropped a jasmine-scented kazoo in your cart.

Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html and fill out the FREE form correctly (40 words or fewer, dammit) by 5 p.m. Friday – next stop: Bliss!

SCRUBS FROM ST. V @ PUBLIX We checked out at same time; you had St. V lanyard, pinenuts (or similar), yogurt and other things.

Handsome! I was too shy to say anything; regret not speaking when I left parking lot. When: Feb. 18.

Where: Publix Riverside. #1597-0224 LOVE THY NEIGHBOR Sharp-dressed man getting out of blue car to check mail. Me: Dark hair, blue eyes. Speechless at such a good-looking man in the complex. Your building’s somewhere in the 20s. Let’s do some neighborhood loving?! ;) When: Feb. 16. Where: Green Tree Place Apartments. #1596-0224 MY ANSWER IS YES You: Very shy. Me: Waiting by the phone. Please call again sometime; I really love your voice! I don’t have your number or I’d text you like I used to. That was fun, wasn’t it? When: Feb. 11. Where: Telephone line. #1595-0217 ENAMORADA DE TI...

Cada vez que puedo me escapo y regreso a donde tu y yo nos vimos por primera vez. Tu: Alto, distinguido. Yo: Chiquita, ojos grandes. Tu tenias un Polo negro, con tu pelo canoso muy buena combinacion. Espero seguirte viendo para siempre. When: Hoy, manana, siempre.

Where: En mis suenos. #1594-0217 PIERCED GIRL WITH DOG You: White SUV, cool shirt, septum piercing, pitbull Scout with heartworm. Me: Guy dressed too warmly for cold morning, with bull mastiff. You tried to talk; I’d been awake 20 minutes. Thinking about missed chance. Let’s meet. When: Feb. 9. Where: Baymeadows Animal Hospital. #1593-0217 TANGO FOR TWO Dance Shack free lesson night. You: Brunette, cute smile, gray booties. Me: Tall, dark eyes, black V-neck.

You wanted to stay and tango; didn’t hear you. My friend told me later! Offer still stand? Lesson’s on me.

When: Feb. 5. Where: Dance Shack. #1592-0217 RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE You: Looking fine, dressed sharp in sweater vest for Bible study. Me: In church parking lot, to go to Firehouse; did triple-take when I saw you. You make this girl want to go back to church. When: Jan. 27. Where: Southside Baptist Church parking lot. #1591-0217 YOU: THE FIRE First saw you at Fat Kat, September 2003. You: Most beautiful woman I’d ever seen; still most gorgeous woman I know, my heart’s desire.

Cannot wait for our lips to reunite! I love you most!

Love, M.P. When: 2003. Where: Fat Cat. #1590-0217 PRETTY SMILE SAW U TWICE You: Blonde, pretty smile; in Publix, 4:30 p.m. Me: Black cowboy hat; cold outside. You smiled at me (think it was me) passing by.

You passed again, smiling, caught me off-guard. Love to get to know you! When: Jan. 23. Where: Publix@ Southside/Touchton. #1589-0217 HAD ME AT GO ’NOLES! Seminole/Armada games, losing beer pong, Pub subs, laughs, cheek kisses = last “first date” I want. You stole my heart; don’t want it back. The start of something sweet? Say you agree; stay forever! When: Oct. 3, ’15. Where: The Garage/ Baseball Grounds. #1587-0120 WATER AISLE You: Commented on water price; beautiful blond hair, jeans, sweater, very warm and kind. Me: Gray hair, blue eyes, shirt, jeans. We both drink coffee; would love to share a cup with you.

When: Jan. 9, morning. Where: Walmart@foursquare/ U.S. 1 & Southside. #1586-0113

CHAMBLINS CHAMPION You had two enormous boxes of books. I held the door open for you. You: Blonde hair, glasses, great smile. Me: Tall, blonde. Would love to discuss literature sometime! When: Dec. 29. Where: Chamblins Uptown. #1585-0106 WELCOME TO ME! You: Tall, dress shirt, tie. I walked by to get your attention, but you were on Bible app on phone. Please come back next Sunday, and I will try again. When: Jan. 3. Where: Moe’s @ Avenues. #1584-0106 NEED TLC You: Raven-haired nurse; funky glasses, chatting with co-worker. Me: Curiously smitten; backpack, sling; visiting pre-op over year ago, saw you eating fresh. We have some FB friends in common. Who are you? When: Oct. ’14 & now. Where: St. Vincent’s Subway/FB. #1583-0106 LET’S RIDE TOPLESS TOGETHER You: Sexy, dark, handsome, sideways ballcap-wearer, BMW convertible.

Me: Hot pink, caramel-covered sweetness, MB convertible. Pressed my horn, blew a kiss. Like a real one in the woods? You know where I am. When: Dec. 26. Where: Leaving UNF Nature Trails. #1582-1230 JAX BEACH EARLY A.M. PHOTOS Enjoy sunrise near 34th Ave.; struck up conversation. Asked to take your photos. You: White shorts; got wet as waves caught you.

Never gave you my card to send the pix. When: Sept. 28.

Where: Jax Beach 34th Ave. S. #1581-1230 TATTOOED REDHEAD, ARCHAEOLOGY BOOKS After clarifying sweater was indeed women’s, you laughed at my remark about you fitting into clothes. Our interaction made my day. Judging from book cover, know carbon dating’s your thing. Coffee dating sometime? When: Dec. 11. Where: UNF Bookstore. #1580-1230 PUT MY FIRE OUT You: Cute fireman, glasses, looking at stuffed dinosaurs. Wish you’d put my burning desire for you out with your big fire hose. Me: Brunette, yoga pants, hoodie. Too shy to introduce myself. Wish I’d said hello. When: Dec. 9. Where: Publix off Kernan & Atlantic. #1579-1216 ALRIGHT NOW! You: Tall, handsome, sweet leaf. Me: Just a duck. Let’s play Jenga @ Across The Street!

When: Dec. 1. Where: Post & Edgewood. #1578-1216 GOOD LUCK CHARM TEACHER You: Blonde, glasses, long red skirt and shirt, wrist tattoo, near where I studied for final, grading papers. We talked, you said good luck, get sleep. Me: Gray sweater, white collared shirt. Coffee, talk again? When: Dec. 3. Where: Bold Bean Coffee Roasters Riverside. #1577-1209 GIFT WRAP MY HEART You: Beautiful, tall, brunette, green eyes, longest eyelashes ever. Me: Secret admirer.

We chatted; fell for little freckle by eye, infectious smile.

Could listen to you talk gift-wrapping all day. Burger and fries? When: Last week. Where: MOSH. #1576-1209 PLUMBA A penguin sighting that can only compare to Anton Ego’s flashback in Ratatouille; you bring me back to a happier place. Sweaty palms for this lucky bear indicate that we miss each other’s face. One434Evr. When: Anytime. Where: Anywhere. #1575-1209 GREEN SUNGLASSES I see you everywhere. Can I take your sunglasses and smack you with them? You’re too cute for your own good. You’ll never notice me though.

When: Every day. Where: FSCJ. #1574-1209 FOUND UR GIFT CARD, DONATED Target gift card, “To: J_ From: W_” Used card, my $30, bought and donated socks to Salvation Army. Sorry didn’t find you; hope you understand & appreciate doing good for others. When: Nov. 22. Where: Southside Loop parking lot. #1573-1202 MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37

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FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

THE CONSTANT

REMINDER AS A WRITER, IT’S NOT OFTEN THAT YOU HAVE a physical reminder to write an article. Every day when I leave my home, I see the enclosed RIP sign of a motorcycle rider who was killed at the intersection near JTB and Hodges. It won’t let me forget that we riders must be extra careful. As my motorcycle instructor told us way back when, “Dress for the crash, and never, ever let your guard down.”

I did not know Edward Harmon Pettit of Green Cove Springs, but I’m reminded of him every time I leave home. From his smiling photo, he looks like an OK guy, the kind you’d meet at a backyard barbecue or a business meeting.

What I do know about Edward Pettit is that he was travelling south through that busy intersection on his 2014 Harley-Davidson Ultra Classic on the beautiful afternoon of Jan. 16, 2015, when a northbound driver in a pickup truck failed to yield, turned in front of him and ended his life of 70 years.

Traffic was backed up for more than a mile as emergency crews attempted to save Edward’s life. Two witnesses later stated that he “did not suffer and actually passed away very quietly.” The local paper ran a 102-word article that provided no additional clarity on the tragedy other than quoting the unnamed driver who was involved in the crash as having told police on the scene that he hadn’t seen the motorcycle.

Originally from Michigan, Edward left behind a wife and two grown kids. A Vietnam U.S. Army veteran with a love for riding Harleys, driving cars and flying airplanes, he worked in human resources at CSX until he retired in 2008. The day he died, he was on his way to a restaurant to celebrate his son’s birthday. When he didn’t show up, his wife, June Pettit, filed a missing person report.

The wreckage was quickly cleaned up but the impact had ruptured the fuel tank, so

for months afterward, I could clearly see the exact spot of the collision over the gas stain on the road. Going out, coming home, twice a day, I’d drive over that spot and though I tried to ignore it, a little voice niggled me with, “There it is, the spot Edward died.

You’re driving right over it.”

Years ago, I was in a crash similar to the one that took Edward’s life. Mine cost me a trip to the hospital and months of rehab; Edward’s, a trip to the cemetery. I’m wiser and more careful because of my crash. If only Edward could say the same. And the city, finally recognizing that there had been too many turn-lane accidents at that intersection, changed the light to a green-turn-only arrow. Good for me, and good for all the

Mine cost me a trip to the HOSPITAL and months of REHAB; Edward’s, a trip to the CEMETERY. other motorcycle riders who pass that way, I suppose. But why did it have to come at the price of Edward Harmon Pettit’s life?

Of course, our busy lives move on and the dead fade from memory — now even the gas stain has washed away. But last month, Edward’s widow, or someone who loved him dearly, erected a memorial by the site of the accident, with the admonishment we know so well: Look Twice for Motorcycles.

Every day, every night, in the rain and sun, the memorial is a small but constant reminder of Edward’s life, his service to our country, and the fact that motorcycle riders must be perpetually vigilant of the dangers around them.

Robert Beringer _______________________________________ Beringer is the author of the ebook, “Water Power!,” a collection of marine short stories.

MARCH 2-8, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39