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THIS WEEK // 4.13-4.19.16 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 2 COVER STORY
PORT OF DREAMS
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STORY BY CLAIRE GOFORTH If we dredge it, will they come? And is it worth the risk?
FEATURED ARTICLES
MASS APPEAL
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BY AG GANCARSKI The elites love the pension tax. But will voters?
REVIVING A PIECE OF OLD FLORIDA
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BY GREG PARLIER Genung’s Fish Camp has a new chance to thrive
MODERN MAN IN THE ANCIENT CITY
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BACKPAGE EDITORIAL BY KRYSTOPHER RAMOS
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APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5
THAT’S QUITE A STORY AN EVENING WITH DAVID SEDARIS
Huzzah! The man whom Folio Weekly Magazine calls “The Sultan of Sardonic Self Disclosure” returns to Northeast Florida. David Sedaris hits the stage this week for a night that is sure to feature his storytelling chockfull of invariably awkward escapades, rampant neuroses, family havoc, and other universal delights. As a humor essayist extraordinaire, Sedaris has published 10 collections of autobiographical tales that have made him a bestselling and critically acclaimed author while landing him a seriously devoted following. If you’re looking for a night of absolute laughs, look no further. 7:30 p.m. Wednesday, April 20, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater, Downtown, $67.30, fscjartistseries.org.
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REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK
LOCALS ROCK! MINDSPRING MUSIC FESTIVAL Looking
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for a cool way to check out a veritable gaggle of local musical acts while testing your sonic endurance? The MindSpring Music Festival features more than 60 bands (!) including Too Many Zooz, Dan Deacon, Passafire (pictured), Soul Khan, Vérité, Manic Drive, Archnemesis, Sidereal, Soillaquists Of Sound, Whole Wheat Bread, and Hor!Zen, along with interactive activities, a vintage gaming center, stand up comedy, classic movies, yoga and mediation, and on-site camping. Friday, April 15 & Saturday, April 16, St. John’s County Fairgrounds, Elkton, $40; proceeds benefit Autism Speaks, $5 per person primitive camping, mmfest.com.
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GEARED UP FOR A GOOD TIME
KATIE RIDE FOR LIFE The 12th annual Katie Ride includes cycling, running, and walking for a fun, healthy and family-geared day. David and Susan Caples started the foundation after their 17-year-old daughter died in an automobile accident. Katie had registered to be an organ donor — that’s how she improved and helped save the lives of five people. The ever-growing cycling event hopes to continue to raise awareness and funds for organ donation. 7:30 a.m. Saturday, April 16, Atlantic Recreation Center, Fernandina Beach, $30-$125; 6-7:15 a.m. check-in time, katierideforlife.org.
FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT
GUNS N’ HOSES
The 18th annual Guns N’ Hoses returns and gives boxing fans a chance to watch local police officers and firefighters wallop the crap out of each other for a good cause! Since 1999, this annual philanthropic/pugilistic event has raised $1.5 million dollars for the Muscular Dystrophy Association and the FOP Foundation, which donates to several charities. The event also features food trucks, live entertainment, and an appearance by actor R. Lee Ermey (Sgt. Hartman from Full Metal Jacket). Saturday, April 16; street party at 3:30 p.m.; bell rings at 6:30 p.m., after party at 9:30 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, Downtown, $13; $398 reserved seats, $53 club seats, gunsnhosesjax.com. 6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
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COME PARTY WITH US
FOLIO 420 FEST Come help Folio Weekly Magazine commemorate one of the greatest days all of you “kind buds” rally around: April 20, or 4/20. Naturally, it is most well-known as a day honored the world over for the 1653 dissolution of the Rump Parliament by Oliver Cromwell! Oh yeah, son! The Folio 420 Fest features good vibes and primo tunes by The Cosmic Groove (pictured), $2 Cheech, Observatory, I Came From Earth, and Robbie Dammit and The Broken Strings. 8 p.m. Wednesday, April 20, Shanghai Nobby’s, St. Augustine, folioweekly.com.
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FROM THE EDITOR
A LATTE LIBERATION GOVERNOR RICK SCOTT SHOULD BE ASHAMED. Agree or disagree with Cara Jennings, the woman who called out the governor at a Gainesville Starbucks last week for signing legislation defunding Planned Parenthood and refusing to expand Medicaid, memorably referring to him as an “asshole,” there is no good excuse for the person charged with governing 19.8 million people to play any part in an attack ad targeting a private citizen, former public official or not. Everything about the governor’s response to the viral video of Jennings serving his just deserts, in which a smugly superior announcer can barely contain his mirth as he refers to Jennings as a “terribly rude woman,” a “latte liberal” who spends her time “sitting around coffee shops, demanding public assistance, surfing the Internet, and cursing at customers,” is a cringe-inducing atrocity. And anyone who told Governor Scott anything different should be fired. We don’t live in Gainesville — praise Tebow — but, like our southwesterly neighbors, we are governed by Rick Scott, a man who, it must be said, bears an eerie resemblance to “Bat Boy” all grown up and decked out in ten-thousanddollar Brooks Brothers. As the governor is so giddy about his record of creating jobs, let’s examine the claim, as stated in the attack ad that “almost everybody” has a “great job” in Gainesville. Bloomberg reported just last year that Gainesville has the fifth-highest income inequality in the nation. That’s a slight improvement on 24/7 Wall St.’s July 2015 findings that ranked the city as having the fourth-highest income inequality. According to the latter, the top 20 percent of earners in Gainesville control 54 percent of the annual income, the bottom 20 percent just 1.9 percent, “the smallest share by the bottom fifth of earners among metros reviewed.” Further, the study said, “Nearly 15 percent of the region’s households earn less than $10,000 per year, well above the national share of households in extreme poverty.” Crossreferencing that statistic with U.S. Census Bureau records, it seems pretty unlikely that those who live in the 7,113 households (out of 47,420, per 2014 data) earning less than $10,000 per year would agree that “almost everybody” has a “great job” in Gainesville. But what do facts or logic matter when you’re writing the script for a 58-second takedown of a woman who yelled at you in a Starbucks, am I right? High fives all around. For argument’s sake, let’s assume that Rick Scott did create those 9,300 jobs in Gainesville. After all, the attack ad basically says he did, so it must be true, right? Wrong. According to the company’s website, when Mobiquity announced plans to hire 260 workers in Gainesville in 2013, then-mayor-elect Ed Braddy said, “The addition of Mobiquity to the Gainesville area is testimony to the outstanding effort of the Council for Economic Outreach…” Hmm… No biggie, we’ll just give some credit to the Council for Economic Outreach, too. The Gainesville Area Chamber of Commerce reports, “Congressman Ted S. Yoho has been 8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
a strong supporter of economic growth and jobs, supporting measures in 2014 and 2015 that would create tens of thousands of jobs nationally, and more than 150 jobs in Alachua County.” So mayhaps Congressman Yoho deserves partial credit as well? Wait a sec, U.S. Senator Bill Nelson wants in on this action. In his opening remarks to the senate in 2011, he said “ … comprehensive deficit reduction should include well-designed fundamental tax reform that … promotes job creation.” Clearly Senator Nelson has earned a little recognition for fostering job creation. But, wait, there’s more! In the State of the Union Address in January, President Obama said, “We’re in the middle of the longest streak of private-sector job creation in history.” The president went on to say that, thanks to the Trans-Pacific Partnership, funding for renewable energy, health care reform, efforts to improve education, etc., his track record of creating millions of jobs — more than 14 million since 2009 — will continue into the future. So who should we thank for creating all those jobs? The president, vice president, cabinet, congress, senate, governor, state legislature, every mayor, city council, foreign country, working person, voter and consumer? The truth of the matter is that no single person or politician deserves credit for creating jobs. Not the president, not the governor, nor the mayor, nor any member of city council. Touting a solid record of creating jobs is essentially catnip for the electorate; it’s safe, non-controversial, something voters like to hear. That’s why “job creation” is Rick Scott’s answer to basically every question asked of him. But no matter how many times he pats himself on the back for creating jobs, nor how low he stoops to do it, it doesn’t make it true, nor does it make it right. In love and logic, Another Latte Liberal Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com
THE MAIL LOCK ‘EM UP
RE.: “One Step Forward,” by Claire Goforth, March 30 CORRINE BROWN DOESN’T deserve our compassion. She deserves prison time. She is a low-life crook. It is losers like Corinne Brown that give Congress an approval rating of 7 percent. It is criminal D-Bags like Corinne Brown and John Keane that make Jacksonville a corrupted crap-hole city. Corrine Brown and John Keane should be in prison. They have a lot in common. Both think the rules are meant for other people. Both are arrogant and lack a conscience. And they are thieves. Cheryl Campbell via USPS
THAT’S ONE WAY TO RECYCLE
RE.: “One Step Forward…” by Claire Goforth, March 30 AS A BLACK PROFESSIONAL I WOULD LIKE TO say thank you for your article in this weeks Folio concerning Congresswoman Brown. I ran out of toilet paper while reading your Column and the Folio and your article finally served a purpose in my life. Get a clue people!! Larry Baker via email
THE CARDIAC CATS DESERVE NO CREAM
RE.: “Sale of the Century,” by AG Gancarski, April 6 In order to garner support for the upcoming Pension Tax Referendum, Mayor Curry will claim that without passage of the Referendum, there will be no money in the City budget for new police officers, improved fire protection, or infrastructure repairs. I fear that if the Referendum passes, however, the City will find ways to waste part of the “extra” money on the Jaguars. Recent city history is replete with one giveaway to the Jaguars after another. Unless Mayor Curry can guarantee that won’t happen again, I won’t vote to burden the next generation with another tax. Gary E. Eckstine via email
CONSISTENCY: THE MOTHER OF IRRITATION
RE.: “Not in My Neighborhood,” March 30, by Josh Gore Get over it. Jacksonville locals bitched about Kickbacks. They bitched about Mellow Mushroom. They’re now bitching about The Roost. They even bitched about not being allowed to have chickens in their backyard (seriously!) They pretty much bitch about anything that has to do with progress. Which is precisely why Jacksonville has been the butt of jokes and at the bottom of many lists for years, until just recently. There’s a great wave of progress happening all over our city. And if you look at many other model cities, there are tons of thriving mixed-used, historic and pedestrian friendly neighborhoods with a lot of amenities, restaurants, bars, cafes, etc. If you want peace and quiet, move your ass out to the countryside, and let Jacksonville live up to its potential. I love what’s happening around town, and more importantly I love what’s happening in Riverside. Progress will eventually make this one of the most desirable neighborhoods in town (it already is), bring more people to the neighborhood, more money to local mom and pop businesses and higher real estate prices. And you are complaining? Grow up. Just like Jacksonville. Sam Sheqareq via Facebook
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BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BRICKBATS TO AMELIA ISLAND BEACHGOERS Apparently, some people who frequent the seashore in front of Amelia Surf & Racquet Club don’t see the harm in leaving the beach littered with the skeletons of their tents, even though recent conditions had the ocean swirling up and around said structures. News flash: The beach isn’t your personal backyard; it’s ours. BOUQUETS TO FDOT RED-TAPE CUTTER An exasperated Prius driver recently asked one of the FDOT repair crewman near the Philips Highway and 9B project to grind down a significant bump and was politely informed she’d have to contact FDOT. She did not, but the next time she took that route, the bump had magically disappeared. BRICKBATS TO THE JEA BOARD OF DIRECTORS On April 7, the board heard presentations about proposed changes to the net metering credit for customers with solar energy systems. Renewable energy advocates asked to also present at the meeting, or at least for there to be public comment. Nope – the board did not care to hear what the people have to say. DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest. APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9
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FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS The elites love the PENSION TAX. But will voters?
MASS
APPEAL
THE BIG STORY LAST WEEK in Jacksonville happened Wednesday evening. The Florida Times-Union reported that Mayor Lenny Curry planned to put his pension tax referendum up to a vote in August to tackle the unfunded pension liability that bedevils local budgets … including the one currently being devised for next fiscal year. The official reason: “This is a financial crisis and we need to get certainty on solving the unfunded pension liability. The earliest date we can go is August.” Curry followed that up with a promise of an “austere budget,” one consistent with what he’s telling councilmembers in one-onone meetings. Until this unfunded liability is addressed, locals can expect More of the Same, in terms of roads, infrastructure, and public safety funding. Whether that dose of castor oil will incentivize votes is an open question at this point. It’s notable that going in August instead of November matters, because it effectively limits the universe of voters. Low-information November voters, especially those without a party ID, will not be voting in August … unless they’re driven to show up to vote on this referendum. The case for the referendum boils down to this: It creates money in the budget for other things, by amortizing the obligations of what will be the closed “defined benefit” plan. In terms of the 2017 budget, it could save anywhere from $38-$62 million. In a billion-dollar budget, that projected $62 million in savings represents 6.2 percent more operating capital. Quite encouraging. But there’s a caveat worth mentioning, especially for those worried about Kicking the Can Down the Road. The old defined benefits pension plan won’t be fully funded for decades; even in 2045, it would be at 60 percent. By then, many of you reading this will be dead. And the rest of us will be working as swing-shift WalMart greeters. There are, to be sure, political ramifications as well. For one thing, the pension tax now looms over all local House races. Candidates backed by the mayor will, no doubt, make the case. As will myriad glad-handing locals who still want Curry to be their buddy in public. Expect more of the stirring Tweets and Facebook posts endorsing the measure and extolling the mayoral vision from certain candidates and political actors. But what of those left out in the cold, such as certain Democrats, especially those still
smarting from being dumped from boards and certain Republicans, specifically, candidates Curry is not backing in House races. Will they take the anti-tax “populist” position? In crowded races, especially in HD 11 and 12, there’s no reason not to … if Curry isn’t backing you anyway. And if you’re a Democrat, not thrilled with the partisan machinations of the executive branch, why would you be All In? Curry needs to get to 50-percent-plus-1 in August. His political team believes he has the personal favorability and name ID numbers to do it. And, as I wrote last week, observing that mega-popular John Delaney got only 57 percent support 16 years ago for the BJP, he’ll need those tailwinds. But even if he is generally popular, there’s another caveat. August voters, by and large, will be conservative anti-tax Republicans, voting in the battle royale of the GOP Senate primary (as of yet, Alan Grayson and Patrick Murphy have not made plays up here … and Independents, of course, will be showing up to vote on this alone, which should suppress their vote unless they’re motivated). Are the most conservative voters in Duval ready to vote to “extend” the half-cent sales tax? Including the subset that chafed over Curry backing Rubio instead of Trump in March? That question may be the base of this whole effort. Another question is, how will voters who know they have no pension, who will work until they die, who lack the safety net people in other states have with Medicaid expansion, who get poorer every year, react to paying a tax until 2060 to protect the pensions of John Keane and the Police & Fire Pension Fund? Word is, the Chamber wasn’t enthusiastic about a tax referendum when Alvin Brown was mayor. They didn’t think it could pass with voters. Now they’re all in. (Let’s leave aside that the Chamber was absolutely useless when it came to getting the HRO past the wild-eyed mouth-breathers of the Evangel Temple, which raises questions about its actual political capital in this populist age). The elites are all in behind this. The populists are an unknown quantity. In August, we’ll find out who has more stroke. AG Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11
FOLIO COMMUNITY : NEWS
REVIVING A PIECE OF
OLD FLORIDA Genung’s Fish Camp has A NEW CHANCE to thrive Walter Coker and Matanzas Riverkeeper Neil Armingeon are endeavoring to restore Genung’s Fish Camp to its glory days.
photo by Walter Coker
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WHEN JACK WASN’T THERE WITH HIS DAILY finger mullet feeding, Johnny Bird the sandhill crane would wander up to the window and gaze in quizzically, as if to say, “Where’s Jack?” From 1948 to the late ’90s, when he wasn’t feeding neighborhood birds, Jack Genung could usually be found just south of the S.R. 206 bridge at his Crescent Beach institution, Genung’s Fish Camp, smoking cigars with the who’s who of St. Johns County, giving neighborhood kids something to do, drinking rum with some local surfers, spooling up some fishing line or fashioning a cane pole for the bait shop. “It’s a holy spot. One of the hearts of the beach,” said Genung’s longtime neighbor Pat Hamilton. Now, after more than 15 years and a series of different operators, that holy spot is getting a face-lift, with the help of Walter Coker and Matanzas Riverkeeper Neil Armingeon. Coker, former Folio Weekly Magazine photo editor/photographer, moved into the Genungs’ old house overlooking the river, and is overseeing operations. Armingeon opened an office on the property, with the best view in town. They hope to bring Genung’s back to resemble something like it was in its glory days, a fishing institution. Hamilton said that every fisherman worth his weight in blue fish, along with those who wanted to be, could be found hanging around the fish camp in the early days, swapping stories, sharing and picking up tips. “Everybody came there for bait and to clean their fish, so you always knew where the fish were, hanging around there,” said Hamilton, who grew up in the house he now lives in, just a few lots south of Genung’s on the Matanzas River. “It was a real advantage.” During summers, Hamilton and his brother, Bill, would work at Genung’s,
sweeping up the shop and packing shrimp Genung had caught in nets into beer flats to be frozen and sold in the winter. “He was kind of a gruff guy, always with a cigar in his mouth. And he had those dogs, German Shepherd mixes, scary dogs,” Hamilton said. “But I realize now how good he was to us, letting us hang around there as kids.” People kept their boats at Genung’s, but if it rained in the night, they would have to show up to bail their own boats out. Sometimes, in the middle of the night, Genung could be found bailing out a boat after a heavy rainstorm, but whenever he did, people would be buying bait from an angry man the next day. “We were always a little scared of him,” Hamilton said. After Genung suffered a stroke in the late ’90s, he and his wife Mary Jane were forced to sell the fish camp. So the Hamiltons and six other neighbors got some money together and bought the place to allow it to stay a fish camp, or at least avoid becoming another noisy waterfront restaurant or eyesore condo. Hamilton said he is delighted Coker is taking it over, and believes the partnership with the Riverkeeper sets Genung’s up for an ideal future. Armingeon, who has had several offices since he started as Keeper of the Matanzas in 2013, was trying to figure out a way to move to Genung’s when he heard it was open last year. When he mentioned it to his longtime friend, Coker jumped at the opportunity. “I’ll never forget that,” Armingeon said, laughing. “I said to myself, ‘Well, Walter has lost his mind.’” But Coker was serious, and the two worked out an agreement with the owners. A few months later, renovations began, and now Coker lives in the fish camp house
overlooking the river, and Armingeon has a small office with a view that would turn any river-lover green with envy. His window overlooks one of the most pristine stretches of river in the state, bordered far to the south by Princess Place and Faver-Dykes State Park on Pellicer Creek, the Matanzas State Forest to the southwest, and Moses Creek Conservation Area to the northwest. It’s also one of the last remaining places in Northeast Florida one can safely harvest oysters and other shellfish, between S.R. 206 and the Flagler County line, Armingeon said. “That’s a substantial public land expanse around here. There are very few places left like this,” he said. All it was missing since Genung passed away in the early aughts was a bonafide fish camp bait shop, right on the river. While he might not have bait shop experience, those familiar with him are confident Coker is the man to make that a reality. “I’ve known Walter for 13 years, he’s one of my closest friends. Walter embraces what I do, he’s a big environmentalist,” said Armingeon, who was the St. Johns Riverkeeper until becoming the first full-time protector of the Matanzas in 2013. “What Walter’s doing here, he’s bringing the fish camp back in a more environmentally friendly way. He has a vision. He’s a visionary.” That vision, along with a plan to bring in local art along with art and furniture from Coastal Traders, Coker’s store on San Marco Avenue in St. Augustine’s old section, is to mostly keep with tradition. “For the shareholders, it’s not about making money. Their idea is to preserve it and save a piece of Old Florida. They didn’t want a piece like this zoned commercial and turn into another Saltwater Cowboys or Conch House. We want to turn this into a place to celebrate Old Florida and Genung’s and the river,” Coker said. But he said he’d also like to make Genung’s a viable business, maybe expand the demographic a little bit beyond the typical bait shop crowd, and give it an environmental bent. “I see it as not just a bait shop, but a place to have events, a place to celebrate the river.” The first of those events is on Saturday, April 16 — a benefit for the Riverkeeper. Internationally known environmental troubadour Dana Lyons will play a sunset acoustic set with St. Augustine band Rivernecks backing him up. Soon, Genung’s Fish Camp bait shop will be operating at full strength, too, with live bait, tackle, and other fishing gear for sale. (There are already kayak rentals, beer and sodas, dead bait and boat slip rentals in the camp’s small boat livery.) And Armingeon will have his Riverkeeper boat fixed up and on the water, ready for tours. Those who remember Genung’s the way it used to be look forward to its revitalization. Those who know it now can’t wait to get back out there. “All hell’s breaking loose at the beach and out on the roads. You come here, this place is timeless. It’s always peaceful,” Armingeon said. Greg Parlier mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Dana Lyons & Rivernecks Sunset Concert is held April 16, 5-9 p.m., $15 suggested donation, Genung’s Fish Camp, 291 Cubbedge Rd., St. Augustine, 4744144, facebook.com/events/238413379838418. APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13
OF PORT DREAMS
W
ithout clean drinking water, humanity is doomed. Yet Americans have become so accustomed to having infinite amounts of water available at the turn of a tap that Northeast Floridians dump half our potable water on landscaping, think almost nothing of Central Florida receiving a permit to withdraw millions more gallons from St. Johns River every day, roll our eyes when advocates talk about undamming the Ocklawaha River, and shrug noncommittally when asked whether dredging the river down to four times its original depth is a good idea. Most people care about water only in theory, not in practice. The singular thing people seem to care about without reservation is money. Money is the driving force behind the push to deepen the St. Johns River shipping channel to accommodate larger Post-Panamax ships that will begin traversing the Panama Canal later this year. Hungering to increase its share of both that cargo and the Asian container trade, the Jacksonville Port Authority, or JaxPort, has spent the better part of a decade pursuing deep water; it’s done a rather good job selling the dredge to politicians and other holders of the purse strings. Dredge the river, make money; don’t dredge, lose money: It’s a digestible argument that is easy to get behind. But in spite of the fanfare of press releases and pink-cheeked politicians like Governor Rick Scott parachuting in for smiling photo ops whenever JaxPort lands a big fish like Maersk Line or Volkswagen, many economists and environmentalists are not buying what the port, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, Martin Associates and Xicon Economics (more on that later) are selling. They do not believe rosy projections about the economic benefits of deepening; they aren’t convinced by the Corps’ optimistic predictions that scooping 18 million cubic yards of river bottom will have negligible environmental impacts on the river, its inhabitants and adjacent areas.
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T
he Corps estimates that deepening 13 miles of the St. Johns River shipping channel from 40 to 47 feet will cost $750 million — $350 million of which is to be paid by the federal government. The city or the state is on the hook for the rest. Nancy Rubin, senior communications director for JaxPort, said Florida is offering “significant funding” for the project in next year’s budget, but could not provide specifics. Rubin also said that the project is on the Department of Transportation’s five-year plan. So the city’s portion for the deepening could be as much as several hundred million dollars — or it could be nothing. In the face of this uncertainty, the project proceeds. According to Rubin, the port has quietly kept pace with the Port of Savannah, which last fall began a deepening project that is scheduled to reach completion in 2021. Given that the Corps estimated the St. Johns River dredging project will take five or six years, if what Rubin hints is true, the deepening could start in a matter of months. Citing the long history of government entities underestimating or poorly calculating project costs, critics like University of North Florida professor Dr. David Jaffee, who has studied and written extensively about the project, believe that it will cost far, far more than anticipated, as much as a billion dollars or more. Further, expenses do not end when the channel is deepened; costs continue to the tune of $800,000 to $1 million each year to maintain the channel at that depth, as well as to potentially improve transportation infrastructure surrounding the facility,
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PORT OF DREAMS <<< FROM PREVIOUS upgrade and extend JaxPort’s container yard and raise bulkheads to accommodate the wake of the larger ships anticipated. An economic assessment commissioned by the port in 2013 indicates that even if the project will cost a billion dollars, it will return far, far more to the economy. In its assessment, Martin Associates concluded that, by 2035, deepening would create as many as 34,508 jobs and generate $10.8 billion to $12.7 billion in cumulative economic benefit. Critics point out that these include “related jobs,” which the assessment goes on to state, “[W]hen the impact models are used for planning purposes, related jobs should not be used to measure the economic benefits of a particular project.” Less than half the projected jobs — 13,700 — are with the port itself. According to its website, the port currently employs 150 people. Rubin said, “If we shut our gates tomorrow, nearly 25,000 people would not work the next day. Those are not people employed by JaxPort. Those are people employed by private sector businesses … truck drivers, logistics managers, warehouse folks, delivery people, Homeland Security agents, the folks who actually need the port gates to be opening.” In his paper, “Understanding and Critically Analyzing the Port Economy and JaxPort Channel Deepening,” Dr. Jaffee wrote, “[I]n fact, the accurate figures based on the Martin Associates data are 841 and 5,587, respectively. This colossal discrepancy between the reported and actual numbers is due to either inexcusable unprofessional carelessness or deliberate deception.” Jaffee points out that there’s no way to be sure that any of these projections are even correct. Martin Associates has routinely been criticized for refusing to let anyone take a peek at the models it uses to project economic benefits, on the grounds that such is proprietary. Another point skeptics make is that the Corps did not conduct a multiport analysis of this project, which they believe indicates that it did not believe JaxPort would attract more cargo as a result of deepening the channel. Rather, the Corps analyzed whether the project would benefit the national economy and the shipping industry as a whole. “When [the Corps] looks at the economics of these projects, they don’t look to impacts to the local economy whatsoever, they only look at the reduction of costs to shippers,” said the St. Johns Riverkeeper, Lisa Rinaman. Hofstra University professor Jean-Paul Rodrigue, one of the world’s foremost transportation economics experts, said that cities like Jacksonville are banking on deepening enabling them to capture a larger portion of the market in spite of the reality that competition among ports is a “zero sum game,” and “whatever somebody gains is going to be at expense of the other.” “The bigger ships are not going to create by magic more business,” he said. Rodrigue also said that bigger ships might lead to a concentration of traffic at one time, but not necessarily more cargo, and noted that, because ports are increasingly relying on automation, they have become more disconnected from local economies. Further, Rodrigue said, the global economic growth slowdown makes it less likely that there will be enough increase of traffic to justify all the deep water ports, which includes 14 on the Eastern Seaboard and, in the Southeast, seven within 500 nautical 16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
The Riverkeeper believes that deepening the St. Johns River to four times its historic depth has the potential to permanently change the ecosystem.
Given that the Corps estimated the St. Johns River dredging project will take five or six years, if what JaxPort senior communications director Nancy Rubin (at right) hints at is true, the deepening could start in a matter of months. miles, four of which are in Florida: Miami, Everglades, Cape Canaveral and Jacksonville. (Savannah, Georgia; Charleston, South Carolina; and Wilmington, North Carolina round out the list.) Nevertheless, JaxPort believes that there’s enough cargo for everyone. “There’s enough business to go around and there are enough qualifications here in Jacksonville that make us ideally suited to capture a great deal of that Asian container trade,” Rubin said. In part to settle, once and for all, the question of whether deepening was going to reap substantial economic benefits, in December 2014 Jacksonville hired its own economist to analyze the project: Xicon Economics, which cheerily agreed that if the port was dredged, the money would come. In addition to loving all things infrastructure investment, through some basic Googling last year Folio Weekly Magazine broke the story that Xicon’s owner, Dr. Dr. Herbert J. Barber Jr. (that double-title is not a typo) penned the book Fall of a Nation: A Biblical Perspective of a Modern Problem, in which he espoused ideas so abhorrent that then-Mayor Alvin Brown responded to an email containing some of the most colorful portions with a hasty recrimination of its contents. The city was still on the hook for the $60K it had agreed to pay Xicon, however. But at least it got what it paid for: Xicon concluded that the project was economically and financially feasible, would cost $813 million and create between $3.9 and $7.8 billion of benefits to the local economy by 2030. Some would say the wide range between Xicon’s and Martin’s predictions ($3.9 to $7.8 billion by 2030 versus $10.8 to $12.7 by 2035) illustrates the subjectivity of economic projections.
O
n April 1, the St. Johns Riverkeeper filed a Petition for Formal Administrative Hearing with the Florida Department of Environmental Protection to challenge the Environmental Resource Permit & Variance the port received to dredge. Its position is that deepening the historically 12-to-14-foot-deep St. Johns River another seven feet — counting allowable and required overdepth, as much as 11 feet — will cause far greater environmental harm than the Corps projects.
“That permit falls short. It does not protect the river. It does not meet the laws that are in place to protect our river,” Rinaman said. “… It will cause degradation beyond what the law allows. There will be impacts to the river itself, there will be impacts to water quality; there will be impacts to habitat.” The Corps originally included $80 million in environmental mitigation costs, but according to Corps project manager Jason Harrah, after completing its environmental impact statement, reduced it to $3 million because it believes that dredging 13 miles of the St. Johns River shipping channel from 40 to 47 feet will have minimal environmental impacts. The Riverkeeper believes that the deepening has the potential to change the entire ecosystem of the river, which runs through Timucuan Preserve and other protected areas, and negatively impact wildlife like the endangered West Indian manatee and dolphins, as well as fish stocks. Jacksonville University biology and marine science professor A. Quinton White Jr., who has been advocating for and studying the river since the ’70s, believes that the dredging will tax a river that is already suffering and unhealthy as evidenced by fish kills, green algae blooms and a mysterious foam appearing in recent years. Dr. White noted that last time the river was deepened, in 2010, subsequently there was what is known as an “unusual marine mortality event”: 19 bottlenose dolphins died.
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2016 PROFILE SERIES:
JACKSONVILLE’S
11
PROMOTION
FINEST
Presenting Jacksonville professionals this week who demonstrate continued excellence in: Healthcare, Education & Business for 2016
SURGICAL & NON-SURGICAL SPINAL CARE MEMORIAL NEUROSPINE, the region’s premier spine practice, continues to expand nationally with patients traveling through out the country to access their quality services. Their physicians are leaders in the field, teaching other surgeons nationally and internationally. Under the leadership of fellowship trained, board certified Neurosurgeons, their multidisciplinary team provides patient-specific care. A higher level of expertise allows them to treat patients who have been told elsewhere they must live with their limitations. As a concierge destination spine center, every aspect of a patient’s care is addressed to maximize access, function and quality of life. From scheduling their 3627 University Blvd South first visit, assisting with travel arrangements, to completion of care, each patient #355, Jacksonville is provided with support and care. Similar problems may receive different (904)296-2522 treatments as a professional athlete may require a different treatment plan than an elderly novelist. Above all, every effort is made to avoid surgery when possible. When surgery is necessary, they employ the most advanced minimally invasive and open surgical techniques. Allow Memorial NeuroSpine to help you return to doing what you love in life. Visit: www.memorialneurospine.com
SERVING NORTH FLORIDA FOR 37 YEARS
2 Shircliff Way, #800 Jacksonville (904)388-2619
Conveniently located in the DePaul Building of St. Vincent’s Medical Center in Riverside, CANCER SPECIALISTS OF NORTH FLORIDA has been dedicated to the care of adults with cancer or blood disorders since its inception in 1979. The center’s vast array of services include oncology & hematology consultation, outpatient chemotherapy, laboratory services, mental health services, genetic counseling, pharmacy services, PET/CT scans and revolutionary diagnostic tools. In addition, patients have access to promising new therapies through enrollment in clinical trials for many different malignant diseases. Drs. Suprith Badarinath, Thomas S. Davis, Leann L. Fox, Kevin K. Hunger, Steven D. Siegel & Susmitha Vaka are board certified in Internal Medicine, Medical Oncology and/or Hematology. Their nurses specialize in oncology and most are certified by the Oncology Nursing Society. At Cancer Specialists of North Florida, your care is their mission and your recovery is their goal. Visit: www.cancerspecialistsnf.com
BRACES FOR ADULTS & CHILDREN Dr. Orrin D. Mitchell at JACKSONVILLE ORTHODONTICS is a Board Certified Orthodontist, with over 40 years of experience. He states that adults make up 35 percent of his practice in his “patient-first” approach. Dr. Mitchell is pleased to report that his oldest patient was in his 80s when he first started orthodontic treatment. He recommends all children be seen by age 7 for a free examination and consultation in his office. Dr. Mitchell is a member of the American Association of Orthodontists, the National & American Dental Associations, the American and International College of Dentists, the College of Diplomates of the American Board of Orthodontics, Certified in the no-braces (Invisalign®) process and served on the Board of Dentistry for the State of Florida (7 years). He is on the leading edge of functional 1190 Edgewood Ave West appliances orthodontics. At the first visit, which is free, Dr. Mitchell will examine #A, Jacksonville for crowding or overlapping teeth, noticeable overbite or underbite, protruding (904)766-6000 front teeth and children’s thumb or finger sucking habits. Furthermore, he will also evaluate difficulty in chewing food, mouth breathing, jaw joints that “pop” or “click,” difficulty in closing lips over teeth and facial & oral aesthetic problems. Visit: www.JacksonvilleOrthodontics.net
PROVIDING JACKSONVILLE WITH THE FINEST DENTAL CARE SINCE 1972 Located in Historic San Marco, Dr. C.J. Henley and Dr. J. Craig Kelly of HENLEY & KELLY believe that your teeth & oral health are valuable assets & preserving them is critical to your overall health and happiness. They provide comprehensive dental treatment in a comfortable, friendly, and pleasant atmosphere. Dr. Henley and Dr. Kelly are committed to using the best dental materials, backed by science, to ensure that your dental work will look amazing and last for years to come. Drs. Henley and Kelly’s goal is to form life-long relationships with their patients, providing them with the best in cosmetic dentistry, family dentistry and oral medicine. Services include cosmetic dentistry (porcelain crowns & veneers), 3675 Hendricks Ave periodontics (gum treatments), endodontics (root canals), bridges, dentures, Jacksonville oral surgery, teeth whitening, oral appliance therapy for sleep apnea & snoring, (904)398-1549 prosthodontics, implant dentistry, children’s dentistry & general dentistry. The office works with most dental insurances and will handle filing your claims on your behalf so your office visits are quick and simple. Henley & Kelly’s dedicated staff will go out of their way to give all of the members of your family, from children to adults, the personal attention and quality dental care they deserve. Visit: www.henleyandkelly.com
SEX/PORN ADDICTION SERVICES Manther’s Place Counseling specializes in teen & adult counseling, drug & alcohol programs, DUI counseling, Internet/video game addiction, anxiety & depression and sex/pornography addiction, Connie E. Clark, LMHC of MANTHER’S PLACE COUNSELING can help. Connie is a Board Certified Sex Therapist (CST) and is a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP). One of her primary expertise is working with individuals, partners and families facing the pain of sex addiction. Talking about your problems with a non-judgmental, understanding, and caring professional can help with life’s questions, pain and problems. Your identity is the most important thing to carry through life; and when it is buried underneath mounds of culture, gender, sexuality, family, job, religion, expectations and responsibilities, you don’t know where your identity begins. If you have been 6108 Arlington Rd beaten down by sexual behaviors, the consequences of these behaviors and the Jacksonville shame that is all-too-common, hope can seem far off. Yet, Connie assures you (904)743-2327 many have found true healing from their sexual behaviors. Healing from relational brokenness that happens in light of sexual behaviors is possible. Visit: www.manthersplace.com
PERSONALIZED COMPREHENSIVE SKIN CARE
Board Certified Dermatologist Mary T. Pentel, MD at SOUTHSIDE DERMATOLOGY and her dedicated team have created a professional environment where your general, surgical and cosmetic dermatology needs are met in one convenient location. If cancerous lesions are detected, she uses, among other leading treatments, MOHS micrographic surgery to ensure the highest cure rate possible. Dr. Pentel has extensive training in cosmetic dermatology. She uses various lasers to treat wrinkles, photo aging, scaring & acne scarring (onsite scar center), veins, brown lesions, laser hair removal, non-invasive fat reduction (CoolSculpting) and cellulite removal. She also features an onsite spa & laser center where she personally performs all of the injectable procedures herself and provides 4727 Sunbeam Rd non-invasive rejuvenation treatment under one roof. Dr. Pentel specializes in #101, Jacksonville treating ethnic skin safely and effectively. Constructing a personalized plan for (904)880-0622 each patient is her primary goal. Her success is accredited to taking time with her patients—listening, educating and ultimately recommending a plan to achieve and maintain healthy, glowing skin. Visit: www.southsidedermatology.com
INFERTILITY REPRODUCTIVE SPECIALISTS
AT JACKSONVILLE CENTER FOR REPRODUCTIVE MEDICINE, Drs.
Michael D. Fox, Christopher w. Lipari & Sarah Paschall’s goal is to help couples maximize their ability to conceive a child by providing personalized and effective fertility treatment. As board certified specialists, the practice offers a friendly, compassionate and caring environment where couples can undergo comprehensive diagnosis and treatment. Their multidisciplinary approach provides a skilled team of highly qualified physicians, nurse practitioners, nurses, and laboratory personnel poised to assist you with advanced surgical techniques and less invasive fertility treatments, which achieve excellent success rates for 7051 Southpoint Pwky their patients. #200, Jacksonville Each member of their staff plays an integral role in caring and educating patients. (904)493-BABY (2229) Their primary objective is to help couples achieve their dream of having a baby. They believe it is important to treat the entire patient and address the medical, social and psychological issues of infertility. The center has excellent experienced consultants that can aid patients in dealing with the complex issues surrounding fertility care. At JCRM, their work centers completely on you as a couple. Visit: www.jcrm.org
SPEECH & LEARNING SPECIALIST
Dana Merritt, MS, CCC-SLP, IMT at MERRITT SPEECH & LEARNING is a national award winner and a leader in her field. She specializes in the diagnosis & treatment of auditory, visual, and motor processing disorders that cause delays in speech, language, reading, writing, and arithmetic. Parents come from far and wide to Jacksonville for her unique evaluation and therapy. Auditory processing and visual processing problems disrupt and delay the education of children and adults. Dana successfully treats all types of communication disorders including articulation, language, autism, dyslexia, and dyscalculia. She utilizes the latest research-based programs of Fast ForWord and Interactive Metronome to drive positive neuroplasticity. She has developed a unique phonics program. A Time for Phonics expands a student’s vocabulary and 1309-110 St. Johns Bluff Rd improves spelling skills. She has developed a unique math enhancement program. Jacksonville Math Made Fun Playing Cards help solve the word problem, symbol problem, eye(904)721-4122 hand coordination, and working memory problem that math encompasses. More information about processing disorders, a checklist, and parent testimonials are available online. Parents often say: “I wish we had found you sooner.” Visit: www.MerrittSpeech.com
K-12 ACADEMIC TUTORING
BEACHES TUTORING SERVICES INC. provides a unique and much-needed
private tutoring service. When traditional education systems, as excellent as they are, cannot fulfill some specific needs, owner Mary Erikson-Verdi steps in. Beaches Tutoring offers individualized academic tutoring for students of all abilities. Mary tutors learning differences, gifted students, college-bound students and everyone in between. Located in Atlantic Beach, Beaches Tutoring has committed to maximizing your academic and educational results by combining knowledge with focus. Tutoring in most subjects for grade levels K-12, including homework support, reading & math skills, writing organization, and tutoring in virtual school courses. Mary’s programs begin with a whole-child assessment of each 447 Atlantic Blvd student’s particular needs, then tailors their programs to specifically address #3, Atlantic Beach those needs. Individualized tutoring with certified teachers provides serious (904)994-1005 solutions and keeps students on the leading edge of success. Beaches Tutoring helps you to develop a strategic, confidence building educational plan in a cost-effective manner. Email: beachestutoring@gmail.com
KID-FRIENDLY EDUCATION
Parents in the Jacksonville area are fortunate to have an alternative to public education. THE ACADEMY OF SCHOLARS, INC offers a nurturing environment in which children (kindergarten through tenth grade) are provided with an enriched learning environment. It is an independent, private school committed to nurturing, teaching, and motivating all students using diverse teaching styles and strategies that are kid-friendly and in accordance with local, state & nationwide standards. The school promotes integrity within the school and the community that enables students to be proud of their surroundings while adhering to the values of the school. Academy of Scholars is dedicated to showing compassion and integrity while teaching to the whole child. 6620 Arlington Expressway The Academy of Scholars’ family believes that determination, commitment, Jacksonville responsibility & self-motivation are the keys to the success that will overcome (904)274-1107 the challenges of our present society; and with these values, they are confident that their students stand a better chance of achieving great things. Founder, Shevonica M. Howell, is an Assistant Dean and Business/Math Professor at Jones College West Campus and an Educational Specialist Candidate at Nova Southeastern University (NSU) studying Brain Based teaching. Contact the school for more info or a tour. Visit: www.academyofscholarsinc.org
DON’T CLIMB THE CORPORATE LADDER - CREATE ONE!
320 N First St, #613 Jacksonville Beach (904) 249-1820
Downsized/laid off. Fear of instability in corporate America. Corporate travel affecting family life. Salary caps. Taking control of YOUR future is what Marshall Reddy at FRANNET FLORIDA helps his clients do. His local business matchmaking & advisory practice has helped hopeful entrepreneurs find the best business to invest in for over two decades. Entrepreneurial options is the service FranNet has provided to clients for over 30 years. FranNet’s proprietary Franchise Assessment tool helps would be investors & entrepreneurs find the most suitable franchise opportunities for them based on their skills, goals, interests and financial capabilities. Mr. Reddy’s background includes more than 30 years of business ownership and consulting experience. He has helped hundreds of people fulfill their dream of starting their own successful franchise business. The FranNet group publishes and provides educational franchise materials for a number of SBA affiliates throughout the country and has also been honored by INC magazine six years in a row as one of the fastest growing private companies in the United States. Visit: www.frannetflorida.com
Support Small Businesses: Spending just $100 a year with a local business adds $3 million a year to the local economy! | See the online version of the series at ProactiveResources.com/041316 APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17
PORT OF DREAMS <<< FROM PREVIOUS
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Launching an investigation into the deaths, the National Oceanic & Atmospheric Administration said in a release that November, “The majority of the St. Johns River dolphin strandings occurred in the northern portion of the river near Jacksonville, FL, in an area which experienced elevated fish mortalities between May and July 2010.” The 2010 dredge was completed that July. The cause of the dolphins’ deaths was never definitively determined. NOAA also noted that in 19 years, there had been 51 unusual marine mortality events in the United States and that, in a typical year, no more than six bottlenose dolphins perish in the St. Johns River. Northeast Florida commercial fisherman Robbie Scholl recalled the effect dredging had the last time the channel was deepened. “When you stir up that much mud and water, the fish population, it smothers a lot of fish and what it doesn’t smother seemed to leave, just disappear,” Scholl said. “And they do eventually come back, but it’s not done overnight, it’s not done in a month. The more they dredge up there, the worse our river gets.” Scholl, 69, who has been fishing the St. Johns River since he was 12 years old, believes that this dredge will have an even greater effect on the river than the last one. He said that the “salt line,” the furthest upriver that seawater travels, which can be measured by the presence of salt-tolerant species, has moved many miles upriver since his youth, from Green Cove Springs to close to Palatka. Standing on the banks of the Ocklawaha River, historically the largest tributary of the St. Johns, two weeks ago during the Riverkeeper’s Save Our River Tour, wetland scientist Robin Lewis said, “We have records that indicate that the flow of the St. Johns River has been reduced by, believe it or not, 50 percent.” Diminished flow makes the river less capable of flushing out toxins and other pollutants and increases the extremes in fluctuations of salt and freshwater that occur with the tides. Increases in salinity were one of the main focuses of the Corps’ environmental impact study for this project; increased salinity has the potential to threaten the many species that depend on the river, estuaries and tributaries for spawning, sustenance and habitat. The year that the Corps studied the river was relatively dry; it has since taken the position that this improved their understanding of salinity shifts in the St. Johns River. Dr. White disagrees with that logic, saying that one of the ways the Corps’ reasoning is flawed is that it relies on averages, when in reality, extreme conditions cause the greatest fluctuations. “What we’re seeing already from dredging and water withdrawal and pumping the aquifer is a dramatic difference in how the river responds to rain … now it rains and we’ll get dramatic spikes of freshwater going out, and when it stops raining, the [salinity spikes],” he said. White isn’t the only one who has noticed a difference in how the river responds to rain since the 2010 dredging. “When they open that channel up, when it floods, you don’t get the tides going up into the estuary … You don’t get any lifesustaining nutrients for the fish and crabs that live in the river,” said Scholl.
“That permit FALLS SHORT. It does not protect the river. It does not meet the laws that are in place to protect the river.” —ST. JOHNS RIVERKEEPER LISA RINAMAN.
Because this project was included in President Barack Obama’s “We Can’t Wait” initiative, the Corps conducted the environmental impact study at a greatly accelerated rate; the initiative cut seven years from the project’s timetable. Environmentalists believe that the fast tracking exacerbated flaws in the process. The Corps disagrees. Harrah said that the reduced timetable affected its work in a “positive way,” and was “more of a transformation of the Corps’ process,” and, better yet, it saved time and taxpayers’ money. In a 2013 letter to the Corps, NOAA took issue with most of its recommendations. NOAA said that it was “concerned about the impacts to tidal creek systems, especially those in the Trout River, Ortega River, Julington Creek, and Black Creek.” It went on to say, “In regards to soils, it is known that increases in salinity cause an increase in hydrogen sulfide production along with a decrease in soil stability. This results in soil subsidence and more frequent tidal flooding, which further enlarges the area impacted.” NOAA said that salinity impacts were already being seen in the river, its tributaries and tidal freshwater forested systems, the effects of which are known to impact white shrimp, red drum, and other species. Further, NOAA opined that the Corps’ use of the Uniform Mitigation Assessment Method to create “base mitigation plan to purchase and preserve 585.43 acres of freshwater wetlands and adjoining uplands and 43.77 acres of saltmarsh wetlands and adjoining uplands” led it to “[conclude] that UMAM is not particularly sensitive to the impacts expected by saltwater intrusion.” “Preserving existing healthy [submerged aquatic vegetation] and tidal freshwater wetlands does not sufficiently compensate the public for the ecosystem services that will be lost due to deepening the federal navigation channel,” NOAA said. In a subsequent letter in 2014, NMFS said that although it was concerned that the Corps had not adopted the essential fish habitat conservation recommendations, it had met its legal obligations. In February, JaxPort’s board agreed to be responsible for the costs of monitoring — and mitigating — environmental harm for a period of 10 years, potentially exposing the port and the city to tens of millions of dollars of liability. But, as Dr. White Jr. pointed out, “I could tell you definitively that you could conclude from monitoring anything you want … you can never isolate the deepening from all the other things that are going on.” Like many, Dr. White doesn’t trust the Corps in part because of its track record,
particularly its recent gross miscalculations of potential environmental harm in the PortMiami Deep Dredge Project. Soon after the project began, vast swaths of coral were covered in sediment, ultimately four times more area allowed under the permit based on the Corps’ projections. Much of that coral reef perished; most believe that being smothered in sediment caused the deaths. But the Miami Herald reports that now the Corps claims a virus caused 85 percent of the deaths, not sediment. Environmentalists counter that the virus, white plague disease, is known to spread when coral is under stress, such as what happens when it’s covered in silt from a nearby dredging project. Yet another concern environmentalists have is about the potential of the blasting this project requires to penetrate the surficial aquifer that the Corps reports provides 5 percent of the city’s drinking water. The Environmental Protection Agency estimates that up to 4.3 million cubic yards of rock may need to be moved from the riverbed. But the Corps isn’t worried. “It is anticipated that blasting will occur for this project. However, the Jacksonville District has a very high success rate for conducting confined blasting in environmentally sensitive areas, such as San Juan and Miami Harbor.” Miami Harbor, indeed.
T
he St. Johns River is a finite natural resource that has long suffered harm in the name of economic improvement. No one doubts that JaxPort brings jobs and money to the region. But is deepening the channel to 47 feet and, in the process, spending hundreds of millions, potentially billions, of taxpayer dollars necessary to maintain a viable port? And is it worth the potential environmental costs to a river that might not be able to afford it? As other cities have learned, there is a point of no return beyond which a body of water may take decades or more to rehabilitate. “JaxPort has the same goals as the Riverkeeper: to keep our river healthy and thriving and to have a healthy, thriving economy,” Rubin wrote via email. At issue moving forward is how to strike a balance between those goals while preserving the river for future generations. “Once the damage is done, it’s really next to impossible to undo,” Rinaman said. Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com ________________________________________
Editor’s note: Content of some interviews from Goforth’s 2015 story, “The Siren Song of Deep Water,” published on America.AlJazeera.com, is reused here with permission.
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FOLIO A+E : FILM
The Jacksonville Documentary Film Festival aims its focus squarely on TRUE-TO-LIFE cinema
LET’S GET
REAL A
way from the blinding glare of the floodlights of Hollywood blockbusters, another realm of cinema operates under a more subtle and, arguably, more captivating glow. Documentary filmmaking has been a facet of motion pictures since the advent of the technology and form. As early as 1908, the French company Pathé was already creating cinéma newsreels for the nascent film world. Documentaries share many of the elements of their fictional counterpart — drama, action, comedy, romance — yet are greatly empowered by their real life subject matter and de facto stars. The cultural and aesthetic impact of documentaries cannot be understated. Classics of the form, such as Frederick Wiseman’s 1967 film Titicut Follies, projected the horrors of a mental hospital onto the screen, creating a blunt awareness about both the mentally ill and our then-current treatment of them. The Maysles Brothers’ 1975 Grey Gardens invited the audience into the cloistered and bizarre world of two women living in a decaying mansion, giving a keyhole glimpse into a closed-off, poignant universe of shared eccentricities. While more recent docs like Michael Moore’s Bowling for Columbine (2002) and Morgan Spurlock’s Supersize Me (2004) took an unflinching look at, respectively, America’s resignation to crazed gun violence and equally suicidal dietary practices, subterranean offerings like 1986’s Heavy Metal Parking Lot and Dancing Outlaw (1991) became pre-viral currency, passed around on heavily dubbed VHS tapes. Errol Morris, Werner Herzog, and Penelope Spheeris are but three notable contemporary filmmakers who’ve made memorable additions inside the documentary lineage. Yet the egalitarian and free-for-all form of the style has attracted myriad lesser-known artists creating works that blend investigative reporting with approaches that run the gamut from sympathetic to inflammatory. LGBT culture and history, musicians and artists, politicians, families, technology, cultural movements, serial killers, and drugs are just a few of the genre’s subject matters that might otherwise be unexplored with such intense, relentless scrutiny and even ecstatic devotion. Now the inaugural Jacksonville Documentary Film Festival (JDFF) hopes to create a local vibe to attract lovers and creators of documentary flicks. The brainchild of Elizabeth Lawrence and Ashley McLaughlin, this debut event offers 20 features and 14 short films. Screenings are held in Riverside at Rain Dogs and Sun-Ray Cinema, along with Q&As and an after-party. Both Lawrence and McLaughlin are NYC transplants, and both share a love of the documentary form, as well as creative careers. McLaughlin has worked in photography, music promotion, and event planning.
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Roll Out, Cowboy Lawrence has spent the last decade working in film production in NYC and Los Angeles, creating her first documentary in 2010, and the next year participating in a year-long documentary residency-fellowship at New York’s esteemed Union Docs in Brooklyn. After moving to Jacksonville a little over a year ago, Lawrence checked out Sun-Ray Cinema’s ever-inventive programming, and decided that she somehow wanted to be a part of it. “We talked about putting together a documentary film festival and suddenly dates were set and everything was put into motion,” Lawrence tells Folio Weekly Magazine. “[Then] Rain Dogs got on board — they were excited to utilize their screening space and host more cinema events. It’s really been an organic and seamless collaboration between the festival and the venues.” Sun-Ray Cinema co-owner Tim Massett welcomed the fest with open arms. “Elizabeth’s programming is solid and her down-to-earth approach for the first year of the Jacksonville Documentary Festival is a welcome breath of fresh air.” Lawrence issued an open call for documentaries in August last year. In all, they received nearly 800 short and featurelength submissions through Film Freeway, Withoutabox and word-of-mouth. “We got submissions from all over the world. That was a daunting task,” says McLaughlin. “In terms of getting the word out, it was surprisingly well-received.” After collaborating with roughly 20 screeners and a voting process, the resultant festival ranges from crime and character-driven films to experimental and local flavor. If there’s a “theme” to the festival, Lawrence believes it is purely DIY. “Our program and graphic art is designed in a DIY ’zine style. As a team, we come up with DIY creative schemes to put on a good show. And everybody who wants to be involved can totally roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty.” The JDFF’s programming is as eclectic as the realm of documentary filmmaking itself; a few notable films offer a glimpse into what audiences can expect. Shot on 16mm in 1984, Diego Echeverria’s Los Sures chronicles the lives of a largely Puerto Rican and Dominican NYC community in true cinéma verité fashion. Upon release, the 56-minute Los Sures had a very brief run on the festival circuit. And while it earned positive reviews, it never enjoyed a wider theatrical release. Now considered a kind of artifact and fascinating historical document, the JDFF is at the forefront of the film’s revival, screening the film two days after it opens at NYC’s Metrograph. The work of onetime Jacksonville local Otis Mass is represented in a screening of The Incomparable Rose Hartman (2016), a celluloid study and love letter to the decades-long career of Hartman, the fashion photographer who is perhaps best known for capturing ’70s-era images of the bacchanalia that was Manhattan’s
Los Sures cocaine-and-ego-fueled disco JACKSONVILLE DOCUMENTARY FILM club, Studio 54. JDFF creator Elizabeth FESTIVAL SCHEDULE Lawrence’s work behind the Details and individual tickets at jaxdocfest.org camera is featured in 2010’s Roll Sunday, April 17 Saturday, April 16 Out, Cowboy, about the travails RAIN DOGS RAIN DOGS of a North Dakota-bred rapping 2:00 p.m. Camera Woman 2:00 p.m. 904: Shadows on the cowboy who travels, raps, and Five Senses of Art Sunshine State 4:00 p.m. Work-in-Progress Hymns of the Three sings his way across America Screening with Cities during the 2008 presidential Michael Galinsky 4:00 p.m. Time Simply Passes election. “This documentary was 6:00 p.m. Iranian Ninja Babai Stonewall the first feature documentary One Step at a Time: A 6:00 p.m. Code 33 I made. It won six Best Story About Women 8:00 p.m. Dog Days Documentary Awards and & Shoes Journey Birds toured over 50 film festivals,” Ecaterina ‘33 9:30 p.m. Roll Out, Cowboy says Lawrence. “I’m really 8:00 p.m. Half Cocked Elvis the Lonely excited about this film screening David Fair is the King Hunter of Circle Beach in Jacksonville because the film 9:30 p.m. Revolution Riot After Party Grrrl Style has never screened in Florida.” It’s Complicated SUN-RAY CINEMA The remaining films at the Pink Shells 1:00 p.m. Children of the Arctic festival are equally compelling, 3:00 p.m. A Farm at Twilight yet if there are two particular SUN-RAY CINEMA Muir filmmakers who embody the 1:00 p.m. Battle for Brooklyn 5:00 p.m. Horns & Halos fest’s DIY ethos, they would 3:00 p.m. Frame by Frame Dead Sites have to be Michael Galinsky 5:00 p.m. Los Sures 7:00 p.m. Almost There and Suki Hawley. Hailed for Union Docs Short Together Apart their work and tireless efforts 7:00 p.m. Who Took Johnny 9:15 p.m. The Incomparable in pushing the boundaries of Rose Hartman documentary filmmaking, under their Rumur Films imprint, the Lawrence and McLaughlin share pair has released several cult-and-critical faves, a longtime love and knowledge of the including 1994’s Half-Cocked, which featured documentary form. “The Farmer’s Wife by a cast of real-life indie rockers, and Horns and David Sutherland made me want to become Halos (2002), which delved into the seeming a documentarian,” says Lawrence. “As a suppression of a biography about President filmmaker, he pays attention to his subjects George W. Bush. All in all, six of Galinsky and in a visceral way.” McLaughlin adds that her Hawley’s films are scheduled for the festival; original love was photojournalism, but she the two are set to participate in Q&As. “It’s sees both disciplines cut from the same cloth, interesting to me that Galinsky and Hawley with parallel intentions. “We crave to not seemed to shift fairly quickly from making only be remembered, but to never forget, and feature films to documentaries, rather than to document every monumental thing that trying to shake down big bucks from larger humankind accomplished or is shameful of,” studios,” says Lawrence. “They’ve been a team says McLaughlin. “It is, in my opinion, one of for 20 years and still going, and went from mankind’s most important tools to learn, and shooting films on film to digital. I like their to document in any way or any medium.” themes: music, crime and politics. And there’s Freed from the budgets, restrictions, always good discussion surrounding their expectations, and sometimes artifice of bigwork.” Both Lawrence and McLaughlin are also dollar, fictional filmmaking, documentaries remain the free spirit of the celluloid world. excited about presenting Revolution, Riot Grrrl Lawrence and McLaughlin are channeling Style, which explores the ’90s feminist punk that ethos, and their passion, into a twomusic movement-community that spawned day fest that will be an entertaining, if not bands like Bikini Kill and Sleater-Kinney. deliberately inclusive, experience. In typical DIY fashion, getting the festival “I like to think of documentary off the ground was a purely grassroots affair. filmmaking as community filmmaking,” “A small amount of our budget came from believes Lawrence. “It takes the participation submission fees,” explains McLaughlin. “But it’s our full-time jobs and our amazing of not only the filmmakers, but the budgeting skills keeping this afloat. We are surrounding community members to tell a also our best investors.” Lawrence hopes to great story; and the same goes for organizing see subsequent festivals being augmenting a film festival. We could not put on a show by the online community. “I anticipate without the support of the community. And crowdsourcing in our future, but we felt maybe having a few beers during the process strongly that we wanted to get the inaugural as well.” film fest off the ground before launching a Daniel A. Brown crowdfunding campaign.” dbrown@folioweekly.com
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FOLIO A+E : MAGIC LANTERNS Strength and grace carve out a legacy for SOUTHERN GOTHIC WOMEN in The Keeping Room
FEMME
FATALES I
t’s a shame that a quality film like The Keeping Room gets only limited release in a few select theaters and then disappears without attracting the audience it deserves. Hopefully it will find new life on home video for the lucky viewers who seek it out. Why the movie was deemed unworthy (meaning unprofitable) for major marketing is anyone’s guess, but I suspect the major impediment was the misleading title. A similar fate befell the 1978 film based on Robert Stone’s Dog Soldiers, co-winner of the National Book Award in 1975. Director Karel Reisz made a terrific adaptation of the book (with Nick Nolte and Tuesday Weld), but when the film was retitled Who’ll Stop the Rain? after the Creedence Clearwater Revival song, the general public had no idea what the movie was about and mostly ignored it. Released a month earlier last year than the Oscar-nominated Room, the similarly titled The Keeping Room (2014) has been dubbed by numerous reviewers as a “feminist Western” which is more descriptive than accurate. The plot concerns the struggles facing three young women—two sisters and a slave — as Sherman’s army is sweeping through the South. The women must cope with the incidental problems of daily existence that are nonetheless monumental enough to drive a neighbor to suicide. When two renegade Yankee soldiers (shown to be brutal rapists and murderers in the film’s opening sequence) discover the whereabouts of the unprotected women, the stakes of survival rise even more precipitately. Directed by British director Daniel Barber, whose previous film was the excellent urban thriller Harry Brown (2009) with Michael Caine as a geriatric avenger, The Keeping Room is scripted by Julia Hart, her first such credit. The cast is headlined by the remarkable Brit Marling (Another Earth and Sound of My Voice), who often doubles as both screenwriter and actress. One of the very best of today’s independent stars, Marling is always fascinating to watch. Here her character is the mainstay of the three determined survivors, a blonde grittier version of Scarlett O’Hara. Her teenage sister is played by Hailee Steinfeld of 2010’s True Grit who grows up considerably during the horrendous events
of the film. Muna Otaru plays the slave, Mad, who proves she is the equal of her former mistresses. Whether intentional or not, in the film Ms. Otaru physically resembles Butterfly McQueen’s Prissy in Gone with the Wind, though in every other way she is the direct opposite of the earlier film’s flea-brained flibbertigibbet. Writer Julia Hart has remarked that she had both Night of the Living Dead and Straw Dogs in mind as she wrote The Keeping Room. Those influences are readily evident in the film’s white-knuckle suspense and violence. It is also quite tempting to see the movie as an anti-Romantic version of Gone with the Wind, the earlier classic’s engaging stereotypes replaced with flesh-and-blood characters. In addition to the character of Mad, for instance, the film’s major villain (played by Sam Worthington from Avatar) is even more ruthless than the renegade soldier who attacks Scarlett O’Hara, but he is also given considerably more depth and character. Watching The Keeping Room reminded me of an earlier film about the Civil War and the South’s fair maidens. The Beguiled (1971) stars Clint Eastwood as a wounded Union soldier who is taken in and cared for by the members of an isolated girls’ school. Adept at spinning lies and adapting to the situation, the charming Yankee at first thinks he is the proverbial fox in a hen house. Presided over by a headmistress (Geraldine Page) fixated on an incestuous relationship with her dead brother and a teacher (Elizabeth Hartman) who is a frustrated virgin, the place of refuge is seething with sexual tension. Not to be outdone by her older superiors, one of the teen girls (Jo Ann Harris) is particularly ready to light the fires. In the end, however, the ladies (and girls) have something else in mind for the luckless stud. Though it is more Southern Gothic (in the vein of Tennessee Williams and William Faulkner), The Beguiled is nonetheless an enjoyable companion piece to The Keeping Room, each film demonstrating that Southern women (regardless of race or age) had better not be taken for granted. Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27
FILM LISTINGS
(1955) at 7:15 p.m. April 14. Louder Than Bombs and Zero Motivation start April 15. The environmental film Cowspiracy runs 6 p.m. April 19, $10 adults/$7 students.
out and rebrands her image. Costars Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Bell, Peter I’m-better-than-this Dinklage, Kathy Bates, Cecily Strong.
FILM RATINGS
IMAX THEATER Batman versus Superman: Dawn of Justice, Rocky Mountain Express and National Parks Adventure screen, World Golf Village Hall of Fame Theater, St. Johns, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.
THE BRONZE Rated R Melissa Rauch (Big Bang Theory) plays Hope – an ex-Olympic medalist of a lower class of athlete than America usually enshrines. She’s more like Tonya Harding – and looks like ONJ as Sandy – and now she must train young Maggie (Haley Lu Richardson), a future gymnastics superstar. Costars Gary Cole, Thomas Middleditch, Cecily Strong, Craig Kilborn, Olga Korbut (!) and Dominique Moceanu.
PHLEBOTOMY RHIZOTOMY ZOOTOMY LOBOTOMY
**** ***@ **@@ *@@@
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AREA SCREENINGS
SUN-RAY CINEMA Hello, My Name Is Doris and Midnight Special screen. 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. Deadpool starts April 15. THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Seve, The Movie and Sold screen at 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazon cinemaandcafe.com. King Kong (2005) screens noon April 14. Double Header Creature Feature – A Night of Revenge & CD release party – with Crystal Swamp & the Kilted Creature, with live bagpipe swamp metal (CD is “Revenge of Raging Water”), 6 p.m., and Revenge of the Creature
NOW SHOWING
BARBERSHOP: THE NEXT CUT Rated PG-13 Starts April 15. Costars Ice Cube, Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson, J.B. Smoove, Common, Sean Patrick Thomas and Cedric T.E. BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE Rated PG-13 Ben Affleck plays Batman, Henry Cavill is Superman, Amy Adams is Lois Lane, Jesse Eisenberg plays Lex Luthor and, in a nice twist, Laurence Fishburne is editor Perry White. Costars Diane Lane, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, Charlie Rose as Charlie Rose, and Neil deGrasse Tyson as … Neil deGrasse Tyson. Genius casting! THE BOSS Rated R This is about an industry tycooness (?) who commits a federal crime, goes to prison, gets
DEMOLITION Rated R Jake Gyllenhaal plays Davis, a grieving widower who’s becoming more unhinged each day. Costars Naomi Watts, Chris Cooper and Judah Lewis. THE DIVERGENT SERIES: ALLEGIANT PART I **@@ Rated PG-13 Tris Prior (Shailene Woodley) is in a postapocalyptic Chicago, where people could rejoin humanity outside the wall. Factionless leader Evelyn (Naomi Watts), in control of the city and inciting hatred against Erudite Faction, has pushed toward civil war. ) Costars Theo James, Jeff Daniels, Octavia Spencer, Maggie Q, Bill Skarsgård and Ashley Judd. — MaryAnn Johanson
EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!! Rated R Collegiate athletics in the 1980s, kinda like Animal House meets Basketball Diaries meets Dazed and Confused. Psyche! JK! Nice soundtrack, though. Costars Zoey Deutch, Austin Amelio, Blake Jenner, and Juston Street. EYE IN THE SKY Rated R Versatile Helen Mirren plays Col. Katherine Powell, head of a military drone project. As we all know, drones aren’t really controlled by humans, and this particular one homes in on an innocent target. Costars the late Alan Rickman, Aaron Paul and a woman whose name is Kate Liquorish, a fact we thought was worth mentioning. GOD’S NOT DEAD 2 Rated PG A high school teacher gets in trouble for discussing Jesus in class. Costars Jesse Metcalfe, Melissa Joan Hart, Robin Givens, Ernie Who-yagonna-call? Hudson, David A.R. White and Pat Boone. HARDCORE HENRY Rated R Pay close attention when you go to see this action/mystery movie, because you’re the main character. Sorta. Costars Sharlto Copley, Tim Roth and Haley Bennett. HIGH STRUNG Rated PG A hip hop violinist busking in the big city meets a beautiful young woman training as a classical dancer, and you just know the spectres of Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan Tatum lurk nearby. Costars Keenan Kampa, Nicholas Galitzine and Jane Seymour. (You had us at hip hop violinist.) I SAW THE LIGHT Rated R What looks to be a decent effort to tell the story of country & Western god Hank Williams – so unlike his son and so much more like his grandson – costars Tom Hiddleston as Hank, plus Elizabeth Olsen, Bradley Whitford and Jeff Pope. THE JUNGLE BOOK Rated PG Starts April 15. Costars the vocal talents of Ben Kingsley (Bagheera), Idris Elba Shere Khan), Lupita Nyong’o (Raksha), Scarlet Johansson (Kaa), Christopher “More Cowbell!” Walken (King Louie), the late Garry Shandling, the now-tiresome Bill Murray (Baloo) and Neel Sethi as the boy himself, Mowgli. KILL YOUR FRIENDS Not Rated The legitimacy of Brit pop has been argued ad nauseum. Music industry A&R man Steven Stelfox (Nicholas Hoult – that kid from About a Boy who grew up quite nicely, thenkyew) feels obligated to market what sells, not what’s good. This apparently causes him to go off a bit, depravity increasing with each inside betrayal. Costars Georgia King, James Corden, Georgia King and Rosanna Hoult (Nick’s sister). MILES AHEAD Rated R The talented Don Cheadle wrote, directed and stars in this dynamic biopic of jazz great Miles Davis. Costars Ewan McGregor, Michael Stuhlbarg and Emayatzy Corinealdi. MIRACLES FROM HEAVEN Rated PG It’s the ideal moment to put out a weepy melodrama starring Jennifer Garner, since we’re on her side against that two-timing … sorry; I got carried away by the tragedy of yet another Honey, I Shtupped the Nanny incident. Anyway, this is based on a true story about a little girl with a rare illness being cured after she falls out of a tree. Costars Kylie Rogers, Martin Henderson, Queen Latifah and Courtney Fansler. MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING 2 ***@ Rated PG-13 Toula (Nia Vardalos) is still happily married to Ian (John Corbett), but their 17-year-old daughter Paris (Elena Kampouris) is tired of Grandpa Gus (Michael Constantine) telling her she needs a nice Greek boyfriend. Toula helps run her family’s restaurant, and is trying to get her father to propose to her mother (Lainie Kazan) after they find their marriage certificate was never signed. Toula’s real problem, though, is that she’s neglecting Ian. — Dan Hudak RACE Rated PG-13 The struggle of the greatest track and field athlete is told in this historical drama about the peerless Jesse Owens (Stephan James), whose feats in the sport catapulted him to the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, Germany. Adolf Hitler ruled – and hated all non-Aryans. Jesse showed how a black man could not only compete against anyone,but beat them decisively, with grace and poise. Costars Jason Sudeikis, Jeremy Irons, William Hurt, David Kross, Carice van Houten. THE YOUNG MESSIAH Rated PG-13 Everybody started out as a kid – Bernie Sanders, Chris Rock, Mother Teresa, Dick Cheney (well, maybe not Cheney) – and Jesus Christ (Adam Greaves-Neal) was no different. His mother Mary (Sara Lazzaro) and father Joseph (Vincent Walsh) fled to Egypt to keep their son from King Herod. Herod dies, so they go home to Nazareth. On the way, he’s told about his place on Earth. ZOOTOPIA ***G Rated PG The animated movie has furry characters, humor and warmth. Judy Hopps (voiced by Ginnifer Goodwin) is an ambitious bunny who wants to be a big city cop in Zootopia. Her parents (Bonnie Hunt, Don Lake) want her be a carrot farmer. Police Chief Bogo (Idris Elba) gives her parking ticket duty – but 14 mammals are missing and nobody’s investigating. Costars Jason Bateman, Nate Torrence, Tommy Chong, J.K. Simmons, Octavia Spencer, Shakira. — DH
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FOLIO A+E : ARTS Comedian Kathy Griffin lets her politically incorrect FREAK FLAG fly on her #likeaboss tour
PULL NO
PUNCHES
E
a bigot or if that’s just the way she legislates.” veryone’s throwing around the term “like And by her count, she’s performed on more gay a boss” these days. Is your hair on point? cruises than any other straight comedian. You look like a boss. Your clothes match Refusing to hold back eventually paid your shoes? You’re dressed like a boss. Order off for Griffin, though. In 2008, she hosted with confidence at a restaurant? You’re eating Bravo’s first A-List Awards; in 2009, her first like a boss. Give your boss the finger behind memoir debuted at #1 on The New York his back? You’re acting, well, like a boss. Times Bestseller List; and in 2014, she hosted But let’s get real, folks. Are you turning up the 41st annual Emmy Awards. She holds on CNN on New Year’s Eve and reducing a an actual Guinness World Record for most serious investigative reporter like Anderson televised comedy specials, male or female, Cooper to a giggling fool? Or demanding living or dead, and in 2014, she also became that NBC Universal President Jeff Zucker only the third woman to win a Grammy for fetch you coffee while you’re on air? Or Best Comedy Album. trying every week to bait Donald Trump into It’s hard to tell whether she fully owns it hate-Tweeting you? Or becoming the fifth or not, but Griffin has also displayed quite a female comedian to ever appear onstage solo vindictive streak over the years. After divorcing at Carnegie Hall? If you’re not Kathy Griffin, her husband Matt Moline in 2006, she accused folks, and you’re not pissing off everyone from him on national TV of stealing $72,000 from Oprah to Sarah Palin, and you’re not fighting her — the following year, she even started the good fight against sexist stereotypes with dating Apple co-founder every single dirty joke, well, Steve Wozniak, supposedly you are decidedly not a boss. KATHY GRIFFIN just to piss Moline off: “What So it’s more than just a 8 p.m. April 14, The Florida Theatre, Downtown, $49.50-$69.50, better way to get back at my gimmick that Griffin has floridatheatre.com. ex, who was a tech, than to dubbed her latest tour “Like marry the biggest technoa Boss.” The 55-year-old nerd in the universe?” Chicago native, who moved to Los Angeles But you can’t knock Griffin’s work ethic or straight out of high school in 1978, cut her passion for her profession. She pushes herself teeth in the alternative stand-up circuit for to perform at least 80 nights a year, and writes nearly 20 years. She and Margaret Cho and new material for each new city — like a boss. Janeane Garofalo became known as comedian’s comedians with their “Hot Cup of Talk” “My shows are unbridled [and] unfiltered, stand-up night, and Griffin had memorable with nobody looking over my shoulder telling turns in Pulp Fiction, Seinfeld, and the video me what I can’t say,” she told Forbes Magazine for Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady.” But she last June. And she doesn’t hold back when finally broke into the mainstream as Brooke confronted with questions about Hollywood Shields’ acerbic guest star on NBC sitcom sexism and ageism. “I love that people make Suddenly Susan. jokes about my banging bikini bod,” she told After Y2K, Griffin evolved into a Billboard last November, “but it’s true — I sort Hollywood fixture. Her self-eviscerating Bravo of feel like an athlete that has to keep up in a reality show My Life on the D-List redefined way that the dudes don’t. [Griffin claims to the limits of the genre — and introduced the do 1,000 sit-ups a day.] When you look at the world to Griffin’s box wine-loving Irish54-year-old dude comics who are at my level, American mom Maggie. By 2010, Kathy’s they don’t have bangin’ bikini bods! They all raunchy, celeb-skewering humor had gotten have back hair and are starring in movies… umm, Adam Sandler.” her banned from E!, The View, The Tonight But that’s why nearly everyone loves Kathy Show with Jay Leno, The Ellen DeGeneres Griffin, who still calls herself a little Catholic Show, Apollo Theater, and Hanna Montana. girl gone bad — she actually tells it like it But that attitude made Griffin a passionate is. Unlike another infamous loudmouth, public face of the LGBT community. When though, she actually backs it up, with both Perez Hilton of TMZ outed ‘N Sync’s Lance experience and real teeth: “Here’s how you Bass in 2006, Griffin started a long-running think America isn’t great,” she told Raw Story feud with Hilton. And after she did several last October. “If you haven’t lived anywhere USO tours of Iraq and Afghanistan in 2009 and else or visited anywhere else. I’ve been to 2010, she came home and organized several Iraq and Afghanistan. At this point, I’m more anti-Don’t Ask Don’t Tell rallies to support qualified to be president. He hasn’t even been the military members she said were forced to those places. So he should just zip it and get to remain closeted. At the 2010 Radio and my coffee, bitch.” Television Correspondents’ Association Dinner, Nick McGregor she confronted US Representative Michelle mail@folioweekly.com Bachmann and asked her “if she was naturally APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29
ARTS + EVENTS PERFORMANCE
THE SHADOW BOX Douglas Anderson School of the Arts students stage this drama, about the hospice movement through the eyes of three families, 7:30 p.m. April 14 and 15; 2 p.m. April 16, 2445 San Diego Rd., St. Nicholas, 346-5620, $15; $12 students, duvalschools.org/anderson. THE 39 STEPS A fun parody of Hitchcock’s famous tale of espionage is staged 7:30 p.m. April 14, 15, and 16; 2 p.m. April 17 at Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $26; $24 seniors, $20 military/ students, $10 student rush; $15 April 14 performance; through May 8, limelight-theatre.org. OPCT MUSICAL THEATRE SHOWCASE This musical revue, with songs from popular productions, is staged 7:30 p.m. April 15 and 16; 3 p.m. April 17 at Orange Park Community Theatre, 2900 Moody Ave., 276-2599, $15; $10 students, through April 24, opct.info. JARED Students of LaVilla School of the Arts perform a selfpenned work noon April 13-16, 501 N. Davis St., Springfield, 633-6069, duvalschools.org/lavilla. PROFESSOR WHISKEY’S THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS Alternative burlesque and vaudeville is featured at 9 p.m. April 15, 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $12$20, 1904musichall.com. MOTOWN THE MUSICAL This musical telling of the worldrenowned Detroit soul & R&B label is staged 7:30 p.m. April 19, 20, and 21; 8 p.m. April 22; 2 and 8 p.m. April 23, and 1:30 p.m. April 24 at Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Moran Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, 442-2929, $38.50-$103.50, fscjartistseries.org. AN EVENING TO BENEFIT THE 5 & DIME This evening of song performed by more than a dozen local musicians is held 8 p.m. April 15 and 16, 700 E. Union St. Ste. #1-J, Downtown, $20; proceeds benefit the 5 & Dime’s programs, the5anddime.org. MARY POPPINS Amelia Community Theatre presents a stage adaptation of the popular story about a nanny who loves to dole out a spoonful of sugar, when she’s not taking flight, 8 p.m. April 14 and 15; 2 p.m. April 17, 207/209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, 261-6749, $25; $15 for students, through April 30, ameliacommunitytheatre.org. JOHNNY PEERS & THE MUTTVILLE COMIX Peers and his trained canines perform tricks and more, 3 p.m. April 16, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts, 283 College Dr., Orange Park, 276-6750, $13-$33, thcenter.org. THE WIZ Tony-winning musical working of The Wizard of Oz in rock, soul, and gospel, through April 24. Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch noon; Executive Chef DeJuan Roy presents a themed menu; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.
CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ
CHARLOTTE MABREY FAREWELL CONCERT Percussionist Mabrey performs her farewell UNF concert, 7:30 p.m. April 13, University of North Florida’s Lazzara Performance Hall, 1 UNF Dr., Southside, 620-2878, unf.edu/coas/music/calendar. aspx. FLORENCE K The innovative jazz vocalist performs 7:30 p.m. April 14, Episcopal Church of the Good Shepherd, 1100 Stockton St., Riverside; for sponsors and subscription holders only, 389-6222, riversidefinearts.org. ON BROADWAY Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra performs popular songs from hit Broadway productions, 8 p.m. April 15 and 16, T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 354-5547, $25-$74, jaxsymphony.org. CLASSICAL TRIO IN AMELIA ISLAND Amelia Island Chamber Music Festival presents cellist Andrés Diaz, pianist Wendy Chen, and violinist Chee Yun, 7:30 p.m. April 16, Amelia Plantation Bowman Chapel, 36 Bowman Rd., Fernandina Beach, 261-1779, $45, ameliaislandchambermusicfestival.com. CLAY COUNTY COMMUNITY BAND The local big band performs at 3 p.m. April 17, Thrasher-Horne Center, Orange Park, 276-6750, $6, thcenter.org. BARRAGE 8 This inventive string octet performs, 8 p.m. April 17, The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 3552787, $25-$45, floridatheatre.com.
COMEDY
FRED’S ALL-STAR COMEDIANS Northeast Florida comedians Jon Vredenburg and Ozrick Cooley appear, 7:30 p.m. April 13, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, $10, comedyzone.com. GUY TORRY Funnyman Torry, veteran of Comic View and Premium Blend, appears 7:30 p.m. April 14; 7:30 p.m. April 15 and 16, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, $18-$20, comedyzone.com. KATHY GRIFFIN The popular bitchy, snarky comedian of film and TV, who pulls no punches when it comes to laying into celebrities, appears 8 p.m. April 14, The Florida Theatre, 3552787, $49.50-$69.50, floridatheatre.com. CHICAGO CITY LIMITS This improv comedy company, with a 30-plus year career, is on 8 p.m. April 16, T-U Center’s Terry Theater, 442-2929, $50.50, fscjartistseries.org. DAVID SEDARIS The bestselling author and humorist appears at 7:30 p.m. April 20, Times-Union Center’s Terry Theater, Downtown, 442-2929, $67.25, fscjartistseries.org.
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ART WALKS & MARKETS
RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local, regional art, local music – Tala, Blue Muse, Scott Jones Dancers – food artists and a farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. April 16 under the Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 3892449, riversideartsmarket.com.
MUSEUMS
BEACHES MUSEUM & HISTORY PARK 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. Lights Up: 50 Years of Players by the Sea is on display. CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Lynn Norris discusses the world’s greatest gardens, 1:30-2:30 p.m. April 19; $10 nonmembers. Archipenko: A Modern Legacy, 80 works by modern sculptor Alexander Archipenko, through April 17. Conservation, Beautification, & a City Plan: Ninah Cummer & the Establishment of Jacksonville Parks through Nov. 27. Julien De Casablanca: The Outings Project, through May 1. Rockwell Kent: The Shakespeare Portfolio exhibits through May 15. David Hayes: The Sentinel Series, sculptures of geometrically abstract, organic forms, through Oct. 2. MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. MOCA Jacksonville Book Club: Painting Below Zero is 1-2 p.m. and 7-8 p.m. April 14. Amer Kobaslija: A Sense of Place runs April 16Aug. 14. Project Atrium: Shinique Smith, Quickening, a fabricbased installation incorporating elements of graffiti, Japanese calligraphy, and collage, through June 26. In Living Color: Andy Warhol & Contemporary Printmaking and Time Zones: James Rosenquist & Printmaking at the Millennium through May 15. RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, ritzjacksonville.com. Through Our Eyes 2016: Sensory Perception, works by 18 African-American artists, through Aug. 14.
GALLERIES
ADELE GRAGE CULTURAL CENTER 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-5828, coab.us. Works by Bunny Morgan and Tom Huber are on display through April 29. THE ART CENTER Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 139, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. Primal Archetypes displays through May 23. Sandy Harrington is the featured artist for April. BREW FIVE POINTS 1024 Park St., Riverside, 374-5789, brewfivepoints.com. Madeleine Peck Wagner’s Bear Baiting, a commentary on the state of Florida’s bear hunt, is on display. CoRK ARTS DISTRICT 2689 Rosselle St., Riverside, corkartsdistrict.com. I’m Board 6 displays at East Gallery. Works by the UNF Paint Guild displays in the West Gallery. CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/news-events/crisp-ellert-art-museum. Sunday, paintings by Kristan Kennedy, through April 16. THE CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614, ccpvb.org. An opening reception for an exhibit of painter Sharon Booma’s Collection of Impulses is held 6-8 p.m. April 15. The exhibit runs through May 27. CYPRESS VILLAGE 4600 Middleton Park Cir. E., Southside, 677-5112, brookdale.com. Jacksonville Coalition for Visual Arts runs through May 11. FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. Works by printmaker John Davis display through May 24. J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 4353200, jjohnsongallery.com. Carlos Betancourt’s recent works display through May 19; this is the final exhibit by the gallery. KARPELES MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992, rain.org. Evita, letters and journals of Eva Perón, displays through May 1. Susan Schuenke’s Bold and Beautiful displays through April 30. MONYA ROWE GALLERY 4 Rohde Ave., St. Augustine, 217-0637, monyarowegallery.com. Find Your Way, works by Gianna Commito, Matthew F. Fisher and Jim Gaylord, is on display through May 1. SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB 15 Ocean St., Downtown, 8445000, facebook.com/spliffsgastropub. Jessica Becker’s 3D paintings are on display.
EVENTS
BEACHES LIBRARY BOOK SALE The annual event starts with a members preview (no biggie — join at the door for $x) held 4-7 p.m. April 13 at the library, 600 Third St., Neptune Beach, 241-1141, jaxpubliclibrary.org. The big sale runs 10 a.m.-5 p.m. April 14 and 15 and the dénouement — the popular Bag Day — is 10 a.m.-5 p.m. April 16; fill a paper bag for $10. We get some real gems each year. 2016 HUMANITARIAN AWARDS DINNER OneJax and University of North Florida present the annual humanitarian awards dinner, with Alton Yates, Hope McMath, Michael Boylan, Harry Frisch, Kevin Gay, and Susan Greene, 6-9 p.m. April 14, Osborn Convention Center, 1000 Water St., Downtown, 620-1529, tickets start at $250, unf.edu/onejax. A CELEBRATION OF TREES Entertainment, art, gourmet food and wine are featured 5:30-8:30 p.m. April 15, Burns Hall, St. Peter’s Church, 801 Atlantic Ave., Fernandina Beach, $75; proceeds benefit Amelia Tree Conservancy’s advocacy works for area island trees, ameliatreeconservancy.org.
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FOLIO A+E : MUSIC
THESE GUYS
RIP
Local instrumental surf trio captures the sounds of ‘60S CALIFORNIA
I
32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
That was five years ago. Today, with modern t was the summer of ’61 in Newport West Coast bands from L.A.’s Chicano Batman Beach when, according to local lore, the to Portland’s Guantanamo Baywatch to Seattle’s Rendezvous Ballroom consistently played Tacocat all borrowing elements from early host to gangs of Hawaiian-shirt-clad surf rats surf rock and touring extensively, it’s clear that with straggly dirty-blond dos, stomping their mainstream indie-rock has gone surf-crazy. flip-flops to the reverb-drenched guitar sounds That hasn’t translated to proliferation of surf of an idiosyncratic young musician and surfer. bands here in Northeast Florida yet. That’s just The band was The Del-Tones, the guitarist fine, as far as Huffman is concerned. Dick Dale. And those seminal summer “I am surprised, with the beach community throwdowns would kick off the short-lived but we have, that we don’t see more people playing highly influential California Surf Rock craze. surf music. But I guess that might mean fewer Sadly (for many of us), it’s 2016. And though gigs for us.” [Laughs.] Mike Huffman infuses his guitar playing with To be sure, The Rip Currents’ approach — speedy tremolo picking and the obligatory relative this season’s crop of indie rock bands — spring reverb effect popularized by Dale and his is fairly tribute band-ish. Regardless, the band contemporaries — The Bel-Airs, The Ventures, has witnessed a general increase in enthusiasm and The Shadows — crowds coming to hear his for surf rock, with more people listening instrumental surf trio The Rip Currents aren’t attentively and some even cutting a rug to The quite what they were in the early ’60s. Rip Currents’ precise and skillfully executed “We’ve noticed that a lot of musicians getting versions of some true California classics. really into our sets,” says Huffman. “They’re Prompted by the positive response to the standing there saying to their other musician band’s performances of friends, ‘We should do that.’ other people’s music, The [Laughs.] But we’re still OYSTER JAM MUSIC FESTIVAL Rip Currents have begun really the only ones doing it GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, SPLIT writing some of their around here.” TONE, BE EASY, FIREWATER TENT own tunes. As if locked A longtime beaches REVIVAL, The RIP CURRENTS, AUSTIN PARK, DIRTY PETE, CHILLULA, BEN into a high-line glide on resident and local gigging CARTER BAND, EMMA MOSELEY musician, Huffman has a California point break, BAND, The UNDER the BUS BLUES always been fond of the songs like “Mr. Zogg’s” (a BAND, Jacksonville Jazz Hour: ANTON rock ’n’ roll drum beats, reference to the famous LaPLUME BAND, MJ BAKER the walking bass lines, surf wax) neatly adhere 10 a.m.-8 p.m. April 16; 10 a.m.-6 p.m. April 17, Metro Park, $13.65, and watery guitar sounds to the blueprint created theoysterjammusicfestival.com of surf music. “I had by early ’60s surf bands. someone at a show tell Meanwhile, darker tunes me one time that [surf rock] is like a tall glass like “Downrigger” pay homage to some of of water in the desert,” Huffman says. “It’s a the offshoots of the nascent surf rock scene, genre of music that can melt faces and also like surferbilly and psychobilly. “In our serve as dinner music,” he adds. It wasn’t until own influences, we tend lean more toward the dissolution of his former band, though, the progressive stuff,” says Huffman, who that Huffman decided to narrow his focus. repeatedly implores me to revisit the early He says he and St. Augustine resident Chris works of sci-fi surf punks Man or Astro-man Shary (drums) were playing in what Huffman during our conversation. “Those guys really describes as “a pretty typical rock ’n’ roll cover opened up my eyes to what was possible with band” when they lost their singer and bassist the surf sound and experimentation,” he says. in somewhat uninteresting circumstances. And though The Rip Currents are fans of Huffman and Shary — who worked as a groups that have pushed the boundaries of session musician in New York City for a time surf music, they’ve reserved special reverence — had been incorporating a few surf tunes for The King of Surf Guitar, Dick Dale. Huffman, Hinrichs, and Shary have opened into their sets in those days and it was Shary for Dale on several of his sporadic visits to the who suggested they form a new group to play First Coast. On what The King taught them primarily surf music. about their chosen genre: “Surf Rock doesn’t “I was a little hesitant, only because to be really blossom unless it’s played loud,” says the guitar player in a three-piece, instrumental Huffman. “Even at 78 years old, Dick Dale is band is a lot of pressure. [Laughs.] But we one of the loudest guitar players you’ll hear.” decided to give it a shot and it’s worked out The Rip Currents will try to match (possibly pretty well. We’ve been gigging nonstop since.” exceed) Dale’s volume when they play The After adding the accomplished Warren Oyster Jam Music Fest in Jacksonville’s Hinrichs on bass, The Rip Currents had a Metropolitan Park on April 16 and 17. Beyond formidable trio. They settled down to lock in a that, Huffman and the boys can be found couple dozen instrumental surf covers. Beyond gigging around Northeast Florida, from St. that, Huffman says, the group broadened their Augustine to Amelia Island, all summer long. horizons to include songs from The Sonics, The Matthew B. Shaw Fuzztones, Paul Revere & the Raiders and other mail@folioweekly.com classics cast from a similar mold.
The guitar army known as Generation Axe, featuring shred-a-delic performances by STEVE VAI (pictured) ZAKK WYLDE, YNGWIE MALMSTEEN, NUNO BETTENCOURT, and TOSIN ABASI is featured April 20 at The Florida Theatre, Downtown.
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK
SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. April 13, Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247. CHRIS PUREKA, CHELSEA SADDLER 8 p.m. April 13, Original Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311, $12 advance; $15 at the door. PEARL JAM 8 p.m. April 13, Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Downtown, 630-3900, $70. OLD-FASHIONED, HOLED-OUTS 8 p.m. April 13, Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 547-2188. BLACK TIGER SEX MACHINE, APASHE & DABIN 9 p.m. April 13, Mavericks Live, 2 Independent Dr., The Landing, 356-1110, $15-$25. Wanee Music Festival: WIDESPREAD PANIC, GREGG ALLMAN, GOV’T MULE, LES BRERS, UMPHREY’S McGEE, BRUCE HORNSBY, STANLEY CLARKE, MELVIN SEALS & JGB, KARL DENSON April 14-16, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park, 9379 C.R. 132, Live Oak, 3-day pass $219.95, waneefestival.com. SALLY SPRING 7:30 p.m. April 14, Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10. MASTER RADICAL, LITTLE WAR TWINS, The PROPER 8 p.m. April 14, Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $8. LAS PIÑAS, KENNY & the JETS, The COSMIC GROOVE 8 p.m. April 14, Shanghai Nobby’s. DENNY BLUE 6 p.m. April 14, Surfer Joe’s Pub & Grill, 6101 S. A1A, St. Augustine, 429-9906. Mind Spring Music Festival: TOO MANY ZOOZ, DAN DEACON, PASSAFIRE, SOUL KHAN, VERITÉ, MANIC DRIVE, SIDEREAL, ARCHNEMESIS, SOILLAQUISTS of SOUND, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, HOR!ZEN April 15 & 16, St. Johns County Fairgrounds, 5840 S.R. 207, Elkton, $40; proceeds benefit Autism Speaks, $5/person/night primitive camping, mmfest.com. 2 QUART SHYNE 5 p.m. April 15, Sandollar Restaurant, 9716 Heckscher Dr., Northside, 251-2449. ABBA the CONCERT 8 p.m. April 15, The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $29.50-$49.50. KEVIN GATES 8 p.m. April 15, Mavericks Live, $40-$80. MOTHER STRANGE, RIVER CITY KATS, CURT TOWNE BAND, IVAN PULLEY BAND 8 p.m. April 15, Jack Rabbits, $5. The GRASCALS 9 p.m. April 15, Original Café Eleven, $20 advance; $24 at the door. LAKE WORTH LONGSHOTS 9 p.m. April 15, The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611. BLISTUR 9:30 p.m. April 15 & 16, Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208. CONRAD OBERG 9:30 p.m. April 15 (and every Fri.), Mojo Kitchen, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 247-6636. T-PAIN 10 p.m. April 15, Masquerades Live, Aqua Nightclub, 1100 Beach Blvd., Southside, $25-$800, gobigentertainment.net. BREAD & BUTTER 10 p.m. April 15, Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680. Oyster Jam Music Festival: GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, SPLIT TONE, BE EASY, FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL, The RIP CURRENTS, AUSTIN PARK, DIRTY PETE, CHILLULA, BEN CARTER BAND, EMMA MOSELEY BAND, The UNDER the BUS BLUES BAND, Jacksonville Jazz Hour: ANTON LaPLUME BAND, MJ BAKER 10 a.m.-8 p.m. April 16; 10 a.m.-6 p.m.
April 17, Metro Park, $13.65, theoysterjammusicfestival.com. Riverside Arts Market: TALA, BLUE MUSE, SCOTT JONES DANCERS 10:30 a.m. April 16, 715 Riverside, 389-2449. HEART-SHAPED BOX 7 p.m. April 16, Harmonious Monks, 320 First St. N., JBeach, 372-0815, $10-$20, gobigentertainment.net. NEPTUNE’S CAR 7:30 p.m. April 16, Mudville Music Room, $10. BLOOD SUGAR SEX MAGIK 8 p.m. April 16, Planet Sarbez, 115 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 342-0632. The BRONX WANDERERS 8 p.m. April 16, Florida Theatre, $15-$39.50. DAWNS, IDLE SPIRIT 8 p.m. April 16, Shanghai Nobby’s. The NOVARAYS, HEART DIALECTICS, LAKE DISNEY, DRU CUTLER 8 p.m. April 16, Jack Rabbits, $5 advance; $10 day of. DAVIS TURNER 8 p.m. April 16, Slider’s Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina, 277-6652. WARNING 9 p.m. April 16, The Roadhouse. 5 O’CLOCK SHADOW 10 p.m. April 16, Flying Iguana. BROTHER WOLF 6 p.m. April 17, Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown. ANOTHER LOST YEAR 7 p.m. April 17, Harmonious Monks, $10-$20, gobigentertainment.net. BILLY CURRINGTON, KELSEA BALLERINI 7:30 p.m. April 18, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $35-$45. JESSE COOK 8 p.m. April 18, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $36. CULTURE KILLER 7 p.m. April 19, Burro Bar. OF GOOD NATURE, SHAUN STRONG, ROOT of it ALL 7 p.m. April 19, Ancient City Brewing, 3420 Agricultural Center Dr., St. Augustine, 429-9654. The CONVALESCENCE, SO THIS IS SUFFERING 7 p.m. April 19, Jack Rabbits, $8. The MAIN SQUEEZE 8 p.m. April 19, 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $12 advance; $15 day of. One Night of Queen: GARY MULLEN & the WORKS 8 p.m. April 19, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $32.50-$39.50. BRIDGING the MUSIC 6 p.m. April 20, 1904 Music Hall, $11.75. Generation Axe: STEVE VAI, ZAKK WYLDE, YNGWIE MALMSTEEN, NUNO BETTENCOURT, TOSIN ABASI 8 p.m. April 20, The Florida Theatre, $39-$65. Folio 420 Fest: COSMIC GROOVE, $2 CHEECH, I CAME FROM EARTH, OBSERVATORY, ROBBIE DAMMIT & the BROKEN STRINGS 8 p.m. April 20, Shanghai Nobby’s. BROTHER HAWK 9:30 p.m. April 20, Burro Bar.
UPCOMING CONCERTS
A NIGHT with JANIS JOPLIN April 21, The Florida Theatre IRATION April 21, Mavericks Live SKINDRED April 21, Harmonious Monks FOSTER CARE, CRAZY BAG LADY, The MOLD, TIGHT GENES April 21, Rain Dogs BEN FOLDS April 22, The Florida Theatre RASCAL FLATTS, JANA KRAMER April 22, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SLEEPMAKESWAVES, MONUMENTS, ENTHEOS, The CONTORTIONIST April 22, 1904 Music Hall MYSTIKAL, JUVENILE, TRICK DADDY, BUN B, PROJECT PAT, TOO SHORT April 22, Veterans Memorial Arena NOFX April 23, Mavericks Live SHEA BIRNEY, GHOST TROPIC, TELEPATHIC LINES, KENNY & the JETS, The THROWS April 23, Shanghai Nobby’s
MATTHEW WEST, SIDEWALK PROPHETS April 23, First Baptist CHRIS ISAAK, KATIE GRACE HELOW April 24, Florida Theatre MEAN JEANS, WET NURSE, PARTY FLAG, MENTAL BOY April 24, Shanghai Nobby’s WOLVES at the GATE, HOUSEHOLD, SEARCHING SERENITY, DROWNING ABOVE WATER, DAYSEEKER April 27, Murray Hill Theatre SEBASTIAN BACH April 27, Mavericks Live Suwannee River Jam: LYNYRD SKYNYRD, BIG & RICH, CHASE RICE, CLAY WALKER, BIG SMO April 27-30, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park TOMMY EMMANUEL, The LOWHILLS April 28 & 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall OBN IIIs, BROWN PALACE, The MOLD April 29, Shanghai Nobby’s JJ GREY & MOFRO April 29, Mavericks Live ANJELAH JOHNSON, BON QUI QUI, GROUP 1 CREW April 30, The Florida Theatre ALABAMA SHAKES, DYLAN LeBLANC April 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Welcome to Rockville: ROB ZOMBIE, ZZ TOP, FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH, A DAY to REMEMBER, MEGADETH, LAMB of GOD, CYPRESS HILL, SEVENDUST, ANTHRAX, CLUTCH, YELAWOLF, P.O.D., WE CAME as ROMANS, MEMPHIS MAY FIRE, ISSUES, CROWN the EMPIRE, BEAR TOOTH, TEXAS HIPPIE COALITION, AVATAR, From ASHES to NEW, GLORIOUS SONS, WILD THRONE, DISTURBED, SHINEDOWN, 3 DOORS DOWN, BRING ME the HORIZON, SIXX:A.M., COLLECTIVE SOUL, PENNYWISE, BULLET for my VALENTINE, HELLYEAH, ASKING ALEXANDRIA, CANDLEBOX, ESCAPE the FATE, PARKWAY DRIVE, ENTER SHIKARI, MISS MAY I, WILSON, RED SUN RISING, LACEY STURM, MONSTER TRUCK, CANE HILL April 30 & May 1, Metropolitan Park GIPSY KINGS, NICOLAS REYES, TONINO BALIARDO May 1, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DAVID NAIL May 5, Mavericks Live LA LUZ, MASSENGER, The GUN HOES May 5, Burro Bar Funk Fest: LL COOL J, NEW EDITION, MASTER P, FLOETRY, DRU HILL, JON B. May 6 & 7, Metropolitan Park JBOOG, COMMON KINGS May 6, Mavericks Live PHIL VASSAR, RUSSELL DICKERSON May 7, ThrasherHorne Center KALIMBA (Earth, Wind & Fire tribute) May 7, Mavericks Live BILL BURR May 8, T-U Center The 1975, JAPANESE HOUSE May 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre The FRONT BOTTOMS, BRICK + MORTAR, DIET CIG May 11, Mavericks Live DELLACOMA May 13, Harmonious Monks Jax Beach ELLIS PAUL May 13, The Original Café Eleven TRAMPLED by TURTLES May 13, Mavericks Live MICHAEL CARBONARO May 13, Times-Union Center RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE May 14, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall STYX, .38 SPECIAL, The OUTLAWS May 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre AMY SCHUMER May 15, Veterans Memorial Arena OTEP FEST 2016 May 15, Harmonious Monks DEFTONES, CODE ORANGE May 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHAKEY GRAVES, SON LITTLE May 17, PVedra Concert Hall NIGHT RANGER May 19, The Florida Theatre KING & the KILLER May 20, Mavericks Live
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LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC TRAVEL, ONES to BLAME, ANN PRAGG, SINNERS & SAINTS, CARA BETH SATALINO, OUTER SPACES, WAX WINGS, CHASE NEIL & the WISEBLOODS, HARD LUCK SOCIETY, JONATHAN COODY, ROB COE & CO., RIVERNECKS, THIN SKINS, ENDLESS POOLS, ANCHOR FAST, DEVON STUART, KENNY & the JETS, SAND FLEAS May 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party APPETITE for DESTRUCTION, MEDAL MILITIA June 3, Mavericks Live ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO June 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall REFUSED June 7, Mavericks Live “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC June 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CYNDI LAUPER June 12, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MIRANDA LAMBERT, KIP MOORE, “NEAR”-VANA: Come genuflect before The BROTHERS OSBORNE June 12, Church of Kurt when Nirvana tribute band Veterans Memorial Arena HEART SHAPED BOX rock the house April 16 DEATH CAB for CUTIE, CHVRCHES, at Harmonious Monks, Jax Beach. PURE BATHING CULTURE June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre LORD HURON June 14, Mavericks Live FOALS May 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall CHRIS CORNELL June 17, Florida Theatre SALT-N-PEPA, KID ’N PLAY, ROB BASE, COOLIO, TONE ZOSO Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience June 23, Ponte LOC, COLOR ME BADD May 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Vedra Concert Hall DICK DALE May 22, Jack Rabbits REBELUTION, The GREEN & J BOOG, STICK FIGURE, BUCKETHEAD May 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall THROUGH the GREEN June 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MODERN ENGLISH May 26, Burro Bar RICHIE RAMONE June 25, Burro Bar R. KELLY May 26, Veterans Memorial Arena JUSTIN BIEBER June 29, Veterans Memorial Arena Jacksonville Jazz Festival: KEM, JOHN BATISTE & STAY SUBLIME with ROME, TRIBAL SEEDS July 1, St. Augustine HUMAN, SNARKY PUPPY, The McCOY TYNER QUARTET, Amphitheatre DR. JOHN, GENERATION NEXT, NICHOLAS COLE, LIN BARENAKED LADIES, ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES in the ROUNTREE & LEBRON, The YELLOWJACKETS, DIZZY DARK, HOWARD JONES July 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GILLESPIE AFRO-CUBAN EXPERIENCE, NATHAN EAST, TWENTY ONE PILOTS July 3, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CYRILLE AIMEE, SOMI, CHRISTIAN SCOTT ATUNDE FLAG, WAR on WOMEN, The DIRTY NIL July 8, St. ADJUAH, JAMISON ROSS, KEN FORD, LIZZ WRIGHT, Augustine Amphitheatre MARK PENDER, DOUGLAS ANDERSON JAZZ BAND, UNF JASON MICHAEL CARROLL, MARK WILLS, DARYL JAZZ ENSEMBLE I, The CHRIS THOMAS BAND, TERRY WORLEY July 14, Mavericks Live “DOC” HANDY, JOHN LUMPKIN & the COVENANT, GARY SHAWN MENDES July 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre STARLING GROUP, RUSSEL GEORGE, ERIC CARTER & FLIGHT of the CONCHORDS July 17, St. Augustine CO., NOEL FREIDLINE QUINTET, LISA KELLY May 26-29, Amphitheatre Downtown Jacksonville 5 SECONDS of SUMMER July 20, Veterans Memorial Arena HERE COME the MUMMIES, NOAH GUTHRIE May 26, Ponte TED NUGENT July 20, The Florida Theatre Vedra Concert Hall VILLAINFEST 2016 July 22, Mavericks Live Follow the Sun Fest: SUPERSUCKERS, DRAG the RIVER, 311, MATISYAHU July 26, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SHIP THIEVES, WHISKEY & CO., HAVE GUN WILL
BRING IT! LIVE July 29, The Florida Theatre LUKE COMBS July 29, Mavericks Live WALK the MOON, MISTERWIVES Aug. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre SLIGHTLY STOOPID, SOJA, FORTUNATE YOUTH Aug. 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RAY LaMONTAGNE Aug. 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre GOO GOO DOLLS, COLLECTIVE SOUL, TRIBE SOCIETY Aug. 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BRIAN WILSON, AL JARDINE, BLONDIE CHAPLIN Sept. 10, St. Augustine Amphitheatre IL DIVO Sept. 23, The Florida Theatre NEEDTOBREATHE, MAT KEARNY, PARACHUTE, WELSHLY ARMS Oct. 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre NEIL deGRASSE TYSON Nov. 14, The Florida Theatre SAVION GLOVER Nov. 18, The Florida Theatre ANIMAL COLLECTIVE Nov. 22, Mavericks Live GARRISON KEILLOR Dec. 11, The Florida Theatre JAY LENO Jan. 14, Thrasher-Horne Center
LIVE MUSIC CLUBS
AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA
ALLEY CAT Beer House, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 Dan Voll April 13 & 20 LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley jazz show 5:30-9 p.m. every Fri.-Sun. SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 King Eddie & Pili Pili 5 p.m. April 13. Tad Jennings April 14. Mark O’Quinn, Claire Vandiver, DJ Dave April 15. Bluff 5, Davis Turner 8 p.m. April 16. Darrell Rae April 18. Sam McDonald April 19 SURF Restaurant, 3199 S. Fletcher, 261-5711 Yancy Clegg Tue. & Thur. Black Jack Band Fri.
AVONDALE, ORTEGA
CASBAH Café, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur. Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance every Fri.
THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)
BRASS ANCHOR PUB, 2292 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0301 Joe Oliff April 13 The BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 N. Second St., 241-4668 Savanna Leigh Bassett April 13 CULHANE’S, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595 DJ Hal every Sat. Irish music every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic, Neptune Beach, 853-5680 Darren Corlew April 13. Bread & Butter 10 p.m. April 15. Five O’Clock Shadow 10 p.m. April 16. Ryan Crary April 17 GUSTO’S, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Anton LaPlume 8 p.m. April 16. Groov every Wed. Monica DaSilva every Thur. Murray Goff Fri. Under the Bus Sat. HARMONIOUS Monks, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Maverick April 15. Heart-Shaped Box 7 p.m. April 16. Another Lost Year 7 p.m. April 17. Danka April 20. Live music Wed.-Sun. LYNCH’S, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Chillula every Sun. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Party Cartel April 14. Five O’Clock Shadow April 15 MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur. MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Conrad Oberg 9:30 p.m. April 15 and every Fri. MONKEY’S UNCLE Tavern, 1728 N. Third St., 246-1070 DJ Wed., Sat. & Sun. Live music every Fri. RAGTIME Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Pat Rose April 13. Rough Mix April 14. Boogie Freaks April 15 & 16. Neil Dixon Duo April 17 SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444 Blue Muse April 13 SLIDERS, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881 Live music Wed.-Sun. ZETA BREWING, 131 First Ave. N., 372-0727 Live music every Thur.-Sun.
DOWNTOWN
1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St. The Main Squeeze, Anton LaPlume, ManyFest 8 p.m. April 19. Bridging the Music, Tayface April 20 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. Brother Wolf 6 p.m. April 17. Culture Killer 7 p.m. April 19. Brother Hawk 9:30 p.m. April 20 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance every Fri. DJ NickFresh every Sat. DJ Randall Mon. DJ Hollywood every Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. April 13, 20 & 27. Ace Winn 8 p.m. April 15. Chuck Nash 8 p.m. April 16. Jimmy Solari April 22 HOURGLASS Pub, 345 E. Bay St., 469-1719 Brian Barganier April 14 JACKSONVILLE Landing, 353-1188 Spanky 6 p.m. April 14 & 23. Hard 2 Handle 8 p.m. April 15. Radio at Random 8 p.m. April 16 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m. every Sat. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Black Tiger Sex Machine, Apashe, Dabin 9 p.m. April 13. Kevin Gates 8 p.m. April 15. Iration 6 p.m. April 21. Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat.
FLEMING ISLAND
MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 The Crazy Daysies 9 p.m. April 16. Live music Fri. & Sat. MR. CHUBBY’S, 11043 Crystal Sprgs. Rd., 355-9464
34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC Robert Brown Jr. the Confluent, Chuck Nash 9 p.m. April 15 WHITEY’S Fish Camp, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Robert Brown Jr. the Confluent April 14. Briteside 9 p.m. April 15. X-Hale 9 p.m. April 16. Reggie Lee April 17
INTRACOASTAL WEST
World music great JESSE COOK performs April 18 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall.
CLIFF’S Bar, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Bill Ricci April 15 JERRY’S Grille, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Black Creek April 15. Lisa & the Mad Hatters April 16
MANDARIN, JULINGTON
HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-3040 ERA 9 7 p.m. April 14. Live music weekends. Open jam 7 p.m. Mon. IGGY’S, 104 Bartram Oaks, Ste. 101, 209-5209 Conch Fritters 7 p.m. April 16
ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG
The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Tue.-Sat. PREVATT’S, 2620 Blanding, 282-1564 Live music weekends THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Lake Worth Longshots 9 p.m. April 15. Warning 9 p.m. April 16
PONTE VEDRA
PUSSER’S, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Billy Buchanan 7 p.m. April 16. Live music Wed.-Sat. TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Billy Bowers April 13. Gary Starling April 14. Ryan Crary, Johnny Flood April 15. Robbie Litt April 16. Deron Baker April 20
RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE
MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood S., 388-7807 Wrekless Abandon, Unmasked, Jigsaw, Tim the Visionary 7 p.m. April 15. Every Nation Campus April 22 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Little War Twins April 13 RIVERSIDE Arts Market, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Tala, Blue Muse, Scott Jones Dancers 10:30 a.m. April 16
SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 OldFashioned, Holed-Outs 8 p.m. April 13. Las Piñas, Kenny & the Jets, Cosmic Groove 8 p.m. April 14. Dawns, Idle Spirit 8 p.m. April 16. Folio 420 Fest: Cosmic Groove, $2 Cheech, Observatory, I Came From Earth, Robbie Dammit & the Broken Strings 8 p.m. April 20 SURFER JOE’S, 6101 S. A1A, 429-9906 Denny Blue April 14 TRADEWINDS, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Spanky 9 p.m. April 15 & 16
SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS
SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK
The BIRDHOUSE, 1827 N. Pearl, 634-7523 The iGive April 16 SANDOLLAR, 9716 Heckscher Dr., 251-2449 2 Quart Shyne, Clinton Lane Darnell & Shayne Rammler April 15 SHANTYTOWN Pub, 22 W. Sixth St., 798-8222 ESE 4 p.m. April 19. T.W.A.N. 8 p.m. April 20 ______________________________________________
JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks, 398-7496 Master Radical, Little War Twins, The Proper 8 p.m. April 14. Mother Strange, River City Kats, Curt Towne Band, Ivan Pulley Band 8 p.m. April 15. The Novarays, Heart Dialectics, Lake Disney, Dru Cutler 8 p.m. April 16. The Convalescence, So This Is Suffering April 19 MUDVILLE Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Sally Spring 7:30 p.m. April 14. Mike Sheckelford, Steve Shanholtzer April 15. Neptune’s Car 7:30 p.m. April 16
ST. AUGUSTINE
The CELLAR Upstairs, 157 King St., 826-1594 Midlife Crisis April 15. Ain’t Too Proud to Beg April 16. Vinny Jacobs April 17 ORIGINAL CAFÉ ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., 460-9311 Chris Pureka, Chelsea Saddler 8 p.m. April 13. The Grascals 8 p.m. April 15 PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 Blood Sugar Sex MagiK 8 p.m. April 16
AQUA Nightclub, 1100 Beach Blvd. T-Pain 10 p.m. April 15 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Kurt Lanham April 14. DiCarlo Thompson April 15. Wes Cobb April 16 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows, 634-7208 Blistur 9:30 p.m. April 15 & 16. Melissa Smith every Wed. WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., 551-5929 Cody Johnson Duo 9 p.m. April 15. Lake Worth Longshots April 16
SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE
To list your band’s gig, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown, email dbrown@folioweekly.com or by mail, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a space-available basis.
EVEN FLOW CHART A Pearl Jam-themed DECISION TREE
ON WEDNESDAY, APRIL 13, QUINQUAGENARIAN grunge rocker Eddie Vedder brings his “hunger dunger deng” vocal stylings (and his band) to Veterans Memorial Arena in Downtown Jacksonville. Emerging from Seattle’s grunge scene in the early 1990s, PEARL JAM was able to overcome the death of its original lead singer, some initial poor choices in headwear, battles with Ticketmaster, and a general decline in mainstream rock music interest to become one of the most influential bands of the last half-century. But should you go see them? Folio Weekly Magazine has composed a Decision Tree to help you solve this conundrum.
SHOULD YOU SEE PEARL JAM AT VETERAN’S MEMORIAL ARENA ON WED., APRIL 13?
Matthew B. Shaw mail@folioweekly.com
Identify the Pearl Jam song from the following lyric: “Weezer, messy stain on a window made of concrete.”
Yes. Even Flow Are you a “Ten Club” member? Yes.
No.
Yes.
PEARL JAM
8 p.m. April 13, Veterans Memorial Arena, Downtown, $70, ticketmaster.com
No, I’ll never be sick of it!
Are you sick of that song?
DO YOU HAVE $70 FOR A TICKET?
No.
Huh?
F%#CK TICKETMASTER AND THE REST OF THOSE CORPORATE VAMPIRES!
Are you a Scott Stapp fan? No.
Lead singer of CREED, remember? That guy sucks.
Who is that?
Yes, my mistake.
Yeah, R.E.M. had a few good tunes...
CREED RULES!
You know that’s Mike Stipe, right? No, I’m pretty sure that’s Scott Stapp.
NO
APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35
FOLIO DINING AMELIA ISLAND FERNANDINA BEACH
BEECH STREET Bar & Grill, 801 Beech St., 572-1390, beechstreetbarandgrill.com. In an 1889 home, Chef Charles creates with fresh, local ingredients. Local seafood, handcut Florida steaks, housemade pasta, daily specials, small plates, street food. Courtyard. $$$-$$$$ FB D Tu-Sa; Brunch, D Su BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily BURLINGAME RESTAURANT, 20 S. Fifth St., 432-7671, burlingamerestaurant.com. The menu at the new fine dining place changes quarterly, focusing on elegantly prepared dishes (eight apps, eight mains) made with quality seasonal ingredients. Duck confit, grilled pork chops. $$$ BW D Tu-Sa CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com. F Family-owned; historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily The CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrab trap.com. F 37 years, family-owned-and-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L D Daily GILBERT’S UNDERGROUND KITCHEN, 510 S. Eighth St., 310-6374, undergroundkitchen.com. Chef Kenny Gilbert (Top Chef season 7) serves Deep Southern American cuisine. Dine inside or on a patio. $$ BW K TO L F; D W-Sa & M; R Su HOLA CUBAN CAFÉ, 117 Centre St., 321-0163, holacuban
from scratch. $ TO B L W-Su The PICNIC BASKET, 503-A Centre St., 277-9779, picnic basketfernandina.com. Small shop focuses on fresh fare, cheeses, confits, charcuteries, wines. $$ BW B L D M-Sa PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service, NYC-style. Specialty pizzas, by the pie or slice, toppings: truffle mushrooms, little neck clams, eggs, shrimp. Courtyard. $$ BW TO L D W-Su The SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily The SAVORY MARKET, 474380 E. S.R. 200, 432-8551. Local, organic produce, wild-caught seafood – Mayport shrimp – Wainwright meats, raw dairy, deli. Café has salads, hand-helds, tacos. $$ TO M-Sa SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront. Crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S Burger Station, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310. F 2015 BOJ winner. Family-owned-and-operated 18+years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa
ARLINGTON, REGENCY
LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.
AVONDALE, ORTEGA
FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes, Nathan’s grilled
BITE-SIZED Spliff's Gastropub PINT-SIZED The Right Glass GRILL ME! The Patio Place CHEFFED-UP Proper Garlic Prep
PG. 37 PG. 38 PG. 38 PG. 39
PATTAYA THAI Grille, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 646-9506, ptgrille.com. Family-owned 26+ years; serving new Thai, traditional, vegetarian; curries, noodles. Low-sodium, glutenfree, too. Open kitchen display. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Su The WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, wines glass/bottle. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. HH. $$ BW L M-F; D Tu-Sa ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676, zesty india.com. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template for tandoori lamb chops, rosemary tikka. Vegetarian items cooked separately in vegetable oil. Lunch platters. $ BW TO L D Tu-Su
BEACHES
(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)
AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. New York-style gourmet pizzas, baked dishes 28+ years. All-day HH M-Thu $ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F 2015 BOJ winner. Latin American, tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare. 100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. Classic Old World Roman cuisine, extensive Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen. Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO D Nightly HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815. SEE MANDARIN.
LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE
ORANGE PARK.
MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop HH. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F 2015 BOJ
winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573,
Nestled on the cusp of Riverside and the rising Brooklyn neighborhood, Johnny's Deli & Grille offers traditional diner breakfasts and lunches prepared with care. Photo by Dennis Ho cafe.com. F Behind Palace Saloon; owned by real Cubans; authentic sandwiches, coffee. Dine in or out at umbrella tables. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L D Daily HORIZONS, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 321-2430, horizons ameliaisland.com. Fine dining, upscale setting. Gourmet fare, seafood, steaks, lamb, pasta. $$$ FB L D Tu-Sa JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddian escafe.com. F 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, crêpes, vegan/vegetarian. Dine in or on a porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646. Spanish/ Portuguese cuisine with a Brazilian flair. Tapas, seafood, steaks, homemade sangria. Drink specials. AYCE paella Sunday. $$$ FB K TO D Nightly MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriv erpizza.net. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie or slice. $ BW TO L D M-Sa The MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, herbal tea, daily specials. $$ TO B L M-Sa PABLO’S Mexican Restaurant Grill & Cantina, 12 N. Second St., 261-0049. Chicken, carnes, fajitas, burritos, tacos, daily specials, vegetarian. $$ FB K TO L D Daily The PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F Near historic district. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads; made To list your restaurant, call your account manager or Sam Taylor, 860-2465 • staylor@folioweekly.com
DINING DIRECTORY $KEY
AVERAGE ENTRÉE COST
$ = Less than 10 $$ = $10-$20 $$$ = $20-$35 $$$$ = $35 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club tasting. fwbiteclub.com. 2015 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot
36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
hot dogs. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 40+ years. Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaur antorsay.com. 2015 BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. Snail of Approval. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D M-Sa, B Sa
BAYMEADOWS
AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S Subs, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.
MINT Indian Restaurant, 8490 Baymeadows Rd., 367-1821, jaxmint.com. A new style of authentic, traditional Indian cuisine. Daily lunch buffet; HH. $ L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN.
mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine in, patio. $$$ FB K D M-Sa MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, mshack burgers.com. 2015 BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure flip burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, more. Dine inside or out – people-watch at Beaches Town Center. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 1585 Third St. N., 458-1390. SEE BAYMEADOWS. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7637, poestavern.com. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH. $$ FB L D Daily SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444, seachasers. com. New place; four dining areas: First Street Bar, Music Room, Beach Bar, Dining Room. Daily HH. Dine in or on patio. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sa/Su; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. 2015 BOJ winner. 20+ tap beers, TVs. HH M-F. $ FB K L D Daily UGLY CUPCAKE MUFFINRY & Cafe, 115 Fifth Ave. S., 339-5214, theuglycupcakemuffinry.com. Sweet/ savory giant muffins, made from organic, locally sourced ingredients. Outside seating. $$ TO B L Daily
DOWNTOWN
AKEL’S DELICATESSSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 125, 446-3119. F New York-style deli has breakfast, fresh made subs, specialty sandwiches, burgers, gyros, wraps, desserts, vegetarian items. $ TO B L M-F The CANDY APPLE CAFÉ & COCKTAILS, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Chef-driven cuisine, sandwiches, entrées, salads. HH Tu-F $$ FB K D Tu-Sa CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi serves Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547, fionnmacs.com. Casual dining, uptown Irish atmosphere; fish & chips, Guinness lamb stew, black-and-tan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily FOLKFOOD, 219 N. Hogan St., 333-8392 Southern specialties, coastal cuisine like fried catfish, Florida citrus kale salad, blackened mahi mahi tacos, meatloaf with curry sauce, homestyle desserts made in-house daily. $ BW TO L D M-F INDOCHINE, 21 E. Adams St., Ste. 200, 598-5303, indo chinejax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Thai, Southeast Asian cuisine. Signature dishes are chicken Satay, soft shell crab;
FOLIO DININ FOLIO DINING NG : BI BIT BITE-SIZED ITE-SIZED SIIZED ZED
PASS IT
photo by Brentley Stead
TO THE LEFT
Spliff’s Gastropub in Downtown Jax offers a KILLER MIX of upscale classics and good vibes SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB IS A HIDDEN GEM, The Spicoli is like a decadent mini-pizza tucked in the heart of Downtown Jacksonville. on a light, flaky square of puff pastry. It’s got Run by the same folks who opened 1904 bacon, goat cheese, tomatoes, spinach and a Music Hall in 2011, Spliff ’s features local art generous drizzle of thick balsamic — the only on the walls and a killer menu, as well as 22 reason you wouldn’t enjoy this is if you hate rotating taps. food. We agreed we’d have no problem with One of Spliff ’s most enviable features is this as a main meal. the back patio. Following a sign that says A veggie lover’s dream, The Homegrown is “Hippies use back door,” you’ll be outside, served on Romaine hearts. I was mocked for with picnic tables and seating facing a small, ordering a salad within a salad, with side order raised stage. Audrey Harmon, of their tomato, cucumber and goat cheese the general manager, said they have live salad. I regret nothing. If you’ve ever tried to eat music, comedy shows, and trivia to keep something on lettuce instead of bread, you know things interesting. structure can be an issue. With that problem in The patio connects Spliff ’s and 1904, mind, The Homegrown is doubled up on two and Harmon says it’s the Romaine hearts, built to perfect spot for dinner last until the last bite. It and a show. Spliff ’s is features fresh cucumbers, SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB open until at 2 a.m. on avocado, sprouts, slivers of 15 N. Ocean St., Downtown weekdays, and 3 a.m. on red pepper and onion, with 844-5000, spliffsgastropub.com Fridays and Saturdays. hummus as a bonus. And it It’s one of few places was good hummus, really Downtown that serves food late, so keep that good hummus. We didn’t order the hummus in mind the next time you’re searching for a app, The Mary Jane ($5.99), but I’d recommend fourth meal. it, because the hummus was that that good! They Pro Tip: The walls of the outdoor patio go a little squeeze-bottle happy when it comes are covered in colorful art, perfect for instant to the mayo on The Homegrown. If you’re not a conversation. If you wind up trapped in an huge fan mayo, I suggest asking them to go easy. awkward silence, just point to the giant set Spliff ’s signature pocket can best be of teeth or the larger-than-life lady with the described as a warm buttery turnover flower crown, and make some witty comment sandwich on puff pastry, instead of bread, about art. Boom, instant conversation! which helps hold the sandwich together. The I asked Harmon about the name “Spliff ” Good Fella had a delicious, dense filling of and she said it’s because of their tagline “‘A pepperoni and a combination of cheeses. The Food and Drink Joint’, and spliff is another pockets include a choice of dipping sauce word for a joint.” Which is why you can order and a side. Harmon recommended the pesto The Bowl of Green or The Spicoli. sauce for The Good Fella, and a side of their For lunch, we ordered the Spicoli Wedges signature Mac and Cheese. We were glad we ($6.99) off the Munchies menu, then we chose took the lady at her word! The Homegrown ($7.99) and one of their Brentley Stead signature pockets, The Good Fella ($7.99).
bitesized@folioweekly.com APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37
DINING DIRECTORY PINT-SIZED
mango, sticky rice dessert. $$ FB TO L D M-F; D Tu-Sa OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com. F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 102, 866-395-3954, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. Variety of locally roasted whole bean brewed coffee, espressos, smoothies, fresh pastries, bagels, homemade cream cheeses. Chicken salad (best ever), tuna salad, sandwiches. Free Wi-Fi. $ B L M-F URBAN GRIND EXPRESS, 50 W. Laura St., 516-7799. SEE ABOVE.
TAKING IT IN THE
RIGHT GLASS CChoosing hoosing TTHE HE PPERFECT ERFECT – aand nd appropriate – glass for every brew
TULIPS, SHAKERS AND SNIFTERS, OH MY! Choosing the correct glass in which to serve beer can be daunting. In Belgium, using the proper beer glassware is almost a religion. No self-respecting bartender in that beer-loving country would ever serve Flanders red ale in a shaker glass. It’s all about presenting beer at its best, accenting characteristics and creating a memorable experience. As craft beer drinkers grow more sophisticated, though, they demand proper glassware. With hundreds of beer styles, each with recommended serving glassware, stocking the correct vessel is an expensive proposition for bar owners and home beer aficionados. Focusing on a few glassware styles and using them properly can reduce the cost and still ensure a better beer-drinking experience. In America, the pint – or shaker – glass is the usual beer-serving glass. Walk into any bar, tavern or tap room and you’ll see them stacked behind the bar, emblazoned with many breweries’ logos. While it’s not the best-suited glass for all beers, it is inexpensive and holds about 16 ounces. A variation on this is the “nonic” style used in the United Kingdom. It features a bump out around the upper portion of the glass, so it’s easier to hold. This style is best for pale ales, IPAs, porters and stouts. In Germany, pilsners are popular. The tall, thin pilsner glass was made to showcase the golden color and bubbles running inside, and concentrate the foamy, aromatic head. Other beer styles in pilsner: blonde ale, hefeweizen, pilsner, California common/steam beer, Japanese rice lager, witbier. Snifters have a large bowl with a narrower mouth, so drinkers can experience highly aromatic beers as brewers intended. The bowl has room for swirling to bring out the scents as the mouth concentrates them. Tulip glasses are similar, but a bit taller, thinner and with a turned-out lip. Beers to try in a snifter are old/strong ale, barleywine, double/ imperial IPA, double/imperial stout, Belgian dark ale, Belgian pale ale, quad, tripel, goze, geuze, Berliner weiss and Scottish ales. Sturdy yet elegant, goblets have large, widemouthed bowls on strong stems. They’re often ornate and may have gold or silver leaf designs. It offers a large surface area for lots of aromatic head. Beers good in goblets are Belgian IPA, Belgian strong dark ale, dubbel, tripel and quad. With these, you can serve most beers well.
PINT-SIZED
LOCAL BEER SCENE EVENTS
Big Easy IPA Tour Abita Brewing Company introduces a new Big Easy Session IPA. Free samples, giveaways, Mardi Gras beads, live music. April 13, 6 p.m., Copeland’s, 4310 Southside Blvd. Chew & Brew Festival The inaugural food truck & craft beer championship has a wide beer selection, activities and crafts, a free concert with four bands, games. April 16, 4-10 p.m., SeaWalk Pavilion, First Street North, Jax Beach. Alewife Beer School: Beer Ingredient Series Partnered with local breweries Intuition Ale Works, Engine 15, and Aardwolf, Alewife Bottle Shop & Tasting Room holds beer education classes. Malt, Engine 15, April 18, 6:30 p.m., 1500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 217, Jax Beach. Hops, Intuition, April 26, 6:30 p.m., 720 King St. Yeast, Aardwolf, May 2, 6:30 p.m., 1461 Hendricks Ave. Marc Wisdom pintsized@folioweekly.com 38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH W-Sa $ FB L M-F
FLEMING ISLAND
GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. TAPS Bar & Grill, 1605 C.R. 220, Ste. 145, 278-9421, tapspublichouse.com. 50+ premium domestic, imported tap beers. Burgers, sandwiches, entrées. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly
BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sa/Su; L D Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Local craft beer, espresso, coffee, wine. Rotating drafts, 75+ can craft beers; sodas, tea. Waffles, toasts, desserts, specialty coffees. HH. $$ B L Su/M; B L D Tu-Sa COOL MOOSE CAFÉ, 2708 Park St., 381-4242, coolmoose cafe.net. New England-style café; full breakfast menu, classic sandwiches, wraps, soups, brunch all day Sunday. Gourmet coffees. $$ BW R L D Tu-Su CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com. Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su DERBY ON PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$-$$$ FB B L D Tu-Su, R Sa/Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2015 BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches.
GRILL ME!
LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK. ORANGE TREE HOT DOGS, 3500 Beach Blvd., Ste. 43, 551-3661, orangetreehotdogs.com. Hot dogs, personal size pizzas since ’68. Hershey’s ice cream, milkshakes. $ K TO L D Daily SID & LINDA’S Seafood Market & Restaurant, 12220 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 109, 503-8276. Pick your own whole fresh fish, have it cleaned, filleted, cooked to order. Dine in, take out. Housemade sauces. $$ K TO L D Daily
AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2015
BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199. F 20+ years. Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L D M-F; D Sa FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Diner: pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 30, 880-3040, harmoniousmonks.net. American-style steakhouse, filets, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps, sandwiches. $$ FB K L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines. Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, 819-1554. SEE FLEMING ISLAND.
ORANGE PARK
The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club.com. Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com. F All over the area, Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. PASTA MARKET Italian Restaurant & Clam Bar, 1930 Kingsley Ave., 276-9551, pastamarketitalianrestaurant. com. Family-owned-and-operated. Gourmet pizzas, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. Pastas: spaghetti, lasagna, fettuccine, ziti, calzones, linguini, tortellini. $$ BW K D Nightly SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snac shack.menu. F Bakery and café; bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ K BW TO B L D Daily The URBAN BEAN Coffeehouse Café, 2023 Park Ave., 541-4938, theurbanbeancoffeehouse.com. Coffees, espressos, gourmet sandwiches, flatbreads, apps. $$ K TO B L D Daily
PONTE VEDRA BEACH
AL’S Pizza, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2015 BOJ. SEE BEACHES. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK.
RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE
13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for Americans; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
AMY PETROY BORN IN: Pittsburgh HOW LONG IN THE BIZ: Not long FAVE RESTAURANT (other than mine): 5th Element, Baymeadows FAVE CUISINE STYLE: Indian and Thai FAVE INGREDIENTS: Cheese and fresh veggies IDEAL MEAL: Jazzed-up mac ’n’ cheese topped with toasted bread crumbs. WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Carrots INSIDER'S SECRET: Butter makes it better. CELEBRITY SIGHTING: Farmer Lee Jones MY CULINARY VICE: Wine with baked brie
2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
SEE DOWNTOWN.
winner. SEE DOWNTOWN.
416 Ash St., Fernandina Beach
INTRACOASTAL WEST
MANDARIN, NW ST. JOHNS
SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK
BASIL Thai & Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Pad Thai, curry, tempura, vegetarian, seafood, stir-fry, specials. HH. $$ FB L D M-Sa BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired; steak frites, oak-fired pizza, raw bar, seasonal selections. HH M-F $$$ FB L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusion sushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily INDOCHINE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 503-7013. 2015 BOJ
THE PATIO PLACE
AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F
AKEL’S DELI, 12926 Granbay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F
METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. ONE TWENTY THREE Burger House, 123 King St., 687-2790. From Carmelo’s owners. Premium burgers, made with beef from NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Wood-fired pizzas, ice cream bar, Old World milkshakes. $$ BW K TO L D Daily
Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, vegetables. Artisanal cheeses, more than 300 craft, imported beers, 50 organic wines, and organic produce, meats, vitamins, herbs. Organic wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS Asian Street Fare, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily HOBNOB, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 110, 513-4272, hob nobwithus.com. New place serves cuisine driven by global inspirations, local intentions – ahi poke tuna, jumbo lump crab tacos. $$ FB TO L D Brunch Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com. Modern, authentic Italian cuisine. Handcrafted cocktails. $$-$$$ FB TO K L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. F Casual; made-to-order sandwiches, wraps, salads, breakfast. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S Giant Subs, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. LITTLE JOE’S CAFÉ by Akel, 245 Riverside Ave., Ste. 195, 791-3336. Riverview café serves soups, salads, signature salad dressings. $ TO B L M-F METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2015
BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.
MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, moss fire.com. F Southwestern fish tacos, chicken enchiladas. HH M-Sa upstairs, all day Su $$ FB K L D Daily M SHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
PATTAYA Thai Grille, 1526 King, 503-4060. SEE BAYMEADOWS. RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969. 2015 BOJ winner. Bar food. $ D SBRAGA & COMPANY, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 114, 746-0909, sbragadining.com. Chef Kevin Sbraga has a contemporary culinary approach to local influences. Go-to dishes: hog & hominy, fish fry, carrot ceviche. $$-$$$ FB TO L D Daily SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Healthy, light vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushi cafejax.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll. Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. $$ BW L D Daily TIMOTI’S SEAFOD SHAK, 1043 Park St., 374-8892. Brand new. SEE AMELIA ISLAND.
ST. AUGUSTINE
AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2015 BOJ
winner. SEE BEACHES.
The FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Updated Southern fare. Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta; grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu, fresh, locally sourced ingredients. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS Sports Bar, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288, mardibar.com. Wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metro diner.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Original upscale diner. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This Metro serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815, pizzapalacejax.com. F Family-owned-&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna. Dine outside. HH. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats, tapas, wod-fired pizza. Craft beers & cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily
SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN
ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su The CHATTY CRAB, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C, 888-0639, chattycrab.com. Chef Dana Pollard’s raw oysters, Nawlins-style low country boil, po’ boys, 50¢ wing specials. $$ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE.
GREEK STREET CAFÉ, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 106, 503-0620, greekstreetcafe.com. Fresh, authentic, modern fare; Greek owners. Gyros, spanakopita, dolmades, falafel, salads, Greek nachos. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa LARRY’S Giant Subs, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. Pacific Islander fare, emphasizing chamorro culture. Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; spicy empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQ-style ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
MOXIE KITCHEN + COCKTAILS, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744, moxiefl.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Chef Tom Gray’s venue has innovative contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, sides, desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L M-F; D Nightly M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Br. Dr., 900-7730, ovinte.com. 2015 BOJ winner. European-style, influenced by Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, charcuterie menu. 240-bottle/wines, 75/glass; craft spirits. Dine outdoors. $$ FB R, Su; D Nightly RITA’S DELI, 9446 Philips Hwy., 806-3923. Sandwiches of Boar’s Head meats, cheeses. $$ BW TO L D M-Sa TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, taverna yamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Daily HH. Belly dancing. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TOMMY’S Brick Oven Pizza, 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2, 565-1999, tbopizza.com. NY-style thin crust, brickoven-cooked pizzas – gluten-free. Calzones, sandwiches, Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses. Boylan’s soda. Curbside pickup. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa
DINING DIRECTORY TOSSGREEN, 4375 Southside Blvd., Ste. 12, 619-4356. 4668 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 105, 686-0234. Custom salads, burrito bowls; fresh fruits, vegetables, 100% natural chicken breast, sirloin, shrimp, tofu, nuts, cheeses, dressings, sauces, salsas, frozen yogurt. $$ K L D Daily
SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE
HOLA Mexican Restaurant, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Fajitas, burritos, specials, enchiladas. HH; sangria. $ BW K TO L D M-Sa
LARRY’S Giant Subs, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999. SEE ORANGE PARK.
MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 15170 Max Leggett Parkway, 757-8843. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
MOLLY BROWN’S Pub & Grill, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044, mollybrownspubandgrill.com. F American (traditional), brunch, burgers, diner fare, hot dogs, sandwiches, seafood, Southern, vegetarian dishes. $$ FB TO L D Daily
CHEFFED-UP
Chef Bill’s guide to proper GARLIC PREPARATION
OF MINCE
AND MUSH
ONE OF THEE MOST MISUSED ITEMS IN ANY American kitchen may be the humble garlic clove. And I’m not talking about just your home kitchen, but professional kitchens as well. Ever bit into a nasty-tasting, raw chunk of garlic? The cook chopped that garlic wrong — literally, leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth: a bitter, too-strong garlic taste. The tough pieces get stuck in your teeth, overpower your palate and ruin your meal. So how does one use garlic correctly? There are two ways garlic should be utilized: as a seasoning or as an ingredient. Using garlic as a seasoning requires you to understand the flavor profile of garlic and how it enhances the dish. That’s right, knowing what an ingredient tastes like is important! Raw garlic has a strong, pungent, almost spicy flavor that can easily overpower ingredients if misused. You need to add just enough to taste, but stop using it to ward off vampires. How do you know how much is enough? First, chop the garlic correctly. Mince those cloves — the pieces from the garlic bulb — so tiny they gets mushy, almost the consistency of paste. I do this (because I’m really good; you can be, too) by first removing the skin. Give the clove a light punch with the side of your chef ’s knife to release that skin. Then smash the clove completely with the side of the knife’s blade. Next, begin to chop. Most cooks never take the time to chop garlic small enough. The secret is to add a pinch of salt, then continue to chop. Next, pull the side of your blade across the garlic. This will further smash the clove and spread it out on the cutting board so you can see exactly where the bigger chunks hide. Continue to chop and pull the knife across the garlic several more times. After a minute or two — voilà! — you have the seasoning you wanted. Finely chopped garlic perfectly seasons a vinaigrette, dressing or pesto. Correctly chopped garlic will simply melt right into the other ingredients. Sublime. The second way to use garlic? As an ingredient. You’ll see and taste the garlic — meaning that garlic appears as part of the dish. This method is used mostly in
Mediterranean cuisine. The object here is d b to slice the garlic cloves paper-thin and cook them in the dish. Hold the clove with your fingers pointed down. Take the knife and slice the clove as thinly as possible without slicing off your fingertips. There should be visible pieces of the garlic in the finished product. Remember that scene in Goodfellas where one of the characters was slicing garlic with a razor blade to get it thin enough? That’s darn thin — those mobsters know their Italian cooking — which means it will cook thoroughly and taste delicious. Good luck — try my farmer’s market version of arugula pesto to show off your new garlic chopping skills.
CHEFFED-UP
CHEF BILL’S ARUGULA PESTO
Ingredients: • 1 Garlic clove, finely minced • 1/2 cup Walnuts • 1 Lemon, zest and juice • 3 tablespoons Parmesan, grated • 3 ounces Olive Oil • 1 ounce Canola Oil • Half-bag Baby Arugula • Salt & Pepper to taste Directions: 1. Toast the walnuts in a pan; roughly chop. 2. Place the walnuts in a food processor and pulse until they’re very small and even (not dust). 3. Add the arugula, garlic, lemon zest and cheese. Pulse a couple of times to chop up the arugula. 4. Slowly pour in the oils and lemon juice until the mixture begins to become smooth. Add salt & pepper. Taste, adjust seasoning and blend until a fairly smooth mixture is achieved. Add more olive oil if necessary. Until we cook again,
Chef Bill cheffedup@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ Chef Bill Thompson owns Amelia Island Culinary Academy in Historic Fernandina Beach. APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39
PET EVENTS PE
PET ADOPTION EVENTS • “It’s Raining Cats & Dogs” features hundreds of adorable animals, adoptable at $40 each. The adoptions are held 11 a.m.-4 p.m. Saturday, April 23 and Sunday, April 24 at PetSmart Regency Square, 356 Monument Rd., Jacksonville, 724-4600, petsmart.com.
CAMP COMPASSION • Epic Animals Outreach offers three one-day camps for kids ages 6-8 – Pets & Wildlife is the first camp’s theme, held 10:30 a.m.-12:30 p.m. April 16 at Pablo Creek Library, 13295 Beach Blvd., Intracoastal, 274-1177,
ADOPTABLES
LOUIE
FO
FOL
TR
WI
P .
I Mustache You to Adopt Me • Hey girl,
let’s go to yoga and then get some froyo. I’m a hunky chunky lovercat with a sweet purrsonality. When you take me home, I’ll be the man of your dreams. If belly rubs are your thing, then let’s make things happen. Hit me up sometime. Come meet me at Jax Humane Society! More info online at jaxhumane.org.
epicanimals.org. The next camps are held on April 30 and May 21. YAPPY HOUR • The 2016 King and Queen are chosen, 2-5 p.m. April 17 at The Jacksonville Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown. A new King and Queen of Yappy Hour are crowned at this free event. Dog contests, giveaways, live music. B.Y.O.D. (Bring your own dog.) 353-1188, jacksonvillelanding.com.
ADOPTABLES
ABEL
Are you ABEL to Love? • Howdy, y’all! If
you’re in the market for a fun-loving goofball, then I’m the shepherd mix for you. I enjoy going for walks and playing with friends. I have a softer side, too, so if afternoon naps are your forte, we are a perfect match. Let’s hook up at JHS! Open seven days a week. For adoption information and all my details, visit jaxhumane.org. DOGGIE DIPS • Fernandina Beach Parks & Recreation sponsors a swimming pool activity for dogs and owners, 2-3 p.m. Saturday, April 23 at MLKing Center, 1200 Elm St., Fernandina Beach. $5 per dog. No dog bullies allowed; two dogs/owner max; no humans in the pool. 310-3350 ext. 1 for details. Proceeds support a free swimming lesson program for humans. To see your pet event here, send event name, time, date, location with complete street address and city, admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@ folioweekly.com – at least two weeks before the event. 40 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
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Davi shares some expert advice on how to TEACH YOUR POOCH the best manners possible
WITHOUT
PAIN
Dear Davi, Yesterday I jumped up, knocking down a family friend. I didn’t mean to — I was excited and wanted to say hi. I’m a male Leonberger, tipping the scales at about 155. How can I stop jumping and learn to greet guests politely? Thanking you in advance for your sage advice, Louie the Leonberger
Hi Louie, Like you, I was a jumper. Unlike you, I’m quite small, so it wasn’t really dangerous, just rude. I quickly learned that clobbering my human for attention or leaping with love for a tasty treat was not cool. Turns out that it’s really annoying to most humans and, with some larger breeds, can be downright dangerous. I met with local training sensation Menoka Bernardo to bone up on my manners and learn about controlling my behavior. Here’s what I picked up: PETTING, NOT POWER: There’s a common misconception that dogs jump up to establish dominance. Balderdash! Most dogs jump to get attention, and many times humans reinforce this by giving attention, even if it’s negative. We don’t understand that being pushed down or yelled at is meant as punishment. Instead, we see it as attention. Any attention is perceived as a reward. It makes sense then that instead of giving attention for jumping, humans find ways to make it more rewarding for us not to jump. Don’t be surprised or worried if your human suddenly ignores you. Expect him to turn his back from you, cross his arms over his chest with no eye contact, no touching, and staying quiet. Fear not. You’re still loved and adored. He’s just waiting for you to stop jumping and learn a more acceptable way to earn his attention. The trick here is for him
to ignore you when you’re leaping around like a ping pong ball; rather, give you praise or a reward only when you’re calm. FOUR ON THE FLOOR GETS YOU MORE: It’s obvious — you cannot jump up and keep your paws on the floor at the same time. Keeping all four on the floor is key replacement b ehavior. Bonus: It’ll get you a reward. If jumping is ignored and keeping your paws on the ground gets treats, I say stop jumping. SIT INSTEAD: Once you’ve mastered fouron-the-floor for a few seconds or longer, the next step is to sit. Your human may walk in a room or through the front door, and give the command “Sit.” That’s your cue. Do it. When your haunches are on the ground, you’ll get a treat. Easy peasey, huh? Don’t be discouraged if your human phases out treats over time. Remember, the goal is gaining attention, not gaining weight. PRACTICE MAKES BETTER: It’s important to practice good behavior with your human, family friends and visitors. Changing your behavior for good takes consistency and practice, so stick with it, don’t be bummed, and you’ll have results in a week or two. For more training tips and private lessons, go to menokadogmanners.com or email Menoka-mdmt@outlook.com. She’s a professional trainer, teaching good manners with kindness and patience. Stay calm and carry on!
Davi mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Davi is a lively brown dachshund with a healthy appetite for any kind of adventure. He doesn’t jump anymore, but he does love sweet potato treats, playing at the park with friends, and exploring the unknown.
PET TIP: DELAYED GRATIFICATION IS SO GRATIFYING WHO DOESN’T LIKE THE WAY A DOG LIGHTS UP whenever there’s a treat within, like, a 100-mile radius? (OK, really it’s more like 20 yards according to Cesar’s Way.) But too many treats are bad for your dog, not just in terms of health, but also because they can spoil them. Trust that nobody likes a yappy, jumping, crotch-sniffing dog, no matter how cute he or she is. Use treats as positive reinforcement for when your dog is being really, really good and, for maximum effect, make your dog wait calmly before you hand it over and don’t give them more than a few every day.
APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 41
NEWS OF THE WEIRD I’M NOT THE ONLY GUILTY ONE
Love is in the air … just inhale, right? Hah! Let Folio Weekly Magazine help you connect with that surfer hunk you saw at the Young Vegan Professionals meet-up, or the goddess at Target who “accidentally” dropped a jasmine-scented kazoo in your cart.
Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html and fill out the FREE form correctly (40 words or fewer, dammit) by 5 p.m. Friday – next stop: Bliss! BEAUTIFUL WEST VIRGINIAN You: Tan BBW, three mixed kids, WVU tank top, American flag tattoo on back. Me: Overall cutoffs, American flag tattoo on neck, Gator T-shirt. You offered snuff. Nervous, I refused. Like to dip in you in my single-wide. When: April 8. Where: Collins Road Trailer Park. #1604-0413
PIERCED GIRL WITH DOG You: White SUV, cool shirt, septum piercing, pitbull Scout with heartworm. Me: Guy dressed too warmly for cold morning, with bull mastiff. You tried to talk; I’d been awake 20 minutes. Thinking about missed chance. Let’s meet. When: Feb. 9. Where: Baymeadows Animal Hospital. #1593-0217
MY TRAILER PARK QUEEN Me: Long hair, tats, white shirt, sippin’ a Bud Lite with my pops. You: Prego, kid on each hip, also drinking a Bud Lite, puffin’ a Winston. Let’s get drunk; lemme put another one in the oven. When: April 3. Where: Ramona Flea Market Beer Garden. #1603-0406
TANGO FOR TWO Dance Shack free lesson night. You: Brunette, cute smile, gray booties. Me: Tall, dark eyes, black V-neck. You wanted to stay and tango; didn’t hear you. My friend told me later! Offer still stand? Lesson’s on me. When: Feb. 5. Where: Dance Shack. #1592-0217
ACCIDENTALLY PUBLIC MAKEOUT You: Adorably nerdy guy, incredible hands. Me: Petite (younger) fashionista, completely enchanted. Madeout like teenagers in Starbucks parking lot before realizing patio full of people could see. I’d do it again without changing a thing! When: March 20. Where: Starbucks. #1602-0330
RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE You: Looking fine, dressed sharp in sweater vest for Bible study. Me: In church parking lot, to go to Firehouse; did triple-take when I saw you. You make this girl want to go back to church. When: Jan. 27. Where: Southside Baptist Church parking lot. #1591-0217
COME DELIVER PIZZA AGAIN! Me: Male in jeans, navy polo, bumbled over receipt. You: Male, delivered Pizza Hut to my door. I didn’t say much, but would’ve liked to! When: March 12. Where: My condo near The Avenues. #1601-0316 LISTENING PUNK ROCK IN TRUCK You: In blue/black truck, 8 p.m. When I came out, you turned radio up so I’d look; you flashed best grin. Sandy, maybe curly hair, bright eyes, that dang smile! Who ARE you? Gotta know. When: March 7. Where: Welcome Food Mart, St. Augustine. #1600-0316 TIJUANA FLATS DROPPED SODA SHERRY? You: Fletcher lacrosse sweatshirt; dropped soda, came back. Me: Waiting too patiently for table, talking to you while you waited for takeout. (Insert cheesy line here, preferably including queso.) Single? Let’s grab a drink. When: Feb. 23. Where: Hodges Tijuana Flats. #1599-0316 GANESH TATTOOED HOT BLONDE GODDESS With ball cap. Thanks for letting me take pic of adorable Ganesh on your beautiful arm! I was totally intrigued, want to connect over chai sometime. The pic got overwhelming likes on IG! When: Feb. 27. Where: SeaWalk Pavilion Jax Beach. #1598-0309 SCRUBS FROM ST. V @ PUBLIX We checked out at same time; you had St. V lanyard, pinenuts (or similar), yogurt and other things. Handsome! I was too shy to say anything; regret not speaking when I left parking lot. When: Feb. 18. Where: Publix Riverside. #1597-0224 LOVE THY NEIGHBOR Sharp-dressed man getting out of blue car to check mail. Me: Dark hair, blue eyes. Speechless at such a good-looking man in the complex. Your building’s somewhere in the 20s. Let’s do some neighborhood loving?! ;) When: Feb. 16. Where: Green Tree Place Apartments. #1596-0224 MY ANSWER IS YES You: Very shy. Me: Waiting by the phone. Please call again sometime; I really love your voice! I don’t have your number or I’d text you like I used to. That was fun, wasn’t it? When: Feb. 11. Where: Telephone line. #1595-0217 ENAMORADA DE TI... Cada vez que puedo me escapo y regreso a donde tu y yo nos vimos por primera vez. Tu: Alto, distinguido. Yo: Chiquita, ojos grandes. Tu tenias un Polo negro, con tu pelo canoso muy buena combinacion. Espero seguirte viendo para siempre. When: Hoy, manana, siempre. Where: En mis suenos. #1594-0217 42 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | APRIL 13-19, 2016
YOU: THE FIRE First saw you at Fat Kat, September 2003. You: Most beautiful woman I’d ever seen; still most gorgeous woman I know, my heart’s desire. Cannot wait for our lips to reunite! I love you most! Love, M.P. When: 2003. Where: Fat Cat. #1590-0217 PRETTY SMILE SAW U TWICE You: Blonde, pretty smile; 4:30 p.m. Me: Black cowboy hat; cold outside. You smiled at me (think it was me) passing by. Passed again, smiling, caught off-guard. Love to get to know you! When: Jan. 23. Where: Publix@Southside/ Touchton. #1589-0217 HAD ME AT GO ’NOLES! Seminole/Armada games, losing beer pong, Pub subs, laughs, cheek kisses = last “first date” I want. You stole my heart; don’t want it back. The start of something sweet? Say you agree; stay forever! When: Oct. 3, ’15. Where: The Garage/ Baseball Grounds. #1587-0120 WATER AISLE You: Commented on water price; beautiful blond hair, jeans, sweater, very warm and kind. Me: Gray hair, blue eyes, shirt, jeans. We both drink coffee; would love to share a cup with you. When: Jan. 9, morning. Where: Walmart@foursquare/ U.S. 1 & Southside. #1586-0113 CHAMBLINS CHAMPION You had two enormous boxes of books. I held the door open for you. You: Blonde hair, glasses, great smile. Me: Tall, blonde. Would love to discuss literature sometime! When: Dec. 29. Where: Chamblins Uptown. #1585-0106 WELCOME TO ME! You: Tall, dress shirt, tie. I walked by to get your attention; you were on Bible app on phone. Please come back next Sunday, and I will try again. When: Jan. 3. Where: Moe’s @ Avenues. #1584-0106 NEED TLC You: Raven-haired nurse; funky glasses, chatting with co-worker. Me: Curiously smitten; backpack, sling; visiting pre-op over year ago, saw you eating fresh. We have some FB friends in common. Who are you? When: Oct. ’14 & now. Where: St. Vincent’s Subway/FB. #1583-0106 RIDE TOPLESS TOGETHER You: Sexy, dark, handsome, ballcap, BMW convertible. Me: Hot pink, caramel-covered sweetness, MB convertible. Pressed horn, blew a kiss. Like real one in woods? Know where I am. When: Dec. 26. Where: Leaving UNF Nature Trails. #1582-1230 JAX BEACH EARLY A.M. PHOTOS Enjoy sunrise near 34th Ave.; struck up conversation. Asked to take your photos. You: White shorts; got wet as waves caught you. Never gave you my card to send the pix. When: Sept. 28. Where: Jax Beach 34th Ave. S. #1581-1230
Department of Veterans Affairs employee Elizabeth Rivera Rivera, 39, was fired after her arrest (followed by a February guilty plea) for armed robbery, but when she was sentenced to only probation, an arbitrator ordered the VA to rehire her — and give her back pay she “earned” sitting in jail waiting trial. She’d been the driver for a man arrested for a street robbery in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Rivera’s union demanded the reinstatement without salary penalty — for “fairness” — because the same Puerto Rico VA office had earlier hired a convicted sex offender, and its hospital director, recently charged with DUI and drug possession, avoided VA discipline because of technicalities about the traffic stop.
HORSEFEATHERS
Turmoil in Selma, Alabama, March 1965: The historic “Bloody Sunday” at Edmund Pettus Bridge ultimately became a turning point in the battle for voting rights. Turmoil in Selma, Alabama, March 2016: The town is riven by demands for stricter enforcement of the ordinance requiring horses on the street to be wearing diapers — a campaign led by Ward 8’s Councilman Michael Johnson (an AfricanAmerican): “I’m tired of it because there’s other things I could be doing than dealing with horses.”
NICE TRY, NO DICE
Benjamin Grafius, 39, charged in March with several instances of indecent exposure to Amish people near New Holland, Pennsylvania, told police he targeted them because he knew they wouldn’t use phones to call police. Valerie Godbout, 33, visiting Orlando in March from Montreal and charged with drug possession after alerting police with erratic driving, told the officer she was on the wrong side of the road because that’s the way traffic works in Canada. It’s not. Emily Davis, 21, caught by police in February displaying her recently deceased grandmother’s handicapparking badge, explained she was merely “using it in her honor.”
THESE PEOPLE WITH ADVANCED DEGREES SPEAK LIKE 12-YEAR-OLDS German researchers, publishing in March,
revealed that female burying beetles uniquely discourage their mates from pestering them for sex after birth — thus explaining how the male of this species is seen actually helping with child care. The females apparently release a chemical “anti-aphrodisiac” to the father’s antennae. Said the lead researcher, “They’re a very modern family.” Said a biology professor, “Burying beetles are supercool.”
BETTER OFF DEAD
Two of the three candidates for the Republican nomination for county property appraiser in Erwin, Tennessee, in November died before the election, leaving Rocky McInturff the only survivor. However, he’s ineligible for the nomination because he lost badly on election day to one of the two dead candidates.
UNDIGNIFIED DEATHS
An 86-year-old woman strangled to death in February in New Cumberland, Pennsylvania, when she tripped and got her medical alert necklace caught on her walker. A 25-year-old off-duty New York City police officer was killed on a highway near Elizabeth, New Jersey, in March. According to the police report, he’d rear-ended another car and got out to “discuss” the matter, then suddenly pulled his service revolver and threatened the driver, using road rage-type language. As the officer backed up, pointing the gun, a passing driver accidentally, fatally struck him.
THE KID IS NOT MY SON (OR DAUGHTER)
Joe Vandusen said he’s had no contact whatsoever with his estranged wife for “16 or 17 years” and that both moved long ago to other relationships (Joe is now living with a woman, raising his two kids and her two as well). Still, Vandusen’s “real” wife recently gave birth, from another father, and, without claiming Vandusen as the father, filed in February for child support from him. In the Vandusens’ home state of Iowa (like the law in many states), he must pay, irrespective of any DNA test, unless he gets an expensive court order to “de-establish paternity.” Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net
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APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 43
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ARIES (March 21-April 19): “When I discover who I am, I’ll be free,” said novelist Ralph Ellison. Consider making that a paramount theme in the next few weeks. Keep it in the front of your mind, and be vigilant for juicy clues that might show up in the experiences headed your way. I’m not guaranteeing you’ll gather extravagant insights about your true identity and thereby achieve a blissful eruption of total liberation. But at the very least you’ll understand previously hidden mysteries about your primal nature. And as they come into focus, you’ll indeed be led in the direction of cathartic emancipation. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “We never know the wine we are becoming while we are being crushed like grapes,” said author Henri Nouwen. I don’t think that’s true in your case. Any minute now, you could get a clear intuition about what wine you’ll turn into once the grape-crushing stage ends. My advice? Expect that clear intuition. Once you’re in possession of it, I bet the crushing will begin to feel more like a massage – maybe even strong but tender caresses. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Your sustaining mantra for the weeks ahead is from Swedish poet Tomas Tranströmer: “I am not empty; I am open.” Say that aloud whenever you’re inclined to feel lonely or lost. “I am not empty; I am open.” Whisper it to yourself as you wonder about things that used to be important but no longer are. “I am not empty; I am open.” Allow it to loop through your imagination like a catchy song lyric when you’re tempted to feel melancholy about vanished certainties, unavailable stabilizers or missing fillers. “I am not empty; I am open.” CANCER (June 21-July 22): According to my astrological omen-analysis, you’re close to tapping into hidden powers, dormant talents, and future knowledge. Truths that have been off-limits are on the verge of catching your attention, revealing themselves. Secrets you’ve been concealing from you are ready to be plucked and transformed. A trick you can use to enable you to fully cash in on these pregnant possibilities: Don’t adopt a passive wait-and-see attitude. Don’t expect everything to happen on its own. Instead, be a willful magician who aggressively collects and activates potential gifts. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): This is a perfect moment to give yourself a new nickname like “Sugar Pepper” or “Honey Chili” or “Itchy Sweet.” It’s also a favorable time to explore joys of running in slow motion or getting a tattoo of a fierce howling bunny. This phase of your cycle is most likely to unfold with maximum effectiveness if you play along with its complicated, sometimes paradoxical twists and turns. The more willing you are to celebrate life’s riddles as blessings in disguise, the more likely you are to use the riddles to your advantage. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Right about now, you may be feeling a bit extreme, maybe even zealous or melodramatic. Maybe tempted to make outlandish expostulations similar to those poet Arthur Rimbaud articulated in one of his histrionic poems: “What beast must I worship? What sacred images should I destroy? What hearts shall I break? What lies am I supposed to believe?” Articulate salty sentiments like these in the days ahead – with the understanding that by venting your intensity, you won’t need to act it all out in real life. Let your fantasy life and creative artistry be boisterous outlets for emotions that shouldn’t get translated into literal behavior. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Adyashanti is my favorite mind-scrambling philosopher. One of his crazy wisdoms is just what
you need now. “Whatever you resist you become,” he says. “If you resist anger, you are always angry. If you resist sadness, you are always sad. If you resist suffering, you are always suffering. If you resist confusion, you are always confused. We think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them.” Wrap your imagination around Adyashanti’s counsel. The key to dissipating at least some dicey stuff tweaking you lately is to STOP RESISTING IT! SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): In every election season, media pundits exult in criticizing candidates who’ve altered their opinions on important issues. Why? An intelligent human is always learning new information about how the world works, and is therefore constantly evolving beliefs and ideas. I don’t trust folks who stubbornly cling to all their musty dogmas. I bring this to your attention because the weeks ahead are an especially ripe time to change your mind about things, some rather important. Be alert for cues and clues to activate dormant aspects of wisdom. Be eager to see further and deeper. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Friedrich Nietzsche published his first book, The Birth of Tragedy, in 1872, when he was 28 years old. In 1886, he put out a revised edition that included the preface “An Attempt at Self-Criticism.” In this unprecedented essay, he said he now found his text “clumsy and embarrassing, its images frenzied and confused, sentimental, uneven in pace, so sure of its convictions that it is above any need for proof.” Yet he glorifiedThe Birth of Tragedy, praising its powerful impact on the world, its “strange knack of seeking out its fellow-revelers and enticing them on to new secret paths and dancing-places.” Engage in an equally brave and celebratory reevaluation of some of your earlier life and work. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Go back to where you started and learn to love it more.” So advised Thaddeus Golas in his book The Lazy Man’s Guide to Enlightenment. That’s exactly what you should do right now. To undertake such a quest would reap long-lasting benefits. First, identify three dreams important for your future. Next, brainstorm how you could return to the roots of your relationships with them. Finally, reinvigorate your love for those dreams. Supercharge your excitement about them. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “What am I doing here in mid-air?” asks Ted Hughes in his poem “Wodwo.” Right about now you may have an urge to wonder that, too. The challenging part of your situation? You’re unanchored, unable to find a firm footing. The fun part? You have an unusual amount of leeway to improvise and experiment. Why not focus on the fun part for now? You may find doing so will minimize unsettled feelings. As a result, you’ll be able to accomplish interesting, unexpected work. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): How many fi reflies would you have to gather to create a light as bright as the sun? Entomologist Cole Gilbert estimates the number to be 14,286,000,000. That’s probably beyond your ability to accomplish, so I don’t recommend you try it. But I bet you could pull off a more modest feat with a similar theme: accumulating a lot of small influences that add up to a big effect. Now’s a great time to capitalize on the power of gradual, incremental progress.
Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com
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FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL
MODERN MAN
IN THE ANCIENT CITY I AM A 30-YEAR-OLD TRANSGENDER MAN. Early in life, I was always confused about why my parents demanded I dress in female clothing when I wanted to wear what the boys were wearing. I grew up in what some would call a loving home, but on the inside, I had to hide my feelings. My parents knew I was attracted to women and for that I was punished, but it never stopped me from making my way out the window at night to go places with my gay and lesbian friends where I felt I could be myself. But my issues were deeper then that. Every day, I pretended I was a boy named Krys and dreamed about being Peter Pan, a boy who never grew up. In my teenage years, I spent most of my time being depressed and running away because in my heart I knew I was not who I was meant to be. After failing miserably to find work because of my appearance, eventually I found my way to St. Augustine. Coming here made a little bit of difference; I was then a lesbian who heavily dressed in men’s clothing trying to see how far I could actually pass as a man. Yet my voice was high and I clearly looked like a woman. At the time, I was in an unsupportive relationship. When we talked about my feelings about my gender identity, she would always say, “Well, I’m not attracted to men — sorry.” For whatever reason, I continued to live my life by other people’s standards. It wasn’t until I met my current love that I decided to become who I truly was. About six months into our relationship, I started my transition. I was scared; my now-wife was, too, so I didn’t have to go through it alone. I went through the regular gender smackdown therapy, doctor appointments, and more therapy, then finally the hormone treatment. I didn’t have to watch television and whatnot to see how others started, I simply went about it myself ’cause this was my journey: This was me taking control of my life. This is where St. Augustine really came into the picture. I had been here for a couple years by then, so being local, everyone knows you. I was most scared of whether people were going to still be my friends when all was said and done. Would people stop me from using the bathroom? At the time, they were trying to pass a bill requiring transgender people to use
restrooms corresponding to the gender they were assigned at birth. To my surprise, a majority of the community was very supportive, from the local bartenders down to the man playing that horn thing on St. George Street. I did lose friends, but not many, and I know those I did lose weren’t my friends at all. I heard rumors about how disgusting my transition was from people I had loved, and, “Congratulations, you look amazing,” from people I’d never talked to. I never really liked the town when I was my old self because of how judgmental people were. After I began my transition, I started work more quickly than ever. Evidently, jobs come a little easier as a man than as a lesbian. The women in Palencia who always had some kind of gossip about Caitlyn Jenner would never question me, because they had no idea that someone so nice and loving could possibly be transgender. It’s good to smile, knowing they still don’t know. I blend with the people who live around me and some know and some don’t and those who don’t may ask questions, but I’m not ashamed of who I am and the struggles I have conquered. St. Augustine has taught me that this community is loving and not as horrible as most communities can be. I must admit, I got a little scared after reading an article about how this year, transgender people should be worried. Why can’t we be understood? No one is perfect; don’t shame those who aren’t. We are people just like everyone; we have a heart and blood that runs through our veins. I’m proud of where I am and I finally nailed my dream job as a chef in a small craft beer joint in town (Brewz ’N’ Dawgz). I’m happy to be who I am. I didn’t need the world to show me; I’ve been this way since before could remember and I’m thankful to St. Augustine for letting be this person. I once saw on the wall at the Bank of America building a quote, “It’s never too late to become who you are.” I will remember and pass that note forward to anyone scared to be who they are. My name is Krystopher Ramos and I am a proud transgender man in St. Augustine. Krystopher Ramos mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Ramos is a chef in St. Augustine.
APRIL 13-19, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 47