05/11/16 Free Radical

2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3

THIS WEEK // 5.11-5.17.16 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 6 COVER STORY

FREE

[ 11 ]

RADICAL

Pianist URI CAINE’s free show launches AVANT’s local effort to nurture modern Jewish music story by JOHN

E. CITRONE

FEATURED ARTICLES

MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE

[10]

HISTORY OF WASTE

[8]

BY MARVIN EDWARDS A look at the unlawful, wasteful history of the Better Jacksonville Plan

BY AG GANCARSKI Did Matt Shirk and Angela Corey deliberately disenfranchise non-Republicans?

POST-APOCALYPSE NOW [16]

BY ALAN SCULLEY Fifteen years into her career, Otep Shamaya continues to defy and destroy expectations of the metal scene

COLUMNS + CALENDARS FROM THE EDITOR OUR PICKS MAIL/B&B FISCAL HEALING FIGHTIN’ WORDS MUSIC

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FILM/MAGIC LANTERNS 17 ARTS 18 LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR 25 DINING DIRECTORY 30 BITE-SIZED 31 PINT-SIZED 32

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EDITOR • Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com / ext. #115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / #ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com / ext. #128 CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Josue Cruz, Julie Delegal, Susan Cooper Eastman, Marvin Edwards, AG Gancarski, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Mary Maguire, Keith Marks, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Greg Parlier, Kara Pound, Dale Ratermann, Matthew B. Shaw, Chuck Shepherd, Marc Wisdom VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry, Carl Rosen

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FROM THE EDITOR

THE TRUTH

STINKS

Flushable wipes WREAK havoc THERE’S NOTHING QUITE LIKE THE TINGLY, minty-fresh feeling of a squeaky clean sphincter. For the millennia preceding the advent of the bootylicious miracle that is toilet paper, humans relied on bark, weeds, cloth and ewwwww their hands to achieve that not-quiteso-funky feeling; in the year of our lord 1857 we transitioned to dry sheets of soft cotton paper. Praise be to Joseph Gayetty, harbinger of pretty pink starfish the world over. Though they pre-date toilet paper by a cool century, bidets, probably the best of all choices, remain the province of Europeans and pretentious Americans who wish they were European (we’re looking at you, Brad Pitt, he of the glistening anus of Thelma & Louise fame).

Then, oh yeah, in 1995, the gods, in their infinite mercy, brought mankind one small step closer to fanny nirvana with small squares of sanctity billed on a patent application as “[p]remoistened, flushable, disposable and biodegradable wet wipes.”

From that day forward, all people could rejoice in perfumed derrieres that would have inspired at least one stanza of ecstatic prose on the crack that can be safely sniffed, mayhaps licked, by masterful wordsmith, Jack Kerouac, he who penned these timeless words, “Only beatniks wash their asses nice and clean.”

But here’s the rub: Those comfortingly damp and sanitary cloths with which you rub your butt are not flushable in the same sense as the acres of Charmin that carpet your days and blanket your nights. Nay, they are not flushable, practically biodegradable, environmentally friendly or carbon neutral.

(OK, perhaps that last one.)

After you flush and spring from the throne with the confidence of the unequivocally clean, that flushable wipe has a long way to go and a short time to get there, a journey fraught with twists, turns, holding tanks and screens.

As those white squares of yester-bum float the soupy brine of the sewer system, they gather grease, fat and other detritus and create a sticky, gooey papier-mâché-meets-concretesubstance that cakes the blades of the pumps that propel rivers of excrement beneath these city streets. Rather than breaking apart in the turbine, those viscous wads gum up the works, indeed they do, so much so that the cesspool becomes stagnant and still.

The smelly solution to this cakey quandary in the bowels of the beast that

houses the fruits of our bowels involves heavy machinery, an industrial pump, and, for the grand finale, public employees manually removing the glutinous, gummy “flushable” wipes that have collected gobs of rancid grease from the machinations.

If there ever was a less-appealing job, it is this: The flushable wipe remnants that escape the holding tanks are not destined for an easy trip to water treatment paradise.

Nay! Instead, they gather en masse on screens that protect water treatment pools from infiltration by the likes of plastic tampon applicators, used condoms, toy trains and more, where — you guessed it — a critical mass is eventually formed. This gelatinous glob — sister to the 11-ton, city-bus-sized “fatberg” comprising flushable wipes, grease, excrement and other household waste that Huffington Post reports ruptured a pipe in London’s sewer system in 2015, causing more than a half-million dollars of damage — must also be painstakingly, manually removed by the Unluckiest Public Employee of All. (And you thought that title was bestowed upon Angela Corey’s ball-washer.)

JEA’s website confirms the sticky, smelly gungy problem borne of flushable wipes that clogs its budget and pipes alike, quoting Manager for Water/Wastewater Treatment Reuse for the South Grid Robert Parks as saying, “They don’t degrade in the short amount of time they’re in the sewer system.”

The utility goes on to report that, “[i]nstead they remain intact and form a tough ball of material that’s a nasty mess when bound together with the grease.” A nasty mess that someone may climb into an odiferous tank to remove.

But before you sacrifice that pallet you recently procured on Amazon wholesale from China, and mourn the loss of a nether eye that could pass the Q-tip test of freshness, wait — there’s hope! May these words of wisdom give you solace, peace and a backside that isn’t offensive or smelly in the least: Throw those damn thingss in the trash after you wipe, you butthole.

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ For splendoriffic photos of what’s really going down the pipes, check out this story online at folioweekly.com.

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

OLD NATURE, NEW PATH

SHANNON ESTLUND Jacksonville native Shannon Estlund captivated the art world through her prismic use of color, texture, and repeated form through abstraction to explore “places and objects that both capture the senses in a direct experiential way, and function as metaphors for archetypal situations.” The site-specific installation Between Here and There is her field report through a palette of colors both lush and somber, using paintings (pictured, from left: Ghost Tree, oil on canvas, 48” x 48”, 2015; and Mesh, acrylic on canvas, 48” x 48”, 2016) and sculpture to offer us a deeper view into the natural world that elevates the realm of outdoor environments into the ruminative, prototypical, and mystical. Local art lovers looking for a literal paradigm shift viewing the sometimespredictability of naturalscapes may surrender to Estlund’s singular territory of beauty saturated into a whole ’nother realm. Artist walkthrough 4 p.m.; opening reception held 5-7 p.m.

Friday, May 13, Flagler College’s Crisp-Ellert Art Museum, St. Augustine; exhibit runs through June 24, flagler.edu/news-events/crisp-ellert-art-museum.

FRI

13

OUR PICKS THE CHASE IS AFOOT

RIOT, GIRL AMY SCHUMER Whether working as

THE STRANGER

Even for a groundbreaking auteur with an impressive and varied filmography, Orson Welles’ 1946 film-noir classic The Stranger, is a remarkable piece of early post-WWII cinema. Playing against type, Edgar G. Robinson stars as Mr. Wilson, a war crimes investigator locked in an intense cat-and-mouse pursuit of fugitive Nazi Franz Kindler (played to the nines by Welles) in a staid New England town. Welles’ injection of a malevolent presence into the setting of naïve small-town America is a masterful work that raised, if not created, the bar for subsequent spy and political thrillers.

7 p.m. Thursday, May 12 and 12:30 p.m. Sunday, May 15, Sun-Ray Cinema, 5 Points, $9.50; $8 military/ students/teachers; $7 seniors, sunraycinema.com.

REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

a standup comedian, writer, actress, or producer, Amy Schumer knows how to bring the lewd, rude, and full-tilt attitude.

Audiences first got a glimpse of Schumer’s no-holds-barred humor with her Emmy-nominated sketch comedy show, Inside Amy Schumer. When she hit the big screen with last year’s rom-com Trainwreck, she finally won the hearts of critics, receiving a Golden Globe nod while fortifying the ranks of her army of fans. Now Schumer is swinging through town for a night of standup that is sure to be replete with her blunt and sardonic take on sex, relationships, and all points in between. 7:30 p.m. Sunday, May 15, Veterans Memorial Arena, Downtown, $38-$98, ticketmaster.com.

THU

12

SUN

15

AFRICAN DANCE

MANDE! THE EVOLUTION FROM BARE FEET TO BLUE JEANS Movement, music, storytelling, and tradition fuse into one in MANDE! The

Evolution from Bare Feet to Blue Jeans. Originally performed in ’06 at Boomtown Subterranea to a sold-out audience, this powerful production by the local Nan Nkama Pan-African Drum & Dance Ensemble covers the journeys of African descendants through time and location, following the path of the Middle Passage and the African slave trade. Written and directed by Christa “Fatoumata” Sylla, MANDE! is an expression of both heritage and progressive evolution of the present day spirit of the griot culture, emanating through modern music, poetry, rappers, and dances, with a cast including actor Rahman Johnson, spoken-word artist Seven SoulJones, and rapper Arsun Fist. 6:30 p.m. Sunday, May 15, LaVilla School of the Arts, Springfield, $26.50 reserved seating; $15.50 general seating, squareup.com/store/nan-nkama-jax.

WED

18

SUN

15

UNTIL DEATH (DOES NOT) DO US PART! BLITHE SPIRIT Heaven has no rage like love to neither hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned. And in Noël Coward’s much-loved musical comedy, Blithe Spirit, there’s no escape from a lover’s wrath in land of the dead! This raucous tale, written by the inimitable Coward in 1941, a ghost returns from the afterlife to haunt and harass her former spouse and his new bride! Folio Media House event held Wednesday, May 18 includes special culinary treats! Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch 11 a.m. and noon; Executive Chef DeJuan Roy presents a themed menu; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, Southside, $35-$62; play runs through June 5, alhambrajax.com.

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MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

THE MAIL

FOLIO VOICES : FISCAL HEALING

NUKE ’EM IF YOU GOT ’EM

RE: “Two Thousand Feet of Perspective,” by Claire Goforth, April 27 You probably noticed that the emissions from the St. Johns River Power Park (SJRPP) stack appeared the same as the steam from the cooling towers. That is because both emit mainly water vapor. The electrostatic precipitators remove 99.99 percent of the ash; the gasbags remove 99.99 percent of the NOX, SO4 and other pollutants.

Two that are not removed are radon gas, which was entrapped in the coal, and CO2. SJRPP actually releases annually three times as much radiation as the accident at Three Mile Island.

Even that is well below normal background and just shows how safe nuclear plants (with a US/EU style of containment) are, since the TMI meltdown released less radiation than a normally operating coal-fired plant. If only the Russians and the Japanese had built similar containments.

The concern with state-of-the-art coal-fired plants is that they emit CO2 which, while not toxic, is a greenhouse gas.

That takes [us] to the solar alternative and net metering; right now it costs the rest of us about one quarter [25¢] per megawatt hour (MWh).

If the number of net meterers increases to 10 percent of JEA customers, then the net metering will cost $5 per MWh. At 20 percent, it would be $10. When costs reach this level, they would affect the poorer homes that currently struggle to pay their utilities that suffer. It would also affect jobs; businesses like Gerdau Ameristeel will just move the production to other locations that can operate induction furnaces less expensively.

We do not need to act now since $0.25 per MWh is about $0.33 on an average electric bill; however, solar is available in Jacksonville 28 percent of the time, so pulling power from JEA or having battery backup is necessary to make solar a reliable alternative. Net metering ignores the administrative and operational costs of the transmission system, which pulls the clean energy from these “solar” homes and sends power to them at night and on cloudy days. Once solar is installed with about 5 percent of JEA’s customers, a change in payments will need to happen.

Germany, stupidly, is getting rid of its nuclear plants and now heavily subsidizes solar and wind power. The results are that the German ratepayers

who cannot afford solar are paying the highest electricity rates in Europe. In order to meet industrial demand, Germany is buying nuclear power by wire from France and Switzerland and is running its coal-fired plants at close to full capacity. Its policy has created a net increase in its greenhouse gas emissions.

JEA needs some time to allow its current assets to be paid off before we take them offline; but now is the time to plan the reduced carbon energy strategy for the mid-2020s. That strategy should include nuclear from Plant Vogtle in Georgia and the Lee Plant in South Carolina mixed with some additional solar from a solar with a point of transmission cost of $80 or less per MWh; in the meantime, we should use natural gas which emits less than half the CO2 that coal does. This takes us to the end of the 2020s; JEA could build some form of modular nuclear reactors. These could be pressurized water reactors like mPower, which is compact and passively cools itself, or Lithium Fluoride Thorium Reactors, which can also be compact and use waste heat to desalinize water.

This leaves one dilemma — JEA’s petroleum coke-fired fluidized bed plant. The issue is twofold: In the 1990s, President Bill Clinton’s Department of Energy encouraged the development of this technology; therefore, JEA was encouraged by DOE to move forward with this plant. The first question: Is it fair to take offline a plant that the federal government encouraged us to build at great cost to the ratepayers? The answer is no.

The second question involves the fact that petroleum coke will be a waste product as long as oil is refined. Even after all diesel and gasoline vehicles convert to CNG or electricity, the petro-chemical industry will still produce this waste. Is it better to burn this waste product in an environmentally controlled power plant somewhere or bury it in a pit where it will end up in the water table? The answer is to use it as a fuel for the 6 percent of our energy needs it can produce, while making as much of the other 94 percent as possible carbon-free.

In the meantime, we need to encourage low electric rates and the jobs and economic benefits that come with them.

Bruce A. Fouraker via email

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BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO TODD AND NICOLE HOLLINGHEAD The basketball hoops at Liberty Park in Springfield had been lacking nets for some time, so the Hollingheads bought and installed new nets, much to the delight of neighborhood children, who provided Mr. Hollinghead with a helping hand installing them on May 5. With neighbors like these, who needs friends?

BRICKBATS TO GARY PETERSON Following an employee’s assault, Peterson, Home Again St. Johns executive director, decided to suspend all Dining with Dignity meals for a week. According to The St. Augustine Record, Peterson justified his decision to punish the 80 to 120 people the organization feeds each evening as necessary to pressure wrongdoers into better behavior.

Psst, Peterson … it’s one thing to deprive kids of recess, another to deprive homeless and impoverished people of food.

BOUQUETS TO LEARN TO READ JACKSONVILLE At the Annual Literacy Conference held May 4-6, local nonprofit organization Learn to Read was bestowed with the Excellence in Education Award and a $2,500 grant for its work improving adult literacy in Duval County. Thanks to Learn to Read, scores of locals can understand the words on this page. Keep it up!

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

A look at the unlawful, wasteful history of the BETTER JACKSONVILLE PLAN

HISTORY OF WASTE IN 1968, DUVAL COUNTY AND THE CITY OF Jacksonville consolidated. It was hoped that consolidation would eliminate corruption in both the city government and the county government. That did not happen. Instead, the consolidated government created uncontrolled multimillion-dollar slush funds. Some were the result of manipulation by powerful vested interests, some were plain stupidity, some violated either Florida law or Jacksonville ordinances or both. Some were outright criminal. Among the projects with one or more bungled and wasteful deeds, one could include the fiasco dealings with Offshore Power Systems, the Automated Skyway Express (ASE), the collapsed original Southbank Riverwalk, the manipulated Convention Center, the Northbank landfill, the transformation of the Gator Bowl into an NFL stadium, the River City Renaissance bond issue — where major projects disappeared — the proposed Shipyard project, the highway and overpass construction, some of which were handed out without the required public bids.

By far, however, the biggest slush fund of them all was the illegal $2.2-billion Better Jacksonville Plan (BJP). With interest on its bonds, the sum exceeded $3 billion. Projects beneath its umbrella included a new Downtown library, a City Hall structure, a ballpark stadium, a new arena, all kinds of highways and a new courthouse. Due to construction manipulation of the proposed courthouse, including unlawful actions, the cost exploded from $190 million to more than $350 million. In May 2000, Mayor John Delaney said the courthouse project’s cost would not exceed $190 million. At the same time, the Florida Times-Union quoted Susan Wiles, Delaney’s chief of staff, as saying, “Regardless of which plan is chosen, the cost will not exceed $190 million, including construction, renovation, land, furnishings and parking. The new or renovated courthouse will be functional, not opulent, the mayor will not permit any gold plating.” The real power behind the courthouse promotion and what it contained was Chief Judge Donald R. Moran Jr. He repeatedly denied that ordinance 2000-572-E, on which the BJP is authorized, violated court rulings by Florida’s Supreme Court, or rulings by Florida Attorneys General.

We have previously cited examples of Moran either disregarding or being ignorant of Florida law. The same was true of Delaney, also the City Council, and the General Counsel’s office. All three — Moran, the judge who presided over the grand jury, and Delaney — should have recused themselves from the case because each had a conflict of interest.

The final 12-page grand jury report contained no mention of the clear violations that were reported in the news media. Both Delaney and Moran were also members of the mayor’s Professional Service Evaluation Committee (PSEC), which was involved with selecting winning bids for contracts under the plan.

The city of Jacksonville referendum with the half-cent increase in the sales tax was approved on Sept. 5, 2000. It was D-Day for Delaney. Earlier, on July 18, Mayor Delaney was interviewed by Tom Patton, news director for WJCT-TV. Patton asked Delany, “How much of this Better Jacksonville Plan is etched in stone? How much of it is at the discretion of yourself, city council, future mayors, future city councils? What’s to prevent a future city council or a future mayor from amending the statute that was passed, to suit their vision of what’s a Better Jacksonville?”

Delaney responded, “It’s not amendable.

It’s a vote of the people. And when the people vote in something like this, it is absolutely etched in stone. It is etched in volcanic rock.

It is etched in granite. The people vote it in … And the only way to change the plan, the BJP, is through a referendum. So no mayor can touch it. No city council can touch it. The projects that are listing must absolutely be done by law.”

The office of Florida’s Attorney General and rulings by Florida’s courts agree with the mayor. They have all ruled that projects listed in a tax increase referendum can be amended only by another public referendum. A former Jacksonville General Counsel rendered the same opinion.

However, the provision included in the ordinance states: “… the countywide road, infrastructure and transportation

improvements are itemized in the ‘City of Jacksonville Transportation and Infrastructure 2000-2010 Work Program’ which is attached as Exhibit A … Amendments to this work program as financed by the BJP half-cent sales surtax, may be made in the City Council for just cause only but as deemed necessary; provided however substituting a project shall be made only by the City Council upon a vote of two-thirds of all City Council members (13 votes).” This makes the ordinance unlawful.

Nevertheless, the ordinance, with this unlawful section, was enacted by the City Council on July 11, and approved by Mayor Delaney on July 12. He signed the illegal ordinance just six days before telling Patton that the projects in the ordinance could not be amended except by another public referendum.

The unlawful amending power given to City Council covers $1.5 billion (68 percent) of the $2.2 billion BJP projects. It makes a mockery of the public referendum. Nowhere in the ordinance are “just cause” and “deemed necessary” defined. The reality is that the city council long ago eliminated some of these listed projects and added new ones. Nothing in the 12-page report of the grand jury contained a discussion about the invalid referendum. And some of the violations in the court construction negotiations were not included.

A subsequent lawsuit filed by former state representative Andy Johnson asked the Fourth Judicial Circuit Court to issue an injunction striking the BJP referendum from the Sept. 5 ballot. Johnson, through his attorney, charged that the ordinance covering the plan and its referendum violated state law.

Chief Circuit Judge Donald R. Moran Jr. rejected Johnson’s charge that the referendum’s wording was misleading. The Florida TimesUnion reported Moran’s ruling was issued less than one hour after arguments were made.

Moran said Johnson did not have a case to justify withdrawal of the referendum, saying, “The most important thing that’s been established is the general principle that courts shouldn’t interfere with the democratic process.”

On the contrary, the court’s primary responsibility is to uphold the law and protect the public from those who violate it. The court should have concerned itself with the question, “Do the ordinance and referendum violate state law?” Based on numerous rulings and opinions by Florida’s courts and Attorney General’s Office covering rulings and opinions on similar referendums, the answer is “Yes.” According to Johnson, the half-cent sales tax referendum violated a state law that governs the wording of ballot questions. Specifically, the law prohibits questions that editorialize about the issue at hand in any way. Were it properly worded, the recent referendum would have asked the voters to simply vote “For the half-cent sales tax increase” or vote “Against the half-cent sales tax increase.”

Notice that no optional wording appears in that example. Such was not the case for the Better Jacksonville referendum, which appeared on the ballot in this form: “For the Better Jacksonville 1/2 cent sales tax (YES)” or “Against the Better Jacksonville 1/2 cent sales tax (NO)” The Sept. 5 question’s wording editorializes and politicizes because it implies a vote “against” the plan is a vote “against a Better Jacksonville.”

Both Mayor Delaney and Judge Moran, by their spending $350 million on a construction debacle — the Courthouse — and their ignoring Florida law explains why, over the years, so many projects end up in the cesspool.

Marvin R. Edwards mail@folioweekly.com MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS Did Matt Shirk and Angela Corey DELIBERATELY DISENFRANCHISE non-Republicans?

MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE

10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

SHORTLY AFTER PUBLIC DEFENDER MATT Shirk declared he was running for re-election, he adopted a more adversarial campaign persona toward the office of Angela Corey than he’d previously demonstrated.

The sides have squabbled. But in the end, they’re both incumbent Republican politicians, and both had a remarkable stroke of luck just before the qualifying deadline last Friday.

Shirk is getting his bell rung in the cash chase against Charles Cofer, a former county judge who retired in order to run against him.

Shirk, in trouble, turned his rhetoric up a little bit toward Cofer, calling him a creation of the “liberal trial bar.”

Odd, huh? Why define Cofer as a liberal?

Because only Republicans can vote in a closed primary.

If the race were between Cofer and Shirk, and no Democrats or Independents were on the ballot, then all registered voters would be able to vote in the primary.

Neat, huh? That’s rare here.

And it ain’t happening in August. See, Roland Falcon got in the race.

He’s a write-in. And he likes Matt Shirk; even thinks he’s done a good job. Falcon, at 59, is running for Public Defender but not to win the job of Public Defender.

He really wants to be a judge.

“I’m a poor lawyer. I’m my own secretary.

I vacuum, wash windows, write motions. I do want to become a judge, and this is a test: Do people know me?”

“I have a name recognition problem,” Falcon added.

Not any more! Name recognized: He’s the guy who jumped into the Public Defender’s race at the last minute for no particular reason, just to maybe become a judge, even though there are six unopposed judges he could have run against … if he had really wanted to be a judge.

What it seems he really wanted was to close the primary. Who the hell knows why? Odds are, he had a less-insipid reason for throwing salt in Charlie Cofer’s game than he let on in our chit-chat.

Shirk got, as they say, lucky. And he’s not the only one — Angela Corey, his frenemy, got lucky, too.

As if by chance, Kenny Leigh (Slogan: MEN ONLY. FAMILY LAW ONLY. WRITE IN ONLY.) jumped into the State Attorney’s race.

It raised so, so many questions: Would he try only cases with MEN victims? And how did he know to get in just after Melissa Nelson did? And did he file his own paperwork in Tallahassee? (Some cynics of the highest order

are saying that perhaps someone with a rival campaign filed Leigh’s paperwork, which may seem a bit collusive, but whatevs).

Why is Leigh running? Glad you asked!

“The Republican Party I love is killing itself,” Leigh told this jackass at the other end of the phone. He said he was “pro gay rights” and “wanted to get the dialogue started.”

(What dialogue? Who the hell knows?)

“I don’t even know any gay people,” Leigh continued, “but it’s killing us.”

People have other theories.

After the two-person race became a multi-ring circus last week, Wes White, who’s been running a shoestring campaign against Corey this last year, said that Corey’s “Jimmy Crow” tactic was a way of disenfranchising black voters who might want to send the State Attorney a message.

Harry Shorstein, Corey’s predecessor, said something similar, but more sane and less inflammatorily laden with questionable imagery. He called it “shameful” on the phone on Friday, but the old Marine wasn’t surprised.

He knows BS when he hears it.

It’s gamesmanship, and it’s smart and, as Nixon said, “if the president does it, that means it’s not illegal.”

In other words, nothing is stopping Shirk and Corey from drafting a mummy and a dummy to run as joke write-in candidates to close the primary.

They figure that no one’s really going to notice, that low-information Republican voters, still dizzy and slightly scramblebrained from a year on the Trump Train, will just vote for incumbents.

And why not? Not like any high-profile embarrassments have happened. Not like Marissa Alexander lived through a Kafka novel. Not like this circuit made George Zimmerman famous. Not like anything weird happened during the Michael Dunn trial. And not like Matt Shirk had a grand jury recommend that he resign just because, to conserve water, he may have taken showers with one or two employees a few times.

Republicans are in a unique position.

They can, on Aug. 30, send a message to the purveyors of this rank chicanery, designed to throw an election back to incumbents who have made this circuit famous for too many of the wrong reasons.

Or they can reward such behavior, and see it again in four more years.

AG Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski

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T

Keith Marks

An ambitious, generous plan to procure and donate music from the RADICAL JEWISH CULTURE catalog nears completion STORY BY JOHN

E. CITRONE

he box is big and nearly empty. That’s because its contents — hundreds of CDs, stacks of books and DVDs, and other promotional materials — are scattered about Keith Marks’ two-story Riverside home, both upstairs and down. Archiving the CDs is paramount for Marks as he prepares to donate the entire collection to the Jacksonville Public Library’s Main Branch in Downtown.

Making it clear to a general audience why this collection is significant is a crucial part of the uphill battle Marks has been fighting over the past several months. Most ’round these parts haven’t the slightest inkling who John Zorn is or what a Tzadik is. But here is Marks, combing through towers of CDs, organizing and notating, prepping the entire Radical Jewish Culture portion of Zorn’s expansive Tzadik record label (around 250 releases) for installation at the library. He’s also putting together a concert series to celebrate the Jacksonville Public Library’s recent acquisition and hopes to expand his Avant music series in the future, bringing in more music and musicians from Zorn’s massive stable of artists and from the vast and still-underground world of the avant-garde.

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FREE RADICAL <<< FROM PREVIOUS Marks is no stranger to this struggle.

In his two decades in Jacksonville, he has put together and promoted a regional nonprofit events series (called PB&J), hosted a children’s puppet show, released a localband compilation album, produced a sketch comedy show, and staged a haiku/art show featuring local artists and writers. Some ventures were more successful than others, and not one was easy to mount. Though Marks has many friends in the regional arts and music communities, here in the cultural backwater once known as Cowford, the masses are more interested in the Jaguars, Rascal Flatts and craft brews than they are experimental music.

But what Marks is attempting this time around is monumental, and incredibly important to a town that insists it’s an artistic, as well as a corporate, destination. John Zorn, the heaviest cat on the downtown New York City scene since the late ’70s, is a composer of worldwide repute, one who moves freely among the worlds of jazz, classical, hardcore

punk and metal metal, noise noise, exotica and fusion fusion. His personal output is daunting, having released or performed on more than 400 recordings.

Through his record label Tzadik, Zorn has curated and released more than 1,000 more titles. His significance as a performer, composer and conductor is indisputable, yet mainstreamers seem to be in the dark about his work.

Couple this with the difficulty Marks had making inroads with Zorn in the first place — Zorn, who is notoriously possessive of his work and how it is presented, shut Marks down on a number of occasions — and any normal person would have thrown in the towel long ago.

But Marks is tenacious, both a devoted fan of Zorn’s work and a dedicated member of the Northeast Florida arts community. He doesn’t give up easily, and he pitches his ideas with passion and eloquence. Despite all the obstacles, the arts maven and frequent Folio Weekly Magazine contributor has managed to procure upwards of $8,000 in donations (so far) and a small group of volunteers to secure the Radical Jewish Culture collection, along with books and DVDs from the Tzadik

John Zorn’s significance as a performer, composer and conductor is indisputable, yet mainstreamers seem to be in the dark about his work.

CC-BY. Credit: John D. & Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation.

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

storehouse, all of which is being donated to the JPL at a performance by pianist Uri Caine on Sunday, May 15 at Jacksonville’s Main Library.

URI CAINE IS A BADASS.

He’d have to be to play for John Zorn.

Caine’s countenance belies the depth of his musicianship; he looks something like a cross between Randy Newman and Eugene Levy. Here is a pianist capable of executing blazing, intricate lines then, in the same piece, battering his piano with closed fists and still making it all very musical. He can swing effortlessly from classical solo pieces

“Radical is a word that anyone who is more traditional might FEAR …

I think when John Zorn used the word ‘radical,’ he wanted to create a little FRICTION.” — JESSE HOLZER in concert halls to ensemble keyboard funk at late-night haunts with his band Bedrock. Caine resides among an elite group handpicked by Zorn to play his music, including Zorn’s Masada compositions, a group of several hundred brief pieces Zorn used to get in touch with his Jewish roots. In doing so, he imposed on himself a number of strict compositional rules and, over a handful of years, ended up creating a catalog of profoundly gorgeous music that has been performed by rock and metal bands, string quartets, his legendary jazz quartet, and soloists like Caine. It’s an honor bestowed upon few, coveted by many.

Caine first met Zorn in the mid-’80s while recording with drummer Cornell Rochester and bassist Gerald Veasley, and the two became fast friends. Caine had been challenged by Zorn to play in various configurations, but the Masada pieces place him front and center as a soloist.

(His Jacksonville show will include some of Zorn’s Masada compositions along with those of Mozart and Mahler and a few originals.)

The Masada songbook is lush, energetic and a bit “out there.” Zorn, a saxophonist at heart, has always been inspired by the music of Ornette Coleman. Indeed, his interpretation of Coleman’s work (Spy vs Spy, 1989) was met with harsh criticism.

Placing the jazz composer’s music in a violent, hardcore setting, Zorn was paying tribute to his hero, but critics thought it blasphemous.

Zorn responded to their reviews, as is his wont, with a stiff middle finger and a gob of spit. The album, like much of Zorn’s work, has since been regaled as a masterpiece.

The Masada songbook is an extension of a long career of breaking down similar

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FREE RADICAL

<<< FROM PREVIOUS walls. In his early years, Zorn was known for noise-oriented performances in New York City’s underground, often creating duck calls with his saxophone. He invented his own improvisational language with his game pieces, the most intense of which, “Cobra,” is now legendary. He spent time investigating the music of Ennio Morricone and Carl Stalling, the former a popular film and television composer, the latter a writer of cartoon music. Zorn also put together Naked City, a hardcore group that played short-burst jazz-punk miniatures. There is his avant-classical work, his mysticism and Japanese bondage explorations, his film works, his lounge and surf music. And, it bears mentioning, one of his favorite bands is Napalm Death. All of this is to say that the man, now 62, never stops working — and never stops bucking convention.

The Masada compositions underpin the Radical Jewish Culture portion of Zorn’s label; the label itself, Tzadik, is Yiddish for “righteous one.” Under that umbrella, Zorn brings in various musicians to record either songs written by important Jewish composers (Burt Bacharach, Serge Gainsbourg, Naftule Brandwein, even Marc Bolan of T-Rex fame) or to perform Zorn’s Masada pieces.

Zorn meant for the title, Radical Jewish Culture, to imply a new kind of Jewish music, to suggest to traditionalists that there were new artists making vital Jewish music, and those new ideas should be heard and honored.

But, as Marks has experienced, the Jewish establishment can be, let’s say, unwilling to accept anything outside of orthodoxy. This reluctance stems from a deep connection to Jewish liturgy, says Jesse Holzer, who has been advising Marks throughout the process of acquiring the Zorn collection.

As hazzan, the cantor or minister of music at Jacksonville Jewish Community Center, Holzer oversees the musical aspects of worship services. He says the Jewish liturgy has remained so unchanged over the past few hundred years that any changes, additions or augmentations can often be 14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

TOP: Marks (center) and Avant boardmembers Peter Bailet (left) and Kedgar Volta (right) have raised $8,000 in donations to procure some of the Radical Jewish Culture catalog. ABOVE: Hazzan Jesse Holzer, the cantor or minister of music at the Jacksonville Jewish Community Center, has brought modern Jewish artists – like Frank London – to town. met with resistance. This arises from a rigid framework of melodies that relate directly to prayer modes and high holidays. As Holzer explains it, if a cryogenically frozen person is brought back to life sometime in the future, and hears a piece of sacred music, that person can recognize from its melody what seasonal holiday is being celebrated.

In his role at the JCC, Holzer has brought modern Jewish artists to town in an effort to explore new directions in music. “We’ve actually brought out Frank London, who is on

[Tzadik] and who has played with John Zorn.

We had already worked on some things in our own community about, ‘What is Jewish music?’

So when [Marks] started working on this project, I said I’d be happy to, as sort of a main representative of the Jewish establishment and the music establishment in Jacksonville, help market it to [the Jewish] community.”

Holzer continues, “Radical is a word that anyone who is more traditional might fear.

Some of these things are very traditional, whether it’s the instruments they use or some

of the folk melodies you’re hearing, that can make something seem at home. I think when John Zorn used the word ‘radical,’ he wanted to create a little friction when he titled it Radical Jewish Culture.”

Would the Jewish establishment be willing to accept an avant-garde approach to Jewish music? Caine thinks it may be more a question of traditional values in general, as opposed to the Jewish orthodoxy specifically. But ultimately the music must be created and made available before one worries about acceptance.

“I think avant-garde music, by its definition, might mean that the music is not generally embraced by the larger listening public,” says Caine. “At this point, ‘classical’ music and ‘jazz’ might be considered niche music. But you never know what music or art a wider public will discover. As a musician, I think you care first about making the music and then hope for the best.”

Tzadik lablemate and guitarist Tim Sparks — who performs as part of the Avant series on Sunday, June 12 at Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum in Springfield — sees our swiftly changing world as the perfect stage on which to introduce traditionalists to new musical ideas. Says Sparks, “I think the eclectic and musically free approach of Tzadik is in tune with the times we live in, when cultural barriers are breaking down and shifting rapidly.”

Sparks says Zorn has been the impetus for assembling a group of artists who normally wouldn’t have worked together in a commercial setting and challenging them with big, original ideas, and that Jewish music can only benefit from these wonderfully unusual connections. It is on Tzadik where these connections are made manifest.

“Tzadik is simply one of the hippest, fiercely independent record labels on the planet,” says Sparks. “And Zorn has used his Radical Jewish Culture Series to record an extraordinary group of improvisers, composers and performers, all exploring and interpreting in myriad ways the Jewish music tradition. I have met so many brilliant young musicians from Minnesota to Brazil to Paris to Israel who are inspired by Zorn and the spirit of Tzadik.”

“THIS IS NOT A JEWISH MUSIC SERIES.”

Keith Marks is emphatic about this minor detail. “We are donating this catalog of music for American Jewish Heritage month, but it’s definitely more about music exploration than it is about identity politics.” Marks hopes that response to the Avant series will make future concerts and library acquisitions possible. He has his eye on Tzadik’s New Japan collection (a similar grouping of experimental Japanese artists) and his dream is to bring John Zorn to Jacksonville.

That would be a daunting undertaking.

Zorn charges exorbitant fees and is in demand around the world; his presence here would likely mean a day (or days) of performances and lectures by him and his NYC friends and collaborators. It would also mean raising tens of thousands of dollars and would entail more work than anything Marks has ever attempted. It would require the participation of a large arts organization — possibly the Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra or The Florida Theatre — but those types of institutions are notoriously fearful of truly experimental performers.

Most important, it would rely on an investment from the community, which has been Marks’ intent all along: to nurture a community willing to put forth donations of time and money, and to take a big risk for the sake of new and adventurous art.

“I want each concert to bring a diverse audience,” says Marks, “which, when they walk out, wouldn’t know how to tell somebody what they just saw.”

John E. Citrone mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Avant launch party with performance by Uri Caine, 3-4:30 p.m. Sunday, May 15, Main Library, 303 N. Laura St.; free; register at eventbrite.com/ e/uri-caine-live-tickets-24798271297.

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

FOLIO A + E A

nyone who’s followed the band Otep knows frontwoman Otep Shamaya is no shrinking violet. She’s smart, informed, opinionated and plenty outgoing — particularly on stage and on album.

And because she is the main songwriter, because the group has been through a string of personnel changes that have left her as the sole original member of Otep and, last but not least, because the band is named after her, there’s a tendency to see Otep’s and the group’s music as being entirely her baby.

And without a doubt, Shamaya is the leader and main creative force in her band.

But Shamaya said she’s not necessarily a go-italone control freak, as some might assume.

Case in point: The new Otep album, Generation Doom, for which Shamaya found a collaborator who was confident and strong-willed enough to challenge her: producer Howard Benson.

In a late-March phone interview, Shamaya pointed as an example to a moment when Benson questioned one of the verses in the song “Down,” telling her she should rewrite the verse to make it stronger.

“I’d never had anybody do that before, challenge me like that before,” Shamaya said. “He could have let it go, like any other [producer] would do. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. And that’s what makes him Howard.

It was really a joy to work with him. I learned so much. I enjoy being challenged. I think that’s one of the things that may surprise a lot of people, but I really enjoy collaborating with other artists and other writers. I want to be challenged and I want to be inspired and I want to do the same for them.”

That Shamaya even got to work with Benson would have seemed unlikely just a couple of years ago.

OTEP FEST 2016: LACEY STURM, SEPTEMBER MOURNING, DOLL SKIN, THROUGH FIRE 5:30 p.m. May 15, Harmonious Monks, Jax Beach, $15, gobigentertainment.net

16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

FILM Civil War & Phil Ochs ARTS Bill Maher & Happy Tapir MUSIC Shakey Graves LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CALENDAR

PG. 17 PG. 18 PG. 24 PG. 25

POST-APOCALYPSE Fifteen years into her career, Otep Shamaya continues to DEFY AND DESTROY expectations of the metal scene In January 2013, as Otep released its sixth album, Hydra, Shamaya announced it would be the band’s album and she was retiring from music. “I think at the time I was very serious about leaving music. I had kind of gotten tired of what was happening in the music industry,” she said. “I had been doing it [music] for a long time, a decade, and I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time. I didn’t want to fake it. And I was tired of the music industry, the executives and so forth who were sitting there in their big comfortable lounges and were trying to tell me what my message should be and trying to tell me what my fans mean to me and trying to tell me what genre we’re supposed to be in.”

Though Otep toured behind Hydra for a time, Shamaya made good on her words.

She did voiceovers for movies, television and video games (including The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies and the popular Playstation game The Last of Us) and also wrote a book of short stories, Movies in My Head.

But circumstances eventually turned Shamaya back toward music. “I was going through a lot of turmoil during this time,” Shamaya said. “My dog had gotten sick. I had gone through a really devastating breakup.

Losing my best friend and my partner and my lover and my confidant, all in one person, was gone now and I was dealing with a sick dog all alone. So I really was very, very emotional, and depressed and angry and resentful. I didn’t know what to do with it. So I started writing again. I just started putting those feelings onto paper, and those poems — I started to hear melodies and, from those melodies, that began songs and I knew the

NOW spirit of music had returned to me.”

After landing Benson (who’s won two Grammys for his producing), Otep, which also features guitarist Ari Mihalopoulos and drummer Justin Kier, went to work on Generation Doom. Like the band’s six other albums, it has its share of fierce rockers (“Zero,” “God is a Gun” and “Feeding Frenzy”), but it works in a few twists, too.

“Equal Rights, Equal Lefts,” a call to action for gay rights inspired by an encounter with a homophobic man who took issue with Shamaya’s being gay, features hip-hop rhythms and electronic-laced sonics. “Lords of War” has Middle Eastern textures sprinkled through what is otherwise a raging rocker.

Shamaya said Otep plans to play most of Generation Doom in its shows this spring.

The group also intends to incorporate elements of the Mad Max-inspired motif used in band photos released to promote the new album. No stranger to being topical in her songs, Shamaya said the look is meant to illustrate the wasteland that will result if global warming goes unchecked. “Mad Max, it’s one of my favorite films,” Shamaya said.

“It is an action film, but there’s great subtext, at least that I was able to pull from it, that really illustrates where I think we’re headed as a global community, where water becomes the rarest commodity on the planet. That’s actually happening, that’s true … So for me to see that film and the way it illustrated [the future] very poignantly, I decided it was the perfect visual for Generation Doom.”

Alan Sculley mail@folioweekly.com

FOLIO A+E : FILM

EPIC

The latest Marvel Cinematic Universe offering pits HERO AGAINST HERO for a rollicking, filmic ride

DUEL

W

Man thinks someone keeping them in check hat’s remarkable about the Marvel is a good idea, and has Black Widow (Scarlett Cinematic Universe (MCU), now in its Johansson), War Machine (Don Cheadle), 13th incarnation with Captain America: Vision (Paul Bettany), newcomer Black Civil War, is how the scale of the projects Panther (Chadwick Boseman) and, later, and sheer number of characters never seems Spider-Man (Tom Holland), in his corner. too big. Sure, this is its longest movie yet at 147 minutes, but Civil War doesn’t slight So the teams are chosen, the battle lines anyone, is good for a few laughs and great are drawn. And when the two sides duke action scenes, and it progresses the MCU’s it out on an airport tarmac, it’s one of the overarching story forward in smart, logical best, most enjoyable and surprising action ways. I’m not sure anything more could be sequences Marvel Studios has ever put on film.

It’s moments like these that remind us why we expected of the $200-million-plus production. go to these movies, and when As you’ve probably seen they’re done this well, there’s a from the onslaught of Civil CAPTAIN AMERICA: special sense of exhilaration far War publicity, the movie pits CIVIL WAR more profound than normal.

Captain America (Chris Evans) ***@ against Iron Man (Robert Brothers Anthony and Joe Rated PG-13 Downey Jr.). The reason they’re Russo directed, and just as fighting is a good one: Citing they did with Captain America: the mass destruction of New The Winter Soldier (2014), York City, Washington D.C., Sokovia (the they provide a thought-provoking dilemma. fictional city ruined at the end of Avengers: Whereas Winter Soldier dealt with how far Age of Ultron), and at the start of this film, government surveillance should go, Civil War Lagos, Nigeria, Secretary of State Thaddeus debates whether the Avengers should operate Ross (William Hurt) tells the Avengers the freely or only with permission. Given how governments of the world want supervision corrupt government organizations can be, it’s over the superheroes. Captain America understandable that Captain America would doesn’t want to answer to anyone, and gets refuse to trust anything other than his own Falcon (Anthony Mackie), Scarlet Witch virtuous instincts. But as Iron Man points (Elizabeth Olsen), Winter Soldier (Sebastian out, far too much damage has been suffered Stan), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) and, later, and things have gone wrong too easily for Ant-Man (Paul Rudd), to agree with him. Iron the Avengers to continue as they are. Both

PENTHOUSE & PAVEMENT

IN MOST WAYS, THE MUSIC OF PHIL OCHS AND The Who could not be more dissimilar, though both flourished at their peak in the ’60s and early ’70s.

Yet the music of each was all about rebellion, at least at its core, a reality put in focus in two recent documentaries (each quite different) about the artists and the age.

Lambert & Stamp (2014) is actually about the two men largely responsible for creating The Who, but their identities were subsumed (or consumed) by the entity they helped spawn. On the surface, Kit Lambert and Christopher Stamp were the prototypical odd couple. Lambert was a gay, Oxfordeducated son of a famous classical musician; Stamp was a straight son of a tugboat operator. Both ended up in the movie business in different capacities, and both were determined to make a movie.

Inspired by French New Wave cinema, Jean-Luc Godard’s works in particular, Lambert and Stamp set out to create a film about a rock band whose music reflected the revolutionary shift in Britain’s social order in the early ’60s. First, though, they had to find a band. Their search led them to four guys calling themselves High Numbers – Lambert and Stamp transformed the quartet into The Who. The rest, as they say, is rock ’n’ roll history.

Directed by James D. Cooper, Lambert & Stamp has some interesting scenes of The Who’s very early days, mostly footage the two would-be filmmakers were assembling for the intended film. However, the bulk of the documentary features talking heads,

notably Pete Townshend and Chris Stamp with a few words from Roger Daltrey and Terence Stamp (Chris’ older movie-star brother). The conclusion alludes (quite effectively, if you know the details) that Chris Stamp had died two years earlier.

Noticeably absent from discussions are drummer Keith Moon (dead from drugs at 32) and bassist John Entwistle (sadly, dead from the same, 2002). Lambert, who died at 45 in 1981, is seen and heard in early clips, but he’s mostly in others’ remembrances.

The opening credits of Lambert & Stamp, true to the novice filmmakers’ early ambitions, adapt New Wave techniques for the montage and editing, but the film settles into a fairly typical documentary approach. In the end, it’s more about the sheer unlikelihood of how, on a shoestring and a whim, two young guys helped shape a rock phenomenon and lost an awful lot of themselves along the way. Same old story – sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll.

Phil Ochs: There But for Fortune (2010), like the man himself, is quite different and more interesting, since its focus extends beyond the frenzy of chords, percussion, and money. Lambert & Stamp had more than its share of that. Ochs’ personal story, like his songs, mirrors the activism, idealism, and ultimate disillusionment of the ’60s and early ’70s. Written and directed by Kenneth Bowser, it stays on Ochs and his music, as well as the social and political turbulence that defined the activist songwriter.

Besides clips of Ochs in venues (from street busking to Carnegie Hall), There But for Fortune is

sides have valid points, and more important, the debate engages the viewer intellectually, which is something movies of this ilk rarely do successfully.

Complicating matters is Cap’s relationship with Winter Soldier, framed for a bombing by former Sokovian intelligence agent Helmut Zemo (Daniel Bruhl). Helmut’s motivations run deeper than just the Winter Soldier, and as they manifest, the plot juicily thickens.

Spider-Man and Black Panther make their debuts in the MCU here, and Ant-Man appears for the first time in an ensemble piece. Panther has the larger role, but Spidey and Ant-Man, thanks to Holland and Rudd, nearly steal the movie with their humor and creative fighting talents. It’s such a smart move to bring all three characters in: We know how the other Avengers fight, so fresh faces providing twists and turns works wonderfully to keep the action dynamic and exciting.

With new characters (Doctor Strange) and sequels Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 and Thor: Ragnarok) on the horizon, it appears the next time we see the Avengers in full could be two years from now in Avengers: Infinity War — Part One. That’s OK — it’s time to let others do some heavy lifting, and Captain America: Civil War is good enough to keep us satisfied for a long time.

Dan Hudak mail@folioweekly.com

MAGIC LANTERNS

propelled by newsreels of the changing times (to mimic Dylan, Ochs’ early rival and sometime friend) that fueled his lyrics.

Ochs never achieved the popularity of Bob Dylan (or The Who, for that matter) nor were his songs “hits” in their time. Yet he did want to be a star.

Among his idols were some of the great Hollywood stars, and even Elvis Presley. It seems that for him, the message was just as important as the music, and after Camelot vanished in the ’60s, fewer people were as interested in the former as in the latter.

Hounded by his demons (alcoholism, diminishing success, a genetic predisposition to manic depression), Ochs lost himself and his way in the early ’70s, finally committing suicide at 35.

There But for Fortune is a moving testament to the man and his music as well as the troubled times which produced both.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

FILM LISTINGS FILM RATINGS ARTHUR LEE STAN LEE HARPER LEE PINKY LEE

**** ***@ **@@ *@@@

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AREA SCREENINGS

SUN-RAY CINEMA Green Room, Captain America: Civil War and April and The Extraordinary World screen. 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. Money Monster starts May 13. The Stranger continues as part of the series 101 Years of Orson Welles, on May 12 and 15.

THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ Born to Be Blue and One More Time screen at 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

Smokey & the Bandit runs noon May 12. Our Last Tango starts May 13.

IMAX THEATER Captain America: Civil War, A Beautiful Planet, Secret Ocean and National Parks Adventure screen, World Golf Village Hall of Fame Theater, St. Johns, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

NOW SHOWING

24 Not Rated Time travel, a brilliant scientist, an evil twin and an errant son – this action/sci-fi/romance has got it all. In Tamil and Telugu.

Costars Suriya, Samantha Ruth Prabhu and Nithya Menon.

APRIL AND THE EXTRAORDINARY WORLD Rated PG More scientists, this time in France – but not the one we know. The animated sci-fi adventure film costars the voices or Marion Cotillard, Jean Rochefort, Paul Giamatti, Susan Sarandon, J.K. Simmons and Tod Fennell.

BARBERSHOP: THE NEXT CUT Rated PG-13 The skillful sartorial businessmen conspire to stop neighborhood crime. Costars Ice Cube, Regina Hall, Anthony Anderson, J.B. Smoove, Common, Sean Patrick Thomas and Cedric T.E. BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE Rated PG-13 Ben Affleck plays Batman, Henry Cavill is Superman, Amy Adams is Lois Lane, Jesse Eisenberg plays Lex Luthor and, in a nice twist, Laurence Fishburne is editor Perry White. Costars Diane Lane, Jeremy Irons, Holly Hunter, Charlie Rose as Charlie Rose, and Neil deGrasse Tyson as … Neil deGrasse Tyson. Genius casting!

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR ***@ Rated PG-13 Reviewed in this issue CRIMINAL Rated R Ryan Reynolds (among the most underused talents today) is dying. He’s a top-notch CIA agent, and his memories are so valuable, the feds want to preserve them. To that end, they endeavor to implant all the memories into the brain of a man sentenced to die – Death Row criminal Kevin Costner.

THE DARKNESS Rated PG-13 Opens May 13. After a family vacation at the Grand Canyon, the Taylors (Kevin Bacon, Lucy Fry, Radha Mitchell, David Mazouz) seem to have acquired another entity: a supernatural something-or-other.

ELVIS & NIXON Rated R This is a true story. Elvis Presley wanted to discuss national security or something with President Richard Milhous Nixon. So he just showed up at the White House in December 1970. And got in, and got a meeting with ol’ Tricky Dick. At the time, we didn’t think much of it as I recall, because there was this pesky Vietnam thing going on and we were smoking weed so the war would end … oh, that wasn’t what stopped the war? My bad. Costars Michael Shannon, Alex Pettyfer, Johnny Knoxville, Colin Hanks, Tate Donovan (Halderman) and Kevin Spacey as Nixon. Far out, man.

EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!! ***@ Rated R Richard Linklater’s gift is telling stories about brash, secretly insecure, yet pretending-their-everyutterance-is-brilliant young guys. This new film, set over the course of four days in August 1980, begins with the arrival of freshman Jake (Blake Jenner) on the campus of fictional Southeast Texas University just before the semester starts.

A pitcher on the baseball team, Jake moves into one of the jock halls, and meets his new teammates – wisdom-spouting Finnegan (Glen Powell), cocky pro prospect McReynolds (Tyler Hoechlin), intense transfer pitcher Jay (Juston Street) and fellow freshman Plummer (Temple Baker). The comedy sets up its characters as little more than raw material for potential adult lives, as everyone tries on different personalities and roles to see what fits. Everybody Wants Some!! acknowledges that competition is at the heart of much young male

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

dysfunction and insecurity. The perpetual battle to be alpha among other alphas can be funny and sad, and it’s one of Linklater’s gifts as a filmmaker that he can deliver an ideal balance between the two. — Scott Renshaw

FOLIO A+E : ARTS William Finnegan’s celebrated memoir just might be the BEST BOOK EVER written about surfing

CHARLIE

GOD’S NOT DEAD 2 Rated PG A high school teacher gets in trouble for discussing Jesus in class. Costars Jesse Metcalfe, Melissa Joan Hart, Robin Givens, Ernie Hudson and Pat Boone.

GREEN ROOM ***G Rated R Jeremy Saulnier’s movie is unsettling and brutal. A Washington, D.C.-based punk quartet, The Ain’t Rights – Pat (Anton Yelchin), Sam (Alia Shawkat), Tiger (Callum Turner) and Reece (Joe Cole) – play an impromptu gig at a rural skinhead bar in the Pacific Northwest after their original gig tanks. Not content to take their money and run, they poke their hosts – by playing a cover of Dead Kennedys’ “Nazi Punks Fuck Off.” Then they make the mistake of walking back into the club’s Green Room, just in time to see a musician in another band murdered. The club’s owner, Darcy (Patrick Stewart), will not have the place investigated as a crime scene, since he’s dealing heroin from the basement.

The punks can’t be allowed to complicate things. This excels as a horror movie to jolt us, but it’s also about the horror of realizing that no matter how strenuously you try to convince the world you’re hard, there are things – and people – that are much harder. — Scott Renshaw HIGH-RISE Rated R Some people who live in a way tall building are experiencing rather peculiar feelings and events. Costars Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Miller, Luke Evans, Elisabeth Moss and a guy named Louis Suc. (heehee). And two more actresses named Sienna (Guillory) and Siennah (Buck).

A HOLOGRAM FOR THE KING Rated R Tom Hanks plays Alan Clay, who has an idea he can’t sell in America, so he goes to Saudi Arabia to see if anyone over there will finance his creation. Costars Ben Whishaw, Tom Skerritt and Jane Perry.

THE HUNTSMAN: WINTER’S WAR **G@ Rated PG-13 The film is a prequel and a sequel to Snow White & the Huntsman (2012). The first half-hour, set before then, follows Ravenna (Charlize Theron) as she kills her husband to become the evil queen. It focuses on Ravenna’s sister Freya (Emily Blunt), who turns into a coldhearted ice queen after her daughter is murdered. Freya escapes to the mountains to build an ice fortress and try to conquer all the land in the north. She recruits children and trains them to be her army; as adults they’re known as her “huntsmen,” and two of the best are Eric (Chris Hemsworth) and Sara (Jessica Chastain). Overall, The Huntsman: Winter’s War is a legitimately solid effort that does just enough right to satisfy. — Dan Hudak THE JUNGLE BOOK Rated PG Costars the vocal talents of Ben Kingsley (Bagheera), Idris Elba (Shere Khan), Lupita Nyong’o (Raksha), Scarlet Johansson (Kaa), Christopher “More Cowbell!” Walken (King Louie), the late Garry Shandling, the now-tiresome Bill Murray (Baloo) and Neel Sethi as the boy himself, Mowgli.

KEANU Rated R Comedic geniuses Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele have taken the obvious leap to the big screen. The fellas adopt a kitten they name Keanu, and it gets stolen. Heart-broken, they plunge headlong into street violence and gang wars to recover their soft kitty, little ball of fur. Costars Tiffany Haddish, Method Man, Will Forté, Nia Long, and the voice of Keanu Reeves.

MOTHER’S DAY Rated PG-13 This ensemble romcom features a starstudded cast: Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson, Julia Roberts, Jason Sudeikis, Sarah Chalke, Timothy Oliphant. And a slew of kids related to those stars. Plus Penny Marshall, Hector Elizondo, Margo Martindale, Jennifer Garner and Jon Lovitz.

RATCHET & CLANK Rated PG Animated intergalactic action for the kids, costarring the vocal talents of James Arnold Taylor, David Kaye, Rosario Dawson, Paul Giamatti, John Goodman, Sly Stallone (“Yo! Space … uh … thing!”), and Jim Ward.

TERM LIFE Rated R Insurance is a tricky thing – ya gotta die for it to be worth what you put into it for years and years. Jon Favreau faces that dilemma in this action/crime drama.

Costars Hailee Steinfeld, Jonathan Banks, Vince Vaughn, Bill Paxton, Annabeth Gish and Terrance Howard.

ZOOTOPIA ***G Rated PG Bunny Judy Hopps (Ginnifer Goodwin) wants to be a big city cop. Her parents (Bonnie Hunt, Don Lake) want her be a carrot farmer. Police Chief Bogo (Idris Elba) gives her parking ticket duty – but 14 mammals are missing and nobody’s investigating.

Costars Jason Bateman, Nate Torrence, Tommy Chong, J.K. Simmons, Octavia Spencer, and Shakira. — DH

DON’T WIN

PULITZERS

T

he actual physical act of surfing is, strangely, difficult to describe. Over the years, surfers have developed a vast and ever-changing collection of slangy vernacular and colloquialisms so as to recount hairraising paddle-outs and heroic rides. This, in turn, makes stories of surfing generally unappealing to the general public.

As an acclaimed staff writer for The New Yorker, William Finnegan is used to tackling heady geopolitical topics. He also occasionally lends his pen to Surfer Magazine, where his big-league writing skills are always a welcome addition. Finnegan’s 2015 memoir, Barbarian Days: A Surfing Life is filled with recollections of waves discovered and vivid narrations of surf sessions in exotic locales, which earned Finnegan gushing praise from fellow surfers.

More surprising, however, was the praise the book earned from reviewers who do not surf. The New York Times Book Review called it “Extraordinary,” and Geoff Dyer of British daily The Guardian — who almost certainly does not surf — called it “A hefty masterpiece.”

In April, Finnegan was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for biography or autobiography, making Barbarian Days the surfiest book, by far, to win the esteemed literary honor.

Finnegan visits The BookMark in Neptune Beach on May 17. Folio Weekly Magazine talked to the author about surf obsession, how the Olympics will kill surfing, and riding our local East Coast slop.

Folio Weekly Magazine: Congratulations on the Pulitzer. Did you ever think they’d award it to a surf memoir?

William Finnegan: No. [Laughs.] I didn’t even think about it or even realize it was a possibility.

I didn’t know that it had been nominated.

What was the impetus for writing the memoir?

Were you looking through old journals?

Pressured by friends or your publisher?

I’d sold my first piece to The New Yorker in the ’80s and one of the editors said, “If you want to write something longer — this is your chance.

Pitch something.” I didn’t have any bright ideas at the time. So the first thing I came up with was a profile of this real colorful guy I was surfing with at the time in San Francisco [Mark “Doc” Renneker]. It took me seven years to write and after I finally filed it — it was a 40,000-word piece. My publisher wanted to expand on it, but I said no, because at the time, it wasn’t the kind of book I wanted to write. What really got me going, though, was a package that came in the mail. It was dozens and dozens of letters I had written to my best friend when I was 13, living in Hawaii. The letters were all about surfing and they were so

interesting and so detailed. Those letters were the backbone of the first chapter.

You’ve obviously read reviews of the book by people who don’t surf. What’s something that surprised you that they picked up on or appreciated?

Some people have said this book is not about surfing. I’ve read where people say it’s about love or friendship or obsession. When you read it, though, it’s mainly about surfing.

[Laughs.] Really, I struggled to make it interesting to non-surfers. So reading that it’s about all these other things is pretty cool.

The book recounts travels around the globe in search of waves. Hawaii, Australia, Sumatra and Africa all get a mention. So does Jacksonville, Florida, where you say you surfed “East Coast slop!”

I regret that phrase. [Laughs.] I was 16 on that trip [to Jacksonville]. I was a West Coast snob when it came to waves. I’ve lived in New York for 30 years now and I’ve surfed winter days that are as good as any day in California. I have a different opinion of the East Coast now then I did then. Sorry about that phrase.

Believe me, I’ve heard worse. In the book, your internal struggles while traveling often revolve around a feeling that all the focus on surfing is a little aimless. You talk about struggling to find balance. Can you tell me where you are with that today?

I really feel like that struggle came up in the San Francisco chapter. I was in my 30s and before that, I’d just been traveling and chasing waves. One of those trips, I was gone for four years. I think there were times, and maybe I was homesick, where I’d look around and wonder what the hell I was doing. But when I was in San Francisco and trying to be a grownup — and make a career out of writing — I felt the pull of New York. I had to move there to make a career. I was sad to leave San Francisco on the one hand, because I didn’t think there were waves in New York.

On the other hand, I was kind of glad to leave, because just about every winter surfing in San Francisco I thought I was going to drown at least once. [Laughs.] It ended up being a huge relief. But since then, I’ve had plenty of occasions where I’ve wondered, what am I still doing chasing waves? People ask me that now and I don’t really have an answer.

Matthew B. Shaw mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ William Finnegan reads and signs copies of his memoir, Barbarian Days: A Surfing Life at 7 p.m. May 17, The BookMark, Neptune Beach, bookmarkbeach.com.

ARTS + EVENTS

Graphite: More Than Just a Pencil, 11 a.m.-1 p.m. May 14; $10 fee includes materials.

PERFORMANCE

THE ART CENTER Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 139, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. Primal Archetypes through May 23. Kenny Balser is the featured artist.

BUTTERFIELD GARAGE ART GALLERY 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577, butterfieldgarage.com. Dee Roberts’ works, through May 29.

CRISP-ELLERT ART MUSEUM 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 826-8530, flagler.edu/crispellert. Opening reception for Shannon Estlund’s site-specific installation Between Here and There, 5-7 p.m. May 13; artist walkthrough 4 p.m.; through June 24.

CULTURAL CENTER AT PONTE VEDRA BEACH 50 Executive Way, 280-0614, ccpvb.org. Sharon Booma’s Collection of Impulses through May 27.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. Printmaker John Davis’ works, through May 24.

J. JOHNSON GALLERY 177 4th Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200, jjohnsongallery.com. Carlos Betancourt’s works, through May 19.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992. Kaytee Ester’s Classic Car-Ma, through July 2. Opening reception 5-8 p.m. May 13.

MONROE GALLERIES 40 W. Monroe St., 881-0209, monroe galleries.com. Works by Barbie Bray-Workman, Jami Childers, Dana Fawn, Leilani Leo, and Dustin Bradley are featured.

MONYA ROWE GALLERY 4 Rohde Ave., St. Augustine, monya rowegallery.com. Opening reception for Natasha Bowdoin’s Animal Print exhibit, 6-8 p.m. May 11; through July 24.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY BoA Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 150, Downtown, 438-4358, southlightgallery.com. Local Art Rocks through May. Michael Dunlap, featured artist.

ST. AUGUSTINE ART ASSOCIATION 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa.org. Canvas, Clay, Collage & Cutting Edge through May 29.

STELLERS GALLERY AT PONTE VEDRA 240 A1A N., Ste. 13, 273-6065, stellersgallery.com. HUE, by Michelle Armas, Shawn Meharg, Enrique Mora, and Steve Williams, is on display.

BLITHE SPIRIT Alhambra Theatre & Dining and Folio Media House present a staging of Blithe Spirit, with Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menu and other culinary treats; dinner 6 p.m. May 18, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 641-1212, tickets start at $35, alhambrajax.com.

MANDE! THE EVOLUTION FROM BARE FEET TO BLUE JEANS Nan Nkama Pan-African Drum & Dance Ensemble stages Christa “Fatoumata” Sylla’s original work, of the spirit of griot culture evolution through modern music, poetry, rappers, and dances, 6:30 p.m. May 15, LaVilla School of the Arts, 501 N. Davis St., Springfield, $26.50 reserved seating; $15.50 general seating, squareup.com/store/nan-nkama-jax.

SWEET EMMALINE A Classic Theatre stages the world premiere of Deborah B. Dickey’s musical Sweet Emmaline: The Musical Journey of Debbie McDade, about McDade and her life as a jazz vocalist (and virtuoso whistler!) from Lincolnville to NYC, starring Sarah Sanders (aka Mama Blue), Soranda Louis, and Curtis Tucker, 7:30 p.m. May 11 & 12, Lincolnville Museum & Cultural Center, 102 MLK Ave., St. Augustine, $25, aclassictheatre.org.

RuPAUL’S DRAG RACE: BATTLE OF THE SEASONS Drag revue features Adore Delano, Alaska Thunderfunk, Courtney Act, Ginger Minj, Phi Phi O’Hara, Violet Chachki, 8 p.m. May 14, PV Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $39.50-$299, pvconcerthall.com.

THE COMPARABLES The 5 & Dime stages Laura Schellhardt’s play, about real estate agents with a choice, 8 p.m. May 13, 14, 20 & 21; 2 p.m. May 22, 700 E. Union St., Ste. 1-J, Downtown, $15 advance; $20 day of, the5anddime.org.

ON THE VERGE Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre stages Eric Overmyer’s comedy of 19th-century women explorers, 8 p.m.

May 13 & 14, 2 p.m. May 15, 716 Ocean Blvd., 249-7177, $20; through May 22, abettheatre.com.

DASOTA MUSICAL THEATRE SPRING SHOW Douglas Anderson School of the Arts Theatre Department students perform, under the tutelage of Broadway star Eloise Kropp; direction by Kevin Covert; 7:30 p.m. May 13 & 14 at 2445 San Diego Rd., St. Nicholas, 346-5620, $15; $12 students, datheatreboosters.org.

PARADIGM FLUX Local dance company honors Jane Condon, DASOTA and LaVilla Middle School of the Arts former principal, 7 p.m. May 13, Missionway Church, 14985 Old St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 101, Southside, $15, paradigmfluxdance.org.

BLITHE SPIRIT Noel Coward’s musical comedy, about a ghost haunting her former spouse and his new bride, runs through June 5. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy offers a themed menu; Alhambra Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 641-1212, $35-$62, alhambrajax.com.

CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ

CANTUS Celebrated nonet male vocal ensemble sings 7:30 p.m. May 12, Cathedral Basilica of St. Augustine, 35 Treasury St., 824-2806, $30; $10 students, $5 under 12, firstparish.org.

ST. AUGUSTINE COMMUNITY CHORUS An American Choral Sampler, 3 p.m. May 15, Ancient City Baptist Church, 27 Sevilla St., 701-793-1673, $15 advance; $20/door, staugustinecommunitychorus.org.

AVANT presents URI CAINE Part of Radical Jewish Culture celebration. Grammy-nominated pianist/composer Caine, 3 p.m. May 15, Main Library’s Hicks Auditorium, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown, 630-2353; free; jplmusic.blogspot.com.

MAJOR/MINOR CONCERT Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra Youth Orchestra performs works by Walton and Sibelius, 8 p.m. May 13, T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 Water St., Downtown, 354-5547, $8; $3 students, jaxsymphony.org.

COMEDY

FRED’S ALL-STAR COMEDIANS Area comics Roger Stanton and David Emanuel, 7:30 p.m. May 11, The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., 292-4242, $10, comedyzone.com.

RICK GLASSMAN 7:30 p.m. May 12 & 13; 7:30 & 9:45 p.m.

May 14, The Comedy Zone, $15-$18, comedyzone.com.

MICHAEL CARBONARO 7:30 p.m. May 13, T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 633-6110, $35.50-$149, ticketmaster.com.

DEAN NAPOLITANO 8 p.m. May 13, 8:30 & 10 p.m. May 14, The Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 646-4277, $8-$25, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

BILL MAHER Caustic comic maestro Maher (Real Time, Religulous), 8 p.m. May 14, The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $52.50-$89.50, floridatheatre.com.

AMY SCHUMER 7:30 p.m. May 15, Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., 633-3900, $38-$98, ticketmaster.com.

ART WALKS & MARKETS

ROMANZA FESTIVALE OF THE ARTS Annual 10-day Festivale has more than 100 events, art exhibits, dance performances, music, a parade, kids’ stuff, tours and dramatic productions; May 11-15, St. Augustine venues, romanzafestivale.com.

LANGUAGE & CULTURAL FESTIVAL Celebrating diversity.

2:30-5 p.m. May 14, T-U Center’s Jacoby Symphony Hall, 300 Water St., Downtown, free, culturalfestival.us.

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET

Local, regional art, music – Pine Forest School of the Arts, Shimmy Mob, Brent Byrd & the Suitcase Gypsies, Donna Frost – farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. May 14, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

ARTRAGEOUS ART WALK Downtown Fernandina Beach galleries are open for self-guided tours, 5:30-8:30 p.m. May 14 and every second Sat., 277-0717, ameliaisland.com.

MUSEUMS

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Talks & Tea: Stories from Ninah, 1:30 p.m. May 11 & 12; $6; members free. Rockwell Kent: The Shakespeare Portfolio through May 15. David Hayes: The Sentinel Series, sculptures of geometrically abstract, organic forms, through Oct. 2.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf.edu. Amer Kobaslija: A Sense of Place, through Aug. 14. Project Atrium: Shinique Smith, Quickening, through June 26.

RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, ritzjacksonville.com. Artist Traci Mims’ workshop

GALLERIES

EVENTS

MENTAL HEALTH & THE BLACK COMMUNITY 34th annual summit and conference, with lectures, workshops, awards and health fairs, May 11-14, Edward Waters College, 1658 Kings Rd., Downtown; 781-7797 ext. 432, mwells@nwbh.org.

THE PLAYERS CHAMPIONSHIP Now in its 42nd year, The Players runs through May 15; details and tickets at pgatour. com/tournaments/the-players-championship/tickets.html.

WOMEN OF VISION POWER OF THE PURSE SCHOLARSHIP FUNDRAISING LUNCHEON Second annual fundraiser, with an address by best-selling author Prissy Elrod (Far Outside the Ordinary), 10 a.m. May 12, Flagler College’s Ponce de Leon Hall, 74 King St., St. Augustine; proceeds benefit educational opportunities for female Flagler students; flagler.edu.wov.

AUTHOR ACE ATKINS Best-selling author Atkins discusses and sign copies of his new Robert B. Parker novel, Slow Burn, 7 p.m. May 12, The Bookmark, 220 First S., Neptune Beach, 241-9026, bookmarkbeach.com.

PRUDENCE FARROW BRUNS READING & TM LECTURE Bruns, inspiration for The Beatles “Dear Prudence,” and Transcendental Meditation advocate, reads from her memoir, Dear Prudence – The Story Behind the Song, 7 p.m. May 13, Hemming Park, Downtown, hemmingpark.org. Bruns is featured in a discussion for advanced TM meditators, 2 p.m. May 15, Unity Plaza, Riverside; tm.org/transcendental-meditation-northeast-florida.

BATTLE OF THE GRILLS RIB OFF Adamec Harley Davidson holds its seventh annual Rib Off, 11 a.m. until the meat is gone, May 14, 8909 Baymeadows Rd., $100 entry includes ribs; $5/tasting; proceeds benefit Morocco Shrine Auditorium, 493-1931. To register, go to adamecharley.com/--rib-off-rules.

MENTAL HEALTH WALK & VILLAGE TALK African American Mental Health Initiative walk, with speakers, blood pressure screenings, raffles, door prizes, kids’ fun, live music, 7 a.m.-1 p.m. May 14, Unity Plaza, 220 Riverside Ave., free; 899-2614, aamhimentalwalkvillagetalk2016.eventbrite.com.

MALCOLM X FESTIVAL The second annual Festival has family-geared games, prizes, bounce houses, face-painting; workshops, opening invocation by Ryan Sinclair and Ngoma Thunder (10 a.m.), music by Dove, Mr. Al Pete, The People’s Vanguard, I-Give, Monica Money’, Sho the Don, food demos, Dr. Nefertiti Abdullah, Reyilous Thompson, and KT the Arch Degree, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. May 14 at Simonds-Johnson Park, 3730 Moncrief Rd., Northside, thekemeticempire.com.

MELTONIA L. YOUNG READING Young reads and signs copies of The Journey South to Freedom, noon May 14, Durkeeville Historical Society, 1293 W. 19th St., Springfield, 598-9567, durkeevillehistoricalsociety.com.

JEWISH AMERICAN HERITAGE MONTH Exploring the Heritage of Jacksonville’s Jews, with Hazel Mack, historian/and archivist for Congregation Ahavath Chesed, 2 p.m. May 14, Pablo Creek Library, 13295 Beach Blvd., Southside, jaxpubliclibrary.org.

ENVIRONMENTAL YOUTH COUNCIL MARCH The Council holds a March for Future Generation-Break Free from Fossil Fuels, with support of The Center for Biological Diversity, The Matanzas Riverkeeper, Unitarian Universalist Community of St. Augustine, Rainforest Action Network, and Friends of the Earth, 1:30-2:30 p.m. May 15, Bridge of Lions east side, St. Augustine; act.350.org/event/break-free-world_attend/12285.

FIRST COAST FREETHOUGHT SOCIETY David R. Simon, Ph.D., sociology professor (ret.), postdoctoral fellow, discusses The Rise of the Authoritarians 6:30 p.m. May 16, Buckman Bridge Unitarian Church, 8447 Manresa Ave., Orange Park, 419-8826, firstcoastfreethoughtsociety.org.

WOMEN, WORDS & WISDOM 2016 The Women’s Center of Jacksonville presents a lecture and Q&A with Melissa Ross and a recognition of 10 Unsung Sheroes – Marilyn Dill, Leanne McKnight Prendergas, Mimi Tipton, Kathy Suarez, Mary K Nelson, Jewel Flornoy, Linda Pomerantz, Nancy Chamblin, Hattie Andrews, Florence Haridan – 5:30 p.m. May 17, Riverside House, 2165 Park St., 722-3000, $40; womenscenterofjax.org.

WILLIAM FINNEGAN Pulitzer-winning author Finnegan discusses and sign copies of his award-winning biography, Barbarian Days: A Surfing Life 7 p.m. May 17 at The Bookmark, 220 First S., Neptune Beach, 241-9026, bookmarkbeach.com.

JACKSONVILLE SUNS Homestand against Montgomery Biscuits, 6:05 p.m. May 14, 3:05 p.m. May 15, 7:05 p.m. May 16 & 1, 12:05 p.m. May 18, Bragan Field, Baseball Grounds.

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FOLIO A+E : ARTS

REAL TALK WITH TODAY’S

SHOCK

JOCK Bill Maher PULLS NO PUNCHES, on TV or on the standup stage

I

22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

friends’ collective asses: Last May, after a f you want to see the phrase “preaching to one-off UK show, The Telegraph critic Rupert the choir” in action, attend an evening of Hawksley described Maher’s style as “mockery standup with Bill Maher. Just like on his masquerading as intellectualism.”

HBO show, Real Time with Bill Maher, the No matter what you think of his attitude, unabashedly liberal comedian wastes no time you can’t knock the New York native’s rapidskewering all things right-wing, religious, fire thoughtfulness and complex positions on and hypocritical. Because of his weekly TV thorny issues — or the roots of his cynical production schedule, he hits the standup stage skepticism. In 1969, his Irish-American news only two days a month, almost always back-toeditor/radio announcer father stopped taking back. For those too-infrequent appearances, Maher and his sister to Mass to protest the though, the gloves come off, the fangs come Catholic Church’s doctrine against birth out, and the rapid-fire back-and-forth of his control. And as an English and history major Real Time roundtable gets sharpened to a at Cornell University in the mid-’70s, Maher devastating point tailor-made for his audience. bucked the Ivy League system by selling pot “The people who come to the standup to get by. show are the real fans,” he told the Memphis Today, Maher is an avowed supporter Flyer back in January. “They have to be — of environmental and animal rights, and they have to pay. The people who come to the pro-cannabis causes. But he also owns guns, studio audience [are] fans, but they are much sides with the Israelis in more politically correct. And the Middle East conflict, sometimes that pisses me off.

BILL MAHER and supports the death I have political correctness, 8 p.m. May 14, The Florida Theatre, Downtown, $52.50-$89.50, penalty and racial profiling obviously. I’m a liberal, and I floridatheatre.com at airports. Although he’s love my liberal brethren, but critical of all religions — they can just really be fucking his 2008 documentary Religulous is one of annoying about not being able to take a joke.” the most scathing takedowns ever created Therein lies Maher’s greatest power: — he reserves special wrath for Islam and his ability to piss off anyone, left or right, its “illiberal ideas,” which he has repeatedly sympathizer or detractor. Unlike most leftclaimed are not just extremist views held by a wing figures, he gleefully embraces sexist small minority. In October 2014, Maher said humor. On May 1, he tweeted about all-time Islam is “the only religion that acts like the low U.S. pregnancy rates with, “It’s so hard to Mafia, that will fucking kill you if you say the find knocked-up teens MTV is doing a show wrong thing, draw the wrong picture, or write called ‘16 and Fingered’.” And on the May 6 the wrong book,” a diatribe that resulted in a episode of Real Time, he repeatedly called public dustup with Ben Affleck, serious Islam Donald Trump “Lady Trump” while accusing scholars like Karen Armstrong, and even the him of being “a whiny little bitch.” If Hillary University of California-Berkeley. is the Democratic nominee, he added, “I’ll be But as usual, Maher wasn’t fazed, using the voting for the only one who has balls.” shock value of his humor to make a prescient And that represents just one strain of (if stinging) political point. “You know, I’m Maher’s pugilism. He spent months calling a liberal,” he told Vanity Fair in December Ted Cruz a “douchebag” and a “loser,” 2014. “My message is: Be a liberal. Find out while conceding that the country would be what liberalism means and join up. Liberalism #BetterTedThanDead. Last November, Maher certainly should not mean squelching free went toe-to-toe with Stephen Colbert over speech … [Liberals] should own the First the CBS host’s faith. He has no qualms about Amendment the way the right-wingers own cracking Holocaust jokes. His perpetually foul the Second.” mouth can make even the most open-minded bohemian cringe. And his authentic American Nick McGregor abrasiveness chaps plenty of our overseas mail@folioweekly.com

FOLIO A+E : LET THERE BE LIT Johnny Masiulewicz’s Happy Tapir zine series EXPLORES TRUTHS, some harsh, in abbrv. form

J

IRONICALLY UNDERSTATED

ohnny Masiulewicz identifies with tapirs and urban possums. In college, he drove a Dodge Aspen beater with “Porsche” emblazoned on the side. Yet just when you’re waiting for the next laugh or odd metaphor in his writing, Masiulewicz says something about his father’s work shirts and, with poignant understatement, moves you profoundly.

Masiulewicz’s newest endeavor is the zine series Happy Tapir; the inaugural installment tells the story of his first apartment in Chicago.

Remember zines? When your friends wrote poems and record reviews and Xeroxed and stapled them in the early ’90s? Zines aren’t dead.

The main branch of the Jacksonville Public Library has one of the largest zine collections in the Southeast, with around 1,000 titles, and the collection’s still growing.

I first wrote about Masiulewicz in late 1997, just after the publication of his poetry collection Professional Cemetery. He’d been in town for six months. I published his poem “Some Turtle Vibe” a decade later in my electronic literary magazine deadpaper, which ran from 2002 to 2012.

In HT-1, as Masiulewicz calls Happy Tapir, you’ll find failed gallantry, the hemostat he fished from his hospital room trashcan when his appendix nearly burst, and far more mentions of his father — with whom he hasn’t spoken in decades — than he’d realized.

One of the best attributes of Masiulewicz’s writing is his use of understatement. It’s ironic, because he seems to personify Carl Sandburg’s 1914 poem “Chicago” — “Stormy, husky brawling, / City of the Big Shoulders.” Still, he shares this understatement with another Chicago-area native, Ernest Hemingway.

In the section of HT-1 called “Milk Crates,” which is a single paragraph long, Masiulewicz writes of the Country’s Delight milk crates he’s used for shelving and plant stands since his Lakeview, Chicago apartment days in the late 1980s. The crates came from the dairy company for which his father worked. “I have a picture of me in the apartment wearing one of his work shirts. It has his name stitched on a patch over the right breast,” he writes. “I have very few of my dad’s things anymore.”

We’re sitting in a Barnes & Noble café in Mandarin. Beside us, a soccer mom has just held hands with her two small children to ask God’s blessing over their lunch. Such Deep South occurrences still jar him, like the recent refusal of a postal clerk to say aloud the cost of shipping his sister a package: $6.66.

I ask Masiulewicz about HT-1’s recurring mentions of his distance from his father.

“I’d rather not talk about that,” he says.

It’s the same answer he gives when I ask him about the role alcohol plays in his writing.

In part, this vocal reticence goes back to his original desire to be a writer.

“In writing, I could say whatever I needed and it would be the work saying it, not me.”

Momentary and unrealized gallantries inform HT-1. He writes of a “safety-pinned, leather-jacketed” girl with “limited funds” in a small urban grocery. She wants to buy a single stick of butter instead of a four-pack. The cashier keeps repeating, “There’s no bar code on the individual sticks.”

Almost 30 years later, Masiulewicz writes, “I would have bought the four-pack for her and split the sticks,” whether “one/three, two/two, three/one.” Would have, but didn’t.

A blind woman who constantly gets lost in the apartment building winds her way through HT-1, and I tell Masiulewicz she’s Beatrice to his Dante.

In “police tow,” he writes of having his car impounded after failing to pay parking tickets, and asks, “if I cannot / even get my car out / of stir, can I be / expected to afford / a rocketship?”

Alcohol features prominently in Masiulewicz’s writing, from his working as bouncer in Chicago’s Tijuana Yacht Club to his distaste for beer, which he used mostly as a chaser for whiskey.

At the climax of HT-1, Masiulewicz wakes with his face “glued to the pillow with blood” to find someone had broken into his apartment. The door’s open, the jamb busted to splinters. Downstairs, the building’s front door window lies in shards across the foyer.

When he can’t find his keys, he understands.

Drunk and blacked-out the night before, he’d broken into the building, then into his own apartment.

“That’s a frightening story,” I say, idiotically, and Masiulewicz looks at me like I’m stating the obvious, and says, “Alcohol’s a frightening substance.”

It’s been nearly 15 years since he’s had a drink, but he’s not self-righteous about it. He doesn’t want to say more, however, hinting that the story will continue in future issues of Happy Tapir.

“So why tapirs?” I ask.

“Because if you stand by the tapirs at the zoo and listen to what parents tell their children, you’ll hear the tapir called everything but what it is” — a pig, an anteater, some weird dog or deer.

He relates.

In “the citygate,” an urban possum laments, “the trash bins are exquisite, but how / damn hard it is to look like a giant / rat in a city with a rat problem.”

Tim Gilmore mail@folioweekly.com MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

BURNING

DESIRE

From unknown one-man-band to festival and TV favorite, Shakey Graves rides BLUESY FOLK STOMP to passionate heights

T

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

It’s also something upon which to build o the uninitiated, Shakey Graves’ ascent a flourishing career. The three years of buzz might look downright providential: Laidthat surrounded Rose-Garcia’s ascent from back Texas dude with smoldering good solo troubadour to rootsy, rockin’ bandleader looks goes from relatively unknown local provided the perfect PR foundation for 2014’s one-man-band to in-demand Americana icon And the War Came, a slightly more polished but appearing on NPR and Late Show with David no less gutsy collection of brooding countryLetterman, headlining Bonnaroo and the and folk-inspired tunes recorded with a full Newport Folk Festival, selling out nearly every supporting cast. His collaboration with the show on his schedule — and still generating ethereal Esmé Patterson provided the biggest enough goodwill back home in Austin to earn jolt, though — a live version of the playful yet an official Shakey Graves Day. broken-hearted “Dearly Departed” became But the real truth is that Alejandro Roseone of 2015’s most viral tracks on YouTube Garcia, age 28, has been hustling as an artist and Spotify, and no matter how many times for nearly a quarter-century. He started acting you listen, its quiet/loud, whisper/sing-along at age five and secured an agent by age 11; he contrasts never get old. did the commercial-andThat substantially reality-show circuit for several SHAKEY GRAVES with increased profile led to all years before lucking into SON LITTLE 8 p.m. May 17, Ponte Vedra the aforementioned perks: recognizable roles in Spy Kids: Concert Hall, $18 advance; $20 appearances on the late-night 3-D and as a love-to-hate-him day of, pvconcerthall.com shows of Conan O’Brien, older boyfriend on acclaimed David Letterman, and Seth NBC series Friday Night Lights.

Meyers, a Best Emerging Artist prize at the As a high schooler, Rose-Garcia tried theater geek and screamo band singer on for size; before 2015 Americana Music Awards. None of graduation, he dropped out to give coffeehouse that sudden fame has changed Rose-Garcia singer/songwriter and struggling actor a go. much, though. He’s still fiercely protective But on return trips to Austin while living in of his music, keeping much of it off iTunes New York and Los Angeles, Rose-Garcia was and Spotify. His songwriting remains dark, struck by the possibilities of the solo-guitar-andinspired by a hallucinogenic, borderline suitcase-drum performances he saw that blended schizophrenic three-day bender that he fingerpicked folk with bluesy, swampy, gothicsuffered in Los Angeles. In contrast, pull up tinged roots rock. Calling himself Shakey Graves, any of his live videos on YouTube and you’ll a name derived from a long night of campfire see a charming, good-looking guy with an acid tripping, he wrote and recorded his debut easy smile, an easier laugh, and a propensity to album Roll the Bones in random bedrooms and wear silly hats, talk at length about queso, and living rooms, in between the grind of casting call make fun of himself relentlessly. rejections in LA. Just don’t forget that beneath that veneer “Music kept reminding me how much of easy-going, Austin-born slackerdom spins emotion I didn’t have an outlet for,” he told Texas a tireless artist with an unwavering vision of Monthly last August. “Los Angeles can tear down success. For two years, his seemingly random your confidence, leave you sad and confused, tour itinerary was actually custom-built and I didn’t have anywhere to put that. You can for maximum success: Play a festival on a find catharsis from acting, but reading other relatively small stage, blow everyone’s mind people’s lines, playing out other people’s lives, with a magnetic stage presence, then come back a few months later and sell out multiple makes it a terrible place for therapy.” nights at multiple venues, something he pulled The truly cathartic moment for Shakey off in major markets like Seattle, Denver, Graves came on Jan. 1, 2011, after he’d returned Boston, and New York. Then return to the to Austin for good to move back in with Mom same festival the next year and leap right to and finally try to be a musician full-time. He the main stage, something he did at Sasquatch, released Roll the Bones on Bandcamp under the Bonnaroo, and a dozen or so others. outlet’s artist-friendly name-your-own-price “I want to play on stages so large you can policy, and within a year of playing non-stop at barely see me, but I can still make you feel every venue in town, he’d sold tens of thousands like it’s just us in a bathroom together,” the of records and had become Austin’s hottest local self-described Gentleman from Texas told commodity. Those who loved him really loved Texas Monthly last August. “To me, the coolest him and felt invested in his evolution. challenge in the world is finding a way to “The idea for the first album was anticonnect intimately with the masses.” Many marketing,” he told Austin Chronicle in 2014. artists could crumble under that pressure, but “It was an immensely conscious decision to Rose-Garcia, still hustling after all these years, limit my output. I wanted to figure out how seems up to the challenge: “This would be the to acquire fans right now, different from the absolute wrong time to say, ‘Maybe I need some old model where artists were pushed at you. I time to myself.’ I want to burn the world down.” spent three years building a fan base that felt Nick McGregor like they discovered me, which they did. That’s mail@folioweekly.com something no one can ever take away.”

Cincinnati rockers AUTOMAGIK (pictured) play with DAGGER BEACH and BUZZ BUZZ May 14, The Headlamp, Springfield.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK

SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. May 11, Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247.

The FRONT BOTTOMS, BRICK + MORTAR, DIET CIG 7 p.m.

May 11, Mavericks Live, 2 Independent Dr., The Landing, 356-1110, Downtown, $17.50.

ODDISEE, GOOD COMPANY, SIMPLE COMPLEXITY, DJ NO FAME 8 p.m. May 11, Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $10.

2 QUART SHYNE 10 p.m. May 11, The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611.

Music By The Sea: OUTTA SIGHT BAND, ROTAGEEZER The free concert series starts, 6-9 p.m. May 11 at Pier & Pavilion, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 347-8007, thecivicassociation.org.

TOM & NATALIE, DONNA FROST 7:30 p.m. May 12, Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10.

STACKED LIKE PANCAKES, WEST KING STREET BAND 8 p.m.

May 12, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.

“3” THE BAND 9 p.m. May 12, Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680.

DENNY BLUE 4 p.m. May 13, Cruisers Grill, 3 St. George St., St. Augustine, 824-6993.

The Cut Party: CLAIRE DUNN, CHRIS LANE, NATE MORA 6 p.m. May 13, Cornerstone Park (next to Ponte Vedra Concert Hall), 1050 A1A N., $40, ticketleap.com.

MIKE SHACKELFORD, STEVE SHANHOLTZER 7:30 p.m. May 13, Mudville Music Room, $10.

DELLACOMA, SOULSWITCH, GENERATOR 7:30 p.m. May 13, Harmonious Monks, 320 First St. N., Jax Beach, 3720815, $10.

TRAMPLED by TURTLES 7:30 p.m. May 13, Mavericks Live, $25.

ELLIS PAUL, DONNY BRAZILE 8 p.m. May 13, The Original Café Eleven, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Augustine Beach, 460-9311, $20 advance; $25 at the door.

TEDASHI, BRINSON, WREKLESS ABANDON 8 p.m. May 13, Murray Hill Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave. S., Murray Hill, 388-7807, $15-$25.

INNER DEMONS, TWIZTED PSYCHO, AXIOM 8 p.m. May 13, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.

HARLOW (KEVIN RAZLOG), LOWER CASE G, HANGMAN’S CROWN, PRIMITIVE HARD DRIVE 8 p.m. May 13, Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 547-2188.

DON’T CALL ME SHIRLEY 9:30 p.m. May 13, Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208.

MYSTIC DINO 10 p.m. May 13, The Roadhouse.

LUNAR COAST 10 p.m. May 13 & 14, Flying Iguana.

Riverside Arts Market: PINE FOREST SCHOOL of the ARTS, SHIMMY MOB, BRENT BYRD & the SUITCASE GYPSIES, DONNA FROST 10:30 a.m. May 14, 715 Riverside, 389-2449.

The Party: BETTER THAN EZRA, BIG SKY, BE EASY, The CHRIS THOMAS BAND 4 p.m. May 14, SeaWalk Pavilion, First St. N., Jax Beach, $22.09-$106.49, eventbrite.com.

HED PE 6:30 p.m. May 14, Harmonious Monks, $12-$20.

STYX, .38 SPECIAL, The OUTLAWS 7 p.m. May 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $39.50$84.50.

ABRODIE, GFM, 878, GABBY BAGLINO 7 p.m. May 14, Murray Hill Theatre, $7-$12.

JOSHUA DAVIS, JACOB HUDSON 8 p.m. May 14, Jack

Rabbits, $15 advance; $40 VIP. DAVIS TURNER 8 p.m. May 14, Slider’s Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., Fernandina, 277-6652.

MONKEY WRENCH 9:30 p.m. May 14, Whiskey Jax. AUTOMAGIK, DAGGER BEACH, BUZZ BUZZ 8 p.m. May 14, The Headlamp, 818 Clay St., Springfield, $10.

TOM BENNETT BAND, SASQUATCH on MARS 10 p.m. May 14, The Roadhouse.

OTEP, LACEY STURM, SEPTEMBER MOURNING, DOLL SKIN, THROUGH FIRE 5:30 p.m. May 15, Harmonious Monks, $15.

JEFFERY BROUSSARD & the CREOLE COWBOYS 7 p.m.

May 15, Mudville Music Room, $15.

RUE SNYDER, LESA SILVERMORE 8 p.m. May 15, Shanghai Nobby’s.

The STRUTS, MADE VIOLENT 8 p.m. May 15, Jack Rabbits, $17.

DARREN CORLEW 8:30 p.m. May 15, Flying Iguana.

PONY TIME, FEVER HANDS, DEATH LOOP QUARTET 9 p.m.

May 16, Burro Bar, 100 E. Adams St., Downtown.

DEFTONES, CODE ORANGE 6:30 p.m. May 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $39.50-$49.50.

THE BLIND SPOTS, LAWLESS HEARTS, THE YOUNG STEP 8 p.m. May 17, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.

SHAKEY GRAVES, SON LITTLE 8 p.m. May 17, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $18 advance; $20 day of (SRO).

BORN of OSIRIS, AFTER the BURIAL, UPON a BURNING BODY, ERRA, BAD OMENS 6 p.m. May 18, 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $20.

ASTARI NITE, URSULA, RUFFIANS, REBIS in EDEN 8 p.m.

May 18, Jack Rabbits, $7 advance; $10 day of.

FULL SERVICE, DIRTY OLD DUB 8:30 p.m. May 18, The Original Café Eleven, $7 advance; $10 at the door.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

NIGHT RANGER May 19, The Florida Theatre KANSAS CITY BAND, COSMIC GROOVE May 19, Shanghai Nobby’s KING & the KILLER May 20, Mavericks Live FOALS May 20, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SALT-N-PEPA, KID ’N PLAY, ROB BASE, COOLIO, TONE LOC, COLOR ME BADD May 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DICK DALE May 22, Jack Rabbits BRIAN McKNIGHT May 24, The Florida Theatre WARD, TURNCOAT, GRIM STATE May 24, Shanghai Nobby’s BUCKETHEAD May 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall DAMN THY NAME, ERODE, MOBILE DEATH CAMP, ARMAGEDDON III May 25, Shanghai Nobby’s MODERN ENGLISH May 26, Burro Bar R. KELLY May 26, Veterans Memorial Arena Jacksonville Jazz Festival: KEM, JOHN BATISTE & STAY HUMAN, SNARKY PUPPY, The McCOY TYNER QUARTET, DR. JOHN, GENERATION NEXT, NICHOLAS COLE, LIN ROUNTREE & LEBRON, The YELLOWJACKETS, DIZZY GILLESPIE AFRO-CUBAN EXPERIENCE, NATHAN EAST, CYRILLE AIMEE, SOMI, CHRISTIAN SCOTT ATUNDE ADJUAH, JAMISON ROSS, KEN FORD, LIZZ WRIGHT, MARK PENDER, DOUGLAS ANDERSON JAZZ BAND, UNF JAZZ ENSEMBLE I, The CHRIS THOMAS BAND, TERRY “DOC” HANDY, JOHN LUMPKIN & the COVENANT, GARY STARLING GROUP, RUSSEL GEORGE, ERIC CARTER &

CO., NOEL FREIDLINE QUINTET, LISA KELLY May 26-29, Downtown Jacksonville Jazz Fest After Dark: JONATHON SCALES FOURCHESTRA, TRIBAL DISORDER, ULISSES ROCHA, DREW TUCKER & the NEW STANDARD, CONTROL THIS!, SANDY WICKER & the RECOLLECTIONS, RARELUTH, BAND & the BEAT, DOVETONSIL, TROPIC of CANCER, ERIC CARTER & CO., DR. SCIENCE, GROOVE COALITION, D.J. BROOKLYN MIKE, LE ORCHID, [NEU]SONICS MUSIC INITIATIVE STUDENT/ TEACHER RECITAL, JOE WATTS QUARTET, TOUGH JUNKIE, MASTER RADICAL, JUNCO ROYALS, TOM BENNETT, STRANGERWOLF, BLUE MUSE (CHRIS THOMAS, BILLY & BELLA,) GENERAL TSO’S FURY, CHIEFORIA, JARROD TYLOR ALLEN, RAISIN CAKE ORCHESTRA, DJ GURU May 27 & 28, Downtown Jacksonville HERE COME the MUMMIES, NOAH GUTHRIE May 26, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall RIVERNECKS, KENNY & the JETS, SUNSHINE STATE, MENTAL BOY May 27, Shanghai Nobby’s Follow the Sun Fest: SUPERSUCKERS, DRAG the RIVER, SHIP THIEVES, WHISKEY & CO., HAVE GUN WILL TRAVEL, ONES to BLAME, ANN PRAGG, SINNERS & SAINTS, CARA BETH SATALINO, OUTER SPACES, WAX WINGS, CHASE NEIL & the WISEBLOODS, HARDLUCK SOCIETY, JONATHAN COODY, ROB COE & CO., RIVERNECKS, THIN SKINS, ENDLESS POOLS, ANCHOR FAST, DEVON STUART, KENNY & the JETS, SAND FLEAS May 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Block Party CJ RAMONE May 28, Shanghai Nobby’s STATE CHAMPION, FEVER HEAD, SEAFOAM WALLS, SERFIN SERF May 31, Shanghai Nobby’s KEVIN SMITH June 2, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall APPETITE for DESTRUCTION, MEDAL MILITIA June 3, Mavericks Live SHIRLEY CAESAR, KIERRA SHEARD, JEKALYN CARR June 3, Florida Theatre North Florida Land Trust Fish Fry: FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL, CAIN’T NEVER COULD June 4, Big Talbot Island ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO June 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall KIRK FRANKLIN June 5, T-U Center REFUSED June 7, Mavericks Live WEIRD AL YANKOVIC June 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, JASON ISBELL, DUMPSTAPHUNK June 11, Sea Island Avant presents: TIM SPARKS June 12, Karpeles Manuscript Library Museum MIRANDA LAMBERT, KIP MOORE, BROTHERS OSBORNE June 12, Veterans Memorial Arena Happy Together Tour: The COWSILLS, The TURTLES, The SPENCER DAVIS GROUP, GARY PUCKETT & the UNION GAP, MARK LINDSAY, CHUCK NEGRON June 12, Florida Theatre CYNDI LAUPER June 12, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DEATH CAB for CUTIE, CHVRCHES, PURE BATHING CULTURE June 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre LORD HURON June 14, Mavericks Live CHRIS CORNELL June 17, The Florida Theatre MAMA BLUE, UNIVERSAL GREEN June 17, 1904 Music Hall WAR June 17, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall ZOSO Ultimate Led Zeppelin Experience June 23, PVC Hall REBELUTION, The GREEN & J BOOG, STICK FIGURE, THROUGH the GREEN June 23, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RICHIE RAMONE June 25, Burro Bar

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC TED NUGENT July 20, Florida Theatre VILLAINFEST 2016 July 22, Mavericks Live Connection Festival: WU-TANG CLAN, CAGE the ELEPHANT, BIG DATA, ST. LUCIA, NEVER SHOUT NEVER, NEW YORK SKA ENSEMBLE, RUN RIVER NORTH, WHOLE WHEAT BREAD, COLOURS, BROTHER HAWK, WATERSEED, COMTROL THIS!, CLOUD9 VIBES, MOYA MOYA, UNIVERSAL GREEN, ASKMEIFICARE, SKYVIEW, FLAG on FIRE July 23, Downtown Jacksonville 311, MATISYAHU July 26, St. Augustine Amphitheatre CRAIG MORGAN July 28, The Florida Theatre BRING IT! LIVE July 29, The Florida Theatre LUKE COMBS July 29, Mavericks Live EMMA MOSELEY BAND, KRISTOPHER JAMES, CURT TOWNE BAND July 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre Backyard Party THE ACACIA STRAIN, OCEANO, KNOCKED LOOSE, CULTURE KILLER, TO the WIND Aug. 6, Contemporary zydeco 1904 Music Hall badasses, JEFFERY MAXWELL Aug. 7, T-U Center MISTERWIVES Aug. 7, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BROUSSARD & THE Outcry: HILLSONG WORSHIP, KARI JOBE, CREOLE COWBOYS, who’ve REND COLLECTIVE, HOUSEFIRES, URBAN received rave reviews RESCUE, CHAD VEACH Aug. 10, Veterans from The New York Times, Memorial Arena perform May 15, Mudville SLIGHTLY STOOPID, SOJA, FORTUNATE Music Room, St. Nicholas.

YOUTH Aug. 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre RAY LaMONTAGNE Aug. 14, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JUSTIN BIEBER June 29, Vets Memorial Arena LYLE LOVETT & HIS LARGE BAND Aug. 20, SUBLIME with ROME, TRIBAL SEEDS July 1, St. Augustine Florida Theatre Amphitheatre GOO GOO DOLLS, COLLECTIVE SOUL, TRIBE SOCIETY Aug. BARENAKED LADIES, ORCHESTRAL MANOEUVRES in the 31, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DARK, HOWARD JONES July 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre KENNY G Sept. 1, The Florida Theatre TWENTY ONE PILOTS July 3, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TONY JOE WHITE Sept. 2, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall FLAG, WAR on WOMEN, The DIRTY NIL July 8, St. BRIAN WILSON, AL JARDINE, BLONDIE CHAPLIN Sept. 10, Augustine Amphitheatre St. Augustine Amphitheatre Unity Fest 2016: JEEZY, JACQUEES, PLIES, more July 9, JAKE SHIMABUKURO Sept. 15, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Veterans Memorial Arena IL DIVO Sept. 23, The Florida Theatre BOY GEORGE & CULTURE CLUB July 9, Morocco Shrine DONNA the BUFFALO, PETER ROWAN BLUEGRASS Auditorium BAND, BLUEGROUND UNDERGRASS Oct. 13-16, 98 DEGREES, O TOWN, DREAM, RYAN CABRERA July 14, Suwannee Music Park St. Augustine Amphitheatre NEEDTOBREATHE, MAT KEARNY, PARACHUTE, WELSHLY JASON MICHAEL CARROLL, MARK WILLS, DARYL WORLEY ARMS Oct. 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre July 14, Mavericks Live Live Original Tour: SADIE ROBERTSON Oct. 14, Florida Theatre SHAWN MENDES July 16, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MAGNOLIA FEST Oct. 15, St. Augustine Amphitheatre FLIGHT of the CONCHORDS, ARJ BARKER July 17, St. Aug SCOTT BRADLEE’S POSTMODERN JUKEBOX Oct. 16, The Amphitheatre Florida Theatre 5 SECONDS of SUMMER July 20, Veterans Memorial Arena BONNIE RAITT Oct. 29, St. Augustine Amphitheatre

CHRIS YOUNG, CASSADEE POPE Nov. 12, St. Augustine Amphitheatre NEIL deGRASSE TYSON Nov. 14, The Florida Theatre SAVION GLOVER Nov. 18, The Florida Theatre ANIMAL COLLECTIVE Nov. 22, Mavericks Live GARRISON KEILLOR Dec. 11, The Florida Theatre OAK RIDGE BOYS Dec. 13, The Florida Theatre JAY LENO Jan. 14, Thrasher-Horne Center JEANNE ROBERTSON Jan. 21, The Florida Theatre THE BABES Feb. 11, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA

ALLEY CAT Beer House, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 Dan Voll May 11. Live music most weekends LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley jazz show 5:30-9 p.m. every Fri.-Sun. Javier Parez every Sun. SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 King Eddie & Pili Pili 6 p.m. May 11. Tad Jennings May 12.

Reggae SWAT Team, DJ Dave May 13. Jaime Noel, Radio Love, Davis Turner May 14. Down Yonder May 15 SURF Restaurant, 3199 S. Fletcher, 261-5711 Russell Bryant May 13. Larry & the Backtracks May 15. Yancy Clegg Tue./Thur. Black Jack Band Fri.

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

CASBAH Café, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur.

Indie dance 9 p.m. every Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance every Fri.

THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BRASS ANCHOR PUB, 2292 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0301 Joe Oliff May 11. Harlow, Detroit May 12 THE BRIX, 300 Second St. N., 241-4668 Yamadeo 7 p.m.

May 12 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595 DJ Hal every Sat. Irish music every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic, Neptune Beach, 853-5680 3 the Band May 12. Lunar Coast 10 p.m. May 13 & 14.

Darren Corlew May 15. Live music most weekends GUSTO’S, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov every Wed. Will Hurley & Pops every Thur. Murray Goff every Fri. Under the Bus every Sat. Gene Nordan every Sun. HARMONIOUS Monks, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Sista Otis May 12. Dellacoma, Fall to June, Generator, Soul Switch May 13. Dear Abbey, HedPe, Lowrcase g May 14. OTEP Fest 2016: Lacey Sturm, September Mourning, Doll Skin, And Through Fire 5:30 p.m. May 15. Live music Wed.-Sun. LYNCH’S, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Mikee Clams Band 10 p.m. May 13. General Patton 10 p.m. May 14. Austin Park May 20. Chillula every Sun. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Lyons May 12. Oklahoma Stackhouse May 14. Five O’clock Shadow May 19 MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur.

MOJO KITCHEN, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636 Live music most weekends MONKEY’S UNCLE Tavern, 1728 N. Third St., 246-1070 DJ Wed., Sat. & Sun. Live music every Fri. RAGTIME Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Jimmy Parrish May 11. Vox May 12. Sidewalk 65 May 13 & 14.

Holliday & Duffy May 15. Billy Bowers 7 p.m. May 18. Live music every Wed.-Sun. SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444 Oheta Riggs 7 p.m. May 11. Rachel Warfield May 12. Ryan Crary May 13.

Tad Jennings May 14. Raisin Cake Orhcestra May 15. Jerico open mic May 16. Andrew Sapin May 18 SLIDERS, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881 Billy Bowers 6:30 p.m. May 13. Live music Wed.-Sun. SOUTHERN GROUNDS, 200 First St., NB, 853-5473 Dot Wilder, James Hogan 7 p.m. May 14

DOWNTOWN

1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St. Heather Gillis, The Corbitt Clampett Experience, Bonnie Blue 8 p.m. May 13. Lord Bishop Rocks, Audiowolf, PaperWork 9 p.m. May 14. Sea Cycles, Tomboi, Wise River May 15. Born of Osiris, After the Burial, Upon a Burning Body, Erra, Bad Omens 6 p.m. May 18 THE BIRDHOUSE, 1827 N. Pearl St. Lawless Hearts 7 p.m.

May 16 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. Pony Time, Fever Hands, Death Loop Quartet 9 p.m. May 16 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance every Fri. DJ NickFresh every Sat. DJ Randall Mon. DJ Hollywood every Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, The Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. May 11 & 18. Ace Winn 8 p.m. May 13.

Brett Foster 8 p.m. May 14 JACKSONVILLE Landing, 353-1188 Home Grown 6 p.m. May 12. Rick Arcusa Band 8 p.m. May 13. SunJammer 8 p.m. May 14.

Caribbean Sundaze: 418 Band 4 p.m. May 15

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m. every Sat. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 The Front Bottoms, Brick + Mortar, Diet Cig 7 p.m. May 11. Trampled

by Turtles 7:30 p.m. May 13. King & the Killer 7 p.m. May 20.

Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat. MYTH NIGHTCLUB & BAR, 333 E. Bay St., 707-0474 Elephante May 12. DJ Q45, live music every Wed. EDM every

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC Thur. Eric Rush every Fri. DJ IBay every Sat. Bangarang & Crunchay every Sun.

FLEMING ISLAND

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Robert Brown Jr. The Confluent 9 p.m. May 13 MR. CHUBBY’S, 11043 Crystal Sprgs. Rd., 355-9464 Chuck Nash 9 p.m. May 13 WHITEY’S Fish Camp, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Jimi Graves 9 p.m. May 14. Conch Fritters 3 p.m. May 15

INTRACOASTAL WEST

CLIFF’S Bar, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Bandontherun May 11. Bill Ricci, Homegrown May 13. Homegrown May 14.

James & the Sauce May 18 JERRY’S Grille, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Boogie Freaks 7:30 p.m. May 13. Retro Kats May 14

Minnesota indie-folk faves TRAMPLED by TURTLES perform May 13, Mavericks Live, Downtown.

MANDARIN, JULINGTON

IGGY’S, 104 Bartram Oaks, Ste. 101, 209-5209 Conch Fritters 7 p.m. May 14. Live music most weekends

ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG

CHEERS, 1138 Park Ave., 269-4855 Big Engine 9 p.m. May 14. X Hale May 15 The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael every Tue.-Sat. RAZZLE SPORTS BAR, 2223 C.R. 220, 541-4172 Who Killed the Mascot May 14 The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Clinton Lane Darnell & Shayne Rammler, 2 Quart Shyne 10 p.m. May 11. DJ Big Mike May 12. Mystic Dino 10 p.m. May 13. Tom Bennett 10 p.m., Sasquatch on Mars 11:30 p.m. May 14. Radio @ Random May 18

PONTE VEDRA

PUSSER’S, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Live music Wed.-Sat. TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Deron Baker May 11. Gary Starling May 12. Complicated Animals May 13. Samuel Sanders May 14. Tier 2 May 18

RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE

MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood S., 388-7807 Brinson, Tedashii, Wrekless Abandon 8 p.m. May 13. Jigsaw’s Birthday Show: ABrodie, GFM, 878, Gabby Baglino May 14 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Daphne Lee Martin, Jesse Montoya 8 p.m. May 15 RIVERSIDE Arts Market, 715 Riverside, 389-2449 Pine Forest School of the Arts, Shimmy Mob, Brent Byrd & the Suitcase Gypsies, Donna Frost May 14

ST. AUGUSTINE

The CELLAR Upstairs, 157 King St., 826-1594 Oh No May 13. Beautiful Bobby Blackmon & the B3 Blues Band May 14.

Vinny Jacobs May 15 CRUISERS, 3 St. George St., 824-6993 Denny Blue May 13 MARDI GRAS, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 DJ Rob St. John every Wed. Live music every Fri. & Sat. Justin Gurnsey every Mon. ORIGINAL CAFÉ ELEVEN, 501 A1A Beach Blvd., St. Aug Beach, 460-9311 Ellis Paul, Donny Brazile 8 p.m. May 13.

Full Service, Dirty Old Dub May 18 PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 Ghost Tropic, Mafdet, Jeremy Rogers 8 p.m. May 13 SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 Harlow (Kevin Razlog), lowercase g, Hangman’s Crown, Primitive Hard Drive 8 p.m. May 13. Rue Snyder, Lesa Silvermore May 15

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks, 398-7496 Tough Junkie, Oddisee, Good Company, Simple Complexity, DJ No Fame May 11. Stacked Like Pancakes, West King Street Band 8 p.m. May 12. Inner Demons, Twizted Psycho, Kissit May 13. Joshua Davis, Jacob Hudson May 14. The Struts, Made Violent May 15. Lawless Hearts, The Blind Spots May 17 MUDVILLE Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Tom & Natalie, Donna Frost 7:30 p.m. May 12. Mike’s Mic May 13. Jeffery Broussard & the Creole Cowboys May 15

SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS

MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Robbie Litt May 13. Ryan Crary May 14 SUITE, 4880 Big Island Dr., Ste. 1, 493-9305 Realdjingtour May 12 UNCLE MADDIO’S, 8221 Southside Blvd., 527-8605 Dixie Rodeo 7 p.m. May 13 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows, 634-7208 Don’t Call Me Shirley May 13. Monkey Wrench May 14. Melissa Smith every Wed. WORLD OF BEER, 9700 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 551-5929 Terrapin Sound Czech CD release party, Anton LaPlume 6 p.m.

May 13. One Hit Wonder May 14. Live music every Fri. & Sat.

SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

THE HEADLAMP, 818 Clay St. Automagik, Dagger Beach, Buzz Buzz 8 p.m. May 14 SANDOLLAR, 9716 Heckscher Dr., 251-2449 Anton LaPlume 8 p.m. May 13

____________________________________________ To list your band’s gig, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price and contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown, email dbrown@folioweekly.com or by mail, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a space-available basis. Deadline noon Wed. for next Wednesday’s publication.

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

LET THE GOOD TIMES ROLL SIDEWALK 65

SAT

14

Billed as “a fun band for any occasion,” Sidewalk 65’s Michael Hogan, Anthony Derasmo and Mark Majeski have honed a style that’s pure, good-time rock ’n’ roll. With a vast musical repertoire that includes Bruce Springsteen, The Beatles, Michael Jackson, Billy Idol, ZZ Top, The Doors, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and many, many more, if they don’t know it, it’s probably not worth listening to anyway. Tuck into a plate of coconut shrimp and a signature Ragtime brew and let the tunes carry you to a faraway, magical place: Right where you are.

9 p.m. Saturday, May 14, Sidewalk 65 at Ragtime Tavern Seafood & Grill, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877.

GOLF PICKS

BEST BETS AFTER YOUR DAY ENJOYING THE COURSE

DOESN’T SHOCK EASILY RACHAEL WARFIELD With a voice that’s been described as “subtle and electric,” Rachael Warfield belts it out with a soulful, sultry style that cuts to the heart of the jam. A pianist, guitarist and singer-songwriter, Warfield has a stage presence that’s captivating, whether she’s slowing it down with a ballad, kicking it up with some funky blues or rocking the crowd with an up-tempo number. This Jacksonville Beach native is a rising star well worth the trip to see her on the way up. 7 p.m. Thursday, May 12, Rachael Warfield at Seachasers, 831 First St. N., Jax Beach, 372-0444.

THU

12

WED

11

LUCKY MOON LUNAR COAST After a long day on the course at TPC Sawgrass, kick back in the shade to the musical stylings of local favorite Lunar Coast. Whether you’re in the mood to just chill and people-watch or cut a rug and burn off your day buzz, this four-man band — Jared (guitar), Bernard (bass), Marcus (keys) and Andre (drums) — is sure to please. Order a round and take a load off; you’ll be singing along in no time. 10 p.m. Friday, May 13, Lunar Coast at Flying Iguana Taqueria & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680.

MORE BANJO PLEASE GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE There’s no better way to cap off Day One of THE PLAYERS than Grandpa’s Cough Medicine. Your FRI

13 28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

feet will start a chain reaction of tapping from moment this trio takes the stage; before you know it, you’ll be swinging around the floor with your best guy or girl. Bandmates Brett Bass (vocals/guitar/dobro), Mike Coker (5-string banjo), and Jon Murphy (standup bass/vocals) play outlaw bluegrass with a signature style focused on lightning-fast tempos and dark, slightly disturbing subject matter. This ain’t your grandma’s bluegrass, kiddies, this is backwoods hillbilly music with a criminal bent. 9:30 p.m. Wednesday, May 11, Grandpa’s Cough Medicine at Mojo Kitchen BBQ Pit & Blues Bar, 1500 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 247-6636.

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29

FOLIO DINING AMELIA ISLAND FERNANDINA BEACH

BEACH DINER, 2006 S. Eighth St., 310-3750, beachdiner. com. Newest in the popular local chain. Innovative breakfast: Eggs on the Bayou, fish-n-grits; French toast, riders, omelets. Lunch fare: salads, burgers, sandwiches, shrimp & crabmeat salad. $ K TO B L Daily BEECH STREET Bar & Grill, 801 Beech St., 572-1390, beechstreetbarandgrill.com. In an 1889 home, Chef Charles creates with fresh, local ingredients. Local seafood, handcut Florida steaks, housemade pasta, daily specials, small plates, street food. Courtyard. $$$-$$$$ FB D Tu-Sa; Brunch, D Su BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily BURLINGAME RESTAURANT, 20 S. Fifth St., 432-7671, burlingamerestaurant.com. The menu at the fine dining place changes quarterly, focusing on elegantly prepared dishes (8 apps, 8 mains) made with quality seasonal ingredients. Duck confit, grilled pork chops. $$$ BW D Tu-Sa CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F Family-owned; historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily The CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrab

The PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F Near historic district. Sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads; made from scratch. $ TO B L W-Su The PICNIC BASKET, 503-A Centre St., 277-9779, picnic basketfernandina.com. Small shop focuses on fresh fare, cheeses, confits, charcuteries, wines. $$ BW B L D M-Sa PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service, NYC-style.

Specialty pizzas, pie or slice, toppings: truffle mushrooms, little neck clams, eggs, shrimp. Courtyard. $$ BW TO L D W-Su The SALTY PELICAN Bar & Grill, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily The SAVORY MARKET, 474380 E. S.R. 200, 432-8551.

Local, organic produce, wild-caught seafood – Mayport shrimp – Wainwright meats, raw dairy, deli. Café has salads, hand-helds, tacos. $$ TO M-Sa SLIDERS Seaside Grill, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront. Crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310.

F 2015 BOJ winner. Family-owned-and-operated 18+ years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa

ARLINGTON, REGENCY

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

BITE-SIZED Bob's Steak & Chop House P. 31 PINT-SIZED Fruity Craft Beer P. 32 GRILL ME! Cheers Park Avenue P. 32 CHEFFED-UP Farmers Markets P. 33

ptgrille.com. Family-owned 26+ years; serving new Thai, traditional, vegetarian; curries, noodles. Low-sodium, glutenfree, too. Open kitchen display. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Su The WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, wines glass/bottle. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. HH. $$ BW L M-F; D Tu-Sa ZESTY INDIA, 8358 Point Meadows Dr., 329-3676, zesty india.com. Chefs combine Asian methodology with European template for tandoori lamb chops, rosemary tikka.

Vegetarian items cooked separately in vegetable oil. Lunch platters. $ BW TO L D Tu-Su

BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. New York-style gourmet pizzas, baked dishes 28+ years. All-day HH M-Thu. $ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F 2015 BOJ winner.

Latin American, tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare.

100+ tequilas. $ FB L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. Classic Old World Roman cuisine, extensive Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen. Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO D Nightly HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815.

American-style steakhouse, filets, gourmet burgers, ribs, wraps, sandwiches. $$ FB K L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club.

2015 BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop HH. $ BW K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

Visit The Chatty Crab in Southside and you'll enjoy a cold libation, a friendly smile and the taste of all your fresh seafood favorites. Photo by Dennis Ho trap.com. F 37 years, family-owned-and-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L D Daily GILBERT’S Underground Kitchen, 510 S. Eighth St., 310-6374, undergroundkitchen.com. Chef Kenny Gilbert (Top Chef) serves Deep Southern American cuisine. Dine inside or on a patio. $$ BW K TO L F; D W-Sa & M; R Su HOLA CUBAN CAFÉ, 117 Centre St., 321-0163, holacuban cafe.com. F Behind Palace Saloon; owned by real Cubans; authentic sandwiches, coffee. Dine in or out at umbrella tables. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L D Daily HORIZONS, 5472 First Coast Hwy., 321-2430, horizons ameliaisland.com. Fine dining, upscale setting. Gourmet fare, seafood, steaks, lamb, pasta. $$$ FB L D Tu-Sa JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddian escafe.com. F 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, crêpes, vegan/vegetarian. Dine in or on a porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646. Spanish/ Portuguese cuisine with a Brazilian flair. Tapas, seafood, steaks, homemade sangria. Drink specials. AYCE paella Sunday. $$$ FB K TO D Nightly MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriver pizza.net. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie or slice. $ BW TO L D M-Sa The MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, herbal tea, daily specials. $$ TO B L M-Sa PABLO’S Mexican Restaurant Grill & Cantina, 12 N. Second St., 261-0049. Chicken, carnes, fajitas, burritos, tacos, daily specials, vegetarian. $$ FB K TO L D Daily To list your restaurant, call your account manager or Sam Taylor, 860-2465 • staylor@folioweekly.com

DINING DIRECTORY KEY

AVERAGE ENTRÉE • COST •

$ = Less than $10 $$ = $10- $20 $$$ = $20- $35 $$$$ = $35 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club event. fwbiteclub.com 2015 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot

30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

AVONDALE, ORTEGA

FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes, Nathan’s grilled hot dogs. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. 40+ years.

Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaur antorsay.com. 2015 BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops.

Snail of Approval. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D M-Sa, B Sa

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

INDIA’S Restaurant, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S Subs, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740.

8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MINT INDIAN Restaurant, 8490 Baymeadows Rd., 367-1821, jaxmint.com. A new style of authentic, traditional Indian cuisine. Daily lunch buffet; HH. $ L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI Grille, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., 646-9506,

MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean 20+ years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine in, patio. $$$ FB K D M-Sa MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily M SHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, mshack burgers.com. 2015 BOJ winner. David and Matthew Medure flip burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes, more. Dine inside or out – people-watch at Beaches Town Center. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN Natural Foods Market & Deli, 1585 Third St. N., 458-1390. SEE BAYMEADOWS. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7637, poestavern.com. Gastropub, 50+ beers, gourmet burgers, handcut fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH. $$ FB L D Daily SEACHASERS, 831 First St. N., 372-0444, seachasers. com. New place; four dining areas: First Street Bar, Music Room, Beach Bar, Dining Room. Daily HH. Dine in or on patio. $$ FB L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & OYSTER BAR, 218 First St., NB, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sa/Su; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. 2015 BOJ winner. 20+ tap beers, TVs. HH M-F. $ FB K L D Daily UGLY CUPCAKE MUFFINRY & Cafe, 115 Fifth Ave. S., 3395214, theuglycupcakemuffinry.com. Sweet/ savory giant muffins, made from organic, locally sourced ingredients.

Outside seating. $$ TO B L Daily

DOWNTOWN

AKEL’S DELICATESSSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 125, 446-3119.

F New York-style deli has breakfast, fresh made subs, specialty sandwiches, burgers, gyros, wraps, desserts, vegetarian items. $ TO B L M-F The CANDY APPLE CAFÉ & COCKTAILS, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Chef-driven cuisine, sandwiches, entrées, salads. HH Tu-F $$ FB K D Tu-Sa CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi serves Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa FIONN MacCOOL’S IRISH PUB & RESTAURANT, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1547, fionnmacs.com. Casual dining, uptown Irish atmosphere; fish & chips, Guinness lamb stew, black-and-tan brownies. $$ FB K L D Daily FOLKFOOD, 219 N. Hogan St., 333-8392 Southern specialties, coastal cuisine like fried catfish, Florida citrus kale salad, blackened mahi mahi tacos, meatloaf with curry sauce, homestyle desserts made in-house daily. $ BW TO L D M-F INDOCHINE, 21 E. Adams St., Ste. 200, 598-5303, indo chinejax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Thai, Southeast Asian cuisine. Signature dishes are chicken Satay, soft shell crab; mango, sticky rice dessert. $$ FB TO L D M-F; D Tu-Sa

FOLIO DINING : BITE-SIZED

EVERYTHING’S

BIGGER AT BOB’S

Bob’s Steak & Chop House PACKS THE HEAT, double-XL style ever seen. I mean it, these shrimp could go A QUALITY AMERICAN STEAK IS WHAT YOU’LL head-to-head with a lobster. find when you take a trip to BOB’S STEAK For dinner, satisfy your craving for a & CHOP HOUSE at Omni Amelia Island perfectly cooked steak or a crowd-pleaser Plantation Resort. With huge portions and a like salmon. The steaks are cooked at 1,800˚ stylish home-cooked feel, it’s a great spot for F and given 10 minutes to cool, so the perfect drinks or dinner. steak arrives at your table. We ordered As soon as you take a seat, you’re greeted the 14-ounce prime ribeye ($39) and the with great service and warm, fresh bread broiled salmon ($30). Each entrée includes that’s always served without a knife, because your choice of a baked potato, skillet-fried great bread is meant to be broken. My potatoes or smashed potatoes and one of favorite part about sitting down at a Bob’s the most ginormous table is the giant jar of carrots you’ve ever seen. pickled cucumbers and BOB’S STEAK & CHOP HOUSE Seriously huge carrots. peppers. Apparently, 80 Amelia Village Circle, I recommend any of Bob’s grandmother was Fernandina Beach, 432-2201, the sides, such as sautéed known for her pickles bobs-steakandchop.com/amelia-island and the tradition carries mushrooms and spinach on at the restaurant. ($9), or creamed corn It’s always nice to have built-in ($9); it’s all so good, you’ll definitely find conversation starters at a restaurant. If your perfect match. My favorite will always conversation lags while dining, you’ve got be Brussels sprouts ($9). If your 10-year-old ready-made talking points, because there’s self just grimaced thinking about Brussels always something to look at when it comes to sprouts, you need to put on our big kid pants the décor. In fact, in order to be as authentic and let your adult self give these beauties as possible to the Northeast Florida beach feel, another go. When the little green spheres are they scoured the thrift stores in Fernandina, done right, they’re delectable, roasted, savory.

Amelia Island and Jacksonville for items true Just yum. to our area.

Trust me when I say you’ll probably need The menu does it right, focusing only on a to-go box for your entrée, and you’ll want to fresh seafood and well-prepared steaks. Bob’s save some room for dessert. Pick your sugar also features a varied wine list for pairing with rush from the giant versions of classic desserts whichever dish you choose. that Bob’s offers. From a slab of chocolate Seafood lovers should start with the cake, a quarter of a Key lime pie and sundae fried calamari ($12) or the shrimp cocktail bowl filled ice cream made by Leopold’s in appetizer ($16). When the shrimp arrives at Savannah, your sweet tooth will be happy. your table, you may have difficulty believing Brentley Stead your eyes, as they are the biggest shrimp I have bitesized@folioweekly.com

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31

DINING DIRECTORY PINT-SIZED PIN

FRUIT OF THE

BREWS The craft beer scene is FEELING FRUITY BEER IS A MANY-SPLENDORED THING. WHETHER it’s an IPA, stout, kolsch or pale ale, there’s an ever-changing kaleidoscope of flavors from which to choose. And craft beer lovers like it that way.

All one has to do is pay attention to the weekly offerings at local breweries to see that mid-week, most offer a variation on one house brew or another. Whether an herb-infused saison or an IPA aged on fruit, variety is the name of the game.

Today, one of the hottest emerging trends in craft beer is fruit-infused brew. Sure, the Belgians have put fruit in their beer for more than a century, but as a modern phenomenon, fruit beers are available in several iterations: fruit additions to typical styles like IPAs and stouts, styles that have traditionally included fruit or fruit syrup additions like Berliner Weisse, and hybrid styles, created specifically to highlight fruit flavors, such as apple ales.

Sculpin, a highly rated IPA by Ballast Point Brewing Company of San Diego, is in a wide array of fruit flavors – grapefruit, pineapple and even habanero (yes, peppers are technically fruit). Another style that’s had the fruit-infusion treatment is farmhouse ale. This style, akin to saison, has been refreshingly imbued with peach

by Terrapin Beer Company of Athens, Georgia in its Maggie’s Peach Farmhouse.

Wheat beers are also often amped with more than just a tinge of fruit flavors. Berliner Weisse, a German sour wheat beer, was served with raspberry (Himbeersirup) syrup to balance the tartness.

Traditional Belgian wheat beers often include orange peel in the brewing process, and today’s brewers are riffing on the style by adding fruit directly to the beer during fermentation. Brewer 21st Amendment upped the ante by adding watermelon to its Hell or High Watermelon. Locally, Aardwolf Brewing Company has created several variations of its Lactic Zeppelin Berliner Weisse, with guava and passion fruit.

Samuel Smith Brewery in England produces several fruit beers that defy categorization. One of its best is Organic Strawberry, a spontaneously fermented brew similar to a Belgian lambic, with tart and sour flavors balanced by the sweetness of the strawberry juice.

Of all fruit-infused beers, perhaps the fastest-growing flavor is apple. With the growing popularity of hard cider, companies like Redd’s (part of Miller Brewing Company) are capitalizing on the trend. Available in several flavors, Redd’s is an apple-flavored beverage brewed like a beer rather than fermented like a cider.

Whether you’re a purist and think beer should taste like, well, beer, or a progressive and accept the flood of fruit beers, one thing’s certain: Brewers are going to keep experimenting with new fruits and flavors. So you may as well relax, fill a cooler with ice, stick in a couple or 12 of your new faves, and have some refreshing fruit-infused brews on the back porch on an imminent hot summer night.

PINT-SIZED

LOCALLY AVAILABLE FRUITY BEERS

Dogfish Head Brewery Romantic Chemistry IPA Brewed with mangos, apricots and ginger, then dry-hopped with three varieties of hops, this is a high-powered (7.2 percent ABV) fruit bomb.

Lindeman’s Framboise This Belgian-brewed raspberry lambic pours a beautiful pink with aggressive effervescence. It’s a refreshing sweet and tart brew perfect as a dessert beverage.

Maui Brewing Co. CoCoNut Porter The combination of a roasty porter and toasted coconut is the liquid version of a chocolatecovered coconut candy bar. You’re welcome.

Marc Wisdom marc@folioweekly.com 32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 102, 866-395-3954, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. Variety of locally roasted whole bean brewed coffee, espressos, smoothies, fresh pastries, bagels, homemade cream cheeses. Chicken salad (best ever), tuna salad, sandwiches.

Free Wi-Fi. $ B L M-F URBAN GRIND Express, 50 W. Laura St., 516-7799. SEE ABOVE. ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH W-Sa $ FB L M-F

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. TAPS Bar & Grill, 1605 C.R. 220, Ste. 145, 278-9421, tapspublichouse.com. 50+ premium domestic, imported tap beers. Burgers, sandwiches, entrées. $$ FB K L D Daily WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar.

Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

$$ B L Su/M; B L D Tu-Sa COOL MOOSE CAFÉ, 2708 Park St., 381-4242, coolmoose cafe.net. New England-style café; full breakfast menu, classic sandwiches, wraps, soups, brunch all day Sunday.

Gourmet coffees. $$ BW R L D Tu-Su CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su DERBY on PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$-$$$ FB B L D Tu-Su, R Sa/Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 2015 BOJ winner. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches.

Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, vegetables. Artisanal cheeses, more than 300 craft, imported beers, 50 organic wines, and organic produce, meats, vitamins, herbs.

Organic wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily

SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK

BASIL Thai & Sushi, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Pad Thai, curry, tempura, vegetarian, seafood, stir-fry, specials. HH. $$ FB L D M-Sa BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired; steak frites, oakfired pizza, raw bar, seasonal selections. HH M-F $$$ FB L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET Café, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily INDOCHINE, 1974 San Marco Blvd., 503-7013. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE DOWNTOWN.

KITCHEN on SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 3962344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu, fresh, locally sourced ingredients. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS Sports Bar, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288,

TROYANNE SAUCIER

CHEERS PARK AVENUE 1138 Park Ave., Orange Park

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F

BORN IN: Minden, Louisiana

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK. ORANGE TREE Hot Dogs, 3500 Beach, Ste. 43, 551-3661, orangetreehotdogs.com. Hot dogs, personal size pizzas since ’68. Hershey’s ice cream, milkshakes. $ K TO L D Daily SID & LINDA’S Seafood Market & Restaurant, 12220 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 109, 503-8276. Pick your own whole fresh fish, have it cleaned, filleted, cooked to order. Dine in, take out. Housemade sauces. $$ K TO L D Daily

FAVE RESTAURANT (other than mine): Metro Diner Kingsley Avenue

2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

MANDARIN, NW ST. JOHNS

AKEL’S DELI, 12926 Granbay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN.

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199.

F 20+ years. Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L D M-F; D Sa FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Diner: pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11362 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 3, 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods.

Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines. Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily TAPS Bar & Grill, 2220 C.R. 210 W., Ste. 314, 819-1554.

SEE FLEMING ISLAND.

ORANGE PARK

The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts.

Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com.

F All over the area, Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. PASTA MARKET Italian Restaurant & Clam Bar, 1930 Kingsley Ave., 276-9551, pastamarketitalianrestaurant. com. Family-owned-and-operated. Gourmet pizzas, veal, chicken, mussels, shrimp, grouper. Pastas: spaghetti, lasagna, fettuccine, ziti, calzones, linguini, tortellini. $$ BW K D Nightly SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snac shack.menu. F Bakery and café; bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ K BW TO B L D Daily The URBAN BEAN Coffeehouse Café, 2023 Park Ave., 541-4938, theurbanbeancoffeehouse.com. Coffee, espresso, gourmet sandwiches, flatbreads, apps. $$ K TO B L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S Pizza, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2015 BOJ. SEE BEACHES. LARRY’S Subs, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F SEE O. PARK.

RIVERSIDE, 5 PTS, WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2015 BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for Americans; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

BLACK SHEEP Restaurant, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sa/Su; L D Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Local craft beer, espresso, coffee, wine. Rotating drafts, 75+ can craft beers; sodas, tea. Waffles, toasts, desserts, specialty coffees. HH.

GRILL ME!

YEARS IN THE BIZ: 37

FAVE CUISINE STYLE: Mexican, Cajun GO-TO INGREDIENTS: Cajun seasonings IDEAL MEAL: Crawfish Etouffé WILL NOT CROSS MY LIPS: Any dish made with a recipe.

INSIDER'S SECRET: I learned all my cooking skills in Louisiana.

MY CULINARY VICE: Anything sweet HAWKERS Asian Street Fare, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily HOBNOB, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 110, 513-4272, hobnobwithus.com. New place serves cuisine driven by global inspirations, local intentions – ahi poke tuna, jumbo lump crab tacos. $$ FB TO L D Brunch Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com.

Modern, authentic Italian cuisine. Handcrafted cocktails. $$-$$$ FB TO K L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055.

F Casual; made-to-order sandwiches, wraps, salads, breakfast. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S Giant Subs, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding, 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

LITTLE JOE’S CAFÉ by Akel, 245 Riverside Ave., Ste. 195, 791-3336. Riverview café serves soups, salads, signature salad dressings. $ TO B L M-F METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442.

F 2015 BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire.com. F Southwestern fish tacos, chicken enchiladas. HH M-Sa upstairs, all day Su $$ FB K L D Daily M SHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

PATTAYA Thai Grille, 1526 King, 503-4060. SEE BAYMEADOWS. RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969. 2015 BOJ winner.

Bar food. $ D SBRAGA & Company, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 114, 746-0909, sbragadining.com. Chef Kevin Sbraga has a contemporary culinary approach to local influences. Go-to dishes: hog & hominy, fish fry, carrot ceviche. $$-$$$ FB TO L D Daily SOUTHERN ROOTS Filling Station, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Healthy, light vegan fare; local, organic ingredients. Specials, on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside, Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushi cafejax.com. F Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll.

Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. $$ BW L D Daily TIMOTI’S SEAFOD SHAK, 1043 Park St., 374-8892. Brand new. SEE AMELIA ISLAND.

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2015 BOJ

winner. SEE BEACHES.

The FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Updated Southern fare.

Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta; grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB Company, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken.

Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM Pizza Bakers, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323.

F 2015 BOJ winner. Now dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. ONE TWENTY THREE Burger House, 123 King St., 6872790. From Carmelo’s owners. Premium burgers, made with beef from NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Wood-fired pizzas, ice cream bar, Old World milkshakes. $$ BW K TO L D Daily

mardibar.com. Wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metro diner.com. F 2015 BOJ winner. Original upscale diner.

Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This Metro serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L Daily PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815, pizza palacejax.com. F Family-owned-&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna. Dine outside. HH. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasan marco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats, tapas, wod-fired pizza. Craft beers & cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA Theatre & Dining, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus.

Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su The CHATTY CRAB, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138C, 888-0639, chattycrab.com. Chef Dana Pollard’s raw oysters, Nawlins-style low country boil, po’ boys, 50¢ wing specials. $$ FB K TO L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717.

2015 BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE.

GREEK STREET CAFÉ, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., Ste. 106, 503-0620, greekstreetcafe.com. Fresh, authentic, modern fare; Greek owners. Gyros, spanakopita, dolmades, falafel, salads, Greek nachos. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa LARRY’S Subs, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499.

4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. Pacific Islander fare, emphasizing chamorro culture. Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; spicy empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQ-style ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

MOXIE KITCHEN + Cocktails, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744, moxiefl.com. 2015 BOJ winner. Chef Tom Gray’s venue has innovative contemporary American cuisine – seafood, steaks, pork, burgers, sides, desserts – using locally sourced ingredients when possible. $$$ FB K L M-F; D Nightly M SHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Br. Dr., 900-7730, ovinte.com.

2015 BOJ winner. European-style, influenced by Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, charcuterie menu. 240-bottle/wines, 75/glass; craft spirits.

Dine outdoors. $$ FB R, Su; D Nightly RITA’S DELI, 9446 Philips Hwy., 806-3923. Sandwiches of Boar’s Head meats, cheeses. $$ BW TO L D M-Sa TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, taverna yamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Daily HH. Bellydancing. $$ FB K TO L D Daily TOMMY’S Brick Oven Pizza, 4160 Southside Blvd., Ste. 2, 565-1999, tbopizza.com. NY-style thin crust, brickoven-cooked pizzas – gluten-free. Calzones, sandwiches, Thumann’s no-MSG meats, Grande cheeses. Boylan’s soda.

Curbside pickup. $$ BW K TO L D M-Sa TOSSGREEN, 4375 Southside Blvd., Ste. 12, 619-4356.

4668 Town Crossing Dr., Ste. 105, 686-0234. Custom salads, burrito bowls; fresh fruits, vegetables, 100% natural chicken breast, sirloin, shrimp, tofu, nuts, cheeses, dressings, sauces, salsas, frozen yogurt. $$ K L D Daily

DINING DIRECTORY SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE

HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main St., 356-3100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Fajitas, burritos, specials, enchiladas. HH; sangria. $ BW K TO L D M-Sa LARRY’S Giant Subs, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999.

SEE ORANGE PARK.

MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 15170 Max Leggett Parkway, 757-8843. F Bite Club. 2015 BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.

MOLLY BROWN’S Pub & Grill, 2467 Faye Rd., 683-5044, mollybrownspubandgrill.com. F American (traditional), brunch, burgers, diner fare, hot dogs, sandwiches, seafood, Southern, vegetarian dishes. $$ FB TO L D Daily

CHEFFED-UP

OLD MACDONALD HAD A

FARMERS MARKET Dress up locally sourced micro-greens and tomatoes with Chef Bill’s HOMEMADE VINAIGRETTE OLD MACDONALD HAD A FARMERS MARKET, E-I-E-I-O. That’s MacDonald, not MickeyD’s gut-wrenching, chemical-tasting industrial waste that passes for food. Don’t eat nasty, processed food when you can get fresh and delicious farmers market food all over Northeast Florida. Farmers markets offer great opportunities for Cheffing you UP! Just 10 years ago, we wouldn’t have imagined the local farmers market scene would be crazy-hot right now. The farmers market used to be a place for aging hippies and the granola crowd, but times have changed, and locally sourced food has made a helluva comeback.

Every Saturday, I stroll through the farmers market in downtown Historic Fernandina Beach in my white chef ’s coat, leading students around the stalls and encountering a huge cross-section of our community — single millennials, families with small children, middle-aged couples, and older people with dogs — inspecting the produce and other items and interacting with the farmers. It’s an idyllic community event.

Shopping at farmers markets allows us to embrace the farm-to-table trend. But what should you do with all the fantastic produce? The farmers themselves often offer suggestions for getting the most out of their products — be sure to ask when you buy.

If you’re anything like me, you lie awake at night contemplating techniques and recipe ideas to utilize these amazingly fresh farmers market foods in new, creative ways. I’m always imagining a different process to enjoy local produce because preparing rutabagas the same way over and over gets boring.

If those thoughts don’t keep you up at night, I’ve got an idea! Salads give us an outstanding opportunity to exercise our culinary talents. Check out the remarkable quality of the greens at farmers markets.

How could anyone possibly pour commercial bottled dressing over delicate red-leaf hydroponic lettuce? Isn’t there a better way to bring out the flavors of vine-ripened, multicolored grape tomatoes than dropping them in another boring bowl of lettuce?

Of course there is! Give your salad a little love, a little passion, a little je ne sais quoi. To grab your palate’s attention and explode with flavor, salads should contain many different textures, flavors, spices, colors, and shapes. As a chef, I find that salads offer an empty canvas to paint with the colors and tastes of the seasonal ingredients from the farmers market. We can experiment with several ethnic flavor profiles and seasonings that compliment, not cover, the produce’s freshness.

Here’s my recipe for a simple rice wine vinaigrette. Consider this as a light dressing for your farmers market greens such as spicy arugula or watercress. Maybe add spiced peanuts for crunch, shave a little cucumber and marinate it with tamari, sesame, honey and lime. Or a shaved carrot for color, maybe a quick-pickled red onion for a burst of sour! Make sure it’s all seasoned and have a taste of the market.

CHEFFED-UP

CHEF BILL’S RICE WINE VINAIGRETTE Ingredients 1 shallot 1/2 garlic clove, paste 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 2 ounces rice wine vinegar 1/2 ounce lemon juice 1 tablespoon chopped herbs Salt & pepper to taste 4 ounces vegetable oil 1 ounce olive oil

Directions 1. Combine all ingredients except the oils.

2. Emulsify the oils into the other 1. ingredients.

3. Adjust seasoning.

4. Use it to dress up your favorite farmers 1. market produce.

Until we cook again,

Chef Bill cheffedup@folioweekly.com ___________________________________ Contact Chef Bill Thompson, owner of Amelia Island Culinary Academy in Historic Fernandina Beach, with your recipes or questions at cheffedup@folioweekly.com, for inspiration to get you Cheffed Up! MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33

PET EVENTS P GARAGE SALE FOR A CAUSE • This fundraiser garage sale is held 3-6 p.m. Friday, May 13 and 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday, May 14 at 2727 Atlantic Blvd., which is the future home of St. Francis Animal Hospital in the St. Nicholas area. Goodies available are electronics, artwork, collectible pens, office supplies, kitchen accessories, toys, Harley accessories, etc. Proceeds benefit St. Francis Animal Hospital programs to provide medical care

ADOPTABLES

.

ABIGAIL

DOGS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN • If you’re looking for good time, just call my name, and I’ll come running to you! And if I see a lizard, I will pounce to protect you from those little green monsters. Rawr! In my spare time, I like to play outside and I enjoy kids. Please come meet me at Jax Humane Society – open 7 days a week! For adoption information and details, visit jaxhumane.org. to pets in need. There will also be dogs available for adoption from The Old Dog House and FUR Rescue. 674-7223, saintfrancisanimalhospital.org.

FIRST COAST NO MORE HOMELESS PETS LOW-COST VETERINARY HOSPITAL FCNMHP’s brand-new, low-cost veterinary hospital at 464 Cassat Ave., Westside, is now open. The new hospital is staffed and ready to take any appointments from 9 a.m.-8 p.m.

Mon.-Fri., 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Sat. and 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Sun. With 12 exam rooms, a dental lab, surgery suites, intensive care and isolation rooms, a lab,

ADOPTABLES

JACK

A CAT OF ALL TRADES • Want a cuddle

buddy? That’s me! Want a friend to catch the red dot? I can do it! Ready to share a can of tuna over candlelight and soft music? Count me in! Come meet me at JHS and I’ll show you my many talents. JHS is located at 8464 Beach Blvd. More info online at jaxhumane.org.

pharmacy, and grooming area, the state-of-the-art veterinary hospital allows FCNMHP to help more families in need of affordable veterinary care.

425-0005 (Norwood location), fcnmhp.org.

PROM QUEEN KICKBALL PET RESCUE BENEFIT Kickball warriors in prom attire battle from 8 a.m. until the last team is standing, June 18 at Treaty Park, 1595 Wildwood Dr., St. Augustine. Proceeds benefit SAFE PET RESCUE. safe-pet-rescue-fl.com, crossfitvulcan.com.

To list a pet event, send event name, time, date, location (complete street address and city), admission price, contact number/website to print, to mdryden@folioweekly.com – at least two weeks before the event.

34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

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PART II

TThe h secondd off D Davi’s i’ TWO-PART SERIES about what to do in a pet emergency

DOGS AND CATS OFTEN EXPLORE THE WORLD with their noses and mouths, and often get into things they shouldn’t — like poison.

It can be eaten, absorbed through the skin, even inhaled. Some poisons act immediately, some take days to appear — all can be fatal.

If you ingest something harmful, time is of the essence. Knowing what to do can mean the difference between life and death.

garden yesterday and found a blooming bush. The bright flowers looked good enough to eat, so I nibbled on some leaves and chewed on the woody stem. Now I feel sluggish and there’s diarrhea in my litter pan. My human looked in my mouth and saw excessive drooling. What could she do for me?

Albert the Abyssinian

Dear Davi, I was snooping around the garage yesterday and found some bright green pellets on the floor. It looked like kibble, so I gobbled a mouthful and walked into the house. Within hours, I felt weak and was having difficulty breathing. I knew something was wrong, and so did my human. What could he do for me?

Wally the Retriever

Albert, Making a meal of unfamiliar vegetation is not wise. Word from my feline friends is that cats in the wild probably ate plants as a source of fiber, but now the wrong bite could cause more harm than good. Some plants are poisonous — even deadly. Though your human missed your binge, he should rush you to the vet because your symptoms point to poisoning. Without immediate attention, you could fall into a coma and possibly die. The vet will induce vomiting or give you activated charcoal to prevent absorption of toxins into your blood stream. Your recovery is more hopeful if you get medical care quickly.

There are thousands of plants and flowers, but only a few are truly dangerous.

Make sure you know which ones are most deadly and avoid them. Go to petpoisonhelpline.com/pet-owners/basics/ top-10-plants-poisonouse-to-pets.

If you suspect your pet has been poisoned, call Pet Poison Helpline at 800-213-6680 for initial information. It’s a 24/7 emergency service with licensed veterinarians and toxicologists answering your call. These are not free calls; have a credit card handy.

Be safe!

Davi mail@folioweekly.com ______________________________________

Wally, Egads! Sounds like you ate poison! Because your human did not see you ingest the pellets, he will not immediately know what’s wrong, but your signs of distress should raise a red flag that you might be poisoned.

While rat poison may not create problems immediately, a series of events will soon take place, and things will start deteriorating quickly. Don’t underestimate the problem; go directly to your vet. Vomiting will be induced to remove toxins from your stomach, followed by vitamin K treatment. Activated charcoal can be given to help prevent absorption of the poison. The prognosis is generally good with early decontamination and proper medical treatment.

About 25 percent of poisoned pets recover within two hours. Of the pets that take longer to recover, many can be treated at home following the advice of a vet or Pet Poison Hotline. Sadly, even with treatment, one out of 100 poisoned pets dies.

Dear Davi, I’m worried. I was prowling around a lovely

Davi the dachshund doesn’t have a veterinary license, but he does like organic treats, walks in the park and exploring the world on four legs.

PET TIP: BURMESE PYTHON A NO-NO IT SEEMED LIKE SUCH A GOOD IDEA WHEN YOU WERE HALF-LIT, PEERING INTO A CAGE AT THE FLEA MARKET. Those sweet scales! That majestic musculature! Later, sober-er, you realize you’ve brought home a 20-foot-long killing machine. Before you back the ’Yota up by a swamp and unload The Squeeze, know that Florida Fish & Wildlife hosts regular Exotic Pet Amnesty Days so excellent decision-makers like you can surrender unwanted pythons, emus, zebras, tigers and bears (oh, my!).

No questions, no fees, no tickets for breaking the law. The next one is May 14 in Kissimmee.

Check the website for deets: myfwc. com/wildlifehabitats/nonnatives/ amnesty-program/events.

e street rint, to

MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE CROSSWORD by DALE RATERMANN. Presented by

SAN MARCO 2044 San Marco Blvd.

398-9741

PONTE VEDRA

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A North 280-1202

ALBERT EINSTEIN, ANTON CHEKOV, PEACOCKS & RUMI

SOUTHSIDE

AVONDALE 3617 St. Johns Ave. 10300 Southside Blvd.

388-5406 394-1390 AVENUES MALL

Dale celebrates THE PLAYERS at TPC Sawgrass!

ACROSS

111 Coral creation 6 Stuffed shirt 10 Figs. showing the result of four years, usually 14 Folio Weekly and WJCT, e.g.

15 Florida Senate gofer 16 Woodworking tool 17 Fragrant material for a box of hope 18 Unoccupied 19 Atlantic Ocean predator 20 THE PLAYERS 2015 winner 23 Bomb bomb 26 Declare 27 Board, not bored 28 Puts up 30 Goofy’s shoe width 32 PGA driving stats.

33 Former Orlando Miracle org.

34 Film star, or, what you don’t do to a joint 37 THE place to be to PLAY this week 41 Soaks to the skin 42 Word with head or heart 45 Was on the ballot 48 Sexy sweater style 49 Uncomfortable spot for a frog 51 Respond to reveille

1

2

3

4

53 Befuddled 55 JAX Int’l. safety org.

56 Only three-time winner of THE PLAYERS … so far 60 Kind of code 61 Singer Amos 62 Nation whose capital Devil Dogs sing about 66 Sentry’s demand after “Who goes there?”

67 “Just hit the ball already!”

68 Tourney ticket 69 Hordeolum 70 Display, in a way 71 Be eco-friendly

DOWN

1 Hell on Wheels network 2 Driving aid 3 Uneven?

4 Makeup artist 5 What a cowpoke uses to get the li’l dogie along 6 Cleat, or, hairdo 7 It’s all uphill from here 8 Body check 9 Butcher’s side, or, a complaint 10 Sound from a bulldog or stomach 11 Series of bets

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44 UF fraternity letter 45 Nagpur nobles 46 Ancient sleeping volcano 47 With kindness 49 Leaves for a sweet thing 50 Semi professional 52 Get by on thin ice 53 “Rubber Capital of the World” 54 Cast supporter 57 Rash reaction 58 Robin Cook’s first major thriller 59 ___ nomine 63 AC unit 64 Age-old abbr.

65 Affirmative heard at Mayport

Work one’s way up Fire starters Rx chain Soap or Threepenny Fairway dampness Afterlife vessel for those left behind Chapter 11 issue Golfers’ headwear Baker’s dozen Tin ___ NAS Jax, for one Be outstanding Romanov ruler Bewitching bunch Johnny Cash’s “boy” Nae sayer ____been

Solution to 5.04.16 Puzzle B R A S T O R C U N F R A C H E M B I C S P R E U N T A P N E D E A R O R G P I G S T O E S D R E

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S S H U I E N P E S R E T A D F U R R E A Y A M E E R A U N P E T W

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A H A N A D A T W O S A R C T I N O O I S T L E D T U T E M O W O B O E G L I A R E R D Y R A S E

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36 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | MAY 11-17, 2016

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Russian writer Anton Chekhov was renowned for the crisp, succinct style of his short stories and plays.

As he evolved, his pithiness grew. “I now have a mania for shortness,” he wrote. “Whatever I read — my own work, or other people’s — it all seems to me not short enough.” Make Chekhov your patron saint for a while.

According to my analysis of the astrological omens, you’re in a phase when your personal power feeds on terse efficiency. You thrive on being vigorously concise, focused and devoted to the crux of every matter.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Creativity is intelligence having fun.” Approximately 30,000 sites on the Internet attribute that to iconic genius Albert Einstein. But my research strongly suggests he didn’t actually say it. Who did?

Doesn’t matter. For this horoscope’s purpose, there are just two essential points. First, for the foreseeable future, your supreme law of life should be “creativity is intelligence having fun.” Second, it’s not enough to cavort and improvise, and it’s not enough to be discerning and observant. Be all those things.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Western culture, the peacock is a symbol of vanity. When we see the bird display its stunning array of iridescent feathers, we might think it’s lovely, but may also mutter, “What a show-off.”

Other traditions have treated the peacock as a purely positive emblem: an embodiment of hard-won and triumphant radiance. In Tibetan Buddhist myths, for example, its glorious plumage is said to be derived from its transmutation of the poisons it absorbs when it devours dangerous serpents. This version of the peacock is your power animal for now. Take full advantage of your ability to convert noxious situations and fractious emotions into beautiful assets.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Clear moments are so short,” opines poet Adam Zagajewski. “There is much more darkness. More ocean than terra firma. More shadow than form.” Even if it does indeed describe the course of ordinary life for most people, it does not apply to you. On the contrary. You’re in a phase that will bring an unusually high percentage of lucidity. The light shining from your eyes and thoughts coalescing in your brain will be extra pure and bright. In the world around you, there may be occasional patches of chaos and confusion, but your luminosity will guide you through.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “Dear Smart Operator: My name is Captain Jonathan Orances. I presently serve in the United Nations Assistance Mission in Afghanistan. I am asking for your help with the safekeeping of a trunk containing funds in the amount of $7.9 million, which I secured during our team’s raid of a poppy farmer in Kandahar Province. The plan is to ship the box to Luxembourg, and there a diplomat will deliver it to your designated location. When I return home on leave, I will take the trunk. You will be rewarded handsomely for your assistance. If you can be trusted, send me your details. Best regards, Captain Jonathan Orances.” You may receive a tempting but risky offer like this in the near future. Turn it down. If you do, a somewhat less interesting but far less risky offer will come.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Some things need to be fixed, others to be left broken,” writes poet James Richardson. The coming weeks are an ideal time to make final decisions about which are which in your life. Are there relationships, dreams and structures that are either too damaged to salvage or undeserving of your hard labor? Consider the possibility to abandon them for good. Are there relationships, dreams and structures cracked, but possible to repair and worthy of your diligent love?

Revive or reinvent them.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Once a year, it’s healthy and wise to make an ultimate confession, to express everything you regret and bemoan in one cathartic swoop, then be free of its subliminal nagging for another year. The days ahead are a perfect time for this. For inspiration, read an excerpt from Jeanann Vernee’s “Genetics of Regret”: “I’m sorry I lied. Sorry I drew the picture of the dead cat. I’m sorry about the stolen tampons and the nest of mice in the stove. I’m sorry about the slashed window screens. I’m sorry it took 36 years to say this. Sorry that all I can do is worry what happens next. Sorry for the weevils and the dead grass. Sorry I vomited in the wash drain. Sorry I left.

Sorry I came back. I’m sorry it comes like this. Flood and undertow.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): According to British podcast series “No Such Thing as a Fish,” there were only a few satisfying connubial relationships in late 18th-century England.

One publication at that time declared, of the country’s 872,564 married couples, just nine were truly happy.

Is the percentage is higher for modern twosomes?

My reading of the astrological omens suggests that you Scorpios will have an unusually good chance of cultivating vibrant intimacy in the coming weeks.

Take advantage of this grace period.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Some days I feel like playing it smooth,” says a character in Raymond Chandler’s short story Trouble Is My Business, “and some days I feel like playing it like a waffle iron.” Sagittarians will be in the latter phase until at least May 24. It won’t be prime time for silky strategies, glossy gambits and velvety victories. You’ll be better able to take advantage of fate’s fabulous farces if you’re geared up for edgy lessons, challenges and intricate motifs.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Author Rebecca Solnit says when she pictures herself as she was at age 15, “I see flames shooting up, see myself falling off the edge of the world, and am amazed I survived not the outside world but the inside one.” Let that serve as an inspiration.

Now is a great time to celebrate the heroic, messy, improbable victories of your past. You’re ready and ripe to honor the crazy intelligence and dumb luck that guided you as you fought to overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. You have a right and a duty to congratulate yourself for the suffering you escaped and inner demons you vanquished.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “To regain patience, learn to love the sour, the bitter, the salty, the clear.” Poet James Richardson wrote that wry advice. If you enhance your appreciation for the sour, the bitter, the salty, and the clear, you not only regain patience, but generate unexpected opportunities. You tonify your mood, beautify your attitude, and deepen your gravitas.

Invite and welcome the lumpy and the dappled, my dear. Seek out the tangy, the smoldering, the soggy, the spunky, the chirpy, the gritty, and an array of other experiences you may have previously kept at a distance.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.” That’s from a Coleman Barks’ translation of a poem by 13th-century Islamic scholar and mystic known as Rumi. This epigram is a key theme during the next 12 months. You will be invited to shed a host of wishy-washy wishes to become strong and smart enough to go in quest of a few burning, churning yearnings. Ready to sacrifice the mediocre in service to the sublime?

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD DID GOD BRING THE RETINOL?

The eye-catching Vietnamese model and Playboy (Venezuela edition) Playmate Angie Vu complained to the New York Daily News in April that her five-plus months in jail in Brooklyn have been “torture” and “cruel” because of her lack of access to beauty care. Vu is fighting extradition to France for taking her 9-year-old daughter in violation of the father’s custody claim; she’s locked up until a federal judge rules. Among her complaints: “turning pale” in the “harsh light”; lack of “Guerlain’s moisturizer”; inability to look at herself for months (glass mirrors are prohibited); and “worrying” about being hit on by “lesbians” (thus causing “wrinkles”). At least, she told the reporter, she’s found God in jail and passes time reading the Bible.

GET THEM STARTED EARLY

England’s Brighton and Hove City Council, striving to be progressive, issued a directive to parents of new school students (kids as young as 4) calling on them to mark the gender identity they prefer — noting that any child who identifies as other than male or female should leave the space blank and consult with officials individually. Critics, according to The Sun, said the school should be for “developing” such identities without the necessity of declaring them so early in life.

WHAT THE WORLD IS COMING TO

In Charlotte, North Carolina, in April, when Jaden Malone, 12, came to his bullied friend’s aid, was knocked down himself and repeatedly punched in the head by the bully, and pushed the boy off him to avoid further damage — but was suspended for three days by his charter school Invest Collegiate. A school official pointed out the bully got five days, and besides, the policy against “all” physical violence is clear. After having Jaden treated for a concussion, his mother promptly withdrew him from the school.

VICTIM BLAMING

Ms. Madi Barney, 20, courageously publicly reported her own rape accusation recently in Provo, Utah, and as a result has been disciplined as a student at Brigham Young University for allegedly violating the school’s “honor code.” She’s barred from withdrawing from courses or re-registering. Whether the

sex was consensual must be investigated by Provo police, but BYU officials said they heard enough to charge Barney with the sin of premarital sex. Critics decried the advantage BYU gives rapists of BYU females — since the women face the additional fear of university reprisals irrespective of the criminal case.

DID GOD BRING THE DEFIBRILLATOR?

Idaho’s law protecting fundamentalist faith healers regained prominence in the case of Mariah Walton, 20, who was born with a routinely repairable heart defect but who received only prayer and herbs because of her parents’ religious rejection of doctors. Walton’s now-irreversible damage leaves her frail and dependent on portable oxygen, and she’ll likely need lung and heart transplants to survive.

Idaho and five other states immunize parents from criminal prosecution if they reject medical care on the ground of religious teachings.

DID GOD BRING SANITY?

Christian political activist David Barton told his “WallBuilders” radio audience that Disney’s anthropomorphic characters (e.g., Bambi) are simply gateways to kids’ learning Babylonian pagan worship. Brooklyn, New York, “prophet” Yakim Manasseh Jordan told followers he’s arranged with God to bring people back from the dead if they — cheerfully — offer a “miracle favor cloud” of gifts as low as $1,000. James David Manning, chief pastor of Atlah Worldwide Missionary Church in Harlem, in a recent online sermon, stepped up his usual anti-gay rhetoric, warning “sodomites” that God would soon send flames “coming out of your butthole.” A gay and transgender support group is fundraising to buy Atlah’s building and set up a shelter.

LOVE HANGOVER

The Tap Inn bar in Billings, Montana, released April 11 surveillance video of the armed robbery staged by two men and a woman (still on the lam), showing two liplocked customers at the bar, lost in affectionate embrace during the entire crime, seemingly oblivious of danger.

The robbers, perhaps impressed by the couple’s passion, ignored them — even while emptying the cash register just a few feet away.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

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PASSED YOU AT LUNCH Me: Going to lunch, bright teal dress shirt, said hello.

You: Walking other way; very pretty young lady, flowery top, blonde hair, said howdy. Exchanged glances; looked back, you were gone. I should have said something. When: May 4. Where: Devry University Concourse Café. #1605-0511 BEAUTIFUL WEST VIRGINIAN You: Tan BBW, three mixed kids, WVU tank top, American flag tattoo on back. Me: Overall cutoffs, American flag tattoo on neck, Gator T-shirt. You offered snuff. Nervous, I refused. Like to dip in you in my single-wide. When: April 8. Where: Collins Road Trailer Park. #1604-0413 MY TRAILER PARK QUEEN Me: Long hair, tats, white shirt, sippin’ a Bud Lite with my pops. You: Prego, kid on each hip, also drinking a Bud Lite, puffin’ a Winston. Let’s get drunk; lemme put another one in the oven. When: April 3. Where: Ramona Flea Market Beer Garden. #1603-0406 ACCIDENTALLY PUBLIC MAKEOUT You: Adorably nerdy guy, incredible hands. Me: Petite (younger) fashionista, completely enchanted. Madeout like teenagers in Starbucks parking lot before realizing patio full of people could see. I’d do it again without changing a thing! When: March 20. Where: Starbucks. #1602-0330 COME DELIVER PIZZA AGAIN! Me: Male in jeans, navy polo, bumbled over receipt.

You: Male, delivered Pizza Hut to my door. I didn’t say much, but would’ve liked to! When: March 12. Where: My condo near The Avenues. #1601-0316 LISTENING PUNK ROCK IN TRUCK You: Blue/black truck, 8 p.m. I came out, you turned radio up so I’d look; you flashed best grin. Sandy, maybe curly hair, bright eyes, that dang smile!

Who ARE you? Gotta know. When: March 7. Where: Welcome Food Mart, St. Augustine. #1600-0316 TIJUANA FLATS DROPPED SODA SHERRY? You: Fletcher lacrosse sweatshirt; dropped soda, came back. Me: Waiting too patiently for table, talking to you while you waited for takeout. (Insert cheesy line here, preferably including queso.) Single? Let’s grab a drink. When: Feb. 23. Where: Hodges Tijuana Flats. #1599-0316 GANESH TATTOOED HOT BLONDE GODDESS Ball cap. Thanks for letting me take pic of adorable Ganesh on your beautiful arm! I was totally intrigued, want to connect over chai sometime. The pic got overwhelming likes on IG! When: Feb. 27. Where: SeaWalk Pavilion Jax Beach. #1598-0309 SCRUBS FROM ST. V @ PUBLIX We checked out same time; you had St. V lanyard, pinenuts (or similar), yogurt, other things. Handsome!

I was too shy to say anything; regret not speaking when I left parking lot. When: Feb. 18. Where: Publix Riverside. #1597-0224 LOVE THY NEIGHBOR Sharp-dressed man getting out of blue car to check mail. Me: Dark hair, blue eyes. Speechless at such a good-looking man in the complex. Your building’s somewhere in the 20s. Let’s do some neighborhood loving?! ;) When: Feb. 16. Where: Green Tree Place Apartments. #1596-0224 MY ANSWER IS YES You: Very shy. Me: Waiting by the phone. Please call again sometime; I really love your voice! I don’t have your number or I’d text you like I used to. That was fun, wasn’t it? When: Feb. 11.

Where: Telephone line. #1595-0217

ENAMORADA DE TI... Cada vez que puedo me escapo y regreso a donde tu y yo nos vimos por primera vez. Tu: Alto, distinguido. Yo: Chiquita, ojos grandes. Tu tenias un Polo negro, con tu pelo canoso muy buena combinacion.

Espero seguirte viendo para siempre. When: Hoy, manana, siempre. Where: En mis suenos. #1594-0217 PIERCED GIRL WITH DOG You: White SUV, cool shirt, septum piercing, pitbull Scout with heartworm. Me: Guy dressed too warmly for cold morning, bull mastiff.

You tried to talk; I’d been awake 20 minutes. Thinking about missed chance. Let’s meet. When: Feb. 9.

Where: Baymeadows Animal Hospital. #1593-0217 TANGO FOR TWO Dance Shack free lesson night.

You: Brunette, cute smile, gray booties. Me: Tall, dark eyes, black V-neck. You wanted to stay and tango; didn’t hear you. My friend told me later! Offer still stand? Lesson’s on me. When: Feb. 5. Where: Dance Shack. #1592-0217 RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE You: Looking fine, dressed sharp in sweater vest for Bible study. Me: In church parking lot, to go to Firehouse; did triple-take when I saw you. You make this girl want to go back to church. When: Jan. 27. Where: Southside Baptist Church parking lot. #1591-0217 YOU: THE FIRE First saw you at Fat Kat, September 2003. You: Most beautiful woman I’d ever seen; still most gorgeous woman I know, my heart’s desire.

Cannot wait for our lips to reunite! I love you most!

Love, M.P. When: 2003. Where: Fat Cat. #1590-0217 PRETTY SMILE SAW U TWICE You: Blonde, pretty smile; 4:30 p.m. Me: Black cowboy hat; cold outside. You smiled at me (think it was me) passing by. Passed again, smiling, caught off-guard. Love to know you! When: Jan. 23. Where: Publix@Southside/Touchton. #1589-0217 HAD ME AT GO ’NOLES! Seminole/Armada games, losing beer pong, Pub subs, laughs, cheek kisses = last “first date” I want. You stole my heart; don’t want it back. The start of something sweet? Say you agree; stay forever! When: Oct. 3, ’15. Where: The Garage/ Baseball Grounds. #1587-0120 WATER AISLE You: Commented on water price; beautiful blond hair, jeans, sweater, very warm and kind. Me: Gray hair, blue eyes, shirt, jeans. We both drink coffee; would love to share a cup with you.

When: Jan. 9, morning. Where: Walmart@foursquare/ U.S. 1 & Southside. #1586-0113 CHAMBLINS CHAMPION You had two enormous boxes of books. I held the door open for you. You: Blonde hair, glasses, great smile. Me: Tall, blonde.

Would love to discuss literature sometime! When: Dec. 29. Where: Chamblins Uptown. #1585-0106 WELCOME TO ME! You: Tall, dress shirt, tie. I walked by to get your attention; you were on Bible app on phone. Please come back next Sunday, and I will try again. When: Jan. 3. Where: Moe’s @ Avenues. #1584-0106 NEED TLC You: Raven-haired nurse; funky glasses, chatting with co-worker. Me: Curiously smitten; backpack, sling; visiting pre-op over year ago, saw you eating fresh. We have some FB friends in common. Who are you? When: Oct. ’14 & now. Where: St. Vincent’s Subway/FB. #1583-0106 RIDE TOPLESS TOGETHER You: Sexy, dark, handsome, ballcap, BMW convertible. Me: Hot pink, caramel-covered sweetness, MB convertible. Pressed horn, blew a kiss. Like real one in woods? Know where I am. When: Dec. 26. Where: Leaving UNF Nature Trails. #1582-1230 MAY 11-17, 2016 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37

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