2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3
4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
THIS WEEK // 9.16-9.22.15 // VOL. 29 ISSUE 25 COVER STORY
CRUEL & [14] UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT BY JULIE GEISENBURG DELEGAL Even though SHELBY FARAH’S brutal murder occurred two years ago, the pretrial motions on behalf of her accused murderer are only now getting underway.
cover photo by DENNIS HO
FEATURED ARTICLES
CAN THIS RIVER BE SAVED?
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BY SUSAN COOPER EASTMAN Advocates for the ST. JOHNS are waiting to learn where the mayor stands
ONE MAN’S VIEW [13] FROM THE STREETS
THE COSMIC PUPPETS
BY CLAIRE GOFORTH Military veteran blogs about his experiences of HOMELESSNESS
BY DANIEL A. BROWN Extraterrestrials, Christian Science, and ventriloquist’s dummies are all welcome in the realm of DAVID LIEBE HART
COLUMNS + CALENDARS OUR PICKS 6 MAIL 9 BRICKBATS & BOUQUETS 9 FIGHTIN’ WORDS 10 NEWS 11 FILM 22
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EDITORIAL
EDITOR • Matthew B. Shaw mshaw@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com / ext. 128 WRITERS-AT-LARGE Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com Derek Kinner dkinner@folioweekly.com CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Brenton Crozier, Julie Delegal, Jordan Ferrell, AG Gancarski, Claire Goforth, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Keith Marks, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Jeff Meyers, Greg Parlier, Kara Pound, Kathryn Schoettler, Chuck Shepherd VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry
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PUBLISHER Sam Taylor staylor@folioweekly.com / ext. 111 SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGERS Kathrin Lancelle klancelle@folioweekly.com ext. 124 • Downtown, Riverside, Northside, San Marco ACCOUNT MANAGERS Lauren McPherson laurenm@folioweekly.com ext. 130 • Mandarin, Orange Park Todd Rykaczewski toddr@folioweekly.com ext. 127 • Beaches, Ponte Vedra ASSOCIATE ACCOUNT MANAGERS CJ Allen callen@folioweekly.com Minnda Fulmer mfulmer@folioweekly.com Kai Kester kkester@folioweekly.com FOLIO WEEKLY IS PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY THROUGHOUT NORTHEAST FLORIDA. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication. Folio Weekly welcomes editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received two weeks in advance of event date. Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2015. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free issue copy per person. Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability. First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly. Folio Weekly is printed on recycled paper using soy-based inks. 25,000 press run. Audited weekly readership 97,085.
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Our Picks
Reasons to leave the house this week
LE FOOTBALL CHAUD! JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS vs. MIAMI
DOLPHINS Well, football season has formally begun and the kid gloves are finally off. Which begs the question, why in the hell are you stretching out your kids’ gloves? There’s a pill for that. Anyway, this weekend the hometown NFLers Jacksonville Jaguars will clobber the Miami Dolphins – be there and yell. 4:05 p.m. Sept. 20, EverBank Field, Downtown, $42$470, ticketmaster.com. In celebration of this glorious occasion, The Elbow Tailgate Party, a football-fan event-package, is the chance to party at four participating locations Downtown, featuring a ticket to the game, parking, transportation to-and-from EverBank Field, and when you get back to The Elbow, even more revelry. Hydrate! Tailgate begins at noon, $100-$130, details at theelbowjax.com/tailgate.
AComeREAL ’HOOD TIME CRUX COLLECTIVE RELAUNCH BLOCK PARTY celebrate the splendor that is Springfield with this daylong event, featuring live music and performances by Who Rescued Who (pictured), Canary in the Coalmine, Sea Cycles, Gee-Ella & Foreign, Urethra Franklin, Kristopher Byerly, Strangerwolf, Willie Evans Jr., Jazz Torez, Josh Gaston, Hause Party, MF Goonz, and Twinki, along with live printing by artists Overstreet Ducasse and Chip Southworth. Also, did we mention food trucks?! 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Sept. 19, The Birdhouse, Springfield, free for all ages; $25 VIP includes open bar & swagbags, crux904.com.
YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING TANGO LOVERS
There are two things we Folio Weekly staffers simply love: artisanal fried bologna sandwiches, tango dancing, and basic math. The production Tango Lovers, highlighting one of our carnal passions, features a renowned cast of dancers, musicians, and singers, all celebrating the “forbidden” South American dance (a pope banned it in the early 20th century). Note: The show is BYOFBS (we kid; please do not bring any fried bologna sandwiches to the venue). 8:30 p.m. Sept. 19, Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater, Downtown, $35-$85, ticketmaster.com.
LÉ MÉTH
ONE MAN BREAKING BAD (THE UNAUTHORIZED PARODY)
Talk about a “speed”-y performance! A self-described “Breaking Baddict,” in his one-man show, One Man Breaking Bad (The Unauthorized Parody), L.A.-based actor Miles Allen parodies all 60 episodes of the groundbreaking TV series, Breaking Bad, including impersonations of all main characters, well, so you don’t have to. 7 p.m. Sept. 21, Jack Rabbits, San Marco, $20 advance; $25 day of, jaxlive.com.
6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
MEGATON THRASH TOXIC HOLOCAUST
Toxic Holocaust are a kind of an updated version of the old-school NYC thrash of Nuclear Assault, or, closer to home, the behemoth wallop of their fellow Portland, Oregon-bred HC thrash ancestors, Poison Idea. Formed in 1999 by guitarist-vocalist Joel Grind, over the years Toxic Holocaust have appeared on more than 30 releases featuring their potent take on the realm of mosh pit-directed melodies. 7:30 p.m. Sept. 17 with Lord Dying, 1904 Music Hall, Downtown, $12, 1904musichall.com.
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7
FROM THE EDITOR
ARE THE SHIPYARDS READY, YET?
LAST WEEK, I WAS IN SAN FRANCISCO, A CITY in which I spent the majority of my 20s trying to make enough money to keep pace with soaring rent prices. Though the vistas remain unmatched and the energy of the city is still fucking intoxicating, I took note of the looks of desperation on the faces of friends still there, as they talked about the possibility of landlords raising their rents, or how impractical those high rent prices make the proposition of moving in with a significant other. But the food. And the coffee. And those views. And that weather. I’ve been gone for one year, two months, and five days. But who’s counting? Do I miss it? Every day. Can I afford it? Not unless Google provides the seed funding for our A&E editor Dan Brown’s Vern-Troyer Locater iPhone App (in which I’ve invested most of my discretionary income). Besides the much-maligned tech-bros, the only other people who aren’t sweating San Francisco’s unprecedented prosperity are city officials. Tax revenues are way up and big money investors are battling to raise any undeveloped parcel the Bay Area’s got left. An interesting article in Sunday’s New York Times looked at the push by the owners of the NBA champion Golden State Warriors to build a new arena and multiuse property on one of the last remaining waterfront parcels within the city of San Francisco. The owner/developers face opposition from nearby businesses due to traffic and other somewhat extraneous concerns, but ultimately they will get their way and their entertainment complex will be built. The fascinating aspect of this story, which concerns an enormous investment in a brandspanking-new sports arena is that, unlike Nationals Park in D.C., “Jerry’s World” in Dallas, or the video screens and peepee pools here in Jax, the developers will finance the project without the help of taxpayer dollars. What a novel idea! Certainly, the Bay Area differs from Northeast Florida in many substantial ways. However, as you may have heard, Jacksonville has a few undeveloped waterfront parcels of her own. The most attractive girl in the room is called “the Shipyards” and if you’ve heard of her, it’s likely because of Jaguars owner Shad Khan’s proposal to redevelop it. Back in February, Khan wowed Northeast Floridians with his vision for a mixed-use development on the property, even earning plaudits from my predecessor, who called it “slick-as-shit” (if you know Jeff Billman, you know that’s high praise). The Shipyards, for the time being, is owned by the city. Khan’s project bested two other laughable proposals, which means he’s first in line to take the property off our hands. 8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
But we have to clean it up first. And how much will that cost? The city has already set aside $13 million and Mayor Lenny Curry has asked for another $17 million or so to clean up what’s become a toxic hellscape. In addition, according to the initial term sheet submitted by Iguana Investments, the city will also be responsible for prepping the site with necessary infrastructure like potable water, fire protection, stormwater conveyance and treatment and unnecessary improvements like a dock for a big, decommissioned military ship. Is this fair? Well, we don’t really have a choice. While, yes, the Shipyards is technically a waterfront property adjacent to the urban core of a large American city (some would call that appealing), unless hazmat suits become trendy (the humidity here makes that unlikely), the property will have no suitors. And though negotiations are going slowly, this thing looks like it might get done. Developing the city’s waterfront properties was one of the reasons the Downtown Investment Authority’s CEO Aundra Wallace, who’s been in negotiations with Iguana for months now, came here in the first place, telling Folio Weekly in July, “the opportunity to work more on waterfront projects was really enticing to me.” The problem with the economics of taxpayer sports stadiums/events is that the tax revenues gained from increased economic activity virtually never offset the tax money invested on the front end. In the case of an NFL stadium, the opportunity to host events outside of the 10 home football games (nine at EverBank Field but, again, who’s counting?) are few and far between. However, while the Shipyards project has been proposed by an NFL franchise owner, it’s not a sports stadium. It’s a mixed-use development that portends to offer restaurants, entertainment, office space and opportunities for other taxable activities. During the Alvin Brown administration, one of the reasons city leaders made Downtown investment a priority was that thriving, economically vibrant urban centers inevitably stimulate tax revenue (Downtown Jacksonville used to represent 13 percent of the city’s tax base, it’s now less than five). From the initial projections of what it will cost taxpayers to get this project underway — around $30 million of which we’d have to pay, anyway (stupid pollution) — it looks like a pretty good deal. Besides, if Khan’s plan includes a hotel, we’ll have an opportunity to recoup that $45 million in bed taxes we gave to him for big screens and peepee pools. Matthew B. Shaw mshaw@folioweekly.com matthew_b_shaw
THE MAIL MORE DELUSIONS OF PERSECUTION
RE: “DELUSIONS OF PERSECUTION,” AUG. 26 by Matthew B. Shaw Strictly speaking, there is no persecution of Christians in this country such as happened in Rome and the communist countries, just as County Clerk Kim Shaw’s actions are not homophobic which, translated from Latin, means fear of homosexuals. There should be a different word for her position and a different word for what is happening to Christians, especially Catholics (of which I am one) in this country. I am forced to contribute to Planned Parenthood (PP) through my taxes, at gunpoint, if it comes to that, an organization of such vileness that it should turn the stomach of every human being. Mr. Shaw, perhaps you and your skeptic, Paul Waldman, in this matter can come up with an alternative word. The recent horrifying revelations aside, unpublicized has been that PP has been as racist an organization as the Ku Klux Klan. It was the stated objective of PP founder Margaret Sanger to eliminate the genetically unfit from the human pool through selective breeding. Among her unfit were blacks, Hispanics, the retarded, the insane, anyone with a venereal disease and women who had children out of wedlock. She stated that only about 13 percent of Americans should be permitted to have children. She once spoke at a KKK meeting and called blacks “weeds and reckless breeders.” She had a program, the Negro Project, to eliminate American blacks by enlisting their ministers to endorse birth control programs, but she urged her followers not to let them know the purpose. She wrote a letter of admiration to Adolf Hitler on his infanticide program and her Birth Control Review inspired the hierarchy of his National German Socialist Workers’ Party. So, Mr. Shaw, why should I or any decent American have to subsidize Planned Parenthood? And what word would you use to describe it? Or does the fact that Margaret Sanger is considered one of the great progressives of our history shield her and PP from examination and mandate PP’s subsidies? If Kim Davis’ actions are homophobic, why isn’t this persecution? Roderick T. Beaman via email
ARE YOU TRYING TO BAIT ME INTO TALKING ABOUT TWILIGHT?
RE: “DELUSIONS OF PERSECUTION,” AUG. 26 by Matthew B. Shaw Where is the empirical evidence of LGBTQ individuals being discriminated against in our city? Many anecdotal stories have been told and situations have been alleged related to employment, housing, and hate crimes. To wit,
who in Mayport denied housing to a lesbian? Who are the employers that fi red gay youth that resulted in their homelessness? From which company was a Mr. Vandygriff dismissed since its clients complained about him being gay? Who are the recruits that the Haskell Company lost out on for jobs? Which daycare center booted children since their parents are lesbians? If one asserts something, they should be able to present facts and proof – handwritten, audio, or video – that support their claim. A developing trend in works of fiction is a concept called the informed attribute. An informed attribute is an abuse of storytelling that occurs when the author gets lazy and, instead of demonstrating that a character has a certain characteristic, simply informs the audience that they do. So, for example, consider that in the Twilight novels, we are told that Bella is a loner who is older than her years – except she is always surrounded by friends whom she can’t seem to get enough of, and she has a teenager-like obsession with a certain boyish vampire. These are informed attributes. Lately, there has been a depressing tendency for the informed attribute to migrate from fi ction to activism and advocacy. Despite there being no evidence for these attributes, activists will simply repeat them as if they were true and hope that incurious, unsuspecting citizens will go along. When the city of Atlantic Beach passed its HRO, not one, single, actual resident of Atlantic Beach presented testimony that he or she was discriminated against due to their LGBTQ lifestyle. Yet activists – including Maria Mark – would have everyone believe that it was widespread. Having worked for several employers here for nearly 30 years, it’s clear that most, if not all of them, are LGBTQ-friendly, not only to their employees, but to their customers as well. Sure, there are episodes of individual hate, name-calling, and mean-spiritedness due to ignorance and immaturity, but from an institutional standpoint, most businesses have great respect for the LGBTQ community, as evidenced by widespread employee affinity groups devoted to them. As such, what company would dare to fire someone, or not hire somebody, due to his or her sexual orientation? Thus, is this form of discrimination so pervasive that it requires a special law of protection, a law that could in fact encroach on the protected rights of businesses and property owners? I think not and believe that our city, her citizens, businesses, and civic organizations are actually quite inclusive. Steve Holder via email If you would like to respond to something that appeared in the pages of Folio Weekly, please send an email (with your name, address and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com.
BRICKBATS & BOUQUETS BOUQUETS TO THE SAN MARCO THEATRE AND WHOLE FOODS MARKET JACKSONVILLE The two partnered up on Sept. 13 to screen the documentary Fed Up, which chronicles the rise of childhood obesity in America. The event was an opportunity to raise funds for the Whole Kids Foundation, which has already signed on to bring garden programs and salad bars to 12 area schools. BRICKBATS TO SAVE THE ARTS INC. and TWO VETERANS ON A MISSION According to The Florida Times Union, founders of two local nonprofits collaborated to organize a pub-crawl-fundraiser in which attendees were charged $10-$15 intended to go toward art and music programs in area schools. However, neither the founders of Save the Arts Inc. (Steven R. Thornton and Patricia Cochran) or Paul E. Gregg III (of Two Veterans on a Mission) can account for the money and not a single dime from the event has been contributed to local schools. KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A PROVERBIAL BRICKBAT? Send your submissions to mail@ folioweekly.com. Submissions should be a maxium of 50 words and directed toward a person, place, or topic of local interest.
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9
FIGHTIN’ WORDS
CORRINE GIVES DCPS DROP SLIP
REP. BROWN threatens suit if boundary change plans pushed through THE MESSAGE, AS EVER: CORRINE BROWN DOES NOT PLAY. We need a periodic reminder of this. We saw it during the campaign, when she attempted, by sheer force of will and PAC, to push Alvin Brown to reelection despite best efforts of the Florida Democratic Party. We saw it during the redistricting debacle this summer, when she let it be known that she would block any adverse move to her political interests in a court of law or, if necessary, even move to Orlando to run. And we saw it last week at the Duval County Public Schools Board workshop on proposed boundary changes affecting high schools of Raines, Ribault, Jackson, and their feeder programs. That was when Brown, who reminds me more of my grandmother in the Appalachian mountains than any politician
the kind of robust community activism that Corrine Brown brings with her, it would have proceeded without debate. The board was in favor of the proposal, 6-0, a week before, with moves being made to expedite the timeframe. After Brown spoke, the mood shifted, from Let’s Ride to Slow Your Roll. “I’m not happy with what I’m hearing,” said Congresswoman Corrine Brown. “Education is not a business.” Brown urged that “you wouldn’t have these problems [of student attrition] if you had more innovative programming in schools.” “Community schools are important to our community. Our community needs intensive care, and you’re not providing it,” Brown added. “I’m your partner, but we’re not on the same team right now. The people I represent aren’t happy,” Brown continued.
ever, took the elevator to the sixth floor, took a seat next to me, and quietly waited her turn to dismantle the best laid plans of Superintendent Dr. Nikolai Vitti and the School Board before hopping a plane to Washington, D.C. Heading into Tuesday’s almost-five-hour session, the official expectation was that the process, including community discussion, and a binding vote on the boundary changes, would be wrapped by February, expediting changes in time for the 2016-’17 school year. Not so fast, my friend. The reason for the boundary changes: Andrew Jackson High School is an underutilized school, and Vitti’s plan would relocate its students to Ribault and Raines, turning Jackson into a magnet school rather than the neighborhood school it’s been for nearly nine decades; it opened in 1927. The geographical readjustment is necessary, says Dr. Vitti. “Even if you create dynamic programs,” Vitti said, there are “not enough children to fill the seats.” The schools in the urban core, which are intended to accommodate 150,000 people, are at most 80 percent full. Charter schools are cannibalizing them. “We are functioning already in a two-tier system,” Vitti added, and to that end “longterm and short-term” remedies are required. Vitti’s list of proposed changes was typically ambitious, and in a vacuum without 10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
photo by AG Gancarski
“I’m not happy with any of you … we’re HEADED TO COURT.” Then, the coup de grâce. “I’m not happy with any of you … we’re headed to court,” Brown said, if this goes through. “This is serious; no one is playing with you.” Drop the mike and catch the flight. A visibly exercised Nikolai Vitti, after Brown left the room, talked of how he didn’t need to do this. How the status quo, the path of least resistance, was the easiest course. He got support from some of the school board members. However, there was a general mood that the community deserved more time to discuss and process the changes, which struck those from the old neighborhoods in a visceral way Superintendent Vitti hadn’t anticipated. In the end, it’s likely the process will be improved with added deliberation and input. The community will have more time to process the changes. That added time will come at a cost, however. Perhaps delaying grant money. Perhaps leading to another year of inefficient use of resources, of commitment to a path that has not succeeded. That’s not, of course, Corrine Brown’s problem. She came, she saw, she kicked ass, and she left. The toughest politician in NE Florida right now, with more brass and moxie than most of the others combined. AG Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski
NEWS
ENTER THE DRAGON Jacksonville Dragon Boat Club COACH MARTY hopes team can breathe fire on the competition
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, DRAGON BOAT RACING is one of the fastest-growing sports in the world. It’s a big deal in the Far East (where it originated) and Pacific Rim nations. In the United States, it’s catching on less as a fad and more as a serious sport, with high-stakes competitions that are grueling and intense. A dragon boat is a 42-foot-long canoe with 10 rows of seats, each of which holds two paddlers, for a total of 20. A drummer facing the rowers urges the crew forward from the bow (front) while another member stands at the aft (rear), keeping the boat on course with a steering oar. The first dragon boats, locally, were purchased by Jeri Millard’s In the Pink, a nonprofit boutique for women fighting cancer. They are used as support groups for cancer survivors, getting them healthy through a connection to nature and creating a sense of camaraderie and community. On Saturday, Sept. 26, the third annual Fidelity Investments Jacksonville Dragon Boat Festival takes place at The Landing. Nearly 40 crews from around the country will paddle down (up?) the St. Johns River. Folio Weekly spoke with Marty Millard, Jeri’s husband and head coach for the Jacksonville Dragon Boat Club. Folio Weekly: What are the origins of dragon boat racing? Marty Millard: Myth has it that in the Far East, around 2,000 years ago, while a priest was drowning, the local village fishermen ran to their boats and dashed out in an attempt to save him. This original dragon boat race has been reproduced annually as a commemorative celebration of this tragic event. What is your connection to dragon boats? I’ve been a dragon boat paddler and coach for a little over three-and-a-half years now and recently returned from Welland, Canada, where the 2015 International Dragon Boat Federation Nations World Championships were held. I was a member of the USA Senior B (over 49) national crew and we walked away with three bronze medals. Our club operates out of Beach Marine on Beach Boulevard where it crosses the Intracoastal Waterway. We provide recreational and competitive paddling opportunities for everyone interested in dragon boating. For those looking to enhance their dragon boating skills, we just opened our new Dragon Boat Training Center providing a great place to train year round, even during the winter months. In the training center, our certified trainers lead courses for rowing ERGs and various types of
interval training with and without weights. How does Jacksonville’s dragon boat culture compare with other cities? Do other cities do anything special to the boats? Several Florida cities have large dragon boat centers including Miami, Tampa, and The Villages. Jacksonville’s festival is among the largest conducted in Florida and our clubs are making names for themselves in the competitive world of dragon boating. What’s the future of dragon boats? Olympics? Dragon boating continues growing and festivals, such as the one we are having on Sept. 26, are all over the Southeast. The Philippines are trying to get dragon boat racing included in their potential 2024 Olympics, as it would enhance their potential for medals for them as the host country. There are issues that need to be addressed, including the huge number of athletes involved on a dragon boat crew, which has 26 individuals. How important is it for all rowers on the boat to get along and actually like each other? Dragon boating is a team sport and therefore it is extremely important, especially at the competitive level, that every paddler has complete faith in the other paddlers. Every crew member has to pull their own weight, their portion of the boat’s weight, and as much more as possible. It’s this extra effort that increases the speed of the boat during a race. These 20 paddlers have to execute each stroke as a single paddle, catching the water smoothly and at precisely the same time, driving the paddle back with the same velocity and for the same period of time, then exiting the water rapidly, cleanly and together to allow the boat to run as smoothly, quickly, and as far as possible, while the crew is recovering and prepping for their next stroke. If the crew doesn’t gel and operate as one, the boat will not perform at its maximum effectiveness and others will have an opening to leave them behind. Where should aspiring dragon boat crew members go for more information? Anyone interested in trying dragon boating out should go to our website, JacksonvilleDragonBoatClub.com. We invite anyone interested to come out and paddle with us a couple times for free to see if you’d like to join. Once you decide to join, minimal monthly dues are requested to cover club operating expenses. Keith Marks mail@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11
JAGCITY
WITH GUS, WE BUST? When does the THREE-YEAR PLAN bear fruit?
I
t’s hard not to like Jaguars Head Coach Gus Bradley, but you know who’s starting to wonder about his job security long-term? Some folks in the local media. The media has, more or less, given him a wide berth on his three-year plan. Now it’s year three. And, if the season opener is any indication, year three could look a lot like year two. On Sunday, the pick six returned to Jacksonville; Bortles, who looked like he’d progressed in the preseason, reverted to previous form. The Bortles botch turned the game from a 10-9 defensive stalemate to a 17-9 uphill climb, which (just like last year, and the year before with Bodacious Blaine) meant that it was over. Luke Joeckel, who has taken criticism from everyone, made a brief cameo appearance in the game before tweaking his ankle. His replacement, Sam Young, might as well be Paul Young. His unique value add, in theory, is being able to play on the left and the right side. In practice, he made Jags fans think, “Well, Luke ain’t so bad.” And how about that new kicker? The four points he gave away, via a missed field goal and extra point, would have kept it a onepossession game until the end. Look for the Josh Scobee “Miss Me Yet?” billboards to show up on local thoroughfares if the new kicker repeats Sunday’s performance. TJ Yeldon looked fine. It would’ve been nice to see him, Denard, and Corey Grant featured on some high-percentage fl are passes. It would have also been nice to see the tight ends running routes. But that didn’t happen because the line was getting its ass kicked so hard that everyone had to stay in and block. After the game, Bradley sounded like a man who had more faith in his plan than anyone in the room. “I know we’ll grow through these things,” Bradley said. “I felt like we would execute better,” Bradley said. “But we just didn’t finish.” “I’m surprised we didn’t play better,” Bradley said. “I thought it would be more of a complete game,” Bradley added. “We could have played more consistent.” Bradley is surprised they didn’t play better? He thought it would be more complete? Well, at halftime it was 10-9. The whole second half of the home opener was dominated by a road team without a single decent wideout. Does a Bradley team ever come out of the locker room and win the second half? No. What usually happens is, the opponents tweak their game plan, and Bradley’s folks don’t. We saw the same thing with Jack Del Rio. Since Tom Coughlin was run out of town, what Jacksonville gets (aside from Mularkey) is an affable player’s coach type who is clearly goodhearted but whom no one will confuse with Vince Lombardi. Shad Khan is a stone-cold killer when he conducts business. Yet the Jaguars have languished under his ownership. The killer instinct that characterizes the union-busting Flex N Gate is absent from EverBank. Khan, a while back, talked about the money men in Jacksonville lacking mojo. Well, you know what’s black and teal and lacks mojo all over? Yup. AG Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com twitter/AGGancarski
12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
NEWS Advocates for the ST. JOHNS are waiting to learn where the mayor stands
CAN THIS RIVER BE SAVED? THE YEAR OF THE RIVER MAY HAVE BEEN A success as a cultural and marketing campaign. There have been stunning art exhibits, lectures on wild Florida and a 24-7 webcam trained on the water. And most everyone now would say, if asked, that Jacksonville’s greatest asset is the St. Johns River (along with the Atlantic Ocean, the attendant beaches and maybe Shad Khan). With a new mayor in office and 2015 winding to a close, however, and despite the year of celebration, the future of the St. Johns River seems ever more threatened. The mouth of the river will be blasted and the bottom dredged to make a deeper shipping channel, a move that the St. Johns Riverkeeper says is going to change the tidal flow into the river, increase the salinity and destroy marine habitats dependent on fresh water. Central Florida plans to pump more than 160 million gallons of water a day from it for its region’s drinking water in the future. Climate scientists at the University of Georgia are documenting how rising sea levels might swamp and destroy saltwater marshes. And despite improvements in treating wastewater and in controlling runoff, millions of pounds of nitrogen and phosphorous wash into and pollute the river every year. The St. Johns River needs a champion. Jacksonville’s new pro-business and projobs mayor Lenny Curry certainly has the political clout and connections, as past state Republican Party chair and favorite son of Jacksonville’s prince-making class, to make things happen. But when it comes to the St. Johns River, aside from the letter he sent opposing the withdrawal of millions of gallons of water from the river (an easy call and as inconsequential as passing a note), we aren’t sure yet what we have with the new mayor. Aside from Curry’s enthusiastic support for dredging the shipping channel and for trying to lure the new massive container ships to stop at Jacksonville’s port, Curry advertently and inadvertently dissembled the tenuous assemblage of business and environmental interests put together during Mayor Alvin Brown’s administration. In his first months in office, Mayor Curry dismantled the Port Task Force assembled by his predecessor to hold public meetings to discuss the river dredging. The Task Force brought together business and community
leaders and river advocates, to hear all sides on the projects. Then, a few weeks after that Task Force breakup, the JAX Chamber said it would no longer head up an effort to dismantle the Rodman Dam in Putnam and Marion counties to restore the flow of millions of gallons spring-fed water from Ocklawaha River into the St. Johns. The Port Task Force and the JAX Chamber’s involvement in working to restore the Ocklawaha represented something new in the fight over the protection of the St. Johns River and business interests that see it as a major catalyst for commerce. Lisa Rinaman, St. Johns Riverkeeper, signed on to the dredging earlier this year, even though she and other dredging opponents believe it will damage river ecosystems balanced on fresh water habitats. Rinaman disagrees with a U.S. Army Corps of Engineers study that said the economic benefits of dredging the shipping channel outweigh the minimal environmental consequences, but the St. Johns Riverkeeper was willing to drop opposition if the Ockalawaha River was restored. Rinaman believes restoring the flow of freshwater into the St. Johns from the spring-fed Ocklawaha River would mitigate for the dredging and make for a healthier St. Johns River overall. The coalition fit with Rinaman’s instinct to bring together competing interests and try to find a sweet spot. The Year of the River did that culturally. Mayor Brown’s Port Task Force did that by vetting the dredging in public meetings. And it was a coup for the Riverkeeper to have the JAX Chamber lead the effort to restore the Ocklawaha. With the Chamber abandoning the Ocklawaha, the project has no leadership with the political or economic wherewithal to pull it off. The Chamber was the lead organization in a multi-county effort that included bringing economic development initiatives to Putnam and Marion counties to offset losses to the businesses that have grown up around the Rodman Reservoir to cater to sportfishing and other water recreation pursuits. The Chamber had been blindsided by opposition from Putnam and Marion counties. And if Curry was on board, it might have made a difference in winning over the commissioners in those counties. With the Ocklawaha project in disarray,
the Riverkeeper filed notice it will sue the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers. That would delay the project at a time when Jacksonville is competing with other port cities also readying for the new container ship traffic. And dredging advocates say Jacksonville is already behind those cities. Rinaman obviously sees a lawsuit as a failure. But she says that the Corps’ mitigation requirements are inadequate. “We bent over backwards to do everything in our power within the window of opportunity to try to get a balanced plan that truly protects the St. Johns River,” Rinaman says. “At this point it is starting to feel like we’ve exhausted all of our options except for a federal legal challenge.” Rinaman said restoring the Ocklawaha has been studied extensively and is very do-able. She points out that the state Department of Environmental Protection did an exhaustive study on restoring the Ocklawaha in 2001. And she points out that a draft plan of the Corps study originally included restoring the Ocklawaha. No one from the Curry administration was available for comment because of budget hearings. The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers defended its study in a letter released to the public after the Riverkeeper filed its notice of intent to sue. Based on its models, the Corps quoted project manager Jason Harrah as saying, that, “deepening the St. Johns River is projected to have a positive economic benefit and only minor environmental effects. We’re confident the risk of unforeseen environmental impact is extremely low, and we will monitor and reevaluate, if appropriate … ” Rinaman says she has scheduled a meeting with Curry. She will try to convince him to take up the restoration of the Ocklawaha and the health of the St. Johns River as central causes. She hopes to at least convince Curry to adopt the Port Task Force’s recommendations, which include a recommendation to restore the Ocklawaha and to set aside $25 million of the dredging funds for the project. “We are going to have a conversation with the mayor,” Rinaman promises. “We are meeting with him to make a pitch.” Susan Cooper Eastman sceastman@folioweekly.com
NEWS
ONE MAN’S VIEW FROM THE STREETS
Military veteran blogs about his experiences of HOMELESSNESS DAVE GARRETT HAS GENERATED A LOT of interest in the few short weeks he’s been blogging about being homeless in Jacksonville at theviewfromjaxstreets. wordpress.com. Periodically homeless throughout his adult life, Garrett has recently gotten into a transitional housing program at Clara White Mission when we meet at Chamblin BookMine on a sunny Friday afternoon. Between slivers of menthols and sips of strong black coffee, the highly articulate 43-year-old military veteran is alternately philosophical and animated as he shares his thoughts, personal history and frustrations coping with the Gordian knot that is life on the streets. Here follows an excerpt from our conversation (edited for space and readability). Folio Weekly: What inspired you to start your blog, The View from Jax Streets? Dave Garrett: I decided to write about this because I already had a music blog going (DaveGarrettMusic.com). And I put myself in this situation. Because I’ve been diagnosed as being bipolar. I’m an alcoholic. I also have a seizure disorder and I’m a binge drinker … over the last few years, it’s been bingedrinking. Things will be going great then I just go off, “Fuck this, fuck life, blah, blah, blah.” In your blog, you’re unflinchingly honest about yourself, which may affect people’s sympathy toward you one way or another. What inspires you to be so honest? Why lie? You know, it got to the point when I was looking for a job, I was just so frustrated that when they’d put reason for leaving, I’m like, “Look, the reason for leaving my last job: I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for x time. I can’t promise you it won’t happen again.” That’s how I got the job at First Watch last year … I’m honest because there’s no other way to be. It’s gonna come out eventually. In your post, “The Professional Line Stander,” you are openly critical of “that small percentage of those who have chosen to be homeless and have no intention of ever getting off the streets or who became homeless for whatever reason and decided to just keep doing it for the free shit and no responsibilities.” How do you differentiate yourself from these individuals? I want to get out of this situation. No sane person wants to live like this, to sleep outside. You know, I’ve slept on park benches, I’ve slept under bridges, I’ve stayed in every shelter the city has to offer one time or another, I’ve stood in every line the city has to offer. And eventually, civilized behavior sometimes has to go out the window. Sometimes you have to become an animal to get things because if you do what you’re supposed to do, you know, you’re going to be left short. Sometimes you have to do what everybody else is doing; you have to play the game the way it’s played. How much does not in my backyard (or NIMBY), which you’ve written about, affect how homeless people are treated? Look at what they’re doing to Hemming Park. Let’s take out all the tables, the permanent tables, because heaven forbid old homeless guys sit and play chess all day. You know,
they’re not causing any problems, they’re not robbing anybody, they’re not manhandling anybody, they’re playing chess … it’s, like, people mean well. [But] they’re, like, “Oh, something should be done about the homeless. But not in my backyard.” How does it feel to know that people view the homeless as a scourge and take great pains just to move them away from view? What kind of affect does that have on your psyche? It makes you feel like a piece of shit. You know, there was talk about, a couple of years ago, there was talk about making a homeless day center but putting it like at the 60s, at 60th Street. That’s great. But all the services are down here, so you’re making a homeless person walk 60 streets away and then come back 60 blocks if they have to go to services, the facilities around here … and the private facilities you have to put up with them. Like the ones run by churches. They make you go to chapel or church service to get the service. ’Cause that’s how Jesus was. “Oh, you want some of this bread and fish? You weren’t at my sermon, you can kiss my ass.” You’ve written about the procedures and requirements the homeless have to navigate just to get help, be it a bed for the night, a shower, a meal or employment. What are some of the biggest gaps in services and other assistance for the homeless in Jacksonville? There’s no shortage of food, it’s the other facilities that are the problem. “Oh, you’ve gotta use the bathroom? Use the library.” That’s it. Unless you’re a paying customer or you sneak into one of these businesses. They’ve got two porta potties down there, but they only open them for special events because heaven forbid the homeless fuck them up. No, no way it could be the drunken bros that you have out here for your beer festivals. What should people do to help the homeless other than volunteer at a soup kitchen? Call the facilities and find out what they need … It’s like you mean well, but you know, go clean out your closets and donate shit. Maybe sweaters aren’t needed in July. Socks are actually one of the most needed items. No shortage of shirts and pants. But find out what’s needed. If you donate money to a place, from my understanding, make sure you hand-deliver that check. Be like, “Use this for such and such. Earmark it for this.” Don’t just randomly hand them money. Find out what they need. Claire Goforth mail@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13
For a family enduring a spotlight that tends to shine most on Shelby’s alleged murderer, the drawn-out legal proceedings amount to...
CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT During my visit to his home a week after the July 21 hearing, Caleb finally came out of his room to be interviewed after his mother had asked him three times. He curled up on the family’s couch in a large, sparsely furnished room, in a home to which they’d recently moved. Wearing pajama pants and a tank top, resting his head on his arm on the back of the sofa, he was not quite ready to face the day, much less a reporter. “It felt like we were going to get closure,” he said. “It” was the hope he pinned on the court hearing about whether the defendant in Shelby’s murder case, James Rhodes, would be determined to be intellectually disabled. Caleb wanted Rhodes to be deemed disabled so that he wouldn’t be eligible for the death penalty, because that would have meant a swifter end to the legal process. “We would have never had to go to court or see him again,” he explained, sure that the state attorney’s office would have accepted Rhodes’ plea bargain for life in prison without parole, if only the court had found him disabled. But the pretrial hearing didn’t go the way Caleb had wanted. Instead, Judge Tatiana Salvador ruled that Rhodes’ belowaverage intelligence was not low enough to be disabling. “When they said he [Rhodes] qualified for death, it started everything over again,” Caleb said, “so it’s been kind of frustrating.” Since Rhodes was deemed not disabled, the state can move forward with its death penalty trial. And that could mean years, or even decades, of legal turmoil for the Farahs, says one death penalty opponent. It is not uncommon for families to advocate against death sentences for defendants. Jason Ortiz of Murder Victims’ Families for Reconciliation (MVFR), a national victims’ rights organization, offers this explanation for why that is:
“It felt like we were going to get closure.” — CALEB FARAH CALEB FARAH IS 18 YEARS OLD. He was 16 when his sister, Shelby, was robbed at gunpoint and murdered at the Metro PCS store she managed on North Main Street. The heinous act was captured by video surveillance, and there is no real dispute as to the killer’s identity, 23-year-old James Rhodes. Before Rhodes’ July 21 hearing, Darlene Farah says, her son Caleb was angry, lashing out at her over little things. “You just don’t know what this man has done to my family,” she says. “My kids are not the same. It’s torn my family apart.” Now, she worries that her children are shutting down emotionally. “My two kids — this is their senior year. It’s a critical time. They need to be able to focus. I wanted structure and stability for them,” she says. S T O R Y
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“From our experience as an organization of victims’ family members, we’ve found that capital punishment does more harm to families by distracting attention away from the needs of the victims, often leaving them alone and without support, diverting resources that could help families cover costs of dealing with losing a loved one, and ultimately delays justice, with capital trials taking decades to come to completion and forcing families to relive the worst moments of their lives over and over. All of this damage can be avoided by replacing the death penalty to life in prison.” “I don’t want the death penalty,” Darlene Farah says, adding that she’s urged the state attorney’s office to accept Rhodes’ plea ever since his attorneys made the offer, a year-and-a-half ago. “I’ve always taught my kids that two wrongs don’t make a right.” She notes that she never believed Rhodes was intellectually disabled, however. “It’s the system,” Farah says. “It’s the way the system is. If I didn’t have my other kids, I’d say, ‘Take it all the way.’” Throughout the past two years, however, the criminal proceedings have strained Farah and her children emotionally. “I’ve seen what it’s done to them,” she says. Where her son brims with anger, she says, her daughter Nycole bottles up her feelings instead.
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“I think we’d be able to move on when it’s done and over with,” Farah says, “We will never forget about Shelby — but the angriness … “
“I’m not fighting for his life.”
“Highly unusual.” — ATTORNEY KRISTINA MUSANTE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION
IN JULY, WHILE DISCUSSING THE PLEA bargain offer made by Rhodes’ defense team back in February 2014, Farah seemed frustrated, stymied by the prosecutors’ — DARLENE FARAH intransigence. “They put an offer on the AFTER YET ANOTHER COURT HEARING HELD table for life with no eligibility for parole,” on Aug. 12, in which things didn’t go the Farah told Folio Weekly. way she’d prayed, Farah wondered whether “It would be done. Over with. They won’t it was “God’s will” for Rhodes to face death take it. Angela Corey won’t accept it. for killing her daughter. She told prosecutor “We’ve been begging, ‘Please accept his John Guy that she was relinquishing the lifeoffer.’ She [Corey] knows. My kids want that. or-death decision to God. I want it wrapped up for my kids.” But when asked what she wanted God’s Prosecutors told her she’d want Rhodes will to be — if she, as one of God’s own, executed if she saw the video. could do the choosing — she thought for a “No matter what I see,” Farah said, “I long moment then said, “I want it to be over. don’t want him to get the death penalty.” I don’t want to sit there and worry about the “Shelby’s in heaven,” Farah said. “She’s [capital] conviction being overturned and us fine. It’s Caleb and Nycole now. I have to going back to court.” focus on them. They’re here with me now.” Farah is very clear that she is fighting for ACLU attorney Kristina Musante says some semblance of normalcy for her two that the years it takes to administer the younger children, and not for the man who death penalty are hard on victims’ families, murdered Shelby. “I’m not fighting for his and that’s why many state attorneys try to life,” she says, referring to Rhodes. She says adhere to the families’ wishes when they the thought of Shelby’s painful last moments ask for life sentences instead. Musante will always haunt her. is campaign coordinator for Justice 4 “I’ve prayed and prayed,” Farah says. “I Jacksonville, an ACLU-related group don’t want the death penalty but they’ve [the dedicated to bringing community awareness Office of the State Attorney has] made it clear to me that they’re not taking the offer. I of the societal costs to administer the feel like I have no choice.” She adds, “They’re death penalty — both financially and in Shelby’s voice in court.” terms of the emotional toll on victims’ While she says that her underlying families. (Farah is not a member of J4J.) opposition to capital punishment is rooted The campaign is aimed at Florida’s Fourth in her faith, Farah is more pragmatic than Judicial Circuit, which comprises Duval, spiritual about her daughter’s case. Clay and Nassau counties. Referring to the July 21 ruling, she “What we’re finding in Jacksonville,” says, “I understand that death penalty Musante says, “is that the victims’ families’ wishes are not being honored [in death cases have a special procedure. I penalty prosecutions.] That’s highly unusual understand it takes time. But we’ve been for a state attorney to do. on a roller coaster. It took a year-and-a“Nearly every state attorney honors the half on that motion,” she says. wishes of the family, particularly if there is On Aug. 12, Judge Salvador scheduled only one victim and the family members the case to be tried on May 2, 2016. Sources all agree that life without parole is the right say that another communication between choice. Agreeing to a life sentence would prosecutors and Rhodes’ public defenders, end this nightmare today,” Musante says. held after Aug. 12, failed again to yield a Justice 4 Jacksonville gets support on plea negotiation. this point from a surprising source. Marc Hyden, a former field representative for the LEFT: Farah just wants the court proceedings National Rifle Association, now coordinates involving her daughter Shelby’s killer to be over. Conservatives Concerned About the Death BELOW: Darlene Farah says Shelby’s murder has Penalty. Hyden opposes capital punishment taken a toll on her relationships with her two younger children. CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>
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CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT <<<<<< FR FROM O PPREVIOUS OM REVIVIVIOU RE OUSS OU on conservative principles: pro-life values, fiscal responsibility and limited government. “I think murder victims’ friends and family members deserve better,” Hyden told me. “They deserve swift and sure justice.” I asked State Attorney Angela Corey’s office about the role of the murder victim’s family in the decision-making process regarding whether to pursue the death penalty. In a statement provided by spokesperson Jackelyn Barnard, the SAO declined to respond to that question directly. In relevant part, the statement reads: “Every single case the State Attorney’s Office (SAO) handles is important. In some cases, the crime is so heinous that it warrants pursuing a death sentence. Experienced Assistant State Attorneys in the Homicide Division thoroughly review each case that is considered to be death qualified and State Attorney Angela Corey then makes the final decision.” There is no mention of any consideration of the wishes of the victim’s family in the SAO’s statement, and prosecutors will not comment on pending cases. “Far too often, murder victim’s families are spoken for, but rarely are they spoken to and really heard,” says MVFR’s Ortiz. The unusual disregard given to murder victims’ families who don’t want the death penalty pursued on their loved one’s behalf may be one reason capital punishment is relatively over-utilized here. The Fourth Judicial Circuit’s use of the death penalty is hugely disproportionate to the rest of the state’s, Musante says. The circuit is home to only 6 percent of the state’s population and 8 percent of its murderers, according to Justice 4 Jacksonville. In 2012, however, the circuit was responsible for handing out one-fourth of all of Florida’s death sentences. And in 2010 and 2011, the Northeast Florida Fourth Circuit accounted for almost half of all new Florida death sentences. Corey was elected in 2008, and re-elected in 2012. Duval County ranks eighth in the nation in administering death sentences. It’s in a tiny minority of counties nationwide — only 2 percent — that are responsible for doling out more than 56 percent of all the death sentences in the United States. Folio Weekly also asked State Attorney Corey’s office why her circuit’s share of death penalty cases is so out of proportion to the number of murders that occur in this part of the state. Within the SAO’s statement, provided by Barnard, the SAO declined to answer the question directly, but cited instead the factors that are used to determine whether pursuing the death penalty is appropriate, given the facts of each case: “What many may not realize is, in order to seek the death penalty in a case, the facts and circumstances must meet a set of statutory aggravating factors which must outweigh the statutory and non-statutory mitigating factors. In Florida, there are 16 aggravating factors which determine whether the death penalty is appropriate. Some examples are: prior violent felony convictions; if the victim is under the age of 16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
12; or the murder was heinous, atrocious or cruel. … ” But critics say there’s another reason for so many death penalty cases in the Jacksonville circuit. Corey’s predecessor, former State Attorney Harry Shorstein, told the Clay Today news organization on July 9 that Corey “seeks the death penalty solely for personal reasons — to show she’s tougher than anyone else.” Shorstein went on to say that the high percentage of death penalty cases in the circuit was “unacceptable.” While Justice 4 Jacksonville has charged that death penalty cases have “skyrocketed” under Corey, spokesperson Barnard told Clay Today that defendants sentenced to death under Corey were comparable in number to those sentenced under Shorstein.
“An expensive program that doesn’t work.” — ROBERT DUNHAM, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR DEATH PENALTY INFORMATION CENTER
MUSANTE SAYS THAT THE DIFFERENCE between enforcing life in prison and enforcing the death penalty in Florida amounts to $51 million each year.
But Hyden, of CCADP, says that figure, which emanates from a well-known Palm Beach Post study, is now 15 years old. It’s a “very conservative estimate,” Hyden tells me, noting that the cost continues to increase over time. “The cost is elusive,” Musante agrees, adding that J4J will be asking the Florida legislature to start keeping better track. Robert Dunham, executive director of Death Penalty Information Center, says monitoring death penalty costs presents a national accounting problem. “There is not any system in place in the U.S. that gathers up the true cost,” he says. According to the Justice 4 Jacksonville Coalition, the initial trial in death penalty cases is much longer than in non-death penalty homicides. More specialists, including psychologists, psychiatrists, and other professionals, are used, and more defense motions are routinely made, driving up the costs to the state’s judicial system — costs in the form of both time and money. Because the stakes are so high, Dunham says, the additional expenses come into play regardless of what punishment the jury recommends, or upon which one the judge ultimately decides. Dunham and Musante are also both concerned about the racial disparity in capital cases — an issue that merits an in-depth investigation in itself. J4J reports that 80 percent of capital sentences (12 out
of 15) in Duval County, from 2009-’12, involved African Americans. In 2012, all five defendants who were sentenced to death were African Americans. “There is no reliable evidence that the death penalty deters [murders] and there is significant evidence that it does not,” Dunham says. “The evidence says that this [use of the death penalty] is an expensive program that doesn’t work.” Musante argues that the money could be spent on preventing crime, namely in the education budget, or on serving crime victims’ families. Darlene Farah has made clear that she is not a member of Justice 4 Jacksonville, and that she feels the organization is too oriented toward protecting the defendant. While she wishes that prosecutors would assign life without parole for her daughter’s murderer, she’s quick to point out that she has confidence in Assistant State Attorney John Guy. “I have faith in him,” she says. “I appreciate what they’re doing.” But, she says, “It takes everything out of me when I see him [Rhodes]. I don’t think I have the strength to get through the first trial.”
The Long Haul AND THE FIRST TRIAL IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. On Aug. 12, Assistant Public Defender Debra Billard told the court that her client had a
“It takes everything out of me when I see him,” Darlene Farah says regarding her daughter’s killer. “I don’t think I have the strength to get through the first trial.” “treasure trove” of mitigating circumstances, i.e., reasons the death penalty should not be imposed. Three different doctors have been hired to assess Rhodes’ mental health, and they’ll need several more months to be sure that each one has ample time to complete their reports. Add to those factors a separate sentencing trial, and an exhaustive appeals process, and it could be decades before the victim’s family is free from legal turmoil and media attention. One Florida death penalty case, involving murder-defendant Jacob Dougan, has remained in judicial limbo for 41 years. To make matters more complicated, the process of administering death sentences in Florida may get even more lengthy due to a pending U.S. Supreme Court case, Hurst v. Florida. The issue in Hurst is whether the U.S. Constitution permits Florida to execute a defendant when his jury returns a majority-vote verdict, instead of a unanimous verdict, for death, in the sentencing phase of trial. “The process is in question,” Musante says. “Why are we pushing forward with death trials when the decision won’t be issued until 2016?” The Hurst decision could affect more than 40 percent of current death row defendants’ cases, Musante says, leading to new sentencing hearings and retrials. Musante estimates that each retrial costs about $300,000 in taxpayer dollars. Rhodes’s Hurst motion has not yet been heard.
“She made me feel like I was OK.” — CALEB FARAH
CALEB HAS WORKED HARD TO MAKE UP FOR missed time at school, time he spent fighting lymphoma during 2010 and 2011 — he’s in remission now. His big sister was murdered in July 2013. Then came the court dates, and more missed school. He was set to join his little sister, Nycole, age 17, at Cedar Creek Christian School for their senior year this fall, but on the morning of our visit, he talks about dropping out of high school. “I don’t really want to go, honestly,” he said. He pulled the strap of his shirt to show me a large, script tattoo, “Shelby.” “She would understand,” he said. “No matter what I did, it was always OK. She made me feel like I was OK.”
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CRUEL & UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT <<<<<< FR FROM O PPREVIOUS OM REVIVIVIOU RE OUSS OU Asked if he was OK now, Caleb looked down, shook his head. Farah had mentioned that recruiters from the University of Georgia had shown an interest in Caleb. She reminisced about how Shelby went to all of his football games, cheering loudly from the sidelines. “It’s not something I enjoy doing anymore,” Caleb said, noting that he’d recently decided to give up playing football. “It’s not the same without her. There’s so much going on right now. It’s hard for me to focus. “I’d rather go to FSCJ and get my diploma and work and live normal. School just gives me another piece of stress I don’t need.” “He’s at football practice now,” his mother messaged me a week after our first in-person interview. “So I take it he’s not going to quit school.”
“You can’t really let your guard down.” — NYCOLE FARAH
NYCOLE WAS SOFT-SPOKEN, POLITE, AND reserved. She was staying with close family friends whom she calls “Aunt” and “Uncle,” and didn’t want to come home for the interview. This interview was the first time she had agreed to speak to the media since her sister’s murder. “Will you tell her why you don’t want to come home, Nycole?” Farah asked, as we sat together with her iPhone between us on the couch cushion. Nycole said her mom should go ahead and tell me. “She doesn’t want to be close to anybody because she’s afraid they’re going to die,” Farah said. 18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
Though Rhodes was found guilty of killing Shelby Farah, sentencing trials and a exhaustive appeals process may be a long way from finding closure. Darlene Farah after yet another court proceeding. I confirm this with Nycole. “Yes, ma’am,” she said softly. She said she’s had trouble sleeping since the murder, and that she’s had to grow up. “You can’t really let your guard down. You can’t let other people see you down because they’ll take advantage of you,” Nycole said. “I’ve gotten more into school and cheerleading so I won’t be at home. Because I miss her [Shelby].” Nycole acknowledged that she’s become more distant. “It kind of started making me shut down, as far as family. I’d rather be by myself.” “I’ve always been the quiet one,” Nycole said, “but it’s just gotten worse.” Nycole wants to leave Jacksonville for college, she said. “I don’t want to be stuck here. I don’t want to be in the same position as Shelby,” she added, referring to Shelby’s work schedule. “I’d rather be in school.” Her mindset has changed since her sister’s murder. “Now, I think long term: what am I going to be, where I’m going, how I’m going to do it. “I want to be a homicide victims’ advocate,” she said. And it’s not just for Shelby. “It’s for me, too.”
“She touched so many lives.” — DARLENE FARAH
WE ENDED MY VISIT THAT DAY WITH FARAH showing me photos of Shelby’s senior year: the senior picnic, the prom, standing with friends after a basketball game, senior breakfast, the Grad Bash trip to Orlando. Shelby’s easy to find — in the center, smiling, surrounded by her friends. “She always lit up a room,” Darlene said. “She always had a smile on her face.” “She touched so many lives.” Darlene said that at Shelby’s murder scene, there were 300 people who gathered.
“Everyone at the crime scene knew Shelby.” The family has close friends who are police officers, and Shelby was interested in becoming a police dispatcher. She had inquired about applying for the job days before she was robbed and murdered. “The evidence technician that was there? Shelby knew her. She had scheduled to ride with her.” The family was civically engaged, and participated in several political campaigns over the years. Some photos from 2011 featured Shelby canvassing for votes in her “Alvin Brown for Mayor” T-shirt.
“I raised my children to be givers, not takers.” — DARLENE FARAH
“I RAISED MY CHILDREN TO BE GIVERS, NOT takers,” Farah says, despite the family’s financial struggles since the murder. She hasn’t worked since then. “Nobody will hire me. They say to come back when the trial is over.” Farah is a divorced mother who doesn’t say much about her children’s father, who remains absent even after his daughter’s murder. Not having money is demoralizing, she says. “That alone can bring down a person’s self-esteem.” But what bothers her most is not the evictions (the family’s had three since Shelby’s murder) or applying for food stamps (which she has not used.) Farah is bothered most by the fact that she can’t afford a proper burial marker for Shelby. Although Southern Monument donated a tombstone, Farah says that the staff at the cemetery, Oaklawn, has told her it’s not up to code for their grounds.
The vacant area over Shelby’s grave reflects the empty space she left in her family’s lives. “It used to be when you saw one of us, you saw all four of us together,” Farah says. “They [Caleb and Nycole] don’t want to do things as a family anymore because they don’t want to do anything without Shelby.” The sadness even extends to Christmas, Farah says. “My kids haven’t had a Christmas since Shelby died. They don’t want to do it without her.” In her family’s tradition, Shelby lived the life of a giver. She volunteered for Susan Komen Breast Cancer Foundation events. She fed the homeless every week. Instead of pursuing a position with the Jaguars cheerleaders, Shelby volunteered to coach a cheerleading team of young girls at the Brentwood Athletic Association. Shelby also started a scholarship fund for two small children whose father had died too early. Friends have made YouTube tributes, which Farah plays for me. She shows me the blanket from the young cheerleaders Shelby coached. It’s covered with larger-than-life photo images of Shelby. As she holds it up, Caleb retreats to his bedroom. Farah throws up her hands, exasperated. “He [Rhodes] took away all three of my children’s lives. I don’t have the same kids,” she says. She still hopes that maybe, just maybe, he will stop taking more of their time. Julie Geisenburg Delegal mail@folioweekly.com
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19
20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21
A&E // FILM M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN returns to form with this creepy tale of a getaway to Grandma and Grandpa’s
OLD FOLKS AT HOME
(WITH MADNESS!) A
fter the recent drudgery of After Earth and The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense) is back in fine thriller form with The Visit, a spooky low-budget creeper that nicely mixes humor and horror. With their mother (Kathryn Hahn, Parks and Recreation) on a cruise, young teen Becca (Olivia DeJonge) and little brother Tyler (Ed Oxenbould) are sent to frosty rural Pennsylvania for a week to spend time with their grandparents, affectionately called Nana (Deanna Dunagan) and Pop Pop (Peter McRobbie). Things are fine at first, even if the kids are forbidden to go in the basement and have a strict bedtime of 9:30 p.m. Weird sounds nonetheless keep them awake, and after naked Nana scratches the walls late at night, they know they’re in for the weirdest week of their lives. But are they actually in danger? Part of the fun of the movie is that you’re not sure for a while, and then it becomes unmistakable. A sense of dread hits you from the start, not from anything shocking in the story but from the instant realization that this is yet another found-footage horror pic. Mercifully, the found-footage gimmick — in which we only see what the characters in the movie record on their cameras — is used intelligently, deftly
READY AND ABEL IN A CAREER THAT HAS SO FAR CAREENED through a variety of controversial films (Bad Lieutenant, The King of New York), independent director Abel Ferrara fashioned what might well be one of his best yet in 2014. The controversy this time, though, was such that we might never see the original 125-minute cut that ran overseas, since the producers and distributors insisted on a 109-minute, less-explicit version for U.S. release, which went just about straight to video. Despite Ferrara’s justified howling and subsequent disavowal of his fi lm, for now, the strategically edited film is all we have. But what we have is still really damn good. Welcome to New York (the title dripping irony) is based on the 2011 criminal case of aspiring French presidential candidate Dominique Strauss-Kahn, then head of the International Monetary Fund, who was accused of sexually assaulting a West African housemaid at the upscale Manhattan hotel where he was staying. Ferrara, however, is not interested in the courtroom drama. Instead, he focuses squarely on the Strauss-Kahn character (here called Devereaux), played with ferocious abandon by Gerard Depardieu. The film opens with a statement declaring that what follows is a fi ctionalized version of the case “about which everyone has his or her own point-ofview.” We’re reminded how the case ended with the indictment thrown out because of the victim’s “lack of credibility.” From the start, it’s clear Ferrara is not 22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
between comedy and horror. switching in a documentary style between two The Visit doesn’t have a musical score, cameras with film shot by Becca and Tyler that’s which is important when you consider often at an odd angle (high/low/dutch), or in a how many so-called “horror” movies rely close-up or long shot, all keeping us off-kilter. on a jolt from the soundtrack to provide a Storywise, we know something’s off with the scare. Instead, Shyamalan — who wrote and grandparents, and that’s echoed visually by the directed the film — is back to good oldcamerawork. This is smart filmmaking. fashioned filmmaking craftsmanship here, The setting has a cold and barren feel; the effectively allowing the eeriness to speak for supposed “warmth” of Nana and Pop-Pop’s itself without ever feeling forced. house is undermined by muted lighting when it clearly could’ve been That’s the frustrating thing about more brightly lit and therefore M. Night Shyamalan: We know how THE VISIT “warmer.” The snow, leafless trees, good he can be (The Sixth Sense), ***@ grey skies and mud all suggest and how bad (The Last Airbender), Rated PG-13 an unwelcoming environment in and it feels like the bigger the which Becca and Tyler are stuck. budget, the worse the movie is. With Think how different the film would feel if it more money (Airbender), he has more tools were set during the summer, with jaunts to to play with, and more responsibility to show the lake and family picnics. the big budget on screen, and the results feel DeJonge is effective as Becca, a young compulsory. In contrast, when his resources are teen often (rightfully) annoyed with her limited, as they were with the $5 million budget vexing little bro, and Dunagan and McRobbie on The Visit, he’s able to focus on what he has, are appropriately odd as the grandparents. not be distracted by excess, and produce a But the one who stands out is Oxenbould better product. Moral of the story: Production as Tyler, an energetic and immature boy companies, stop giving M. Night Shyamalan who freestyle raps because he wants to be a boatloads of money! Less is definitely more. YouTube sensation. He’s the comic relief, and Dan Hudak therefore key in keeping the tone balanced mail@folioweekly.com interested in plot or suspense. Next, a one-minute discussion between Depardieu and a handful of interviewers about the movie, acting in general, and the character he plays. Then we get introductory film titles, accompanied by shots of New York landmarks accompanied by a rendition of “America the Beautiful.” What a set-up! The narrative proper begins with scenes of the prominent Devereaux’s arrival in New York and the coterie of sycophants who arrange his various trysts with high-class hookers. A monument of excess himself, the hugely overweight Depardieu moves through the flesh and booze like a force of nature before his morning encounter with the hapless maid. Ferrara follows the unsuspecting Devereaux through the city’s underbelly as he’s apprehended, booked, and jailed, thrown in with lowlifes before the lawyers his wife hires begin to work their wiles. The rest of the film traces the obese hedonist’s confrontations with his wife Simone (Jacqueline Bisset, in a terrific performance) and daughter, trying to convince Simone of his innocence, at least in regard to rape. In his eyes apparently, his sexual molestation was not really a crime, much like another political figure who publicly proclaimed that he “did not have sex with that woman.” As Devereaux contemplates the ruin he has made of his career (no real regrets there, he says)
MAGIC LANTERNS
and his marriage (a façade anyway), he’s finally forced to admit it’s his own damn fault. He’s not stupid. A former professor, once a religious believer, he now confesses to his wife that he only feels alive when he is making love. A bit of a harpy herself, she still doesn’t buy it. Nor are we really meant to. Nonetheless, in the film’s closing moments, Devereaux asks another housemaid if she thinks he is a nice man. Her reply (even though in the affirmative) leaves him staring wistfully, sadly, into the camera. A real bastard? Maybe. Yet Devereaux is no monster – just a very flawed man with great potential who lost it all. The closing titles scroll to the accompaniment of a song (written by Ferrara) with the refrain that “Every little lie is a tear.” Sad, but, oh, so true! Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com
FILM LISTINGS FILM RATINGS
NIKKI GIOVANNI **** NIKKI REED **@@
NIKKI SUDDEN ***@ NIKKI SIXX *@@@
SCREENINGS AROUND TOWN
SUN-RAY CINEMA Meru, The Gift, Sundance Shorts, Call Me Lucky and Black Mass screen at 1028 Park St., 5 Points, 3590049, sunraycinema.com. Grandma starts Sept. 18. Writers Workshop is Sept. 19. THE CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ The Secret in Their Eyes and Slow West screen at 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com. Blood Simple screens noon Sept. 17; Love & Mercy starts Sept. 18. LATITUDE 360 MOVIES San Andreas and TomorrowLand screen at Latitude 360’s CineGrille, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555. IMAX THEATER Living in the Age of Airplanes, The Transporter Refueled, Galapagos 3D and Humpback Whales screen at World Golf Village Hall of Fame IMAX Theater, St. Augustine, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.
MISTRESS AMERICA ***@ Rated R Two people dream of wild success but have no idea how to achieve it. They lack the discipline to dedicate themselves, and as such, writer/director Noah Baumbach’s film becomes a fascinating look at today’s young adults and why many can’t seem to navigate their way to success. Costars Lola Kirke, Matthew Shear, Jasmine Cephas Jones and Greta Gerwig. — D.H. 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN Rated PG-13 No, not that closet makeout game you played in middle school (and you secretly believe that JTT-looking dude still waits there for you) – this is about a man who dies in a car crash and then comes back to life with tales of you-know-where. Costars Kate Bosworth, Hayden Christensen and Hudson Meek. THE PERFECT GUY Rated PG-13 If the man seems almost too good to be true, GET A CLUE. He’s a lifetime mistake just waiting for you to make a scrapbook about him. Costars Sanaa Latham, Michael Ealy, Morris Chestnut and Charles S. Dutton.
RICKI AND THE FLASH **@@ Rated PG-13 Meryl Streep is Ricki Randazzo, a mother who left years ago to be in a rock ’n’ roll cover band. Her ex, Pete (Kevin Kline) married Maureen (Audra McDonald). Son Josh (Sebastian Stan) seems well-adjusted; son Adam (Nick Westrate) hates his mom. Ricki comes back when Pete calls about their daughter Julie (Mamie Gummer, Streep’s real daughter), whose husband just left her for another woman. Actual musician Rick Springfield, guitarist in the band and Ricki’s love, costars. — D.H.
THE TRANSPORTER REFUELED Rated PG-13 Ed Skrein plays Frank Martin, ex-special ops mercenary who delivers packages. Beautiful women, high-stakes chess games with more beautiful women, and a bank heist, Russian bad guys and Frank’s dad comingle in this confusing crime thriller.
SHAUN THE SHEEP MOVIE Rated PG The Wallace & Gromit scene-stealer has to find his way out of the city. — S.S.
THE VISIT ***@ Rated PG-13 Reviewed in this issue.
STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON ***@ Rated R This film is the story of rap group N.W.A., from wild success to internal dissension to heartbreak. In 1986, N.W.A.’s breakthrough album Straight Outta Compton dropped. “Our art is a reflection of our reality,” founding member Ice Cube (O’Shea Jackson) says and the group’s lives amid by gangs, drugs, abusive cops, and other dangers are
A WALK IN THE WOODS Rated R Based on Bill Bryson’s bestseller. Two friends hike the Appalachian Trail. Costars Robert Redford, Nick Nolte, Emma Thompson.
inspiration for the music. After the hit song “Boyz-n-the-Hood” drops, the group – Ice Cube, Dr. Dre (Corey Hawkins), Eazy-E (Jason Mitchell), DJ Yella (Neil Brown Jr.) and MC Ren (Aldis Hodge) – is signed by Jerry Heller (Paul Giamatti). — D.H.
WOLF TOTEM Rated PG-13 A big city student is sent to Mongolia to live with rugged ranchers. He finds a wolf pup and tries to keep the little fella alive. In Mandarin and Mongolian.
NOW SHOWING
AMERICAN ULTRA **@@ Rated R The ending starts the movie; we work back to it. Not only do we learn where the protagonist, Mike (Jesse Eisenberg), ends up, director Nima Nourizadeh gives a reverse-chronological flashback of moments back three days. Nourizadeh hopes we’ll get hooked seeing a battered and bruised Mike in handcuffs, interrogated in a brightly lit room, followed by close-ups of random pictures. Mike is a longhaired stoner slacker, girlfriend Phoebe (Kristen Stewart) accepts him. Nothing interesting until Mike kills two dudes outside the grocery store where he works. Then we find out Mike was the subject of a failed CIA experiment to create a superagent, and now he’s in danger. Victoria (Connie Britton) began the now-dormant program, and CIA ladder-climber Adrian (Topher Grace) has swooped in to clean up her mess. Victoria “activates” Mike to defend himself against Adrian’s assassins. ANT-MAN ***@ Rated PG-13 Marvel Studios’ super-hero feature stars Paul Rudd as Scott Lang, whose alter-ego is the teeny crusader against evil … sort of. Costars Michael Douglas as scientist Hank Pym and Abby Ryder Fortson as Scott’s daughter Cassie, plus Corey Stoll, Evangeline Lilly, Michael Peña and Judy Greer. — Scott Renshaw BEST OF ENEMIES ***@ Rated R William F. Buckley Jr. and Gore Vidal were stellar political and social pundits in the late ’60s who were – literally – at each others’ throats. ABC News hired them to debate one another during the Republican and Democratic national conventions in the summer of 1968, with snippets of the conventions and the Buckley/Vidal debates. In doing so and finding great success, ABC created the “talking head” punditry pervasive in TV news programming today. Buckley was a Republican – monotone, droll, intellectual and razor-sharp, editor of the National Review and forerunner of cultural conservatism. He felt Vidal represented everything wrong with America, and didn’t hide his disdain. In contrast, Vidal was a Democrat, Jackie O’s cousin, more animated, a novelist, thinker, and brilliant wordsmith who felt the intellectual with the Boston Brahmin accent was antiDemocratic, and feared if he didn’t take Buckley down, Buckley’s ideas would ruin the country. Who won? ABC and TV news, which created a new, popular format. — Dan Hudak CALL ME LUCKY Not Rated Comedian Barry Crimmins, who guided and advised Denis Leary, Stephen Wright, Paula Poundstone and Bobcat Goldthwait, among other wryly funny folks, is given the documentary treatment. THE DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL Rated R The arthouse flick casts Kristen Wiig as a negligent mother in ’70s San Francisco and Bel Powley as her daughter Minnie, a 15-yearold who is sexually active. Costars Alexander Skarsgård, Christopher Meloni and Domino the Cat. THE END OF THE TOUR ***@ Rated R James Ponsoldt’s film deals with author David Foster Wallace (Jason Segel) and journalist David Lipsky (Jesse Eisenberg). Wallace’s 2008 suicide frames the story, as Lipsky hears about his death, and begins rummaging through taped interviews from the five days he spent with Wallace in 1996, assigned by Rolling Stone to write a profile of the writer as Wallace wrapped up a tour for Infinite Jest. Segel and Eisenberg capture their interplay well in what is essentially a two-hander built around their conversations. — S.R. HITMAN: AGENT 47 Rated R A genetically engineered assassin with a barcode on his neck (Rupert Friend) teams with a woman to destroy an evil megacorporation. Costars Zachary Quinto, Angelababy and Dan Bakkedahl. JIMMY’S HALL Rated PG-13 Depression-era Irish upheaval gives way to violence and the reemergence of a dance hall that’s apparently frowned upon. Costars Barry Ward, Francis Magee and Aileen Henry. They shoot lame dramas, don’t they? THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. **G@ Rated PG-13 Co-writer/director Guy Ritchie’s film stars Henry Cavill as CIA agent Napoleon Solo and Armie Hammer as KGB agent Illya Kuryakin, working during the Cold War. A mutual enemy has enriched uranium to make nuclear bombs, and they have to find it. — D.H.
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23
A&E // FILM
WHAT I LEARNED ON MY SUMMER VACATION
I
Film critics contemplate the lessons of the CINEMATIC SUMMER
t’s hard to believe that the kids are back in school already, and the 2015 summer movie season is now in the rearview mirror. And like those kids getting back into their fall groove, those of us who cover movies need to switch gears to the generally more serious fare in theaters as the weather turns cooler. It’s an opportunity to reflect on the life lessons we absorbed — like how, when Labor Day weekend offers so little new material at the movies, it might be a good idea to shamelessly rip off a gimmick used by outlets like Entertainment Weekly and CNN. So, without further ado, here are some things we all learned from summer movies both big and small.
SCOTT RENSHAW
If I want to see a bunch of guys treat women badly and behave with a smug sense of entitlement, I can just check out Reddit. (Entourage)
The most bankable stars at the indie-film box office are septuagenarians. (Woman in Gold and Mr. Holmes) If you’re in the music business, whatever you do, avoid having Paul Giamatti manage your affairs … (Love & Mercy and Straight Outta Compton) … But you can trust him to know exactly when a catastrophic earthquake is going to hit. (San Andreas) Arnold Schwarzenegger fighting zombies can be surprisingly boring. (Maggie) Don’t assume that a young-adult novel adaptation is a predictable manic-pixie romance just because of the way it’s being sold. (Paper Towns) A movie can make a billion dollars around the world yet somehow not have a single moment that’s memorable five minutes after you leave the theater. (Minions) Nobody can turn a parent to emotional pudding like Pixar. (Inside Out)
ERIC D. SNIDER
When the artificially intelligent robots finally arrive, they will have fully articulated lips. (Avengers: Age of Ultron) The main reason people don’t attend their high school reunions is that none of their classmates have become sufficiently famous. (The D Train) Even after the apocalypse, men will refuse to stop and ask for directions. (Mad Max: Fury Road) Clowns are always scary, even in movies that aren’t. (Poltergeist) The CIA does not actually have a Face/Off machine. (Spy) 24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
A good aunt knows exactly how old her sister’s kids are, unless she’s some kind of workaholic monster. (Jurassic World) The most adorable thing a mentally ill father can do is refuse to take his medication. (Infinitely Polar Bear) There are some who are nostalgic for ’90s hip-hop. (Dope) It’s possible to make a stripper movie without showing anyone naked. (Magic Mike XXL) Exciting things can happen at the opera. (Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation)
MARYANN JOHANSON
Unarmed kids on bikes are an even match for bad guys with guns in trucks. (Max) One kid with a screwdriver can infiltrate and sabotage a NASA facility while a security guard’s back is turned. (Tomorrowland) It’s easy to mistake human excrement for a relaxing mud facial. (Vacation) However dumb you think sheep are, it
turns out to they’re even dumber. (Far From the Madding Crowd and Shaun the Sheep Movie) Vocal accents reside in the flesh, not the mind; if you want to get a sexy English accent, transfer your consciousness into a British body. (Self/Less) The man who sang “We Saw Your Boobs” at the Oscars felt fit to make a would-be touching story about civil rights and human dignity. (Ted 2) Paul Blart, that mall cop, could plausibly be elected President of the United States. (Pixels) If you’re looking to make it as a DJ, sleep with your celebrity mentor’s hot girlfriend; he won’t mind, really. (We Are Your Friends)
ANDREW WRIGHT
Lab rats? Chimpanzees? Nah. Sheep. Sheep is where it’s at. (Ant-Man) To a trained assassin, absolutely everything in your average warehouse can be used as a lethal weapon. Especially, you know, that jet engine hanging right over there. (Hitman: Agent 47) Facing off against a legendary superhero renowned for his amazing powers of stretchiness? Eh, just grab his neck and start choking. (Fantastic Four) In the future, evil machines can do anything: leapfrog through various ill-defined timestreams, give a cyborg a distinguished grey dyejob, and just oodles of stuff involving nanobots. Fashioning a non-terrifying recreation of character actor Bill Paxton’s face from 1984, though, is a circuit-melter. (Terminator Genisys) Carwashes should really have spectator stands. (Tangerine) Scott Renshaw, MaryAnn Johanson, Eric D. Snider, Andrew Wright mail@folioweekly.com
ARTS + EVENTS
The exhibit BLOOM, with watercolors, prints, photographs, and sculptures by ROBERT ZAKANITCH, JOSEPH RAFFAEL, CAROLYN BRADY, and NATHALIA EDENMONT (pictured, Saga, C-print glass-mounted, 54.5x44.5, 2011) is displayed at J. Johnson Gallery through Nov. 5 in Jax Beach.
PERFORMANCE
LA CAGE AUX FOLLES Players by the Sea stages the hilarious musical about a man hoping to impress super-conservative future in-laws, convincing them his LGBT parents are straight; at 7 p.m. Sept. 18 and 8 p.m. Sept. 19 at 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, 249-0289, $28; tickets for Sept. 18 50th anniversary are $85; $50 for members, and include champagne, food, a raffle, and live music; through Oct. 10, playersbythesea.org. ONE MAN BREAKING BAD (THE UNAUTHORIZED PARODY) A self-described “Breaking Baddict,” Miles Allen parodies all 60 episodes of the groundbreaking TV show, 7 p.m. Sept. 21 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $20 advance; $25 day of, jaxlive.com. TANGO LOVERS A Latin-fueled production, with dancers, musicians, and singers, is staged 8:30 p.m. Sept. 19 at the Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts’ Terry Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, 354-5547, $35-$85, ticketmaster.com. IT CAME TO PASS ON THE BANKS OF THIS RIVER Co-written by Matt and Barbara Colaciello, directed by Barbara, the dramatic reading based on Kermit Hunter’s Next Day in the Morning, St. Johns River through the eyes of 16th-century women, is 6 and 8 p.m. Sept. 21 at Old St. Andrews Church, 317 Randolph Blvd., Downtown; receptions are 5:30 and 7:30 p.m.; seating is free but limited; RSVP at jaxhistory.org. RING OF FIRE The life and music of Johnny Cash are celebrated in Limelight Theatre’s production at 7:30 p.m. Sept. 18, 19, 22, 24-26 and 2 p.m. Sept. 20 and 27, at Raintree Restaurant, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $26; through Oct. 18, limelight-theatre.org. THE MOUSETRAP The longest continuously running show in the world (since 1952!), Agatha Christie’s mystery-play of a diverse group of strangers (one is a murderer) stranded in a boarding house during a snowstorm, is staged 8 p.m. Sept. 18 and 19 at Theatre Jacksonville, 2032 San Marco Blvd., 396-4425, $25; $20 seniors, military, students; through Oct. 4, theatrejax.com. MARK TWAIN REMEMBERS Don Maley brings Twain’s wit and wisdom to life in the one-man show at 8 p.m. Sept. 17, 18, and 19 at Amelia Community Theatre’s Studio 209, 207/209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, 261-6749, $20; $10 students; through Oct. 3, ameliacommunitytheatre.org. WORKING Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre presents the musical based on Studs Terkel’s book, 8 p.m. Sept. 18 and 19 and 2 p.m. Sept. 20 at Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-7177, $20, abettheatre.com. LUCKY STIFF Orange Park Community Theatre stages the murder-mystery musical, of a shoe clerk, a body, a mistress, her brother and dogs, 8 p.m. Sept. 18 and 19 and 3 p.m. Sept. 20 at 2900 Moody Ave., 276-2599, $25; through Oct. 4, opct.org. 9 TO 5: THE MUSICAL Alhambra Theatre & Dining presents a stage adaptation based on the 1980 hit fi lm about three women – an office manager, a jilted wife, and a sexually harassed secretary – who plot payback for their martinet boss, Sept. 16-Oct. 10. Dinner 6 p.m.; brunch at noon, each with a themed menu by Executive Chef DeJuan Roy; at 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$75 plus tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. PERUVIAN FOLK DANCING & MUSIC Danzas PeruJax perform Peruvian dances accompanied by Spanish-style guitarist Brookes Clarke, 6:30 p.m. Sept. 21, Clay County Library, 1895 Town Center Blvd., Fleming Island, 278-3722, claycounty.gov.
CLASSICAL, CHOIR & JAZZ
Percussion Concert Percussionist Thomas Burritt performs 7 p.m. Sept. 17, University of North Florida’s Recital Hall, 1 UNF Dr., Southside, 620-2878, unf.edu/coas/music/calendar.aspx. UNF Jazz Faculty Scholarship Concert The concert debuts original arrangements and compositions, 7:30 p.m. Sept. 17 at UNF’s Robinson Theater, 620-2878, $8-$20, unf.edu/coas/ music/calendar.aspx. UNF Faculty Showcase Concert 7:30 p.m. Sept. 18, UNF’s Recital Hall, 620-2878, unf.edu/coas/music/calendar.aspx. Chamber Music Society Benefit Concert San Marco Chamber Music Society presents its annual Diabetes Benefit Concert, 7 p.m. Sept. 20 at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church, 3976 Hendricks Ave., 731-1310, sanmarcochambermusic.org. Bassoon Concert Bassoonist Anthony Anurca plays at 3 p.m. Sept. 20 at Friday Musicale’s annual meeting, concert and reception, 645 Oak St., Riverside, 355-7584, fridaymusicale.com. Amelia Island Jazz Festival All Stars Concert AIJF’s All That Jazz: Scholarship Concert & Show, with drummer Les DeMerle, vocalist Bonnie Eisele, and Jazz Festival All Stars, is at 7 p.m. Sept. 20 at Amelia Community Theatre, 209 Cedar St., Fernandina Beach, $40, ameliaislandjazzfestival.com.
COMEDY
Bill Bellamy A Def Comedy Jam and Last Comic Standing vet, Bellamy is on at 8 p.m. Sept. 17 and 8 and 10 p.m. Sept. 18 and 19 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, $20-$25, comedyzone.com. Brian Beaudoin Beaudoin says he’s “The Biggest Comedian You’ve Never Heard Of,” 7:30 and 10 p.m. Sept. 18 and 19 at Latitude 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555, $15, latitude360.com.
CALLS & WORKSHOPS
ABET Christmas Play Audition Atlantic Beach Experimental Theatre auditions for its production of the comedy, A Coney Island Christmas, 7 p.m. Sept. 21, Adele Grage Cultural Center, 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-7177, abettheatre.com. Theatre Jacksonville Seeks Actors Auditions held for the comedy, Always a Bridesmaid, 6 p.m. Sept. 21 at 2032 San Marco Blvd., 396-4425; for details, go to theatrejax.com.
ART WALKS & MARKETS
Jaxson’s Night Market Street food vendors, craft beer, local produce, artisans, crafters, 5:30-9 p.m. Sept. 17, Hemming Park, Downtown, facebook.com/JaxsonsNightMarket. North Beaches Art Walk Galleries of Atlantic and Neptune beaches open 5-9 p.m. Sept. 17, 753-9594, nbaw.org. Riverside Arts Market Local/regional art, free yoga 9-10 a.m., local music – Faze Wave, Canary in the Coalmine, Jordan Stoddard at 10:30 a.m. – food artists, farmers’ row, 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Sept. 19 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.
MUSEUMS
Amelia Island Museum of History 233 S. Third St., Fernandina, 261-7378, ameliamuseum.org. Florida in WWII, through Sept. It Came from the Attic: Local War Memorabilia Collections, through Nov. Beaches Museum & History Park 381 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 241-5657, beachesmuseum.org. Hblanton2-Heather & Holly Blanton, through Oct. 4. Waiting on the Train is on display. Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Reflections: Artful Perspectives on the St. Johns River, through Oct. 18. All Together: The Sculpture of Chaim Gross, through Oct. 4. British Watercolors, through Nov. 29. Karpeles Manuscript Museum 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992. Drew Edward Hunter’s exhibit Spectrum II, through October. Baseball: Origins and Early History, through Dec. Museum of Contemporary Art Jacksonville 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.com. Avery Lawrence: Live in Jacksonville, through Nov. 22. Smoke & Mirrors: Sculpture and The Imaginary, illusion-inspired 3D and installation works by sculptors Chul Hyun Ahn, James Clar, Patrick Jacobs, Ken Matsubara, Daniel Rozin, and Kathleen Vance, displays Sept. 19-Jan. 24. Unmasked: Art with a Heart in Healthcare, through Dec. 6. Project Atrium: Joelle Dietrick, through Oct. 25. Ritz Theatre & Museum 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, ritzjacksonville.com. American Beach: A Moment in Time, featuring more than 60 photographs by Stephan Leimberg and Marsha Phelts, is on display through Oct. 11.
GALLERIES
Adele Grage Cultural Center 716 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-5828, coab.us. Kandace “K-Ci” Diamond is Sept.’s featured artist. An opening reception is 5:30-9 p.m. Sept. 17. Alexander Brest Gallery Jacksonville University, 2800 N. University Blvd., 256-7371, ju.edu. Ryan Buyssens – Recent Works and McArthur Freeman: Strange Figurations, through Sept. Amiro Art & Found 9C Aviles St., St. Augustine, 824-8460, amiroartandfound.com. Scherenschnitte, Kathryn Carr’s German paper cut art, through Sept. Archway Gallery & Framing 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-2222, archwaygalleryandframing.com. An opening reception for Lisa Jill Allison’s exhibit, with music by Terry Whitehead, is 5-9 p.m. Sept. 17; displays through mid-Oct. Butterfield Garage Art Gallery 137 King St., St. Augustine, 825-4577, butterfieldgarage.com. True Beauty is Forever – The Art of Eberth Perez, oil paintings by local artist Perez, is on display through Sept. 29. C.A.S.K. Wine Shop & Bar 1049 Park St., Riverside, 568-1828. Margete Griffin’s new prints are on display. CRISP-ELLERT Art Museum 48 Sevilla St., St. Augustine, 8268530, flagler.edu/news-events/crisp-ellert-art-museum. Obelisk Art 450, obelisks painted by 25 local, regional, and international artists, through Sept. 18. The obelisks are then on display Oct. 2-Jan. in downtown St. Augustine. First Street Gallery 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928. Symphony of Color – Paintings by Anthony Whiting is on display through Oct. 20. The Gilded Dolphin Art Studios & Gallery 5 S. Second St., Fernandina, 615-977-5629, gildeddolphinart.weebly.com. The grand opening, with works by resident artists and live music by Hickory Wind, is 5:30-8 p.m. Sept. 18. Hawthorn Salon 1011 Park St., Riverside, 619-3092, hawthorn salon.com. Danger Tape presents the Lily Kuonen exhibit Playntings [Un]Covered through Nov. 21. Hubley Gallery 804 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 429-9769, hubleygallery.com. Jim Christley’s watercolors, Denise Choppin’s acrylics, Kathleen Doughtery’s pottery, through Sept. J. Johnson Gallery 177 Fourth Ave. N., Jax Beach, 435-3200, jjohnsongallery.com. Bloom, nature-inspired works by Joan Bankemper, Carolyn Brady, Nathalia Edenmont, Mira Lehr, Joseph Raffael, and Robert Zakanitch, displays through Nov. 5.
Lufrano Intercultural Gallery 1 UNF Drive, Student Union Bldg. 58 E., 620-2475, unf.edu/gallery. Lida, Paintings by Franklin Matthews, through Dec. 11. Opening reception, 5 p.m. Sept. 16. North Campus Gallery FSCJ, 4501 Capper Rd., 632-3310, fscj.edu. Opening reception for Express Your Selfie, works by Wolfson Children’s Hospital patients, 5-7 p.m. Sept. 17; displays through Oct. 29. Rotunda Gallery St. Johns County Admin. Bldg., 500 San Sebastian View, St. Augustine, 471-9980. Photographs by Kenneth M. Barrett Jr. display through Oct. 22. Southlight Gallery 201 N. Hogan St., Ste. 100, Downtown, 553-6361, southlightgallery.com. Sum Total, featuring UNF Photography faculty Alex Diaz, Paul Karabinis, Kelly Malcom, and Christopher Trice, displays in UNF ArtSPACE. Dee Roberts, Princess Rashid and Overstreet Ducasse are Sept. featured artists. space:eight 228 W. King St., St. Augustine, 829-2838, spaceeight.com. Extended Playbook, a collaborative art exhibition with Atlanta artists George Long, Jessica Caldas, Mario Schambon, William Downs, Adrian Barzaga, Mike Stasny, and Erin Michelle Vaiskauckas, through Dec. 3. St. Augustine Art Association 22 Marine St., 824-2310, staaa. org. Celebrate St. Augustine, through Sept. 28. Lisa O’Neil’s large-scale painting Restless Hearts, through Sept. 27. St. Augustine Visitor Information Center 10 W. Castillo Dr., 825-1053, staugustine-450/tapestry. Tapestry: The Cultural Threads of First America, through Oct. 4. UNF Gallery of Art Founders Hall, 620-2534, unf.edu/gallery. An opening reception for Northeast Florida Sculptors Competitive Exhibition, 5-7 p.m. Sept. 17; displays through Oct. 16. Vandroff Art Gallery Jewish Community Alliance, 8505 San Jose Blvd., 730-2100, jcajax.org. First Coast Pastel Society works, through Sept.
EVENTS
Book Sale Ponte Vedra Branch Library holds a sale 10 a.m.7:30 p.m. Sept. 16; 10 a.m.-5:30 p.m. Sept. 17 and 18, and 10 a.m.-4 p.m. Sept. 19 at 101 Library Blvd., 827-6950, sjcpls.org. The Artist Series Open House The 18th annual Test Drive Your Seats Open House, where season ticket-holders pick up packets, exchange or buy single tickets, and check out their seats, 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Sept. 16 at T-U Center’s Moran Theater, 300 Water St., Downtown, 442-2929, artistseriesjax.org. San Marco Block Party Socially Bold hosts a neighborhood party, with craft beer, food trucks, and DJ KB, 4-8 p.m. Sept. 17 at 1704 Hendricks Ave., San Marco; free beer for first 500 attendees over 21, sociallybold.com. FCAP Networking First Coast Administrative Professionals present “How to Interview Successfully,” with Karen Gallagher, 6 p.m. (5:30 check-in/networking) Sept. 17, Brooks Rehabilitation Hospital, 3933 University Blvd. S., Southside, 610-2050. A Classic Theater Meet & Greet The community theater group gathers to talk about its 2015-’16 season, 5:30-7:30 p.m. Sept. 17, The Art Center, 370 A1A S., St. Augustine Beach; entertainment and light refreshments, aclassictheatre.org. PFLAG Meeting Karl Bach and Jess Osborn discuss the documentary 6 Words and upcoming HRO event, at Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians & Gays meeting, 7 p.m. Sept. 17 (share and mingle 8 p.m.), Christ Church of Peace, 1240 S. McDuff Ave., Westside. Bring food products for JASMYN’s nonprofit youth services and donations for Necessities for Living. 737-3329, pflagjax.org. Players by the Sea 50th Anniversary Gala The community theater holds its gala premiere of La Cage Aux Folles, commemorating the theater’s 50th season, with champagne, food, a raffle, live music, followed by the play, at 7 p.m. Sept. 18 at 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, 249-0289, $85; $50 members, playersbythesea.org. International Roller Derby Playoffs The Women’s Flat Track Derby Association D1 Playoffs, with worldwide women’s flat track roller derby competitors, are 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. Sept. 18 and 19 and 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. Sept. 20 at Prime Osborn Center, 1000 Water St., Downtown, 630-4000, $25; $18 juniors, seniors, military; $50.80 for three-day pass; $71.40 juniors, seniors, military, ticketmaster.com. Children’s Tumor Foundation Nf Walk The third annual walk to raise awareness and fund research to end Neurofibromatosis, with a karate demonstration and training, yoga, food vendors, kids’ crafts, face-painting, photo booth, hero dash, dog walk, and Darth Vader, is Sept. 19 at Tillie Fowler Regional Park, 7000 Roosevelt Blvd., Westside, $25; $15 ages 4-12; details and register at nfwalk.org/jacksonville. First Coast Heart Walk The American Heart Association’s 2015 walk starts 9 a.m. (festivities 8 a.m.) Sept. 19 at Metro Park, 4110 Gator Bowl Blvd., Downtown. Event is free; those who raise $100-plus get a Heart Walk T-shirt. Walkers/teams register at firstcoastheartwalk.org. Arc of the St. John’s Surf Quest Free surf lessons for wounded veterans and people of all ages who are physically or mentally disabled, is 1-4 p.m. Sept. 19, and once a month March-October, at Mary Street Ramp beach access, Crescent Beach, arcsj.org. Crux Collective Relaunch Block Party Live music by Who Rescued Who?, Canary in the Coalmine, Sea Cycles, Gee-Ella & Foreign, Urethra Franklin, Kristopher Byerly, Strangerwolf, Willie Evans Jr., Jazz Torez, Josh Gaston, Hause Party, MF Goonz, and Twinki, plus live printing by Overstreet Ducasse and Chip Southworth, and food trucks, 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Sept. 19 at The Birdhouse, 1827 N. Pearl St., Springfield, all ages free; $25 VIP includes open bar and swagbags, 634-7523, crux904.com. Toast to the Animals Jacksonville Humane Society presents its 17th annual Toast to the Animals, with food, beer and wine tastings, live and silent auction, and live music, 6:30-10 p.m. Sept. 19, EverBank Field’s Terrace Suite, Downtown, $90, 4934566, jaxhumane.org. RAP Bootlegger’s Ball Riverside Avondale Preservation’s fourth annual Bootlegger’s Ball, with ’20s-era cocktails, live music by Gin Mill George & the Dapper Flapper Hounds, Canary in the Coalmine, and The 77ds, Charleston dance lessons, 7 p.m. Sept. 19 (Speakeasy-style, the location is disclosed after ticket purchase.) Tickets $70; includes unlimited food, 2 drink tickets; wear flapper/gangster attire, 389-2449, riversideavondale.org. Jewish Community Alliance Beach Day JCA holds its JAway Eco Beach Day, with presentations on sea turtle conservation, nesting sites and a project, 10-11:30 a.m. Sept. 20 at 16th Avenue South public beach access, Jax Beach. Snacks and beverages provided; bring a picnic lunch. Registration deadline is Sept. 16; email rochelle.golomb@jcajax.org.
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25
A&E //ARTS
I
A STAGE IN HISTORY
PLAYERS BY THE SEA celebrates 50 years of being a figurehead of Northeast Florida community theater
n 1966, there was one way out of Jacksonville’s PBTS finds resources and speakers from emerging beaches community — a twothe national theater scene and brings them lane dirt road known as Atlantic Boulevard. to Jacksonville. Talkbacks, readings, and Nothing lay between Downtown and the coast performances are a common occurrence. In for miles and miles. At the beach, there was a addition, the theater is committed to serving boardwalk, games of chance, and an amusement as a hub for theater education. The Performing park that had burned down. Arts Studio at Players by the Sea is a fully For pre-consolidated Jacksonville Beach art functioning afterschool theater program for patrons, the only place to go for arts events and children in grades K-12, featuring studios for entertainment — beyond what was on jukebox acting, musical theater and dance theater. And at Pete’s — was found at the end of that stretch PBTS offers acting and improv classes for adults, of dirt in Downtown Jacksonville. as well as a program for homeschooled children. But art finds a way, as the inevitable The theater is constantly making necessity being the mother of all inventions. community connections and finding ways of being more than just a community theater. Three Jacksonville Beach families — the Nonprofits that fit themes of staged productions Lucas, Thorne, and McManus families — decided benefit — the shows that PBTS stages can serve to stage small productions, putting in motion as fundraisers, even though PBTS is itself a one of the longer-running arts institutions in 501(c)3 nonprofit. Northeast Florida: Players by the Sea (PBTS). “Community theater is a valuable part of the Entering its 50th season of continually community,” says Akers. “It’s important because running productions, the theater will celebrate if you don’t have a community linked together its 50th anniversary in September 2016. working in the same direction, then you might From its humble beginnings in 1966, the theater incorporated in 1972 as a 501(c)3, as well not call yourself an artistic community.” creating the obligatory board of directors who On Sept. 18, PBTS kicks off its 50th season began the process of transforming PBTS to with a presentation of the comedy classic, La a community-driven arts Cage Aux Folles. The version organization fueled by the most people associate the LA CAGE AUX FOLLES communities it serves. play with is the 1996 film 7 p.m. Sept. 18, 8 p.m. Sept. 19 “You can’t just serve The Birdcage, which took at 106 Sixth St. N., Jax Beach, the community that’s La Cage out of France and 249-0289, $28; tickets for Sept. 18 50th anniversary are $85; convenient to you. You put it on Miami’s South $50 for members, and include have to serve the entire Beach. Directing and champagne, food, a raffle, and community or you’re not a choreographing the lush, live music; play runs through community theater,” says Joe over-the-top dance numbers Oct. 10, playersbythesea.org Schwarz, executive director is Jacksonville native James of PBTS since 2002. “You Kinney. Kinney, now have to be part of the community — linked to living in New York, travels the country as a it. And you can’t be just linked to the part of choreographer; he jumped at the opportunity the community that is affluent and can give to work with PBTS during this notable 50th you money. You have to be linked to the entire season. community — everybody. Not just linked to Approximately 600 community members the privileged. All or nothing.” support PBTS; one may become a member by The theater is more than merely a place to purchasing season tickets. Similar to methods used by stockholders, each patron casts votes to stage a production. It’s a school, a fundraising create the 14-member board. machine for other nonprofits, and a portal for local actors, actresses, directors, and PBTS is more than weekend-warrior actors playwrights to jump in with both feet and make dabbling community theater. The Schwarz-led an impact in theater. PBTS is a cultural institution that gives back to One of the theater’s core values is to the people not only in the coastal towns, but to premiere the work of a local playwright once those in Jacksonville’s many neighborhoods. It each season, and both Ian Mairs and Al Letson also promotes new creative works, educates, and have early-career connections. This season’s connects to as many segments of the community premiere of Cotton Alley, penned by local as possible while ensuring the arts are represented playwright Olivia Gowan, draws upon her across a wider spectrum of Duval County. upbringing in small-town Georgia. “We take a lot of risks. You take chances and give chances to people,” says Schwarz. “We also “At its surface, Players is a home for do some pretty cool stuff. In my opinion, what artists,” says Bradley Akers, associate we do is just as good, if not better, at times than director for PBTS. “We strive to give people anything you’ve paid $100 in a professional a multitude of opportunities — [the choices] theater for,” says Schwarz with a smile. “I got are way bigger than they thought they could my family. I got my theater.” have gotten. We take people who think they Keith Marks might be directors and we give them a show mail@folioweekly.com … and sometimes they shine.”
26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
THE COSMIC PUPPETS
A&E // MUSIC
Extraterrestrials, Christian Science, and ventriloquist’s dummies are all welcome in the realm of DAVID LIEBE HART
T
o say that speaking with David Liebe MacRae, who played on Petticoat Junction Hart is a unique experience would be an and My Three Sons. Sheila was married to incredible understatement. His website Gordon MacRae, who did South Pacific, and describes him as an “actor/musician/painter/ she married Jackie Gleason; that was his last alien abductee.” Those credentials aside, wife. The weird situation is that I was taken to following Hart’s career, and inspirations, can be see The Honeymooners when my grandparents an odd albeit enjoyable ride. retired in Miami, Florida way back in the ’70s, Originally appearing in bit parts on ’70s before I went into the Navy. They wouldn’t let sitcoms (Good Times, Chico and the Man), Hart me into The Jackie Gleason Theater, where they eventually produced the Los Angeles public used to film The Jackie Gleason Show. They access show, The Junior Christian Science Bible told me, “You have to have an appointment Lesson Program. For 14 years, Hart and his only.” And you know the sad situation is, the ventriloquist’s dummies sang hymns, welcomed episodes that they filmed at the theater, they guests to the show, and delivered the gospel didn’t have any of those in the library; they to kids. Inevitably, the program earned a cult don’t even have the black-and-white ones that following and, watching segments of it on they did in New York. And the ones done in YouTube, it’s easy to see why. Sermonizing color were much better. They were funnier and puppets, unpredictable, old-school video since Jackie Gleason was a songwriter like me, effects, and a soundtrack of jarring musical and a musician like me, he wrote a lot of the interludes that seem almost randomly thrown music for the shows that were done from 1964 together are also hypnotically watchable. to 1974. He was a very talented guy. He was Eventually, Hart became a regular on even part German and Irish like me. He was my the brilliantly subversive comedy program, favorite comedian. Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! which So it sounds like Jackie Gleason was like a introduced Hart to a greater (and possibly his kindred spirit for you. I mean, you also write target) audience. Hart’s also been on The Daily songs, you do comedy, and puppet shows, Show with Jon Stewart and Jimmy Kimmel Live! among other things. Performed as a duet with one of his I do all of those things and I do have a lot in puppets, Hart’s song ideas touch on religion, common with Jackie Gleason and I was really his ongoing search for a girlfriend, and his sorry to see him pass on. And then another relationship with the alien race of Korendians, thing, another role model to me was Frank beings that continually aid and assist Fontaine, who played on the original The humankind. At his show Sept. 16 at Underbelly, Jackie Gleason Show. He did the Malt-O-Meal Hart and his musical cohort Jonah Mociun commercials and he was another role model will perform old faves and new hits, along with to me. When I was a kid, I got to meet him in (possibly) comedy and (absolutely) puppets. person. He died early but he was a very talented Hart is often labeled as an Outsider Artist comedian and musician. and, more than once, his mental health has been in question. I actually had a fair amount Speaking of comedy and music, when you’re of trepidation about, not speaking with, but here at Underbelly, what will you be doing? rather “interviewing” Hart, since I didn’t want Well, what I’m going to be doing is, I’m going to the let the story somehow degrade into to do a little bit of comedy. I exploitation. Knowing that my used to do standup comedy motivations were non-malicious DAVID LIEBE HART, with Robin Williams back and, as with any artist, willing to DIGDOG, CARL SWAYGAN in the day, before he made it let the conversation dictate our 8 p.m. Sept. 16, Underbelly, big on Happy Days, Mork & direction and end destination, Downtown, $10 advance; $15 Mindy, and doing movies, him I rang Hart. I will acknowledge day of, underbellylive.com and I were roommates at The that our talk did not lend itself St. Moritz Hotel across from to a linear conversation. Channel 5. And we performed at The Comedy Over the course of our interaction, we Store and the Laugh Factory together. talked about singing with puppets, the apparent spiritual ubiquity of Christian Science, and the So you’ll do comedy along with music and alien race known as the Korendians. work with puppets? I will be doing puppets. I will be singing Hey, David, my name is Dan Brown and I’m diff erent versions of “Go Into The Light” and a writer for Folio Weekly, the altweekly here different versions of “Father and Son,” because in Jacksonville, Florida. I was wondering if even though I’m an ASCAP songwriter and I could talk to you about your upcoming gig I wrote the words and music to the songs I here in town? performed on the Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Sure. I’m in Miami right now on tour; sure you Great Job!, I’m not allowed to use them because can interview me now. they’re owned by Warner Bros. So I’ve had to do parallel versions of the songs. Great, man! Thanks. Yeah, you know my actual mentor who helped I think Frank Zappa had a similar problem me out with acting lessons passed on and she with Warner Bros. in the ’70s, where he had to was the last survivor of The Honeymooners — fight for the rights to some of his music. Shelia MacRae. Well, I inherited a lot of my puppets from three famous puppeteers. Jim Henson was my Oh, yeah? Sunday school teacher in the Christian Science Yes. She was a Christian Scientist, like me, and church, and so was Burr Tillstrom, who did she died last year in the senior citizen actors’ Kukla, Fran & Ollie, and so was the guy who home in New Jersey [Ed.: Hart is referring to did The Friendly Giant [Bob Homme]. And I The Lillian Booth Actors Home in Englewood] had to rebuild the puppets so their faces and and she outlived her daughter, Meredith
bodies look different, so there wouldn’t be a copyright infringement. Is it hard to sing with a puppet? No, it’s like playing piano and singing. Once you practice, it becomes perfect. Practice makes perfect. Also, for mentors I didn’t just have Jim Henson and Burr Tillstrom to encourage me in my career. I also had Doris Day and Jean Stapleton that were mentors to me who taught me to work with affirmations on success and visualize myself already being successful. And they told me that I was success in action and God was my agent. Would you mind talking about your personal experiences with the Korendians? My grandmother told me on her deathbed that she was in contact with the Korendians and that I would be their new contact after she died. And she died in 1989. And just four months after she passed on, I met this woman when I was selling my portraits at the La Brea Tar Pits. This beautiful woman who looked like Betty Page and Linda Carter came up to me and told me: “I’m an extraterrestrial. I’m a Korendian. And I know who you are and I know everything about you.” At first I didn’t believe her and I thought that she was someone mentally “off,” but then she said, “I’m going to show you that I’m different than you human kind.” She read my mind when I thought that she was insane and she put that back in my face. Then she said, “I know you still don’t believe me.” She took off her high heels and you know how our big toe is on the side of our feet? Their big toe is in the middle. She was a very attractive woman and she was amazed at how fast I could draw portrait sketches and she told me that her race of people gave my great-grandfather, Orville, and Wilbur Wright the back-engineering technology to make the airplane. They also worked with Einstein and Tesla and gave them back-engineering technology back then. You’ve got quite a strong following; I routinely see you described as an “Outsider Artist.” Has being labeled like that ever bothered you? Well, you know, I think I should be used more on TV. I was supposed to be … an East Indian guy [Ed.: presumably Aziz Ansari] got me a cold reading on Parks and Recreation and he was so upset that they gave it to someone else. They said I was less qualified and gave it to this woman … but anyway. Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27
A&E // MUSIC
CONNOR HICKEY keeps on truckin’ with Fjord Explorer
WHAT A LONG STRANGE TRIP
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“Be stagnant at no stage in your life, open xplorations aren’t without adversity — your heart to new ideas, and remember that no they become defining moments of the one is entitled, but everyone is worthy. The only journey. Connor Hickey, the driving force constant in life is its consistency in progression, behind the for-the-present-moment local and I suggest you progress right alongside it. musical outfit Fjord Explorer, has seen his Though, when the cold hand of time casually share of life’s challenges for a 25-year-old. reminds you of what truly matters in contrast to He’s lost his sister, his father, battled cancer, the minutia of everyday life, you would be wise had a marriage called off and split from his to grasp and hold on tightly to the things and fiancée, seen the dismantling of his band, people that count. They cannot be measured, are and the alcohol that came along with all of it. few in number, and will eventually slip away. That well of emotion is funneled into Hickey’s Love hard. honest and hauntingly beautiful songwriting. There isn’t a damn thing else worth doing.” The lineup for the band is Hickey on guitar-vocals, Jordan White on lead guitar, Austin Johnson on bass, and Jack Twachtman Is it difficult having to wear multiple on drums. Folio Weekly’s Bonnabrew will be hats of songwriter, band leader, business a reunion show for the band, as they haven’t development, and more? What was fun and performed live in months. It’s the beginning what wasn’t? of the end for the guys — Hickey has decided It isn’t difficult, but it’s quite frustrating. I’m to move out of Jacksonville and head to not a big fan of telling other artists how to do Portland, Oregon. things, but eventually discourse is required, and that can result in a Folio Weekly caught up few bumped heads. That with Hickey via email to took some getting used to. discuss the bumps in the road, FJORD EXPLORER Outside of that, booking a Fjord Explorer’s connection to performs at tour is hands-down my least the local music scene, and how Folio Weekly’s Bonnabrew favorite thing to do outside beer in a dark room is the best with TOMBOI, THE DAYGOS, of going to the dentist. The recipe for calling on the muse. and LPT fun stuff is obvious. Making 4-9 p.m., Sept. 27, under the Fuller Warren Bridge, art, loving the people Folio Weekly: Has 715 Riverside Ave. you’re making it with, and Jacksonville been a good place Performance art, live painting, in the process forming for Fjord Explorer? What comedy, dragon boats, relationships with other are some of the more positive glassblowing, more than 60 people that I’ll never take aspects of being in a band in craft beers, and lots more fun stuff; folioweekly.com. for granted; so long as I’m Jacksonville, as well as some being honest with myself. of the negatives? Connor Hickey: Jacksonville Any advice to younger bands starting to hit is home. In that sense, it’s been fantastic to the local music scene? have the opportunity to play music for my Don’t be intimidated, but practice the hell friends and family so often, as they are quite out of what you do before you throw yourself good to us. The Jacksonville music scene, onto a stage. Do what you do, and do it while easily knocked, has grown so far before my very ears over the last few years. There’s a well, that takes cultivation, be patient and good core group of artists and musicians that persistent, you’ll thank yourself later. truly do support each other here, and that’s beautiful. The only negative I’m willing to Was there a special formula for writing Fjord admit is the driving. Jacksonville is big. This Explorer tunes? makes locating and finding time to be near At different times, I would take different like-minded people difficult at times. approaches. The most tried-and-true for me is to sit alone in a pitch-black room with beer on hand, and a tape machine or cell phone What were some of the deeper messages you recording whatever randomness comes out. were hoping to impart to your listeners? Was Fjord Explorer an outlet of deeper expression Will Fjord Explorer be reborn? or was it just about making quality music? To quote “The Drowned God” [from Game Life is short. You and everyone else is going to of Thrones]: “What is dead may never die.” I die, and probably sooner than any of us wants, will continue to make music under the Fjord so smile and have a drink. This is something Explorer moniker. I wrote for a speech at graduation that I really Keith Marks try to remember daily and think carries over mail@folioweekly.com into my music:
28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
Formed in Jah-enriched soil of that fertile hotbed of reggae – Kent, Ohio – TROPIDELIC (pictured) performs with CLOUD 9 VIBES and OCEANSTONE at Freebird Live on Sept. 17 in Jax Beach.
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK
SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. Sept. 16 at Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, Downtown, 374-1247. Music by the Sea: BIG LONESOME Dinner by Gypsy Cab Co. 6 p.m.; concert 7 p.m. Sept. 16, St. Augustine Beach Pier & Pavilion, 350 A1A Beach Blvd., free, 347-8007, thecivicassociation.org. RYAN CRARY 6 p.m. Sept. 16 at Pusser’s Bar & Grille, 816 A1A N., Ponte Vedra Beach, 280-7766. DENNY BLUE 6 p.m. Sept 16 at Paula’s Beachside Grill, 6896 A1A S., Crescent Beach, 471-3463. Bridging the Music: BIGFOOT BAREBACK, RASHON MEDLOCK 6 p.m. Sept. 16 at 1904 Music Hall, 1904 Ocean St., Downtown, $11.75. BILLY BOWERS 7 p.m. Sept. 16 at Ragtime Tavern, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach. 241-7877. ROXY ROCA, PARKER URBAN BAND 8 p.m. Sept. 16 at Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-7496, $8 advance; $10 day of. DAVID LEIBE HART, DIGDOG, CARL SWAYGAN 8 p.m. Sept. 16 at Underbelly, 113 E. Bay St., Downtown, 353-6067, $10 advance; $15 at the door. RICHARD SMITH 6 p.m. Sept. 17, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. FRONZILLA, PALISADES, WHITNEY PEYTON, IT LIVES IT BREATHES 7 p.m. Sept. 17, Underbelly, $15. The DRUIDS 7 p.m. Sept. 17, Ragtime Tavern. LARRY MANGUM, SUZ GRANDY, JOHN R. BUTLER 7:30 p.m. Sept. 17 at Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., San Marco, 352-7008, $10. LUKE BRYAN, RANDY HOUSER, DUSTIN LYNCH 7:30 p.m. Sept. 17 at Veterans Memorial Arena, 300 Randolph Blvd., Downtown, 630-3900, $38.75-$68.75. TOXIC HOLOCAUST, LORD DYING 7:30 p.m. Sept. 17, 1904 Music Hall, $12. TROPIDELIC, CLOUD 9 VIBES, OCEANSTONE 8 p.m. Sept. 17 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 246-2473, $8 advance; $10 day of. BE EASY 8 p.m. Sept. 17 at Latitude 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., Southside, 365-5555. ADAM & the PLASTIC, HONEY CHAMBER, ELI the POET 8 p.m. Sept. 17, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of. BUDDY BROWN, JAMIE DAVIS 6 p.m. Sept. 18 at Mavericks at The Landing, 2 Independent Dr., Downtown, 356-1110, $10, mavericksatthelanding.com. DENNY BLUE 7 p.m. Sept. 18 at Spy Global Cuisine & Lounge, 21 Hypolita St., St. Augustine, 819-5637. TOMBOI Lobos Remix Tape Release Party with PLEASURES, MUST BE the HOLY GHOST, BE BE DEE & GERRY LEE 8 p.m. Sept. 18 at rain dogs., 1045 Park St., Riverside, 379-4969; free pizza and glitter beards available for all! AARON KOERNER 8 p.m. Sept. 18, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. MIGHT HIGH COUP 8 p.m. Sept. 18, 1904 Music Hall, $10 advance; $12 day of. RUNAWAY GIN (Phish tribute) 8 p.m. Sept. 18 at Freebird Live, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 246-2473, $15 advance; $20 day of. PLAYBOI CARTI, DOLA, KROWNS, OSOE, EASY 101, NATE DAE, STOKELY CARMICHAEL, SPIRIT FLIGHTENGALE, 17th AVE., SOUNDS by 4THQUATERQUAN, ZERO 8:30 p.m. Sept. 18, Jack Rabbits, $13. HARD 2 HANDLE 9:30 p.m. Sept. 18 at Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208.
EVAN MICHAEL & the WELL WISHERS 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19 at Flying Iguana, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680. OZONE BABY 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19 at The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611. BOOGIE FREAKS 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19, Ragtime Tavern. Riverside Arts Market: FAZE WAVE, CANARY in the COALMINE, JORDAN STODDARD 10:30 a.m. Sept. 19, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449. DENNY BLUE 1 p.m. Sept. 19 at Milltop Tavern & Listening Room, 19 1/2 St. George St., St. Augustine, 829-2329. Crux Collective Relaunch Block Party: WHO RESCUED WHO, CANARY in the COALMINE, SEA CYCLES, GEE-ELLA & FOREIGN, URETHRA FRANKLIN, KRISTOPHER BYERLY, STRANGERWOLF, WILLIE EVANS JR., JAZZ TOREZ, JOSH GASTON, HAUSE PARTY, MF GOONZ, TWINKI 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Sept. 19 at The Birdhouse, 1827 N. Pearl St., Springfield, free event all ages; $25 VIP includes open bar & swagbags, 634-7523, crux904.com. RYAN CRARY 7 p.m. Sept. 19, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. WEEKEND ATLAS, The DOG APOLLO, MARATHON RUNNER 8 p.m. Sept. 19, Jack Rabbits, $5 advance; $10 day of. DELTA WOLF, ANTON LAPLUME, The GOOD WOOD BAND 8 p.m. Sept. 19 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., $8 advance; $10 at the door, Downtown. DE LIONS of JAH 4 p.m. Sept. 20 at Nippers Beach Grille, 2309 Beach Blvd., Jax Beach, 247-3300. INNER DEMONS, PLANET RAWK, A BRILLIANT LIE, H.S.O.A. 8 p.m. Sept. 20, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of. TRACY GRAMMER 7:30 p.m. Sept. 21, Mudville Music Room, $10. UNEARTHLY, NIHILISTINEN BARBAARISUUS, USED BUTT LUBE, TWO PIECE TRAINWRECK 9 p.m. Sept. 21 at Shantytown Pub, 22 W. Sixth St., Downtown, 798-8222, $5. THAT 1 GUY 8 p.m. Sept. 22, Jack Rabbits, $15. NORMA JEAN 8 p.m. Sept. 22, 1904 Music Hall, $18. RYAN CRARY 6 p.m. Sept. 23, Pusser’s Bar & Grille. CHIEF SCOUT 8 p.m. Sept. 23, Jack Rabbits, $8 advance; $10 day of.
UPCOMING CONCERTS
REO SPEEDWAGON Sept. 24, The Florida Theatre DELBERT McCLINTON Sept. 25, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall HELMET Sept. 25, Jack Rabbits COEDS Sept. 25, Burro Bar BRITTANY SHANE Sept. 25, Mudville Music Room CLAY WALKER Sept. 26, Mavericks at the Landing Clean Water Music Festival: LARKIN POE, ISRAEL NASH, BRIGHT LIGHT SOCIAL HOUR Sept. 26, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall I-VIBES Sept. 27, Nippers Beach Grille Folio Weekly’s Bonnabrew: TOMBOI, The DAYGOS, LPT, FJORD EXPLORER Sept. 27, under the Fuller Warren Bridge NOTHING MORE, The MARMOZETS, TURBOWOLF Sept. 28, Jack Rabbits RECKLESS SERENADE Sept. 29, Jack Rabbits HOUNDMOUTH, BASIA BULAT Sept. 30, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BOOKER T. JONES Oct. 3, Ritz Theatre & Museum JERROD NIEMANN Oct. 3, Mavericks at the Landing DR. JOHN & the NITE TRIPPERS, WALTER PARKS Oct. 4, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall Amelia Island Jazz Fest: NAVY BAND SOUTHEAST’S TGIF,
TRIO CALIENTE, LES DEMERLE, BONNIE EISELE, KEVIN MAHOGANY, LARRY CORYELL, AL WATERS, MIKE LEVINE, DENNIS MARKS, STEVE STAWLEY, CLARENCE HINES, DON ZENTZ, DOUG MATTHEWS, ERNIE EALUM Oct. 4-11, Fernandina Beach TORO Y MOI, ASTRONAUTS Oct. 8, Freebird Live CANNIBAL CORPSE, CATTLE DECAPITATION, SOREPTION Oct. 8, Underbelly SALAD BOYS Oct. 8, rain dogs The MOUNTAIN GOATS, BLANK RANGE Oct. 9, Colonial Quarter ANI DiFRANCO, ANA EGGE Oct. 9, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall LAVELL CRAWFORD Oct. 9, The Florida Theatre RANDY WESTON’S AFRICAN RHYTHMS Oct. 10, Ritz Theatre BONZ (Stuck Mojo), A.M.M. Oct. 10, Jack Rabbits That’s What She Said Musical Showcase: GHOST TROPIC, LAUREN GILLIAM, BEAVER TRAP, RAMONA QUIMBY, AMY HENDRICKSON BAND, EMA & THE OLD KINGS, AMY VICKERY, CHELSEA SADDLER, KATHERINE ARCHER, THE AFTERWHILE, ELIZABETH ROTH BAND, WENDY KISSINGER, LAUREL NORRIS, KENNY & THE JETS Oct. 11, Planet! Sarbez! ST. AUGUSTINE RECORD FAIR Oct. 11, St. Augustine Amphitheatre The VIBRATORS, CONCRETE ANIMALS, The WASTEDIST Oct. 11, Jack Rabbits FRED HAMMOND & DONNIE McCLURKIN Oct. 11, Veterans Memorial Arena NEW FOUND GLORY, YELLOWCARD, TIGERS JAW Oct. 13, Mavericks The WINERY DOGS Oct. 14, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall NOAH GUNDERSON, FIELD REPORT Oct. 14, Colonial Quarter Magnolia Fest: TEDESCHI TRUCKS BAND, AVETT BROTHERS, DEL McCOURY BAND, STEEP CANYON RANGERS, GRANDPA’S COUGH MEDICINE, The LEE BOYS, IVEY WEST BAND, BAND of HEATHENS, PARKER URBAN BAND, The CONGRESS, The CORBITT BROTHERS, The MOTET, NIKKI TALLEY, BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND, BONNIE BLUE, MOJO GURUS, APPLEBUTTER EXPRESS, GRITS & SOUL, BERRY OAKLEY’S SKYLAB, CEDELL DAVIS, HABANERO HONEYS, COL. BRUCE HAMPTON, LOST BAYOU RAMBLERS, QUARTERMOON, The LONDON SOULS, ROOSEVELT COLLIER & the TRAVELIN’ McCOURYS, BACK FROM the BRINK, THIS FRONTIER NEEDS HEROES, FLAGSHIP ROMANCE, WHETHERMAN, JACKSONVEGAS, JERRY JOSEPH & the JACKMORONS, SLOPPY JOE, QUEBEC SISTERS, REBIRTH BRASS BAND, JEFF AUSTIN BAND, JIM LAUDERDALE, NEW ORLEANS SUSPECTS, DONNA the BUFFALO, BIG COSMO, KELLER WILLIAMS’ GRATEFUL GOSPEL, LAKE STREET DRIVE Oct. 15-18, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park STRAY from the PATH, COMEBACK KID, BEING as an OCEAN, MAJOR LEAGUE, DEEZ NUTS Oct. 15, Underbelly BEN PRESTAGE Oct. 15, Mudville Music Room CHRIS TOMLIN, REND COLLECTIVE Oct. 16, Vets Memorial Arena BO BURNHAM Oct. 16, The Florida Theatre SUZANNE VEGA Oct. 16, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall The SENSES, The PHILTERS Oct. 16, Jack Rabbits DEF LEPPARD, FOREIGNER, NIGHT RANGER Oct. 17, Veterans Memorial Arena DEBORAH HENSON-CONANT Oct. 17, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall LITTLE BIG TOWN, DRAKE WHITE & the BIG FIRE Oct. 17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre
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LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC
Local players EVAN MICHAEL & THE WELL WISHERS serve up pop, rock, and soul classics at Flying Iguana Sept. 18 & 19 in Neptune Beach.
MATT POND PA Oct. 17, 1904 Music Hall JOHN CLEESE & ERIC IDLE: Together Again at Last … for the Very Last Time Oct. 18, The Florida Theatre XAEMORA, SATURNINE, NEVER BAPTIZED Oct. 19, Across the Street The CHARLIE DANIELS BAND Oct. 22, The Florida Theatre JASON ALDEAN, COLE SWINDELL, TYLER FARR, DEE JAY SILVER Oct. 22, Veterans Memorial Arena Gnar Stars: FREE WEED, UNKLE FUNKLE, COLLEEN GREEN Oct. 22, Shanghai Nobby’s TAB BENOIT Oct. 22, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MARCIA BALL & her BAND, AMY SPEACE Oct. 23, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BUDDY GUY, SHEMEKIA COPELAND Oct. 23, Florida Theatre KATT WILLIAMS Oct. 24, Veterans Memorial Arena MARK KNOPFLER Oct. 27, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DESAPARECIDOS Oct. 27, Underbelly KEPI GHOULI, MEAN JEANS, LIFEFORMS (as Nirvana) Oct. 29, rain dogs TWO COW GARAGE, The MUTTS Oct. 29, Jack Rabbits Suwannee Hulaween: STRING CHEESE INCIDENT, PRETTY LIGHTS, PRIMUS, CHANCE the RAPPER Oct. 30-Nov. 1, Spirit of the Suwannee Music Park LEE BAINES III & the GLORY FIRES, PUJOL, ELECTRIC WATER Oct. 31, Burro Bar The UNDERACHIEVERS, POUYA, KIRK KNIGHT, BODEGA
BAMZ Nov. 1, Underbelly BOZ SCAGGS Nov. 4, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts LEFTOVER SALMON Nov. 5, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall AMERICA’S GOT TALENT LIVE Nov. 6, The Florida Theatre MARY J. BLIGE Nov. 6, Veterans Memorial Arena PRONG, APPALACHIAN DEATH TRAP Nov. 6, Jack Rabbits The BROTHERS COMATOSE Nov. 7, Jack Rabbits ALL HANDS on DECK Nov. 8, The Florida Theatre REVEREND PEYTON’S BIG DAMN BAND, BRYCE ALASTAIR BAND Nov. 8, Jack Rabbits SLOW MAGIC Nov. 11, The Original Café Eleven TEXAS in JULY, REFLECTIONS, TO the WIND, INVENT, ANIMATE Nov. 11, Underbelly KNUCKLE PUCK, SEAWAY, SORORITY NOISE, HEAD NORTH Nov. 11, 1904 Music Hall ADRIAN LEGG, DAVID LINDLEY Nov. 12, P. Vedra Concert Hall CHASE BRYANT Nov. 12, Mavericks at the Landing BLENDED BREW Nov. 12, Jack Rabbits AMERICA Nov. 13, Thrasher-Horne Center for the Arts JAKE SHIMABUKURO Nov. 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall GABRIEL IGLESIAS Nov. 13, The Florida Theatre KRISTIN CHENOWITH Nov. 14, T-U Center STRAIGHT NO CHASER Nov. 17, The Florida Theatre The DIRTY DOZEN BRASS BAND, NEW BREED BRASS BAND Nov. 21, Ritz Theatre & Museum This is Not a Test Tour: TOBYMAC, BRITT NICOLE, COLTON
DIXON, HOLLYN Nov. 22, Veterans Memorial Arena SCOTT BRADLEE’S Postmodern Jukebox Nov. 28, Florida Theatre RONNIE MILSAP Nov. 29, The Florida Theatre CRAIG FERGUSON Nov. 30, The Florida Theatre DAVE KOZ CHRISTMAS TOUR Dec. 1, The Florida Theatre MAC MILLER, EARTHGANG, MICHAEL CHRISTMAS, REMEMBER MUSIC Dec. 2, The Florida Theatre LUCERO Dec. 3, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall NICHOLAS PAYTON Dec. 5, Ritz Theatre & Museum The Big Ticket: TWENTY ONE PILOTS, OF MONSTERS and MEN, WALK the MOON, The NEIGHBOURHOOD, GLASS ANIMALS, ANDREW McMAHON, MUTEMATH, X AMBASSADORS, PVRIS, ROBERT DeLONG, SAINT MOTEL, COLEMAN HELL, BORNS, BOOTS on BOOTS Dec. 6, Metropolitan Park KANSAS Dec. 6, The Florida Theatre LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III, MELISSA FERRICK Dec. 11, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall TRANS-SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA Dec. 11, Vets Memorial Arena KEVIN GRIFFIN Dec. 12, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall BRIAN REGAN Dec. 13, The Florida Theatre BOWZER’S Rock ’N’ Roll Holiday Party: The TOKENS, FREDDY BOOM BOOM CANNON Dec. 17, The Florida Theatre MATISYAHU Dec. 18 & 19, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall MICHAEL McDONALD Dec. 19, Thrasher-Horne Center The TEN TENORS Dec. 22, The Florida Theatre CHRIS DUARTE Dec. 22, Mudville Music Room DONNA the BUFFALO Dec. 30, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SOJA Jan. 1, The Florida Theatre JOHN SEBASTIAN Jan. 8, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall STEVE FORBERT TRIO Jan. 9, Mudville Music Room TROMBONE SHORTY & ORLEANS AVENUE Jan. 15, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall CHRISTIAN McBRIDE Jan. 16, Ritz Theatre & Museum The TEMPTATIONS, The FOUR TOPS Jan. 21, Florida Theatre SHAWN COLVIN Jan. 29, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall JOHNNY MATHIS Jan. 31, The Florida Theatre COLIN HAY Jan. 31, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall YANNI Feb. 3, T-U Center for the Performing Arts WHO’S BAD: The Ultimate Michael Jackson Tribute Feb. 5, The Florida Theatre ALAN PARSONS PROJECT Greatest Hits Tour with Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra Feb. 10, The Florida Theatre ROBERT RANDOLPH & the FAMILY BAND Feb. 11, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall PATTY GRIFFIN, SARA WATKINS, ANAIS MITCHELL Feb. 13, The Florida Theatre The JAMES HUNTER SIX Feb. 13, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall SUN RA ARKESTRA Feb. 20, Ritz Theatre & Museum MICHAEL FELDMAN’S WHAD’YA KNOW? LIVE! Feb. 20, The Florida Theatre ADAM TRENT Feb. 21, The Florida Theatre GARY CLARK JR. Feb. 21, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall IL VOLO March 3, The Florida Theatre BLACK VIOLIN March 3, Ritz Theatre & Museum ROGER McGUINN March 4, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall HERB ALPERT & LANI HALL March 4, Florida Theatre JANET JACKSON March 8, Veterans Memorial Arena FRANK SINATRA JR. March 9, The Florida Theatre JOHNNY CLEGG & HIS BAND March 18, P. Vedra Concert Hall CECILE McLORIN SALVANT March 31, Ritz Theatre CELTIC NIGHTS: SPIRIT of FREEDOM April 6, Florida Theatre NAJEE April 9, Ritz Theatre & Museum LET IT BE: A Celebration of the Music of The Beatles April 10, The Florida Theatre THE BRONX WANDERERS April 16, Florida Theatre ELLIS PAUL May 13, The Original Café Eleven
LIVE MUSIC CLUBS
AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH
GREEN TURTLE TAVERN, 14 S. Third St., 321-2324 Buck Smith Thur. Yancy Clegg Sun. Vinyl Record Nite every Tue.
AVONDALE, ORTEGA
CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Live jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon. ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur. Indie dance 9 p.m. Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance at 9 p.m. every Fri. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns, 388-0200 Dustin Bradley Sept. 10
THE BEACHES
(All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)
CULHANE’S, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595 Robby & Felix 8 p.m. Sept. 18. DJ Hal every Sat. Irish music every Sun. FLYING IGUANA, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 Evan Michael & the Well Wishers 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19. Darren Corlew Sept. 20 FREEBIRD LIVE, 200 N. First St., 246-2473 Tropidelic, Cloud9 Vibes, Oceanstone Sept. 17. Runaway Gin Sept. 18 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 320 First St. N., 372-0815 Scott Verville Sept. 16. Live music Fri. & Sat. Dan Evans, Spade McQuade Sun. Back From the Brink Mon. LILLIE’S COFFEE BAR, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922 Bread & Butter Sept. 18. Jazz Reprobates Sept. 19 LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 N. First St., 249-5181 Firewater Tent Revival 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Three Sept. 16. Continuum Sept. 17. Paul Miller Sept. 18 MEZZA Restaurant & Bar, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Neil Dixon every Tue. Gypsies Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford & Steve Shanholtzer every Thur. NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300 Lisa
30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
& the Madhatters Sept. 19. De Lions of Jah Sept. 20 NORTH BEACH BISTRO, 725 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 372-4105 Acoustic Flutation Sept. 17. Backtrack 51 Sept. 18. Billy Bowers Sept. 19 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Billy Bowers Sept. 16. The Druids Sept. 17. Boogie Freaks 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19. Live music Thur.-Sun. SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE, 218 First St., Neptune Beach, 246-0881 Jimmi Mitchell Sept. 11 WIPEOUTS GRILL, 1589 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 247-4508 Live music 7 p.m. Sept. 17, 9:30 p.m. Sept. 18
DOWNTOWN
1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N. Bigfoot Barefoot, Rashon Medlock 6 p.m. Sept. 16. Toxic Holocaust, Lord Dying Sept. 17. Mighty High Coup 8 p.m. Sept. 18. Delta Wolf, Anton LaPlume, The Good Wood Band Sept. 19. Norma Jean, Sleepwave Sept. 22 BURRO BAR, 100 E. Adams St. Pleasures 9 p.m. Sept. 18. Conveyor Sept. 19. Battling Giants Sept. 21 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 BlackJack every Wed. DJ Brandon every Thur. DJs spin dance music every Fri. DJ NickFresh Sat. DJ Randall 9 p.m. Mon. DJ Hollywood Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jax Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. Sept. 16 & 23. Ace Winn 8 p.m.-mid. Sept. 18 & 25. Chuck Nash 8 p.m.-mid. Sept. 19 JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 353-1188 Music competition 8 p.m. Sept. 18. Austin Park 8 p.m. Sept. 19. Southern Sass 1 p.m. Sept. 20. 418 Band 4 p.m. Sept. 20. Joe Nichols 7 p.m. Sept. 25 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay, 355-5099 DJ Roy Luis Wed. DJ Vinn every Thur. DJ Dr. Doom 10 p.m. every Fri. DJ Shotgun 10 p.m. every Sat. MAVERICKS, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Buddy Brown, Jamie Davis 6 p.m. Sept. 18. Valentino Khan Sept. 19. Clay Walker 6 p.m. Sept. 26. Joe Buck, DJ Justin Thur.-Sat. UNDERBELLY, 113 E. Bay St., 699-8186 David Leibe Hart, Dig Dog, The Vulgarians 8 p.m. Sept. 16. Fronzilla, Palisades, Whitney Peyton, It Lives It Breathes Sept. 17
set
FLEMING ISLAND
WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Mark Parisi Sept. 18. Live music Fri. & Sat. DJ Throwback 8 p.m. Thur. Deck music Fri., Sat. & Sun.
INTRACOASTAL WEST
CLIFF’S BAR & GRILL, 3033 Monument Rd., 645-5162 Bill Ricci Sept. 18. Live music most weekends JERRY’S SPORTS GRILLE, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Don’t Call Me Shirley 9 p.m. Sept. 18
MANDARIN, JULINGTON
DAVE’S MUSIC BAR & GRILL, 9965 San Jose, 575-4935 Blues Jam Sept. 18. A Vibrant Lye, Here’s the Deal Sept. 19 HARMONIOUS MONKS, 10550 Old St. Augustine, 880-3040 Smooth McFlea Sept. 23. Open jam 7 p.m. every Mon.
MAKING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER
A FEW WEEKS BACK, I BLOGGED ABOUT THE MANY elements of musical improvisation. I re-read that piece recently and realized, with a few tweaks, it could easily be interpreted as relationship advice. And so I present the reworked piece, for both musicians and those who may need a little help with their love lives. First, improvisation requires years of experience, playing every style, every level of quality, music you love, music you hate. Just as good writers must be great readers, good musicians must be great listeners. The concept of “big ears” comes into play here, before you even play a single note of improvisation. Big ears come only from years and years of listening, and listening with intent to other musicians. Only when you are truly listening can you respond appropriately. With experience comes a growing vocabulary and a wealth of knowledge that can be accessed in an instant when improvising. But one should not confuse vocabulary with licks. Licks are learned patterns (fi lls, melodic lines, riffs, etc.) that can be inserted in a time of need (not advised, but can get you out of a sticky situation), can be used to impress (also not advised but understandable, considering the scrutiny of our fellow players and our relentless egos) or in the case of many musicians, qualify as their entire stable of musical ideas. Licks are the platitudes of the music world. Vocabulary, on the other hand, is what gives us the freedom to be expressive and responsive, to actually say something musical, to engage in a meaningful exchange with fellow musicians or to make a worthwhile musical statement on your own. A shared vocabulary is important. It is difficult
LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC
ORANGE PARK, MIDDLEBURG
CLUB RETRO, 1241 Blanding Blvd., 579-4731 ’70s & ’80s dance 8 p.m. every Fri. & Sat. DJ Capone every Wed. THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael Tue.-Sat. PREVATT’S SPORTS BAR, 2620 Blanding Blvd., 282-1564 Live music every Sat. DJ Tammy Wed. THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 Darrell Rae Sept. 16. Ozone Baby 10 p.m. Sept. 18 & 19. Live music 10 p.m. Wed. DJ Big Mike 10 p.m. Thur.
PONTE VEDRA
PUSSER’S Grill, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Ryan Crary 6 p.m. Sept. 16, 19 & 23. Richard smith Sept. 17. Aaron Koerner Sept. 18. Live music weekends TABLE 1, 330 A1A, 280-5515 Monica DaSilva & Chad Alger Sept. 16. Gary Starling Sept. 17. Latin All Stars Sept. 19 & 23
RIVERSIDE, WESTSIDE
ACROSS THE STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Happy Faced Mistakes Sept. 19. Live music most weekends MURRAY HILL THEATRE, 932 Edgewood S., 388-7807 Jimmy Needham, Kevin Jones, Jeremiah Daly & the Homestead Sept. 18 RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Tomboi Lobos Remix Tape Party: Pleasures, Must Be the Holy Ghost, Be Be Dee & Gerry Lee Sept. 18 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Faze Wave, Canary in the Coalmine, Jordan Stoddard Sept. 19. Folio Weekly’s Bonnabrew: Tomboi, The Daygos, LPT, Fjord Explorer Sept. 27
ST. AUGUSTINE
CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Brady Reich, Chillula Sept. 18. Chase Rideman, Ain’t Too Proud to Beg Sept. 19. Vinny Jacobs Sept. 20 MILL TOP TAVERN, 19 St. George St., 829-2329 Back from the Brink Sept. 18. Jake Cox & Jimmy B Sept. 19. John Winters Sept. 20 PAULA’S GRILL, 6896 A1A S., Crescent Beach, 471-3463 Denny Blue open mic jam 6-9 p.m. Sept. 16 SPY GLOBAL CUISINE, 21 Hypolita St., 819-5637 Denny Blue Sept. 18 TRADEWINDS LOUNGE, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Spanky Sept. 18 & 19. Live music 9 p.m. every Fri. & Sat.
SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK
JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Roxy Roca, Parker Urban Band 8 p.m. Sept. 16. Adam & the Plastic, Honey Chamber, Eli the Poet Sept. 17. Playboi Carti, Dola, Krowns, Osoe, Easy 101, Nate Dae, Stokely Carmichael, Spirit Flightengale, 17th Ave., Sounds By 4thquaterquan, Zero Sept. 18. Weekend Atlas, The Dog Apollo, Marathon Runner Sept. 19. Inner Demons, Planet Rawk, A Brilliant Lie Sept. 20. That 1 Guy Sept. 22. Chief Scout, Helmet Sept. 25. Nothing More, The Marmozets, Turbowolf Sept. 28. Reckless Serenade Sept. 29
for people speaking two different languages or even two unfamiliar dialects to enjoy a meaningful exchange of ideas. Multilingual folks can move from community to community having informative, meaningful conversations effortlessly, and they become better people for having done so. All this seems meaningless without chemistry. Working with a group of musicians with which you share chemistry is essential. This may seem abstract, nearly intangible, and it should. Just as with a romantic relationship, there are people with whom we click, and those with whom we cannot imagine ever playing with again. That rare combination of musicians with whom everything seems to work, that is when improvisation can reach near spiritual heights. Again, it is rare, but it happens. For those of you who’ve experienced this, it’s frighteningly beautiful. For all of this to work, one must be present and able to respond to the moment: This is essential. If your head is cluttered, if you’re trying too hard, if you’re worried about failure, if you’re uncomfortable, then you remove yourself from the experience and do an injustice to the music and to fellow performers. They deserve your full focus, and the music deserves your commitment to your best performance. This is not always possible, but when it happens, again, it is among the most rewarding experiences a musician can have. When all of the above factors are working together, you can’t help but create something magical. Again, the rarity of such an alignment makes these moments seem elusive, almost impossible to achieve. But it happens. And when it does, it’s like some sort of inexplicable metaphysical event. Those who witness it, not just the players, feel it, too. But one must have the self-confidence to make it happen. Confidence does not mean arrogance. Arrogance
Country artists LUKE BRYAN (pictured), RANDY HOUSER, and DUSTIN LYNCH perform at Veterans Memorial Arena Sept. 17, Downtown. MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Larry Mangum, Suz Grandy, John R. Butler Sept. 17. Cassidy Kinsman, Linda Davis Sept. 18. Tracey Grammer Sept. 21. Gram Parsons Songwriting Contest Sept. 23. Brittany Shane Sept. 25
SOUTHSIDE, BAYMEADOWS, ARLINGTON
LATITUDE 360, 10370 Philips Hwy., 365-5555 X-Hale Sept. 16. Be Easy Sept. 17. Darrell Rae, Raydio Band Sept. 18. Raydio Band Sept. 19. Jesse Cruce Sept. 20 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Ryan Crary Sept. 17. Robbie Lit Sept. 18. Aaron Koerner Sept. 19 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows, 634-7208 Hard 2 Handle 9:30 p.m. Sept. 18. 5 O’Clock Shadow 10 p.m. Sept. 19. Melissa Smith open mic Thur. Mojo Roux Blues every Sun. Kassyli country jam every Wed.
SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE
THE BIRDHOUSE, 1827 N. Pearl St., 634-7523 Crux Collective Relaunch Block Party: Who Rescued Who, Canary in the Coalmine, Sea Cycles, Gee-Ella & Foreign, Urethra Franklin, Kristopher Byerly, Strangerwolf, Willie Evans Jr., Jazz Torez, Josh Gaston, Hause Party, MF Goonz, Twinki 6 p.m. Sept. 19 SHANTYTOWN, 22 W. Sixth St., 798-8222 Nihilistinen Barbaarisuus, Unearthly, Two Piece Trainwreck 8 p.m. Sept. 21 THREE LAYERS CAFE, 1602 Walnut St., 355-9791 Oscar Mike 7 p.m. Sept. 19
THE KNIFE
THE KNIFE
destroys improvisation. Confidence is that relaxed state of mind in which you will respond the best way possible to the shifting musical climate, making split-second decisions that support your fellow musicians and create the best possible musical statement. Confidence is the opposite of blowing chops. I mean, there is a time and a place to whip out your most technically challenging stuff, and that time and place is when it fits with the foundation established by the musicians around you. Humility is at the heart of confi dence. One must be able to say, “I did not make the best choices in that last piece. I will learn from this experience.” One must not shift blame for a failed improvisation. One must not assume oneself a better musician than those he/she is playing with, even if it is true. One must, instead, humble oneself to the situation, and the music being created in that very moment with those very musicians. Otherwise, you shouldn’t even be there. Saying too much is also a part of this. Just as a person who bloviates, who rambles on and on (not unlike I’ve done in this column), the musician who plays too long, tries to make too many musical statements and hogs the stage soon loses his fellow musicians and the interest of the audience. You have to know when to shut the hell up. John E. Citrone theknife@folioweekly.com SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31
AMELIA ISLAND, FERNANDINA BEACH
29 SOUTH EATS, 29 S. Third St., 277-7919, 29south restaurant.com. F In historic downtown, Chef Scotty Schwartz serves traditional regional cuisine with a modern twist. $$ L Tue.-Sat.; D Mon.-Sat.; R Sun. BARBERITOS, 1519 Sadler Rd., 277-2505. 463867 S.R. 200, Ste. 5, Yulee, 321-2240, barberitos.com. F Southwestern fare made-to-order fresh; burritos, tacos, quesadillas, salsa. $$ BW K TO L D Daily BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F Southern hospitality, upscale waterfront spot; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB K L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo. com. F Family-owned spot in historic building. Veggie burgers, seafood, made-from-scratch desserts. Dine in or on oak-shaded patio. Karibrew Pub next door. $$ FB K TO R, Sun.; L D Daily CHEZ LEZAN BAKERY CO., 1014 Atlantic Ave., 491-4663, chezlezanbakery.com. Fresh European-style breads, pastries: croissants, muffins, cakes, pies. $ TO B R L Daily DAVID’S RESTAURANT & LOUNGE, 802 Ash St., 310-6049, ameliaislanddavids.com. Fine dining in historic district. Fresh seafood, prime aged meats, rack of lamb. $$$$ FB D Wed.-Mon. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 474313 E. S.R. 200, 491-3469. 450077 S.R. 200, Callahan, 879-0993. BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK.
ELIZABETH POINTE LODGE, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. F BOJ winner. Award-winning B&B. Seaside dining, inside or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily. Homestyle soups, sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW B L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddianescafe.com. F In renovated 1887 shotgun house. Jambalaya, French toast, mac-n-cheese, vegan/ vegetarian items. Dine in or on porch. $$ FB K B L D Daily LULU’S AT THOMPSON HOUSE, 11 S. 7th St., 432-8394, lulusamelia.com. F Po’boys, salads, local seafood, local shrimp. Reservations. $$$ BW K TO R Sun.; L D Tue.-Sat. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriverpizza.net. F BOJ winner. Authentic Northernstyle pizzas, 20-plus toppings, by the pie or the slice. $ BW TO L D Mon.-Sat. THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 TJ Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juice, herbal tea. $$ TO B L Mon.-Sat. THE PECAN ROLL BAKERY, 122 S. Eighth St., 491-9815, thepecanrollbakery.com. F The bakery, near historic district, has sweet and savory pastries, cookies, cakes, bagels, breads, all made from scratch. $ K TO B L Wed.-Sun. PI INFINITE COMBINATIONS, 19 S. Third St., 432-8535, pi32034.wix.com/piinfinite. All bar service at New Yorkstyle pizza joint. Specialty pizzas, by pie or slice, topped with sliced truffle mushrooms, whole little neck clams, eggs or shrimp. Dine in or in courtyard, with fountain. $$ BW TO L D Wed.-Sun. PLAE, 80 Amelia Village Cir., 277-2132, plaefl.net. Bite Club. Bistro-style venue serves whole fried fish, duck breast. Outside. $$$ FB L Tue.-Sat.; D Nightly SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F BOJ winner. Second-story outdoor bar. Owners T.J. and Al offer local seafood, Mayport shrimp, fish tacos, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F Oceanfront; handmade crab cakes, fresh seafood, fried pickles. Outdoor dining, open-air second floor, balcony. $$ FB K L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310. F BOJ winner. In an old gas station; blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L Mon.-Sat.
ARLINGTON, REGENCY
DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 9119 Merrill Rd., 745-9300. BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK. THE STEAKHOUSE @ GOLD CLUB, 320 Gen. Doolittle Dr., 645-5500, jacksonvillegoldclub.com. BOJ. Lunch and dinner specials, free happy hour buffets Thur. & Fri. $$$ FB L D Daily
AVONDALE, ORTEGA
FLORIDA CREAMERY, 3566 St. Johns Ave., 619-5386. Premium ice cream, waffle cones, milkshakes, sundaes and Nathan’s grilled hot dogs, served in a Florida-centric décor. Low-fat and sugar-free choices. $ K TO L D Daily HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned and operated for 20-plus years, the American pub serves 1/2-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO NO. 4 Urban BBQ & Whiskey Bar, 3572 St. Johns Ave., 381-6670. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PINEGROVE Market & Deli, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F BOJ winner. 40-plus years. Burgers, Cuban sandwiches, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher cuts USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. $ BW TO B L D Mon.-Sat. RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurant
32 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
The original Akel’s Deli, located in Downtown’s JEA Building, serves breakfast and lunch favorites Monday through Friday. Photo by Dennis Ho
DINING DIRECTORY orsay.com. BOJ winner. French/Southern bistro; emphasis on locally grown organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. Snail of Approval. $$$ FB K R, Sun.; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simply saras.net. F Down-home fare, from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Mon.-Sat., B Sat.
BAYMEADOWS
AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F SEE BEACHES.
INDIA’S RESTAURANT, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajax.com. F BOJ winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. A variety of curries, vegetable dishes, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L Mon.-Sat.; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., 737-7740. 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-9506, ptgrille.com. Family-owned Thai place serves traditional fare, vegetarian, new-Thai; curries, seafood, noodles, soups. Low-sodium, gluten-free, too. $$$ BW TO L D Tue.-Sun. TEQUILA’S MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 101, 363-1365, tequilasjacksonville.com. F The new place has authentic Mexican fare, made daily with freshest ingredients. Vegetarian dishes; daily drink specials. Nonstop happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily THE WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, wines by the glass or bottle, champagne cocktails. Meatloaf sandwiches, pulled Peruvian chicken, homestyle vegan black bean burgers. $$ BW K TO D Tue.-Sat. WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows, Ste. 135, 634-7208, whiskeyjax.com. New gastropub has craft beers, burgers, handhelds, tacos, whiskey. $$ FB L D Sat. & Sun.; D Daily.
BEACHES
(Locations are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)
AL’S PIZZA, 303 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0002, alspizza.com. F New York-style, gourmet pizzas, baked dishes. All-day happy hour Mon.-Thur. $ FB K TO L D Daily ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM, 204 Third Ave. S., 246-7823. F BOJ winner. Subs made with fresh ingredients for more than 25 years. One word: Peruvian. Huge salads, blue-ribbon iced tea. $ BW TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201. F BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. ESPETO BRAZILIAN STEAKHOUSE, 1396 Beach Blvd., 388-4884, espetosteakhouse.com. Just relocated, serving beef, pork, lamb, chicken, sausage; full menu, bar fare, craft cocktails, Brazilian beers. $$ FB D Daily
To get your restaurant listed here, just call your account manager or Sam Taylor at 904.260.9770 ext. 111 or staylor@folioweekly.com.
DINING DIRECTORY KEY
Average Entrée Cost $ = Less than $8 $$ = $8-$14 $$$ = $15-$22 $$$$ = $23 & up BW = Beer/Wine FB = Full Bar K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch L = Lunch D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted free FW Bite Club tasting. fwbiteclub.com. 2014 Best of Jax winner F = FW distribution spot
EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001. F BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680 F Latin American, Southwest tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana sandwiches. 100-plus tequilas. $ FB L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620. F SEE ORANGE PARK.
LILLIE’S Coffee Bar, 200 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-2922, lilliescoffeebar.com. F Locally roasted coffee, eggs, bagels, flatbreads, sandwiches, desserts. Dine inside or on patio, courtyard. $$ BW TO B L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1018 Third St. N., Ste. 2, 241-5600, mellowmushroom.com. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. Hoagies, gourmet pizzas: Mighty Meaty, vegetarian, Kosmic Karma. 35 tap beers. Nonstop happy hour. $ FB K TO L D Daily METRO DINER, 1534 Third St. N., 853-6817. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., Neptune Beach, 249-5573, mezzarestaurantandbar.com. F Near-the-ocean spot, 20-plus years. Casual bistro fare: gourmet wood-fired pizzas, nightly specials. Dine inside, on patio. $$$ FB K D Mon.-Sat. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ Pit, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636, mojobbq.com. F BOJ winner. Pulled pork, beef, chicken, Carolina-style barbecue, Delta fried catfish, sides. $$ FB K TO L D Daily NIPPERS BEACH GRILLE, 2309 Beach Blvd., 247-3300, nippersbeachgrille.com. The chef-driven Southern coastal cuisine has local fare and dishes with a Caribbean flavor, served in an island atmosphere on the ICW. Dine inside or on Tiki deck. $$ FB K L D Wed.-Sun.; D Mon. & Tue. POE’S TAVERN, 363 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7637. Gastropub, 50-plus beers, gourmet hamburgers, ground in-house, hand-cut French fries, fish tacos, Edgar’s Drunken Chili, daily fish sandwich special. $$ FB K L D Daily RAGTIME TAVERN & SEAFOOD GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F For 30-plus years, iconic seafood place has served blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily happy hour. $$ FB L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 1018 Third St. N., 372-4456, saltlifefoodshack.com. BOJ winner. Specialty items: signature tuna poke bowl, fresh sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp, in modern open-air space. $$ FB K TO L D Daily SLIDERS SEAFOOD GRILLE & Oyster Bar, 218 First St., Neptune Beach, 246-0881, slidersseafoodgrille.com. Beach-casual spot. Faves: Fresh fish tacos, gumbo. Key lime pie, ice cream sandwiches. $$ FB K L Sat. & Sun.; D Nightly SNEAKERS SPORTS GRILLE, 111 Beach Blvd., 482-1000, sneakerssportsgrille.com. BOJ winner. 20-plus tap beers, TVs, cheerleaders. Happy hour Mon.-Fri. $ FB K L D Daily SURFING SOMBRERO, 222 First St. N., 834-9377. New oceanfront place serves authentic fare – like paella. Drink specials. Dine in or outside. $$ FB L D Daily SURFWICHES SANDWICH SHOP, 1537 Penman Rd., 241-6996, surfwiches.com. New craft sandwich shop boasts Yankee-style steaks and hoagies, all made to order. $ BW TO K L D Daily
DOWNTOWN
AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 21 W. Church St., 665-7324, akelsdeli.com. F New York-style deli offers freshly made subs (3 Wise Guys, Champ), burgers, gyros, breakfast bowls, ranchero wrap, vegetarian dishes. $ K TO B L Mon.-Fri. THE CANDY APPLE CAFÉ & COCKTAILS, 400 N. Hogan St., 353-9717, thecandyapplecafe.com. Sandwiches, entrées, salads. $$ FB K L, Mon.; L D Tue.-Sun.
DINING DIRECTORY CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth St., 356-8282. F Chef Sam Hamidi has been serving genuine Italian fare for 35-plus years: veal, seafood, gourmet pizza. The homemade salad dressing is a specialty. $ BW K L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com. F From-scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L Mon.-Fri. SWEET PETE’S, 400 N. Hogan St., 376-7161. F All-natural sweet shop has candy made of all natural flavors, no artificial anything. Several kinds of honey. $ TO Daily ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezod iacbarandgrill.com. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. Happy hour Wed.-Sat. $ FB L Mon.-Fri.
FLEMING ISLAND
GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 1915 East-West Parkway, 541-0009. F BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteys fishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly
salads. $ FB K TO L D Daily THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern-style fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tue.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding, Ste. 15, 2723553. 5733 Roosevelt Blvd., 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com. F With shops all over Northeast Florida, Larry’s Giant Subs piles ’em high and serves ’em fast; 33+ years. Wide selection of hot and cold subs, soups and salads. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. A new Larry’s opens soon in Fernandina. $ K TO B L D Daily METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. SNACSHACK, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 682-7622, snacshack.menu. F The new bakery and café offers bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies and snack treats. $$ K BW TO B, L & D Daily
PONTE VEDRA BEACH
AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A N., 543-1494. F SEE BEACHES. DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 100 Marketside Ave., 829-8134, dickswingsandgrill.com. F BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S SUBS, 830 A1A N., 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK.
RIVERSIDE, 5 POINTS, WESTSIDE
INTRACOASTAL WEST
AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F SEE BEACHES.
DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 14286 Beach Blvd., 223-0115. F BOJ. SEE ORANGE PARK. LARRY’S SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK. TIME OUT SPORTS GRILL, 13799 Beach Blvd., Ste. 5, 223-6999, timeoutsportsgrill.com. F Locally-owned-
13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies. com. BOJ winner. Authentic Mediterranean peasant cuisine updated for American tastes; tapas, blackened octopus, risotto of the day, coconut mango curry chicken. $$ BW L D Tue.-Sat. AKEL’S DELICATESSEN, 245 Riverside Ave., 791-3336. F
GRILL ME!
THONG THINE APHAYASANE Thai Garden, 10 Blanding Blvd., Ste. B, Orange Park BIRTHPLACE: Laos
YEARS IN THE BIZ: 25
FAVORITE RESTAURANT: Lemongrass on the Southside BEST CUISINE STYLE: Laotian GO-TO INGREDIENTS: Chili and fresh herbs. IDEAL MEAL: Very hot papaya salad WON’T CROSS MY LIPS: I’ll eat anything. INSIDER’S SECRET: Fresh, green and tasty. CELEBRITY SIGHTING HERE: Our customers! CULINARY TREAT: Anything sweet.
and-operated. Hand-tossed pizzas, wings, wraps. Daily drink specials, HDTVs, pool tables. Late-nite menu. $$ FB L Tue.-Sun.; D Nightly
MANDARIN, JULINGTON, NW ST. JOHNS
AKEL’S DELI, 12926 Gran Bay Pkwy. W., 880-2008. F SEE DOWNTOWN.
AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F SEE BEACHES.
ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199. F Dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant). Greek beers. $$ BW L Mon.-Fri.; D Mon.-Sat. DICK’S Wings & Grill, 10391 Old St. Augustine Rd., 880-7087. F BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Traditional diner fare: oversized pancakes and bacon, sandwiches, salads and burgers. $ K TO B L Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 11365 San Jose Blvd., 674-2945. F SEE ORANGE PARK.
METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F Organic soups, sandwiches, wraps, baked goods, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie and coffee bar. All-natural, organic beers, wines. Indoor, outdoor dining. $ BW TO K B L D Daily THE RED ELEPHANT PIZZA & GRILL, 10131 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 12, 683-3773, redelephantpizza.com. Casual, familyfriendly eatery. Pizzas, sandwiches, grill specials, burgers, pasta, plus gluten-free-friendly items. $ FB K L D Daily
ORANGE PARK
DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 6055 Youngerman Cir., 778-1101, dickswingsandgrill.com. 1803 East West Parkway, Fleming Island, 375-2559. BOJ winner. This NASCAR-themed restaurant serves 365 varieties of wings. The menu also features half-pound burgers, ribs and
SEE DOWNTOWN.
AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., 388-8384. F SEE BEACHES. BLACK SHEEP RESTAURANT, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. New American with a Southern twist; locally sourced ingredients. Rooftop bar. $$$ FB R Sat. & Sun.; L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Stes. 1 & 2, 855-1181. F BOJ winner. Small-batch, artisanal coffee roasting. Organic, fair trade. $ BW TO B L Daily BREW FIVE POINTS, 1024 Park St., 714-3402, brewfive points.com. F Local craft beer, espresso, coffee and wine bar. Rotating drafts, 75+ canned craft beers; sodas, tea. Rotating seasonal menu of waffles, pastries, toasts, desserts to pair with specialty coffees, craft beers. $$ BW K B L Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com. Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Daily. DERBY ON PARK, 1068 Park St., 379-3343. New American cuisine, upscale retro atmosphere in historic landmark building. Shrimp & grits, lobster bites, 10-oz. gourmet burger. Dine inside or out. $$ FB TO Wknd brunch. B, L D Tue.-Sun. EDGEWOOD BAKERY, 1012 S. Edgewood Ave., Murray Hill, 389-8054, edgewoodbakery.com. BOJ winner. For 68+ years, full-service bakery has served fresh from-scratch pastries, petit fours, pies, custom cakes. Espresso/pastry café has sandwiches, smoothies, soups. $$ K TO B L Tue.-Sat. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. BOJ winner. 130-plus imported beers, 20 on tap. NYC-style Reuben, sandwiches. Outside dining at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F BOJ. Juice bar; certified organic fruits, vegetables. 300-plus craft/import beers, 50 wines, produce, humanely raised meats, deli, raw items, vegan, vitamins, herbs. Wraps, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. BOJ winner. Authentic dishes from
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 33
DINING DIRECTORY mezzejax.com. Classic cocktails, fresh basil martinis, 35 draft beers, local/craft brews, Mediterranean cuisine. Hookah patio. Happy hour. $$ FB D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metrodiner.com. F BOJ winner. The original upscale diner. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. $$ B R L Daily MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. PIZZA PALACE, 1959 San Marco Ave., 399-8815, pizzapalacejax.com. F Family-owned; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, lasagna. Outside dining. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Ave., 398-3005, taverna sanmarco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; local produce, meats. Craft beers, craft cocktails. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily
mobile stalls. $ BW TO L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. F Casual spot; sandwiches, classic salads, homefries. One word: Reuben. $ TO B L Daily KNEAD BAKESHOP, 1173 Edgewood Ave. S., 634-7617 Locally-owned, family-run shop; made-from-scratch pastries, artisan breads, pies, sandwiches, soups. $ TO B L Tue.-Sun. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794. 7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR-B-Q, 4838 Highway Ave., 389-5551, monroessmokehousebbq.com. Wings, pulled pork, brisket, turkey, chicken, ribs. Sides: beans, baked beans, mac-n-cheese, collards. $$ K TO L Mon.-Sat.; D Fri. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442. F BOJ winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire .com. F Southwestern fish tacos, enchiladas. Happy hour Mon.-Sat. upstairs lounge, all day Sun. $$ FB K L D Daily O’BROTHERS IRISH PUB, 1521 Margaret St., 854-9300, obrothersirishpub.com. F Traditional shepherd’s pie with Stilton crust, Guinness mac-n-cheese, fish-n-chips. Patio dining. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 1526 King St., 503-4060. SEE
SOUTHSIDE, TINSELTOWN
ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. USA’s longest-running dinner theater; Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tue.-Sun. BARBERITOS, 4320 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., Ste. 106, 807-9060. F SEE AMELIA ISLAND. DANCIN DRAGON, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888. BOGO lunches, Asian fusion menu. $$ FB K L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., 619-0954. BOJ. SEE ORANGE PARK.
BAYMEADOWS.
RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969. Bar food. $ D SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. Healthy, light vegan fare made fresh daily with local, organic ingredients. Specials, served on bread, local greens or rice, change daily. Coffees, teas. $ Tue.-Sun. SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside Ave., Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafejacksonville.com. F Monster Roll, Jimmy Smith Roll; faves Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll. Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. Indoor or patio. $$ BW L D Daily
SAN MARCO, SOUTHBANK
BASIL THAI & SUSHI, 1004 Hendricks Ave., 674-0190, basilthaijax.com. F Authentic Thai dishes include Pad Thai, a variety of curries, tempuras, vegetarian dishes, seafood, stir-fry and daily specials. $$ FB L D Mon.-Sat. BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox. com. F Mediterranean/French inspired cuisine; steak frites, oak-fired pizza, new raw bar of seasonal selections. $$$ FB TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 1610 University Blvd. W., 448-2110. BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500. BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. $ BW K L D Daily FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. F Upscale sushi spot serves a variety of fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, kiatsu. $$ K L D Daily THE GROTTO WINE & TAPAS BAR, 2012 San Marco Blvd., 398-0726. F Artisanal cheese plates, empanadas, bruschetta, cheesecake. 60-plus wines by the glass. $$$ BW Tue.-Sun. HAMBURGER MARY’S Bar & Grille, 3333 Beach Blvd., Ste. 1, 551-2048, hamburgermarys.com. F Wings, sammies, nachos, entrées, specialty drinks, burgers. $$ K TO FB L D Daily KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. New gastropub. Local and national craft beers, specialty cocktails, seasonal menu of fresh, locally sourced ingredients. Sunday brunch. $$ FB L D Daily MEZZE BAR & GRILL, 2016 Hendricks Ave., 683-0693,
34 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
SPRINGFIELD, NORTHSIDE
DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 12400 Yellow Bluff Rd., Ste. 101, 619-9828. BOJ. SEE ORANGE PARK. HOLA MEXICAN RESTAURANT, 1001 N. Main St., 3563100, holamexicanrestaurant.com. F Fajitas, burritos, enchiladas, daily specials. Happy hour; sangria. $ BW K TO L D Mon.-Sat. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999. SEE ORANGE PARK.
BITE-SIZED
AN EPOCH IN BURGER HISTORY photo by Rebecca Gibson
ST. AUGUSTINE
AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F SEE BEACHES. CARMELO’S MARKETPLACE & PIZZERIA, 146 King St., 494-6658, carmelosmarketplace.com. New York-style brick-oven-baked pizza, freshly baked sub rolls, Boar’s Head meats and cheeses, stromboli and garlic herb wings. Outdoor seating, Wi-Fi. $$ BW TO L D Daily DICK’S WINGS & GRILL, 965 S.R. 16, 825-4540. 4010 U.S. 1 S., 547-2669. BOJ winner. SEE ORANGE PARK. THE FLORIDIAN, 39 Cordova St., 829-0655, thefloridian staug.com. Updated Southern fare of fresh ingredients. Vegetarian, gluten-free. Fried green tomato bruschetta, grits with shrimp, fish or tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D Wed.-Mon. GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F Local mainstay 25+ years. Varied menu changes twice daily. Signature dish: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. Sun. brunch. $$ FB R Sun.; L D Daily MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 410 Anastasia Blvd., 826-4040. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F BOJ winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264. F BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. ONE TWENTY THREE BURGER HOUSE, 123 King St., 687-2790. New spot from owners of Carmelo’s down the street. Premium burgers, made with beef sourced from renowned NYC butcher Schweid & Sons. Wood-fired pizzas, ice cream bar with Old World milkshakes. Outdoor dining. $$ BW K TO L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A Beach Blvd., 217-3256, saltlifefoodshack.com. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES.
THE DIM SUM ROOM, 9041 Southside Blvd., Ste. 138D, 363-9888, thedimsumroom.com. Shrimp dumplings, beef tripe, sesame ball. Traditional Hong Kong noodles, barbecue. $ FB K L D Daily EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717. BOJ winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MELLOW MUSHROOM PIZZA BAKERS, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., 997-1955. F Bite Club. BOJ winner. SEE BEACHES. MONROE’S SMOKEHOUSE BAR B-Q, 10771 Beach Blvd., 996-7900, monroessmokehousebbq.com. SEE RIVERSIDE. OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730, ovinte. com. European-style dining influenced by Italy, Spain and the Mediterranean. Small plates, entrée-size portions, selections from charcuterie menu. $$$ BW TO R D Daily TAVERNA YAMAS, 9753 Deer Lake Ct., 854-0426, tavernayamas.com. F Bite Club. Char-broiled kabobs, seafood, wines, desserts. Belly dancing. $$ FB K L D Daily
Beaches restaurant has chosen the EXTRAORDINARY A HAMBURGER – THAT AMERICANEST OF I confess I’m a fairly-boring-burger-eater, but Epik’s menu was more tempting than my dishes – can be as ordinary or as extraordinary as conventional lettuce, pickle, and ketchup de the cook decides. Korey Konopasek, owner/chef rigueur. I chose the Korean BBQ Burger ($8.99) of EPIK BURGER, has decided that extraordinary and after about 10 minutes, it arrived in a metal is his preference. Konopasek has spruced up the basket. Within a brioche bun was a one-third pound burger with his versatile menu, though without the of beef that had marinated in Korean barbecue fuss of fancy restaurant etiquette. The result is a sauce. Spilling over the huge patty was a fried relaxing atmosphere with – I’ll go ahead and say egg, kimchi, green onions, and sriracha sauce. The it – rather epic burgers. Konopasek, a Jacksonville native who studied at kimchi was sour and crunchy, making up for a lack of pickles. The sriracha gave the burger a great the New England Culinary Institute, wanted his first kick, and the fried egg balanced the varying flavors restaurant to be practical and accessible to a wide so that the sandwich wasn’t too spicy or intense. range of palates and diets. He didn’t want to kick vegan and gluten-free eaters Accompanying this to the curb, particularly since fantastic burger were Epik his mother has celiac disease fries (2.49), long, skinny EPIK BURGER and can’t eat gluten. Konopasek potato pieces sprinkled with 12740 Atlantic Blvd., instead crafted recipes that salt, pepper, and garlic. I Ste. 105, Intracoastal, include tuna burgers, veggie often end up dumping half 374-7326, epikburger.com burgers, vegan cheese, and my fries onto the nearest gluten-free buns. His ultimate friend’s plate, but I was more goal is to give customers options. “Your burger can than willing to finish these. be as healthy as you want it to be,” he says. A burger is never complete without a shake, and the Cinnamon Dolce ($4.49) hit the spot, The restaurant is small, with a few chairs and blending vanilla and caramel with a strong tables, and some family-style seating with long, cinnamon flavor. The milkshake added a mellow wooden benches. Diners order at the counter, and contrast to the spiciness of the burger. I finished then await the arrival of their food, patiently (or my meal stuffed and content, glad that I’d taken otherwise). Epik was relatively quiet when I fi rst the leap and tried something different. entered around noon, though it livened up within There’s only one Epik Burger location now, but the hour. Konopasek is already scouring around Northeast A popular choice at Epik is the Epikurean Florida for a new location. He hopes to take Epik’s Burger, which includes bleu cheese truffle mousse, foundation and expand it to other spots in the pancetta, and blackberry jam. Konopasek’s personal area. He’s confident that another restaurant will be favorite is the Fruit & Cheese. He says he’d been in the works within six months. trying to create a fancier burger that stood out on the menu, adding that the cheddar compliments the Rebecca Gibson Riesling poached apple in this crisp burger. mail@folioweekly.com
BITE SIZED
FREEWILL ASTROLOGY THE REAL YOU, EGOTISM, TO ROOSTER OR NOT? & SACRED NUDITY ARIES (March 21-April 19): I won’t say you’re surrounded by unhinged maniacs whose incoherence is matched only by self-delusion. That would be extreme. I do suspect some characters in the game you’re playing aren’t operating at full potential. Best not to confront them and demand they act with more grace. A wiser strategy? Avoid being swept up in their agitation – you take care of you. Be patient and stay centered; you’ll get a chance to work magic.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Many fairy tale heroes survive and thrive because of the magical gifts they have. Benefactors show up, often unexpectedly, to provide them with marvels – a spinning wheel that weaves a cloak of invisibility, or winged shoes with the power of flight, or a charmed cauldron that brews a healing potion. But there’s an important caveat. The heroes rarely receive their boons out of sheer luck. They’ve performed kind deeds or unselfish acts to earn the right to be blessed. According to my analysis, the weeks ahead are prime time to make yourself worthy of gifts you need later. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): We humans need nourishing stories almost as much as we require healthy food, clean air, pure water, and authentic love. And yet many of us get far less than a minimum daily requirement of nourishing stories. Instead, we’re barraged with nihilistic narratives that wallow in misery and woe. If we want a break, other choices are sentimental fantasies and empty-hearted trivia. That’s the bad news. The good news? Now is a good time to seek remedies for this. Hunt down redemptive chronicles that furnish your soul with gritty delight. Find parables, sagas and tales that fi re up your creative imagination and embolden a lust for life. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now’s an excellent time to close the gap between the Real You and the image you display to the world. I know two ways to accomplish this. You can tinker with the Real You so it’s more like the image you display. Or you can change the image you display so that it’s a more accurate rendition of the Real You. Both may be effective. However you do it, make it your goal to shrink the amount of pretending you do. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Born under this sign, Marcel Duchamp was an influential artist whose early work prefigured surrealism. In 1917, he submitted an unusual piece to a New York group exhibition: a plain porcelain urinal, but he titled it “Fountain,” and insisted it was a genuine work of art. In that spirit, I’m putting my seal of approval on the messy melodrama you’re in the process of managing. Henceforth, this melodrama shall also be known as a work of art; its title is “Purification.” (Or do you prefer “Expurgation” or “Redemption”?) If you finish the job with the panache at your disposal, it will forevermore qualify as a soul-jiggling masterpiece. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Some people express pride in gross ways. When you hear their overbearing brags, you know it’s a sign that they’re not really self-confident. They overdo the vanity because they’re trying to compensate for feelings of inadequacy. In the weeks ahead, express a more lovable kind of self-glorification. It won’t be inflated or arrogant, but measured and reasonable. If you swagger, do it with humor and style, not narcissism and superiority. Thanks in advance for your service to humanity. The world needs more benign egotism.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The rooster is your power animal. Be like him. Scan the horizon for the metaphorical dawn that’s coming, and be ready to herald its appearance with a triumphant wake-up call. On the other hand, the rooster’s also your affliction animal. Don’t be like him. I’d hate for you to imitate the way he acts in a fight, fussing and squabbling far beyond the point when he should let it go. In conclusion, act like a rooster but don’t act like a rooster. Give up the protracted struggle to devote yourself to a more pertinent task – to celebrate the return of primal heat and light. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Since you seem to enjoy making life complicated and intense, you may be glad to learn current astrological omens favor that. My omenreading suggests you’re about to dive deep into rich mysteries that may drive you half-crazy. You’ll be agitated and animated by encounters with ecstatic torment and difficult bliss. I expect to see miniature violet bonfires gleaming in your bedroom eyes, unnamable emotions rippling through your unfathomable face, and unprecedented words of wild wisdom spilling from your smart mouth.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): The Adamites were devotees of an ancient Christian sect that practiced sacred nudism. One central premise: How could anyone possibly know God while clothed? I’m not necessarily recommending you make their view a permanent part of your spiritual repertoire, but you may find value in it during the next few weeks. Your erotic, transcendent yearnings will be rising to a crescendo at the same time. You’ll have a chance to explore states where horniness and holiness overlap. Lusty prayers? Reverent sex? Ecstatic illumination? CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): One key theme in the weeks ahead is “grace.” Cultivate it, seek it, expect it, treasure it. To prepare, study meanings of “grace” here. At least two, maybe all, should and can be an active part of your life. 1. Elegance or beauty of form, movement, proportion; effortless charm or fluidity. 2. Favor or goodwill; disposition to be generous. 3. Mercy, forgiveness, charity. 4. A temporary exemption or immunity; reprieve. 5. A sense of fitness or propriety. 6. A prayer of blessing or thanks said before a meal. 7. Unmerited divine gift offered out of love. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Be good, but not necessarily well-behaved. Be extra exuberant and free, but not irresponsible. Be lavish, ardent and rowdy, but not decadent. You’ve more or less finished paying off one karmic debt. You’ve conquered or at least outwitted a twist from your past that was sapping your mojo. As a reward for doing your duty with such diligence, you’ve earned a respite from the more boring aspects of reality. You have a mandate to gather the intelligent pleasure you missed when you were acting like a beast of burden. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love.” That’s the mantra Frank O’Hara intoned in “Meditations in an Emergency.” Adopt a modified version. Here’s how I’d change it for you in the months ahead: “I am the least difficult of passion artists. All I want is to give and receive boundless, healthy, interesting love.” I don’t think O’Hara’s simple, innocent declaration will work. Add my recommended nuances to ripen your soul’s code and be aligned with cosmic rhythms. Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com
OK, no more Ms. Nice Copy Editor. The word limit is FORTY (40).
Many of you send ISUs with waaaay more than that, and we cut ’em down. If they lose vital info for you to connect with the target, so be it. It’s your own damn fault. Who’d hook up with a dork who can’t even count? NICE SMILE You: Brown hair, thin bearded guy, nice smile, bright eyes, blue “Good” sneaker T-shirt, with friends. Me: Short, thin brunette, blue/white tank, table across yours. Caught your eye, smiled. Like to know you better. Grab a drink? When: Sept. 11. Where: World of Beer Southside. #1561-0916 ECLIPSE RIVERSIDE 9/11 Super-cute brunette, ’80s night, black romper, white sandals. With group. Me: Solo; noticed matching outfit friend telling you to ask me to dance. Wanted to approach. Group left. Second chance? I’d dance the night away with you. When: Sept. 11. Where: Eclipse Riverside. #1560-0916 FIRE BUG I saw you, late night on a Friday. You were on fire, so hot. Couldn’t tell if it was your flaming personality or that fl aming staff. Night dives, long chats, but why you didn’t you ever text me? When: Sept. 4. Where: Beach. #1559-0916 YOU WALKED IN TATTOO SHOWIN’ ISU: Black leggings, open shirt, chest tat, soft voice, boots, hopeful eyes, smooth skin. You said black don’t crack. Love to have good time with you; you said futile; keep trying. Sorry about bad night. When: Sept. 4. Where: Parental Home Road. #1558-0916 BLUE ORBS You: Jean shorts, blonde hair, biggest blue eyes I’ve ever seen. I swear they glowed; when I fi rst saw you, lights in the place went dim. Can’t remember shirt color; just passing through, mesmerized by your eyes. When: Sept. 2. Where: Bold Bean Riverside. #1557-0909 YOU LEFT ME … SPEECHLESS The Prince Party. Your purple face stopped my heart. Wanna see your moves, your lights, every night. Let’s meet again: you, me and Prince. We can be silent together. When: Aug. 28. Where: 1904 Music Hall. #1556-0909 60-YEAR-OLD HIPPIE CHICK You still believe in those 60s values, modern technology, bikinis, no money worries, meditation, humanism, being groovy. Me: Bearded, beyond cool beach bum. Us. Why wait? Let’s fall in love, live at beach. Anything’s possible. When: Aug. 20. Where: Mickler’s Landing. #1555-0909 NATURE’S OWN BY MY OWN! You: Tall, handsome Nature’s Own truck driver delivering bread to Burger King; most beautiful guy I’ve ever seen! Me: Ordering drive-thru breakfast. You smiled at me, our eyes met. Let’s meet 6:15p Sept. 5 @ BK. When: Aug. 29. Where: BK, Blanding/Kingsley. #1554-0902 EVERY SUPERWOMAN NEEDS A SUPERMAN You: Tall, dark, collared shirt buttoned to top, shorts, Jordans, drink in hand, surrounded by ratchets. Me: Average height, slim, slacks, blouse, hair in bun, lured by lightskin man (insider); chose one another instead. 1 year, counting. Love you! When: April 30, 2014. Where: Jim’s Place. #1553-0902 TALL, DRUNK AND HANDSOME You: Hanging out in a sleeveless Budweiser shirt. I like your shitty leg tattoos. Me: Overgrown Mohawk and too many hooker shots. Bake me some bread and get pretty with me. When: June. Where: Your lap, Birdies. #1552-0902 I FOUND YOUR RENTAL CAR CARD ISU sitting with your family; you’re so good-looking I needed to keep something to remember you by. I took your rental car
company frequent renter card. I’ll probably add lots of miles to account. When: Aug. 12. Where: Mellow Mushroom. #1551-0902 CAN’T STAND THE HEAT! You made me turkey/cheese sandwich; could listen to Philly accent all night! You loved my dimple; looked as I walked away. Committed to show you how hot a kitchen can get with spicy Latina! When: Aug. 12. Where: Hospital cafeteria. #1549-0902 BLIND DATE MOVIE ROMANCE Approaching slowly; tall, dark, handsome chocolate man! Me: Hello, nice to meet you. You: You, too. What will we see? Me: No idea; should be interesting! 10 years later, we’re still together! ILY, baby! Your wife. When: 2005. Where: AMC Regency. #1548-0826 SUNNY & DARK You: The most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. Me: Yearning for you. When you walked by, it took my breath away and the thought still does. Next lifetime! When: Every day. Where: Riverside. #1547-0826 PEAR-SHAPED MAINTENANCE MAN, EQUIPMENT BELT ISU pushing a cart of light bulbs. Me: Big-boned Russian at hallway end. Your slight limp as you walk is sexy; half-cocked smiled made my knees weaken. Please come over and light up my night! When: Aug. 5. Where: Hospital hallway. #1546-0819 BRILLIANT, AMAZING BLOND WITH DOGGY You: Simply, you’re brilliant, attractive petite blond, glasses, Jackie O personality. Walking small dog. Me: International guy Brit/ South African; falling in love. You’re the mint in my Julep. Attracted by your laugh, personality, Ms. Scarlett. When: Aug. 7. Where: Downtown Jax. #1545-0819 @ KELSEA BALLERINI CONCERT You: Petite, doe-eyed, STUNNING honey blonde. 5’3”, fashionably dressed. Me: Mature, 5’7”, bronze/beige Tommy Bahama shirt. Eyes locked nearly entire concert, four feet away. Pretty red truck, begs you slide in. Forever love songs to write. When: July 11. Where: Jax Beach. #1544-0812 BLONDE AT GARAGE You: Bleached blonde hair, served my friends and me at Garage. Me: Cute brunette, too drunk to ask for your number. Flirted all night; can’t stop thinking of your smile. Hope I see it again soon. ;). When: July 22. Where: The Garage, Riverside. #1543-0812 FIRE AND ICE You: Smokin’ redhead, Moet Ice white shirt. Me: Sweaty, self-loather yearning for another obligatory laugh. Sweat disguises tears of desire. Your comforting movement made my soul blossom, erasing fears. Let’s be Adam and Eve in your enchanted garden. When: Aug. 3. Where: Riverside Liquors. #1542-0812 TALL THIN HUNK, CREWCUT, BLACK CAMARO ISU at gas pump by me. You smiled, winked; wearing blue maintenance shirt, Baptist Health logo. Me: Tall strong biker stud filling up the Harley. Contact if you want to be my submissive! When: July 23. Where: Kangaroo near Knight Boxx. #1541-0805 WEDNESDAYS, KONA, RAIN/OR NOT You: Can I talk to you? Me: Why? You: Because I like what I see! Me: I’m working … 9-1/2 years later, love you more than ever. Through it all, you had me at Kona (HELLO). When: 2006. Where: Every day. #1540-0805 SALT & PEPPER ELECTRICIAN ISU in the hall; you’re very cute. Our eyes met; you smiled at me. Wanna grab something to eat? You looked very hungry as you passed the cafe. Me: Handsome AA male. When: July 20. Where: Baptist Downtown. #1539-0729
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 35
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SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 37
NEWS OF THE WEIRD
JONESINâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Overset for the web THE FOLIO WEEKLY CROSSWORD by MATT JONES. Presented by
A PAPER DRONE
PONTE VEDRA SAN MARCO SOUTHSIDE AVONDALE OF PONTE VEDRA AVENUES MALL 2044 SAN MARCO BLVD. THE SHOPPES 3617 ST. JOHNS AVE. LEAST COMPETENT PEOPLE 330 A1A NORTH 10300 SOUTHSIDE BLVD. 398-9741 388-5406 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Selfiesâ&#x20AC;? continue to take 280-1202 their devastating toll394-1390
on Americans. On Aug. 30 in Orient, Maine, driver Jordan Toner, 29, attempting to lean into a seven-person selfie among his passengers, 32 Full of spunk ACROSS DOWN crashed into a tree, causing numerous injuries. 34 Neighbor of Tampa, Florida 1 Call it quits 1 True statement On Aug. 24, Alex Gomez, 36, of Lake Elsinore, 36 Watch again 5 Sobs loudly 2 Arena cheers California, tried to take one after draping an 39 Google : Android :: Apple : 10 Some barn dwellers 3 Carefree diversion angry 4-foot-long rattlesnake around his neck. ___ 14 Jai ___ (fast court game) 4 Fountain drink option The predictable bite was damaging but not 41 Higher-ups 15 Out of season, maybe 5 Pack on the muscle fatal. On Sept. 1 in Houston, a 19-year-old 44 Resident of Iranâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s capital 16 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t happeninâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;!â&#x20AC;? 6 â&#x20AC;&#x153;... ___ a bag of chipsâ&#x20AC;? man taking selfi es while clumsily fondling his 47 SEALâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s branch 17 How to enter an Olympic7 Irish coffee ingredient handgun is nooflonger us. 49 Club proprietors sized pool Capâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;n with Crunch? 8 Beside oneself 52 Become narrower 19 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Please, Mom?â&#x20AC;? 9 X-ray ___ (back-of-comicMORE â&#x20AC;&#x153;SLOW TVâ&#x20AC;? noise 53 Common Market abbr. 20 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Naughty, naughty!â&#x20AC;? book glasses) 54 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Am ___ only one?â&#x20AC;? Norwegian TV viewers 21 First substitute on a have somehow 10 â&#x20AC;&#x153;That looks like it stings!â&#x20AC;? 55 Zilch givenbasketball strong ratings bench to a series of seemingly 11 Mallet to use on â&#x20AC;&#x153;Press Your 56 It is, in Ixtapa 23 Public Enemy #1? (a continuous camera Luckâ&#x20AC;? villain? interminable programs 58 Golden Rule preposition 25 aThat boy there 12ofThe on salmon-fi shing vessel, 12 hours livemoon, to poets 59 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Saving Private Ryanâ&#x20AC;? event 26 Art follower? Knee-to-ankle area log-burning with commentary, five13 hours of 60 Author Rand and anyone 29 Safespinning dessert? their way to a world 18 Pokemon knitters record, protagonist whose parents were brave 30 straight Slangy goodbyes 100 hours of chess-playing,22a fiCollege ve-daycomposition enough to name their kids 33 Biceps builders 24 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Explodingâ&#x20AC;? gag gift stretch from a cruise ship), and in August were after that author, for two 35 Greek sandwiches 26 M minus CCXCIV (OK, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m presented another such gift. The Norwegian 63 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Take This Job and Shove not that mean, it equals 706) 37 Ode ___ Nightingale caviar company Mills said it would live stream, Itâ&#x20AC;? composer/singer David 27 Italian bread? 38 aZagrebâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s on YouTubecountry channel, nearly 11 months of Allan ___ 28 Sister channel to Baltimore 40 Letter recipients fish eggs aging 24/7 in barrels â&#x20AC;&#x201D; 7,392 hours of Ravens Network? 42 Altar agreement Š2015 Jonesinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Crosswords, â&#x20AC;&#x153;programming.â&#x20AC;? 30 Groundskeeperâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s buy 43 New York and Los editor@jonesincrosswords.com 31 Heartâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s main line Angeles, e.g. 45 Grimy deposits AND 46 GQSHE unitsWOULD, TOO Solution to Unfinished Business (9/9/15) A48thief grabbed the pursead of an elderly woman Abbr. in a help-wanted : ( % 0 ( 7 8 3 6 & $ 1 6 shopping with her husband at a Fred Meyer 50 After-school production, $ and & ( $ 0 2 5 ( 7 2 : , 7 storemaybe in Spokane, Washington, on July 23 7 + ( 3 5 2 ' , * $ / 6 2 1 < fl51 ed Calif. through parking lot. They had no chance timeazone ' ( 6 , $ / ( ; 7 2 7 $ / to52catch man, but he happened to run Post the outpost? 0 2 3 ' ( 6 54 Like ignored advice, first?Muat, 42, who right by hospital nurseatHeidi 57 Chileanthe Literature Nobelist $ 5 : $ 6 + 5 $ * $ 7 0 surmised situation and started after%him. 61e Margaret Mitchell Th thief quickly sawmansion that Muat could outrun * 2 5 ( < , / , . ( , . ( $ 62 Milky and up Mars, him, and Way he gave thefor purse, which Muat 5 $ 0 % 2 : , 1 * ' , 9 ( instance? returned to the couple. Muat later revealed her( 1 6 ( 9 7 $ % / ( / ( * 2 64 Home theater alter ego: On her component, Spokannibals Roller Derby 7 ( ( 1 , ( 5 6 2 ' 1 ( 7 maybe team, she is known as Ms. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Ida B. ChoAzz.â&#x20AC;? $ ' 6 * 5 2 65 Guyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s part Chuck Shepherd 7 7 < / $ 0 2 6 $ 2 5 7 $ 66 American Dad! dad weirdnews@earthlink.net * , 9 ( + , 0 : + $ 7 ) 2 5 ' 67 â&#x20AC;&#x153;Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ___ for you to say!â&#x20AC;? 0 , $ 0 , % $ ' , 1 ( 5 7 68 Sign of some March births ) $ 6 7 6 0 ( ' , & ( 3 6 69 Edamame beans
Bar Hopping
38 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015
The Federal Aviation Administration recently granted (likely for the first time ever) an application to fly a paper airplane. Prominent drone advocate Peter Sachs had applied to conduct commercial aerial photography with his â&#x20AC;&#x153;aircraftâ&#x20AC;? (a Tailor Toys model with a tiny propeller and maximum range of 180 feet), and the agency, concerned with air traffic safety, accommodated by treating the request (unironically?) under the rules for manned flights (that, among other restrictions, Sachs must not exceed 100 mph and must engage a licensed airplane pilot to fly it). â&#x20AC;&#x153;With this grant,â&#x20AC;? said the â&#x20AC;&#x153;victoriousâ&#x20AC;? Sachs, â&#x20AC;&#x153;the FAA has abandoned all logic and sensibility.â&#x20AC;?
QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS
Because temperatures were in the high 90s the last weekend in August, tourists visiting the historical Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland were greeted by the outdoor sprinkler system dousing them near the gates. It was intended as relief, said operators, to keep guests from fainting, but, as one Israeli visitor said, â&#x20AC;&#x153;It was a punch to the gutâ&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x201D; too reminiscent of Auschwitzâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gas chamber. Jewish prisoners had been marched calmly to their deaths under the pretense that they were only being taken for showers.
DIY DENTISTRY
Amateur orthodontia got a boost from a 2012 YouTube video in which Shalom DeSota, now 17, praised rubber bands for teeth-straightening. DeSotaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s family lacked dental insurance at the time, so the wouldbe actress experimented by looping rubber bands around two front teeth she wanted to draw together. Many painful days later, she succeeded. The American Association of Orthodontists expressed alarm in August at the videoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s recent popularity. So much could go wrong â&#x20AC;&#x201D; infection, gum-tearing, detachment between tooth and gums â&#x20AC;&#x201D; that DeSota, the organization said, had simply been lucky.
DIGITAL WORLD
The North Carolina Department of Public Instruction announced in July that it would be
experimenting with online phys ed courses for high schoolers. Students would watch videos on certain activities, then engage in them, and later self-report their (as the agency calls it) â&#x20AC;&#x153;mastery.â&#x20AC;?
SEEMS LIKE THE SEASON OF EMAIL MUDDLES
All Sherri Smith wanted was copies of background emails about her son (who has a disability) in the files of the Goodrich, Michigan, school system, but the superintendent told her in June that the Freedom of Information request would cost her $77,780 (4,500 hours of searching â&#x20AC;&#x201D; taking two years to complete). Michiganâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s FOI law was somewhat liberalized on July 1, and Smith said she may refile.
GOVERNMENT INACTION
The streets of Jackson, Mississippi, apparently have potholes that rival the worst in the country, but without adequate budget to fix them, according to Mayor Tony Yarber. His remedy, offered earnestly to constituents in August: prayer. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I believe we can pray potholes away.â&#x20AC;? Yarber, elected in 2014, was pastor of the Relevant Empowerment Church.
NAMES IN THE NEWS
Charged with choking and punching his fiancĂŠe: Mr. Daniel Gentleman, 28, Prescott, AZ, May. Charged with killing her husband and burying his body in a manure pile on their farm: Ms. Charlene Mess, 48, Attica, NY, April. Charged with sexual assault: Mr. Huckleberry Finn, Keene, NH, July. And prominent in the news (confusingly so) when the Food & Drug Administration approved the so-called â&#x20AC;&#x153;female Viagraâ&#x20AC;? drug Addyi in August: FDA spokesperson Dr. Janet Woodcock.
MY LITTLE WHAT?!
Alexander Carlsson, 25, was jailed in Sanford, Florida, in August on federal child pornography charges, but also told agents that heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a â&#x20AC;&#x153;clopper,â&#x20AC;? which identifies him, he said, as one who masturbates while gazing at figurines and pictures depicting Hasbroâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s My Little Pony toys. Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net
SEPTEMBER 16-22, 2015 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 39