06/21/17 Sound + Vision

2 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

THIS WEEK // 6.21-6.27.17 // VOL. 30 ISSUE 12 COVER STORY

[ 10 ]

SOUND AND

9

VISION RYAN MURPHY’s punk-rock

9

DIY ethos has turned St. Johns County into a top tour stop for both legendary and leadingedge new musicians STORY BY KARA POUND PHOTOS BY MADISON GROSS

FEATURED D ARTICLES

SOFTBALL SEASON

[8]

BY A.G. GANCARSKI Tough questions at CITY HALL get few answers

FIRST STOP, JACKSONVILLE

[9]

MERE MORSELS

[31]

BY DAVE SCOTT Small plates? Wraps? I don’t want NO STINKIN’ SMALL PLATES or wraps!

BY GABRIELLE GARAY THE GREAT RACE comes to Historic Springfield

COLUMNS + CALENDARS FROM THE EDITOR MAIL/B&B OUR PICKS FIGHTIN’ WORDS NEWS MUSIC

4 5 6 8 9 14

ARTS LISTING FILM LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR DINING DIRECTORY BITE-SIZED PINT-SIZED

16 17 19 22 23 24

CHEFFED-UP PETS CROSSWORD/ASTRO WEIRD/I SAW U CLASSIFIEDS BACKPAGE

26 27 28 29 30 31

GET SOCIAL visit us online at

FOLIOWEEKLY.COM PUBLISHER • Sam Taylor sam@folioweekly.com / 904.860.2465

EDITORIAL EDITOR • Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com / ext. 115 SENIOR EDITOR • Marlene Dryden mdryden@folioweekly.com / ext. 131 A&E EDITOR • Daniel A. Brown dbrown@folioweekly.com / ext. 128 EDITORIAL INTERN • Caroline Trussell CARTOONIST • Tom Tomorrow CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Rob Brezsny, John E. Citrone, Josue Cruz, Julie Delegal, Susan Cooper Eastman, Marvin Edwards, A.G. Gancarski, Dan Hudak, Shelton Hull, MaryAnn Johanson, Mary Maguire, Keith Marks, Pat McLeod, Nick McGregor, Greg Parlier, Kara Pound, Dale Ratermann, Nikki Sanders, Matthew B. Shaw, Chuck Shepherd, Brentley Stead, Chef Bill Thompson, Marc Wisdom VIDEOGRAPHERS • Doug Lewis, Ron Perry, Carl Rosen

DESIGN ART DIRECTOR • Chaz Bäck cback@folioweekly.com / ext. 116 SENIOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER • Madison Gross madisong@folioweekly.com

BUSINESS & ADMINISTRATION BUSINESS MANAGER • Nancy Zarling fpiadmin@folioweekly.com / ext. 119

DISTRIBUTION

Bobby Pendexter / cosmicdistributions@gmail.com

ADVERTISING PUBLISHER Sam Taylor sam@folioweekly.com / (904) 860-2465 SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER Kathrin Lancelle klancelle@folioweekly.com / ext. 124 MULTIMEDIA ACCOUNT MANAGERS CJ Allen callen@folioweekly.com / ext. 140 Tony Fuesler tony@folioweekly.com Pat Ladd pat@folioweekly.com / ext. 151 Teri Suter teri@folioweekly.com / ext. 146 FOLIO WEEKLY MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY THROUGHOUT NORTHEAST FLORIDA. It contains opinions of contributing writers that are not necessarily the opinion of this publication.

Folio Weekly Magazine welcomes editorial and photographic contributions. Calendar information must be received two weeks in advance of event date.

Copyright © Folio Publishing, Inc. 2017. All rights reserved. Advertising rates and information are available on request. An advertiser purchases right of publication only. One free issue copy per person.

Additional copies and back issues are $1 each at the office or $4 by U.S. mail, based on availability.

First Class mail subscriptions are $48 for 13 weeks, $96 for 26 weeks and $189 for 52 weeks. Please recycle Folio Weekly.

Folio Weekly Magazine is printed on 100% recycled paper using soy-based inks.

thefolioweekly

@folioweekly

@folioweekly

Mobile App

For the best in Live Music, Arts, Sports, Food and Nightlife, download our DOJAX Mobile App by texting “Folio” to 77948

45 West Bay Street, Suite 103 Jacksonville, Florida 32202 PHONE 904.260.9770 FAX 904.260.9773 JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 3

FROM THE EDITOR SHE SEEMED TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME. THOUGH it was Christmastime with all the magic of feasts and decorations and carols and gifts, and she was in the prime of life, she hardly left her bed. When she did emerge, bleary and unfocused, her words were slow, deliberate, lacking the peppery zest that made her truly magnetic—impossibly attractive or maddeningly repellent depending which side was facing you.

Asked what was wrong, she demurred. “Nothing,” she’d say, “I’m just tired.”

And the bedroom door would close us off from her again.

I knew, of course, that she wasn’t really tired. No healthy person in their 20s could be that tired. Something was wrong.

Something awful.

She was an addict.

Her dealer, her doctor.

The slide into oblivion started innocently enough, in therapy.

Childhood events had inflicted deep, abiding wounds; in early adulthood, she attempted to root out the rawness so it could finally heal.

For a time, she found salvation from the angst and misery gnawing at her insides with little cylinders in white, then peach, then blue, then even larger blue, so big she had to break them into pieces … at first. In the early days, they leveled off the frightening highs and even more terrifying lows that made her hideously unpredictable; it was exhilarating to see her seemingly content for once.

Eventually, that dream-like peace became a catatonic nightmare. On visits, she spent more and more time in her room until the year she came home for the holidays and we hardly saw her at all.

Unlike so many, happily, miraculously, my sister woke herself up, got herself clean, and started living again. I guess she decided that feeling the joy and the hurt was better than feeling nothing at all.

In the years since, I’ve wondered what might’ve happened to her if she hadn’t kicked the habit. Possibly (hopefully), the quack would have been arrested, lost his medical license, or, less likely, seen the light and stopped doling out deadly quantities of numb.

She’s been dead now these eight long years, stolen from us at 32 by the goddam flu; if she hadn’t kicked the habit, I do not doubt that the drugs would have stolen even more time from us, whether by overdose, accident or incarceration. I suppose if the latter, she might be alive today. Still, I shudder to think what might have happened to her in prison.

Drug addiction is a disease. Hardly anyone contests this fact. Yet we continue to criminalize what is, at best, a victimless crime; at worst, the symptom of a chronic illness.

4 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

ALTHOUGH MY SISTER’S POISON OF CHOICE was benzodiazepines, because most opioid addicts start down the road towards oblivion with pharmaceuticals, the opioid epidemic that is robbing families throughout our community makes me think of the zombie that slept chunks of life away in the room across the hall for a time all those years ago.

Addiction has always claimed victims, but with the flood of the synthetic, incredibly

AMERICAN

ZOMBIES THEY’VE GOT US SURROUNDED. Now what are we going to do about it?

powerful opioid fentanyl, which is often mixed with heroin for an even greater high, the disease has become more deadly than ever.

Last year, in Jacksonville, one of the state’s murder capitals, there were four times as many deadly overdoses as homicides. St. Augustine, Green Cove Springs, even idyllic Fernandina Beach are grappling with the epidemic. Local rescue workers are going through Narcan, also known as Naloxone, which can reverse the effects of an overdose, shockingly fast. In March, News4Jax reported that Jacksonville Fire and Rescue Department gets a heroin or opioid overdose call every two hours.

Sadly, after being pulled back from the brink of death by Narcan, many return to the drug that almost killed them right away, sometimes ODing again that very night.

In an effort to avert the crisis, Jacksonville City Councilman Bill Gulliford is leading the charge to launch a six-month opioid epidemic pilot program that will treat the addiction, rather than just the overdose. It is sensible and necessary legislation that is certain to save lives.

But make no mistake: This is just the beginning of a long and protracted battle in a war that we will never entirely win. For as long as there are drugs, there will be drug addicts.

No law can change that.

Nevertheless, in typical callous indifference, this year, the Florida Legislature passed, and Governor Rick Scott signed, new mandatory minimum sentences for possession of fentanyl aka carfentanil.

Now anyone caught with four grams of a substance containing fentanyl, whether they know it or not, goes to prison for three years. For 14 grams, they get 15 years; 28 grams or more, it’s 25 years. It’s supposed to criminalize traffickers, and it does, but it also criminalizes addiction.

We’d have a far greater chance of curing the disease if we stopped treating sick people like criminals.

Claire Goforth claire@folioweekly.com @ClaireNJax

THE MAIL CONSPIRING AGAINST CORRINE?

HOPEFULLY EVERYONE IS DONE PONTIFICATING about how Corrine Brown is a ‘criminal’; how she’s now ‘getting what she deserves’ and tried to get away with ‘things’ and take advantage of her constituents because that’s her nature as a politician. Let’s have a little come-to-Jesus, shall we?

First, if I may give my simply logical psychological evaluation: Many folks are excited that Brown has been indicted because their expectations of who they believed her to be have been validated. I would hazard to guess that might be based on her skin color but I might be wrong.

There are many who believe that because Brown never fit their idea of what a representative ‘should’ look like, she never should’ve been one.

The fact that she’s a woman, a brown person, wears weird wigs or crazy hats should have never entered any conversation if she’s doing the job she’s been hired to do.

Most of you who critique, criticize and judge would never set foot in the neighborhoods where she shook hands with people and told them they weren’t invisible. She encouraged people to vote and be a part of the process even if you may not have agreed with the way she did it. There are many who’ve worked diligently to suppress the vote in these communities (here and around the country) who were not excited about her efforts.

Have you heard of the REDMAP Project?

Started in 2010, simplified, it’s gerrymandering, a true danger to our democracy when used to suppress the effectiveness of our votes.

From WBUR: “The plan, which its architects dubbed REDMAP for Redistricting Majority Project, hinged on the fact that states redraw their electoral maps every 10 years according to new Census data. REDMAP targeted states where just a few statehouse seats could shift the balance to Republican control in the crucial Census year of 2010.”

Do you know who has been one of the most effective and vocal opponents of gerrymandering in Florida? Corrine Brown.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but now that vocal opponent is no longer in play. Intentionally.

Wasn’t in play during the last election either, not really. Her credibility is shot and more than likely she’s on her way to incarceration. #Sad

Does the ‘victory’ or the joy you might feel about Brown’s loss make you feel a little differently about what you might’ve actually won?

Well, if you care more about the sanctity of our democracy than walking that party line, I hope so.

Tracie Thornton via email

OVERSET

FACEBOOK SOUNDS OFF ON THE PARIS ACCORD RE.: “99 Problems,” by Claire Goforth, June 7

FOX IN THE GREENHOUSE

THE IDEA THAT ENVIRONMENTAL REGULATIONS aren’t helpful is laughable. The business community does not and will not police itself when it comes to environmentalism. Taking any position that removes existing environmental regulations is anti-environment.

Ryan Palm

U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

THE PARIS ACCORD PENALIZED THE U.S. IF ONE takes the time to actually read the details, it’s obvious.

Simply because Trump moved away from the accord doesn’t mean he’s anti-environment. It simply means the Paris Accord didn’t benefit our country or its interests. I completely agree with the position.

Jason Cobb

VOLUNTEERING TO LOSE $$

EVERYTHING—EVERYTHING—IN THE PARIS Accords is voluntary. Absolutely nothing penalizes us because we are held to our own standards.

There is a reason so many CEOs have condemned Trump’s action, because the fallout from pulling out is going to hurt our businesses more than some imaginary penalty from staying in.

Jeni Heneghan

LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED

I HAD REALLY EXPECTED A MENTION OF HIM removing the storm surge poles all over town.

Jim Messerfish

SEATBELTS OPTIONAL

DURING THE LAST INTERGLACIAL, SEA LEVELS were 20-plus feet. So everyone east of the Westside, buckle up!

June Mirecki

LEND YOUR VOICE If you’d like to respond to something you read in the pages of Folio Weekly Magazine, please send an email (with your name, address, and phone number for verification purposes only) to mail@folioweekly.com, visit us at folioweekly.com, or follow us on Twitter or Facebook (@folioweekly) and join the conversation.

BRICKBATS + BOUQUETS BRICKBATS TO SHERIFF DAVID SHOAR The June 18 edition of The New York Times detailed numerous problems with the St. Johns County Sheriff’s Office investigation into Michelle O’Connell’s 2010 death, which was quickly ruled a suicide in spite of evidence to the contrary. To this day, many believe that her boyfriend, a deputy with the department, murdered O’Connell. The Times reported that Shoar attempted to stymie its reporting, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement’s investigation into O’Connell’s death, and to ruin the career of the FDLE agent assigned to the case.

BOUQUETS TO PERSBACKER-WYMAN FAMILY FOUNDATION The foundation has pledged $25,000 in matching gifts to help save programs provided by Sound Connections, a music therapy program for special needs students at four St. Johns County elementary schools. Gifts above $50 will be matched dollar for dollar, up to $25,000, by the foundation. To donate, visit bit.ly/ SoundConnectionsCCPV or email Donna Guzzo, director of development for The Cultural Center at Ponte Vedra Beach, the nonprofit that runs and funds the program, at dguzzo@ccpvb.org.

BRICKBATS TO HEARTLESS NEIGHBORS Demonstrating that ‘not in my backyard’ attitude that we know and loathe, residents packed a recent Clay County Board of County Commissioners meeting to protest plans to build an affordable housing development in the Ridgecrest area, Clay Today reports, leading the developer to withdraw his zoning application. At the meeting, residents reportedly spouted many misconceptions about ‘those people’ who live in affordable housing. The paper also noted that nearly half, 46 percent, of Clay County residents qualify for affordable housing, and all existing housing is at capacity with long wait lists.

DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO DESERVES A BOUQUET? HOW ABOUT A BRICKBAT? Send submissions to mail@folioweekly.com; 50 word maximum, concerning a person, place, or topic of local interest.

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 5

SPRINGING IN LEAPS & BOUNDS JACKSONVILLE DANCE THEATRE

JDT presents its fifth annual full-length repertory concert, as the critically acclaimed 17-member company performs newly commissioned work by choreographer James Boyd (New York, Jacksonville), Lisa D. Long (Los Angeles), James Morrow (Massachusetts), and JDT Artistic Director Rebecca R. Levy. 8 p.m. Saturday, June 24, The Florida Theatre, Downtown, $25-$35, floridatheatre.com.

SAT

24

photo by Seth Langer

OUR PICKS SAT

24

TUE

ROAD STORY JOHN MELLENCAMP & FRIENDS

27

Mellencamp has always been an inscrutable kind of musician. While enjoying pop chart gold in the ’80s, Mellencamp/Cougar focused on cofounding Farm Aid concerts. Over the years, he shed his pop image and his phony name, in some ways challenging and demanding that his fans follow him on his journey or hey, hit the highway.

Touring in support of his new release, Sad Clowns & Hillbillies, Mellencamp brings a roving gang of fellow troubadours who share his love of poetry turned lyrical, with guest performances

by Carlene Carter, Lily & Madeleine and the incomparable Emmylou Harris.

7 p.m. Saturday, June 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $64.50$129.50, staugamphitheatre.com.

SKATE & DESTROY BLOOD AND STEEL: CEDAR CREST COUNTRY CLUB

WED

21 6 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

The new documentary, Blood and Steel: Cedar Crest Country Club chronicles the protean scene that fused the skateboard and punk worlds, located, of all places, at The Crest, a country club in the Washington, D.C. suburbs. At the local screening of the doc, director Michael Manigliz, skate overlords Tony Alva, Christian Hosoi and Mike McGill are on hand to hang and (hope, hope) answer some questions about Ian MacKaye’s skate trick skills.

10 p.m. Wednesday, June 21, Sun-Ray Cinema, Riverside, $9.50; $8 military, teachers, students; $7 seniors; $5.50 kids 12 and under, sunraycinema.com.

REASONS TO LEAVE THE HOUSE THIS WEEK

STAYING IN TUNE ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO Escovedo’s career arc has always burned brightly and far above any trends. From his ’70s punk days with The Nuns, ’80s with protoAmericana bands Rank & File and True Believers to present day, Escovedo has been blazing a trail that might burn past music fans looking for a cursory listen, while finding strong favor with peers-turned-collaborators like Peter Buck (REM), Corin Tucker (Sleater-Kinney) and Steve Berlin (Los Lobos).

Escovedo and his band’s performance here is in support of his latest release, Burn Something Beautiful. 8 p.m.

Tuesday, June 27 with The Pat Puckett Trio, Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, $24.50-$38.50, pvconcerthall.com.

WED

28

GODDESS OF SOUL DIANA ROSS

What can we write about Diana Ross that hasn’t been written a thousand times? Here’s a thousand and one! The singeractress-diva-queen first came to prominence in the ’60s with The Supremes, helping create soul music and what became known as the Motown Sound, while in the process opening the door for subsequent African-American and female artists. She starred on the big screen in the ’70s with Lady Sings the Blues, Mahogany and The Wiz, and has spent the last 30-plus years racking up an array of award nods and wins, including 2012’s Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award. 8 p.m. Wednesday, June 28, Daily’s Place, Downtown, $42.50-$121.50, ticketmaster.com.

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 7

FOLIO VOICES : FIGHTIN’ WORDS AN OLD CHRISTIAN MAXIM, “GOD COMFORTS the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable,” applies to journalism.

The gig is about asking the tough questions when they need to be asked. And when they aren’t answered, about asking the follow-ups, with the goal of getting them answered.

The answers are important. And I go to great lengths to get them.

I went to Callahan last summer to catch Angela Corey at a campaign event. She dissembled about having her former campaign manager drive to Tallahassee and file a writein candidate’s paperwork to close the primary.

After a week of chasing, I got something approaching a real answer.

That same summer, I pretty much took over a post-debate presser involving Corrine Brown—the subject: the One Door for Education grift.

“If I said ‘young man, you a pedophile’, that’s a charge,” Brown said, by way of attempting to establish that an accusation is not tantamount to conviction, “because somebody makes an accusation against you doesn’t make you guilty.”

That tautology clearly didn’t bounce with the voters, as they bounced Corrine Brown.

Working as I do, in a crappy car, with a crappy laptop, my sole advantages are time, patience and quick turnaround.

I shouldn’t beat news orgs on stories. I shouldn’t drive agendas.

Yet it happens.

Rick Scott didn’t want to discuss Aramis Ayala in Jacksonville—I made that happen. And Lenny Curry didn’t want to discuss his Tweet of support for President Donald Trump after he announced plans to leave the Paris Accord. But at his presser the next day, it was on me to pop the question.

This will all end eventually. I’ll stroke out, or become a relic, or a joke without a punchline, or a punchline without a joke.

But for now, it’s simple. I put in my 10 or 12 or 14 hours in a given day, and I make those hours count. If a pol wants to talk policy, I’m thrilled to—it’s my bailiwick. If a pol wants to perform a mea culpa, great—that’s generally shareable content.

But if a pol wants to clown me for asking a question? I’m not inclined to put on a plastic nose and floppy shoes.

On a national level, we are seeing a longawaited renaissance of tough reporting at television, print and web publications alike.

The clusterfuckery of Team MAGA has a lot to do with it, of course.

Even with someone who essentially aggregates investigative content, like Rachel Maddow, there are clear signs that things

are popping. She keeps winning the ratings battle on cable … just for providing a portal to solid reportage.

Locally? There’s a different threshold in terms of what can and can’t be asked.

Consider the example of Jacksonville City Councilmember Katrina Brown.

Brown’s companies are currently being sued for defaulting on a 2011 job creation agreement in which a BBQ sauce plant was supposed to create 56 permanent jobs, but created zero.

The city sued for default, adding up to $220K—just part of the loans and grants package, a small fraction of the money secured for eco dev. But not all is lost; Brown still has a beautiful Porsche SUV, which she parks out front of City Hall when she can find time to make meetings.

Last week, I asked Brown about the default. She said it wasn’t an issue that concerned her constituents, then told me she didn’t feel well, as a way of ending the interview.

When I noted that the taxpayers didn’t feel good about the default, she “no commented” the heck out of me. If those no comments could be monetized, I might have a Porsche paid for with city money, too.

The questions continued, as Brown piled food on a plate at—ironically enough—a mandatory ethics meeting. Alas, no real answer was going to be given.

Because none is expected. Katrina Brown isn’t much for showing up to council. But she is a reliable voice who offers some institutional critique, though not too much. And she’ll have the money and the endorsements she needs to sail to reelection because that’s how the system works.

Meanwhile, I’ve taken criticism from councilmembers and well-paid city staffers for asking questions. The same questions I asked for more than a year to no meaningful response. The same ones the council itself won’t ask because she’s a team player.

Should it be on me to demand accountability? Probably not. But it’s a broken system. And sometimes, only a busted-up reporter with a crap car and a junk laptop can offer meaningful redress.

Or try. Let’s close with Katrina Brown’s own words: “I continue to tell you no comment. You can ask me a thousand times and I would still say no comment.”

It’s BS when Trump pulls this stuff. The same holds true for everyone else.

A.G. Gancarski mail@folioweekly.com @AGGancarski

SOFTBALL

SEASON Tough questions at City Hall get FEW ANSWERS

8 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

FOLIO F OLIO C COMMUNITY OMM MMUNITY : NE NEWS

FIRST STOP,

JACKSONVILLE

The Great Race comes to HISTORIC SPRINGFIELD

chrome all over and leather interiors will be IMAGINE THIS, MOTORHEADS: NEARLY 150 thrilled to see the original cars that defined vintage cars lined up on the street. The father what it meant to be cool, including the ‘63 of drag racing in the flesh. The aroma of fresh Jaguar E Type, ’68 Chevrolet Camaro, and cooking pours from food trucks, leaving a the ’55 Ford Thunderbird. Also treasured trail in the air. Live music echoes through or rare cars on hand are a 1928 Ford Model the area as you and your family mill about A Speedster, ’65 Corvette and a 1909 smartly. No, car lovers, you’re not dreaming.

American Simplex.

This scene will unfold in Historic Springfield To prepare to show off their neighborhood this weekend, when the city hosts the starting on the world stage, SIAA has been busy gate for the Great Race. planting flowers, hanging banners and flags, The only race of its kind, the Great Race upgrading street medallions, and getting the will launch from Main Street on June 24, with a word out far and wide. Serving as the starting feast of sights, tastes, smells and sounds. Don’t gate for the Great Race is a huge honor, in expect to see any stock cars or racecars, though; part because a different city hosts every year, only autos built through 1972 may enter. kind of like the Super Bowl. Some past hosts According to the website, the Great Race is “an were Kirkwood, Missouri; Chambersburg, antique, vintage and collector car competitive Pennsylvania; and New Bern, North Carolina. controlled-speed endurance road rally.”

The celebration kicks off Friday Unlike NASCAR, there is no track, no pit evening. Jacksonville is one of the cradles crew changing tires in 2.05 seconds, no 200 of Southern rock, so the festivities naturally mph speeds. In fact, there are no high speeds begin with a free concert featuring local at all; drivers are required to drive at or below bands Fratello, Second Shot and Big Engine. the posted speed limit. Precision is the only The weekend’s festivities include a showing way to win; drivers must follow to the letter in Klutho Park of the 1965 film that helped the 220 to 250 detailed instructions handed to inspire it all, The Great Race. out every morning. These instructions lead At the main event the them to every checkpoint next morning, starting at (ranging from four to seven) 10:30 a.m., racers depart in on each leg of the race.

THE GREAT RACE one-minute intervals over Drivers are penalized for 2023 N. Main St., Springfield FRIDAY, JUNE 23 • 6 P.M. the course of two hours, every second off the “perfect Live music by Fratello, Second heading to Tifton, Georgia. time” they arrive at each Shot, Big Engine Waving them off as Grand checkpoint.

SATURDAY, JUNE 24 • 6:30 A.M. Marshall will be the father Over the course of nine Main Street north of Sixth and of drag racing himself, days and 2,400 miles, the south of 12th closed until 4 p.m.

85-year-old Don Garlits, contestants—skillfully Racers begin to assemble 8 a.m. better known as “Big Daddy.” steering their beloved Opening ceremony 9:30 a.m.

Garlits is the first drag racer machines—drive across First car flagged out 10:30 a.m. to officially top the 170, 180, America, eventually winding Mama Blue performs 1 p.m.; up in Traverse, Michigan.

200, 240, 250 and 270 mileHighway Jones 4 p.m.

The drivers, each trying for per-hour marks. the $50,000 grand prize, Garlits, who has 17 World include racers from all over the nation, as well Championship titles, is bringing a dragster as two from Japan and Europe who shipped to showcase as well as his popular mobile their cars to town for the event. museum chronicling the history of the sport— “We have several antique car displays and visitors can see photos and memorabilia. Food new car displays in the closed venue areas trucks, live music by local Motown singer on Main Street,” said Michael Trautmann, Mama Blue and Southern rockers Highway Springfield Improvement Association and Jones, vendors and family-friendly events Archives’ Great Race committee chairman. complement the displays.

“This will probably be the biggest event The Great Race is nothing new here, that’s happened on Main Street,” said John having roared through in 1997, 2004 and 2014.

Wells, Main Street Cruise founder. Along During an overnight stop in 2014, participants with SIAA, the Cruise, a monthly gathering of received the largest reception in race history, which inspired the organizers to make the Northeast Florida classic car aficionados, has River City the launching arena this year. “The worked directly with the Great Race to make car community is huge in Jacksonville,” Wells the major event happen. said. “They like the hot rods and classic cars …

This year, racers are driving antique and a lot of them still race.” unique cars built from 1909 through 1972.

Wells estimates that several thousand car Essentially every high-end manufacturer lovers and regular folks will attend the events of vehicles from this time frame are in the over the weekend. competition: Maserati, Mercedes, Porsche, “It’s going to be really awesome for Volkswagen, Studebaker, Hudson, Chevys Springfield,” added Trautmann.

(SS 396! Impalas!), Fords (Mustangs! Model As! Edsels!) and many more. Those who Gabrielle Garay drool over whitewall tires, monstrous fins, mail@folioweekly.com

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 9

Ryan Murphy’s punk-rock DIY ethos has turned St. Johns County into

A TOP TOUR STOP

for both legendary and leading-edge new musicians

SOUND +

VISION

R

yan Murphy’s hungry.

He’s been in meetings most of the morning.

We ditch our original interview locale of a local coffee shop for a place by the beach that serves lunch. He orders a quesadilla, coffee and ice water. Effortlessly cool as ever, Murphy’s dressed in jeans and a black logo’d St. Augustine Amphitheatre T-shirt. Though we’ve known each other for about seven years, I feel like I hardly know him. Like most friendships that begin in adulthood, the details are rarely discussed.

STO RY BY KA R A P O U N D

10 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

|

Most people in Northeast Florida know Murphy as the guy who runs the St. Augustine Amphitheatre and Ponte Vedra Concert Hall. He’s brought rock legends, up-and-coming punk bands, classical pianists, standup comedians, bluegrass bands, roots reggae— you name it—to a community that was starving for live entertainment. As the director of cultural events for St. Johns County, Murphy oversees two dozen employees and puts in more hours each week than a truck driver with an Eastern Seaboard route. Over the past six years, he’s learned how to balance the bureaucracy of running county-owned venues while feverishly working to grow St. Augustine into a place that will one day (if Murphy has his way) rival music destinations like Nashville and Austin.

Ryan Patrick Murphy was born in Tallahassee on Sept. 8, 1976. He spent his childhood in upstate New York and middle and high school years in Daytona Beach. Murphy has always been conscious of his surroundings. He booked his first show at 15. He’s

P H OTOS BY M A D I S O N G R O S S

been in countless punk bands, like Palatka and True North, which took him on tours around the world. He has a BA in English and master’s degree in bilingual education from the University of Florida. He’s a newly minted husband to Lauren and father to one-year-old Levon. He’s spearheaded huge events like Mumford & Sons’ Gentlemen of the Road Stopover (2013), St. Augustine’s 450th Celebration (2015) and Sing Out Loud Festival (2016).

Honestly, it’s hard to sum up Murphy in a few thousand words. He’s done so much and brought so much to the area that it seems best to just let him tell you some of what makes him tick.

• • •

Folio Weekly: You helped put on the first Harvest of Hope Fest at St. Johns County Fairgrounds back in 2009. How did that come about?

Ryan Murphy: I had two passions. I worked for a record label. I was in bands and traveled. I worked at Fest in Gainesville. So I had all of these connections. The second half of my life was working with migrants— doing these programs and working with Harvest of Hope Foundation. I said, “There has to be a way to blend these two.” I think that a lot of music was lacking activism at the time, and I felt that it would be great to get more musicians and people involved in things that have impact. I reached out to Against Me! and said, “Hey, you guys are one of the biggest bands that I know and that I’m friends with. How would you like to do this benefit?” It struck with them right away and they wanted to help out. I called Ryan Dettra [former St. Augustine Amphitheatre manager]. I didn’t realize that he was working for the county at the time.

He said, “We have this fairground over here.

What do you think of having a benefit there and booking a ton of bands? You can book half of it and I’ll book half of it.” That’s pretty much how it started. It seemed huge and impossible at the time.

What inspired me was more the DIY ethic of it; if something strikes you as being vacant in your community or there’s something that should be there—whether it’s a DIY space or a cool space for kids to go do a show or an activist space—to be able to be inspired by the punk DIY thing at that stage was huge. I learned a lot. If there’s something wrong, you approach it in the most positive way possible to combat that negativity.

A big part of what you and your teams do at the two venues is to make sure that bands feel welcome, with little things like fresh-cut flowers from the staff garden to a pop-up bar with the local distillery. Does that stem from those early days of knowing how musicians want to be treated?

Yes and no. I’m treating humans like humans.

That sounds silly, but it’s not. I think most people’s perception of an artist coming and

playing a concert is that they’re somehow not human, like a Bob Dylan, Alan Jackson, Weezer or, like, Robert Plant. It’s amazing. When I do get to meet these people or interact with them, they’re just human beings. That comes from the fact that I think people think that touring artists have this glamorous lifestyle and they don’t. It’s a lot of drudgery and just getting through it. They’re playing these big metal buildings with these big vacant parking lots.

There’s a lot of boredom. There’s a lot of sitting around and being away from your family.

There’s a lot of people who don’t have families because they’ve chosen that lifestyle. It’s a rough life. Not to say that the rewards aren’t great. So to come to the Amphitheatre or the Concert Hall or anything we do, it’s important for them to feel like people are caring about them and stopping for a second to treat them like humans. It makes them feel like they can

let go for the day and when they get on stage, chances are, they’re giving it that much harder because they’ve had a really great day.

The Amphitheatre has been working on a Green Hands Initiative to make the venue more sustainable, including refillable water stations, composting practices, aggressive recycling and a staff garden. How did that get started?

As people at the Amphitheatre, we tend to be more progressive as it comes to our lifestyles and our greening initiatives. For me, right off the bat, we’re in a state park at an outdoor venue; it seemed like we would just be total jerks for not caring about this. The largest thing is looking at how to pay for stuff—having to

CONTINUED NEXT PAGE >>>

Not long after, you moved here to help manage the St. Augustine Amphitheatre and Ponte Vedra Concert Hall.

There was an opening for an assistant general manager and I was already looking to move out of Gainesville. I was very hesitant going from the private sector and the world that I knew and I was trying to go aft er my passion, which was working in education and working with migrants. It felt like kind of a U-turn.

But some of the people who are still working at the Amphitheatre that I’m close with were really encouraging. They told me that it would be a good chance and to just try it out. That was in 2010.

How has being a musician influenced the way you run two music venues?

One thing about being in a band—and this comes up more and more lately because I didn’t realize how formative it was at the time—when I was 14 and 15, starting a band in Daytona, there was nowhere for bands to play. If you were a 14-year-old kid, you were playing in your friend’s house. It struck me that there had to be a place to play [for] all ages. There was no space for young people to feel welcome. So I went to the beach and I rented the Round Room at the Ramada Inn for, like, a hundred bucks for the evening and put on a show there.

It was pretty amazing.

You’ve played mostly in punk bands. How has the punk ethos impacted choices you’ve made throughout your life?

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 11

SOUND +

VISION <<< FROM PREVIOUS go through the county channels is a slower process, so we had to find ways to pay for stuff. When Jack Johnson came along [in 2014], we were one of a few venues that he was deciding on for his only Florida show.

They gave us a list of all of the things that would have to be happening at our venue for that to happen. A lot of those things were what we were wanting to do anyway, so it was perfect. And then some of the stuff was totally new for us. That gave us reason and that gave me justification because that show was going to bring in a huge amount of revenue. It got us the Jack Johnson show and he was blown away by what we did.

St. Johns County owns the two venues you run. How do you balance bureaucracy with running successful cultural entities?

I have an incessant drive to do new and exciting things, but I’m smart about it. I try to be careful about it when it comes to how it impacts other people. I can’t do anything that’s going to risk the entire department because I have a group of amazing people, so I’m not going to try to take us off a cliff. It was kind of a shock working for the county at first, going through some of the processes and understanding how to navigate that. I tend to get along with a good deal of people and I tend to be rational. For the first three years

12 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

that I was here, it took a lot to gain trust and have the commissioners, administration and the community really trust that I knew what I was doing. When I first came over here, there was a lot of negativity and a lot of baggage that was attached with the place. It was interesting.

It was a learning process. It was rough. The last three or four years, it’s been really good.

Most people would enjoy the success they’ve built, yet you’re constantly adding more shows each season and introducing new ideas.

I think what frustrates me a lot is when I see people who kind of squander their positions or their opportunities. I know I’m wired differently and I know it’s never going to be enough. But again, I’ll say that I’ve had to learn from my mistakes and become really thoughtful—whether it be to make sure that I’m totally not sacrificing my personal life for my job or sacrificing sleep. I have a great love for this community. I feel responsible for the people who work with me. I feel responsible “An artist like Paul Simon … made a very deliberate choice to play our venue. There are these artists that I think make our venue what it is, like Jason Isbell, Nathaniel Rateliff, Paul Simon and Robert Plant,” said Murphy, pictured below (in the Amphitheatre) and at right in his office.

for the people who think I’m doing a great job. I don’t know what it would look like to just sit back on cruise control. That just doesn’t compute with me. I think sitting back equates with not caring anymore.

You oversee 24 employees between the two venues. What’s your philosophy on leadership?

It’s been great to not just be around people who are going to agree with me. I think being a good leader is constantly making

sure that you’re surrounded by people who challenge you and challenge you in a way that is constructive. I think if there’s one thing that I do best [it] is to listen, listen, assess the situation and try to understand how to take some steps forward. Part of that philosophy is not being afraid to be challenged, not being afraid of facing things, not being afraid of being wrong and not being afraid of being criticized.

One of your employees told me that your nickname at work is “Big Picture.”

That’s true. [Laughs.] I’m trying to think

“Most people’s perception of an artist … is that they’re somehow not human, like a Bob Dylan, Alan Jackson, Weezer or, like, Robert Plant.

When I do get to meet these people or interact with them, they’re JUST HUMAN BEINGS.”

choice to play our venue. There are these artists that I think make our venue what it is, like Jason Isbell, Nathaniel Rateliff, Paul Simon and Robert Plant.

You’re currently in two bands, Deadaires and Dredger. Before that, you took about five or six years off from playing music. Was that intentional?

Not very intentionally. Just busy. That’s a big thing that I didn’t realize how important it was to me. Playing music and approaching music and thinking about music from the standpoint of a musician … having toured a bunch, having worked at a record label.

I think just feeling like I’m in the trenches again made me feel that much more relevant approaching music. Philosophically, it’s

helped solidify how I was as a kid with DIY and punk rock, touring the world, playing in Gainesville and then coming over here. All of those pieces are coming together again.

And it’s a way to engage with the local music community other than “this guy who runs the Amphitheatre.”

What are some bucket list bands or musicians you want to book?

I have my dream list of performers that I have to book before I retire, but I can’t really say.

I feel like the moment I mention someone, it diminishes the chances. I mean, we’re chipping away at that bucket list. There are a lot of people where I’m, like, “Crap. I can’t believe they’re coming here. I can’t believe that worked.”

What does Ryan Murphy’s future look like?

I think no matter what, music and community are the two things that drive me. When I watch the development of a community—whether it’s on the urban development side or how a community responds to music and the arts—those are things that will always drive me. Having opportunities to move to New York and San Francisco and Portland at different times, I passed. I like the challenge of being some place that might not have all of those things.

I don’t know what the future holds. I love St. Augustine and I’m pretty happy here.

Kara Pound mail@folioweekly.com

about things two or three steps down the road. Two or three years down the road. I’m trying to think of the people who work with us, the people who partner with us, the people we care about. I’m trying to think about how all of this is going to shake out. You can’t go day-to-day.

How do you find out about new music?

That’s a good question. I don’t know. I mean, I have my places that I’ll go to, like NPR is a big one, Pitchfork, Noisey, Consequence of Sound. I’ll just peruse those. I tend to listen to a lot of music and a lot of new music. I guess I look at a lot of online sites, but I don’t think, “Oh, let me just hop over to A.V. Club or whatever and see what’s going on.”

What are your long-term goals for the Amphitheatre and the Concert Hall?

I strive for us to be a music destination like an Austin or a Nashville. Those are huge destinations, but they’re known for their music. We’re known for a lot of things, but it would be really cool if we had a large group of people who knew us for what we do musically.

I looked at the lineup for the new Daily’s Place Amphitheatre in Jacksonville and it’s a lot of the same bands that have played St. Augustine Amphitheatre. Is it frustrating that they’ve chosen to play there after the relationships you’ve spent years building?

A paycheck’s a paycheck. Reputation does come into play. I mean, how much does someone care about their reputation and the experience versus the paycheck? For some, it just makes sense to go up there. There are a lot of acts that are going to appeal to the Jaguars fan base. There’s no way on Earth that I would be bummed that an artist chooses to play up there. We have an artist like Paul Simon, who made a very deliberate

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 13

FOLIO A + E

MAKING THE OLD

NEW AGAIN T o the untrained eye and ear, Boogarins might just be another paisley-patterned psychedelic rock band. But with a little digging and a little context, these Brazilian brothers-in-arms reveal multiple points of interest. First, they mix the old flower-power rock of the ’60s with authentic samba and Tropicália dug out from the rural Goiânia province where Boogarins principals Dinho Almeida and Benke Ferraz grew up.

Second, they sing entirely in Portuguese, adding another layer of surreal abrasion to their otherworldly pop (until 2017 single “A Pattern Repeated On,” which featured English vocals by John Schmersal). Finally, seeing these four in a live setting will forever change your conception of the limits of psychedelia, as eminently danceable rhythms rub shoulders with explosive experimentation, intense instrumental power and propulsive songwriting that always keeps one eye focused forward.

Folio Weekly exchanged emails with the band in advance of their first headlining visit to Florida.

Folio Weekly: Do you have a lot of experience touring in Florida?

Boogarins: We only played there once back on our first U.S. tour opening for Of Montreal. Playing for their audience felt like a great party every night, and when we got to Orlando and Miami and heard that much Portuguese in the streets, it felt good!

Press for the new single “A Pattern Repeated On” and surprise EP release Lá Vem a Morte hints that you’re moving in a new direction. How so?

It’s more produced and modern [while] flirting a lot with the fantastic and lo-fi. If we do a parallel with our previous releases, this new material is more about [the studio spirit] of our first album [2013’s As Plantas Que Curam] than the live vibe of the second [2015’s Manual ou Guia Livre de Dissolução dos Sonhos].

How much of that comes from the hiphop influence that new drummer Ynaiã Benthroldo adds to the band?

Ynaiã’s influence is not just about the hip-hop drumbeat style–he’s one of the best drummers in our alternative music world in Brazil. We got to improvise way more since we started playing with him, and we developed a way of playing together that didn’t exist before. Improvisation and pop songwriting happening in the same place, but with his tight and “never missing a beat” drum work!

Did it take a while to develop that energy with Ynaiã live before you were ready to translate it to the studio?

It sure did, since he started playing live shows with us two years ago. But the connection between us is real– we went to the studio [this year] pretty fresh, with no arrangements done for the recording, so everything could go really anywhere.

We had the most freedom.

BOOGARINS with REBIS IN EDEN, FAZE WAVE 8 p.m. June 25, Jack Rabbits, San Marco, $8, jaxlive.com

14 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

MUSIC Deftones FILM Nomads MUSIC GeeXella LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CALENDAR

Boogarins mix ’60s psych rock homage with authentic sounds of Brazil, all whipped into a FIERY LIVE-SHOW FRENZY On your debut album, you all approximated the early sounds of ’60s psych rock by using older analog equipment. Have you done that again?

That’s the kind of thing that we don’t have any interest in, to recreate the live sound in a studio album–neither do we want to recreate the studio tricks in a live show.

Both tasks are way more unpleasant than just getting the best of what you can do for that specific job. We’ve been consciously moving away from ’60s psych rock since the first album. Maybe because we had so few resources and knowledge, As Plantas ended up sounding like old stuff instead of more modern music. And maybe for Manual that was something brought by [recording to] tape and all the analog vibes. We don’t regret or push away any kind of influences people find in our sound, but in our opinion, if we were about “straight-up ’60s psych rock,” people would just not care about them at all.

Psychedelic music still has something to offer today, though, doesn’t it?

Sure does. But maybe it isn’t that attractive anymore for big headlines, even though peace and self-awareness is needed and well-received in times like ours, when cynicism and ego are stronger than ever.

Boogarins released its first Englishlanguage song this year.

Though guest vocalist John Schmersal sang it, is that a conscious push to reach a bigger audience?

PG. 15 PG. 17 PG. 18 PG. 19

On our very first tour in the U.S., we met John opening shows for his band Vertical Scratchers. He caught this early moment of our then-brief story and got engaged by it.

Writing songs in English has always been something that came to our mind since we got international attention, but writing it ourselves always felt like “lying.” John was the first person we could think about where we could trust his vision and [know he would] care about our songs.

Where do fans care more about your songs? At home in Brazil? Here in America? Elsewhere?

Each part of the world has its own highlights.

Of course playing at home for our people is always great. Europe, especially Portugal and Spain, are always life-changing experiences.

The U.S. has the best routes, venues and audiences for long touring. People who are interested in supporting bands living on the road–venue crews or fans who buy tons of merch–are the most professional and helpful in the U.S. But if you really want to know particular types of venues for a Boogarins show, keep in mind that we like to play through real big sound systems that are powerful, or really small and tight venues so we can be twice as powerful.

So playing music has become a full-time career for Boogarins?

It has been working for us the past three years, and we are really thankful for that!

Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC A quarter-century after first blowing minds, Deftones still mix LOUD AND SOFT in a way unmatched by most metal bands

HEAVY &

LIGHT L

ate ’90s nu-metal represents a special kind How does Deftones slot in with Rise Against! of artistic blunder most of us would rather and Thrice? forget. But before Limp Bizkit, Linkin Our band stands on its own—we’re not Park and Staind came slinking around, there something that needs a certain context to was Deftones, the Northern California fiveappreciate—so we have fun mixing it up and piece that blended thinking man’s metal, playing with different people. We love the fact hardcore skate-punk, dreamy prog-rock that Rise Against! are outspoken, and we share a and industrial-tinged electronica. Chino lot of the same left-wing views. The best things Moreno and company have always blended about touring, though, are the benefits that come loud and quiet and aggressive and lush in from a good hang. All those guys are awesome, a way no other band has duplicated, which which is good since we’ll be in close proximity might explain why this uncompromising act for a month hanging out most of the day. has sold more than 10 million albums, with one gold and three platinum certifications A quarter-century in, how does Deftones and a 2001 Grammy award for Best Metal write new music? Does it stem directly from Performance.

Chino? Is it a democratic effort? Do you all In advance of Deftones’ upcoming triplelook to contemporary music for influences? bill Jacksonville appearance with political It never has flowed directly from Chino. The punks Rise Against!, band doesn’t need all five post-hardcore heroes people to be there—we DEFTONES with Thrice, and Frank Iero & can function as modules.

RISE AGAINST!, THRICE, The Patience, we talked to Everybody has to be FRANK IERO & THE PATIENCE bassist Sergio Vega. psyched about new songs.

6:30 p.m. June 24, Daily’s Place, It has to be something Downtown, $29-$68.50, dailysplace.com Folio Weekly: How was that excites us. Excitement your recent tour in Europe? is what drives us. We’re Sergio Vega: It went five guys who all have really well! We played well and people voracious appetites, but what comes out is what seemed to be into it. We had five months off Deftones comes up with as a group. We’re not beforehand, so we hadn’t all gotten together really self-reflective, either. Everybody in the as a full band in a while. That made it a band has other things that they’re doing, and we’re all busy. We express ourselves through really good time. We give a lot of energy and music, whether that’s writing, recording or the crowd always gives that right back. touring. We don’t put on a certain hat and say, “Now we’ll do X, Y and Z.” Even if we’re not Your album Gore dropped last year. Are you together, you can guarantee that at least one of still focusing on that album when you build us is recording and stacking riffs. a set list?

What we do is more of a hodgepodge.

You assumed bass duties for the band after We usually play a minimum of two and a founding member Chi Cheng was injured and maximum of four off the new album, then eventually passed away. Was it hard for you build a diverse set that we think flows well and to come into the fold, particularly given how that people will be excited to hear. On this past important Chi was? run, we pulled out a lot of older tracks that I knew the Deftones earlier in their touring hadn’t been played in a long time. We did play career, so I was a friend. I never looked at “Phantom Bride” off the new album for the the band objectively—I had a rapport with first time. It was a nice, refreshing challenge them. I wasn’t an outsider coming in who was for us to mix it up. unfamiliar with the Deftones world.

And that’s the beauty of Deftones. You guys have such a deep discography to pull from.

Deftones have been touring in Florida for From what I’ve seen, we’re very fortunate years. Anything stand out in your mind? in that we have a wide range of tastes and Florida is always awesome. It’s a little universe ages in our diverse audience. Depending unto itself—different cities have different on when people got introduced to the band, cultures. And we have friends we’ve developed they might be partial to certain periods. over the years there, so it’s exciting to get back But because the band has not repeated itself, there and hang with them, go to different people are very open and respectful about restaurants. Plus, it’s so beautiful there—I find us finding a balance between what we’re it hard to hate on Florida. excited to do and what people are excited Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com to see.

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 15

ARTS + EVENTS The 2017 Summer Wall exhibit, featuring works by pioneering photomontage photographer JERRY UELSMANN (pictured, Myth of the Tree, silver print, 16˝ x 20˝, 2016), ROBERT LEEDY, TONY WOOD, THOMAS HAGER, DOUG ENG, PAUL LADNIER, PAUL KARABINIS, and JIM DRAPER, displays through Sept. 6 at Southlight Gallery, Downtown.

PERFORMANCE

THE SECRET GARDEN Apex Theatre’s fourth annual summer theater season opens with the Broadway musical The Secret Garden, about a young girl’s emotional journey in early 20th-century Britain. Local high school and college students perform, 8 p.m.

June 23; 2 & 8 p.m. June 24 at Ponte Vedra Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $25, pvconcerthall.com.

STEEL MAGNOLIAS Alhambra Theatre & Dining offers the tale about ladies who bond at a Louisiana hair salon, starring Dawn Wells (Mary Ann, Gilligan’s Island!), through June 25, 12000 Beach Blvd., Southside, $38-$57 + tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

TOPDOG/UNDERDOG The 5 & Dime stages the dark comedy about two brothers hoping to find a new life, 8 p.m. June 23 & 24; 2 p.m. June 25 at 112 E. Adams St., Downtown, $15; through July 2, the5anddime.org.

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF Amelia Musical Playhouse stages the musical about Tevye the Dairyman, and his five daughters, in a small Jewish village, 7:30 p.m. June 2224 at 1955 Island Walkway, Fernandina, 277-3455, $20; $15 students, ameliamusicalplayhouse.com.

LEGALLY BLONDE Orange Park Community Theatre presents the comical-musical about a supposedly ditsy sorority girl who goes to Harvard Law School, 8 p.m.

June 23 & 24; 3 p.m. June 25 at 2900 Moody Ave., 276-2599, $25; through July 2, opct.info.

THE EXPLORERS CLUB This comedy about a late 19th-century club’s controversial decision to elect (gasp!) a female president is staged 8 p.m. June 22-24 at Amelia Community Theatre, 207/209 Cedar St., Fernandina, 261-6749, $22; $10 students, ameliacommunitytheatre.org.

THE NANCE A musical comedy about raucous Chauncey Miles and burlesque’s heyday runs 7:30 p.m. June 2224; 2 p.m. June 25 at Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $26; $24 seniors; $20 military/students, limelight-theatre.org.

THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE Theatre Jacksonville offers a musical comedy about Millie Dillmount, a Jazz Age flapper in New York City, 7:30 p.m. June 22; 8 p.m.

June 23 & 24; 2 p.m. June 25 at 2032 San Marco Blvd., San Marco, 396-4425, $25, theatrejax.com.

ANNIE Alhambra Theatre & Dining stages the beloved tale of a young orphan’s adventures in 1930s Manhattan, June 28-Aug. 13, 12000 Beach Blvd., $35-$57 + tax, 641-1212, alhambrajax.com.

CLASSICAL + JAZZ

TAYLOR ROBERTS Jazz guitarist 7-10 p.m. every Wed., Ocean 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 247-0060, ocean60.com. Roberts is on 4 p.m. Thur. at lobby bar; 6 p.m. Fri. & Sat., Salt Restaurant, Ritz-Carlton, 4750 Amelia Island Pkwy., 277-1100, ritzcarlton.com.

COMEDY

FRED’S ALL-STAR COMEDIANS Preetam, Chip, more, 7:30 p.m. June 21; Spencer, Timika, more, 16 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

Landscape: The Art of Eugène Louis Charvot (1847-1924), through Sept. 10; An American in Venice: James McNeill Whistler & His Legacy, through July 20. David Ponsler: Chasing Shadows, through Oct. 4.

KARPELES MANUSCRIPT LIBRARY MUSEUM 101 W. First St., Springfield, 356-2992. A closing reception for Change & Permanence/Oils & Mixed Media by Robyn Andrews, is 5-8 p.m. June 23. Robert Fulton: Steamboats & Submarines, through Aug. 29.

MUSEUM OF SCIENCE & HISTORY 1025 Museum Cir., Southbank, 396-6674, themosh.org. Dinosaurs in Motion, 14 magnificent, life-sized sculptures of recycled metal, is displayed.

MUSEUM OF CONTEMPORARY ART JACKSONVILLE 333 N. Laura St., 366-6911, mocajacksonville.unf. edu. Synthesize: Art + Music, works by contemporary sound-based artists, displays through Sept. 24.

Iterations: Lorrie Fredette, through Sept. 10.

GALLERIES

7:30 p.m. June 28 at The Comedy Zone, 3130 Hartley Rd., Mandarin, 292-4242, $10, comedyzone.com.

TONY HINCHCLIFFE Comic Hinchcliffe (The Joe Rogan Experience) is on 8 p.m. June 22; 7:30 & 9:45 p.m.

June 23; 7 & 9:30 p.m. June 24 at The Comedy Zone, 292-4242, $20-$22.50, comedyzone.com.

KEVIN FARLEY Comic Farley (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Waterboy, and yes, Chris’ younger bro) appears 8 p.m. June 22; 7:30 p.m. June 23 & 24 at The Comedy Club of Jacksonville, 11000 Beach Blvd., Southside, 646-4277, $16-$50, jacksonvillecomedy.com.

FREE COMEDY AT CORAZON Casey Crawford and Lauren Bressette host local comics 8 p.m. June 23 at Corazon Cinema & Café, 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

CALLS + WORKSHOPS

NEW TOWN URBAN FARM Urban Geoponics and New Town are developing a community garden at Pearce and West Third, in New Town/Edward Waters area, Northside, to provide fresh produce and a hands-on, open-air center of learning. Urban Farm meets 10 a.m.-1 p.m. every Sun. Details, call Diallo-Sekou, 706-284-9808.

FORT MOSE HISTORIC STATE PARK The state park seeks volunteers with skill sets and interests ranging from historical re-enactors, event coordinators and museum guides to gardeners–and someone with computer skills to work with the Historical Society administrative team.

Details, 823-2232 or email vicki.tiseth@dep.state.fl.us.

ART WALKS + MARKETS

RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET Local, regional art, morning yoga 9 a.m., live music—Al Poindexter, Decoy, Three Hearts Dance–food and farmers market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.

June 24 under Fuller Warren Bridge, 715 Riverside Ave., free admission, 389-2449, riversideartsmarket.com.

UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT A self-guided tour of galleries, antique stores and shops, 5-9 p.m. June 24 in St. Augustine’s San Marco District, 824-3152.

AFRICAN VILLAGE BAZAAR Vendors, exhibitors, local speakers, painters, designers, authors and small businesses are on hand noon-6 p.m. June 25 and every last Sun. through November at Ritz Theatre & Museum, 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 807-2010, africanvillageinc.org, ritzjacksonville.com.

CONSCIOUS MARKET Tastes and sips mingle, 7-11 p.m. every Sat. at Conscious Eats, 5913 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 5, Mandarin, 612-3934. Bring a donation of dried beans, rices, quinoas, grains. Proceeds benefit Conscious Market/Character Counts programs.

WHITE HARVEST FARMS & FARMER’S MARKET Local organic, fresh produce, 10 a.m.-5 p.m. every Sat., 5348 Moncrief Rd., Northside, 354-4162; proceeds benefit Clara White Mission, clarawhitemission.org.

MUSEUMS

CUMMER MUSEUM OF ART & GARDENS 29 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummermuseum.org. Poetry of

THE ART CENTER COOPERATIVE Jacksonville Landing, 233-9252, tacjacksonville.org. An Artistic Reflection of the JASMYN Guiding Principles displays through Aug. 4.

FIRST STREET GALLERY 216-B First St., Neptune Beach, 241-6928, firststreetgalleryart.com. 15th Annual Sea Turtle Show runs through July 4.

LUFRANO INTERCULTURAL GALLERY 1 UNF Dr., 620-2475, unf.edu/gallery. Cathedral Arts Project exhibit, County Missives: Expressive Works by Incarcerated Juveniles Adjudicated as Adults, through June 30.

MAKERSPACE GALLERY Main Library, 303 N. Laura St., Downtown, 630-2665, jaxpubliclibrary. org/jax-makerspace. Altered Objects, by Matthew Abercrombie, Mark Creegan, Crystal Floyd, Mark Krancer, Roosevelt Watson III and Elaine Wheeler, through July 23.

RITZ THEATRE & MUSEUM 829 N. Davis St., Downtown, 632-5555, ritzjacksonville.com. Dance Theatre of Harlem: 40 Years of Firsts, through July.

SOUTHLIGHT GALLERY Bank of America Tower, 50 N. Laura St., Ste. 150, 438-4358, southlightgallery.com. The 2017 Summer Wall exhibit, works by Jerry Uelsmann, Robert Leedy, Tony Wood, Thomas Hager, Doug Eng, Paul Ladnier, Paul Karabinis and Jim Draper, runs through Sept. 6.

UNF Summer Show displays through August. The coop shows 20 local artists’ works.

UNION ART STUDIOS & GALLERY 700 E. Union St., Ste. 3B, Downtown, 334-324-1818, unionartstudios. com. The group show Resistance is on display.

EVENTS

KONA 40th ANNIVERSARY Kona Skatepark, the oldest privately owned skatepark in the world, celebrates its 40th year with skate legends Tony Alva, Christian Hosoi, David Hackett, Steve Olson, Dave Duncan and Steve Van Doren (like the shoes), live music by Guttermouth, McRad, GhostWitch, Concrete Criminals, Max & the Party Pupils and The Firewater Tent Revival, and skate competitions: Bowl Riders Cup Pool Contest, Banked Slalom Racing, Tombstone Jam (6-ft. vertical), best trick contests, more skate stuff, June 21-24 at Kona Skatepark, 739 Kona Ave., Arlington, 725-8770; details, tickets at konaskatepark.com.

LIBRARY BOOK SALE Friends of the Main Library hold a sale June 23-26 at the library, 1960 N. Ponce de Leon Blvd., St. Augustine, 827-6940, sjcpls.org.

NIGHT AT THE ZOO Classic cars, dance lessons, food trucks, cash bar, music by The 77d’s, 6:30-10 p.m.

June 23 at Jacksonville Zoo & Gardens, 370 Zoo Pkwy., members $5 adults, $3 kids; nonmembers $10 adult, $5 kids; under 2 free; 757-4463, jacksonvillezoo.org.

BRAVO TO BACCHUS: A CHEER FOR THE STARS! The Players by the Sea benefit, with wine and tapas, is 2-5 p.m. June 24 at Royal Palm Village Wine & Tapas, 296 Royal Palms Dr., Atlantic Beach, 273-8067, $40 advance; $45 door, playersbythesea.org.

FAMILY SEINING Pull a seine net in Guana Lake, for fish, crabs, more, 8:30-10:30 a.m. June 24 at GTM Research Reserve, 505 Guana River Rd., Ponte Vedra.

Free; $3 parking, 823-4500, gtmnerr.org.

JUMBO SHRIMP VS. MOBILE BAYBEARS At press time, the Shrimp are in the cellar, 27-38–so go support ’em! Our hometown heroes kick off a homestand against the Mobile BayBears (28-37) 7:05 p.m. June 28 (Get Jax’d Day), June 29 (Mavericks Live Thirsty Thursday), June 30 (Red Shirt, Fireworks), 6:05 p.m.

July 1 (High School Reunion Night, Vince Coleman Raines Bobblehead Giveaway), 3:05 p.m. July 2 (Firefighter Appreciation) and 7:05 p.m. July 3 (Patriotic Cap Giveaway), Bragan Field, Baseball Grounds, Downtown, single game tix start at $9 (check website), 358-2846, jaxshrimp.com. Next up: Biloxi Shuckers! __________________________________________ To list an event, send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price, contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown; email dbrown@folioweekly.com or mail 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Items run as space is available. Deadline noon Wed. for next Wed. printing.

FOLIO A+E : MAGIC LANTERNS

CREEP

OVERSET

WALK

PPierce ierce B Brosnan rossnan stars iinn tthis hiis underrated ’80S HORROR flickk

A

merican audiences discovered Pierce Brosnan (AMC just renewed his new series The Son for a second season) in TV’s Remington Steele (1982-’87) which made him a small-screen star.

That early success cost him the role of James Bond—he couldn’t break his American TV contract. Timothy Dalton played Bond in two movies. Brosnan played 007 four times, including in The World Is Not Enough (’99) which memorably (and ludicrously) cast Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist.

The Irish-born actor made his big-screen debut in a small role as a vicious hit man in The Long Good Friday (’80), but it was six years before he scored his next film role, secondbilled behind the gorgeous Lesley-Anne Down in Nomads. From then on, his career as a bigscreen leading man steadily grew.

Few have seen Nomads, however, a fact underscored by Fangoria magazine’s inclusion of the film in 101 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen list. I recall seeing Nomads in the theater; I liked its originality, particularly a concluding shot I’ve never forgotten. Now on Blu-ray, the film should gain a larger audience, enabling genre fans in particular to check another title off their Must-See list.

Nomads was director John McTiernan’s first film—and the only one for which he wrote the screenplay. So impressed was Arnold Schwarzenegger with the results, the big guy had McTiernan direct Predator in ’87.

McTiernan’s next two films were Die Hard and The Hunt for Red October, and the filmmaker was out of the starting gate like Man O’War. Other successes and a few bombs followed before a lengthy lawsuit after which the director was sentenced to one year in federal prison for wiretapping illegalities and lying to federal prosecutors. Released in 2014, he hasn’t made another film; his last was 2003’s Basic (John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson).

Back at the rosy start, McTiernan fashioned a gripping, original horror film, giving Brosnan a stab at stardom beyond the boob tube.

McTiernan’s story and script are provocative but uneven. It’s a good thing his visual style rescues the movie from narrative potholes, making a bumpy ride less unpleasant.

It starts with Dr. Eileen Flax (Down), an ER doctor, being awakened to tend a bloody, deranged, violent patient (Brosnan) manacled to a gurney, babbling in what sounds like nonsensical French. Wrenching free, he lunges at the doctor, whispers something in her ear, and falls dead. So much for Brosnan’s big stab.

Eileen learns the dead man was Jean-Charles Pommier, a photographer/ anthropologist who’d just moved to the city with his wife, after assignments around the globe. Eileen finds out much more, as she relives the experiences (in a kind of mind-meld

with his memories) that sent Jean-Charles to the emergency room in the first place.

Perplexed at finding violent graffiti spraypainted in their new home’s garage, JeanCharles sets out to the track the perpetrators, a band of black-clad vandals who apparently wander the city day and night, never sleeping and wreaking violence at will. When the images of the mysterious outlaws fail to appear on film, Jean-Charles concludes they are Innuat, malevolent spirits of Eskimo legend. (Preposterous as this sounds on paper, McTiernan invests the concept with genuine dread and the requisite creepiness in the film.)

Once the Innuat are aware of Jean-Charles, he becomes their target. The same is true, of course, for poor Eileen and Jean-Charles’ wife Niki (Anna-Maria Monticelli), leading to a siege right out of Night of the Living Dead.

As I wrote earlier, the script for Nomads is occasionally paper-thin, but strong performances from Brosnan and his co-stars help make up for the narrative deficiencies. It helps that the two most prominent of the evil entities are played by Mary Woronov (frequent Roger Corman and Paul Bartel collaborator) and rocker Adam Ant, both of whom are incredibly effective and convincing without a word of dialogue. Just for fun, see if you can spot another rock star among the actors.

A prime example of style over content, Nomads concludes with one of those memorable final scenes that make even bad movies worth watching. And Nomads is not a bad movie.

Pat McLeod mail@folioweekly.com

NOW SHOWING FREE MOVIES BY THE BAY Ripley’s screens Sing, 8:30 p.m. June 21 at Colonial Oak Music Park, 27 St. George St., St. Augustine, 824-1606, augustine.com. Bring something to sit on.

SUMMER MOVIE CLASSICS The series starts with The Lost Boys, noting its 30th anniversary, 2 p.m. June 25 at The Florida Theatre, 128 E. Forsyth St., Downtown, 355-2787, $7.50 per film or $45 season pass, floridatheatre.com.

SUN-RAY CINEMA Wonder Woman, It Comes at Night, Kedi, The Lure and Norman: The Moderate Rise & Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer screen at 1028 Park St., 359-0049, sunraycinema.com. Nightmare on Elm Street and Blood & Steel Cedar Crest County Club run June 21. Playin’ Hooky with Edgar Wright, with The World’s End, Scott Pilgrim vs The World, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead and Baby Driver, starts noon June 27. Beatriz at Dinner starts June 23.

CORAZON CINEMA & CAFÉ The Lovers and Like Crazy screen. Throwback Thursday runs The Great Caruso, noon June 22, 3 p.m. June 25. The Wedding Plan starts June 23. 36 Granada St., St. Augustine, 679-5736, corazoncinemaandcafe.com.

IMAX THEATER Transformers The Last Knight, Amazon Adventure, The Mummy, Wonder Woman, Dream Big and Extreme Weather screen at World Golf Village, 940-4133, worldgolfimax.com.

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 17

FOLIO A+E : MUSIC

SING IT

photo by Hayden Palmer

LOUD

Local MC, Girls Rock co-organizer and LGBTQ advocate GeeXella wears her HEART ON HER SLEEVE

G

raciela “GeeXella” Cain wears many hats: co-organizer of Jacksonville’s Girls Rock chapter, celebrated local MC, exuberant advocate for LGBTQ youth, and one of the integral pieces connecting Northeast Florida’s many up-and-coming female acts.

Describing herself as a “bleeding heart, rainbow-fueled passionate nightingale,” GeeXella is the definition of ebullience, giddily recalling her artistic ascent under the wing of hip-hop heavies Paten Locke and Willie Evans Jr., simultaneously speaking up for the importance of intersectional feminism and using art as a platform to directly affect culture.

Folio Weekly and the LaVilla School of the Arts and Douglas Anderson alum spoke before her June 24 performance at The Hourglass Pub’s No Genre Showcase, GeeXella’s last local show until Girls Rock Jacksonville holds its July 24-28 camp at Unitarian Universalist Church.

Paten Locke is the reason why I started music.

In high school, he was teaching me how to DJ, and I wanted to learn how to sound engineer, but he was, like, “You’re an artist—that’s what you need to do.” When Paten tells you to do something, you do it. Cheech Forreign helped me co-write—she’s an amazing lyricist, and everything she stands for is beautiful, hands down. Tough Junkie is real sick, too, along with TOMBOI and LANNDS. The women in those two bands have taught me so much, and they also appeared on my EP, Gee Things.

Do you have plans for more recorded material in the near future?

I’ve been busy preparing for the July Girls Rock camp. Willie just finished up all the beats for a new album, and we’re going to start writing and recording after I go to Los Angeles to do a couple of shows and volunteer with a Girls Rock organization out there. Then we can hopefully do an East Coast run by the end of the year.

How did you get involved with Girls Rock?

Folio Weekly: Give us a little of your Three years ago, I got in a gnarly accident—I background, GeeXella. was hit by a semi-truck and my car flipped three GeeXella: I’ve been playing music since 2012, times. Nothing happened first with some groups to me, though, which and then, in the last three THE NO GENRE SHOWCASE inspired me to write my years, more solo. I do with GEEXELLA, HIPPY BLAINE, first song. Shortly after mostly R&B and hip-hop DIVORCE CULTURE, DIZ RENO that, I did my first season with my producer and JAMES, CLIMB THE SUMMIT, of Girls Rock camp, and DJ, Willie Evans Jr., but KILO GRAMZ, MOSES WEST, seeing all those girls and I’m also a huge fan of B SIDE FAMILY, ATOM, more non-gender-conforming Avril Lavigne and Fefe 7 p.m. June 24, The Hourglass Pub & Coffeehouse, Downtown, $5 advance; youth being proud of who Dobson, so playing shows $10 door, hourglasspub.com they are without holding in Jacksonville with indie back was awesome. They’re bands has been really fun. breaking through so Getting the chance to be many social and emotional boundaries, even super-emo is dreamy for me. Lately, Willie has coming from troubled economic backgrounds. been doing a lot of processing and echoes for To overcome that, learn how to play their me, which I want to get more into. He’s my instruments, and write songs with people they homie, so he taps into everything I want to don’t even know is inspiring. Most people think do—he knows exactly what my mood board is it’s me inspiring them, but it’s the other way and the exact kinds of sounds I want. around. They cheer for me and tell me they want A Tribe Called Quest is my favorite hiphop group—I have them tattooed on my to be like me and I’m, like, “Be right back, I’m arm—so the echoes, cuts and skits are what just gonna go cry right now.” It’s a beautiful thing I’m moving toward. that has helped to motivate me.

You also mix in bachata, a form of Dominican dance music, right?

Yeah! I’m half-black and half-Mexican, so whenever you see me live, I’m always dancing and jumping all over the place. I’ve always been like that, ever since I was a kid—my mom is one of nine kids, so any time we have a family reunion, it’s a huge dance party. Even if you don’t want to dance, you’re going to dance. One of my tias will be, like, “Don’t sit down—it’s time to dance!”

Other than Willie, what local artists have you collaborated with or been inspired by?

18 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

How have you seen the broader Jacksonville scene develop over the last few years?

Recently, I’ve been doing a lot more collaborations with other artists. Last month I did a show called Queens of the Night with an all-female lineup, and it was super-successful.

That whole DIY collective thing with bands and artists coming together … all that does is spark creativity. I’m always helping out my artist friends with skill share, because that’s how I got put on to everything. And there’s no reason I should keep those tips locked away.

Nick McGregor mail@folioweekly.com

Orlando garage-soul greats THE SH-BOOMS (pictured) perform with KOLARS and LOST CLUB June 23 at Jack Rabbits, San Marco.

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC CONCERTS THIS WEEK Music by the Sea: STR8-UP 6 p.m. June 21, St. Johns County Pier Park, St. Augustine, free, thecivicassociation.org.

SPADE McQUADE 6 p.m. June 21, Fionn MacCool’s Irish Pub, Jacksonville Landing, Ste. 176, 374-1247.

The JAUNTEE, WHALE FAREL, RIP JUNIOR 8 p.m.

June 21, 1904 Music Hall, 19 Ocean St., Downtown, $8 advance; $10 day of.

Kona 40th Anniversary: GUTTERMOUTH, McRAD, GHOSTWITCH, CONCRETE CRIMNALS, MAX & the PARTY PUPILS, WASTEDIST, LOOSE BEARINGS, DANKA, STEVE STEADHAM, SKATERBRAINZ, TJ HOOKERS, POWERFLEX, DJS ROBERT GOODMAN, FRANCO, CAPONE, DJ EL, The FIREWATER TENT REVIVAL June 22-25, Kona Skatepark, 739 Kona Ave., Arlington, 725-8770; details & tickets at konaskatepark.com.

SLIGHTLY STOOPID, IRATION, J BOOG, The MOVEMENT 4 p.m. June 22, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, 1340 A1A S., 209-0367, $42-$47.

KASH’D OUT, MATT HENDERSON 7 p.m. June 22, Jack Rabbits, 1528 Hendricks Ave., San Marco, 398-749, $10.

FORTHTELLER, JUST LIKE GENTLEMEN, WHISKEY THROTTLE, PUZZLES TO PIECES, INTROVERT, METAPHORIC MAVERICK 7 p.m. June 22, Rain Dogs, 1045 Park St., Riverside, 379-4969, $8 advance; $10 at the door.

3 The BAND 9 p.m. June 22, Flying Iguana Taqueria & Tequila Bar, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Neptune Beach, 853-5680.

ANTON LaPLUME BAND 9 p.m. June 22, Surfer the Bar, 200 N. First St., Jax Beach, 372-9756.

ROD MacDONALD 7:30 p.m. June 23, Mudville Music Room, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., St. Nicholas, 352-7008, $10.

The SH-BOOMS, KOLARS, LOST CLUB 8 p.m. June 23, Jack Rabbits, $10.

Night at the Zoo: The 77D’S 6:30 p.m. June 23, Jacksonville Zoo & Gardens, 370 Zoo Pkwy., Northside; 757-4463, jacksonvillezoo.org.

STONO ECHO 9 p.m. June 23, Nighthawks, 2952 Roosevelt Blvd., Riverside, $5; $10 after 10 p.m.

MOJO ROUX 8 p.m. June 23, Whiskey Jax, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., Jax Beach, 853-5973.

MORNING FATTY 10 p.m. June 23, Surfer the Bar. EMPIRE EAST BAND 10 p.m. June 23, Prohibition Kitchen, 119 St. George St., St. Augustine, 209-5704.

SPANKY The BAND 9:30 p.m. June 23, Whiskey Jax, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Southside, 634-7208.

Riverside Arts Market: Morning Yoga 9 a.m., AL POINDEXTER, DECOY, THREE HEARTS DANCE 10:30 a.m.

June 24, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449.

RISE AGAINST, DEFTONES 6:30 p.m. June 24, Daily’s Place, Downtown, 633-2000, $29-$68.50.

HACKENSAW BOYS 7 p.m. June 24, The Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, $25; $20 for members.

The No Genre Showcase: GEEXELLA, HIPPY BLAINE, DIVORCE CULTURE, DIZ RENO JAMES, CLIMB the SUMMIT, KILO GRAMZ, MOSES WEST, B SIDE FAMILY, ATOM, more 7 p.m. June 24, The Hourglass Pub & Coffeehouse, 345 E. Bay St., Downtown, 469-1719, $5 advance; $10 at the door.

Sad Clowns & Hillbillies: JOHN MELLENCAMP, EMMYLOU HARRIS, CARLENE CARTER, LILY & MADELEINE 7 p.m.

June 24, St. Augustine Amphitheatre, $64.50-$129.50.

The HEAVY PETS, The MANTRAS, STANK SAUCE, BROOMESTIX 7:30 p.m. June 24, 1904 Music Hall, $12 advance; $15 day of.

ROBYN LUDWICK 7:30 p.m. June 24, Mudville Music Room, $10.

MIZZY RAW, KHOVU, BBASSI, J MARQUIS, AMANDA JEANETTE 8 p.m. June 24, Jack Rabbits, $12.

RAMONA 10 p.m. June 24, Prohibition Kitchen.

BREATHING THEORY, ASKMEIFICARE, NOSELF 10 p.m.

June 24, The Roadhouse, 231 Blanding Blvd., Orange Park, 264-0611, $3 advance; $5 day of.

ALLIE KELLY, ELLA ROMAINE 6 p.m. June 25, Music in the Box, Limelight Theatre, 11 Old Mission Ave., St. Augustine, 825-1164, $5.

PAUL BYROM 7 p.m. June 25, Culhane’s Irish Pub, 967 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 249-9595, $35-$45.

BOOGARINS, REBIS in EDEN, FAZE WAVE 8 p.m. June 25, Jack Rabbits, $8.

The BROOMESTIX 8 p.m. June 25, Shanghai Nobby’s, 10 Anastasia Blvd., St. Augustine, 547-2188.

LIL TRACEY 7 p.m. June 26, 1904 Music Hall, $15-$35.

BROTHER DEGE & the BRETHREN, PISS TEST, POWERBALL 8 p.m. June 26, Jack Rabbits, $8.

ALEJANDRO ESCOVEDO BAND, PAT PUCKETT TRIO 8 p.m. June 27, P.V. Concert Hall, 1050 A1A N., 209-0399, $24.50-$38.50.

DIANA ROSS 8 p.m. June 28, Daily’s Place, $42.50-$121.50.

RUNNING RAMPANT, FULLY MONTY, DISCORDANT GENERATION, CRACKED DAGGER 8 p.m. June 28, Nighthawks, $6.

UPCOMING CONCERTS

TRAIL DRIVER June 29, Surfer the Bar SUMMER SURVIVOR June 30, Surfer the Bar DAN TDM June 30, Daily’s Place CHICAGO, The BAND, The DOOBIE BROTHERS July 1, Daily’s Place COREY SMITH July 1, Mavericks Live PROPAGANJAH July 1, The Roadhouse BECOMING HUMAN July 2, Jack Rabbits DIGDOG, HIVEHEAD, TEEN DIVORCE July 4, Nighthawks DWARVES, RICHIE RAMONE July 5, 1904 Music Hall RICK ROSS, K. MICHELLE July 8, T-U Center DA DON & DIVA TOUR July 8, Times-Union Center INCUBUS, JIMMY EAT WORLD, JUDAH & The LION July 10, Daily’s Place TED NUGENT July 13, Florida Theatre DIERKS BENTLEY, COLE SWINDELL, JON PARDI July 13, Daily’s Place PURE PRAIRIE LEAGUE, FIREFALL, ORLEANS July 14, Florida Theatre PUDDLES PITY PARTY LIVE July 14, P.V. Concert Hall STYX, REO SPEEDWAGON, DON FELDER July 20, Daily’s Place SLAYER, LAMB of GOD, BEHEMOTH July 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TAKING BACK SUNDAY, MODERN CHEMISTRY July 22, Jack Rabbits MEEK MILL, YO GOTTI July 22, Daily’s Place JASON ISBELL & The 400 UNIT, STRAND of OAKS July 22, St. Augustine Amphitheatre JOURNEY, ASIA July 26, Daily’s Place LADY ANTEBELLUM, KELSEA BALLERINI, BRETT YOUNG July 27, Daily’s Place

LORRIE MORGAN July 28, Ritz Theatre REBELUTION, NAKHO, MEDICINE for the PEOPLE, COLLIE BUDZ, HIRIE, DJ MACKLE July 30, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BRITTANI MUELLER July 30, Music in the Box, Limelight Theatre 311, NEW POLITICS, PASSAFIRE Aug. 2, St. Augustine Amphitheatre POSTMODERN JUKEBOX, STRAIGHT NO CHASER Aug. 2, Daily’s Place SABRINA CARPENTER, ALEX AONO, NEW HOPE CLUB Aug. 2, Florida Theatre FOREIGNER, CHEAP TRICK, JASON BONHAM’S LED ZEPPELIN EXPERIENCE Aug. 3, Daily’s Place NEW MANTRA, THETWOTAKES Aug. 8, Jack Rabbits The AUSTRALIAN PINK FLOYD SHOW Aug. 9, Florida Theatre DONALD FAGEN & the NIGHTFLYERS Aug. 12, St. Augustine Amphitheatre MORRIS DAY & the TIME, RUDE BOYS, LAKESIDE, READY for the WORLD, TROOP, ADINA HOWARD Aug. 12, Morocco Shrine Auditorium JASON ALDEAN, CHRIS YOUNG, KANE BROWN, DEEJAY SILVER Aug. 17, Veterans Memorial Arena MATCHBOX TWENTY, COUNTING CROWS Aug. 19, Daily’s Place MARY J. BLIGE Aug. 23, Daily’s Place PETER WHITE, EUGE GROOVE Aug. 23, P.V. Concert Hall LEE HUNTER, JOEY KERR Aug. 27, Music in the Box, Limelight Theatre LIFEHOUSE, SWITCHFOOT Aug. 27, Daily’s Place GOO GOO DOLLS, PHILLIP PHILLIPS Sept. 2, Daily’s Place PARAMORE Sept. 6, T-U Center BLACKBERRY SMOKE, The CHRIS ROBINSON BROTHERHOOD Sept. 8, St. Augustine Amphitheatre BRYAN ADAMS Sept. 9, Daily’s Place ADAM ANT Sept. 10, Florida Theatre MARSHALL TUCKER BAND Sept. 14, Florida Theatre WIDESPREAD PANIC Sept. 15-17, St. Augustine Amphitheatre TIM McGRAW & FAITH HILL Sept. 16, Veterans Memorial Arena RAUL MIDON Sept. 16, Ritz Theatre SAMMY HAGAR & the CIRCLE (Michael Anthony, Jason Bonham, Vic Johnson), COLLECTIVE SOUL Sept. 20, St. Augustine Amphitheatre ZAC BROWN BAND Sept. 21, Daily’s Place UB40 LEGENDS ALI, ASTRO & MICKEY Sept. 21, St. Augustine Amphitheatre YOUNG the GIANT, COLD WAR KIDS, JOYWAVE Sept. 22, Daily’s Place BROADWAY BOYS Sept. 22, Ritz Theatre LAURYN HILL, NAS, CHRONIXX Sept. 23, Daily’s Place THE PSYCHEDELIC FURS, BASH & POP, TOMMY STINSON Sept. 23, P.V. Concert Hall ANCIENT CITY SLICKERS Sept. 24, Music in the Box, Limelight Theatre BRIAN REGAN Sept. 24, Florida Theatre KATIE THIROUIX Sept. 24, Ritz Theatre TERRI CLARK Sept. 27, P.V. Concert Hall STEVE FORBERT Sept. 30, Mudville Music Room TROMBONE SHORTY & ORLEANS AVENUE Oct. 1, P.V. Concert Hall JOSEPH Oct. 2, P.V. Concert Hall

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 19

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC JUDAH & The LION Oct. 10, Mavericks Live The Smooth Tour: FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE, NELLY, CHRIS LANE Oct. 12, Veterans Memorial Arena LYNYRD SKYNYRD, The OUTLAWS Oct. 13, St. Augustine Amphitheatre DAVINA SOWERS & the VEGABONDS Oct. 12, Ritz Theatre The JAMES HUNTER SIX Oct. 16, P.V. Concert Hall CONOR OBERST, The FELICE BROTHERS Oct. 17, P.V. Concert Hall Once a Month Punk: SCATTER BRAINS, LOOSE BEARINGS Oct. 19, Blue Water Daiquiri & Oyster Bar TEMPTATIONS, FOUR TOPS Oct. 20, Florida Theatre SPOON Oct. 21, Mavericks Live SANTANA Oct. 24, Daily’s Place KINGS of LEON, DAWES Oct. 25, Daily’s Place BROADWAY’S NEXT HIT MUSICAL Oct. 25, Ritz Theatre TOAD the WET SPROCKET Oct. 27, P.V. Concert Hall THE MAGPIE SALUTE Oct. 29, Florida Theatre MICHAEL LAGASSE & FRIENDS Oct. 29, Music in the Box, Limelight Theatre JOHNNYSWIM Nov. 1, P.V. Concert Hall GARY OWEN Nov. 3, Florida Theatre JOHN CLEESE (screens Monty Python & the Holy Grail) Nov. 4, Florida Theatre SISTER HAZEL Nov. 4, P.V. Concert Hall JETHRO TULL Nov. 7, Daily’s Place NOBUTU Nov. 7, Ritz Theatre CHRIS SMITHER Nov. 10, Mudville Music Room CHRIS STAPLETON’S All American Road Show: MARTY STUART, BRENT COBB Nov. 11, Veterans Memorial Arena OTTMAR LIEBERT, LUNA NEGRA Nov. 12, P.V. Concert Hall JOHN McLAUGHLIN, JIMMY HERRING (play Mahavisnu Orchestra) Nov. 24, Florida Theatre KANSAS Dec. 2, Florida Theatre GRANGER SMITH, LAUREN ALAINA, MIDLAND, DYLAN SCOTT Dec. 7, Times-Union Center Moran Theater JANET JACKSON Dec. 12, Veterans Memorial Arena JOHN PRINE Dec. 13, Florida Theatre BEN HAGGARD Dec. 13, P.V. Concert Hall GABRIEL IGLESIAS Dec. 21, Florida Theatre A TEMPTATIONS REVUE, BO HENDERSON Jan. 13, Ritz Theatre MARY WILSON (The Supremes) Feb. 3, Ritz Theatre The LANGSTON HUGHES PROJECT Feb. 10, Ritz Theatre The HOT SARDINES Feb. 13, Florida Theatre PAULA POUNDSTONE Feb. 16, Florida Theatre GEORGE WINSTON Feb. 23, P.V. Concert Hall MICHAEL McDONALD Feb. 27, Florida Theatre TIERNEY SUTTON BAND March 4, Ritz Theatre MIKE + The MECHANICS March 21, P.V. Concert Hall STEEP CANYON RANGERS March 22, Florida Theatre

Irish vocalist PAUL BYROM performs June 25 at Culhane’s Irish Pub, Atlantic Beach.

BRUCE COCKBURN April 19, P.V. Concert Hall BLACK JACKET SYMPHONY: Sgt. Pepper’s 50th Anniversary Tour April 27, P.V. Concert Hall

LIVE MUSIC CLUBS

AMELIA ISLAND + FERNANDINA

ALLEY CAT BEER HOUSE, 316 Centre St., 491-1001 Amy Basse every Fri. Dan Voll 6:30 p.m. every Wed. John Springer every Thur. & Sat. LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646 Miguel Paley 5:30-9 p.m. every Fri.-Sun. Javier Parez every Sun. SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652 Pili Pili June 21. Tad Jennings June 22. 2 Dudes from Texas 2 p.m., Milltown Road 7 p.m. June 23. Chase Foraker 2 p.m., 7th Street Band 7 p.m., Davis Turner 8 p.m.

June 24. JC & Mike 1 p.m., Jamie Renae & the Walkers 6 p.m.

June 25. Savanna Bassett June 26. Mark O’Quinn June 27 SURF RESTAURANT, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711 Katfish Lee, The Band Rox June 21. Bush Doctors 6 p.m. June 22.

Whiskey Heart Band 6 p.m. June 24. Jimmy Beats 4:30 p.m.

June 25. Jeremy King 6 p.m. June 26. Island Spice June 27

AVONDALE + ORTEGA

CASBAH CAFÉ, 3628 St. Johns Ave., 981-9966 Goliath Flores every Wed. Jazz every Sun. Live music every Mon.

ECLIPSE, 4219 St. Johns Ave. KJ Free 9 p.m. Tue. & Thur.

Indie dance 9 p.m. Wed. ’80s & ’90s dance Fri. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 3611 St. Johns Ave., 388-0200 Live music every Thur.-Sat.

THE BEACHES (All venues in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted)

BLUE WATER DAIQUIRI & OYSTER BAR, 205 First St. N., 249-0083 Live music most weekends BRASS ANCHOR PUB, 2292 Mayport Rd., Atlantic Beach, 249-0301 Joe Oliff 8 p.m. June 21. Live music on weekends BRIX TAPHOUSE, 300 Second St. N., 241-4668 Clay Brewer, DJ Capone June 23. Mason Masters June 24. Sidereal June 27 CULHANE’S IRISH PUB, 967 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 249-9595 Paul Byrom 7 p.m. June 25. DJ Heather every Wed. DJ Jerry every Thur. DJ Hal every Fri. & Sat. Michael Funge 6:30 p.m. every Sun. FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 853-5680 3 the Band 9 p.m. June 22. Chuck Nash 10 p.m. June 23 & 24 FLY’S TIE IRISH PUB, 177 Sailfish Dr., AB, 246-4293 Live music on weekends GREEN ROOM BREWING, 228 Third St. N., 201-9283 Ryan Crary June 23. Mark O’Quinn June 24. Cody Johnson June 30 GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925 Groov 7:30 p.m. every Wed. Michael Smith every Thur. Milton Clapp every Fri. Under the Bus every Sat. Robert Eccles 6 p.m. every Sun. HARBOR TAVERN, 160 Mayport Rd., AB, 246-2555 Strange Friend, The Flying Sorcerers, DJ Tony Prat 8 p.m. June 24 LYNCH’S IRISH PUB, 514 First St. N., 249-5181 Lunar Coast 10 p.m. June 23. Roger That 10 p.m. June 24 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1018 Third St. N., 241-5600 Bonnie Blue 9 p.m. June 22 MEZZA RESTAURANT & BAR, 110 First St., NB, 249-5573 Gypsies Ginger every Wed. Mike Shackelford, Steve Shanholtzer every Thur. Mezza Shuffle Mon. Trevor Tanner Tue. OCEAN 60, 60 Ocean Blvd., AB, 247-0060 Taylor Roberts 7 p.m. June 21 RAGTIME TAVERN, 207 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-7877 Billy Bowers 6 p.m. June 21. Live music every Wed.-Sun. SOUTHERN GROUNDS & CO., 200 First St., NB, 249-2922 Brenna Ericson 7 p.m. June 23. Billy Bowers 7 p.m. June 24.

Darren Ronan 7 p.m. June 30. Jazz Corner 6 p.m. every Tue. SURFER The BAR, 200 First St. N., 372-9756 Soulo 9 p.m.

June 21. Anton LaPlume Band 9 p.m. June 22. Morning Fatty 10 p.m. June 23. Row Jomah June 24. Split Tone 9 p.m. June 25. Barry Greene Band June 27. Tad Jennings June 28. Trail Driver 9 p.m. June 29. Summer Survivor June 30 WHISKEY JAX, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., 853-5973 Mojo Roux 9:30 p.m. June 23. Lucky Stiff 9:30 p.m. June 24. Bill Ricci June 25. Blues Club every Tue.

CAMDEN COUNTY, GA.

CAPTAIN STAN’S Smokehouse, 700 Bedell Dr., Woodbine, 912-729-9552 Eddie Pickett June 21 & 28. Pine Box Dwellers June 23. Milltown Road June 24. Rhonda & the Relics June 30. Live music every weekend J’S TAVERN, 711 Osborne St., St. Marys, 912-882-5280 Live music most weekends

DOWNTOWN

20 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

1904 MUSIC HALL, 19 Ocean St. N., 345-5760 The Jauntee, Whale Farel, Rip Junior 8 p.m. June 21. The Heavy Pets, The Mantras, Stank Sauce, Broomestix 7:30 p.m. June 24. Lil Tracey 7 p.m. June 26.

DE REAL TING, 128 W. Adams St., 633-9738 Ras AJ, De Lions of Jah 7 p.m. June 23 DOS GATOS, 123 E. Forsyth St., 354-0666 DJ Brandon every Thur. DJ NickFresh every Sat. DJ Randall every Mon. DJ Hollywood every Tue. FIONN MacCOOL’S, Jacksonville Landing, 374-1247 Spade McQuade 6 p.m. June 21 & 28, 8 p.m. June 24. Live music 8 p.m.-mid. June 23. Live music most weekends HOURGLASS PUB, 345 E. Bay St., 469-1719 The No Genre Showcase: Geexella, Hippy Blaine, Divorce Culture, Diz Reno James, Climb The Summit, Kilo Gramz, Moses West, B Side Family, Atom, more 7 p.m. June 24. Open mic every Sun. INTUITION ALE WORKS, 929 E. Bay St., 683-7720 Strangerwolf 6 p.m. June 22

LIVE + LOCAL MUSIC JACKSONVILLE LANDING, 2 Independent Dr., 353-1188 Brent Byrd & the Suitcase Gypsies 8 p.m. June 23. Praising on the River 10:30 a.m. June 23. Cain’t Never Could 5 p.m., Pirate Flag Band: A Tribute to Kenny Chesney 9:30 p.m.

June 24. 418 Band 5 p.m. June 25 MARK’S DOWNTOWN, 315 E. Bay St., 355-5099 DJ Shotgun 10 p.m. every Sat. MAVERICKS LIVE, Jax Landing, 356-1110 Corey Smith 6 p.m. July 1. Joe Buck, DJ Justin every Thur.-Sat. MYTH NIGHTCLUB, 333 E. Bay St., 707-0474 Robbie Rivera June 24. A-Sides June 27. DJ Law, Artik, Killoala, D2tay every Wed. DJs for Latin Nite every Sat.

FLEMING ISLAND

BOONDOCKS GRILL & BAR, 2808 Henley Rd., Green Cove, 406-9497 Alex Affronti 6 p.m. June 21. Jim Lamb 6 p.m. June 22. Marty Farmer 7 p.m., Dakota 10 p.m.

June 23. Fond Kiser 7 p.m., Those Guys 10 p.m. June 25.

Walt Kulwicki 4:30 p.m. June 25. Dwayne McGregor 6 p.m.

June 27. Paul Ivey 6 p.m. June 28 MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Ctr. Blvd., 541-1999 Al Torchia 8:30 p.m. June 23. Wes Cobb 8:30 p.m. June 24 WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198 Paul Ivey 6:30 p.m. June 22. Jimi Graves 9 p.m. June 23.

Jonathan Lee Band 9 p.m. June 24. Sierra Bryant 4:30 p.m. June 25

INTRACOASTAL

CLIFF’S Bar & Grill, 3033 Monument Rd., Ste. 2, 645-5162 Falling Forward June 21. Ivey League 10 p.m. June 23 & 24.

Live music every weekend. Open mic every Tue. JERRY’S Sports Bar & Grille, 13170 Atlantic Blvd., 220-6766 Don’t Call Me Shirley 7:30 p.m. June 23.

Sidewalk 65 8:30 p.m. June 24

MANDARIN

ENZA’S, 10601 San Jose Blvd., Ste. 109, 268-4458 Brian Iannucci June 21 & June 25 TAPS BAR & GRILL, 2220 C.R. 210, St. Johns, 819-1554 Live music every weekend

ORANGE PARK + MIDDLEBURG

BIG DAWGS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 135, 272-4204 Billy Bowers 5 p.m. June 22 DEE’S MUSIC BAR, 2141 Loch Rane Blvd., Ste. 140, 375-2240 DJ Tammy June 21. Live music June 22 & 23 The HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959 John Michael on the piano every Tue.-Sat. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 1800 Town Center Blvd., 541-1999 Live music every Fri. & Sat. The ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611 DJ Big Mike June 22. Breathing Theory, Askmeificare, Noself 10 p.m.

June 24. Propaganjah July 1. Live music every weekend SHARK CLUB, 714 Park Ave., 215-1557 Digital Skyline 9 p.m. June 21. Tom Bennett Band 9 p.m. June 22

PONTE VEDRA

PUSSER’S GRILLE, 816 A1A, 280-7766 Tad Jennings June 21. Ramona Quimby June 22 & 25. Ryan Campbell June 23.

Ryan Crary June 24. Live music every Fri. & Sat. TABLE 1, 330 A1A N., 280-5515 Live music most weekends

RIVERSIDE + WESTSIDE

ACROSS the STREET, 948 Edgewood Ave. S., 683-4182 Bill Ricci June 22. Scruffy Bum & the Fat Man 9 p.m. June 24. Live music most weekends HOBNOB, 220 Riverside Ave., Ste. 10, 513-4272 Live music every Fri. MURRAY HILL Theatre, 932 Edgewood Ave., 388-7807 Chris August 7:30 p.m. July 1 NIGHTHAWKS, 2952 Roosevelt Blvd. Dope Knife 10 p.m.

June 22. Stono Echo 9 p.m. June 23. Running Rampant, Fully Monty, Discordant Generation, Cracked Dagger 8 p.m.

June 28. Digdog, Hivehead, Teen Divorce 8 p.m. July 4.

RAIN DOGS, 1045 Park St., 379-4969 Forthteller, Just Like Gentlemen, Whiskey Throttle, Puzzles To Pieces, IIntrovert,

Metaphoric Maverick 7 p.m. June 22. Born Without Bones 7 p.m. June 25 RIVERSIDE ARTS MARKET, 715 Riverside Ave., 389-2449 Al Poindexter, Decoy, Three Hearts Dance 10:30 a.m. June 24 SOUTH KITCHEN & SPIRITS, 3638 Park St., 475-2362 Live music most weekends

ST. AUGUSTINE

CELLAR UPSTAIRS, 157 King St., 826-1594 Brady Reich 2 p.m. June 22. Tony Scozzaro 2 p.m., Mr. Natural 7 p.m. June 23. TJ Brown 2 p.m., Beautiful Bobby Blackmon & the B3 Blues Band 7 p.m. June 24. Vinny Jacobs 2 p.m. June 25 DOS COFFEE & WINE, 300 San Marco Ave., 342-2421 Live music every weekend MARDI GRAS, 123 San Marco Ave., 823-8806 Salty Daug June 23. The Grapes of Roth June 24. Fre Gordon, acoustic open mic 7 p.m. Sun. Justin Gurnsey, Musicians Exchange 8 p.m. Mon. PLANET SARBEZ, 115 Anastasia Blvd., 342-0632 No Thank You, No PDA, more 10 p.m. June 21. Live music every weekend PROHIBITION KITCHEN, 119 St. George St., 209-5704 Empire East Band 10 p.m. June 23. Ramona 10 p.m. June 24 SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188 The Broomestix 8 p.m. June 25 TEMPO, 16 Cathedral Pl., 342-0286 Kenyon Dye 7 p.m.

June 22. Michael Jordan 8:30 p.m. June 23. Jazzy Blue, Kevon Re Monte June 24. Jax English Salsa Band 6 p.m.

June 25. Bluez Dudez 7:30 p.m. June 27 TRADEWINDS LOUNGE, 124 Charlotte St., 829-9336 Cottonmouth 9 p.m. June 23 & 24. The Down Low every Wed.

SAN MARCO

GRAPE & GRAIN EXCHANGE, 2000 San Marco Blvd., 396-4455 John Lumpkin 10 p.m. June 24 JACK RABBITS, 1528 Hendricks Ave., 398-7496 Kash’d Out, Matt Henderson 7 p.m. June 22. The Sh-Booms, Kolars, Lost Club, He’s My Brother, She’s My Sister 8 p.m. June 23.

Mizzy Raw, Khovu, Bbassi, J Marquis, Amanda Jeanette 8 p.m. June 24. Boogarins, Rebis In Eden, Faze Wave 8 p.m.

June 25. Brother Dege & The Brethren, Piss Test, Powerball, Vesperteen, DBMK, Faze Wave 8 p.m. June 26. Becoming Human 8 p.m. July 2.

MUDVILLE MUSIC ROOM, 3104 Atlantic Blvd., 352-7008 Rod McDonald 7 p.m. June 23. Robyn Ludwick 7 p.m. June 24

SOUTHSIDE, ARLINGTON & BAYMEADOWS

CORNER BISTRO & WINE BAR, 9823 Tapestry Park Cir., 619-1931 Matthew Hall 8 p.m. every Thur.-Sat. GREEK STREET Café, 3546 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 503-0620 Tavernalive 6 p.m. every Mon. MELLOW MUSHROOM, 9734 Deer Lake Ct., Ste. 1, 997-1955 Courtnie Frasier June 22. Kelli & Ken Maroney June 23 WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., 634-7208 Spanky 9:30 p.m. June 23. Monkey Wrench 9:30 p.m. June 24. Live acoustic every Wed. Melissa Smith every Thur.

SPRINGFIELD + NORTHSIDE

CROOKED ROOSTER BREWERY, 148 S. Sixth St., Macclenny, 653-2337 Lonely Highway 8 p.m. July 8.

Open mic 7 p.m. every Wed. FLIGHT 747 LOUNGE, 1500 Airport Rd., 741-4331 Live music every weekend MELLOW MUSHROOM, 15170 Max Leggett Pkwy., 757-8843 Live music most every weekend SHANTYTOWN PUB, 22 W. Sixth, 798-8222 Cardinal Slinky, The Chrome Fangs, Dagger Beach 9 p.m. June 24

_________________________________________ To list your band’s gig, please send time, date, location (street address, city), admission price, and a contact number to print to Daniel A. Brown, email dbrown@folioweekly.com or by the U.S. Postal Service, 45 W. Bay St., Ste. 103, Jacksonville FL 32202. Events run on a space-available basis. Deadline is at noon every Wednesday for the next Wednesday’s publication.

Folk legend ROD MacDONALD, whose songs have been covered by the likes of Dave Von Ronk and Shawn Colvin, performs June 23 at Mudville Music Room, St. Nicholas.

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 21

FOLIO DINING Craft cocktails, a unique wine selection and locally-sourced fare make KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO a popular Southbank destination.

photo by Dennis Ho

AMELIA ISLAND + FERNANDINA BEACH

THE AMELIA TAVERN, 318 Centre St., 310-6088, theameliatavern.com. Contemporary hand-crafted, locally sourced comfort fare: local shrimp, small/big plates, organic greens, sandwiches. $$ FB TO D M; L & D Tu-Sa; Brunch Su. BRETT’S WATERWAY CAFÉ, 1 S. Front St., 261-2660. F On the water at Centre Street’s end. Southern hospitality, upscale atmosphere; daily specials, fresh local seafood, aged beef. $$$ FB L D Daily CAFÉ KARIBO, 27 N. Third St., 277-5269, cafekaribo.com.

F In historic building, family-owned café has worldly fare, made-from-scratch dressings, sauces, desserts, sourcing fresh greens, veggies, seafood. Dine in or al fresco under oak-shaded patio. Microbrew Karibrew Pub has beer brewed onsite, imports. $$ FB K TO R, Su; L Daily, D Tu-Su in season THE CRAB TRAP, 31 N. Second St., 261-4749, ameliacrabtrap.com. F Nearly 40 years, family-ownedand-operated. Fresh local seafood, steaks, specials. HH. $$ FB L D Daily JACK & DIANE’S, 708 Centre St., 321-1444, jackanddianescafe.com. F Renovated 1887 shotgun house. Faves: jambalaya, French toast, pancakes, mac & cheese, crêpes. Vegan items. Inside or porch overlooking historic area. $$ BW K TO B L D Daily LA MANCHA, 2709 Sadler Rd., 261-4646. Spanish, Portuguese fare, Brazilian flair. Tapas, seafood, steaks, sangria.

Drink specials. AYCE paella Sun. $$$ FB K TO D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 474272 S.R. 200, 844-2225. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 925 S. 14th St., 321-3400, moonriverpizza.net. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner.

Authentic Northern-style pizzas, 20+ toppings, pie/slice.

Calzones. $ BW TO L D M-Sa THE MUSTARD SEED CAFÉ, 833 Courson Rd., 277-3141, nassaushealthfoods.net. Casual organic eatery, juice bar, in Nassau Health Foods. All-natural organic items, smoothies, juices, herbal teas, coffees, daily specials. $$ K TO B L M-Sa

DINING DIRECTORY KEY AVERAGE ENTRÉE COST $ $$

$

< $10

$$$

10- $20

$$$$

$

20-$35 > $35

ABBREVIATIONS & SPECIAL NOTES BW = Beer/Wine

L = Lunch

FB = Full Bar

D = Dinner Bite Club = Hosted Free Folio Weekly Bite Club Event F = Folio Weekly Distribution Spot

K = Kids’ Menu TO = Take Out B = Breakfast R = Brunch

To list your restaurant, call your account manager or call or text SAM TAYLOR, Folio Weekly publisher, at 904-860-2465 (email: staylor@folioweekly.com).

22 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

THE PATIO PLACE, 416 Ash St., 410-3717, patioplacebistro.com. Bistro/wine bar/crêperie’s global menu uses crêpes: starters, entrées, shareables, desserts. $$ BW TO B L D Tu-Su POINTE RESTAURANT, 98 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-4851, elizabethpointelodge.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner.

In award-winning inn Elizabeth Pointe Lodge. Seaside dining; in or out. Hot buffet breakfast daily, full lunch menu.

Homestyle soups, specialty sandwiches, desserts. $$$ BW K B L D Daily THE SALTY PELICAN BAR & GRILL, 12 N. Front St., 277-3811, thesaltypelicanamelia.com. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. 2nd-story outdoor bar. T.J. & Al offer local seafood, fish tacos, Mayport shrimp, po’boys, cheese oysters. $$ FB K L D Daily SLIDERS SEASIDE GRILL, 1998 S. Fletcher Ave., 277-6652, slidersseaside.com. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Oceanfront. Award-winning handmade crabcakes, fried pickles, fresh seafood. Open-air 2nd floor balcony, playground. $$ FB K L D Daily THE SURF RESTAURANT & BAR, 3199 S. Fletcher Ave., 261-5711, thesurfonline.com. Oceanview dining since 1957, inside or on the deck. Steaks, seafood, burgers, daily food and drink specials; Wing It Wednesdays. $$ FB K TO L D Daily T-RAY’S BURGER STATION, 202 S. Eighth St., 261-6310. F Family-owned-and-operated 18+ years. Blue plate specials, burgers, biscuits & gravy, shrimp. $ BW TO B L M-Sa

ARLINGTON + REGENCY

LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1301 Monument Rd., Ste. 5, 724-5802. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

AVONDALE + ORTEGA

HARPOON LOUIE’S, 4070 Herschel St., Ste. 8, 389-5631, harpoonlouies.net. F Locally owned & operated 20+ years. American pub. 1/2-lb. burgers, fish sandwiches, pasta. Local beers, HH. $$ FB K TO L D Daily MOJO NO. 4 URBAN BBQ & WHISKEY BAR, 3572 St. Johns Ave., Ste. 1, 381-6670. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Pulled pork and Carolina-style barbecue.

Delta fried catfish. Avondale’s Mojo has shrimp & grits, specialty cocktails. Local musicians on weekends. $$ FB K TO L D Daily PINEGROVE MARKET & DELI, 1511 PineGrove Ave., 389-8655, pinegrovemarket.com. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. 40+ years. Burgers, Cubans, subs, wraps. Onsite butcher, USDA choice prime aged beef. Craft beers. Fri. & Sat. fish fry. $ BW TO B L D M-Sa RESTAURANT ORSAY, 3630 Park St., 381-0909, restaurantorsay.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. French/ Southern bistro; local organic ingredients. Steak frites, mussels, pork chops. $$$ FB R, Su; D Nightly SIMPLY SARA’S, 2902 Corinthian Ave., 387-1000, simplysaras.net. F Down-home fare from scratch: eggplant fries, pimento cheese, baked chicken, fruit cobblers, chicken & dumplings, desserts. BYOB. $$ K TO L D Tu-Sa, B Sa SOUTH KITCHEN & SPIRITS, 3638 Park St., 475-2362, south.kitchen. Southern classics: crispy catfish w/ smoked gouda grits, family-style fried chicken, burgers, vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free options. $$ FB K TO L D Daily

BAYMEADOWS

AL’S PIZZA, 8060 Philips Hwy., Ste. 105, 731-4300. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE INTRACOASTAL. INDIA’S, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 8, 620-0777, indiajaxcom. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Authentic cuisine, lunch buffet. Curries, vegetables, lamb, chicken, shrimp, fish tandoori. $$ BW L M-Sa; D Nightly LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 8616 Baymeadows Rd., 739-2498. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 9802 Baymeadows Rd., 425-9142. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

DINING DIRECTORY

BEACHES

(Venues are in Jax Beach unless otherwise noted.)

THE CRAFT PIZZA CO., 240 Third St. N., Neptune Beach, 853-6773, thecraftpizzaco.com. F Innovative pies made with the finest ingredients, many locally sourced. Dine inside or out. $$ BW L D Daily ANGIE’S SUBS, 1436 Beach Blvd., 246-2519. ANGIE’S GROM SUBS, 204 Third Ave. S., 241-3663. F Fresh ingredients, 25+ years. Huge salads, blue-ribbon iced tea.

Grom has Sun. brunch, no alcohol. $ K BW TO L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 2400 S. Third St., Ste. 201, 374-5735. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. BURRITO GALLERY, 300 Beach Blvd., Ste. 1, 246-6521, burritogallery.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Relocated, all grown up. Same great quality burritos, tacos, enchiladas; fast service. Craft cocktails. HH M-F. $ K FB TO L D Daily CRUISERS GRILL, 319 23rd Ave. S., 270-0356, cruisersgrill. com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Locally owned & operated 20+ years. Half-pound burgers, fish sandwiches, big salads, award-winning cheddar fries, sangria. $ BW K TO L D Daily DELICOMB DELICATESSEN & ESPRESSO BAR, 102 Sixth Ave. N., 372-4192, delicomb.com. Family-owned-andoperated. Everything’s made with natural and organic ingredients—no hydrogenated oilsor HFCS. Granola, tuna salad, kimchi, wraps, spicy panini melts. $ TO B L Tu-Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 992 Beach Blvd., 249-3001, europeanstreet.com. F SEE RIVERSIDE. FAMOUS TOASTERY, 311 N. Third St., 372-0712, famoustoastery.com. Corned beef hash, gluten-free pancakes, omelets, toast. Wraps, Bloody Marys, mimosas, peach Bellini. $$ FB K TO B L Daily

THE BANK BAR B Q & BAKERY, 331 W. Forsyth St., 388-1600, thebankbbq.com. 28 years’ experience means barbecue done right. Onsite bakery has specialty cakes. $ TO L & D M-F BURRITO GALLERY & BAR, 21 E. Adams St., 598-2922. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Innovative Southwestern fare; ginger teriyaki tofu, beef barbacoa, wraps, tacos. $ BW TO L D M-Sa CASA DORA, 108 E. Forsyth, 356-8282, casadoraitalian. com. F Serving Italian fare, 40+ years: veal, seafood, pizza. Homemade salad dressing. $ BW K L M-F; D M-Sa OLIO MARKET, 301 E. Bay St., 356-7100, oliomarket.com.

F Scratch soups, sandwiches. Duck grilled cheese, seen on Best Sandwich in America. $$ BW TO B R L M-F; D F & Sa SPLIFF’S GASTROPUB, 15 N. Ocean St., 844-5000. Music venue has munchie apps, mac & cheese dishes, pockets, gourmet grilled cheese sandwiches. HH M-F. $ BW L D M-Sa URBAN GRIND COFFEE COMPANY, 45 W. Bay, Ste. 102, 516-7799, urbangrind.coffee. Locally roasted whole bean brewed coffees, espressos, pastries, smoothies, bagels.

Chicken/tuna salad, sandwiches. WiFi. $ B L M-F. URBAN GRIND EXPRESS, 50 W. Laura, 516-7799. SEE ABOVE. ZODIAC BAR & GRILL, 120 W. Adams St., 354-8283, thezodiacbarandgrill.com. 16+ years. Mediterranean cuisine, American fare, paninis, vegetarian dishes. Daily lunch buffet. Espressos, hookahs. HH M-F $ FB L M-F; D W-Sa

FLEMING ISLAND

GRASSROOTS Natural Market, 1915 East-West Pkwy., 541-0009. F SEE RIVERSIDE. MOJO SMOKEHOUSE, 1810 Town Center Blvd., Ste. 8, 264-0636. SEE AVONDALE. WHITEY’S FISH CAMP, 2032 C.R. 220, 269-4198, whiteysfishcamp.com. F Real fish camp. Gator tail, freshwater catfish, daily specials, on Swimming Pen Creek. Tiki bar. Come by boat, bike or car. $ FB K TO L Tu-Su; D Nightly

INTRACOASTAL WEST

AL’S PIZZA, 14286 Beach Blvd., Ste. 31, 223-0991. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. 30 years of awesome gourmet pizza, baked dishes. All day HH M-Th. $ FB K TO L D Daily LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 10750 Atlantic Blvd., Ste. 14, 642-6980. F SEE ORANGE PARK.

BIG SHOTS!

KIRSTEN BASS

1 South Front St. • St. Augustine Born in: Gainesville Years in Biz: 8 Favorite Bar: St. George Tavern Fave Cocktail Style: Old fashioned Go-To Ingredients: Fresh fruit Hangover Cure: A pot of coffee & all the water in the world Will Not Cross My Lips: Gin Insider's Secret: Keeping my secrets to myself Celeb Sighting at Your Bar: Kevin Costner When You Say, "The Usual," You Mean: Jameson

CAMDEN COUNTY, GEORGIA

CAPTAIN STAN’S SMOKEHOUSE, 700 Bedell Dr., Woodbine, 912-729-9552. Barbecue, sides, hot dogs, burgers, desserts.

Dine in or out on picnic tables. $$ FB K TO L & D Tu-Sa

DINNER WITH

DOWNTOWN

A1A Ale Works

FLYING IGUANA TAQUERIA & TEQUILA BAR, 207 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 853-5680, flyingiguana.com. F Latin American: tacos, seafood, carnitas, Cubana fare. 100+ tequilas. $ FB TO L D Daily GUSTO, 1266 Beach Blvd., 372-9925, gustojax.com. Classic Old World Roman cuisine, large Italian menu: homestyle pasta, beef, chicken, fish delicacies; open pizza-tossing kitchen.

Reservations encouraged. $$ FB TO L R D Tu-Su HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 241 Atlantic Blvd., NB, 425-1025. SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 657 Third St. N., 247-9620.

F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 1534 3rd St. N., 853-6817. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO KITCHEN BBQ PIT & BLUES BAR, 1500 Beach Blvd., 247-6636. SEE AVONDALE. MSHACK, 299 Atlantic Blvd., AB, 241-2599, shackburgers.com. Burgers, hot dogs, fries, shakes. Dine indoors or out. $$ BW L D Daily NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 1585 Third St. N., 458-1390. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE MANDARIN. RAGTIME TAVERN SEAFOOD & GRILL, 207 Atlantic Blvd., Atlantic Beach, 241-7877, ragtimetavern.com. F 30+ years, iconic seafood place. Blackened snapper, sesame tuna, Ragtime shrimp. Daily HH, brunch Sun. $$ FB L D Daily SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 1018 Third St. N., 372-4456, saltlifefoodshack.com. Specialty items, tuna poke bowl, fresh sushi, Ensenada tacos, local fried shrimp. $$ FB K TO L D Daily V PIZZA, 528 First St. N., 853-6633, vpizza.com.

Traditional Neapolitana artisan pizza from Naples – Italy, not Florida, made with fresh ingredients. $$ FB TO L D Daily WHISKEY JAX, 950 Marsh Landing Pkwy., 853-5973.

SEE BAYMEADOWS.

BITE-SIZED B ITE

OUTERBANKS SPORTS BAR & GRILLE, 140 The Lakes Blvd., Ste. H, Kingsland, 912-729-5499. Fresh seafood, burgers, steaks, wings. $$ FB TO D Nightly

MANDARIN + NW ST. JOHNS

AL’S PIZZA, 11190 San Jose Blvd., 260-4115. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE INTRACOASTAL. ATHENS CAFÉ, 6271 St. Augustine Rd., Ste. 7, 733-1199, athenscafejax.com. 20+ years of Greek fare, serving dolmades (stuffed grape leaves), baby shoes (stuffed eggplant), Greek beers. Vegetarian-friendly. Full bar. Early bird menu Mon.-Fri. $$ FB L M-F; D M-Sa CRUISERS GRILL, 5613 San Jose Blvd., 737-2874. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE BEACHES. FIRST COAST DELI & GRILL, 6082 St. Augustine Rd., 733-7477. Pancakes, bacon, sandwiches, burgers, wings. $ K TO B L Daily JAX DINER, 5065 St. Augustine Rd., 739-7070. New spot serves local produce, meats, breads, seafood. $ TO B L Daily METRO DINER, 12807 San Jose Blvd., 638-6185. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. MOJO BAR-B-QUE, 1607 University Blvd. W., 732-7200, mojobbq.com. SEE AVONDALE. NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 10000 San Jose Blvd., 260-6950, nativesunjax.com. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Organic soups, baked items, sandwiches, prepared foods. Juice, smoothie, coffee bar.

All-natural beer/wine. $ BW TO K B L D Daily V PIZZA, 12601 San Jose Blvd., 647-9424. SEE SAN MARCO.

ORANGE PARK

THE HILLTOP, 2030 Wells Rd., 272-5959, hilltop-club. com. Southern fine dining. New Orleans shrimp, certified Black Angus prime rib, she-crab soup, desserts. Extensive bourbon selection. $$$ FB D Tu-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1330 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 165, 276-7370. 1545 C.R. 220, 278-2827. 700 Blanding Blvd., Ste. 15, 272-3553. 5733 Roosevelt, 446-9500. 1401 S. Orange Ave., Green Cove, 284-7789, larryssubs.com.

F Larry’s piles ’em high, serves ’em fast; 36+ years.

Hot & cold subs, soups. Some Larry’s serve breakfast. $ K TO B L D Daily

SUN-RAY photo by Brentley Stead

NATIVE SUN NATURAL FOODS MARKET & DELI, 11030 Baymeadows Rd., 260-2791. 2016 Best of Jax Winner.

SEE MANDARIN. PATTAYA THAI GRILLE, 9551 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 1, 646-9506, ptgrille.com. Since 1989, the family-owned place has offered an extensive menu of traditional Thai, vegetarian, new-Thai; curries, seafood, noodles, soups.

Low-sodium & gluten-free. $$$ BW TO L D Tu-Sa THE WELL WATERING HOLE, 3928 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 9, 737-7740, thewellwateringhole.com. Local craft beers, glass/bottle wines. Meatloaf sandwich, pulled Peruvian chicken, vegan black bean burgers. $$ BW K TO L M-F; D Tu-Sa WHISKEY JAX, 10915 Baymeadows Rd., Ste. 135, 634-7208, whiskeyjax.com. Gastropub. Craft beers, gourmet burgers, handhelds, signature plates. HH. $$ FB L D F-Su; D Nightly

Fave 5 Points cinema deserves a CULINARY OSCAR LIKE MOST MOVIE THEATERS, SUN-RAY Cinema shows first-run blockbuster hits like Wonder Woman and Baby Driver and indie and art films like Beatriz at Dinner and Kedi. The two big screens also run classics for Throwback Thursdays. A summer kids series has faves on Wednesday and Saturday; $2 for a movie and $5 for the movie AND a cereal bar. !!

OK, enough about the movies. We’re here for the food and drink. The menu at the oldest theater building in Jacksonville offers beer (PBR, Rolling Rock), drafts from Bold City and Intuition Ale Works, red and white wines, hot dogs ($5.50, natural casing or vegan; The Wizard, $9, chili and cheese, classic or vegan), hummus, sandwiches, nachos and brownies.

Get fried two ways: in a basket ($5), adding cheese (vegan or classic) or chili & cheese or Swamp Fries ($9.50) with kimchi, egg, marinara, queso and “a dash of spirulina.”

Some dishes are movie-themed. There’s The Godfather salad ($10). with everything but the cannoli; the Wildly Inauthentic Cuban sandwich ($8), which stuffs pulled pork, ham, mustard, pickle and Swiss cheese and presses it all together. On your nine-inch personal-size pizza, try rinotta ($8), a ricotta substitute that’s outta this world. Toppings run from 50 cents to $2 each. Specialty pizzas include Black Lagoon Supreme (kalamata olives, sausage, garlic, pepperoni, and roasted ground sausage sprinkled on top), Godbold, Cowford Pie and Uncle Meat ($9.50-$11.50).

BITE-SIZED

SUN-RAY CINEMA

1028 Park St., 5 Points, 359-0049, sunraycinema.com After you order, you get a pager so your server can find you in the dark!

If you’re at a movie, you need popcorn. SunRay has it—and not just any popcorn (small $3, medium $4, large $5.50). Find unusual toppings like zattar, truffle oil, curry powder, and garlic powder. I’d tell you my favorite toppings combo, but then I’d have to kill you.

If you want to keep it simple, try the popular Regular Joe ($8.50), a good ol’ pressed Italian sandwich with ham, salami, provolone, mayo and banana peppers. The tried-and-true combo is easy to eat in the theater and it’s damn tasty.

My only complaint? It’s a little skimpy on the meats and it disappears way too fast.

Milkshakes here are surprisingly standard—chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, coffee—but still available in classic or vegan ($6). The real surprise? Beer shakes! Ice cream blended with ‘a tasty stout, undertones of coffee and chocolate’ ($7).

This cool haven is the perfect spot to escape sweltering summer heat. Grab a housemade Twankie ($2.75) and a seat and I’ll see you in the movies!

Brentley Stead biteclub@folioweekly.com JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 23

DINING DIRECTORY PINT-SIZED

Craft beer lovers alarmed by Big Beer “SPY” GAMES

You can grab lunch at THE CRAFT PIZZA CO. in Neptune Beach for just $10 before 4:00 p.m.

FOX IN THE

HENHOUSE

IT’S NO SECRET THAT BIG BEER IS TRYING TO get its fingers gers into the craft beer pie by buying up breweries. Breweries such as Goose Island, Ballast Point (in an astounding $1 billion deal with Constellation Brands) and most recently, and possibly most shocking, Wicked Weed Brewing have been snapped up. But when news broke earlier this month that a subsidiary of AnheuserBusch/InBev bought a minority stake in seminal beer review website RateBeer.com, the beer world raised its collective eyebrows.

Since May 2000, Rate Beer has been a haven for enthusiasts to discuss, rate and debate the many aspects of all things beer. The site focuses on reviews posted by the general public, rather than experts. Beers are rated in five categories: Aroma, Appearance, Taste, Palate and Overall. The scores are weighted, then tallied for a final score.

Reviewers are also allowed to comment. Reviews range from barebones accounts to in-depth dissertations on esoteric influences the beer may have undergone.

Because the public creates reviews, results are generally accepted as unbiased. Now that AB/ InBev holds some of the pursestrings, some in the beer community question the site’s integrity.

AB/InBev acquired a stake in Rate Beer through ZX Ventures, a research firm it owns.

ZX’s mission, according to its website, is to mine consumer data from various sources to “better anticipate their future needs.”

In a June 2 statement, Rate Beer founder and majority owner Joe Tucker said, “ZX Ventures has the utmost respect for the integrity of the data and the unbiased service we offer to the entire community and industry.”

Conspiracy theorists in the craft beer world call BS on that. They see the move as a blatant attempt by AB/InBev to gather information much the same way a Cold War spy gathered intelligence. Further, with the treasure trove of data in millions of beer reviews, AB/InBev has access to information it could use to select craft breweries for acquisition.

Sam Calagione, outspoken owner of Delaware’s Dogfish Head Brewing Company, is among those calling Rate Beer out on the sale.

“We believe,” Calagione wrote on Dogfish’s blog, “this is a direct violation of the Society of Professional Journalists (SPJ) Code of Ethics and a blatant conflict of interest.”

Calagione isn’t alone. Black Project, Harpoon, Cantillon—the darling of many beer enthusiasts— and others have spoken up and asked for all reviews and mentions of their beers be removed from Rate Beer.

To many, the sale’s most galling aspect was the length of time between the closing and Tucker informing membership. The sale finalized in October 2016–eight months before the announcement.

Rate Beer user StefanSD summed it up in a post on the site: “I have concerns about AB, but also concerns regarding the cover-up and non-disclosure…. I feel that a certain line has been crossed regarding honesty to the community.

“I always looked at RB as a Consumer Reports for beer; now that has changed. Industry ownership changes everything.”

Whether Rate Beer can prove the naysayers wrong and provide unbiased, crowdsourced reviews has yet to be seen. One thing is certain: Big Beer is slowly chipping away at craft beer in its bid to remain at the top of the hops heap.

Marc Wisdom marc@folioweekly.com

PINT-SIZED

24 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

METRO DINER, 2034 Kingsley Ave., 375-8548. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. MILL BASIN, 1754 Wells Rd., Orange Park, 644-8172, mill-basin.com. Serving modern interpretations of classic Italian fare and upscale craft cocktails. Late night menu available. Daily HH, brunch Sun. $$ FB L D Daily THE ROADHOUSE, 231 Blanding Blvd., 264-0611, roadhouseonline.net. Sandwiches, wings, burgers, quesadillas for 35+ years. 75+ imported beers. $ FB L D Daily SNACSHACK BAKERY, 179 College Dr., Ste. 19, 322-1414, snacshack.menu. Bakery and café; sandwiches, coffees, bagels, muffins, breads, cookies, brownies, snack treats. $$ TO B BR L M-F SPRING PARK COFFEE, 328 Ferris St., Green Cove Springs, 531-9391, springparkcoffee.com. Cozy shop; fresh-roasted Brass Tacks coffee, handcrafted hot & cold drinks, specialty lattes, cappuccino, macchiato, teas, pastries, sandwiches, breakfast. $ B L D Daily

PONTE VEDRA BEACH

AL’S PIZZA, 635 A1A, 543-1494. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE INTRACOASTAL. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 830 A1A N., Ste. 6, 273-3993. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MSHACK NOCATEE, 641 Crosswater Pkwy., 395-3575.

SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 340 Front St., Ste. 700, 513-8422. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE SAN MARCO.

RIVERSIDE, 5 PTS + WESTSIDE

13 GYPSIES, 887 Stockton St., 389-0330, 13gypsies.com.

2016 Best of Jax Winner. Authentic Mediterranean cuisine: chorizo, tapas, blackened cod, pork skewers, coconut mango curry chicken. Breads from scratch. $$ BW L D Tu-Sa, R Sa AL’S PIZZA, 1620 Margaret St., Ste. 201, 388-8384. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE INTRACOASTAL. BLACK SHEEP, 1534 Oak St., 355-3793, blacksheep5points.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. New American, Southern; local source ingredients. Specials, rooftop bar. HH. $$$ FB R Sa & Su; L M-F; D Nightly BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 869 Stockton St., Ste. 1, 855-1181, boldbeancoffee.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner.

Small-batch, artisanal approach to sourcing and roasting single-origin, direct-trade coffees. Signature blends, handcrafted syrups, espressos, craft beers. $ BW TO B L Daily BRIXX WOOD FIRED PIZZA, 220 Riverside Ave., 300-3928, brixxpizza.com. Pizzas, pastas, soups. Glutenfree options. Daily specials, BOGO pizzas 10 p.m.-close. $$ FB K TO L D Daily CORNER TACO, 818 Post St., 240-0412, cornertaco.com.

Made-from-scratch “Mexclectic street food,” tacos, nachos, gluten-free, vegetarian options. $ BW L D Tu-Su CUMMER CAFÉ, Cummer Museum of Art & Gardens, 829 Riverside Ave., 356-6857, cummer.org. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Light lunch, quick bites, locally roasted coffee, espresso-based beverages, sandwiches, gourmet desserts, daily specials. Dine in or in gardens. $ BW K L D Tu; L W-Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 2753 Park St., 384-9999. 130+ import beers, 20 on tap. Sandwiches. Dine outside at some EStreets. $ BW K L D Daily FIVE POINTS TAVERN, 1521 Margaret St., 549-5063, fivepointstavern.com. New American cosmopolitan place serves chef-curated dishes in a relaxed environment. $$ FB TO L & D Tu-Su GRASSROOTS NATURAL MARKET, 2007 Park St., 384-4474, thegrassrootsmarket.com. F Juice bar uses certified organic fruits, veggies. Artisanal cheeses, 300 craft,

import beers, 50 organic wines, produce, meats, vitamins, herbs, wraps, sides, sandwiches. $ BW TO B L D Daily HAWKERS ASIAN STREET FARE, 1001 Park St., 508-0342, hawkerstreetfare.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Authentic dishes from mobile stalls: BBQ pork char sui, beef haw fun, Hawkers baos, chow faan, grilled Hawker skewers. $ BW TO L D Daily IL DESCO, 2665 Park St., 290-6711, ildescojax.com.

Authentic Italian cuisine; wood-fired pizzas, pasta, baked Italian dishes, raw bar, spaghetti tacos. Daily HH. $$-$$$ FB K TO L D Daily JOHNNY’S DELI & GRILLE, 474 Riverside Ave., 356-8055. F Casual; made-to-order sandwiches, wraps. $ TO B L M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 1509 Margaret St., 674-2794.

7895 Normandy Blvd., 781-7600. 8102 Blanding Blvd., 779-1933. F SEE ORANGE PARK. METRO DINER, 4495 Roosevelt Blvd., 999-4600. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE SAN MARCO. MOON RIVER PIZZA, 1176 Edgewood Ave. S., 389-4442.

F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE AMELIA ISLAND. THE MOSSFIRE GRILL, 1537 Margaret St., 355-4434, mossfire.com. 2016 Best of Jax finalist. Near 5 Points intersection. Southwestern dishes: fish tacos, chicken enchiladas. HH M-Sa in upstairs lounge; HH all day Su. $$ FB K L D Daily MSHACK, 1012 Margaret St., 423-1283. SEE BEACHES. SOUTHERN ROOTS FILLING STATION, 1275 King St., 513-4726, southernrootsjax.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Fresh vegan fare; local, organic ingredients.

Specials, on bread, local greens/rice, change daily.

Sandwiches, coffees, teas. $ Tu-Su SUN-RAY CINEMA, 1028 Park St., 359-0047, sunraycinema.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Firstrun, indie and art films screened. Beer, local drafts, wine, pizza–Godbold, Black Lagoon Supreme–hot dogs, hummus, sandwiches, popcorn, nachos, brownies. $$ BW Daily SUSHI CAFÉ, 2025 Riverside Ave., Ste. 204, 384-2888, sushicafejax.com. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Monster, Rock-n-Roll, Dynamite Roll. Hibachi, tempura, katsu, teriyaki. Inside/patio. $$ BW L D Daily

ST. AUGUSTINE

AL’S PIZZA, 1 St. George St., 824-4383. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE INTRACOASTAL. CRUISERS GRILL, 3 St. George St., 824-6993. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE BEACHES. THE FLORIDIAN, 72 Spanish St., 829-0655, thefloridianstaug.com. 2016 Best of Jax Winner.

Updated Southern fare; fresh, local ingredients. Vegetarian, gluten-free option. Signature fried green tomato bruschetta, blackened fish cornbread stack; grits w/shrimp/fish/tofu. $$$ BW K TO L D W-M GYPSY CAB COMPANY, 828 Anastasia Blvd., 824-8244, gypsycab.com. F 33+ years. Varied urban cuisine menu changes twice daily. Signature: Gypsy chicken. Seafood, tofu, duck, veal. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily MARDI GRAS SPORTS BAR, 123 San Marco Ave., 347-3288, mardibar.com. Wings, nachos, shrimp, chicken, Phillys, sliders, soft pretzels. $$ FB TO L D Daily MOJO OLD CITY BBQ, 5 Cordova St., 342-5264, mojobbq.com. SEE AVONDALE. O’LOUGHLIN PUB, 6975 A1A S., 429-9715. Familyowned-and-operated. Authentic fish & chips, shepherd’s pie, corned beef & cabbage, bangers & mash, duck wings. $$ FB K TO L D Daily

SALT LIFE FOOD SHACK, 321 A1A, 217-3256. SEE BEACHES. METRO DINER, 1000 S. Ponce de Leon Blvd., 758-3323. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Dinner nightly. SEE SAN MARCO. SHANGHAI NOBBY’S, 10 Anastasia Blvd., 547-2188.

Cuban-style, Philly cheesesteak sandwiches. $$ FB

SAN MARCO + SOUTHBANK

THE BEARDED PIG SOUTHERN BBQ & BEER GARDEN, 1224 Kings Ave., 619-2247, thebeardedpigbbq.com.

2016 Best of Jax Winner. Barbecue joint Southern style: brisket, pork, chicken, sausage, beef; veggie platters. $$ BW K TO Daily BISTRO AIX, 1440 San Marco Blvd., 398-1949, bistrox.com.

F Mediterranean/French inspired menu changes seasonally.

250+ wines. Wood-fired oven baked, grilled specialties: pizza, pasta, risotto, steaks, seafood. Hand-crafted cocktails, specialty drinks. Dine outside. HH M-F. $$$ FB L D Daily BOLD BEAN COFFEE ROASTERS, 1905 Hendricks Ave. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. SEE RIVERSIDE. EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 1704 San Marco Blvd., 398-9500. SEE RIVERSIDE. FUSION SUSHI, 1550 University Blvd. W., 636-8688, fusionsushijax.com. F Upscale; fresh sushi, sashimi, hibachi, teriyaki, katsu, seafood. $$ K L D Daily KITCHEN ON SAN MARCO, 1402 San Marco Blvd., 396-2344, kitchenonsanmarco.com. Gastropub serves local, national craft beers, specialty cocktails. Seasonal menu, with fresh, locally sourced ingredients. $$ FB R Su; L D Daily METRO DINER, 3302 Hendricks Ave., 398-3701, metrodinercom. F 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Original upscale diner in a historic 1930s-era building. Meatloaf, chicken pot pie, soups. This one serves dinner nightly. $$ B R L D Daily PIZZA PALACE RESTAURANT & PIZZERIA, 1959 San Marco Blvd., 399-8815, pizzapalacejax.com. F Family-owned&-operated; spinach pizza, chicken spinach calzones, ravioli, lasagna, parmigiana. Dine outside. HH. $$ BW K TO L D Daily TAVERNA, 1986 San Marco Blvd., 398-3005, tavernasanmarco.com. Chef Sam Efron’s authentic Italian; tapas, wood-fired pizza. Seasonal local produce, meats.

Craft beer (some local), award-winning wine. $$$ FB K TO R L D Daily V PIZZA, 1406 Hendricks Ave., 527-1511, vpizza.com.

Serving true artisan Neapolitana pizzas, hand-tossed, thin or thick crust. Baked dishes, subs, stromboli, wings, wraps. $$ FB to L D Daily

SOUTHSIDE + TINSELTOWN

ALHAMBRA THEATRE & DINING, 12000 Beach Blvd., 641-1212, alhambrajax.com. Open 50 years. Executive Chef DeJuan Roy’s themed menus. Reservations. $$ FB D Tu-Su EUROPEAN STREET CAFÉ, 5500 Beach Blvd., 398-1717.

SEE RIVERSIDE. LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 3611 St. Johns Bluff Rd. S., 641-6499. 4479 Deerwood Lake Pkwy., 425-4060. F SEE ORANGE PARK. MARIANAS GRINDS, 11380 Beach Blvd., Ste. 10, 206-612-6596. Pacific Islander fare, chamorro culture. Soups, stews, fitada, beef oxtail, katden pika; empanadas, lumpia, chicken relaguen, BBQ-style ribs, chicken. $$ TO B L D Tu-Su MOXIE KITCHEN + COCKTAILS, 4972 Big Island Dr., 998-9744. 2016 Best of Jax Winner. Chef Tom Gray’s locally sourced contemporary American menu has starters—deviled farm eggs, chicken livers; favorites— chicken & waffles, Dr Pepper-glazed beef short ribs. Seared scallops, handmade gnocchi. Inventive cocktails, patio dining. HH daily. $$ FB K Su Br, L M-Sa; D Nightly

Ready Fresh Foods

904-479-5679 (call or text) Info at ReadyFreshFoods.com Try our healthy, gourmet meals wherever and whenever you want— just sign up for a Ready Fresh Foods plan to be delivered to you whatever your schedule!

Ask for the Trim or Performance recipe plans—like the Jacksonville Sharks!

Growers Alliance Cafe & Gift Shop

322 Anastasia Blvd. | 904-371-7869 Cozy, organic/fair trade Kenyan coffee shop offers coffee, nuts, arts and crafts directly from the villagers and healthy fresh made quiche, pastries, samosas and mandazis. Try craft beers and international wines on our patio! (10% of sales support Kenyan village projects)

Zaba’s Bistro

701 A1A Beach Blvd | 904-770-2976 St. Augustine’s favorite beach breakfast bistro—the only casual cafe’ for breakfast. All-day, rightoff-the-beach entrance at Street A. Try our yummy breakfast bowls with homemade sausage gravy, spiced just right ... a local favorite!

Obi’s Fillin’ Station

590 A1A Beach Blvd | (904) 217-7689 Like in the good ol’ gas-pump diner days, Obi’s is retro fun with the best variety of burgers around! Try bison, roasted beef brisket or 100% prime beef burgers! Great sides and fries, homemade breakfasts and desserts too! Enter empty—leave full (We promise!).

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 25

DINING DIRECTORY MSHACK, 10281 Midtown Pkwy., 642-5000. SEE BEACHES. OVINTE, 10208 Buckhead Branch Dr., 900-7730, ovintecom.

Italy, Spain, Mediterranean. Small plates, tapas, charcuterie: ceviche fresco, pappardelle bolognese, lobster ravioli.

240-bottle/wines, 75/glass; craft spirits. $$ FB R, Su; D Nightly

SPRINGFIELD + NORTHSIDE

ANDY’S GRILL, 1810 W. Beaver St., 354-2821, jaxfarmersmarket.com. Inside Jax Farmers Market. Local,

regional, international produce. Breakfast, sandwiches. $ B L D M-Sa LARRY’S GIANT SUBS, 12001 Lem Turner Rd., 764-9999.

SEE ORANGE PARK. UPTOWN KITCHEN & BAR, 1303 Main St. N., 355-0734, uptownmarketjax.com. Bite Club certified. Fresh fare, innovative menus, farm-to-table selections, daily specials. $$ BW TO B L Daily

CHEFFED-UP

Explore new territory, TONGUE FIRST

CHEFFED-UP

THAT FIRST-TIME

FEELING TRAVEL IS ONE OF THE JOYS OF MODERN life. Even if only for a couple of days, few things beat a little change of scenery. It can be even more rewarding if you’ve never been there before. New sights, sounds and smells entice the senses and make one feel alive.

One of my favorite scenes is from the flick Room with a View. Cousin Charlotte, a very prim, stuffy Englishwoman, is exploring a back street of Florence (Italy, not South Carolina, rube) with an adventurist friend when they encounter a foul odor.

Charlotte covers her nose and winces while her companion breathes in deeply and pronounces, “ah, a true Florentine smell!”

Brilliant, new and different are exciting.

For me, new sights are terrific, but the best part of travel is the food. The first meal in a good restaurant is always the best; nothing replaces that first-time feeling, that alluring sense of mystery, the excitement of the unknown.

Because of this first-is-best phenomenon, I conduct tours at my culinary academy. Part of my credo as a tour guide is “never let facts ruin a good story.” The other is that the tour must involve food or it’s just plain boring.

Every Saturday, I lead a group of tourists and locals on a Farmer’s Market Tour; we talk with the vendors, sample foods and enjoy the unique Fernandina Beach ambience.

I include a wealth of facts on the town’s history, naturally concentrating on food.

We then stroll back to my school, where I demonstrate and prepare a lunch utilizing the local ingredients.

I also lead several restaurant-tasting tours. I know a few cities now offer these, but mine are Culinary Tasting Tours led by a Professional Chef. You can get drunk anywhere, but can you sample local chefs’ interpretations of lowcountry cuisine while being guided by a snarky Chef? I think not!

Afterward, I’m usually tired and always hungry. After my last restaurant tour, I went home and prepared one of my favorite simple treats: biscuits with sausage gravy.

Give this recipe a go and you’ll never again be satisfied with the pedestrian version you get from uninspired cooks.

26 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

CHEF BILL’S SAUSAGE GRAVY

Ingredients • 2 tbsp. fat–bacon grease is always best • 1 pound sage breakfast sausage • 1/2 medium onion, brunoise • 2 garlic cloves, paste • 1-1/2 Serrano chili, brunoise • 1 bouquet garni (8 sprigs thyme, • 2 bay leaves, 2 parsley stems, • 1 oregano sprig) • 1 oz. sherry • 3 oz. chicken broth • 2 tbsp. parsley, chopped • 1/2 cup scallions, sliced • Whole milk to cover, approx. 1 pint • Cornstarch slurry as needed • S&P to taste Directions 1. Heat the bacon fat in a large saucepan • to near smoking. Crumble in the • sausage and break up the large clumps • with a wooden spoon. Allow the • sausage to brown before turning.

2. Once browned, transfer the sausage • to a bowl and drain all but 1 tbsp.

• of fat from the pan. Lower heat and • sweat the onions until translucent.

• Add the garlic and Serrano and sweat • until soft.

3. Deglaze with sherry, reduce a sec.

• Add bouquet garni, chicken broth • and simmer until reduced by a third.

• Add the milk, bring to a simmer.

• Whisk in the cornstarch slurry to a • nappé consistency.

4. Continue to simmer for about 20 • minutes. Taste, adjust seasoning • and consistency.

5. Stir in scallions and herbs.

Until we cook again,

Chef Bill Thompson cheffedup@folioweekly.com ____________________________________ Contact Chef Bill Thompson, owner of The Amelia Island Culinary Academy, at cheffedup@folioweekly.com to find inspiration and get you Cheffed Up!

PETS LOOKIN’ FOR LOVE FOLIO

W E E K LY

FOLIO LIVING G DEAR

PET

DAVI

LOVERS’

GUIDE

PETS LIKE ME:

OLLIE

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE COLOR?

Red is my signature color—it’s the color of my tail, after all. And, no, I don’t dye my feathers—this red is the real deal.

WHERE DO YOU GO FOR VETERINARIAN CARE?

Behind every good human is AN AWESOME PET waiting to share its story MEET OLLIE:

Some dogs look at parrots as prey, but I found Ollie the African grey to have impeccable charm, grace and a vocabulary as broad as her beak. Once she started speaking, there was no turning back. I mean, I did ask her to share her story.

Tête-à-Tête

DAVI: TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF.

OLLIE: I’m an African grey parrot and my name is Ollie, short for Olivia Laurel. My name was originally Oliver Laurel, but when my mom discovered I was a female, that quickly changed. African Greys don’t have visual gender differences, so unless a blood test is taken, we remain androgynous.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? I have a little brother, Desmond. He’s a Yorkshire terrier and I don’t care for him much. He’s yappy and hyperactive and he really stinks. And he competes for attention, but I’m not concerned—I will always be mom’s favorite.

WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE MUSICIAN? I jam out hard to Jimmy Buffett. I’m a parrot-head, duh.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SNACK? I find peanuts delicious, but must restrict my binges since too much can be harmful.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPACE OF YOUR OWN? My supersize cage is near the sliding-glass doors, so I can safely watch wildlife all day without risking an unpleasant encounter with birds, cats, raccoons or those pesky squirrels.

I visit the Exotic Bird Hospital once a year and I’ve been seeing Dr. Stevenson since I was 5 weeks old. She’s super-nice and keeps me calm during my physical, especially when she files my nails and beak—that’s the worst!

GO SK8 KONA 21 Kona Skatepark JUN

WHAT’S A FUN THING YOU LIKE TO DO? Hang upside down. Everyone should do that at least once a day.

HOW OLD ARE YOU? One should never ask a lady her age, but I’ll share anyway … I’m 22 years young.

SLIGHTLY STOOPID W/ IRATION, J BOOG AND THE MOVEMENT 22 St. Augustine Amphitheatre JUN

IT’S BEEN SAID AFRICAN GREYS ARE VERY INTELLIGENT. Of course we are. We don’t just mimic, we learn. I can identify my favorite things when I want to, but most of the time I can’t be bothered. I also say “Buh-bye” when mom leaves—it’d be rude not to, right?

Fourth in rank after dogs, cats and fish, birds are America’s favorite pets. An estimated 14 million birds live in captivity across the United States, a great many of them parrots of several varieties. If you’re interested in a pet who has a combination of smarts and a lively temperament, then an African grey parrot might be your new best friend.

African greys are highly skilled at copying the sounds they hear, whether human voices or random household noises, and are deemed among the most intelligent birds. These colorful birds typically live as long as 50 years and some live much longer, closing in on 75.

African greys often bond strongly to their owners, and become affectionate, fascinating pets. But it takes a committed family to ensure that the bird lives a happy, healthy life.

Our feathered friends are welcome here anytime!

Davi mail@folioweekly.com ____________________________________

JUN

23

JUN

24

NIGHT AT THE ZOO

Jacksonville Zoo and Gardens

THE LANDING LIGHTS UP SUMMER!

Jacksonville Landing

EXOTIC BIRD FAIR 25 SOUTHEAST SouthEast Exotic Bird Fair • National Guard Armory JUN

Davi the dachshund doesn’t have wings, but he flies in his dreams.

PET TIP: PARKS PLUS PETS? WE LOVE US SOME NATIONAL PARKS. And we love us some pets.

Do they get along? Rules at nearby parks: TIMUCUAN PRESERVE. Pets can go in outdoor areas at preserve sites, but they must stay on a six-foot leash.

FORT MATANZAS NATIONAL MONUMENT. Pets are allowed on the beach and trails, on a six-foot leash. Pets, except service animals, can’t go in the visitor center, on the boat or at the fort.

FORT FREDERICA, ST. SIMONS ISLAND. Pets must be leashed or in a pet stroller. You must have bags to immediately remove pet deposits. Pets can’t go in buildings, the ruins or historic structures. And at all parks: You must clean up after your pet. More at nps.gov.

JUN

27

AEJANDRO ESCOVEDO BAND

Flying Saucer • Ponte Vedra Concert Hall

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 27

FREEWILL ASTROLOGY

DALE RATERMANN’s Folio Weekly Crossword presented by

LOST CAUSES, PRETEND LIFE, VIRGINIA WOOLF, BEEHIVES & ORANGE PEELS

Serving Excellence Since 1928 Member American Gem Society

San Marco 2044 San Marco Blvd.

398-9741

Ponte Vedra

THE SHOPPES OF PONTE VEDRA

330 A1A North 280-1202

Avondale 3617 St. Johns Ave. 388-5406

FOLIO WEEKLY CROSSWORD 1

2

3

4

5

6

17

9

10

11

24

22

25 28

29

39

31

40

41 44

47

45

48

49

50 56

55

57

51

58

59

62

64

65

66

67

68

69

31 Female swingers grp.

35 Contract part 11 WJCT network 14 Get paid 15 Angler’s hope 16 Critter craft 17 Peeling jet?

19 City Council vote 20 Black Sheep brunch time 21 M Shack flavoring 22 Sea mist 23 EverBank Field turf 24 Bortles stat.

26 Limp Bizkit’s Rivers 27 Exposes oneself to the lord’s mate?

33 Analyzes ore 36 “I’m __ you!”

37 JAX destination via Southwest Airlines 38 Gig composition 39 Put up with 41 Diddly squat 42 Dinghy thingie 43 Everglades bird 44 X-ray particle 46 Undisguised oak?

49 Variety

52

53

60

61

ACROSS

32

37

43

42 46

30

36

35

38

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I’m reporting from the inaugural Psychic Olympics in Los Angeles. For the last five days, I’ve competed against the world’s top mind-readers, dice-controllers, spirit whisperers, spoon-benders, angel-wrestlers and stock market prognosticators.

So far, I’ve earned a silver medal in channeling the spirits of dead celebrities. (Thanks, Frida Kahlo and Gertrude Stein!) I psychically foresee I’ll also win a gold medal for most accurate fortune-telling. Here’s the prophecy I predict will cinch my victory: “Those born in Taurus will soon be at the pinnacle of their ability to get telepathically aligned with those who have things they want and need.”

26

27 34

13

19 21

23

12

16

18

20

54

8

15

14

33

7

63

50 Amelia Island B&B 51 Moose kin 54 Memorable ‘89 hurricane 56 Some PC files 59 Exorcist’s foe 61 __ Kosh B’Gosh 62 Tapered iPad maker?

64 A lot, in verse 65 Nowadays 66 “___ cost ya!”

67 St. that can be dropped from the theme answers to form alternate phrases 68 Cyclops feature 69 Sac of a sort

12 13 18 22 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 40 41

DOWN

H I N D U

31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39

Certain jabs Neo- opposite ___ Theft Auto “Diana” singer Blitzer’s employer Traffic signals Willing partner Lyft rival Bearded Pig order 10 Musket extension 11 Straw topper

28 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

Arg. neighbor Terrier type Mean to say WJXT’s Ranger Melon choice ___ Paulo Scale syllables Raise a banner Gator lineman Squish Dimwit Chinese money Commencing Jax Zoo mammal Kind of student Trash holder Auction action

43 45 47 48 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 60 62 63

Be a pain Coggin brand Day-___ In a sage manner Vacuous Lies around Tebowed, e.g.

Farrier’s focus Jacksonville Bulls org.

Blueprint Palm delicacy Priceless Gargantuan Rapper ___ Rida TPC Sawgrass course designer

SOLUTION TO 6.14.17 PUZZLE O D O R S

I D E T R A A G D I D R S E

T O T E S M C I F F R I A M E S P N E E A E R

O D D S

M O R E S S O Y N K C I S T T I E A N M S

A T A R I C A N O E D J T

N I E R G A N E G H S R A T A R E N D D D Y P T A S E P A D A S U D E E E T

U S D A

R E D U X

G E D R G E R O P

M A A T U R I V I D E A I O R S T E D H A I H D

E N A A S B E S B U R K A

ARIES (March 21-April 19): There are places in the oceans where the sea floor cracks open and spreads apart from volcanic activity. This allows geothermally heated water to vent out from deep inside the Earth.

Scientists explored such a place in the otherwise frigid waters around Antarctica. They were elated to find a “riot of life” living there, including previously unknown species of crabs, starfish, sea anemones and barnacles. Judging from the astrological omens, you’ll soon enjoy a metaphorically comparable eruption of warm vitality from unfathomable depths.

Will you welcome and use the raw blessings even if they’re unfamiliar and odd?

S P E E D

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): While reading Virginia Woolf, I found the perfect maxim for you to write down and carry in your pocket or wallet: “Let us not take it for granted that life exists more fully in what is commonly thought big than in what is commonly thought small.” In the weeks ahead, keep this counsel simmering constantly in the back of your mind. It’ll protect you from the dreaminess and superstition of folks around you. It’ll guarantee you won’t overlook potent breakthroughs as you scan the horizon for phantom miracles. And it’ll help you change what needs to be changed slowly and surely, with minimum disruption.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Now that you’ve mostly paid off a debt to the past, you can window-shop for the future’s best offers. You’re finally ready to leave an outgrown power spot and launch a quest to find fresh power spots. So bid farewell to lost causes and ghostly temptations. Slip away from attachments to traditions that no longer move you and the deadweight of your original family’s expectations.

Soon you’ll be empty, light and free—and ready to make a vigorous first impression when you meet potential allies in the frontier.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): You’ll soon have an up-close and personal encounter with some form of lightning. To ensure it’s not a literal bolt shooting from a thundercloud, don’t take long romantic strolls during a storm. Also, forgo any temptation you may have to stick your fi nger in electrical sockets. I envision a type of lightning to give you a healthy metaphorical jolt. If your creative circuits are sluggish, it’ll jumpstart them. If you need to wake up from a dreamy delusion, the lovable lightning gives just the right salutary shock.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Signing up to read at open mic at a poetry slam? Buying an outfit that’s a departure from a style you’ve cultivated for years? Getting dance lessons, a past-life reading or hang-gliding instructions?

Hopping on a jet for a spontaneous getaway to an exotic hotspot? I approve. Temporarily abandon at least 30 percent of your inhibitions.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I don’t know what marketing specialists predict about color trends for the masses, but

my astrological analysis has discerned the most evocative colors for Libras. Electric mud is a mocha hue. Visualize silver-blue sparkles emerging from moist dirt tones. Earthy! Dynamic!

Cybernatural is special. Picture sheaves of ripe wheat blended with what you see when you close your eyes after staring at a computer monitor for hours. Organic! Glimmering! A third power pigment? Pastel adrenaline, a mix of dried apricot and the shadowy brightness flowing across nerve synapses when you take aggressive practical measures to convert dreams to realities.

Delicious! Dazzling!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Do you ever hide behind a wall of detached cynicism?

Do you protect yourself with the armor of jaded coolness? My proposal: In accordance with astrological omens, escape those perverse forms of comfort and safety. Be brave enough to risk feeling hopeful enthusiasm’s vulnerability. Be curious enough to handle uncertainty from exploring places you don’t know and trying adventures you might not be able to do.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars,” writes Jack Gilbert in his poem “Tear It Down.” He adds that “We find out the heart only by dismantling what the heart knows.” Meditate on these ideas. It’s time to peel away obvious secrets and penetrate to the richer secrets beneath. Time to dare a world-changing risk obscured by easy risks.

Time to find your real life hidden inside a pretend one, to expedite evolution of the authentic self germinating in the darkness.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): When I was four years old, I loved drawing diagrams of the solar system with crayons. I was already laying a foundation for my interest in astrology. Explore your early formative memories. Look at old photos, ask kinfolk what they remember. My astrological omen-reading suggests the past can show new clues about what you may become. Potentials revealed when you were a wee tyke may be primed to develop more fully.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I often ride my bike in the hills. The transition from residential to open spaces is a narrow dirt path with thick woods on one side and a steep descent on the other. Today as I neared this spot, there was a new sign posted: “Do not enter: Active beehive forming in the middle of the path.” I saw a swarm hovering around a tree branch hanging low over the path. What next? I might get stung if I did what I usually do. Instead, I got off my bike and dragged it through the woods, so I could join the path on the other side of the bees. Judging from astrological omens, you may encounter a comparable interruption on a route you regularly take. Find a detour, even if it’s inconvenient.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You’re extra creative in the weeks ahead.

Cosmic rhythms nudge you toward fresh thinking and imaginative innovation, whether for your job, relationships, daily rhythm or chosen art form. To take full advantage of provocative luck, seek stimuli to activate high-quality brainstorms. I heard composer André Grétry was inspired when he stepped in ice water. Author Ben Johnson was energized in the presence of a purring cat and the aroma of orange peels. I like to hang out with folks smarter than I. What works for you?

Rob Brezsny freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

NEWS OF THE WEIRD JUST DOING WHAT I’M TOLD

On May 5, an elderly woman in Plymouth, England, drove wildly afield by blindly obeying her car’s satellite navigation system.

Turning left, as ordered, only to confront a solid railing, she spotted a narrow pedestrian gap and squeezed through, which led to her descending the large concrete stairway at Mayflower House Court parking garage (until her undercarriage got stuck).

FUTURE DRIVER’S ED TEACHER

Police in East Palestine, Ohio, said an 8-year-old boy who took the family car and drove his sister, 4, to a local McDonald’s for a cheeseburger on April 9 was different from the usual underage drivers, in that he caused no problems. Witnesses said he followed traffic signals en route, which the lad attributed to learning from YouTube videos.

ARMED & CLUMSY (ALL-NEW!)

Incidents in which men accidentally shoot themselves: a National Rifle Association staff member, 46, training on a firing range (Fairfax County, Virginia, April). A fleeing robber, run over by his victim; the collision caused the robber’s gun to fire in his mouth (Hawthorne, California, March). Two boys, 17 and 19, “practicing” loading and unloading a handgun, managing to hit each other (Houston, March). In a confrontation with a raccoon, a U.S. Park Police officer shot his foot (Washington, D.C., Nov.)

MIX THE GRAIN WITH WATER …

In May, Winneshiek County, Iowa, Engineer Lee Bjerke said he had no idea how the driver of a loaded 18-wheeler had missed the “Load Limit 3 Tons” sign at the entrance of a small, rickety bridge near Cresco, but in seconds, the span was wiped out, and the tractor-trailer fell in Turkey River. The loaded grain truck weighed more than 30 tons.

FLACCID FUTURE CHARDONNAY

With limited trade, investment and ownership rights, many Cuban producers are forced to improvise to bring products to market—like Orestes Estevez, a Havana winemaker, who finds condoms indispensable, according to an April

Associated Press dispatch. The “most remarkable sight” the reporter saw was “hundreds of [open] bottles capped with condoms,” which inflate from gases as the fruit ferments. When fermentation is done, the condom goes limp.

Folio Weekly helps you connect with the paramour of your dreams. Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html, fill out the FREE form correctly (40 words or fewer, dammit) by 5 p.m. Friday (for the next Wednesday’s FW) – next stop: Bliss!

HOW DO THE DRUNKS LEAVE?

India’s Supreme Court approved an order recently that forced bars and liquor stores to close if they were located less than 500 meters (1,640 feet) from state or national highways. In April, India Times reported Aishwarya Bar in North Paravoor, Kerala, is still legally operating at its old location even though it’s clearly within the 500meter restricted area. The owner explained: Since he owns the land behind the bar, too, he constructed a “serpentine” wooden maze in back and front that requires any entering customer to take the equivalent number of steps it would take to walk 500 meters.

A tax office official reluctantly accepted the arrangement.

PLAY SOME GEORGE STRAIT INSTEAD

Paul Lotsof ’s country-and-western radio station in Benson, Arizona (near Tucson), has periodically run “public service announcements” about one of Lotsof ’s pet peeves: harsh sentences usually given to mere “collectors” of child pornography.

Many, he believes, are non-dangerous, daydreaming hermits—but often imprisoned for long stretches. Thus, his PSAs publicize tips for avoiding the law, such as saving child porn only on an external drive (hiding the drive securely). Despite recent community outrage (causing Lotsof to stop the announcements), he remains defiant that, since he avoids child porn, he’s merely exercising a free-speech right.

TOO FAST 2 STUPID

In November, three teenagers were arrested after stealing superfast Dodge cars in the middle of the night from a dealership in St. Peters, Missouri. After driving less than a mile, police said, the three lost control of their cars, crashing them, including “totaling” two 700-horsepower Challenger Hellcats.

Chuck Shepherd weirdnews@earthlink.net

Summer Solstice is here! Who will you trip the light fantastic with this year? FW’s tepid editorial staff can help you build a pagan bonfire to win her heart! Read these messages or submit your own! Go to folioweekly.com/i-saw-u.html and do this: One: Write a five-word headline so the person recognizes the moment y’all shared.

Two: Describe the person, like, “You: Barefoot, wild hair wreathed in lavender.”

Three: Describe yourself, like, “Me: Map of Stonehenge, Viking helmet, loincloth.”

Four: Describe the moment, like, “ISU dancing nonstop sunrise to sunset, ignoring the sacrifices on the mount.”

Five: Meet, fall in love, reserve a roundhouse.* No names, emails, websites, etc. And fer chrissake, it’s 40 words or fewer. Get a love life with Folio Weekly ISUs! CAR WASH SUPER-CUTIE You: Sweet, polite girl cleaning grey Honda Civic.

Sharing vacuum not romantic; can’t get u off my mind. Me: Average sweaty guy, blue Infinity g37. Too sweaty, shy to flirt; we felt something.

Meet for coffee, dinner? When: June 10. Where: Mayport Rd. Car Wash. #1656-0621 HAKUBA21, BRENNA, MARROW SHEWOLF Five years since we saw each other. You had your own style. Loved feathers in your hair. We were close once; you slipped away. Love to see your face, hold your hand once more. Pretty please.

When: 2011. Where: Menendez High School, St. Augustine. #1655-0621 THE COMMODORES GREAT CLOSING ACT You: There with daughter; live in PVB, go to town occasionally. We chatted, danced, laughed; didn’t exchange info. I’m named after a state; live in historic district. The ditch isn’t an issue. Your turn.

When: May 28. Where: Jax Jazz Fest. #1654-0614 DOOR GUY CALLED YOU UGLY!? Murder Junkies: second most interesting on Thursday. First: Vivacious artist of hair and canvas; enthralling beauty a precursor to her intriguing character. Blessed with two hugs, but no name. Trying to earn that. When: June 8. Where: Nighthawks. #1653-0614 STROLLING, HUMMING BLONDE U: Very-welldressed blonde, glasses, long white skirt, hair up in garland; went in a favorite place, Kookaburra, late Wed. afternoon. Me: Tall, dark eyes & hair, green fishing shirt, left T-Mobile, got in blue Altima. Let’s grab coffee! When: June 7. Where: Kookaburra, U.S. 1 S., St. Augustine. #1652-0614 I SAW U READING I SAW U! I asked you if the guy you were with was your boyfriend. You said, “No. Just a friend.” Let us go grab some craft brew! When: April 26. Where: Aardwolf San Marco. #1651-0510 HUGGED TWICE One year ago; never forget. Best decision ever. Always love everything about you; hot body by mine. Let’s take it to the tube top the rest of our lives. Weally sewious. You ask, I’d say yes. Always a pleasure Mr. ... When: May 2016.

Where: 5 Points. #1650-0503 BARTENDER WANNABE TEACHER You wanted to impact young minds as a teacher. I suggested fixing shattered wrists as a doctor. On second thought, how about making a huge impact as my date? I was the only guy at brunch bar. When: March 25. Where: Best Brunch, I-295 & 9A. #1649-0405 “IRISH LASS” USHER You: blonde, blue-eyed, Kelly green dress. Me: tall, shy, warm-up band

member. On rehearsal break, we SU two in balcony, raced up. We shared a bottle of fake Crown (I lied). I’ll find you, love you forever. When: Unsure. Where: Florida Theatre. #1648-0322 ENC-1102 LOVE You: German nose; matched mine. Brown eyes entranced me. Me: Awkward, yellow-haired female. Someone took your seat; you sat beside me. We watched “The Room.” Best time I ever had. May I hold your hand forever? When: March 2015. Where: FSCJ. #1647-0315 I HELD THE DOOR You: Beautiful blonde , sundress, exiting as I entered. Me: Beard, tie; stopped, stared. We locked eyes; you were going out to your Charger. I’d like to hold the door for you again in the future. When: Feb. 27. Where: Firehouse. #1646-0315 SEXY ITALIAN IN PRIMELENDING SHIRT You were funny (sarcastic), had sexy voice, and you were wearing all black. Hands down the most amazing man I’ve ever met. I love you always.

When: Feb. 25. Where: Downtown. #1645-0301 BROWN HAIR, SITTING BEHIND ME You: Curly brown hair. Shared some laughs and a DUI. Me: Floral dress, great jokes. Thought we shared a moment; you were called back too soon. Hope to see you March 7th, same spot, 4:15 p.m. When: Feb. 2. Where: Ocean Street. #1644-0208 HANDSOME DOG LOVER, CLEVER SMILE ISU at bar, your eyes said hello. At store, U smiled at me.

Walked your dog, I drove by, thought, “Is this déjà vu … ?” U waved, same handsome smile. Who are U; meet again? When: Jan. 27. Where: Alexandria Oaks Park, Winn-Dixie, Grape & Grain. #1643-0201 COOKBOOK CUTIE You: Sexy AF chef’s coat; warmed my kolache before you put it in BREW oven; asked my name, I spilled my beer. Me: Dark, mysterious, torn “sex me up” shirt. Hope you’ll get me breakfast in bed. When: Jan. 12. Where: BREW. #1642-0201 CHOCOLATE THUNDER You: New hire at my old job; immediately caught my eye; tall, dark, handsome BUT rotund sealed deal; innocent until first movie date; rest is history. Me: Strategic approach–12-step hot sausage program, gifs transfer. Happy V-day CT! When: Sept. 26, 2016.

Where: West Jax. #1641-0201 M SHACK RIVERSIDE COOK ISU daily at work; you’re cook, I’m waitress. You’re so hot; I don’t have courage to tell. Single? If so, please reply.

Love to chat sometime. Signed, Too Nervous.

When: Every day. Where: Riverside. #1640-0111

*or any other appropriate site at which folks can engage in a civil union or marriage or whatever …

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 29

CLASSIFIEDS ROOMMATE SERVICES

ALL AREAS Free Roommate Service @ RentMates.com. Find the perfect roommate to complement your personality and lifestyle at RentMates.com! (AAN CAN)(8/23/17)

HELP WANTED

OPERATIONS MANAGER Delicomb, Jacksonville Beach’s most popular coffee and sandwich shop, seeks an experienced food-service operations manager to train,

encourage and supervise our staff. Successful candidate will appreciate the care we have invested in our staffing choices and add to our spirit of support, customer service and… fun. Apply with cover letter and résumé to: apply@delicomb.com PAID IN ADVANCE! Make $1,000 a Week Mailing Brochures from Home! No Experience Required. Helping homeworkers since 2001!

Genuine Opportunity. Start Immediately!

IncomeStation.net (AAN CAN)(7/5/17)

YOUR PORTAL TO REACHING 95,000+ READERS WEEKLY

Senior Database Admin req’d to design, maint., test., integr., deploy. and mng largescale Databases (DB) + Data Warehouse and Data Ecosystems within Teradata/ Hadoop Enviros. Oversee entire DB lifecycle, optim. ETL process’s dvlp DB disaster/rpting strategies. Wrk closely w/ Vendors, Proj. Mgr, S/W Dvlprs, and Biz Analysts for perform. tuning, support migr./loading of code/data, and infrastr. builds/upgrades. Req’d: MS in Comp. Sci./Apps, IT/IS Engg (or rltd field plus 3 years exp.; OR alternatively, employer will accept a BS degree in one of the same fields plus 5 yrs progressively responsible exp. in job. All qualifying exp. must include at least 2 years of exp. in the following tools and technologies: Linux, Agile, Hadoop, Teradata DB/Apps (Viewpoint/Admin), MySQL, Quality Center, ERWIN, NetBackup, Informatica. Must be willing to travel/relocate to client sites anywhere in the U.S. No Telecommuting permitted. Mail resumes Attn: SDAJob to Vprologic LLC., 8833 Perimeter Park Blvd, #1202, Jacksonville FL, 32216 FOLIO MEDIA HOUSE WANTS YOU! Immediate Opening! Folio Media House, established 1987, is expanding its reach in Northeast Florida with comprehensive media products. We’re seeking an experienced salesperson to add to our current team. Significant commission

potential and mentorship with an industry leader.

Main Job Tasks and Responsibilities: Make sales calls to new and existing clients, generate and qualify leads, prepare sales action plans and strategies. Experience in sales required, proven ability to achieve sales targets; Salesforce software knowledge a plus. Key Competencies: money-driven, persuasive, planning and strategizing. If you have a track record of sales success, send a cover letter and résumé for consideration to staylor@folioweekly.com or call Sam at 904-860-2465.

JADE SOFTWARE CORPORATION USA is seeking a Terminal Operations Manager in Jacksonville, Florida to manage imports/ exports transportation and logistics systems.

Requires 20 years of experience within the Terminal/Port industry as a Business Operations Analyst, Logistics Consultant, Import Operations Specialist, Vessel Operations and Ship Planning using Terminal Operations Software, Customs clearance software, terminal reports and training teams of operators and terminal operations.

Please submit résumé to hr@jadeworld.com HAWKERS is offering award-winning Asian street cuisine to residents and visitors alike in our new Neptune Beach location. Line cooks with two or more years’ experience are advised to fire up a cover letter, attach a recent résumé and shoot to: Brian Chapnick, Brian@EatHawkers.Com. A career in good taste awaits.

HEALTH

MALE ENLARGEMENT PUMP. Get Stronger & Harder Erections Immediately. Gain 1-3 Inches Permanently & Safely. Guaranteed Results.

FDA Licensed. Free Brochure: 1-800-354-3944 www.DrJoelKaplan.com (AAN CAN)(6/21/17) MAKE THE CALL TO START GETTING CLEAN TODAY. Free 24/7 Helpline for alcohol & drug addiction treatment. Get help! It is time to take your life back! Call Now: 855-732-4139.

(AAN CAN)(6/21/17) A PLACE FOR MOM. The nation’s largest senior living referral service. Contact our trusted, local experts today! Our service is FREE/no obligation.

CALL 1-800-295-0938.

ADOPTION

PREGNANT? CONSIDERING ADOPTION? Call us first. Living expenses, housing, medical, and continued support afterwards. Choose adoptive family of your choice. Call 24/7. 877-362-2401.

(AAN CAN)(6/21/17)

DATING

LIVELINKS - Chat Lines. Flirt, chat and date!

Talk to sexy real singles in your area. Call now!

(877) 609-2935. (AAN CAN)(6/28/17)

SERVICES

30 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | JUNE 21-27, 2017

DISH TV - BEST DEAL EVER! Only $39.99/mo.

Plus $14.99/mo. Internet (where avail.)

FREE Streaming. FREE Install (up to 6 rooms.)

FREE HD-DVR. Call 1-855-654-6616.

FOLIO VOICES : BACKPAGE EDITORIAL

RESTAURANT TRENDS I DON’T LIKE INCLUDE wraps, small plates and snooty folks screwing up a perfectly good hamburger.

If I want a wrap, I’ll go to a Mexican restaurant, where they stuff flour and corn tortillas with gobs of orange stuff, green stuff and brown stuff and throw in a side order of chips, and a small bowl of red stuff.

I want a normal sandwich. Two slices of rye, wheat, sourdough or just plain mushy white bread (one on the top, the other on the bottom) with ham, mustard, cheese, tomatoes and lettuce, layered neatly one atop the other in the middle. I don’t want it all rolled up into an unrecognizable drippy mess in a tortilla where half the ingredients squirt out the other end when you bite into it. Try to make an old-fashioned tomato and mayonnaise sandwich with a tortilla … it can’t be done.

Another annoying foodie trend called “small plates” has moved into the restaurant scene, apparently borrowed from the Spanish “tapas” appetizers that American restaurants have converted into “fashionable” meals with not-so-small prices.

Snooty restaurateurs call this silly food fad “grazing,” something that cows do. Not me. I eat cows. And I like mine with a huge baked potato slathered with butter and sour cream, a pile of green beans or asparagus and a tossed salad. On Sundays, I grill our cow medium-rare, and open a bottle of Trader Joe’s Three-Buck Chuck, while enjoying a “large plate” of steak. And there’s always enough left over for another not-so-small meal or two later in the week.

But don’t expect leftovers with “small plates,” as they already look like last week’s scraps or what your mother called “watereddown stew” when unexpected company showed up for dinner.

Restaurants that specialize in salads, bottled water and white wine are also committed to screwing up our quasi-official national food—the hamburger.

Here’s a hint for the people with fancy unpronounceable names who run those snobby restaurants: Hamburgers are round and made of beef. A vegetable burger is NOT a hamburger. It is a bunch of inedible mashed-up beans. A Portobello mushroom on a hamburger bun is NOT a hamburger.

It is a toadstool sandwich. Do not eat one of those, ever. And tofu? Are you kidding me?

Why is it always sold by people with sunken

MERE MORSELS Small plates? Wraps?

I don’t want NO STINKIN’ small plates or wraps!

cheeks and dark circles under their eyes who tell you it’s good for you?

Hamburger buns are also round.

Hamburgers do NOT come in taco shells, or wrapped up inside a corn or flour tortilla. If you find a proper hamburger in a Mexican joint, go ahead and try it. But not if it’s red, green or orange. And it has to be inside a hamburger bun. Hamburgers are not served in ciabatta rolls, dinner buns, croissants, baguettes or any other sissy bread. No sireee, Bob. They are served in a round hamburger bun, none of this artisan bread crap, thank you. And don’t even think about putting one on a bun made with cricket flour or getting that stuff anywhere near a burger or anything else you’re thinking of putting in your mouth.

Good grief !

Normal people do not put mushrooms on a hamburger. They also do not put eggs on them. Toadstools and breakfast food are not compatible with a hamburger. And no guacamole, truffled arugula, garlic aioli or any other such nonsense. Cheese, pickles, raw onions, jalapeno slices, tomatoes, mayonnaise, ketchup and mustard are all OK. So is lettuce, but I don’t know why, as it has no taste and adds nothing to a burger except making the other stuff slide out the other side when you bite into it. A1 Sauce, chili and Texas-style barbecue sauce will squeak by, too.

Traditionally, burgers come with fries, coleslaw, kosher pickle spears, potato salad or pinto or kidney beans on the side. At one

time, a local downtown eatery in Fernandina Beach was offering a $15 burger that sat on a big plate all by itself without even a sprig of parsley. Market demand eventually kicked their forlorn burger to the curb and the eatery has since lowered the price and added fries. I’m thinking the ones at Amelia Island’s Ritz-Carlton are even pricier. I go to the Ritz only when I’m invited to a function there, and certainly not for a burger, so I really don’t know.

I recall another silly food fad a few years ago: slim towers of food stacked in the middle of my plate like a barroom Jenga game. These thin structures of culinary architecture should have been served with tweezers so customers could attempt to pull a small scallop, a tiny piece of meat or some undistinguishable vegetable out of the slender structure to see when the whole thing would topple into the generous amount of decorative parsley surrounding it. I can’t recall a single memorable Jenga meal, but I do recall eating entire baskets of the bread that came with it. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want designer food. I want tasty food. I want a mashed potato volcano with brown gravy that flows onto my meatloaf sitting next to a generous serving of butter beans.

I’m told by restaurant owners, servers and friends that small plates are for sharing.

But after seeing the amount of food, “sharing” is not the word that comes to mind. Small plates are for small people. I feel like turning to my server, plate in hand, and asking, “Please, sir, I want some more,” only to have him stare at me in stupefied annoyance like the pitiless Mr. Bumble in Oliver Twist.

And to add to the misery of the small plate experience, when the bill arrives it would appear as though I’ve just purchased enough food to stock a doomsday cult’s larder. While futilely exploring my small plate for remaining morsels, I have actually concocted a plan to drive to Krystal Burger for a sack of steamed sliders on my way home. Hold the lettuce.

Dave Scott mail@folioweekly.com _____________________________________ Scott, a former daily newspaper reporter and retired corporate and agency public relations professional, blogs at davescottblog.com and publishes an annual parody newspaper, The Amelia Island News Wrecker.

JUNE 21-27, 2017 | FOLIOWEEKLY.com | 31