SWEET TREAT! A local cornucopia of confections

by Jeff mIller

Vwe eat nothing but kale and spend most evenings hammering our cares into submission in drum circles.

While it’s true that both kale and drumming are local favorites, the leafy greens notion takes a torpedo amidships when these same visitors see the prevalence of sweet shops here. Cakes, pies, tarts, tortes, churros, puff pastries, ice cream, famous candies, etc. and etc., seem to tantalize on almost every downtown street. (On the other hand, there’s also a profusion of workout rooms of all descriptions, proving that symbiosis works. You can have both – sweet and slender.)

Where to begin? Coconut cake at Jane?

isitors from the East Coast tend to have preconceived notions about Californians in general and Santa Barbarans specifically. High on the list is the idea that

Peanut butter pie at Louie’s? The Monster Cookie at Harry’s? The Key lime pie at Palace Grill? That’s only the tip of the icing. Santa Barbara is a veritable cornucopia of confections.

In my experience, it’s a rare diner who, at the end of a meal, says no to at least a spoonful of such delights as these. Humans are just built this way: After the savory, we crave the sweet.

“Dessert” (from the French desservir, meaning “to clear the table,” hasn’t always been as straightforward as a nice wide piece of cake or pie. Eel in marzipan was a treat in a 16th century Italian feast, according to Sweet Invention: A History of Dessert by Michael Krondl. And don’t forget to save room for the lampreys in a sauce of their own sweetened blood.

If you look up desserts invented by state, California doesn’t exactly knock it out of the park. We’re credited with the fortune cookie (first whipped up in San Francisco, allegedly, although others claim authorship too). Nothing wrong with that bit of twisted flour with a message inside, but it’s not in the league of New York’s baked Alaska (though slightly ahead of Illinois’s offering, the Twinkie).

Unless you’re one of those few who simply and annoyingly say, “No thanks, not much of a sweet tooth,” you probably have your own guilty pleasures. For many childhood years I was addicted to Milk Duds, much to the dismay of my fillings. Then came the chocolate malt. And now, the insidious, irresistible lava cake.

But my foray into fancy restaurant desserts did not begin well. As it happens, my father was a restaurant man, who sometimes took the family downtown to sample the fare of his competitors. One night a friendly rival decided to impress us by bringing a magnificent, flaming concoction, a baked Alaska, to the table. We were of course awed, until the first bite. Something was clearly amiss. It turned out the chef had used salt instead of sugar in the mix. A flurry of apologies ensued. On the upside, my love of desserts eventually recovered from the shock.

These days, being a kale-eating Californian, I’ve been able to rein in my desserting to a large degree, as have my cousins, who frequently dine with us. Usually we find one large, fab, hopefully molten cake offering and share it. This requires a good deal of civilized behavior on the part of the fork-bearers. There are no written rules, but it’s tacitly agreed that each will take a turn, reining in the urge to elbow others aside.

Not everyone is this evolved. A few years back a writer complained to Miss Manners in the Washington Post: “Lately, whenever my husband and I go out to restaurants, from family level to the more elegant, a very annoying gesture takes place at dessert time. Dessert, ordered by one diner, comes with multiple forks or spoons to be ‘shared’ with others at the table … When did this annoying custom start and why?”

During one such episode, she writes, she was forced to raise an eyebrow.

“All right, all right,” replied Miss Manners. “How do we get you to stop harassing waiters and embarrassing your family?”

Score one for civility. And save me a bite. I’ve still got room after my kale.

Bouchon—Cookie Bread opal restaurant and bar’s “Like Water for Chocolate” Surprise with a Fresh Raspberry Coulis and Tahitian Vanilla Bean Creme Anglaise.

Pudding made with chocolate cchip cookies, cookie custard and McConnell’s vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce.

Louie’s at the Upham— House made peanut butter pie with cinnamon infused whipped cream.

Paradise Café—Chocolate Mousse Pie made with semi-sweet chocolate, cookie crumb crust and topped with a buttercream espresso icing.

Hoffmann Brat Haus—Root Beer Float served with two scoops of McConnell’s vanilla ice cream. Can also be served with Belgian beer.

Sly’s—“That Sundae.” This dessert features house made caramel and chocolate sauce, pecans, vanilla ice cream and a sprig of mint.

Via Maestra—Coppa Italiana. Imported Italian gelato chilled and served in a stainless steel cup.

Waterfront Grill-Endless Summer Café—Kauai Mud Pie. McConnell’s Brazilian coffee ice cream, Oreo cookie crust, caramel and chocolate sauce, Macadamia nuts, and whipped cream.

Palace Grill—Florida Key lime pie served in a graham cracker crust and topped with Chantilly cream.

Jane—Iconic

Made from scratch daily at Jane. Light, fluffy and not too sweet the tasty dessert features layers of chiffon cake with pastry cream and buttercream, sliced and served with sauce Anglasie

Stella Mare’s—Lemon Cake with lemon curd filling, caramelized Mascarpone cream and vanilla sauce.

Serving plate by Juliska.

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