5 minute read
DESTROYS
RATED P RETTY GOOD! PG
Advertisement
Written and Illustrated by Dana B. Larrabee dalarents@gmail.com
Previously: Malcolm D. Monster promises ad man Lester Krasse two million dollars to deliver a marauding T. Rex to promote his new Salinas Monster Mart store. But when Army cannon fire is ineffective and the creature escapes with teenager Neil Scallopini to wreak havoc on Salinas, it takes Air Force jets to subdue it with tranquilizer dart-tipped missiles, and the T. Rex and Neil are incarcerated. Krasse cobbles together a fake T. Rex commercial hoping to win over Monster Mart, and local media reps begin courting him, one of whom is KTOM radio’s Sue Foxx. CEO Monster nixes Krasse’s fake dinosaur commercial, insisting on the real deal. Undaunted, Krasse convinces Sheriff Naylor to release the creature on a “work furlough” for Monster Mart’s commercial starring the heavilly sedated GODZELDA. When Neil sees it, he reveals how the T.Rex came out of his iceberg hunting expedition for the Icily Nicely Ice Co., and demands to be released. Later when Captain Horatio Algae corroborates his fantastic story, Neil regains his freedom, and just as Monster Mart’s Grand Opening commences he learns from Felicia Nicely how Lester Krasse defrauded the company...
Episode 15 "The Real Monster"
Felicia’s phone call threw everything in a different light. Neil replaced the receiver and stared at the TV screen. Monster Mart was filling up with shoppers. Finding Krasse might be tough. And the longer I sit, the harder it’s going to get. He munched on the last of the sandwich, drained the glass of milk, turned off the TV, went to the hall closet and pulled on a sweatshirt. Then he locked the front door behind him and headed for the carport. The Kharman Ghia looked like new, but it was a major restoration project. It took Neil and his Dad months to painstakingly patch and sand the body, and then what seemed like forever to save up the money for the chrome and paint job. Finally the day came when they drove the little car to the Heavenly Body Shop to paint over the dull gray primer with a screaming canary yellow. His father brought it home the day before he left for Tacoma, and together they rode in it just once before Neil drove him to the airport. Neil flicked a speck of dirt from the fender, climbed in, and after fastening his seat-belt, cautiously backed out the driveway.
The freeway seemed no busier than usual. That was, until he spied the “Godzelda” billboard marking the exit shown on the Monster Mart map. It was clogged with traffic. Neil decided to get off at the next one instead, and come in the back way. He bore down on the accelerator and clicked on the radio, searching the dial for KTOM’s Monster Mart broadcast with Tommy Kaye.
“Now I know for a fact shopping can work up a whale of an appetite,” the announcer declared. “Especially in a mega-mall like this. And if you could use a bite right now—- Come on, get in on our Monster Meal Deal! That’s a giant Monster Burger, fries, and a big thick green Monster Shake all for one low price....”
All previous episodes available at www.foolishtimes.net Mr. Monster watched the announcer glibly breeze though the commercial. “Who is that?” he demanded. “The man’s got a mouth on him like a machine-gun!”
“That’s Tommy Kaye, the guy I was telling you about.” Krasse waved to get the announcer’s attention.
Tommy finished his spiel and ambled over to join Krasse and Mr. Monster. “This crowd is awesome! I mean, I’ve never seen this kind of turn-out before, and I’ve been in broadcasting twenty years!”
“Well, naturally!” drawled Malcolm D. Monster. “No store you been to could compare to this!” “And no store anywhere’s ever shown a real dinosaur before,” Krasse reminded them. Mr. Monster chuckled and winked at Tommy Kaye. “That might could have a little something to do with it,” he conceded.
Krasse nervously stole a glance at his watch. Still no word on Dr. Quayle, and the crowd was buzzing expectantly. What should he do? “Tommy,” he said finally, “why don’t you go back on and talk up the free Croaker Cola one more time. Then take a break and after that, you better introduce Mr. Monster.”
“You got it,” answered Tommy, and he went out and did three minutes on the free soft drink. Then he quit the stage and strolled around the mega-mall. He found an automated snack bar and dialed up two Monster Meals.
Meanwhile, the audience was growing restless. “Bring on the dinosaur!” someone yelled. “Yeah, we want Godzelda!” The expectant murmuring grew louder.
Tommy hit the Men’s Wear section next. A pinstriped shirt caught his fancy, which he examined more closely but didn’t buy. He did purchase a loud silk necktie that was on sale. Then after visiting the Next issue:
Episode 16 Dr. Quayle and Bloody Mary men’s room, he headed backstage. “We want Godzelda! WE WANT GODZELDA!!” The crowd was chanting and stamping their feet impatiently. Krasse had hoped by this time Dr. Quayle would arrive with the dinosaur’s injection. He hadn’t. “I’m back,” Tommy announced. “Even managed to sneak in a little shopping.”
“Never mind that!” snapped the ad man. “You get on out there! This mob’s gonna explode.” “No sweat! Mr. Monster ready?” “Yes! Now, hurry!” Tommy waddled back on stage. He held up both hands to quiet the crowd and get everyone’s attention. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “it gives me sincere pleasure to introduce to you, the company founder and the real Monster behind Monster Mart, Malcolm D. Monster!”
The flashy retailer strutted on stage to a cheering crowd. He joined Tommy Kaye at the podium and waved to enthusiastic applause. Peterson ran up to Krasse. “Still no sign of the doctor, and Godzelda’s got to have her shot! What are we going to do?” “How should I know?” muttered the ad man. He stared out at the crowd. “Wait a minute! Maybe he is here! Maybe he’s just lost in this mob!” “We could page him over the P.A. system.” “In the middle of Malcolm’s big speech? You nuts? No, that’s out!”
Peterson brightened. “I know,” he said. “I’ll call Security. If he’s in the store, they can find him and bring him here.
