HipHopSexpert

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10 Your Relationship Questions Answered

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13 Paige Diamond

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From HipHop Sexpert to Sex Life Coach

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Cover Feature Photo Credit:

16 Breaking Bad: Has Your Phone Replaced Your Reality

Photo Credit: Denny Clark Photography

Free Mind Photography freemindphotography.com

March is Gender Equality Month

April is Autism Awareness Month Autism spectrum disorders (ASDs) are a group of developmental disabilities that can cause significant social, communication and behavioral challenges. People with ASDs handle information in their brain differently than other people.

ASDs are "spectrum disorders." That means ASDs affect each person in different ways, and can range from very mild to severe. People with ASDs share some similar symptoms, such as problems with social interaction. But there are differences in when the symptoms start, how severe they are, and the exact nature of the symptoms.

Signs and Symptoms ASDs begin before the age of 3 and last throughout a person's life, although symptoms may improve over time. Some children with an ASD show hints of future problems within the first few months of life. In others, symptoms might not show up until 24 months or later.

Some children with an ASD seem to develop normally until around 18 to 24 months of age and then they stop gaining new skills, or they lose the skills they once had.

A person with an ASD might:  Not respond to their name by 12 months  Not point at objects to show interest by 14 months  Not play "pretend" games by 18 months  Avoid eye contact and want to be alone  Have trouble understanding other people's feelings  Have delayed speech and language skills  Repeat words or phrases over and over (echolalia)  Give unrelated answers to questions  Get upset by minor changes  Have obsessive interests  Flap their hands, rock their body, or spin in circles  Have unusual reactions to the way things sound, smell, taste, look, or feel

If You’re Concerned If you think your child might have an ASD or you think there could be a problem with the way your child plays, learns, speaks, or acts, contact your child’s doctor, and share your concerns.

If you or the doctor is still concerned, ask the doctor for a referral to a specialist who can do a more in-depth evaluation of your child. Specialists who can do a more in-depth evaluation and make a diagnosis include:  Developmental Pediatricians (doctors who have special training in child development and children with special needs)  Child Neurologists (doctors who work on the brain, spine, and nerves)  Child Psychologists or Psychiatrists (doctors who know about the human mind) At the same time, call your state’s public early childhood system to request a free evaluation to find out if your child qualifies for intervention services. This is sometimes called a Child Find evaluation. You do not need to wait for a doctor’s referral or a medical diagnosis to make this call.

You can find the right contact information for your state by calling the National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY) at 1-800-695-0285.

Or visit the NICHCY website. Once you find your state on this webpage, look for the heading "Programs for Infants and Toddlers with Disabilities: Ages Birth through 3". Research shows that early intervention services can greatly improve a child’s development. In order to make sure your child reaches his or her full potential, it is very important to get help for an ASD as soon as possible.

This information was found directly on the website for the Centers for Disease Control. No copyright infringement intended. For more information please feel free to visit CDC.GOV

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Your

RELATIONSHIP Questions Answered Should I try online dating?

Remember when meeting someone online meant you were lonely, desperate and totally defected? The perception was that something had to be wrong with you because there are countless people walking around everyday. There’s no excuse for you to not have someone! Well those days (thankfully) are over. The stigma of online dating being for the relationship handicapped is over. Now online dating is becoming more and more of a preference.

With the world changing at a rapid pace, technology at our fingertips … it seems like we’ve grown so accustomed to being efficient that it has spilled over into our relationships. If you don’t believe me think about how Facebook has become the source of many hook ups and break ups! According to Julie Spira, online dating expert, ”The next generation of online dating has emerged. It’s called social dating and it’s here to stay.” I honestly couldn’t argue against that.

There seems to be a trend. Just like with how we delegate laundry or errands society is now starting to carry that mentality into their relationships. That is why dating websites have become so popular. They allow you to weed out what those things on what I call the “Qualifications List” that you have for the type of partner you’d be compatible with. It allows you to cut to the chase rather than dancing around the things that matter most as it can be kinda awkward. Preferences like smoker/ non smoker, children/no children, drinker/social drinker not to mention education, financial status and more can be filtered out by the click of your mouse.

Yelling isn't communication Now I know the title is crazy but I was reading an article and it talked about the co-habiting curse. Did you know anything about this? I surely didn’t! The most recent study about premarital co-habitation was conducted by researchers at the University of Denver and published July 2009. What they found was with couples who had been married for 10 years or less 19 percent of couples who co-habited before marriage contemplated divorce, 12 percent of couples who co-habited after engagement contemplated divorce and 10 percent of couples who didn’t live together prior to marriage contemplated divorce.

Why? Well the logic is simple. If you’re living together….. shared lease on home/mortgage together, furniture, hell even some have joint bank accounts- it’s just a lot easier to just go ahead and jump the broom. Might as well right? The choice it seems is made by default. Kind of like well we’re already doing everything done in a marriage, let’s just go on ahead and legally make this official. The difference between those who do this, versus those who are engaged or wait to live together after marriage is that the choice is very deliberate- as this is the direction they are headed in.

If you feel the need to test the relationship by living together, it’s a huge red flag that you’re not too sure about this person to even consider engagement, let alone marriage.

This is not good. There is a such thing as being a serial co-habitator. Those who have lived with several of their mates are likely to throw in the towel and not work through the commitment as living with each other may not be a huge deal at all. At the end of the day have a serious talk with your partner. See where their head is at. The last thing you want to do is move in with someone who’s just looking at you as a effective solution to lower their out of pocket expenses. Make sure if you do decide to do the damn thing, you keep the following in mind: SPACE You have a shit load of clothes, furniture and knick knacks, and so do they. Are you willing to part with some of your stuff to make it fit and vice versa? One thing you don’t want is resentment of having to do away with your things because of a move in. Look into not moving with your mate or having them move in with you but getting a place together. This creates an experience of OURS not this is my crib- kick rocks.

FINANCE Do you have any idea of how the person you’re laying next to takes care of their finances and their attitude about money? Are they a saver or a spender? Do the budget or don’t know what that is? Are they interested in building financial stability or finances is an afterthought? These things are key to figuring out if your financially compatible. This is one of the BIGGEST deal breakers when living together.

SEX Oh yes, you should have known sex was on the list. It’s quiet easy to sex each other’s brains out every time you see your partner if you’re not living together but now that you’re considering being a bit closer than usual what is the sexual expectation?

EXPECTATIONS Everyone has a position to play. Don’t assume you know yours and your partner knows theirs. Living together requires team work so make sure what you expect from your mates defined out the gate to avoid any feelings of “What the heck have I gotten myself into?”

CHILDREN If you have children or your partner has children, they most definitely have to be a part of this decision. The relationships that are there between child(ren) and the new boo can either be awesome or a strain. If you are uneasy about someone being around your child, especially when you’re not around then the convo has to end HERE. Define the boundaries if there are any when it comes to the child(ren) as far as discipline, parental roles etc. If you can handle these factors before living together you have a great chance of avoiding the co-habitation curse.

“The moment you say “I don't know”, is the moment you lose your power to choose.”

From HipHop sexpert To Sex Life coach and Author

P

aige Diamond is considered to be one of her generations thought leaders in regards to sexuality. Paige Diamond is a sexpert and coach trained in emotional intelligence, life planning, success and life coaching. She is also a columnist, media personality, blogger as well as an entrepreneur. Her tenacity and strength has been found in giving of herself and being of service to others. Grounded in the firm belief that self care and knowledge of self is paramount in having healthy functional relationships, she has spearheaded what has become known as the Sexual Intellectual movement. The Sexual Intellectual Movement has an intense focus on bridging the gap between the sexes and total body wellness: mentally, spiritually, emotionally & physically/sexually. Paige uses what she calls the Reset Formula which puts an intense focus on sexuality that can either be the path or roadblock to successful living.

Paige Diamond first made her mark as the opinionated, witty yet informative host and producer of The Sensual Cipher on Blog Talk Radio. The show's aim was sexual and relational concerns that many people have been misinformed about; spreading awareness one radio show at a time. She's had the pleasure of interviewing many celebrities in the entertainment industry and was nicknamed “the hip hop sexpert". She later came to create hiphopsexpert.com, a blog that centers on sexuality which lead to her writing for magazines such as Don Diva, Ford Entertainment and Signet as well as blogging for IAmWellEquipped.com an adult event planning

company. Paige Diamond has also been the resident sexpert for Urban Soul Radio in Los Angeles, CA and Developmental Sound Lab in New York, NY. Currently Paige Diamond is focusing her attention on her well wishers, providing tools, techniques, insight and a path that can be followed for those who find it difficult to create their own rules in their lives and are stagnant. She connects with people by truly following who she is innately as she would like to call "JUST BEING". Paige Diamond has transformed many individuals' lives by carrying and being an example of her message of BEING and placing a high value on authenticity and respect.

The proclaimed “HiphopSexpert” sits down with Ladychele from Ford Ent for an exclusive interview.

Tell us about being a “sexpert” how did that come about?

Why is a healthy sexual relationship with your partner such an important part of the relationship?

The whole sexpert title actually fell in my lap oddly enough. I decided I wanted to have my own bath &body product line so to raise money I went into the Sex Toy business. Naturally if you want to sell your products you have to know what you're taking about so I started studying sexuality. It got to the point where my sex toy events became seminars. People wanted to have better sex but just didn't know where to start. Next thing I knew I was being called a sexpert by my clients.

Well it's quite simple. Most of us treat our sex lives as if it's just an accessory in our relationship wardrobe. At the end of the day if your sex life is suffering it's because of a blockage that only you can remove, not your partner.

When you set yourself up for believing that sex does not matter, what you do is you cheat yourself out of true intimacy and vulnerability that is the glue that keeps a relationship together. Sex makes up 25 percent of a relationship but if it is bad sex, it will ruin the other 75 percent. Think about that.

Are you a practice what you preach kind of girl when it comes to the advice that you dish out or a “Do as I say not as I do

Tell us about your “JUST BEING” mantra.

I am definitely a hands on type. The suggestions and tips are real but I want to be clear... I haven't tried everything as everything isn't for me. Sexual boundaries are healthy, everyone should have them.

Now that you’re on your third publication, does the process of publishing your own books get any easier?

Yeah it actually does. The first book I was writing still isn't complete yet. I totally was over thinking it. Now I have found my book writing "ritual" so it is a whole lot more of a smooth process.

Apart from author, tell us about some of your other titles. Which one is the most fun?

I am mostly known as the Hip Hop Sexpert and a media personality from when I had my sex talk show The Sensual Cipher but a lot of people don't know that I'm actually a life coach as well. Of all the many hats I wear I would say being a media personality is what I enjoy the most. It paved the way for me on many levels. I met a lot of awesome people and interviewed celebrities as well that I've continued to have an awesome relationship with. Matter of fact I met you around that time lol.

I felt at home in radio to the point that I know I’d love to do television.

So many of us are carbon copies of everyone else. JUST BEING is about authenticity. Being who you are when no one is looking. The bedroom is no exception to this.

People always talk about they keep it real but they can't even be honest with themselves about their wants, needs & desires. If you cannot be honest in the most intimate part of your being, then you're up shit creek!

Apart from “The HipHop sexpert” you are also a Sex Life Coach. What advice do you find yourself giving people over and over?

One thing I try to avoid is giving advice. The reason why is because you already know the answer, you just don't trust yourself. What you are looking for is someone to co-sign your thoughts. I empower my clients to be the Knower because if they don't know, who the hell else will? The moment you say I don't know, is the moment when you lose your power to choose.

I use my discipline and training as a life coach with my specialties in success, emotional intelligence & life planning to coach people in the area of sex. We tend to think of sex as an act rather than who we are. I wanted to take it back to the basics & help people to see if their sex lives are broken so are their relationships, whether platonic or otherwise. It gets deep!

Advice Corner

Breaking Bad: Has Your Phone Replaced Your Reality?

I

n my heart, I don't believe every next gadget developed is what America needs. I can barely have a conversation with anyone before it's somehow interrupted by a technical difficulty related to technology. In the past, that was what they announced when a TV or radio program was interrupted. Today, it occupies every aspect of life.

Technology is essential to business and communication, yet it doesn't necessarily transmit truth about it's pitfalls, now does it? Let's face it, most technology takes more time than it saves. Just being real, who can escape the maze? I am subjected fo false guilt over being technologically challenge. I am ridiculed for being simple. I am simply not part of the crowd.

I'm tired. I don't want to be a slave to email, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, or even Google. I want to make my own decisions about what I do during the day, instead of feeling compelled to answer so I don't offend your silly "forwards" that I don't have the least interest in viewing or ready. Everything's cute, don't miss this, must read or "amazing video." I say, "not so much".

I want my life back. The one where I can push a child on a swing, knit a blanket, cook a satisfying meal, or just sit outside and watch life happening. Or take a leisurely

walk and think about life, what I like and what I would like to change. I like that life, and I intend to continue to stop letting everything else but my own thoughts drive me to unproductive busyness for no reason.

No, I don't have to allow technology to make a robot out of me. I choose to put a phone down for dinner, a movie, and/or conversations with people we care about. My phone is a boundary, I can choose to not answer it if I don't want to.

Some use theirs to avoid real-time conversations they don't want to have, while others to demonstrate their pre-eminence in a lonely world. It is a pseudoconnectedness, a cheap substitute, a poor replacement for real family interaction. Individually, sorry, but who's that important? We are so self-centered.

Electronic gadgets give us the virtual power to feel important by being reachable and textable at every second of the day. I turn mine off regularly to face the reality that life is made to be lived, not just recorded.

Sometimes I do it for the sheer humor of making others work to maintain a relationship with me. If they don't, I know my value to them and look elsewhere.

Technology once designed to enhance is now isolating us from reality and each other in a true emotional sense.

We can use and control it when we are more in a hurry than ever to go no where. Think about it just for a minute.....where are we really in such a hurry to get?

We are mad in our behavior, demanding that we get more, better, and then best.

As you age, you will realize much of what you have to communicate is really not that original or important. In some cases, It also doesn't have to cost you your life or take the life of someone elses' if you are one of the incessant car texters. Now that might hurt your ego, but if it makes us think, then it was worth saying.

As for me, I am learning to LOVE the moments of silence and contemplation! I think the obvious solution is to prohibit driver texting in cars altogether. The only problem then will be what other activity will we find to do while we are driving? Shaving, putting on make-up, eating and taking pictures run a close second.

Sometimes, in my fearful moments, I think about setting a video cam up in the back window of my car just to record the faces of inattentive drivers hitting their brakes at the last minute because they weren't paying attention, thereby rearranging their entire cars' contents. Then I find myself full of tension of thinking about the impact they might have on me if they don't stop.

Here's hoping someone finds this offensive enough to comment. Sometimes, shocking us into reality is a good thing.

By Linda Vecchiarelli

My life is an extraordinary adventure. I experienced loss of children at a very young age. I am a survivor who has chosen to learn to transform my losses into relational touchpoints to reach out other hurting people going through difficult passages of life I have always wanted to learn to write. Some of my early poetry has been published, and through Hubpages, I express what I am learning and integrating into my life.

I am a mother, wife, and have been a step-parent for the last 13 years. I have been a transportation manager, truck driver, Real Estate agent, cosmetics consultant, a bi-lingual police dispatcher, translator and hostage negotiator in metro LA, counselor for prisoners, and most recently drug and alcohol treatment clients both in-patient and now in transition.

I serve as a Christian Community Chaplain, doing weddings and funerals, visiting hospices, hospitals, prisoners and recovering addicts. I am a student of life as I support and mentor people in recovery and life altering transitions through relationship and spiritual direction.

I believe that because life is complex, there are neither quick fixes, nor easy answers. Listening is paramount to hearing the heart of others. It is through sharing our life stories that we and others are healed, learn that we are not alone and experience hope.

My time with the struggling, hurting, and grieving, I consider a privilege. My experiences are the essence of my writing. My life work, I consider to be "simple gifts of love", hence the pen name.

http://simplegiftsoflove.hubpages.com/

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