I Am All These Things Despite 34

“You’ll never live a pain free existence.” Those were the words I heard after a year of medication, surgery, side effects, weight gain, extreme fatigue, depression, and anxiety. Words from a doctor, someone who was supposed to be my advocate. One in ten women suffer from endometriosis, dealing with one of the most painful disabilities in silence. Endometriosis is a disease where scar tissue grows outside of the uterine wall and attaches itself to organs such as the ovaries, bladder, rectum, and intestines causing them to become inflamed. It can only be diagnosed through surgery slowing down the process of a diagnosis and leaving little treatment options available. I was always told that I was too young to be diagnosed, that I didn’t have enough symptoms, and birth control would be a fix all to my problems. Women have to advocate for themselves in every medical situation. Doctors do not trust our own knowledge or concerns about our bodies. It took four years for my OBGYN to take action, but I am an anomaly. The average age of diagnosis is 25. Some women spend decades living with their symptoms, not being taken seriously. Women are expected from a very young age to push through the pain they are experiencing no matter the circumstance. At my worst, when it was too painful for me to lift myself out of bed, I didn’t go to the hospital. Instead, I laid in my bed all day, finally forcing myself to get up, clinging onto my dorm’s railing to get food. I thought because it was my period, it wasn’t a serious health emergency, it wasn’t enough to fuss over. A few months later, I went to my doctor with a list of 15 of my symptoms, finally getting referred to a specialist. This was the first time I advocated for myself. The first time I stood up and said that I deserved more. I don’t deserve to be in pain, to miss out, to feel that my life is less fulfilling.

The more we talk about the struggles we go through, the harder it is for others to continue silencing and normalizing these experiences. We are our best advocates, we know our bodies the best, and we know when something isn’t right. Endometriosis gave me resilience, taught me my self worth, and showed me how strong I could be. However, this doesn’t make what I went through justified. I am all of these things despite.