Observer Special Issue Spring 2019

VOYEUR

THE

Febuary 14, 2019 VOLUME XXXVI, SPECIAL ISSUE

www.fordhamobserver.com

Editor’s Note: While we don’t often think of Valentine’s Day as a serious topic, the issues of love, sex and relationships can have serious consequences on our sexual and mental health. We want to celebrate this holiday, but we also seek to spread information on sexual health resources, to validate the Fordham community’s diverse opinions and to shed light on these topics around our campus. We aim to provide engaging content while highlighting the many dimensions of love, sex and relationships at Fordham Lincoln Center.

Are you currently sexually active?

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY CARLA DE MIRANDA

Yes 62.8%

Your significant other’s a couple hundred miles from the city? They’re also one phone call away.

FROM OPINIONS

Going the Distance

Swipe Right – The Dating App Experience

By MARIELLE SARMIENTO Arts & Culture Editor

<10 miles and my age range from 19 to 23. Tinder reminded me to swipe left for “NOPE” and right for “NICE.”

are just there looking for hookups, but they will either state it in their bio (“message for hookups only pls”) or ask straightaway once you match. Besides weeding through profiles of “DTF only,” I stumbled across another issue — matching with someone from Fordham. With my distance setting set to <10 miles, it was inevitable that I would come across everyone I knew at Lincoln Center. I once matched with a guy while he was sitting across from me in Quinn Library, yikes.

My biggest issue with Tinder, just like our traditional rom-com backdrop of New York City, is all the tourists. Many times I matched with someone and had a really great conversation, but the next day their profile stated they were 9,000 miles away. Thanks for telling me you were just visiting from London for the weekend, Daniel.

I enabled the Tinder U feature — which filters the profiles of university students — to find more people similar to me, but my distance settings were disregarded. My closest matches were hundreds of miles away.

I felt a little nauseated making see SWIPE RIGHT pg. 11 snap judgments

No 20.2% Never been sexually active 17.0%

Have you ever used the SAGES “Condom Fairy” hotline?

I am more familiar with the McMahon B stairwell than most who live on the 10th floor.

The dusty, lumpy maroon coverings that grace each flight are actually a welcome sight after a long day of work and classes.

The echo-filled, maroon-tiled liminal space filled with people simply passing through is my favorite place to stop and live in the moment.

An odd choice of hangout spot, no?

It may surprise you to learn that I don’t all that much relish sitting down on the top step outside the 10th-floor exit, resting my head awkwardly against the cold railing. When I position and reposition myself in the clinically-lit, altogether uninteresting B stairwell, I wouldn’t blame you if you judged a little. see DISTANCE pg. 5

In every classic romantic comedy, all you needed for a successful romance was a job in journalism, to own a bookstore or to live in New York City. As an editor and a McMahon Hall resident, I have two of the tropes locked down, so where is my fairytale directed by Nora Ephron?

It seems everyone in a relationship these days met on a dating app, a world I’ve never ventured into before. So I set out on my own “How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days” experience for the modern era, downloaded three different dating apps and started swiping.

The first app was, of course, Tinder — the pioneer of swipe culture.

With a panel of my best friends, we meticulously chose the five best photos that made me look adventurous and attractive. Creating a compelling bio was difficult, but I settled on a Harry Potter reference.

Others supplement their bios by connecting their Spotify profiles, but I opted out. (Tinder doesn’t need to know how often I listen to One Direction.) I set my preferences to a woman interested in men, lowered my distance settings to

NEWS

OPINIONS

ARTS & CULTURE

FEATURES

SPORTS & HEALTH

‘Monologue Q’

Compability Kills

Pining 101

Empowering Erotica

Contraceptives

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PAGE 11

PAGE 13

PAGE 15

OWEN ROCHE

Opinions Editor

New play inspires inclusivity

Imagine dating yourself

To All t he Boys I’ve Matched Before I had nervously swiped left on dozens of people before deciding I was being too picky, and took a chance and swiped right on a guy who looked like Blake from the Bachelorette and had an obscure bio. My first match was exhilarating. I remember staying up the first night I downloaded the app, addicted to matching with people like it was a game.

I must admit, most guys on Tinder

Tunes that make you swoon

Fordham alum promotes advocacy

THE STUDENT VOICE OF FORDHAM LINCOLN CENTER

Yes 7.8% No 63.5% I was not aware it existed 28.7%

Have you ever been tested for STIs?

Yes 40.2% No 59.8% Check out the centerfold for more stats about sex at Fordham! See Page 3 for a breakdown of the data

The myths and the facts

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News

February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

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SAGES Defies Fordham’s Sex Policies

By GABE SAMANDI Asst. News Editor

During finals week of her junior year, Rachel Silang, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’15, faced an emergence of severe ovarian cysts. Treatment for ovarian cysts is often not very complicated; hormonal birth control almost surely would have prevented further complications in Silang’s case. But since hormonal birth control is most commonly used as a contraceptive, Fordham Health Services — as a Catholic institution adherent to doctrine — does not offer prescriptions to students.

Silang visited the health center but was denied the birth control she needed to help treat her cysts. Later that week, she collapsed and was taken to the hospital.

Silang’s experience ignited conversations about sexual health policies throughout the Fordham community. While some sought solutions from medical providers off-campus, others took matters of advocating for policy change into their own hands. Shortly after her medical emergency, she helped found the Students for Sex and Gender Equity and Safety Coalition (SAGES).

While they behave much like an advocacy club on Fordham’s campuses, SAGES is not officially sanctioned by the university. In fact, according to the members of SAGES, Fordham’s administration actually has it out for the group — primarily because they make a habit of disobeying university policies they find unjust.

“There’s a very clear demonstrated need for information and support in accessing resources that Fordham refuses to address, so SAGES was formed as a reaction to that,” one member said in an anonymous group interview.

While SAGES has a somewhat public presence, individual members are concerned that revealing their identities in interviews could get them into trouble.

SAGES has a very clear goal when it comes to how they operate on campus. They want to raise awareness about healthy sexual practices, advocate for sex and gender equality among students and provide services that they feel Fordham chooses

ZOEY LIU/THE OBSERVER

The organization runs a hotline that provides contraceptives to students upon request: the “Condom Fairy.”

to ignore because of its religious traditions.

With that goal has come a great deal of demonstrating, petitioning and campaigning against rules established by the university.

“Fordham’s policies are very backwards,” another member said. According to that same member, SAGES exists to subvert these policies that are “harmful to the overall health” of the student body.

A few years ago, an individual affiliated with SAGES began the “just-a-friend” network, known colloquially — if known at all — as the “SAGES Condom Fairy.”

Though it began as one individual distributing condoms on-call without the help of the larger SAGES organization, the group has since adopted the hotline as one of its primary services on campus.

“We have tons of repeat customers,” one distributor said.

“People really need condoms, and they love free ones.” This member believed that Fordham, with its policies preventing all contraceptive distribution on campus, actively promotes an unhealthy atmosphere when it comes to sexual activity.

SAGES runs the hotline on an a volunteer basis. All of the con-

doms they distribute are received solely through donations.

Anyone at the university can text the SAGES phone numbers (one for each campus) and members will find a location on campus to deliver condoms, along with Plan B, birth control or any

SAGES treads a fine line between public and covert activism. reproductive health medication required. Some students even use the hotline for questions about personal sexual health or services offered around the city.

“There are organizations that provide condoms specifically for schools like [Fordham]” one student mentioned. Those organizations primarily consist of local clinics and a nonprofit called The Great American Condom Campaign, which provide SAGES members with “boxes of free condoms” to be distributed on campus.

Condom distribution is not the only project SAGES is taking on these days — this year, the group hopes to develop projects and build ties with its more

public subgroup, “The Positive.”

In 2015, The Positive, originally a group of students dissatisfied with SAGES, was established to address gender and sex-based discrimination on Fordham campuses. Unlike SAGES, The Positive actively engages with staff and administration to make policy changes, attending faculty meetings and making policy recommendations to push Fordham’s administration in directions they’re less hesitant to go.

Because of The Positive’s efforts last year, all gender signage was installed on single-occupancy restrooms over the summer, and their lobbying has resulted in several academic departments adopting a chosen name policy for classroom attendance and discussion.

Currently, the group’s goals are to implement a universal chosen name policy and to challenge dorming policies that are not inclusive to trans students. It also plans to host more large-scale events like the October’s Trans Rights Rally, which drew nearly one hundred students.

The two groups, while technically remaining separate, have started working together on issues of common ground. Some members of SAGES admitted that the inter-group politics of these

organizations can be confusing, especially because there are quite a few overlapping members between the two. As one member stated, “If you think about the history of The Positive, the naming of the group was a direct reflection of SAGES which was considered to be ‘The Negative.’”

“We’re trying to break that down and make the work that we’re doing feel more positive and constructive and inclusive,” that same member said.

Part of the difficulty with merging the tactics of the two groups is that SAGES treads a fine line between public and covert activism. A completely public image is not conducive to some of their more seditious tactics, because, as one member noted, there isn’t much benefit to an activist organization that completely plays by the book.

At the same time, attempting to remain private in their actions can undermine the voice of the organization. As one SAGES member mentioned, operating in such subversive ways has given some students the impression that the group is comprised of “radicals” or “anarchists.”

The truth is that both SAGES and The Positive are run by student activists on a mostly independent basis. While both groups rally behind certain messages, the execution of their tactics and the goals they set are largely determined by individual members.

Unlike most other school clubs, these organizations are not based on interests or hobbies, but on a firm position rooted in criticism and reform of Fordham’s administrative policies. That hardline perspective has earned SAGES a reputation for being “negative” among many students.

However, SAGES is actively trying to work against that perception with their renewed energy this year. Whether or not they can repair that image remains to be seen but, until then, they have no plans to cease operating as a resource for those who see value in the services they provide.

Colin Sheeley contributed reporting to this article.

For more about this story, visit www.fordhamobserver.com

‘Monologue Q’ Sets Stage for Empowerment

By RUBY GARA News Editor

“The Vagina Monologues” debuted in 1996, but today, many students feel its reduction of women to genitalia is outdated. Fordham students have performed the play for more than 13 years, and many recited their own monologues.

Though integral to the wave of feminism back then, it continues to exclude transgender women in its lack of monologues about them.

Now, in 2019, a student-led initiative will take the stage, offering a platform for the Fordham community to talk beyond gender issues.

What began as a one-woman show nearly two decades ago quickly turned into an award-winning play that inspired women’s empowerment. “The Vagina Monologues” features different women’s experiences regarding sex, menstruation, body hair and more.

However, with only a limited number of pieces regarding race and sexuality, “The Vagina Monologues” shows a lack of diversity and of inclusion.

That prompted three Fordham students to start their own production with student-written submis-

sions, deviating from the original text. Entitled “Monologue Q,” its three co-directors are Kiley Campbell, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’20, Camille Farrar, FCLC ’19 and Zen Mateo, FCLC ’19.

“The original text of the Monologues — in all its feminist glory — is not very intersectional,” Campbell explained. “It says that it takes a vagina to be a woman.” Therefore, Campbell said, “Monologue Q” will be a direct response to the problems “The Vagina Monologues” raises.

“The three of us all felt that Fordham students have more complex stories of gender, sexuality and queerness to tell that cannot be boxed into the category of vaginas,” Farrar said.

Farrar added that “Monologue Q” offers students the opportunity to speak about gender “across the spectrum of possibilities and the way in which it impacts people’s lives as an identity and form of power.”

In contrast to “The Vagina Monologues,” “Monologue Q” aims to address gender, sexuality and queerness through an anti-colonial lens, to be more inclusive of people of color and indigenous people.

AMINA VARGAS/THE OBSERVER

An all-female directorial crew brings inclusivity to “Monologue Q.”

“We came to the conclusion that femininity wouldn’t be a broad enough topic,” Farrar said.

A half-intended reference to the musical “Avenue Q,” the production serves to represent all marginalized identities.

Other colleges in the U.S., namely Eastern Michigan University and the all-female Mount Holyoke College, have also canceled their production of the “Vagina

Monologues,” for the same reasons.

After publicly announcing their new project on social media on Jan. 27, the three co-directors reached out to other student organizations at Fordham, including the Feminist Alliance, Rainbow Alliance and Students for Sex and Gender Equity Safety.

They have also contacted students who have previously partici-

pated in “The Vagina Monologues.”

As of now, funding is still in question. In the past, student organizations were unable to fund “The Vagina Monologues.” The production was, however, supported financially by the Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies department at Fordham.

The new project held its auditions during the first week of February. The search is not limited to actors and writers, however. To make the project more interdisciplinary, the co-directors will also hire visual artists, dancers, musicians and other crew members.

To Campbell, “Monologue Q” signifies a demarcation of a turning point in her life. She added, “I’m beyond proud to be in charge of this with two amazing people and I think that it reminds the Fordham community of the need to be defiant, to be angry about injustice.”

“I want to provide the opportunity of the people at Fordham to have a source of solidarity and a unique platform to say what they need to have heard,” Campbell added.

Performances of “Monologue Q” will happen by the end of April 2019.

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Rainbow Pres. Talks Sexuality on Campus

By COURTNEY BROGLE Online Editor When a younger Jack Bugbee, Fordham College at Lincoln Center ’19, stepped into his first Rainbow Alliance meeting freshman year, he had no way of knowing how the club would impact both him and Fordham as a whole. He recalls that, at the time, he saw the group as an inclusive space for the university’s LGBTQ presence, a spot to “talk about some gay stuff.”

You may have seen him on campus, sporting a hard-to-miss fur coat and rocking his distinctive red hair. Perhaps you’ve seen him at Queer Prom, donning a tux and rainbow pin. Many are most familiar with Bugbee from his performance as Rosie “Ram This” Hill in Fordham’s first-ever drag show last semester.

Bugbee has always been proud of his identity as a young gay man.

He speaks honestly about his public persona — including how, compared to others in the LGBTQ community, he is considered among his peers to be a “straight-passing person.” He joked that this “means I don’t dress as well as other gays do.” For him, the ability to pass as a straight man granted him the privilege of never being forced to come out too early. His uncle is also gay, which made for a smoother coming-out experience at home.

“I was literally upstairs in my room on FaceTime with one of my friends,” he said, “and she was like, ‘Do your parents know you’re gay?’ And I was like, ‘Let me find out.’

“So I yelled down the stairs and I said, ‘Mom, do you know I’m gay?’ And she was like, ‘No,’ and I

was like, ‘Oh okay.’ And I told my friend, ‘No, she didn’t know.’”

He fully acknowledged the rarity of his experience. “One person I knew in high school, he was kicked out of his house for a little over a month after he came out,” Bugbee recalled. “It’s definitely not a universal experience, my experience.”

While things fell into place at home, Bugbee still faced traditional bullying at school. He holds the community that Rainbow fosters in high regard, noting that for many young LGBTQ individuals, it is important to see that there are so many other queer people like them.

“I think even just seeing that there is a club dedicated to that or just seeing that there’s a community around is very helpful for people,” he said, “just because it makes them feel like they’re not alone anymore. It can be a very isolating experience to be an LGBTQ kid.”

Rainbow is more than a club to Bugbee. “It has been a part of my identity on campus,” he said. “It’s really helped me come into my own as an activist and also given me a place where I can be openly gay without judgment, whereas that’s not really a thing that you can do in other places of the country and even just the state.”

Rainbow has indeed catapulted him and other queer students into several major university conversations about sexual and gender identity. Between the drag show and the transgender rights rally from last semester alone, Bugbee has become a prominent voice for the LGBTQ community on campus.

In Bugbee’s opinion, Fordham has a distinct laissez-faire ap-

AMINA VARGAS/THE OBSERVER

Jack Bugbee, president of Rainbow Alliance, has become a prominent voice for the LGBTQ community on campus.

proach to queer students.

“When it comes to enacting policy change and actively supporting their students, they kind of fall short, and I think a lot of it is because they probably get a lot of money from conservative donors,” he said. “That’s more important to them than the relatively small population of LGBTQ students is, just because for them to respect us and uphold our rights and everything, it’s easier for them to just take the money and ignore us.”

Based on a recent Observer

survey of 315 undergraduates, 65.3 percent of the student population identifies as heterosexual, with 34.7 percent identifying with a sexuality other than heterosexual.

When Rainbow members aren’t fighting for queer student rights, they also foster formative experiences in the exploration of sexual and gender identities. Bugbee said that the bonds he has made with others in the club have cultivated meaningful discussions on queer relationship values.

“It kind of gives you a way to have that network of support,” he explained, “because it’s difficult as someone who is LGBTQ to discuss what it means to have a healthy relationship with people who aren’t LGBTQ.” For Bugbee, Rainbow has allowed him and his close friends to navigate the state of “romantic immaturity” that he and many other gay men have experienced.

“We don’t get to do the like, ‘Oh she kissed me on the cheek, now we’re dating and we’re in love and we’re getting married next Thursday,” he said. “We haven’t learned what things are okay, not okay, … just because if we did, then we would get attacked, beat up, told that we’re wrong.”

For those still navigating their sexual and gender identities, Bugbee offers comforting advice: “You’re in your 20s. You don’t have to have your entire life figured out.”

“There’s this whole myth that we’re supposed to have our lives figured out right as we’re going through college,” he continued.

“We’re supposed to know what career we have and we’re supposed to meet the love of our life in college and get married and whatever. And it’s like, ‘Mmm, yeah, but most people don’t do that.’ So you’re probably fine.”

This month will keep Bugbee busy; in addition to the upcoming Queer Prom on April 12, Rainbow is working with Black Student Alliance on several projects celebrating the LGBTQ-black community.

“The modern gay rights movement was started by black trans women,” he explained. “All of our meeting topics are going to be centering around the black gay experience.”

Survey Reveals the Reality of Sex At Fordham

By SOPHIE PARTRIDGE-HICKS Asst. News Editor A survey of 315 students conducted by The Observer in January found that nearly 63 percent of Fordham students are sexually active. At a Jesuit campus, finding accessible resources for ensuring sexual health is complicated at best.

University Health Services (UHS) follows the guidelines of the Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care Services, which states “the Church’s commitment to human dignity inspires an abiding concern for the sanctity of human life from its very beginning.”

In adhering to its Catholic values, UHS promotes abstinence to avoid sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, and does not offer contraceptives or medical procedures that are in conflict with the Catholic Church.

However, The Observer survey found that nearly 8 percent of Fordham students are having unprotected sex.

Additionally, 27 percent of sexually active students have considered forgoing using contraceptives, such as condoms and birth control pills, because they were not easily accessible. Ten percent considered forgoing them because they were too expensive.

Maureen Keown, director of UHS explained that students who choose to be sexually active can visit UHS to discuss their concerns about reproductive and sexual health. She said that students will be seen by “a provider and treated respectfully and confidentially.”

UHS offers appointments for sexual health, testing for STDs, treatment of STDs and general sex education. Students can schedule appointments to discuss sexual and

reproductive health at any time.

UHS tests for all STDs through Labs Quest and Labcorp, and provides treatments for bacterial STDs. For other, untreatable STDs, UHS can prescribe medication to manage symptoms.

One student, who asked to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the topic, arranged an appointment with UHS after concern that she had contracted a urinary tract infection and the UHS doctor asked if the student would also like STD testing.

“The doctor I saw was really nice and understanding when I explained that I had unprotected sex and wanted STD testing,” the student said. “She walked me through the entire process and was overall very kind.”

UHS does not bill insurances as they have an arrangement with the lab services to obtain a reduced cost for tests; however, since the price varies from test to test, it can be hard for students to predict the final cost of their testing.

The cost is added to a student’s bill at the end of each semester, meaning that any others on that student’s Fordham account, such as parents, are able to see the testing.

On the survey, one student raised this concern, suggesting that UHS “should allow students to disguise STD testing and treatments categorization on the insurance statement, under a role of confidentiality.”

Another student confirmed that it is possible to pay for testing with cash as a way to avoid testing appearing on a bill, but that this choice will raise the price.

The survey also indicates that few students know about the resources that are available to them on campus at the health center.

Of the 40 percent of students

AMINA VARGAS/THE OBSERVER

Some believe UHS does not provide adequate sexual health resources.

who responded that they had been tested for STDs, 18 percent said that they utilized UHS testing services.

Information about STD testing can be found under “Women’s Health Care” on the Medical Services listed on the UHS website.

These services include routine gynecological examinations, pap smears, STD testing and pregnancy testing.

UHS sends out information to all students via the newsletter on different topics each month, including STD awareness and the services provided at UHS. Their services are only advertised through the website, brochure and newsletter.

In the survey, one student recommended that UHS should “advertise what is actually available” to encourage students to be mindful of their sexual health.

Programming on sexual health

is only offered to students who have requested more information, begging the question of how students who are not aware of sexual health or the resources available at Fordham would find information.

In regard to an unexpected pregnancy, Keown said that UHS “would educate the student on taking care of herself, encourage her to seek counseling and provide a referral for an off-campus Obstetrician-Gynecologist.” She emphasized that “we will not provide resources that go against the Catholic Church’s beliefs and teachings.”

The Directives for Catholic Health Care Services only mention methods of natural family planning for married couples.

However, 24 percent of students responded that they had used emergency contraceptives, such as Plan B, suggesting that students had been in situations that could have resulted in an unwanted preg-

nancy.

Overall, The Observer’s survey found that 98 percent of students believe that Fordham University should offer free, accessible contraceptives to students.

“Offer condoms and birth control,” one student wrote on the survey. “It makes absolutely no sense that the campus health center will test for STDs and pregnancy but won’t provide the resources to prevent those things in the first place.”

A 2014 study on University Condom Distribution Programs,

by Scott M. Butler, found that 86 percent of universities in the U.S. currently sponsor a condom distribution program. Of these universities, 19 percent were faith-based institutions.

The availability of condoms on campus in the future seems unlikely with UHS adhering to Catholic values. One student wrote, “Our health services simply shouldn’t have religious policies, especially when people’s lives could be at risk.”

Students are able to utilize Students for Sex and Gender Equity and Safety Coalition’s “Condom Fairy” hotline for free on-campus condom deliveries. While 29 percent of students were not aware of the hotline, 8 percent responded that they have used it.

Keown reminded students that “if a student feels that their needs are not being fulfilled, they can request to be provided with information to an off-campus local specialist.”

The survey highlighted the reality of sex on campus, and although UHS does provide services to support sexually active students, many feel that the Catholic values restrain UHS from providing the resources that students believe they need.

Opinions

Opinions Editor Owen Roche - oroche2@fordham.edu

February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

THE

STAFF EDITORIAL

LET’S BE ADULTS ABOUT CONTRACEPTION

F

ordham, it’s time to talk about sex. Can we be adults about this?

Before accepted freshmen begin their first semester at Fordham, they are required to complete two programs that deal with the undeniably mature issues of alcohol consumption and relationship violence.

To incoming students, the university sets the tone that they acknowledge that its students are adults and should be treated as such. Instead of attempting to shield students from themselves and scare them away from others, the university decides to equip them with the knowledge and resources necessary to handle their first years of adult life.

However, when the conversation turns to consensual sexual activity, their tone changes drastically. Suddenly, Fordham students are no longer considered responsible or mature; their sexual preferences and habits are ignored as far as they pertain to their own health and wellbeing. At the same time, these choices are brought under intense scrutiny and judgement when they do not align with the Catholic Church.

The university refuses to provide contraception on religious grounds. In doing so, the university treads an artificial boundary between the needs of Fordham students and Fordham’s conservative values, doing a disservice to both.

If Fordham were truly interested in preventing students from having sex, they would follow the practices of other Christian colleges: Sex-segregated dorms, strict visitation hours and vigilant Resident Advisors prowling the halls for the faintest bedsqueak. With tuition dollars

and applicant numbers in mind, this is obviously not an option.

Instead, Fordham chooses to simply pretend that students don’t have sex, and have no need for preventative sexual health resources like condoms and birth control pills. By ignoring the reality of adult intimate relationships, the university denies its obligation to the safety of its students.

The Observer’s Sexual Health Survey

Do you think the university should offer contraceptives to students?

Yes 98%

No 2%

The Observer has acquired real data on sexual activity taking place on Fordham’s campus. We know that 70 percent of the student body is sexually active. We know that the demand for sexual health resources is high; most importantly, we know that these resources are not easily available to students.

As students at a Jesuit Institution, we recognize and respect the right of Fordham’s institutions such as the University Health Services to align their practices with Catholic values — but we question the University imposing these beliefs across the campus.

Distribution of contraception on campus is banned and technically a punishable offense. Those who wish to provide sexual health ser-

vices are forced to work underground as “condom vigilantes,” making clandestine deliveries and staging unauthorized workshops with Fordham’s renegade group SAGES. If Fordham refuses to provide contraceptives and protection to its students, the least they can do is refrain from hindering others’ efforts.

Fordham must abandon its fictional and harmful moral middle ground in which students’ sex lives are half-regulated for the sake of half-enforced and half-respected Catholic ideals. The university acts like an awkward parent deflecting a child’s questions about sex, but we are are not children. We are adults, and for many, contraception is not a question, but an answer. It’s an answer to “I’m not ready to have children yet. What should I do?” It’s an answer to “How do I stay safe as I navigate being sexually active?” It’s an answer to “How do I take responsibility for my own sexual health?”

For Fordham, contraception and protection are relegated to doctrinal debate, theoretical possibilities and sweeping moral claims. To those who are sexually active and want to protect themselves from STDs or are not ready for children, contraception and protection is the reality.

It’s time to be honest about sex. We’re all adults here.

We do not ask the administration to go against the Catholic stance on contraception, we simply implore them to stop ignoring the reality of sex on campus. Fordham can show that it truly cares about the safety and wellbeing of its students by simply getting out of the way and allowing them to take control of their own reproductive health.

OBSERVER Editor-in-Chief Colin Sheeley Managing Editor Izzi Duprey Business Manager Alexios Avgerinos Teymur Guliyev Online Editor Courtney Brogle Layout Editors Loïc Khodarkovsky Steph Lawlor Asst. Layout Editor Esmé Bleecker-Adams News Editors Ruby Gara Jordan Meltzer Asst. News Editors Sophie Patridge-Hicks Gabriel Samandi Opinions Editor Owen Roche Asst. Opinions Editors Grace Getman Evan Vollbrecht Arts & Culture Editor Marielle Sarmiento Asst. Arts & Culture Editors Kevin Christopher Robles Gillian Russo Features Editors Lindsay Jorgensen Jeffrey Umbrell Asst. Features Editor Gianna Smeraglia Sports & Health Editor Luke Osborn Asst. Sports Editors Patrick Moquin Lena Weidenbruch Photo Editor Zoey Liu Asst. Photo Editor Shamya Zindani Copy Editors Libby Lanza Lulu Schmieta Sami Umani Fun & Games Editor Dan Nasta Social Media Manager Shamya Zindani IT Manager E.J. Ciriaco Visual Advisor Molly Bedford Editorial Advisor Anthony Hazell PUBLIC NOTICE No part of The Observer may be reprinted or reproduced without the expressed written consent of The Observer board. The Observer is published on alternate Thursdays during the academic year.

Printed by Five Star Printing Flushing, N.Y

To reach an editor by e-mail, visit www.fordhamobserver.com

Poems Girls can’t sleep in guys’ dorms, so they say ’Cuz Fordham wants to keep sex at bay but as long as you’re quiet And don’t make a riot There’s no rules stopping you if you’re gay!

Some Fordham kids like to be flirty And sometimes may even get dirty They’ll bring guests to McMahon And have sex is the plan But they can’t if it’s past 3:30!

Gillian Russo, FCLC ’21

Jordan Meltzer, GSB ’20

POLICIES AND PROCEDURES • Letters to the Editor should be typed and sent to The Observer, Fordham University, 140 West 62nd Street, Room G32, New York, NY 10023, or e-mailed to fordhamobserver@gmail.com. Length should not exceed 200 words. All letters must be signed and include contact information, official titles, and year of graduation (if applicable) for verification.

• If submitters fail to include this information, the editorial board will do so at its own discretion.

• The Observer has the right to withhold any submissions from publication and will not consider more than two letters from the same individual on one topic. The Observer reserves the right to edit all letters and submissions for content, clarity and length.

• Opinions articles and commentaries represent the view of their authors. These articles are in no way the views held by the editorial board of The Observer or Fordham University.

• The Editorial is the opinion held by a majority of The Observer’s editorial board. The Editorial does not reflect the views held by Fordham University.

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THE VOYEUR February 14, 2019

Opinions

5

Lessons from a Long Distance Relationship DISTANCE FROM PAGE 1

You certainly wouldn’t be the first — many a laundry room-seeker has awkwardly stepped over my sprawled form, and their “what-the-hell-are-youdoing-here” faces are memorable.

I really don’t care. In that dirty, disused stretch of residence hall, I do what I’ve been waiting to do all day.

I call my girlfriend.

She’s the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on and the kind of person who could get that bust of Leon Lowenstein to crack a smile with ease. She makes me want to be a better person with clearer skin and funnier jokes.

She amazes me every day with her strength, her resolve and her commitment to others.

Oh, and she’s six hours away by bus. Seven, if traffic is especially bad.

I’ll be honest; when I pictured college life, stairs were not part of the plan. Hour-long phone calls were not what I envisioned.

Then again, learning how to love someone on a level I’d never experienced before — all from long distance — wasn’t either.

I’ve learned things I never imagined I’d need to learn.

Things like: Buy your bus tickets very early or last-minute.

Anything in between will break the bank harder than need be.

Spend your money on the things she mentions in passing over the phone, but there’s a great flower shop near the place where she’ll pick you up, just in case.

I’ve learned when’s best to send a paragraph of motivation over text, the best times for 15-minute phone calls and the right moment to buy a spontaneous midnight bus ticket two hours before departure.

I’ve learned that if you’re planning on sleeping on the bus, get a window seat. Ball up

ZOEY LIU/THE OBSERVER

Greyhound owns my soul. A girl in Boston has my heart. Is it worth it? Depends on how you measure.

a jacket and use it as a pillow as you lean against the window.

Try to contain your excitement at being so desperately close to actually seeing and touching your significant other, and get some sleep. If the sweet old lady next to you ends up falling asleep on your shoulder, well, that’s just the way it goes. It makes for a good story to tell one day.

I’ve learned that a long-distance relationship is tough.

There is a lot of time, space and telephone silence for doubt to creep in. Schedules evade each other as texts get short and “I”

sometimes gets dropped off of “love you.” You blame them for having a life, making friends without you, and you hate something, but you can’t put your finger on what exactly it is, but you’re sure it’s not them, right?

And when you do it for a long time — this commitment to love someone who you only see in your wildest dreams — you learn that cellphones make your voice garbled enough that it pays to be genuine.

When you recline on the dusty steps of Stairwell B and call that person who may very

well be waiting for their phone to light up with your name, you learn to talk about fear.

My authority on long-distance relationships — that is, simply that I am in one — hangs by a thread. A lot of the time, it seems that the only way I can justify my relationship is simply because it’s still standing. If the bedrock that has supported us so far reveals deadly faults, poof — it’s over. I’m no longer a shining example of how love can withstand anything. I’m just a kid who wasted time and money on something silly.

I fear that all of this will come to nothing. That one day, a misunderstanding will snowball into a week of silence and a fatal phone call where neither of us says what’s really on our minds.

I fear leaning up against the cold cinder blocks of the B stairwell and staring at the phone, daring it to play her voice on speaker again. Saying anything but “goodbye.”

I fear reading these words one day and feeling bitter enough to post a correction. “EDITOR’S NOTE: They broke up. Don’t bother reading. It wasn’t worth it.”

Maybe I’ll look like a fool.

Maybe it’ll work out in the end.

Maybe we’ll end up together.

Maybe we figure out we’ve become two different people after growing up and apart. But I promised myself that I would support this relationship with everything in me until I woke up one day and didn’t feel that desire any more.

Today, I woke up at 7 a.m. to a blinking indicator light on my phone.

One new text message, 6:30 a.m.

“Hey you! Good morning!

Have a great day today, okay? I love you :)” Today, I woke up and knew I was doing the right thing. Today, I felt the familiar certainty that tells me all those Greyhound rides are worth it. That every last phone call and bus station goodbye has been worth it. That she is worth it.

I don’t know how this will end, but something tells me there’s only one way to find out.

The space between us is up for us to fill — and doubt always threatens to seep in — but day by day, bit by bit, we fill that space with love.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a call to make — and a bus to catch.

Compatibility Is Killing You Imagine dating yourself. Most people — those who aren’t narcissists — would shudder at the mere thought of having to put up with their exact personality in the body of another person.

ship is as accurate as believing that because you’re a Gemini, and because your friend or crush is an Aries, you two will be a match.

Having a friend or partner who doesn’t agree with everything you say or who possesses different passions or interests than you is not a bad thing.

even music taste, could prove to be insurmountable. For example, my political views are sacred to me, and I would find it hard to befriend or date someone with polar-opposite convictions. But so often people tend to look for their exact interests in other people, missing a chance to branch out and meet someone different.

or friend group, and refuse to branch outside of it because we find similarity and comfort there, we set ourselves up for disaster if something turns sour and we’re left alone, in uncharted territory.

It’s comfortable to befriend those who are essentially you, but different –– people who

ments and wanted my moment to shine, so did she. We were perfect for each other, in theory. Maybe we both think our scary extent of similarity is the problem and the other person wants distance. But similarity does not come without problems. We went from wanting to spend every day together, to not

But then we call this compatibility. Befriending or dating someone who is ridiculously similar to yourself is an underfunded science for the hopeless romantics with no reputable backing. No one has ever proven to me being “the same” as another human is conducive to a perfect, happy and healthy relationship. Believing that compatibility can be the sole determinant for a good relation-

Differences make relationships more interesting. Having different interests allows you to learn, not only more about the person you’re spending time with, but also about hobbies and passions you might have otherwise ignored.

Of course, on a baseline level, some form of compatibility has to exist. If you don’t share certain values, some differences such as politics, religion, and, for some,

Humans are inherently complacent creatures. We like what we like, and, often without realizing it, limit our horizons by only engaging with what we know we enjoy. Call it humanity’s tragic flaw. If we choose to only associate ourselves with people we see as slightly altered versions of ourselves, then we cut ourselves off from experiencing anything new. If we glue ourselves to one person

think like you, talk like you, have similar hobbies and may seem like the perfect friend, soulmate or significant other.

Speaking from personal experience, when I found a friend who was exactly like me in almost every way except that she was not me, it was great until it wasn’t.

When I was depressed and anxious, so was she. When I was proud of my accomplish-

exchanging a single message for weeks at a time.

It’s true what they say; you don’t want to be best friends with yourself. You’ll go crazy.

However, after this falling out, I realized what I needed to focus on in my life. I surrounded myself with new people, who I wouldn’t normally have thought to engage with otherwise, and, in turn, learned how to grow myself.

SAMANTHA VOGEL

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Staff Writer

6

Opinions

February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

The Approach As journalists, we don’t have much experience with people liking us or wanting to spend time with us (other than our fellow editors). That’s why we decided to consult the people who know the most about love in the world and have had the most success romantically: college freshmen. Only five months into living in New York City on their own, they have become both seasoned New Yorkers and experienced lovers — and would love to tell you their opinions on both.

What follows below is the best, the worst and the spiciest advice that Fordham College at Lincoln Center’s Class of ’22 had to offer for this Valentine’s Day. We’re taking notes, as should you.

HOW TO APPROACH SOMEONE

WWW.fordhamobserver.com

The Art of the Appeal Observer? I barely know her! These openers are guaranteed to woo any tender Jesuit heart without fail

I still have my visitor fine freebie ... and it has your name on it.

“If someone is approaching me, I have a few tips. Brush your hair. Put on perfume.

Talk about how much you value skincare.”

— Lyla Saxena

“Be respectful of the fact that they’re an actual human person like you.”

— Olivia Bonenfant

SHAMYA ZIDANI/THE OBSERVER

“Don’t wait to reach out to someone. Be proactive. It’s hot to care.”

— Rita Pepe

“Looking dapper is important.”

— El Breen

“Really badly composed Latin.

It worked for me.”

Are you the dining hall food?

Because you make my stomach do flips.

— Jill Rice

“From the front.”

— Zane Austill

I heard you like bad girls, well, I have string lights in my dorm.

HOW NOT TO APPROACH SOMEONE “Make sure they’re not busy or rushing, and not wearing headphones or reading. Otherwise, you’re a disruption.”

— Aysesu Yilmaz

“Don’t quote a song. That’s terrible. Unless it’s Beyonce.

Don’t wear Birkenstocks. You have to get more casual with them before you can do that.”

— Lyla Saxena

“Keep your arms inside of the ride at all times. Respect personal space. Don’t do it in front of other people you know and give the person a way out.”

— Sofie Anjum

Are you Fordham University, a private research university in New York City founded by the Catholic Diocese of New York in 1841, the oldest Catholic university in the northeastern United States, the third-oldest university in New York and the only Jesuit university in New York City?

What’s your major?

Because you’re a major hottie.

Because For-damn !

“My friend was asked out via potato. It worked for her, but be cautious. This method is very niche and might not work for everyone.”

— Kayla Champion

“From the back.”

— Zane Austill

Look out for our lamest, spiciest and most painful rejects on our social media:

@thefordhamobserver

@fordhamobserver

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THE VOYEUR February 14, 2019

Opinions

7

You Can Pry Romance Movies from My Cold, Dead Hands GRACE GETMAN Asst. Opinions Editor

You heard me.

It’s one thing if rom-coms just aren’t your thing. It’s a whole other rodeo to make hating romcoms your brand. I’m convinced we have a complex in America right now where the only way to be cool is to be “above it all.” If you like anything sincere or have any concept of being unironic, you’re automatically a dork, and, even worse, a sheep. Especially when it comes to movies.

In our pop culture-obsessed society, we’ve been trained to only appreciate “good” cinema and to leave everything else as a “guilty pleasure.” “Good ” cinema is serious, dramatic and frankly drowning in boring men.

Lately, cinema that wants to be considered “good” has been stripped of emotions, shot in increasingly dark lighting and filled with misanthropes who have cast off the chains of our shallow and materialistic world.

If you want examples, try to peer through the darkness at “Man of Steel,” “Snow White and the Huntsman,” “Jack Reacher” and a legion of other “Fight Club” knockoffs. From highbrow reviews to the wild hinterlands of Twitter, the “enlightened” call rom-coms dumb, shallow and everything wrong with America today.

The edgy among us have resolved to remain far above those idiots who are actually enjoying and loving, crying and even laughing over what’s in this world.

But that attitude isn’t just pretentious. It’s boring.

I will stand against the joyless hordes and defend the art of the

ZOEY LIU/THE OBSERVER

Romance movies allow us to live out our wildest fantasies. If you love to hate them, you can take it up with Grace.

rom-com to my dying breath.

Sometimes you need the cheese, the meet-cutes, the convoluted misunderstandings sorted out at the very last second. Sometimes you need the schmaltz. Sometimes you need to believe in the power of, prepare yourself — love.

Yes, Roger Ebert might roll over in his grave when the next Adam Sandler movie hits the big screen, but does every movie

out there have to be the height of cinema? Isn’t entertainment supposed to entertain?

I’ll admit it, I could be wrong.

Those with pitchforks and “cultured” opinions on cinema could be right. I could just be plain “Clueless.” That all this is really “Much Ado About Nothing.”

Maybe you can’t wait until I become “The Graduate” to escape my opinions.

But here’s the thing. If loving

rom-coms is wrong, I don’t want to be right. There’s more warming up my heart than just climate change. I will always prefer to watch rom-coms with a heart on my sleeve than watch “The Shape of Water 2” in a trench coat.

Rom-coms are about coming together and appreciating the people we have created space for in our lives, no matter how many mishaps it took to get them

there. They represent the best side of us, and that’s worth pulling for. So, later tonight, if you’re looking for something to do, turn on Netflix and spread a little joy.

Support your local rom-com.

Otherwise, if you’re looking for any rom-coms to stomp on, you can pry them from my cold, dead hands. In the immortal words of Dirty Dancing, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

So come at me.

We Need Healthy Relationships on LGB-TV ADRIANE KONG Contributing Writer

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, and every year, TV networks join in the festivities by dedicating their screens to reruns of cheesy romance movies.

But these movies don’t celebrate love in all its forms, as I am reminded once again of the lack of happy, healthy LGBTQ relationships represented in media.

Most homosexual relationships in mainstream TV and movies have a factor of secrecy and violence, both of which are things that can hinder a stable and healthy romantic relationship. One of the most common stereotypes is that gay men are emotionally and physically repressed, and this repression is assumed to lead to violence.

The media is shameless about using these stereotypes. Quite literally in the case of “Shameless,” where the character Ian is a closeted gay teenager who works at a convenience store and is constantly terrorized by Mickey, the local thug, who vandalizes the store and physically assaults Ian. Ian finally confronts Mickey by attacking Mickey in his own home. Mickey manages to pin Ian to his bed and is about to deliver the final blow when instead they both start stripping. They have sex, and this begins their violent and sexual “romantic” relationship.

This is just one of many examples in many films and TV shows where one of the protagonists will physically fight and resist their love interest, until giving in to their sexual advances. A

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY LOÏC KHODARKOVSKY / PHOTO BY ZOEY LIU

Representation of LGBTQ couples on TV should reflect reality.

possible cause of this trope is society’s emphasis on masculinity and the need to reinforce that masculinity with violence when representing men in a gay relationship, who are often seen as effeminate. While violence in relationships isn’t exclusive to gay men, they are most frequently the victims of it.

It is universally agreed upon that physical fights are not the basis of a healthy relationship, and that love shouldn’t be ex-

pressed in hostility to the point where someone has to physically stop resisting the other’s efforts before they unite.

If a heterosexual couple was portrayed like such it would be considered abuse. Yet, this trope is common in the some of the most popular films and television shows that include gay people, like “Brokeback Mountain,” “God’s Own Country” and “Orange is the New Black.” Although this violence can have valid

reasons and represent deeper themes pertaining to the story and the characters, it should hardly be media’s most prevalent representation of gay people.

Likewise, many homosexual relationships in media are founded on lies, shame and secrecy, often caused by their unaccepting surroundings. Films like “Call Me

By Your Name,” “Carol,” “Blue is the Warmest Color” and “Perks of Being a Wallflower” demonstrate this. In “Perks of Being a

Wallflower,” Brad and Patrick are in a secret relationship, which ends after being discovered by Brad’s homophobic father. After this, one of Brad’s teammates verbally and physically harasses Patrick for being gay, and even then Brad refuses to aid Patrick.

While Patrick and Brad’s story isn’t necessarily unrealistic, it is representative of a greater issue.

The problem with these stories is not that they are necessarily inaccurate or that LGBTQ relationships ought to be portrayed as perfect, but instead that they are the dominant representation of homosexual relationships.

Though there are a handful of strong, healthy and stable samesex couples in media, many fail to reach this bare minimum standard.

But not all hope is lost. A prime example of how to positively represent LGBTQ couples in media is Nomi Marks, a transgender woman, and Amanita Kaplan, a cisgender woman, in the Netflix show “Sense8.”

Amanita and Nomi, unlike the previous couples, are not in a secret relationship, they love each other openly and actively support each other. Their love is evident in the way Amanita defends and protects Nomi from her transphobic family.

This type of love should not be as rare as it is. The importance of accurate representation cannot be understated. Seeing someone with your sexuality or gender identity can inspire, and it shows people that they too have the capacity to be just as happy and successful. After all — doesn’t everyone deserve a happy ending?

8

News

February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

WWW.fordhamobserver.com

The Word Between the Sheets Survey sheds light on students’ sex lives at Fordham Lincoln Center Where do you go to get tested for STIs? Healthcare professional at home Fordham Health Services New York City based nonprofit (Planned Parenthood, Institute for Family Health)

New York City based healthcare professional Healthcare professional abroad Military 0

20

40

60

80

Number of Students

Yes

46.2%

No

Have you had sex at Fordham?

37.2%

I have never been sexually active 16.7%

Yes

7.8%

Have you ever used the SAGES “Condom Fairy” hotline?

No

63.5%

I was not aware it existed 28.7%

Heterosexual/Straight 65.5%

Asexual 2.3%

What is your sexuality?

Bisexual 17.2%

Pansexual 4.8%

Unsure 1.3%

Homosexual/Gay/Lesbian 7.7%

Queer 1.0%

N/A

0.3%

Anonymous Stu Teach responsible They need to stop stigmatizing sex. Period. In the clubs they allow, in the dorm’s guest rules, etc. Stigmatizing sex only makes it more dangerous.

Lift the ban o We’re all adu lot of money should not ha controlled by

Make the beds softer it’s kind of uncomfortable to bone in dorm beds smh There should be without it being

Over a month-long period, The Observer conducted an anonymous survey about sex and sexual health among students on campus. These ar

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THE VOYEUR February 14, 2019

News

If you use contraceptives, which ones?

Barriers (condoms, diaphragms, etc.)

Hormonal birth control Intrauterine device (IUD) Pull-Out King Sometimes none 150

100

50

0

Number of Students

Before high school 1.0% High school 47.4% Freshman year 12.5%

When did you have sex for the first time?

IL PHIC GR A

Sophomore year 5.8% Junior year 2.6% Senior year 0.3% I have not had sex 30.4%

ON BY STEPH LAWLOR LUSTRATI

Yes

62.8%

No

Are you currently sexually active?

20.2%

I have never been sexually active 17.0%

Yes 65.6%

Do you use contraceptives during sex?

No 7.7%

Have you ever been tested for STIs?

udent Suggestions sex not abstinence

on sex in dorms. ults and pay a to be here. We ave our bodies y bureaucracy.

Offer contraceptives because people are going to have sex regardless of your â&#x20AC;&#x153;Jesuit friendlyâ&#x20AC;? policies.

Collect statistics on Gay men substituting contraceptives for PrEP condoms available such a big deal

Yes

I have never been sexually active/I have no need for contraceptives 26.7%

40.2%

No

59.8%

Yes 26.7% No 48.9%

Have you ever considered skipping the use of contraceptives/birth control because they were too expensive?

I have never been sexually active

24.4%

re answers from the 315 students who responded. While some answers are playful, they provide insight into the reality of sex at Fordham.

9

Arts & Culture

Arts & Culture Editor Marielle Sarmiento - msarmiento3@fordham.edu

February 14, 2019

THE VOYEUR

At MoSex, Two Titillating Minutes in Heaven

By MARINA VERGARA Contributing Writer

At the Museum of Sex, you are allowed to enter heaven for just two minutes and three dollars.

Heaven, in this case, is an adults-only, X-rated bouncy house decorated with a diverse collection of inflatable boobs. Named “Jump for Joy,” this uncensored attraction will most definitely leave you with a feeling of joy from both the forced cardio and from, you know, the boobs.

The work of art was originally created for Bompas & Parr’s Museum of Sex installation entitled “Funland: Pleasures & Perils of the Erotic Fairground” in 2014, but it remains up and bouncing today. It combines reckless abandon (comparable to childhood memories at the fair) with the less-acknowledged sexuality and pleasure lying deep in the shadows of the fairground.

The Museum of Sex turns up the sexuality while still staying true to the playful nature of fairgrounds. “Jump for Joy,” the last remaining piece of Bompas & Parr’s exhibit, keeps the whimsical mentality of the fairground alive in both the Museum of Sex and the isle of Manhattan.

“Jump for Joy” channels the duality of adolescence and sexuality. It is both an innocent bouncy castle and something straight out of a strange wet dream. It is silly

COURTESY OF LAUREN BLANKS

Boobs, tatas, jugs, melons, mammary glands – you can bounce on all of them at the Museum of Sex.

as well as sensual. A room full of giant tatas that you can literally bounce on? The Museum of Sex truly brought to life the dreams of every teenage boy and lesbian (yours truly) and for that, we are grateful.

“Jump for Joy” captures all the imagination of a carnival within a modern high-rise nestled just off Fifth Avenue, giving all busy Manhattanites the chance to drop their

briefcases and coffee cups and live a little. It is a place where adults can be children, wild and free.

So, with my girlfriend in one hand and a disposable camera in the other, I stepped through the gates (really just a hole in the bouncy house) into heaven. Those glorious two minutes went like this: Areolas everywhere. On the walls, on the floor, some big, some

Tune In: Pining 101

By ROXANNE CUBERO Staff Writer

This is not your mother’s “just talk to them.” Having a crush is magical and terrible all at once.

Some people face them head-on and get their feelings out immediately; I for one would rather walk in the snow naked before I tell someone I like them.

Some people read vicariously; others write out their fantasies.

Some suggestively subtweet; others passive-aggressively retweet.

I, however, find crushes to be precious things to be nurtured and dealt with individually. Every crush is different.

To indulge myself in emotion without interacting with my crush, I make playlists. With 99 (and counting) compilations on my Spotify account, how could I not have curated playlists for every crush and boyfriend I’ve ever had?1 At this point, I’d consider myself an expert in the craft.

Think of a playlist as an ice cream sundae. Music is the ice cream; the other aspects, the toppings. Songs make up 100 percent of a playlist but only 90 percent of its impact. The other 10 percent is your title, your cover picture and your caption.

These let you take ownership of your collection of songs, and in turn, your crush.

Titles are every listener’s first taste of the playlist. Some play-

lists are meant to be shared with the world; this one is just for you. The best titles are suggestive but vague. Take one of mine, “the boy in the bronx.”

There are many boys in the Bronx, but this playlist is dedicated to one. 2 This playlist is just another compilation of love songs to the wandering listener, but only I know it’s much more.

Cover pictures follow the same guideline. Don’t upload your crush’s Facebook profile picture. Instead, use a picture that suggests the kind of relationship you want to have with them. I draw from my favorite romantic comedies; for “the boy in the bronx,” I used a still of Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart in “Sabrina.” If you have trouble finding photos, peruse Tumblr or Pinterest. 3 Your caption should add detail to your title without giving too much away. Feel free to write a one-line love letter here, but if you’re bold enough to have a blunt caption, you’re bold enough to talk to your crush. Subtlety is the name of the game.

This is not a careless collection of cliche love songs. Crushes are nuanced; music is, too.

However you feel about a person, there is at least one song for it, in any genre, in any stage of crushing. To get you started, here are some 4 of my favorites:5

1. “Ever had” since creating my Spotify account. My apologies to Ethan, Henry, Nick and Aidan for their lack of playlists.

2. To the boy in the Bronx: if you figure out who you are, ask me out. I promise I won’t say no.

3. I could probably write an entire article defending Pinterest, but just trust me. It’s great.

4. See the full list on fordhamobserver.com. Even that list isn’t even close to being exhaustive.

5. I know I said this wasn’t full of cliché love songs, and it’s not full of them. Who can resist a good love song?

6. This category is not about threesomes.

small — boobs of all shapes, sizes and colors spanned the bouncy castle of my dreams. I bounced into bosoms, on top of love apples and off massive mammaries as Kriss Kross’s “Jump” blasted in the background.

It was hard not to smile. Maybe it was from the utter silliness of it all. I was jumping like a little kid, screaming and laughing as I tumbled about breasts bigger than my

whole body.

Maybe it was all the endorphins rushing in my brain; jumping for two minutes straight on inflatable gazongas, in my not-sohumble opinion, is a harder workout than any SoulCycle class.

Or maybe it was from the magical power of boobs. Hear me out. Boobs bring people together.

Inside that nipple-filled bouncy house for those two short minutes, you are free. You are free to be weird, to be unfiltered. You are free to be the kid you once were, back at the carnival, without a care in the world.

The Museum of Sex built a two-minute safe haven for the freaks of the world. Boob-themed bouncy houses have no sexuality, gender, race or religion — just pure, honest, unadulterated fun.

Anyone can have tatas, and everyone can love them.

Be warned: in the bouncy house, you will get tired. As our two minutes in heaven came to a close, my legs were quaking from the aerobics. If the presence of voluminous breasts wasn’t enough to entice you, let this be your weekly trip to the treadmill with a little more spice.

My brief time in heaven ended with my girlfriend and I, each flopped on our own bouncy breast, holding hands and smiling cheek to cheek. Our hearts were full and we were thoroughly bounced. It’s really fun, you best believe me.

A (Musical) Note to My Crush Generic Love SonGS

Let’S Get Spicy

menAGe à troiS6

AdmirinG From AFAr

SAdboi HourS

When a Man Loves a Woman (b) Percy Sledge

Slow Hand (c) Conway Twitty

The Weekend (t) SZA

I Just Want to Dance With You (c) George Strait

Neon Moon (c) Brooks & Dunn

All My Loving (r) The Beatles

Untitled (‘How does it feel’) (t) D’Angelo

Somebody Else (i) The 1975

‘O Sole Mio (f) Il Volo

Gentleman (i) Isobel Anderson

Love on the Brain (t) Rihanna

Sweet (i) Cigarettes After Sex

The Other Woman (j) Somebody to Love (r) Nina Simone Queen

I Hate Myself For Loving You (r) Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

La Vie en Rose (f) Édith Piaf

Versace on the Floor (p) Bruno Mars

Instead (p) Ryan Amador

Sea of Love (i) Cat Power

Piece of My Heart (b) Janis Joplin

Late to the Party (c) Kacey Musgraves

The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face (j) Roberta Flack

Blue Ain’t Your Color (c) Keith Urban

Bad Ideas (p) Tessa Violet

You Won’t be Satisfied (Until You Break My Heart) (j) Ella Fitzgerald

Intertwined (i) dodie

Gimme All Your Love (b) Alabama Shakes

Dos Gardenias (f) Buena Vista Social Club

Let Me Love You (t) Mario

It Doesn’t Hurt (p) Katie Thompson

Crazy For You (p) Adele

Whole Lotta Love (r) Led Zepplin

All I Could Do Was Cry (b) Etta James

I’ve Got a Crush On You (j) Ella Fitzgerald

Irreplaceable (t) Beyoncé

It’s Magic (j) Dinah Washington

Propuesta Incedente (f) Romeo Santos

Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me (r) The Smiths

Try a Little Tenderness (b) Otis Redding

No Me Queda Mas (f) Selena

So, go ahead. Try it. You’re safe; no one’s looking. Take a few minutes to make a playlist or two. Or three. Or 13. There’s no harm in doing it; it’s both a guiltless indulgence and a cathartic release. Happy Valentine’s Day, kids.

c : Country / Folk i : Indie Pop / Rock

j : Vintage Jazz / Pop p : Pop

t : Contemporary R&B b : Soul / Blues

r : Rock f : Foreign

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THE VOYEUR February 14, 2019

Arts

11

To All the Boys I've Matched Before SWIPE RIGHT FROM PAGE 1

on whether I wanted to get to know someone solely based on their appearance. There was a moment I was chatting with several guys at once for the sake of “research,” and it felt like I was the Bachelorette.

Conversations usually ended up going in circles because the guys I was messaging didn’t ask me questions back to keep the conversations rolling unless the question was, “Do you wanna come over tonight?”

However, I wasn’t going to give up. I’d heard of many happy couples who met on dating apps. Sitting down with one opened my eyes to a different side of dating apps that I would never consider as someone who identifies as a cisgender heterosexual female.

My friend from home, Peter Michalak, not yet out at the time, had downloaded Tinder just for fun. “I wasn’t actually looking for someone. I liked the attention I was getting; I downloaded it at the time that I started losing weight, so I needed to know if people thought I was attractive.”

Six months after downloading the app, he came across the profile of his now-boyfriend Sam Feathers, who had only joined Tinder a week before. Feathers said, “I wasn’t looking for something serious. I just wanted to meet people; even if we never dated, I just wanted to make friends.” It was Feather’s bio stating he was looking for someone to do fun stuff with and their similar taste in music that made Michalak swipe right.

They went to a concert on their first date. One month in, they made their relationship official — a seemingly rare happy ending to come from Tinder. But Feathers let me in on how Tinder is different for the gay community. “My straight friends would say, ‘You did Tinder wrong, you guys are dating now,’ but what else was I supposed to do?

Like most things in the gay community, Grindr is more for hookup culture, Tinder is mainly for dating for us,” he said.

Michalak faced some difficulties when a match outed him to his sister. “I wasn’t out to everyone in my life before we were dating,” Michalak said. “He’d broken one of the sacraments,” Feathers chimed in.

“That’s like a thing for gay people, if you see them on gay apps, you’re not supposed to tell people. There’s an unspoken rule.”

Michalak and Feathers will cel-

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY ESME BLEECKER-ADAMS

Originating from Tinder’s interface, “swipe right” has entered common vernacular to mean “I like it!”

ebrate their first anniversary in March. Inspired by their story, I downloaded Bumble and Hinge, both dating apps that respectively proclaim to facilitate conversations and lead to relationships.

Bumble differs from Tinder by only letting women message first in straight matches. I loved this idea because it eliminated the “who will make the first move?” dilemma. A woman has 24 hours to message first, and the match, in turn, has 24 hours to reply back or the match disappears forever. When matching, Bumble discourages basic messages like “hey” and offers a list of conversation starters (“Which game show would you dominate?” and “First thing you do in the morning?”) if you try to type a short response. Still, I felt silly using these greetings and usually opted for “How are you?” I immediately noticed that my Bumble conversations were much more personal and entertaining.

I used the same pictures as on I did Tinder, but Bumble’s profiles

are much more comprehensive.

Along with uploading a maximum of six pictures, you have the option to provide demographic data, physical fitness, zodiac sign, education level, religion, politics, whether or not you want kids, what you’re looking for in a relationship and whether you smoke, drink or do drugs. Bumble also prompts you to answer three questions that range from which TV show you’d guest star on to how you define equality.

With so much information available, it was easier to start conversations with people I genuinely was interested in or avoid people completely if something on their profile raised red flags. Despite the effort of making a Bumble profile, there were still plenty of men only seeking nudes while claiming their dream dinner guest was Susan B. Anthony.

Hinge followed the same profile concept as Tinder, asking for similar demographics and questions.

However, on Hinge, instead of swiping right on someone’s entire

profile, you choose one picture or answer to “like.” Profiles consisted of prompts like, “I pick the first half of the date, and you pick the second,” fostering more thought-provoking conversations. Hinge also gives your “Most Compatible” profile of the day. I also noticed that, despite my age range being 19-24, Hinge users tend to skew older, the majority of men being 25-28.

In general, I appreciated the conversation-based profiles more, but the biggest flaw is that there are fewer people on Bumble and Hinge in general. I had more Tinder matches overall because there were just more people to match with.

Swiping right on someone is one thing, but actually meeting a complete stranger is more nerve-wracking than finding out all of your secret love letters were mailed to your crushes. With shows like Netflix’s “You” and true crime dramas as popular streams, I only plucked up the courage to meet one of my Tinder matches because he was a friend’s coworker, and she con-

firmed he was harmless. We met for coffee, walked around Central Park and had such enjoyable conversations that I forgot it was a date with a stranger.

Although I was pleasantly surprised by how charmingly platonic this date was, not all of them ended like that. Aside from my first-date top from H&M and my lucky earrings, the vitals of my Tinder date survival kit are my pepper spray and the Find My Friends app. I never went on a date without my pink tube of mace and my location shared with all my roommates.

Someone always knew where I was going and how late I planned on staying out.

When meeting people, trust your gut. One date started out really well, but I started feeling uncomfortable when he wanted us to go to his apartment (I always heed John Mulaney’s warning about secondary locations) so I texted my roommate for help. She called me with an emergency about our apartment needing to be fumigated for cockroaches, a fake phone conversation we’ve used before when we need to get out of situations. When I hung up and didn’t respond to texts for a while, my other roommate called again saying the cockroaches were multiplying to make sure I was safe.

I was able to leave without outright confronting the guy, which is also perfectly acceptable. If you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, don’t worry about being polite.

After giving my thumbs the workout of a lifetime by swiping right (but mostly left) on hundreds of profiles, I have yet to meet the romantic lead of the movie of my life. So, no, downloading an app doesn’t promise a Prince Charming will immediately find your glass slipper. However, I did get to have lots of entertaining conversations with and about my matches when I would debrief with my friends afterward. I still regularly talk to my first-ever Tinder match despite never meeting in real life. Although none of my Tinder dates led to anything long-term, going on dates was a chance to explore the neighborhoods and try new food all over New York with some cool people.

Dating apps are becoming the new coffee shops, bars and bookstores in rom-coms — a way to meet new people. Sliding into your crush’s Instagram DMs is the new boombox outside your window, and swiping right on Tinder is the new meet-cute.

The Wrong Way to De-Triple – Sexiling Horror Stories

By ETHAN COUGHLIN Staff Writer

It’s midnight on Thursday.

On your way back to your dorm from the library, you receive a text from your roommate saying, “Can I get the room for a little? Thanks so much, text me before you come in.” You pull a hard U-turn and go back into the library to revise your essay. You have just been sexiled.

Being sexiled is when your roommate exiles you from the room to get some alone time with someone else.

Most students adjust and become comfortable changing in front of roommates, falling asleep while others are studying or being seen with bed-head.

Some things remain sacred, though. When it comes to trying to get with someone in your dorm, you most definitely do not want to do that in view of your roommate.

When communication is done well and the logistics are all figured out, most residents agreed

that sexiling is not such a bad thing; you just have to stay away from your room for a little while.

The process, however, doesn’t always lend itself in such a simple, premeditated way.

A McKeon resident was forced to sleep in a friend’s room early first semester after she was sexiled from her own room all night.

The next morning, a tour group showed up because her friend had signed up to be a room buddy, but had completely forgotten. The room was a mess, so he told the tour group to look at his suitemates’ room because they weren’t there.

He was wrong. When the tour leader opened the suitemate’s door, they found the resident and a guy he had over for the night “basically naked” right in front of all the prospective students.

Another McKeon resident says that sexiling isn’t the problem; sexincluding is. He says sexincluding is when you’re in your own room, minding your own business, and your roommate and their partner are being far

too comfortable.

He said his roommate and his girlfriend “start making out and grinding on each other two feet away” from him. Things really got awkward when they stopped sucking face for a moment to start small talk with him, despite still embracing one another. He ended with, “Sexile me any day, but please, don’t sexinclude me.”

A McMahon resident claimed to have it even worse, saying that her roommate was constantly naked in the room. Though she got used to it, she said that “the line was crossed when her boyfriend came over and she would still be naked.”

Though it is cliche, communication is key. If you want to have someone over alone, work out a time with your roommate when they’ll be out. Make sure to text them before you come back into the room, and do not enter until you get a response. If your roommate is making you uncomfortable, let them know. Or ignore these suggestions if you want some funny stories.

TITO CRESPO/THE OBSERVER

Sexiling (v.): to exile your roommate while you are having sex.

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February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

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P.S. I Love You â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Love Letters From Students Romantic shouts into the void

Features

Features Editors Jeffrey Umbrell - jumbrell@fordham.edu Lindsay Jorgensen - ljorgensen@fordham.edu February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

Empowering Erotica

Alumna discusses Fordham theater, the Museum of Sex and sex work advocacy

By LINDSAY JORGENSEN AND JEFFREY UMBRELL Features Editors

Leigh Honigman, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’17, received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from Fordham after transferring from Pace University in her sophomore year. Upon attending FCLC, she became heavily involved in the university’s Theatre Program, and quickly noticed a startling lack of racial diversity both in the department and on campus.

She observed how sex workers, too, were a marginalized group, and the ways in which political and legal systems work to disenfranchise them.

“There’s very little diversity in Fordham itself,” Honigman said.

“But there’s next to none in the arts programs.”

Her time with the Theatre Program fostered in Honigman a desire to “amplify marginalized or quieted stories.” She has produced, designed and assistant-directed numerous film and theater projects both at Fordham and after graduation. Each work, Honigman believes, should serve as a space where disenfranchised voices can be heard.

Honigman’s first post-graduation job, however, was related to neither psychology nor theater: she worked for roughly 18 months as a shift supervisor at the Museum of Sex near Madison Square Park.

At the museum, Honigman came to know countless working professionals in the sex industry, including escorts, pornography actors and cammers (online camera girls).

She observed how sex workers, too, were a marginalized group, and the ways in which political and legal systems work to disenfranchise them. In particular, the passing of the Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act and the Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (SESTA-FOSTA) in 2018 served as a call to action for her. The bills, intended to curb online sex trafficking, have been heavily critiqued for their failure to protect legal, consensual sex workers, who worry that the bills will put them out of work.

Many of Honigman’s colleagues at the Museum of Sex were “really scared,” she said, “because their main sources of income were being taken away, and also their main sources of safety vetting were being taken away.”

Under SESTA-FOSTA, online sex work has become less visible and relegated to darker, less secure parts of the internet.

In response to the passing of SESTA-FOSTA, Honigman formed an activist group with coworkers Kit Richardson and Mikaela Berry, FCLC ’18, called Cunt Collective.

They quickly planned an event to both protest SESTA-FOSTA and benefit the Sex Worker Project, an organization that provides legal support to sex workers and sex trafficking victims.

Honigman, Richardson and Berry invited performers from the industry to perform at the benefit, which was held at the Museum

of Sex. The group is not formally associated with the museum but is permitted to host events there.

The objective of the benefit was simple. “We wanted to use the privileges that we had to raise some money to go towards legal funds and emergency housing,” Honigman said.

“I’m getting too excited,” she continued as she recalled the event. It was a massive success — tickets quickly sold out, Honigman received large numbers of sex toy donations and the collective raised approximately $2,500.

Honigman credited Stigma Unbound, an advocacy group that brings similar attention to the stigmatization of sex workers, for its continued support of Cunt Collective. While Honigman has personally arranged two events, she often partners with Stigma Unbound and promotes other organizations’ events to support the cause.

“I think one of the most compelling things about not only organizing a couple of these events but also participating and going,” she said, “is seeing how relieved and clearly free these people in the industry can finally be when you actually create a safe space.”

Her time with the group has made Honigman “all the more aware of the language that we use and the way that we shame,” she said. Sex workers are shamed for “having what is really just autonomy.”

“ There’s very little

diversity in Fordham itself, but there’s next to none in the arts programs.”

COURTESY OF LEIGH HONIGMAN

LEIGH HONIGMAN, FCLC ‘17

The “subliminal language” that people use on a daily basis, especially on social media, often works to marginalize sex workers, Honigman said. She pointed out that the stigma that is placed on the industry connects to other issues regarding the ways in which we think of “some bodies as more worthy than others.”

Honigman has been fortunate enough to have encountered little resistance from people who shame or stigmatize sex workers for the work she does with the collective.

“I’m in a very accepting environment but that is my own privilege talking,” she said. “I am lucky and I’m also safe and protected in that I am not a sex worker. I’m an ally who is just concerned. So I am not having to deal with nearly as many of the factors as someone actually active that in that industry would.”

Honigman also mentioned an on-the-ground organization called Glits, run by Ceyene Egoroshow, that provides emergency housing and child support for sex workers.

The Fordham alumna recommended those who want to learn more about helping the cause to “pay for your porn” and to continue to “ask questions.”

“Be curious about it,” Honigman said of the sex industry.

“These are not just people floating around on the internet. This is somebody’s profession.”

JUNO MAC VIA FLICKR

Leigh Honigman is a vocal opponent of SESTA-FOSTA, a set of bills that have stripped many legal sex workers of their rights and protections.

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FEBRUARY 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

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Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder Diving into the ups and downs of maintaining a long-distance relationship in college

By KRISTEN SKINNER Staff Writer

Relationships are complicated. High school relationships are difficult enough to maintain, but if one continues into college, things can get even harder.

Where there is true love, there will always be a way for these relationships to last. All of this sounds pretty cheesy, doesn’t it? But “long-distance relationships are cliche,” Catalina Castillo-Lozano, Fordham College at Lincoln Center (FCLC) ’19, said.

Honest and meaningful conversations, where you both feel free to share what is on your mind, make for a much healthier relationship.

Castillo-Lozano has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, who attends Portland State University, for more than a year now. Though it is difficult to be more than 2,000 miles away from each other, the couple has managed to make it work.

A challenge that often comes up in long-distance relationships is communication. If you want to be in one that sticks, you have to continue to attentively talk to your partner. Simple okays and emojis are not sufficient enough for any relationship to last. Honest and meaningful conversations, where you both feel free to share what is on your mind, make for a much healthier relationship. Since the two of you could live thousands of miles apart, you most likely only know what the other person tells you is going on in his or her life.

Communicating with your significant other can also be difficult if you live in different time zones or have conflicting sched-

MARGARET GALLAGHER/THE OBSERVER

Phone calls and FaceTime can make the separation of long-distance relationships more manageable.

ules. That being said, something key to a long-distance relationship is making sure that you balance time speaking with your significant other and time spent with your classmates and friends at college. You will not be able to make a lot of friends in college or connect with people if you become too focused on your partner who lives elsewhere.

Though long-distance relationships today are hard, imagine what they were like when people suffered through them with pen and paper. Think of waiting for

two weeks to hear back from your lover. Today, with texting and FaceTime, the separation is a bit more manageable. Couples who make long-distance relationships work get creative with communication. Castillo-Lozano and her boyfriend visit a website each week, where they work on puzzles together. She also talks to him on the phone when she goes walking, as if they are going on an adventure together.

Long-distance relationships require a lot of patience and a lot of trust. You have to be pa-

tient enough to hear from your significant other when he or she is available and patient enough to wait several weeks or months until you see that person again.

You also have to trust your partner that your distance apart will not get in the way of his or her love for you.

Castillo-Lozano believes confidence plays an important role in any relationship. “I’m not the most confident person,” she said, “but I don’t think it could ever work if you have too much self-doubt.” She explained some

days your significant other might not be able to text you back right away, and you can’t worry about the reason why. You can’t worry about who he or she is hanging out with or whether or not he or she is out partying because your fears will start to consume your life.

“A relationship isn’t meant to consume you,” Castillo-Lozano said. “It’s meant to help you grow as a person and … help you be a better person for you and for them and for everyone in your life.”

Relationships Group Encourages Students to Open Up

By JEFFREY UMBRELL Features Editor The poster that advertises Fordham Lincoln Center’s newly-formed relationships group reads with more than a hint of irony. A cluster of four penguins stand, beaks pointed upwards, huddled together in the photo on the poster’s center. The group looks slightly out of place on a snow-free, rocky terrain.

“Join our relationships group,” the accompanying text reads. “Even penguins like groups!”

Yael Uness, the assistant director of counseling and psychological services, co-runs the group with Nicole Rosenfield, a psychology Ph.D. candidate.

The irony is that penguins typically live in large colonies. It comes as no surprise that they prefer group settings. The implied awkwardness of the photo, however, reflects the uneasiness that many students may feel about attending one of the relationships group’s meetings.

Not only are students sometimes hesitant to seek out professional emotional support, they also worry about the possibility of encountering someone they know, such as a former romantic partner, at a session. This latter fear is one that is especially prevalent at a small campus like Fordham Lincoln Center.

Uness has organized different variations of the relationships

JEFFREY UMBRELL/THE OBSERVER

Nicole Rosenfield (left) and Yael Uness (right) meet with students once a week to discuss relationship issues.

group in past years, but put together this particular iteration last fall.

Despite students’ concerns about seeing someone they know at meetings, Uness said that “everybody who I know who’s been in any kind of group here feels that it was worth it. What they got out of the group was definitely worth the initial discomfort or hesitation.”

She explained that the group uses any apprehension members may be feeling as a springboard for conversation. “It’s not fun to be uncomfortable, but it’s also helpful,” Uness said. “We’re able to discuss

that together, and then the comfort level inevitably increases, especially when people understand that it’s a shared discomfort.”

When people see the name “relationships group,” she said, “they automatically think of romantic relationships.” Discussion, though, is not limited to romance.

“I don’t want to spoil [things],” Uness continued, “but it’s actually about any kind of relationship. The idea is that people will hopefully be able to learn more about themselves in the context of relationships.” Students discuss romantic,

platonic and familial relationships at meetings.

The group has struggled somewhat in attracting student interest.

It differs from the typical club or organization at Fordham in that it is a closed group — students need to first speak with Uness if they are interested in attending.

Sometimes, Uness will approach students with whom she has met for individual counseling about the group. “Ninety-nine percent of people give me this look,” she said, when she offers them an invitation, “which means ‘no way in hell.’” She

stressed that the positive aspects of the group usually far outweigh any negative ones like nerves or anxiety.

“There are a lot of benefits to group therapy,” she said. “You’re learning practically because you’re actually confronting all these different relationships and others are involved in the discussions.”

Sessions are often student-run, with Uness and Rosenfield offering only brief interjections on the broader dynamics and direction of the discussions. Because the meetings are closed, the same group of students attend each week.

Uness said that this consistency allows members to quickly become comfortable with one another. “People can support others, people can bring what they like to talk about,” she explained. “The focus isn’t on them exclusively in the way that it is in individual therapy.”

For Uness, this shift of focus away from individual members is one of the most important aspects of the group. “I tell people, ‘I’m not going to put you on the spot,’” she said. “There’s nothing you have to talk about.”

The relationships that group members form with each other — the “therapy relationship,” as Uness put it — is a valuable connection in itself. “It’s a professional relationship,” she said, “but it’s a relationship, too, so that can be a microcosm for other relationships as well.”

Sports & Health Editor Luke Osborn - losborn1@fordham.edu

Sports & Health Play It Safe Or Not At All

February 14, 2019

THE VOYEUR

Debunking Myths About Birth Control

By LUKE OSBORN Sports & Health Editor

Abstinence Abstinence is the practice of not engaging in sexual activity.

Depending on who you ask, sexual activity can mean many different things. For the purposes of this article, we’ll define sexual activity as any kind of sexual contact.

Unlike most safe sex alternatives, abstinence is 100 percent effective in preventing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and pregnancy. The only caveat here is will power. In order for abstinence to effectively prevent STIs and pregnancy, the individual has to practice abstinence 100 percent of the time.

According to Planned Parenthood, individuals who decide to practice abstinence should still have condoms ready to use. Having condoms nearby can act as extra protection against pregnancy and STIs if the abstinent individuals involved have a lapse of resolve. In Planned Parenthood’s opinion, individuals should consider abstinence only when they have knowledge of every safe sex option available to them.

Those who advocate for abstinence-only sex education see it as a method to delay an adolescent’s first sexual encounter. In contrast, researchers from the University of Georgia (UGA) discovered a positive correlation between states with abstinence-only education programs and teenage pregnancy, meaning that abstinence education alone fails to protect individuals from pregnancy and STIs. Young adults should see abstinence as a means of ensuring sexual maturity, and sex education programs can achieve this end through urging students to wait until they have achieved the emotional maturity to have sex. Abstinence can also allow individuals to prioritize work or school over sex. Therefore, individuals should pursue abstinence if they are not ready to have sex, but they should also have knowledge of safe sex when they reach that point in time.

An Alternative to Abstinence: Safe Sex Regardless of the moral implications surrounding sex, there are safe ways to have it, and researchers have proven that information regarding safe sex prevents early pregnancy and STIs. Planned Parenthood defines safe sex as “all about protecting yourself and your partners from sexually transmitted infections.

Safer sex helps you stay healthy and can even make sex better.”

Planned Parenthood emphasizes that using a barrier, like a condom, is essential to protecting yourself and your partner from STIs. These barriers function to prevent sexual contact that facilitates the transmission of STIs. In addition to barriers, getting tested for STIs is also an important aspect of safe sex; testing can also aid in finding potential treatments. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends that individuals who are sexually active should get tested about once

JOE ROVEGNO/THE OBSERVER

Condoms must be used consistently and correctly during sex in order to achieve maximum protection.

By LENA WEIDENBRUCH Asst. Sports & Health Editor

2

3

5

This is one of the most important myths to debunk. To cut straight to the point, the only thing besides abstinence that can protect men and women against sexually transmitted infection (STIs), including HIV, is a condom.

Even when using other forms of contraceptives, the most important thing to remember is to always use a condom because it protects not only against pregnancy, but STIs as well.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, condoms must be used consistently and correctly during sex in order to achieve maximum protection. Even if condoms are used every single time, it is also important to get checked for STIs from time to time, as well as making sure a partner has been checked recently.

In an anonymous survey of 58 Fordham students sent by the Observer, 17.2 percent marked this statement as true, making it a particularly important myth to debunk. Condoms are the best way to protect men and women from STIs when having sex, but they are not the most effective way to prevent pregnancy.

Planned Parenthood states that condoms should be 98 percent effective at preventing pregnancy, but because most people do not use condoms perfectly every single time, the rate is bumped down to 85 percent.

To break that statistic down further, for every 100 women who use a condom as their only form of birth control, two to 15 of them will become pregnant within the first year of use.

Two of the most effective and low maintenance forms of birth control are the birth control implant, which goes in the upper arm, or an intrauterine contraceptive device (IUD).

Both are 99 percent effective and last a long time, the implant lasting up to five years, and the IUD up to twelve.

The birth control pill is one of the most common forms of contraceptives and is less expensive than an implant or IUD. When taken every day, birth control pills are 91 percent effective.

Withdrawal, or pulling out, is not a guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy, as it is only 78 percent effective according to Planned Parenthood.

A 78 percent effectiveness means that about 22 out of 100 women will get pregnant every year when their only form of birth control is withdrawal.

Withdrawal is better than not using any type of contraceptive at all, but can be much more effective when combined with the use of a condom or other methods of birth control.

Preventing pregnancy is not the only use of the birth control pill. In fact, it is not even necessary to be sexually active to be put on the pill.

Doctors might prescribe a female patient birth control pills for numerous reasons. Combination birth control pills, meaning pills that contain both estrogen and progestin, work to lighten periods, reduce menstrual cramps and reduce the effects of PMS. Planned Parenthood lists some of the other benefits of the combination pill as reducing or helping to prevent “acne, bone thinning, cysts in ovaries and breasts, endometrial and ovarian cancers, serious infections (within the female reproductive system) and iron deficiency.”

a year. Unlike abstinence-only approaches to sex, having a comprehensive understanding of safe sex can lower your risk of getting an STI or becoming pregnant.

The UGA study observed that states with “comprehensive sex and/or HIV education” had the lowest rates of teen pregnancy.

This kind of sex education mentions abstinence as well as contraception and condom use. This study also referenced research that associated comprehensive sex education with a decreased incidence of sexual activity and STIs/HIV infections among adolescents.

Though abstinence is 100 percent effective in preventing pregnancy and STIs, these studies show the benefits of knowledge about safe sex alternatives.

If students are interested in getting themselves tested for STIs, Fordham University Health Services will treat all STIs, but they do require insurance or payment. Other less expensive

options include the New York City Sexual Health Clinics. The Chelsea Clinic is the closest one to Fordham at 303 Ninth Ave. Alternatively, the Riverside Clinic provides the same services on 160 W. 100th St. Cheaper STI screening options are also available at Planned Parenthood, which has its NYC location at 26 Bleecker St. in Greenwich Village. The Planned Parenthood is open six days a week, Monday through Saturday, and its services include abortions, access to birth control, STI and HIV testing, LGBT services, men’s and women’s healthcare, emergency contraception (morning-after pill) and pregnancy testing.

Planned Parenthood has an app called Planned Parenthood Direct, offering urinary tract infection treatment and access to prescription birth control without an in-person appointment.

This app is not available in some states, but it is available in New York.

There is so much information out in the world about birth control and how to use it properly.

On top of that, there are many different kinds of birth control that are each a little different from the other, so even the concept can be kind of confusing.

Here are five of those myths about birth control debunked:

1

All forms of birth control protect against sexually transmitted infections.

Using a condom is the most effective way to prevent pregnancy.

A woman cannot get pregnant if her male partner withdraws before ejaculation.

4

Planned Parenthood is just for abortions.

Planned Parenthood certainly provides factual information about the options available for an unwanted pregnancy in addition to providing abortion services, but there are many other services available that are often overlooked.

The organization’s website states that “Women can count on Planned Parenthood for essential health care like birth control, STI tests, pelvic exams, cancer screenings and pregnancy-related services.” Planned Parenthood also provides health services for men.

Men can also go to Planned Parenthood for services addressing cancer, STIs, fertility and sexual dysfunction.

The birth control pill is only used for preventing pregnancy.

Based off of the 58 people who answered the anonymous survey about myths surrounding the use of contraceptives, Fordham students are pretty in the know when it comes to birth control.

Hopefully, this article clears up some uncertainty surrounding the use of contraceptives and busts some of those pesky myths.

For people interested in using or even just learning a little bit more about birth control, the best place to start is always with a doctor.

GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATION BY STEPH LAWLOR

Abstinence is 100 percent effective, but it is not the only option.

Fun & Games

Fun & Games Editor Dan Nasta - dnasta1@fordham.edu

February 14, 2019 THE VOYEUR

CROSSWORD

ACROSS 1. Massage locales 5. Addicts, perhaps 10. Thing for horses 13. Grammy winner Kelly 14. Calls, as with a doctor 15. Endowed 16. Manner of fashion for a canine?

EDITED BY DAN NASTA

18. Domain 19. Onlooker after Medusa’s gaze 20. Imitate 21. Plow 22. Suctioning appendages 25. French pastries 29. Make the cut?

32. Religious philosophy founded

by Lao Tzu 33. Number one 34. Duo Security, for example: Abbr.

35. Sound from a snake, a cat, or President Trump 36. Rival of a Rocker, in “Quadrophenia” 37. Action done to eggs or meat 38. Rage 39. Popped out, like an egg 41. Rhymeless fruit 43. Old west woman who might come out on top 45. Moved, on horseback 46. Quality of sex?

48. Stellar organism?

50. 2,000 pounds 51. (Had been) consumed 56. Wise advisor 57. Mormon messenger, perhaps 59. Distracting condition: Abbr.

60. One writer of “Maneater” 61. Graph guide 62. LA Time 63. Biblical poem 64. Queue

DOWN 1. Positive results after unsafe sex: Abbr.

2. Demi Lovato’s secret twin sister, in memes 3. Fordham famous tea spot 4. “You may ” at the mail room 5. Package shipper 6. Belonging to Lucifer 7. Northeast African nation 8. Emitted 9. 158 degrees on a compass 10. Workplace sex crime 11. North to South roads, in Manhattan 12. “Sure!”

15. Amusements that may involve dice 17. “Smallfoot” protagonists 21. Opening 23. Hesitation noise 24. Includes in an email: Abbr.

25. Set of morals 26. Capital of Seven Down

27. Diet, perhaps 28. Siri and Alexa, for example: Abbr.

30. Old enough 31. Assigned a value, as with Hot or Not 33. Finely sculpted torso, slang-ily 36. Ragtag groups who take up arms 37. Swat 39. Leo, to MGM 40. Work that expresses ideas 41. Surgical zones: Abbr.

42. Starcrossed lover 44. Selfish deadly sin 45. Holiday accoutrement 47. Rica preceder 48. “Now!” 49. Fellas 52. Rectum-related 53. A fake one could titillate 54. Sportscaster Andrews 55. GSB bro dream workplace 57. Wet broom 58. Belief suffix

Cut Your Heart Out —Valentine’s Day Cards than a i want u more ts a cigarette commuter wan on the plaza

my valentine tran sferred to westchester, so u wanna date?

to:

to:

from:

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u give me butterflies in my Gabelli

i’ll make a mcmahon out of u ;)

to:

to: from:

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so i hear you have incredible depth ;)

i want YOUUUUUUU to:

to: from: EDITED BY STEPH LAWLOR AND DAN NASTA

SMOKING HOT AREA

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