12
Opinions
February 16, 2022
www.fordhamobserver.com
THE OBSERVER
Ask Em: Three Guys and No Lies
It’s fine to talk to multiple people, as long as you’re not in a committed closed relationship EMILY ELLIS Head C Copy opy EEditor dittor di
Dear Em, Is it OK to talk to multiple people at the same time? I’m talking to three people, and they all seem like great guys, but I’m not in a relationship with any of them. How can I stop feeling so guilty? -Triple Timer Dear Triple Timer, Dating in NYC is already a hellscape — it’s hard to find one person you connect with, let alone multiple. But whenever you do, it can be overwhelming to juggle conversations with several people. The thing to keep in mind is that you are not doing anything wrong. In fact, you’re in a pretty privileged position. You have options. Enjoy that, and don’t feel guilty! Unless you have made a
MADDIE SANDHOLM /THE OBSERVER
commitment to one person or had a conversation about being exclusive, it is fair to assume that you are free to talk to other people. I’m not sure how long you have been talking to these respective people, but it can take time to find someone with whom you really click. I promise you that whoever you are talking to is most likely also talking to multiple people themselves. Take dating apps, for instance. They’re created with the express purpose of connecting single people with
multiple prospective partners, and there is nothing wrong with talking to more than one at a time. Don’t be afraid to go on dates and meet all of these people in person. Chemistry online is very different from chemistry in person. Share your location and meet somewhere public, but put yourself out there. As long as you take measures to keep yourself safe, meeting someone in person is a great way to figure out if you have a lasting connection.
You might be feeling guilty for talking to multiple people because there is one person in particular that you know you like above the rest. If there is one person that stands out from the pack, pursue them. Stay true to yourself, and make sure that you are not sabotaging something potentially great. But the second that you reach a decision about wanting a future with that one person, let the other ones go. Trust your gut, and stay honest with everyone. You don’t want to lead anyone on or hurt anyone’s feelings, so as long as you are upfront with everyone that you are talking to, you are in a golden position to get to know multiple people. It’s also important to keep in mind that you are not obligated to enter into a relationship with any of them. If none of them feel right for you, that’s fine. If you’re not looking to enter into a relationship right now, that’s fine as well. I recommend asking the people you’re talking to why they are putting themselves out there. It’s essential to make sure you are all on the same page. That might be a first step toward alleviating some of that guilt
you’re feeling. Enjoy being young and single. Dating can cause anxiety, but it’s important to remember that you are a college student in New York City. You should be using this time to get to know yourself and build the future that you want. If one of these people fits into your five-year plan, then great. But you’ll be perfectly fine either way.
Have any questions about love or relationships in NYC or Fordham? Ask Em! Submit your dilemma with a pseudonym to opinions@fordhamobserver.com. All questions will be anonymous, and any and all names will be changed. Submissions may be edited for grammatical errors and brevity.
Rubberneck
The
SATIRE & HUMOR
Want an Unhappy Marriage? Propose in Central Park
Save your time, money and relationship by avoiding New York City’s greatest atrocity: public park proposals ISABELLA SCIPIONI Opinions Editor
Since moving to New York, I’ve always loved to walk through Central Park and explore its many attractions. However, there is one public nuisance that I can’t stay silent about any longer. Picture it: a crowd of anxious family members, cameras at the ready, waiting next to a set of balloons spelling out “MARRY ME?” over the Central Park Boathouse. Yes, I hate public proposals. But before you jump down my throat and condemn me to a life of spinsterhood, let me explain. As someone who unfortunately loves to walk around Bethesda Fountain and romanticize New York, I have seen far too many public proposals and have officially deemed them tacky at best. At worst, they’re nothing but uncomfortable for all parties involved. Central Park is a beautiful place to ask someone to spend the rest of their life with you, which is why so many people get down on one knee there every year. Public engagements are so popular that Central Park offers “proposal packages” on their website, with the “Surprise Proposal Package” costing a whopping $1,500 for proposal planning, one hour of photography, a dozen roses and the knowledge that you wasted valuable money that could have gone toward your mortgage or the most expensive party you will ever throw in your life. Side note: If your proposal plan includes paying someone for a public good, maybe you shouldn’t be the one making financial decisions in your relationship.
ILLUSTRATION BY ROXANNE CUBERO/THE OBSERVER
Whether planned lovingly or by a neutral third party, Central Park proposals are far too common. In my rulebook, a public proposal should happen once in a blue moon, but since moving to New York a year ago, I’ve seen at least a dozen of these “intimate” moments and no irregularly colored moons. New York is home to over 8 million people, and if you are considering popping the question in the park, remember that you are certainly not the first person to do so. You’ll need to think pretty hard outside of the box to make a public Central Park proposal original. It’s honestly better to just think outside of the park. Every proposal I’ve seen has had some variation of spelling out the words “Marry Me?” using both the creativity and artistic skills of a second grader. Let’s be honest, the only person impressed by this spectacle is the
Hobby Lobby cashier who sold the lazy proposer their poster paper and glitter paint. Whether written on a sign, in sidewalk chalk or in balloon letters, proposers must go out of their way to make their performance exciting. Private proposals don’t require this unnecessary spectacle because the proposal itself is enough excitement for the couple involved. I have to wonder, are these signs really for the person getting proposed to, or are they just a convenient way to fill in the hundreds of onlookers posting a strangers’ proposal on their Instagram stories. While well-intentioned, these proposals scream high school sweethearts asking each other to the prom. Call me crazy, but I think asking someone to share a life with you is a bit more serious than a 17-year-old asking their crush to split a limo ride to
their high school’s gym. Tackiness aside, I will admit that witnessing a public proposal can warm anyone’s day, that is, if it goes according to plan. Worse than their lack of originality is public proposals’ tendency to end in disaster. The risk of having the person you love reject you and your bubble-letter technique in front of hundreds of strangers is far too high for public proposals to be as normalized as they are. Do not subject yourself, your partner, your spectators, and most importantly, me to this unwanted plot twist. If you still feel like a public proposal is the best way to show your love, please, I beg of you, talk it over first! So many proposals go wrong because the person proposing wants to surprise their partner, including the part about spending every waking minute with them for
the rest of their lives. If you’re thinking about proposing, ask your partner how they feel about marriage and your relationship’s future before putting them and yourself in an uncomfortable situation. You can still surprise someone about when, where and how you pop the question, but maybe, just maybe, the concept of marriage should not be a complete shock to your prospective fiancée. I would like to mention that there are plenty of non-tacky ways to propose in Central Park, and the biggest thing they have in common is that they’re not in public. My father proposed to my mother privately on a horse-drawn carriage ride in the park, which was then followed by a meal at the short-lived WWE-themed restaurant in Times Square (I WISH that were a joke). While I am a biased source, and his choice of restaurant was more than questionable, I’ll give him credit for finding a romantic and private way to propose in the park. Given that there are alternatives to proposing in public, I question the motivations of those who choose to pop the question in front of a stadium of strangers. Do they think that their partners won’t say no if they ask them to get married in front of dozens of people? I’m sure a marriage founded on politeness and fear of public humiliation will be a long and happy one. Before you ask someone to marry you in public, ask yourself, do I really want to get married, or do I just want attention? If your answer is the latter, maybe consider proposing in a restaurant so you can at least get a free dessert out of it. The risk of being publicly rejected for a promposal 2.0 is too great.
