MENTAL HEALTH: Set boundaries for healthy mindset.

The importance of boundaries

By Sudie Crouch | Health & wellness columnist

We’ve often heard the saying “fences make good neighbors” but have we ever stopped to think about what that means exactly?

Sure, those fences can be helpful in creating property lines but they also provide some helpful parameters, too. Fences are a physical boundary that provide privacy, seclusion, and to let people know exactly how far they can go.

I’ve always appreciated fences for all of these reasons, but especially as a pet owner.

When we got a new puppy last year, we expanded our fenced area so she’d have more room to play. Even though it wasn’t fancy by any means, it was sufficient, and as I surveyed the area, I realized it made the yard somehow seem bigger.

Then it dawned on me. What we think is a restriction of sorts can somehow give us more freedom. That’s what boundaries can do.

When we create boundaries, we are giving people the rules and tools to know how to interact with us.

But boundaries, unlike putting up a fence, are not always that easy to put in place. Creating boundaries can cause enormous guilt for many people.

There’s the fear we’re letting people down — we feel obligated to others in some way and feel like we have to give in to their wants and needs.

Other times, that lack of boundaries can be people interfering in our lives in unwelcomed ways. They may not be meant to be intrusive or offensive, but the interaction is still not wanted.

Even the most well-meaning of people can still overstep a boundary or two. People commenting on your parenting, your weight, whether or not you work — unwelcome remarks and commentary can make it difficult to stand up for yourself.

A lack of healthy boundaries can also cause us to feel depleted and taken advantage of.

We only have so much energy we can use in a day, and if there’s a lack of boundaries, we find ourselves exhausted because we’re giving too much of that energy away. Energy doesn’t have to just be physical either; it can be mental and emotional energy as well.

We may find ourselves dealing with other people’s drama, taking on problems that are not ours to deal with, and that violates our personal limits, too.

How do you create boundaries for yourself?

Implementing boundaries can be challenging, especially for people pleasers.

It can almost create a sense of panic — how will people respond? Will they be angry? Drop us?

All are very valid concerns, especially depending on the relationship dynamics. Changing what we will tolerate can hellp weed some of those onesided or toxic relationships out of our lives.

We also may encounter resistance with those closest to us. No longer allowing people to treat us the way they have can cause some tension, but it can lead to healthier moments for you.

Any change, especially when we are taking a stand for ourselves can be a bit scary. But there’s also so many positives that go along with it.

For one, you’re making yourself a priority and taking claim to your selfworth. You’re shifting dynamics, not always in huge ways, but sometimes those small ones have a big impact on your overall mental health.

Boundaries can look like:

Not engaging in conversations that

you don’t want. It can be a matter of saying, “I don’t feel comfortable discussing this right now” or telling someone that’s a personal matter. We don’t have to talk about things that hurt or upset us, or that are private. Not everyone has a right to your personal details.

Setting limits as to when/how often you respond to texts messages, phone

calls, and emails. We do not have to be accessible at all times. You have a right to limit people’s access to you.

Saying “no” when it’s not some-

thing we really want to do. This one can be the most difficult for some people, especially if they are a people pleaser and the person they told no to push for a reason.

Standing strong can be hard – but “no” is a complete sentence all of its own. By saying you can’t or even more firmly, you don’t want to, can help people learn your time is valuable and not to be taken advantage of.

Being firm, but polite. It may take a while for people to get it, so being firm but polite can keep the ‘fence’ friendly while still establishing those new rules.

Of course, your own boundaries may look a bit different, but exploring some steps to take can help you begin the process.

Much like the fenced-in yard gives a puppy more space to play while staying safe and sound, those boundaries can do the same for you.

In creating these rules, you’re showing others — and most of all yourself — that you are worthy of respect.

6 ways to make your garden more successful

Homeowners enjoy gardening for many different reasons. In addition to adding beauty to a property, gardens can offset grocery costs by yielding tasty produce. They also offer important habitats and food sources for both insects and animals.

While growing a vegetable or flower garden can turn into a rewarding hobby, or even a passion, gardening also can be overwhelming Ñ particularly when the results are less than stellar. Novice gardeners have scores of resources at their disposal, including the advice of gardeners who have made mistakes and learned from them. The following guidance can make home gardens that much more successful.

1. Start small.

You may have visions of an expansive garden growing rows of crops or acres of flowers. But it is smart to start small and build on what you find successful, which includes plants that thrive in your lawn and garden.

This also is beneficial if you are unsure of vegetable yields. Several blooming plants producing bushels of crops can be overwhelming, especially if you canÕt get to harvesting or cooking them in a timely fashion.

2. Assess the soil.

Plants need nutrient-rich soil to encourage extensive root systems and produce strong, hardy plants, according to the gardening resource GrowVeg. Nourish soil with organic matter, such as manure, compost, shredded leaves, and natural mulch. Add this organic matter in the off-season to give it enough time to be incorporated into the ground before spring. You can have your soil tested for pH and other characteristics that make it friendly or averse to plants at a local garden center.

3. Arm yourself with knowledge.

Do you know how deeply to plant seeds and how far apart to space plants? Are you aware of the sunlight needs of certain flowers or plants? If not, read the packaging and do your research so your plants have the best chance of not only sprouting, but also surviving. Many people prefer to start seedlings indoors in late winter and then transfer those plants outdoors when they are stronger and more established.

4. Sit in your yard and observe.

Watch the way the sunlight dances over areas of your landscape. Take note of which areas get the most sun and shade. This will help you plan what to plant and where to plant it. Vegetable gardens tend to need ample sunlight to bear pickworthy produce. You can give plants a leg up by growing them in optimal conditions.

5. Choose hardy varieties.

Certain plants have been bred to thrive in your climate, including heat-tolerant plants for climates with sweltering summer sun. Consult with a local gardening center to figure out which plant zone you are in and which plants will do best within that zone.

6. Use rainwater.

Rainwater contains fewer contaminants and additives than tap water, which can benefit garden plants. Collect rainwater in rain barrels and use irrigation systems to deliver it to the garden.

Home gardens can yield many gifts, from flowers to fruit. Beginners can utilize some time-tested strategies to increase their chances of planting a successful garden.

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