Forte #550 by Forte Mag

issue 550 10 JA N 2013 next issue: 24 JAN 2013 • • • • •

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IN C . A

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SAT JAN 19TH – EUREKA HOTEL

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(TEN DMC)

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FEATURING

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A WORD FROM THE TEAM

FORTE mag is published by FORTE PUBLISHING p/l abn 64 054 589 641 pHONE: 03 5229 7969 fAX: 03 5229 0318 po box 1388 GEELONG VICTORIA 3220

PUBLISHER...........................Anton Ballard

Hola 2013! We hope you all had a wonderful break and enjoyed some well deserved time with family and friends. It’s all about BBQ’s, good times and trying to keep cool at the moment, all the while enjoying what is - for most people - the best time of the year! For those lucky enough to get away to Falls, Pyramid or any other festivals - we hope you all had a ball, and your credit card hasn’t copped too much of a thrashing over the last few weeks. All of Forte’s summer spots are currently packed up with out-of-towners and beach goers. The craziness has set in from Ocean Grove to Torquay, Lorne to Barwon Heads, all the way up to Apollo Bay. Lucky for us, this means some huge name shows are coming to town, helping us chase up a day at the beach with a big night on the town. All of this, and we are only just of a third of the way through summer. Killer issue coming your way this fortnight featuring our cover stars, the Hoodoo Gurus as they get set for the A Day On The Green festival tour, also a peek at one of the state’s newest festivals, Moyston Live, which is coming to you this Australia Day long weekend. Catching up with the Forte gang for the first issue of the new year, we have a chat with The Atson Shuffle (exclusive interview), The Drop Kick Murphies and local surf rock outfit Goofy Footer. Oh, and our website is kick-arse these days so make sure you check that out too! www.fortemag.com.au. Let’s see how long these ‘new year’s resolutions’ last with a gig guide like this one... Enjoy!

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general..............................enquiries@fortemag.com.au EDITOR/SALES MANAGER....Luke McNamara luke@fortemag.com.au COVER DESIGN.....................James Dulce PRODUCTION........................Briana Roach James Dulce SCENE PHOTOGRAPHER.......Sarah Gross

April Grenfell

ADVERTISING ......................Anton Ballard aballard@fortemag.com.au

Bec McIntyre bec@fortemag.com.au

Sebastian Williams seb@fortemag.com.au

Marc Wilkins marc@thegeelongtimes.com.au

CONTRIBUTORS................... Anthony Morris, Adem Ali, Ben Schultz, Chris Cruz, Chris Lambie, Cyclone, Daniel Meagher, Lucas Skinner, Natalie Rogers, Nekita Roberts, Nina Bertok, Ophelia Symons, Paul S Taylor, Phil Hickey, Renee Abbott, Sam Eckhardt, Sam Fell, Stephanie Zevenbergen, Tex Miller, Wylie Caird, and Tony Montana PRINTED BY......................... RURAL PRESS PRINTING (VIC) BALLARAT 30-32 Grandlee Drive, Wendouree ADVERTISERS AND AGENTS ARE ADVISED THAT ALL ADVERTISING COPY IS THEIR RESPONSIBILITY UNDER THE TRADE PRACTICES ACT. ADVERTISEMENTS ARE PUBLISHED IN GOOD FAITH AND ON THE UNDERSTANDING THAT THE CONTENT IS LEGITIMATE AND LAWFUL. ADVERTISERS AND OR AGENTS SUBMIT ADVERTISEMENTS AT THEIR OWN RISK. THE EDITOR AND CREATORS HOLD NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THE CONTENT OF THE MAGAZINE IN THE CASE THAT IT MAY OFFEND. FORTE ACCEPTS NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ERRORS OR OMISSIONS. FORTE RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL ARTICLES AND LETTERS.

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the HIGHLIGHTS

The Amity Affliction

THE LATEST ON international & national news & tours Welcome to Forte Highlights: Where everybody knows your name. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Cast Your triple j Votes Got a favourite song of 2012? Well, you have until midnight January 20 to cast your vote in triple j’s Hottest 100 2012. Is there an easy winner or will it be an underdog? It doesn’t really matter. Well, perhaps to the winner and to those who have a few dollars laid down, but to most the day is about sitting around with the radio on, having a BBQ with some mates and arguing about the Top 5. Hit abc. net.au/triplej to cast your vote. .........................................................................

WWE Raw Powerslam “I’m so quick I could spit in the wind, duck, and let it hit the old lady behind me.” Ah yes, immortal words from the one and only ‘Rowdy’ Roddy Piper. Wrestling enthusiasts, WWE is on the way to Australia with some of the biggest stars in the name. Piper won’t be there but some of today’s hottest stars including John Cena, CM Punk, Rey Mysterio, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Kofi Kingston, Zack Ryder, Eve, R-Truth, AJ and many more will be. Rod Laver – July 26. .........................................................................

Melbourne Zoo Twilights Great music: check. Awesome environment: check. Fantastic cause: check. The Melbourne Zoo’s Zoo Twilights have all bases covered. From January 25 to March 9 the venue will play host to a wonderful series of concerts under the banner ‘Music Against Wildlife Extinction’. Artists performing include Missy Higgins, Kate Miller-Heidke, Stonefield and The Bamboos with Tim Rogers. For full details hit zoo.org.au/Melbourne. .........................................................................

Still Room for Editors British indie rockers Editors are finally honing in

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on album number four after a couple of years that haven’t run as smoothly as they’d have hoped. In an interview with the Daily Star frontman Tom Smith said: “It’s been a long, hard couple of years and it got pretty dark because whenever we tried writing new songs it wasn’t good enough.” The band will begin work on the album this year with Kings of Leon producer Jacquire King. .........................................................................

50 Cent is Immortalised 50 Cent is not one to shy away from a bold comment and speaking about his forthcoming new album Street King Immortal, he doesn’t hold back. Taking to Twitter he wrote “New year, New approach, I’m not afraid of change. This Sh!t is going perfect. Street King Immortal will not fall short of a classic,” he wrote in response to fans asking about the new album. Street King Immortal is set for release towards the end of February. .........................................................................

Push Over Festival 2013 Details for the 2013 Push Over Festival were released last month and the line-up is as good as it has ever been. Check this out: The Amity Affliction, DZ Deathrays, Violent Soho, Velociraptor, Dream On, Dreamer, Northlane, Millions, Northeast Party House, Allday, Thy Art is Murder, In Hearts Wake, 12 Foot Ninja, Hand of Mercy, Soliloquy, High Tension, The Sweet Apes, D at Sea, Lurch & Chief and Brighter at Night. Myer Music Bowl – March 11.

Rebel Wilson Goes MTV

Amanda Palmer Rescheduled

Aussie gal Rebel Wilson is doing us proud by adding some major female butt-kicking to Tinsel Town. After serving her time in a couple of Aussie comedy series, Wilson wrote the musical comedy series Bogan Pride. She has now racked up a few Hollywood films including Bridesmaids and Pitch Perfect and in April she will host the MTV Movie Awards. You can check out a promo clip through YouTube.

Towards the end of 2012 Amanda Palmer announced that she, along with her Grand Theft Orchestra, would have to postpone their Australian tour. The tour was put on hold so Palmer could stay by the side of a close friend whom has cancer. The postponement caused some angst but the Aussie favourite has responded quickly with new dates. The Forum – September 20.

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Holy Guns N’ Roses! Hard rock heavyweights Guns N’ Roses will return to Australia this year for a small handful of dates around the country. Sure, there are those who will call the current incarnation ‘Axl & Friends’ but those people are tools. They still rock. They still rock hard. And songs such as ‘Welcome to the Jungle’, ‘Mr Brownstone’, ‘Paradise City’, ‘Rocket Queen’ and ‘Patience’ still goddamn rule. Myer Music Bowl – March 17.

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Come on Get Happy Alongside the Edinburgh Fringe and Montreal’s Just for Laughs Festival, the Melbourne International Comedy Festival is one of the three comedy festival giants. In 2013 it celebrates its 27th birthday but there will be no untimely deaths here like in the rock world. Tracy Morgan, Eddie Ifft, Sarah Millican, Stephen K Amos, Paul Foot, Akmal, Wil Anderson and Adam Hills are just a wee example of what’s on offer. Hit comedyfestival.com.au for everything you need to know.

All Eyes on Beady Eye In November Beady Eye announced that they had returned to the studio with producer Dave Sitek, known for both his work in TV on the Radio and production for Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Foals. In December main man Liam Gallagher gave a head’s up to The Sun about what to expect with the newie. “I hate the word ‘experimenting’, but we are definitely experimenting. In five words, it’s ‘majestic’, ‘imperial’, ‘out there’ and, er, what was the other one? Oh yeah, ‘heavy’.” .........................................................................

Ricky Gervais Meet Derek Ricky Gervais fans will no doubt already be on the ball regarding his new comedy series, Derek. A three-minute sneak peek at the series was made available late December. Derek revolves around a “group of outsiders” who work at a retirement home. Gervais plays the titular character, a man with a fondness for Deal or No Deal and YouTube. Longtime pal Karl Pilkington, in his first proper acting role, plays a character named Dougie.

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THE

FORT-NIGHTLY CALENDAR & GIG GUIDE in the Barn from 3pm till 6pm ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Society Syncopators Jazz Band LAMBYS BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm THE MAX: Levi Anderson

Monday Janaury 14

ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

Tuesday January 15

PETER LALOR HOTEL: Trivia is back! Weekly CASH Jackpot ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

Wednesday January 16 BEAV’S BAR: Karaoke & Open Mic Night PETER LALOR HOTEL: DJ D4MAN Rocks The Lalor ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8.30pm till 10.30pm GOLD DIGGERS ARMS: Wednesday Night Wheel from 7.30pm

Thursday January 17

the morrisons friday jan 11 at the barwon club, geelong

Thursday January 10

THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Live Music (Queenscliff) TORQUAY HOTEL: Tex Perkins with Mike Noga (The Drones) CUDA BAR: Victoriana Gaye from 7.30pm, Shed Zepellin from 10pm (Lorne) TORQUAY NIGHTJAR MARKET: Independent Artists Market from 4pm till 10pm every Thursday in January. Includes live performances from The Black Swans of Trespass, Lionel Lee’s Curse, Moonah, Spyndrift & Zeptepi plus Busker’s Pit, Art Installations and more. No BYO alcohol. Gold Coin Donation BLACK HATT: Open Mic Night BEAV’S BAR: Dave Anderson PETER LALOR HOTEL: Members Night with EM J ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Drink promos & Giant Meat Raffle from 5pm till 8pm EUREKA HOTEL: Jamie Vlahos, Matt Black, Simon-One, TVB, Shorty J & more, free before 11pm

Friday January 11

GEELONG NIGHT MARKET: Live music from Farquarson, The Violent Ivy’s, Victoriana Gaye and more. All your favourite food stalls & art installations on display. Held at Johnstone Park from 5.30pm - 10pm THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Chris Wilson, tickets available on door, $15 (Queenscliff) TORQUAY HOTEL: Demon Parade with Painters Dockers THE SPHINX HOTEL: Cazbar Friday Nights with Traffic Jam from 9pm CUDA BAR: DJ T-Dub from 8.30pm (Lorne) CITY QUARTER BAR: Tom & Tayla EDGE GEELONG: Levi & Cody THE BARWON CLUB: The Morrisons supported by Clowns & Red Rockets of Borneo, tickets $10 from 8.30pm BLACK HATT: Fistful of Steel BEAV’S BAR: Steve Pianto PETER LALOR HOTEL: Karaoke in The Bar ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday GROVEDALE HOTEL: Trojan LAMBYS BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 5pm YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Revolution Fridays ft. live bands and DJs from 9pm THE MAX: 3 On The Tree

Saturday January 12

THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Live Music (Queenscliff) TORQUAY HOTEL: The Brothers Grimm with The Harlots CUDA BAR: DJ Josh Symons from 10pm (Lorne) THE BLUES TRAIN: Australia’s Got Talent Finalists George Kamikawa and Noriko Todano debut on the train, alongside Geoff Achison, Chris Wilson Band and Jimi Hocking’s Blues Machine (Queenscliff) CITY QUARTER BAR: Jesse Reid EDGE GEELONG: Matt & Grant

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KAROVA LOUNGE: Half Moon Run (Canada) plus Lowlakes and Juan Alban (Ballarat) HARVESTER MOON: Den Hanrahan & Chuck Wagons. Dinner & show $65 or show only $20 MINYA BY MOONLIGHT CONCERT SERIES: Featuring opera, jazz, comedy, folk and blues performances over the series. Bring cushion or rug only, no chairs (Connewarre) PIER TO PUB OCEAN SWIM: 1.2km world famous ocean swim beginning 10am (Lorne) THE BRIDGE HOTEL: The Morrisons supported by Bodies, tickets $10 from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) THE BARWON CLUB: Demon Parade BEAV’S BAR: Nick Tabone HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Lab 22, Noizy Neighbours & Mothership present Explode Into Home House featuring Samuel James, JDG, Shameless, Prynny, Alex, MC Brother John & Russell Bastian PETER LALOR HOTEL: Party Night with Stevie K BARWON HEADS HOTEL: One of Them Nights presents Seany B, Tom Evans, Isaac Fryar, Dion Jackson & more. Tickets $10, doors open from 9.30pm ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Regular Boys EUREKA HOTEL: Generik, Matt Black, SimonOne, TVB, Shorty J & more, free before 11pm GROVEDALE HOTEL: Dave Anderson LAMBYS BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm TOAST: Fabian Gray, Nick Kennedy, Luke Mongomery THE MAX: 3 On The Tree

THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Chris Wilson, tickets available on door, $15 (Queenscliff) CITY QUARTER: Kyle Taylor TORQUAY HOTEL: The Spazzy’s, Macondo Blowout & The Dukes of Deliciousness tickets $12 from 9pm TORQUAY NIGHTJAR MARKET: Independent Artists Market from 4pm till 10pm every Thursday in January. Includes live performances from Melody Moon, Second Hand Heart Band, Soul Sister Swing, The Beachniks and Mojo Corner plus Busker’s Pit, Art Installations and more. No BYO alcohol. Gold Coin Donation BLACK HATT: Open Mic Night BEAV’S BAR: Andy Forster PETER LALOR HOTEL: Members Night with EM J ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Drink promos & Giant Meat Raffle from 5pm till 8pm EUREKA HOTEL: Kate Nial, Matt Black, Shorty J, TVB, Simon-One & more, free before 11pm

Friday January 18

THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Live Music (Queenscliff) GEELONG NIGHT MARKET: Live music from Farquarson, The Violent Ivy’s, Victoriana Gaye and more. All your favourite food stalls & art installations on display. Held at

Johnstone Park from 5.30pm - 10pm THE BARWON CLUB: Woods supported by The Heirophants & The Laughing Leaves $20+BF or $24 door HARVESTER MOON: Jamie Pye, Kyle Taylor & Murdena featuring Alister Turrill. Show only $10 (Drysdale) TORQUAY HOTEL: Loon Lake THE SPHINX HOTEL: Cazbar Friday Nights with Double Vision from 9pm CUDA BAR: DJ Yuen (Lorne) THE BLUES TRAIN: Australia’s Got Talent Finalist George Kamikawa, Mr Black and Blues, Chris Wilson Band and Blues Mountain Trio (Queenscliff) CITY QUARTER BAR: Matt & Grant EDGE GEELONG: Andy Forster Duo KAROVA LOUNGE: Bam Margera’s F**kface Unstoppable Tour (USA) with special guests BLACK HATT: Corten BEAV’S BAR: Rosco PETER LALOR HOTEL: Karaoke in The Bar THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Dos Hermanos (Monaco/Bavaria) supported by Itchy Scabs from 8.30pm (Castlemaine) ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Thank Guinness It’s Friday GROVEDALE HOTEL: Sparrow & The Godfather LORNE HOTEL: Wah Wah Fridays Summer Series featuring Juicy (Lorne) ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Lucas William LAMBYS BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 5pm YARRA HOTEL GEELONG: Revolution Fridays ft. live bands and DJs from 9pm TOAST: Wah Wah Invades Geelong: Girl Audio, Kizzam, Dollarz n Dimez, Rob Lewis THE MAX: Moon Patrol

Saturday January 19

THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Live Music (Queenscliff) CUDA BAR: The Disco Rockers featuring Tim Neal from 7.30pm (Lorne) THE BLUES TRAIN: Stringybark McDowell, Mr Black and Blues, Sweet Felecia and The Honeytones and Andrea Marr Band (Queenscliff) CITY QUARTER BAR: Andy Forster EDGE GEELONG: Tom & Tayla COTTAGE BY THE SEA ANNUAL FAIR: Helping children & families in need. Held from 9am till 2pm at 29 Flinders St Queenscliff & includes Trash ‘n’ Treasure, books and toys, fresh produce and more THE GREAT EASTERN BEACH PADDLE: Reclink Australia, Eastern Beach HARVESTER MOON: Pugsley Buzzard. Dinner & show $65 or show only $20 (Drysdale) BALLARAT BEER FESTIVAL: Craft beers, gourmet food & live entertainment at City Oval ART IN THE PARK: Outdoor Art Display by local artists using various mediums (weather permitting) (Aireys Inlet) THE BARWON CLUB: Space Pirates tickets $5 BEAV’S BAR: Jesse Reid

Sunday January 13

THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Live Music (Queenscliff) HYGEIA SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE: Boarding Bay end of Yarra Street at 2pm travelling to Portarlington & beyond, returning at 5pm. Live entertainment on board featuring Dog Gone South. Tickets are $50 including band & fingerfood, drinks available at bar prices. Booking advised, call: 5254 1111 SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan TORQUAY HOTEL: Daryl Braithwaite THE MAX HOTEL: Sidewayz on Sunday featuring FinderKeeper from 5pm & Happy Hour from 4pm / Klozet Sundays @ The Max featuring DJ Paul Watson & DJ Mox, plus two drag shows all from 8pm CUDA BAR: Bay Music Festival from 7pm with three local artists performing live (Lorne) DRYSDALE HOTEL: Steno & Gracey in the Beer Garden from 2pm CITY QUARTER BAR: Craig Sayer EDGE GEELONG: Jay & Mick plus Marcus Hayden ANGLESEA RIVERBANK MARKET: Featuring food, fashion, tools, toys, trinkets and mroe (Anglesea) AIREYS INLET MARKET: Featuring fresh produce, locally made goods, arts & crafts and more. Held at the Aireys Inlet Community Hall BLACK HATT: Wonderland Sundays featuring Corey Ryan, Digga Please, Miss Rush VS. Vickers, Jakob Adams and Torren Foot. 4pm till 11pm $10 entry THE BARWON CLUB: Spencer P Jones

chris wilson friday jan 11 at the esplanade hotel, queenscliff

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geelong night market friday jan 11 // Live music from Farquarson, The Violent Ivy’s, Victoriana Gaye and more. All your favourite food stalls & art installations on display. Held at Johnstone Park from 5.30pm - 10pm HOME HOUSE NIGHTCLUB: Massive Afterparty featuring Some Blonde DJ (late set from 3.30am) PETER LALOR HOTEL: Party Night with Stevie K THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Super XX Man supported by Kikuyu from 8.30pm, tickets $8 (Castlemaine) ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Mr Hyde EUREKA HOTEL: Massive presents Timmy Trumpet, Feenixpawl, Tenzin, James Fava, Mike Metro & more, tickets $15 pre sale doors open 9pm GROVEDALE HOTEL: James Carrigg ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Sam Fletcher (Afternoon) Cal Young (Night) LAMBYS BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm TOAST: Stevie Mink, Jack Talbot, Corey Ryan, Stan Gravs THE MAX: Trojan

Sunday January 20

WOOL EXCHANGE: Jon Stevens, $30 doors open from 3pm THE ESPLANADE HOTEL: Live Music (Queenscliff) HYGEIA SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE: Boarding Bay end of Yarra Street at 2pm travelling to Portarlington & beyond, returning at 5pm. Live entertainment on board featuring Dog Gone South. Tickets are $50 including band & fingerfood, drinks available at bar prices. Booking advised, call: 5254 1111 SEBROSO: Sunday Session with Cuban Salsa Dancing, DJ Schmickey & Paella from the Pan KNOCK KNOCK: Presented by Love That Music & The Barking Dog, featuring Heath Renata. Doors open from 4.30pm, $10 entry HARVEST ‘N’ GRAZE FESTIVAL: Featuring Daryl Braithwaite & stacks more live entertainment at Bellarine Estate (2270 Portarlington Rd) from 10am till 6pm. Free entry, activities and amusements for kids plus gourmet food, wine and cooking demos. Prebook and save for $29 pp at trybooking.com SAINTS & SAILORS: Kyle Taylor (Portarlington) TORQUAY HOTEL: The Black Sorrows CUDA BAR: Chris Wilson from 7.30pm (Lorne) DRYSDALE HOTEL: The Gems in the Beer Garden from 2pm CITY QUARTER BAR: Levi Anderson EDGE GEELONG: Good Faces For Radio plus Jesse Reid SKI RACING VICTORIA: Grand Prix Series Race 2, Limeburners Boat Ramp, Corio Bay AIREYS INLET MARKET: Featuring fresh produce, locally made goods, arts & crafts and more. Held at the Aireys Inlet Community Hall THE BARWON CLUB: Spencer P Jones in the Barn from 3pm till 6pm THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Grumpy Neighbour from 4pm, free (Castlemaine) ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Dess Camm Band ODYSSEY TAVERN & BREWERY: Alicia O’Bree LAMBYS BAR & RESTAURANT: Live bands & DJs open from 9pm THE MAX: Levi Anderson

Monday January 21

THE BARWON CLUB: Bam Margera (USA) supported by The Grand Scheme, Kansas City Faggots & Towelheads, tickets $25+BF or $30 door ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

Tuesday January 22

PETER LALOR HOTEL: Trivia is back! Weekly CASH Jackpot ELEPHANT & CASTLE: $20 Steak & Drink night

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VENUEGUIDE!

THE EUREKA

THE BARKING DOG

THE gateway HOTEL

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98 Little Malop St. Geelong

126 Pakington St. Geelong West

218-230 Princess Hwy. Corio

BARWON CLUB

THE GROVEDALE HOTEL

509 Moorabool St. South Geelong

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BARWON HEADS HOTEL

236-258 Surfcoast Highway

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GROWLERS

1 Bridge Rd. Barwon Heads

23 The Esplanade. Torquay

THE BASEMENT 159

HOME HOUSE

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159 Moorabool St. Geelong

40-42 Moorabool St. Geelong

BEAVS BAR

IRISH MURPHY'S

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77 Little Malop St. Geelong

30 Aberdeen St. Geelong

THE BENDED ELBOW BALLARAT

JACK AND JILL

120 Lydiard St (North). Ballarat

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THE BENDED ELBOW GEELONG

247 Moorabool St. Geelong

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LAMBYS

Cnr of Moorabool & Brougham St. Geelong

69 Yarra St. Geelong

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black hatt

2 Gheringhap St. Geelong

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THE MAX

54 Little Myers St. Geelong

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THE BLUESTONE

11 Malop St. Geelong

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MR. HYDE

103 Marr St. Ballarat

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Bridge hotel castlemaine

191 Moorabool St. Geelong

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THE NATIONAL HOTEL

21 Walker St. Castlemain

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CITY QUARTER

Cunningham Pier, Geelong

611 Surfcoast Hwy. Mount Duneed

CLOUD 9

OPIUM BAR

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odyssey

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96 Pakington St. Geelong West

15 James St. Geelong

Club TITANIUM

331 Mair St. Ballarat

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Peter Lalor Hotel

99 Ryrie St, Geelong

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eastern station

5 James St. Geelong

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RUMORS

81 Humffray St Nth. Ballarat

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THE EDGE

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SLATE Pool Lounge

50 Little Ryrie St. Geelong

1/6-8 Eastern Beach Rd. Geelong

THE SPHINX

ELEPHANT AND CASTLE

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158 McKillop St. Geelong

2 Thompson Rd. North Geelong

TOAST

114 Moorabool St. Geelong

Wednesday January 23

THE BARWON CLUB: Hunx & His Punx (USA) supported by The UV Race & Ausmutants, tickets $15+BF or $20 door BEAV’S BAR: Karaoke & Open Mic Night PETER LALOR HOTEL: DJ D4MAN rocks The Lalor THE BRIDGE HOTEL: Jeff The Brotherhood (USA) supported by King Gizzard and The Lizzard Wizard, 8pm tickets $25 + BF through lovepolice.com.au ELEPHANT & CASTLE: Trivia Night from 8.30pm till 10.30pm GOLD DIGGERS ARMS: Wednesday Night Wheel from 7.30pm

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hoodoo gurus By Natalie Rogers

It isn’t just the Gurus’ ability to write incredibly catchy hooks, or that their music remains as fresh as it was thirty years ago – it’s also their finesse, friendship and mainstay frontman, Dave Falkner’s laid back attitude and love of entertaining that always leaves us coming back for more. “We always want people to leave with a smile on their faces and I feel it is our responsibility,” Dave begins seriously...before adding with a chuckle - “but we are old hands now and have a few tricks up our sleeves - we know what works still and we do have a few hits under our belt.” When I spoke to Dave, the Gurus had just played their last show of the year as part of the A Day On The Green festival, and in true rock musician style, Dave played coy when asked about any backstage antics on tour - “We always have a lot of fun with The Angels [now fronted by The Screaming Jets’ inferno Dave Gleeson],” Dave laughed, “but seriously, the Geelong show [The Hill Winery, Feb 16] is our final one. We just want to pull our weight, because we play last and we want everyone to have a good time - all the other bands get a free ride really,” he banters. All jokes aside, since forming back in 1982, Dave and the

guys have enjoyed hit after hit after crashing onto the scene with their debut hit single ‘Leilani’. “Our music is part of the fabric of a lot of Australian’s lives. It’s surreal, but we’re just part of the atmosphere,” says Dave. Dave can’t remember the first time he heard himself on the radio - “I know I was pretty excited at the time, but now it kind of drives me crazy,” Dave said with a laugh. “When I want to do something mundane, like go to the supermarket and I hear my band playing, I kind of stop short ‘cause I feel like I’m at work! It’s very odd.”

After 25 years in the business the Hoodoo Gurus were inducted into the Australian Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2007, an honour that Dave seems to have taken in his stride. I asked if he knew the secrets to their success and longevity: “We sound good together, we enjoy it and those two things are pretty important. One without the other wouldn’t work,” he explains simply. So to celebrate their 30 year milestone or, as the Gurus see it, a long service gift to themselves, the guys released Gold Watch: 20 Golden Hits. “We wanted at least one track off every album and then of course we had to include our hits [‘Miss Freelove ‘69’, ‘What’s My Scene?’, ‘Like Wow Wipeout!’, just to name a few], so that was our main priority, but we left room for our new single,” says Dave referring to the grunty, guitar thrashing track ‘Use By Date’. “We do have a little muscle behind our sweetness - we do have some spine there. A lot of people have said it is classic Gurus’ sound, but I don’t really think we have a classic sound - we just write songs that feel right at the time. As long as we are enjoying it, we don’t question ourselves.” Dave, also known as the head guru, does seem to understand how the Australian music industry works and he is often approached to give advice to bands just starting out - “You have to be

passionate, music does take a lot out of you and it will zap you and destroy your life if you let it! But it’s a whole different ball game now - social media has really changed things. We did a concert on the internet last year [which Dave coined as ‘all Gurus - all live’] and we try to maintain our Facebook presence.” See these living legends live at A Day On The Green next month: “Come out, have some wine, have a laugh and a relax in beautiful surroundings,” Dave advises, but if you can’t make it there, catch the guys and some of their favourite acts of young and old at the Dig It Up - A Hoodoo Gurus’ Invitational. Touring across the country with some truly superb Australian and international acts it’s sizing up to be a killer show, but Dave says it may be the last one - “I’m not one to make fearless predictions, but I reckon this will be the last time we do this particular event.” Don’t be fooled though, I believe Dave and his fellow Gurus have no plans to call it a day just yet - that is, of course, while they are still having fun.

When&Where: February 16 - A Day On The Green Festival, The Hill Winery, Geelong

Live Music Thursday, Friday & all day Sunday Edge Geelong

@EdgeBarGeelong

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Aston Shuffle By Andrew Pretorius

The scope of potential influences that can contribute, directly or indirectly, to a musician’s sound is virtually limitless. The experience of being transported into previously inconceivable sonic realms by listening to a brilliant album for the first time could just as easily find its way into a producer’s own creation as, say, the emotional fall-out of failing to find a date to take to the high school dance. A recent interview with Mikah from Canberra-based dance duo The Aston Shuffle served as a reminder to refrain from assuming how an artist’s sound has come to be what it is. The bouncy beats and house-y hooks that characterise many of The Shuffle’s tracks could easily lead a listener to believe that their sound has been sourced from a single lineage. When asked to name some of their influences, Mikah explains that such an assumption couldn’t be further from the truth: for The Shuffle, inspiration has many faces. “Everything from Kendrick Lamar to Crystal Castles or Vanchie or Cut Copy or Interpol or Death Metal, we’re into so many different bands and sounds that we don’t necessarily focus our influences within dance music, or it could be experiences that we’ve had that weekend,” says Mikah. “We’re inspired by so many difference things that we certainly don’t draw from ‘Hey what’s the biggest sound in dance music at the moment’…I think we draw our influences from more personal sort of stuff that we’re into, whether it’s rock music or weirdo electronica, it’s hard to come up with a few certain

Chocolate Starfish By Cameron Brogden

They were one of the biggest touring bands of the nineties, with some 700 shows over four years, doing up to 22 shows in a row. They had two Top Ten Albums, six Top Fifty Singles. Chocolate Starfish are on the comeback trail after facing the tragic loss of their guitarist, Zoran Romic, who passed away in March this year. I caught up with lead singer Adam Thompson to discuss the upcoming Red Hot Summer Tour, where they’re sharing the bill with Jimmy Barnes, Baby Animals, Ian Moss and Dragon. It’s been what, fifteen years since Chocolate Starfish was in full touring mode? Is it good to be getting back on the road as a band? It is good, obviously tinged with some trepidation without Zoran, with his passing this year, but for the rest of us to be together again and perform is great, and being able to write some new songs is also good. So yeah, it’s fantastic. After the incredibly sad loss of your friend, who will be taking over the role of lead guitarist? Tim Henwood from The Androids [and] Superjesus is our guitarist for the tour. So he’s quite accomplished, and a great player, and a good friend of ours. Now about the Red Hot Summer Tour itself, five Aussie legends, all sharing the bill. Is there going to be friction, or do you think you’ll all be able to keep your rock star egos in check? [laughs] Yeah, I reckon we’ll be ok. I don’t know

Jimmy Cliff By Chris Lambie

Reggae pioneer, Grammy winner and Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductee, Jimmy Cliff is chilling out at his Caribbean home. “I am in Kingston, Jamaica. It’s good to be here with the wonderful weather and everything.” With new album Rebirth nominated for a Grammy, his voice transmits youthful enthusiasm. Is singing the key? “Oh, yes indeed. I’m incarnate in this lifetime to do what I’m doing and I have finally realised this; I didn’t know it all along, that this is why I’m here…because it gives me so much joy.” Cliff agrees that music brings people together like nothing else. “No doubt about that. You know, sound is what all of creation is all about. We as human beings use music constructively and destructively and I like to use it constructively to uplift myself and to uplift other people as well.” With a hint of reggae flavouring so many musical styles, Cliff says - “This music has affected the world in a very profound way. There is a little bit of most of the other music forms that existed prior to it, so I think everybody can feel a little part of themselves in it.” He’s surprised though, to hear of the longstanding popularity of our local Indigenous version ‘desert reggae’. “Oh? That is great! That the indigenous people relate to it in their own special way shows the depth of where reggae music is coming from; from a very high and deep universal place,” he emphasises Reggae-obsessed front man of American punk-rock band Rancid, Tim Armstrong produced Rebirth. The album includes a cover of The Clash’s ‘Guns of Brixton’. “It is a fact that punk music influenced reggae music a lot. I found that out from Joe Strummer [The Clash]

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bands or things, but it definitely comes from odd, different places that’s for sure: I could be inspired by something stupid that my daughter did that day. Within our music it feels like it comes from a sincere place, so where those influences come from, it could be anywhere.” The Shuffle is part way through producing their new album, and the current life situations of both members are more conducive to a disciplined approach to production than was the case during the creation of their previous full-length. “The last album we wrote over a two-year period when we were gigging and our lives were pretty crazy back then, it was really hard to get in the headspace of coming up with a body of work,” says Mikah. “We’re both really proud of that record, it did well and was successful in its own right, but with this album we had the opportunity of just going down the coast for like six weeks and just being in a bubble, having a really nice studio down there and just writing music with no set agenda, just working on writing hooks and coming up with cool sounds and experimenting and having fun.” Their penchant for experimentation and having fun extends to their live shows, too, and one manifestation of this is their interest in using their DJ sets to test out tracks that might still be in need of polishing. So punters at theior live shows always get a chance to hear some new sounds from their upcoming album. “We definitely like to experiment and play our songs that aren’t finished yet just to get a read on how we work on the crowd,” explains Mikah. that any of us have that attitude anymore. I guess maybe we did back when we were a lot younger. I think most, I mean Chisel, they lost Steve Prestwich, who was a very good friend of Jimmy’s and Mossy’s. So we’ve all had losses and... it puts a lot of things into perspective. I guess most of us are just happy to be still playing, and if you can still play well, and we know that we can ever since we did that tribute show with Zoran for his birthday last year. We didn’t rehearse, we just jumped up, and it was probably one of the better shows we’ve ever done, and we’ve done a lot. We know that we’ve still got that energy, that integrity and it’s going to be good to showcase that. Not only to the older fans, but also maybe, I daresay their kids who might have grown up with all this music. You said you were working on some new material, will there be a release soon? Yeah there will be. We’re actually hoping still to have something midway through the tour, at least a single available for download. Whether it manifests into a full album... I don’t even know if that’s the way to go these days. For a while there you were the hardest working rock band in Australia, do you think you’ll be able to get back to that kind of a touring schedule? [laughs] I don’t think I’d want to, to be honest. Plus I don’t think there’s enough gigs out there anymore, whether you’re in your forties or in your twenties, I don’t think there’s enough gigs out there anymore, enough concert-goers. The landscape’s completely changed. We could go to Sydney or Melbourne and do five or six shows in a week, and you might

When&Where: Red Hot Summer Tour: February 2, Kryal Castle, Ballarat - March 30, Warrnambool Racecourse, Warrnambool only do five shows in a year now in a capital city. There’s just so many other alternatives for music-goers that it’s just unrealistic to think any band could do that much touring anymore and have people come and see them. Not whether or not they could physically do it, whether there’d be anybody there to see them. Do you have any good stories from the old days on the road? You know the old adage mate, it stays on the

road. We’ve got plenty, of course, but they’re probably not for public consumption. More than a story, I’ve got great memories, and I’m hoping to create a few new great memories with the remaining members of the band on this tour, because I think we’re at our best on big stages, where I can strut my stuff, and do what we do. That’s where we’re at our best... That’s what we’re looking forward to, creating some great new memories.

when we recorded my last album. I told Tim that as well. They have a great kinship together, reggae and punk.” The genesis of both derived from passionate social consciousness. “Absolutely!That’s it right there,” Cliff says. Bob Dylan called the singer’s 1970 hit ‘Vietnam’ the best protest song he ever heard. I tell Cliff it came into my mind on a mid-year trip to the country. “Wow! You are luck-yyyy!” he interjects. “It’s one of the places I really, really want to go.” I confirm the holiday destination’s reputation as idyllic – great people, great food…“Ohhh. Wow Wow Wow! Now you’re making me more excited about going there,” Cliff laughs heartily. “It’s always very exciting when you’re going to a place for the first time and still exciting to go back to a place you’ve been before [like Australia]. I always try to see something [there] that doesn’t exist anywhere else on the planet. I never get tired of that. Australia is such an interesting part of the planet,” says Cliff. We talk of his ardent fanbase in Japan, persecution of musicians in Mali and the hope offered by the Age of Aquarius. For Aussie audiences, Cliff promises songs from Rebirth plus plenty of hits like ‘Wild World’, ‘I Can See Clearly Now’, ‘Sitting Here in Limbo’, ‘You Can Get It If You Really Want’, ‘The Harder They Come’, ‘Many Rivers To Cross’ and ‘Hakuna Matata’ (Lion King). The Rolling Stones are but one of the iconic acts Cliff has worked with over his career. Speaking of their 50th anniversary, I asked about Cliff’s time with them. ‘Ah, yes. They’re veeerry interesting guys!’ His chuckling reply made me wish for extra time to seek ‘more information’. Early evening in Kingston, Jamaica, the 64 year old has loose plans - “After this I may go out clubbing a little bit before I go to sleep.”

When&Where: March 8 - 11 at Womadelaide Festival - Botanic Park, Adelaide

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All Time Low By Ophelia Symons

There aren’t many bands these days that are able to keep their head above water for longer than a couple of years and maintain a full line up of members throughout their success, but All Time Low are the exceptions. Baltimore’s four-piece began as a high school band with Alex Gaskarth (vocals/rhythm guitar), Jack Barakat (lead guitar), Zack Merrick (bass) and Rian Dawson(drums) back in 2003. Nine years on and All Time Low have now released five full length studio albums, received worldwide critical acclaim for their infectious pop punk tunes and energy filled live show, have toured with some of the most prominent names in their genre like Blink 182 and Yellowcard, and they’ve barely hit 25. All Time Low opened my eyes to pop punk and helped me make the transition from mediocre mainstream music into a whole new world of heavier riffs and catchy pop melodies, so when I got the opportunity to chat with Jack Barakat it was one I couldn’t pass up. I spoke to Jack about the band’s upcoming Australian shows in February and March at Soundwave Festival 2013, their fifth album release Don’t Panic and Jack’s ideal apocalypse. Soundwave 2013 won’t be the first time All Time Low has hit our shores or our favourite rock festival, but that doesn’t mean the band aren’t as eager as ever to get back to their Aussie audiences. “I’m feeling really good about it, I think it’s our possible fifth time doing Soundwave or something and we really couldn’t have asked for better experiences. Every single time we’ve come I think our fan base has grown so we kind of

Flogging Molly By Ophelia Symons

Since the introduction of Celtic punk back in the 80s by The Pogues, the genre has become relatively popular with bands like Dropkick Murphys, Flatfood 56, Real McKenzies and of course Flogging Molly bringing light to the genre. California’s Flogging Molly in particular have become one of the most well known Celtic punk bands in recent times with five studio albums filled with traditional Irish music mixed with punk rock tracks addressing current social and political issues and a strong fan following all over the world. I got the chance to chat to Flogging Molly’s guitarist Nathen Maxwell in anticipation of Soundwave Festival 2013, new music on the horizon and legendary Celtic punk music pioneers, The Pogues. Soundwave Festival 2013 marks the first Soundwave that features seven-piece Californians Flogging Molly, and to say the band is excited to be heading down under for the festival would be an understatement. “I am so excited to be playing the Soundwave festival,” says Nathen. “I’ve been hearing about that for years and between that and The Big Day Out it’s always kind of been the big prize. We’ve always wanted to play Soundwave, so to finally have an offer and knowing that we’re going to go back to Australia to play the festival is really exciting.” It’s not just the festival fans that rave about their Soundwave experiences, but the bands too, and Flogging Molly has certainly heard the hype. “My

owe it all to Soundwave Festival, it’s like how we built our fan base on Warped Tour in the US, we’ve kind of done that in Australia on Soundwave Festival. It’s going to be really cool and the lineup is really good this year.” If you’re already a fan of the band, you’ll know that it’s become somewhat a tradition at All Time Low shows that the boys end up with piles of women’s – and strangely enough men’s – underwear at their feet by the end of the night. Of the three All Time Low shows I have found myself at, Australia has not disappointed in that department, and Jack has high expectations for their Soundwave 2013 shows. “I mean, I’ve got a high expectations for that, I know that Aussies like to get down, so hopefully they can have a good time,” laughs Jack. Last year at Soundwave Counter Revolution All Time Low brought with them their fourth and latest album at the time, Dirty Work. Since then the band have already released their fifth studio album Don’t Panic which adds another twelve songs to the hat for their Soundwave set list. “Knowing us we’ll probably write a set list like two hours before we go on stage,” laughs Jack, “but we’ve been over there a couple of times so we’re definitely going to play some old stuff, and we’re going to squeeze a couple of new songs in there too, kind of mix it up. We’re at the point where we have four or five albums out so it’s getting difficult to write a short set.” Don’t Panic has only been on the shelves for four months but already the response has been amazing for the boys. The album made the Top 20 rank in 10 different charts all over the world, including number 13 in our very own ARIA Albums Chart. Don’t Panic was

When&Where: March 1 - Melbourne Showgrounds, Melbourne released through Hopeless Records after splitting from previous record label Interscope Records after not-sogreat sales and reviews for the heavily hyped Dirty Work. Don’t Panic reclaimed complete creative control and redeemed the band with exceptional reviews hinting that the recent release could be their best album to date. “The live response has been incredible, I mean every other time we’ve released new albums we were kind of picking up new fans and introducing them to the band and this time we released the songs and I think kids instantly knew the words within the first couple days of them being released so, we couldn’t have asked for a better reception.” The title of the album is quite aptly named considering the

December 21 apocalypse that was rumoured to end life as we know it, and the album artwork features a collection of monsters from zombies to aliens on the cover, so to conclude the interview, I had to wonder how Jack would choose the worlds demise with whatever monsters he felt necessary. “I think the coolest one would be aliens probably, I just feel like Zombies would be kind of gross and it would take a really long time and it would be really painful for everyone, and aliens come in and just zap people away. It would be hilarious,” concludes Jack. Don’t miss All Time Low at Soundwave 2013 and experience the undergarment procuring four-piece for yourself.

friends in Street Dogs played the festival and what I’ve heard is that it might be similar to the Warped Tour which is a festival we’ve done many times in the US and it couldn’t be much more fun to go on a tour like that where we’re really living with the other bands, and the after parties, I’m hoping, will be lots of fun and [I love] meeting new people. I love that type of experience, personally,” says Nathen. Soundwave won’t be the band’s first time in our country, but for those who didn’t make it to their previous Aussie shows, Nathen gives me the lowdown on what to expect from a typical Flogging Molly set. “Well you can expect seven honest people to give it all they’ve got, to celebrate life while it lasts together on stage. A Flogging Molly concert is kind of a party; everyday is New Years Eve and St Patricks Day all rolled up into one for us.” Since 1997, Flogging Molly have celebrated what must feel like a thousand New Years Eve’s and St Patricks Day’s on stage and has racked up a loyal fan following from countries all over the world and have put themselves in league with their major influence, The Pogues. “For me my big celtic influence is The Pogues, that’s the band for me when I was growing up. I grew up in a punk rock community and most the punkers who I knew and was hanging out with, we all loved The Pogues, so that’s really the only traditional Irish band that I had heard about growing up and really the only one that I still listen to. I love putting on a Pogues record, I do it all the time, I just love that music I think they’re just the next level. I’m very happy

When&Where: March 1 at Soundwave Festival, Flemington Racecourse – Melbourne that this genre has kind of grown since bands like us and The Dropkick Murphys and The Real McKenzies, I’m proud to call these guys my friends and all over the world I’m meeting new bands that are influenced by The Pogues and by The Dropkick Murphys and by us and I’m really happy. I think it’s a good thing for everybody just to see it growing.” After producing five albums since their formation, Nathen reveals that Flogging Molly could have album

number six in the works later in the year. “After the Australia tour, we’ll be taking time off. And usually in time off people start getting creative and I would anticipate that by the end of 2013 we should be talking about a new record if not already working on it.” In the meantime, catch Flogging Molly playing a set full of old and new material at Soundwave 2013 and don’t miss out on a guaranteed party with some old school Celtic rockers.

Dropkick Murphys By Andrew Pretorius

There’s something about Dropkick Murphys that makes other bands want to share a stage with them. And given that one of the groups that have brought this desire to fruition is Aerosmith and another is Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, you get the sense that whatever it is about them, it’s something special. While playing live alongside either of these megastar ensembles would constitute an instant career climax for many musicians, it’s evident that, of the two experiences, for Murphys vocalist and bassist Ken Casey his time onstage with Springsteen was the more memorable occasion. “Oh man,” Casey sighs with reverence as he recalls his time collaborating with The Boss, “it doesn’t get any better than that…when you’re up on stage playing songs with Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band you just feel like you’re playing at a bar with your buddy’s cover band or something. They have that real down-to-earth, put-you-at-ease vibe so it’s been definitely one of the top experiences.” Casey himself exhibits the kind of humility which he admires so much in the members of Springsteen’s band. A stark example of his unpretentiousness is the way in which he thanked me for my help at both the beginning and the end of our interview. This is a gesture I might have expected from a member of an unsigned band desperate for their first break, rather than a member of a group that has already

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generated sales in excess of three million worldwide.

I walk in the wrong direction or if I sneeze someone’s gonna friggin shoot me’.”

So, although appreciation of Dropkick Murphys’s sound has obviously been a major factor in their being invited to team up with other bands onstage, Casey’s connection with Springsteen’s band may also have been bolstered by shared personality traits. Joining forces with Aerosmith, on the other hand, may have been strictly about the music. In comparing his experiences performing beside each of these bands, Casey explains: “We played with Aerosmith once on stage and I felt like, ‘Oh My God, if

Inspiring almost as much awe in Casey as playing with Springsteen’s band was his experience performing beside The Swingin’ Utters early in Dropkick Murphys’s career. “Swingin’ Utters are the band that really are responsible for Dropkick Murphys even existing to be honest with you,” Casey says of the band that will join them on their upcoming Australian tour. “I was always in and around the punk scene but in the mid 90’s I was just kinda jaded to the fact that I didn’t think any band would really capture what punk meant to me when I was young. And they came back and were doing punk rock like it was meant to be, and then it just kinda really

renewed my spirit for music. Next thing you know, a year later we had a band and (we) were playing shows together with the Swingin’ Utters, it’s been an amazing thing,” says Ken. Casey’s aptitude for amazement seems to emanate from his generally positive attitude. And he’d like his uplifting viewpoint to be shared by others, too. For instance, this is what he wants to happen in the audience at a Dropkick Murphys show: “By the end you’re arm in arm singing along with the guy beside you and everyone leaves happy,” Ken finished. when&where: february 4 at festival hall - melbourne

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THE FIRST 150 TO JOIN SAVE * $148! PLUS GET A FREE BACKPACK, WATER BOTTLE AND TOWEL!

Jetts Belmont OPENING SOON! E. belmont@jetts.com.au

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Click ‘Get Offer’ on ‘Purplecow Store’ Facebook page for 25% off everything online! Ok. So there’s what, maybe fifteen events for you to get through this festive season? Atleast? And yes, I know we all agree. No one likes wearing the same outfit more than once, twice, three times if we are lucky, to a special occassion with the same group of companions. Whether it’s a festival, a night out, a gig, a birthday party or even christmas day with the fam, somehow the idea of out-fit repeating has become a bit of a universal no-go zone. At last, we can rest easy and look fabulous...and have a full wardrobe...and still have some pennies left to enjoy these celebrations we are frocking up for. All pats on the back to Purple Cow for this one. The team at Purple Cow are now stocking the best range of summer dresses in town (both casual and evening), an ever-growing yet increasingly spectacular collection of jewellery and accessories, your must-have distressed denim shorts and an endless array of tops to match. Guys can also choose from a huge range of tees, shorts and pants to help them survive the next few months of mayhem. So what more could we want from these guys? Well, we want it to be accessible 24/7, don’t we? The team at Purple Cow have heard the cries of us Digital Natives and it is now possible for us to purchase all stock online. If a) you can’t make it into the store, (holidaying internationally? still got you covered) or, b) the thought of being caught in last summer’s daggy clothes frightens you, no worries, order in hibernation and await their quick and stylish arrival. Oh, and don’t forget to check out the Purple Cow promo codes through their social media pages to nab yourself an even better deal this silly season. Visit purplecowclothing.com.au or search ‘Purplecow store’ on Facebook.

Blues on The Bay

coming soon to belmont!

Jetts Fitness Club Your ‘no time to exercise’ cop-outs are going to be blown out the window this February with the opening of Australia’s most convenient Fitness Club, right on your doorstep! Jetts Fitness is opening up their brand-spanking new facility on High Street, Belmont, offering gym-goers the flexibility to work out whenever they please. Literally. The 24/7 Fitness Club offers it’s members access via a unique smart card system, allowing you to work out at any time of day or night, no matter what your hectic schedule looks like! Scott Dumbell (Jetts Fitness Club Owner) says “The success of our Geelong West and Torquay centres has been quite humbling. The uptake by local residents has proven to us the demand for an affordable and convenient fitness alternative.” The beauty of Jetts is that it’s all about enjoying your gym sesh, and relishing in the freedom, flexibility and affordability that comes with it. Utilising the latest fitness equipment from Australia’s leading suppliers, Jetts focuses on the popular and simple equipment that people enjoy using most, a) because they want you to have fun, and b) because they don’t want your mind to boggle by looking at strange machines that you have no idea how to use, or use safely. Your membership also means you can work out at any of the Jetts Clubs across our region...and all over Australia. We really are beginning to run out of excuses now guys. Jetts Fitness Belmont is opening February 1st, 2013 at Level 1/155 High St Belmont. Join as a foundation member and save $148 if you sign-up before opening day. Call Jetts on 1300 JETTS 247 or visit the Club’s website at jetts.com.au for more info.

If you are looking to cruise in something a little more stylish this Summer you must check out the all new Hygeia 111. The team at Hygeia on the Bay are proud to introduce their new luxurious twenty metre catamaran which comfortably caters for up to 150 guests! The biggest and best bay cruiser Geelong has seen, the Hygeia 111 has a sleek finish and contemporary decor that is sure to impress yourself and your fellow sailors on your next special occasion. But if you don’t have a birthday coming up, and you aren’t planning on getting married (or re-married!) anytime soon, never fear, there is still a spot on board the Hygeia 111 for you. Embarking on their Sunday Blues Cruise to the bays of Portarlington and beyond, the team at Hygeia invite you to wine, dine, relax and unwind whilst enjoying the live entertainment and delicious cuisine available on board. To join the Hygeia on their next Sunday Blues Cruises (January 6, 13, 20 & 27, 2013) or to make a booking for your next celebration call 5254 1111 or visit www. hygeia.com.au.

Eclectica Did you guys know that it was possible to go treasure hunting down Pakington Street? Just look for the charming little shop called ‘Eclectica’. With shelves that are jam-packed with all sorts of wonderful things, whether it’s a gift for you or for them... it’s sure to be eclectic! No matter how many pennies you have in your pocket, there is something indulgent available for us all. These guys also jazz up the gift giving experience with some stylish free-of-charge wrapping. If your not chasing gifts or homewares, Eclectica have a stunning collection of cotton clothing and specialise in one-off jewellery pieces...made in-house! After all, we do love knowing we are wearing a one-of-a-kind. Eclectica are also big supporters of the local artist trade, so whilst you will always walk away a happy shopper you can also take pride in the fact you are supporting the independent artists in our region. This little treasure chest is a must-stop on your next stroll down Pako. Oh... and if you can’t make it in person, make sure you catch up with them in the virtual world www.facebook.com/EclecticaPako

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tim rogers

Spanish Fiesta on Pako The Barwon Club The Barwon Club hits its stride again this summer with some amazing shows coming up, including side shows from Sugar Mountain Festival and All Tomorrow’s Parties. Kicking it off this week is Melbourne punk band The Morrisons playing Friday January 11 followed by The Demon Parade Saturday January 12. Blessing your ears the following week will be the wonderful Woods all the way from the USA, gracing the stage for B.C punters before hitting The Forum Theatre for Sugar Mountain on Friday January 18. Monday January 21 sees the onslaught of Jackass star, BAM MARGERA climbing on to your stage in a thrilling show that will truly prove itself as something out of the ordinary. Tickets are flying out the door for this one so make get yo’ lazy arse up so you don’t miss out. Keep your peepers peeled for the following too, they’ll be here before you know it - Hunx & His Punx (USA), Thee Oh Sees (USA) and Tim Rogers (You Am I).

Bringing a touch of Spain to Pakington Street, Sebroso Bar & Restaurant has been receiving bucket loads of praise for their unique dining experience. Stephane, the Head Chef of Sebroso has had a huge influence on the new found levels of success the venue is achieving, predominantly due to his creative ability to turn authentic Spanish flavours into a cuisine that even the most reserved Aussie taste buds can enjoy. Taking on the challenge of restoring the Sebroso menu to its traditional Spanish roots, Stephane says - “It’s all about great flavours and great ingredients - smoked chorizo, fresh herbs, saffron...real ingredients.” And whilst Stephane admits it is impossible to make each dish 100% authentic, it is as authentic as it gets this side of the sea. Take the venue’s most popular dish for example. The Pimentos De Padrons, an authentic Spanish Tapas introduced to Sebroso by Stephane, is perhaps the most unique dish being served in our region, and after just two months on the menu it has taken the reigns of the Sebroso ‘must have’. With a story that somehow conjures images of folk-tale Jack and The Bean Stalk, Stephane explains the pilgrimage behind the

infamous Pimentos, and how they come to rest in our bellies. “An authentic Spanish dude from Queensland grows these for us especially, he got them by travelling through Spain, finding the seeds and bringing them back to grow on his farm here in Australia. We are one of the only restaurants that serves them, apart from a couple in Melbourne,” says Stephane. The dish is also labelled as a ‘Russian Roulette’ because “you always gamble when eating them”. One in ten will be so hot it will knock your socks off. This is hard to believe considering the remaining nine are quite mild, deliciously salty, and are washed down perfectly with Sangria. The menu is not the only thing rediscovering its Spanish roots at Sebroso - the venue is now hosting Summer Sessions each and every Sunday over the warmer months. Held on sunny Sunday afternoons, these events celebrate all things Spanish. Great Latino music, Cuban salsa dancing lessons (yes, those who have two left feet are welcome), and street food! With Paella from the pan being made fresh before your eyes. All in all, this venue is serving up the delicious dose of culture our region has been waiting for. Open Tuesday through till Sunday for dinner, and Wednesday till Sunday for lunch, you can find Sebroso at 146 Pakington Street, or call them on 5224 1888.

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GEELONG PARTY BOAT CRUISE COMPANY PRESENTS

Tint Master

SUNDAY BLUES CRUISE Portarlington & beyond Launching every Sunday from January 6th 2013 On board the ALL NEW HYGEIA III LUXURY CATAMARAN Enjoy the finest cuisine on the Bay - Prawns from the BBQ - Hawaiian style kebabs - Exotic marinades

$50

Inc band & finger food Drinks at bar prices

Get your groove on to the sounds of local blues band

DOG GONE SOUTH

BOOKINGS ADVISED Boarding from 1.30pm. Departing Bay end of Yarra Street 2pm sharp. Returning 5pm

www.hygeia.com.au P: 03 5254 1111

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Can’t afford a new car? How about you jazz up the one you have this Christmas with Tintmaster. The Ultra Carbon automotive window film used by the experts at Tintmaster has the highest level performance that you can both see and feel. What’s more, is that it is the perfect way to give your car a make-over this season, without costing you an arm and a leg. With all the top level qualities you would expect from the top of the range window tint, the experts at Tintmaster use a nano-tech ceramic coating which creates an incredible endurance and a superior refined finish. A comprehensive lifetime warranty is also a part of the deal, but you can feel safe in knowing it generally won’t be required. With over twenty years service to the region, and over twenty thousand cars tinted during that time, you can trust that you are in safe hands with the team at Tintmaster. Contact the Masters of Cool this summer and experience the difference PH: 5221 8877

Freestyle

Cazbar Friday Goes Live!

Helping to guarantee you are a welldressed, and well-budgeted social butterfly this season, Freestyle are bringing you a massive clothing sale on a huge range of mens and ladies leading brands. From Deacon, to Freshjive, to Goliath, All About Eve and more, Freestyle promise to have you keeping up appearances this season whilst still leaving you with some pennies in your pocket. The huge sale being held at 325 Pakington Street is open seven days until all stock has been rushed out the door with its new owners. But with up to 70% off the hottest brands of the summer, you best get your toosh into gear before you miss out. After you have checked out all the bargains, get down to 117 Pakington St for even more summer deals with mens basic tees at 2 for $50, mens shorts at 2 for $60 and a massive 30% off your second pair of womens shorts. Pop in and see what other goodies Freestyle are hiding for you or find them on Facebook @ Freestyle Clothing.

The Cazbar Nightclub is set to launch some huge live sets in the coming weeks turning the Sphinx Hotel into your Friday night live music hot spot. Kicking off with Traffic Jam on January 11th, Double Vision on January 18 and Fistful of Steal on January 25 you pretty much have your weekends sorted for the month of January. The band goes live at 9pm but be sure to stick around afterwards for a dance to all your favoutire Cazbar tunes. Reknowned for hosting some spectacular shows, make sure you keep your eyes peeled on the Sphinx as they are set to host some big name events in the early months of twenty-thirteen, including The Aussie Rocky Horror Tribute Show on March 16, Mark Seymour on May 18 and Charlie Landsborough on May 25. You can find out everything you need to know about getting your hands on some of these highly sort after tickets by calling the team at the Sphinx on 5278 2911 or emailing them at info@ sphinxhotel.com.au. See you Friday night at the Cazbar!

A Chocaholic’s Heaven Moorabool Valley Chocolate is a small family owned business that makes the most delectable hand-made chocolates you can imagine. Crafted in their new chocolate kitchen that is attached to the eighty-year-old farmhouse just on the outskirts of Geelong, Moorabool Valley Chocolate use all fresh ingredients, natural flavourings, and source locally whenever it is possible. From truffles, to pralines, to fruit and nut clusters and made-to-order novelty items, these guys really do provide the ultimate chocolate lover’s sanctuary. Whether it is Belgian, 75% Cocoa or perhaps a flavour that isn’t on the menu, the chocolatiers at Moorabool Valley Chocolate will do their very best to meet your requests, all they need is a little notice! Moorabool Valley Chocolate is always experimenting with new flavours and combinations to enhance and extend on their luxurious product range, guaranteeing that every time you go in to visit you are sure to stumble accross a new favourite. To find out more visit www. mooraboolvalleychocolate.com.au or pop in and see them at 320 Ballarat Road, Batesford.

Society Syncopators

Summer at Cuda Bar Cuda Bar Lorne has everything you need to get through summer. Great food and great entertainment! With a jam packed roster of live performances, you can expect to see a gig everyday in January. Some of the highlights that you must be sure to catch include Shed Zeppelin which is a six-piece tribute band based in Barwon Heads playing at Cuda on January 10, also the three local artists performing live at Cuda on Sunday January 13 as a part of the Bay Music Festival, and last but not least The Disco Rockers featuring Tim Neal who are performing live on January 19. Also, be sure to get in to Cuda to check out their new Summer Dining menu - a delectable new listing that boasts fresh summer dishes made from locally sourced seasonal produce and all your favourite tapas. But Cuda regulars shall not fear, the infamous duck spring rolls have made it into the summer! Get down there and enjoy the all-round entertainment experience this season at 82 Mountjoy Parade, Lorne.

Melbourne jazz group, the Society Syncopators will be performing live at the Elephant & Castle on Sunday, January 13 and Sunday, January 27. With a glowing performance history and a prestigious reputation in both the national and international world’s of jazz, the Syncopators are one not to be missed. Being described as the ‘cream’ of Melbourne’s jazz talent, this group of seven is renowned for their versatility - the guitarist plays banjo, bassist plays tuba, the clarinettist plays alto and tenor sax and the trombonist plays bass and piano. Who said men can’t multi-task? Covering a huge range of styles and material, this talented group of men play everything from classic jazz to pre-rock rhythm and blues showcasing all there is to love about the genre. Recognised as one of the leading jazz bands in Australia, and arguably in the world, do not miss the opportunity to catch this group of talented musos in action. To find out more call the Elephant & Castle on 5221 3707.

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Yarra Hotel Geelong undergoing a huge transformation, Yarra Hotel Geelong is ready to welcome some big name acts on to the stage in 2013. Going in a new direction with the venue, manager of the hotel, Cristian explains that whilst the shift will reinvigorate certain aspects of the Hotel (mainly in terms of dining and service), music and entertainment will still have a strong bond with the venue’s identity.

Continuing the growth of the venue’s relationship with local Band Bookers Spinning Half, the Yarra Hotel Geelong is looking to expand on the venue’s great history of live music that was pioneered under the Bended Elbow trademark, aiming to open the doors to the band room up to four or five times per week. Revolution Fridays hosted at Yarra Hotel Geelong has also well and truly taken off in the last month with huge performances from Hello Mother Leopard and Lost Weekends. Happening every week, Revolution Fridays acts as an incredible showcase of local music talent and a great opportunity for musicians in our region to get out there and start making a name for themselves. Steven from Spinning Half explains “Revolution Fridays are aimed at providing a home for bands and DJs to play and to attend as punters. It is something that has spawned from the, somewhat, successful ‘RIF Nights’ that used to be held downstairs at Bended Elbow. The aim is to give ‘louder’ acts a chance to play on the main stage in the Band Room at The Yarra Hotel. At the moment it is aimed at the indie to hard rock acts as we want to create a place for people to “know what

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they are going to get”.

Revolution Fridays have already had a wide array of bands play, there are more set to come, with acts like The Soulenikoes, Lamarama, The Deep End, Diehard Dolls, Arcane Saints, Cast Iron Piñata, Sleep Parade, Captain Groove and Motionless Me set to hot the stage over the next few months. Its still early days but Steve is confident Revolution Fridays will become a well know night in Geelong - “Its early days, but once people know they can come to a place for a regular, affordable night of Original Music, cool DJs and some comfortable surroundings I’m sure it will be a success”. Yarra Hotel Geelong is also looking forward to it’s launch as an upstairs nightclub each and every Saturday night as of February 2. Hot off the press is the news that the Yarra Hotel Geelong has locked in a month’s worth of major acts from some of Melbourne’s biggest venues for the nightclub’s first month of operation, so keep your eyes peeled on Yarra Hotel Geelong’s Facebook page for more details. Also to come on what is shaping up to be quite the golden gig guide, you have Bob Log 111 with Fire Alive on January 31, Newton Faulkner on April 13 plus Grinspoon with Kingswood and Emperors on April 24. Be sure to get in early for this one as tickets for the Black Rabbits tour are selling with serious speed. To find out more about what’s happening at Yarra Hotel Geelong this summer, or to try and get your mits on some highly sought after tickets, call 5229 4477.

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loon lake

Loon Lake live at the Torquay Hotel Melbourne five-piece Loon Lake are set to put on yet another stellar performance at the Torquay Hotel on January 18. Known for their incredible live performances and their ability to draw flocks of screaming female fans, you will want to snatch up a ticket early for this one. Also joining Loon Lake at the Torquay Hotel this summer is The Brothers Grimm supported by The Harlots on January 12, The Black Sorrows on January 20, Mark Storie on Jauary 24 and The Go Set on January 27. To get your mits on some highly sort after tickets this season, pop in and see the team the the Torquay Hotel at 36 Bell Street, or visit oztix.com.au.

Two Sugars Summer @ The Grovey You can tell a lot about a pub by it’s locals, and as a regular punter of The Grovedale, I can tell you these guys are off to a great start. For a friendly face and a frothy cold pot get down and see the guys at the Grovey this summer and while you are there you may be lucky enough to catch some of the fantastic live music they have packed into this season’s calendar. After the recent relaunch of The Grovedale’s Saturday night entertainment, Summer Sessions will be coming to you live from 7pm every Saturday. Featuring acoustic soloists and duos in the beer garden, it’s the perfect way to kick back and enjoy the last few hours of sunshine in the warmer months. If you are looking for something a little more up tempo, then roll on in on a Friday night and rock out to one of their regular bands with a late Happy Hour from 9pm. Jumping on board the digital realm, The Grovey are also running a series of Summer Specials via their social media outlets - so, if you and your mates are looking for a place to grab a feed and enjoy a cold drink, jump on their Facebook page where you will find exclusive deals available to Facebook fans, including discounted meal deals and drink promotions. There is no denying that everybody loves a bargain, especially at this time of year. The Grovedale also has the reputation of playing home to some of the flashiest looking TAB services in the region. The huge betting centre features both indoor and outdoor TAB facilities, and an extensive pokies room (try the free hot chocolate there, seriously, it is the best). But you cannot forget to keep some pennies in your pocket so you can feast on one of the top quality bar meals available at the venue, and with a new menu on the way we can expect some exciting and delectable things to come. Situated towards the beginning of the Surf Coast, The Grovedale Hotel is every bit the traditional pub, with all the modern trimmings you have come to love. Find them at 236258 Surf Coast Highway or give them a call on 5243 2814.

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This year our beloved local cafe in Highton, Two Sugars, under went an extreme makeover. Returning to us in September, the new and oh-so-improved restaurant, come cafe, come pizza bar brought with it a new level of personality for the Highton shopping village. Personality that we didn’t even realise was missing! The exquisite authentic Italian dinner menu, the wood fired pizzas and delicious breakfast selection has been welcomed with open arms by not only the Highton locals, but from goodfood lovers all over the region who are travelling to the venue to discover what all this fuss is about. The managers of Two Sugars couldn’t be happier with the success the new and improved venue has accomplished thus far, and believe that the rejuvenated concept is helping to bring a bit of ‘flavour’ and authenticity back in to the area. And when we say authentic, we mean authentic. Three Italian Stallions, Valerio, Simone and Andrea are responsible for those mouth-watering, traditional pizzas that are reaching your plates. But, as the old saying goes, ‘behind every great pizza is a great pasta’ - Well, I don’t think that is actually how the saying goes, but Steve Collins, Head Chef of Two Sugars, would agree with me. The conniseur behind the glorious pastas and fresh dishes available at Two Sugars, works alongside a team of lovely staff to help deliver patrons with tip top food and service to match. Head down and experience Two Sugars first hand at Shop 7, 65 Barrabool Rd, Highton.

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Goofyfooter By Xavier Fennell

The name Goofyfooter suggests…well, it suggests surfing. So naturally (no pun intended) if you’re expecting some sort of beach boys cover band then you had better keep on expecting. Goofyfooter are not your everyday surf-rock band, they are a strange eclectic fusion with plenty of awesome mixed in. I spoke to guitarist Glenn Allen about the new Ep, the development of the band and what might happen for them in the near future. After having just listened to Goofyfooter’s new Ep, I was keen to hear some of Glenn’s thoughts on how the band and music has developed since the first album, I was intrigued when Glenn told me that this Ep was the first time the whole band had recorded together “The first album was really in the experimental side of things, I did that as a solo project from a home-studio a couple of years ago. And since doing that the band has become a real band, with the other guys joining up it was a bit like joining a cover band, everyone had to learn all the songs and that sort of thing, so none of the band played on the first album. So more recently it was really important that we recorded a new thing so that everyone could be a part of it and have some sort of ownership of the whole thing”. As well as the new release acting as a sort of coming together moment for the band, it was also a chance for the band to get into a professional studio and away from the home studio at Glenn’s place in Rosebud. Glenn spoke excitedly about “As far as recording goes, we wanted to take the bands sound away from the home studio, I have a pretty decent studio at home

the firetree By Cameron Brogden

After three months touring Europe, Byron Bay folk two-piece, The Firetree, are embarking on a twenty-five date tour of Australia early next year. I spoke to Dale Buchan about their music, touring and their plans for the future. “We just got back from Europe, we’ve been touring and travelling around there for three months, writing songs and playing shows on the Mediterranean, and Berlin and England and Barcelona, which was awesome.” Dale said. “Venice as well.” But it was all business: “Well we’ve got the brand new single out on the first of December, that will go out with the live album, and me and Josie are humming away in Byron Bay in a little cabin in the hills, just recording for the EP release, which should be out... probably March next year. We may even get it to an album, we’ve got that many songs back from Europe, so we’re pretty excited about it. All the truffles and weed in Amsterdam really helped the creative process.” Maybe not quite all business. Both Dale and his band mate Josie Cubis are multi-instrumentalists. Everything they record is all them. “A lot of it is just getting the song, it’s the hardest bit. Just having a complete song there. Usually Josie or myself writes it, separately, and then we come together and put our ideas into each other’s music and once we have that song and structure there, then there’s just putting it down on the tape. We set up a little vocal booth with all our blankets from our beds on our microphone stands and somehow go inside there with a guitar and start recording the first track.” Dale said, on

Sarah & The King Bees By Ophelia Symons

From what could have been a one-off set at their high school Battle of The Bands competition, to music festivals and a record deal, Sarah Paletu’a (vocals/guitar) and twins Max (guitar) and Reuben Wakefield (bass) of Sarah & The King Bees are certainly climbing the musical ladder. Melbourne’s three-piece have made appearances at St Kilda Festival, Tamworth Country Music Festival and have become somewhat regulars of the Harvest ‘n’ Graze festival, which they will be playing for the third time later this month. On top of their healthy touring schedule they also found time to write and record their debut album that should be ready for release later this year. Sarah & The King Bees are no strangers to the festival but according to Max, their past experiences with Harvest ‘n’ Graze have set nothing but good expectations. “Yeah, it’s our third time playing it so I think we’re pretty used to it now but they’ve all been good, the weathers good and they always seem to go alright.” The band have played enough shows now to know which songs go down the best with their audiences and to give me an idea of what to expect at an upcoming show. “I think the favourites change, often to something that’s new, or something we change up and do a different way, something a bit fresh and exciting, but at the end of the day it’s the ones we get the best response off that are the most fun

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but its not quite professional level, so we really wanted the opportunity to get into a real studio.” Unfortunately due to Goofyfooters’s left-of-field approach to surf music, they’ve had a difficult time finding a record company willing to work with them and produce their music. Despite this, Glenn remains optimistic towards creating their music and there seems to be no signs of the band slowing down anytime soon “We’ve been around for a while, in different bands and stuff and now we’ve developed this sound that isn’t really what lots of record labels are looking for at the moment. We don’t wanna change our sound just to meet the needs of a record label, so we just think we’ll keep going along the independent lines until we hit a brick wall and then we might try and get someone else involved,” says Glenn. Despite their surf roots, Goofyfooter keeps true to the instrumental values of their music often turning down suggestions to involve lyrical components into songs in order to gain success with a more conventional style. Glenn had some interesting thoughts on why staying instrumental was important to the band “we’ve often thought about writing lyrics but we’ve gone down the path of instrumental, there’s no going back! But we feel now that if we put lyrics to the songs it would bury the music and the feeling and vibe we’re trying to give off through the songs. Like for the first track on the Ep ‘Usurper’s paradise’ was inspired by the gunnamatta outfall, which is where there’s a lot of chemical waste pumped out into the water, and people are surfing there. So the first part of the song is a bit dark, evil giving the vibe of the pollution and the second half is a more positive part which

When&Where: January 18 - The Carlton Hotel, Geelong is the way it should be really.” It was obvious that Glenn has a passion for the environmental side of things, I asked him if this was a direction he often took in song writing “I’m a bit of an environmentalist in my songs and I’d really like to see a lot less of this pollution happening, I don’t surf myself but surfers definitely seem to take the same view as I do on these things. So rather than being the wanker type rock bands being all ‘hey look at us’ we try to write some that has a message.” With such a humble outlook on their music combined with the sound that Glenn described as inspired by 80’s bands such as ‘Midnight Oil’ and ‘The Cool C’ I was curious as to what kind of gigs Goofyfooter played. Unfortunately, consistent with signing to a record label, it proves quite difficult for an experimental, instrumental surf band to get consistent and quality gigs. “It’s really hard being a band who does what we do to get really good quality gigs, but once we break through with a couple of places they tend

to want us back. We’ve got a gig at the Carlton Hotel in Geelong and we’re really excited about that because after closure of The Nash, its really good of them to start taking on more live music,” says Glenn. Personally I was excited by the thought of seeing Goofyfooter live, especially when Glenn told me about how they compensate for their non lyrical music in a live setting - “We’re using the Carlton gig as a bit of an Ep Launch and we’ve been experimenting a bit with our live act, but because we don’t have a singer to give people something to look at we have projections of old surfing footage or psychedelic images, something that compliments the song. This was kind inspired by the early live performances of Pink Floyd.” With the sincerest intentions to create some worthwhile music as well as continue to build the thriving local music scene Goofyfooter may just be some guys from Rosebud, but they’re doing it right.

the recording process. “We try to just keep building it up, and throwing away things we don’t like, and trying new things. We just try and have a lot of fun with it, and really enjoy it, and just make it what music should be: A really enjoyable, fun process and we hope they come out and people enjoy them as much as we had fun making them.” Dale seemed pretty psyched to be coming back to Geelong for the Great Australian Beer Festival. “When we got the call to do the Great Australian Beer Festival, we thought ‘Wow, that’s going to be a really fun day’. I can’t drink beer, which is quite a sad situation, I have coeliac disease, so I can’t have any gluten, but I can drink cider, and I’ve heard that there’s quite a few ciders that are gonna be there, so I reckon I’ll be pacing it with Josie for sure,” says Dale. Being a simple band of two can have its downfalls, but that doesn’t seem to affect their live shows. “We’re kind of pushing our limits as to what we can do with the two of us. We’re trying new syncopated beats on the seat drums I’m playing, while the acoustic guitar is happening, we’re bringing a bit more harmonica too. Josie’s got some awesome loops happening and just a bunch of new songs that we’re really excited about. And we went and revisited some old ones and made some changes, so if anybody knows a few of our older songs, we’ve kinda had some hits with on community radio across Australia, then they might be surprised to hear some little revisits we’ve done there.” As far as influences go, Dale has a long list. “I’d have to say we’re influenced a lot

by multi-instrumentalists, Australian musicians, Ash Grunwald, Kim Churchill, just people out there doing cool stuff, Xavier Rudd. But at the same time we’re a boy and girl kinda duet, so the Angus and Julia Stone vibe is quite prominent in there, or Stars from Canada, The xx ... Of Monsters and Men.” Lately he says, Macklemore and Ryan Lewis’ ‘Thrift Shop’ is a song “that’s been pumping through our old VT Commodore car stereo.” Their live album, Live From The Basement is out

December 1, and they’re touring all through the summer. “[We’re] really looking forward to getting down south again, it’s been way too long. We hope to see a lot of familiar faces and lots more new ones in the audience when we get down there.” When&Where: February 1 The Loft, Warrnambool & February 2 The Great Australian Beer Festival, Geelong Racecourse

to play. Generally those that are upbeat to some extent and have a nice catchy chorus. With the band there’s a little bit of freedom to move around and do some stuff musically, we’re not locked down to the same old boring formula for a song every time, otherwise we feel like we’re doing the same old thing,” says Max. I spoke to Max about the bands beginning and he tells me that music wasn’t his first recreational passion, but after discovering American rockers Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers, Sarah & The King Bees were inspired into formation and Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers still remain one of, if not the biggest, influence and inspiration to the Melbourne outfit. “When I was younger I always thought Rock ‘n’ Roll was the coolest thing in the world. Reuben and I didn’t come from a musical family, whereas Sarah came from a very musical family. I was more into sport, I played a lot of sport and I always thought music was cooler but I didn’t know how to do it. Then at 12 I started playing electric guitar because of Led Zeppelin, ACDC and those kinds of guys who influenced most kids into music. It was probably at about 16 that I had to have ankle surgery and my sport was finished. I heard Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers and those guys were like ‘this is how you do it, this is what you do, this is how you write songs and how you put a band together’, and that was probably the most important and influential band I listened to at the time. If it hadn’t been for them, I don’t know if I would have done it.” Sarah & The King bees have yet to release their debut album although all the tracks

When&Where: 20 January at Harvest ‘n’ Graze Festival, Bellarine Estate – Bellarine have been written and recorded. The album was mostly finished a little while ago now and as Max tells us that there is a slight musical difference between the music recorded then, and the music they make today, but it sounds as though it should only be a little while longer until we get to hear to final product. “We have recorded our album, which has been a long process, I think it’s been a year and a half now since we’ve finished recording but it’s been slowed down because of various industry things along the way. It’s probably more country

music sounding than how we are now, we’re certainly not as straight as we were back then with the country sound, so I think when people hear it now and then see us live it wouldn’t quite match up entirely. We hope that album should be released this year and that should get us rolling again.” Until then, catch Sarah & The King Bees at Harvest ‘n’ Graze later this month playing alongside Daryl Braithwaite, The Corner Shop Kids, The Corsairs and Where’s Joss?.

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Moyston Live Music Festival by wylie caird

In their May 2012 edition, Music Forum magazine put together a list of 350 Australian music festivals. That works out at around one a day. Some are well known and take pride of place on the calendar of music lovers Australia-wide while others remain hidden treasures, tucked away from the greater public. Whether the festival is splashed across the pages of major newspapers and flashy websites or written up in the local free rag and on flyers matters not. 400 music lovers can be equally as impassioned as 40,000.

In 2013 Australia welcomes the Moyston Live Music Festival, a brand-new addition to the festival scene. So, why enter such a crowded market? Festival brains David Nicholson fills us in. “There are a number of factors which contributed to the decision to run this festival; the first being that we have a very generous sponsor in Peter Nicholson (no relation) who runs Grampians Event Hire, specialising in marquees and party hire equipment. Peter is a regular at our Ararat Live shows and suggested that we run a small festival in the district using his infrastructure at severely discounted rates so we jumped at the chance and booked in the bands. As Peter is also a huge Mick Thomas fan we made sure that Mick was the first act we secured.” He continues. “We felt that running a music festival was an ideal opportunity to reinvigorate the Moyston and

Ararat communities and to showcase some of the talent to a wider audience.” Ararat is a small city in south-west Victoria. According to the 2011 census its population was 7,024. Sitting pretty in the Rural City of Ararat, Moyston had a population of 356 in the 2011 census. The Moyston community used to hold a Gymkhana and Sports Day on Boxing Day until waning numbers saw the event die out in the mid 2000s. In 2010, frustrated by a dried-out music scene, locals created Ararat Live. David: “One of the local pubs used to run a few original blues gigs going back ten years ago but since then we have had to go out of town to see quality performers. As I have been booking acts for the Lake Bolac Eel Festival it fell on me to contact some of the acts that I was familiar with and offer carus thompson

them a gig. We figured that there must be artists travelling up the Western Highway between Melbourne and Adelaide that would be willing to stop for us. At first we were not convinced that a show in a country town would appeal to them but we were proven wrong and have been running on a roughly monthly basis since.” With the success of Ararat Live the next logical step would be to test the festival waters. However, having the idea is one thing, convincing others is often more problematic. Or so one may think. “Actually, this was the relatively easy part of the process,” David tells us. “Most of the acts have performed for Ararat Live in the past and have been crowd favourites. Then we added a few that have great reputations and that we thought would complement the line up.” Top of the wish list was Mick Thomas and they secured him no worries. Carus Thompson, Liz Stringer, Van Walker, Dirt River Radio, Shaun Kirk, Tim Scanlan and the Mahony Brothers will also perform. “I think we have something to please most tastes, at least in the singer-songwriter sphere.” If festival domination is something David has his sights on, he doesn’t let on. He speaks glowingly about the artists lined up and is more interested in what the festival can do for others than what the festival can do for him. “Personally, I’m a fan of original music and that’s why the Ararat Live project is such a pleasure to be involved in so I guess I really hope that it provides a springboard for these acts to gain a wider audience. It never ceases to amaze me how much incredible talent is on hand in Australia and how many great songs are being written every day by artists that know they will never receive the benefit of commercial radio support. Through the gigs we’ve already run over the past two years there has been a gradual increase in our supporter base and this benefits the artists though CD sales. We expect that a lot of the Moyston Live Music Festival audience will be unfamiliar with most of the acts but will be entertained enough to maybe follow up one or two of the bands in the future and if that happens I think we achieved something great by giving these deserving acts some more exposure.” The festival is taking place this Australia Day. A lack of local events and a long weekend make for a good a reason as any to host the festival on such a day. Nicholson realises its early days yet and adopts an appropriate outlook. “Well, we are certainly just taking it one step at a time at the moment. There have been many festivals that aim to high too quickly and come unstuck so we are learning from their mistakes and looking to be successful but within our means. We are lucky to have secured some great sponsors for the event this year but would love it to be an ongoing fully self-sufficient festival. Time will tell.” mick thomas

What you need to know: Moyston is in the foothills of the Grampians. Taking place on January 26, the festival’s venue is a sports oval with pavilion, social room and grandstand. There will be plenty of trees and a marquee to shade the blasting January sun. Parking will be in an adjacent paddock. Toilets are located in the pavilion and near the tennis courts. Gates open at midday. No BYO. Tickets are $40 through trybooking.com/32051. Contact information: facebook.com/MoystonLiveMusicFestival.

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Forte's

Summer Spots!

Spotlight On Lorne Down the coast along our beloved Great Ocean Road, nestled in between the rainforest and the beach, lies Lorne. The place where the beautiful people hang out, surf all day, never work, eat triple scoop ice-cream, have awesome tans, and the best variety of rip curl boardies. Well, that’s how I imagined people in Lorne lived when I was growing up in regional Victoria, 300 kilometres away from anything remotely associated with a beach. But since moving down this way, I’ve noticed some of my childhood perceptions may not be that far-fetched - people do have great tans in Lorne, during the summer no one works, they just surf, and the triple scoop ice cream from the... is the ultimate. All in all, Lorne is a pretty special town to live close to. If you’re around the traps in Lorne this summer it means you have survived the ridiculously frustrating, and occasionally amusing swarms of tourists that stop on that incredibly dangerous road just to take a selfy that has an ocean

background, (tip: selfies with ocean backgrounds are also possible from the safety of the beach... the sand of the beach). Some cool things to do while you visit include swimming (obviously), or taking one of the awesome hikes the town is renowned for, (Lorne to Erskine Falls is a ripper, but make sure you are up for a decent trek). Also, be sure to pop in to the Qdos Arts Cafe for a latte, they make the best in town, or into Cuda Bar on Mountjoy Parade if you are in the mood for a fresh meal or some tapas. One of the best things about Lorne is that you can feel like a local without actually being a local. I think this has a lot to do with a) the real locals being nice people (you will be able to spot a real one when you meet them) b) the population of Lorne sits at around 1000 people in the off season, so you have to love a visitor, and c) it’s a town founded on fishing, surfing and caravanning. Now that’s a lifestyle we can all fit right in with.

Summer Movies wreck-it ralph

Let’s be honest: at some points during the year, the movies just aren’t trying. You look at what’s on and there’s nothing but a series of unappealing duds, failed attempts at blockbusters and films designed to appeal strongly to someone who isn’t you. Fortunately, summer is not one of those times. Thanks to a combination of Christmas blockbusters and the looming awards season – more specifically, the terrible memories of voters for the US Academy Awards; if a movie isn’t screened within a couple of months of the awards themselves, the voters don’t remember it existed – the Australian summer is one of the best times of year to avoid the outdoors and head into the cinema. The obvious Summer front-runner a fortnight after its release is The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Director Peter Jackson’s return to Middle-Earth a decade after the Lord of the Rings trilogy hasn’t been universally acclaimed, with the decision to turn a fairly slender children’s story into first two then three films (each running well over two hours) seeming a little like dragging things out to some. Jackson’s decision to film in the new 48 frames per second format to improve visual quality (especially in 3D) has also been controversial, with audiences (well, those who’ve seen it at 48fps – not all cinemas are showing it in that format) divided on whether it really is an improvement or just makes the film look like it was shot on home video. The fact remains though, the Lord of the Rings was massively successful and for many of that trilogy’s fans the real draw here is the chance to return to Middle Earth – and on that level, this film delivers all the fans could ask for. Les Miserables has been packing in the audiences, and not just for the long-awaited opportunity to see Wolverine and Gladiator finally teaming up on the big screen. This adaptation the 80s musical based on French author Victor Hugo’s sprawling novel tells the story of Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman), a convict released in 1815 only to find with his permanent parole he will never find a legitimate place in society – especially with his former gaoler Javert (Russell Crowe) on his tail. Meanwhile, factory worker Fantine (Anne Hathaway) is run out of her job when it’s discovered she’s sending money to her illegitimate daughter; she becomes a prostitute, Valjean is uncovered, he rescues her daughter, she grows up, there’s rebellion in the streets of Paris and let’s put it this way: if all you know of the musical is the handful of songs you’ve heard outside of it, there’s a good reason for that. This is epic film-making that treats the original with the respect and reverence a Broadway smash deserves. Down the more spiritual end of things, Life of Pi (based on the award-winning 2001 novel by Yann Martel) is a visually stunning film based in large part about the struggle between Pi (Suraj Sharma), a teenaged shipwreck survivor, and Richard Parker, a tiger. Taking up much of the middle of the film, this struggle between man and beast is brilliant film-making. This tiger is far from tame and shows no interest in becoming so, and Pi’s constant struggle to come up with a way for them to live side by side on a tiny boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is some of the most compelling storytelling of the year. The film may have its flaws – it’s slow to start and the quasi-religious ending is a bit of a muddle – but the middle stretch is some of the best big screen storytelling currently on offer. For the kids, the video-game-themed Wreck-It Ralph is about as much fun as you can have without being able to control the characters on the screen, as Wreck-It Ralph (the voice of John C Reilly) leaves his 80’s style arcade game (in which he’s the home-wrecking bad guy) to search for the gold medal that he hopes will win him the acceptance of the rest of his game’s inhabitants. Some winning performances – notably Sarah Silverman as the glitchy Vanellope von Schweetz in the cart racing game Sugar Rush that occupies the second half of the film – combined with some really impressive animation makes this a stand out even in the

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more-than-usually-competent area of big screen animation. Seriously, when was the last time a big animation film turned out to be less than fun? For… well, it’s hard to know exactly who it’s meant for really, but Parental Guidance certainly does fill the traditional holiday niche that is “bland family movies”. Presumably somebody out there is excited at the prospect of seeing Bette Midler (hey, she can be funny) and Billy Crystal (hey, he’s been funny too) together as grandparents looking after their over-parented grand kids while the parents try to get some time to themselves. Be warned: in one scene Crystal gets hit in the groin so hard he throws up on a little kid. And that’s not the worst scene in this sappy, never actually funny film. For those after something with a bit more punch, Jack Reacher (based on the novel One Shot by Lee Child) manages to provide a decent dose of action despite the fact that lead Tom Cruise is at least a foot shorter than the 6 foot 5 inch head-crusher than his character was in the novel. If you can get past that though, this is a entertaining return to the days when action movies were more about car chases and tracking down bad guys than they were about shaping changing robots and while Cruise is solid enough as the lead drifter-slash-headkicker-slash-murder investigator, it’s Werner Herzog (yes, the European director, here in an acting-only role) as the amazingly sinister bad guy that you’ll really remember. Hitchcock is, unsurprisingly, about the great thriller director – more specifically, his creation of perhaps his best known film, Psycho. If you’ve seen a Hollywood biopic in the last decade, you know the drill here: we get the behind-the-scenes story spiced up with a few hints that Hitchcock was actually more like his movie characters than we might have suspected. It’s never that convincing, but good performances and some real care put into recreating the movie culture of the time go a long way towards making this a fun, if not exactly accurate, introduction to Hitchcock’s work. Judd Apatow has had a massive influence on American movie comedy over the last decade or so, so it’s a surprise to learn that This Is 40 is only the fourth feature film he’s directed. A spin-off from his earlier Knocked Up, focusing on Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann’s characters from that film, this is rarely laugh-out-loud funny and the characters are often more irritating than endearing, but Apatow seems to be going for something deeper than surface gags here and while he may not be completely successful here – it’s a long film for a comedy that isn’t all that funny – the effort alone is refreshing. If Gangster Squad looks old-fashioned, that’s because it is: this isn’t just a look back early 1950s LA and the LAPD’s brutal attempts to run mobster Mickey Cohen out of town before he could take it over, it’s a return to the old-style gangster films that made the Warner Brothers studio a big success in the 30s and 40s. Don’t expect any subtitles here: the good guys are super-good, the bad guys are gunning down innocent newspaper boys, if you’ve ever seen The Untouchables you can see every twist coming and in the end the whole thing turns out to be a whole lot of pulpy fun. Summer isn’t over yet either: amongst the films coming up in the next few weeks we have Quentin Tarantino’s mix of spaghetti western and 70s blaxploitation Django Unchained; the controversial and in-depth look at the decade long search by the CIA for Osama Bin Laden Zero Dark Thirty; Denzel Washington playing a pilot who saves his passengers and crew by making an amazing landing – and then turns out to be a junkie – in Flight; Seth Rogen travels cross-country with Barbara Streisand as his mother in Guilt Trip; and Bradley Cooper plays a former mental patient who returns home to find his family aren’t exactly normal either in The Silver Linings Playbook. With all that on the horizon just in January, who needs the beach? By Anthony Morris

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TALK OF THE TOWN! Welcome to Talk of the Town: Where the streets have no name. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

Birds of Tokyo Take Flight With some big international artists touring next year – including some after too long an absence – there is already a whole lot to look forward to in 2013 but on a local front things are just as good. Even better some may say. Take, for example, March Fires, the forthcoming new album from favourites Birds of Tokyo. The album follows up the fine work of 2010’s self-titled effort which spawned everywhere single ‘Plans’. The song ended the year sitting pretty at the #4 spot on triple j Hottest 100, 2010. On we march to March Fires. Change and renewal are nothing new when it comes to inspiring new material and it is in this situation the band landed. Two new members joined the ranks (Glenn Sarangapany and Ian Berney) while the three remaining original members (Ian Kenny, Adam Spark and Adam Weston) all relocated to new cities across the eastern seaboard. Songwriting took shape from Sydney to a remote French farmhouse while recording took place in L.A. Adam Spark explains the aim was to “...create something that felt fresh and exciting.” Fans have received a small taste of the album with four-track EP The Fire. The album itself is released March 1. There is also a nice little tour with the band kicking things off at the University of Ballarat, Sport & Rec Centre on February 27. .........................................................................

The Tuneful Young Troubadours Two Americans and an Aussie walk into a bar. You think the Aussie would have seen it coming. Badum ching! Showing far more musical talent than I do as a jokes-man, Austin Lucas, PJ Bond and Jamie Hay are behind the Young Troubadours Tour. He may have been born into folk and bluegrass lineage but Austin Lucas soon enough discovered his inner punk demon. His folk punk has given birth to several releases including his latest, 2011’s A New Home in the Old World. New Jersey native PJ Bond cut his teeth in Outsmarting Simon where overcrowded vans became his home and dive bars became his front porch. Newcastle lured Jamie Hay from Melbourne but there is enough to share around. The hardworking muso released his debut solo album King of the Sun late last year. The Palais, Hepburn Springs – January 23 & Beav’s Bar, Geelong – January 24. .........................................................................

The Firetree Are Prepared Let me introduce you to a couple of talented musicians. Dale Buchanan is one. He sings, plays guitar, mandolin, kick drum and snare. Josephine Cubis is one too. She also sings, plays guitar, mandolin and hand percussion. Together they are The Firetree. The indie folk duo has been steadily ascending the music mountain for a little while now with barely a chance to stop and check out the scenery. Extensive touring of Australia as well as Canada and Europe keeps one busy. Singles including ‘Sun and Moon’ and ‘Back and Forth’ have received their fair share of love and new single ‘After the World Ends’ is sure to do the same. Also keep an eye out for their debut live album, Live at The Basement. The Loft, Warrnambool – February 1. Note: the duo will also perform at Geelong Racecourse on February 2 as part of the Great Australian Beer Festival.

ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Run Away with Half Moon Run Ah, YouTube; such a great opportunity for bands and artists to upload their music. And while we are sometimes exposed to things that one should never be exposed to (the ‘to each their own’ sentiment should be embraced here) we often stumble upon gold. In the case of Canada’s Half Moon Run there is certainly a shimmer. Half Moon Run is Devon Portielje, Conner Molander and Dylan Phillips. In March 2012 the band posted the official film clip for their first single ‘Full Circle’ and have watched it clock up over 300,000 views. BBC1′s Zane Lowe and influential LA station KCRW are among the fans. All reports suggest their live show is something special with Phillips often playing drums and keys simultaneously as Molander and Portielje effortlessly shuffle between instruments. The Karova, Ballarat – January 12. .........................................................................

Fuckface Unstoppable, BAM! Once upon a time there lived a guy named Bam Magera who seemed to cause mischief at any opportunity. In fact, there still lives a guy named Bam Magera who causes mischief at any opportunity. And he is very, very good at it. He is also starting to flex his musical muscles with Fuckface Unstoppable, a lewd, crude and all-out rude outfit featuring Chad and Matty J (from cKy) and Alex Flamsteed (Guttermouth). The proskater turned reality TV star actually takes music seriously. Well, as seriously as one can when your band is called Fuckface Unstoppable. He created and produced the musical and DVD compilation series Viva La Bands and hosts the weekly music/ wise-talking radio show Bam Radio on Sirius Satellite Radio. The Karova, Ballarat – January 18 & The Barwon Club, Geelong – January 21.

Northlane on the March 15 shows in 17 days is pretty impressive by anyone’s standards. Geared up for another big year, Northlane are set to test out their endurance with a little help from In Hearts Wake and Endless Heights. Welcome to the Worldeater Tour. The hardworking Northlane formed in 2009 before introducing us to what they are about with their 2010 EP Hollow Existence. As word began to spread, the band continued to tour hard before dropping their debut full length release Discoveries in 2011. Kill Your Stereo summed up their review by simply stating “Australian release of the year.” The future is looking bright for this metalcore band and with their beefy start of year tour they’re sure to win a few more fans. Mechanics Institute, Ballarat – January 19 & Kulcha Shift, Warrnambool – January 21. Note: both shows are allages.

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Children of Oh Sleeper 2011 saw the release of Children of Fire, the third album from Texas Christian metalcore outfit Oh, Sleeper. Ever since the album was released Aussie fans have been itching for a tour so they could hear it live and now it’s happening. The album’s concept mainly focuses on the aftermath of the battle between God and Satan. Sputnik Music buzzed about the album writing: “Oh, Sleeper have really stepped up their game with this release. Improvement shines like a beacon in the darkened genre that is metalcore. Combined with the heart-wrenching concept that everybody can relate to, and the instrumentals that will tear you to shreds, Children of Fire is an excellent record that gives hope to a dying genre.” The Karova, Ballarat – February 6. .........................................................................

Echuca Riverboats Festival With Forte back for its first issue of 2013, it can’t hurt to throw out a reminder about the Echuca Riverboats Festival for all those whose minds are still a little groggy after the festive season. Staged in the twin towns of Echuca-Moama, the festival takes place in a gorgeous natural amphitheatre right next to the Murray. Pete Murray, Clare Bowditch, Archie Roach, James Reyne, Joe Camilleri & The Black Sorrows, Mid Dyson, Gossling, Clairy Brown & the Bangin’ Rackettes, The Bombay Royale, Cash Savage & the Last Drinks, Better than the Wizards and Talisa Jobe will perform. The festival has a couple of sweet little offerings including their Riverboats Deluxe Ticket Package where limited numbers will enjoy a two-hour cruise upon the Pevensey. The official Festival Breakfast on the Sunday morning (February 17) is also a real winner. Echuca-Moama – February 15 through 17. Hit riverboatsmusic.com.au for further information including ticket details. .........................................................................

Bendigo’s Summer Gigfest One of the finest ways to start the New Year’s music adventures is at Gigfest, Bendigo’s own little Big Day Out. There are plenty of bands. There are multiple stages. The sun is shining. The beer flows. And good times are to be had. Unfortunately, as sometimes can be the case, deadlines don’t always line up with announcements so details are minimal as to who you can expect to perform. I can share a few artists with you and they are La Bastard, My Left Boot, RockSteady and Rabid Zulu. But there will be many, many more. Oh yes, many, many more. As for the ones mentioned, the timing couldn’t be better for genre slicers and dicers La Bastard as January sees the release of their new album Tales from the Beyond. The reuniting of local lads RockSteady for the gig should be a pretty cool treat as well. The Newmarket – January 19. .........................................................................

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Blues Skies for Pete Murray There is a general consensus that songman Pete Murray is a good bloke. He is certainly one that appreciates that music is a bonding relationship between musician and audience and that sometimes the thirst music lovers have for music is never quite quenched. Enter a massive 40+ date tour to kick off 2013 that is sure to satisfy. 2013 will also mark the 10-year anniversary of the release of Feeler, Murray’s second album and the one which brought him to the attention of the wider music community. His most recent effort is 2011’s acclaimed Blue Sky Blue, an album recorded in L.A.’s famed Sunset Sound studios. The album came after a rough time but it is one that shines. The Wool Exchange, Geelong – February 16; Theatre Royal, Castlemaine – March 8; Regent Multiplex, Ballarat – March 14. Note: Murray also plays Echuca’s Riverboats Music Festival.

bobby alu

The Saintly Benny Walker Songman Benny Walker is set to kick off his year with a bang. Not only will he continue to make his way around the traps on an extensive tour but he will be doing so in support of his forthcoming new album, Sinners and Saints. Recorded with ARIAwinning producer Shane O’Mara (Tim Rogers, Lisa Miller, The Audreys), the fourteen-track release is a blend of blues, roots and acoustic folk. With 2012 delivering him the Victorian Indigenous Performing Arts Award for Best New Talent, which sits nicely alongside his Arts Cultural Australia Day Murray Shire Council Award, it would seem that Benny is much more of a saint than he is a sinner. Old Hepburn Hotel, Hepburn Springs – January 20; The Newmarket, Bendigo – January 25; The Loft, Warrnambool – January 27. .........................................................................

Cheers to the Ballarat Beer Festival Beer and cheer will both flow richly at the 2013 Ballarat Beer Festival. The festival will showcase over 150 beers and ciders from 40 brewers with some of the most unique flavours you’re likely to come across. Good beer goes best with good food and they have plenty of that too. You will find wood fired pizzas, gourmet sausages and burgers, gourmet pies, Spanish paella, baked potatoes, Indian favourites and much more. And of course good beer and good food goes even better with good music. And yep, they have thought of that one as well. Leading the entertainment will be The Beards, those follically-enhanced men who know how to play a darn good tune or too. They will be joined by some fine local talent. Plenty of kid’s activities will be set up to make sure the little ones have a day out as well. City Oval – January 19. Hit ballaratbeerfestival.com.au for full details. .........................................................................

Advanced Hairspray, Yeah Yeah We are in Baltimore in the 1960s and we want you to meet Tracy Turnblad. She has a dream to dance on local TV dance program The Corny Collins Show. She has the moves. She gets a spot on the show. Celebrity status comes her way. What is a gal to do? Hairspray is a 1988 film by John Waters. The original music production, based on the Waters film, opened in 2002. The original run ran until 2009 where it clocked up over 2,500 performances and won eight Tony Awards along the way. This special Warrnambool show is performed by Holiday Actors, a supremely talented bunch of 13 to 20 year olds from Warrnambool and surrounding districts. You know the songs. You know the words. You know the moves. Don’t be shy: sing and dance along. Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool – January 16-19. Bookings through lighthousetheatre.com.au. .........................................................................

Heather Peace at Last Never underestimate the power of fans. After months of emails and social media requests from fans, Heather Peace finally buckled to friendly demands and booked in an Australian tour. She will perform at Mardi Gras as well as a few smaller shows here and there. Although Heather became a familiar TV face through shows including Emmerdale, music was always a part of her life. It has been for as long as she remembers. Acting fell a little well by the wayside (no interesting offers

Apollo Bay Music Festival 2013 No Trouble for Ash Grunwald After soaking up The Falls festival, the ultracool Ash Grunwald has continued to work his way around the country showcasing songs from his new album Trouble’s Door as well as old favourites. There is no rest for the wicked with this one. Trouble’s Door is the songman’s sixth studio album and the follow-up to 2010’s big hit Hot Mama Vibes. The newie represents a two-year transition period for the singer-songwriter and gave birth to what he described on his website as some of his most personal songwriting to date. The blues and roots performer has also earned a reputation for delivering a truly riveting live performance but when you tour as hard as he does, you must learn a few things along the way. The Wool Exchange, Geelong – February 9. Get your tickets as shows have been selling out.

I have it on good authority that Forte readers are the most intelligent of all street press readers so you are probably already up to speed regarding the first line-up of this year’s Apollo Bay Music Festival. Just in case you’re not, however, here it is: Sandi Thom, Turin Brakes, Hiatus Kaiyote, Hayward Williams, Redcoats, King of the North, Jess Ribeiro & the Bone Collectors, Abbie Cardwell & Chicano Rockers, The Yearlings, Mustered Courage, Bobby Alu, Dubmarine, Kingfisha, Ghost Orkid, Aluka, Alex Bowen, Chase the Sun and Daniel Champagne. There is still so much more to be announced but hey, that’s not too shabby a start, ey? Celebrating the magical 21, the Apollo Bay Music Festival takes place across April 26, 27 & 28. Hit apollobaymusicfestival.com for further details.

came her way) so she tried the music waters by booking a few gigs. By April 2011 she had sold out a two-week tour and by Christmas she has sold thousands of copies of her acoustic demo and DVD. She then teamed up with Nigel Wright (Barbara Streisand, Madonna) to begin work on her debut album, Fairytales. The Palais, Hepburn Springs – February 22. .........................................................................

Landing on their Clubfeet Melbourne via Cape Town synth-pop purveyors Clubfeet will show off their forthcoming new album Heirs & Graces with a few shows around the country. The band first found the spotlight shining their way following the release of 2010’s debut Gold on Gold. Pitchfork, NME and Spin all gave the release warm and snuggly reviews and pretty soon the rest of the world was catching on. Singles ‘Edge of Extremes’ and ‘Last Words’ became hits on Australian radio and last year the adopted Aussies played their first Australian tour. 2012 also saw them return to the studio for a crack at album number two. Released just around the corner on January 18, Heirs & Graces is led by first single ‘Heartbreak’. To see why Paste placed them in their 10 Great Bands from CMJ list head to Star Bar, Bendigo on February 8.

A Punkful of The Morrisons There are three main things one needs to know about Melbourne punk rock assaulters The Morrisons. (1) The Morrisons play rock ‘n’ roll. (2) The Morrisons play rock ‘n’ roll loud. (3) The Morrisons play rock ‘n’ roll loud and fast. When you are raised on a steady diet of Black Flag, Dead Kennedys, Bad Brains and The Buzzcocks you kinda have to expect that though. The ragtag bunch of musos that comprise the band all had experience in previous outfits and were all friends wanting to try something new. The band’s first performance was a wham-bam 20-minute set supporting The Scarlets at Cherry Bar. The story goes that The Scarlets’ lead singer had tied one on and interrupted the band’s set to talk up the band. Anyway, the Morrisons have an EP and four-track 7-inch to their name. The Barwon Club, Geelong – January 11 & The Bridge, Castlemaine – January 12.

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TALK OF THE TOWN! ballarat / bendigo / geelong / surfcoast / warrnambool / werribee

Sitting on a Bog Log III Anything you can do Bob Log III can probably do better. At least when it comes to music. Certainly when it comes to the kind of footstompin’, guitar-slidin’, fuzzed out one-man mania he provides. Mr Bob Log plays the delta blues like a man possessed. Music hounds first got a taste of his hopped-up blues through Doo Rag, a duo where he was joined by Thermos Malling. He is hard to miss; wearing a full body cannonball suit and a motorcycle helmet wired to a telephone receiver makes you stand out. But it his music which really makes you take notice. Playing the guitar and kick drums simultaneously, he is a one-man guitar party band. Oh, and make sure you order him a scotch. Bended Elbow, Geelong – January 31 & The Karova, Ballarat – February 1. With guests. .........................................................................

CarterRollins Rolls On There is nothing special behind the name CarterRollins. It is simply the combination of the players’ names: Justin Carter and Johnny Rollins. However, the duo’s music is something special. The surf-rockers have been finding a lotta love for their tunes. Single ‘Peace Bomb’, from their debut album Onjuku Sun, appeared on Halogen TV’s ‘Surf Life’. You can check out that through YouTube. As for the album, it was inspired by the love they have for Japan. The lads have toured there often and one day crossed paths with Japanese long-board champion Eugene Teal. Throughout the next few days the jamming, surfing and adventures which took place laid down the roots for Onjuku Sun. Torquay Hotel, Torquay – February 3. With The Southbound Three and Brother James .........................................................................

Hepburn Springs Folk Festival The Hepburn Springs Folk Festival returns for its fourth year in 2013 and it is goo-ood! Presented by Winterbird Productions, the festival buzzes with the kind of energy of a big festival but at a gentler pace. It’s cruisey and perfect for families. Okay, let’s get to it. Lining up you have Humbug, Seymour Hollow, Afro Junk Vs Koala Grunge, Del Luna, Tim Guy, Junk Horses, Freya Hollick, Glitter Rats, Lucas Paine and the Cutting List, Mon Kerr, Mightiest of Guns and headliners Cherrywood. Not quite country and not quite rockabilly, Cherrywood has busted a gut playing anywhere, anytime, with anyone. With double bass, mandolin, snare and guitar delivered by a bunch of raucous rogues, the band will have you singing along by night’s end. Old Hepburn Hotel – January 26. Tickets at varying prices. Kids under 12 are free. For full details hit facebook. com/HepburnSpringsFolkFestival.

booth, a puppet show and more. Werribee Park – January 20. Further information is available through cartellmusic.com.au/sfsc/. .........................................................................

Modhan sets off Fireworks Quick bite: There is something pretty different about Edinburgh-based band Modhan. Blending traditional Scottish music with splashes of jazz, rock, folk and funk, the six-piece tip their Tam O’Shanter to contemporary sounds while upholding a deep respect for their Scottish roots. In 2012 the band released their second album, The Admiral’s Fireworks. The band is: Andy McLeod, Jodie Bremaneson, Mark Aspden, Graham McLeod, Kay Vickers and Chris Higgins. The Bridge, Castlemaine – January 24. With Evan & Mischa. .........................................................................

Tall Walking McAlpine’s Fusiliers Quick bite: McAlpine’s Fusiliers will take their distinctive charm to The Golden Vine, Bendigo on January 13. The Celtic meets Colonial folk rock ensemble combines traditional folk instrumentation with a punk rhythm to create a sound which will have you tapping your feet and every other part of your body. The sound has been referred to as Swaggie Punk and that is good enough for me. They have a couple of albums under their belts: 2007’s Sons & Daughters of the Soil and 2012’s When Giants Walked our Streets. Bring a shovel to lean on! .........................................................................

Rainbow Serpent Festival Quick bite: The Rainbow Serpent Festival takes place a little later this month where it will serve up four glorious days of music, art and lifestyle. We’ll dive into it a little deeper in next issue’s Talk of the Town but here are the bite size bits and pieces you need to know. The festival takes place from January 25 to January 28 at Lexton. Limited tickets are still available but you had better be quick. Gates open at 12pm on the Thursday prior to the festival. Hit rainbowserpent.net for more or check out next issue (January 24).

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Havaianas Thong Day Challenge Australia Day is coming up and that means just one thing: it’s time to strap on your thong and show us your stuff. The Havaianas Thong Day Challenge is where you soak up Australia Day by getting a little sun and try your hand at a world record all the while supporting the little nippers. Taking place at five locations around the country, the Havaianas Thong Day Challenge pits state against state. How many people can you get in the water on giant inflatable Havaianas Thongs? That is what the challenge aims to find out. Cottesloe set the record last year with 2088 so now you know the figure to beat. There will be plenty of other activities on the day plus merch and tunes. Cosy Corner, Torquay – January 26. You can also set up an event in your backyard. For further information and registration details hit havaianasthongchallenge.com.au. .........................................................................

So Frenchy So Chic I don’t know how one would go about getting their French on but if there was such a place where it would be possible to find out it would be 2013’s wonderful So Frenchy So Chic in the Park. What you have is a celebration of all things French; food, music, wine, Emmanuelle Béart. Okay, maybe not Emmanuelle but certainly everything else to whisk you away to the France. Music wise you have the gorgeous talents of Mélanie Pain, Carmen Maria Vega, Revolver and Nadéah. Food wise, well, the best thing you can do there is visit the website below to see what tasty treats will be served up. Fancy a drop with your lunch? They have a fine selection of wine as well. Even the kids are taken care of with face painting, a photo

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carus thompson

Moyston Live Music Festival Our fair country’s celebration that is Australia Day is creeping up and at the Moyston Live Music Festival you have every reason to rejoice, and not only because we are girt by sea. A fine team of musos have been called up to help celebrate the day including Mick Thomas & the Roving Commission, Carus Thompson, Liz Stringer, Van Walker, Dirt River Radio, Shaun Kirk, Tim Scanlan and The Mahony Brothers. The idea for the festival comes through the success of Ararat Live. Festival organiser Dave Nicholson: “We have been given great support and encouragement from the ‘Ararat Live’ audience which has given us the confidence to go ahead with a festival. It is a true community event.” He goes on to say: “We hope visitors will take advantage of the long weekend and make the most of a trip to the Ararat region. What better way to celebrate Australia than with good food and local wines, good company and great Aussie music.” Indeed. The Moyston Live Music Festival takes place January 26 at the Recreation Reserve. Bookings can be made through trybooking.com. Further information can be found through their Facebook page, Moyston Live Music Festival.

ODYSEEY BLUES AND FOLK FESTIVAL Odyssey Tavern and Brewery is very proud to announce the ‘Odyssey Blues and Folk Festival’ to be held over the Australia day Weekend. Odyssey Tavern are expanding upon their already thriving original live music nights by opening their doors for a 3 day extravaganza. Artists playing include, Shaun Kirk, Alister Turrill, Jamie Pye (Thursday the 24th), Carus Thompson, Tom Milek, Lucas Williams (Friday the 25th) and Jay Hoad with bunch of others on Saturday the 26th (Australia day). So if you are sick of the same old Oz Day parties get on down the highway to Odyssey and sit in the sun with a craft beer and listen to tunes by some of Australia and the regions finest musicians. During Australia day there will be an ‘all day long’ Triple J hottest 100 party too!. When and where ‘Thursday Jan 24th, Friday Jan 25th and Saturday Jan 26th at Odyssey Tavern and Brewery’

Blowout! Torquay-based Macondo Blowout are set to take stage with the Spazzys and The Dukes of Deliciousness on January 17. Renowned for their diverse surf-punk sound the local four-piece are bound to have the iconic Torquay Hotel packed to the brim next Thursday. After a busy twenty-twelve doing the roadie thing with interstate tours and the like, the guys are pumped to perform back on home turf and have promised an awesome coastal show alongside their friends the Spazzys. The band’s new five-track demo will be available free of charge for all the jolly punters on the night, or if January 17 is just too long for your ears to wait, check out their tunes at www.myspace.com/macondoblowout.

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TALK OF THE TOWN!

TOO HEAVY TO HUG PAUL S TAYLOR chris cruz

Hold onto your socks and jocks, NOFX fans! Epitaph and Fat Wreck Chords are joining forces to bring you the ULTIMATE NOFX commemorative vinyl box set! Featuring ALL the studio albums, including the difficultto-find Liberal Animation, PLUS The Decline AND all the 7” Of The Month Club offerings. Each of the labels will be issuing the set on different coloured wax, so hop on line and see which you prefer before placing your order. These will obviously not last very long, so don’t sleep on it, chump! This is, of course, in addition to the bands brand new, limited edition double A Side 7” single, Xmas Has Been X’ed/New Years Revolution. I’m tellin’ ya, when it rains, it pours! Rocket From The Crypt are reuniting for a run of summer shows across Europe this year. While no other dates are forthcoming, the band isn’t ruling anything out.

Hunx and His Punx Debut Welcome to the world of Hunx and His Punx; a place where punk rock cabaret rains down in bucketfuls. Okay, leading the way is ‘Hunx’, real name Seth Bogart, an ‘alternative entrepreneur and gay sex icon’ according to the big bad web. He started the Punx gig after years of performing in Gravy Train!!!! (that’s four exclamation points folks), an electroclash band held in high esteem. The band played their first US tour supporting the late Jay Reatard and Nobunny in 2009 and officially released their debut singles compilation Gay Singles in 2010. Their latest album Hairdresser Blues was released last year. A new album, featuring new Punx-ettes Shannon Shaw and Erin Emslie, is set for release in 2013. It’s a little kooky, it’s a little Cry Baby, it’s a lotta cool. The Barwon Club, Geelong – January 23.

Bits & Pieces for You and your Missus The Carlton Hotel, Geelong: Goofyfooter – January 18; Torquay Hotel: The Black Sorrows – January 20; The Bridge, Castlemaine: Super XX Man and Kikuyu – January 19 & Jeff the Brotherhood – January 23; Marians Cafe, Deans Marsh: Rory Ellis – January 11 & Melody Moon – January 19; Theatre Royal, Castlemaine: Ben Sollee – January 12.

Snuff are back with a brand new album, 5 4 3 2 1 ...Perhaps! is the title, and it features lead single -’In The Stocks’. Talk about a blast from the past, eh? It’s gonna be a corker, I can just tell! Britain’s finest, Motörhead, sure seem to be getting some savvy business advice! They are about to launch their very own brand of headphones for music lovers. This joins a rather long list of products they’ve flogged in recent years, including Motörhead beer, wine and vodka. Blimey! After seventeen long years sitting on a shelf, some-time Fat Wreck Chords stalwarts (and one of my all time favourite bands!) Bracket will be issuing their album, Like You Know digitally. Sales of the download will be directly funnelled into a brand new recording project. Their first in seven years, in fact, so do yourselves AND them a favour and get it! Huge UP THE PUNX festival announcement next fortnight, including news of a Geelong sideshow! Yee-ha! Super sexy Dwarves frontman Blag Dahlia has issued a brand new, four song 7” EP, titled Metrosexual Man. It’s a slight departure in sound, blending pop and electronic elements with his own take on punk. Plus, he looks a bit like Nicolas Cage! That’s gotta be worth the price of admission alone! Anywho, kiddies- that’s it for another issue! Stay sun smart, coz it’s BRUTAL out there right now!

Welcome to THTH, Forte’s premier really like to harp on about last year’s source of all things heavy, hard, fast events but the tragedy caused by one and metal. lunatic in Newtown, USA, had everyone Here we go again, another year has talking. Especially on Twitter. begun and with it comes a bunch of bands heading our way and new tunes to wrap our ears around. A new year also brings with it resolutions. Generally people make their own resolutions but I’d like to make a resolution for someone else, or more specifically, I want to make a new year’s resolution for a small bunch of people, that bunch of people being Queensryche. I don’t know if you know but there’s been heaps of squabbles and legal stuff thrown back and forth between the members of the band and the original singer Geoff Tate. And it seems that one website in particular is more than happy to get it’s hands amongst this muck raking and bickering and that’s Blabbermouth, or Blabberenabler, as I just made up. You see, Blabbermouth are always uploading videos of Geoff Tate signing Queensryche songs with some band and they’re uploading videos of Queensryche playing Queensryche songs with some singer. The legal shit that’s going on is about ownership of the band name and royalties to sings I guess, I don’t know, I’m lazy when it comes to legal research. Either way, the new year resolution I’m bestowing upon the original Queensryche is this: Get over it, guys. Seriously, it’s been about 25 years since Operation Mindcrime was released and I for one cannot watch anymore poor quality footage of renditions of “Eyes Of A Stranger”. I think it’s time we all move on.

Forte is looking for delivery drivers in the following areas: Ballarat - Bendigo - Geelong - Surfcoast Warrnambool - Werribee Please email anton@fortemag.com.au for more information.

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The discussions that followed included a couple of Machine Head fans throwing around the band’s lyric “let freedom ring with the shotgun blast” somewhat jokingly back to Robb, who, as far as I could tell, wasn’t too happy and said “Days like this, makes me want to retire the song”. In Other News Alestorm will play The Hi-Fi Bar on Friday January 18. The entire set will be filmed for the band’s upcoming DVD release Live At The End Of The World. Get in now to get your face, arse or tits immortalised on DVD in the drunken metal glory only Alestorm can evoke. Linkin Park and Stone Sour will hold their Sidewave together at Rod Laver Arena on Wednesday February 27. Melbourne Soundwave on Friday March 1 is sold out, much like a majority of the Sidewave shows around Melbourne. Tickets to Black Sabbath’s Monday April 29 show at Rod Laver Arena are still available. If you have any news about local metal bands, shows or albums, let THTH know by emailing to tooheavytohug@ hotmail.com or get in touch via Twitter at @TooHeavyToHug

In the ChaoticTwitterSphere: I don’t Paul S Taylor

DELIVERY DRIVERS WANTED AT FORTE MAG!

*must have own car*

Machine Head’s Robb Flynn tweeted this a couple of days after the incident: “MOTHERF*CKER!! My 8 year old son just got put on lockdown at school, because of a “prank call”, that said “YOU’RE NEXT”. F*CKING ASSHOLE!!”

Geelong Night Market

The Geelong Night Market is returning to Johnstone Park this summer and will be operating every Friday from January 11 until February 15. Opening the gates to the community during the afternoon sunshine, the market will run from 5.30pm until 10.30pm with all ages invited to come along, wander the huge array of stalls, grab a bite and enjoy the live performances of our talented local musicians. Beginning in 2009, The Geelong Night Market was premised on the concept of the hugely popular Suzuki Night Market, which is held in the historical sheds of the Queen Vic Markets each Wednesday of the warmer months. The Suzuki Night Market has been described by punters as a ‘multicultural melting pot of good food and great wine’, and this is a theme that has most certainly transcended into the coastal event. The organisers of this very special community extravaganza believe that focusing on celebrating the city’s multiculturalism through foods and our talents in the fields of the arts is the key to it’s success. So what can you expect when venturing down to check out the Geelong Night Market? Firstly, all your favourite exotic food stalls beginning with Paella & Sangria, Korean Potato Twists, Meat Balls, Nepalese Dumplings, Calamari and much more. Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Whether your chasing a big meal or just a tasting plate, we definitely advise you not to eat before you

Tom Richardson

journey the market. And, for those of you looking to enjoy a cold bevy with that Calamari Cone you are all in luck this summer, as the venue is fully licensed and hosts two bars. You can also expect to see loads of local artisans selling their beautiful handmade crafts, beauty products, jewellery, homewares and candles. Artist Jane Kempe will be doing something incredibly special on the opening night of the Market, painting an on-site shipping container in a manner that reflects and represents art and culture in our local landscape. We cannot encourage you enough to get down there and check out this huge piece of art evolve live before night’s end. When you have wandered the park and are ready to relax, you are more than welcome to pull up your picnic rug in front of the stage and enjoy a huge banquet of performances by our regions most talented musicians. The Geelong Night Market proudly supports live music and acts as a fantastic showcase of bands from Geelong and surrounding areas. Expect to see sets from Allister Turrill, The Soul Rectifiers, Secret Beach, The Violent Ivy’s, The Mik Maks, Disco Rockers, Victoriana Gaye and much, much more at this year’s Market series. What better way to spend a summer afternoon than by supporting our local art culture (foodies, designers, artists, musicians or otherwise), filling your bellies with deliciously unique foods, and enjoying a cold drink on the grass with your mates.

By Natalie Rogers

If you are a fan of the summer festival circuit no doubt you would have heard of Tom Richardson. I sat down with the man himself to chat about catching up with mates, who inspires him, and living in the lucky country. The last few years have been life changing for the surfie kid from Warrnambool. Still only in his early twenties, Tim has received a plethora of awards and has begun to travel the world living his dreams: “I have followed in some amazing footsteps touring through Canada and Europe. I’ve spent a lot of time on the road with guys like Kim Churchill, Daniel Champagne, Luke Watt and Benny Walker. We are all on the same level and we sort of feed off each other to push ourselves on to the next thing. I see other musos more than I see my mates back at home,” he laughs. “To me they are very inspiring.” After winning the ‘Maton’ Young Performer of The Year Award at the Port Fairy Festival back in 2008, Tom has become a mainstay on the bill, and in 2009 his solo act was hailed “the talk of the festival”. That same year Tom joined APRA and Port Fairy in an initiative to bring resources and support to Australian high school music programs: “They came up with the idea together of getting an artist who was performing at the festival to go to highschools in the area to work with the students to develop their song writing skills. “I’m astounded by the talent and I agree when people say there must be something in the water around here. I think we are really lucky in Australia that almost anyone has the opportunity to learn an instrument at a young age. While I was in Germany I realised it is a rare thing to have such opportunity,” says Tom. Germany was insightful for Tom, and also potentially groundbreaking - “I made some exciting contacts in Germany that have mentioned doing some touring in Asia. I know Japan has been hit a couple of times with some Australian touring musicians as well as South Korea. It is still very early days and nothing is set in stone but there are a few things in the pipeline and it’s going to be an exciting next year or two,” says Tom. Tom now presents his full creative depth of funky blues, reggae grooves and foot stomping rhythms with a little help from his friends - an eight piece funky bunch known as the Tom

Richardson Project. “We have been looked after so well by the people of the Port Fairy Festival over the last few years,” Tom recalls. “Port Fairy really was the first time I was able to play for lots of people. I hope we can live up to, and further peoples’ expectations this time round.” When I spoke to Tom he had just returned from an extended tour of the east coast - “I have just got home from a month on the road last night,” he said while trying not to yawn, “and I’m planning to take from now until Port Fairy off, with the exception of a few gigs, but we [the TRP] really want to get together and work on new songs and a new live show too. There are a few exciting things that we want to launch at Port Fairy.” When&Where: March 8 -11 - Port Fairy Folk Music Festival, Port Fairy

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FORTE FOCUS

By Rebecca McIntyre

Women at Work HAVE YOUR SAY! Email us at editorial@ fortemag.com.au

WRITERS WANTED AT FORTE MAG! Wanna chat to cool musos? Got a soap box you wanna stand on? Feel like you’ve got an opinion on music but no one is listening? We are ready for a fresh crop of music lovers to join the Forte team. Drop us a line and get involved! Email brigitte@fortemag.com.au

In 2012, women in Australia were recorded to have more employment opportunities and a better level of education than ever before. Despite this fact, gender equality in managerial positions and senior leadership roles is yet to be achieved in our country. From corporate boardrooms to federal politics, men continue to not only hold sway in numbers, but enjoy a heavier pay cheque than their female counterparts. So why is it, that in one of the world’s most developed countries we still have a distinguished level of gender inequality in the workplace? Surely, you would think making up 50% of the population would entitle us to an equal share of the corporate pie. When I told my boyfriend I was writing an article about women in the workplace, he sarcastically asked if I was writing a cook book. Despite his intended referral towards my so called homemaking duties as a woman, I went on to remind him that I am better educated than him, and that I bring home most of the bacon...for now. The most concerning thing about this comment perhaps, is that whether it is in good humour or not, some part of the modern male, and perhaps the entire population in general, continues to believe that women have more responsibility when it comes to making house, than men do. Most of the people I went to University with were female. Here I was thinking this was the beginning of global female domination, the commencement of our take over of the corporate world. Only later did I find out that those fewer men would go on to not only gain employment easier than myself, but they were also predisposed to trumping my wage and climbing the rungs of the corporate

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ladder quicker than I personally, could expect. So I did some research, and I hate to say this ladies, but I think it has a fair bit to do with our ability to grow babies. Picture a scenario where you are in a senior management position leading a company with month by month objectives, and you are faced with the task of employing a new team member in an executive role. Both applicants look brilliant on paper. Both have distinguished University degrees and experience in top level firms. Both applicants are in their early thirties. The only difference being one can make a baby, and one can grow one. The applicant that can grow one will potentially cost the company a fair financial slap in maternity leave payments, not to mention the required job security should the baby harvester wish to return to the role once the human can fend for itself, possibly impacting the progression of those month by month objectives. Now, don’t get me wrong, the fact that Australia has maternity leave programs in place is a fantastic policy and one that as a woman, gives me a great sense of security. Although, from a strictly professional stand point, you cannot help but think that as an employer chasing the best financial outcomes for the company, perhaps the male applicant would have a better dollar sign over his head. Despite both applicants’ similarities on paper. This is not to say that women have not, or cannot reach high levels of corporate success, perhaps more that the odds just don’t tend to sway in our favour. Take our Prime Minister, Julia Gillard as an example, (whether Gillard has helped or hindered the ideology of the powerful Australian career woman is a different argument), she is not a ‘traditional’ woman in the true sense of the word. Unmarried, without children, but is currently the ruler of one of the best countries in the world. Ita Buttrose on the other hand, has managed to live two sides of the tale. Taking the media

world by storm in the 70’s and 80’s, Ita acted as Editor and Chief of some of the country’s most prestigious magazines and newspapers. Namely, her role as Editor of Australian Women’s Weekly was what transformed her into a household name. Mother and career woman, Ita, unlike Gina Rinehart (another powerful Australian woman with children) made it all look classy. Surely it isn’t just the threat of pregnancy or the pending application of paid maternity leave makes corporate bosses fearful? According to a 2012 report from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, there are several factors that may impact on the likelihood of a woman progressing from middle to senior management. One factor suggests that women are shown to lack confidence in comparison to male counterparts, indicating that in the event of potential promotion, men are more likely to put up their hand and demand it, than women are. Women are also said to be tainted with the ‘glass ceiling’ effect which suggests that each of us have an entrenched ideology about the age, race and gender of whom we traditionally picture to be a ‘leader’. Whether this is a concious or sub concious conclusion, more often than not a female candidate will fail to fit that quota. Finally, in a lot of circumstances, some women are simply just not willing to make the personal sacrifices that are necessary to successfully fulfil that role. To wrap things up, basically what we can gather is that in the current Australian climate, for every woman that achieves corporate success, one and a half men will achieve the same. This is not to say that women aren’t in every aspect as intelligent or as capable as the opposite sex, simply that a female prejudice still exists, and will continue to exist with some merit as women continue to choose baby making over corporate domination.

COLIN HAY By Andrew Pretorius

Colin Hay has an interesting idea. If implemented, it could prevent bands from breaking up as well as generating a niche employment industry. “I think when you’re in a band there should be a travelling psychologist,” he suggests sagely, basing this statement on the relational ruptures he experienced whilst still in his former band Men at Work. “Somebody to actually figure out the communication problems between people…the problems you have are pretty trivial and pretty petty but the main problem seems to be, in particular men, don’t really know how to communicate with one another very well when you’re in your twenties, and so you tend to just break up.” While having someone on-hand to teach communication skills may be a boon to many bands,

after sharing his thoughts about this subject with me, Hay went on to say that the dissolution of Men at Work was a preordained progression that no shrink could have prevented: “I think that particular group of people who were in that band, I don’t really think there was probably any way it would have stayed together no matter what happened, it was one of those bands that was probably destined to have a short career.” It may have been short, but while it lasted it was exceptionally sweet. They sold more than 30 million albums worldwide, in addition to producing a number one single and album simultaneously in both the U.S. and the U.K. The realisation of this kind of little-boy’s-wildest-dream was likely to make any subsequent ventures taste at least a little sour. And after hearing Hay reflect on his career for more than 20 minutes, it was still difficult to decipher exactly how accepting he is of the way in which it has all unfolded. On the one hand, his tone is overwhelmingly positive as he describes his years as a soloist; and he says that dwelling on the past is something he’s not in the habit of doing. Yet as our conversation evolved he revealed a dimension of dissonance in his feelings toward a professional journey that saw him soar into the music stratosphere with Men at Work, only to tumble

down to a far less sensational level of success with his current solo career – at least, that’s how Hay seems to view his artistic life to date. “My first album was number one in the United States for 16 weeks… it’s unbelievable,” Hay enthuses. “It doesn’t happen with anybody anymore…so you just go- ‘Oh yeah that happened and so I have to just look at that as being a phenomenon in the true sense of the word, and get on with my life.’” The relative ease with which he got on with his life after the band’s breakup is a testament to Hay’s positive nature, which shone brightly throughout our interview. “…I must admit that when the band ended and I ended up on my own I was quite happy about that, it didn’t worry me at all,” he explains. “I kind of enjoyed being on my own, because I hadn’t been on my own for a long time before that, I started playing music out at clubs and stuff when I was 14 years old, I’d been playing solo for at least ten years before the band formed, so the band was really more of a punctuation mark than anything else, the band formed and I had this very short explosive career and then I kind of in a sense got back to my main career which is what I’m doing now.” This ‘main career’ has positively prospered in its own right: His songs have appeared in many episodes of the popular American television show Scrubs; there’s a Brazil-based fansite devoted to all things Colin Hay; Ellen DeGeneres has said that he is one of her favourite singers; and his touring schedule – which includes gigs in the U.S., the U.K., and Australia – is as tightly packed as each show probably will be. Many an aspiring artist would view this resume with an amalgam of envy and admiration. Hay himself is more humble, though. In answering a question about his solo career having ‘taken off’, he explains that he doesn’t view it this way. “I don’t

actually know that it ever really has taken off at all, even now; I mean I think I’m still on the runway,” he laughs. “But it’s been pretty good. It’s been quite rewarding…it’s been creatively successful and I’ve made a living from it which is pretty good.” Having been bestowed with such ardent accolades during his time with Men at Work, it’s understandable that Hay might have needed a solid strategy to help him effectively integrate the inevitable post-stardom comedown. Indeed, one particular piece of wisdom has been integral to preventing him falling down a rabbit hole of nostalgia. “When I started playing live (solo) shows I was still distracted by trying to figure out how to get back to those lofty peaks that I’d experienced,” Hay says, “and so I think that more than anything what I’ve been trying to learn (is) this simple lesson – it seems like a simple thing but (it’s) not so easy sometimes – is to just to simply be present and not do things like live in the past or live for the future.” Eschewing the past and future for a profound appreciation of whatever is right in front of him has conferred other benefits, too. As Hay elucidates, “Especially when you’re performing for an audience I find that when I am truly present then everything works better because you’re in the moment.” The simplicity inherent in this practice also extends to what he has come to consider his main priority: “I write songs and I go on the road and I make records (and) all that kind of stuff, and that’s all very well… but really what I want to do is just play the guitar.”

When&Where: February 13 Lighthouse Theatre, Warrnambool, February 19 - Arts Centre, Frankston

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THE INSIDE SPLINTERS

OF 2012 Before we launch into next issues Top 112 songs of 2012, we thought we’d give you a glance into the five best Extended Play’s of last year. A lot of albums made an impact in 2012, but it was the E.P. which really came back with a vengeance; more artists vying for the short, precise and to-the-point artform of the E.P. over full length records. People like Kate Nash, for example, delivered solid extended play’s in 2012 but in a year when the EP has obviously made an enormous comeback, there wasn’t room for ‘solid’ – only ‘spectacular.’

Production appears from Jacques Green on E.P. closer and title track ‘Danger’, which is by far the most ‘On A Mission’ sounding track here. Thick percussion over a very slow-paced synth, with Katy singing “Yeah you passed my love to the left-hand side - smoked it right down to the roach, So I might as well put it out.” This dark-bass ballad caps off this beautiful E.P. nicely, which as a whole is a prime example as to just why Katy’s one of the more exciting and thought provoking artists of this generation.

“ We will never forget you Melissa George. You’re an absolute Angel. Nothing more, nothing less.” @mykills serves Angel off-of Home & Away some much needed, highly caffeinated truth-tea.

HIT OR SHIT! 2013 It’s going to be an amazing year folks.

GARBAGE AUSTRALIAN TOUR February baby!!

SHARON NEEDLES AUSTRALIAN TOUR Drag Race season 4 winner Needles embarks on her first ever Aussie tour this March.

2012 Buh-bye you sad lump of shit.

FEB/MARCH AUSSIE TOURS Why are all the Splinters favourites coming to Australia when we fly out for Girls Aloud in the UK? This is an outrage.

TATE STEVENS WINNING U.S. X FACTOR

SHIT!

Here are the five most spectacular Extended Play’s of 2012.

basslines with Katy’s smooth-assilk voice. Azalea’s rap is inspired and perhaps the least offensive of all of her work – there’s this maddening blend of Ke$ha’s whitegirl-trash-rap and Azealia Banks’ hard-hitting, sailor-mouthed potty storm that really make the song a highlight, but – once again – it’s Katy B herself who takes ownership of the songs greatest moments.

LA’s Purple Crush are one of America’s best kept secrets. Independent Pop at its finest, it was hard work trying to decide which of their two E.P. releases in 2012 was actually the best. Their most recent, the Bitch EP, remains a highlight of 2012, but it was perhaps not as bold and adventurous as the MadonnaWannabe project, which saw the duo not only take on some of Madonna’s most loved songs (‘Physical Attraction’, ‘Live To Tell’), but also produce two original songs: the EP’s title track ‘MadonnaWannabe’ and the incredibly popular ‘Reductive (Look It Up)’ , which samples that infamous Madonna interview. Purple Crush have been in the news over the last couple of years due to legal action against Rob Fussari (who cowrite Paparazzi with Lady Gaga) and Gaga herself – listening to the Crush original material and comparing it to some of the more recent stuff on the charts, it’s easy to hear the obvious influence. Independent pop like Purple Crush are, often at times, exactly the places where Commercial pop find (or, rather, ‘source’) their ideas from. This brilliant duo are just as exciting live as they are on disc; so look out for a tour of Australia later this year because they’re more than worth the cover charge.

tweet of the week

HIT

TOP 5 EP's

03. PURPLE CRUSH ‘MadonnaWannabe’

Gurl bye.

the splinters top 10 KATY B

04. SOLANGE KNOWLES ‘True’

02. FLORRIE ‘Late’ 01. KATY B ‘Danger’ British songstress Katy B’s 2011 debut album ‘On A Mission’ harboured a few instant hits but was, primarily, a bit of a mixed bag. Although it still remains a decent listen from start to finish there are a number of turkeys that can’t be avoided, let alone excused. But with the emergence of 2012’s stunning Danger E.P., Katy has not only teamed up with some of the hottest producers and vocalists the world has to offer for this four-track masterpiece, she’s also managed to retain 100% of herself and her own personality – everything from the razor-sharp lyrics to the way Katy shoehorns this total dub throwback to the 1990’s with the sounds of her guest producers. Opening track ‘Aaliyah’ plays as a tribute to the late pop star, whilst a hypnotic club-house beat that’s been lifted right out of 1991 thumps along in the background. Jessie Ware takes on the role as guest vocalist on ‘Aaliyah’ as well, a song which pays more homage to the singer via lyrics than it actually does via its production. Aaliyah never sounded this clubby and Timbaland – the late singer’s original producer – hasn’t sounded this fresh or relevant in well over four years. We’re off to a very good start. ‘Got Paid’ sees B teaming up with Wiley and Zinc for a clusterfuck of drum ‘n bass beats and dubstep tidings. To call this the E.P’s only low-point is somewhat insulting to the song itself – the worst song on Danger still remains better and contains more creativitey than most people’s feature-length albums in 2012. Australia’s own Iggy Azalea takes a rap feature on the Diplo produced ‘Light As A Feather’, marrying Diplo’s signature clunky-synths and

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British dominance in the Top 2 – would you expect any less? The Brits do pop better than most and Florrie, who just so happens to be Xenomania’s in-house drummer and fellow songwriter, delivered the cream in 2012 with her third Extended Play release - Late. Easily the best of her three packaged releases, this Xenomania produced romp into pop perfection remains one of the year’s biggest hallmarks. Opening track ‘Shot You Down’ is nothing short of a revelation, with its psychotically repetitive hook over one of the strongest, most exciting musical build-ups of 2012. The sheer disco brilliance of ‘Every Inch’ – complete with one of the most deceiving and simultaneously rewarding intros of the year – and career hallmark ‘To The End’ (cowritten alongside Xenomania and Norway’s Annie), the latter which takes Florrie into a league of pop legend. The Late EP is evidence enough that whilst Girls Aloud have been on hiatus, Xenomania have been crafting their finest for this incredible one-woman show.

Sunlounge Knowles, sister to Beyonce, surprised us all during the tail-end of 2012 with this magnificent extended-play venture. It’s hard to narrow down ‘the best moments’ from something as blissful as this, but you really can’t go past first single, the haunting ‘Losing You’, a song that snatches Beyonce’s tired, over-bleached weave and uses unsold copies of 4 to wipe the floor with. 01. KATY B – Aaliyah Featuring Jessie Ware on vocals and Geeneus on production. 02. SOLANGE – Losing You Absolute pop perfection, Bey’s sister giving you heartbreak-realness. 03. PURPLE CRUSH – Pop Bitch 2012 From their stunning 2012 ep “The Bitch EP” 04. GIRLS ALOUD – Something New Recently played during a story on A Current Affair. Get them dollar bills yo! 05. TAYLOR SWIFT – Holy Ground The most impressive of the album tracks on “Red” and surely the right choice for next single.

05. AZEALIA BANKS “1991” After the enormous success of last year’s ‘212’, Banks came at 2012 in full force with not only a free mixtape, but also this confronting and 1990’s jack-housing EP. Hearing Azealia say ‘I’ma ruin you, c*nt” in ‘212’ remains one of the best moments in pop of all time, as is hearing Banks name-drop Madonna in the funky-as-hell ‘Van Vogue’. Written by Adem with an E.

06. KATY B – Light As A Feather Featuring Diplo on production and a rap from Australia’s own Iggy Azaelia. 07. ADELE – Skyfall (JNX vs Almighty Vocal Mix) As it turns out, the movie ‘Skyfall’ was not about Adele at all. 08. BRUNO MARS – Moonshine Tipped – and rightly so – to be the next single. 09. RUPAUL – Responsitranity RuPaul’s Drag Race returns to television on January 28 for Season 5. 10. KATY B – Danger Gorgeous ballad produced by Jacques Greene.

THE CITY LIGHTS MELBOURNE

Welcome to The City Lights: Where the wild roses grow. Coming up you have… .........................................................................

The Boys of Summer Tour The red hot rockin’ tour that is Boys of Summer is off and running. A small line-up tweak was announced last year which most would be aware of and that is For the Fallen Dreams stepped out to be replaced by San Francisco’s First Blood. Not a bad swap at all. Deez Nuts, Comeback Kid and Hand of Mercy remain part of the action. Central Ringwood Community Centre – January 18 & The Corner – January 19. .........................................................................

She Can Be Remixed You reckon females can’t DJ? Think again numbnuts. The She Can DJ tour has proved what everyone knows anyway: female DJs deliver the goods. The She Can DJ team has teamed up with EMI to present She Can DJ Remixed tour, a travelling showcase of finalists of 2011 and 2012. Presented by DFO the Remixed tour has the hottest beats and slickest sounds in town. Seven Nightclub – January 17 & Baroq House – February 15.

Heavenly Michael Kiwanuka How long has it been since you have been to church? Whether you are a sinner or a saint your soul, at least your music soul, will be saved through Heavenly Sounds. Taking place in gorgeous churches and cathedrals around the country, The Heavenly Sounds tour fills the venues with, well, heavenly sounds. British soul man Michael Kiwanuka will take part in the tour a little later this year. St Michael’s Uniting Church – March 26. .........................................................................

The Wedding Present’s Presence

Emma Louise Sneak Peek

Welcome to the Slaughterhouse

If a band can make one album that stands up over time they have done something very right. If they can achieve this twice, they have done very well in deed. British indie rockers The Wedding Present fall into the latter camp with their 1987 debut George Best and 1992 The Hit Parade, a compilation of singles combining originals and covers, remaining favourites all these years on. Now they’re playing them in full. NSC – February 26 & 27.

Brisbane songbird Emma Louise will treat Melburnians to a sneak peek of her debut album at The Toff on January 24. At the end of 2012 the singer-songwriter could have put her feet up and been very happy with her efforts for the year that was which included a three-month international writing stay in New York and a national tour with Missy Higgins and Gurrumul. Emma will tour with a full band in tow.

In 2008 New Jersey rapper Joe Budden released the download-only album Halfway House. One of the tracks, ‘Slaughterhouse’, featured Crooked I, Joell Ortiz and Royce da 5’9. All four artists have major hip hop cred so they took the single’s name on which they appeared and Slaughterhouse was formed. 2009 saw the release of their self-titled debut while 2012 served up album number two, Welcome to: Our House. The Palace – March 1.

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Almost Always Joanne Shaw Taylor

Emilie Autumn Returns

My 10-year Disco

You don’t need to have whisky-soaked gums to play the blues. England’s Joanne Shaw Taylor first started laying down blues licks when she was turned on to Stevie Ray Vaughn, Albert Collins and Jimi Hendrix as a teenager. Dave Stewart (Eurythmics) discovered her as a sixteen-year-old and invited her to tour with his supergroup D.U.P. Her new album is Almost Always Never. Ruby’s Lounge – February 15 & Bruthen Inn – February 16.

The musical burlesque circus of Emilie Autumn returns to Australia this year for another round of shows which will pick you up, fly you around the skies, and leave you hovering with a drink in your hand until the very end. The singer-songwriter, violinst and poet is no stranger to Australia and when she checks in she will have new album Fight Like a Girl in hand. Shows are always something special. The Espy – March 29.

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Adrian Edmonson & The Bad Shepherds

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Candice McLeod Whispers

Sasha Returns

Gold Coast folk/pop songbird Candice McLeod is currently touring her debut single ‘Whispers’ and it is fair to say that the single is causing a louder noise than mere whispers. Playing piano since she was three, Candice later discovered an attraction to the guitar. In 2007 she was a finalist in the Q Song Awards, due recognition for the burgeoning talent. The Espy – January 15 & Wesley Anne – January 27. With guests.

In the late 1980s Alexander Paul Coe discovered dance music by way of The Haçienda, a nightclub in Manchester that reigned supreme during the late 80s and early 90s. Inspired by the sounds, Coe began to teach himself how to mix, adopting the moniker Sasha along the way. He partnered with John Digweed in 1993 and in 2007 established a record label with Renaissance Records called emFire. Chasers – January 27.

Adrian Edmonson – that would be the punk one from The Young Ones for those playing at home – is the leader of Adrian Edmonson & The Bad Shepherds, a collective of lovable rogues who play punk rock songs with folk instrumentation. According to a little thing called the Internet, Edmonson – who is no stranger to the music world – purchased a mandolin following a drunken night out and the rest is history. The Corner – April 29.

They grow up so fast, don’t they? One day they’re a little band full of wide-eyed innocence just starting out and then BANG, they’re ten years old, a little less innocent and a little more road weary. In February 2003 My Disco performed two all-ages shows in their Hometown of Melbourne on the back of a demo recorded only a month prior. Fans have since been treated to three albums and so much more. The Corner – February 8.

Live in the Jungal Timber & Steel are thrilled to present Jungal at The Workers Club on January 17. The band is the combined talents of Leisha Jungalwalla, Victoria Beard and Jessie Jungalwalla; three gals who put the boot into foot stompin’ blues and roots. Their debut single ‘Say It’ – a guitar-driven song protest song – kicked things off in fine form and they have kept the ball rolling nicely since. They even toured Canada last year which is cool. .........................................................................

Blawan Blows In As Jamie Roberts he is known for his work behind a drum kit but as Blawan Roberts is known for his work behind the decks. In 2010 the producer came from nowhere with his debut release Fram/Iddy which found much love in the press. He has since remixed for Radiohead while his own releases ‘Getting Me Down’ and ‘Why They Hide Their Bodies Under my Garage’ have made him a red-hot commodity. Brown Alley – February 15.

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FILM REVIEWS

written by anthony morris

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

This Is 40 For a man who has dominated American big screen comedy for the last decade or so, Judd Apatow has made surprisingly few movies of his own. His improv-heavy style of comedy – you can spot it by the long scenes where people are basically just trying to one-up each other’s one-liners – has been the guiding light of American big screen comedy since his directorial debut, The 40 Year-Old Virgin (and even before; he was a producer on Will Ferrell’s Anchorman) to an amazing extent. But while his past work still inspires increasingly unimpressive efforts like The Watch and The Five Year Engagement, Apatow himself has been forging a different path… which is just a fancy way of saying that if you thought his last film Funny People was too long and featured way too many moments involving extremely rich people griping about their minor relationship problems, you’re not going to be impressed at all with This is 40. Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann (Apatow’s real-life wife) reprise their characters from Knocked Up, and if you remember Pete and Debbie’s fairly blunt take on the problems of marriage then what’s to follow here will come as no surprise. Their kids (played by Mann and Apatow’s actual kids) are older but their parents problems are basically the same as the various pressure of life – a faltering business on Pete’s part, store theft on Debbie’s side and the general stresses of keeping a family together – conspire to keep them on edge. The observational, low level comedy here isn’t exactly laugh out loud stuff, and while the long running time isn’t exactly a problem – this feels like a film that would be less funny if it were shorter, as the leisurely pace allows the few moments of hilarity to feel suitably natural – it does add to the overall feeling of indulgence. Pete and Debbie are extremely well off, yet the whole film is based around their money problems (problems stemming from their own incompetence), and the film never sets out whether we’re meant to laugh at or with them. Apatow seems to want to make observational comedy about relationships that isn’t afraid to expose the pettiness or the boring stuff; he’s just not quite able to make it funny yet.

Gangster Squad Gangster movies are a lot like Westerns: for the last few decades Hollywood’s mostly served up revisionist takes on the genre, seemingly convinced that audiences have outgrown the simple pleasures of a battle between good versus evil that’s resolved in a hail of lead. Someone forgot to tell the makers of Gangster Squad though, as this is pure mobster cliché right down to the plucky paperboy that, well, you can probably guess his fate. Dateline 1950’s Los Angeles, and ex-boxer turned mobster Mickey Cohen (a scenery-chewing Sean Penn) is tightening his stranglehold on the city with each passing day. Some cops, like Jerry Wooters (Ryan Gosling) figure you have to go along to get along. Others, like John O’Mara (Josh Brolin), aren’t just going to sit idly by while the city falls into the clutches of evil. So when O’Mara’s takedown of a Cohen brothel brings him to the attention of the Chief of Police (Nick Nolte), he’s offered the job of taking down Cohen by any means necessary – preferably with as much violence as humanly possible. If you’ve ever seen The Untouchables you pretty much know everything that’s to come, though Wooters’ relationship with Cohen’s moll Grace Faraday (Emma Stone) is a bit of a new twist on a very old story. Lets be honest, you’re not here for the subtle character development or historical accuracy: you want square-jawed cops and greasy thugs firing tommyguns wildly at each other, and this delivers the lead in spades. It’s not smart and it’s not clever but it knows what it’s doing and it goes for it with blood-splattered gusto and a lack of shame or pretence that’s refreshingly entertaining. There’s nothing here that’s in the least bit surprising, right down to Cohen proving his evil nature by repeatedly bumping off his own men. But if you want a good versus evil gangster film that makes no apologises for what it is, Gangster Squad is hard to fault.

FILM W RAP

Jack Reacher:

Tom Cruise is the titular ass-kicker trying to figure out why an ex-military sniper was framed for the death of five people… when he’s not beating up various local thugs and racing around in muscle cars.

Wreck-It Ralph:

When a videogame bad guy gets sick of being treated like a villain, he leaves his machine behind for the

wider gaming world in Disney’s fun and funny salute to arcade gaming. Plus the usual Disney virtues, though at least here the “Disney princess” stuff is kicked to the curb.

Life of Pi: While

shipping an Indian zoo to Canada the cargo ship sinks in a storm, leaving an Indian teenager and a tiger sharing a lifeboat. As you might expect, they

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don’t have a whole lot in common.

Trouble With The Curve: Clint Eastwood is a baseball scout with failing eyesight and Amy Adams is his estranged daughter in this slow, gentle but still engaging family drama.

Pitch Perfect:

The knife-edge world of university a Capella singing is slapped up on screen in this fun

comedy which does manage to butcher a bunch of otherwise perfectly good songs.

Skyfall: Bond is

back in his Bond-iest adventure in ages. Yes, that means this isn’t as dour and gritty as the last two Daniel Craig films. No, that doesn’t mean this isn’t a great Bond film that delivers just about everything you could ask for.

The thing to keep in mind with big budget films like The Hobbit – especially big budget films that are sequels to one of the biggest movie series of all time, and therefore about as much of a sure thing as you can get – is that they’re pretty much the only place left for film-makers to experiment. While people are complaining about director Peter Jackson filming The Hobbit in 48 frames per second – which gives the film a much smoother look and much more detail, which unfortunately happens to be attributes many people associate with cheap video footage – it simply couldn’t be done with a smaller film because it’d be seen as too much of a risk to even try. The only way movie technology advances is if film-makers use the kind of films cinemas have to show (James Cameron with Avatar and 3D; Christopher Nolan with his Dark Knight films and Imax) to push the advances through. The other big complain people have been having with The Hobbit (and let’s assume you know what it’s about by this stage) is that, at close to three hours for the first third of what was a very slender book, it feels both heavily padded and very drawn out. But The Hobbit isn’t a movie as we usually think of them; as the long life of the Lord of the Rings trilogy (especially the extended version) on home video has shown us, the way people view these films isn’t as discrete storytelling units, but as one long rolling string of events, much like watching an entire season of a television series across the course of a weekend. There’s only going to be a year or so when The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey exists as a stand-alone movie; from 2014 or so it’s just going to be the front bit of a nine or ten hour experience fans will happily sink into. Much like the 48fps method of filming, it’s hard to know yet whether this is going to be the future of movie-making (and if it is, chances are ‘movies’ as we know them will be gone sooner rather than later), but it’s hardly surprising that the old values of “storytelling” and “performance” have fallen pretty much entirely by the wayside.

Hitchcock There’s almost certainly an interesting story to be told about how Alfred Hitchcock went about making Psycho, but this film isn’t it. Not that it’s all that bad a film: it’s just that, even if your knowledge of Hitchcock himself is fairly thin, it’s not hard to see that this is a film happy to mess around with the truth if it creates what it thinks is a better story. For example, entertaining as it is to have Hitchcock (Anthony Hopkins) haunted by Ed Gein (the real-life serial killer who inspired the novel Psycho – and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a decade or so later), these scenes never really seem convincing as an insight into Hitchcock’s actual state of mind. What does work here are the more mundane moments: seemingly driven by a need to stay ahead of the curve when it comes to suspense, in 1960 Alfred Hitchcock (well known for his love of the macabre) chose Psycho to be his next film, then financed it himself when the studios didn’t want to be involved. Unfortunately this real-life story isn’t enough for this film, which then layers in a fairly generic subplot about how Hitchcock grew jealous of the relationship between his wife and creative partner Alma (Helen Mirren) and screenwriter Whitfield Cook (Danny Huston) so it can make the now standard point that the real power behind the throne was the woman history had previously edited out. Whether this is true or not (this film at least grants Hitchcock sole ability as a marketer; Alma directs when he’s sick and edits when he can’t make it work), it’s a fairly consistent theme in recent Hollywood biopics and doesn’t feel any fresher here. But the scenes dealing directly with Psycho are fun, as is Hopkins’ performance in general, and this does at least manage to suggest that Hitchcock was an actual artist, driven to create by forces internal to him. It’s an entertaining, if forgettable, look at a director whose work outshines this film in just about every way.

Parental Guidance While this is an entire movie about Bette Midler and Billy Crystal as old people trying to look after their over-parented grandkids while the parents try to have five seconds alone, there are only a few scenes you really need to know about when it comes to deciding whether this film is worth your while. For example, in one scene Crystal is hit so hard in the balls he throws up on a small child. In another scene Crystal is trying to get a small boy to defecate in a public toilet best described as “terrifying” – seriously, there are homeless people actually living in this toilet, just lying on the floor while people walk around them (hello, metaphor for Western Civilisation) – and he does so by sitting on the toilet with the child between his legs singing him a song, only he’s not singing to the child, he’s singing to the child’s faeces, telling the faeces that while it’s nice and safe in the “cave” where it currently lives, it should come out and go swimming in the pool outside. And then there’s the scene where Crystal (who plays a baseball ground announcer who’s just been sacked for being too old – says his boss “do you tweet” and he says “I’ll make any noise you want me to”) lies his way into a job audition at ESPN covering extreme sports, only it’s on at the same time as he has to mind one of his small grandchildren. His solution: take the kid with him. And also to dress up as his idea of a 20-year old, which means sunglasses and a backwards hat. So while he’s totally failing to commentate on skateboarding – it seems his leisurely baseball-style doesn’t work when the event runs ten seconds – the kid wanders off, finds himself standing on top of a half pipe and ends up pissing all over the half pipe which causes Tony Hawk (this movie’s idea of someone the kids will have heard of) to crash. Do these scenes sound like the kind of thing you’d find funny? If so, then this is certainly some kind of film that you could find yourself sitting in front of.

MUSIC REVIEWS

eps, albums & live reviews

live re v i e w

Falls Festival Marion Bay – Tasmania Dec 29, 2012 - Jan 1, 2013 People are always raving about how beautiful Tasmania is, turns out they aren’t wrong. In fact the setting for Falls in Marion Bay would have to be one of the most picturesque festival settings ever. Arriving Saturday lunchtime our Falls experience began with extreme winds, which saw some of us ditch our tents before they even got set up. Later that night, the absence of bands on the bill, gave us a chance to survey the surroundings. It also gave us the chance to survey the crowd and to be honest the people lacked some promise. We saw a LOT of very young drunk people not knowing how to behave at a festival. For a three night festival pacing is key. These kids mustn’t have got the memo. Nevertheless our spirits were restored Sunday as a full schedule of great music ensued. Jungle Giants impressed early with poppy sounds that although reminiscent of similar acts were different enough to still be enjoyable. First Aid Kit gave an international flavour with their harmonized “Hee hey hey ooh oh’s”. Matt Corby proved very popular and the mid-arvo start time was perfect for some cool bluesy guitar and a beautiful rendition of that song (‘Brother’). Fellow Australian Idol alum Lisa Mitchell provided a quintessentially cute set. Nice “background” music but not in a bad way. Angus Stone divided us and likewise seemed to divide the greater opinion. Boring versus atmospheric. Dull versus captivating. Divisive he may have been, we both agree it’s going to be very interesting to see what the ARIA winner does next. Coolio was always going to be a novelty. We just wish he could have been a funner novelty. Resorting to trite hype techniques forcing the crowd into a chorus of “f*ck yeah” and “hell yeah” the artist did his best to buff out a set where people were clearly waiting for just one song. ‘I’ll C U When U Get There’, was actually quite lovely, Coolio dedicating the track to fallen industry legends. However, it was the Dangerous Minds hit ‘Gangsters Paradise’ that obviously fulfilled a childhood dream for many. Shame the bass was too much and shame everyone felt the need to leave straight after. Two Door Cinema Club had no such issues. The Northern Ireland lads were affable and fun throughout. Although their well intentioned giant balloon spectacle went askew; 50 balloons thrown into the crowd but the wind just blew them back over the fence backstage! Lucky they didn’t need the gimmick. TDCC are just very, very good. Ok now lets go… The Hives! Fast paced fun loud jumpy woo! Only The Hives can go overtime by turning a 3 minute song (‘Tick Tick Boom’) in to a 20 minute one by introducing the band one by one then getting the crowd to sit down. (Pele; “Sit down! Why? Because I said so!”) Their stage show is like nobody else. Frontman Pele is all kinds of arrogant superstar sexy. And he wears a suit. Soooo sexy! New Years Eve shenanigans began early with our incontrovertible new crush; Cosmo Jarvis. Awesome! The young star had the Falls crowd singing along with his catchy tunes, great lyrics with real meanings. And he is only 23! Happening upon the Village we were greeted with some super fun carnival activities (uni-cycling and juggling) as well as one of the great surprise acts of the weekend; Great Earthquake. Just a guy behind many instruments and loops. Can’t help with comparison to Liam Finn with multiple instruments, looping, and the beard. But also very different. The Vaccines gave Falls a good ol dose of Rock and Roll and undoubtedly won a few new hearts. Just the way we like our rock; a pop song disguised with guitars, drums, denim and leather. The NYE lineup was a great mix of local and international talent Hilltop Hoods providing a great hype set and Boy and Bear setting the mood. Flaming Lips were a major drawcard and got off to a great start. Completing ‘Do You Realize’ just before the countdown we were well and truly onboard with the stylings of the Oklahoma City rockers. But due to a stupid prank that led to a technical difficulty the band didn’t return as scheduled. Lucky the fault was sorted in time for Hot Chip. Simply; they were AWESOME. Overall Marion Bay Falls was a great experience. After the initial crowd concerns, eventually the lovely people revealed themselves throughout the festival (the annoying kids perhaps too hungover to surface again after the first night?!). And it turned out that most people, like the lineup were actually pretty great. Happy New Year! BY CHESTY AND SPANX

Bob Brozman

Battleships

Bob Evans

Fire In The MINd

To You

The Double Life EP

Ruf Records

MGM

Capitol

The title ‘bluesman’ tells only part of the Bob Brozman story. On this, his 25th album, the far-travelled ethnomusicologist manages to take his early delta bluesloving origins even further on up the road. The American is well-known to Aussie audiences, particularly for past collaborations with our own Jeff Lang. I can’t help but hear shades of The Lang on opening instrumental ‘Breathing The Blues’. Brozman describes the album as a rhythmic dialogue between himself and drummer Jim Norris. Have to say, this interplay reminds me of another Antipodean twosome, namely Matt Walker and Ashley Davies. Have our blues rubbed off on Bob or vice versa? Regardless, there’s plenty of new takes here to inspire any who think the rules of blues are written in stone. Recorded this year in California, it’s almost all Brozman and Norris. The former provides vocals and percussion plus all manner of strings: guitars (National Reso-phonic, Hawaiian, Django-style, 1920s Stella) vintage cello-banjo, percussion, uke, a relative of the bouzouki and a Hindustani slide. The last adorns the psychedelic celebration of ‘Rhythm Is The Thing’ while ‘Strange Mind Blues’ is a quirky kind of Zappameets-Tim Buckley outing. Between the originals is the Creole ‘Banm Kalou Banm’ by Reunion Island legend Danyel Waro. Final track ‘Lonesome Blues’ returns to the delta. Old blues, new blues, world blues…label it what you will. With a nod and a wink (track 8 is titled ‘Ow! My Uke’s On Fire!), Brozman just gets on with it, playing some of the slickest licks you’re likely to hear. By Chris Lambie

Right off the bat, at seven tracks, To You is too short to be an album, and too long to be an EP. The band themselves, Sydney four-piece Battleships, call it a mini-album. It’s almost refreshing to see a band not restricted by the standard formats of the industry. And the music itself is just downright pleasant. This debut record features three singles released previously, including their newest, ‘Coming Back To You’. The new single is indie rock at its finest, the two guitars create a great sound and the vocals over the top are clear and crisp. ‘Your Words’ is the opening track, and one of the earlier singles, Jordan Sturdee’s vocals come to the forefront in this one. ‘In Retrospect’ is the other single, the sound isn’t quite the same, it almost seems to delve into the late nineties post-grunge sound, or at least borrows a lot from it. ‘Collision (Head On)’ has an indie-folk feel to it, the guitar intro wouldn’t sound out of place on an early Laura Marling song, and the vocals aren’t dissimilar to the Paper Kites. All in all, these seven tracks are a great sign of things to come. Battleships have a distinctive sound, almost like early Coldplay, but without being over-produced and poppy. Worth a buy. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

Always be wary when a member of one of your favourite bands goes solo, especially when he’s the front man, it usually means there’s going to be a big style change. Bob Evans is better known as Kevin Mitchell, the lead singer of Jebediah. This is his fifth solo EP, on top of three solo studio albums, so there’s no doubt he knows what he’s doing by now. Don’t let his rock band history fool you, when he’s taken over by his alter-ego, he’s a completely different artist. The talent is still there, the lyrics still capture you entirely. The sound has just changed. Gone is the rawness of ‘Animal’ or ‘Leaving Home’, or the wonderful chorus of ‘Like A Comet’. This EP is polished indie-pop, with the slightest of rock edges. The lead single, ‘Don’t Wanna Grow Up Anymore’ establishes this sound, it’s slightly downbeat, but still poppy. Next up is ‘Sitting In The Waiting Room’, which at times sounds as if The Eels covered ‘Penny Lane’. ‘Antibiotics’ brings in the rock, but it’s still not enough of an edge to power over the sheer popness of the album. ‘Wrecking Ball’ is pretty heavily produced and brings an electronic sound. All in all, a decent listen, probably worth a buy for the single. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

Airileke Weapon Of Choice

Mark Seymour & the undertow

WANTOK/Planet

Seventh Heaven Club

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Experienced Lead Guitarist Wanted. Top 40 Coverband. 70s 80s 90s and current. Based in Geelong. Must have commitment. Please Call Mark on 0438 836 469 or email at pudge_gypsy33@hotmail.com Singer wanted for acoustic covers duo. Must like 90’s British bands and not into songs your “normal” covers bands play. Think Oasis, Morrissey & The Smiths, Libertines, Pulp, Blur, Verve, and similar Aussie & American groups. Nothing serious to start with but possible gigging if we sound great! Age no barrier and male / female encouraged to contact. Contact Liam: britpopcovers@gmail.com or 0430904407 Band Members Wanted: Looking for band members between the ages of 16-19 years of age for pop group. Looking for bass guitar, electric guitar, vocals and synth player. If interested, please contact 0417575237. Hard Rock Covers Band with experienced, solid, bass player and drummer team requires guitarist with skill, awesome sound, and decent equipment. We have full rehearsal live room, pro gear, and all recording equipment. Project will involve gigging, recording, and working on original material as well as edgy covers. Age no barrier, but must be directable team player and have own transport. Carlos: 0409493521 Wanted: Male Vocalist, Two Guitarists Lead/ Rythm,Keyboard,Drummer to form an Original Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Band,Kevin Phone 03/52757689, Email linnums@optusnet.com.au Vocalist Wanted: Rock/alternative band, currently consisting of guitar, bass, drums. In search of a clean vocalist preferably with experience. Influences: Tool, A Perfect Circle, Karnivool, 12 stones, Godsmack, etc. Contact Dean 0431067758 Singer For Rock Covers Band Needed. New project that will incorporate some originals. We have large acoustically enhanced rehearsal room inc. P.A and all recording equipment. Project will involve live gigs/shows, recording, and working on orginal material. Age no barrier, but must be team player with own equip and transport. Covering rock/ pop/grunge/hair-band/glam. You will be working with experienced team. Carlos: 0409 493521

Melbourne-based musician and producer Airileke (i-reh-leh-key) is known for his work with DRUM DRUM and Grrilla Step. With this debut he’s taken roots and their fruits the full circle. Like slowly creeping jungle vines, Weapon Of Choice weaves rhythms from the remote into urban fringes and back again. Melanesia meets Melbourne. Traditional log drumming faces off with hip hop beats. Tribal chants intersect with electronica. Songs recorded across PNG, West Papua and Australia deliver a unique hybrid of sounds announcing cultural celebration despite the frustration and heartache born of oppression. The album features MC Dadiigii, Markham Galut, George Telek, The Rumwaropen Sisters, Will Hatch and coproducers Voodoo Dred and Diz1. There’s spoken word sampling, cool percussive effects and even a co-write from Gurrumul. ‘7 Mile Dub’ opens the show in no uncertain terms via master log drummers from Port Moresby’s Paluai Sook Sook. Next up, the soulful rhythm and voice of ‘Wanchef’ invites us to get dancing. ‘Jump Outta Babylon’ insists on it. ‘Death Metal Jungle’ features a Stravinsky sample. Across 15 tracks the listener travels through the atmospheric, futuristic and ancient. The album offers an innovative selection that should appeal to a surprisingly wide audience. Whether hip hop, techno, roots, ambient, World, rock or reggae is your thing – give this a couple of listens. Take time to absorb the timelessness. By Chris Lambie

Mushroom Mark Seymour, the brilliant musician and songwriter behind ‘Holy Grail’, ‘Talking To A Stranger’ and the classic ‘Throw Your Arms Around Me’ brings us... A cover album. That’s not to say it’s a bad album, you just expect original material from one of Australia’s best known rock musicians. I’m a sucker for a Bob Dylan cover, and Seymour (and the undertow (always lower-case, for some reason)) delivers with ‘Can’t Wait’, from Dylan’s 1997 album, Time Out Of Mind. He teams up with his daughter Hannah to duet on Phil Chevron’s ‘Lorelei’, as well as with Abby Dobson on Steven Bruton’s ‘Getting Over You’. The most notable cover is his duet with American country-folk-rock legend Lucinda Williams, on her track ‘Come On’. Also worth a listen is Neil Young’s ‘Only Love Can Break Your Heart’, which Seymour does all the justice in the world. The absolute highlight of this record, however, is the final track. Here, Seymour takes Otis Redding’s ‘These Arms Of Mine’ and renders them in such a way that would no doubt make the King Of Soul himself proud. All in all, a decent listen, but not really worth the money. Go to a Mark Seymour gig instead, and hope he slots the better covers in among his own greatest hits. BY CAMERON BROGDEN

Photographer Wanted for band photos. Semni-professional ok. Call Josh 0430971319

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grogwatch Holidays are the Wonderbra of good times: they promise so much and deliver so damn little. You spend the entire year slaving your guts out at school or work with only the dim and distant hope of a holiday featuring an itinerary only slightly less active than the one currently enjoyed by the mouldering corpse of Winston Churchill to keep you going, and then you wake up after the one-two punch of the seedy consumer orgy that is Christmas and the six hour sacrifice of liver cells to uncaring pagan gods in the vain hope that the new year won’t quite be the soul-destroying parade of petty insults and pointless battles that the old one turned out to be, AKA New Year’s Eve, and suddenly you find yourself lying on a couch somewhere with a hand down the front of your pants and you’re just plain bored shitless. In my case I don’t even have the faint glow of a New Year’s Eve spent going off like prawns in the sun to keep my brain warm, consisting as my NYE did of lying on my bed watching gangster movie Public Enemies and thinking “wow, this is really all about hunting down terrorists isn’t it – oh wait, clearly I’m not drinking enough if I’m having boring thoughts like that, where’s the bottle?” and then passing out before the end. So enough of my burbling (don’t worry, there’s plenty more coming up): holiday boredom is a major problem, and unlike office or school boredom, it’s hard to shake the feeling that it’s your own fault. That’s why I’m proud in a halfarsed sort of way to present the ultra-classy cut-out-and-keep TONY MONTANA’S GUIDE TO GUARANTEED HOLIDAY FUN (title does not constitute a guarantee). STEP ONE: WHY DOING NOTHING IS A BAD IDEA. Okay, I’ll be honest here - doing nothing is pretty well the only thing any sane person wants to do with their precious holiday hours. Unfortunately, for every sane person there are always just enough insane ones close by to make their life a living hell. For example, as I write this, my moronic neighbour is watching Blackhawk Down with the volume turned up full bore. And he’s not watching the whole movie either: he’s just watching the shoot-outs, over and over and over again. This is both

incredibly annoying and seriously creepy, and if I was performing my preferred holiday pastime - lying on my bed trying to make the posters on my wall fall off by psychic power alone - this attempt by him to warn the entire street of the fate that awaits them if they flaunt council water restrictions by taking an overlong shower would drive me seriously bugf**k. And while we all admire and respect laziness in ourselves, in others it just gives us the shits - which means that whenever someone sees you sprawled on the floor like you’ve just been belted over the head with an axe handle, they feel compelled to either abuse you, start doing things around you (like vacuuming, dusting, or digging your grave) to make it impossible to continue your corpse-like lifestyle, or they come up with bizarre and pointless pseudo- tasks that you need to do right NOW, you lazy bastard. It’s impossible to do nothing, therefore it’s important to get busy doing something you want to do - otherwise you’ll be forced to get busy doing something someone else wants you to do, and it’ll probably involve pulling weeds. STEP TWO: WHY DOING SOMETHING IS A BAD IDEA. Theme parks are crap, okay? No point trying to argue or whine your way around it with stories about the time Aunt Myrtle got laid at TunaWorld they’re shithouse ways to spend your time. Problem is, this time of year is pretty much the theme park of holidays: everything’s kinda watered down, little kids are running around everywhere like idiots, and even the grown-up stuff is all (shudder) ‘family orientated’, which just means it’s shithouse for all ages. Don’t believe me that every possible form of socially approved holiday activity sucks harder than a black hole working the streets of St Kilda? Then piss off - or reel in horror as I go on to prove my point... BEACHES: IT’S NOT JUST A CRAPPY BETTE MIDLER MOVIE. It’s a crappy way to spend a day as well! Sure, lying around on what is really just a baking hot form of gravel (now extra tiny to fit into those hard to reach bodily crevices!), doesn’t sound like fun even if you’ve recently had an operation to remove your entire brain, and on top of that even hard-core perverts have to admit that down the beach there are never enough sexy examples of your preferred gender around and waaaaaay too many fatsos jiggling by in dental floss. Swimming is okay until you realise that generations of fish have taken a crap in the water that’s going in your ears, and as for getting

Can we stop with the status updates about horses please?!

a tan - is it that important for you to look like an old handbag before you die? THE WEATHER: OPERATION HELL ON EARTH. Put your ear up close to the page because I’m only going to say this once and I want to make sure you’re listening good: if you want searing heat all day every day, move to goddamn Queensland. If you don’t want to move to Queensland, shut the hell up. What’s so difficult to understand about that? By the time you’re old enough to take care of yourself, you’ve been through enough seasons to have a pretty good idea of what the weather’s like around here, and one of the advantages of Australia is that if you don’t like the cold, you can walk to somewhere where it’s hot. In fact, pretty much every other part of this great big brown land has warmer average temperatures than this bit, so it’s not like you’re going to be struggling to find somewhere warmer to live. But, as the german fighter pilot said as his plane was shot down, noooooooo: not only do you persist in living in the one part of this country where it’s not a billion degrees every single day of summer, you then decide to get all shitty when people decide to complain about the heat. News flash: SOME PEOPLE LIKE NOT BURSTING INTO FLAMES. WHY WATCH SPORT ON TV WHEN YOU CAN JUST TAKE OUT AN AD IN THE PAPER AND LET EVERYONE KNOW YOU’RE AN IDIOT? Summer sport means two things: cricket or tennis. These activities are to entertainment what Tony Abbott is to charisma. Don’t bother watching them now - you’ll have plenty of time when they’re all that’s showing on your TV in Hell. ORGAN TRANSPLANTS – THE ONLY POSSIBLE REASON TO VISIT EVEN YOUR MOST LIKABLE RELATIVES. These days they can transplant just about anything, and chances are you’ll have just about worn out something vital - exactly the kind of something one of your fat, lazy relatives is bound to be sitting around on doing nothing with. And if they’re really as stupid as you’ve been telling everyone behind their back, you’ll be able to persuade them that they can survive without a heart real easy. Just buy a few bags of ice and they’ll probably let you take it with you when you go. IF HOLIDAYS ARE SUCH A MAGICAL TIME FOR CHILDREN, THEN WHY THE HELL DON’T THEY JUST VANISH? Hey kids - remember how you spend most of your school year thinking “I’m never going to use any of this crap they’re teaching me”? Well, guess what - not only are you 100% correct, but your parents (AKA the people who’re forcing you to go to school) know it’s true as well - after all, they thought exactly the same thing when they were at school. They don’t send you to school to learn - they send you there to GET RID OF YOU... which makes holidays a lot like the part in your average horror story when

I got beef. Well, actually, I got horse.

the guy in the cabin in the middle of the woods hears a knocking on the door at midnight and just knows it’s the body of the wife he murdered and threw in the lake come back for revenge. And how does he deal with the hideous undead corpse? HE KILLS IT AGAIN. Usually by belting it in the face with a shovel. So you really don’t want to annoy your Uncle Tony by running around yelling stuff and asking questions and having fun and trying to talk to him when he’s watching Justified, okay? THIS YEARS PRIME CAMP SITE: THE GAY AND LESBIAN MARDI GRAS. Memo to campers: you may not have noticed this, what with your rushing to buy the latest flavour of freeze-dried prunes, but WE’VE INVENTED CITIES. And in fact, they’re kinda cool. They have TV and places that sell alcohol, whereas the bush has, well, these days it’s mostly dust. And as for that ‘back to nature’ waffle, do you go to your hairdresser or barber and say “Forget about the high-tech scissors - just cut my hair with a sharpened rock, okay?” You wanna do something camp, go to Mardi Gras. The fun there doesn’t just involve picking bugs out of your food after they’ve just had sex on it. So we’re all agreed then? Doing stuff sucks. And yet, we’re still faced with the aforementioned problem: if you do nothing, you’ll be forced to do something (did I mention pulling weeds?). You want to be out of the house, but not moving around. You want to be entertained, but not have to pay any money for it. I’ve got just two words for you: NEWSAGENT BROWSING. Which is just a fancy way of saying you should go stand around reading all the magazines until they throw you out for not buying anything. Not that they will if you plan it right: Come up with a roster - different sections in different newsagents each day, occasionally buying the cheapest possible item (usually a paper) after half an hour so they learn not to throw you out ‘cause you might buy something. Sure, some’ll tell you it’s a scummy way to pass the time, but I say, if they didn’t want you to read the magazines in newsagents, they wouldn’t put pages inside the covers. And supermarkets are even better - checkout chicks NEVER tell you off. Seriously, this is the fading light of a golden age of eurotrash pop culture mags running six page articles on obscure comic book artists and Japanese battlesuit model kits: take advantage now before everything goes completely on-line and the only magazines left are full of knitting patterns and pictures of Georgie Parker. Tony “No fun” Montana

It’s something that’s bothered me for a while, but I only felt the need to verbalise just now, given an influx of HRFSU (horse related Facebook status updates). These are often posted by HP (horse people).

Reading these statuses takes me back to high school where there would always be a group of 13-year-old girls in the library comparing their drawings of horses. Come on, that even made my nerdy self look cool!

I’ve never liked riding horses, I had an incident at a Year 8 horse riding camp so I feel my stance is justified. I don’t like horses and I don’t like reading about them. And I especially don’t like reading about them on Facebook.

Ok, I’m done, stay tuned for my next rant on high school libraries and the nerdiness associated with them.

Are any of you friends with ‘horse people’? You know, those people that talk about horses like children and use technical words like ‘bridle’, ‘saddle’ and ‘filly’.

Peace.

“It’s been months since I’ve ridden a horse, made me realise how unfit I am,” posted one person. HUH?! How unfit YOU are? Aren’t you just sitting on the four legged thing? Imagine how he feels carrying your load! No wonder these beasts kick and get spooked and go nuts (sorry I don’t know the technical name for when a horse is losing its shit).

what the eff? By Steph

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