17 minute read
COLUMN TORQUE
DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION
Craig thinks there is more than extortionate insurance premiums to blame for the lack of car enthusiasm amongst today’s youth
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Ask a broad spectrum of car enthusiasts what the catalyst of their obsession is and ninety percent will lay the blame at the feet of their father, at least in the case of those who are over thirty. I can still remember it now - the exact way my dad placed his hands on the Cavalier SRI’s three spoke steering wheel, left hand resting at 6 o’clock, the right at three, both thumbs through the circular holes, elbow nonchalantly grazing the sill.
I may have only been a toddler, but it was on one of our yearly road trips to Cornwall that I knew cars were going to be my life’s passion. I was enthralled by the way the little saloon filled with a family of five and assorted luggage would dismiss other traffic, willing engine barking away. There’d be another bark from my mother as an overtaking opportunity presented itself, the noise peaking as a mysterious lever and foot dance occurred, a knowing smirk on the corner of my dad’s mouth as I learned forwards to watch the dial hit ninety. That confirmed it as naughty, mischievous, and I desperately wanted a go.
From that moment on I was doomed. Whilst others would play with Star Wars figures, me and a select group of friends would be pushing around matchbox cars, making all the appropriate noises and sound effects as we drifted around the coffee table. In our imaginations everything became an opportunity - patterns within furniture and rugs became circuits with the racing line worn into the fabric - I hereby confirm Eau Rouge has nothing on the curve of an armchair. On shopping trips my behaviour would be impeccable simply because I knew at the end of the mind numbing boredom I’d be in possession of a large cardboard box, which I could turn into a car with liberal access to a set of marker pens. I’d scribble on headlights, taillights, a grill, an exhaust and the interior would contain such luxuries as dials, air vents and the all-important pedals. Hours of entertainment.
During the school holidays I’d be occasionally dragged into my father’s business. I’d never complain because the car park was like the NEC motor show. M sport 325i’s mixed with Quattro’s, GSI’s & SRI’s, XR4x4’s, Astra GTE’s, and even Honda Prelude’s with pop up headlights. I’d spend hours arguing with my brother over which one was best, playing mental top trumps, rattling off stats whilst peering through the windows to find the car with the highest reading speedo. School tests would be failed and homework eaten by an imaginary family dog because the only knowledge we craved was in the latest edition of CAR or Fast Lane magazine.
One night the SRI was gone and in its spot sat a Cosworth, one of the very first in Sapphires on the road in crystal blue. Going out for the first spin it felt like I was riding in the Millennium Falcon. Nought to sixty in six and a blink seconds isn’t even at the sharp end of hot hatch numbers these days, but I don’t think any car has ever felt faster, the combination of comedy turbo lag and lively rear end spiking the adrenaline. I can still impersonate the turbo whistle now. It left such an impression on my friend tagging along for the ride he bought one in later life. There was such a buzz about any Cosworth back then, one of the first hero cars, able to humble far more exotic machinery. My street cred skyrocketed, at school the cool kids invited me into their circle. It was stolen the very first night it came home.
Fast forwards to present day, I now work for my father’s company. The old man still flies the flag with his M3, my brother devotes a large amount of his paycheque towards an M2 Competition and I have the JCW. Old habits die hard. They are the outliers in a sea of 2.0 litre diesels and hybrids. I often ask the old guard about the good old days and why they haven’t persevered, and they simply state they’ve been priced out of the market. The tax man has gotten too greedy.
It wasn’t that long ago that you could get a seven seater Vauxhall MPV with flared arches and an armful or torque steer. You might shudder at the thought of a Zafira VXR fuelling the inexplicable popularity of the drain pipe equipped one litre Corsa, but at least the driver is passionate about some form of transport, and would eventually graduate into something more serious. With the dads of today forced into increasingly mundane machinery it’s little wonder the number of young people applying for a driving license is at a record low.
THE PETRO-SEXUAL
A brief encounter with the Alfa Romeo 4C has seen Kotto come under the spell of the flawed but charismatic Italian sports car
Indulge me if you will in a little game. Picture in your head, right now, a Subaru. I can probably bet good money the first thing that pops into your head is an Impreza 22b in trademark WRC Blue Mica. And now picture a Mitsubishi - I’m confident I’m currently living rent-free in your head because you’re seeing a Passion Red Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution rally car. Incredible machines that were born onto the rallying world stage and became legendary homologation streetcars as a result of dominating championships around the world. Both were piloted by royalty - Richard Burns, Tommi Makinen, Francoix Delecour, Colin McRae to name a few. Subaru versus Mitsubishi has spawned endless debate on which company, which car, which driver was the very best.
And now the year is 2021, and the most interesting thing to happen to either company in years is these once fierce rivals have teamed up, alas sadly not to create a new forest stage warrior, but to sell cars - Subaru will take care of importing Mitsubishi’s to the UK. Sadly this is a precursor to Mitsubishi pulling out of Europe all together, indeed the company has recently auctioned off its entire heritage fleet. It’s not hard to see why - looking at the Mitsubishi model line-up is just the most tragic thing, loaded with dreary hatchbacks and tax dodging pick-ups - not a single model appeals to the enthusiast.
Subaru are sticking around but are facing collapsing sales in a highly competitive market and I can’t help but think their time is limited. They seem to sell the same car of varying heights but with different names; a Forester, an Outback, Levorg and Outback and as usual the pointless hybrid variants. Like the Mitsubishis they’re all soulless, drab and devoid of any sort of charisma to get you out of your Swedish armchair and into a dealership. You’ll look at the line-up, close the tab and start looking at Swedish cars to match your furniture.
I strongly believe that any car manufacturer without at least one car that people want, not need but actively want and yearn to buy… Is doomed. They have nothing to market, nothing to use as a test-bed for innovative and fun features. Even sensible Saabs had a turbo-petrol and a night-panel feature; something to aim for. Back in t’day as Craig Toone would say, Mitsubishi had some incredible cars in their line up; Galant VR4, 3000GT, FTO, Eclipse Coupe, Legnum VR4 and of course the Lancer Evolution. All interesting, fast, varying shades of practical and great lookers. All of which are now highly sought-after and rapidly rising in value. And Subaru, every edition of their Impreza was gold. From a bog-standard non-turbo estate to a full fat RB320 UGM-109 nuclear capable intercontinental cruise missile. And then you had the bigger Legacy that also came with a turbocharged boxer engine in saloon and estate guise which were fantastic or the even bigger Forester STI if the Legacy wasn’t rugged enough for you. The lesser models were just as cool, SVX is simply a UFO, the Brat and even the Baja were great.
So why are both of these great companies failing? My impression is they’re simply not excelling at anything and cashed in on the SUV trend without really offering anything with imagination. They aren’t especially great value, better equipped or well-designed they’re just car companies building cars to sell en-masse. Manufacturers always fall in and out of fashion and Mitsubishi/Subaru are proof of this. In the 90s you’d buy a Subaru because you wanted a robust, reliable car. A Mitsubishi for something technical and fast. But with all manufacturers now adhering to much higher standards there’s no such thing as an unreliable car and all cars have become exceptionally technical machines.
How would I fix this? Really analyze the market, Aston Martin’s DBX was late to the party but it’s excelling because it does the best thing of various other luxury SUVs but in a complete package – Aston researched and figured out what the market needed. Just adding another platform shared SUV onto the pile would be doomed to failure. Could Mitsubishi offer an L200 which is a good pick-up truck but for the price of a Suzuki truck or Subaru offer a full-electric, rugged Outback estate that undercut the hateful mild-hybrid/EV compact crossovers? They should keep one eye on the past and one on the future and try to reintroduce what they were best known for in the golden years and capitalize on it. Make an EV that’s for once interesting, capable and fast without it looking like a deflated hearse (Prius/Ioniq) or explore e-fuels/hydrogen by placing a car in the WRC.
It’s time to stop being a brick in a wall and start making cars people will want to buy, because clearly the endless amount of SUVs they’re making aren’t selling. Start selling what others are not.
SOUL FUEL
For Jonathan, the jury remains out regarding electric cars as a means of entertainment. He’s still holding out for more exciting solutions
“It’s here. Accept it”. That is the messaging we’ve been given on the arrival of electric vehicles and the demise of internal combustion. Not only by policymakers and industry, but also established motoring journalists that adopt an “enjoy-it-whileyou-can” mentality with a resigned shrug of the shoulders.
Perhaps it is my nature to swim against the tide, but I must confess that I do not share the fatalist view on the future of internal combustion. Rather, I believe these cars will live-on alongside electric vehicles, serving people who love driving and value cars for their experience, rather than expedience.
That electric cars have distinct advantages over their ICE counterparts is not contested. Leaving aside unresolved questions as to environmental impact (a discussion best left to others, far cleverer than myself), I can fully understand the appeal of the packaging advantages offered by a “skateboard” design, smoothness and ease of operation, instant response, and the absence of fossilised remains being repeatedly ignited at great speed. For those who view cars merely as a tool to get from A to B, the package is a compelling one, particularly as the associated infrastructure grows to more easily service their needs.
But. I am yet to be convinced that electrification offers anything substantial to those who truly value experience over expedience. The very character of the machines that grace the digital pages of this magazine are defined by their idiosyncrasies: the sound and delivery of the engine, our interactions with the transmission, the handling characteristics determined by placement of the engine in tandem with the driven wheels. These traits, both good and bad, are the tinder to the passionate discussions and heated debates that we share as enthusiasts. It allows us to do something remarkable: build meaningful connections with lumps of metal, that transcends the annualised calls to upgrade that have come to define modern consumerism.
And let us be clear that to buy any sports car is, first and foremost, to buy into the experience. A decision made with the heart, over the head. A conscious sacrifice of practicality and convenience, at the altar of noise, interaction and lurking threat of financial ruin. It is the very essence of being a “petrolhead”, and a concept now lost upon the modern motoring industry as it serves us another lukewarm helping of silent, 2000 horsepower, £2 million+ metal that conflates “acceleration” with “experience”.
So where does this leave internal combustion going forward? My belief is that the overlap between vehicles used for transport and vehicles used for pleasure, will minimise. The former, headed by electrification with all the associated drivetrain advantages that make it so appealing for those purposes; the latter continuing under the stewardship of internal combustion, although in the minority. The lurking shadow of the UK’s 2030/2035 commitments regarding ICE power may challenge this view. However, I would ask you to consider the following:
First, there is, so far, very little that would indicate that the UK would be ready to make a whole-sale jump to electric vehicles in that time frame. Indeed, many online “influencers” that have vlogged about their experiences in running electric cars have expressed frustration at the inconvenience, scarcity and reliability of infrastructure. I remain deeply sceptical about such issues being materially rectified, at scale, in the next 10 years.
Second, no government is beyond a good handbrake turn on policy. Many of you will be old enough to appreciate that it wasn’t too long ago that the UK government was extolling the virtues of diesel, and offering incentives to purchase them. That position is somewhat different now.
Lastly, I hold out hope for the advent of synthetic fuels. Brands that have built their reputation and customer-base by trading primarily on experience, must surely be concerned as to how to properly differentiate themselves in an all-electric world beyond badge-loyalty, given that most electric vehicles will be more than fast enough for the driver of average ability. It is perhaps no surprise then, that the likes of Porsche are investing into scoping the feasibility of synthetic fuels. After all, for a car like the 911, the sound and handling characteristics passed-down by its internal combustion engine, are a core part of both its appeal and continued sales success.
Having set out my stall, in the event that I am completely wrong and that we truly are marching towards an all electric future, I fully reserve the right to push my glasses up, shrug my shoulders and say “enjoy them while you can”. If you are the type of person reading this magazine, I am confident you already are.
OUTSIDE LINE
Matt is concerned about the accelerating reliance upon drivers aids. Designed to help, they more than often befuddle
Motorway driving can be exceedingly boring at times, especially with some of our drab, grey, typically British weather providing the backdrop. Swarms of dull coloured, shapeless boxes whiz past whilst you try to find something that holds your attention to the task in hand. Luckily you have some features on your car that help with this sort of thing, radar guided cruise control, blind spot sensors, lane assists, etc. You activate the cars computer brain and relax into the journey knowing that it has things covered. You can ease up slightly as the car steers itself, keeping to its lane, accelerating and slowing to the car in front, letting you know if anyone is hidden in your blind spot.
In theory, this frees up mental space from the tasks necessary for driving, to enable you to focus on the potential hazards around you. It can however, lull people into a false sense of security, as the car is driving itself, so why would you have to check your blind spots or accurately judge the speed of the car coming up to overtake in the outside lane? The dealer assured you of the systems’ merits and functionality as you stretched your budget to get the best.
I can see how some of these features would have an important role in improving road safety but why then, does it seem to be that every other story about them is one of spectacular failure. Read on through the self-driving car scepticism and the reasons behind these high-profile failings start to become clear. They’re down to a fundamental lack of knowledge and understanding about how they are supposed to work with the driver and not in place of them. This unfortunately is backed up by the misguided and dangerous methods of advertising them to customers.
In reality, this technology is still way off being completely un-reliant on human input. With manufacturers selling it as an ‘Autopilot’ or ‘self-driving’ feature, it’s not hard to imagine why people are abusing the system to finish the next chapter of that book or quickly checking how many likes your new post got on Instagram. Personally, I want to be involved with the driving experience as much as possible, but I understand others might not feel the same way, hence why they rely so much on the aids to do the job for them. It seems that the sensors and radars can’t yet think like a human, but we are all too ready to place full trust in a product being sold to us as a digital chauffeur.
Let’s discuss the levels of road safety in the UK over the past 11 years then, as the increase in depth and variation of driver aids has boomed. According to government statistics, road safety levels, in relation to traffic accidents, have been relatively steady, despite more technological assistance. Surely driving aids should have decreased the number of collisions and casualties on the road? Perhaps then, the seeming ineffectiveness of driver aids to decrease traffic accidents is down to this decreased level of driver engagement and the misunderstanding of how they work.
The newspapers are littered with all manner of crash reports apparently occurring from the occupants abuse of the driving aids. From lack of attention causing minor bumps to full on impacts where the driver has been found in the passenger seats. Tesla owners have made headlines after posting videos online of them sleeping in the back whilst on the motorway or even climbing into the passenger seat once the systems are engaged. Based on these reports, it points to something more than just a lack of understanding and exposes driver stupidity. Whilst this is not a revelation so much, the way these aids are marketed is real cause for concern.
I’m near certain that the time will come when we will be living in scenes from science fiction movies with cars driving around being fed real time road information from a central database. Passengers in the back heading for work, reading the paper and enjoying a brew. For the time being, these remain firmly in the pages of comic books and on the cinema screens. Driver aids will continue to develop along a gradual upward path to full self-driving capability in the far future but today they continue to be an addition to the driver, or an aid if you will.
Confusingly though, if these driver aids allow a reduced level of engagement by the driver, doesn’t that stand to reason that they cause more damage than they set out to fix? It’s all well and good having the car take over on monotonous stretches of road where little is happening, but we all know how fast things can change when you have lots of cars travelling at 70 miles an hour, and in that instance, I think I’d rather have constant control with my attention on what’s happening right in front of me, even if it’s enough to send you to sleep.
