Faith and Family

LIVING OUR VOWS

FOR SOME REASON, on a recent Sunday a ernoon, my kids decided to pull out our family photo albums and started taking a walk down memory lane. At one point— in between pointing out who had more pictures than the others—they came across the album holding pictures from my and my husband, Mark’s, dating years. ey laughed hysterically at pictures of my big hair and what they consider bad ’80s fashion—even though they fail to realize that a lot of it is back in fashion now. Hello again, fanny packs and overalls.

When they looked at the pictures, that’s all they saw— what was right there in front of them. What I saw when I looked at the pictures, however, was two young kids falling in love. And I also realized that young couple had absolutely no idea what that really meant. Oh, the things I wish I could tell them.

A LONG AND WINDING ROAD

is month, Mark and I are taking a trip for a longoverdue and two-year-delayed (thanks, COVID-19) celebration of our 25th wedding anniversary. Truth be told, though, we will be marking over 30 years that we have been together. And it’s been quite a journey. e day we stood before God, our friends, and family and took our vows, we had no idea what those words really meant. But we certainly have learned along the way.

“For better or for worse”—this is a big one, and I think it encompasses a lot of what it means to be married. Falling in love is easy. It’s the staying in love part that can get di cult. And while sometimes it can be the big things that are challenging, o en it can also be the little ones. Compromises need to be made, growth has to happen—both individually and collectively—and communication needs to stay open and active.

For Mark and me, the most challenging part of our vows has been the “in sickness and health” part. Not many brides and grooms really think that the rst part of that vow will ever become reality. I know Mark and I certainly didn’t. Sure, we meant that promise when we said it, but making a promise and living it out are two very di erent things. at became abundantly clear when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis a er our son, Alex, was born. Chronic illness can have a devastating e ect on a relationship. In fact, the divorce rate of marriages in which one spouse has a chronic illness is 75 percent. Roles get turned upside down, and plans get canceled or greatly adjusted. Without a solid base, there is no reinforcing and repairing where the cracks have appeared.

So while I love looking back on photos of that young couple, so madly in love, I appreciate, even more, the way that love has played out and changed over the years— even if some of the styles haven’t.

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