MARCH 2022
LENT AS A DOORWAY TO CONVERSION
Also in this issue: THE WHISTLEBLOWER PRIEST 5 STEPS TOWARD BETTER COMMUNICATION FICTION: TEA WITH TILLY Sharing the spirit of St. Francis with the world | FranciscanMedia.org
Help us build a vital Catholic school for children in Jamaica.
This planned school is the only option children aged three to six will have during their critical formative years. Your generosity will make it possible for this learning facility to have electricity, indoor restrooms, and free lunch, which is often the only nutritious meal many of these children will receive each day. Visit StAnthony.org/BuildingHope to learn more, donate, and watch a video of Fr. Colin King, OFM, explaining more about the need for the school in an interview with Ryan Lopez of the Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Top: Fr. Colin King, OFM, with a school child in Jamaica. Left: The land in Revival, Jamaica, where the school will be built.
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VOL. 129 N O. 8
MARCH
20/21 2022
18
COVER STORY
18 Broken Vessels: Lent as a Doorway to Conversion By Richard B. Patterson, PhD
We all face tragedy and challenges in life. When you make the choice to heal, your spirit is awakened through a nurturing of self and faith.
24 The Whistleblower ISTOCK IMAGES: COVER: KEVRON 2001; ABOVE: HEIKE KAMPE
By Peter Feuerherd
Father Boniface Ramsey raised red flags about Theodore McCarrick for years before the media and Church leaders took notice. While some call him a hero, he hopes to be remembered first as a good priest.
31 Five Steps toward Better Communication By Colleen M. Arnold, MD
The Bible has advice on everything under the sun, even the words we speak. We can use its guidance to forge more peaceful interactions with others.
36 Fiction: Tea with Tilly
Story by Terry Sanville; artwork by Weitong Mai
Two lonely souls find comfort and connection over tea and good conversation.
Coming in the
APRIL Issue
A photo story that captures the richness and beauty of God’s creation
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 1
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Saints featured in the month of March include . . .
St. John Joseph of the Cross
Sts. Perpetua and Felicity
Blessed Angela Salawa
St. Salvator of Horta
St. John Joseph of the Cross entered the Franciscan community at the age of 16. He was asked to serve his community in a number of leadership roles, including provincial minister. Yet he retained his simplicity throughout and retired to the quiet service of confessor.
The Church faced persecutions early in its history. Sts. Perpetua and Felicity are two well-known names among the martyrs. While we don’t know much about them, we do have St. Perpetua’s diary that gives a few facts about their last days.
Blessed Angela Salawa was a maid for many years, eventually becoming a Secular Franciscan who instructed other young domestics in their faith. During World War I she worked with wounded soldiers. After the war, Angela’s health began to fail, and she died on March 12, 1922.
Well aware of a person’s need to be in right relationship with God and others, St. Salvator of Horta encouraged people seeking healing to go to confession and to receive holy Communion. That’s good advice for all.
March 5
March 7
March 12
March 18
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ALL IMAGES FALL UNDER PUBLIC DOMAIN RIGHTS UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED; STS. PERPETUA AND FELICITY: COURTESY OF PERFECT JOY PAINTINGS/ETSY SHOP
he saints were real people with real stories—just like us! Their surrender to God’s love was so generous that the Church recognizes them as heroes and heroines worthy of being held up for our inspiration. Join Franciscan Media in our daily celebration of these holy men and women of God. Sign up for Saint of the Day, a free resource delivered right to your inbox.
VOL. 129 N O. 8
“We should find no pleasure or delight in anything except in our creator, redeemer, and savior; he alone is true God.”
ALL IMAGES FALL UNDER PUBLIC DOMAIN RIGHTS UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED; STS. PERPETUA AND FELICITY: COURTESY OF PERFECT JOY PAINTINGS/ETSY SHOP
—St. Francis of Assisi
10 SPIRIT OF ST. FRANCIS 10 Ask a Franciscan
No Funeral Mass for a Cremated Person?
MARCH
20/21 2022
16 POINTS OF VIEW
15 Editorial | Christopher Heffron COVID-19 and Our Lenten Challenge
12 Followers of St. Francis
16 At Home on Earth | Kyle Kramer
14 Franciscan World
44 Faith and Family | Susan Hines-Brigger
Sister Sharon Havelak, OSF
The Search for Courage
Overcoming Class Consciousness
I’m Praying for You
14 St. Anthony Stories
A Near Disaster in the Kitchen
42 CULTURE
40 Media Reviews
Podcast | Boys Like Me Streaming | The Chosen
42 Film Reviews Breaking Bread Last Looks The Tender Bar
6 ALSO IN THIS ISSUE 4 Dear Reader 5 Your Voice 6 Church in the News
45 Friar Pete and Repeat 46 Let Us Pray 48 Reflection
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 3
dear reader A Voice for Justice
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n 2002, the topic of clergy sex abuse started to grab headlines here in the United States following a disturbing report by the Boston Globe about the handling of some clergy abuse cases in the Archdiocese of Boston. Since then, stories of abuse— and mishandling of the cases—have continued to be uncovered. The bishops first discussed the situation at their June 2002 general meeting in Dallas, Texas. One of the bishops at the meeting was then-Archbishop Theodore McCarrick. Despite personal hesitations, he voted to approve the bishops’ plan to address the crisis. Years later, McCarrick became the focus of clergy sex abuse accusations himself after stories and allegations of inappropriate behavior and sexual abuse came to light. Finally, at the end of 2021, he was put on trial for child sex abuse charges. He pleaded not guilty, but was laicized by the Vatican in 2019. In this issue, Father Boniface Ramsey discusses how he sounded the alarm over McCarrick’s behavior years ago, only to be ignored. When Ramsey was serving on the faculty of the Immaculate Conception Seminary at Seton Hall University in New Jersey during McCarrick’s stint as archbishop of Newark from 1986 to 2000, he began to hear stories of McCarrick’s troubling behavior. He took his concerns to people higher in the Church, but to no avail. You can read more about his fight for justice in the article “The Whistleblower” on page 24. We offer our prayers for all those who are survivors of sex abuse and thank those, like Father Ramsey, who have used their voices for justice. Susan Hines-Brigger, Executive Editor
PUBLISHER
Daniel Kroger, OFM PRESIDENT
Kelly McCracken EXECUTIVE EDITORS
Christopher Heffron Susan Hines-Brigger
FRANCISCAN EDITOR
Pat McCloskey, OFM ART DIRECTOR
Mary Catherine Kozusko MANAGING EDITOR
Daniel Imwalle
CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Sandy Howison
EDITORIAL ASSISTANT
Sharon Lape
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EP Graphics, Berne, IN ST. ANTHONY MESSENGER (ISSN #0036276X) (U.S.P.S. PUBLICATION #007956) Volume 129, Number 8, is published 10 times per year for $39.00 a year by the Franciscan Friars of St. John the Baptist Province, 28 W. Liberty Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 452026498. Phone (513) 241-5615. Periodicals postage paid at Cincinnati, Ohio, and additional entry offices. US POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: St. Anthony Messenger, PO Box 292309, Kettering, OH 45429-0309.
ARTIST Tea with Tilly PAGE 36
Weitong Mai is a Chinese-born Canadian freelance illustrator currently based in London, England. She graduated in 2017 from University of the Arts London with a bachelor of arts degree in illustration. Since then, she has provided illustrations for both commercial and editorial uses. Her clients include DK Books, The National Trust, Kiehl’s, and Stella Artois.
RICHARD B. PATTERSON, PHD
WRITER Broken Vessels: Lent as a Doorway to Conversion PAGE 18
Richard B. Patterson, PhD, is a clinical psychologist from El Paso, Texas, and a frequent contributor to this magazine. He has written several books and numerous articles on the topic of psychology and spirituality. You can read more of his writing at his blog, PsycheandSpirit.net.
4 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
TERRY SANVILLE WRITER Tea with Tilly PAGE 36
Terry Sanville lives in San Luis Obispo, California, with his artist-poet wife (his in-house editor) and two plump cats (his in-house critics). He is a retired urban planner and an accomplished jazz and blues guitarist. Since 2005, his short stories have been accepted more than 350 times by journals, magazines, and anthologies.
To subscribe, write to the above address or call (866) 543-6870. Yearly subscription price: $39.00 in the United States; $69.00 in Canada and other countries. Single copy price: $4.99. For change of address, four weeks’ notice is necessary. Writer’s guidelines can be found at FranciscanMedia. org/writers-guide. The publishers are not responsible for manuscripts or photos lost or damaged in transit. Names in fiction do not refer to living or dead persons. Member of the Catholic Media Association Published with ecclesiastical approval Copyright ©2022. All rights reserved.
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POINTSOFVIEW | YOUR VOICE Never Alone
Thank you for the wonderful article by Elizabeth Bookser Barkley, PhD, in the December/January issue of St. Anthony Messenger, titled “Senior Moments: Wisdom, Grace, and Courage.” She hit the nail right on the head. At 81, I can relate to this. Although the body is breaking down—slowly, I hope—the mind is still sharp. When I go to another room to find something, when I get there I forget what I was looking for. That happens many times, and it used to make me upset. But no longer. Now I just grin and bear it. I live alone, but I know the Lord is by my side. Fred Schaeffer, OFS, Vero Beach, Florida
Images That Uplift
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I am a longtime reader of St. Anthony Messenger. I am writing to tell you how much I love this magazine. Writing this letter is long overdue. I have saved many Reflection pages from past issues. I have them in frames and I change the picture according to the season. The November issue especially has so many images that inspire thought and meditation, such as the illustrations of St. Joseph and Mary by artist Jessie Wagnon in “St. Joseph: Man of Virtue,” by John R. Barker, OFM. The photos of statues of St. Francis in Katie Rutter’s “St. Francis: Giving Comfort to Weary Soldiers” were amazing. After reading “Blessed Carlo: The First Millennial Saint?” by Natalie Ryan, I think Carlo is my new saint-hero. Whoever selected the various photos and illustrations did a great job. Sheila Steele, Onalaska, Wisconsin
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On “Our Lady of Guadalupe, Patroness of the Americas,” by Daniel Imwalle (December 2021/January 2022) My son died at the Mayo Clinic on December 16, 2019, after only eight days there. He was only 35. We are almost certain that when he looked at the ceiling corner of the room, which he did many times, he saw either Our Lady or his guardian angel. He loved Mexico, and what she said to Juan Diego [“Am I not here, I who am your mother?”] is what we believe she also told my beloved son.
On December 12, his wife and I went to the chapel to pray. As we left, we took a few Our Lady of Guadalupe prayer cards. My son was mostly uncommunicative at this time, but my daughter-in-law put one in my son’s hand. When she tried to take it from him, his fingers gripped it tighter. This was a sign from the Blessed Virgin, we are sure.—Gwen On “Senior Moments: Wisdom, Grace, and Courage,” by Elizabeth Bookser Barkley, PhD (December 2021/January 2022) Words cannot express the feelings I experienced while reading this beautiful account of a journey of life. It is one I am taking as I read your words. When my husband died after 58 years of married life, I finally retired from teaching. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I moved into communal living with other seniors, some of whom have experienced homelessness. My Catholic faith continues to lead me into situations where I can minister both spiritually and physically. Thank you for reinforcing my belief that having a purpose keeps the joy in living the journey.—Helen
Comments from a Recent Reader Survey ASK A FRANCISCAN
• The questions don’t always have blackand-white answers. Maybe you could explore the gray areas. • I am grateful to view it online so I can share the column with friends and family. FOLLOWERS OF ST. FRANCIS
• Hopefully, you will be able to find more examples of vocations pursued later in life, as in the case of Sister Jannette Pruitt, OSF (November 2021). • I enjoy reading about those who have chosen to follow St. Francis—young, old, religious, secular, here in the United States or in missions abroad. FRANCISCAN WORLD
• I would like to see longer articles on the different Franciscan communities. • It’s a quick read and shares the history of the Franciscans in various places, which is interesting and inspiring.
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StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 5
people | events | trends
By Susan Hines-Brigger
POPE EMERITUS BENEDICT XVI KNEW OF ABUSE, REPORT SAYS
n January, a law firm commissioned by the Church to investigate how abuse cases were handled in the German Archdiocese of Munich and Freising released its report, which accused retired Pope Benedict XVI of misconduct in four cases during his tenure as Munich archbishop, reported Catholic News Service (CNS). The investigation, which was conducted by the law firm Westpfahl Spilker Wastl and lasted two years, covers the period from 1945 to 2019. According to Vatican News, the almost 1,900-page report shows that at least 497 people were abused in the Archdiocese of Munich and Freising over that period of almost 74 years. Most of them were young; 247 are male victims and 182 are female. Sixty percent of the victims were between the ages of 8 and 14. The report identifies 235 perpetrators of abuse including 173 priests, nine deacons, five pastoral workers, and 48 people from the school environment. Pope Benedict’s statements on the case of repeat offender Peter H., who came to Munich from Essen in 1980, were described by attorney Ulrich Wastl as “not very credible.” In a written statement, the 94-year-old former pope had said he did not take part in a decisive meeting on the case when he was the archbishop of Munich. At the news conference where the legal report was presented, however, Wastl read out the minutes of that meeting. In it, then-Archbishop Ratzinger is mentioned in several places as a rapporteur on other topics. Just days after the report was released, Pope Benedict issued a statement amending the written one he had provided the panel. In it, he said he was present at
6 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
German Cardinal Reinhard Marx of Munich and Freising gives a statement on the Munich abuse report to the media on the day it was released.
a 1980 meeting to discuss the transfer of a priest accused of misconduct. The former pope’s personal secretary, Archbishop Georg Ganswein, said, on behalf of the pope: “The statement to the contrary was therefore objectively incorrect. He would like to emphasize that this was not done out of bad faith but was the result of an oversight in the editing of his statement.” Archbishop Ganswein said that once the retired pope has had the time to thoroughly read the report by Westpfahl Spilker Wastl, “he will explain” how the editing error occurred. The lawyers also identified misconduct by the former pope in three other cases, which he denies. These involve the transfer of clerics who had committed criminal offenses and were allowed to continue pastoral care elsewhere. The retired pope wrote that he had “no knowledge” of the clerics’ criminal activity. REACTIONS TO THE REPORT
Matteo Bruni, director of the Vatican press office, said the “Holy See believes it has an obligation to give serious attention to the document,” but it had not yet had a chance to study it. “In the coming days, following its publication, the Holy See will review it and will be able to properly examine its details. Reiterating its sense of shame and remorse for the abuse of minors committed by clerics, the Holy See assures its closeness to all victims and confirms the path taken to protect the youngest, ensuring safe environments for them,” Bruni said.
CNS PHOTOS: LEFT: CINDY WOODEN; RIGHT: HANNIBAL HANSCHKE/REUTERS
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Retired Pope Benedict XVI is assisted by his private secretary, Archbishop Georg Ganswein, at the Vatican in 2014.
CNS PHOTOS: LEFT: KNA; MIDDLE: PAUL HARING; RIGHT: DIETER MAYR/KNA
Then-Archbishop Joseph Ratzinger, seen here in a photo from 1977, served as the archbishop of Munich from 1977 to 1982.
NEWS BRIEFS
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Visitors to St. Peter’s Square use their smartphones to read about the sculpture Angels Unawares by Canadian sculptor Timothy Schmalz. A QR code was added to the sculpture to provide information about Catholic teaching on migration.
A man receives the COVID-19 vaccine at a church in Berlin this past December. Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia, president of the Pontifical Academy for Life, says that authorized COVID-19 vaccines present no ethical dilemma.
AT HIS ANNUAL MEETING WITH THE DIPLOMATIC CORPS on January 10, Pope Francis addressed, among other things, the ongoing pandemic, encouraging members to “continue the effort to immunize the general population as much as possible,” according to Vatican News. Such an effort, he told the diplomats, needs to happen on the personal, political, and international levels. “First, on the personal level. Each of us has a responsibility to care for ourselves and our health, and this translates into respect for the health of those around us,” the pope said.
university community, University President John Garvey said the wall outside the chapel will remain blank while the university thinks about a replacement.
CNS PHOTOS: LEFT: CINDY WOODEN; RIGHT: HANNIBAL HANSCHKE/REUTERS
CNS PHOTOS: LEFT: KNA; MIDDLE: PAUL HARING; RIGHT: DIETER MAYR/KNA
PROCEEDINGS BEFORE A CRIMINAL TRIAL involving former Cardinal Theodore E. McCarrick will continue March 3 in Massachusetts, where he faces three counts of sexually assaulting a teenager in the 1970s, reported CNS. McCarrick has pleaded not guilty to the charges. THE VATICAN HAS ADDED a small QR code to the bronze sculpture in St. Peter’s Square titled Angels Unawares, which depicts migrants and refugees crowded onto a boat. People can use their phones to access a dedicated website offering information about the piece by Canadian sculptor Timothy Schmalz. A SECOND ICON OF A DARK-SKINNED MARY holding a darkskinned Jesus was stolen from outside a chapel at the Catholic University of America this past December. The icon has stirred controversy, with some complaining that the image of Christ resembled George Floyd, a Black man killed by a White police officer in Minneapolis in May 2020. The original icon was stolen in November. In a letter to the
THE CONGREGATION OF HOLY CROSS ANNOUNCED in January that it has appointed Valentina Culurgioni to be the new postulator for the sainthood cause of Holy Cross Father Patrick Peyton following the retirement of Andrea Ambrosi, the previous postulator. Father Peyton, known as the “rosary priest,” was declared Venerable by Pope Francis in 2017. ON JANUARY 21, POPE FRANCIS DECLARED St. Irenaeus of Lyon a doctor of the Church. In the decree, Pope Francis said the saint’s life and teachings served as “a spiritual and theological bridge between Eastern and Western Christians. May the doctrine of such a great teacher increasingly encourage the journey of all the Lord’s disciples toward full communion.” St. Irenaeus is the second doctor of the Church named by Pope Francis. It brings the total number of doctors of the Church to 37. REAFFIRMING ITS SUPPORT FOR THE COVID-19 VACCINE, the head of the Pontifical Academy for Life said that “there is no ethical problem” with receiving the vaccine. “Rather, the problem is the inverse,” Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia, president of the papal academy, told CNS. “The risk is the irresponsibility toward oneself and others” by refusing vaccination against a deadly disease. Also, all vaccines for adults and children, he explained, “must be safe, authorized, and guaranteed” by the proper authorities. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 7
people | events | trends
POPE THANKS SISTER JEANNINE GRAMICK FOR HER LGBTQ MINISTRY
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Sister Jeannine Gramick, SL
his past December, Sister Jeannine Gramick, SL, received a letter from Pope Francis thanking her for over 50 years of ministry to LGBTQ Catholics. Sister Gramick is the cofounder of the Catholic apostolate New Ways Ministry with the late Father Bob Nugent. According to its website, the organization “educates and advocates for justice and equality” for LGBTQ Catholics, as well as “reconciliation within the larger Church and civil communities.” The letter, dated December 10, was published by America magazine. In it, Pope Francis thanked Sister Jeannine for her “closeness, compassion, and tenderness” to those to whom she ministers. “You have not been afraid of ‘closeness,’” he wrote, “and in getting close you did it ‘feeling the pain’ and without condemning anyone, but with the ‘tenderness’ of a sister and a mother.”
It was not, however, the first correspondence between Sister Gramick and the pope, reports CNS. The letters between them began in April 2021, when Sister Gramick wrote to Pope Francis. The letter was intended to introduce the pope to New Ways Ministry and the organization’s history. Over the years, New Ways Ministry has faced investigatory commissions both in the United States and at the Vatican, which included a condemnation of Sister Gramick and Father Nugent in 2010 by the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. “The correspondence continued between Pope Francis, New Ways, and me,” says Sister Gramick, eventually leading to the December 10 letter. Despite all this, Gramick says that does not mean there will not be resistance in the future. “There will still be some dioceses where bishops will not welcome me,” she says.
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n January 11, Pope Francis made an unexpected visit to a local record store that he used to frequent when in Rome as a cardinal, reported CNS. Store owner Letizia Giostra told the Italian newspaper Corriere della Sera that the surprise visit was “an immense thrill.” “The Holy Father is passionate about music and was already our client, years ago, when he was still a cardinal and would pass through Rome. Then, of
CNS PHOTOS: TOP RIGHT: L’OSSERVATORE ROMANO; BOTTOM RIGHT: VATICAN MEDIA
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course, we never saw him again. And now he came to visit us, to say hello,” she said. The pope was seen leaving the store with a record under his arm, which Giostra said was “a gift we gave him, a record of classical music.” The photo was captured by Spanish journalist Javier Martínez Brocal, the director of the Romebased news website Rome Reports, who was passing through Rome’s Pantheon area. In a letter to Brocal, the pope said he saw the photo and thanked him for this “noble” post, reported Vatican News. At the same time, the pope wrote, “one cannot deny that it was a ‘terrible fate’ (a misfortune) that, after taking all precautions, there was a journalist waiting for someone at the cab stop.” The pope immediately clarified in his letter that this remark was a lighthearted joke: “We must not lose our sense of humor.” He also encouraged reporters to “fulfill their vocation” as journalists, “even if it means embarrassing the pope.” Cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi, president of the Pontifical Council for Culture, says the pope’s music library contains nearly 2,000 CDs and 19 vinyl records. The collection, he told Corriere della Sera, is mostly made up of classical music, but also includes Argentine tango tunes and a 25-disc collection of Elvis Presley’s gospel songs. Cardinal Ravasi said he started receiving and curating the pope’s music collection over three years ago when the pope sent him a few CDs, saying he knew how much the cardinal liked music too.
DATE SET FOR BEATIFICATION OF JOHN PAUL I
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his past December, the Vatican’s Congregation for Saints’ Causes announced that the late Pope John Paul I will be beatified on September 4 during a Mass celebrated by Pope Francis, reported Vatican News. Pope John Paul I served only 33 days after his election before he passed away on Pope John Paul I was known as September 28, 1978, three weeks shy of his 66th birthday. the “smiling pope.” The miracle approved involves the healing of a young girl in Buenos Aires, Argentina, who developed a severe case of acute encephalitis, experienced uncontrollable and life-threatening brain seizures, and eventually entered septic shock. According to the website of the Congregation for Saints’ Causes, after doctors told family members her death was imminent, the local priest encouraged the family, nurses, and others to pray to the late pope for his intercession. A panel of experts studying the cause determined there was no scientific explanation for her complete recovery in 2011 and that it could be attributed to the late pope’s intercession. Another miracle attributed to the pope would be needed before canonization.
I CNS PHOTOS: TOP RIGHT: L’OSSERVATORE ROMANO; BOTTOM RIGHT: VATICAN MEDIA
CNS PHOTOS: LEFT: FILE PHOTO BY NANCY WIECHEC; BOTTOM RIGHT: JAVIER MARTINEZ-BROCAL/ROME REPORTS
‘PILGRIMS OF HOPE’ ANNOUNCED AS THEME FOR HOLY YEAR 2025 n preparation for the upcoming jubilee year in 2025, the Vatican announced in January that the theme of the year will be “Pilgrims of Hope,” reported Vatican News. The announcement was made by Archbishop Rino Fisichella, president of the Pontifical Council for Promoting the New Evangelization. Archbishop Fisichella, whose council is in charge of planning the jubilee, said the theme attempts to capture the meaning of the entire jubilee journey. He said it also represents key themes of Pope Francis’ papacy— pilgrims and hope. “There is so much work to be done in these two years,” the archbishop said. The dicastery that he heads is entrusted with the organizational responsibility for the event. One of the priorities concerns the reception of pilgrims and the faithful, with a large number of pilgrims expected in Rome during the holy year. Despite the extraordinary Holy Year of Mercy in 2015, the forthcoming jubilee will take place in line with the norm of leaving a 25-year gap between each one. The most recent ordinary jubilee took place in 2000, as the world and the Church prepared to enter the new millennium. The jubilee year is a special year of grace when the
“There is so much work to be done in these two years,” Archbishop Rino Fisichella said. The dicastery that he heads is entrusted with the organizational responsibility for the 2025 jubilee year.
Church offers the faithful the possibility of obtaining a plenary indulgence. Traditionally, it begins just before Christmas and ends on the Epiphany of the following year. The pope inaugurates the Holy Year with the rite of the opening of the Holy Door in St. Peter’s Basilica. After that, the Holy Doors of St. John Lateran, St. Paul Outside the Walls, and St. Mary Major are opened. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 9
SPIRITOFST.FRANCIS | ASK A FRANCISCAN
By Pat McCloskey, OFM
No Funeral Mass for a Cremated Person?
I understand that the Catholic Church no longer opposes cremation. One of my friends, who is a nonpracticing Catholic, said that a friend of her son had his mother’s remains cremated. The priest at her church, however, refused to celebrate a funeral Mass, saying that the decision is up to the priest at a parish. hat priest is simply dead wrong! What the Church allows in general cannot be overruled by an individual priest. On July 30, 1997, the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments issued a decree approving new texts for a funeral Mass celebrated in the presence of cremains. That decree entered into force in the United States on November 2, 1997. Funerals are for the living as well as those who have died. The refusal you describe is pastorally insensitive and strikes me as an outrageous example of the clericalism that Pope Francis has been denouncing for the past nine years. Like anyone else, a priest may have his preferences, but those cannot be allowed to cancel what the Church permits. In a very restricted sense, this may be his parish, but it is not his Church. Who does he think he is? Was this the response of a servant leader? Those who asked for a funeral Mass with the cremains present had every right to do so. I am sorry that this person was refused this right. “Poor people, poor God,” Father Leonard Foley, OFM, a former editor of St. Anthony Messenger, used to say.
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Contact Father Pat
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On Forehead or on Top?
On Ash Wednesday, should ashes be placed on a person’s forehead or on top of her or his head? he 2000 Third Typical Edition of the Roman Missal indicates, “The priest places ashes on the head of those present who come to him.” The biblical custom is to place ashes on the crown of the head (2 Sm 13:19 and Jdt 4:11). Placing them on a person’s forehead in the shape of a cross is a later and legitimate custom.
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Ethically Discarding VHS Tapes
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Recently, I discovered that my 200 to 300 VHS tapes can be disposed of only by paying several hundred dollars for shipping and disposal. Local recycling centers do not accept them. The tapes are considered hazardous because the Mylar tape is coated with toxic metals that will leach out and contaminate landfills. How morally obligated am I to dispose of these tapes by shipping them and paying the disposal fees? hat are the relevant local environmental regulations? Your state’s department of natural resources or environmental office can help here. You may, in fact, have more morally acceptable alternatives than your question suggests. My confrere Mark Hudak, OFM, advises consulting Earth911.com. If you cannot find a local place to accept the tapes, it offers an address where you can send those tapes for disposal without charge.
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Father Pat has been a high school teacher and communications director at his order’s headquarters in Rome. He has been a staff member at international OFM meetings in India, Mexico, and California. He reads Spanish and speaks Italian. He began working part-time at St. Anthony Messenger in June 1972, moving to full-time at this publication in June 1999.
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Pat McCloskey, OFM
I am a “revert” to the Catholic Church, baptized at age 4, influenced mostly by Protestant Churches, and now continuing my faith pilgrimage as a Roman Catholic. I consider myself to have a well-formed conscience, but I wonder how to proceed when that conscience objects to certain Church teachings in matters of faith or morals. How can I continue as a member of the Roman Catholic Church? hanks for being willing to wrestle with this issue. People with a well-formed conscience must be open to the possibility that they may need further growth because they have accepted as true some idea that is, in fact, false. That may or may not describe your current disagreements with the Catholic Church. Faith is first a relationship with God before it can be phrased as a positive or negative statement. In any case, I urge you to continue maintaining your communion with the Catholic Church, especially through regularly celebrating the Eucharist. Prayerful reflection on Scripture may surface something important that a well-formed conscience had not yet factored in.
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‘Is Lying Always a Sin?’
Is lying always a sin? If someone asks me, “How are you?”, and I answer, “I’m fine,” but really am not, did I just commit a sin? Or when someone makes a dish of food for me and asks, “How was it?”, and I say it was great, but it wasn’t. Are these sins? o one is obliged to disclose everything that he or she knows or feels. To your first question, “I’ve had better days” would be truthful, but you do not have to get into all the details that prompted that response. Likewise to your second question, instead of saying “It was great,” can’t you say, “It’s an unusual taste that I am still processing”? No one being tortured is obliged to tell the whole truth. As a priest who hears confessions, I cannot be obliged to reveal the details of what a specific person has confessed.
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Quick Questions and Answers
Why isn’t the word Incarnation in the Nicene Creed?
It’s already there in the phrase that Jesus “came down from heaven, and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary and became man.”
Was polygamy accepted in the Old Testament? According to 2 Samuel 12:8a, Nathan the prophet spoke for God when he told King David, “I gave you your lord’s house and your lord’s wives for your own.” Was David’s polygamy moral?
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‘Continuing My Pilgrimage’
Long before David, Jacob had two wives (Leah and Rachel) and two concubines (Bilhah and Zilpah)—and children by each of them. As time went on, Jews understood monogamy as God’s original intention, as Jesus affirms in Matthew 19:1–9.
St. Anthony’s intercession before God is powerful! Visit StAnthony.org to post your prayer request and pray for others.
StAnthony.org
The Franciscan Friars, Province of St. John the Baptist 1615 Vine St., Ste 1 Cincinnati, OH 45202 513-721-4700 StAnthony.org
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 11
SPIRITOFST.FRANCIS | FOLLOWERS OF ST. FRANCIS
By Janice Lane Palko
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Drawn to Timeless Franciscan Values
Every Monday and Wednesday, a group of sisters (Sister Sharon Havelak is third from the left) and local activists gather on the corner of Sylvania Franciscan Motherhouse property to support antidiscrimination efforts. Since the death of George Floyd in 2020, they gather every week, rain or shine. 12 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF SISTER SHARON HAVELAK/SYLVANIA FRANCISCANS’ ARCHIVES
hroughout history there have been men and women A CHOICE TO MAKE who, from birth, have been singled out for a life of serAlthough it seemed she was destined for a life with the vice and devotion to God. Such was the case with John the Sylvania Franciscans, Sister Sharon, like those others before Baptist, the prophet Samuel, and our Blessed Mother with her, had to consciously choose to follow God’s will for her. “I her Immaculate Conception. Although much too modknew I couldn’t rely on others’ expectations of me; I had to est to include herself among such company, freely commit to my vocation,” she says. Sister Sharon Havelak, OSF, a member of the Aspiring to become a Sister of St. Francis, Sylvania Franciscans (Sylvania, Ohio), shares she briefly attended St. Clare Academy in a similar life experience. Sylvania, Ohio. She later returned to Sylvania Sister Sharon, who is 74, was born preand professed her final vows in 1973. “Early in maturely in Northeast Minneapolis. “My my novitiate after Vatican II, things were very aunt, Sister Marie Paul, a Sylvania Franciscan, unsettled with many leaving the convent, and decided that, if I survived, I would eventually I had to evaluate what I wanted to do,” says join her in the convent,” says Sister Sharon, Sister Sharon. “Through prayer and much who was born the second oldest of five soul-searching, I realized that I would take children in a devoutly Catholic family. Her me, with my strengths and weaknesses, wheraunt’s proclamation stuck with her. “I was the ever I went, and life outside of the convent one deemed for a vocation and the one who would be just as complicated, and so I chose received a nun doll as a present for her first to honor my commitment.” Communion,” she says with a laugh. From 1968 to 1977, she taught grade Sister Sharon Havelak, OSF Joining the sisters was always in the back of school, then became a member of Trinity Sister Sharon’s mind, but her vocation began House of Prayer. After working various odd to take shape when she was in the sixth grade. She attended jobs, “I started teaching art part-time and then went back to Immaculate Conception School where Sylvania Franciscan college to get a master’s degree in art from Bowling Green Sisters were her teachers. “Sister Mary Ann, the vocation State University,” she says. “For a time, I taught studio art and minister, traveled to Minneapolis to talk to our class about art history at the university level.” joining the sisters. I don’t remember much of what she said, but I do remember her showing us slides of the motherhouse PUTTING CREATIVITY TO USE grounds with all these beautiful pine trees and thinking, In 2000, Sister Sharon was elected to the congregation’s That’s my home! That feeling remained with me.” leadership, serving for the next eight years. Since then, she
ST. ANTHONY
BREAD
FRANK JASPER, OFM
ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF SISTER SHARON HAVELAK/SYLVANIA FRANCISCANS’ ARCHIVES
(Above) The All Good Things Art and Gifts Shop offers a variety of handmade and fair-trade goods. Sister Sharon (left) works in her studio, pinning a scarf to the printing table and readying it for another layer of color.
has devoted her time to being the congregation’s justice and peace coordinator and working in the Sylvania Franciscan Sisters’ gift shop, All Good Things. “We had sisters selling their products and crafts from their offices, and in 2009, we decided to convert the former mailroom in the convent to a gift shop that not only features things made by the sisters but also from people around the world, by selling fair-trade items,” says Sister Sharon. Some of the shop’s most popular items are the sisters’ Holy Aromas line of body washes, soaps, and lotions, and their handcrafted Alverno Tiles featuring Franciscan themes. Sister Sharon also provides some of her creations. “I was a print major when I earned my degree, and I dye and hand-paint scarves,” she says, adding that the shop appeals to customers not only because they receive handcrafted, quality pieces but also because it helps to support the sisters’ mission. In addition to her work in the All Good Things gift shop, she gives talks on justice and peace, spirituality, and the environment. The Franciscan charism that speaks most to her is poverty. “Poverty allows you to live simply, and that is so freeing,” says Sister Sharon. “St. Francis is such a role model and is so important to our world today. The charisms that his life exemplified (poverty, contemplation, conversion, and minority) speak to me differently as I grow and change; different aspects impact me today than when I was 19 and just entering religious life. But that is the beauty of the Franciscan values, and why they are so precious; they are timeless and keep drawing us closer to God.” For more information, visit AllGoodThingsosf.org.
The National Shrine of St. Anthony is located in Cincinnati, Ohio. Consecrated in 1889, it includes a first-class relic of St. Anthony and serves as a center for daily prayer and contemplation. The Franciscan friars minister from the shrine. To help them in their work among the poor, you may send a monetary offering called St. Anthony Bread. Make checks or money orders payable to “Franciscans” and mail to the address below. Every Tuesday, a Mass is offered for benefactors and petitioners at the shrine. To seek St. Anthony’s intercession, mail your petition to the address below. Petitions are taken to the shrine each week. viSit our webSite to:
StAnthony.org mAil poStAl communicAtionS to:
St. Anthony Bread 1615 Vine St. Cincinnati, OH 45202-6498
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 13
SPIRITOFST.FRANCIS
“By their profession, Secular Franciscans pledge themselves to live the Gospel in the manner of St. Francis.”
—1978 Secular Franciscan Order Rule, #2
FRANCISCAN WORLD
By Pat McCloskey, OFM
Overcoming Class Consciousness
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St. Francis of Assisi (1181–1226) preaches to Pope Honorius III, who approved the 1223 Rule for the Order of Friars Minor (fresco by Giotto in upper basilica in Assisi). Francis also established the Secular Franciscan Order with its own Rule.
ST. ANTHONY STORIES
A Near Disaster in the Kitchen
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ecently, I purchased a new set of hearing aids for $7,000. While preparing dinner one evening, I took them off and placed them on our kitchen counter because there was so much background noise. When my wife and I were cleaning up the kitchen following dinner, I noticed one of the new hearing aids was missing. We searched every square inch of the kitchen multiple times while praying to St. Anthony. Finally, we quit for the night. I knew the hearing aid had to be in the kitchen, but where? The next day, I picked through two bags of garbage, feeling certain that we would find the missing hearing aid. We did not. This was getting scary, so we upped our prayers to St. Anthony. In a last-ditch effort, I started another search from scratch by emptying every drawer and cabinet. I opened the oven, empty except for a broiler pan. I moved the pan a little and, miracle of miracles, the missing hearing aid fell from the pan to the bottom of the oven. Somehow, the hearing aid had gotten hooked to the pan when it was on the counter the night before. Thank you, St. Anthony, for bailing us out yet again. Lesson learned: From now on, hearing aids will only be in my ears or in their charger box. —Thomas W. Cahill, Cincinnati, Ohio
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LOUIS IX OF FRANCE
HUSBAND, FATHER, KING, Secular Franciscan—he did it all by the time he was 56 and was canonized in 1297, 27 years after he died. He was crowned king at the age of 12, but his saintly mother, Blanche of Castille, ruled as regent for several years. Franciscan friars were among his instructors. Louis founded hospitals, built churches, and promoted learning. He was especially concerned about the administration of justice in his kingdom, which he sought to rule in the light of the Gospel. He was so widely respected that three times he helped mediate peace among opposing rulers outside his kingdom. He and St. Elizabeth of Hungary are the patrons of the Secular Franciscan Order. —Pat McCloskey, OFM
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any people today cannot imagine how big a role class played in Western Europe during the 13th century. In Assisi, the hometown of Francis and Clare, the minores (the group to which Francis and his family belonged) revolted against the majores (the group to which Clare and her family belonged). In fact, the majores were exiled to nearby Perugia between 1198 and 1205. The Secular Franciscan Order, long known as the Third Order of St. Francis, arose because many people of all social classes longed to live out the Gospel more closely. Because family commitments or other obligations prevented them from joining the Friars Minor or (after 1212) the Poor Ladies of San Damiano, these people became known as the Order of Penitents. According to Thomas of Celano’s First Life of Francis, “Many people, well-born and lowly, cleric and lay, driven by divine inspiration, began to come to St. Francis, for they desired to serve under his constant training and leadership” (#15). In time, these penitents included nobles, merchants, bakers, tailors, and peasants living the Gospel according to their circumstances and recognizing one another as brothers and sisters.
POINTSOFVIEW | EDITORIAL
By Christopher Heffron
COVID-19 and Our Lenten Challenge
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rauma is a fact of life,” psychologist Peter A. Levine wrote in 1997. “It does not, however, have to be a life sentence.” While we can appreciate the sentiment, it was written long before COVID19 and its variants would become household names the world over. Trauma is a part of our human experience, though we are still trying to figure out how to overcome it. According to a recent report by the World Economic Forum, search terms such as healing and mental health were the top keywords in 2021. Coronavirus holds the top spot for 2020. This is not surprising, considering we are still, after two long years, mired in the pandemic crisis. And with our smartphones on hand and the deafening political infighting surrounding the disease, it’s difficult to remove ourselves from it. Truly, we are still stuck in a worldwide trauma. The physical and psychological effects of prolonged stress can rouse the usual suspects: heart arrhythmia, stroke, depression, and anxiety. The spiritual consequences, which are vastly underreported, can be just as debilitating.
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LET GO, LET GOD
In the summer of 2021, research showed that our COVID19 fears began to dip. Vaccination numbers rose, while the strain on hospitals lightened. But by late November, with the omicron variant spreading throughout the country, our peace of mind took a hit yet again. Forty percent of Americans cited a growing fear that the variants could threaten their physical, mental, or financial well-being. The winter months confirmed many of those fears. Living in a constant state of fight-or-flight and enduring the daily (or hourly) ebbs and flows of pandemic stress can damage our whole person—body and soul. But Lent offers a window into crisis management. Jesus, after all, knew how his story would end. He understood that his ministry would take him down many roads, but all of them would lead to Calvary. That must have lingered in his mind. How did he navigate those waters? By being quiet. While it’s important to stay informed about what’s going on in the world, news organizations relish focusing almost exclusively on the negative because it means
an increase in views, clicks, and shares. Don’t play into it. Let’s try to limit our exposure to social and news outlets and spend some time in silence—as we read in Exodus: “The Lord will fight for you; you have only to keep still” (14:14). By showing perfect faith. When Jesus anguished in the Garden of Gethsemane, he prayed to God for clarity and strength. He articulated his profound fears, but remained faithful, as it is described in Matthew 26:42: “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!” By keeping perspective. If you are reading these words, you are either fully vaccinated or profoundly lucky. Regardless, that is something to celebrate. It’s important in these uncertain days to keep some perspective. We can only control what we can control. Consider Matthew 6:25–26: “Do not worry about your life. . . . Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap . . . yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?” By now it’s a cliché (it’s even become a trendy tattoo), but to “let go and let God” might be the best advice of all for us to follow. HERE AND NOW
When we were dealing with the first global wave of COVID19 in 2020, Pope Francis reminded us that, as members of one human family, this is a shared cross to carry: “We are on the same boat, all of us fragile and disoriented, but at the same time important and needed, all of us called to row together, each of us in need of comforting the other.” He said those words two years ago this month. They are just as relevant today. It’s impossible to know when this virus will be in our rearview mirror—if it ever will—or when our hearts will heal from the trauma. We all have our methods of treatment. In 2020, reports showed a 20 percent increase in both mental health counseling and liquor sales. Perhaps the best we can do is allow the season of Lent to guide us through this very dark night, where salvation surely awaits. If we can live, not in the past or future, but in the present moment, we can become a more grounded, grateful people—and maybe a good deal wiser too. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 15
POINTSOFVIEW | AT HOME ON EARTH
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By Kyle Kramer
The Search for Courage
Kyle Kramer
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wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” This passage from J.R.R. Tolkien’s epic trilogy, The Lord of the Rings, has been coming to mind recently as I’ve struggled with discouragement in the face of COVID-19, our polarized and unequal society, and the critical environmental threats facing our beloved earth. Even though I don’t claim to be on the front lines of suffering, I still find myself wishing that “it need not have happened in my time.” And yet it has, and so I have to ask myself: What is mine to do in the time that is given me? If we want to create a better world for future generations, how can we act with courage in our troubled times? By courage, I don’t simply mean bravery, though I certainly admire it. Plenty of Tolkien’s characters are brave, larger-than-life warriors, rushing fearlessly and boldly into battles against impossible odds, hoping, if not for victory, then at least for an end worthy of their ancestors. I admire such heroic bravery, but I find that I can’t relate to it all that well. I don’t consider myself to be especially heroic or brave. I lead a relatively comfortable
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middle-class existence, and I struggle with plenty of fear and anxiety. I have dim hopes for how I would react if I found myself in a situation that required dramatic bravery. In other words, I can relate more to the hobbits of Tolkien’s stories. Until they were pulled into a much larger adventure, Frodo and his fellow hobbits led safe, uneventful lives amid the quiet confines of their homeland, the Shire. They aren’t formidable warriors but small, unimpressive farm folk, used to the predictable rhythms of agriculture but not the vagaries of battle. A TALE OF COURAGE
I don’t think of Tolkien’s hobbits as being brave, but I do think they are courageous. The root of courage is the Latin word cor, meaning “heart,” and although hobbits may be small in stature, they prove to be big of heart. Their courage ends up playing a crucial role in defeating much larger forces of evil and cruelty. Love is the engine of heart-centered courage. Hobbits are grounded in a deep love of the Shire, with its particular hills, valleys, and fields. Out of that love, they come to understand that the welfare of the Shire is inseparable from the fate of all Middle Earth. Even as they stumble through the barren wastes of distant lands and face both danger
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TOP LEFT: COURTESY OF KYLE KRAMER; TOP: CAN BE DONE/ISTOCK
Kyle is the executive director of the Passionist Earth & Spirit Center, which offers interfaith educational programming in meditation, ecology, and social compassion. He serves as a Catholic climate ambassador for the US Conference of Catholic Bishopssponsored Catholic Climate Covenant and is the author of Making Room: Soul-Deep Satisfaction through Simple Living (Franciscan Media, 2021). He speaks across the country on issues of ecology and spirituality. He and his family spent 15 years as organic farmers and homesteaders in Spencer County, Indiana.
HELPFUL
TIPS
LOOK INWARD LOVE IS THE ROOT OF COURAGE.
What loves can you nurture and strengthen in yourself and others?
COURAGE INCLUDES FEAR, AND THE BEST WAY TO MANAGE FEAR IS THROUGH CURIOSITY.
• What core fears drive you? Naming your fears is a step toward overcoming them. • How might you allow them to arise without reacting to them or letting them call all the shots in your decisions and actions?
and discouragement, they hold in their hearts the beauty of the green, living world. They remember the small, simple pleasures of their settled life, the relationships of their tightknit community. These loves sustain them, especially when all hope seems lost. The courage of hobbits includes their vulnerability, which leads them beyond themselves. They know they need the help of those who are stronger and that the only possible path to victory is through fellowship. The hobbits love each other and their other companions fiercely, and that loyalty ultimately makes them willing to sacrifice themselves for others and for the sake of a larger good—even in the face of fear.
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TOP LEFT: COURTESY OF KYLE KRAMER; TOP: CAN BE DONE/ISTOCK
WORK IN PROGRESS
I admire those brave ones of our day who risk arrest, chain themselves to trees in endangered forests, call world leaders to account, or go up against powerful corporate polluters. But realistically, I suspect such bravery is beyond me. I aspire instead to the courage of hobbits, rooted in love of particular places and particular people and leading to a love and concern for all places and all people (and creatures). I believe that we can be schooled in courage: that our characters can be formed and shaped so that courage becomes possible. Jesus didn’t send his disciples out into the world until they had spent a great deal of time with him, coming to know and love him, his message, and each other. The early Christian martyrs were likewise schooled in the radical community of the Church. Those in the military aren’t sent into harm’s way until they have spent time building strong bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood that will sustain them in the thick of battle. So we will need to cultivate courage—in ourselves and in others. In our families, in our parish communities, in our schools, and in other groups and gatherings, we can and we must teach and learn how to care for ourselves, each other, and the rest of the living world. We can and we must be formed in the ways of love, so that the taproot of our courage has a profound source of sustenance through difficult and dangerous times. Fortunately, we have been given plenty of resources to grow into loving courage. Of course, we have our Scriptures,
telling us story upon story about how love is made real through particular places and people but encompasses all of creation. We have creation itself, which shows us in myriad ways what care and nurture can look like. And we have, I believe, divine instructions inscribed on our very hearts, needing only to be called forth and nurtured. When I consider the challenges of our current moment in history, I get as knock-kneed as Tolkien’s hobbits do when they first learn of the evil stirring in Middle Earth. Maybe you or I will never show battlefield bravery, but I believe we all can grow into the loving, heart-centered courage of hobbits. Our world needs no less.
Get the Collector’s Edition A celebration of saints from the creators of St. Anthony Messenger magazine
For the first time, we are presenting a collector’s edition on the saints—a perfect gift or keepsake to read over and over again! This collector’s edition, printed on high-quality paper, offers an in-depth and popular look at the saints, including: • Sts. Clare and Francis • St. Thérèse of Lisieux • Blessed Carlo Acutis: The First Millennial Saint? • St. Joseph • St. Oscar Romero, Blessed Stanley Rother, Thea Bowman, and many others.
Buy it at Franciscan Media’s online store:
Shop.FranciscanMedia.org OWNS & O P E R AT E S
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 17
BROKEN VESSELS Lent as a Doorway to Conversion By Richard B. Patterson, PhD
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We all face tragedy and challenges in life. When you make the choice to heal, your spirit is awakened through a nurturing of self and faith.
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hen I hear the word conversion, I immediately tend to think of persons who became Catholic but were not born and raised Catholic. Those converts chose to be Catholic. Some may have done so for reasons having nothing to do with the Church. My grandfather, for example, apparently converted from the Presbyterian Church so that he could marry my Irish Catholic grandmother. There are others who became converts because they found something within Catholicism that drew them. In its basic meaning, conversion points to a process of transformation, a change in something essential. Other words and phrases relating to conversion include metanoia (a change of consciousness), spiritual awakening, and redemption. Literally, conversion means “to turn to.” Some indeed turn to a new spiritual path. But for many of us, the possibility of a new path is thrust upon us, arising out of a place of spiritual and psychological brokenness. In the depths of despair, we may be offered a path of healing and, ultimately, transformation. But we must choose to be open to that conversion. For some—such as St. Paul or Bill W., the cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous—this transformation may occur dramatically and in an instant. But for many of us, the process of conversion is experienced quietly and gradually over time. The invitation to conversion doesn’t come in a burst of light but slowly, as if through a whisper, just as Elijah experienced in his moment of fearful brokenness (1 Kgs 19:11–12). There are many different experiences of brokenness that can be a doorway to conversion. Four potential doorways are addiction, trauma, depression, and facing one’s death. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 19
Gospels of the healing of the 10 lepers. Jesus heals all 10, yet only one returns to express gratitude. Jesus never seemed to me to be a person who reveled in the gratitude of those he healed. So why did he ask the 10th leper, “Where are the others?” For me, there is an important lesson in that story. Jesus, I believe, was pointing out to the 10th leper, and to us, that the removal of the scars of leprosy was only a beginning and that, to continue to heal, the lepers would have to continue the work of conversion. This would include ongoing gratitude. Concerning addiction, conversion involves turning to sobriety—learning how to work at a sober spiritual life with honesty and gratitude.
It is that hopeful step toward healing that becomes a conversion for many trauma victims. . . . A turning to healing and empowerment and away from fear and anguish.
The founders of Alcoholics Anonymous had the wisdom to point out the strong spiritual component to addiction. Essentially, when addicted, we have made something—alcohol, drugs, sex, porn, etc.—our god. When troubled, we turn to our god. When happy, we turn to our god. We look for release. We look for comfort. And, for the short term, that god works for us! But that god comes with a price: loss of family or employment, financial crisis, legal problems, isolation, shame, and especially the spiritual equivalent of cancer, self-hatred. In the midst of such turmoil, some addicts choose to confront their addictions and seek help. Addicts soon learn that the conversion from addiction is only the beginning. For addicts, the process of conversion is ongoing; it is a process of fearless self-awareness as well as gratitude, which continues for a lifetime. I often wonder about the story in the
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ADDICTION
Traumas are those life events that turn our worlds upside down, events that become so powerful that a day does not pass without that trauma exerting its influence through intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and nightmares. These days there is more awareness of the condition of post-traumatic stress disorder. Many think of combat veterans, but the sufferers also include victims of other types of violence, including sexual abuse and political oppression. There are also those who lost a loved one in a traumatic manner, and there are life traumas—divorce, loss of employment, hospitalization, etc. With many trauma victims I meet, they may ask, “Will I ever be able to forget what happened?” My answer is always, “No, but you will be able to heal and take back some of the power that trauma has over you.” It is that hopeful step toward healing that becomes a conversion for many trauma victims. The conversion here is a turning to healing and empowerment and away from fear and anguish. I think of a young man I knew some years ago. He had been repeatedly molested by his parish priest and was badly traumatized. He had stopped going to Mass because of crowds but also because he would feel deep anger, especially when the priest raised the host at the consecration. “I would see that priest doing the same thing on the day after he molested me!” he told me. This young man drew upon not only his courage but also his creativity to heal. He painted a picture in which there was the
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TRAUMA
headless form of a priest. But in the corner of his painting was a white disc that I assumed was the sun. “No,” he said, “that’s the Eucharist. I still believe in the Eucharist, and it gives me hope.” In choosing a path of conversion rather than bitterness, this young man opened new doors. He joined a support group and became sober. Eventually he went back to school and now works as a counselor himself. A conversion from trauma is a turning to an inner place of safety, hope, and perhaps forgiveness.
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DEPRESSION
Depression may be the most common form of brokenness. It is a place where there is no joy, energy, or motivation. It is a place where God can seem silent. Most especially, it is a dark place with little hope. Most of us have faced bouts of depression. Some have been so depressed that they are unable to get out of bed. And then there are those for whom the light of hope is gone, and they choose to end their lives rather than continue to suffer. Depression can be defined in many ways and can be caused by many different circumstances. For our purposes, let us simply say that depression is that physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual state where there is little hope. Most of us, when depressed, have tried different solutions: medication, therapy, even prayer. The conversion from depression occurs when we decide to have the slightest hope that our circumstances can improve or that at least we can feel better and at times enjoy life. But, as with the 10th leper, the decision to try some medication or therapy or healing prayer is only the beginning. A true conversion from depression occurs when we make the decision to do whatever it takes to heal. That path may include difficult decisions to remove ourselves from situations and relationships that feed depression. This raises another facet of conversion: To truly convert requires action. It is not a passive process, even for those who experience a sudden moment of spiritual awakening; it requires some form of action. Whatever role therapy and medication may play, the depressed person is ultimately faced with the need to change something. Perhaps the person needs to work on patterns of negative thinking. Perhaps the depressed person needs to change the pattern of
relationships in his or her life. Perhaps the depressed person needs to try a different form of spiritual practice. Or, as can often be the case, perhaps the depressed person needs to forgive himself or herself. I think of a man who came to see me for help with depression. He was a deeply spiritual man who came to believe that he was a hypocrite because he would get angry at his daughter. What was worse was a dream he’d had in which there was a violent encounter with a stranger. This good man judged himself harshly to the point that he was considering stopping a rich spiritual practice. Over time, he was able to accept that his anger and any inner violence reflected in his dreams could be embraced and healed. Interestingly, as he embraced that hope, his dream changed to the point that he ended up helping the man he’d assaulted in earlier dreams. What did this man convert to? He was already a deeply devout and committed Catholic. What I believe he converted to was a belief that he, too, was worthy of compassion and that any anger and violence within him could be faced and healed rather than judged. As he recovered from depression, he shared that he believed his faith had shifted in a meaningful way; his depression lifted. A conversion from depression is a conversion to a place not only of hope but also of compassion and perhaps forgiveness of oneself. FACING DEATH
Facing one’s death might seem like an odd topic in discussing conversion. I have been privileged to walk with several remarkable people on part of their final journeys. They have all taught me that conversion can occur when faced with the reality of death. It is a conversion from fear, anger, and guilt to a place of peaceful acceptance. As one man said when I asked him how he wanted to face his death: “I want to look forward to stepping into the light.” I witnessed the conversion of a man dying of AIDS. While I was sitting with him, his estranged daughter called. He responded with anger saying, “Where the hell have you been? Now you’re calling me?” Then he hung up on her. After a moment, I asked him, “Is that how you want to deal with your daughter before you go?” He sat quietly and started to cry. “What do you want to do?” I asked. “I want to gently help her deal with my death,” he said. He StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 21
GOD PROVIDES OPPORTUNITIES
The beauty of conversion is that the Lord makes opportunities available to us. Much like Samuel, it is our choice as to whether or not we say “Here I am” in response. For me, thankfully, I was able to say “Here I am” on a summer morning some years ago. My conversion story is not profound, but I believe it illustrates God’s patience in waiting for us to accept the opportunity. It also shows that God can use unexpected avenues to get our attention and that the moment of conversion is only the beginning. I used alcohol for the first time when I was 14. Even then it had negative consequences: I spoke rudely to a girl I actually liked. The next day, I was so sluggish that my basketball team lost, and I was benched. So it began. My drinking progressed to the point that it was daily. Slowly, the disease of alcoholism took hold. Thankfully, I never lost my family or a job, but self-hatred set down its roots. In the months approaching my sobriety, I can now see that God was putting things in place, inviting me to a conversion. Those things ranged from rereading Henri Nouwen’s The Wounded Healer to one of the Star Wars films. Finally, when I got up one morning, in what was the clearest experience of God’s
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FINDING HOME
Hugh Kerr and John Mulder put together a wonderful book titled Famous Conversions, a collection of conversion experiences ranging from St. Paul to the great African American singer and actress Ethel Waters. They define conversion as “a mystery of God, and the varieties of conversion experiences testify to that divine initiative seeking out those who are lost, finding them, and bringing them home.” As a humble recipient of the gift of conversion, I am glad to be home. Richard B. Patterson, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who lives in El Paso, Texas. He has had a number of articles published in this magazine, including “Catholics and Gun Control” (September 2020).
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My conversion story illustrates God’s patience in waiting for us. God can use unexpected avenues to get our attention and that the moment of conversion is only the beginning.
grace I have ever had, I decided it was time to face my alcohol problem. I decided to accept conversion. Given my own arrogance, I waited 10 days before reaching out for help. When I told my friend, a recovering alcoholic himself, that I was trying to face my drinking, he burst into tears, saying, “God, Rich, that’s an answer to a prayer!” Through him, I began to look for help. That moment of conversion on the morning of June 2, 1983, was indeed only a beginning. My conversion continues today as I not only try to live each day without alcohol but also strive to live a life of sobriety based on honesty and gratitude. A year after I quit drinking, I found out I’d suffered some liver damage. Had God not blessed me with that invitation to begin conversion, I would not be writing these words.
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later called his daughter, and they were able to reunite before he died. Rather than die with bitterness, he embraced the opportunity for a conversion and opened himself to a spirit of gentleness with his loved ones. He turned from a place of fear and anger to one of peace. This is the essence of conversion when facing death.
A Lenten Reflection for Conversion
LENT PROVIDES US with an opportunity to open ourselves to conversion. It is a time of reflection, a cleansing of our spirits. It is an opportunity to face whatever within us that prevents us from fully embracing our spiritual paths. Facing addiction or trauma or depression or death is not easy. But if any of these are a part of your life, this Lent you might consider some steps that can open a door for conversion. 1. Take a moral inventory of your faults and strengths. Share it with a person you trust, perhaps a spiritual director.
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2. Open yourself in prayer and meditation to God’s guidance to those areas of your life in need of conversion. You might not like God’s answer. 3. If you are battling any of the issues discussed here, take Lent as an opportunity to begin a path of healing by seeking counseling and/or spiritual direction.
4. Lent has been a time of giving something up. So consider this Lent to be an opportunity to give up any fear, self-hatred, shame, or resentment that clouds your spiritual path. 5. If you’ve experienced conversion, then pause in gratitude this Lent: gratitude for the opportunity to convert and gratitude for the people, places, and things God may have put in your path to help you embrace the invitation to convert.
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LEFT: DENNIS LIVESY; INSETS: LEFT TO RIGHT: PAUL HARING; ARTURO MARI, L’OSSERVATORE ROMANO; PAOLO COCCO/REUTERS; DAVID L RYAN/POOL VIA REUTERS
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Father Boniface Ramsey raised red flags about Theodore McCarrick for years before the media and Church leaders took notice. While some call him a hero, he hopes to be remembered first as a good priest.
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Pope John Paul II embraces newly minted Cardinal Theodore McCarrick at the Vatican in February 2001. Credible accusations of sexual misconduct later led to McCarrick’s laicization and criminal charges.
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t’s near the end of Lent 2021, the Church busy season, and Father Boniface Ramsey, 75, bounds around St. Joseph of Yorkville Parish in New York City amid a hectic schedule. On this warm, early spring day as the city seemingly emerges, slowly and cautiously, from a yearlong pandemic, students at the parish school are playing on the street. The neighborhood, with its tidy Upper East Side brownstones and apartments, looks as if it could be placed on a Hollywood back lot representing old New York. Father Ramsey has just returned from bedside prayer with a dying parishioner. There will soon be weekday Mass at noon, with a few dozen congregants reflecting on the final days of Jesus’ life and the prophetic Book of Jeremiah. “I love being a priest,” says Father Ramsey during a lull in the day’s activity. “The sacraments mean everything for me.” Ordained a Dominican priest in 1973, Father Ramsey was once a seminary professor and scholar with a focus on patristics, early Christian art, and history. Besides German, he is fluent in French. In 2004, he became a priest of the Archdiocese of New York, his hometown. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 25
Father Ramsey’s career reflects a record of accomplishment as a scholar and urban pastor. But when the time comes to write his obituary, he realizes that little of that will matter. He is sure to share the first sentence with the scandalscarred former Cardinal Theodore McCarrick. They remain inextricably linked. For decades, Father Ramsey knew much about McCarrick’s sexual misconduct but found few willing to listen and fewer still willing to do anything about it. “It would come up on occasion,” Father Ramsey recalls, particularly when McCarrick was up for an ecclesial promotion or was the subject of a laudatory story. “Something would irritate me on all this. I would feel frustrated and not listened to.” McCarrick’s story has been told in numerous media outlets, as well as in the landmark official Church report on him issued in 2020. Coupled with the Pennsylvania grand jury report detailing decades of priest sex abuse, the events disheartened and dismayed Catholics.
Theodore McCarrick gives a blessing after his installation as archbishop of Washington, DC, at St. Matthew’s Cathedral on January 3, 2001.
THE BEACH HOUSE
But it was nothing new for many in McCarrick’s circle. Father Ramsey knew about the harassment McCarrick directed toward students at Immaculate Conception Seminary in South Orange, New Jersey. From 1987 to 1996, their paths crossed, at a time when McCarrick was archbishop of Newark and Father Ramsey was a professor at the seminary. It begins with the beach house. McCarrick—their superior, who would ultimately decide their path to ordination— would arrange for seminarians to join him at the Jersey Shore for what was billed as a respite of rest, recreation, and contemplation. The invitees would always exceed the number of beds available, so McCarrick would share a bed with one of the seminarians. It was an open secret among the staff and students at the seminary at the time. He asked his favorites to refer to him as “Uncle Ted.” That was not all. When Father Ramsey argued against advancing a seminarian personally recruited by McCarrick—a former flight attendant whom the thenarchbishop had befriended on his many travels—he was taken off the committee that made such decisions. Father Ramsey tried to get the word out about what was happening at the seminary. Few wanted to hear, he says. He spoke to a fellow Dominican, the late Archbishop Thomas Kelly of Louisville, around 1993. Father Ramsey says that Archbishop Kelly indicated that many of his fellow bishops knew of McCarrick’s behavior. After the funeral of New York Cardinal Edward Egan in 2015, at which McCarrick was an honored guest, Father Ramsey wrote to Cardinal Seán O’Malley of Boston, the prelate in charge of the Catholic Church’s sex abuse response. That letter remained unanswered. Cardinal O’Malley, after the scandal broke, blamed an administrative error that resulted in his not seeing the letter. 26 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
Cardinal Theodore McCarrick (left) visits the White House with papal nuncio Archbishop Gabriel Montalvo (middle) and Archbishop Joseph A. Fiorenza (right), president of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops, in March 2001.
Theodore McCarrick (circled) was ordained in 1958 in the Archdiocese of New York.
He later apologized. In a statement posted to the Boston Archdiocese’s website, Cardinal O’Malley wrote, “I apologize to Father Ramsey for not having responded to him in an appropriate way and appreciate the effort that he undertook in seeking to bring his concerns about Archbishop McCarrick’s behavior to my attention.” Frustrated by inaction by Church officials, Father Ramsey tried to attract media attention. In an email to a journalist
A 2006 letter from Arch Leonardo Sandri (in bishop set) confirms that the Vatican kn ew about Father Ramsey’s wr itte about sexual miscon n warning du then-Archbishop M ct by cCarrick.
in 2006, he wrote that McCarrick had a “history of Michael Jackson-like behavior with his seminarians when he was archbishop of Newark.” Six years earlier, Father Ramsey had written to Archbishop Gabriel Montalvo, then papal nuncio, just as McCarrick was being mentioned as a prime candidate to become the new archbishop of Washington, DC. It was a position he eventually secured.
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THE QUIET HERO
At the time, McCarrick’s behavior was known to be directed solely toward other adult males. Father Ramsey had not heard of any minors being physically abused. But when the Archdiocese of New York in 2018 revealed that McCarrick had been credibly accused of abusing a boy while he was a young priest, Father Ramsey’s suspicions found a wider audience. The priest’s name became StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 27
BishopAccountability.org: A ‘Digital Archive’ of the Clergy Abuse Crisis While the sex abuse scandals surrounding Theodore McCarrick and the Pennsylvania grand jury report have faded from the headlines, one organization works daily to prevent future cover-ups.
“It is a matter of public record that US bishops have knowingly transferred thousands of abusive priests into unsuspecting parishes and dioceses, placing ‘fear of scandal’ ahead of the welfare of children,” according to BishopAccountability.org. “The bishops themselves have apologized for what they call their ‘mistake,’ but they say nothing about the crucial actions that constitute accountability. “For true ‘bishop accountability’ to occur, two things must happen: 1) There must be a full ‘account’ of the bishops’ responsibility for the sexual abuse crisis, both individually and collectively, and 2) bishops who have caused the abuse of children and vulnerable adults must be ‘held accountable.’” BishopAccountability.org “makes publicly available more than 63,630 pages of Church files; over 121,000 news articles; a collection of investigative and other reports and studies totaling more than 100,000 pages; and over 1,880 archived copies of lists of accused, created by more than 150 dioceses and more than 25 religious institutes and provinces.” The website also includes an “abuse tracker” with links to media reports of clergy sex abuse coverage. —Patricia Mish 28 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
linked to stories about McCarrick, and he was credited as a whistleblower, finally getting heard. “There really wasn’t much courage involved,” says Father Ramsey, noting that his involvement created frustration but little personal risk. At the time, he was a Dominican Order priest, outside the direct purview of McCarrick’s authority. While the McCarrick revelations created an uproar, some blame those who looked the other way. Father Ramsey is not among them. “They were good people who were horribly flummoxed about this. They just didn’t know what to do about it,” he says. Those who work in advocacy for victims of sex abuse credit Father Ramsey for his persistence and truth-telling. “Ramsey is a hero,” says Robert Hoatson, a former Newark seminarian, priest, and student of Father Ramsey’s, who is now a layman and founder of Road to Recovery, an organization that assists sex abuse victims. Father Ramsey, says Hoatson, provided a quiet, often unrecognized witness to the truth. “I had no indication at the time that he was working in the background to protect the seminarians,” recalls Hoatson. He describes how seminarians at the time were aware of McCarrick’s beach house activities, with an atmosphere of fear and secrecy covering up the behavior. While others remained mum, Father Ramsey spoke up, says Hoatson, because “he believed that the priesthood was sacred and holy and should not be tarnished.” Terry McKiernan, president of BishopAccountability.org, which compiles information on the sex abuse crisis in the Church (see sidebar), says that Father Ramsey played an admirable role in the McCarrick case. The priest was “an insider willing to take some risks to address the situation that he thought was wrong.” He also acted amid the constraints felt by Church whistleblowers, says McKiernan. Much of what Ramsey described later surfaced in charges raised by former apostolic nuncio Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò, who in 2018 issued a jeremiad accusing Pope Francis of ignoring McCarrick’s abuse. McKiernan notes that Father Ramsey was careful to distance himself from the most inflammatory and unproved accusations issued by the former nuncio. In an atmosphere where some have blamed homosexuals for the Church sex abuse crisis, Father Ramsey says he is respectful of the struggles
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The organization’s mission is to hold bishops accountable for abuse that occurs under their watch.
Father Boniface Ramsey chats with students at his alma mater, St. Joseph School. The school and parish are located in Yorkville, a neighborhood in New York City’s Upper East Side.
DENNIS LIVESY (2)
BishopAccountability.org describes itself as “a digital and brick-and-mortar archive of the Catholic clergy abuse crisis.” The organization tracks assignment histories of accused clergy and religious, maintains a database of accused, and tracks the lists of accused that the dioceses and religious orders have published.
“I love being a priest. The sacraments mean everything for me.”
PHOTO CREDIT HERE
DENNIS LIVESY (2)
—Father Boniface Ramsey
Father Boniface consecrates the Eucharist during Mass at St. Joseph Catholic Church in Yorkville. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 29
of gay clergy and seminarians and thinks they should not be targeted simply because they are gay. Donna Doucette, executive director of Voice of the Faithful, formed in response to the sex abuse crisis that emerged in Boston early this century, credited Father Ramsey for persistently working through a system that didn’t want to hear what he had to say. “There were bishops who looked the other way because it would cause them trouble,” she says. While its effects still linger, the McCarrick sex abuse scandal is no longer front-page news—with Father Ramsey and others grappling with its long-term impact. A PARISH PRIEST
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Father Boniface preaches at St. Joseph Parish in Yorkville. Below is the seal of Pope Benedict XVI, which was installed after the pope visited his parish in 2008.
He describes himself as enjoying the autonomy. He asked to extend his ministry beyond the usual 75-year-old retirement age, keeps reading regularly, and takes long walks, sometimes as much as 10 miles back and forth to Brooklyn, to dine with priest friends. He remains lanky and slim. “God gave me a certain ease,” Father Ramsey says, leaning back in his chair in a rectory meeting room. He remains convinced that despite its all-too-human blemishes, the Church “is the bride of Christ. I truly believe that. I love the Church.” Peter Feuerherd is a freelance writer who teaches as an adjunct professor at St. John’s University and lives on the beach in Rockaway, New York. He has been contributing articles for St. Anthony Messenger since 1981.
DENNIS LIVESY
As a result of the scandals, bishops have taken a hit in public credibility, Father Ramsey says. Still, after more than a dozen years at St. Joseph Parish, he realizes that Catholics generally still admire their parish priests, who are the closest to them and whose strengths and human weaknesses are regularly on display. He says there are parishioners who love him and those who don’t, a situation that remains as it has always been. Still there are other things he would like to be remembered for beyond his ongoing confrontation with McCarrick. Father Ramsey fought unsuccessfully for the restoration of a façade of an old orphanage, formerly run by the parish, now owned by a posh private school. A headline in the New York Times described it as a case of “The Private School v. the Radical Priest.” The façade was plastered over, but Father Ramsey was able to negotiate a scholarship in memory of the orphans. “I won as good as I could have won under the circumstances,” he says. Father Ramsey also preached against drug dealers in the parish. One of them responded by sending the priest a threatening letter. He says the open drug scene in the parish has largely faded. Still he realizes he will not be remembered in the public realm for those struggles, or for his work as a patristic scholar and author of books and articles on the Fathers of the Church. He will remain forever linked to McCarrick, now living in quiet exile, laicized and no longer a cardinal. Despite the apathy and sometimes outright opposition from Church higher-ups, Father Ramsey says his faith never wavered during his time as a seemingly lone whistleblower. “The story was frustration,” he recalls. “No one seemed to care about what seemed so obvious to me.” He remains no biblical Jeremiah, castigating the authorities for their failures. Father Ramsey says they all had reasons for acting, and not acting, the way they did. Father Ramsey has navigated the transition from being a Dominican priest, with its strong sense of community and a superior who is elected by and lives with other priests, and that of an archdiocesan priest who, for the most part, lives alone.
5
Steps toward Better COMMUNICATION
The Bible has advice on everything under the sun, even the words we speak. We can use its guidance to forge more peaceful interactions with others. By Colleen M. Arnold, MD
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n today’s world, it’s admirable to speak your mind and argue your cause, and sometimes it’s appropriate. Recently, though, I had a few opportunities to spout off quick and clever remarks that in retrospect were unkind and uncharitable. I know I’m not alone. We’ve all spoken words that make us feel superior and witty at first but later make us ask ourselves, Why did I say that? And it’s not only those sarcastic remarks that get us in trouble. Our words can take us down paths of gossip and lying too. It turns out our tongues can be weapons, and in this time of political conflicts and COVID-19, it’s even more important we learn to wield those weapons carefully. Here is a simple five-step strategy that will help. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 31
1
Perfect the
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Know this, my dear brothers: everyone should be quick to hear, slow to speak.
—James 1:19
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ometimes our mouths get ahead of our brains, and we spout off snarky remarks before we catch ourselves. Or worse yet, we don’t even realize what we’ve said until hours later, after the damage has been done. The first step in training our tongues is perfecting the pause; everything else flows from that. If we stop before we speak, the Holy Spirit can help us choose our words well. Silence isn’t a bad thing, and we don’t have to fill every pause in a conversation with words. Pausing helps us make better decisions. By reflecting before an automatic reply, I avoid saying yes when I don’t mean it. I avoid saying no about something to which I would have agreed with more consideration. Another benefit of the pause is that it can help us become better listeners. It’s a common practice to interrupt others in conversation: “I know just what you’re talking about! Here’s what happened to me.” And even if we don’t say it out loud, we are thinking it, ready to jump in as soon as the other person takes a breath. Knowing I will pause before I speak allows a different approach. I can listen thoughtfully when someone else is speaking and give my full attention. I can stop thinking ahead to my response. When the person finishes, I can pause, carefully choosing my words before I say them.
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nce I have taken my simple pause and then decided to speak, the second step is to consider the “why” of my words and assess my intentions. Am I seeking revenge or retaliation? If so, I do best to hold my tongue. Am I bragging? The sin of pride is often a subtle one. If I am giving advice, is it to make myself look better—or maybe trying to make the other person look worse? If so, I should skip the comments. And even if my response is well-intended, is it wanted? Will my words actually help the situation? Unsolicited advice can often come across as criticism. “The next time you cook this dish, you should cook it longer” sounds a lot like “You didn’t cook this right.” I ask myself, How would I feel if someone said this to me?
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—Philippians 2:3
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Examine your
Do nothing out of selfishness or out of vainglory; rather, humbly regard others as more important than yourselves.
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A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
—Proverbs 15:1
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he third step is to consider how we deliver our comments, including words, posture, and timing. Our remarks should always be gentle and respectful, considerate of the other’s feelings. Sometimes our motives are kind, but our word choice is insensitive. Harsh words are rarely productive and generally put others on the defensive. Again, how would I feel if someone said this to me? We communicate not only with words, but also through body language and facial expression. Am I saying something mean but delivering it with a false smile? Am I saying something nice but revealing my real thoughts by the look of contempt on my face? Other people can read our true feelings easily, and when our words and feelings contradict each other, we will not be trusted. Our words will not be helpful. Finally, we should consider our timing. For example, I don’t have to share details about my great promotion right after my neighbor loses her job. I don’t need to tell a friend about my daughter’s scholarship award the day after her son gets his college rejection letter. Yes, people I love will want to celebrate my good news, but it is more considerate to choose the right time to share.
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Pleasing words are a honeycomb, sweet to the taste and invigorating to the bones.
—Proverbs 16:24
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ords have the power to wound and hurt, but they also have the power to inspire and heal. Our sweet comments can do immeasurable good in this wounded world. There are opportunities each day to recognize and appreciate each other. We can use our words to show gratitude for kindness instead of taking it for granted. Try to say thank you for even small gestures. We can use our words to compliment another’s hard work instead of letting it go unnoticed. Try to give at least one sincere compliment every day. We can use our words to remind those we love how much they mean to us. Take time to tell your spouse or children you love them. Not just a quick “Love you!” as we run out the door to work or school, but with heartfelt attention in a quiet moment. Kindness begets kindness, and our appreciation for others soothes our own hearts as well. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 33
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LEAVE
There is a time to be silent and a time to speak.
—Ecclesiastes 3:7
ometimes, the best choice is simply to walk away. Despite what society seems to teach, I don’t need to have the last word. It’s OK to leave a conversation without getting in that clever jab, that smart retort that will prove how right I am. I don’t have to convince everyone of my opinion. We can learn to recognize conversations in which we’d rather not participate. Some people are debaters who love to argue, some are complainers who find the fault in everything, and others are full of sarcasm or gossip. By holding our tongues, we avoid contributing to and encouraging those negative words, criticisms, and complaints. I don’t have to take offense at each callous comment I hear; not everything is meant to insult me. Often it’s a lack of awareness on the speaker’s part. And those people who intentionally upset or offend me often do so just to make themselves feel better. I don’t need to justify myself to them—the only opinion of me that matters is God’s!
Lessons
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When our words are kind and gentle, our spirits will be too. We will have fewer regrets and be more charitable and peaceful. Today, let’s wield our words well, confident in the guidance of God’s word. Colleen Arnold, MD, is a physician and writer residing in Lexington, Virginia. She also holds a master’s degree in pastoral ministry. Learn more about her at her website, ColleenArnold.org.
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hese are tough lessons, but they are worth learning. Matthew gives us a strong warning in his Gospel: “On the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (12:36–37). Especially in today’s fractious times, using the Bible’s rich advice can improve our interactions and soothe our wearied souls.
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In Luminous: A 30-Day Journal for Accepting Your Body, Honoring Your Soul, and Finding Your Joy, author Shannon K. Evans gives you the tools you need for a vibrant spiritual life that radiates from the inside out!
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36 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
fiction Two lonely souls find comfort and connection over tea and good conversation.
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inda worked as an engineer in Des Moines: not the kind who drives trains but one who designs bridges and buildings. Six months before, she’d fled Portland and a cushy job after a painful breakup with her longtime boyfriend. Her parents thought she was nuts to leave rain country. “You’ve never lived far from the river, Linda,” her mother said. “You’ll probably dry up and blow away back there.” “Well, maybe I’ll just let the wind take me where it will.” “Ah, honey, it’ll get better.”
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Story by Terry Sanville Artwork by Weitong Mai
nd it had, as Linda pushed loss and loneliness into the background. She focused on her new job, her daily commute, and morning coffee at Starbucks, waiting in the order line with college students, young professionals, and other early risers. By midafternoon, she’d leave her company’s downtown office and drive to her apartment. Along the way, she passed phalanxes of townhouses and condominiums. Squeezed between two blocky buildings and fronting the narrow street stood a tiny house with a steep pitched roof. Its large picture window looked out onto a front porch and a bare patch of yard where grass might have once grown. An old woman gazed out the window, her face a gray unsmiling mask, her hair a wispy white crown. Every day Linda passed her, even on weekends, the woman always at the same spot watching traffic. No car ever parked in front of the place or in its driveway. No one appeared in the window beside her. Linda started waving to her as she passed, just a quick wiggle of her hand and a grin. The woman stayed stone-faced, unmoving—until one day she raised her hand, like people do when asked to swear to tell the truth in court. It became their daily thing—a slight acknowledgment, a minor connection. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 37
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fiction
n a Friday afternoon, Linda approached the house as usual. The old woman raised her hand. Linda jammed on the brakes and pulled the Toyota to the curb. Why’d I do that? she thought. She’ll think I’m some sort of weirdo. But I’m not ready for another night in my empty apartment with my books and stupid TV programs. She climbed from the car. The woman had disappeared from the window. Linda mounted the cracked wooden stairs, tiptoed across the porch, and tapped on the front screen. Nothing. She tapped again. With a jerk, the inner door opened a few inches. Half of a seamed face and one pale blue eye stared out at her. “Hi, I’m Linda. I . . . see you every day. I thought maybe we could visit for a while.” The silence built until Linda finally blurted, “Look, I’m sorry if I disturbed—” “Honey, people don’t visit anymore. Are you selling something?” “No, no. I’m . . . I’m just new to the area and thought maybe we could talk.” The woman scowled. “Really? You want to talk with an old woman dressed in yesterday’s clothes?” “Yes. I guess I’m . . . curious.” The woman opened the door a little wider. “I don’t have any money if that’s what you’re after.” “No, I live down the street and thought you and I could . . . could maybe have tea.” The woman stared into Linda’s eyes, unblinking. The thin straight line of her mouth curved upward ever so slightly. “Well, tea would be nice right about now. All right, come in. Sorry about the mess.” “You should see my apartment.” The woman stood barely 5 feet tall, making Linda feel like a giant. She used two canes to steady herself as they passed into the living room and sat on a sofa protected by plastic slipcovers. “You have one of the last houses around here,” Linda said. “My son bought it for me when I moved here from Topeka. That must have been 10 years ago.” “Do you want me to help with the tea?” “Yes, if you would. Jimmy—that’s my son—always puts things on top shelves where I can’t reach them.” “Can I ask your name?” “Oh, sorry, hon, forgive my manners. I’m Tilly, short for Matilda. And you are . . . ?” “Linda. Glad to meet you.” Tilly pointed out a particular kitchen cabinet, and Linda opened it and took down a black glazed teapot with Asian figurines displayed in gold. “Frank gave me that for our 50th. I haven’t used it much since he passed. I just make my own mug in the microwave.” “Yeah, I do the same. But this is nice.”
L
inda boiled water in the kettle sitting on top of an ancient gas range and fixed a pot of tea. Tilly retrieved two
38 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
modern black mugs from the drainboard, and she and Linda sat at the kitchen table, sipping strong Lipton. “Do you live here by yourself?” Tilly grinned. “Heck, no. I have Skipper to keep me company. Come here, Skip! Come here, boy!” Her yell made Linda jump. “Sorry, he’s old and getting a bit deaf.” From down the hall came the sound of doggy paws clacking on the hardwood floor. A black Labrador with a graying muzzle padded into the kitchen, tail wagging, and stuck his snout between Linda’s legs. “Skipper, be nice,” Tilly scolded. Linda scratched Skip behind the ears, and the dog flopped onto the floor, lay across her feet, and with a great sigh fell asleep. Tilly smiled. “He does that when he likes someone, though we’ve had few visitors lately. We’re both just old codgers waiting . . . ” Linda stared into her tea. “Yes, we’re all waiting for something.” “Well, he’s easy to take care of. I feed him kibble and let him out in the backyard to do his business.” “Does your son help with the place?” “Oh, yes. Jimmy comes by to check on me most days. But like Skipper, I’m easy. The home-care people bring me lunch and make sure I’m all right. They give me so much food that I eat the leftovers for supper.” The women sat and talked for over an hour. Linda learned that Tilly used to teach sixth grade in Topeka and loved mathematics, keeping her mind sharp by solving advanced algebra problems. “Do you mind if I visit you again?” Linda asked. “I’d love that, hon. I’m always here.” As spring rolled into a humid summer, Linda stopped at Tilly’s for tea twice a week, bringing sweet treats from Starbucks. They told stories about their lives, Tilly nodding sagely when hearing about Linda’s breakup but not saying anything. Linda hoped to meet up with Jimmy, who seemed like a phantom, always talked about by Tilly but never around. Linda wondered if she really had a son, or whether it was a story that the old woman told herself that, over time, seemed true.
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n a hot July afternoon the two women sat on folding chairs on the shaded front porch and drank iced tea that Linda had brewed and brought with her. In silence, they watched each car approach and pass by. Robins and jays sang in the silver maples that lined the street. Linda felt languid, at peace, having quieted those voices inside her yelling: It’s all your fault. You didn’t deserve his love . . . such a failure. “Did I tell you about Elmer?” Tilly said, breaking Linda’s reverie. “Ah, no. Who’s Elmer?” “He’s the old guy who lives in the ground-floor condo across the street.”
fiction “Really. Has Elmer been . . . been coming around lately?” Linda grinned. Tilly’s cheeks colored. “Well, yes. He moved in about a year ago and finally got up the nerve. I guess seeing us drinking tea and carrying on gave him courage.” “Yeah, men! What are ya gonna do?” They both laughed. “So, do you like him?” “Yes, he’s well educated, very genteel, sort of like a character right out of Gone with the Wind.” “Maybe I should try the genteel type. My last boyfriend was . . .” “Linda, you just need to stop worrying. You’re young, beautiful, and if you can keep me entertained for hours you can do even better with Mr. Right.” “I thought I knew Mr. Right back in Portland.” “There’s more than one in this world, you know. Just keep your eyes and heart open.”
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onths passed, the maple trees lost their leaves, and snow covered the ground. Hot tea became the order of their days. “Do you want something in your tea?” Tilly asked Linda. “What do you mean?” “I think there’s brandy in one of those kitchen cabinets below the sink.” Linda found an almost full bottle of Hennessy and offered some to Tilly. “Just pour a capful in my cup, dear. I don’t want to go overboard.” They sipped their spiked tea and watched traffic on the street fishtail on patches of black ice. Linda felt guilty because she had grown quiet, her mind drifting back to the West Coast, the Columbia flowing past Portland to the Pacific, grain ships sailing up and down river. “You’re thinking about Portland, aren’t you?” Tilly asked. “How could you tell?” “I know that look. It’s taken me years to remember Topeka as just another piece of my life, and not something lost. But I’m not quite there yet.” Linda sighed. “Me neither. But thanks to you, I’m getting closer.” On a blustery March afternoon, Linda drove carefully along the narrow street and pulled up in front of the house. Tilly wasn’t in the window, and a strange SUV stood in the driveway. When she rapped on the front screen, a small man with gray hair and mustache answered. “Ah, is . . . is Tilly here?” “You must be Linda. Mom’s told me so much about you.” “You’re Jimmy? I was beginning to think you didn’t exist, and I pictured a young man and not . . .” Jimmy smiled. “Yeah, I started pulling Social Security five years ago.” “I’m here to have tea with your mother.” “I know. Come in.”
They moved to the living room sofa and sat. Skipper gave a woof from the back of the house and padded into the room. He flopped down across Linda’s feet and whined. Sensing that something was wrong, Linda felt a cold vise squeeze her heart. Jimmy stared at his hands. “Mom died last night. I got a call from her gentleman friend across the street. He found her slumped in front of the TV.” Linda felt the tears flow. Her lips trembled. “I’m so sorry . . . ” “My mom had a long and peaceful life. Did you know that she was 93?” “We never talked about age. We were just two women chatting over tea.” “Mom said it was much more than that. Thanks for being her friend. Not many would take the time. I have something she wanted you to have.” Jimmy rose, went to the kitchen, and returned with a small cardboard box. He laid it on Linda’s lap. Inside, the black glazed teapot with Asian figurines lay swaddled in bubble wrap along with two stained tea mugs and the half-full bottle of Hennessy. Linda hugged the box to her chest and sobbed. Tilly had outlived most of her friends. Only a handful of mourners attended the graveside service. Linda and Elmer told stories about Tilly’s last months and days. The minister recited prayers and a beautiful poem. But afterward, they all hurried to their cars to seek shelter from the bitter cold and biting wind.
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inda knew another chapter had ended, but she still grieved for Tilly. She stayed late at work to fill her afternoons, took a different route home so she wouldn’t pass by the house, hid the teapot in her closet, and drank more coffee than she should. But with April the wind backed off, and the days warmed. Before the humidity of May arrived, Linda decided to leave Des Moines. “You’re one of our best,” her boss said. “What can we do to convince you to stay?” Linda smiled and just shook her head. The next day, in the hour before dawn, she gassed up the Toyota at an all-night truck stop, then headed west on Interstate 80. The teapot rattled happily in its box on the seat next to her, the brandy in the trunk just in case she got stopped. She drove toward the coast, to some new city on a bay, a river, or a sound where she could rent a tiny house and invite friends over for tea.
Terry Sanville lives in San Luis Obispo, California, with his artist-poet wife (his in-house editor) and their cat. An accomplished jazz and blues guitarist, he writes full-time, producing short stories, essays, poems, and novels. Since 2005, his award-winning short stories have been accepted by more than 350 literary and commercial journals, magazines, and anthologies, including the Potomac Review, Shenandoah, and Conclave: A Journal of Character. StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 39
By Christopher Heffron
Boys Like Me CBC Podcasts
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ICONS
MUSIC
BOOKS
PODCAST TV & STREAMING
FILM
VIDEO
E-LEARNING & ONLINE
CNS PHOTO: THE CHOSEN
As a culture, we have only begun to scratch the surface of extremism along the digital landscape. In the wake of groups such as QAnon, we have found that online platforms can be breeding grounds for conspiracy theories and violence. Minassian, who wanted sex or something more lasting with women, clearly found an online community that authenticated his anger. His actions, however, were his own. CBC’s brisk, well-produced series explores gender norms and expectations, personal autonomy, and online extremism, which has become a rabbit hole for many disillusioned young people. And this podcast is important listening, especially for those who love members of the tech-savvy but highly imperiled Gen Z. In an early episode, Bateman illustrates how young men are losing themselves to dangerous online forums and that, in the wake of COVID-19, it’s getting worse: The pandemic has only deepened their sense of isolation. Minassian didn’t invent a trend here. He simply kept it going.
CNS PHOTO: SAUL PORTO/REUTERS; INSET: URBAZON/ISTOCK
The van that Alek Minassian used during his April 23, 2018, Toronto rampage was seized by Canadian police. Later found to be a member of the “incel” community (involuntary celibacy), Minassian was convicted of killing 11 and injuring 15.
PHOTO CREDIT HERE
n the afternoon of April 23, 2018, Alek Minassian got behind the wheel of a rented van and plowed through a bustling business district in Toronto. Targeting female pedestrians, the attack left 11 dead and 15 wounded. After his arrest, Minassian, who has Asperger’s syndrome, admitted to his involvement in the “incel” community (involuntary celibacy), an online subculture of men who are unable to attract women. He would later be convicted of first-degree murder in a Canadian court. Host Ellen Chloë Bateman takes a plunge into Minassian’s hate crime and what compelled him to do it in the powerful five-part podcast series Boys Like Me. The incel community, we’re learning, is mostly male, bitterly entitled, and often violently misogynistic. In forums such as 4chan, 8chan, and Reddit, they have found a community of other alienated self-loathers. In Minassian’s case, he saw himself as a foot soldier in the cause, and his crime was fueled by a disdain for women and the men who attract them. And this is hardly an isolated incident: The 2014 Isla Vista shootings were perpetrated by Elliot Rodger, a legend in the incel community. Other cases of incel-related violence have happened in Pittsburgh, Dallas, and Tallahassee. What makes Boys Like Me an impactful series is that one of its subjects, Evan Mead, knew Minassian in high school and has Asperger’s syndrome as well. Why didn’t Mead, who faces similar challenges, follow his former classmate’s lead? How did Minassian lose himself in an online world that validated his impulses? These aren’t simple questions— and Bateman wisely avoids answering them.
By Daniel Imwalle
The Chosen
CNS PHOTO: THE CHOSEN
PHOTO CREDIT HERE
CNS PHOTO: SAUL PORTO/REUTERS; INSET: URBAZON/ISTOCK
N
Amazon Prime, Peacock, or at watch.AngelStudios.com/TheChosen
ow that it’s the most successful crowdfunded enterpilot episode continues in the vein of realism, at times gritty, tainment project of all time (with over $40 million and creative license is taken to flesh out characters such raised so far), it’s easy to forget the humble beginnings of as Mary Magdalene, the apostles, and Roman magistrates the streaming series The Chosen. Its director, Dallas Jenkins, and centurions. had recently found his career in freefall after the poor critiThe first season does an excellent job at pacing the narcal reception and commercial disappointment of his secrative of Jesus’ assembling of disciples, and it ends with him ond feature film, The Resurrection of Gavin Stone. However, meeting the Samaritan woman at the well. Expanding on the a short film that he made encounter described in the about Christ’s birth for a Gospel of John, the Samaritan Christmas Eve church service woman relates to Jesus her (The Shepherd) completely bitter resentment toward the changed his career trajectory. Jews for not allowing her and Almost right away, there’s her people to worship in the something noticeably differTemple in Jerusalem. Jesus ent about the look, tone, and responds to her, “I’m here to feel of The Shepherd, which break those barriers.” would later become the pilot The final episode of season episode of The Chosen. The one is a striking and effeccinematography, productive pivot point to the second tion design, and costumes season, where Jesus’ public all reflect the production ministry begins. In a sense, value viewers expect from his ministry starts with one television and streaming of person, the Samaritan woman secular series. The music is minimal at the well. The exchange represents “For me, it’s trying to and serves to accentuate the moments the deeply personal call to believe of tension and wonder in the Nativity that each one of us has the opportuheighten the emotional story, which is told from the perspecnity to respond to. experience that we have as tive of three shepherds. Along with detailing Jesus’ increashumans. How might Christ The shepherds look rugged, their ing visibility as a healer and teacher, have experienced joy and clothes somewhat tattered, and the second season of The Chosen happiness and sadness and they correctly lack White European portrays the apostles as an imperfect anger and solitude?” features, all creative decisions made group of men from different back—Jonathan Roumie by the filmmakers to retain historical grounds who, at times, clash with each accuracy and believability. Mary and other. In the third episode, a dispute Joseph are similarly portrayed, and between Simon Peter and Matthew when the shepherds run to the manger to witness the Christ erupts due to simmering resentments over Matthew’s past as Child, they’re naturally alarmed by their sudden entrance. a tax collector. Jesus abruptly tells the group good night and Raj Bond—a Black actor who has appeared in FOX’s heads straight for bed, exhausted by their infighting. Empire and NBC’s Chicago P.D.—plays Joseph, further These are the moments that make The Chosen espeexpanding the world of The Chosen to realistically depict cially interesting, when the flawed aspects of the apostles people in biblical times. Also, Jesus’ birth is a somewhat chaand the human nature of Jesus are explored. Although the otic scene, which is far more likely than the serene depiction series seeks—and accomplishes—an honest retelling of the we’ve become accustomed to. Gospels, it’s the material that fills in between the lines of Following the Nativity story, the first season of The Scripture that takes the storytelling to another level. The Chosen introduces the adult Jesus (Jonathan Roumie) as he second season ends with the Sermon on the Mount, and begins to call his followers. Roumie’s portrayal of Jesus is the third season is already in production to continue the subtle, and there are many moments where Jesus’ love and story from there. patience for others are conveyed by him quietly listening, TV-PG instead of trying to steal the scene. The visual style from the StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 41
CULTURE
By Sister Rose Pacatte, FSP
Sister Rose Pacatte, FSP
FAVORITE
LENTENTHEMED
FILMS The Help (2011) Mass (2021) The Way (2010) Schindler’s List (1993) Hacksaw Ridge (2016)
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WANT MORE? Visit our website: StAnthonyMessenger.org
A
nthony Bourdain, the beloved food pilgrim and writer, once said, “Food may not be the answer to world peace, but at least it’s a start.” The Israeli version of Britain’s MasterChef premiered in 2010 to great acclaim. In 2014, Dr. Nof Atamna-Ismaeel—a microbiologist, chef, wife, and mother of three from a town in northern Israel—became the first Muslim Arab to win Israel’s most-watched Sunday show. A year later, she cofounded the A-Sham Arabic Food Festival in Haifa. This superb documentary tells the story of the festival that pairs Muslim, Jewish, and Christian chefs collaborating to bring back dishes that have gone extinct or those “with a lot of meaning.” Atamna-Ismaeel believes that “there is no room for politics in the kitchen” and sets out to prove it by modeling peace between people who are often thought to be at odds. She believes that the world sees Israel as 90 percent conflict. The reality, however, is that the country is made up of community and fellowship. I first saw Breaking Bread at the 2019 Jerusalem Jewish Film Festival and was overwhelmed by the beauty of American producer/director Beth Elise Hawk’s immersion into Arab-Israeli cuisine at the food festival. From the beginning, you are drawn in and transported to another place by the mouthwatering visuals of something as simple as making hummus, which, if you have ever visited the Middle East, never tastes the same twice. Now making its theatrical premiere in US theaters, this documentary is a celebration of food, humanity, and the willingness to live in peace built on mutual respect and art. Because the chefs were paired off before filming began, there is an authenticity to their interactions and passion for food, rather than the artificial construction of reality television shows in this country. The food festival is about collaboration—not competition. Hawk explained in one interview that Atamna-Ismaeel is aware of the conflict between Arabs and Jews. “They are aware of this and know that what transpired at the A-Sham Festival was the antithesis of politics, where food was the great equalizer, a unifier rather than divider. I tried my best to be sensitive to the cultural nuances of both sides and maintain a balance in the structure (without affecting the film’s integrity), as much as possible in postproduction.” The resulting film, a delight for the eyes and the heart, feels so inviting that Haifa may become a destination for foodies everywhere. Not yet rated • No objectionable material.
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LAST LOOKS: ROMULUS ENTERTAINMENT; THE TENDER BAR: AMAZON CONTENT SERVICES LLC
Sister Rose’s
BREAKING BREAD
LEFT: COURTESY SISTER ROSE PACATTE, FSP/MIKE BLAKE/REUTERS; BREAKING BREAD: COHEN MEDIA GROUP
Sister Rose is a Daughter of St. Paul and the founding director of the Pauline Center for Media Studies. She has been the awardwinning film columnist for St. Anthony Messenger since 2003 and is the author of several books on Scripture and film, as well as media literacy education.
LAST LOOKS
THE TENDER BAR
LAST LOOKS: ROMULUS ENTERTAINMENT; THE TENDER BAR: AMAZON CONTENT SERVICES LLC
LEFT: COURTESY SISTER ROSE PACATTE, FSP/MIKE BLAKE/REUTERS; BREAKING BREAD: COHEN MEDIA GROUP
C
harlie (Charlie Hunnam) moves around his aging trailer on a remote lot near Idlewild, California, listening to the narration of the short film The Story of Stuff, about how consumerism is destroying the earth. After leaving a successful career as a detective with the Los Angeles Police Department in a fog of shame, Charlie has changed his life. He now only has 100 possessions. When he gets something new, he gets rid of something else. His life of solitude is disrupted when a former colleague, Lorena (Morena Baccarin), shows up to entice Charlie to help her solve the murder of the wife of a famous British actor, Alastair Pinch (Mel Gibson), who plays a judge on television. Charlie refuses to help, and she leaves. Soon he is convinced by some nefarious characters to find Lorena because she stole a thumb drive from them and is now missing. Last Looks is directed by Tim Kirkby and scripted by Howard Michael Gould, who based it on his 2018 novel of the same name. The opening sequence got my attention because it starts out as a terrific exposé on the consequences of consumption. Then the narrative veers off into a disjointed, film noir knockoff: a tale of cops, studio heads, movie stars, murder, criminals, and a reluctant hero. Charlie’s minimalist lifestyle is the running joke throughout the film. Gibson, in a supporting role, comports himself well, as if to let us know he has cleaned up his act in real life. It is entertaining enough with some funny moments. Not yet rated, R • Some language, bullying, suicide references, verbal violence.
Catholic News Service Media Review Office gives these ratings. A-1 General patronage
A-2 Adults and adolescents
A-3 Adults
L Limited adult audience
O Morally offensive
I
n the 1970s, Dorothy (Lily Rabe) returns to her parents’ home on Long Island with her 9-year-old son, JR (played at different ages by Daniel Ranieri and Tye Sheridan), after her marriage falls apart. She joins her aging parents and other siblings who have returned home with their kids for similar reasons. As Uncle Charlie (Ben Affleck) says, “It’s crowded.” Charlie owns a bar called The Tender Bar and teaches young JR valuable life lessons over the years. He encourages him to become a writer, though Dorothy wants him to go to Yale and become a lawyer. The film is directed by Oscar-winner George Clooney with the screenplay by William Monahan. This is a gentle story about a bartender who loves unconditionally. The only distracting thing about the film is that the amazing and promising actor who plays the young JR looks nothing like JR as a young man.
Not yet rated, R • Pervasive language, sexual references, mature themes.
Source: USCCB.org/movies
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 43
POINTSOFVIEW | FAITH AND FAMILY
By Susan Hines-Brigger
I’m Praying for You
Susan has worked at St. Anthony Messenger for 27 years and is an executive editor. She and her husband, Mark, are the proud parents of four kids— Maddie, Alex, Riley, and Kacey. Aside from her family, her loves are Disney, traveling, and sports.
SAINTS HELP US
Susan welcomes your comments and suggestions! EMAIL: CatholicFamily@ FranciscanMedia.org MAIL: Faith and Family 28 W. Liberty St. Cincinnati, OH 45202
And therein lies the power of intercessory prayer. According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, one of the definitions of the word intercessory is: “prayer, petition, or entreaty in favor of another.” Therefore, in terms of our faith, intercessory prayer is the act of offering up prayers to God on behalf of others. What it isn’t, of course, is a magic equation of: we ask, God hears us, and God answers our prayers. Sometimes we pray by asking for the intercession of the saints or Mother Mary. We may seek out saints who happen to be patrons or patronesses of a certain cause. For instance, if someone is suffering from a chronic illness, he or she may pray to St. Juliana, patroness of those with chronic illnesses. And who among us hasn’t asked for St. Anthony’s help to find something that we have lost? DOING MY PART
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WANT MORE? VISIT: FranciscanMedia.org/ faith-and-family
And that was when I started my prayer journal. It resides on my bedside table. Written inside are the names of all those I know who need or have asked for prayers. Some of those prayer requests come directly from people I know. Others come
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from my social media feeds. Even more come from prayer requests made when, every weekday morning, our Franciscan Media staff gathers for prayer. Finally, I pray for those who carry their burdens deep within their hearts, unknown to both me and others. The more challenging pages of my prayer notebook, though, are the ones on which I have written the names of individuals who challenge me with their behavior or those who have wronged me. They, too, deserve my prayers. Every night I open that notebook and pray for each of them—line by line, name by name, situation by situation. Sometimes I ask God for healing. Other times I ask for peace, comfort, or clarity. Mostly I just pray that God gives each of those people what he or she needs. That may not be what either I or that person is asking for, but I know that God will provide what he or she needs. And, of course, as a mom I pray to Mother Mary to watch over my kids, protecting and guiding them as they grow and step away from me and my husband. Before I finish my prayers and close my notebook, though, I say a prayer for myself. I ask for the strength to be present to those in need of comfort, as well as patience and love for the times when I am being less than loving. And I remind myself—the writer—to remember that words matter. So, for anyone who has asked for my prayers, rest assured that I truly mean it when I say, “I will be praying for you.”
TOP RIGHT: COURTESY THERESA DOYLE-NELSON; FRIAR PETE BRAINTEASER: BOB VOJTKO
Susan Hines-Brigger
ou’re in my thoughts and prayers.” “I’ll be praying for you.” How many times have we heard people say those words or said them ourselves? We often say them as a way to bring comfort to someone in need when there is nothing else we can do to help or fix something. But do we really mean it? I started to question that of myself a few years ago. It seemed as if every time I would scroll through social media, I would find myself typing something similar to what I said above in response to friends’ requests for prayers. Sometimes I simply clicked on the praying hands emoji. Then I would continue to scroll on to the next post or move on to the next thing. I felt like a fraud. Assuring people that we will pray for their petition can seem like the only thing we can do when faced with struggles. We can’t cure diseases, keep people safe, or fix what is broken—physically, emotionally, or spiritually. What we can do, though, is ask God for help.
TOP FAR LEFT: MC KOZUSKO/SAM; TOP: PYROSKY/ISTOCK
“Y
FAITH and FAMILY
THE POWER OF PRAYER “For we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.” —Romans 8:26b nyone who has been involved in family life in any capacity likely understands this passage. Whether a struggle with a sibling, deep concerns over a parent, times of agony while raising children, or working through a difficult situation with a spouse, sometimes our distress is so deep that even a Glory Be feels difficult. It’s during these painful family times that I lean on Paul’s assertion that the “Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.” This verse gives me relief; I can relax a bit and truly trust that my intentions during my times of desolation will be brought forth to God by the Holy Spirit. And all will be well.
A
RETIREMENT—ALL REST AND RELAXATION?
TOP RIGHT: COURTESY THERESA DOYLE-NELSON; FRIAR PETE BRAINTEASER: BOB VOJTKO
THE THREE HAIL MARYS
When my oldest son, Seamus, was in college and my influence on him was dwindling, he called one day to say hello. He mentioned that he and some buddies would soon be taking a road trip through a few major cities in Texas. Suddenly, my heart dropped and the tears gushed forth. Dozens of horrible possibilities flashed through my mind, and I didn’t want him to go. But he stood firm; he was establishing some newfound boundaries. Finally, after going through a dozen or so tissues, I asked Seamus if he would please say three Hail Marys as he was pulling out of the driveway for his road trip. He readily agreed, and my heart immediately settled. Oddly, I found out some years after that phone call that there is actually a long-standing devotion called the Three Hail Marys Devotion. I was astonished! I thought the Three Hail Marys was my idea! The traditional one is a little more complicated with more specific rules (you can find lots of information online); mine is more spur-of-the-moment—to help soothe times of worry and stress. The Three Hail Marys has since become somewhat of a family tradition. If something is making me feel ill at ease, I ask my sons (and my daughters-in-law) to do this practice, and they respond favorably. I quietly add my own prayers, knowing that the Holy Spirit is working with me, and I feel comfort. —Theresa Doyle-Nelson
Fr i a r Pe te & Re pe at These scenes may seem alike to you, but there are changes in the two. So look and see if you can name eight ways in which they’re not the same. (Answers below)
ANSWERS: 1) The dog’s boots are higher. 2) Sister Agnes’ cord no longer has sections on it. 3) There is an extra line on the sidewalk. 4) Two of the bricks on the church wall are no longer visible. 5) The cardinal’s tail shows two feathers. 6) The clover now has only three leaves. 7) There is an exclamation point on the sign. 8) The little girl’s nose is a different shape.
TOP FAR LEFT: MC KOZUSKO/SAM; TOP: PYROSKY/ISTOCK
You might think that my life is simple now—my sons are grown up, married, employed, and my husband and I are retired. My worries and prayer life can relax, right? Truly, family strife doesn’t end here. New challenges come our way keeping us on our knees. Whether for our adult children, grandchildren, spouses, aging parents, siblings, etc., God nudges us constantly toward prayer. Once our kids leave home, our spiritual influence steadily drops off. They might carry on with their childhood faith lessons, or even strengthen them. Or they might become lukewarm, or let their faith fade away. Whatever their adult spiritual paths, we must trust in God. There is, however, a hope-giving strategy: We can pray for them. While they might (and probably will) ignore our words of advice, they are unable to escape our prayers; perhaps especially when our prayers are so full of heartache that we must lean on the Spirit’s groanings on our behalf.
Our prayers—whether for our adult children, grandchildren, siblings, spouses, parents, nieces, or nephews—will bear fruit. Perhaps not the exact fruit we would like to Theresa Doyle-Nelson see, but God will hear and answer the prayers in his way and in his time frame.
StAnthonyMessenger.org | March 2022 • 45
LET US PRAY
reflect | pray | act
By Christopher Heffron
Spring Awakenings
CHRISTOPHER HEFFRON is the editorial director of Franciscan Media and the coexecutive editor of St. Anthony Messenger, a magazine he has worked on since 2001. Aside from writing and editing, this Cincinnati native appreciates good spirits, pop culture, and useless information.
46 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
daily in far less significant ways. Seasonally, winter hugs the landscape, but as it starts to yield to the warmth of an encroaching spring, new life is in full bloom. And spring is a fertile time for prayer. GO EXPLORE
I think we are closest to the beauty and promise of life when we have kids. Full disclosure: With a few exceptions, I am not fond of children and have none of my own. I can only relate to this miracle through my nieces. They are little women now but when they were young, I will admit, I was powerless. When my oldest niece, Rory, was placed in my arms a week or so after she came home, I can remember looking into her face and seeing someone unburdened by a cynical world. I envied this little person with a clean slate. The world—even an uncertain one—was made for her, and she was at the very beginning of the journey. Her sister, Cameron, came a couple years later, and one of my great joys as an uncle was watching them discover the world with fresh eyes. When we pray, I like to think that is when we are at our most childlike. When we extract ourselves from the noise of the world and quiet our minds for a conversation with God, that is when our hearts should be purest. Now that spring is starting to show her face, I see a purity in nature. The buds on the trees, the
LEFT: SANYA SM/ISTOCK; LOWER RIGHT: ROCKPTARMIGAN/ISTOCK
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n sixth-grade English, we were tasked with finding a poem that “spoke to us.” It was a two-part assignment. We were to recite it in front of the class along with our interpretation. I remember one student chose a Shel Silverstein poem; another picked Mr. Mister’s ’80s pop ballad “Kyrie.” I went in a different direction. I chose Confucius’ ode to mortality, “You Will Die.” The poem ends as follows: “You have wine and food. Why not play daily on your lute, That you may enjoy yourself now And lengthen your days? By and by you will die, And another will take your place.” I launched into my deconstruction of the poem: In short, life is cyclical and impermanent; enjoy the days before you are replaced. I can remember my teacher’s ashen face when I finished. Was it too dark for a child? Was my choice in assignment masking some preteen angst? (The answers are probably yes and no, not really.) I love the poem still because, far from being cryptic, it encourages us to live in the moment, to appreciate the song before it’s over. It has more to say about living than dying. Lent is the time to think about the polarities of life. Endings and beginnings. Christ died; Christ returned. Our faith tradition hinges on his conquering death so that we may have life. But death and rebirth play out
MC KOZUSKO/SAM
I
flowers poking through the chilled earth, the birds readying their nests for new life: All of it bears God’s signature. Sometimes the greatest “amen” we can offer is simply going outside to explore a world made for us. A WALKING PRAYER
I am a walker—that’s how I investigate the world around me. It’s the one time I remove myself from all distractions and focus only on the steps ahead of me. I used to run for exercise, but the onset of middle age sidelined me from that activity. It’s for the best, really. Walking is more meditative. But I have grown to rely on this almost daily outlet. For me, walking is part exercise, part exorcism: Stretching my legs casts out my demons. Because I’m something of a
masochist, I prefer urban hikes with stairs to climb, but I’m just as comfortable in nature on a crisp morning. When I look around, I like that I am dwarfed by trees. I appreciate that I am outnumbered by animals and insects who see me when I cannot see them. It puts us clumsy humans in our rightful place. When I walk in the woods, I often think of my favorite quote from poet Rabindranath Tagore: “Trees are earth’s endless effort to speak to a listening heaven.” My prayers have a similar trajectory: They start out as saplings and grow skyward. I come to God as a child would. That’s the way it should be. Perhaps my greatest prayers happen when I’m on foot. Perhaps it is where I feel most comfortable opening my heart to a listening heaven.
GOD’S SONG Dear God, The leaves on the trees sway to the rhythm of your song. The birds are singing your chorus, while the breeze holds the melody. Let me stop and appreciate your symphony. And let me add my own notes. Because I, too, am an instrument— and together we are an interconnected part of your majesty, your gifts, this world, our home.
LEFT: SANYA SM/ISTOCK; LOWER RIGHT: ROCKPTARMIGAN/ISTOCK
MC KOZUSKO/SAM
Amen.
ACTION
STEPS
• Life is full of distractions—and it takes discipline to ignore them. But give it a try. Turn off your television and smartphone. Close your laptop and find a quiet corner or a comfortable chair. Spend five minutes in prayerful meditation. Tomorrow, try for 10, and build from there.
• If you are able, take a walk today and mentally record the sounds of spring. You’re just as likely to find God in the song of a bird as you are in a Sunday choir. Make it a walking prayer, and notice the signs of new life in bloom.
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Show me your hands. Do they have scars from giving? Show me your feet. Are they wounded in service? Show me your heart. Have you left a place for divine love? —Venerable Fulton Sheen
48 • March 2022 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
PHOTO ALEX SAVA/ISTOCK CREDIT HERE
reflection
Discover how reading the Bible can change your life. The Bible is meant to be about transformation, not merely information. In Things Hidden, Richard Rohr invites you to experience Scripture as spirituality— as a living text that can breathe new life into your relationship with God and change your way of seeing the world. Order your copy today! Shop.FranciscanMedia.org If this isn’t a timely purchase, please consider ordering directly from our online store. It will take a little longer to arrive, but it will benefit the nonprofit work of Franciscan Media, spreading the Gospel through our resources to thousands every day.
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What do you do when life makes a sharp left turn? In Stand Still, Terry Hershey lays out the answer: that in every unforeseen challenge there is an invitation to pause, reevaluate the status quo, and welcome the change of heart that is knocking on your door. “Transformative events will be hard,” he writes. “So, whatever love is in your heart, nurture it, develop it, grow it, spread it.”
Order your copy today! Shop.FranciscanMedia.org If this isn’t a timely purchase, please consider ordering directly from our online store. It will take a little longer to arrive, but it will benefit the nonprofit work of Franciscan Media, spreading the Gospel through our resources to thousands every day.
