4 FrappĂŠ August 2010
• Withdrawing from previously enjoyable ac vi es, like school or school performance change • Asking an unusual amount of ques ons about human sexuality
Gi s: Some mes people try and trick you by giving you sweets, money or gi s in return to do something you feel uncomfortable, confused or unsafe. Refuse to do what they ask and don’t take gi s they give you.”
Vidya narrates shocking stories of parents raping children, of cooks abusing them. In today’s scenario, where both parents are out working, there is less me for a child and in many cases, parents don’t even observe that a child is trauma sed, or, they don’t take the child’s trauma seriously. But, a child can be sexually abused anywhere. That is something each and every one of us, as a community, needs to understand. Vidya tells us about an incident at a children’s party at a popular pizza joint, where a man dressed as a clown felt up all the li le children who sat on his lap. One li le girl, however, complained to her mother who proceeded to make a hue and cry about it. In another incident, a child was being pinched between her legs by her tui on master even as her mother sat across the table cu ng vegetables. So, it is not that CSA only takes place in dark, secre ve places. Abusers are o en emboldened because they are dealing with innocent vic ms, many of whom will never voice the fact that they have been abused.
There are more points like secrets about not touching, the importance of saying ‘no’, encouraging the child to tell someone if they are uncomfortable, shou ng and ge ng away and last but not the least, “It is never your fault.” Parents would do well to pay a en on to these pointers and pass them on to their kids thereby encouraging them to con de in a parent in case of abuse. “The biggest powder keg we are si ng on is online technology,” says Vidya. In India’s socio-cultural situa on, parents feel they must buy their kids a computer as they feel it is upwardly mobile. Kids can be doing crazy things online and nobody seems to understand this. This is an area we are really concerned about.” Parents have a cause for concern as today’s kids are technologically savvy and there are many predators on the net. This is an area that needs to be urgently addressed.
“By accep ng the reali es of abuse, you are halfway towards preven ng the problem,” states Vidya. “Adults are the frontline defence.” She talks about the indi erence they face in some schools when children complains about abuse saying, “What’s the point of telling students to complain when the school is not open – they nd fault with the vic ms. They should accept the possibility of child sexual abuse and when it happens, respond appropriately. Some mes they even say the child is making it up. How will a child come forward then?” And o en, the cases are disclosed to the media, and many mes, the privacy of the child is not protected. For a child already trauma sed by the abuse, this is a crushing blow. Our media needs to be far more responsible and sensi ve to this issue. Tulir distributes pamphlets with advice on ‘Smart ways to keep yourself safe’. These address children with clear, concise points with illustra ons. To quote: “Body: You are the boss of your body. No one is allowed to hurt your body in any way. Private body parts: The parts of your body covered by undergarments are your very own private body parts. It is never all right for someone to touch, talk about or look at your private body parts except for health reasons. Hugs: Hugs and kisses are nice especially from people who like you. But if someone asks you to keep it a secret make sure you tell a grown up you trust.
The reality is - child sex abuse is not going to go away. It is up to us as a community to protect the innocence of our children by preven ng abuse from happening and making the world a safer place for li le ones. As Vidya points out, ““The problem is that we are always trying to minimalise, ra onalise and trivialise the issue. We just need to accept the possibility that there are people who are interested in children sexually. Then, we would be more proac ve in preven ng it once we accept the possibili es of abuse.”
Frappé August 2010 53
FrappĂŠ August 2010 4