Genevieve Jaser

Instructions from a Ferry

I watch a television through a reflection in a dirty mirror: How to inflate a lifesaving flotation device. I shrink to age 12, when my sister first told me I hope you die during an argument.

We cried while my mother drove, scared I would be dead by the day’s end. Do not try to help other passengers before you’ve helped yourself. It’s been 9 years, and some days I think she wishes me dead as her nightly prayer. In the very unlikely case of emergency, I feel like a fraud dressed in the skin of an adult. I wish my mother would call and tell me she misses me, I wish my sister would tell my father she loves him and mean it.

Do not panic. Proceed to the nearest I wish I could be sure of one fucking thing without my head going sideways, & my brain melting out my ears. exit.

I wish for peace, because my mother needs it more than the rest of us, because my dad is poor with emotions, because my sister inherited an inability to be kind.

Because I love what’s around me, but the boat I’m on makes it impossible to see out the window at night, and I’m left staring at the reflection of the t.v. From all of us aboard, have a safe and relaxing trip.

Genevieve Jaser