Live @ the lounge; Weather by the moon

Yeah gidday. How’s it going?

Yet again I’ve had one of those weeks. Sorry to be a bore but I appreciate you letting me unload my frustrations. In fact, my inability to unload was why I drove to the chemist. The young assistant, who was the spitting image of a Bratz doll Chardonnay played with when she was a kid, suspected I need more fibre. I pointed out that at least eight blokes and two vans were laying fibre in my street as we speak. So instead, I bought a snazzy sun hat and an eye-liner pencil. When I left the chemist, Whitevan was halfway onto a tow truck. The uniformed ticket writer, who kinda looked like a member of some Russian militia group, said I hadn’t had a WOF or reg, ever. I said that, technically, because the plates were off a mate’s vehicle, he was actually towing the wrong van. Also, I’d changed the engine, wheels, doors, chassis and bumpers so was it even Whitevan? He then wrote out three further tickets and I started hitching home.

Almost immediately a stylie Alfa Romeo Giulietta SZ from the 60s pulled over. I folded myself into the stunning leather bucket seat and sighed at the engine note as we sped off. I asked his name and what he did. “Charles. I’m a dentist.”

“You have…” Before I could finish my sentence he almost yelled, “Please don’t ask why I got into dentistry. Everyone does, yet never enquires why a medical doctor got into practice.”

I said that I was only going to point out he, now coincidently, had something stuck in his teeth.

“Oh. Right. Still, why is dentistry always on the bottom of the pecking

west auckland weather by the moon

Ken Ring’s predictions for March

March is expected to be wetter, sunnier and warmer than average. The month starts off mainly fine in the first week, with some light showers at the end. The pattern repeats in the second week. The lowest overnight minimum temperature is around the 8th, with heavy rain around the 12th. Despite having a cool night, the second week averages 1° warmer than the rest overall. Maximum daytime temperatures may get to 26° in some places around the 10th–12th. The third week may be the driest and sunniest, and the fourth week may be the cloudiest, with heavy rain once again around the 25th. The last week may average 1° cooler. The barometric average may be 1015mbs. Most winds are from the southwest. order?” I told him that probably people that fix feet or maybe bum doctors were worse.

“Don’t get me started on those smug chiropodists or bloody glory-seeking proctologists. Incidentally, it’s usually a blood test, not a cheeky finger. Sure, every mum wants her daughter to marry a successful heart surgeon and most men think being a gynaecologist pulls in the birds and that dentists are overpaid and under-worked.” “Why did you become a dentist?” I asked.

“Actually it was mainly because of the money and the hours are fantastic. I’m down to a three-and-a-half-day week. But does anyone accuse their bank manager of being lazy or their plumber of being greedy?” I thought, actually yes. And their lawyer, and politicians, and soccer players, and pub owners.

I said, “If you’ve got the day off, do you fancy a swim at Cornwallis before dropping me off?”

He thought it would be great fun to spend a pleasant day with someone who wasn’t an academic and I thought it would be rather pleasant to spend the day with someone who might have some nitrous oxide because, so far, old Charlie was hardly all fits and giggles. So we had a swim, then back to mine for a couple of coldies. Lizard Junior even put on Novocaine by Fall Out Boy. Now that made us all laugh.

I guess, we all need a mate. Even a bloke that works in the ‘murder house’.

See ya on the road.

Later, Lizard.

For fishermen, the highest (king) tides are on the 11th, also the second highest for the year, with a lesser king tide on the 26th. The best fishing bite-times (in the west) are at or near noon on the 9th–11th and 23rd–26th, and in the east at around dusk on those days. Chances are also good in the west for dusk of the 1st–4th and 15th–18th, and in the east around noon of those days.

For gardeners, the 6th–8th are the best sowing days, with the waxing moon ascending. The best pruning days are the 18th–22nd with the waning moon descending. If harvesting, for longer shelf-life choose lower water-table neap days of the 4th and 18th.

Allow 24 hour error for all forecasting. For future weather for any date, visit www.predictweather.com. © Ken Ring 2020.

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