Live @ the lounge; Weather by the moon

Yeah gidday. Lizard here.

Whitevan and I were quietly resting in one of the disabled parks outside the Titirangi Library, waiting for Mopey Jesus. No one was giving us the evils because Whitevan looked like he could have had a wheelchair ramp and comfortably seat eight adults with huge childlike grins. By the way, who decided that the mentally challenged didn’t require teeth straightening and their barber should be William Shakespeare? Come on folks, everyone deserves a bit of style.

Eventually Mopey Jesus sloped up to Whitevan and plonked himself into the passenger’s side beanbag. I could see he had a bee in his bonnet.

“What kind of cretin reads a book, which isn’t his by the way, then marks his place by folding the bloody page in half? Who can’t find a scrap of paper? Once I found a slice of cheese. Cheese!”

I wondered who thought it was a good idea to construct thousands of grand buildings all around the world and fill them with millions of books? And then lend them out, for three weeks at a time, to total strangers. For free! By-and-large the subject matter isn’t even censored. We can learn just about anything, from any religion, about any subject, by anybody. There’s nothing else quite like it. Mopey and I were running a few errands, then picking up Shaz before heading back to the caravan.

Yep, we’re back in the caravan. Unfortunately, we’ve been kicked out of the ‘Warehouse on Rosebank’. Last week, a bloke strolled in like he owned the place. Turned out, he owned the place.

Honest, we were just about to begin a major clean up after Gay Gary and Māori Phil’s wedding when he barged in unannounced, spouting on about squatting and back rent and who was going to pay for the removal of the sign that read Legalise Everything that was spraypainted on the front roller doors in 10 foot-high letters? So, we’ve parked the caravan outside a mate of Mopey’s on Park Road. To blend in, Shaz painted a cool mural of trees and butterflies and stuff along the sides. I think the locals half expect a juggler or a tarot card reader to jump out twirling fire sticks. I was just about to crank up Whitevan when a lady’s voice yelled “Alessandro.” Blimey, no one had used my real name for yonks.

I looked out the windscreen and immediately recognised Molly X. Her real name was Mildred before she became a teenage sensation with her hit song, Love bites are our engagement ring. “Fancy meeting you here. I’ve only been back in the village a few hours. I’m fundraising for the Green Party.”

“Are you a Greeny?” I asked. “Yeah. Of course. But actually I got roped in because I fancy the candidate’s brother.” Just then, Shaz rocked up laden down with groceries. ‘I’ve been waiting outside the supermarket for ages. Where’ve you been?” Then she spotted Molly X.

“Oh,” she said. Shaz has had a beef with Molly X since we were nine and all went on a Seventh Day Adventist camp. One night I put my hand on Molly X’s thigh and ... but no, I’ll spare you the details.

“Hello Sharon,” said Molly X.

“Well well. Moley Mildred Simpson in the flesh,” Shaz spat. Mopey Jesus piped up and said that he was definitely considering voting for the Greens this time and asked me who I was gonna vote for.

“Probably a woman,” I said. Molly X said that she thought Jacinda sounded like a kindergarten teacher. Then Shaz said, “Yeah, but Collins has that annoying smirk.”

“So which woman, Lizard?” asked Mopey. I looked at Shaz, then at Molly X and said, “That’s easy mate. I’m voting for the honest one.” As we headed down Park Road, I said how much I missed there being a pub on the corner. Bloody Covid. Shaz pointed out that it didn’t stop me walking up to the Razza most afternoons. That’s true.

So, if you see the caravan a rocking, please yell out because it means the wheel chock has been bumped and we are about to careen down the gully.

“Alessandro? Really?”

“Shut it, Mopey.”

Later, Lizard.

weather by the moon

Ken Ring’s predictions for September

September may be drier and cooler than normal, with average sunshine.

The first week is the sunniest and the last week may be the cloudiest. The third week is the driest and warmest with the least number of wet days, while the fourth week sees most rain. There are more wet days in the second half of the month. Atmospheric pressures should average about 1018mbs, with southerlies predominating.

For fishermen, the highest king tide may be around the 18th.The best fishing bite-times in the west are around noon on the 1st-3rd and 16th-18th, (and in the east around dusk on those days). Chances are also good in the west for dusk of the 9th-11th, and 23rd-26th, (and in the east around noon on those days).

For gardeners, the best pruning days are the 3rd-12th (waning moon descending), and the 18th-24th are best sowing days (waxing moon ascending). For longer shelf-life for crops, harvest at neap tide days on the 12th and 26th. Allow 24 hour error for all forecasting. For future weather for any date, visit www.predictweather.com. © Ken Ring 2020.

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