The Fringe for May 2021

Page 22

live @ the lounge

... luck is the wage of sin ...

Yeah gidday. Lizard here. We both got the giggles and Mr Watson frowned and The other day I was going for a stroll around Parrs Park said it was a bit early in the morning for him to have a with Plumless and Mopey Jesus when a bloke with a beer. snotty little poodle on a lead came up to us. “Incidentally,” he said turning to leave. “Have you ever “Well hello Adrienne. Fancy running into you. I never been in contact with that unfortunate friend Johnny took you for the outdoors type?” Kingston? Such a waste. If you don’t know him Lizard, “Hello Mr Watson. My names now Mopey Jesus. Not the poor child was using heroin before he turned 13.” Adrienne.” I said,”It’s amazing isn’t it? How quickly they shoot up “Aah. As they so often say: It’s never the bravest rabbit these days.” that hides behind the fox.” Mopey Jesus gave me a jab in the ribs, our secret ‘let’s “What? Oh, this is my mate Lizard. Lizard, this is my get out of here’ signal. old English teacher, Mr Watson.” “Nice to see you again Mr Watson. Stay lucky.” “English teacher? I thought you were "Luck is the wage of sin, Adrienne.” born in New Zealand?” And off he walked with his dumb little “Seventies music. “Now Lizard,” said Mr Watson. dog. At first I was “There may only be 26 letters in the “Blimey. He was a dry drink mate,” alphabet but there’s many a subtle I said. afraid. Then I nuance. Very easy for one to trip over “Yeah mate,” said Mopey.” He was was petrified.” one’s tongue.” even worse at school. As boring as all I agreed with him saying he wasn’t that seventies music they thrashed on kidding bro. the radio back then.” I told him how my doctor had told me that I had to “True bro. Seventies music. At first I was afraid. Then lose weight. I’d asked her how and she had said that I I was petrified.” had to stop eating everything fatty. I’d said, what, like We both got the giggles again and Mopey Jesus asked pies and stuff? Get this: she said “No Lizard, you have to if I’d seen the state of his stupid dog. “I thought the stop eating everything, Fatty.” Hahaha. hairy little bugger was gonna ask me what school I’d I then asked Mr Watson why he was an English attended.” bloke, teaching English to blokes that could already “Classic bro. Classic. Now let’s go get that beer. I think speak English? He said, “Well I guess that’s an irony. you deserve one. My shout mate.” Something I have found Kiwis rarely get.” “Cheers Lizard. Man, I sure don’t miss school.” I said I found it an irony that the Poms have a paper “Me neither Adrienne.” called The Sun. I deserved that punch in the arm. He’s a keeper is Mopey Jesus was looking a bit embarrassed and I Mopey Jesus. A real beaut. could see the poor bugger was desperate to impress his Later, Lizard. stupid old English teacher so I suggested we all pop off to the Razza for a quiet one. Mopey said, “I once bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He wasn’t impressed.”

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The Fringe MAY 2021

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