stories of fxbg: jessica’s story

Stories of fredericksburg

Jessica’s Story

From the Files of Empowerhouse “I was at a crossroads in my life. hang off of my body, and I was reduced abusive relationship where I was On one side were the abuse, neglect, and to 90 pounds. Self harm was the only physically and emotionally assaulted. I pain that I had known from my family control I felt I had over my body. also turned to drugs and alcohol this and my partner, all of which were all too “I knew I was in dire straits and time and fell into an addiction. I became familiar weights pulling me back into a I tried to leave so many times. He would homeless again and resorted to staying toxic cycle. On the other were the even threaten to take his own life if I left. with different friends until one day I was opportunity to heal, to carve a new life The last time almost cost me my life. in an unsafe situation in a local motel for myself, and to face everything from After a heated argument, I left and he and I realized I had to get out and find my past that was holding me back. I followed me down the street and safety. I had no place to turn. Yet, I chose the path with the greatest proceeded to pull me, kick me, punch me, remembered that there was one place in challenge: completely rebuilding my life. and slap me. He then grabbed me by my my life where I did feel completely safe However, I knew I would not walk this hair and threw me in the trunk of his car, and cared for and realized I could turn to path alone because of Empowerhouse holding some of my braids in his hands them. Even though it was a year later, I and all the support and advocacy they which he had torn out of my head. still reached out to Empowerhouse. I provided to me and to other survivors of “I was lucky because the couldn't believe it; Monica answered the domestic violence. neighbors called the police who came and phone. Monica said she remembered me “I was raised in a household had him arrested, I was then taken to the and shared with me something I had where my biological father wasn't Emergency Department for treatment. shared from my past. I knew she around, which caused me a lot of “In the aftermath, I was staying remembered me and I felt immediately at emotional insecurity. I never grew up in the psychiatric facility to address my ease. She performed the shelter neglected of the materialistic or basic PTSD and depression, and my case assessment over the phone and I was needs as a child; I lived in a beautiful manager there referred me to soon taken into the Empowerhouse home full of beautiful things but the Empowerhouse. Monica, the domestic violence shelter again. This perceived beauty from the outside Empowerhouse Advocate, came to meet time, I was determined to choose the best looking in was nothing in comparison to me and told me about the services path for myself so that I could build a the inside looking out. Empowerhouse offers. She said that the better future. “I witnessed and experienced abuse was not my fault and that I “During my second stay in violence on a constant basis at a young deserved better. When Monica performed Shelter, I gave my life to Christ, found a age. My mother and stepfather were the shelter assessment for me, I felt an church home, and received a donated car physically and emotionally abusive overwhelming sense of relief knowing from the local church. I met the amazing towards each other and they, in turn, what my next steps were instead of being Daphne from Empowerhouse and she lashed out at me. The innocence I had faced with uncertainty again. The helped me enter into Empowerhouse's rotted away. Empowerhouse Shelter was truly a haven Housing Support services to find a new, “I also experienced sexual abuse because it was so clean, spacious, safe home. I struggled with fears of living as a child, which was made worse by the beautiful, and they had advocates who alone surrounded by strangers, but fact that neither of my parents believed provided support groups and job Monica arranged to have a door chain me when I told them. Instead, they assistance. At first, I would barricade installed. Every time I see that chain I showered me with insults and scorn to myself in the room and make a little fort feel safer and more secure thanks to the point where my stepfather even with the blankets to feel more secure. Monica. I also faced hurdles such as suggested that I should kill myself, so I They checked on me regularly, but going to see a psychiatrist and taking tried. At this point, I had no choice but to gently, and with such consideration. medication. I got to a point where I felt leave my home and I became homeless. Eventually, I started to come out of my in my heart it was time for me to detach Being rejected by my own family put me room and I began to meet other people. myself from anti- depressants and in such a vulnerable position, and the Rose and Ashley were so helpful and anxiety medications. I knew that the person I thought I could turn to, my overall I could not believe how nice the blessings Jesus was raining down in my boyfriend, ended up taking advantage of shelter was. They didn't just have sheets; life and my security were strong enough my situation and plunged me further into they were beautiful, with polka dots and to keep me uplifted. I no longer take the cycle of abuse. stripes. They cared about me and I medication. Every morning now I take a “My boyfriend assumed total achieved many great things while in the dose of joy and power. My trained power and control over me and every Shelter. I gained 15 pounds and was professional therapist is now Jesus. aspect of my life. He would take my finally at a healthy weight because they Monica was not only understanding and money and spend it on drugs and alcohol. provided me with nutritious food. I supportive in my beliefs but she even I was strangled for speaking too loudly created a resume, obtained a full time went the extra mile to write out a coping almost every night, fighting for my life job, and completed Clinical Partial skills and emergency contacts if I were to just to breathe. I was in so much fear Outpatient Treatment. I was very young ever need a listening ear or help. that I would urinate on myself. My lips and with that progress and feeling of “All the support and assistance were constantly inflamed from pillows invincibility, I believed I could make it on Empowerhouse and their advocates have being violently rubbed across my face my own so one day I left the provided to me has allowed me to from suffocation. He would also not allow Empowerhouse Shelter and did not overcome so many barriers in my life. The me to eat meals and he would only give return. God I serve has taught me forgiveness. I me the scraps from his plate. I became so “I fell back into the cycle of realize that "hurt people, hurt people" malnourished that my clothes would just violence and entered into another and in order for me to heal my own wounds, I needed to understand that my abusers were also people who suffered from the same cycle of violence in their lives. However, I chose to break free of that cycle and am proud of the accomplishments that I have made with the support of Empowerhouse. I am now pursuing my Nursing Degree thanks to WISP ( Women's Independent Scholarship Program ). I applied for WISP with the help of the RGI employment specialist and the Empowerhouse advocates who sponsored me. The grant goes to Empowerhouse and they spend it on the living expenses I choose, which allows me to focus on school. I work for my Dean and feel like I have worth now. I also continue to live on my own and take care of myself. My journey is truly one that has undergone many shifts and changes, but the one constant has always been one of the greatest gifts God has sent me, the Empowerhouse team who have stood by me the whole way and have given me the tools I needed to believe in myself and have the confidence to take back my life. I am not only courageous but EMPOWERED”

Empowerhouse is a non-profit organization providing confidential domestic violence assistance in the city of Fredericksburg and the counties of Stafford, Spotsylvania, King George, and Caroline. These services include a free and confidential 24-hour hotline, a temporary emergency shelter, information, referrals, and advocacy.

Empowerhouse is an accredited Virginia domestic violence program funded by state and federal grants, localities in planning district 16 (to include Fredericksburg, Stafford, Spotsylvania, King George and Caroline), Rappahannock United Way, donations, and fundraising events.

To help Empowerfhouse’s Domestic Violence Shelter and Families, please support the Shelter by mailing your donation to: Empowerhouse, PO Box 1007, FXBG, VA 22402

For Free Local Confidential Services call 540-373-9373