auto known better: to new stuff in your closet

Auto Known Better

Happy New Year By Rim Vining

.....And here's to new stuff in your closet!

It might be time for some honest refection and admit that I and many of my friends are "closet challenged." Our fashion choices are severely limited. I lean towards heavily starched shirts on hangers which I love and to make things easier there are only two colors; traditional blue oxford and white... all with button down collars.

Sport coats and slacks are no different. I have the traditional blue blazer or perhaps a dark tweed to pair with slacks of charcoal gray, khaki or the avant-garde deep sage. Finish it all off with a Brooks Brother's tie and tassel Bostonian loafers and you have a 'boomer' tried and true. Sport a high-yellow tie and it pins your generational moniker down perfectly. I used to buy silk ties on the corner of 17th & K Street in D.C. from a street vendor, three for $10.00. Damn good looking ties.

But I digress. This stream of thought or whatever started last month while thinking of old steel playground equipment with sharp rusted edges that you could spin as fast as you could push them. They had moving parts that would crush bone and all of this was enjoyed without adult supervision of any kind. We went to the playground to play and learn.

And learn we did. There is an entire cadre of boomers with matching half-moon scars under their chins from the steel tube of a pogo stick. It is a secret sign. There are the curved but jagged imprints of being harpooned with the steel handle of a Radio Flyer as you flew off a cliff somewhere and landed just a bit too hard. No collapsing steering shaft just bone. A personal favorite is the lasting impact of "Johnny whoever" throwing a steel Tonka truck and taking out valuable real estate somewhere on your body. Yes, we learned, and all without adult supervision. When we got home and faced the "What happened to you?" question from Mom or Dad we said, "Oh nothing," and just waited for the iodine or mercurochrome. The next day we went back to the playground and put Johnny in the wagon and headed for the cliff.

So how is this an Autoknown story? In 1974 I sold my '69 Mustang fastback because someone had given me a '58 Buick Special. The Buick was the Queen of Chrome from Detroit. The grill was a myriad of individual chrome squares and the bumpers were adorned with incredible Dagmars. You'll have to look that up. This is an all-ages publication.

Keep in mind that in '74 a 1958 Buick was newer than almost all the cars in my driveway yet it was ancient by the standards of 1974. Likewise, the cars in my driveway are ancient compared to the current transportation offerings…. as are the clothes in my closet!

So I went looking for clothes. Nothing too wild just a freshening of the tired but true hanging on the rack. Maybe a fresh pair of jeans without pre-ordained holes that cost extra. Maybe a pair that aren't made with "Flex" material. Perhaps a winter vest that isn't too puffy or in some electric color. Futile thoughts for the foolish.

So it's baby steps. Thank you to River Rock Outfitters on William Street for having a vest, just a vest, in a nice color for a guy trying to process Boomer to Gen X to Millennial to Gen Z. It's a start.

Not sure but maybe "Flex" jeans are the ones you wear when working from home. autoknownbetter @gmail.com

Rim Vining, humorist, friend and a devoted community volunteer