Preview Issue
}
Become a FullFill
™
member and get the complete issue of FullFill along with access to videos, forums and more with activated Interactive Icons. JOIN
2
FullFill
SPRING 2009
Preview Issue
in focus
BATTER BY PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES; BASEBALL BY ISTOCK
“
Finding the Sweet Spot
The sweet spot, it seems, is elusive.
It is not a calling. It is not a career. It is, instead, an unscheduled
convergence of elements over which
”
I have little or no control.
5
— LEIGH M C LEROY
Spring
2009
{ Sweet Spot }
IOFOTO/VEER
{ columns }
contents
12
VOICES
COACHING COMMUNITY :
Distance Mentoring
◗
By Liz Selzer
LOSING SOMETIMES LEADS TO FINDING
by Mary M. Byers
13 LEADERSHIP CHALLENGE :
Free to be Real: Becoming a Confessing Leader
8
◗
SWEET SINGING by Lynn Yerrick
By Kathy Escobar
10 SILENCE AS A SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE By Valerie E. Hess
16 THINK :
Theology is Life By Carolyn Custis James
10
21
14 NANCY ORTBERG: A NON-LINEAR LEADER An interview by Carla Foote
17 MAKE IT SWEET
FOUR-LETTER WORD: Fear
18 LIFE ISSUES: VERBAL ABUSE
22 MALE BOX:
14
Giving Co-Pilots a Role
By Jeff Olson
19 OVERFLOW: DEVOTIONAL LIFE
By Dave Terpestra
Classic Thought By Oswald Chambers Contemporary Reflection By Erin Bunting
23 MY FILL:
“Sweet” By Elisa Morgan
17
20 QUICK FILL SPRING 2009
FullFill
3
}
Become a FullFill
™
member and get the complete issue of FullFill along with access to videos, forums and more with activated Interactive Icons. JOIN
4
FullFill
SPRING 2009
Preview Issue
Click here!
t e e w S Spot e h t g n findi
I was 13 when I landed my first job that didn’t involve babysitting: I was a baseball scorekeeper, responsible for maintaining the official record of balls and strikes, innings played, and BATTER BY PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES; RIP BY PALI RAO/ISTOCK
runs scored for several Little League games each weekend. I worked barefoot, perched in a lawn chair protected by the chain link backstop behind home plate. Two sharpened pencils and a scorebook were the only supplies required. It was a good job, and it taught me a lot about the game of baseball, coaching, parenting and sportsmanship. It also introduced me to the “sweet spot.”
By Leigh McLeroy
SPRING 2009
FullFill
5
In base ball pa rlance, is the pla the sw ce on th eet spo e barrel with the b t o f a b at where all results in the grea contact test hit spe ed, and th bat vibration. e least In other word s, when a hitte r connects on the sweet spot, his or he r ball flies far and fa st and very little energy is lost to resistance. That summe r I learned to identify such a hit by its sound alone — a clean, resounding “thwack” that almost always meant extra bases.
Click here! ■ Leigh McLeroy writes and speaks with a passion for God and a keen eye for his presence in everyday life. She is the author of The Beautiful Ache, The Sacred Ordinary and Treasured, to be released in the Fall of 2009. Leigh lives and works in Houston, Texas, and is a frequent conference and retreat speaker. She blogs at wednesdaywords.com, and may be reached at leighmcleroy.com.
6
FullFill
SPRING 2009
BASEBALL BY RANPLETT/ISTOCK; RIP BY PALI RAO/ISTOCK
Sports columnist Tom Boswell of The Washington Post has asked many star athletes what is the most satisfying feeling in any sport. “Almost uniformly,” according to Boswell, “they say it is the moment of hitting a baseball perfectly.” Since I discovered baseball’s sweet spot, I have spent many years looking for my own: the strategic spot where my best efforts, my God-given gifts and moments of well-timed opportunity converge for a satisfying-to-thebone result. And I don’t believe I’m alone in the search. I imagined my sweet spot might be found in a great job. But I’ve had a few of those, and I never truly found it there. I hoped it might reside in marriage — a field of play I’ve yet to occupy — but my married friends report that while the one-flesh life of a husband and wife can indeed be sweet, marriage is not an end-all rest stop for soul satisfaction. I believed motherhood might prove to be my sweet spot, but that particular role never materialized for me. More than once I have listened to friends agonize over the challenges of mothering, wondering if there might be something more satisfying beyond whatever stage or age their children happened to be. Even ministry roles for which I was well suited did not deliver up the perfect, “this is it” fit I longed for. I was never convinced that I had arrived at the thing for which I was truly made. Life’s sweet spot, it seems, is elusive. It is not a calling. It is not a career. It is, instead, an unscheduled convergence of elements over which I have little or no control. My unique gifts and passions came pre-programmed. They were woven into me by the God who made me, and I am as unable to change them as I was to select them. I can only test and try them out the way a hitter takes batting practice, and hope to get better at deploying them. My longings don’t exactly march at
my command, either. I can’t control what tugs at my heart, only what I will do in response to those frequently inconvenient impulses. And I don’t create rich opportunities so much as I discover them — sometimes in the most unexpected places. I am a writer, a teacher, a word-lover and a Jesus follower. I am single; I live alone. I work with deadlines and love a good challenge. I play a mean game of Scrabble and am a fiercely loyal friend. I would rather study than sleep, and would rather be hurt than have to hurt someone else. I’m crazy about my nieces, and my sister is my best friend. I love to travel and cook and decorate. I skydived once. I would do it again. I have a keen sense of justice and a too-sharp tongue. That’s who I am. But the times I’d say I hit my sweet spot — and knew it — have had little to do with any of these things. Mentoring a 17-year-old street kid for 11 months introduced me to an unexpected “sweet spot.” After multiple court dates, school challenges, one arrest and a harrowing three day disappearance, this hard-to-love teen phoned on the second Sunday in May to wish me, his courtappointed advocate — a happy Mother’s Day. “I know you’re not my mother, “he said, “but you’re the closest thing to it I’ve had in a long time. Thanks for putting up with my stuff.” I remember hanging up the phone and thinking that I might have been made for just that moment and assignment, and no more. It was fleeting — but it was sweet. A speaking engagement at a women’s retreat gave me another glimpse of my hard-to-pin-down sweet spot. I had felt miscast all weekend — as if I might have misunderstood God’s assignment and come to the wrong place with the wrong message altogether. At least until Angela asked if she might have a bit of my time during a break. “Do you ever meet one-on-one with people?” she asked. “I would be glad to meet with you,” I said. I had noticed her during my first talk as the young woman on the back row that would not make eye contact. She told me she had read one of my books, and had clung to it during a heartbreaking time. “But I can’t really connect with what you’re saying up there,” she said. Her only son had died just two months before, a few weeks past his first birthday. She shyly
pulled his photo from her pocketbook and held it out to me. I took it, and noticed her journal beneath it. “Would you like to read some of that to me?” I asked. When she did, I understood why I had come. The retreat itself wasn’t my sweet spot. But those few minutes listening to Angela were a divine appointment I cannot forget. Perhaps I should not be surprised that these “sweet spot” discoveries were fleeting and utterly unprogrammed. Jesus seemed to inhabit his own sweet spot in just this way. He was, in reality and role, the Son of the living God. Yet he was one for whom a barren fig tree presented a ripe teaching opportunity. One who assured a believing centurion of healing for his ailing son, even as the man confessed his resilient unbelief. He delayed response to a tearful summons, resulting in the death of his own dear friend. But then death’s judgment was reversed when Jesus beckoned Lazarus to abandon the grave for life again. Sweet spots, all. In his presence, others seemed to discover their own sweet spots. Peter likely surprised himself when he blurted, “You are the Christ,” in response to Jesus’ question, “Who do you say that I am?” But it was surely the truest statement he ever spoke. The woman he encountered at a well in Samaria found a part of herself she thought long lost, her past gently laid bare by “a man who told me all that I ever did.” And Mary of Bethany most surely recognized her sweet spot as she spilled an alabaster box of perfume over Jesus’ feet and head, unmoved by the shocked cries of others in the room as she slowly wiped the ointment into his skin with the ends of her hair. Her love for him met the opportune moment, and she responded with all that she had to give. When she did, “the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.” So maybe it’s not a role we’re searching for, or a job or even a clear cut assignment. Maybe the sweet spot our hearts long for is always a moving target, and one that we cannot hope to recognize without trusting God’s quiet urging — whenever and however it comes. And what if every moment of our lives with Jesus had the potential to be a sweet-spot moment — one where, with almost effortless ease, our swing might meet his powerful pitch and result in a one-of-a-kind masterpiece? What if, in finding our sweet spot, we did not cling to it, but swung hard and let it fly — watching with joy as the ball disappears, and then waiting for the chance to do so again, and again, and again? ■ SPRING 2009
FullFill
7
coaching
Liz Selzer, Ph.D., is an Advisor to FullFill™ magazine and the Director of Ministry Engagement for MOPS International. She is adjunct faculty at Colorado Christian University and a trainer for The Mentoring Group. She enjoys teaching women to gain perspective on the ways they can be used in the kingdom.
community
Click here!
Distance Mentoring
By Liz Selzer
can anyone mentor someone in a different city or country? Can the benefits of true relationship be accomplished? How can we build trust without being face to face? Here’s what we’ve learned about this fairly new (at least by this name) phenomenon, which is not only here to stay but is a potentially powerful strategy for helping people develop. WHAT IS IT? Various labels are engaged to describe the new methodology of distance mentoring: virtual mentoring, remote mentoring, tele-mentoring as well as offshoots such as e-Mentoring. They all mean the same thing: a mentoring relationship in which two parties (or the members of a mentoring group) are in different locations (areas of a large city, cities, states/provinces, countries). The participants rely almost exclusively on electronic tools (e-mail, online meeting software and platforms, videoconferencing), phones, voicemail, faxes and mail. The parties may meet face to face one or more times during their partnerships, but most of the time 12
FullFill
SPRING 2009
WHY USE DISTANCE MENTORING? Studies of
mentors, mentees and mentoring programs indicate that sometimes the most effective mentor or mentee (in terms of skills, knowledge, attitudes, experiences, contacts) is located elsewhere. Depending on what the mentee wants to develop, mentor location is less important than these other factors. Our current culture makes this type of mentoring not only more acceptable, but also more easily accomplished. Understanding that God is an important participant in the mentoring relationship binds these distance mentoring relationships together in a powerful synergy. Here are some more reasons to use distance mentoring. 1. Many mentors travel extensively. Even if mentors and mentees are located in the same location, one or both may travel as a necessary element of their vocation. Consequently, for much of the time they must use distance mentoring strategies in order to be successful. 2. The uniqueness of distance lends focus.
Distance mentoring provides, for many, the ability to focus more intently. Since time is typically limited and participants want the time to count, meetings are planned in advance, agendas are exchanged, and both “get down to business” rather quickly. When partners are nearby, it can be easy to cancel, get caught up in chatting, or drift away from planned goals. 3. Many shy participants find it easier to relate remotely. Many partners find they can
have deeper discussions when they aren’t face to face. As one mentee put it, “I can say things
on the phone or in e-mail that I might feel a little funny saying to him in person.” 4. New learning occurs. Being in different locations increases at least two types of learning. Besides the announced mentoring agendas, having to use the tools and strategies helps participants grow in skill and comfort level with these technologies, which are going to expand in all areas of personal and professional lives. 5. Our current culture embraces remote methodologies. Younger generations are quite
comfortable with the idea of building relationships on-line. They frequently utilize MySpace and FaceBook. They are adept at understanding the limitations of drawing conclusions too quickly with electronic media, but also value the community built through it. IS IT REALLY MENTORING? Yes, provided the mentor is going out of his/her way to use an intentional mentoring process and set of mentoring skills to help the mentee identify important life goals and build competence to reach them. In addition, the mentee must receive and use the assistance she/he is given. WHERE DO WE START? Establish common ground or a base from which both of you work: Find common goals (e.g. both agree on a skill to be developed, a character trait to be encouraged). • Establish expectations up front: How often will you communicate? Which electronic modes will you use, based on what works best for ease of use, functionality, your learning styles, and maintaining confidentiality? When will the relationship terminate? • Record your daily development: Whether keeping a journal or list, make sure that you are ready to discuss your everyday growth. Since you are not in a position to physically observe each other, this step becomes increasingly important. SO … Don’t be intimidated by the possibility of mentoring at a distance. When approached with clear expectations and a positive affinity, this type of mentoring can take off as technology progresses. It is a new opportunity to spread your influence out and beyond … !
CHRISTINE WONG/PHOTODISC/GETTY IMAGES
W
HAT IS DISTANCE MENTORING ANYWAY? Is it really mentoring? How
they are physically apart and may never meet faceto-face as in normal mentoring situations.
Become a FullFill member and get the complete issue of FullFill along with
™
{
access to videos, forums and more with activated Interactive Icons. JOIN
Preview Issue
SPRING 2009
FullFill
13
A feature inviting you to think through your theology. By Carolyn Custis James
{
think
}
Theology is Life
I
HAVE VIVID MEMORIES OF THE ENTHUSIASTIC YOUNG MEDICAL STUDENT ACCOMPANYING MY SURGEON on his hospital rounds the
day before my big surgery. As she brushed past my bedside she whispered: “I can’t wait to watch your surgery!” I was thirty-six, and the surgery she couldn’t wait to see was about to reconfigure my life. Late the next day, still groggy from anesthesia, I was wheeled out of the recovery room to face the news that my hopes of bearing children were gone forever. Christians love to talk about those glorious moments when “God showed up.” But there are plenty of other times when he doesn’t — when his child feels abandoned, bewildered and desperate for him. These moments bring out the theologian in all of us. That day in the hospital was such a
FullFill
SPRING 2009
JON KRAUSE/THEISPOT
16
intellect and wanted women to use their minds moment for me. The moment the word “why” (which he does). Jesus drew women to go deeper crossed my lips, I was doing theology — the because, put starkly, nothing else matters more. kind of real life theology King David did when His relationships with Mary and Martha he cried out to God, “Why O Lord do you underscore that point. When Rabbi Jesus defended stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times Mary of Bethany’s right to sit at of trouble?” (Psalm 10:1). his feet (language that identifies Conventional definitions of The moment her as a rabbinical student), he theology such as “the study of wasn’t just sticking up for Mary God” are too remote and the word “why” in a disagreement with her sister. frankly miss the point. Theology is not about getting crossed my lips, Jesus was sending a strong message that women need theology as your doctrinal ducks in a row I was doing much as the men. “Only one thing or having all the answers. Nor really matters. Mary has found it, is it about abstract speculations theology. and I won’t take it away.” His about God. Theology is about life — everyday life with all its bewildering tribu- message targeted Martha who, contrary to stereotypical interpretations, was a theologian lations that drive us to our knees with questions too. Jesus’ words challenged her to rethink her too painful to ignore. One of the priorities and join Mary in doing theology. church’s towering theologians, That point came home to roost when they Martin Luther, understood this faced the devastating loss of their brother. all too well. He wrote, “It is Suddenly both sisters were banking on their through living, indeed through theology — everything they believed about Jesus dying and being damned that one — and needing desperately to know more. No becomes a theologian.” one asks if theology is important for women in a Recently I heard of an evangelical seminary president who stated crisis like that. Through the crucible of pain and quite bluntly, “Women don’t need disappointment, when faith is trying to find a foothold in God, we all learn why Jesus said, theology. If they have theological “Only one thing really matters.” questions they should ask their This is only one of many reasons why we husbands.” This kind of thinking need to get serious about knowing God. We are is naive and reflects the view that all theologians because we have struggles in this women don’t need to (or can’t) life that drive us to him. Trouble draws out the think for themselves. Above all, it is anti-Christian, for all Christians theologian in all of us as we probe God’s heart with questions we can’t stop ourselves from askare called to know God and pursue ing. So please keep asking “why,” for in this, you a deeper relationship with him. are doing the one thing that matters most. Furthermore, it puts women at risk, for when trouble comes into our lives, the theology we lean on is our own. In sharp contrast, Jesus regarded women as theologians. He consis■ Carolyn Custis James writes tently engaged them in deep more on this topic of theology theological conversation — not and its importance for women in simply because he was an advocate When Life and Beliefs Collide (Zondervan, 2001). She is for women (which he is) or the author of several books and equips women through because he valued the female the Whitby Forum and Synergy.
Become a FullFill member and get the complete issue of FullFill along with
™
{
access to videos, forums and more with activated Interactive Icons. JOIN
Preview Issue
SPRING 2009
FullFill
17
}
Become a FullFill
™
member and get the complete issue of FullFill along with access to videos, forums and more with activated Interactive Icons. JOIN
18
FullFill
SPRING 2009
Preview Issue
{ overflow } CLASSIC THOUGHT:
Friendship with God
By Oswald Chambers
“Shall I hide from Abraham what I am doing …?” ( Genesis 18:17)
T
HE DELIGHTS OF HIS FRIENDSHIP. Genesis 18 brings out the delight of true friendship with God, as compared with simply feeling his presence occasionally in prayer. This friendship means being so intimately in touch with God that you never even need to ask him to show you his will. It is evidence of a level of intimacy which confirms that you are nearing the final stage of your discipline in the life of faith. When you have a right-standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty, and delight; you are God’s will. And all of your commonsense decisions are actually his will for you, unless you sense a feeling of restraint brought on by a check in your spirit. You are free to make decisions in the light of a perfect and delightful friendship with God, knowing that if your decisions are wrong he will lovingly produce that sense of restraint. Once he does, you must stop immediately. THE DIFFICULTIES OF HIS FRIENDSHIP. Why did Abraham stop praying when he did? He stopped because he still was lacking the level of intimacy in his relationship with God, which
would enable him boldly to continue on with the Lord in prayer until his desire was granted. Whenever we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well, I don’t know, maybe this is not God’s will,” then we still have another level to go. It shows that we are not as intimately acquainted with God as Jesus was, and as Jesus would have us to be — “… that they may be one just as We are one …” (John 17:22) Think of the last thing you prayed about — were you devoted to your desire or to God? Was your determination to get some gift of the Spirit for yourself or to get to God? “For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask him.” (Matthew 6:8) The reason for asking is so you may get to know God better. “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and he shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4) We should keep praying to get a perfect understanding of God himself. ■ Note: The works of Oswald Chambers were compiled by his wife, Biddy, after his death in 1917. Taken from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, edited by James Reimann, © 1992 by Oswald Chambers Publications Assn., Ltd. Used by permission Discovery House Publishers, Grand Rapids MI. All rights reserved. Order My Utmost for His Highest at 800-653-8333 or dhp.org.
CONTEMPORARY REFLECTION:
DAVID SACKS/STONE/GETTY IMAGES
Give it Anyway
By Erin Bunting
A
tiny, narrow wooden shelf hangs on my bathroom wall. It is homemade, a gift
from my son Leo when he was 9. He designed it — the size, shape, the scalloped top edge detail. He carefully selected the wood from scrap lumber in the garage. He drove in each of the seven deck screws holding the back to the front. He picked out and sprayed on the cornflower blue paint. And with crayons upon a small rock, Leo also drew the picture of our family — four smiling stick figures hot-glued to the shelf ’s left-hand corner. Did I need this shelf? No. Did I ask for a shelf? No. Does its color complement my bathroom decor? Not really. Is this shelf expertly made? No — it is rough, clunky, childlike and imperfect. Nevertheless, this shelf hangs on my wall because it was a gift, a gift of love from
someone very precious to me. My child made this gift for me. He took the time, spent his time, fashioning something one-of-a-kind. With the materials available to him, with his limited skills, and with his own two hands, Leo made the very best shelf he could make — and he made it just for me. God doesn’t need anything from his kids either. In fact, God doesn’t need anything, period. Not from me. Not from you. The best, most excellent, most extravagant gifts we can offer are absolutely unnecessary to the God who has everything, the God who made everything, the God who is everything. Scripture says, “The
God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of Heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. And he is not served by human hands as if he needed anything, because he himself gave all men life and breath and everything else.” (Acts 17:24-15) Did you catch that? “He is not served by human hands as if he needed anything.” As if! And yet, flawed though they are, I offer my gifts anyway. Because of what he’s done in my life, and more importantly because of who he is in my life, I want to thank him. I am compelled to thank him. I can’t help it. I just have to. I must. ■ Erin Bunting is an actor, writer, speaker, athlete and artist. She lives in Huron, Ohio with her husband, Dr. Darrin Bunting, and their sons Sam (14) and Leo (11). SPRING 2009
FullFill
19
“
The unselfish effort to bring cheer to others will be the beginning of a happier life for ourselves.
U.S. chocolate manufacturers use 3.5 million pounds of whole milk
”
to make chocolate.
—HELEN KELLER
Source: ezinearticles.com
quick Fill { Community Builders }
TECH
TIP
Compiled by Jackie Alvarez
Red | Red is a male color in Britain. In Tudor Britain, flame red was for lovers, while dark red represented those who were long in love.
BRITAIN
CHINA | Red is the luckiest color in China. Bright red envelopes are used to present gifts of money in China. COLUMBIA | Red is the color of the country’s Liberal party.
Graphic Design Tips
INDIA | Red indicates both sensuality and purity.
| Red is symbolic of courage.
IRAN
Work it Out Consider a yard work co-op with some friends or neighbors. Take turns helping each other with yard or home projects. You can benefit from each others’ help, expertise and company.
Whether you’re creating a flier at work, an announcement at church or an invitation at home, you want it to look nice. Here are some tips to help you achieve just that. Plan ahead: Place the
Never Assume Be open about inviting others to join you to do fun things. It’s easy to assume other people aren’t interested, but you never know who might want to join in the fun.
Go to the Front Make a point to eat dinner, play with the kids or enjoy a glass of lemonade on the front porch this summer. It will give you a chance to take in the happenings of the block and meet some neighbors. 20
FullFill
SPRING 2009
most important information on the page first and work around it to make sure it doesn’t get cramped in a corner. Repetition: Use repetition of shapes or other visual elements to help create unity. A consistent color palette throughout your piece also ties everything together. Watch for holes: Don’t leave large amounts of open space in the middle of a design.
“
Think out of the box:
Don’t overuse boxes or frames. Twice is nice: ALWAYS edit and reedit your text. Rule of threes: Use contrasting, but complementing, fonts. However, don’t use too many different types; a general rule is to use no more than three fonts. Alignment: Text that is flush to the left is the easiest to read. Overuse of centered text is hard to read. Contrast: Make sure headlines are significantly larger than the rest of the text. Readability: Sans-serif fonts are good for titles or special words, but can be hard to read for blocks of text. Spacing: Only use one space between sentences.
NEW ZEALAND | Red denotes hard work and achievement. NIGERIA | Red can stand for wealth, plenty, virility, vitality and aggression. SOUTH AFRICA | Red can be either a sign of misfortune or blessing. UKRAINE | Red is a positive color that can mean action, fire, charity, spiritual awakening, love and joy in life. U.S.A. | Red is a provocative color that can stand for warning or danger, love, anger, heat, embarrassment, sexuality, romance, Christmas, national holidays and patriotism.
Dreams sometimes do come true. But not without something that looks a lot like hard work. — S Y LVI A A S H T O N WA R N E R
”
CHOCOLATE BY SUPRIJONO SUHARJOTO/ISTOCK; RED PAINT BY ISABELLE ZACHER-FINET/ISTOCK; TROWEL BY DON NICHOLS/ISTOCK; INVITE BY RICH LEGG/ISTOCK; CHAIR BY LESLIE BANKS/ISTOCK
every day
Become a FullFill member and get the complete issue of FullFill along with
™
{
access to videos, forums and more with activated Interactive Icons. JOIN
Preview Issue
SPRING 2009
FullFill
21