For Friends Who Feel Lost

BY CHARLIE POTTS

I'm pretty open about the fact that I not only walked away from church, but I also walked so far away from God, or the idea of God, that I flirted with the ideals of atheism for a while. I was raised in a Catholic household, a devout and good Catholic household. We went to confession, attended mass every Sunday even when we were on vacation, I sang in the choir and served as an altar server, my dad and I were lectors, my mom was a Eucharistic minister. To the outside world we were the ideal example of a Catholic family [In reality, my parents and brother still are, while I questioned all of it for as long as I can remember.]

It didn't matter how hard I tried to fall in line, follow the rules of the Catholic doctrine, and search for God's presence, I couldn't find Him. I'd occasionally get that warm secure feeling, but it was short lived. And through all of that, I felt that something was wrong with me because I couldn't seem to find this personal relationship with God.

Fast forward a few years, my now-wife, Katie and I were weeks away from walking down the aisle and the pastor who had been a part of every step of our relationship and was performing our wedding all but pulled the rug out from under us...because we moved in together prior to our wedding so that I could help her when her arthritis all but crippled her. In his words, it was all about the perception of him to the rest of the congregation if they were to find out that he allowed an unmarried couple to serve in the church while living together. So perception is everything I guess.

For several years after this I had no interest in church, God, or Jesus. I tried on a few occasions to go to mass, but where I used to feel like a guest going through the motions in church, I now felt like an unwelcome intruder. Why would I feel that way in God's house if He were there? Doesn't God welcome all into His home?

My wife is an angel here on earth; sometimes a feisty, sassy, cranky angel, but an angel none the less. She began singing at First Methodist and after a while she and Lamar, the choir director, invited me to join the choir as well. I didn't have high expectations for my relationship with God and this dude named Jesus who may or may not exist. I just really wanted to make music with an awesome choir.

The last 5 years have been a complete blur, but through all of the aspects–the pastors, sermons, music, the members–at FUMC I have finally found the relationship with God that I searched for most of my life and for a while gave up on finding. I no longer feel like a guest or intruder in church, but like a member of a greater family of God. But I didn't find it because God is or isn't at the Methodist church. I had been looking for Him in all of the wrong places.

I have learned to look for God within myself and in other people. In others' acts of generosity, kindness, and love. God is not a church building, He's not a book filled with poems and stories, He's not a group of people. He is in each of us and works through us if we allow Him to be a present part of our lives. God has always been with me, inside of me, and once I learned that, I learned to carry Him with me to church, into the homes of patients, and to let Him guide me in reading the Bible.

He is within each of us, and when we gather in church, retreats, revivals, etc. in His name we are able to more fully experience the wonder that is God.

I don't know that I would have found this new relationship with God without Katie and First Methodist. I will always have a place of respect for the Catholic Church, it is where I was raised. I'm not sorry at all for my experiences. I believe I had to walk those paths as a Catholic and as a pseudo-Atheist to find the relationship I have with God today. Having walked the latter path, I now realize what I was missing in that time of disbelief.

As Dolly Parton says in the film Steel Magnolias, “God doesn't care where you go, as long as you show up." God is not a place, or a thing, or a denomination… God is a state of being and where there are many gathered in that state of being, that is God…well, that is a powerful gathering. For friends who feel lost, don't be disheartened. God is there–He is always there.