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Dr Bill Webster on 2020 vision
2020 Vision
By Dr Bill Webster
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There was a point last year when I was ready to write my “retirement” article. After all, I am not getting any younger. It will be 100 years in June since my mother was born, and this year I will be the age she was when she died. I have outlived my father, my first wife and more recently my youngest son.
In my work, I have made a significant contribution to the field of grief support which peak culminated last year when I was awarded the British Citizen’s Medal in London “for exceptional positive impact to society as an inspiration to others.” That makes it all worthwhile.
But there is one problem. I don’t feel like I am finished yet!
I have 2020 vision. I am not referring to my physical eyesight. Rather, my 2020 vision is a goal to make one more major international contribution to the field of grief support this year by offering a programme of support that will be available to participants without cost. This venture is not about business, it is about LEGACY. Grief support in my opinion has to be more than a commercial or financial venture, and I plan to address what I feel has become a serious imbalance in this area. With a proposed launch in the spring, I will keep people informed.
But while we are talking about retirement here is a vital question that those considering the prospect have to answer. It’s not “What are you retiring from?”, but “What are you retiring TO?” If we cannot answer that second question, we could be in trouble.
Everyone knows you need to get ready financially for retirement; but actually even more importantly, you need to get ready psychologically. We spend about 20 years of
our lives preparing to be a success; then we spend the next 30-40 years being as successful as we can in our work. As Vince Lombardi the football coach said, “The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender.”
Think of what we lose when we retire from work: A) The loss of structure, as comfortable, regular routines disappear; Oh yes, there is still that long overdue “honey-do” list but is that enough? (My wife and I have differing views on this!) B) The loss of identity, inasmuch as many find
“themselves” in what they DO as much as by who they are. Even after retirement people will often identify themselves by their jobs or professions C) The loss of relationship, with colleagues, clients, the public, missing the social interaction and camaraderie with people you have seen every day D) The loss of power or authority offered by
your position or your responsibilities at work. But perhaps most significant is the loss of a sense of purpose. The crucial element for survival, whether I work or retire, is being able to recognize that there is still a purpose for my life.
The brain works like a bicycle. A bike is a welloiled machine, which when it moves at speed is efficient and effective moving you forward in whatever direction. When a bicycle slows down however, it becomes much more difficult to control. And when it comes to a complete stop, you get off.. or fall off. We can slow down in life but we have to keep going.
Whether after a death or a life loss like retirement, illness (or many other examples), feeling “loss” and feeling “lost” is always
challenging. If unresolved, it can lead to marital discord, depression, increased dependency on alcohol or medications, and a general lethargy with life. It’s not pretty to watch, and I am determined not to let it happen.
So throughout my own grief process of the last year, I have come to the following conclusions about myself and my life: 1. I want to live the life I want to lead, however long or short, and refuse to let the unknown shape my destiny 2. I know what values and priorities really matter in my life and will spend my days reflecting on and accomplishing my purpose 3. My legacy will be: my passion + my gifts and strengths + my desire to make a difference 4. I want my obituary to echo what was really important to me, so I will try to “invest” in those objectives every day 5. I will live every day as if it were my last, while loving, learning, serving and growing as if I would live forever 6. Above all, despite my losses, I am still standing and I am not finished yet. So what’s your 20/20 vision for 2020? Remember, happiness is not about what happens, but what we do about whatever happens. Bon voyage for the year ahead!
First you hurt, then you heal
Dr Bill Webster understands grief not just in theory, but also from personal experience. In his book, “First you Hurt, Then you Heal”, Dr Bill outlines a road map for the grief journey in a series of articles that take us through the process .
He begins with a chapter entitled “I Didn’t Plan for This” that gives people an understanding of what they may experience in the early days after a loss. The book then goes on to give us an understanding of grief, some insights into various situations of loss, and some strategies to help us work through the process.
This book will be a helpful resource for those who are going through a grief process as well as containing much relevant and practical information for those who would like to know what they can say and how they can help someone who has experienced a significant loss. It will also serve as a basic knowledge and layman’s guide for those in the helping professions such as nurses, teachers, funeral directors and those who seek to support grieving people, young and old, through their work. “First you Hurt, Then you Heal” provides practical, down to earth and effective insight into one of the most difficult topics and most misunderstood experiences of life.
First you Hurt, Then you Heal: A Road Map for the Grief Journey (Kindle Edition) is avaialble to buy on Amazon.
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Co. Armagh funeral director gains Education Award
Andrew Milne, of Milne Funeral Services, Co. Armagh, has successfully completed a prestigious professional qualification with the Independent Funeral Directors’ College.
As a result, he has gained the highest qualification awarded by the IFD College.
Following his success, Andrew Milne Cert. F.P. has now been invited to become a Member of the Independent Funeral Directors’ College.
Andrew’s father, Ian Milne, former Federation Chairman of the National Association of Funeral Directors, underlined the importance of accreditation within the funeral industry.
“Setting standards for education, registration, ethics and practice are the core function of any regulatory scheme, and the review currently underway by the Competition and Markets Authority is likely to be a catalyst for change,” he said, adding that, “this can only bode well for public confidence in the future.
“This is a continuation of a lifelong journey of learning for Andrew in his career as a funeral director, since he has already completed many industry-related courses, thus, giving me great confidence for the long-term future and professionalism of Milne Funeral Services.”
Mandy Lavin, former Chief
Executive of the National Association of Funeral Directors, commented: “Professional standards demonstrate a commitment to protecting the public and promoting public confidence in funeral directors.
“The public interest demands and deserves, high and consistent professional standards from funeral directors. Education and training are at the heart of that.”
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New ‘Wilcox’ Volvo hearse for Arthur Worsley Funeral Services Ltd
Arthur Worsley Funeral Services has been established for over 140 years. The funeral home is located in Hadfield, Glossop. Jason and Julie Eyre now oversee the business? Brenda Worsley, though semi-retired, also remains involved.
Jason, Julie and Sam chose
Sam Eyre and Martin Hallam standing alongside their new Volvo S90 Hearse supplied by Wilcox Limousines Ltd. a bespoke hearse with options including bench seat format, additional front and rear chrome and electric deck signs. The vehicle comes standard with a high specification including Sat Nav, Active Cruise Control, Heated Seats, LED Lighting, and Lane Departure Warning. It is available in both petrol and diesel engines.
Wilcox Limousines Ltd would like to thank Jason, Julie and Sam for their continued business and wish them every success with their latest vehicle.
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