Dealing with the death of a child by Jennifer Muldowney

Jennifer Muldowney is an event planner for memorials in the United States of America and Ireland and is currently partnered with the prestigious Frank E. Campbell - The Funeral Chapel in NYC as their in-house event planner. Jennifer is also notable as author of Say Farewell Your Way, Tedx speaker of ‘Grief as Unique as your Heartbeat’ and host of ‘The Glam Reaper Podcast’. Check out Muldowney Memorials (.com) to learn more. By Jennifer Muldowney

Dealing with the death of a child

Ihave to talk about something this issue that has been in the news for the last 3 decades but sadly is more prevalent than ever and is ever more apparent today in the US. It was also a subject that arose at the NFDA Women’s Conference in Miami this year. Child death.

In the wake of the heartbreakingly devastating events in Uvalde, Texas, which took the lives of 19 children and two adults and allegedly another life in the form of a partner of one of the teachers due to heart attack/grief, we need, more than ever, to serve this type of family, as devastating as it is to do so.

I personally know of funeral directors who cannot physically deal with the death of a child. When a family of this tragedy comes in, he cannot cope with it. It resonates too deep and this is exactly why funeral directors around the world should be respected and more, for the emotional suffering they must endure in order to serve their families.

The Funeral Service Foundation, in partnership with the Collaborative of National Paediatric Palliative Care Coalitions, recently created a resource entitled When a Child Dies: Planning Acts of Love & Legacy for bereaved families. The booklet offers guidance and inspiration to help these families who experience the death of their child say goodbye in a way that is meaningful and important to their path forward. “We recognized a need in the grief space to help families plan a meaningful and healing goodbye when a child dies, which led us to apply for funding from the Funeral Service Foundation,” said Kristin James and Betsy Hawley, executive directors of the Greater Illinois Paediatric Palliative Care Coalition and the Paediatric Palliative Care Coalition, respectively.

Dozens of bereaved parents, along with healthcare and bereavement professionals, offered their expertise in creating this piece, which is available at FuneralServiceFoundation. org at no charge to all who those who walk alongside grieving families, so that’s you.

The resource offers guidance for families, including why funerals and memorialization are important steps in moving forward; entrusting their child’s body to the care of a funeral director; what to expect when meeting with a funeral director; determining a final resting place; connecting with family and community; talking to children about death and dying; and preparing families for funeral attendance. The guide also offers memorialization ideas from bereaved parents, and those who walk alongside grieving families, and gives suggestions for building acts of legacy and love in the days, weeks, months, and years after a child’s funeral.

“There is no magic wand to take away a parent’s heartache when a child dies,” said Hawley and James. “We are hopeful that this resource will bring some comfort to families and let them know that they are not alone.”

At the Women’s conference in Miami, it was a hot topic. I loved (and cried) hearing the incredible stories of how funeral directors and funeral homes, did and did not deal well when they were faced with a child death. What was apparent and clear, was we NEED a plan, end of story. Sadly, it happens too often and can be the most traumatic of all losses and should we, as a community, deal with it poorly, it forever marks us in the minds of the parent figures.