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MAT-SU VALLEY
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VOLUME 2 , NO. 22
LOOSE PARTS
by DAVE BLAZEK
HAVE A LAUGH ON US! OFF THE MARK
by MARK PARISI
APRIL 2013 SPECTICKLES
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by BILL ABBOTT ©2012 Bill Abbott / Distributed by InkBottleSyndicate.com
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“Admittedly, this exercise in trust didn’t go quite as I had hoped.”
Mat-Su Valley’s Monthly Humor Paper! Your Local Source for Comics, Word Games, Puzzles, Humor Columns and More! To Advertise, email: funnies.matsu@gmail.com
CHUCKLE BROS by BRIAN & RON BOYCHUK
by BRAD DILLER © Copyright B&L Capital / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
FUNDAYMORNING.com
CAPTION CONTEST
Send your best caption to: submissions@funnies-extra.com and type “Caption Contest” in the subject line. The winning caption will be published with the winner‛s name, age, city and state two editions later, with permission. (Void where prohibited.)
“i’ve called your mother three times and keep getting a wrong number. this is a smart phone!”
DON’T FORGET TO INCLUDE YOUR NAME, INFO & EDITION #!
950 E Bogard Rd Ste 233, Wasilla – in the Mat Su Regional Outpatient Center – 907-357-4543 (phone) 907-357-4533 (fax)
At Ptarmigan Pediatrics, your pediatrician truly is just a phone call away!
www.ptarmiganpediatrics.com
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VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013
WIZARD OF ID
by PARKER, MASTROIANNI AND HART WizardOfId.com
©2011 Brian Martin dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
CREEK by BRIAN MARTIN
*In the US, staged wrestling is called “pro wrestling” while real wrestling is called “amateur wrestling.” *Based on their metal value, a dollar in nickels is worth 5 times more than a dollar in quarters. *Squirrels can purr like cats.
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EEK!
by SCOTT NICKEL
Zack Lanphier - Publisher funnies.matsu@gmail.com
(Message Only) 907-775-9160 ~ (Office) 760-917-2417 12901 W. Arctic Avenue, Palmer, AK 99645 Office Hours: 9-5 Mon-Thu, 9-2 Fri Ad Deadlines: Friday Noon - 3 weeks prior to Distribution Date If proof is required - Thursday Noon
EDITION #20 CAPTION CONTEST WINNER! IT’S SO COLD, EVEN MOSQUITOS WON’T BITE!
dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
HOOSIERVILLE
by MARK BRAYER Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Mike Tereshchenko, 20, Wasilla, Alaska VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013 ǁ www.funnies-extra.com ǁ FUNNIES EXTRA! MAT-SU VALLEY EDITION ǁ 3
IMAGINE THAT
STRANGER THINGS by TIM THOMSON
by BRIAN MARTIN
©2011 Tim Thomson / Dist. by www.InkBottleSyndicate.com
©2011 Brian Martin /Dist. by www.InkBottleSyndicate.com
, Edited by Margie E. Burke
Answer Sudoku AnswerTotoLast Last Month’s Week's Sudoku
Copyright 2012 by The Puzzle Syndicate
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ANSWERS AT: www.funnies-extra.com/puzzles
HOW TO SOLVE:
©2011 Tom Williams / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC - North America Only
WORD GAMES P U Z Z L E S
AT THE ZOO OF BALLOON ANIMALS
by LECTRR ©2011 Lectrr / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Week of 6/25/12 - 7/1/12
Difficulty : Medium
HARA KIWI
www.funnies-extra.com ǁ VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013
CENTER MARKET
THE
THE DOOZIES
by TOM GAMMILL
Anchorage’s ONLY YEAR-ROUND Farmers Market!
Distributed by nkBottleSyndicate, LLC
600 East Northern Lights Blvd Inside the Benson entrance to The Mall at Sears in Anchorage
Every Wednesday 11am-6pm FRANK AND STEINWAY
by WIL PANGANIBAN ©2011 Wil Panganiban / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
- Fresh-Veggies - Grass-Fed Beef - Free-Range Eggs - Pasture-Raised Pork
w w w. t h e c e n t e r m a r k e t . c o m Closer. Fresher. Better.
Market Managers Alex Davis and Duane Clark
*Laughter improves memory and learning. Incorporating humor into education has shown to increase test scores, retention and comprehension, especially in children and teens.
FUNNY PAPER
by DANIEL COLLINS
Verda’s
Cakes& Things ©2011 Daniel Collins / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
by RON THERIEN ©2011 Ron Therien / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
AGAINST THE GRAIN
Custom Cakes for All Occasions
525 N Begich Dr, Wasilla 907-357-1111 888-357-0238 Fax: 907-357-1115
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WORD FIND BY MIA VONNE
FUNNY COMICS
©2011 Mia Vonne / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
CRANKY GIRL
by CRYSTAL JONES
Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
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by BRIDGETT SPICER
dist. by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
SQUID ROW
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VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013
by JIM & PAT McGREAL
Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
FUTURE SHOCK
Expires 4/30/2013
DINGERS
by CAMPBELL & SCHOTSCH ©2011 Campbell & Schotsch / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Join Funnies Extra! on FaceBook and Twitter!
FACEBOOK: /FunniesExtra ~ TWITTER: /funniesextra THAT MONKEY TUNE
by MICHAEL KANDALAFT
Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
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GRUMAN CIR.
HERE WE BE With This Ad: Buy Any Small Pizza at Regular Price and Get a Free Soda or Water (pick up only)
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DOGS OF C-KENNEL
by MICK & MASON MASTROIANNI
HOLY MOLÉ
by RICK HOTTON
dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
KARMA CAFÉ
by RICHARD CROSS & BILL ABBOTT
SOMETIMES, THINGS JUST HAVE A WAY OF WORKING OUT. DON’T YOU AGREE?
© 2012 Karma-Cafe.net / Dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
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info@karma-cafe.net
HALF BAKED
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by RICK ELLIS
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VOL 2, NO.22 - APRIL, 2013
THE OTHER COAST
by ADRIAN RAESIDE
Abby’s Home Cooking Breakfast • Lunch • Dinner
Daily Dinner Specials, and Desserts Private Parties
FRESH Homemade Breads Handmade Soups Pies from Scratch
RALF THE DESTROYER
by SCOTT LINCOLN
Don’t See it on the Menu? JUST ASK! Corner of Church Rd. and Seldon Rd. Wasilla AK 376-1655
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SUNSHINE STATE
by GRAHAM NOLAN
Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Dine In or Carry Out Tue-Sat 9am-8pm Sun 11am-5pm
PICKLES
by BRIAN CRANE
Buy Any Pizza at regular price
Get a Second Pizza of equal or lesser value
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$ ONLY Call Now!
Must mention this ad when placing your order
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OPEN MOUTH...INSERT FOOT
Brought to you by:
Jim Lein writes about adventure, life, music, and parenthood and has learned that most good stories don’t begin with, “and then I decided to keep my mouth shut.” His home in the Colorado Rockies serves both as an office and as a base camp for a variety of outdoor and musical activities. He has been published in numerous trade journals, business publications, and lifestyle magazines and is now a weekly contributor to Funnies Extra!. ©2012 Jim Lein / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Spring Brrrrrrreak! By Jim Lein
I
t’s Sunday, March 17th, and I’m sitting at my computer trying to plan my spring break trip. I have plenty of time: it doesn’t start until tomorrow. Unfortunately, my college son’s spring break never aligns with that of my two high school kids. Thus, spring break trips end up like our evening meal—everybody doing something different. Seriously—with both parents working full time and both kids in sports, supper time here is a free-for-all. Leftover pizza for me; a PF Changs Beef and Broccoli Home Meal for the kids; a salad for my wife. And that doesn’t take into account that the growing 16 -year-old boy (“Squatch” as we affectionately know him) eats dinner twice. We all eat at the dining table—just at different times. The aftermath looks like a short-order diner with the busboy on strike. But I digress… Over the course of the next two weeks, my daughter is going to Orlando for a DECA conference, my high school son is traveling to a rustic hot springs resort in the mountains with the neighbor family, my wife is going to Scottsdale to visit her par-
ents, and college boy and I are going to take the top off the jeep, throw our ski gear and a case of beer in the back, and chase storms. It’s Storm Chasers for snow riders. While others are hitting the beaches in Fort Lauderdale and Padre Islands, we’ll be searching for the coldest, nastiest winter weather we can find. I’ve been threatening to take my son on Powder Hunt since he was knee-high to a mogul, but it’s a little late in the season for reliable dry snow storm patterns. It’s been another lean snow year here. The snowpack has been sun baked and some of the resorts have rain in the forecast. Rain is the kryptonite to skiing conditions. If you wake up to the pitter patter of rain drops, you might as well linger over breakfast and then curl up on the couch in your Snuggie for a Spring Break movie marathon—films featuring bikini-clad babes and guys that weren’t dumb enough to go skiing. But we haven’t yet satiated our powder lust and we’re optimists because mountain weather can change like, well, the weather. I know my son would rather be taking this trip with his girlfriend. I’m pretty open-minded, but they ain’t going on that trip without a
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chaperone, and the three of us sharing a motel room might be just a wee bit awkward. As always, my wife assures me that everything will work out OK. After all, my son and I have ridden the chairlift together hundreds of times just this season. He makes good company on the lift, and that’s not trivial. I’ve had many rides with strangers and friends of friends when I’ve thought of jumping off the lift or, better yet, pushing them off. Over the years, my son and I have devised schemes to break the monotony of chairlift rides. For example, when we’re passing over busy beginner slopes we start yelling some random common name, like, “Hey Steve! Steve! Steve!” and see if we can get some struggling novice to look up and crash. We ruthlessly heckle riders who pause on a precipice while struggling to find the nerve to huck off a jutting hunk of granite. If we’re sharing a chair with tourists, we like to loudly swap chairlift accident tales, “Hey, remember when the bullwheel counterweight cable snapped on that chairlift at Berthoud Pass and all the chairs went flying backwards and that lady snapped both her legs?” We now both have tiny speakers mounted in our helmet ear muffs so we can listen to our smartphones while riding
VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013
Doin’ It Alaska Style ALASKA-MADE CERAMICS
907-232-2896 home.gci.net/~jbrown
the mountain. He prefers something called Dubstep while I favor Car Talk podcasts, but we used to take a couple of stereo speakers in our packs, set them up on each lift ride, and broadcast blaring disco music across the slopes. We’ll head out early tomorrow with the top down, two young men with our faces to the sun and gear bungeecorded to the roll cage. We’ll draw envious looks from other travelers on the highway, unless they notice that we’re wearing ski jackets with the hoods up to ward off the cold and wind and surmise that the decibel level in the cab must be comparable to that of a KISS concert. But that’s our style. Like father like son. Each night, with cramping legs and sore knees, I’ll turn off the lights of the cabin or motel room and we’ll each be left alone with our thoughts. He’ll probably be thinking about his girlfriend and I’ll probably be thinking about bikini babes on beaches (did I say that out loud?). Hopefully, instead of ending the vacation “tanned, rested, and ready,” we’ll be “winter white, exhausted, and longing for next season.” Keep your fingers crossed.
BIZ
by DAVE BLAZEK
dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
by DANIEL BORIS
Distributed by ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
HOXWINDER HALL
*There’s a lake named Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg, located near Webster, Massachusetts. *In the year 2000, Wal-Mart was sued 4,851 times - approximately one lawsuit every 2 hours. *There are 17 people alive today who were born in the 1800s - 16 of them are female.
15 MINUTES
-
by ROBERT DUCKETT
©2011 Robert Duckett / dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013 ǁ www.funnies-extra.com ǁ FUNNIES EXTRA! MAT-SU VALLEY EDITION ǁ 11
CRIME-QUIZ
by WERNER WEJP-OLSEN
THIN LINES
by Randy Glasbergen
©2011 Werner Wejp-Olsen / Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
FUNNIES EXTRA, LLC CORPORATE OFFICE: 6822 22nd Avenue North, #134, St. Petersburg, FL 33710 (office) 727-343-1243 (fax) 727-343-4477 www.funnies-extra.com ~ info@funnies-extra.com
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VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013
Mention this Ad for 50% off your total purchase! One coupon per customer, per issue. Up to a $20 value! Hours:
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Voted best art gallery in the valley
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©2012 Josh Alves Distributed by Ink Bottle Syndicate, LLC
Tastes LikeBYChicken JOSH ALVES
PUZZLE ANSWERS AT: www.funnies-extra.com/puzzles
VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013 ǁ www.funnies-extra.com ǁ FUNNIES EXTRA! MAT-SU VALLEY EDITION ǁ 13
Cartoonist Sp tlight
Each quarter, Funnies Extra! will shine the Spotlight on new or little-known aspiring cartoonists and pay them for their ‘toons, too! Comic strips and panels will be published from cartoonists of any age along with a pic and short bio. Send each strip as a PDF file, 300 dpi, CMYK, Black 100%, along with your name, age, address and phone number. Send 5 to 10 color submissions to: submissions@funnies-extra.com and type “Spotlight” in the subject line. Good luck! For submission guidelines and information, go to: www.funnies-extra.com/submissions. (Participation void where prohibited.) by MARK SIMON
©2012 Mark Simon
dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
HOLLYWEIRD
MARK SIMON - Producer/Director/Cartoonist Mark Simon is a 25-year film & TV veteran amassing over 3,000 production credits including animation producer on Larry the Cable Guy’s latest movie, Tooth Fairy 2. His storyboard and animation companies can be found online at www.Storyboards-East.com and include clients such as: Disney, Universal, Viacom, Sony, HBO, Nickelodeon, FOX, Steven Spielberg, USA Networks, ABC Television and many others. Mark’s experience selling original TV series led to his founding www.SellYourTvConceptNow.com to mentor other creators. He is also the author of 10 popular industry texts, and lectures around the world at major conferences, entertainment trade schools and universities.
POCKET LINT
by CHUCK DOWNS
CHUCK DOWNS - Cartoonist
Distributed by www.InkBottleSyndicate,.com
Haikus amuse me But sometimes can confuse me Refrigerator I always find random things in my pockets at the end of the day: paper clips, gum wrappers, dry cleaning receipts and the everpresent lint. These drawings are what’s left in my head when the day is done: the random “pocket lint” of my brain. Chuck Downs is a carbon-based form of cartoonist who lives in Florida with his wife and two children. By day, he is vice president of marketing for a company that clearly does not conduct very thorough background checks. By night, he fights crime. Now that he is older, his experience only walks the gamut for fear of pulling a hamstring. He often “misuses” quotation marks, and likes to frequently split his infinitives. 14 ǁ FUNNIES EXTRA! MAT-SU VALLEY EDITION
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VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013
Week of 6/25/12 - 7/1/12
The Weekly Crossword 1
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ACROSS 1 Store away 5 Sacred song 10 Gun sight 14 Back of the neck 15 Breathing suspension 16 Sea eagle 17 Evangelist Roberts 18 Radioactive gas 19 Mineral ending 20 Tungsten 22 Atom centers 24 Lend a hand 25 Run-down 26 Monstrousness 30 Higher in volume 34 Uncommon 35 Baseball base 37 Delivered a lecture 38 Form a sum 39 Maybe 41 Yang's counterpart 42 Blockade 44 Famous Swiss archer 45 Ward off 46 Task-performing trip 48 Line spaces in printing 50 Curtain fabric 52 "Newhart" setting 53 Lurch 55 Explanatory tool 59 "The Gift of the ____" 60 Mercury model 62 Word before rug or code
61
62
Call 907.373.0999 Now! Great Real Estate Service
Copyright 2012 by The Puzzle Syndicate
63 Unknown author 64 Clothing closures 65 Within reach 66 Burglar 67 Leavening agent 68 Ready to serve
26 Wipe out 27 Lowest point 28 Established sequence 29 Small pie 31 Senior member 32 Struggling to earn DOWN 33 Cleaves 1 Winter weather 36 Salad green 2 Edible root 39 British coins 3 Translucent gem 40 Most austere 4 Government aid 43 Type of burner 5 Place of beauty 45 Helsinki's locale 6 Canned 47 Black-tie luncheon meat 49 Genetic letters 7 As well as 51 Lacking 8 African country, substance Sierra _____ 53 Sugar source 9 How-to book 54 Keyed up 10 Out of business 55 Swiss peaks 11 NY canal 56 Sandwich 12 Against cookie 13 "Gidget" actress 57 Wild cherry Sandra 58 Maneuverable, at sea 21 Cup edge 23 Religious symbol 59 Request starter 25 Old World shade 61 Barnyard bleat tree Answer to Last Week's Crossword A L A R
R E A M P E S O
C O M A
E V E N
S E N D F P H O E A R N G N E A I N U S L E T A G E N A R G D E
F L A M I N G O
L A G A I R D B L E O S A L P T E I X L E N B O N I R T O S E T N E T O P I H O R A R E X O E S L U N S E R
S O B E S T R A N G E
T R E S P A S S
A U D I E N T
Marty Van Diest, Broker marty@valleymarket.com 907.232.7900
Jay Van Diest, Sales Assoc. jay@valleymarket.com 907.232.4852
www.valleymarkett .com www.valleymarke SPEED BUMP
by DAVE COVERLY
THE DEEP END
by TYSON COLE dist. by InkBottleSyndicate.com
C R E E
H A M S
S L A T
T I T M A T I N O N N E M E R A A G L I
A L O N G
M E T E
I T E M
C E D E
VOL 2, NO. 22 - APRIL 2013 ǁ www.funnies-extra.com ǁ FUNNIES EXTRA! MAT-SU VALLEY EDITION ǁ 15
BC
by MASTROIANNI AND HART
FAMILY FUNNIES FORMULATED FROM FAN FAVORITES!