Sit Down, Be Humble & And Why I’m Sick of Doing So

Sit Down, Be Humble

& Why I’m Sick of Doing So

It was around the middle of last year I explained to my therapist the specific anxiety I was experiencing when being social. Throughout my creative career, I have received a lot of good news. I am usually happy with the progress I’m making on different projects and I have an incredibly optimistic attitude when it comes to whether or not I will ‘succeed.’ Over the years, and not without struggle, I have developed self-confidence in the areas of meeting new people, talking to the opposite sex, and feeling good about my appearance. Though, at some point last year, I became so acutely aware that not everyone could say the same. Suddenly, I found myself dismissing my achievements in conversation, feeling guilty if I had, in fact, finished an assignment early, and telling myself “no one wants to hear about where you’re at.” All my people-pleasers and social-panderers out there will understand my frustration when my therapist informed me that people’s reactions to what I say (providing I have pure intentions), are frankly, not my problem. She talked about how people will carry their insecurities everywhere with them, and those insecurities will be there regardless of if I display a confidence, skill or achievement that they may lack. After this conversation, I have thought over what she said many times. There is still a part of me who believes “if you can sense that something is going to make someone start comparing themselves and feel insecure, even if it’s not meant to, why would you say it?” But what I’ve learnt is that when I play down my good qualities and never talk about my achievements, that makes me feel shit! Maybe this peoplepleaser is sick of all the compromise! Maybe I really do believe that I will make a comfortable amount of money. Maybe I do believe that I have what it takes to reach my dreams. Maybe I think I’m pretty fucking awesome! To be clear, I didn’t spend 20 years of my life developing my confidence and skills only to water myself down for the perceived comfort of others. The undeniable rise of self-deprecating humour, mixed with the messaging of new-age feminism, has created an interesting phenomena. Suddenly, I’m unsure of what is ok to say. Have we created a culture that preaches self-love online, but plays by the patriarchal rules of woman-on-woman comparison in real life, that deems it socially necessary to play down our achievements?

I find myself questioning whether I am upmyself when I expect to be listened to, and feel unvalued if I’m not. Is it bad to want to be valued? Is it bad to want recognition for the things you have cultivated? I don’t think it is, but maybe I’m just a Leo. Sorry in advance, but this social-panderer is standing up, and being proud.