Something I have learned about myself during lockdown; Flying Solo

By Neasa Gorrell

I think we can all recall where we were on that fateful day in March when the panic ensued and the whole country shut down because of the Coronavirus. We were not wholly aware yet of the severity of the situation, but we knew it wasn’t going to be good.

Looking back at spring, nobody could have predicted that the country would be still under high restrictions even now in winter.

I was working in a restaurant in Galway City and only made it three hours into my eight-hour shift before being told to go home, and that the restaurant would be closing. At this stage, the University had already closed, and many of my friends had headed back to their home counties, abandoning the student life altogether. I knew it was time to ring my mam and ask her to come and collect me, but what I didn’t realise was that it would be months before I was back to Galway.

So, like every other student in the country, I went back home where I stayed for months on end, well into the summer. The majority of that time was spent at home or

By Neasa Gorrell

Today I will be telling you about how I look at the idea of saying “I love you” in a new relationship, and reflect on my own experience, discussing how the notion of love and being in love affected my ability to leave a relationship once it had become toxic.

Everyone has a dream to meet walking my dogs three or four times a day, or even out kayaking on the bay with my family. We grew very close during the first few months of lockdown; we even baked banana bread together!

Then during summer, we learned that the pubs were supposed to be reopening on the 20th of July. Knowing that my friends would be asking me to join them for nights out again, I thought of it as a risk I couldn’t chance as two of my family members had severe asthma and I didn’t want to endanger their safety. However, being fed up of sitting at home for months on end, I got to thinking.

I decided I would move to Spain entirely on my own for the rest of the summer. I chose this for many reasons. Before the pandemic, I had experienced some significant changes in my life, and for the first time, I felt free to be myself, to experience new things and discover who I was. I knew I could experience this coming-of-age type growth better on my own, instead of surrounded by my family. I could focus on becoming the girl I knew I was, and I could hopefully get better at speaking Spanish because my grades weren’t great in college. someone magical, fall in love and live happily ever after, just like all the fairy tales. But, for most young people as they navigate the early years of adulthood, exploring intimacy and relationships for the first time, it’s hard not to get caught up in that fairy-tale notion of love, especially when it comes to your first real relationship.

As we move through secondary school

So as any spontaneous, young, first-time solo traveller does – I gathered my savings, hopped on Ryanair’s website, looked at Airbnb, and decided on a destination – Fuengirola, El Costa Del Sol, Spain. On the 20th of July, unlike anyone else in the country, I kissed my family and my dogs goodbye and headed to a foreign country, entirely on my own, without a return flight or date, during a global pandemic. Ludicrous, my parents thought.

I know what you’re also probably thinking right now. Perhaps that maybe wasn’t the smartest thing to do? Yet, I have to disagree. For the first time in my life, I was utterly alone in a new place, so I wasn’t socialising and therefore wasn’t at a higher risk of catching the virus or even spreading it.

For mental and physical health, my personal development, and myself, it was a dream come true. I was free to be independent, free to reinvent myself, free to focus on my hobbies and career without any distractions.

I left behind the dull Irish summer and lavished in the sun by the beach every day that I was in Spain. I woke up and focused on my creative writing for hours each morning, writing as I ate a fruit salad or and enter college, seeing many of our friends’ pair off with their partners and starting relationships, often we can’t help but feel envious and wish the same for ourselves. So, when we do eventually find someone that has a genuine interest and connection with us, especially for the first time, it is likely that we will fall-head-over-heels for them.

This makes navigating a new relationship a tricky thing. You will try to figure out what pace to move at, talk endlessly as you try to learn all about each other, and arrange dates to spark the romance between you and your new lover. I have found that receiving attention as such, especially for the first time, causes two different reactions within us.

Firstly, it makes us feel cared for, happy and excited, knowing that there is someone who truly has romantic feelings for us. But at the same time, this whole mix of emotions often blinds us from the red flags we need to be watching out for, which is far from good. It is for this reason, I believe, that you should hold off on saying “I love you” in your new relationship until you have at least moved past the honeymoon phase, and preferably, until almost a year into the relationship. As saying it prematurely, may only lead to you getting hurt in the long run. pastry on my balcony. I learned more about the Spanish language and culture to help with my academics, but most importantly, I learned about myself.

For the first time in years, I knew that I would be ok on my own. I realised that I could let go of my fear of being alone, that I was strong enough to create my own happiness, and I didn’t need the company of others to feel comfortable in this world. I felt courageous, empowered, determined, but most of all – I was content on my own.

For me, this was an important lesson in life, one that I think we will all have to encounter and overcome – learning that we will be ok, we can be happy in this world – even on our own.

As students, this in-between stage of life can be a strange and scary place, and I do think we all fear being alone at some stage of the journey. But, I now understand how we can all benefit from putting ourselves out there, into the unknown and having enough determination and belief within ourselves to ensure that we will do just fine.

So, preferably not during a global pandemic, but, if you feel up for a solo adventure of self-discovery, maybe, just

How soon is too soon to say the magic words “I love you” in your new relationship?

maybe, take a leaf out of my book.

When you say the three magic words “I love you” too soon, there is no way of taking back what you have said without causing hurt. This complicates things further within your relationship as you are now so consumed by the idea of being in love with someone and being loved by someone, that you neglect to pay appropriate attention to the early warning signs about your relationship. In fact, once you have said the words “I love you” to your partner and them to you, you are more than likely to make excuses for the toxic things that may happen in your relationship.

My ex-partner and I fell victim to this idea of love prematurely into our relationship and, because of this, overstayed the expiry date of this ‘love’. Looking back, I know my relationship soured and should have ended after a year and a half of dating. Our feelings for each other were no longer as they were, and we had matured differently, wanting completely different things in life, and viewing the world entirely differently from one another.

Yet, because we believed we loved each other from saying it so early on into dating, we stayed within the confines of this unhappy and toxic relationship for three long and cold years. Overstaying this relationship caused it to breakdown slowly, but very evidently, over time. The people around you will notice when things are not working, when things seem toxic, and they will point it out to you, but you will always make excuses, for yourself or your partner’s behaviour, because of love.

There is no one person to blame in this situation, or at least for the sake of this article, there is not, as I won’t go too personal for obvious reasons. But, that is the danger of saying “I love you” in a new relationship too early. Once it is said, it cannot be unsaid without causing hurt in the immediate frame of time. Yet having said it too soon, it can cause hurt later on in the relationship. You need to remember when entering a new relationship, that you need to first love yourself before loving someone else.

In waiting to say those three magic words, the big “I love you”, you get to know more about your partner without being blinded to any negative behaviours because of this idea of love. True love will become apparent naturally, and doesn’t need to be rushed through vocalisation.

Love can be a wonderful and blossoming thing. We will look for true love in all avenues of life, but the one certainty we have is that eventually, we will find it and hold onto it forever.