Best Behavior

A Matter of Taste

Expert etiquette advice from John Bridges

The Furs Fly

My mother wants me to take her furs. She’s goes out in the evenings very little these days. Her furs are lovely, and they were gifts to her from my father, but the problem is, I don’t want them. I have my reasons, basically moral and ethical, for not wearing fur. She and I have talked about the issue a little, but I guess — or hope — that she forgot. I don’t want to get into an argument with my mother. She’s had them in storage for the past couple of years, but now she says she’d like to see me wear them this coming fall because she thinks I’ll look “lovely.” My husband and I are in agreement, but he has no idea what to say. I’m pretty sure she’ll bring it up when the weather gets cold again. Help! —Anonymous, Forest Hills

This conversation seems to have been on ice for too long now. Your mother is getting older, so she and you are on a time clock. The furs may be beautiful, but they probably have great sentimental value too, since they all came to her from her husband. Sit down and have a mother-daughter conversation right now. But don’t begin by saying you don’t ”want “ the furs. It would be far kinder to say, “I know I’ll never wear them.”

Take her to a consignment store with furs in hand. (They’ll be a bit pricey for the thrift shop.) They’re still hers, so there’s no reason for your principles to stand in the way.

If she’ll have nothing to do with that option, you can just leave the coats in storage, but try to avoid letting it become a major issue. It may be a little late to change her mind. Just shake the moths off the pelts and put them back in the vault. That’s probably where they belong.

BuTTon him up

My son needs a blazer for his graduation, which is coming up. We went shopping for one, and the salesman and I recommended navy blue. My son got into a funk. He said he wants a black, tight-fitted jacket that looks too short to me. He said that’s what guys are wearing now, but it’s not right for his graduation. With styles changing, he probably won’t be able to wear it in a year. I consider a blazer to be an investment. Why should we waste the money? What can I say? —Anonymous, Green Hills

A navy blazer is immortal. Your son is young, so there’s probably little point in trying to explain that to him. Jacket-shopping may be a new experience for him. He’s unlikely to understand that styles will change, but at least he goes to a school where the young men wear jackets on graduation day. He’ll be the one strapped into tight-fitted black. You’ll be the ones who have to live through it, even if you’re paying.

There are stores that sell jackets two-for-one, so go ahead and buy one of each. Have a conversation with him before another confrontation in the men’s department.

A repp tie with the too-short black jacket? I think not.

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by John bridges John is the author of How To Be a Gentleman and the co-author, with Bryan Curtis, of other books in the Gentlemanners TM series. Send your Best Behavior questions to jbridges@nfocusmagazine.com, and check out his up-to-theminute advice on life’s puzzling problems every Friday at nfocusnashville.com.

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