Sharon's Shenanigans

Karens Against the World

COMMENTARY BY SHARON FLOREZ, OPINION EDITOR

Karens. Who will they plot against today? Before their well-deserved rise to stardom, I vaguely recognized them as the angry mothers with pixie cuts and choppy orange highlights asking to speak to the manager. With the dedicated help of the internet, they have become one of the most dangerous cliques we all mutually attempt to avoid.

Thanks to the Internet, I now know Karens to be Caucasian women with impulsive tendencies such as posting anti-vax propaganda on Facebook, yelling racial slurs at people of color and throwing tantrums when they are politely asked to wear a mask indoors — just to name a few. Hardly exhibiting human behavior, they have become the pests of our slowly decaying society in desperate need of being permanently shunned.

The internet, unlike me, has not given up on trolling Karens. A modern source of entertainment, the Karens have had their lives extensively invaded by Twitter users throughout the country. From being left with bad reviews at their workplaces to having their addresses exposed, the backlash has provided for an outburst of recordings of Karens in the wild peeing in stores and harassing minors for selling water without proper licensing.

After an exhaustive psychological evaluation of the collective Karen, I have concluded that the only cure to this soul sickness is a government funded in-depth educational course on the art of being considerate. If we could redirect their energy towards the efforts of the majority, we could have an army of Heathers and Sharons instead. In the least narcissistic, self-centered way possible, I humbly introduce Reddit community r/thankyousharon, with a family of 8,800 members dedicated to “the wholesome, opposite sister” of Karen. A community so large with the unwavering strength of thousands of empowered women sounds to me like the definition of Utopia.

So to all the Karens against the world, it is not too late to change the course of your life, to turn racist microaggressions into wholesome Boomer TikToks or to simply admit that sometimes, you might be wrong.