UNCOMMON COURTESY A REFERENCE FOR MILLENNIALS
Bringing back social graces in a fast-paced digital world
LEARN HOW TO: Impress at a dinner meeting Nail the perfect handshake Debate opinions with poise Write cursive with confidence Give an amazing speech Clean up your social media Curb cell phone addiction
M AT E R I A L S I N C L U D E : [1 ] Stationery starter set [3] Letter-writing prompt pages [ 1] Cursive practice booklet
2017
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PLEASE RETURN TO:
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CONTENTS
[1] Work
[2] Life
JOB INTERVIEWS
MODERN ROMANCE
The perfect handshake Good first impressions Follow-up emails
Present day dating The smartphone trap Formal dining
OFFICE LIFE
GOOD KARMA
Communicate professionally Meals and happy hour Dress code dilemma
Confident speaking Out and about Bring handwriting back
[3] Digital
[4] Misc.
LIFE’S MORE THAN LIKES
QUICK TIPS
Faux filters & followers To post or not to post The veil of anonymity
Common courtesy crash course What’s in it for me? Find an etiquette school
SMARTPHONE ADDICTION
M AT E R I A L S
How much is too much Cell phone use in public Society and smartphones
[3] Letter-writing prompt pages [1] Cursive practice book [1 ] Stationery starter set
[1] Work JOB INTERVIEWS »» The perfect handshake »» Good first impressions »» Interview etiquette
OFFICE LIFE »» Communicate professionally »» Meals and happy hour »» Dress code dilemma
[ 1]
Job Interviews Whether fresh out of school or equipped with work experience, millennials offer an amazing array of hard skills in thousands of fields, from biomedical engineering to telemarketing. Yet many of these employees, raised to believe that hard skills matter most, often fall short on soft skills—especially workplace communications and a social sense of business. Competition for jobs these days is fierce. It’s not enough to have a college degree or two and maybe even an internship under your belt. To get hired, you need manners, etiquette, social skills, and an air of “likeability.”
WORK | 4
The Perfect Handshake DO’S AND DON’TS
Handshakes matter. They’re an important part of our business (and personal) lives. Getting it wrong can create awkward moments and distract from making a good first impression.
DO THIS Hold eye contact with the other person. Pressure should be equal or at the most slightly more than the other person. Shake up and down three or four times, but no more. Give a sincere, genuine smile!
NOT THAT Don’t avoid eye contact. This can be a sign of shyness or distrust. Don’t hold hands for more than a few seconds—that’s when things get awkward. Don’t shake with a wimpy grip. This signifies lack of confidence.
WHO INITIATES IT? The person with the higher position of authority or age should be the first one to extend a hand. If you initiate a handshake by mistake, don’t withdraw your hand—follow through. Simply smile and continue with the introduction.
DID YOU KNOW ×
PRO TIP +
72% of people believe the way someone shakes hands says a lot about their personality. Make sure you get it right!
If you’re uncomfortable making eye contact, challenge yourself to identify a person’s eye color while you shake hands.
5 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
The Perfect Handshake INTERPRETATIONS
Just like handwriting, how a person shakes hands is a clue to their inner nature. Nowhere will you find a larger variety in handshakes than at your workplace. So if you know what each handshake says about the person you are interacting with, you can put that knowledge to good use.
BONE CRUSHER
Someone squeezing your hand until you cringe is clearly trying to intimidate. You don’t have to pretend to be a wimp with them! In fact, they may respond positively if you reciprocate.
THE DEAD FISH
The hand has no energy, there is no shake and no squeeze, and it gives the feeling you are holding a dead fish instead of a hand. This handshake is synonym to low self-esteem.
T H E B R U S H O FF
This handshake type is a quick grasp and then a release that feels like your hand being shoved aside. This handshake is a statement of “it’s my turf and my agenda that matters, yours doesn’t.”
TWO H A N DED
If his/her left hand is staying on your right hand, it is a sincere handshake. However, if their hand goes to your wrist, arms or elbow, they’re is trying to get something from you.
WORK | 6
Good First Impressions NONVERBAL ELEMENTS
It is said that we make up our minds about someone within the first two to three minutes of meeting—even if only subconsciously. That’s why it’s extremely important to make the first impression count.
ELEMENTS OF A FIRST IMPRESSION
55% Body language Nonverbal elements like facial expressions, attire, gestures, and posture.
07% What you say
38% How you say it
The meaning of words and content used in conversation.
Confidence of speech, word choice, and grammar.
COMMON NONVERBAL MISTAKES »» Touching face or playing with hair excessively »» Faking or forcing a smile »» Checking a watch, looking away, or tapping feet »» Crossing arms over chest
»» Avoiding eye contact »» Having a wimpy handshake »» Slouching or sitting on the edge of seat »» Glancing at cell phone or other devices
7 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Interview Etiquette COMMON MISTAKES
Knowing proper etiquette is an important part of successful interviewing. The way you dress, what you bring to a job interview, how you greet the secretary, and how you communicate can all make a big difference.
INTERVIEW MISTAKES MILLENNIALS MAKE
1 2 3
OVERUSING THE WORD ‘LIKE’ Peppering our every other word with ‘like’ can give the impression we’re second guessing ourselves, or that we’re of lower intelligence than we really are. D R E S S I N G I N A P P R O P R I AT E LY Although work attire now tends more toward casual than a three-piece business suit, a sloppy ensemble shows a lack of effort that could be easily averted. NOT DOING THE RESEARCH Even though we live in an age of extreme connectivity and Internet knowledge overload, don’t forget to brush up on your facts before meeting up with your interviewer. Practice a mock interview with a friend and have them count how many times you say “like,” “um,” or “uhhh” to make you more aware of your habits. Check the company’s website or Instagram feed to get a sense of their daily office attire. Dress a notch above that for the interview. Do a quick Google search on the company, including the hiring manager and your potential supervisor.
WORK | 8
Interview Etiquette QUESTIONS TO EXPECT
While we don’t recommend having a canned response for every interview question (in fact, please don’t), we do recommend getting comfortable with what hiring managers are really looking for.
TOUGHEST INTERVIEW QUESTIONS 1
3
6
WHY DO YOU WANT THIS JOB? WHY SHOULD WE HIRE YOU?
4
WHAT DO YOU THINK ARE YOUR BIGGEST WEAKNESSES?
ANY QUESTIONS?
7
DO THIS Bring extra copies of your resume, business cards, a notepad, and something to write with. Arrive 10–15 minutes early so you can be prepared. Greet the receptionist—this is the first impression you’ll make during the interview.
2
5
TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT YOURSELF.
WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN FIVE YEARS?
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS?
NOT THAT Don’t forget to bring a list of three references to offer to the interviewer at the end. Don’t refuse water when it’s offered to you. You can use a sip to buy yourself some time before a tough question! Don’t forget to send a thank you email within 24 hours.
9 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Interview Etiquette WRITING A FOLLOW-UP
Thank you emails allow you to sell yourself as a candidate. You can reference specific instances that may have come up in an interview. Use your thank you letter to highlight the ways your skills and experience are a good match for the position.
A LWAY S F I L L I N T H E S U B J E C T L I N E
USE FORMAL ADDRESS
E XP R E SS YO U R E NTH U S IA S M
MENTION SOMETHING SPECIFIC FROM THE I N T E R V I E W T H AT I N T E R E S T E D YO U
THANK THE INTERVIEWER FOR THEIR TIME
G I V E YO U R C O N TA C T I N F O R M AT I O N
PRO TIP + Make sure to get business cards from everyone who was present at the interview so that you can send them all thank you emails.
Add spaces between paragraphs or thoughts for added legibility and quick reading. Use only professional fonts, like Helvetica.
WORK | 10
W H AT T O D O I F YO U D O N ’ T H E A R B AC K 60% of employees say there’s been a time when they haven’t heard back from a job interview. Here’s what you should do: after 1 to 1 and 1/2 weeks with no response, send another follow up email—or better yet, call. But be at peace with the fact that sometimes, no answer is an answer.
THE PERFECT FOLLOW-UP EMAIL [Subject Line] John Smith – Thank You
Dear Mr./Ms. Last Name: It was a pleasure meeting you the other day and discussing the teaching assistant position at ABC Middle School. I really appreciate the time you took interviewing me for the position. I enjoyed meeting everyone on the sixth grade team, and getting to ask them questions about the teaching assistant position. The more I spoke with you and the team, the more I was convinced that my teaching experience and my passion for small-classroom learning make me a strong candidate for this position. I look forward to hearing from you next week regarding your final decision. Feel free to reach out to me beforehand with any questions or concerns. Again, my phone number is 555-555-5555. Thank you again for your time and consideration. Sincerely, John Smith 315-741-1319 jsmith@email.com
SEND NO LATER THAN 24 HOURS AFTER THE INTERVIEW
[1]
Office Life Millennials will represent nearly 75% of the workforce by 2030. To navigate the workplace, millennials will need to learn and master a new set of rules that aren’t taught in college. Advances in technology, the rise of social media, and constant connectivity mean that young people will have to promote themselves and take ownership of their careers. The soft skills that most millennials lack include written / oral communications, social skills (other than social media), an ability to engage and motivate, and day to day professionalism.
WORK | 12
Office Communication PHONE CALLS
Handshakes matter. They’re an important part of our business (and personal) lives. Getting it wrong can create awkward moments and distract from making a good first impression.
PHONE CALL PARANOIA The person with the higher position of authority or age should be the first one to extend a hand. If you initiate a handshake by mistake, don’t withdraw your hand—follow through. Simply smile and continue with the introduction.
WHY ARE PEOPLE AFRAID OF PHONE CALLS?
There’s no opportunity for facial expressions or the aid of hand gestures to add context.
Unlike a text, we can’t ignore the call or answer it on our own terms, when we’re prepared.
It’s hard to improv a good answer or make small talk when you’re put on the spot.
No written record of what was said. You have to either take notes or remember everything.
ANSWERED CALL:
VOICEMAIL:
»» Introduce yourself and state the reason for calling. »» Speak slowly and clearly. »» If you need something repeated, say “pardon?” instead of a crass “huh?” or “what?!”
»» Leave your name, phone number, and the reason you are calling. »» Mention a good time for them to call you back. »» Repeat your contact info at the end of the message.
13 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Office Communication EMAILING PROFESSIONALLY
Whether you’re looking for a job or writing to co-workers, customers or clients, you must be able to send proper, professional emails. From proofreading to crafting a signature, every step you take when composing and sending a professional email is important.
TIPS FOR WRITING A PROFESSIONAL EMAIL
1
PUT THE RECIPIENT’S EMAIL IN LAST
2
M AT C H U P YO U R M O B I L E S I G N AT U R E
3
USE BULLET POINTS
Put the recipient’s email address in just before sending. That way, you can be sure to make any necessary changes without worrying about an accidental send.
The default “Sent from my iPhone” signature is not very professional and indicates laziness and distraction. Match up your mobile signature to your desktop email.
By putting quality information in bullet-points, people will be able to quickly scan an email to get to the purpose of it. You can also use paragraph breaks.
AN EMAIL IS NOT A TEXT!
Don’t use emojis, lol’s, hahaha’s, or abbreviations like “ttyl” and “idk.” Emails live forever and can be shown or sent to anyone. You’ll want to use professional language.
WORK | 14
Meals and Happy Hour GOING OUT WITH COLLEAGUES
If you’re fresh out of college or fail to practice appropriate Happy Hour manners, going out with your new coworkers can be dangerous. But with a healthy dose of mindfulness and monitoring, your weekly Happy Hour can be the ideal time to bond with your team.
YO U S H O U LD G O TO HAP PY H O U R ! Continuously opting out of events after work will get you labeled as either a bore or a person who is not interested in connecting with the rest of the team. IT’S STILL BUSINESS This is not happy hour with friends. Having a drink with your colleagues and boss is just a more relaxed version of a business meeting. Your reputation is always on the line. One to two drinks should be your professional limit. AVO I D O F F I C E G O S S I P There are plenty of other things to talk about. Though it may seem harmless, you’ll be surprised at how fast news will travel, long after the fun of the evening has worn off. DON’T FOLLOW THE LEADER Your supervisor may be belting them down one after another, but that doesn’t give you an open door to do the same. People tend to judge another person more harshly.
BE SAFE! PRO TIP + Who says your drink has to contain alcohol? If you order a soda or water but keep the conversation lively, no one will even notice. Don’t skip a function because you don’t drink or aren’t comfortable with the crowd!
Wait 45 mins per drink before you drive home for a safe BAC of .00
15 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Dress Code Dilemma THREE FORMS OF ATTIRE
CASUAL
MEN
Casual pants and slacks, but never jeans unless stipulated as acceptable by HR. Collared polos, sweaters, and pullovers. Most colors and patterns are okay.
WOMEN
Wear tops and blouses with slacks or skirts in more casual fabrics, such as cotton. Skirts should remain at knee-length. Open-toed shoes and sandals are permitted.
WORK | 16
BUSINESS CASUAL
MEN
Collared button ups, conservative patterns such as checks or stripes. Ties are optional. Sweaters and pullovers worn over a collared shirt. Black dress pants or khakis.
WOMEN
Business separates (ex. a skirt worn with a cardigan or jacket, shirts and blouses, etc.) Choose solid colors or muted patterns. Closed toed shoes.
17 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Dress Code Dilemma THREE FORMS OF ATTIRE
BUSINESS PROFESSIONAL
MEN
A one or two button suit in a dark color such as navy or black. Dress pants and polished dress shoes. Collared button-up shirt. Ties can be a color like blue or gray.
WOMEN
A pantsuit or a skirt with a blouse and jacket. Conservative colors such as black or navy. Dark or nude hosiery. Closed-toe heels and fashionable jewelry.
WORK | 18
W H AT A B O U T TAT T O O S ? Unless you’re working in a casual office, or otherwise stated by HR, tattoos are typically best concealed during working hours.
DO THIS Invest in a good watch that you can wear on a daily basis. Choose rich colors to portray confidence and authority. Regularly organize your bag to make sure it doesn’t look overstuffed or chaotic.
NOT THAT Don’t wear clothes that are too small or too loose. It will look sloppy. Never leave the house with wet or uncombed hair. Don’t drench yourself in too much cologne or perfume.
PRO TIP + Lots of factors can contribute to what’s considered acceptable for your business’s dress code. These can include the local weather / season, the clientele, services offered / type of industry, and your position or rank. It never hurts to check with your HR manager about what’s acceptable.
T H E WA R D R O B E E S S E N T I A L S YO U S H O U L D O W N
MEN
WOMEN
»» »» »» »» »» »» »»
»» »» »» »» »» »» »»
Casual sports coat White button down shirt A really great tie Black leather shoes Black leather belt A classic watch Comfortable sweater
White button down blouse Comfy ballet flats Splurge on a handbag Black professional blazer Fun colored blazer Comfortable cardigan Nice statement necklace
[2] Life MODERN ROMANCE »» Present day dating »» The smartphone trap »» Formal dining
GOOD KARMA »» Confident speaking »» Out and about »» Heartfelt handwriting
[2]
Modern Romance Millennials are diligently using technology to find love—and building new dating rules and taboos along the way. Millennials are 125% more likely to admit that they’re addicted to the process of dating, but they’re also 22 % more likely to feel that tech has made finding love more difficult. In fact, 57% of millennials report being lonely. Interestingly, millennials are also 57% more likely to have created a profile on a dating app. But has the millennial romance culture killed the idea of dating? Of chivalry? There are ways to bring that back.
LIFE | 22
Present Day Dating HOW ROMANCE HAS CHANGED
Unless you’re living under a rock, isolated from all forms of communication, you’re probably aware that “Netflix and Chill” is a real thing; a popular one, at that. The new term for hooking up has inspired everything from priceless memes and tweets, to serious discussions about the future of dating and modern romance.
M I L L E N N I A L R O M A N C E PA R A D O X AT A GL A N C E
125%
22%
ADDICTED
TECHNOLOGY
Millennials are 125% more likely to admit that they’re addicted to the process of dating and “talking.”
Millennials are 22% more likely to feel that technology has made finding love much more difficult.
55%
57%
LONELINESS
DAT I N G A P P S
55% if millennials report being lonely, even though they’re dating and meeting more people than ever.
Millennials are 57% more likely to have a profile on a dating app, which has lead to fewer long-term relaitonships.
23 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Present Day Dating UNIQUE DATE IDEAS
Most of us are too young to know about oldfashioned dating habits. But if you’ve seen old movies, then you know men used to call a lady to ask her on a date several days before. Then on date night, he’d show up all dressed up at her door with a bouquet of flowers, and take her to the movies. What if old-fashioned dating habits came back in style?
16 DATES BETTER THAN NETFLIX & CHILL 1
3
6 8
10
13 15
GO TO BRUNCH (PANCAKES!!) GET ICE CREAM & GO FOR A WALK
4
GRAB DINNER & CHECK OUT A NEW LOCAL COMEDY SHOW
BOWLING & PIZZA
7
11
WANT TO IMPRESS? GO TO AN OPERA OR MUSICAL!
GO TO A MUSEUM
14
5
HOT CHOCOLATE AND ICE SKATING
GET BURGERS & SHAKES AND GO TO A DRIVE-IN MOVIE
GO FOR A HIKE AND A PICNIC
GO TO A WINE/BEER TASTING GO FOR LUNCH & VISIT THE ZOO
2
9
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VISIT PUPPIES AT A LOCAL SHELTER MAKE A NICE DINNER & DESSERT TOGETHER
MINI GOLFING AND ICE CREAM
GO ON A HOT-AIR BALLOON OR ULTRALIGHT PLANE RIDE
16
STARGAZING AT A PLANETARIUM
LIFE | 24
Present Day Dating TIPS FOR A FIRST DATE
Has dating etiquette for men and women changed over the years? Well, yes and no. Some traditional dating techniques are completely outdated, while others are crucial. To help you decide which traditional practices to use and which to abandon, here’s a brief breakdown of how some of them apply today.
THINGS THAT’LL NEVER GO OUT OF STYLE P U T YO U R P H O N E AWAY Unless you have some kind of occupation where your phone is absolutely essential, then it belongs nowhere near your date. A LWAY S B E P U N C T U A L There’s nothing worse than keeping your date waiting. Plan in advance and turn up right on time to meet your date. BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER If you decide that you’d rather pursue other love interests, be up front and clear so there’s no disrespectful confusion.
S O , O N C E A N D F O R A L L . . . W H O S H O U L D PAY ?
Today, it’s common to see couples splitting the bill. A rule of thumb: whoever extended the invitation for the date should pay. If a man invites a woman and they split the bill, it can make the date feel more like two friends hanging out. It’s usually more acceptable to split the bill if it was the woman who invited the man.
25 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
The Smartphone Trap Studies are beginning to show the negative effects of cell phone usage in relationships. People feel that their partners are obsessed with their devices, which is putting a strain on relationships. The sad thing is, no one wants to admit it’s a problem.
In an era of constant connectivity and social media overindulgence, one of the best gifts we can give another human being is the gift of our undivided attention.
DON’T LET YOUR SMARTPHONE BECOME A THIRD WHEEL IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
IS YOUR CELL PHONE INTERFERING? Y
N
When out on a date, you (or your partner) keep your phone on the table or in your lap.
Y
N
If there is a lull in the conversation or a notification, you (or your partner) check your cell phone.
Y
N
You check your cell phone in the morning before speaking to your significant other.
Y
N
You (or your partner) keep your phone in bed or otherwise within reach while sleeping.
Y
N
You (or your partner) keep your phone within sight while hanging out (bonus: with ring tone on).
Y
N
You (or your partner) place your phone face-down on a table to hide any suspicious notifications.
» If you scored a 3/6 or above, it’s time to take a serious look at how cell phone usage is affecting your love life.
LIFE | 26
E F F E C T S O F S M A R T P H O N E S ON R E L AT I O N S H I P S
46%
23%
36%
of people say they feel “phone snubbed” by their partner
of people say phones caused an issue in their relationship
of people feel depressed at times in these relationships
3 TIMES USING A PHONE ON A DATE IS OK When taking a photo together (meaning both of you, no food pics or selfies!). When you’ve got to rely on Google to search for directions, prices, or hours. When you’re showing your date a photo of a pet, child, sibling, etc.
Your best bet is to leave your phone off and in your pocket. This will set a better tone for the first date and for your relationship.
HOW TO TAKE BACK YOUR RELATIONSHIP
1
E S TA B L I S H P H O N E - F R E E T I M E S
2
T U R N O F F P U S H N O T I F I C AT I O N S
3
DITCH THE PHONE 30 MINS BEFORE BED
Decide when and where using phones should be off limits—on a date, before bed, during a movie, etc.
This one’s really simple but hard to do, because we know it means detachment. No alert? No temptation.
Not only does the blue light emitted from screens disrupt sleep, it kills the romance too.
27 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Formal Dining LEARNING THE TABLE
Knowledge of proper dining etiquette will help you in many situations. Whether you’re asked on a date to a nice restaurant, or have to go to a business meeting over lunch with a high-end client, knowing what fork to use and how to fold your napkin really does go a long way. Dining etiquette portrays confidence and will make you feel more comfortable when the time comes to impress at a formal event.
YO U R S I LV E R WA R E P L A C E M E N T I S M E A N I N G F U L
FO
R NEXT
RE
Y D
C E L L E NT EX
FI N
P
ISHED
TE LA
A
PAU S E
D
ID
N OT E N J O Y
PRO TIP + Forks are set on the left for a reason—they’re meant to stay in your left hand while you eat! First, cut a piece of food with the knife in your right hand, holding the piece down with the fork in your left. Then, don’t switch hands to eat—just raise the fork to your mouth.
LIFE | 28
WHICH FORK FIRST? If there are multiple forks or spoons around your plate, a good rule of thumb is to work from the outside to the center. For example, the first course—usually a soup or salad—will require the furthest utensil.
»» Wait until everyone is served to begin eating »» Be polite to the waiter »» Don’t order messy food »» Elbows of the table!
»» When it comes to alcohol, limit yourself to one drink »» Don’t order a meal more expensive than the host’s »» Don’t argue over the check
wine glass
water glass
dessert spoon
cake fork
bread plate
butter knife
cup & saucer
soup spoon
teaspoon
knife
dinner plate
service plate
napkin
dinner fork
salad fork
salad plate
[2]
Good Karma Etiquette is not fussy, stuffy social rules. It’s simply about treating others with courtesy so that they feel comfortable and at ease. Doing so makes you look and feel good. Good manners are a powerful source |of self-confidence and help facilitate life’s relationships in general. A teen with nice manners is more likely to ace a college or job interview, while a well mannered child is more likely to have good friendships and be admired by their teachers. The problem is, our modern, fast-lane lives mean we make less time for the consideration of others and niceties.
LIFE | 30
Confident Speaking DEBATING WITH POISE
Being able to reasonably discuss political issues is considered a vital and essential part of being a well-rounded, well-educated, person. Indeed, one of the express purposes of education is equip oneself to be able to hold their own in the political forum.
DO THIS Make sure that you agree on definitions and terms. Put your personal feelings aside. Sacrifice the ego to science and facts. Ask good questions. This will show you’re willing to listen.
NOT THAT Don’t pretend to know the answer to a question if you’re not sure. Don’t disrespect the other person’s beliefs and values. Don’t interrupt—this makes you appear stubborn.
DON’T GENERALIZE
D O N ’ T S AY:
PRO TIP + Remember, stakes are high when emotions are. Is having the last word really worth losing a friend or damaging your reputation?
»» »» »» »» »» »»
Exaggeration is the last resort for someone who has no argument. Avoid words like: ALWAYS EVERYONE NEVER
EVERY TIME IMPOSSIBLE NOBODY
Well I would know, I’ve been doing this for 20 years. Okay, well I have a friend who’s a (xyz) (When sending a message) KEEP CAPS LOCK OFF! I went to school for this, I have a degree. You do this every time… You’re always… You never... That’s stupid... everyone knows... seriously?!
31 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Confident Speaking GIVING A GOOD SPEECH
Whether we’re talking in a team meeting or presenting in front of an audience, we all have to speak in public from time to time. We can do this well or we can do this badly, and the outcome strongly affects the way that people think about us. This is why public speaking causes so much anxiety and concern.
HATE PUBLIC SPEAKING? JOIN THE CROWD. Public speaking remains the number one phobia, followed by fear of death, fear of spiders, fear of darkness, and fear of heights. Interestingly, although women and men are equally affected by public speaking anxiety, more men than women seek assistance with it.
75% of people suffer from speech anxiety. Including extroverts!
HELPFUL PUBLIC SPEAKING TIPS
D O N ’ T TA L K R I G H T AWAY A lot of people start talking right away, and it’s out of nerves. M A K E P E R S O N A L E Y E C O N TA C T Scanning and panning may seem like you’re looking at everyone, but it actually disconnects you from your audience.
Always make eye contact and smile! It will help you engage with your audience.
S P E A K U N U S U A L LY S L O W LY When you get nervous, it’s not just your heart beat that quickens. Your words also tend to speed up. Take a pause.
LIFE | 32
Out and About WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU
Do you ever wonder why good manners are so important? Without etiquette, our society would be a mess, with free-for-all behaviors that would have rude people dominating those who care about others. Having good manners simply means being conscious of how you treat others.
1 0 G R E AT R E A S O N S T O H AV E G R E AT M A N N E R S
Being nice at home will set the stage for better behavior of children.
Being kind to customers increases sales as well as loyalty to your company.
Professional manners get positive attention in the business world.
Being courteous and respectful of your friends will keep them calling.
Romantic relationships are stronger when there is mutual respect.
Treating others with respect means they’ll be polite to you in return.
Driving with courtesy can help prevent road rage and accidents.
Others will listen to you if you also give them a chance to speak.
Good social etiquette will keep your name on the guest list. RSVP!
Knowing and using good etiquette will give you a confidence boost!
33 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Out and About DAY TO DAY ETIQUETTE
Whether we’re talking in a team meeting or presenting in front of an audience, we all have to speak in public from time to time. We can do this well or we can do this badly, and the outcome strongly affects the way that people think about us. This is why public speaking causes so much anxiety and concern.
BE ON TIME
INTRODUCTIONS
This goes for everyone, whether it’s your doctor or your child. Being on time shows your respect for the other person. Remember how you feel when you’ve had to wait.
If you’re in a social setting, find something the two people have in common. This will help everyone feel respected and more at ease with each other.
R E M O V E YO U R H AT
KEEP NOI S E DOWN
If your hat is large and obstructs someone’s view (such as at church or in a theater), remove it. When the national anthem is played, you should also remove it.
This world has become too noisy, so try not to add to it. Keep your phone ringer low. And when you take a call in public, talk quietly. No speaker phone!
Using proper etiquette doesn’t necessarily mean you’re stuffy or old-fashioned. Having manners means you are considerate of others. Use of etiquette can convey respect of other cultures, traditions, or religions.
LIFE | 34
Heartfelt Handwriting REASONS TO PICK UP A PEN
Very few people take the time to put pen to paper and express their feelings. It’s time consuming, requires vulnerability and in truth, well, seems a little old-fashioned. Yet, who doesn’t long to receive a handwritten letter in the mail? You probably still walk to the mailbox with anticipation, thinking that just maybe there’s a letter for you.
According to the U.S. Postal Service’s annual survey, the average home only received a personal letter once every seven weeks in 2010, down from once every two weeks in 1987.
WHY YOU SHOULD WRITE, NOT TYPE
1
A LIFETIME KEEPSAKE
2
A F E E L I N G O F I M P O R TA N C E
3
NO REGRETS
Put the recipient’s email address in just before sending. That way, you can be sure to make any necessary changes without worrying about an accidental send.
What people want more than anything is to feel validated and to know they matter. Your handwritten letter will send that message clearly.
How many times have you missed the opportunity to say what needed to be said, only to find it was too late? Make a point of letting people know how you feel.
35 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Heartfelt Handwriting LEARNING CURSIVE AGAIN
Most of us go days without writing anything by hand, and when we finally need to jot something down, it looks like the writing of a third grader. Writing by hand in the digital age feels almost antiquated, but there are plenty of reasons to maintain the quality of your penmanship, or even improve it.
MOVEMENT EXERCISES These exercises train your muscles for when you’re actually writing; they’ll help keep your movements writing loose and airy. Try drawing a few lines of ovals; some connected at the top and some linked at the bottom. Draw some connected curves as well. Focus on keeping each segment roughly the same size and shape.
Focus on keeping your wrist as still as possible.
The thumb is the strongest finger. Use it to push the pencil forward. The index finger is flexible, and can guide the pencil in every direction. The pencil merely rests on the middle finger.
DID YOU KNOW × Writing by hand makes you smarter! In one study, children who were taught to recognize letters visually showed no change in their neural activity, while the children who learned to write letters showed more mature activity in their brains’ reading network.
LIFE | 36
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT If you really want to improve your cursive handwriting, study the letters below and try to mimic them. It will take time, be patient! You can find practice pages in the back of this book.
»» Don’t change the angle of the pencil mid-line.
»» Start out writing slow, and speed up as you get better.
»» Keep the spacing of the letter connections even.
»» Listen to the sound the pencil makes. Is there a rhythm?
»» Hand is cramping up? Check your pencil grip!
»» Take peace in knowing everyone’s cursive is different!
[3] Digital LIFE’S MORE THAN LIKES »» Faux filters & followers »» To post or not to post »» The veil of anonymity
SMARTPHONE ADDICTION »» How much is too much »» Cell phone use in public »» Society and smartphones
[ 3]
Life’s More than Likes Snapping the perfect Instagram of your healthy breakfast might actually prevent you from enjoying the meal. According to a new study by New York Times best-selling authors Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield, social media obsession is correlated with higher levels of unhappiness. The ugly truth? More than half of the 1,623 respondents say posting the perfect photo has prevented them from enjoying life experiences. Many people remove themselves from fun situations in order to craft a status update or post a photo that will garner a few extra “likes” or comments on social media, according to the study.
D I G I TA L | 4 0
Faux Filters & Followers THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SOCIAL MEDIA
Social media has its place in society. You can catch up with old friends and possibly connect with new ones. However, there are also many detriments and troubles that can come along with too much social media.
Likes and follows are a minimal effort way of grasping that coveted feeling of social well being and acceptance—both things that take more effort to achieve in the real world.
WORTH THE RISK? 14%
14% of people have risked their own safety for social media, like posing for selfies on a street.
MISSED THE MOMENT 80%
80% of parents say they’ve undermined their own experience in their child’s life in order to get a super likable post.
GET THE GOOD SIDE 65%
65% of people say their feeds focus on the good aspects of their lives—not real life, nitty gritty moments.
3/4 of people admit to being rude because they are more focused on their phones and social media.
41 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Faux Filters & Followers SOCIAL MEDIA AND SELF-ESTEEM
We tend to compare ourselves to others on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter and Snapchat, though Facebook and Instagram (the most visually striking) seem to be the chosen platforms for seeing how we line up. It’s a natural human instinct to judge our progress or success in life by seeing how we match up against others
SOCIAL MEDIA IS ABOUT DECEPTION
60%
50%
80%
of people using social media reported that it has affected their self-esteem in a negative way
of people have reported that social media has had negative effects on their relationships
of people have said it’s easier to be deceived by others through their sharing on social media
S O , W H AT ’ S A M I L L E N N I A L T O D O ?
One of the most important things you can do to stop a dopamine loop and be more productive is to turn off the cues. Turn off notifications on your devices.
ON ON OFF
D I G I TA L | 4 2
STE P BACK & B E H O N E ST WITH YO U RS E LF
Magazines and advertising have long been criticized for upholding dangerously unrealistic standards of success and beauty, but at least it’s acknowledged that they are idealized. The models wearing Size 0 clothing are just that: models. And even they are made-up, retouched, and Photoshopped. These days, however, the impossible standards are set much closer to home— not by celebrities and models, but by classmates and friends. With social media, teens can actually curate their lives, and the resulting feeds read like highlight reels, showing only the best and most enviable moments while concealing efforts, struggles, and the merely ordinary aspects of day-to-day life. The fallout from these unrealistic standards becomes more dangerous once kids reach college, where they face higher stakes, harder work, and a largely parentfree environment. The pressure to look perfect to impress new peers, not to speak of friends and family back home, can be even greater.
S O C I A L M E D I A C U R TA I N People can now curate their lives. We are only able to see what they allow us to see. Keep in mind that an Instagram or Facebook page is crafted to impress; even make you envious.
FE E L AD DIC TE D? YO U AR E ! Latest research shows that dopamine, a chemical in the brain, causes seeking behavior. It makes you want, desire, seek out, and search. This is why we yearn for validation in the form of every “like.”
43 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
To Post or Not to Post A HANDY FLOWCHART
Even if you think you have your Facebook privacy settings nailed down, you never know where your posts and photos will end up. You have no control over what your friends do with them, and it only takes a few ‘Likes’ for a post to be seen by hundreds of people you’ve never even heard of.
PH
O T O?
SHOULD I POST THAT?
Is everyone fully clothed?
YES
NO
SPARE US!
DON’T POST TU S TA S ?
Does it contain expletives or abrasive content?
Of recruiters who rejected a candidate due to online content 44% cited proof of drinking or drug use as the reason.
YES
NO
Have you been drinking?
YES
NO
D I G I TA L | 4 4
Is it of your feet, your baby, or your food?
NO
YES
DON’T POST
GO FOR IT
IF YOU MUST NO
Are you doing anything illegal in it?
YES
NO
NO
YES
Are you still together?
YES
Is it of you and your boyfriend/girlfriend? GO FOR IT!
DON’T POST
Of recruiters who rejected a candidate due to online content 35% cited slandering of a colleague or employer as the reason.
NO
YES
Ask yourself: will anyone care?
Does it slander a frienemy, employer, or co-worker?
YES
NO
Is it a bunch of cryptic lyrics that will make people ask “are you okay?”
YES
NO
DON’T POST
45 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
To Post or Not to Post THINGS TO AVOID
Everyone is turning to Facebook to find out more about you: prospective employers, college admission officers, business partners; there has even been talk of insurers checking Facebook before issuing life policies to see if applicants indulge in risky behavior or partake in dangerous sports!
10 TH I N G S YO U S H O U LD N E VE R P OST
1
OBSCENITIES / CURSE WORDS
3
4
EMBARRASSING PICTURES OF OTHER PEOPLE
5
OTHER PEOPLE’S BIG NEWS OR DEATH ANNOUNCEMENTS
7
YOUR BIRTH YEAR
6
8
9
2
HOLDING ALCOHOLIC DRINKS OR VISIBLY INTOXICATED
TMI / PERSONAL INFORMATION
10
EVE
R!
HOW MUCH YOU HATE YOUR JOB
STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT RELIGION OR POLITICS
DETAILS OF YOUR VACATION TIME AND DESTINATION (THESE ARE JUST BURGLAR INVITES)
POSTS THAT ARE INTENDED TO MAKE OTHERS ENVIOUS
Assume that everything is public! Don't post anything that you wouldn't want the world having access to.
D I G I TA L | 4 6
The Veil of Anonymity COMMENTS AND CONSEQUENCES
One convention is the idea that everyone had something worthwhile to say. Everyone has a right to speak, of course, but the web has demonstrated that not everyone is worth listening to. Some online comment is cogent and literate and a lot is not.
SOCIAL MEDIA IS REALLY ABOUT DECEPTION
What if Patrick Henry had submitted his “Give me liberty, or give me death” speech anonymously? What if the Declaration of Independence had been published with no signatures?
25%
of internet users posted anonymous comments.
re
m o ny o u s
INCIVILITY IN COMMENTS
an
g i s te r e d
53%
out of 900
29%
SOME QUICK TIPS
Cursing, spelling, and grammar, as well as factual accuracy contribute to your reputation as much as an offensive post. Not everything is personal! Posts are not always (in fact, rarely) about you. Don’t boast or brag. Be careful when you tag others. What you say might appear on their profile, too.
Don’t post it if you wouldn’t want your name attached to it.
[4] Misc. QUICK TIPS »» Common courtesy crash course »» What’s in it for me? »» Find an etiquette school
M AT E R I A L S [3] Letter-writing prompt pages [4] Cursive practice pages [1 ] Stationery starter set
[4]
Quick Tips Courtesy isn’t hard to display. It amounts to respect for both yourself and others. But there are several nuances which only a small number of people seem to know. The original etiquette manuals of our civilization were in fact success manuals. They taught the knights and nobles how to conduct themselves in the court of the king. This is where we get the words “courtly” and “courtesy.” You’ll notice a common denominator in all courtesy rules: Think about other people’s feelings first, because it’s not always simply about maximizing your personal convenience.
MISC. | 50
Courtesy Crash Course QUICK WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR MANNERS
There’s always a tension between how much we should follow our instincts and how much we should yield to social conventions. But at times like ours, the tendency is to tilt too far toward our instincts, since the conventions are changing fast and there’s no consensus about them anyway.
THE 23 RULES FOR CONTEMPORARY ETIQUETTE
BE ON TIME
A LWAY S R S V P
Texting a quick “Hey, I’m running 20 minutes late” is not as acceptable as making the effort to be on time.
If you cannot attend an event that you’re formally invited to, don’t think that not RSVPing is the same as declining.
FRIDGE FIGHTS
PHONE CONVOS
If you didn’t put the food in, don’t eat it. And take your leftovers home or throw them out before they get stinky!
Don’t bellow on your cell phone, don’t turn speaker phone on, and don’t video chat when walking or on the bus!
TURN IT OFF
CHECK- OUT LINES
Turn off the phone at a dinner party, and be in the moment. People will think that you have no social skills.
When you place your order at Starbucks, don’t tell the barista to wait while you wrap up your phone discussion.
51 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
TA K E A S E AT
KEEP IT QUIET
If you come late to a class, don’t think you’re entitled to noisily barge your way to your usual spot in the front.
Keep your personal issues, conversations, grievances, and arguments off social networking sites.
Remember that if you feel a need to respond immediately to every incoming text, you’ll lose more in the eyes of the person who’s in front of you than you’ll gain from the unseen people who are benefiting from your efficiency.
LIFE IN PICTURES
O N L I N E H AT E R S
Moderate your use of cameras and video at events. Enjoy your time with friends and family in the present.
Remember that online slandering and gossip can very easily be forwarded along to the wrong person.
U N WA N T E D G U I LT
SHOW UP!
Don’t lend someone an item unless they specifically ask. They may be too busy to ever get around to using it.
Don’t RSVP for an event, then not show. Now you’re not just being rude, but you’re costing the host money.
Don’t be the first or second person to talk on your cell phone in a public space (like a bus or train). If everyone’s doing it, you’re allowed some slack here. But never, ever put your phone on the ‘speaker’ setting.
Just because you’re wearing headphones doesn’t mean you’re exempt from social courtesies. For example, if you accidentally cross in front of someone, apologize!
MISC. | 52
Don’t make your dietary requirements everyone else’s dilemma. Just because you have a peanut allergy, doesn’t mean everyone should be banned from bringing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to the office.
Don’t show up at someone’s party empty handed, unless you’ve been instructed to—and sometimes not even then. You can bring wine, chips & dip, dessert, a game, or flowers, depending on the circumstance.
ON THE ROAD
CLEAN UP TIME
Use your turn signal at least 50% more than you use your middle finger. Let others into the flow of traffic when you can.
If your children are ever invited to a friend’s house to play, they (and you) should also feel invited to help cleanup.
IS A TEXT BEST?
CAMERA SHY
Don’t break up with someone by text. And don’t announce a death in the family by text. Call, or do it face to face.
Don’t take photos for posting on the People of Walmart page. Even if you think they’ll never find it, it’ll get around.
H OSTI N G PAR TI E S
D O G D AY S
Don’t say, “I’m having a party. Bring your own food and drink.” That’s not a party. If you’re hosting, follow through.
Clean up after your pets. If your dog relieves itself on a neighbor’s lawn, don’t walk on as though it didn’t happen.
53 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
What’s in it for Me? BENEFITS OF GOOD COURTESY
Chances are your parents taught you to say “thank you” and “you’re welcome,” but a courteous attitude is about more than the basics. Watch your behavior so that you do not embarrass yourself or others. Look for ways to help others—open the door for someone whose hands are full.
1 0 G R E AT R E A S O N S T O H AV E G R E AT M A N N E R S
Being nice at home will set the stage for better behavior of children.
Being kind to customers increases sales as well as loyalty to your company.
Professional manners get positive attention in the business world.
Being courteous and respectful of your friends will keep them calling.
Romantic relationships are stronger when there is mutual respect.
Treating others with respect means they’ll be polite to you in return.
Driving with courtesy can help prevent road rage and accidents.
Others will listen to you if you also give them a chance to speak.
Good social etiquette will keep your name on the guest list. RSVP!
Knowing and using good etiquette will give you a confidence boost!
MISC. | 54
TH E L A STI N G I M PAC T O F AN AC T O F K I N D N E SS
friend
YOU
stranger
If you go around willing to help people—putting nickels in expired parking meters, helping friends move, taking time to be friendly—those people will in turn be a bit nicer to others (if nothing else, less embittered), and are themselves more willing to help others.
WHY MANNERS ARE GOOD FOR SOCIETY
1
Manners suggest gratitude rather than entitlement.
2
Manners are even more important in a world that is neglecting them.
The rap on your generation is pretty bad, don’t prove us right. You can still be lazy and undirected, you can live in our basements and forestall adulthood, but if you appear gracious and grateful, much will be forgiven.
Standing out from the crowd is a good thing. Making eye contact, shaking hands, giving proper deference, offering assistance and putting your phone away at the dinner table are still appreciated habits.
3
You have seconds to make a good impression. We meet hundreds or thousands of people in our lives, though most of those meetings are brief and superficial. A decent haircut, clean face, genuine smile and good manners will all be noticed.
When you practice good manners, you’re showing those around you that you’re considerate of their feelings and respectful. You are also setting the basic standards for others’ behavior, thereby encouraging them to treat you with similar respect.
55 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
Etiquette Schools PRACTICE YOUR COURTESY
With digital life growing at an alarming speed, so too is modern etiquette evolving. In fact, as society loses more social interaction, one could argue etiquette becomes more relevant.
Etiquette Institute of Utah Salt Lake City, UT
The Protocol School of Texas Austin, TX
MISC. | 56
N O T YO U R G R A N D M O T H E R ’ S E T I Q U E T T E S C H O O L
Learning good manners and etiquette is so much more than walking with books on top of your head. You’ll learn how to be a better person as a whole, because courtesy affects you in much more indirect ways than remembering your p’s and q’s. A few of the things you’ll learn after just a few classes are a boost in self confidence, emotional awareness, character development, and improved social skills.
Courses on etiquette and character development can sweep potential minefields by imparting the building blocks of successful emotional growth, integrity, honesty, empathy, leadership, and responsibility, to name just a few.
Etiquette Solutions Academy Freeport, MA
Beaumont Etiquette of NY New York City, NY
Etiquette Institute of Ohio Springfield, OH
The Academy of Charm Charlotte, NC
[4]
Materials Letter writing is an essential skill. Despite the prevalence of emails and text messages, everyone has to write letters at some point. Possibilities could include letters of complaint, cover letters, thank you notes, the list goes on and on. What’s more, letter writing is proven to strengthen relationships. There’s just something about taking the time to write something important by hand, rather than sending a quick text or email, that lets the receiver know how much they are cared for and respected. This kit includes everything you will need to get started.
MISC. | 58
Letter Writing Prompts IDEAS TO HELP GET YOU STARTED
Writing a letter to someone for the first time may seem awkward or a bit over the top. But there are plenty of good reasons to put a pen to paper. Sometimes all you need is a quick prompt to get you started.
PROMPT
ADDRESSEE
Something exciting that happened recently
Your mother
Something you’re thankful he taught you
Your father
The funniest childhood memory you two share
Your sister
A time when you both got in big trouble
Your brother
Pick a date to meet and catch up on life
A long-lost friend
Where and how did you meet each other?
An old friend
DAT E S E N T
59 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
PROMPT
ADDRESSEE
Something they don’t know about you yet
A new friend
Express your gratitude and catch them up
A childhood teacher
Explain how their class is helping you today
A college professor
Ask for your favorite childhood recipe
Your grandparents
List 50 reasons why you love with them
A significant other
Express concern for a cause you care about
A politician
DAT E S E N T
A D D I T I O N A L U N I Q U E C O N V E R S AT I O N S TA R T E R S
»» Where’s the last place you traveled? What did you do there? »» Do you have any hidden talents or surprising hobbies? »» What’s the craziest thing a boss has ever asked you to do? »» What did you think you were going to be growing up? »» What do you wish you had put in a time capsule 15 years ago?
MISC. | 60
PROMPT
ADDRESSEE
Thank them for a job well done
Your mayor
Welcome them to the neighborhood
A new neighbor
Explain why you’re such a big fan
Your favorite celebrity
Thank them for their inspiration and guidance
Your biggest role-model
Express gratitude for the lessons you learned
A high school coach
Reminisce about the first two weeks at school
First college roommate
DAT E S E N T
A D D I T I O N A L U N I Q U E C O N V E R S AT I O N S TA R T E R S
»» If you taught a college class on any subject, what would it be? »» Who’s the most important role model you’ve had in your life? »» What’s the most unbelievable thing that’s happened to you? »» Are there any foods that you absolutely would not eat? »» What was your favorite extracurricular in elementary school?
61 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
LOWERCASE LETTERS Refer to pages 35—36 of this book for tips on improving your cursive handwriting. Then, use these pages to help you start practicing your lettering!
MISC. | 62
CAPITAL LETTERS Refer to pages 35—36 of this book for tips on improving your cursive handwriting. Then, use these pages to help you start practicing your lettering!
63 | UNCOMMON COURTESY
MOVEMENT EXERCISES These exercises train your muscles for when you’re actually writing; they’ll help keep your movements writing loose and airy.
MISC. | 64
COPY THIS PARAGRAPH In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.