gair rhydd - Issue 858 pt2

gairrhydd

OCTOBER.22.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

gairrhydd presents

FEATURES Volume II Winter 2007

Volume II

14

Fall 2007

An anthology of creative writing by Cardiff University students

2 creativewords An Introduction Welcome to the second instalment of creative words, an anthology of the creative work of students here at Cardiff. Following on from last year’s collection, which brought together short stories, poetry and scripts, this second volume demonstrates a continuation of the high standard of writing displayed last year. After a slow start, students began to timidly send in their prose and, in some cases, whole collections of poems for consideration.

The hardest part of putting this anthology together was selecting pieces from the vast amounts of entries submitted. If you sent in some work but it does not appear here then fear not, another volume of Creative Words is planned for next term, and hopefully, for many more terms to come.

Tom Williams

Editor: Tom Williams Design: Ben Bryant Illustrations: Roseanna Eastoe Are you interested in seeing your work published in creative words? We are already accepting submissions for the Spring 2008 issue. Submissions can be up to 1800 words long and can take any form you like. Poems, short stories and scripts are all considered. Send them to books@gairrhydd.com

Henry Burton “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s llamas,” remarked Henry, making a comment that would bear no further relevance to the rest of the story.

Henry threw his bag onto his bed, and sat down gloomily.

The receptionist at the gym had not appreciated his joke again.

“Why do you often get queues at the gym? Because there are a lot of people weight-ing!” he had quipped, before realising that this made no sense. Henry’s romance attempts were made worse by the fact that he was not blessed with good looks, ever since his eyebrows had fallen out at a young age.

They still rarely speak, and his other facial features found it hard to be impartial so they started taking sides, escalating the whole situation and causing his mouth, nose and lips to have moved themselves to opposite sides of his face.

Why would she not love him? True, she was beautiful and he was not, but his heart was in the right place, just up from his lungs. He tried to turn to his family for help but they refused to take notice. His dad was never there for him.

A strange man, he once spent five years in jail after dressing up and impersonating a police officer, then arresting himself.

His mother never listened either, though to be fair, she was dead. Other than the two of them he had a brother he hadn’t spoken to in a long time, but they had had a fight over a game of charades and refused

to speak to each other since, or during. The truth of it was, Henry had no-one to talk to.

He had no-one to reassure him that a girlfriend was just around the corner, or at least waiting on one in the seedier parts of town. His emotions would bottle up inside him and release themselves in increasingly strange ways – like last week, when he refused to include any nouns in his sentences for four days, and would only eat beef if accompanied by a member of the clergy. It got so bad that he tried to kill himself, but he accidentally swallowed a bottle of multivitamins instead of sleeping pills and ended up making himself healthier.

He lay down on his bed and reflected on the day gloomily. Why was he in such a bad mood? Earlier that day he’d had an argument with his English teacher, during which they both concluded that if the writer has run out of ideas then it’s absolutely fine to just change the story for no apparent reason. Henry thought about this for a little while, then decided to go to the zoo.

Henry liked the zoo! There were loads of animals, including what looked to be a hyena but later turned out to be an extremely disturbed lion, and several monkeys who spent their time doing things that the makers of the PG tips adverts obviously thought it would be better not to include. Henry, meanwhile, was in much better spirits, despite the fact that

he’d just spent the last half hour throwing peanuts at what eventually turned out to be a man with a very hairy back. He smiled to himself, and in an act of personal triumph tossed a nut high up in the air, watching in awe as it twisted its majestic dance up into the cool sunshine, before, like a child taken from its playtime, it reluctantly waved goodbye to the sky and let itself fall back down to the earth, landing softly into the welcoming abyss of his open mouth. He attempted it again with a second nut, and had to be rushed into A&E. However, it was there, lying in his hospital bed, that he met his future wife, Karen.

The whole hospital experience had made him realise the true value of his life, and not just because the patient next to him had a face that was too big for his head. He had finally realised that, in life, you can’t just sit back and let it happen – you have to get out there, and do it for yourself. He proposed, and she accepted.

“Wow, confidence truly was the greatest gift of all!” he exclaimed happily, conveniently linking the title to a story that at best had no real direction or structure. And with that, he departed, promising to donate lots of money to various Welsh charities if his story was ever chosen, though he didn’t rest much hope on it.

Hector Roddan These are just the words I am writing

Or exceptional, just symbols and script

They are not clever or superb or sublime

Secreted across reams of scrap

Wasting away the time,

These words I am writing

Hand in hand with the gin-and-lime.

Are mere fancy; creative doodlings

These are words I am writing

From the back end of the night.

They scratch away from the quill

These words I am writing will

The itch of untapped prose straining

Go down for all time…

To be loose from the iambs.

“To Be Or Not To Be,

These are words I am writing

That is the Question…”

They are not important or significant

J Allan The bacon hisses as it hits the fat bubbling in the frying pan; as the smell wafts over I struggle to hold back the rising surge of nausea. Throat burning, I glance around the cafe: mauve paint, sterile lightning – all of which does little to improve my mood. The cafe had been selected purely due to its lack of custom. My only companions are a waxwork waitress, a dishevelled young girl and her dead-eyed boyfriend. Trying to distract myself from my imploding skull I begin systemically shredding the empty sugar packets that lay scattered across the table.

When my alarm blared this morning I could barely face the harsh sunlight that

pored through my flimsy curtains; as I forced myself vertical all I wanted was to collapse back into the creaking mattress.

I cannot, however, afford to miss another day, and thus I sit here in my unironed uniform sipping at unflavoured brown water masquerading as coffee. Reaching into my pocket I pull out my hipflask to invigorate my drink. The shocked stares of the couple in the corner seem to burn into my soul – they turn away. Hopefully they assume that I am in fancy dress. I only hope the aircrew do not notice the stench of stale alcohol; if they do, I am sure to lose my license.

creativewords 3

Robert Clifford I do not know what playgrounds are for.

For a short while we throw our bodies around them. Not as ourselves, but as spacemen, or thieves. Climbing frames are distant worlds, and pits of sand are bounteous lairs. We hide in a place and wait to be found, or we chase and chase until our lungs or our legs give out. We can kid ourselves for a short while, into wanting it to last for all of time. But when the bell rings we have no where to run for the fence posts that stab into the ground and stand tall. Inside them we can pretend anything we like is possible. Make-believe is a game that doesn’t end when you are young. But the world I see – a zoetrope against the wooden slats - stands still when I stop running. So I don’t.

Now that I’ve started, I won’t stop.

Beneath the fence and beyond it, the picture won’t ever stand still. I can hear already the wardens chase me with fervent blasts of their whistles, but quickly I lose the sound among the cries of all the other children. For now the sun shines upon their oceans of laughter.

Soon, however, I think they will drown in the floods. The timber fence would make for the perfect raft, I think. I hope they have the will to tear it down and sail away.

I find myself to be alone, in that no other person is with me, with the whistles chasing me no more. I no longer run

from them, nor do I follow anything.

The thing that I run towards will stay there and wait for me, I’m sure. I lope alongside a road that meanders thickly.

I think of the errant hair that run’s down my Mother’s neck and along her spine; one of the times she had forgotten to tie it back and let me see her so. I duck beneath a sign post. I don’t care to check my glance to read what it says. I imagine it to be blank, and upon it I scrawl arrows of all directions.

Until now, I haven’t noticed that my footsteps are missing amidst the dull glow of the sun. It helps to smudge the landscape I run through, which I think

is unfair. I had hoped to see some of it, but the blurry air tricks my eyes, showing them only tunnels of wet-washed colour. But now that I am here, I don’t know what to think, or how to think it.

My dream had been easy; to leave the playground to fill and burst, and build a life by the side of the sea. Perhaps now the zoetrope needed to be spun.

Or perhaps it was spinning, and I was watching it go around and round so fast that I couldn’t tell. The artist had led me to their finished picture, because the brush strokes now seemed to sweep from ashen tarmac into a topaz sea arched on either side by plumes of blue

air. The ocean is there - orchestral and conducting my strides. The air holds me with its salty arms as I drift to the waters edge and stop finally. Water licks the scuffed soles of my leather shoes. I feel as though at any moment I would be hurled into the waves, but for now the tide ebbs and throws out tufts of balletic foam at my ankles. I watch the icy show. The dark grey and ashy white horizon charges itself on its sun.

I cannot see it now because the clouds are in front of it. I watched on though.

Perhaps I could raise hell and see properly the distance that sits quietly out of sight.

be leaving on the Friday to miss the weekend traffic, “Make the most of your last week darling, go off and play with your friend from 4B.” My mother chimed.

“Yes Mum, I will.” And with that I burst out of the door, leaving it rattling behind me, “Be careful, you nearly had the door off,” I could hear my Dad call in the distance as I ran towards to our hill. I needed to tell Rebecca. So I waited, scrunched into the hillside in our usual spot, but she did not appear. The shiny invitation was still carefully pressed into my jeans pocket. I could not stop sliding it out, running my fingers over the ridges of the stick-on gems and re-reading the words: ‘Amy Harrison is invited to Chloe Hay’s 10th Birthday Party!” I desperately wanted to show Rebecca, to show her they had remembered me. But she did not come that time. I felt relieved as I galloped down the familiar track; I desperately wanted to try on my new dress from the party. The next day I went back to the top of the hill, and every other day of that last week, patiently believing that Rebecca’s twittering laugh would echo through the long stems. She did not come. After that holiday she never came again.

For years Rebecca was lost to my thoughts. She had merged into the jumble of memories flung to the back of my mind, not really needed. But now I find myself looking back, wondering how I would have survived without her. I think of her sometimes, and I miss her.

I try to picture her and place her in my thoughts, but other faces flash and blur recognition away. She is beginning to get lost, to float and accumulate into the distant years of youth. Curiosity took its hold and I found myself rummaging in my trunk of photos, scanning every one furiously, hoping to recall something. A small Polaroid caught my eye as I delved my hands into the shining collage. I fished out the photo by its yellowing rim, its surface was scratched with years of disregard. A younger version of me peered out from beneath the surface, shyly looking out from beneath a heavy dark fringe, a dark hole where two front teeth should have been. I could remember that moment where Mum caught us before we snaked into the track behind the conker tree, and demanded a holiday snap. We posed, wanting desperately to soar away and once the flash had snapped we streaked up the hill. But as I studied the scene pinched between my two fingers I could not find Rebecca. I was captured standing alone, bashful and happy in the full sunshine. Staring into the blue depths of the shadows I searched for my friend. I wanted to climb into the frame, to peek around the trees, knowing that at any moment she could surge out from hiding. But I could not. The more I looked for her the more she faded. And now I begin to wonder if my magical memory, that had always seemed so real, was merely the imagination of an unhappy child.

Amy Harrison The rutted track was infiltrated with jutting mounds of flaky earth, making us trip and scramble up the diminishing path. Like serpents we weaved in between the spindly branches, taking the hands of the bowing trees and grabbing at sparse tufts of grass. Blades tore off into our palms and propelled out of the creases of our skin like papery butterfly wings, fluttering and the fading, setting us back in our progress. Dry earth crept beneath our nails and a smell of heavy dustiness permeated our fingers, spreading to our faces as we wiped away lingering beads of sweat. At regular intervals, we stopped to pull ourselves up earthy ledges, teetering over the edge as our legs dangled, the steep hill falling away beneath us. Rebecca held out her delicate hand every time, crouching over me, her wispy blonde hair falling like ribbons and stroking her knees. I looked up at the deep set, milky-blue eyes and thin, nipped face, each exquisite detail ingrained in my memory, integral to my childhood. Her eyebrow arched in a dare and her fingers wiggled in my direction, “Come on lazy bones!” Lip between my teeth, I reached out to meet her, but couldn’t grasp the cupped hand, no matter how far I stretched. I climbed up, struggling, alone. A buttercup pressed between her fingers, Rebecca stood close, flicking it beneath her chin to show the luminous glow it set on her skin.

I was annoyed. She loved to play games. Silently brushing myself down with swipes, she dodged away between

the beaten trees and disappeared into the dark cocoon of bracken. The echo of her giggles haunted the air and I began to enjoy game.

“Wait for me!” I tried to echo those agile steps, only to fall, my grip slipping as bark crumbled off the trunks with my touch. Slowly I made my way into the sodden cave of leaves, my clothes becoming saturated as each plant stroked me with silky tips.

“Come on slow coach, what’s keeping you?” I could hear Rebecca’s voice taunting me from the top, willing me to come up and find her. I wrenched myself up the hill, catching glimpses of her iridescent skin through the segments of green life, but I could never catch her. She would flash into site and just as quickly swoop away. I heard her trainers crack and crunch on the ground and I tried to follow, but the sound was swallowed by the distant buzzing of cricket’s song. Finally I reached a boulder. Hunched over and panting I sat on the lumpy seat and I squinted at the caravan park spread below. Our mellow yellow caravan sat at the bottom of the hill, covered in leaves from the winter. Its paint was flaking in rusty curls. I watched my parents out on the sweeping veranda; my mum was sunning herself, relaxing back into the old plastic chairs. Her ruby hat sat on her head like a poppy petal, blocking her features from view. My dad was plonked in the shade, tuning the radio in hope of catching the races. He smacked the side of the “old contraption” to get it working. Faint crackles of the com-

mentary made its way up the hill side, along with the cries of anguish, “Blasted thing, I’m never going to find out how my horse got on!” The corners of mouth tugged in a smile, but I soon remembered how furious they’d be to know where I was.

They didn’t like me playing alone with Rebecca. Actually, it was forbidden. I didn’t like to disobey them, but I needed her. Somehow she knew when I was sad and would appear to take me off on some sort of adventure. Like this morning, when she discovered me tangled under my duvet, hiding my tear stained cheeks. I knew that I wouldn’t get invited to Chloe’s party. Every time the clumps girls in the playground turned their huddle away from me and forgot call me in to skip, I folded further into myself like a damaged, pleated wing. I tried to ignore them like they ignored me. I had Rebecca. Rebecca was all I needed. When we were together we felt like the same person. We made our way to the grassy plain that spread across the top of our hill running as fast as we could through the whistling breeze, our throats aching as the fresh cold air hit. The tickly dunes cushioned us as we collapsed into their troughs, our giggles penetrated by our ragged breath. In a far off land, lying shoulder to shoulder, we remained unmoving it started to get dark.

That year we had to leave early. My parents were sitting at the fold out dining table sipping bitter-smelling coffee when I emerged that morning, and informed me casually that we would

4 creativewords

Sarah Shearmans The pigeon, with wings like crushed newspaper browned by a mud puddle, breaks away into the grey sky with a single stomp of my foot, leaving me alone to sit on this bench and think.

Tiny droplets of water repelled by the dark-wood varnish soak through my jeans and chill my skin, as these rusted words on the copper plaque weigh on my mind: Sit on my bench and pause for a while, Think of me, look up and smile.

And I remember how her delicate skin, soft as crumpled tissue, rested so lightly on a starched white sheet.

The silence in the lily filled room was broken only by the whispering of tiny breaths As she gasped for a peaceful death.

I held her cold hand, all bones.

Life slowly drained from blue thread veins The sky is still grey and soon water will fall and land on my lip like drops of saliva spat out,

Felicity Whitton

or it will rest in the corner of my eye like tears.

Natasha Girglani Gracefully, but with all your heart, you gleefully swirl and let your body flow to the rhythm; the spotlight on you, the music - just as you like it. The stage is all yours and only yours, but hold on, let’s turn to the other half of this performance and discover the audience.

Elevating comfort levels with a dose of encouragement, an invigorating performance for the greatest of audiences - you!

Home alone, in front of a fulllength mirror, you put on your favorite number and here we have an amazing, yet discreet superstar! Denying the existence of such instances in life would, of course, be a blatant lie. Solitude brings with itself little moments of joy and carelessness, takes away all fear of being watched, judged and criticized; the self-consciousness, when around another soul. The beauty of solitude is striking. No matter how much one may crave for a partner, a friend, a lover, or just someone to share one’s life with, the beauty of a relationship with someone fails to exceed the beauty of the relationship one shares with himself; his soul. Dancing to a catchy tune ringing in your head, smiling to yourself in a corridor full of crowds over the slightest thought of a loved one, an accomplishment, a loving gesture, these are a few examples of the good times we share with ourselves.

Just like every other relationship, this special relationship has its share of ups and downs.

Away from a complicated world in taxing times, have you ever sat alone, in isolation, and shed a few tears, maybe over a little incident that brings you grief or maybe just over an inexplicable blue mood? No one else may be able to understand what you feel at times, but your soul is one such friend whom you can always rely on.

It is impossible to lose this friend but to realize it’s presence and feel it’s existence is not so easy. Most of us don’t even realize how important respecting ourselves is. I believe this is a salient feature of most damaged lives. Finding the time to get to know oneself first, nurtures respect.

Amidst a world full of ideas, opinions and events, we often forget to cherish that quality time spent in solitude. Nothing could enhance a personality like a vivid picture of oneself, the uniqueness and originality every soul is blessed with.

Look into that person you see in the mirror, look in depth and across the barriers of vision, look through the eyes of your mind and envision the real you. Reach out to yourself and discover your best friend - discover yourself, discover life!

The summer would be remembered for its heat. The Jenkins’ farm was small and although it had a few animals, it produced wheat and wheat only. An eight-foot white pole stood proudly at entrance to the dusty driveway, it’s flag fluttering. Every Monday, Mr Jenkins would drive the family to a local farmer’s market to sell eggs, fresh milk, and honey in old glass jars. Mrs Jenkins spent the summer bare foot in her tiled kitchen, her dimpled limbs sprouting from a flapping floral dress. She spent one hour a week at the hairdressers, sitting under an enormous off-white plastic egg, gossiping. If there was one thing Mrs Jenkins believed, it was that there were two types of people in the world. If you’d met her boys in the yard that summer, you’d know why.

The eldest son was Frederick. He enjoyed geography and folding paper.

He sat silent in class, dragging the bitten nail of his thumb along the crease of a piece of crisp white paper. The boys of the town laughed at him, but the girls swooned. But Frederick didn’t notice anyone. For ten months he had collected fifteen dishevelled, lonely chickens with his $2 allowance. He named each after every girl in his class.

To the girls it was pure Romance. The sad truth is, it was merely a dreadful lack of imagination.

Lillian Dawkins was first to be christened, Harriet second, and skinny

little Evelyn was last. A bitter feud ensued. One day in spring, Harriet stood the jealousy no longer. As the bell rang, Harriet hauled her way up on top of the school wall and declared a beauty pageant. Fifteen girls ran to the farm, pulling their ribbons from swinging ponytails. Frederick and his hens were greeted by an array of ribbons flittering about in the little girl’s clutched palms.

He froze, clamping his eyelids shut.

The squabbling continued around him.

But the girls didn’t know whose hen was whose. To them, they all looked the same. “Where is Harriet?” screamed Harriet. But Frederick, hunched on the hay, pulled his knees in further to his body and squeezed his eyes tighter.

“Where am I?”, she screamed again, and slowly, as the girls noticed Frederick’s stillness, their quibbling stopped.

Throughout the commotion, Fredericks little brother Eliot had been watching from his bedroom window.

He hated chickens but, oh how he loved shattering their shells and spooning out the yolk of a lovely warm boiled egg.

Eliot had spent his savings on Daisy, a dairy cow who produced the creamiest, thickest milk in the state. This year he was planning on entering Daisy into a state fair. The year after, the slaughter house. Eliot winced as his mother yanked a brush through his hair. Fierce bristles scraped his scalp as his eyes followed the prettiest girls in school

dawdling away from his farm without even noticing him.

Thunderstorms raged throughout that night. The family slept soundly, thankful the heat would finally break.

In the morning, before the smell of crispy bacon filled the house, Eliot stirred. He crept downstairs, avoiding the creaky third step, and slipped on his green wellingtons. Daisy sleepily watched him slinking across the yard and open the coop door. Fifteen clucking hen’s slept gently, guarding fifteen fresh warm eggs. Slowly, he pushed his hand over Lillian, Harriet, all the way to Evelyn. Finding his treasure he placed them softly in a bucket. Next, Eliot struck a match.

Frederick woke to the crackling roar of fire. By the time he reached his coop it was too late. Smoke tickled his nostrils as the flames rose. He stood alone, watching the wood falling in on itself.

Mrs Jenkins work to the unmistakable whack of a wellington. She was slow rolling out of bed and landed heavily, feet first, on the floor. Dreamily following the screams and thuds she discovered her sons wildly fighting under the kitchen table and fifteen fresh eggs, dancing tenderly amongst the bubbles of a large pan.

creativewords 5

Tom Williams She was still sleeping.

Sprawled and face down like a body flung from a car wreck; awkward but at peace. Her hair was November 5th orange and just like the blazes that that particular night guarantees, it spread erratically over the pillows and her pale shoulders. He couldn’t sleep again. The night was selfish; eyes met with black when both opened and closed. The room was dark save for the little light from the street which crept in timidly from the sides of the cheap and bulky blackout blind.

His years had taught him that frustration got him nowhere. He might as well embrace the darkness or be consumed by it, and yet he made the mistake of turning on the bedside lamp, an action which was certain to put off the prospect of sleep for another few hours.

He didn’t care. Sleep is overrated he had always said, a safe-haven for the weak, a joke for the restless. It was at least three hours since she had slipped silently into her sleep with an ease of which he was violently envious. He took a sip from the bottle of sour corner shop wine and wished he hadn’t.

And there it was. The emptiness, the shallowness, the feeling of being the loneliest man on the planet even though the one he loved was next to him. He did love her, of course, just like he loved all of the other girls. He was getting on now, the full face of stubble he had wished for in his insecure twenties had launched a coup on his sunken cheeks; become unmanageable. His once thick head of light brown hair had lost its autumn tones to patches of the dullest grey, maliciously gaining in territory. He was not the man he was. Or, more specifically, the man he had dreamt of becoming. Sure, he was in the company of much younger girls, drawn to his tragic face and the promise of a colourful story, but each one of them was broken, each one the same and they all ended up in the same place.

He was a man of humble posses-

sions. He had no air looms. His father didn’t leave him a watch or a pen or an antique cabinet or an old photograph with a fascinating story. Just a bastard Y chromosome.

He reached for a few scraps of paper and a silver pen and thought about how he used to be able to just write and write until he could write no more.

No-one wanted to read what he wrote, though, because they all believed that writing was something that had to be taught. Fuck that, a writer should be born with it; you can’t learn it and you sure as hell can’t teach it. Unable to write a damn word he snapped his neck back onto the pillow and stared at her sad figure. He wondered if she could dream. He missed his dreams, and not just his flimsy aspirations, the ones he used to dream in colour, the ones where he was happy, the randomness of the situations they would throw him into, away from the banality of his true existence. He looked at her, so snide in her deep sleep, every resting bone mocking his overactive mind and cantankerous eyelids.

He met her at the hotel bar. A true colon of a place where the wine tasted like piss-weak grape juice and the beer only came in small bottles at a stupid price. The walls were a fire-fight of oranges and reds whilst the upholstery smacked of a quick trip to Ikea on a pathetic wallet. He had been drinking since noon and felt the friendly warmth in his cheeks and the gentle numbness in his knees and elbows. He was toying with the ice at the bottom of a glass of generic unloved scotch when she caught his gaze. Maybe it was the booze but she moved like a silent film, graceful yet sporadic, and with an air of unashamed vanity; something that he knew he shouldn’t be, but was a complete sucker for. He couldn’t remember how they got talking but he could remember, thanks to the long receipt in his pocket, buying drink after drink for her on a tab he couldn’t pay off. They talked about the lack of work in this city, dead

parents, faulty watches, appalling hotel staff, dogshit, everything. He played up to everything she said, nodding in agreement even when inside he passionately disagreed, not correcting her when he knew she was wrong. An embarrassing sycophant. She smoked pink cigarettes. There wasn’t a more beautiful way to kill herself, she had said, and this made him smile. She told him that his leathery face wasn’t suited to smiling and that he should stop before someone got scared.

The next part was a blur, but he vaguely recalled heading up to maybe the fifth or sixth floor with her. The hallways were quiet but as soon as he entered her room he was greeted by the sounds of screaming police sirens and the dampened thuds from the nightclubs on the street below. His head was hazy and his stomach hated him.

As she leaned forward for the kiss with her fake-red lips that matched her low cut blouse he closed his eyes tight. And then the blackout.

God only knows why he has to wait until sunrise before he leaves, but it is something he had become accustomed to. A grace granted unto them by him, their saviour. By the time the birds had come out to twitter and the ineffective blind let in the first rays of the day’s sun, he was dressed. He almost felt sorry for the body in the bed, although it was nothing a morning brandy couldn’t sort out, he had come to learn.

The way he saw it, he had preserved her beauty, just like all the other girls who had fallen for that sad face of his. He loved her deeply, just like he loved all of the other girls, which is why he had to do it. Before he left and disappeared to another town he took a single pink cigarette from her handbag. A token.

The most beautiful way to kill herself, she had said.

He left.

She was still sleeping.

6 creativewords

David Evans

The truth can be wrung out of us only by some cruel, little, awful catastrophe.

Joseph Conrad, Lord Jim Rimbaud lived here. Tomorrow, I shall take you to his house. A little culture!

For now, my friend, have another drink.

You’re quite sure there’s no wedding you should be attending? Ha! I apologize. I like to… self-mythologize, I have a thoroughly European taste for it.

Under this white suit lies a hoary mass, a crazed Romantic heart…pure feeling, you know! Or perhaps just the memory of feeling…its old bones bleached and picked clean. We are, of course, in the right place. This is the land of carrion and its coarse clientele. Amidst all this red dust, the open drains, the filth, I am a tailored, crisp suit, a deftly angled hat…a shawl, a spectre…a whitened sepulchre! There is nothing quite so white as a bone lying in the sun. It gleams.

Your smile tells me I’m becoming self-indulgent. I’m sorry. What else do I have? But do stop me if I tend toward the obscure, toward the ambiguities.

One should, so I’m told, remain empirically bent, concrete, clear at all times, on the material, sensuous plane. The strongest man is utterly Manichean, and Africa, after all, values strength. A drunk is rarely subtle. Therefore drink up, my fellow spectre! In any case, in Harar, one is always thirsty; the heat is insufferable, and there’s nothing to drink but the alcohol. That is, for us… emissaries of civilization. The Muslims won’t take it. They drink some godawful sweet stuff. That, my friend, is liable to make you retch, and their water will give you the runs. Ah, what’s that, a smile of recognition? No, embarrassment! How I miss the blushing European, his trembling hands, his fumbled hipflask of decorum! It’s different here.

Unbutton your shirt a little! It’s noble to be drunk in a shithole.

Hear that? It’s the hyenas. Or is it the wailing of the lepers? I can no longer tell. Such a human cry. I knew…I kept a hyena once. My pet. What a strange notion! Esme, I called it. Vile, abject little creature. She met a cruel end. Here, Yusof, tell this man about hyenas! Ha! look, he refuses. Africans hate hyenas.

Hate them. Fisi. The hyena is hermaphrodite, the hyena is grave-robber, shapeshifter, the hyena will bite off your face

while you sleep, the hyena will tug at your entrails and eat you alive, the hyena is a witch, a lesbian, they roam in offal grubbing packs, heads bowed, screaming human screams, cowards drawing strength from the horde, perverse, stinking Demeter brethren. They flit in and out of darkness, as at the limits of a dream…

Once more, I veer toward the poetic.

Let me explain….you see, the hyena tends to defy...to… to prevent… The closer you get to a hyena the further away it seems. It’s the eyes, I think.

There’s a depth, a…distance. Its difficult to bear, the gaze…Esme, my Esme.

Words fail me. Ha! The carapace splinters…the walls begin to crumble, like the walls of this city. The… ineffable tends to undermine, to expose someone of my interests, someone of my, ahem, rampant garrulousness.

Strips the veneer, so to speak. And, yes, its all veneer. But isn’t that what we’re meant to do in Africa? Here one can be someone else! A character! I tried growing a beard. A botch. Wispy, patchy. I fancied myself something of a Hemingway: stoic, solid and of substance, but of course, I’m far too effete, my features far too delicate. So I settled on this. Do you think it fits? One must cultivate a persona here. What’s yours to be? Hmm? Ha! That’s it, good! A fellow artificer! You’re starting to relish this country aren’t you? This little blood-red room? And how do you like our forbidden city? Aside from its complete stupidity? There’s melancholy in our situation, my friend, savour it with me. We’re islands here, in this great, crude mass of aloof blacks and shabby minarets, crumbling clay, this oozing hulk of camel fat, crawling with ants.

We are faranji, you and I. Outsiders.

Drink up, man! Tell me your secrets. Why are you here? Come, we must share. They do. They do, that, that wretched conspiracy of dust and fur, of turban and talon. The dust, the hyenas, the lepers, the Muslims. The wind rakes up a blizzard from the bluff’s dry earth, and somewhere in the heart of the storm the sand bequeaths the desert’s secret. The hyenas hear everything. They whisper their knowledge to the lepers, cackling. Now the lepers, the lepers will take to the streets, gesticulating, tracing great indecipherable patterns in the hot still air, half-crazed,

speaking in tongues only the Muslims can understand. They speak amongst themselves. They speak with the blood.

The shopkeepers, the guards, the hooded women. They all crowd around whispering, glancing dark-eyed curses at us walking sepulchres, all shiny and crisp. Here I sit at the bar while they huddle around their miserable African campfire and conspire, sharing their secret, their hidden knowledge. Now you see the precariousness of my Abyssinian perch. I have forsaken Europe, and these are the only companions I have.

Only whisky can steel a man for such a cabal! What is it that they share? One imagines one can see it in their eyes, sometimes. It’s infuriating! A halfglimpsed truth, an awful little black shape writhing on a leash. A hyena can be such a dumb beast, head in your lap, affectionate. But those eyes! I’m afraid I couldn’t bear it any longer…

So you’ve seen them in the streets?

The hyenas in Harar are quite tame.

Its different in the more remote towns, they can be… dangerous. Strong jaws.

What’s that? Oh yes, everything.

Even the bones. Hyenas have a taste for bones: they fracture, they splinter, they grind into a fine white powder.

A mottled animal, our hyena, yes. An indeterminate brown. Not formless, but rather slippery and spectral in the dark. Neither cat nor dog…male nor female. A creature of in-betweens.

Terribly ugly. Insinuates itself into gaps. They skulk at the edge of the light, with all the languid elegance of the crippled (for whom they have a particularly ravenous taste!). I’ll try to tell you about my hyena. I even studied them once...Yes, you are speaking to an eminent zoologist. Surprised? It’s quite true! Tomorrow I’ll bring you my book, ‘The Spotted Hyena: Predatory Behaviour in the Serengeti’. Weighty, authentic, leather bound knowledge.

The pinnacle of my career in science!

I’ll sign it if you’d like… ‘Hans, my dear friend, make sense of this for me’, I’d write. You must leave? Stay for one more. I have… more to confide. You really must go? Of course. Good night!

Tomorrow, we board the drunken boat.

Ha! Yes, yes, you’re right, I fear I’ve set sail a little early! Watch for the hyenas, now! You’ll know them for their gleaming eyes in the dark. And their voices. Listen carefully. It’s such a human cry.

Michael Groves I’m on Clouds, in my Stars tonight and I whisper a kiss gentle to sweet Earth good-bye so, may I sleep, pray feel closer to you? and she sleeps by me and I sleep closer to you is the Peace? All the slightest! she takes my hand and I take yours the tightest all the Sooth can wake with my Dreams of dancing on Clouds and chanting in Streams and I’m at Peace and I’m loving sacred sleep, on Clouds for tonight, in my Stars sung a creed so, would you sleep, pray feel closer to me?

I’ll sleep by you if you sleep closer to me could we walk, maybe dance on Venus? we will go and only Stars dance between us all my Dreams will wake with the Moon, to take me there and to wait for you I’m on Clouds, in my Stars sung a creed I’m on Clouds when you sleep next to me

creativewords 7

Daniel Hancock Jenna

Jason

She is a miracle. My miracle. Not his.

I am the Virgin Mary. This is my only child. A star.

Actually, it feels like there is a lead weight plumb line that pulls down my spine and gently drags me down. I’m carrying a butcher’s sack that feeds off me. Like my own private baby Kangaroo or something. I feel well lonely, which is funny seeing as in a way I’m never alone anymore. I’m sure soon if I don’t do something it’s gonna be able to remind me when it kicks out against me with a squirming little worm foot.

You see I can’t tell them about all this. They’ll think I’m a slapper, like Claire Richards. There’s all sorts of stuff people say she’s done. Like with beer bottles and her alsatian and peanut butter. She says they don’t even like peanut butter in her house and Matty shouts yeah but your dog does! And she tells him to fuck off. It’s funny cos everyone knows that Claire and Matty have done it.

People are always on at me about something. Take the environment right.

People say we’re screwed and the only way to save us is to recycle and turn the light off and not brush your teeth or something, but dad says it’s bullshit.

That people not collecting up their beer cans and bean tins isn’t wasting all the world’s resources, but all these girls my age you see pushing prams in town; all those extra mouths to feed, and clothes and nappies and all the rest. And my brother in his band, he sings this song about how everyone here is either pushing or pushed; selling drugs from the pram. Girls like him for that. He’s dyed his hair black and has a tattoo on the top of his arm, but if mom and dad find out about that he’s dead, so I’ve got him on that one.

And my mom and gran, I just know what they would say, can just hear it already – ‘You stupid girl. How could you be so stupid?’ Well I didn’t mean to be stupid, it just kinda happened. I really cared about him. Totally loved him actually. Although I knew that at the back of my head something was saying “No you don’t, not really”, like a kitten scratching at a kitchen door. But I ignored it cos he is fit, and cool too.

He plays football and can get served.

And you can’t even hear that voice when you’re pissed. Maybe that’s why everyone does it so much.

Everyone has got this opinion on being pregnant, but I don’t want their opinion. Actually if I’m honest, what I want is a hug. Someone to take it all away, go back to that night on the hill and change it so that it never happened.

If someone could take it, this precious thing, like a hummingbird, with its crazy little heartbeat and lay it out on a clean table and wrap it up in newspaper, wrap it up like fish and chips, and post it to a rainforest somewhere with no return address on the envelope; so that then some Amazonian could open it up and set it free so it could fly in the trees. Or drown, I don’t care. If someone could do that, then I think I would be their best friend forever.

I’m confident normally, you have to be I reckon, if you wanna get on, if you wanna be popular and not get smacked up, but when I’ve had a few cans or some Special Red then I’m superconfident. Pulling Jenna was easy.

I’ve got this way with girls right; where I tell them how fit they are, run my right hand slowly down my right sideburn, then look them in the eyes and smile in a way that shows up my dimples.

I’ve practiced in the mirror, I’ve got it down. They love it.

We all use the dinner money we’ve saved up over the week and spend it on Friday night getting wasted. Everyone does it. Goes up the hill with beer from Paki Rays shop or Alf’s and the darker it gets the more pissed you get. The light going is like your control going or something. It’s good that it gets darker though, it hides the mess; like when you get your jeans covered in mud from falling over or the shit attempts rough girls have made at their make-up when they try to look older than they are.

This one time I got home to find my shirt was covered in my blood where I cut my finger on broken glass cos some dickhead had gone and smashed his bottle on the rocks. All I was trying to do was chill out, lean back and look for shooting stars. I didn’t even see any.

Jenna’s usually pretty quiet round me, but I do catch her looking at me in class sometimes (Who wouldn’t? – nah, only joking; loads of girls wouldn’t actually) and I reckon she laughs a bit too loud at my jokes or when I’m taking the piss out of Hurley, but the other Friday she moved from her huddle formation of the girls she hangs around with and started chatting at me. We didn’t really have that much to say to each other, mainly just looking at the streetlights from the top of the hill. You can see the whole town from up there, with all the lights shimmering and blurry. They remind me of jelly tots sometimes.

Orange and yellow jelly tots that someone’s put in their mouth and spat back out.

I told her that I lived “near the orange light over there”, but didn’t actually point or nod anywhere. She spent a while looking as well, until she realised that I was just being a dick – she can be pretty dumb sometimes. She tried to point out where she thought her house would be, but it was too far away to work out. I think the power station was in the way anyway. It has red lights in a strip along the highest chimney, like a set of traffic lights that’s always on stop. Squint and they become a fat lightsabre.

After a while of standing there, I thought ‘Why not’? and started my hand-sideburn-eyes-dimples routine on her, but she stopped me, pointing out my flies. (I hate trying to do up button flies when I’m pissed – which dickhead invented them? You’re guaranteed to miss some or have them come undone, so I think I’d just gone for another piss in the trees and just sacked bothering trying to go to all the effort of doing them back up again properly). So instead of going “Oh no, how embarrassing”, going red and feeling like a dick, I was really cool and told her it was to give her a bit of a head start, took her hand and led her to lie on the grass out

of the way. Easy.

We clashed teeth a bit when we were kissing, which I’m sure was cos she was a bit too keen. And quickly both got more serious. It was funny, I was thinking about what Smoking Tom said to us this one time when we were all smoking: “When it’s your first time, don’t be nervous, be cool; just stick it in, it’s easy”. I was nervous though. We both were. Jenna’s a bit annoying. I’m going with Sara now. Dave reckons I’m guaranteed the shag for sure, says she’s well up for it.

Jenna It was my second period after Jason that I knew, the first was loads lighter than usual but it always varies a bit and so I thought I’m not gonna complain about that. But the second, I was late and kept getting later. I mean, I was worried, waking up each day waiting for it to come along. Like a London bus whose driver just so happens to tell you if your whole life is about to be flipped upside down like a crappy pancake.

Around here I should have done something, but I was scared and just kept waiting. Hanging round at the bus stop and hoping it would still all be alright. I just wanted to not have to think about it, definitely not have to tell anyone I was thinking about it. Not even my friends, or so called friends - I can’t believe that bitch is going with him now.

I was worried my mum might notice if I didn’t have stomach cramps (I get them pretty bad sometimes you see), so I just sat on the chair in the living room with my knees up to my chest, foetal like (funny that, ha-ha) and cradling this mug of hot Ribena like it was the last little bit of the sun and all that heat was precious and not to be wasted. Mum said it must be bad and I could have the day off school if I liked.

Maybe I should become an actress; that would be alright.

There’s this boy at school, Simon Wall, who came up to me at lunch time and asked me to go with him. It was quite sweet; you could tell he was pretty nervous, like he’d been working up to it for ages. You could hear it in his voice; so inexperienced. I don’t know him. Actually I don’t think I ever really knew he existed before – he doesn’t hang around the tennis courts with our lot. I was like “errr no, I don’t think so.”

But it was nice that he was interested and actually he’s not that much of a minger, but I didn’t say that to Lizzie; just laughed when she pretended to be sick behind his back. Besides, I couldn’t go with him cos he might find out. I hope he didn’t only take notice of me cos my tits are getting bigger.

They are getting bigger. And the bump is just starting to get noticeable too, which is weird, cos actually I feel really empty inside, like I’ve got this hole in me that was never there before and is growing bigger. When I’m down I fill it up with Ben and Jerry’s; Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food. That’s lush. But there’s only so much of that any one can eat, and anyway I don’t wanna get fat.

I do wonder what I’m gonna do.

I mean, do I keep it or not? It’s not too late, I could still get rid of it (I’m not

stupid, I do know how all that works and how much time I’ve got). It’s just I’m not really sure what to do. I’m well confused.

Some days I get really attached to it, or her, or him. Or me, cos it does feel like part of me; an extra bit, and removing it would be like chopping an arm off, except it wouldn’t cos I’d still have both my arms afterwards. I really don’t know. I don’t like thinking about it. But I do think about it.

Maybe there’ll be some complications, maybe I’ll tell no-one and end up having it in Mr.Jenkins’s shed at the bottom of next door’s garden, keeping all the mess and blood from getting on his floorboards and the deckchairs by laying down an old blanket and my PE kit towel with my name sewn on. Maybe me and Simon do get together, and he doesn’t mind me being a single mum at 14, because he loves me for who I am.

And we bring up little Sophie together in our flat over on Harrison Road and my parents come over on Sundays for lunch, and there’s always this ongoing joke because I never get the consistency of the gravy right, which is funny cos its only Bisto granules and that should be easy.

Maybe my womb will actually listen to the hope of my brain and make the decision for me; at the hospital I could have a miscarriage, and I’ll feel strange about that. Relieved and sad and scared, as if there might have been this really huge thunderstorm, taking over the sky, threatening to explode and keep you in your home, candles ready for the power cut, as it splits the sky in two over and over again.

But instead suddenly it all blows over and it’s gone, leaving blue skies.

And you k n o w, actually

you’re a bit disappointed because it was exciting; there’s really beauty in those lightning bolts; walking through the playing fields with those big drops of rain hammering on the door of your skin makes you feel alive.

Or

maybe simply my mom will notice when we’re away for the week in our holiday home in the south of France cos I refuse to go in the pool or wear my bikini and its like 35 degrees or something and that’s a bit weird, and she actually isn’t mad but really calm and understanding and we talk about it and she helps me sort it all out.

What I do know though, is that you’re no part of this. It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s my life, my kid and my decision. And if you feel cheated, because I’ve wasted ten minutes of your precious life; then tough. Tough shit. I’ve had the last few months of mine to be haunted and worried by this, it’s turned me inside out, as if someone was picking, and twisting, all the fibres in my stomach. Taking a clipper lighter to the nerves that run through my brain and laughing at the way they fray and burn. So I’ve really no sympathy for your ten minutes; I mean what’s that?

Two advert breaks during a crap action film on channel five? Whatever. Get over it.

‘As after sunset fadeth in the west, which by and by black night doth take away.’

William Shakespeare

She wakes to the blistering sound of another late night thriller. She had fallen asleep again without her childhood blanket on the cool comforts of the leather couch in the sitting room corner. She peels her face away from the cushion and sleepily looks at the time on the front of the video machine: it reads 9:44. She sighs and sits up to face the room. Her eyes hang half-closed still, but she manages to flick the light switch and find the remote to lower the volume.

Her eyes now awake, she gets up and walks around looking for a familiar face. She finds none - only a note attached to the corner of the fridge door.

Her parents are out again; a poker night at friends. If they come home at all tonight, she’ll have to let them in, considering the state they’ll be in, and her brother at friends again. Once again she has the house to herself - every teenager’s dream, if they don’t fear being alone with themselves.

The last few weeks had been particularly hard: just that time when everything seems to be against you and nothing seems right. A little over three weeks ago her dad had broken three of his toes playing golf. A silly injury, but he’d slipped in a bunker and fallen awkwardly, and this meant that she had to walk everywhere. This would not have been a problem if the weather had not been so cruel and the mornings didn’t start so early. Day after day she came in late. Warning after warning, and patience wearing thin. The manager had given her one last strict warning, and the following morning she ran to make it, she needed the cash, she needed to get to work. Luckily, she wasn’t one to wear high heels and made good time.

The sun shone and the wind seemed to carry her the whole way; It later dawned on her that this was in fact the last good day she’d have.

The next morning she woke to the window frames rattling from a harsh gale and the thundering noise of rain beating on the panes of glass. She rolled out of bed with a pulsing headache just behind her eyes, slipped some jeans on and brushed her hair. The woken up look wouldn’t brush out, and with only a few minutes before she had to leave she rushed to the kitchen. No time for toast; she grabbed a muffin and left, then rushed back in to fetch a coat.

The downpour lasted until she eventually reached work. Drenched right through, she entered the side door and met a disgruntled face she knew too well. Her boss stood over her like some towering beast. His words were few, but the tension left her face and a numbed, open stare stole her expression. As he turned and walked away, she glanced up and caught a glimpse of the round shiny hole in his still brown hair. Bald before his time, but the colour had not yet faded. His words finally sank in: ‘You’re sacked!’ She reached deep down into her pocket, pulled out a black phone, and dialled the number she knew by heart. The phone rang out, her family still slept, and she set out for her long walk home.

creativewords 8

David Roberts This meant that she had no money.

Her parents gave her no money and she relied solely on her job for cash. The weeks that followed took their toll; she couldn’t go out or put money on her phone. Isolated and confined, she soon felt what loneliness really was. She lost contact with friends and her boyfriend got slowly frustrated and began sleeping around whenever he felt inclined.

She didn’t know what happened outside of her home, so it hadn’t yet reached her. But it couldn’t be hidden forever.

So recently she’d been finding it hard, but she’d decided to go meet friends and just hang out and get back into the close circle she’d once been a part of. But it wasn’t the way she’d hoped it would have been. She’d longed to see her friends, but it was just too awkward, and news of her boyfriend soon leaked out. She didn’t take it well.

It broke her heart.

She left quickly and quietly. Few had noticed she’d left, and nor was she missed. She scurried home. The long walk took forty minutes and the time was now four in the afternoon. She lay awake, content on the long smooth couch; tears escaped the corners of her eyes and freed her skin of happy dryness. She soon drifted away into a light sleep with the only comfort of peace.

So this is where her story continues: the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. After searching the house and reading the note, she walks upstairs to the bathroom and wipes the thin pale layer of dried tear from her slightly swollen cheek and turns on the taps to run a hot bath. She stares at the water and closes her eyes, her mind slips back into the room when all her friends began to talk about her beloved in ways that she thought were personal to her. Another tear crept away from the confines of stricken eyelids; she can’t hold them and once again breaks down into a fast trickle of tickling tears.

There is no guessing what she is planning, the hot bath with no soap and the non-stop tears of a shattered life she once lived. She feels worthless and abused. The hurt gives her a beaten look, and the sorrow pours out of those tender eyes. Her eyes now pink and her hair a mess from hiding her face in shame, even though there is no one to look, she feels embarrassed - like everyone she loves laughs at her. She locks the door and, in uncontrollable tears, prepares herself. She doesn’t know what else to do. Her family show no care, and her friends betray her.

She lights a small candle and gets into the bath still clothed, besides her ballet type shoes, which are thrown beside the wall. The small candle lights the room in a gentle glow. There seemed no decision to take; just two little nicks with her father’s razor blade; her last worldly peace is this moment. For a second, before the candle goes out, she is at peace. Then the quick sting of the wick losing its light brings darkness, and out of that darkness comes yet more darkness, but for her, it is all better. The life gently empties from her eyes, her eyelids fall, and her fingers flicker no more. The last tear slowly rolls down the contours of her face and into the life stained pool. She finds her own peace, in the only way she knows to find it.

Sarah Shearmans Every corner I fear will be my last, crawling up this mountain side.

A dark watermelon rolls down the aisle slowly and crushed peanut shells slip past my feet.

As the engine tugs harder frantic caged-chickens are raging.

A Ganesh statue in the cab flashes red and blue, in time with the Bollywood melodies that filter their way through the bus.

As we wind our way through tea plantations I am memorised by the bushy undergrowth awash with the magnificently bright saris of tea-picking ladies.

Just like the image on the box of tea at home.

To make the perfect cup my father would always stir the bag so it didn’t taste stewed and my mother never let me put sugar in.

But here I drink it spicy and sweet for five rupees from a vendor on the street.

I have been away for so long now that my sparkling jewelled shoes

anon

I got from the market are dusty and well-worn, with a hole in the sole.

Yet this lily scented air is still as sweet as my mother’s perfume, and I can see her in her flower bed with mud smeared on one cheek, listening to Women’s Hour.

I feel cold for the first time in months and that sensation of numb toes On early morning walks in the frosted woods with my father.

Mud dried streaks have formed on my cheeks like the pre-monsoon river in June.

A women sitting next to me Shovels rice and dhal into her mouth and asks: why do you travel alone?

I say: I don’t know - I want to go home.

I was woken up today by an ambulance siren a few streets away. I lay in bed for a while, and thought about telling him. Just going straight up to him and saying it. Then I thought about what he might say; maybe he’d just laugh. So I thought about what I’d do if he did, maybe I’d push him.

Then maybe we’d start arguing, and I thought about what we’d say. I was lining up my next scathing retort in my head (I was winning) when I realised what I was doing, so I just lay back and thought of you instead.

34 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

JOBS AND MONEY Graduate

R

achel Thomas, 23, graduated with a BSc. International Business Administration (French) in 2006. She now works for Marks and Spencers as part of their graduate training scheme.

What is your job ttile?

Trainee Commercial Manager for Marks and Spencer Where are you based?

Culverhouse Cross, Cardiff What does your job involve, e.g. what are your day to day responsibilities?

The graduate scheme at M&S is divided into four parts – selling on foods, selling on general merchandise, HR, and Store Operations.

As I am training to be a commercial manager the majority of my time is spent on selling. I am currently managing the Christmas Gift Shop in my store.

My role involves lots of different things from setting up and driving my team to achieve what we need to that day or week, to analysing the previous week’s sales.

How did you apply for your job?

Briefly describe any interview/assessment process that you when through.

I started by completing an online application form which was really straightforward. I then had to do online tests including verbal reasoning, numerical and psychometric.

Following this, I was invited to an assessment centre. I had the chance to meet the other candidates and a current trainee over dinner the night before the assessment. This gave us all extra insight into the scheme which was great.

The assessment day involved lots of different tasks including a presentation, role play, group discussion and interview.

What is the best/worst thing about your job?

I would say the best thing about the scheme is having accountabilities early on. I love the pace of retail and get a real buzz from it..

Also, the team at my store are really supportive which has most certainly made it easier for me to develop my skills and all in all enjoy the role.

I would say the worst thing is not being able to socialise as much as I used to over busy periods such as Christmas! However, the atmosphere in store and the enjoyment you get out of your job at these times definitely makes up for it!

What advice would you give to students thinking of entering a similar field?

If you can, get experience in retail beforehand. Even better, get experience in the company that you want to work for.

At least then you will have some idea what to expect, as well as preparing yourself for your future job role.

JOBS@gairrhydd.COM

Skint Santa

The loan is gone. And so is most of the over draft. So how are you going to make it through Christmas shopping without breaking the bank?

Jess Best and Jamie Jones look for answers...

A

fter twenty-odd years of festive celebrations, what do you buy your mum? What do you get the house mate who’s got everything? Or the sibling who insists on telling you that they “don’t want anything”?

And most importantly, how do you afford it all on a student budget? Jobs and Money helps you navigate your way through this Christmas season with minimal expenditure and maximum imagination….

Have A Plan

Get the boring bit out of the way first. Decide exactly who you are going to buy for and how much you are going to spend before you even begin to think about the presents themselves.

And stick to it.

Talk to the people who you know will be buying presents for you and agree a mutual budget so you don’t end up feeling like Scrooge when it gets to the Big Day.

Gifts for Greenies

You might have seen the ads on TV for the elaborately named iwantoneofthose.com. This website offers a whole range of present options, with departments ranging from “gadgets and gizmos” to a variety of “adventure” days.

There is also a special “Christmas Gifts” section where you can use their gift finder to search for presents by recipient, personality, gift category and most importantly, price.

For the environmentally minded amongst you, the “gifts for greenies” section offers globally aware present

solutions including the gift of a goat (for an African community, not family members) and a “dedicate a tree” scheme.

Here’s One I Made Earlier

Make gifts. Not really crap sock puppets or pasta-shell pictures.

If home-made gifts are thought through they can make really thoughtful and personal presents.

Photo albums or ‘scrap books’ are easy to do and can end up being quite classy, while at the same time doing something useful with all those drunken photos from Come Play.

Magic Beans

Branding itself as ‘The student offers site’, www.studentbeans.co.uk offers loads of discounts all over the country in shops (high street and online), clubs, pubs, restaurants, and entertainment.

All you have to do is register with them (for free) and then make use of as many offers as you like.

Instead of a present, why not take your mum to the theatre? They’ve got up to 50% off on selected West End shows at the moment. They’re also giving 10% off at iwantoneofthose.com.

Rave Up The budget for your student household’s Secret Santa is a fiver.

Why not go one better and spend nothing?

Head to www.

glowbay.co.uk and you will receive a load of free glow sticks. Just sign up to the site and when clicking on mailing lists, adverts or web sites associated with glowbay you will instantly qualify for a free delivery.

New Years is coming up, and glow sticks make a great addition to any New Years outfit. Alternatively, become the best house mate ever and get them a present for a fiver and the glow sticks.

Paper Chase

Chick Lit

Priceless Pampering

Got an aunt who’s particularly keen on romance novels? A mum who likes nothing better than a good love story?

Head to www.millsandboon.co.uk and take advantage of their two free books offer.

Choose from modern, historical or special edition romance novels, and receive a “free mystery gift” at the same time.

Just remember to cancel your free subscription once you’ve received the books or you’ll be receiving a deluge of chick lit each month.

Try and get all your friends and family not to buy Christmas cards this year.

This not only saves money on cards and postage, but also means you’re doing your bit for the environment.

Especially if you’re going to see people face to face at some point over the festive period, don’t bother.

For those who like to be pampered, goodie bags are a great alternative to expensive spa days.

Head to the cosmetics floor of your local department store and collect as many decent sized samples as you can.

Perfumes, aftershaves, make-up or moisturising creams can all be picked up for nothing.

Add in a few bought bits and pieces and, hey presto. An (almost) priceless present.

Reward Yourself Hit The Sales Every time you shop in Tesco’s, Boots, WH Smith or GAME, you probably hand over your loyalty card. Why not reward yourself for your year as a consumer, and use your accumulated loyalty points to take help cut down the cost of present buying from shops like these?

If you are making bigger purchases then don’t forget to use your card all the same. The discounts will always come in useful at a later stage.

ATTENTION ALL BAR & WAITING STAFF If you have bar and waiting experience and would like to be contacted with details of temporary assignments, please let us know. Call us on 029 20781535 or pop in to the Jobshop between 10am-4pm Monday-Friday. We are on the ground floor of the Students’ Union.

If you really want to get organised and save bucket loads of cash in the process, milk the January sales for all they’re worth.

This can be for next year’s Christmas presents or even belated ones for this year.

The boxing day extravaganzas normally have the best bargains of the year, if you’re willing to brave the crowds, but keep going back throughout January as prices can only come down.

It might seem a little extreme, but getting in there early can really pay off in the long run.

gairrhydd

RHAGFYR.10.2007

35

TAF-OD

TAF-OD@gairrhydd.COM

Y Cawl o’r Waun Ddyfal

Ar noson oer o fis Tachwedd, beth well i gynhesu’r enaid na phowlenaid o gawl maethlon, blasus ynghyd â pherfformiadau acwstig, hamddenol...?

Ffion James Golygydd Taf-od

C

afwyd noson dra wahanol yn CF10 yn yr Undeb nos Fercher, 28 o Hydref. Trefnodd y Gymdeithas Gymraeg noson gawl gyda set acwstig i ddiddanu.Roedd llywydd y Gym Gym eisiau cynnig noson wahanol i’r aelodau, lle nad oedd pwyslais ar yfed a meddwi’n wirion. Yn hytrach, roedd y llywydd yn awchu am noson hamddenol o sgwrsio, bwyta a gwrando ar gerddoriaeth.

Rhaglen gwerth chweil a gafwyd o ran perfformiadau, gydag Adrian Hughes yn chwaraewr campus ar ei gitâr. Cafwyd cymysgedd o ganeuon, gan gynnwys cân gan Jackson 5, arwyddgan Ghosbusters, melodi am dortrois ei nain, Calon Lân ac wrth gwrs ein hanthem genedlaethol. Cafwyd perfformiad anghyffredin, wrth iddo wneud rhywbeth tebyg i ‘beat boxio’ hefo’i gitâr! Anodd credu, dwi’n gwybod, ond heb air o gelwydd, roedd yn athrylith ar ei offeryn. Ar y cyfan, fe syfrdanodd pawb, a’n meddalu fel cynulleidfa

gyda’i bersonoliaeth hoffus a difyrrus.

Gyda’r cawl yn un uchafbwynt, buan iawn y daeth un arall Fflur Dafydd a’r Barf oedd nesaf ar y llwyfan acwstig gyda chymysgedd o ddeunydd hen a newydd. Fel y gwybu pawb, mae ei chaneuon yn hynod gofiadwy, ac roedd y deunydd oddi ar ei halbwm newydd yr un mor fachog.

Beautiful Mute odd yr olaf i chwarae ar y noson, gyda’r unig aelod, Osian Roberts, yn canu cymysgedd o

ddeunydd yn y Gymraeg a’r Saesneg, gan gynnwys addasiad o gân y Beatles.

Gyda’r tri perfformiad yn wahanol, cynigwyd amrywiaeth o gerddoriaeth acwstig i’r gynulleidfa. Agorodd bar yr Undeb yn ogystal, gan roi’r dewis i aelodau’r Gym Gym brynnu peint neu hyd yn oed lemonêd. Fel y dywedwyd eisoes, doedd dim pwyslais ar feddwi ar y noson benodol hon, a doedd y syniad o godi er mwyn mynd i ddarlith erbyn 9 y bore ddim yn afrealistig o’r herwydd ychwaith. Clywais ambell un yn

mentro dweud ‘O braf ydi deffro heb

hangover,’er eu bod wedi cael noson

Mae’r llywydd, wedi profi nad oes rhaid cael noson feddwol er mwyn cael noson o fwynhad aruthrol o dda.

Heb os, uchafbwynt y noson i fwy nag un oedd y cawl ei hun. Codwyd £3 ac roedd y pris yma yn cynnwys mynediad i’r gig ac un powlenaid o gawl.

Ond buan iawn y gorffennodd pawb eu powlenaid cyntaf, cyn awchu am fwy.

Canlyniad hyn oedd ail bowlenaid o gawl

cennin. Er i bawb gael eu plesio, siom a gafwyd pan sylweddolom nad oedd caws yn cael ei ddarparu i ni! Ond ta waeth am hynny, roedd y syniad newydd, gwreiddiol yma wedi plesio pawb.

Gyda’r cawl yn un uchafbwynt, buan iawn y daeth un arall. Ers misoedd, bu ychydig o aelodau’r Gym Gym yn brysur iawn yn paratoi ffilm fer yn dwyn y teitl ‘Y Cawl o’r Waun Ddyfal’ (ac mae’n bosib i chi ei weld ar YouTube). Yn y rhaglen goginio fer, mae Huw Waters yn chwarae rôl cogydd arbennig ac yn creu campwaith o gawl gyda’i gynorthwyydd, Steffan Watkins.

Dyma’r cynhwysion a ddefnyddiwyd o ran diddordeb; merllys, tatws brenhinol Siersi, shibwns, berwr d w r,ˆ gwin gwyn, Oxo cyw iâr, halen a phupur du (er mwyn ychwanegu blas), hufen, menyn, pennau merllys a theim.

Wedi llwyddiant y noson gawl, gydag oddeutu hanner cant o aelodau yn mentro a threialu’r noson wahanol yma, ni ellir gwadu nad oedd y noson yn un llewyrchus o ran datblygiad y Gymdeithas Gymraeg. Mae Llyˆr Lewis, y llywydd, wedi profi nad oes rhaid cael

Siart Senglau yng Nghymru? Jazz Cymreig Gwilym Dwyfor Golygydd Taf-od

W

rth i’r Nadolig nesáu, un trafodaeth fydd i’w chlywed yn gyson o hyn, hyd at ychydig ddyddiau cyn yr w^yl fydd honno am y ‘Christmas number one’. Bydd tomen o grwpiau ac unigolion (y mwyafrif ohonynt yn uffernol ac yn ddigon i roi pigyn clust i rhywun) yn brwydro am y fraint a’r anrhydedd o gael bod ar frig y siartau ar ddiwrnod Nadolig.

Mae’r artistiaid sydd wedi profi’r wefr yn ystod y ddeg mlynedd ddiwethaf yn cynnwys rhywun o’r enw Spice Girls a’r athrylith cerddorol, Bob the Builder. Hefyd yn ddiweddar, mae cynnyrch rhaglenni ‘talent’ wedi dechrau rheoli’r frwydr, unigolion megis Shane Ward a Leona Lewis a’r grw^p Grirls Aloud. Mae’n debyg fod y gyfres, ‘X factor’ yn cael ei hamseru’n fwriadol fel bod yr enillwyr yn cael eu cyhoeddi ychydig cyn y Nadolig, yn barod ar gyfer ymgais am y ‘number one’, ac mae poblogrwydd y rhaglen yn ddigon i sicrhau fod ganddynt gyfle go dda. Tydw i ddim yn ffan mawr o’r gerddoriaeth pop sydd i’w glywed ar frig y siartau Prydeinig yn ddiddiwedd, felly byddai’n llawer gwell gen i weld cân Nadoligaidd gawslyd yn ennill y dydd.

Arferiai’r mwyafrif o’r caneuon fod yn ganeuon am y Nadolig ond wrth edrych yn ôl ar yr hanes diweddar, gwelir mai ‘Do they know it’s Christmas?’ gan Band Aid yw’r unig gan Nadoligaidd i gyrraedd rhif un.

Fel y soniais eisioes, does dim ots gen i am y ‘Christmas number one.

Pan ddaw y nos Sul cyn y Nadolig fe fydd gen i fwy o ddiddordeb yn Songs of Praise na siart y 40 uchaf. Wedi dweud hynny, un peth fyddai’n ddiddorol fyddai rhyw fath o siart Nadolig Cymraeg. Dwi’n deall fod y diwylliant

Bydd gen i fwy o ddiddordeb yn Songs of Praise...

canu poblogaidd yma yng Nghymru ar raddfa dipyn llai na’r hyn a welir ym Mhrydain gyfan, ond mae’n ddiflas braidd nad oes unrhyw siart gwerth sôn amdani i’w chael yma yng Nghymru.

Oes, mae yna ffasiwn beth a siart C2, ond fe ddaw annibyniaeth i Gymru, a bydd pobl yn byw ar y lleuad cyn y daw neb i ddeall sut mae honno’n gweithio!

Mae siart mawredd mawr yn cael ei chyhoeddi bob blwyddyn hefyd, ond dipyn o lol yw hwnnw hefyd gan mai caneuon sydd wedi eu cyhoeddi ers blynyddoedd sydd wastad yn dod i’r brig.

Wrth gwrs, canran isel iawn o gerddoeiaeth Cymraeg sy’n cael ei gyhoeddi ar ffurf senglau, gyda albyms ac EP’s yn llawer mwy cyffredin. Dwn i ddim yn union beth yw’r rhweswm am hynny. Cynulleidfa gyfunedig sydd yng Nghymru a go brin y byddai pobl yn prynu cân fel sengl ac yna eto ar albwm.

Pe byddai mwy o senglau Cymraeg byddem ninnau fel Cymry Cymraeg hefyd yn cael dipyn o hwyl dros yr ^wyl yn aros am siart y Nadolig. Senglau neu beidio, mae cryno ddisgiau Cymraeg ar y cyfan yn anrhyeg Nadolig cyffredin iawn, felly yn sicr byddai’n bosib llunio rhyw fath o siart yn seiliedig ar werthiant mis Rhagfyr.

Fydd dim siart Nadolig yng Nghymru eleni, felly mae’n debyg mai’r agosaf y down ni at y ‘Christmas number one’ fydd trey Rhydian Roberts, os lwyddith y Cymro penfelyn i ennill yr ‘X factor’ ac arddel y traddodiad diweddar trwy gipio’r safle uchaf yn y siartiau hefyd.

Gwilym Dwyfor Golygydd Taf-od

E

fallai fod Alawon gwerin Cymreig a cherddoriaeth jazz yn gyfuniad digon anarferol, ond yn wir, roedd o’n gyfuniad bach digon diddorol! Dyna’r math o gerddoriaeth a chwaraewyd gan y band Burum yn y Café jazz ar Heol y Santes Fair ar nos Iau olaf mis Tachwedd.

Clywed am y noson trwy ffrind a wnes i, ac er nad ydw i’n ddilynwr brwd o gerddoriaeth jazz mi dria’i bob dim unwaith, a chefais noson ddifyr iawn. Gig wedi ei threfnu gan Menter Caerdydd oedd hi a gig oedd yn newid bach braf o’r math o beth y byddaf yn ei fwynhau fel arfer.

er nad ydw i’n ddilynwr brwd o gerddoriaeth jazz mi dria’i bob dim unwaith!

Chwaraeodd Burum alawon gwerin megis ‘Marwnad yr Ehedydd’, ‘Llongau Caernarfon’, a ‘Lisa Lan’ yn eu dull unigryw eu hunain ynghyd ag ambell alaw llai adnabyddus ac ambell gân wreiddiol. Roedd y syniad o ddefnyddio’r alawon cyfarwydd fel rhyw fath o egin yn effeithiol. Yr unig gw^yn fyddai gan rhywun fel fi sydd ddim yn hyddysg iawn yn ei Alawon gwerin, fyddai’r ffaith nad oedd digon ohonynt yn gyfarwydd. Ta waeth am hynny, roedd

hi’n gig dda er fod £5 i weld un band yn chwarae braidd yn ddrud.

Prin yr oedd rhywun yn gallu gorffen ei beint cyn y byddai un arall ar y bar yn barod Un peth da iawn am y gig oedd y lleoliad. Doeddwn i erioed wedi bod yn y Café Jazz o’r blaen ac roedd o’n le bach hynod gartrefol. Roedd digon o le i eistedd ac ymlacio tra’n gwerthfawrogi’r awyrgylch di-frys, a roedd y staff tu ôl i’r bar yn rhagorol!

Prin yr oedd rhywun yn gallu gorffen ei beint cyn y byddai un arall ar y bar yn barod. Roedd hyd yn oed y dyn mawr tew meddw, gyda’i graith ar draws ei foch a’i glwtyn ar ei lygad yn ychwanegu rhywsut at y noson!

Canlyniad y cyfuniad o leoliad a math o gerddoriaeth newydd i mi yn bersonol oedd noson dda iawn.

Newid bach neis felly oedd y noson yn y café jazz ac yn sicr, fe af yno eto.

Rhifyn olaf cyn y Nadolig...

Yn anffodus, dyma rifyn olaf Taf-od cyn y Nadolig.

Os hoffech chi baratoi erthygl, adolygiad, stori fer, neu unrhywbeth ar gyfer y flwyddyn newydd, cysylltwch â ni! Diolch i bawb am eu cefnogaeth, a Nadolig Llawen!

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

HOT

.

Winterval: A lovely non-exclusive way of celebrating the holiday season without any messy religious affiliations. Finally everyone can party together. Thank you Birmingham!

I

!TELLY! Amy Harrison is an investor in people

t’s Christmas and it is all going to be doom and gloom LOVELY! Before the phrase humbug is chucked in my direction, I am of course referring to the land of soaps.

Nothing defines Christmas better than sitting round the telly with the loved ones, a nice cup of tea, a stack of mince pies and watching someone else’s life descend into utter misery. I wholeheartedly support the British pre-occupation with depressing, heartbreaking stories around the jolliest of seasons. Our American cousins may all be glamour, big hair and toothy smiles but give me a gruesome death in the snow any day. Not only does it make for damn good viewing, it makes Christmas with the family that little bit more bearable. You end up feeling less upset that someone thought a pack of pens was a wise gift choice and rather chuffed that your older sister isn’t actually your mum.

Christmas’s past in Coronation Street have had their fair bit of misery with the likes of Richie Hillman in 2002 trying to smother golden oldie Emily with a pillow. Aside from that its all been a bit too cheerful with most characters giving birth to screaming poo machines or starting affairs during the festive season. All a bit of a yawn fest in comparison to the awesomeness of Eastenders. The ‘Enders loves a nice bit of death to accompany Christmas dinner. The best ones thus far have been when in 1998 Tiffany tries to run away with not-quite-sexy Italian Beppe but ends up getting run over by Mr ‘allo

Pat’ Butcher. Then there is the death of Jamie Mitchell in 2002, who dies in hospital after he pledges eternal love to Sonia. To be honest that might have been a blessing in disguise. They wouldn’t have stayed together as she turned out to be a lesbian. No one needs that. There was a worrying period of weddings and good cheer, yuck! I’m sure no one needs to see pramface Slater wed clearly on meds Alfie Moon. If one needed something sickly sweet another helping of pudding would suffice thank you very much. This was however all remedied last year with the death of Pauline in the snow as she walked her freakishly

SHOWBIZ In the business that is show, there seems to be an awful lot of shenanigans, and boy do I love it. This week is not going to be a good one for 24 star Kiefer Sutherland as he has begun his stint in prison for Driving Under the Influence (DUI for us kids in the know.) He will be spending Christmas and New Year in the clink. Bear that in mind kiddies, don’t drink and drive! Things on the other hand are looking up for uber hottie Jonathan Rhys Meyers off The Tudors. He has had the charges dropped against him in Ireland after he was arrested acting like a drunken twat. I didn’t know you could evade the law just by saying sorry.

I guess no one wants to put beautiful, charming people in prison. Look at Pete Doherty, all he had to do was flash a smile and off he popped for more crack fun.

FUDGE TUNNEL

37

NOT

Christmas: Such an exclusive celebration! What about all those other religions and me without a religion at all? Way to make everyone feel left out and sad. I feel so alone.

small dog. I was a bit disappointed with this one as it was quite a pleasant death considering she was such a sour cow but it’s good to see that the ‘Enders are getting back into the spirit of things.

This year looks to be quite a corker. All the bigwigs in soaptown have decided that this is the year when no one shall escape their much needed dose of despair. I don’t want to spoil things for you seasonal sadists but wow! All the secrets in the world ever come pouring out and lets just say not too many people are left smiling.

At least three marriages are in jeopardy and who knows which will survive the Christmas period if any at all. There is also a juicy act of revenge and a ridiculously amazing storyline courtesy of a rather conservative soap. Let’s just say naughty drugs and a cliff in Lake District are involved. I don’t want to be a tease, so I will say keep your eyes firmly plastered to the Eastenders but don’t be too hasty in dismissing the Corrie.

I can almost guarantee that most of you lovely !Telly! readers will be bouncing on the edge of your sofas and chucking tinsel all over the joint. I don’t want to alienate the rest of you freaks who don’t like soaps so have fun watching the Queen muse on some stuff or perhaps get on with your essays. Telly will still love you... just.

SOAPS

I would count your lucky stars that you’re not chillaxing in Walford over Xmas, because things are going to start getting extremely messy over the next few weeks. Exhilarating storylines this week include Billy’s humiliation in the Queen Vic when Peggy denounces him as the charity collection thief. Lauren discovers the naughtiness on the holiday video tape marking the downfall of Max and Stacey. When Max suggests Lauren edit Bradley and Stacey’s wedding video like the brick headed idiot he is, she stumbles across footage of her father trying to cop a feel of her new auntie, Stacers. Lauren then decides to copy the video to DVD…but “what for?” I hear you cry! Well my guess would be because the DVD is a technologically superior format than the bog standard VHS. I’m sure the ‘Enders writers have come up with something spectacular but although dull my idea smacks of award winning realism.

FILM HAPPY GILMORE, CH4, MONDAY )) Adam Sandler plays golf, hilarity ensues.

21 GRAMS, FILM4, TUESDAY )))) Playing off the idea that when you die you supposedly lose 21 grams in body weight, Innaritu’s second in his portmanteau trilogy centres around an auto-accident which effects three lives. Starring Sean Penn, Benicio Del Toro and Naomi Watts this film is a must see .

CLOSER, FIVE, SUNDAY ))) Clive Owen, Jude Law, Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman all star as cunts in this rather good little film about love and deceit. There is a fuck load of swearing and some rather good quotes, although because all the characters are so dislikable you never really care what happens to them. Some lonely men may be interested to know that Natalie Portman plays a stripper (but you don’t see anything good), and theres a great scene of mistaken identity in a chat room.

38 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

MONDAY Arrange Me a Marriage BBC1 2.20am

Emotional Literacy BBC2 1.20pm

BBC 1

BBC 2

10th December Human Rights Day

Al Murray’s Happy Help Me Love My Baby Hour C4 8.00pm ITV1 12.05am ITV 1

Channel 4

Sexilicious five 11.50pm Five

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Open House 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Cash in the Attic

6:00am CBBC 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

6:10am Kids Tv 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:55am Just Shoot Me 8:20am Frasier 9:20am ER 10:15am Without a Trace 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm 3 Minute Wonder 12:35pm Come Dine with Me

6:00am The Milkshake! Show 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Cooking the Books

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Doctors 2:10pm Neighbours 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC

1:00pm Science Clips 1:10pm Science Clips 1:20pm Emotional Literacy 1:30pm Snooker: UK Championships

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

1:05pm How Clean Is Your House?

1:35pm The Day Will Dawn 3:25pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

1:00pm Hanrahan Investigates 1:30pm Monkey Life 2:00pm Two Came Back 3:50pm I’ll Be Home for Christmas

5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Chris Tarrant’s Great Pretender

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm Junior Mastermind 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 8:00pm University Challenge 8:30pm Nigella Express

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Britain Sings Christmas 8:30pm Coronation Street

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days of Christmas 8:00pm Help Me Love My Baby

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Cooking the Books 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Human Guinea Pigs 8:00pm The Gadget Show

9:00pm Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work

9:00pm Dragons’ Den

9:00pm Blue Murder

9:00pm Dispatches: Christmas Credit Crisis

9:00pm Street Crime Live

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm X-Ray

10:00pm Have I Got News for You 10:30pm Newsnight

10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Happy Gilmore

10:00pm The Glimmer Man

11:05pm Live at the Apollo 11:50pm The Ghost and the Darkness 1:30am Weatherview 1:35am Sign Zone: A Real Summer 2:20am Sign Zone: Arrange Me a Marriage 3:20am Sign Zone: Heir Hunters

11:20pm Snooker: UK Championships Highlights 12:10am Snooker: UK Championships Extra 2:00am Joins BBC News 24

11:05pm Fire! Fire!

11:40pm It’s My Shout 2007 12:05am Al Murray’s Happy Hour 12:55am UEFA Champions League Weekly 1:25am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:20am Quincy, ME

11:50pm 4 Music:Led Zeppelin: Live Madison Square Garden 1973 12:20am Coming Up: A Man in a Box 12:55am The Story of the Weeping Camel 2:30am World Cup Skiing 4:15am The Beginner’s Guide to... Yoga

11:50pm Sexilicious 12:50am NBA 360 1:30am NFL Live 4:50am Race and Rally UK 5:15am V8 Supercars

PICK OF THE DAY Dragons Den , BBC2, 9pm This is good TV, part reality, part competition, and with some cringing personalities. To start with the show’s host, Evan Davis, is a weird one, when he looks out of the screen at you, you feel like he’s undressing you with his eyes. The dragons themselves are a mixed bunch, there’s the foxy Deborah Meadan (if you were wondering, then yes, I would), Duncan ‘pass the whisky’ Bannatyne, Peter Jones, Theo ‘man of the people’ Pathitis and James ‘the gambler’ Khan.

02920 229977

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters 62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

TUESDAY Film 2007 BBC1 11.20pm

Oz & James’s Big Wine Adventures BBC2 8.00pm

BBC 1

Barry Island ITV1 11.05pm

BBC 2

ITV 1

39

11th December Remembrance Day of Llywelyn II

Without a Trace C4 10.15am Channel 4

The Milkshake!

Show five 12.00am Five

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Cash in the Attic

6:00am CBBC 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

6:00am Kids TV 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:50am Just Shoot Me 8:20am Frasier 9:20am ER 10:15am Without a Trace 11:10am Without a Trace 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Come Dine with Me

6:00am The Milkshake! Show 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Cooking the Books

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Doctors 2:10pm Neighbours 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC

1:00pm Friends and Heroes 1:30pm Animal Park 2:00pm am.pm 3:00pm Snooker: UK Championships

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

1:00pm How Clean Is Your House?

1:25pm Proud Parents 1:35pm An Ideal Husband 3:25pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

1:00pm Hanrahan Investigates 1:25pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:35pm Danielle Steel’s Message from Nam 3:35pm five news update 3:40pm Picking Up and Dropping Off

5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Chris Tarrant’s Great Pretender

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby City

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing 7:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 8:00pm Oz and James’s Big Wine Adventures 8:30pm Heston Blumenthal: In Search of Perfection 9:00pm Earth: the Power of the Planet

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm UEFA Champions League Live: Marseille v Liverpool

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days of Christmas 8:00pm Property Ladder

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Cooking the Books 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Massive Machines 8:00pm The Titanic Conspiracy: The True Story

9:00pm Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares

9:00pm CSI: Miami

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Mr and Mrs Bin Laden

10:00pm Room 101 10:30pm Newsnight

10:00pm Death Race 2007: Tonight 10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Sex in the Noughties: The Sex Blog Girls

10:00pm CSI: NY

11:20pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 11:50pm Mimic 1:30am Weatherview 1:35am Sign Zone: See Hear 2:05am Sign Zone: Cranford

11:20pm Snooker: UK Championships Highlights 12:10am Snooker: UK Championships Extra 2:00am Joins BBC News 24

11:05pm Barry Island 11:35pm Al Murray’s Happy Hour 12:35am UEFA Champions League Highlights 1:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:20am Quincy, ME 5:10am CITV: Pocoyo

11:05pm Secret Millionaire 12:05am Bluesqpoker.com Grosvenor UK Poker Tour 1:10am World Cup Skiing 3:00am KOTV 3:25am Freesports on 4

11:00pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 12:00am Urban Legends 12:30am Urban Legends 1:00am NBA Basketball 3:40am V8 Supercars

9:00pm Spooks

PICK OF THE DAY UEFA Champions League Live: Marseille v Liverpool Liverpool must beat Marseille in their final Group A game today to guarantee they will reach the knockout stages, but if Besitkas beat Porto a draw in France could be enough. A defeat for Rafa would increase the tensions with Hicks and Gillet who would see an exit from the Champions League as a dramatic failure. How much longer will the emotionally illiterate Anfield faithful stick behind Benitez who has failed to entirely convince the wider footballing community? Oh, watch out for Marseille, they have a great young playmaker called Samir Nasri and a dangerous frontman in Mamadou Niang.

Every second pizza half price 62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

40 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

WEDNESDAY Thumb Wrestling BBC1 4.25pm

The Best Bits of Cath- Ocean’s Twelve erine Tate ITV1 9.00pm BBC2 10.00pm

BBC 1

BBC 2 6:00am CBeebies 10:45am Family Xchange 11:30am am.pm 1:00pm See Hear

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Doctors 2:10pm Neighbours 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC:Dennis the Menace 3:45pm Arthur 4:00pm Animalia 4:25pm Thumb Wrestling 4:30pm SMart 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm Junior Mastermind 8:00pm Watchdog 8:30pm Cars, Cops and Bailiffs 9:00pm Traffic Cops 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather

1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm Snooker: UK Championships

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

5:15pm The Weakest Link

10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm The National Lottery Draws 10:45pm The Pink Floyd Story: Which One’s Pink?

11:45pm Needful Things 1:40am Weatherview 1:45am Sign Zone: Antiques Roadshow 2:45am Sign Zone: Earth: The Power of the Planet 3:45am Sign Zone: Rogue Traders 4:15am Sign Zone: Heir Hunters 5:00am Joins BBC News

12th December Bill Nighy’s Birthday

Come Dine with Me C4 12.30pm

The Spice Girls on Trial five 9.00pm

Channel 4

Five

ITV 1

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Cash in the Attic 1:00pm BBC News; Weather

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:50am Just Shoot Me 8:20am Frasier 8:50am Frasier 9:20am ER 10:15am Without a Trace 11:05am Without a Trace 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Come Dine with Me 1:00pm How Clean Is Your House?

1:30pm The Malta Story 3:25pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

6:00amKids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Cooking the Books 1:00pm Hanrahan Investigates

5:00pm Chris Tarrant’s Great Pretender

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 8:00pm Ben’s Zoo

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill: Blackmailed

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days of Christmas 8:00pm How to Look Good Naked

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Cooking the Books 7:00pm five news 7:30pm House Doctor 8:00pm Diet Doctors: Inside & Out

9:00pm Can Gerry Robinson Fix the NHS?- One Year On 10:00pm The Best Bits of Catherine Tate

9:00pm Ocean’s Twelve

9:00pm The Spice Girls on Trial

10:30pm Newsnight

10:30pm ITV News and Weather

11:20pm Snooker: UK Championships Highlights 12:10am Joins BBC News 24

11:05pm Ocean’s Twelve 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:15am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:10am CITV: Pocoyo 5:20am CITV: Jim Jam and Sunny 5:30am CITV: Engie Benjy 5:40am CITV: Curious George

9:00pm Secret Millionaire 10:00pm The End of the World Cult 11:05pm Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares 12:10am First Cut: Happy Birthday, You’re Dead 12:40am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 1:25am Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip 2:15am King of the Hill 2:40am King of the Hill 3:05am Humdrum 3:10am Mesh 3:15am Johnny Vegas’s Guide to... Evangelical Christianity 4:15am Enemies of Reason 5:15am In Your Dreams 5:25am Countdown

1:30pm Danielle Steel’s Message from Nam 3:30pm Perry Mason: The Case of the Shooting Star

10:00pm An Officer and a Gentleman

12:30am Poker: Women’s World Open 2:00am NHL Ice Hockey 4:45am UEFA Cup Football

PICK OF THE DAY The Jeremy Kyle Show, ITV 1, 9.25am The hardest thing about weekday mornings, when you have to drag yourself out of bed for your morning lectures? Missing part or the WHOLE of Jeremy Kyle!! Where on earth do they find these people? I never knew the world was so full of affairs, lies, drugs and teenage pregnancies! The show really does open your eyes to the realities of life that until now, only soap operas have dreamed of replicating. Jerry Springer is well and truly a thing of the past!

02920 229977

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters 62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

THURSDAY Dragon’s Eye BBC1 10.35pm

Working Lunch BBC2 12.30pm

BBC 1

LK Today ITV1 8.35am

BBC 2

ITV 1

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Cash in the Attic

6:00am CBeebies 10:30am BBC Primary Geography 10:50am Seasonal Snapshots 11:10am Look and Read 11:30am Words and Pictures 11:45am Words and Pictures 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:15am ITV Wales News and Weather 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Wales Today; Weather 1:40pm Doctors 2:10pm Neighbours 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC:Dennis the Menace 3:45pm Arthur 4:00pm Animalia 4:25pm The Owl 4:30pm Hedz 5:00pm Chute!

5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Waterloo Road 9:00pm The Street 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Dragon’s Eye 11:05pm Question Time 12:05am This Week 12:50am Skiing Weather 12:55am Sign Zone: Nigella Express 1:25am Sign Zone: Heston Blumenthal: In Search of Perfection 1:55am Sign Zone: Oz and James’s Big Wine Adventures 2:25am Sign Zone: The Company 3:55am Sign Zone: Heir Hunters 4:40am Joins BBC News 24

1:00pm Around the World in 80 Treasures 1:30pm Snooker: UK Championships

1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

5:15pm The Weakest Link

41

13th December St Lucia’s Day

Ju-On: The Grudge C4 1.10am

Muscle Worship: Hidden Lives five 11.10pm

Channel 4

Five

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:25am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:50am Just Shoot Me 8:20am Frasier 8:50am Frasier 9:20am ER 10:10am Without a Trace 11:05am Without a Trace 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Come Dine with Me 1:00pm How Clean Is Your House?

1:30pm Thunder Bay 3:25pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Cooking the Books

5:00pm Chris Tarrant’s Great Pretender

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 8:00pm Arrange Me a Marriage

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News and Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Fishlock’s Castles Of Wales 8:00pm The Bill: The Honey Trap

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: 12 Days of Christmas 8:00pm Murder in Paradise

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Cooking the Books 7:00pm five news 7:30pm House Doctor 8:00pm Build a New Life in the Country

9:00pm Never Mind the Buzzcocks 9:30pm Lead Balloon

9:00pm Sold

9:00pm Last Party at the Palace 10:00pm Without a Trace

9:00pm The Hotel Inspector 10:00pm Californication 10:40pm 30 Rock

10:00pm Sport Wales 10:30pm Newsnight

10:00pm How to Get More Sex 10:30pm ITV News and Weather 11:05pm In The Name Of The Children

11:10pm Lives

11:20pm The Graham Norton Show 11:50pm Snooker: UK Championships Highlights 12:40am Joins BBC News 24 4:20am Joins BBC News 24

11:35pm Welsh Political Awards 4:15am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:10am CITV: Pocoyo 5:20am CITV: Jim Jam and Sunny 5:30am CITV: Engie Benjy 5:40am CITV: Curious George 5:55am ITV Early Morning News

11:00pm Shameless 12:00am Bjork: Video Exclusive 12:05am Coming Up 12:40am 4 Music: Jack Penate: Loose at the Seams 1:10am Ju-On: The Grudge 2:45am The Beginner’s Guide to...

Voodoo 3:45am Enemies of Reason 4:45am Bjork: Video Exclusive 4:50am Headland 5:35am Countdown

PICK OF THE DAY Hollyoaks, Channel 4, 6.30pm Oh, what would the world be without Hollyoaks? A very dark and sinister world, to say the very least! Hollyoaks doesn’t carry the heavy and often boring conventions attached to the other soaps. It doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously and, for this reason, I thank the creator who devoted their time to the old ‘oaks! Soap of the decade, anyone? I really do think so!

Every second pizza half price 62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

02920 229977

1:00pm Hanrahan Investigates 1:35pm Russell Grant’s Postcards 1:40pm Ride a Crooked Trail 3:25pm five news update 3:30pm Can’t Hardly Wait

Muscle

Worship:

Hidden

12:10am Quiz Call 4:00am Dutch Football 5:10am Football Argentina Highlights

42 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

FRIDAY Escape to Country BBC1 10.00am

the Eggheads BBC2 6.00pm

BBC 1

BBC 2

14th December Last Day of Term!

This Morning ITV1 11.20am

Countdown C4 3.25pm

ITV 1

How to Marry a Billionaire five 3.30pm

Channel 4

Five

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:30am Car Booty 12:15pm Cash in the Attic

6:00am CBBC 10:15am Educational TV 11:45am Something Special 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 11:10am ITV News Headlines 11:20am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women

6:20am Making It 6:25am The Hoobs 6:50am Freshly Squeezed 7:15am Everybody Loves Raymond 7:40am Just Shoot Me 8:10am Frasier 9:10am Fallen Angel 11:05am Without a Trace 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Come Dine with Me

6:00am Kids TV 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm Cooking the Books

1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:40pm Doctors 2:10pm Neighbours 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News and Weather 3:25pm CBBC

1:30pm Snooker: UK Championships

1:30pm ITV News and Weather 2:00pm 60 Minute Makeover 3:00pm Rosemary Shrager’s School For Cooks 4:00pm Midsomer Murders

1:00pm Channel 4 Racing Cheltenham 3:25pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal

1:00pm Hanrahan Investigates 1:30pm Broken Promises: Taking Emily Back 3:30pm How to Marry a Billionaire

5:00pm Trapped 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours

5:15pm The Weakest Link

5:00pm Chris Tarrant’s Great Pretender

5:00pm The Paul O’Grady Show

5:30pm five news

6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm The One Show 7:30pm A Question of Sport 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm The Green Green Grass

6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 8:00pm Gardener of the Year 2007

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm First Cut: Being Maxine Carr 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Cooking the Books 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Mean Machines 8:00pm World’s Strongest Man Super Series

9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:30pm Armstrong and Miller Show 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:25pm Wales Today; Weather 10:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross

9:00pm Fanny Hill

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Goodbye Cod and Chips?: Tonight 8:30pm All New Airline 9:00pm Tomorrow Never Dies

9:00pm Ugly Betty

9:00pm NCIS

10:00pm QI 10:30pm Newsnight

10:30pm ITV News and Weather

10:00pm Max and Paddy’s Road to Nowhere 10:30pm Max and Paddy’s Road to Nowhere

10:00pm Law and Order: Criminal Intent

11:35pm Species 1:20am Phantasm II 2:50am Weatherview 2:55am Sign Zone:Top Gear 3:55am Sign Zone: You Can’t Fire Me, I’m Famous 4:40am Joins BBC News 24

11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Later...with Jools Holland 12:35am Snooker: UK Championships Highlights 1:25am The Price of Kissing 2:55am Star Trek: The Next Generation 3:40am Star Trek: The Next Generation

11:05pm Tomorrow Never Dies 11:55pm Numb3rs 12:40am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:30am Karen Sisco 5:10am CITV 5:55am ITV Early Morning News

11:05pm Borat’s Television Programme 11:55pm 4 Music:Coming Up: Scapegoat 12:30am 4 Music:Beat Stevie 12:45am World Cup Snowboard 2:30am Goalissimo!

3:25am Trans World Sport

11:00pm Angelo’s 11:30pm Valley of the Sex Dolls 12:00am Quiz Call 5:10am Wildlife SOS 5:35am Wildlife SOS

from

PICK OF THE DAY Fanny Hill, BBC2, 9.00pm Yes, I know it has a funny title: please stop laughing about the word “Hill” and get over it. Seriously now, this new BBC period drama is nothing much beyond its title; good for a giggle, but lacking in anything really interesting. Fanny is a naive girl, and soon into the show becomes a prostitute, spending the rest of the hour having sex and annoying talking into camera. I realise the BBC enjoys its sex heavy costume dramas, but this is so rushed and plot-light it’s pointless. Only watch if you’re that desperate.

02920 229977

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters 62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

SATURDAY Breakfast BBC 6.00am

Snooker: UK Championships BBC2 7.00pm

BBC 1

15th December Bill of Rights Day

The Spy Who Loved Hallo Panda Me C4 3.00am ITV1 3.10pm

BBC 2

ITV 1

43

Channel 4

Built for the Kill: Cat five 11.30am

Five

6:00am Breakfast 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Bill’s Food 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 12:10pm Football Focus

6:00am CBBC 11:45am Sportsround 12:00pm The Robe

6:00am CITV 11:50am ITV News and Weather 12:00pm ITV Wales News and Weather 12:05pm Saturday Cooks

6:00am The Hoobs 6:50am The Treacle People 7:00am Goalissimo!

8:00am The Morning Line 8:50am T4: One Tree Hill 9:50am T4: Friends 10:55am T4: Movie Special 11:25am T4: Mobileact Unsigned 12:25pm T4: Friends

6:00am Kids TV 10:00am The Gadget Show 11:00am Football Italiano Highlights 11:30am Built for the Kill: Cat 12:15pm Noah’s Ark

1:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 4:30pm Wales on Saturday

2:10pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 2:40pm Seal Sanctuary 2:55pm Dragonslayer 4:35pm BBC Switch:Falcon Beach

1:35pm Snow Day 3:10pm Bond Season: The Spy Who Loved Me 4:45pm ITV Wales News and Weather

1:00pm T4: Charmed 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:00pm Richard and Judy’s Christmas Books

2:00pm The Adventures of Robin Hood 3:55pm The Neverending Story

5:10pm Outtake TV 5:40pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather

5:20pm BBC Switch: Sound 5:55pm BBC Switch: Them

5:00pm ITV News and Weather 5:15pm Bond Season:The Spy Who Loved Me

5:00pm Time Team

5:45pm Gremlins

6:00pm Strictly Come Dancing 7:15pm Robin Hood 8:00pm The National Lottery: Who Dares Wins 8:50pm Casualty

6:10pm The Culture Show 7:00pm Snooker: UK Championships 8:00pm Coast

6:15pm The Westlife Show 7:15pm The X Factor Final 8:50pm All Star Family Fortunes

6:00pm Codex 6:45pm Channel 4 News 7:30pm Deal or No Deal 8:15pm This Is Civilisation

7:30pm five news and sport 7:50pm NCIS 8:45pm NCIS

9:40pm The Omid Djalili Show

9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:40pm Snooker: UK Championships

9:35pm The X Factor Final Results

9:15pm 100 Greatest Funny Moments

9:40pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

10:10pm BBC News; Weather 10:30pm Match of the Day

12:00am Into the Sun 1:40am Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 2:40am Weatherview 2:45am Joins BBC News 24

10:35pm ITV Weekend News and Weather 10:50pm All New TV’s Naughtiest Blunders

11:10pm Kenneth Brannagh - A Culture Show Special 11:40pm In My Father’s Den 1:40am The Culture Show 2:30am Roberto Succo

12:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am The Jules and Lulu Show 4:35am The Jules and Lulu Show 5:00am CITV 5:55am ITV Early Morning News

10:40pm Law and Order: SVU

1:25am Conquest of the Planet of the Apes 3:00am Hallo Panda 3:35am Wild Things 4:25am Headland 5:15am Countdown

PICK OF THE DAY Gremlins, Five, 5.45pm Forget Coca-Cola adverts; the true sign of Christmas is in the TV schedules. Last week we had Elf and this week the brilliant black comedy Gremlins. These furry creatures not only look like furbies but behave like them too; after a while, their innocent charm fades as they turn evil and annoying - there’s a reason my two furbies are upside-down in a drawer somewhere at home. Surprisingly funny, even when a character explains how her father died, Gremlins shows kid’s that Christmas movies aren’t all crappy.

Every second pizza half price

02920 229977

11:40pm Criminal Minds 12:40am Quiz Call 5:10am Wildlife SOS 5:35am Wildlife SOS

44 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

TELLY

TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

SUNDAY Christmas Voices BBC1 10:00am

16th December Independance Day - Kazakhstan

A Man Called Horse Play It to the Bone BBC2 11.45pm ITV1 1.10am

BBC 1

BBC 2

Addicted to Porn C4 11.25pm

ITV 1

Beyond the Break five 11.30am

Channel 4

Five

6:00am Breakfast 7:25am Match of the Day 9:00am The Andrew Marr Show 10:00am Christmas Voices 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm BBC News 12:05pm Cash in the Attic 12:50pm Keeping Up Appearances

6:00am CBBC 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Animal Park 12:30pm Attack on the Iron Coast

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:00am Kids TV 9:25am The Championship 10:25am Soccer Sunday 10:50am CITV 12:00pm ITV News and Weather 12:15pm Beethoven’s 5th

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am Trans World Sport 7:00am Freesports on 4 8:00am World Cup Skiing 8:55am T4: The OC 9:55am T4: St Trinian’s: T4 Movie Special 10:30am T4: Hollyoaks Omnibus

6:00am The Milkshake! Show 6:25am Kids TV 10:00am Hannah Montana 10:30am Hannah Montana 11:00am 8 Simple Rules 11:30am Beyond the Break 12:00pm Wild Events 12:30pm Wild Challenge 12:40pm St Martin-in-the-Fields

1:20pm Diagnosis Murder 2:10pm EastEnders 4:05pm Robin Hood 4:50pm Lifeline

2:00pm Snooker: UK Championships

1:55pm The X Factor Final 3:30pm The X Factor Final Results 4:30pm Best Ever Worst Auditions 3

1:00pm T4: Mobileact Unsigned 2:05pm T4: Friends 2:40pm T4: Ugly Betty 3:40pm T4: The Simpsons 4:15pm T4: The Simpsons 4:50pm Jingle All the Way

1:30pm Football Italiano 4:25pm Shout at the Devil

5:00pm Songs of Praise 5:50pm Cranford

6:00pm My Life with Animals: Charlotte Uhlenbroek 6:30pm An Otter in the Family 7:00pm Earth: The Power of the Planet 8:00pm Snooker: UK Championships

5:30pm Paul Potts: By Royal Command 6:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather

6:25pm Scrapheap Challenge

6:40pm five news and sport

7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Heartbeat

7:30pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm Make Me a Muslim

7:00pm Little Black Book

9:00pm A Knight’s Tale

9:00pm Closer

11:25pm Addicted to Porn 12:30am 4 Music: The Album Chart Show 1:00am Phil Spector’s Demons 2:00am The New Age 3:55am Friday Night In 4:05am Fast Spin Fling

11:00pm Enough 1:10am NFL Live 4:50am Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 5:35am Motorsport Mundial

6:50pm Strictly Come Dancing 7:35pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 8:00pm Antiques Roadshow

9:00pm Cranford

9:00pm Parkinson: Conversation

The

Final

10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:20pm Dawn French’s Boys Who Do Comedy 10:50pm Match of the Day 2 11:50pm The Price of Beauty 1:15am Weatherview 1:20am Sign Zone: Watchdog 1:50am Sign Zone: Holby City 2:50am Sign Zone: The Nature of Britain

11:00pm Graham Norton Uncut 11:45pm A Man Called Horse 1:35am Joins BBC News 24

11:00pm ITV Weekend News and Weather 11:15pm Real Crime: The Almost Perfect Murder 12:15am Alpha: Did It Change Their Lives?

1:10am Play It to the Bone

PICK OF THE DAY Parkinson: The Final Conversation, ITV1, 9.00pm I realise there may be some good films on the other sides but this is Parky’s final show! As a young lad I was bored by Parky and all the old people he interviewed but I grew to love him as a friend and more. It would be almost criminal not to tune in to see this legend of chat interview his way into retirement. I don’t care if Natalie Portman is playing a stripper over on five, Parky is old and so deserves your respect. If you do watch make sure you have tissues.

02920 229977

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters 62 Crwys Road, Cardiff, CF24 4NN

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

45

FIVE MINUTE FUN

FMF@gairrhydd.COM

found on facebook

SUDOKU

Housemate done something stupid?

1. Log on to the book of face 2. Join the group ‘Found on Facebook’ 3. Upload embarrassing photos 4. Pick up gair rhydd on Monday and laugh

More filth required!

COMPETITION CROSSWORD Across

Down

1 Refutes (9) 6 Pointed projection (5) 9 High spirits (7) 10 Find innocent (7) 11 An annual physical examination (7) 12 Opposed (7) 13 Closets (9) 15 A red fluorescent dye (5) 16 Unwanted outflows (5) 19 Polyglots (9) 22 Come into (7) 23 Slid (7) 25 A machine that polishes metal (7) 26 Beginnings (7) 27 Abominable snowmen (5) 28 Knocked off course (9)

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Fantasy (5) Libel (7) Freight car (7) Plastic (5) Swordsman (9) Stamps for mailing (7) Elongated squares (7) Salutations (9)

13 By one’s own volition (9) 14 Supported (9) 17 One who does not believe in God (7) 18 Paces (7) 20 Use (7) 21 Philosopher (7) 23 Treat with contemptuous disregard (5) 24 Drugged (5)

Exercise your mind...

WINonal ers ng p A aini tr sion ses

Then exercise your body at

Put your entries in the competitio

n box outside gair rhydd

Every week gair rhydd will be giving away a gym package to one lucky entrant who correctly completes the competition crossword, courtesy of Dave’s Gym. Every winner will receive a free personal training session with one of our qualified instructors. This can be a gym workout, weight-training, boxing or Thai Boxing session. You will also receive a personalised gym programme and a free guest pass so you can come back for another workout or try one of our studio classes: choose from HipHop, Khai Bo, Bodypump and many more. This prize is worth approximately £35!

Conditions: Use of any of our facilities are subject to our terms and conditions and at the user’s own risk. An appointment must be made for the session. Prize must be claimed within four weeks of notification. It is not exchangeable for cash and is not transferable to any other party. Dave’s Gym: Tel: 029 2046 0232 Email: enquiries@daves-gym. co.uk Web: www.daves-gym.co.uk

NAME....

EMAIL....

How to enter: Simply complete the crossword opposite and drop it into the crossword competition box outside the gair rhydd office on the 4th floor of the Students’ Union. The first correct entrant to be plucked from the box every week will win the Dave’s Gym package.

46 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

LISTINGS

LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week: Festive cheer comes to Cardiff in the shape of Super Furry Animals, We Are Scientists and The Enem XFM’s Winter Wonderland @ Students’ Union 12th December 7.30pm. £20.

Huw Davies Recommends

B

ugger me, I’ve just found £20 on the floor of Metro’s. How shall I spend it? 3 Vodka + Red Bulls? 2000 penny sweets? How about that corking gig at the Union on Wednesday 12th December, featuring The Enemy, We Are Scientists and the kings of Welsh psychedelia, the Super Furry Animals? Ooh, and my money will go towards helping homeless people too. All for £20. Score! Literally!

Xfm’s Winter Wonderland concert is in aid of Shelter, the homeless charity. Forking out twenty for a ticket saves you buying 13 copies of The Big Issue Cymru, though obviously it’s better to do both.

After the numerous Special Guests have specially guested, and local boys Kids In Glass Houses have laid down their hot powerpop thang, We Are Scientists will take the stage. They will make you get it on like Diddy Kong, playing non-stop amazing hits such as The Great Escape and Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt.

Then, or possibly beforehand, The Enemy

Wet Wet Wet @ CIA 13th December 7.30pm. £40.

Listings Editor Josie Allchin recommends

S

o this week, there was me trying to find something all nice and Christmassy to write about, something to warm the cockles of your heart, something to fill you with all that Christmas cheer bla bla bla. Problem is, not much of the sort seems to be happening this week. Which is a shame, as it seems that all things festive really seem to kick off in Cardiff when Uni is all wrapped up for the term (haha, see what I did there?).

I did consider though, dedicating this space to a couple of carol services, but why do that when I stumbled across this little gem of a concert. Yes, Wet Wet Wet are turning up in Cardiff. (They could be considered kind of Christmassy - Love Is All Around is of that sort of soppy variety that could have the potential Christmas number one stamp of approval on it. ) The band originally formed in the early 80s near Glasgow, under their first name “Vortex Motion”. Thankfully (I think...) they changed their name to Wet Wet Wet, after a Scritti Politti song. Anyway, something must have gone right for the quartet, as they scored a record deal with Polygram in 1985 and had their first hit in 1987 - Wishing I was Lucky,

will endear themselves to your hearts. Had Enough should be an absolute stonker, while You’re Not Alone is sure to make people dance by moving their feet and waving their limbs about in ways they don’t when no music is playing.

But nothing will prepare you for the Super Furry Animals. Not only do they make fantastic music that transcends all genres (string-laden techno/folk pop-rock do it for you?), their live shows are incredible.

Whether it’s dressing up as Yetis or driving through V Festival in a giant blue tank, they know how to entertain a crowd.

Some cracking tunes too. With more than eight studio albums to choose from – including Hey Venus, released in September – anything could happen, but expect a setlist full of festival favourites: Do Or Die, Golden Retriever, The International Language Of Screaming…I could go on.

So I will: Something For The Weekend, (Drawing) Rings Around The World, Calimero, God! Show Me Magic…not that these songs will matter when everyone’s singing along to The Man Don’t Give A Fuck. You will never forget that experience.

Rejoice that we in Cardiff have it much better than Glasgow, who have to suffer strong-contenders-for-the-title-of-WorstBand-In-The-World-Ever, The Twang, peddling their insultingly awful bellowed twattery, and The Stereophonics being average.

SFA will blow you away. They love Cardiff (four gigs in four nights at Clwb Ifor Bach) and Cardiff loves them (all sold out). You must see them.

Oh, and other bands, and charity, and stuff.

SUPER FURRY ANIMALS...

which reached Number six. The parent album, Popped In Souled Out held three other “hits”, and propelled the band into the 90’s public consciousness. Oh, and they toured with Lionel Ritchie.

In 1992, the band released their fourth album High On The Happy side, which had on it their only number one single that wasn’t a cover - Goodnight Girl. The success of this single was greeted rather thankfully, as the previous singles released of the album didn’t do so well, even though the album itself sold quite successfully.

This should be entertaining, especially for those wishing to re-live the glorious days of 90s music Real stardom however didn’t kick in untill 1994, when their biggest hit to date Love Is All Around (a Bryan Adams cover), got to number one and stayed there for 15 weeks.

The song was also famously used in the soundtrack for Four Weddings and a Funeral, one of our Hugh Grant favourites.

It seems though that Wet Wet Wet have never fully “recovered” from the success of this single, and in the wake of their reformation may well be labelled “one hit wonders”.

Shame.

Anyway, this should be, if anything, and entertaining show - especially those wishing to re-live the glorious days of 90s music.

Sort of.

Oh dear. I’ve spent two columns writing about Wet Wet Wet - how embarrassing.

Maybe no one will notice...

... AND THE ENEMY: rocking in a Winter Wonderland

Xpress R a d i o’s Gig Of The Week...

Peski Records Christmas Special presents…

Attack+Defend / Cate le Bon / Jakokoyak / Black Hand Laser Band Clwb Ifor Bach, £6 (with NUS)

F

or those of you still alive after what is bound to be the messiest night of the term in Drink the Bar Dry, there’s a little group of Welsh musicians super eager to get you through your horrendous hangover. A lot of you will have heard of Attack+Defend after their spout of success last year. For the

oldies among us, you might have seen them do a marvellous acoustic session in the Taf last year. For free! If you didn’t, bad luck, you can try and catch them this time round and bop along to their mash of keyboard, guitars and pedal organs. They recently toured the UK alongside fellow ex-Cardiff Uni-ans Los Campesinos! so they’re bound to be rather good.

Cate Le Bon has been recommended by Xpress so many times, it’s in danger of becoming boring. A bilingual singer-songwriter, she played Swn Fest earlier this term, showing off her sultry vocals and funky stage presence.

Jakokoyak is Rhys Edwards’ alter-ego and is a mix of ambient, prog and experimentation.

He may well prove to be just the ticket for a softer start to the evening to ease you out of the alcohol sweats and onto the road to recovery. Black Hand Laser Band were featured on South East Wales BBC and featured on Twisted

By Design’s CD, This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the 22 Of Us. Saturday may well be the perfect opportunity to replace unspeakable memories of the night before.

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

47

LISTINGS

LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

my... who on second thoughts, aren’t that Christmassy...

Monday... 10/12

Tuesday... 11/12

Wednesday... 12/12 Thursday... 13/12

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative music night. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on by LMS - this week - May Contain Nuts. 10pm - 2am. Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise.

Snug @ Glo Bar Free snuggles. Oooh... 9pm - 3am.

RWCMD Student Composers Concert @ The Welsh College of Music and Drama Exciting new works & first performances of music created by students from first year undergraduate to postgraduate levels. 7.30pm. Free.

Beauty And The Beast @ Sherman Theatre One of your favourite stories re-told, although recommended for 7 year olds +, you may feel a bit out of place. 7:30pm. £15/£13 plus concessions.

Al Pitcher, Chris McCausland, Eddy Brimson, Ranier Hersch @ Jongleurs Comedy Club Comedy night with top names from the national circuit. Ticket includes free entry to Club Risa - dancing till 2am. Contact venue for further details.

Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach The one and only rock request night, originating from a Cardiff music society way back. You ask, and they play the rock, metal and goth classics.

You can also request via MySpace.com/planet_ rock_club. 9pm - 2pm. £3.

Forecast: Forecast DJs @ Buffalo Bar Funky-ass tunes for you to boogie on down to.

8pm - 3am. Free.

Christmas Concert @ St David’s Hall A concert of seasonal music & carols to mark the 25th Anniversary of CLIC / Sargent - caring for Children with Cancer. 7.30pm. £12 - £7.

The Underground Heroes + Zenyth + Alison’s Op @ Buffalo Bar Emo-ska-punk from Chatham’s Underground Heroes, making punk-pop the way it should be.

8:00pm. £5/£4 (with flyer or advance).

Rolo Tomassi @ Barfly 25 second assaults alternate with 10 minute sick and twisted trilogies, self destruction, carnage, power, and energy. Experimental music at its best. 7:30pm. £5.

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Dressed up clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks.

10pm. £3.

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors of great music, including breaks, beats, blues, rock and indie. 10pm - 3am. £4.50/£3 before 11pm.

Eat The DJ @ Buffalo Bar Featuring DJ Loveless, regular at Spin ‘Em Eddy.

9pm - 3am. Free. Like your Mum. Jazz In Town @ Cafe Jazz

Pick Of The Day

Madness @ CIA The original Nutty Boys, back together with all their greatest hits, including Baggy Trousers and It Must Be Love. Not forgetting my favourite Rat In My Kitchen... no, seriously it’s an ace song. Trust me. Formed in 1976, Madness played a key role in the revival of the 1970’s 2-tone ska genre, but achieved their most notable success in the 1980’s. Although it’s just ccured to me that Madness are yet another band this year to hit the re-form bandwaggon.

6.30pm. £28.

Friday... 14/12

Pick Of The Day

The Wombats @ Solus Quirky Liverpudlian trio making indie based pop-rock. Influenced by the likes of Arcade Fire and The Beach Boys, The Wombats make driving indie-pop, backed up by catchy tunes and up-beat melodies that consistently teeter on the edge of the bizarre and the brilliant. ‘…tight as hell and with an ear for quirky melodies that defies belief.’

(GigWise) Altogether now, LETS DANCE TO JOY DIVISION, AND CELEBRATE THE IRONY... 8pm. £9.50 advance.

Saturday...

15/12

As part of the jazz carols tour, students present a festive set or two at the cafe. 8:45pm. £2/

£1.

BenSem @ Buffalo Bensem are an indie rock band based in Cardiff, South Wales. They perform a set of twelve original songs with a passion and professionalism not seen regularly in today’s music industry.

8pm. £4.

Killer Joe @ The Welsh College of Music and Drama A play by Tracey Letts, directed by Dominic Leclerc. 7:45pm. Price: £7- £2.

Pick Of The Day

Flood of Red @ Barfly.

Glaswegian six-piece Flood of Red are emo, screamo post-hardcore rockers whose energy and emotion is accompanied by hints of classic metal heard in their bass and percussion parts. Their experiments with synthesizers and electronic effects give them a modern edge suited to their age but doesn’t infringe upon the fact that this is classic emo rock. None of this namby pamby stuff you get nowadays.

And with a name like “Flood Of Red”, well who could refuse.

7:30pm. £5.

Sunday...

16/12

The Dudes Abide: Resident DJs @ Clwb Ifor Hed Kandi: Andy Daniels + Charlie Edwards + Rove Presents: The Heavy Quartet + Steve Craig English + Big Al (1) + Claire James + Dave Coombe @ Chapter Arts Centre Bach Little + Nick White @ Liquid 10pm - 2.30am. £4 - £3.50 The Heavy Quartet - Acclaimed as ‘Cardiff’s an10pm - late late late. £10.

Hyena!: Max Looker + Little Jon + ODG + Phoeswer to the Mothers of Invention’ - although not nix & Adam + E-lvis 1990 + Electro Boy + Guest Brick: by the band, this is eclectic inventive music at DJ Durango + Richey Lucas @ Incognitos DJs @ Buffalo its best.

Over 18’s only. No dresscode.

8pm - 4am. free before 11pm - £3 after.

Peski Records Presents: Attack And Defend + Wonderful Christmastime - Santa Claus Is ComClassical Guitar Recital: Graham Anthony Devine Cate Le Bon + Jakokoyak + Black Hand Laser ing To Town! @ St David’s Hall @ St Joseph’s Church Start your yuletide celebrations with this heartBand @ Clwb Ifor Bach World renowned classic god-bothering guitarist.

Jakokoyak - A music student at Bangor, Rhys Ed- warming concert of unforgettable seasonal wards has learnt his musical art - and it shows. songs, Christmastime favourites and glorious 7.30pm. £10.

BBC National Orchestra Of Wales St David’s Perfect lo-fi melodies with an experimental feel memories of white Christmases past. Contact (oddly reminiscent of Beck), Welsh music has a the venue etc etc.

Hall A programme of works by Beethoven (Symphony new emerging champion.

The Bands To Blame: Dirty Revolution + Lucky 8pm. £6.

No 2), Honegger (Cantata de Noel) and Bach Delucci + Blacklisted 101 + Winter & Williams Christmas Carol Singalong @ St David’s Hall (Magnificat in D). The concert will be preceded by Band + The Whistling Biscuits @ The Point a talk from conductor Thierry Fischer in the main Contact venue for details.

4pm. £5.

The Beatbox Ballroom: DJ Jaffa + Paul B + DJ auditorium at 6:45pm.

Christmas UK Tour: CBeebies Live @ CIA Fletch + DJ Moneyshot + DJ Captain + SizeDJs 7.30pm. £21.50 - £10. + DJ Spud + Jazzy + DJ Jawa + Killer Tomato @ Back with a brand new line-up of mega stars in Wonderbrass @ Dempseys the incredible music stage show spectacular – Buffalo A 20 piece jazz band with an intoxicating mix of 8pm - 4am. £4. Free befre 10pm.

Cbeebies Live! ‘Slicker than ever...quite magical’ funky jazz, latin and ska which goes down a storm The Story So Far @ Barfly - The Stage. ‘Never a dull moment. Kids these with jazz buffs and mainstream audiences alike. 12.45pm. £5. days, they’ve never had it so good’ - South Wales Modern jazz - big, vital, just wonderfu.

Argus. ‘Has all the magic a children’s show 9pm. £5. needs, a truly spectacular show’ - Southern Daily Pick Of The Day Very little to choose from this Saturday, maybe Echo. stay in and watch telly or do that peice of course Contact venue for details.

Pick Of The Day Al Pitcher, Chris McCausland, Eddy Brimson, work you didn’t hand-in yesterday or whatever.

Actually fuck that, stay up all night get drunk, Ranier Hersch @ Jongleurs Pick Of The Day then sober up again, and watch the Ricky Hatton Chris McCausland - Although hailed as the only Farewell Tour: Spitalfield + Laughing Out fight on Sky Box Office, then when that’s finished, blind comic on the stand up circuit, comedian Loud either stay up and get drunk again, or just go to Chris McCausland makes light of it. He usually Spitalfield - A hardcore outfit from Chicago, bed then get up late and have a normal Sunday. begins with a crack about the irony of a blind whose sound reflects the influence of alternaIt’s up to you really, don’t always rely on Listings man doing observational comedy and then tive/indie music, as well as displaying a pop to tell you what to do with your life. speeds off into his entertaining and refreshing sensibility and raw energy. They have played set, making wry and perceptive comments about with bands such as Jurassic 5 and Rise the rich and famous, every day life and suchlike.

Against, demonstrating their ability in a series Instantly likeable and definitely memorable. of visceral and exciting live shows.

8pm - 2am. Ticket price includes Risa entry.

7.30pm. £7.

Baitshop @ Barfly Student clubnight at Cardiff’s most renowned alternative music venue. Playing your usual mix of rock, indie and dance. 10.30pm. £3/£2 with nus.

The Breakfast Club Christmas Special @ Buffalo 80’s pop and electro all night to get you in the Christmas spirit. Wahey. 8pm - 3am. £3.

Wallis Bird + Halflight @ Clwb Ifor Bach Singer-songwriter with enough funk to give KT Tunstall or Sandi Thom a real run for their money.

Sweet, soulful and delicately punk, Wallis Bird is the ultimate female hero. 8pm. £6.50.

The Autonomy Within @ Barfly 2005 saw the joining of 5 people all with the same passion and drive to create a melodic yet heavy sound. The end of 3 different bands saw the beginning of one. 7.30pm. £5.

Plant Duw + BOB + Yr Od @ Clwb Ifor Bach Over 18’s only, ID required.

9pm. £5.

Pick Of The Day Wet Wet Wet @ CIA 80s pop sensations, Glaswegian quartet Wet Wet Wet had a meteoric rise to fame and success from humble beginnings. Renowned for their brilliant soulful ballads, perfectly hand crafted songs and exceptional live performances, the Wet’s went on to sell in excess of 15 million records, enjoying three number one hit records; With a Little Help From My Friends, Goodnight Girl and Love Is All Around from the film Four Weddings And A Funeral which spent a staggering 15 weeks at the number one position. £40 - 32.50

Venues...

Students’ Union, Park Place, 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway, Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Iotas, 7 Mill Lane 02920 225592 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay, 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

48 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

LONELY HEARTS

QUEENIE@gairrhydd.COM

lonely hearts Queenie

F

amilies: can’t live with them, can’t kill them. Like people – except they’re less avoidable.

One’s nearest and queerest are thrust quite painfully to the front of our minds this time of year. Soon most of us will be forced by convention and mutated Christianity to share a room with relatives.

I strongly believe that the feat of endurance that is Christmas shopping should surely earn me the right to excuse myself from grandma and her wild bowel movements.

Some have suggested to me these past decades that ex-young people are to be treasured – that the dusty yet durable love of folks such as my grandparents is a cause for admiration.

This is a load of cobblers.

Consider: how eternally bored would you, YOU have to feel for an evening of port and bridge to seem like a fitting weekend engagement? How flaccid would your soul have to be for you to regard The Antiques Roadshow as an erotic experience?

Granted, every once in a while you’ll encounter a pair of pensioners who holiday in Ibiza and get freaky like it was 1945 all over again. Good for them.

Bastards.

But generally I would rather

with... the queen of your heart Desperately seeking...serious cat

have a rhino wear me like a hat than grow old chained to someone else. Sure, it’s all gravy whilst everything still points up, but once gravity gets its inevitable way all you’re left with is some useless burden dragging down those last few carefree years.

What chiefly disturbs this senior-sceptic is how my own generation of blood ties is heading towards this perilous doom of shared maturity.

Last week, I had the misfortune to lunch with my brother’s ladyfriend. As semi-pleasant as she is, I could not help but want to take a cheese grater to her face over her hearing wedding bells already. So young, so twatful.

For anyone, especially those with largely unweathered crotches, marriage should be a distant threat. It is, after all, the equivalent of writing ‘I will one day be sexually frustrated’ on a piece of paper, and then signing it.

So, this Christmas when you’re humouring your grandma and pa with feigned interest about The War, I beg you to glaze over any thoughts of romantic retirement, and instead remember that they’re old and miserable. Like the rest of us, but flatulent.

Let Quench introduce you to the love of your life

♡ ♡♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ MAKE MY BELL JINGLE

I’LL STUFF YOUR TURKEY COME SEE WHAT’S IN MY STOCKING

I’LL COME DOWN YOUR CHIMNEY AT NIGHT WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT

IF YOU DON’T COME HOME WITH ME TONIGHT I’LL BE WANKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND And I was banned from City Hall Lawn for trying to break in before it opened I was so excited.

Think the big wheel is massive? Think again...

BE MY HO HO HO THIS YULETIDE Writer looking for that next step up from current dates.

Looking away from Cardiff perhaps career politician?

I’m running out of targets here!

IS THAT A CANDY CANE IN YOUR POCKET OR ARE YOU PLEASED TO SEE ME? Cardiff undergrad looking for a minty time with one lucky fictional character (depending on who you believe). Red and White trim is my wet dream

FEELS LIKE WARM MINCE PIES LM extremely lonely over the cold Christmas months.

Nine weeks away from beloved older g/f. Anyone want to make a trip oop North?

WANT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ONE OF OUR LOVELY LONELY HEARTS? E-mail queenie@gairrhydd.com for the thrill of your tiny little student lives (or just 12–or–so drinks in Solus and some embarassing sexy time in Uni Hall)

Cut out and keep chat up line: Number 676

It’s Rubber Duck and you’ve got your eye on a piece of ass in Solus but you don’t know what to say.

That’s where Queenie’s going to help you out with that important first impression. So get ready for my weekly dose of chat up lines that will not fail. Now go get that boy/girl or girl/boy.

Queenie says...

“

What a beautiful coincidence: I have a crippling Oedipus Complex and you look just like my mother.

”

For that final touch, carry a picture of your mother around in your pocket. Notice the similarities and the fun begins... blinddate@gairrhydd.com

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

PROBLEM PAGE

PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

From the Desk of

TEd

49

e m so

d n Ha

He’s a ruddy good lad.

Ted Handsome’s Kids That He Would Quite Happily Punch In The Face An Occasional Series

I’ve already used this self-indulgent side column to vent my views about children before, and so I am sure that you are all perfectly aware of my feelings about the little shits. However, given time to allow my hatred to mature and mellow like a fine wine, I have been able to distill my disdain and focus it upon a few hateful little swines. I’m not even going to discuss any moral dilemmas behind me punching a child in the face, because let’s face it, who’s going to stop me? One flash of my blue steel eyes and even the hardest judge will feel his heart skip a beat.

No. 1 - The ‘Frosties Kid’ I know that this is somewhat of an obvious choice given the very public campaign of hate against this gyrating nonce, but it does not make my choice any less valid. Every time I saw this bellowing twat’s gurning visage on my TV, it took every fibre of my being to stop myself sticking my foot through his face. I’m pretty sure I went through about 12 TVs before they took the advert off the air.

No. 2 - Hollyoaks Tom This chubby little bumhat gets on my everloving tits like no other child I know. On the rare occasion that I am forced into watching this brainless farce of a TV programme, I cannot abide the incessant cooing and aahing that greets this tiny little shit every time he felchs out some words from his sticky face. I really don’t think that I could ever tire of punching his massive face, the tiny little arsehole that he is.

No. 3 - Connie Off’ve Britain’s Got Talent Unfortunately, it seems as if some lucky individual has already got the first punch in and relieved her mouth of several teeth before me. However, she still has a whole face full of other ones for me to smash out the back of her grinning fizzog. During the televisual cancer that was Britain’s Got Talent, every time this wailing little shit came on screen, women of cer tain began welling up and praising her angelic voice. I was too busy throwing up liberally over my Gucci loafers to praise any part of her performance. In fact when I actually did get to hear her sing, hearing her lisp her way through ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ was punishment akin to having my testicles removed with a claw hammer.

A letter about ‘Political Correctness’ Dear Ted, As an ill-informed reactionary fuckwit, I will often make sweeping generalisations about changing trends in modern day culture and blame them on a nebulous concept which has come to be called ‘Political Correctness.’ Every time I hear these two words in conjunction, I immediately become apoplectic with rage, frothing at every orifice at the thought that somewhere, someone is not abiding by my closeted, caucausian Protestant views.

You strike me as the sort of levelheaded fellow who also refuses to abide by New Labour’s attacks on our way of life, and so was wonder-

ing, how do you cope in today’s ‘modern’ Britain?

Yours, Rev. Martin Coprophilia Cathays Rev. Martin I imagine that you want me to spout some half-arsed rhetoric about how the fact that the Black & White Minstrel show is no longer shown, and that Homosexuality is no longer illegal is somehow part of a conspiracy to undermine the way of life that you have been so used to. Well, quite frankly, I have better things to do with my time than to bitch and moan about people genuinely trying

to make our society more inclusive.

Oh boo hoo, children are no longer taught ‘Baa Baa Black Sheep,’ and instead they are taught ‘Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep.’ It’s not exactly genocide is it? And as far as I can imagine, a ‘rainbow sheep’ would have more colours than a black sheep and so would be more beneficial to teaching children a greater vocabulary. So I suggest a liberal dose of Grow-the-fuck-up juice and just get on with your life. Life’s too short.

Yours, Ted

A letter about a pigeon Dear Ted, There’s nothing I love more than to rise early upon a morn, and skip merrily to lectures with a cheeky grin on my chops. However, of late, my daily routine has been interrupted by a bully. A rogue pigeon has been following my every move.

I know that it is the same pigeon because he has a distinctive marking on his wing, which looks a little like Martin Brundle. I refuse to let this feathered fuck-knuckle ruin my life, and so I was wondering whether you had any advice as to how to cope with this vermin?

Yours, Dave Helmet, Roath

Dave, Much as I would love to mercilessly tear apart your way of life, and ridicule you for being bullied by a simple bird, but I too have been plagued by a particularly truculent pigeon, yet apparently you can’t press charges against a bird. Some legal system we have in this country, eh readers?

So, instead I took the law into my own hands, and I reckon that you should too. Why not try shooting the flying fucker? Pigeon is a very flexible dish, and can be put to use in a number of delicious recipes. That said, there is the simple task of actually catching the pigeon before killing it and eating it. There are two

distinct schools of thought on the subject of pigeon entrapment, both with varying levels of success. If you have a lot of disposable income then I suggest following the ‘Dick Dastardly’ method which involves increasingly complication aeroplanes which inevitably fail in a comic manner. Or, you could just shoot wildly at the pigeon with a shotgun. In any case, I suggest Pigeon pie with sour green tiger tomato pickle, and Cumberland sauce or if you are feeling adventurous, why not try Pigeon with parsnip puree, cassis sauce and coffee foam? Happy Hunting!

Yours, Ted

Dear fair reader, This week, I have mainly been pontificating upon the subject of baseball caps. I for one cannot understand this obsession the youth of this country have with these awful appurtenances. I very much doubt that anybody genuinely wears one of these bloody hats for the love of the ‘sport’. I was dragged to a match as part of one of my many transatlantic trips, and I can honestly say that without several Purple Hearts and small mountain of MDMA I can promise you that I would have taken my own life out of boredom. Clearly these youths are not wearing these hats out of necessity as there are about 12 minutes of sunshine a year in this country. Therefore, the only reason I can come up with for this strange trend is that all teenagers are morons. TH xxx

50 gairrhydd

GRAB!

DECEMBER.10.2007 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

Electric Xmas

J

ust before you break up and go home for the Christmas Holidays, this is a night which you most definitely have to stay for.

Sumo at the Welsh Club on the 14th December, where Tayo will be pumping some elctro beats and break beats standing in the middle of contemporary bass culture.

The gig will be £8 in advance and will begin at 10.30pm until 4am so you can get some hardcore raving in.

To be in with a chance of winning tickets to this gig please answer the question below and email your name and address to the email above: What is Tayos album called? a) Fabriclive 32 b) T c) Electro T

Get Your Skates On!

I

f you haven’t been to Winter Wonderland yet you’re missing out on what will ultimately be the highlight of your time at Cardiff University! For some Christmas fun on the ice and a sky high adventure on the big wheel this is a fantastic evening out to celebrate the fact Christmas is nearly here!

You definitely have no excuses after this amazing offer from bmibaby, students can now take advantage of this great two for one offer of FREE skating from Monday 11th December 2007 to Thursday 14th December 2007 at sessions up until 5.40pm.

Simply go to the Gair Rhydd website and download it from the Grab page and then present at time of booking along with a valid NUS card at Ticketline UK, Westgate Street, Cardiff or at the bmibaby Cardiff Winter Wonderland box office!

For skating terms see website Personal bookings only.

Lower priced ticket free.

Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer.

Sessions subject to availability.

Skate sessions are £7.50 adult, and £5.50 children (aged 12 and under) and concessions (except New Year). www.bmibabycardiffwinterwonderland.com

Moss Bros Terms and Conditions 1. No purchase is necessary to enter this prize draw. 2. The fee prize draw is open to all Cardiff University students aged 18 or over except for employees of the Moss Bros Group Plc, their families, agencies or anyone professionally connected with this promotion. 3. The closing date for entries is the 29.12.07 entries are restricted to one person and must be made on an official entry form, and handed to an official member of staff at Moss, David Morgan Building, The Hays, Cardiff, CF10 1AJ. Illegible entries, postal entries and entries submitted through third parties will not be eligible. 4. Two winners wll be drawn by an independent person on 31.12.07 and will be notified in writing within 14 days, no correspondance will be entered into. 5. The suit must be claimed from the Cardiff store by 29.03.08 and applies to the Moss £99 suit only. The suit hire must be claimed from the Cardiff store by 30.11.08 and applies to the two piece suit, shirt and bow tie package for up to four people. 6. The name of the prize draw winner can be attained by a stamp addressed envelope to the promoters address below within 6 weeks of the closing date. Promoter : The Moss Bross Group Plc, 8 St. John Mill, London SW11 1SA

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

52 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

SPORT

SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

THE WORD ON... ...who really deserves the ‘King of Spin’ title

Pete Dean: Muralitharan

M

ONDAY THE 3rd December 2007 was a historic day in International Test Cricket.

Muttiah Muralitharan bowled English (predictably) batsman Paul Collingwood to claim his 709th Test match wicket and, in doing so, he became the most prolific bowler in the traditional form of the game.

Muralitharan is not just the best spinner to have played Test cricket, he is statistically the best bowler ever. And statistics don’t lie.

Muralitharan, or Murali, as he is affectionately known in the game, was made to work hard for his recordbreaking wicket. Collingwood was building a decent score and was looking to play England into a commanding position in the first Test of the series.

Typically, however, the Sri Lankan magician wore down the English batsman with his unique capacity to combine

unnerving accuracy with variable spin.

The bowl that claimed Collingwood, one that rushed on rather than spinning viciously, was vintage Murali.

Not only has Murali taken more Test wickets than anyone else, he also holds the record for the most 10 wicket hauls in a match at Test level. He is the only player to take 10 wickets against every Test playing nation.

And if you would like to throw One Day Internationals into the mix, Murali triumphs again: he has the highest number of international wickets in Tests and ODIs combined (1168).

Murali continues to have his detractors however. His rightful position as the greatest spinner of all time is disputed by those that either find fault with his bowling action or that champion the cause of another - namely, Mr Shane ‘Warney’ Warne.

So let us dispatch these detractors

Matt Cutler: Warne

I

T’S HARD to side with an Australian over anything. In fact, if an Aussie told me that 1+1=2, I’d take it upon myself to argue for hours that the answer was 3. For decades, in one way or another, our relations in the Southern Hemisphere have outclassed us in many a different sport. However, one thing that rivalry does not come in the way of is the little (or rather large) matter of Shane Warne. The best spin bowler to ever live? Don’t ever doubt it.

As a proud Englishman, I am void of the prejudiced negative view that most Australians hold over Muralitharan’s action. Murali did not tour Australia for years because every delivery he fizzed down was accompanied by jeers of ‘no-

ball’. Perhaps the crowds were worried that Warney’s reputation as the best was in danger of being brought into question. However, they have little to lose sleep over as there are many reasons why he will be forever remembered as the ‘King of Spin’.

In the early 1990s Warne singlehandedly changed the face of cricket.

His place in cricketing posterity was founded when he overturned the domination of fast-bowling that had prevailed in cricket for the two decades preceding his debut. Many quality spin bowlers existed during these years, but nevertheless there was a cricketing hegemony held by bowlers with longer run-ups.

For example, Australia’s fast

in the manner that Murali wo uld wear down a particularly stubborn opposition batsman: patiently, but with unfaltering stoicism.

On occasions throughout his career, Murali has been no-balled by umpires for straightening his arm further than is allowed under the laws of the game.

This is because of a congenital defect in his arm that gives the appearance that his arm is straightening while he is in fact incapable of straightening it any further.

While Murali attains an advantage – an ability to generate an ungodly amount of spin through his action - he has always attempted to play within the rules of the game. When his doosra was deemed to be illegal he stopped bowling it. Only since 2005, when the ICC relaxed its limitations on the straightening of the arm, has Murali been able to exploit his abilities fully. And if Murali did contravene the precise bowling laws set by the ICC prior to the change in 2005, so did nearly all bowlers. A panel of former Test players, with the

assistance of several biomechanical experts, revealed that 99% of all bowlers straighten their arms when bowling.

Ramnaresh Sarwan was the solitary player who did not transgress the rules when tested.

Shane Warne was a class act and it is true that he has had to compete for his wickets in a succession of brilliant bowling attacks. If Murali was in a team with Glenn McGrath and Brett Lee, he may have found it more difficult to reach his tally of wickets.

But, equally, Shane Warne never had to bowl against Australian batsmen. Batsmen such as Steve Waugh, Ricky Ponting and Adam Gilchrist have been destroying opposition bowlers for the best part of a decade. Many a bowler has had their average ruined by a visit ‘down under’. Just ask Steve Harmison.

Murali is better than

Warne for two reasons. If we consider, firstly, the bowlers’ comparative records against major Test playing nations that they have both faced, Murali comes out on top. His average (runs per wicket) is better than Warne’s for matches against England, West Indies, South Africa, New Zealand and India.

Secondly, Murali has had to produce more match winning performances than Warne. Shouldering almost the entirety of the Sri Lankan bowling threat, Murali has produced exemplary feats of cricketing wizardry time and time again.

That he has been named Man of the Series more times than anyone else in the world proves what a crucial player he is.

bowlers Dennis Lillee and Jeff Thomson had subjugated cricket in the early 1970s; while for a 15-year period the West Indies had lost only Test series with a bowling attack almost exclusively comprised of fast bowlers. It was in that context that Warne’s tormenting of batsmen, beginning in the early 1990s, became so significant.

Following his arrival on the Test scene, it is now very rare that a team will enter a Test without a spinbowler. Shane Warne thus has a legacy that Murali cannot claim to have. In fact, Murali’s path into cricket was opened up

by Warne’s breaking of the fast-bowling supremacy.

Warne has superiority as Muralitharan’s bowling is tainted by

his inability to be able to control what he is doing. Murali’s killer delivery is the doosra, which shows no distinguishable change of release from a normal delivery. This makes it difficult to play for the batsmen, but even more so when Murali himself does not know what type of ball he is bowling. This was exemplified in the wicket that took him past Shane Warne’s record total of 708 test wickets. Number 709, Paul Collingwood, was undone by a ball which the bowler, let alone the batsman, was unsure of. As a Sri Lankan pundit described, the ball “twirled, straightened...then some mysterious power made it turn again.”

Warne, however, was effective because of his astute cricket brain and a provocative nature, not uncertainty. In 2001 he bowled Michael Atherton behind his legs, which Atherton countered by adjusting his stance slightly more to the legside for the next Test. Warne

spotted this, altered his line to outside off and had him reaching for the ball and caught at slip. Cricket purists should support Warne as the better bowler: he is more artful and able to con a batsman even in totally unfavourable conditions with words and deviousness. South African batsman Daryl Cullinan needed therapy to overcome the psychological hold that Warne had over him.

One also has to remember that it is the characters in sport that everyone needs to remember. Warne certainly was a personality: a seasoned ‘professional’ who existed on a diet of pizza, beer and fags, with the corresponding physique to show for it. His promotional work for hair-loss-recovery company Advanced Hair shows moreover that he does not mind the having the general public conscious of his ailments. The greatest spin bowler to ever live is human like us all. Who can’t love the man who made spin sexy?

Classic Stadiums: the debate goes on...

Dan Jones: Ashton Gate

A

S A Bristol City fan, when I was asked by gairrhydd sport to write a short piece on my favourite football stadium the decision was easy. I’ve been going to Ashton Gate since I was a little girl and it’s where I saw my very first football match.

OK, it may not be as pretty, big or

glamorous as the other stadiums seen in these reviews, but this stadium has something else, something special… soul.

With a capacity at nearly 22,000 this stadium can create the most outrageous, contagious atmosphere. Almost every manager ever to take charge at City has used the age old cliché of the fans being

the ‘12th Man’, and I believe this is as much a testament to the stadium as it is to the fans.

The compact and almost claustrophobic (in a good way) nature of the ground means you are close to the action wherever you are. You can hear the players swearing at each other, hear every touch of the ball, and any players, referees or linesmen who need empty cans of cider thrown at them are easily within range. There are no corporate prawn sandwich eaters to grumble at

and plenty of friendly half-drunk Bristolians to gawk at while they swear at anything moving.

It is a truly classic football stadium which generates an atmosphere worthy of any stadium twice as big, and it’s inhabited by some of the best fans in the country - a major reason why Bristol City are flirting with promotion to the Premiership, just a year after promotion from League One. Plus, it has a stand called the ‘Blackthorn Atyeo Stand’, so you know it’s good...

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

SPORT

SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The IMG Roundup Poke in the eye for SOCSI

Two matches, no result

Kerry Allen IMG Reporter

Hannah Mitchell IMG Reporter

Christian Union 17 - 13 SOCSI B

The second half promised to be an equally tight encounter. However, some brilliant work around the circle saw Christian Union score a few goals in quick succession to take a crucial advantage. This half also displayed some excellent netball skills from all the players, with a number of good passes and crucial interceptions being made by both teams.

Despite a high spirited attempt by SOCSI B to level the match again, the height and confidence of such a competitive Christian side proved too difficult, as they fought their way to a close, yet well-deserved, 17-13 victory.

This match displayed a high level of netball ability from both sides, who will prove difficult opponents in what is shaping up to be a very close Division One league.

Christian Union will hope to continue their unbeaten run in this phase against English B in the New Year, whilst SOCSI B will face another tough match against MEDICS A.

CARBS A v Cardiff IMG

PHOTO: NATALIA POPOVA

IN A THRILLING match, a resilient Christian Union team secured a marginal victory over an enthusiastic SOCSI B side.

Following on from impressive victories in their first games of Division One, both teams were in high spirits at the beginning of this closely fought match, which saw a high level of good teamwork and clean passes from both sides.

A fired up SOCSI B side began the first half well, taking an early lead courtesy of some great centre court play, good interceptions and well-worked passes into the circle.

Despite the wet conditions underfoot, the match was played at a quick pace, with both sides making good use of the space on the court. However, a determined Christian Union team fought back to level the score at 9-9 at half-time.

SOCSI B: Lost their ball

NETBALL TABLES s NETBALL TABLES s NETBALL TABLES Premiership

IMG NETBALL

Division One

IMG NETBALL

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

Division Two

IMG NETBALL

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

2

2

0

0

6

6

1

MEDICS A

2

2

0

0

20

6

1

J-Unit

2

2

0

0

18

3

2

CARBS A

2

1

1

0

4

4

2

Christian Union

2

2

0

0

12

6

2

Cardiff IWC A

2

2

0

0

9

3

3

Economics A

1

1

0

0

33

3

3

English A

2

2

0

0

6

6

3

MEDICS B

1

1

0

0

13

3

4

CARBS B

2

1

0

1

17

3

4

SOCSI B

2

1

0

1

11

3

4

Biology

1

0

0

1

-3

0

5

Economics B

2

1

0

1

6

3

5

Engin Locomotive

1

1

0

0

10

3

5

Engin Automotive

1

0

0

1

-6

0

6

Dentistry

2

1

0

1

-30

3

6

Law B

1

0

0

1

-2

0

6

Optometry

1

0

0

1

-8

0

7

Cardiff Uni IMG A

1

0

1

0

0

1

7

Engin Numatics

2

0

0

2

-7

0

7

Cardiff IWC B

1

0

0

1

-10

0

8

Pharmacy A

1

0

0

1

-3

0

8

SAWSA A

1

0

0

1

-10

0

8

Pharmacy B

1

0

0

1

-13

0

9

SOCSI A

1

0

0

1

-9

0

9

English B

1

0

0

1

-15

0

9

Journos

/

/

/

/

/

/

Cardiff Uni IMG B

2

0

0

2

-24

0

10

GymGym

2

0

0

2

-25

0

10

Psychology

/

/

/

/

/

/

10

P

P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

P

W

53

CARBS A and Cardiff A played twice in the last two weeks, but the final result is only provisional.

Having had several close-thought matches in previous years a close game was anticipated by all. With the addition of extra teams this year in IMG each league now contains ten teams.

The premiership is set to be highly competitive and these matches were no different.

Under new captaincy, CARBS started the first match, on the 28th November, strongly. They went several goals up in the first few minutes but Cardiff fought back towards the end of the first half.

This reporter would like to inform you of the half time score but some disagreement occurred. The independent scorer made it 8-3 to CARBS but this was questioned by a Cardiff B player, scoring on behalf of Cardiff A. Cardiff fielded a slightly different side in the second half and closed the gap on CARBS. The latter part of the match was literally end to end, moving at a fast pace. This was sometimes to the detriment of both teams as it allowed for interceptions and some careless passing.

CARBS appeared to lose some inspiration yet managed to hold off, or so they thought, to clinch a win at 12-10.

The final whistle blew as the ball left the CARBS shooter’s hands: she scored but it was inevitably disallowed.

It was then that the real drama began.

With scoring at half time being called into question it was no surprise that the final score was questioned. Cardiff claimed to have a draw of 11-11 while CARBS maintained that it was 12-10.

With such a high standard and a highly competitive atmosphere surrounding the premiership neither team were, understandably, willing to back down.

It was eventually decided, with the help of the IMG chair, Andy ButtonStephens, that either the draw would have to stand, as a win could not be awarded under such controversy, or a re-match would have to be scheduled.

Cardiff left the decision to CARBS who opted for a re-match.

The re-match began in the same vain as the previous match had ended, high speed end-to-end play. Just as both teams began to think that the result would soon be settled, the great Welsh weather appeared and sheet hail swiftly halted play. It was a short burst but when both teams re-emerged from cover the pitch was covered in white hail stones.

Both teams agreed it was too dangerous to play and abandoned the game!

The question of organising a re-match of a re-match gave rise to a sensible albeit frustrating conclusion.

The original 11-11 draw will stand with a re-match to occur only if both teams are inseparable in the table when all he Premiership league matches are completed.

Watch this space for more exciting matches in IMG netball and, just possibly, the eventual result of this match.

IMG SNAPS: UNI HALLSTARS surprised you over

Which team gives

If your team was an

the last year?

the best banter?

animal, what would it be?

Us - we were shit, and

Nobody gives any banter

A tortioise, because we’ve

now we’re not so shit.

- they just try and break

been underestimated and

your legs instead.

now we’re the dogs’.

team chant?

Where do you go for

If you could have a super-

“Hallstars, Hallstars till

a team social?

hero in your team, who

we die!!! (stolen from

Ian’s garden.

would it be and why?

Do you have a

HALLSTARS: ‘Not shit anymore’

JOMEC)

What are your expecta-

What are your main

tions for the season?

achievements so far?

To challenge for the Division One title and to get some nets.

Funniest story

Joshua-Teague Durnian. He

Best team talk?

from a social?

wears a tackle-proof wife beater

We have managed to buy

Chris Swatridge - as good

Rod drinking a toilet block

which gives him special powers.

a kit and some balls.

an orator as Hitler, only,

(and liking it), lecherous

His kryptonite is Liebfraumilch

he’s left wing (get it?!):

Dave, and Mark Furnish

wine.

“We’re shit, but they’re shitter.”

faking his own death.

Also, mud, lots of games to be called off, and more mud.

We already do: his name is

Team that have most

PUT YOUR TEAM IN THE SPOTLIGHT... E-mail us at sport@gairrhydd.com

54 gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

SPORT

SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

AU strip off for charity Cardiff foiled ULTIMATE FRISBEE: Angels

PHOTO: ED SALTER

THE AU are stripping off for a calendar in aid of Cancer Research.

The 2006-2007 netball calender in aid of Breast Cancer certainly got the heart racing. This year the entire AU is getting involved and the calendar promises to be a big seller.

There are two calendars: one of our male athletes and one filled with the girls. Different sports will be represented each month.

The calendars have arrived and are on sale now on the 3rd floor of the Students’ Union building and around the campus.

Each calendar will cost £4 and the money raised will go towards Cancer Research. The calendar will also be raising awareness of the INVEST IN SPORT campaign and is sponsored by the Taf Bar and Rubber Duck.

MOMED masters return Andrew Button-Stephens IMG Chair

tournament between the original team members of 1999-2003, the side from 2004 -2007 and the current squad.

The final was a closely fought battle between the Momed Legends (19992003) and the current Momed AFC. It came down to penalties with Momed Legends winning the tournament and taking home the Matt Johnson Memorial Shield.

The post-match event was hosted by the Woodville Pub, where Matt used to work, with over 70 former students and players in attendance from all over Britain.

IMG Chair Andy Button-Stephens said: “Being involved in such an event is amazing: it certainly says a lot for IMG Football. Not only is it brilliant to meet former team mates from previous years but the scale of the event and the money raised is a testament to how much Matt Johnson and Momed mean everyone that attended.”

tion was also a huge success for the beginners. Kutrowski and Brandwood reached the finals of the Cha-Cha and Jive and were placed 3rd and 4th respectively. Both novice and intermediate couples did well in the Latin events, with several couples reaching the semifinals of intermediate Cha-Cha, Rumba and Jive and Open Samba.

After an exhausting day, the evening saw the inter-university team event, in which four couples did one dance from either Waltz, Quickstep, Cha-Cha or Jive. Cardiff A-team were a credit to the university, with three couples reaching the finals of waltz, quickstep and jive, and achieving 3rd, 5th and 2nd place respectively.

The team, consisting of Chen and Soman (Waltz) Chris Murrills and Evie Maifoshie (Quickstep), Lewis and Morris (Cha-Cha) and Neil Humphryes and Nicola Barker (Jive) were placed 4th overall, a promising result for the university.

Overall the day was a great success with some fantastic results for the university, and the lively atmosphere

made it a fun and entertaining day for all involved.

Dancing the night away Neil Humphryes Dancesport Reporter

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY DanceSport Team triumphed in their second competition of the season. Hosted

by Bath University, the event was extremely successful for the team and a very enjoyable day overall.

The Cardiff beginner couples did brilliantly in the morning ballroom events, with Tomasz Kutrowski and Tracy Brandwood, and Miranda Cole and Nicola Francois reaching the finals of both the Waltz and Quickstep.

Kutrowski and Brandwood earnt two 2nd places and Cole and Francois were placed 4th in both finals.

The novice couples also did well in ballroom and there was another superb result in the intermediate Waltz, Tango and Quickstep, which saw two Cardiff couples in the final. Michael Chen and Victoria Soman were placed 3rd overall and David Lewis and Emily Morris came 5th.

The Latin section of the competi-

Charlie Dyer & Heather Fleming Fencing Reporter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts ............ 122 PLYMOUTH Ladies’ 1sts......... 126 THE LADIES Fencing team’s match against Plymouth on Wednesday was always going to be difficult, as not only were they facing a tough opponent but they competing with a reduced team as only Morwenna Perrott, Charlie Dyer and Naomi Johnson were able to attend.

The first weapon was foil, and despite an early lead by Plymouth some impressive fencing from Cardiff brought them to victory by 45 to 38.

Next up was sabre: Charlie Dyer was first to compete but Plymouth won and took an early lead. This was quickly BADMINTON: All about the cock

Shown the Exeter Matt Pearson Badminton Reporter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts ................ 6 EXETER Ladies’ 1sts ................. 2

DANCE: Not just for girls

cancelled out by the slashing Morwenna Perrot. However a few bouts on and Plymouth once again had a strong lead.

Some tactical fencing later though and the scores were very close with Cardiff just ahead. The final fight was tense as Cardiff were aware that triumphing in this weapon would mean they had won.

Unfortunately this wasn’t the case as Plymouth managed to scrape a victory by 45 points to 43.

It was therefore down to the final weapon, epee. The teams weakest weapon as Johnson and Dyer are fairly inexperienced epeeists, despite this they both did really well and some amazing hits were scored after another slightly shaky start but again Plymouth managed to win with 45 hits to Cardiff’s 34.

This meant that Plymouth won overall by the narrow margin of 6 points, the final score being 128 to 122.

PHOTO: STEVE KINNARD

A CARDIFF University IMG side, MOMED AFC recently broke a charity milestone in tribute to a former team-mate.

For the third successive year, Momed AFC hosted a Legends vs Present Players match to remember Cardiff student Matt Johnson, who died two years ago.

Johnson, a former Momed captain and IMG Player of the Year, suffered serious head injuries when involved in a road traffic accident when walking home from work in Nottingham. After a brave fight, Matt died in hospital, aged just 22.

Members of his former club have used his love of football as a way of remembering him and of raising funds for charities of Matt’s parents’ choice.

After two successful years, Momed re-

cently broke through the £1,000 barrier in donations.

Former student and Momed player Chris Wathan helped organise the event and he said: “We had a bigger turn-out of players and supporters than ever expected this year. To reach and breach the £1000 figure is a fantastic achievement, a real illustration of what Matt meant to us as a team-mate and also as a friend.”

“We were all shocked and deeply saddened by what happened but a few of us got together and thought what better way to celebrate our memories than by reuniting and sharing them together. We’ve had letters of gratitude from charities like HeadWay, who look after head injury sufferers and their families.

His parents attended last year’s game and were overwhelmed by it all.”

The growing numbers of players wanting to take part meant that this year’s game was actually a three-way

FENCING: A slash hit

PHOTO: SARAH DAY

Peter Dean Sports Editor

HAVING CLOSELY lost the reverse 5-3 earlier in the season, Cardiff were incredibly enthusiastic warming up for the home game against Exeter Ladies 1st team.

Cardiff’s singles players, Rachel Nurse and Iris Koh, both comfortably won their first games, settling the score at 2 games to nil. Yet suspicions arose when Exeter tactically changed their strategies at the last legal minute.

Having effectively thrown 4 games, it was clear that Exeter were going for a draw, based on the lack of strength and depth in their team.

Cardiff’s second doubles pair,

Teresa Hobbs and Jo Ha narrowly lost their first game to the 1st Exeter pair, making the score 2-1. However Cardiff went from strength to strength as Tara Weir and Jody Parker succeeded in beating Exeterís 2nd pair in a gripping three set dual.

With outstanding performances from Teresa Hobbs and Jo Ha, the morale of Exeter was truly crushed as they scraped together a win over the Cardiff pair, who improved with every match. This resulted in Cardiff winning their second consecutive match 6-2, a deserved triumph after a very shaky start to the season.

Cardiff are now thoroughly motivated and in great spirits, having fought hard to stay out of the relegation positions.

Cardiff look set for a well deserved comeback to live up to their title of the best badminton team in Wales.

gairrhydd

DECEMBER.10.2007

55

SPORT

SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

PHOTO: JAKE YORATH

HOCKEY: Slapstick

Washed away

Picture this Jack Zorab Sports Editor

THE WELSH Higher Education Brussels is giving students a chance to exhibit their photographic talents at the Wales House in Brussels in February 2008.

‘Sport in Wales’ is the theme for this year’s competition and it is intended to reflect the increasing role of sport within Europe.

It is not only open to students but also to all EU institutions and nongovernmental organisations.

Any one institution that submits photographs will be able to exhibit

no more than six works. Any submissions should be finished works, i.e. framed, and ready to hang.

The return transport costs of any work sent from Cardiff to Brussels and the insurance costs will be covered by the Welsh Assembly Government. Any students that are interested in submitting a work of art should contact Berwyn Davies by e-mail – berwyn.davies@wheb.ac.uk – or by phone: +32 22266698 before Monday December 17 to inform her of their interest.

Natalie Blyth Hockey Reporter

CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts ................ 0 BATH Ladies’ 1sts ..................... 3 FROM THE offset Cardiff were aware that this wasn’t going to be an easy game, playing against current BUSA Premier League leaders Bath, and they knew had to be on top form to compete with their rivals.

Cardiff began well, putting early unexpected pressure on the Bath side, and within the first five minutes had earned a short corner. However, due to a phenomenal save by the keeper, from a hard shot from Blair, Cardiff were denied a deserved goal.

Play continued to be end to end for the next ten minutes, with both sides

Cardiff University Red Hawks return to home ice for the new BUSA season Aled Lloyd Ice Hockey Reporter CARDIFF Men’s 1sts .................. 2 NOTTINGHAM Men’s 1sts .......... 3 CARDIFF RED Hawks narrowly lost out 3-2 to the Nottingham Mavericks.

Trailing 3-1 going into the third, Cardiff peppered the opposition net with shots but could not find a way past GB in-line goaltender Mervyn Tasker, who deservedly picked up the man of the match award for the Mavericks.

However, with 2:30 remaining, the Red Hawks sent the small crowd wild with an outrageous goal to set up a tense finish. Cardiff’s Man of the Match Ben Hooper sliced open Nottingham’s defence with some dazzling puck handling, before setting up Tom Stevenson to hit a deft backhander upstairs into Tasker’s net.

Cardiff had the rough end of the decisions over the first two periods, receiving 149 penalty minutes – mostly 10-minute majors – compared to Nottingham’s 16 minutes. Cardiff lost player coach Dom Browne on a match penalty and first line winger Dan Holloway on a game penalty. Despite this, Cardiff came out and dominated Nottingham in the third and displayed

some excellent penalty killing, to stay in the game over the first 2 periods.

Nevertheless, it was the fully justified minor penalties which cost Cardiff this game and they will have to avoid playing shorthanded if they are to keep pace with the league leaders.

But Cardiff Red Hawks chairman Joe Staton believed the negatives can be easily turned around. He stated: “Being our first competitive match in a year this was always going to be a test for the guys. Our positional play was poor and we’re not working as a team.

However, in the third we showed what we are capable of. The presence of the Devils definitely pumped the guys up.

Nottingham outplayed us by showing good discipline and Hockey awareness, but with application in training I’m confident we can reverse the result in their barn in the new year.”

The Red Hawks and Mavericks are expected to be fighting it out over top spot in the league come the business end of the season, meaning the Red Hawks will likely have to beat Nottingham on their own ice to have a shot at the league championship. Cardiff Devils General Manager Brent Pope: “It’s great to see university hockey back in Cardiff.

There were some exciting players out there and hopefully the team will go from strength to strength.”

Bath began to grow in confidence and picked up their game, gaining the majority of possession. However, on turnovers Cardiff really looked threatening, but was just unable to convert.

Once again the forwards put in a good performance considering the lack of possession they had and won many corners for Cardiff. Unfortunately, their attempts were stopped by a well-oiled defence.

Bath scored their third and final goal from a counter-attack, and worked well to pass the ball around several players, and slip it to an attacker just outside the area, who converted into the bottom corner, to seal their victory.

The end result was a realistic reflection of the match, as Bath dominated with slick skills and movement. Cardiff were simply out-performed, regardless of their flowing play and strong team effort.

the park. Winger Rose Arkell sprinted down the pitch then popped the ball off to full-back Fran Acuna who made the last few yards and added five points to the score. The conversion was added

by Shepherd, taking the score to 12-0.

The visitors continued to apply pressure after the re-start and once again advanced through a number of good breaks and strong support play. But a confident pick and drive by Cardiff’s forwards saw them batter Bristol’s defensive line and allow captain Jess Bain to crash over the line for the third try of the half. With the visitors dominant in the scrum, it was not long until Cardiff had another opportunity to convert pressure into points. After securing the ball at the foot of the scrum, a well-executed backs move resulted in centre Roz Lambe crossing for the try. She then added a further two points for the conversion, leaving the score at 24-0 at the half-time whistle.

The second half witnessed the home side playing with restored confidence,

leading to a number of handling errors by Cardiff. With penalties being given in their favour, Bristol moved forward but failed to add points of their own due to a try-saving tackle by Shepherd. After the ball was cleared, a good break by Claire Molloy took Cardiff back into Bristol’s half and lucid passing allowed Bain to take a number of players on the outside and score her second try of the day.

The remainder of the half was fairly uneventful as Cardiff were strong in defence, halting every attempt from Bristol to increase their score. The visitors did manage to breach Bristol’s 22 one last time, but it was to no avail and the final score was 29-7 to Cardiff.

The team managed to hold onto their second spot in the league with this result and attention now turns to the remainder of their fixtures to be played after the Christmas break, where Cardiff will be aiming to continue their campaign to emulate last year’s success and win the league.

PHOTO: ED SALTER

Ice men cometh Thumped Women dominate

having equal possession, and short corners being rewarded at both ends, but with no result.

However, during the last fifteen minutes of the first half, Bath seemed to settle into the game and displayed some flowing play. This led to Bath’s first goal, which came from a short corner, where the ball was slipped right and then undercut over the keeper.

Bath seemed to dominate the first half from here on, and managed to convert another goal, just before the half time whistle.

Going into the second half Cardiff were looking a bit defeated, but after five minutes in, it was evident Cardiff were still in contention, after showing good linking play.

The Cardiff defence distributed well, but the midfield were put under huge amounts of pressure, and Bath kept turning over ball in this area.

Bristol to keep Cardiff in the running over the Christmas break

Roz Lambe Rugby Reporter CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts .............. 29 BRISTOL Ladies’ 1sts ................ 7 THE LAST game before Christmas saw Cardiff Ladies 1sts walk away with three league points after a well deserved 29-7 win in Bristol.

The visitors made a quick advance from the kick-off, forcing a knockon and gaining possession 10m from Bristol’s line. Despite good rucking by the forwards, the ball was lost and possession handed to Bristol. Alert as ever, fly-half Simone Shepherd took advantage of a weak Bristol pass, intercepting the ball and sprinting past the full-back to score.

After the re-start, Cardiff were quick to turn the ball over and started to pick holes in the Bristol defensive line.

Good support play allowed Cardiff to continually move forward, and when an overlap was created, the ball was quickly switched to the other side of

Sport 14 gairrhydd

gairrhydd

FEATURES

OCTOBER.22.2007

INSIDE: IMG Netball controversy,FEATURES@ the real ‘Kings.COM of gairrhydd Spain’, DanceSport and the new AU calendars

PHOTO: JACK ZORAB

BAIZE OF GLORY

Cardiff whip up a storm as the 1sts take the 9-ball championship, the 3rds go close in the semis, and the 2nds look to the future

Grant Morgan Pool Club President

CARDIFF 1STS emphatically swept aside Bristol 1sts to win the UPC 9-ball Championship with a 2-0 victory last weekend. The triumph was both fully deserved and a testament to the talent of three Ateam players.

The inspiarational captain Shaun Hill set the tone for the weekend with a fantastic run to the Individual Championship final, where he finished runnerup to the impressive Adam Shaw of Nottingham. Shaun’s run included a stunning 5-1 victory over Ben Patrick of Wolverhampton, one of four pretournament favorites.

This was exceeded in the semi-final by a 5-0 demolition of David Spencer of Warwick, where he produced exhibition form and a string of inspired shots

to secure a fine win.

Hill carried his good form into day three of the event to light the blue touch paper for a run that would see himself, Dev Chadha and Mike Lloyd claim an exciting and exhilarating win that had been long overdue.

It was a fitting way to begin their quest for success in what will be their final year of BUSA competition. Having been semi-finalists and quarter-finalists in the last two years, the achievement was particularly poignant for Shaun and Dev, who have put so much into the Pool Club in recent years. For them, it was a fitting finale and a reward for all their endeavours.

Their victory was kick-started by an immense comeback from Hill, as the tie went onto see Chadha comprehensively defeat former BUSA Snooker Champion Pritesh Patel and Lloyd finished on the brink of delivering a well-earned win in the final tie.

Hill showed tremendous focus and determination to claw back from 4-1 down to finish 5-4 in a match that served as another thrilling spectacle for the crowd.

Chadha’s match finished as a 5-1 thrashing, in which he only missed one pot in all six frames played, in a performance that proved solid, spectacular, and ultimately decisive. Lloyd finished 4-2 up on Merlin Fisher-Levine with two victories enough to give the win.

Prior rounds included a hard-earned win over Imperial College and a strong semi-final performance against impressive newcomers Leeds. The latter had previously defeated pre-tournament favourites Wolverhampton 1sts in a big semi-final upset, but Cardiff 1sts allowed no chance of a repeat with Chadha and then Hill sealing victories to propel Cardiff into the final.

Also worthy of mention is the performance of Cardiff 3rd team. Despite

going into the event with confidence, the 3rds exceeded all expectations with a string of fine performances before valiantly losing out in the Trophy Competition.

Wins against Birmingham 1sts and Imperial 1sts followed a uniting element of good fortune to leave the side in awe at their own performance. Debutant Jack Barkley-Smith was particularly impressive, earning his side wins with true grit and determination, matched with some exemplary potting.

This was matched by Taz Khandker, who has developed a burgeoning reputation for match-winning performances. Add to that an enigmatic Captain in Aled Davies, and another impressive debutant in Jack Bradley and the team was unlucky to be edged out by Warwick 2nds in the Trophy semi-final.

Davies shone in the final 2 days of competition, with some excellent performances for the good of his team. All

members can be truly proud of their efforts over the weekend.

Cardiff 2nds finished just one win short of qualification from the group stages into the knockout rounds. Luck befell their opponents and despite good performances, the 2nds fell just short of the line. Lessons will, however, no doubt have been learned, and the players will come back stronger for it.

The weekend, however, belonged to Shaun Hill and the Cardiff 1sts, with performances and a victory that will hopefully go some way to raising awareness of the club and the achievements of its members in representing the university.

Despite these successes and those of the past, the club has not always commanded the respect it deserves. If this victory can serve to change minds concerning the importance of the Pool Club, then the future can provide a repeat of these achievements.

GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITYn NEWS GIRLS TAKE OVER BLUE BARn HUW: TOO COOL FOR POOL n AISLING IN ‘LIKELY TO CHANGE BLUE BAR’ SHOCKER nCORINNE: WAS IT A MASS DEBATE?n EX-MONKEYS EXERT THEIR POWER OVER MILLWARDn WIGGINS FURIOUS AGAIN AFTER TRAINS SCREW HIM OVERnPAWLEY: SABB FETISH CONTINUESn HARRISON BEWAREnFANTASY FITTY BRYANT PREFERS BRUNETTESn HIS GIRLFRIEND IS BLONDE nLEE WANTS FIT AMY HARRISON BACKn IS NO GIRL SAFE FROM HIS EGO?nDEFINITION OF BAIZE: A MATERIAL USED ON GAMING TABLES