Quench 151 by Cardiff Student Media

Quench Issue Issue 151

MARCH 2015

P.41

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CONTENTS FEATURES 5

Exile From Northern Ireland

An exclusive tale of brutality and banishment from the frontline of the Northern Irish Troubles

Funny Business

Jason Roberts examines the booming laughing gas trade

COLUMNIST 11

The Sketch

Gareth Evans announces his retirement from the weird world of clubbing

CULTURE 12

Interview: Steve Punt

Interviewing comedian Steve Punt on Horrible Histories, Woody Allen and comedic taboo

Children’s Corner

We remember our favourite childhoood books, and why you should love them too

FASHION & BEAUTY 16

Easter Hamper

The cutest Easter themed fashion and beauty buys

Easter Nail Art

No better way to welcome Easter than by decorating your nails!

Fashion in Films

Exploring major movies from a fashion angle

London Fashion Week

The best of the catwalk this season and how to recreate them

TRAVEL 22

Wellness Retreats

Our picks of the best in the UK for post-deadline relaxation

Travel Scams

Common ones and how to avoid them

MUSIC 26

New/Newydd

The best in new music as per our editor’s recommendations

Microfest Preview

We catch up with two of the acts hitting this year’s Feels Like Summer festival

Interview: Ghostpoet

Off the back of new album Shedding Skin, we chat with Obaro Ejimiwe

Interview: Lucy Rose

Lucy Rose tells us about holidaying with your band and big name collaborations

Music Reviews

Reviews of Dune Rats, Glass Animals, The Cribs and more...

54 30

VIDEO GAMES 34

The YouTuber Review

The YouTuber Review returns for the final time

Looking Back a Year: Ubisoft, EA & Nintendo

We take a look back at the three main players in the industry that all had their ups and downs his year

Review: Dragonball Xenoverse

The epic saga continues and this time they may have actually got it right

Review: Evolve

The most anticipated release of the year so far. But has it lived up to expectations?

FILM & TV 40

Interview: Charlie Lyne

We talk to the director of new teen movie documentary ‘Beyond Clueless’

Top 10 Teen Films

The definitive guide to the cringey genre we hate to love

Dudes in Distress

With fairytales in film as popular as ever, we ask whether gender roles have been reversed

Genre in Review: Thriller

We’re in for a fright this week as we take a peek at thrillers (from behind a cushion of course!)

The Multicultural TV Race

Is there finally equal cultural representation in film and tv?

FOOD & DRINK 48

Quench Food Evening: Apple Jacks

See what we thought about our latest Food Evening at Apple Jacks

Microbreweries

Cardiff ’s harbouring some fantastic microbreweries, Quench investigates...

The Rise of Food Bloggers

We check out the big deal with food blogs

Foodie Debate: Chain VS Independent

We look at the debate between independent and chain restaurants

Quench EDITOR Sum Sze Tam

editor@quenchmag.co.uk @QuenchMag

DEPUTY EDITOR Chloe May FEATURES Aimee-lee Abraham Ja$on Robert$ COLUMNIST Gareth Evans

features@quenchmag.co.uk @Quench_Features

@_GarethEvans

CULTURE Greg McChesney George Caulton

culture@quenchmag.co.uk

FASHION & BEAUTY Franciska Bodnar Nicole Petty

fashion@quenchmag.co.uk

TRAVEL Olivia Waltho

travel@quenchmag.co.uk

MUSIC Charlie Mock

music@quenchmag.co.uk

VIDEO GAMES Alex Glazer

videogames@quenchmag.co.uk

FILM & TV Aaron Roberts Emily Giblett

filmtv@quenchmag.co.uk

FOOD & DRINK Emma Giles Kathryn Lewis

food@quenchmag.co.uk

HEAD OF DESIGN Emilia Ignaciuk

design@quenchmag.co.uk

ART EDITORS Franciska Bodnar Naomi Brown Eleanor Duffy Lucy Okell Olivia Thomas Georgia Hamer Bryn Evans

@QuenchCulture

@Quench_Fashion

@Quench_Travel

@QuenchMusic

QuenchStreetStyle

Quench_Travel

If you’re worried about jobs and the uncertain future, here’s a little pep talk for you. Don’t read if you don’t need the pep talk. A few things first. I’m so very excited about this issue of Quench. It’s the first issue after two of our key awards deadlines, so you can rest assured there isn’t any last-minute award-mongering here (although there aren’t any in the other issues either, so I don’t really know where I’m going with this point). Anyhow, this is a fabulous issue and I’m immensely proud of the people working on it. If you manage to get your hands on a copy of Quench 146, which was our first proper issue as a complete team, you’ll see we’ve come a long, long way. We’ve even got our own supplement, Ty Celf. That’s right - Quench, a supplement itself to the Gair Rhydd in the good old days, has finally got a supplement for itself. Now that’s ambition. And it’s a facking good supplement. Even if you’re not particularly artsy (literature/visual artswise), give it a gander. It makes for good eye-candy.

QuenchMusic

@QuenchGames

@QuenchFilm

@Quench_Food

EDITOR’S N O T E

QuenchFoodCardiff

@frankiebods @honeyandbrown @eleanorduff y @lucyokell @oliviadthomas @georgialeehamer @MantaRayBryn

SPECIAL THANKS TO Emily Giblett, Olivier VDBK, Greg McChesney, Kathryn Lewis, Alex Chapman, Caragh Medlicott, Emma Tranter, Charlie Mock, Georgia Hamer, Ja$on Robert$, Emma Giles, Naomi Brown, Bryn Evans, El Duffy, Franciska Bodnar, Lucy Okell for coming and giving us a hand on deadline night, everyone on the Ty Celf editorial team as well as Simon Brown for saving Ty Celf’s front cover and subsequently our sanity, Ainsley Harriott for always, always smiling, and Drake, because he told us to hold on, when all we wanted to do was go home.

Less ugh, more HELL YEAH! The uncertain future seems to be bearing down on everyone around me right now. Jobs, internships, relationships, awards ceremonies, student media next year… The nature of university and all educational institutions, really - is such that people pass through at an unrelentingly steady rate. The narrative that I hear over and over again is “ugh”. Ugh will I get a good grade for my final degree, UGH will I get a job, ugghh will I get an internship over the summer, and so on and so forth. I get that. I get you, I really do. In some respects the stakes are higher for me because instead of just going back to my parent’s home, I’ve decided to try and make the UK my new home. So unless I find a job, I’ll be legally forced to go back where I came from (yes - I’m one of those filthy immigrants, stealing all of the jobs). But somehow I’m not sure this constant barrage of negativity about our graduate lives is doing us any good. For some, it makes them think “academia is safe, I might as well stay in it”. And that may work for some, but it must surely have pushed some young people into doing a postgraduate degree that simply wasn’t meant for them; and as you all well know, degrees cost a great deal of time and money. The ugh narrative makes people scared. And

scared people, especially young scared people, can make their own lives harder. Sure, maybe young people across the world who live with this negativity hanging over them have an advantage in that they are super-aware of the importance of being proactive, getting applications in early, and sticking to deadlines. On the other hand, however, it makes some people perform a little worse, because they’re not allowing themselves to act naturally. Do yourselves a favour and submit good applications, and do good interviews and assessment centres that really show yourselves off to the best of your ability. Be confident. If this sounds patronising, then I’m not necessarily addressing you. But I do feel that you all owe yourself a shot at being judged for your own qualities, and not for a case of bad nerves. So perhaps the best way of avoiding this is to start thinking of the situation with a bit more hope, and anticipation. It is literally a case of looking at the circumstances as though the glass was half full. Think of how fun having money will be, instead of leeching off either your parents or further plunging yourselves into loosely-enforced debt. And even if you don’t get a paid job at first, remember that it’s all working towards something, a something where you will eventually get rewarded. That aside, think of your independence as a young adult - freedom is scary, because most of us have been sheltered by our circumstances until now, whether that be parents, the compulsory educational system, or otherwise. But plenty of people forget that freedom is also exciting and liberating (duh). Work hard, make firm decisions about where you want your life to go and the people you want to spend it with. Be brave, and stick with things if you have even the smallest of good feelings about it. Remember that progress is slow, and that changes don’t just happen overnight. This is sounding awfully like a very final editor’s note, or a parental lecture, and that’s because we’re near the end - this year’s Quench team has almost finished their run. I won’t get soppy and sad now - I’ll save that for the final issue. For now, don’t worry about your future. Instead, give it the anticipation it deserves, and plan it out with careful consideration and a hell of a lot of excitement!

FE ATURES

EXILE FROM NORTHERN IRELAND

When I first sat down to write this piece, it was my intention to tell a story of a man I had supposedly never met before and would probably never meet again – and that just isn’t true. The man whose tale occupies the following pages is my own father: he has lived through the Troubles of Northern Ireland and come out the other side with countless stories of pain, suffering, anger and hatred, and precious few tales of anything else. Despite only being born during the closing chapters of the Troubles, I still bore witness to the brutality that had marked the several previous decades through my dad’s stories, and through the blood-soaked bombings of Omagh, London and Manchester. Out of everything that he has told me, the story that has remained with me most is that of his exile. Like many others his age, my dad lived in constant fear of violence, but to be forced out of your own home under threat of death illustrates the incessant anger and hatred in which those decades were steeped. For the majority of the readers of this magazine, conflict is a faraway, alien concept; we see maimed soldiers and bombed cities solely through the broadcasts of Eastern correspondents and journalists. Over the course of myriad Skype conversations and written accounts, my father has shown me that there was a time just beyond the grasp of recent memory, when screens were filled with violence and struggle blisteringly close to home.

Despite the fact that the events detailed in this piece occurred over a quarter of a century ago, I still felt it necessary for my dad to take a pseudonym, and for myself as an author to remain anonymous. A lot of the people mentioned in this article (explicitly or implicitly) are walking the same streets they did when these events occurred, and equally as many would do everything in their power to prevent an account of their actions coming to light. I acknowledge that Wales is relatively far from the old sectarian hotbeds of Northern Ireland, and that the reach of a student publication like this isn’t exactly global; but if details of this story were to make it back home, it could put my father, his business and potentially myself in serious danger. The man in question – known as Thomas for the purposes of this article – has always been a prominent figure in our small Northern Irish city. “I suppose I was a bit of a Jack-the-Hat locally” he begins, “I was a young, single, well-known local. Mothers tended to lock up their daughters, if you get me.” While his opinion of himself might seem biased, there is no shortage of people young and old who would agree. Physically speaking, Thomas is of a solid build, with a strong head of hair (even at his age) and immaculate dress sense. Alongside this, family friends of ours have insisted that Thomas has had a firm grasp on selfconfidence for the majority of his adult life; his humour is infectious and he’s an engaging conversationalist. As you can imagine with his sort of character, he wanted to make himself known from a young age. “With the movement that was taking place further north, myself and a few others – teachers and community activists mainly – started a social justice movement to end the discrimination and social inequality that many Catholics were enduring at the time. The People’s Democracy we were called”. He takes great pride in those days, emphasising how they were mere amateurs running on passion alone, campaigning and doing door-to-door calls in their attempt to fight against the sitting Catholic MP in Stormont, Michael Keogh. “He was too comfortable, part of a ‘don’t-rock-the-boat’ party that only cared about re-election” he says. Thomas was one of only two local students to be involved at first, campaigning with peaceful protests and organising marches, (“they were banned, but we went ahead anyway” he said, grinning at his childhood revolt) all while attending school. “I was getting myself in trouble in school for acting out, I figured I may as well put it towards something I was passionate about.” A few years passed like this for Thomas, but in the years following Bloody Sunday, things changed for the worse. Bloody Sunday (or the Bogside Massacre) took place in Derry in 1972, a few years after the Provisional Irish Republican Army (PIRA) began their campaign in earnest. Bloody Sunday saw the massacre of 26 unarmed civilians protesting against the mass arrest and imprisonment-without-trial of people believed to be involved in IRA activities. Immediately afterwards, a meeting in the local Town Hall was called to remove students from the movement, including Thomas and those that had since joined. “We were told that as students, we were ‘too young for all this’ and that really got to me.” By this stage Thomas had already been galvanised by his time in politics, and stood up to speak on behalf of the students, asserting their right as the youth to be there. His speech was met with roaring success and standing ovations, and in the weeks following was quoted in the New York Times. The students retained their place within the movement. After the events of 1972, the political landscape of Northern Ireland took a marked shift towards the

He was frequently told to stop speaking out, but he continued with greater fervour

paramilitary, with “dark militant characters” emerging and taking precedence within established, previously peaceful political parties; the focus had shifted from social justice to the militarised ideal of a United Ireland. Despite being from a Catholic background, Thomas was vigorously opposed to a ‘United Ireland’, realising that as the owner of an established independent business, the Republic was not capable of shouldering the economic pressures of unification. “I knew that Ireland was too poor to take on the North” he says, “we wouldn’t have any social care, the economy would suffer and I knew that shops like mine would be the first to go. The European Economic Community was a whisper on the wind, it did nothing for us”. He was frequently told to stop speaking out, but just like in school and the town hall, against his teachers and those that attempted to exclude him, he continued with greater fervour. By standing against the ideals that the parties he had previously campaigned for had now adopted, Thomas put himself directly in the firing line of these dark, militant characters, and set in motion a series of events that would soon spiral out of control. At this point I feel I need to state that my dad has always been fairly open about his past. Good or bad, any time I questioned him about a story I had heard

from a friend or friend’s parent, his replies were always honest. One such story I heard was his fondness for smoking “dope” as he called it. “I was always fond of a wee smoke” he says, “but I can honestly say I haven’t even tried anything else, and I can swear on that”. As the son of strictly Catholic parents in a small Northern Irish town, smoking cannabis alone in those days would be enough to cause a stir. As is also the case with a well-known individual any small town, “the rumour mill” is always turning, and before long it turned on my father. One night Thomas was in a local pub - the name of which long since changed - alongside his friends and a girl he was seeing. As they sat there drinking and chatting amongst themselves, someone passed a letter over Thomas’ shoulder.

fe atures As he pulled out the letter, Thomas realised it was a list of six names – including his – with a bullet sat heavily in the bottom of the envelope. A short sentence sat atop the list, claiming that each person named was dealing heroin, and as a result they had 24 hours to leave the country. Moderately drunk and ignorant of the imminent threat, he laughed it off, continuing with his night as if noting was amiss. The following day it seemed everyone was aware of the letter, and over the next few days various stories emerged of those named. Two left town almost straight away, leaving behind friends and family in one fell swoop. One of the men moved immediately into a part of town under paramilitary protection where he knew he would be safe, while two who also ignored the letter were dragged into the street and pistol-whipped. It became apparent that Thomas was the final unharmed name. Each day following these events was more terrifying than the last for Thomas, he describes to me how every time he opened the front door of his shop a car would drive slowly past, with all the occupants “staring out at me”. A soldier was injured on duty and taken into care near where Thomas lived. The screams of pain he could hear from his house were intolerable, bringing Thomas to breaking point. He had to get out. My grandparents – Thomas’ parents – were previous business-owners, and he pleaded with them to look after the shop while he was gone. Despite his pleas, he kept from them the real reason for his

departure for fear of upsetting them. Claiming he simply needed a break from his business for a short while, they agreed, and within a day he was gone. During the previous summer, Thomas had been seeing a girl – Svenja – whose parents lived in West Berlin. She had planned to visit her parents around the time he left home, and remembering this, he resolved to stay with her until the threats made against his life had passed. It wasn’t anything serious between the two, he had been seeing “a few girls that summer”, he winks, but she very quickly became his only form of escape. At the time, West Berlin was an island of Allied control surrounded by the Soviet power of East Germany, meaning Thomas’ route to West Berlin was complicated

Two men ignored the letter and were dragged into the street and pistol-whipped

fraught with worry. His first flight took him to London at a cost of £200 (around £700 today), and from there he caught a series of trains from Harwich to the Allied city of Hamburg. Arriving in Hamburg, Thomas was lost, alone and without a single word of German. He remained alone and unmoving for over an hour, before finally being approached by a stranger. He knew one word, “Berlin”, to which the stranger replied by pointing towards the city and saying “Flughaffen Hamburg”. These words were a lifeline for Thomas, and to this day he has resolved to never forget them. With barely enough money left for his flight to Berlin, he was left with no option but to watch for the direction of incoming planes and follow them to the airport. The walk from the railway station to Hamburg airport is a long one, and for Thomas as he walked completely alone and nearly penniless, it was made even longer. Since that day Thomas has walked several marathons through mountain ranges, and yet still he calls that seven-mile walk the longest of his life. When he finally arrived at Hamburg airport, the last of his money was spent on a flight to Berlin, which left that night. At the time, Berlin’s Templehof airport was still operating, and when Thomas’ plane touched down he described it as “like landing in the middle of the street”. Svenja, the girl upon whom he was entirely dependent, was to meet him at the airport, but when he exited arrivals, she wasn’t there. Seven long hours passed before she came to collect him, during which Thomas (without any form of contact whatsoever) had spent the entire time believing himself was abandoned, having wasted all his money on a pipedream. After a seemingly eternal wait, she showed up, picking Thomas up in her small car and taking him into the heart of city. During the drive into the city, Svenja abruptly informed him that their arrangement

they had made on the phone before Thomas’ departure had changed; his place in the family home was no longer available, and Thomas’ accommodation was now with a ‘friend’ of Svenja’s in a squat. Completely bereft of any other choice, Thomas moved in. Thomas de.scribes his accommodation as “one of those prewar apartment blocks, freezing in the February cold”, and the ‘friend’ of Svenja with whom he was sharing was an LSD burnout named Ali*. Ali spoke no English and Thomas no German, so each lived, ate and slept in complete silence. Despite all that had happened, Svenja attempted to maintain the romantic interest between her and Thomas that had begun during the summer, something which for Thomas had long since fizzled and died. Thomas spent a few weeks wedged between the uncomfortable advances of Svenja and the muted existence of Ali, until a change in fortune arrived in the form of Jurgen*. From his arrival until this point, Thomas had been drowning in the silence of Ali’s concrete-walled squat, and Jurgen – with his conversational English and a small stall on the Kurfürstendamm (or Ku’Damm) – gave Thomas a chance at improvement, however meagre it may have been. Selling Indian jewellery and commemorative trinkets, Thomas finally found a way to make money and improve his conditions marginally. It was a far cry from his shop at home in Northern Ireland, but Thomas put his sales experience to work, conversing fervently with any English speaker that stopped by the stall, and gesturing with mute enthusiasm to everyone else.

he was abandoned, having wasted all his money on a pipe-dream

Thomas’ situation had barely changed, but in order to mitigate his crippling loneliness he began to branch out. He tentatively ventured into local pubs and bars in a desperate attempt to meet people and escape the deafening silence of Ali. Weeks had passed, and yet still Thomas was “entirely out of his depth”. He was broke, alone and still extremely vulnerable to culture shock. During one of his first ventures into Berlin’s social scenes, Thomas entered a miniscule, decrepit club, and within minutes of entering, he came across a prostrate, unconscious American G.I, so consumed by the heroin in his veins he was unable to remove the needle hanging out of his arm. Thomas was a smalltown Northern Irish lad, he had never seen anything or anyone like that G.I before. In Thomas’ time in Germany, Allied Berlin served –amongst several other tactical purposes – as a staging point for American troops coming in and out of Vietnam. Oftentimes the only English-speaking contact Thomas had was with the American military. He was left reeling by the destitution of the G.I, but before Thomas could come to terms with what he had just seen, he realised that he was surrounded completely by gay couples. My father is by no means homophobic in any way, shape or form, but coming from both a strictly Catholic family and a small Northern Irish town, homosexuality did not exist to him prior to this moment. On the verge of a complete emotional breakdown he fled the club and wandered the streets. After hours of walking in the freezing cold with an empty stomach and an miserably inadequate jacket, he was approached by what he affectionately refers to as the “Hare Krishna mob”. A few members approached him, and after some kind words fed him and gave him a hot drink to warm up; it was his saving grace that night, and remains as a kindness that he has never forgotten. Thomas’ only comfort after the days and days spent in the jewellery stall the Ku’Damm was going into the KaDeWe. Short for Kaufhaus des Westens, KaDeWe was a department store housing, amongst other things, a small record store. Thomas would frequently wander in and guiltily listen to Helen Millar records until they forced him to leave. Thomas lingered as long as he could in that small music store, ekeing out solace from the records until he felt strong enough to continue. Months passed like this; full working days, brief but incalculably valuable visits to the KaDeWe and occasional, generally unsuccessful excursions to pubs and clubs. After a while Thomas had saved up a small amount of money, but before even considering his return to what he had left behind, himself along with a few people he had met over the months previous decided to venture into East Berlin.

They could do nothing but watch as their dreams faded into the white noise

East Berlin was like a strip hugging the wall, then nothing

Any attempt of mine to convey to you the poverty that my father bore witness to in East Berlin would be completely inadequate. When I asked my dad about it during our conversations he would fall silent, and even in our written contact I could tell his words were failing him. The phrase he repeated to me the most was “East Berlin was like a strip hugging the wall, then nothing”. Like a rivulet in a desert, vestiges of life clung to the Berlin Wall, hoping to absorb some of the vitality and joy that thrived on the other side, but without success. Aside from a lone shop front containing a handful of rubber ants in the window, each shop that Thomas passed was entirely barren. The only businesses with anything to offer were the bookshops, with shelf after shelf full of nothing but sickly, garish propaganda. As a gift to those he had arranged to stay with, Thomas had worn three pairs of Levi’s jeans across the border; they were well-worn and fraying, but regardless of their state, their value - he was told - was enormous. The family he was to be staying with greeted him warmly and ushered him into the house. His offer of jeans was welcomed gratefully, and the entire house set about washing, scrubbing and trimming to bring them back to a semblance of their former glory. That evening after dinner Thomas, a fellow visitor able to translate, and one of the sons – Sepp – were sat in the living room:

Thomas was simply grateful for a comfortable chair to sit on, while Sepp was immersed entirely in trimming stray threads from the gifted jeans. Their conversation was stilted, any attempt at fluid conversation was thwarted by a lack of common language. They persevered with their conversation and amongst the stutters and misunderstood humour, Sepp mentioned his excitement in receiving a new car. In an attempt to learn more about Sepp, Thomas asked him when he was going to collect it. Sepp laughed; he had ‘ordered’ the car two years ago at 19, and his excitement was because he had a mere four more years to wait before he received it. The joy that he could read on Sepp’s face was evident, and yet the reason to be joyful was surrounded on all sides by such abject poverty it was rendered almost inconceivable to Thomas. Over the following days as Thomas travelled around East Berlin, he came to realise this side of the divided city represented a poverty that he had never seen before. He had come across poor communities in Northern Ireland many times, but this side of Berlin was left in want of so much; it was impoverished in hope and in happiness, bereft of even a possibility of escape. Despite the circumstances surrounding his exile, Thomas realised that he was lucky in being able to escape at all. If and when he chose to return, he had a business waiting for him. He had the chance to start again, to build himself up and return to normal. The people of East Berlin had their families and nothing else. On his last night East of the wall, Thomas was sitting with the other visitors, his host family and Sepp watching television, or at least their version of it. Crowding around a small screen and peering through a blizzard of interference, they would occasionally catch glimpses of Western programmes; “dream television is what they called it” he told me. All of the family’s dreams were contained within that tiny box. Their aspirations, hopes and all they had ever wished for were there on that screen, obscured by white noise, barely visible, and entirely out of reach. They could do nothing but watch as their dreams faded into the distance, vainly hoping they would return before resignedly turning off the television set for the night. The next day brought with it their time to leave; Thomas and his companions bid farewell to their host family and set about heading back home. From his time in the Ku’damm, Thomas had saved up enough money for his journey back, and within a handful of days he began his journey. Despite his absence of several months, Thomas heard from his friends that it was still not safe for his return back to our town in Northern Ireland. Through several friends he knew living in the Republic of Ireland, he acquired a job working in a large Department store, and remained there for the next three years. After spending nearly 5 years in total away from home and his business, a local political party member informed Thomas he finally had the “go-ahead” to come home. This man, who will remain unnamed and unaffiliated in this article, is now the head of a very large charity, backed by members extremely high up in British society. Despite all that he has endured, and despite animosity from both sides of the British-Irish conflict, Thomas still proudly displays Irish text above his shop door. “And I always will” he tells me, “some people like it, and some people don’t. I’ve changed so much in the past out of fear and out of anger, but now I’m done. I’m done changing.” He never found out who wrote that letter, and he never saw it again.

FE ATURES

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For as long as humans have known about nitrous oxide, they’ve used it as a recreational drug. Discovered in the late 18th century by Sir Joseph Priestley, the chemist Humphrey Davy attempted to commercialise it a few years later. Using a machine specifically developed by his friends Thomas Beddoes and James Watt, Davy piped the gas into airtight silk bags and held extravagant parties for the British upper classes, who needed a break from spitting on the poor and fucking their siblings. Needless to say, these parties proved to be enormously popular. Davy had popularised nitrous oxide to the point that it was no longer called nitrous oxide amongst its aficionados; like any good drug it had a load of different names. And although terms like “factitious airs” and “phlogisticated nitrous air” were both used at the time, history thankfully decided on a simpler name: laughing gas. Today, nitrous oxide is found all over the place. It’s mainly used in hospitals as an anaesthetic, but you’ll also find it in mechanical parts for cars and rockets. And, curiously

enough, you’ll also find it in food. Specifically, in whipped cream. Placed inside cans of whipped cream because of how soluble it is in fatty compounds, when the solution is exposed to air, the gas expands and creates that beautiful foamy goodness. Because of this, catering wholesalers will now sell tiny metal cylinders (known as chargers) to anyone willing to buy them by the thousand. Which happens to be an attractive proposition to two groups of people in particular: Michelinstarred chefs, and laughing gas dealers. Once upon a time, laughing gas was only popular amongst Britain’s stranger subcultures, but now it’s coming back into fashion. Part of the reason is the ascent of house music into the mainstream, as the drug has a strong association with the scene. There’s also the fact that it’s relatively low-risk, providing a quick, cheap, easy high in contrast to the some of the more hardcore Class As available. But perhaps most importantly, laughing gas is more accessible now than ever before. This is because there’s now an entire

“THEY DONʼT SELL YOU NITROUS OXIDE CANISTERS, THEY SELL YOU WHIPPED CREAM CHARGERS”

industry built around delivering laughing gas right to people’s doorstep, 24/7. And it’s all entirely legal. Well, sort of. The legality of laughing gas isn’t totally black and white. Possessing it, and more importantly consuming it, are both okay in the eyes of the law. But the debate is mostly focused around how laughing gas is sold. Because nitrous oxide is used in hospitals as an anaesthetic, it falls under the Human Medicines Regulations Act, meaning dealers can’t sell it with any medical connotations attached. However, if it’s sold as a foodstuff, it’s fine. This is why laughing gas businesses can operate relatively openly under the guise of ‘catering suppliers’, because they don’t sell you nitrous oxide canisters, they sell you whipped cream chargers. You might think it’s an issue of semantics, and you’d be right, but legality often depends on such little things. Ultimately, the police have very few legal grounds to prosecute laughing gas traders, and everyone knows it. the police have very few legal grounds to prosecute laughing gas traders, and everyone knows it. “They can’t do anything,” says T*, a Cardiff dealer who’s agreed to meet me and discuss the industry. It’s no exaggeration to say that there is a laughing gas industry, a fact that’s very clear within minutes of meeting T. In the doorway of his house, giant cardboard boxes are stacked on top of one another in the hallway, all full with smaller boxes each containing 24 chargers of pure nitrous oxide. We start talking, and T is quick to establish the legality of his business, telling me, “If someone calls me and asks for balloons, or repeatedly asks for laughing gas, I can’t sell it to them,” although he’s fully aware that the overwhelming majority of his customers aren’t calling him at 4am because they’ve got a cake that needs decorating. We carry on, but we’re soon interrupted by T’s phone. It’s a customer. T says he’ll be there in half an hour, and invites me along for the drive. Driving through Cathays, he details plans for getting his company logo adorned on the side of his car, and starts complaining about his web designers. “[They] made me the logo, but they turned out to be massive

dickheads,” he sighs, as we pull up outside an apartment block in the city centre. T is on time, but there’s no sign of the customer. “This guy’s such a longhead,” he mutters, before putting his car into neutral and turning the engine off. The whole thing is totally bizarre. A dealer turning up on time is rare, but sticking around for a late customer is totally unheard of. Eventually, a man approaches the car, gives T a tenner for a box of 24, and walks back inside. No tension, no counting money, no checking of weights, nothing. The whole thing seems less like a drug deal than it does a pizza delivery. Appropriate perhaps, for a catering supplier. Every aspect of T’s operation adheres to basic business principles, and it shows. Drug dealers don’t have websites. Drug dealers don’t advertise. Drug dealers don’t turn up early, and they definitely don’t wait around for customers who take forever to show up. Laughing gas is well and truly being commodified, though it’s not exactly easy to get a business started. After telling me that it cost around £2000 to get everything off the ground, T explains, “It’s really difficult to buy cream chargers from wholesalers. Literally they’re impossible to find. The only way I got hold of mine was through a number I found, and I had to ring them and ask if I could buy some for wholesale, and they weren’t very helpful about it. They were like, “visit our affiliate website” and I had to ring them and ask them for their supplier’s number. It was quite

“A DEALER TURNING UP ON TIME IS RARE, BUT STICKING AROUND FOR A LATE CUSTOMER IS TOTALLY UNHEARD OF” difficult really.”T went on to explain that just like every other tradable commodity, the source, and more importantly the brand, matters. “It’s all from the UK, either Liss or Mr. Whip. Or Erotica Cream, which is the same thing but the box has pictures of naked girls on. There’s also Best Whip, but that’s the inferior stuff. Mr Whip’s just the thing that people hit, it’s more of a younger person’s brand. Liss is more for caterers. Mr. Whip is owned by the same people as Liss, and it’s made by the same people as Liss. It’s just packaged differently, it’s exactly the same on the inside.” Needless to say, where there’s business, there’s competition. And when you’re dealing in a high stakes product like drugs, you’re likely to run the risk of violence. But there’s not even a hint of violence between laughing gas traders, instead it appears sellers are often willing to work with one another. T says, “In Cardiff, there’s Anytime Cream and there’s someone called Got Cream. Got Cream don’t really have any online presence, and Anytime Cream have got a bit of a bad reputation. Most of my customers are old Anytime Cream customers. The Anytime Cream guys are sound though, when I run out, I’ll sometimes order it off them and they’ll give me a discount.” Upon closer inspection, the laughing gas industry starts to look more and more like any other. Brands matter. Service matters. Advertising matters. The former subculture staple is now just another cog in the capitalist machine. The majority of the businesses themselves are even registered for tax, because it’s difficult for them to secure a wholesaler if they’re not. All this raises the question: if laughing gas is mostly legitimate, why do so many people want to get rid of it? In recent years, police and local government have attempted to crack down on the industry (South Wales Police declined to provide any comment for this article). Last year

in August, the Local Government Association (LGA) issued a health warning about the dangers associated with the gas. The chairwoman of the LGA’s community wellbeing board, Councillor Katie Hall said at the time, “It is deeply disturbing that this drug, which can be highly dangerous, is still widely viewed as safe. It is imperative that users understand just how harmful it can be. This gas can kill - and much more needs to be done to get this message across.” The Home Office also released a guidance report in 2013 that advised local councils to use legislation that makes trading in certain streets or areas illegal, which would target laughing gas sellers who trade on market stalls. This has proved to be a brief deterrent in some areas of the UK where such stalls were once popular. But instead of pushing laughing gas off the streets entirely, it’s just pushed it online, and inadvertently right onto people’s doorsteps. Much of the battle for local councillors and police forces is convincing people that laughing gas is dangerous. And there are cases where laughing gas, when used excessively, has killed people. But in comparison to other drugs, the likelihood of death is incredibly low. Official figures blamed laughing gas for 17 deaths between 2006 and 2012, averaging out at fewer than three deaths per year. In comparison, about three people every year die from being struck by lightning in the UK (according to the Tornado and Storm Research Organisation). It’s important to maintain a sense of perspective when reporting on laughing gas, which is where many feel that local government, the police, and the sensationalist media, are losing their credibility. It’s important to note this, because laughing gas can be dangerous. The author Ben Goldacre, who has risen to prominence by denouncing poor science reporting, noted in a 2007 blog post, “…to be effective and persuade people to change their behaviour in public health policy, it is generally considered that your message must be credible, and perceived by the recipient as applicable to their circumstances.” Which all sounds very reasonable. The problem is, Goldacre says, that laughing gas users are ignoring public health warnings because of the way the drug is being misrepresented in the

“THE FORMER SUBCULTURE STAPLE IS NOW JUST ANOTHER COG IN THE CAPITALIST MACHINE” The main risk of the drug is that long-term use can lead to a vitamin B12 deficiency. Which doesn’t sound majorly important, until you consider that without vitamin B12, you’ll struggle to make new cells. Which you need to, er… survive. Vitamin B12 deficiency is largely treatable, but it’s still a fairly unpleasant thing to have to deal with. The thing is, if local authorities presented vitamin B12 deficiency as the worst thing that can happen to a regular laughing gas user, the impact would be minimal because frankly, people don’t give a shit about stuff like that. This is how we’ve ended up trapped in the familiar cycle of moral panic and government misinformation that so often surrounds any drug-related issue. The debates surrounding the laughing gas industry are representative of the UK’s problem with drugs, a problem that stems from a failing drug policy and the way drugs and their various addicts are represented in the media. We need evidence, education and reasoned discussion, but we’re given doubt merchants, misinformation and hysteria. All of which puts the laughing gas industry in a strange position. Right now it exists in legal limbo, and along with a large market to satisfy, it also has many opponents who would like nothing more than to see it properly criminalized. But instead of criminalising it, what if the government were to regulate it and tax it like any other commodity, and operate the scheme as a trial for future legalisation of other drugs? It’s been established that while laughing gas is not without it’s dangers, you’ll struggle to find a drug in such high demand and with a relatively low risk factor, which makes it perfect for such an experiment. It’s unlikely that the current government (or any future one, for that matter) would go in for this though, which is a shame. Until then, we’ll just have to grin and bear it. *real name withheld.

Illustration by Emma Pethybridge

media and by government bodies. Instead of presenting a credible message, they’re doing the exact opposite. It really comes down to finding out how harmful laughing gas actually is. You’re already aware that it’s unlikely to kill you, but there are other effects that are often misreported. The rush that nitrous oxide gives you is often attributed to the ‘fact’ that it starves the brain of oxygen, but this is untrue. The truth is that the full effects of nitrous oxide on the body aren’t fully understood by scientists yet, but the majority of evidence points to the way that the drug interacts with the NDMA receptor in the brain in a similar way to ketamine, which is why they’re both used as anaesthetics. If nitrous oxide truly starved the brain of oxygen, why would it be administered to women in labour?

COLUMNIST

Club Life: It’s just not worth living anymore

THE SKETCH with GARETH EVANS

It’s hard to believe that, at one point, clubbing formed the basis of a subculture. An underground activity adopted by a new wave of youth, it spawned from the underground rave parties of the late eighties until it boomed into a trippy, sweaty, monster with neon fangs.

But now the fangs are blunt and the monster has retired. He’s probably living, like most of the peak-ravers of the nineties, in a modest home funded by a mid-level job in HR. Clubbing is no longer the alternative, distinct, branch of youth culture that it once was. No, now it’s a commercialised chain made up of homogenous cesspits – vying with each other for your student loan, heckling you in the street with shit flyers. Knowing that I would be writing this, I asked two of these street hecklers, with their club brand hoodies and MTV haircuts, why I should go to their particular club night. I was wrong to expect a sales pitch or even something literate; “It’s a massive one mate” – was the reply. “Get your mates along” the other one said, with what I can only assume was sarcasm. I responded with “okay” because I’m a coward and dumped the flyers in the bin

“It’s impossible to imagine that the Ken doll in a leopard print vest has a day job. What could he possibly do?” because I’m venomous. And as I continued to walk alongside the row of clubs on Greyfriars Road, I considered the lowly state that the student social scene had hit. Apparently this was the best that we could do; even worse, these clubs are really quite popular. So much

so that people queue for hours on this very pavement, in Welsh weather, so that they can get inside. I’ve done it myself, never for hours, but I’ve queued in the rain to get into clubs where the floor is somehow wetter than it is outside. And I’ve had good nights, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t the half-hearted polemical rant of a club reject, no; this is the halfhearted polemical rant of a guy who usually wishes he was rejected. At least then I could go home, get into bed, forget about the evils of the world and watch something inane. These clubs play host to many of these exact evils. Is that hyperbole? Well yes, but they are dark places literally, figuratively, even morally. I admit that all sounds like a MailOnline comment. But if you really think about some of these places then it’s difficult to see how they are even in business. I mean, from the exterior, Glam looks like an unlicensed tanning salon. The ironically named Walkabout is a densely packed hormone coliseum, and Retros feels like the result of a school disco that the teacher’s forgotten to end. But in reality this doesn’t matter because everyone in there will be obviously, hellishly, smashed. This says a lot though, because most of us wouldn’t even consider going to a club sober. If you’ve done it then you end up feeling dirty, awkward and alone; like the Louis Theroux in the evangelical

“When fun comes from gurning at a strobe light after ingesting a pill made by trafficked Europeans, that’s when I have to look elsewhere for it” room. You begin to notice that the walls have a consistency, the floor is gelatinous, the music is painful and the drinks taste and look like what you would expect to urinate in the morning. I apologise if that is repulsive, but then again, how else can you convey the slimy innards of British nightlife? I can’t think of anywhere else that I would physically require full inebriation to go to. I don’t know what kind of Godless hole that would be. This in itself is a sign that, maybe, it’s time I started to look elsewhere. If you need to numb your senses, your perceptions, and hack away at your inhibitions to avoid gagging at your surroundings then surely that says something? Or maybe I’m just old before my time. Okay, I am old before my time. I know this because a few weeks ago I went to Sheffield’s SU on a night out and was reminded that there really is a generational gap between the university years. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what it was, maybe it was the music, or the drinking games, or

the fashion, but it became clear to me that at the age of twenty-one my time had been and gone. 2012 seemed distant, because back then this would have been a full on riot. Now I just felt too self-aware and oddly separated from the whole experience. Some might say I hadn’t drunk enough but believe me I tried. Oh how I tried. Plenty of people would solve that feeling with drugs and they are welcome to do that. I happen to think that they should be

legalised and regulated for reasons of safety, finances, and so on. But when fun comes from gurning at a strobe light after ingesting a pill made by trafficked Europeans then that’s when I have to look elsewhere for it. There’s a reason why people take MDMA to enhance the likes of clubs and dance music; it’s because they’re terrible to begin with. As are most club regulars. To be clear, it’s primarily the men. In a previous column for this magazine I wrote about the crisis of the modern man and their (our?) struggle to find a new form of masculinity in an era of metrosexual grooming and increasingly vocal feminists. If ever I needed to conduct a sociological experiment on the topic then nightclubs would be the perfect place to find a sample. There are those people, you know the type, who only seem to exist in a club environment. It’s impossible to imagine that the Ken doll in a leopard print vest has a day job. What could he possibly do? They don’t look like real human beings, more like holograms intertwined with the lighting in order to create the illusion of popular demand. Until, that is, I see them handing out leaflets on Greyfriars Road. Ah, of course, those guys again. That is their day job. Amongst their tattoo sleeves I wouldn’t be surprised to see an ouroboros because these people lead bizarre, cyclical, club based lives that might as well never end. But mine has. I think I’ve decided to call it a day. The truth is I’m not really cut out for it. I gave it a go, but like karate and piano I’m going to file clubbing under ‘things I tried to do to appear cooler than I really am’. There’s barely room left in that cabinet.

Illustrations: Naomi Brown

Comedian Steve Punt paid Cardiff University a visit, and Dan Heard went to speak to him. What ensues is some golden advice for other comedians, his childhood influences, and the controversial line comedy often flirts with Steve Punt is most commonly (and somewhat begrudgingly) known for his partnership with comedian Hugh Dennis. They starred together in the immensely popular The Imaginatively Titled Punt & Dennis Show, and BBC Radio 4’s weekly satirical comedy review The Now Show. In his time, Punt has written for Mock the Week and Would I Lie to You?, amongst several other successful shows. As well as being a writer, Steve is also the presenter of Radio 4’s University-based quiz show The 3rd Degree, where students and lecturers - who are known as ‘The Dons’ are pitted against each other in a battle of wits. A new edition of the show was recently recorded in the Birt Acres Lecture Theatre right here at Cardiff University on the 20th February. Luckily, I managed to grab a short, yet informative few minutes to chat to him before he wolfed down some cold M&S sandwiches and boarded the train back to London. Before the recording I had quickly Googled his name, looking for a face to put to the voice I had heard many times on the radio. Images of a rather plain looking man, in a suit, a (normally loud) shirt, staring intently back into the camera were the first ones I saw. Having met writers and comedians before, I expected what I saw online to translate fairly accurately into reality. Steve Coogan was as sharp as the cut of his expensive jacket when rambling on about Alan Partridge for an hour and a half. Lee Mack was loud, admittedly, but in a way typical of his comic persona- the fact that he IS a loud Northerner and David Mitchell was David

Mitchell- what you saw was what you got. Therefore, I expected as much with Mr Punt. Boy, was I wrong. The door of the so called ‘green room’ (Room 0.54 in Bute - a computer room, albeit one now full of coffee and Welsh cakes) swung open, and in walked Doc Brown’s long lost son. Steve Punt was clad in an enormous turquoise puffer jacket and his face, so

“In my experience, it is good to be taken out of your comfort zone sometimes.”

stern and serious in the publicity shot for the show, was almost hidden by a thick five o’clock shadow, on the verge of becoming a full blown beard. His hair made him resemble the famous picture of Einstein, minus the tongue sticking out. Once the coat was off, underneath was an equally crumpled jumperand-shirt combination, in the same bluish-green hue, which was pretty off-putting to say the least. As he shuffled towards me, his brown boots stained with rain and caked in mud, he extended his hand. I shook it, and we sat down. Then came

another unexpected twist. He may well be one of the sharpest men I have met. He was quick and focused while recording, but he is still a comedian at heart, so his jokes to the audience (and to us on the panel) were concise and clever. Understatedly funny. Here, he was being undoubtedly smart. As he relaxed into his chair, he casually picked up a Welsh cake from the platter in front of him, and took a bite. “So, Mr Punt, just how hard is it to write comedy?” He stopped munching. He sat up. And he focused his attention on me. And so began an outpouring of insight that any upcoming comic would gladly kill for. To Punt, comedy is much less difficult when you know what to write about. There are two ways of approaching this, he says - either news based content or ‘pure’ comedy. In terms of topical stuff, the stuff that is thrown up by the news almost every day, there is no problem on what or of what to write about. “In my experience, it is good to be taken out of your comfort zone sometimes. If you are given just a blank sheet of paper, then you tend to default to what you would call your ‘pet subjects’ - the things you are most comfortable talking about, what you know best, and that can be good sometimes, but when a new show or a new sketch needs to be written, then it can be tricky. “This could, though, also act as a way to expand your range of jokes. Around a writers’ table, there isn’t just a bunch of comics sitting around, clutching at that day’s newspapers and unstably drinking gallons of coffee. There are guys who have that life experience, that thing that they can draw

CULTURE

inspiration from - but also that nous for knowing what the audience want to hear.” This is a given exercise of what to write about. He feels that the more your thoughts are, in essence, narrowed down in terms of what you write, then often, the better it is. With these pre-designated topics and places, you have things you can use and things to work on, at least. There are human interest pieces you read, from which you find specifics. You need something to hang a story on - and in comedy, it is better to find something specific. The last bit of cake disappears into his mouth. A pause for breath (something of a rarity), and then he’s off again. “I write for Horrible Histories, and you can’t change history! That is something unquestionable, something fundamental. You have to work within it. It can at times be restrictive. But the thing is, you can also be inspired by something new- something topical, something perhaps relevant to what is popular culture today. You are more often inspired by something new”. So, I ask, if Horrible Histories is something both kids and adults can enjoy, what was it that you enjoyed watching as a kid? Who were your comedy heroes? Undoubtedly, the Pythons are up there. Punt played Eric Idle in Holy Flying Circus, a surreal dramatization of the making of The Life of Brian. “I became aware of them through the films, and through their comedy albums - much the same with the Derek and Clive stuff that Peter Cook and Dudley Moore used to do. Albums had this kind of culty quality - they could be pretty damn rude! For me, the more culty they are, the better.” He cites the Airplane films and Wayne’s World as hugely influential: “I can watch these with my kids, or I did when they were kids, and they can find it as funny as

when I first saw it in the cinema years ago. I actually went back and watched it again, because I had missed bits of it laughing at the previous joke! It’s the same with Wayne’s World. I saw that in 1992, and you could see the almost quintessential Britishness in Mike Myers performance- and it was hilarious!” Woody Allen is another hero of his, after he first saw Annie Hall in his early teens. “The lines and the scenes, ‘A spider as big as a Buick’ - they were just great! So to go to that, having been brought up on the likes of Morecambe and Wise and The Two Ronnies - I mean, I liked them, but I was always aware that this was the humour of my parents. My dad loved Round the Horn and The Goon Show, and had all of Spike Milligan’s War Diaries - and I became aware of them through him. For me, TV wise, there was a turning point when Not the Nine O’clock News and The Young Ones arrived - here was more my kind of comedy language. “You had Rik, this embodiment of student life in the eighties or whenever it was, speaking with this middle class accent, and saying things that you, well you couldn’t say on TV today- things like ‘mental’. “You’re mental Vivian!” that kind of thing. You just couldn’t say that today. And then there were Kubrick films, I actually saw Dr Strangelove in my school cinema club, as ridiculous as that sounds! It was good to see films that at the time you didn’t necessarily understand all of. You wanted to, that was the thing”, it was, as he so eloquently puts it, grown-up comedy. At this point, the director of the show appears, tapping his watch. The universal language for ‘get a move on’, so I do. “One last question then, Mr Punt”, I begin. “There is a fine line between comedy and controversy, and it has been courted more often than not by comedians like Frankie Boyle and Jimmy Carr. Is there a fine line which

shouldn’t be crossed?” I’m proud of this one. To him, with a controversial joke, normally, you know if it is justified or not. He believes that the press seem to be always looking to be offended. He used the uproar around the joke Jimmy Carr made about soldiers’ (Carr got in trouble for joking that injuries sustained by service personnel in Iraq and Afghanistan would create a great GB Paralympics team) as an example. “Other comedy writers recognized on the spot where he was coming from- and just how spot on he was. I mean, you have the best, the fittest men being sent out to war and coming back wounded like that - why not satirize it? It makes more of a point, more of an impact if you joke about it than saying how awful it is - because it is awful.” Comedians need to be guided by instinct. If offense is a by-product of a joke, then it is a side battle. Today, there is this big generational divide on what is considered funny, and what is considered ‘taboo’ - which would be different to what was controversial 30- 40 years ago. Taboo subjects have seemingly become the norm - nudity and graphic stuff is the burning issue today, whereas several years back, it was bad language - something you see on TV nearly every day, especially in comedy. “Taboo things have been de-stressed almost due to things being said ironically.” he says, wearily almost. “Too much time is spent on these kinds of jokes.” Any closing remarks? (Not that he hasn’t spoken for Britain already). For the first time, he stops, and thinks. The levees of his mind are put back in place, but not before his last musing. “If it feels like hard work, then it probably isn’t funny.” The sandwiches have arrived, and it’s time to go.

The Twits by Roald Dahl From Muggle-Wump the Monkey to The Roly-Poly Bird, Dahl’s trademark style is evident upon the pages of my favourite childhood book, The Twits. The story follows the unpleasant couple Mr and Mrs Twit and their profound hatred for each other, demonstrated by a number of absurd practical jokes including putting a frog in Mrs Twit’s bed and worms in Mr Twit’s spaghetti. Despite the apparent silliness, a long-lasting moral message has been incorporated into the story. Mrs Twit had turned hideous with age due to her thoughts becoming nastier, and Roald Dahl explained this by expressing that “a person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” This was a theory which as a young child and still to this very day, I wholeheartedly believed in, as I never wanted to look like Mrs Twit! The story, which although is at points ludicrous, is indeed heart-warming. With the addition of Quentin Blake’s illustrations, both author and illustrator allowed me to be transported to their world of imagination. As a child, I would fall fast asleep at

“As a child, I would fall fast asleep at night to the audiobook, dreaming of how I could save the birds which Mr Twit glued to the tree and letting my imagination run wild.” night to the audiobook, dreaming of how I could save the birds which Mr Twit glued to the tree and letting my imagination run wild. I would certainly recommend any of Roald Dahl’s books to children as they all include his underlying comical tone and unique plots. Despite this, The Twits will always be my favourite. — Alice Dent The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton Like many five-year-olds, I lived almost constantly in my own world of daydreams; whenever my parents saw me wandering around the garden chatting to myself, they would accept I was simply in what they called “Amy World” again. Sometimes I was a zookeeper, sometimes an Olympic athlete, but my favourite fantasy was as a character in The Faraway Tree. A series of four books telling the adventures of Joe, Bessie and Fanny after discovering a magical tree, The Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton fascinated me from the moment my parents started reading them to me. The tree was inhabited by a mixture of

magical folk and upon each visit, a different land would appear at the summit, either horrible like “The Land of Tempers”, or every kid’s dream, “The Land of Goodies”. I was obsessed with the idea of escaping to exciting new worlds and the magic and mystery of the whole book consumed my imagination. I always judge either film or novel by how much it plays on my mind the following weeks, and even at the age of 18 this series still fascinates me. With an oak tree at the bottom of my own garden, I believed I was just like the three children who discovered their ‘Faraway Tree’ and would spend hours hoping that my favourite character, Moonface, would pop out and invite me for dinner in his wooden abode. That of course, never happened, but I spent hours daydreaming about the endless possibilities of a real enchanted ‘Faraway Tree’ of my own. — Amy Butler Eat Your Peas by Kes Grey and Nick Sharett Eat Your Peas holds the moral that we should all accept individual tastes when it comes to food, whilst comically challenging one adult’s authority over the struggle that is dinner time. As stubborn little Daisy refuses to eat the last component on her plate, the dreaded greens, her mother begins to bribe her with a list of not only materialistic items but the prospect of complete freedom. The illustrations of the bribes quickly multiply onto the page as the rewards increase, making it visually exciting for the reader, especially for a child. Ultimately the image of Daisy gradually enlarges too as she gains more control than her mother. The story sees a playful end with Daisy challenging her mother to eat her remaining brussel sprouts. Impressed by her wit, the greens are ditched all together and Daisy is allowed to skip to dessert. This book was bought for me at the age of four, much to my excitement that the protagonist’s name matched mine. Ironically I was - and still am - a fan of peas (but with an overruling sweet tooth!) leading me to wonder why on earth Daisy would not give in to the bribes! I loved to dramatically act out the role of Daisy whilst my mother played the role of Daisy’s mum; clearly thankful that I wasn’t as stubborn when it came to food. The fact that this book is so interactive and visually pleasing with the brightly coloured pictures meant that it was read on every possible occasion, with the added bonus that it was a favourite amongst my parents. Revisiting it today reaffirms that Eat Your Peas is a book not only enjoyed by young children but adults alike with its hilarious role reversal and eventual naughty twist. — Daisy Lane-Murly

During the month of March, Cardiff celebrates its third iteration of the Cardiff Children’s Literature Festival. To accompany this festival Quench Culture have brought all their old literary favourites out of the cupboard to enjoy once more.

culture

“There are stomach-lurching plot twists and punches to the face. But the sense of childlike wonder remains firmly intact” A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket “It was darker than a pitch-black panther, covered in tar, eating black liquorice at the very bottom of the deepest part of the Black Sea.” Rich in foreboding prose, Snicket’s saga of three orphans navigating their way through in a cruel world is a worthy bed-side companion for stormy nights spent cowering under the duvet wanting your mummy. Covering a wide range of Unfortunate Events bestowed upon its young protagonists, including ‘an encounter with a greedy and repulsive villain, itchy clothing, a disastrous fire and cold porridge for breakfast’, it’s a deliciously macabre and rather groundbreaking series, especially when presented alongside the usual saccharine slop marketed at seven year-olds. Snicket raised a generation of cynical, inquisitive kids who knew that the world could be rotten and embraced it anyway. There are guts and gore. There are stomach-lurching plot twists and punches to the face. But the sense of childlike wonder remains firmly intact. The series is proof that children deserve emotive, enthralling literature of their own; the kind that creeps up on you in the night and holds you to ransom until you finish the final page. It’s also proof that the best novels are often the most challenging. The vocabulary used throughout is designed to stretch little minds, with Snicket explaining grandiose words and deconstructing language rules in a way that feels charmingly unpretentious. He explained to a generation the difference between ‘literally’ and ‘figuratively’, and for that alone we should be eternally grateful (like, literally forever in his debt). A gothic classic that will pitch a tent in your blackened heart and refuse to leave. — Aime-lee Abraham Greedy Zebra, by Mwenye Hadithi (author) and Adrienne Kennaway (illustrator) An African folk story featuring charismatic animals, Greedy Zebra was a delightful book that for me, highlighted the importance and joy of individuality, not to mention the amazing variety of animals present in the natural world. The tale follows Greedy Zebra, who can’t resist eating and eating, even when it is to his disadvantage. During the tale, a cave of bright and beautiful treasures is discovered by the animals of the plain and the jungle. Before discovering the treasures, the animals are portrayed as drab, boring creatures which is juxtaposed when they adorn themselves with spots, stripes, furs, horns and hooves of all kinds in order to be different. Greedy Zebra also makes his way to the trove, on the way admiring the fine choices and appearances of the other animals and of course, taking every opportunity to grab a snack when it presents itself. By the time he reaches the cave, there is nothing left for him except plain, black cloth that is too tight for his wide girth and

ends up splitting, giving him his characteristic stripes. A fun story with gentle messages of self-acceptance, avoiding overindulgence, the inspiring artwork and simplicity of Greedy Zebra impressed itself upon me as a child and still remained for many years after. Not to mention the idea of antelopes, rhinos and lions sewing together their own distinctive hides was a brilliant image that sparked an early interest in all things crafty! — Kalika Puri Teeny-Tiny and the Witch-Woman, by Barbara K. Walker (author), Michael Foreman (illustrator) Based on a Turkish folk story, Teeny-Tiny is a rather sinister tale about the adventures of three siblings, descriptively named Big One’, In-TheMiddle and Teeny-Tiny, who each ignore their mother and grandmother’s warnings and sneak off into the forest. It is there they encounter a scary Baba Yaga style figure, a ‘Witch-Woman’ who seems friendly and welcoming at first, but things soon take a dark turn. Teeny-Tiny is the hero of the story, realising that the WitchWoman’s fence is made of bones and that she is planning on eating the three children. Through some highly amusing ingenuity, including asking the Witch-Woman to fetch him some water in a sieve, Teeny-Tiny manages to distract and delay her long enough for him and his siblings to grab her magic items and escape. The story presents quite obvious morals: always listen to your parents, don’t run off on your own, and don’t speak to strangers (especially children-devouring

“I loved to dramatically act out the role of Daisy whilst my Mother played the role of Daisy’s mum” witches who live in the woods!). But despite this it really does feel like a thrilling adventure rather than a moral dictation, with those exquisitely dark and dangerous twists that distinguish it from the usual fairy tales and cutesy animal stories that are usually picked up by parents. A really enjoyable read that left me with great memories and a wariness for ramshackle huts in forests. — Kalika Puri

THE EASTER HAMPER With easter just around the corner, Natasha Vaughan has created an easter hamper with all the must-have, spring pieces for your wardrobe and beauty bag

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Anna Sui La Nuit de Boheme - The Perfume Shop £25.50. This floralwoody-fruity scent is a head turner. One bandwagon we’re definitely jumping on.

Paisley Frill Bardot Top - Topshop £16 The prettiest gypsy-style number in the game. This and a pair of denim shorts when things get hot and voila! We’re Coachella worthy!

Benefit Roller Lash Mascara - Boots £19.50 Beauty bloggers have gone crazy over Benefit’s latest wonderstick. Cue shameless rom-com style eyelash fluttering.

2 Tone Chloe Lace Triangle Bra ASOS £16. Pants £8 - Who cares if no one else is gonna see them? Nothing will unleash your inner Sasha Fierce like this hot pink duo.

Stone Leather Triple Strap Heels - New Look £34.99. These heels are going to go with everything. Be prepared to see your outfits up to a strong 10/10.

Skinnydip Pink Clutch Bag with Embellishment - ASOS £10 This Skinnydip pink clutch is a dealmaker with its’ pretty embellishment that makes it the focal point for any outfit.

Blue Print Woven Wrap Front Skirt - River Island £30. These are for the girls who don’t mind standing out and being object of outfit envy everywhere.

Elemis Tri-Enzyme Resurfacing Facial Wash - 50ml £8.50 Achieve Kendall Jenner’s dewy glow with minimal effort. Thank us later.

3 Pack Cream Pink and Mint Green Ditsy Floral Bulldog Hair Clips - New Look £3.99 A trio of pastel coloured hair grips. Naturally, come Wednesday you’ll be wearing the pink.

Cream filigree cat eye sunglasses - River Island £13. Make everyone think you’ve just returned from the Paris Fashion Week front row.

Pale Blue Lace Insert Lace Up Brogues - New Look £19.99 Did you ever see a pair of flats so perfect? Nope, us neither.

Rose Print Ruffle Top - TopShop £36 Ticking all the right boxes. Now we just need to work out how we can outfit repeat this to death without getting caught.

fashion & be auty

A maniC-cure for the long weekend Naomi Saunders talks us through the skill of nail art. From tips, tricks and essential tools, this article will help you ensure that you have the best mani this Easter

If there’s one thing that can make or break your look, it has got to be the way you treat your nails. As a self-confessed nail art junkie, I can safely say that I have spent a many hours googling and experimenting with different techniques in order to achieve different looks, some of which have worked, with others ending up horrific to say the least. Painting your nails can be a burden; however it can also be a chance to take some time away from stressful coursework and unleash some creativity, in this case, with Easter themed nail art! By putting effort into your nail art you are guaranteed to not only feel relaxed but proud of what you can do at home on a tight student budget. The first and vital part of any manicure is ironically the one most people despise: prepping your hands and nails. I’ve been there; you’re in a rush and just want to paint anything to pull your outfit together. You therefore knowingly break every rule and just blob a thick layer onto each nail and end up regretting it, either two minutes down the line when it catches in your new clutch, or after a couple of hours when every nail peels off. A quick wipe over the nails with some remover prevents product build up and makes

application smoother. After washing and drying your hands, moisturising is essential to nourishing your nails after applying harsh chemicals. I’d highly recommend the unique range of Infusionz Candles which not only create a relaxing ambience, but allow you to apply melted wax to your hands as a soothing treatment. The range can be found at toughasnails.co.uk in all sorts of beautiful fragrances; my favourite would have to be Wild Fig and Grape. If you are not the steady handed sort, it may be worth applying some Vaseline around your cuticles at this point, allowing any slippage to be easily wiped away. The first look is incredibly simple but beautiful, inspired by Easter egg colours and textures. As tempting as it may be to go without applying a base coat, it is important in order to prevent stained nails – I learned the hard way before with yellow stained nails. I recommend Sally Hansen’ Hard as Nails Hardener which is a strengthening base and topcoat. With every nail polish, apply with one stroke in the middle followed by one each side, in addition to sealing the colour by dragging the brush across the top edge of the nails, preventing chipping. Next, apply Barry M’s Gelly nail paint in Rose Hip in two thin coats, making sure every coat is dry in between applications. It was once

recommended to me that the best way to dry and harden nail polish is to run cold water over each nail, then blast them with a hairdryer on a cool setting, and so far it’s proven to be a great technique. After both coats are dry, apply Barry M’s Aquarium Collection in Treasure Chest to as many nails as you like; I like decorative thumbs, middle and ring fingers. I would recommend applying two thin coats of the gold glitter to make it eye catching, whilst evenly distributing the speckles across each nail. Apply the Sally Hansen as a topcoat and voilà, easy, foil-textured Easter egg nails! With the second look inspired by hatching chicks, a little more equipment is useful such as nail stripers and dotting tools, which are all readily available on websites such as Amazon. However, you can easily create the look on a budget using a thin paintbrush instead of a striper and the head of a bobby pin for a dotting tool. Start with your base coat, and then follow with a thin layer of white. Next, use the striper or paintbrush to create a yellow zig-zag line two-thirds the way up the nail, and then fill the bottom part in yellow. After the second coat has dried, use the paint brush to draw an orange beak and the bobby pin to add two black eyes to the chick’s face. Finish off with a topcoat and you have cute chick nails. If, however, you don’t have the patience to work through all of these steps alone or just fancy a treat, take a trip to Rehab Nail Bar on Crwys Road for the best customer service and highest quality manicures – guaranteed to leave you with dozens of compliments! Priding themselves upon their creativity, Rehab is the perfect place to go for funky and unique designs. Visit their page and see some designs at rehabnailbar.com.

fashion on the Big

From the films that were so big a hit they unknowingly influenced the way people dress, to the films specifically about the fashion world, they’re often an easy, common source of inspiration for fashion and beauty trends. Here are four of the most popular films that can be noted for their influential outfits and fashion statements.

pretty woman Pretty Woman aka Julia Roberts is noted for much more than her excellent performance in bringing us a romantic tale. Tall, slim, sexy with curly hair and a big smile - she’s got all the right features of a woman crush. Her wardrobe choices take us through the journey of her transformation from prostitute to lady showing a range of different looks. The movie begins with her wearing skin bearing short shorts and PVC thigh high boots, the two surefire ingredients for skimpy, unattractive attire. Yet Roberts seems to pull it off to a T and look amazing wearing the trashy clothes making us all want to be her and dress like her far before the romantic story begins. Once she meets her prince, she transforms into a lady wearing the most elegant pieces from her posh hat and glove accessories to the classic polka dot dress at the polo scene and perhaps most importantly, the floor sweeping off the shoulder red gownß. These iconic fashion moments of the film have remained timeless looks ever since and I have a feeling the they’re not about to disappear from the fashion world any time soon.

Screen

FASHION & BE AUTY

the great gatsby clueless Tartan, tweeds, backpacks and scrunchies. Need I say more? Oh no, I’m not listing the current stock of New Look or Topshop, I’m actually talking about fashion in the film Clueless. The film has a high focus and constant reference back to fashion and shopping, with lines like “where’s my white collarless shirt from Fred Segal? It’s my most capable looking outfit” and “you see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.” It is therefore no doubt that it has influenced girls and the fashion world over and over again, kicking up old trends like tartan and inspiring young girls to wear them. Alicia Silverstone aka Cher’s signature look in the movie is a collar shirt with a classic cardigan, blazer, tweed skirt, knee high socks and boots. With flawless make up and immaculate blonde locks styled with a headband, her look has made one of the most popular recreated styles in popular culture. Combining Hit Me Baby One More Time Britney old school fashion with the all American preppy look, this look is everywhere now from retail stores to Pinterest boards and fashion blogs. Want to know more about every hit or miss there ever was in the clumsy, awkward, and nostalgically beautiful world of teen films, including Clueless? Check out Film & TV’s feature on page 41.

This film is great in so many ways. Leonardo for one, the soundtrack for another; but the aesthetics and amazingly unique and vintage wardrobe items for the most part. The cinematic debut of The Great Gatsby started off a huge trend of Gatsby-themed parties, Gatsby gowns and the comeback of vintage fashion items, all of which shot up in popularity as soon as the movie was released and still continue to be popular forms of celebratory fashion to this day. Lace, pearls, feathers, hats...this 1920’s look is an undeniably nostalgic and romantic memoir to the Art Deco era celebrating women for their femininity and elegance. The 1920’s hair trend of fabulous finger waves on a bob or short hair can be recognised on Carey Mulligan aka Daisy and can be seen to have been adapted and made into a trend by celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence who have got the ‘chop’. And as for men, DiCaprio aka Jay Gatsby himself has set the bar high with a classy, gentlemen’s fashion that us girls would have you wear any day instead of sweatpants. How to get the look? Suits, Bow ties, handkerchiefs, suspenders, riding boots and of course the dapper Dan haircut.

the devil wears prada Well, well, if it isn’t a film about fashion. It may be obvious that a film with conscious fashion will be the most fashion savvy, yet The Devil Wears Prada does a lot more than just show us different looks and styles. Coming straight from the catwalk, the movie features big designer names and brings them to life on andy aka Anne Hathaway, our favourite ‘ugly girl’ (although how ugly she really is, we’re not so sure). Whilst we’ve heard many of the brands before...Dolce & Gabbana, Chanel, Calvin Klein...it was this film that helped us with the names of the clothes and gave us the low down on high fashion, helping us make our own interpretations. Similar to Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, Hathaway’s character, Andy goes through a complete high end transformation that leaves us longing for expensive shoes and handbags. The film is almost like a lecture where your tastes are put to the test and you’re slowly converted from having an ordinary eye for clothes to pairing the most random pieces together, mastering the craft of creating unique looks like the ones in the movie.

from Catwalk to

high Street

get the

London Fashion Week

look

Quench Fashion has picked the best of the best from London’s run in the spotlight this February. With the help of Lucy Guy, we’ll be showing you how to to recreate the top looks at affordable prices and how you can achieve catwalk perfection from the high street without blowing the entirety of your student loan.

BURBERRY PRORSUM

CHRISTOPHER KANE 20

JULIEN MACDONALD

ASHISH

FASHION & BE AUTY

ASHISH

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The first outfit we have chosen is from London-based designer Ashish who is inspired by the beautiful and unexploited central Asia. Ashishâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fashion sets out to achieve an eclectic mix between casual and formalwear; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suggested that its wearer will â&#x20AC;&#x153;reach for an old wool dressing gown and throw it over a matte sequin sheath worn to dinner earlier that evening.â&#x20AC;? Our high street take on this look incorporates a spring/summer cami style dress from Missguided with cute lace detailing. The dress is given an urban,

colourful and practical edge when teamed with the Topshop jacket, which is certain to warm you up during the cool springtime mornings. The look is finished off with a pair of skyhigh red boots, from Pretty Little Thing, that sit just above the knee. These boots are the ultimate fashion must have right now, and can be worn with a variety of outfits â&#x20AC;&#x201C; casual with jeans and a jumper, on a night out, or with an ethereal spring dress as weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve created here in a high street version of Ashishâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s uber-chic look.

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CHRISTOPHER KANE

Julien Macdonald has become the go-to for red carpet fashion since opening his own fashion house in 2012. Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s styled the likes of BeyoncĂŠ, Florence Welch and Taylor Swift; this celebrity clientele is obvious in his recent lines as he showcases the very best of glitz and glam. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re looking to rock a celebinspired outfit to Revs or Glam this weekend then Macdonaldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the guy for you (but only if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re prepared for a hefty price tag...). Fear

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Add an on trend monochrome coat from Missguided and these cute snakeskin boots from H&M to complete the fashion trifecta. This look is perfect for the approaching warmer weather; the midi-skirt and boot combination allows you to flash the perfect amount of flesh whilst the Missguided coat is both practical and stylish. The contrasting prints are sure to put a spring in your step, as youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have every head turning wherever you go.

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not all you fashionistas, Quench is on hand to recreate this catwalk look thanks to a sparkly two-tone party dress by Missguided. The dress hugs your figure in all the right places and looks gorgeously glamorous when style with a pair of Kim Kardashian-inspired heels from Pretty Little Thing at a mere fraction of the price. Finish off the look by adding a choker, to give your girly party dress that edgy twist and ensure your place in the stylebooks.

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BURBERRY PRORSUM

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JULIEN MACDONALD

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Our third catwalk-to-high street look is inspired by Christopher Kane, a popular British designer to the likes of Millie Mackintosh and Kylie Minogue. His London Fashion Week catwalk is inspired by rich fabrics, silhouettes and clashing textures. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve recreated Kaneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s look with a bargain snakeskin skirt from Pretty Little Thing; its nude colour is perfect for the spring/ summer season, and its one staple piece youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll certainly be able to wear time and time again.

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The Burberry show at London Fashion Week is always one of the most hotly anticipated shows by fashionâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s elite. This year saw Cara Delevingne and Jourdan Dunn in prime position on the FROW. Burberry is a classic English fashion house and inspires all the major high street brands. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s cool and trendy following â&#x20AC;&#x201C; like Delevingne and Dunne - means itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s one of the most influential brands to date. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s clear that the 70s is a huge trend right now and it looks like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s here to stay; Burberry has incorporated all of the best parts of it with

this look straight from the catwalk. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve created a high street version with a boho-babe maxi dress from Boohoo along with a Kate Moss style black waistcoat to be worn open over the top of the dress. Our Accessorize bag is adorned with on trend tassels and the super-chic sunglasses are from Urban Outfitters. This look is very Kate Bosworthcome-Sienna Miller and is perfect for Spring/ Summer. You are sure to find yourself digging out those trusted wellies and teaming it with this outfit once the festival season dawns.

Wellness retreats are usually reserved for those with more deeply filled pockets than your average student. However, you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need to be plunged into your overdraft before you can enjoy one of these breaks...

s s e n l l e W s t a e r t re

...This month, Quench Travel bring you the best that the UK has to oďŹ&#x20AC;er, all on a student friendly budget

Travel

ecoYoga Centre Yoga is often seen as an activity reserved for middle class yummy mummies, with some retreats charging over £1000 for a week of relaxation. The ecoYoga Centre in Scotland offer catered or self-catered retreats from as little as £62pppn. The retreat is a couple of hours away from Glasgow, nestled between lochs and forests, and is reliant on its own hydro turbine and solar panels for power. With only 13 rooms, plus three extra beds in the yurt, the retreat is perfect for a solo getaway. The food is grown in an organic garden and water is sourced from a natural spring just above the retreat. Yoga is taught every morning in the 60sqm shala fitted with under floor heating. There are also multiple baths dotted around the nearby forest for ultimate relaxation. Costs: Self-catered-£62pppn, Catered-from £350pppn Location: 2.5 hours via bus from Glasgow, £15 per way

Camp Katur

Revitalise Fitness Retreat

Perhaps camping in Yorkshire isn’t the first thing that comes to mind in the search for a glamorous weekend retreat. However, you can leave your sleeping bag at home at Camp Katur. The site has a range of accommodation from hobbit pods to teepees, all fit with log burning stoves and candles. Activities come at an affordable price and include wine tasting, cupcake decorating, burlesque workshops and Segway treks. The Eco spa offers a sauna and hot tub for visitors to use and there are even musical instruments and equestrian facilities should you want to bring your horse!

Revitalise Fitness is a luxury retreat offering 5 star accommodation and personal training near the beautiful Cornish coastline. A typical day at the retreat involves a countryside walk, nutrition seminars, trampolining and a legs, bums and tums session. Meals of salmon wrapped in parma ham, and banana and apricot smoothies are included in the price of the retreat. At the end of your day, enjoy a soothing soak in your private hot tub or a massage courtesy of the retreat.

Costs: From £30pppn Location: Bedale, North Yorkshire

Costs: From £399pp Location: Bude, Cornwall

Amchara Health Retreat Perfect for those looking for a quick fix, Amchara Health claim a weeklong stay at their retreat could result in you losing 10 to 12lbs. The retreat offers a range of weekend and week-long programs ranging from juice fasting to raw food detoxes. The programs involve a one-to-one health consultation, daily yoga and meditation, skin-care courses and even fresh wheatgrass shots everyday. The retreat is set amongst extensive gardens with its own swimming pool and sauna. There are only 12 bedrooms, all with en-suites with a mix of doubles and twins dependent on your budget. Costs: From £395pp Location: Langford Budville, Somerset

the m o

st c o

n o m

TRAVEL SCAMS

w to nd ho ...a

1. If they shove it in your hands, don’t be afraid to shove it back. This is a common practice in Italy (specifically Rome), Egypt, Paris and Barcelona. If a street-seller approaches you clutching bracelets, necklaces, or face-paint/henna equipment, be wary of an age-old but effective scam that has even caught even the most travel-savvy out. If they take your wrist and attempt to simply ‘show’ you how lovely you look with a bracelet on, you better hope you do, because they often tie it in such a way that it can’t be taken off-

avo

When in University, far away from home and gripped with a fresh sense of freedom and a sudden pique of wanderlust, students often take planes, trains and banged up Toyotas missing a window-wiper to explore the world while they’re young and carefree. But under the guise of helpful natives, travellers and tourists often fall victim to scammers who are after a quick buck, a shiny new gadget, or even worse-your identity. When Mum and Dad aren’t on hand to rush to your rescue, no one wants to be stranded in a foreign country minus their bank cards, phone or passport. So before you get spirited away to try that mythical snake poison shot in China or balance the whole of the Leaning Tower of Pisa on your hand (you know who you are), recognise the warning signs before potential pickpockets or con-artists strike.

unless you have a pair of scissors handy. When their merchandise is nice and snug around your wrist, they will often demand payment and cause a scene if you refuse, even if you’re trying with all your might to get the damn thing off. A language barrier in foreign countries makes it a lot more difficult to decline politely, and those three ominous henna dots on your hand could cost you dearly. Another well-known trick, which has even hit the streets of Cardiff, is the good old ‘Rose for the lady?’ scam. These street-sellers have been encountered many a time outside Glam, waving cotton flowers in your face or that of the guy you’re standing with. Lads, once your drunken female mate clutches one adoringly and gazes into your eyes waiting for you to pay up, they’ve got you hooked. These plasticstemmed souvenirs have often been bought for £3 or more, despite being worth no more than 50p, and it’s no different abroad. Although these minor scams could leave you out of pocket by a few quid, there are more dangerous crooks afoot. Enter the ‘beggar with a baby’ racket - an apparent homeless/poor woman approaches you with a baby in her arms, and subsequently throws it at you. In your shock and confusion, while you catch the baby and fumble with it, you

id t hem

TRAVEL

“

Pretty much everything ‘is tradition’ according to some fraudsters - including luring you into a vast souvenir emporium you fear you will never escape from

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are quickly frisked of your valuables, and it turns out to be nothing more than a doll. Hard to believe, but this trick is rife in Rome. 2. Playing on your heartstrings. We humble students may not be the richest of folk, but wave a young child, elderly gent or - God forbid - an injured animal in front of us, emotional weakness normally kicks into overdrive. However, natives of the country you’re travelling to are fully aware of this, and use this to their advantage. Common in India, beggar children will flock around you, and possibly hold their hands up in request of loose change. At this point, they could already be going through your pockets - but if not, although it is hard not to, try not to hand out the few jangling coins you have. If you give money to one child and not the others, this often causes fights and bullying and a lot of the time, the coins are taken straight from the children by bigger, more intimidating adults. Instead, pop into a local shop and buy a cheap bag of sweets, and delegate these out fairly - but bear in mind that if you’re staying in the area for a prolonged

period of time, you may be expected to do this the next day, and the next day, and so on. Also, in India there are many stray cows on the streets that often cross the roads when they feel like. If by some misfortune you accidentally hit one on a bike/in a car, don’t be surprised if a farmer should miraculously appear and demand payment, even if the cow does not seem injured and gets up and trots off as if nothing has happened. Cows are sacred in India, and therefore the price the farmer will be asking for may be extortionately high. However, consider the fact the cow may not even belong to the farmer, or that the cow may not need any vet treatment at all before you hand over any cash. Normally, if you offer to call a vet to come and look at the animal, the farmer will desist in harassing you. If he’s not getting money quick and fast, and not in his own back pocket, then it’s too much trouble. 3. The ‘This is our tradition’ charm Unless you have read up on your chosen destination so much you actually took out a library book on it, no tourist is going to know more about the traditions and culture than the inhabitants themselves. Hence, you’ll find that pretty much everything ‘is tradition’ according to some fraudsters - including luring you into a vast souvenir emporium you fear you will never escape from. One true tale is of a Cardiff student’s dad’s nightmare experience in Egypt, which involved him talking to a market stall holder who was selling paintings and tapestries. During the conversation, the student’s dad mentioned his two daughters’ names, and his wife’s - and by the end of the chat, the stallholder proudly held aloft a painting inscribed with the names of his entire family. Awkward. Naturally of course, the stallholder was cheerfully demanding a high price for his hard, irreversible work- which her dad neither needed, wanted, nor could get back through customs. In Fiji, an off ering of a taste of the country’s traditional root drink, kava, is used to attract travellers into souvenir shops, and while the drink and general merriment is being passed around, the shop owner has quietly noted the names of people in the group and is busy carving them into wooden tribal statues, that you would be ‘insulting tradition’ to not accept. Taxi drivers have been known to loiter on routes leading up to massive monuments/sightseeing spots, to try and convince approaching travellers that the sites are closed, and they can take you to a better one. These end up being gift-shops in which you will be forced to buy a trinket in exchange for the ‘free’ taxi ride. These groups of guys are often in on the scams together. Although these scams mounted up could potentially scare you off from travelling altogether, simply having your wits about you and by keeping valuables in a locked/zipped section of your bag, an inside jacket pocket or the good old bum-bag, can make the chances of being pickpocketed less likely. When people demand money from you, try not to feel intimidated- they will play on this and will be less likely to leave you alone. Remember, they get refused numerous times a day, you won’t be the first and last to reject an overpriced pair of Rey-Bon sunglasses or ‘authentic’ jade Buddha ornaments. If you want a collection of photos of you and your travel buddy, be cautious of the fact that handing over your camera to a stranger to take a photo could tempt them into running off with it, so invest in a good old disposable camera, or even invest in a selfie-stick, they were invented for a reason, after all. Lastly, try to blend in. If you are visiting a less affluent country, don’t showcase your wealth by wearing diamond earrings, hauling round a Gucci handbag or flashing the cash. Remember, half of these scams are brought around by desperation, but that is not to say they should ruin your holiday. Be savvy, not sceptical. Not everyone on your trip is out to con you. Happy travels! —Alexandra Chapman

New / new y dd

Yeezus Christ.

Harriet Brown Falling in love is no mean feat, but Harriet Brown is about to make it that much easier. ‘Baby, ooh, ooh, ooh, I know you ain’t got that health insurance, but I just wanna know when’s the last time you got your eyes checked because your vision of yourself is messin’’ he croons on ‘20/15,’ a 21st century funk-drenched ballad banger that’s sure to make your heart race. With a full-length album in the works, there’s more of the same to look forward to as well; if ‘20/15’ is anything to go by, this 2015 will be a stonker of a year for your very own HB. For Fans Of: Twin Peaks, Richard Curtis rom-coms and Prince Download: ‘20/15’ soundcloud.com/harriet-brown-1 @yourveryownHB

BERNARD + EDITH If gloomy synth pop is a thing, Manchester duo Bernard + Edith are the ones championing it. From dizzyingly elegant harmonies to oriental synth jabs and clattering floor toms, latest single ‘WURDS’ does a pretty good job in acting like the soundtrack to a 20-something’s first visit to the East, overstuffed backpack and muddied Toms in tow. Bernard + Edith are more than that, though; the duo are impeccably attentive when playing with space. And, with more than enough musical ideas happening all at once, their growing catalogue is as bewitching as it is peculiar. For Fans Of: tUnE-yArDs Download: ‘WURDS’ soundcloud.com/bernard-edith @bernardvedith

Chris Cartier Finding the perfect balance between cadence and confidence can be a toughy; let it run slightly too far either way, and you’ve lost your approach. Chris Cartier, New York native, has been working on his equilibrium for some time now and latest release, ‘Tempo,’ shows that all the hard graft has finally paid off. A suitably smooth release, it truly has the potential to kick-start the career that Chris Cartier is so clearly on the edge of. For Fans Of: J Cole, Kendrick Lamar, Big Sean Download: ‘Tempo’ soundcloud.com/chriscartier @ChrisCartierNYC

Star Tropics Musicians are expected to reinvent the wheel far too much nowadays; tracks are regularly deemed ‘boring’ unless they push boundaries or feature a warbling Himalayan Sherpa who sings whilst balancing a Gentoo penguin on their nose and sucking on a strawberry Chupa Chups. What was wrong with the tried and tested formulas? The little tricks that make a good song great? The answer: nothing, we just began to want more. Star Tropics may not be the band to give you more, but they will, without a doubt, be the band to remind you of ‘those days.’ With some pretty little guitar riffs and a whole bunch of well-placed harmonies, this Chicago indie-pop quartet are one for the summer. For Fans Of: Songs that sound suspiciously like Sixpence None The Richer’s ‘Kiss Me’ (this is in no way a bad thing, we love “nostalgia”) Download: ‘Swept Away’ soundcloud.com/startropics

MUSIC

“We’ve been thinking more about textures, different layers and vocal styles…”

“People should come to Feels Like Summer because the line-up is killer!”

– KUTOSIS

– Mutiny On The Bounty

Jealous Lovers Club and Juxtaposed kick off the festival season this May with a corker of a day at Cardiff’s cosiest establishment, Gwdihw. Feels Like Summer will take over the venue with two stages and a line up filled to the brim with some of the best names in up and coming and underground alternative music, including newly announced KUTOSIS, Mutiny On The Bounty, Samoans, Wasters and more...

KUTOSIS Album no. 3 is in the works – how is that going? It’s going great. We’ve been busy since the start of the year writing and we’ve recently demoed 5 new songs.

FEELS LIKE SUMMER We chat to some of the artists set to play this year’s micro-festival…

Have you been trying anything different this time around? We’ve been thinking more about textures, different layers and vocal styles however the musical direction has happened quite instantly. There’s been less of a conscious decision in terms of style and direction, as with the previous album Dream It Away. Will we be hearing some new tracks at Feels Like Summer? We probably won’t be playing any new tracks until after the summer. Who are you most looking forward to seeing on the FLS line-up? Johnny Foreigner, Rough Music and Samoans!

MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY Why should people come and see you at Feels Like Summer? People should come to Feels Like Summer because the line-up is killer! That’s it! And it’s our very first time in Wales so it’s very special for us! What can we expect from the new album, Digital Tropics? Digital Tropics is a step ahead from Trials. The ideas are more concise; it really is a mix of all our influences. There are more electronic sounds, more groove and more danceable tracks. We’re really excited to present it soon!

Tell us a bit about the idea behind the new video for ‘MLK JKSN’? The track has got some kind of strange, 80’s Michael Jackson vibe, so we went on the idea to recreate the soul train set. We’ve shot during 2 days asking friends to dance and to let go to recapture the soul train’s vibe. Who are you most looking forward to seeing on the FLS line-up? It’s tough to say but I’d say Johnny Foreigner and Samoans. The first are long time favourites and Samoans are a new band we discovered at last year’s ArcTanGent.

“We’re just living and trying to exist on this planet, and that in itself is continuous exploration.”

GHOSTPOET We chat to Ghostpoet on confounding expectations, being creative and his love of people

MUSIC

Obaro Ejimiwe is nothing if not unconventional. For many, the words ‘British rapper’ conjure up the image of Professor Green in chunky chains from Argos insulting mother figures across the nation, but for this 32-yearold from Coventry, it couldn’t be further from the truth. Describing himself as a ‘random maverick’ when he was first signed to Brownswood Recordings in 2010, Ejimiwe’s first release, The Sound of Strangers, marked the beginning of something different altogether for British rap. With a sound completely unlike anything else at the time, Ejimiwe’s mellow soundscapes and introspective crooning won him The Guardian’s Band of the Day in 2010, and from there, his critical acclaim skyrocketed. Within half a year of his first album Peanut Butter Blues & Melancholy Jam being released, Ejimiwe was nominated for the prestigious Mercury Prize, taking his place on the shortlist alongside musical heavyweights like Everything Everything, Elbow and PJ Harvey. Despite Harvey taking the crown, Ejimiwe’s subsequent album Some Say I So I Say Light saw him only grow in popularity, jumping over 40 places in the UK album charts, with his newest release Shedding Skin set only to extend his upward trajectory. After asking how he’s feeling in the run up to his first spate of tour dates, Ejimiwe replies that it’s been a “weird road, just funny to be at this point now.” He attempts to continue but his voice is suddenly drowned out by a flurry of voices in the background; “Sorry mate I’m just stuck in a really loud café, just let me get out of this.’ I hear him ask in the background “Can I have a brownie please?” as he goes to leave. It’s fairly common for people to have their expectations turned upside-down by Ejimiwe. Just as the public were getting used to his unique style of mellow electronic synths, mumbled aphorisms and gentle backing vocals he turns things on their head with this new guitar record. “Throughout these last two albums I’ve flirted with guitar, bass, drums, those sort of elements. I didn’t have the confidence though, to pursue that direction. I felt with this record… I wanted to make a guitar record.” Luckily enough, Ejimiwe has no shortage of excellent musicians at arm’s length. On both Peanut Butter Blues and Some Say,, Ejimiwe worked with guitarist Joe Newman of Alt-J fame, alongside John Calvert on bass and John Blease on drums. On his newest release however, they feature on every single track. When I ask him why, he says he just wanted to make sure his record was in the “right world”, nonchalantly adding “it just felt right to do it. I love guitar music.” After even the briefest glimpse of Shedding Skin, it immediately becomes apparent that Ejimiwe is not a musician that remains static in his genre. “I need to keep pushing myself, keep trying to evolve,” and this third album is helping him accomplish just that. Featuring the likes of Belgian jazz musician Melanie di Bassio and Maxïmo Park’s Paul Smith, Ejimiwe has cherry-picked musicians from a broad spectrum of genres to not only build a guitar record, but a record that is capable of standing as a genre in its own right. Is he worried about how this new transition is going to be received? Not at all. “I just look at it like ‘I love making music.’ I’m going

to make music that I want to make and if people love it, great! If they hate it, cool.” Laughing at what he’s just said, he adds on “It’s just the nature of things, man.” After a brief interruption while he orders a coffee, I ask about his new project, #openshoot, which he has undertaken with the help of high-street retailer Topman. The project aims to crowdsource a music video for forthcoming release ‘X Marks the Spot’ by collecting images, patterns, film clips and illustrations sent in by fans. With Lee Hempstock, a friend and fellow creative of Ejimiwe, as director, he states simply that it “just felt right y’know?” Topman help to make the video, he tells me, but as a musician, Ghostpoet retains complete creative control. Although he’s enlisted a bit of help, this isn’t Ejimiwe’s first excursion into the visual medium. “I’m into photography at the moment. I have two cameras, a Lomo and a Leica. It’s just an entry level Leica, nothing professional.” It’s understandable that there’s no shortage of people that would want to work with someone in possession of such creative passion, but how does he choose who he wants to work with? “I just chose people I admire or people I’m friends with,” he explains. “I love Melanie di Bassio and I love her music, I love all the people I’ve worked with,” from esteemed folk musician Lucy Rose to the talented but controversial Etta Bond. “I write the songs with particular voices in mind, and I just try to match the voices [of other artists] with the songs.” Ejimiwe’s choice of song-subjects has played a large role in his success. Speaking about pies in the oven, mugs of tea and bacon sarnies, Ghostpoet couldn’t have placed himself at a further distance from the label of egomaniacal rapper. When asked him if he sees himself as a ‘champion of the 9-5ers,’ he’s quick to shrug off that label too. “No!” he openly laughs, “I’m just a lover of people, I’m a person who lives in a world with everyone else… It’s not so much about 9-5ers; it’s kind of just people, human beings and the ups-and-downs we all go through be it working 9 to 5 or 5 to 9. We’re just living and trying to exist on this planet, and that in itself is just continuous exploration.” As a musician, Ghostpoet gets the chance to travel and explore frequently, and from his experience he’s encountered a wealth of different peoples. The journey from unknown to established artist via a mercury nomination has been a humbling experience for Ejimiwe, and he’s emerged from it with some valuable lessons. “We’re all the same, regardless of language, the colour of your skin, sex. We’re all the same. I just want to make music that anyone can relate to, regardless of where you’re from, your upbringing or financial status.” As he says this, the soft-spoken demeanour that has won him so much acclaim creeps through again; “I feel like it’s important to have music to relate to. That’s all I’m trying to do.” Shedding Skin is available now to stream and download —Greg McChesney

“I need to keep pushing myself, keep trying to evolve”

LUCY ROSE

Lucy Rose opens up about her new album and impromptu gigs in an exclusive interview with Quench Music

Days after dropping the first single and release date of her new album, Work It Out, Lucy Rose is excited. The 25 year-old only recently opened her tour in Tunbridge Wells, debuting a bunch of new songs that went down a storm: “I was pretty nervous beforehand, there’s a lot of new material that we’re playing and it was our first real reaction to the new stuff, but it was so good and the most supportive welcoming crowd.” After confirming the summer release date of her sophomore record, she is relieved to finally get underway. “July 13th is happening, touch wood, so it kind of finally feels a bit real.” Rose attributes delays to her desire to create a group of songs that are her own and best work. “Song writing-wise, I wanted to write it all myself and I didn’t want to do any co-writes and things like that where there’s a pressure to deliver. The only roadblock was myself, just pushing myself to write as good material as I could to make this album what it needs to be.” Since the recording of debut Like I Used To, Lucy has signed to major Columbia Records, meaning a marked contrast in the process for her follow-up. “Lots of things are different, for the first one, I didn’t have any funding and I was unsigned so that was just recorded at my parents house in the living room. This time I was lucky enough to be signed, which meant that we did get to go and do it in the studio properly. I’d never really had that experience before!” Some of the songs previewed over the past

year, including atmospheric piano-led ‘Nebraska’, have seen a sonic shift, with more emphasis on electric guitars and keyboards, which Rose credits to an eagerness to try new things. “I guess just my curiosity for variety in what I’m doing. I’ve played acoustic guitar for so long, I bought a piano and just used to play, not trying to write songs, just to practice and get good at piano, and then songs sort of just came out of that.” Despite the musical left turn, the same lyrical approach is present on the new material. “Lyrically it’s still very much me and very much feelings orientated like the first record. All very much just life situations that I’ve found myself in and they’re not overly complicated, I’m not actually very good at lyrics I don’t think, they’re always massively simple, so I think it’s pretty similar!” For many Rose came to prominence on the back of guest spots with Bombay Bicycle Club, but she maintains that she had always intended to release and perform her own music. “I was doing music before I started singing with them, so that was always my intention, that was why I was in London doing open mics. We made friends at one of their gigs and they asked me to sing with them, so that was just like an amazing side project to be involved in and they were always very supportive of what I was still trying to do.” Another band to lend their support have been the platinum selling U.S. alt-rock band, Counting Crows. Singer Adam Duritz invited

Lucy to open their UK tour and to play at his 2013 Texas showcase, something she is still wrapping her head around. “It’s one of those weird things that I’m not 100% sure how it happened but I think it was one of Adam’s friends runs a blog and he’s very interested in music and spends all day looking to see what’s out there. He showed Adam some [of our] stuff and he really liked our music. It was very odd to suddenly get a call from someone like that being like ‘Hey I like your music and come on the road with us.” And, in 2013, Rose was given the chance to duet on Welsh heroes Manic Street Preachers’ acoustic lament ‘This Sullen Welsh Heart.’ “It’s just a beautiful song. There was enough pressure as it was just being in their studio; singing on one of their songs was kind of [too much] for me to take in.”

“THE ONLY ROADBLOCK WAS MYSELF, JUST PUSHING MYSELF TO WRITE AS GOOD MATERIAL AS I COULD TO MAKE THIS ALBUM WHAT IT NEEDS TO BE”

MUSIC “IT’S GONE STRAIGHT FROM THE COCOA BEAN TO THE CHOCOLATE BAR WHICH IS QUITE RARE, AND IT’S DELICIOUS”

Rose spent some of the downtime between record cycles relaxing and getting outside the practice room, sometimes as far as South East Asia. “We did a show in Manila, then we all went on holiday to an island called Boracay in the Phillipines, a band holiday, which was kind of weird but also it was amazing to be hanging out not in musical ways. Our tour manager was with us and it was his birthday so he made us do an impromptu gig really drunk at about 3 o’clock in the morning with loads of Rastafarians’ bongos and instruments, it’s kind of embarrassing.” When back on home soil, the onus has been on unwinding and waiting for inspiration to take hold. “A lot of walking in the Lake District, I’m

sort of an outdoors person. But mainly song writing, you never know when it’s going to happen.” Back on the road, and after the success of her blend of tea on the at previous shows, Lucy Rose has something new for us to try on this tour. “I’m selling chocolate! It is special chocolate. My best friend Phil Landers makes chocolate and he made this in our kitchen. It’s gone straight from the cocoa bean to the chocolate bar which is quite rare, and it’s delicious, really good.” After sampling both the 74% Ecuadorian and 60% Trinidad (washed down with a cup of Rose’s Builder Grey) we can confirm that the chocolate is both tasty and a nice change from standard

T-shirt and poster fare. For the rest of the year, the focus will be on promoting Work It Out. “Touring is a massive massive part of what I do and I love it and want to do as much as possible, so I hope so we’ll just wait and see.” Armed with a some fantastic new songs and a range of edible goodies to entice punters, Rose should have no problem repeating the rapturous applause afforded to her at shows across the country. —Dillon Eastoe

music review s

We review albums from The Cribs, The Only Real, Dune Rats and Drenge, and shows from Lucy Rose, Glass Animals and Architects

glass animals The Globe, March 12th

The Globe, March 10th With 2 years passed since her debut release and the follow-up only announced this week, it’s refreshing to see The Globe packed with an enthusiastic crowd for Lucy Rose’s Cardiff return. Openers The Half Earth combine droning synths, chiming guitars and yearning vocals lilting over processed drum loops, keeping the crowd attentive throughout their half hour set and introducing the relaxed atmosphere that punctuates the whole evening. Rapturous applause greets Rose and her four-piece backing band as they take to the stage with unheard new song ‘Köln’, showcasing the more electric sound expected on the forthcoming record, Work It Out. Throughout the new material, Rose picks out intricate riffs on her new Fender Jaguar, expertly delivering her vocals over the top, while the rhythm section of drums and bass guitar create a tighter groove than her older, folkindebted material. An album highlight come July will surely be ‘Nebraska’, a sparse and haunting arrangement that sees Rose take to the piano for the first time, inviting hushed reverence from the audience. Amidst all the fresh songs there’s still plenty of room for well known older tracks; the chorus of ‘Lines’ sounds bigger each time it circles round, wonderfully contrasted with the whispered sing-along to the tender ‘Nightbus’. After excellent new cut ‘Like an Arrow’, which fuses the melody of old and the new instrumental approach, Rose brings the house down with arguably her most fragile song ‘Shiver’. The response is deafening and nearly bowls the über-modest Rose over, thanking the congregation profusely. A slew of old hits and recent toe-tapping single ‘Our Eyes’ close out the main set, with the increased energy between the performers and audience palpable. After barely a minute the band return to soak up the adulation and fire off two more songs, reaching crescendo with ‘Red Face’, leaving The Globe contented yet eagerly awaiting the new record. —Dillon Eastoe

Credit: livemusicblog.com

LUcy rose

Despite it being a dark and dreary Thursday night, The Globe is packed to the rafters with an audience clad in a variety of brightly coloured shirts reminiscent of the artwork for Glass Animals’ debut album ZABA. There is the sense that The Globe is about host to a party rather than just a gig; even before the supporting act starts, the already sizable crowd sway and bob to the background sounds. As supporting act Dominic Griffin takes the stage, the tempo slows down significantly with his brand of velvety, downbeat pop. The crowd continue to be lively as Griffin downs his Red Stripe and invites crowd members up on stage to crack a joke or two, the highlight being when a teenage girl comes up with “How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice”, winks at Griffin and jumps back into her pack of giggling mates. Glass Animals make their way onto stage to a rapturous applause. When lead vocalist Dave Bayley remarks half way through the set that the crowd is as much a part of the performance as the band itself, he isn’t joking. The crowd bellows along with Bayley as he swoons over his bands’ psychedelic altpop to standout tracks from ZABA such as ‘Black Mambo’ and ‘Gooey’, even going as far as plunging into the crowd several times to dance. The encore is certainly be the talking point for many audience members, as Glass Animals bring their version of Kanye West’s ‘Love Lockdown,’ one that wouldn’t feel out of place on their own album and gfinishing off with single ‘Pools’ forcing the crowd to break from their sway into a full-blown leaping contest. —Jack Boyce

architects MOTION, March 9th

Not that long ago, Brighton metal-mob Architects were falling apart. A difficult year and personal strife caused the band to face an ultimatum: fix up or break up. Luckily, they latched to the former and now, a year after the acclaimed Lost Forever// Lost Together was released, Sam Carter and co. are back on a vast European and UK tour with pals from across the pond. The first two acts tonight have something in common: both have arrived to perform to fans of their own, not just those of tonight’s headliners. Counterparts and Blessthefall clamber barriers and headbang with synchronicity, riling the sea of people beneath them. If that wasn’t enough, Every Time I Die follow with a set so savage and well-received they could be tonight’s headliners themselves. Shouts, yells, riffs and mayhem galore, how will Architects follow such an onslaught? Easily, that’s how. Storming through the likes of fan favourites ‘Broken Cross’ and ‘Alpha Omega’, Architects enter in style. To the crowd, they appear as shadows moving through a sea of red, white and blue strobes but even as shadows they are towering giants. Their first UK live play of ‘Castles In The Air’ proves such a status as every word is sung back to them with heartfelt venom. The same can be said for old favourites ‘Early Grave’ and ‘These Colours Don’t Run’ and even by the time encore closer ‘Gravedigger’ is reached, everyone in the room still looks ready to go in for another round. Tonight is testament to the passion and energy Architects have put in to coming back from the brink, it’s been worth the blood, sweat and tears. There is no doubt as the crowd leave tonight that Architects are one of the best live bands Britain has to offer. —Alice Hoddinott

MUSIC

THE CRIBS For All My Sisters

DUNE RATS Dune Rats

ONLY REAL Jerk At The End Of The Line

DRENGE

Undertow

The Cribs have had ample time to become indie cult icons, so what can we expect from the threesome’s sixth outing? Jangly guitar riﬀs to bring back those Johnny Marr collab. days? Check. Drastically understated lyrics on deterred romance? Check. Yes, the boys are back in town after three years since In The Belly Of The Brazen Bull, and future single ‘Burning For No One’ owns a sense of irony in extinguishing itself prematurely. But ‘Mr. Wrong’ takes on a new style; synth crossed with the hard-hitting bass that brought The Cribs to the forefront. But the continuous riﬀage on For All My Sisters starts to become a bit samey; the latter half of the album saves this, with songs like ‘Simple Story’ turning out a lot

more complex than the title would claim, and more ethereal pieces like ‘Pink Snow’ and ‘Diamond Girl’ do the new material significant justice. The time when The Cribs were putty in the hands of collaborators such as Marr and Sonic Youth’s Lee Ranaldo are over – this time, the ball is very much in their court and they are acting like it. ‘Pacific Time’ is a hard-hitting epic that would undoubtedly go down well live and exactly what we’d expect from the brothers Jarman, but the concept of ‘the unexpected’ remains merely a concept. But it is the vocals in ‘Burning For No One’ - ‘Like a candle on a vacant table, being so denied’ that say a lot about the record as a whole. Perhaps every once in a

while we’d just like The Cribs to catch wind of a musical curtain, and completely burning the house down? As good as we are with their smoldering record on show, The Cribs sadly have a lot more to prove here. —Veryan Leaper

A tenacious and passionate trio of self-confessed ‘hyperactive stoner cunts’ hailing from Brisbane, Dune Rats set out to embark on the creation of an album dedicated to having a good time with your friends; this eponymous and first full length record is the fifth instalment from the Australians and marks the perfect follow up to their 2013 EP, Smile. An amazing blend of stoner-surfer rock, with hues of straight-up punk, hardcore and thrashy post-grunge, Dune Rats represents what would happen if Nirvana and the Fleet Foxes had a baby. This is a baby imbued with mind-altering drugs, conceived in a shed on Australia’s south coast, with gestation taking little over a week; the honest and simple combinations which make the songs, make the

album what it is, a collection of simple, honest good ol’ fashioned beach-rock songs. Tracks ‘Homesick’, ‘ET’ and ‘Dalai Lama Big Banana Marijuana’ leave the listener with calm, chilled and mellow vibes all whilst whetting the appetite for something harder. Passive-aggressive chill-core, a mixture of all elements quintessential of both genres and an amazing appeal for all; the Dune Rats’ latest instalment is a catchy, heartfelt and full of that charm that can only come from writing a record with your best-friends in a shed by the beach on the south coast of Australia; the ethos of ‘no bullshit’ has led the Dunies to the creation of this, their debut full-length album, straight from the gut confessionals about chilling out with your friends, having a good time and

smoking green drugs. —Dale Evans

It seems that Niall Galvin – the face behind Only Real – has endeavoured immensely to match his musical style to his fashion sense on his debut, Jerk At The End Of The Line. His retro shirts and backwards 5-panel caps chime in perfect harmony with his lo-fi throwback tracks and laid-back, casual lyricism. The 21 year old’s debut LP takes the Childish Gambino approach to music, refusing to stick in one genre or the other. At any given point, a track firmly rooted in hip-hop - with Galvin rapping over dreamy, shoegaze-esque backing tracks - can break into falsetto choruses that wouldn’t be out of place on an Earth Wind and Fire record. Citing influences such as the Beach Boys (from his mother), Van Morrison (from his father) and hip-hop & guitar music (from

skate videos), it’s easy to understand why Jerk is so musically far-reaching. His releases ‘Backseat Kissers’ and ‘Cadillac Girl’ are redolent of warm, dusky California evenings, while the chill loop track ‘Lemonade’ from his Days in the City LP would be a perfect accompaniment to any vintage Rodney Mullen flatland video. In tracks like ‘Pass the Pain’ and ‘When this Begins’ you catch refrains of indie-garagerock akin to The Strokes or Franz Ferdinand, but, without warning, they dissolve back into the hazy warmth and mellow flow as heard in ‘Yesterdays.’ In interviews, Galvin claims he writes from a ‘spark’; days and nights can whiz by whilst he’s writing, something that’s both exhilarating and disconcerting. “It’s about youth, its about fun he exclaims, describing

both himself as Only Real and his debut LP perfectly accurately. —Greg McChesney

Castleton brothers, Eoin and Rory Loveless are part of the two-piece revolution. They’ve been making dirty grunge rock since 2011 and already have one album behind them, the self-titled debut released in 2013. Oﬀ the back of this they were nominated, and won, NME’s award for Best New Band in 2014 and now, a year later, they are ready to release their second album, Undertow. Undertow gets under your skin, into your brain and makes you feel alive. It’s got infectiously grizzly guitars and hardhitting fills scattered throughout its eleven songs and it certainly isn’t something you’ll forget. Where their debut saw them frantic and frenzied, Undertow sees them refined but just as urgent. It is this nurture that will

catapult them to new highs in the coming year. ‘We Can Do What We Want,’ lead single from the album, will have you jumping around to its feral rhythm and songs like ‘Favourite Son’ will get your heart racing and have you spitting ‘I don’t wanna be fucked, I just wanna be his, I wanna be loved by your favourite son’ with as much aggression as Eoin does. In contrast, ‘The Woods’ and ‘Standing In The Cold’ calm you down and feel delightfully smooth in their lingering nature. Drenge are clever and unique; whilst overshadowed by the big duos in the game such as Royal Blood, the Loveless brothers infuse fresh melodies and engaging lyrics with a sound that’s reminiscent of the likes of

Joy Divison, Kaiser Chiefs and Nirvana. It’s being enable to embody such vast elements of musical history and make them their own that gives Undertow its edge. It’s pounding, gnarly, gutsy and it’s what is going to make you listen to Drenge on repeat. —Alice Hoddinott

YouTuber

The

Review

IN THE LAST YOUTUBER REVIEW, QUENCH VIDEO GAMES LOOKS AT TWO OF THE MOST UNIQUE PEOPLE CURRENTLY PLYING THEIR TRADE ON THE INTERNET

Jim Sterling 178K SUBSCRIBERS If you have a predilection for game critics with a love of crudeness, vulgarity and Willem Dafoe, then you'll love Jim Sterling. Former review editor and writer of destructoid and The escapist, Sterling left the publications and took to Patreon to represent himself on his own website and on YouTube. His channel revolves around weekly videos called 'The Jimquisition' which discusses different topics surrounding videogames, combined with his own brand of twisted humour. When not showcasing bad impressions of Gordon Ramsay or David Cage, he can be found recording his weekly podcast 'The Podquisition', picking out

"He HaS BecoMe BeST knoWn, aS THe naMe SUggeSTS, For HiS angrY ranTS"

steam greenlight trailers that confound the mind or making 'squirty Play' videos to show us the good and the bad that Steam has to offer. Sterling also creates 'saturday Top Tens' in which he orders lists around whatever takes his fancy; for example “Top Ten Better stories Than Beyond: Two Souls” where the runners up included Halo and Angry Birds and the winner was none other than Pepsi Next because in Jim's words “it's got only 60 calories and that same great Pepsi taste”. — Liam Padfield

AngryJoeShow 1.9M SUBSCRIBERS Another one of the big hitters on YouTube, Angry Joe has been one of the staples in the rise of new-wave media. Often regarded as one of the best critics on YouTube, he has one main prerogative: reviews. Over the years he has developed a rather unique style which involves him standing in front of a green-screen talking directly to the camera with a few amateur-dramatics thrown in. He seems to have found the perfect blend of entertainment and critical analysis which is very much welcome as his videos are often on the greater side of 30 minutes. He has become best known, as the name suggests, for his angry rants. Most of

the time these manifest themselves in a review itself but he will sometimes go off on one in a vlog when something particularly ticks him off. However these are not often just mindless shouting and screaming at the camera. If you listen carefully, amongst the shouting he makes some very candid points about the game which when you think about it are very fair and reasonable. This is a very rare skill and one that he seems to possess which only serves to make his reviews all the more credible. — alex glazer

Video games

Looking Back a Year: The developers

Ubisoft

Ubisoft have become one of the most significant players in the game releasing market, but how did they fare over the past year? being able to start the game again. As per TheAngryJoeShow, It would be entirely fair to say that it was an up and down year once you have finished the game then that’s it; you’re done. for Ubisoft. From utter disappointments to brilliant ideas, the This was a strange choice to say the least but they also didn’t company has taken quite a hit to their net reputation. It was a get the game’s main USP right either; online co-op. The game year that saw both new and old franchises, but they were met promoted the idea of you and your friends all driving across with varied criticism. As the cascade of releases is just around America in one big group consisting of many different people the corner, it is time to look back at this industry-leader. (hence the name of the game). But for some strange reason they Let’s start with the (relatively) good. Ubisoft had two limited the group to four people at any one time, which seems really notable successes last year. Valiant Hearts: The Great War rather counter-intuitive to the overall aim of the game. Another was an original IP that was met with much critical acclaim. disappointment that hasn’t helped Ubisoft’s reputation. This was arguably the company’s smallest release coming out Now we turn to the game that everybody has loved to hate: of its Montpellier branch. This interesting approach to WWI the franchise that has now joined the likes of FIFA as an annual was a delightful break from the heavy Triple A titles that we release, Assassin’s Creed. The year before last Ubisoft treated us have gotten used to. The other game that Ubisoft can look back to a fantastic experience with Black Flag and answered the call on with fondness is Far Cry 4. This is probably the publisher’s for more ships with making them the most successful series with perhaps the centrepiece of the game. Fast-forward exception of the Assassin’s Creed series. It is almost a year and the series’ first true next-gen Ubisoft had to get the fourth instalment entry. AC:Unity certainly looks pretty. of the series right since any failure would painful to watch That cannot be denied. Remember how have incited a serious backlash from their I said that we all wanted ships for Black audience. Thankfully, they got it right as the company try Flag and got them? Well, in Unity they’re the game was met with a good response gone. Instead, Ubisoft has returned despite the issues on PC at launch. and fail to strike to the “grass-roots” of the series and South Park: The Stick of Truth was also a the game around scaling resounding success but this was only gold again with a structured buildings accompanied by a rather published by Ubisoft as the game was developed by Obsidian Entertainment. character like they stupid story. This was a step back for this already rather wrung-out series. It Now we turn to the dark side of is almost painful to watch the company Ubisoft’s 2014. The first major release did with Ezio try and fail to strike gold again with a of the year was also supposed to be character like they did with Ezio back in their most successful. Watch_Dogs ACII. The main character is dull and just not very interesting. As was easily one of the most hyped games in recent memory. with Watch_Dogs, I don’t care what happens to this character. It was presented as a graphical masterpiece at E3 2012, but There is just not the same reason to invest yourself in the story. of course the promises failed to bear fruit. Watch_Dogs was a In fact Unity was such a step back that it has been reported that resounding disappointment, and Ubisoft knows it. The entire its sister game Rogue for the last-gen consoles is in fact better. If feeling throughout the game was that it was crying out for a this is true then Ubisoft has got a lot to do to make up for this sequel and consequently a new series. The issues with the game shoddy entrance in their signature franchise. were plentiful from a dry, empty story to the controversies Looking forward, it is clear that Ubisoft needs to have a surrounding the PC release (again). However this was not the better year in terms of game releases. We can assume that the only new IP that Ubisoft released that met the same fate as obligatory Assassin’s Creed will surface at around October time Watch_Dogs. and they will really need to get this right as there is unlikely to The Crew was billed as being the new Need for Speed. It was be another Far Cry to bail them out this time. What we do know supposed to challenge the excellent Forza: Horizon series and is that another beloved franchise will be making its next-gen the interesting Test Drive: Unlimited games. However, it isn’t. bow in Rainbow Six: Siege which, as with Far Cry 4, Ubisoft will Like Watch_Dogs, The Crew failed to deliver on the promises have to get right since its last generation entries were highly that it made. The game was reported to play well as a racing revered. One thing is for certain, everyone related to Ubisoft game but as an open-world driving game it failed. However, will be anxiously watching the media over the coming months. these weren’t the main issues. The biggest problems are centred —Alex Glazer around some of the design choices that Ubisoft made - like not

They are the biggest name in the industry. Some see them as the good guys, some as the bad guys. But how did EA fare with game releases last year?

Credit: EA

n 1982 Trip Hawkins met with Don Valentine to discuss an idea known at the time as Amazin’ Software. Hawkins left Apple inc. to start and develop the company that is now known as EA or Electronic Arts. The origin of this name is due to Trip Hawkins’ belief that the developers who created these games were incredible ‘artists’ in their own right. Eventually, however Trip Hawkins left EA to found a company that later went defunct. This is a company that started out to make games that would surprise and cause an uproar among the market at that time. Games from EA Sports and from The Sims series continue to be loved by many fans today. So how is it in these past few years that this amazing (no pun intended) company has grown red eyes and horns in the minds of its customers? It would seem that despite their success this company has had almost too much success. Over the last six years the company has been displaying a pattern of laying off large numbers of its workforce and main studio staff to acquire more and more small studios and titles. This has resulted in a lot of development studios having lesser numbers which reflects in the speed at which some of their games have been developed and sadly the state of which some of their games have been released. The mass negative publicity, however, stems more from the fact that EA is so large a conglomerate that any blame for certain games that would have been directed at the studios that created the game, is now locked on in the direction of EA. They don’t exactly help themselves with how much they plaster out their publisher name on all their products.

During the past two years we have seen both amazing productions and absolute atrocities coming from the direction of EA. Games like Dragon Age: Inquisition, EA sport games such as NHL 15 and The Sims 4 have seen quite a lot of success and popularity among buyers. There have been some disappointments in these games but overall the feedback is positive. Atrocities? Well only one needs to be named: Dungeon Keeper Mobile. This is a game which was heavily anticipated by fans of the original and to be able to play it on the fly was a dream come true. Until said dreams were shattered as they were met with an idea born out of a corporate monkey who somehow managed to persuade someone higher up that an in game purchase system, structured to be the only enjoyable way to play the game, was a good idea. Now this system has been used in many games all with terrible results but it’s simply as if the negative responses are unnoticed. Even with great games like Inquisition, players met this enormous obstacle in the multiplayer mode. Instead of an enjoyable experience with friends, they were met with a poorly designed model evidently put in to reel in some extra cash; something we are sure by this point EA hardly needs more of. The problem that stems from this is that other companies look at this and believe that this system is a good idea and incorporate it into their own games, with a “well if they can do it so can we”. The only ones that really suffer are us, the consumers. Now there are many models that EA could strive to go for if they are so WE HAVE SEEN desperate to keep this system in their games. The ones used by popular games BOTH AMAZING such as League of Legends and Guild Wars 2 are impressively successful despite the PRODUCTIONS fact that all in game purchases made are purely cosmetic and do not directly affect AND ABSOLUTE gameplay in any way. They are basically accessories, nice to look at but unnecessary ATROCITIES to enjoy the game. Now we look towards the games of 2015. We know of Battlefield Hardline, a game that will most likely keep the fans of the series satisfied. As well as the possibility of bringing in new customers with its change of pace from the distant war-torn areas to local cities infested with criminal activity. However the more anticipated titles we look for, along with the numerous EA sport titles that are sure to arrive, are Mirror’s Edge and a new Star Wars Battlefront game. One thing we can say though is that EA will once again be one of the busiest in game releases gain in 2015. —Eranan Thirumagan

Credit: www.gamestm.co.uk

made the original Wii and DS the economic powerhouses that nother year, several flagship franchise releases, a they are considered today. As far as I’m concerned, if it keeps relatively understated but fairly forward-thinking E3 the money ticking until a possible new Metroid and Zelda game conference and continuing brawls (no pun intended) later this year or in 2016, let’s call the gaps in 2014 that were with third party publishers. This has been Nintendo’s 2014, but filled with these titles the “banking” period. a games developer is judged on the merits of its software and But despite this scepticism and criticism of the rethus will be the focus of this review of Nintendo in 2014. hashing of titles, 2014 did see all of these titles draw in huge So, the elephant in the room: the Wii U’s game release revenues and they were all huge successes. This re-branding of line-up, or lack thereof. Now this isn’t to say that the PS4 or nostalgia has always been Nintendo’s business model, and if XB1 line ups have been particularly full to the brim with stellar the core games are fantastic, then why is there a need of a huge first-party titles, but they’re not having the same issues with overhaul? This year also saw the release of third-party publishers like the Wii U has Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker as a completely had. But is this not just a case of quality IP for Nintendo and lesser known games over quantity? Let’s pick out some examples RE-BRANDING OF new like Fantasy Life and Persona got a chance at of the bigger-name titles that have come limelight thanks to the 3DS. Super Smash straight from the Nintendo Wii U in NOSTALGIA HAS the Bros Wii U and Mario Kart 8 also drew in the 2014: Super Smash Bros for Wii U, Donkey highest revenue and review scores for both Kong Country: Tropical Freeze, Mario Kart ALWAYS BEEN the series. The Wii U is starting to come into 8, Hyrule Warriors and Bayonetta 2. All of its own, especially if they keep announcing these titles were met with acclaim and can NINTENDOʼS new games for their characters as they’ve be regarded as great success for Nintendo. If you’re wondering where Sonic Boom BUSINESS MODEL done with Star Fox. It’s hard to draw a conclusion from is in the list of “big Nintendo releases”, all of this, to summarise Nintendo’s this probably isn’t the article for you. But 2014. I yearn for this console generation to bring something regardless, it’s hard to argue the figures on how strong the core new to the table, but I’m just as guilty of buying and hyping line up has been for this console and as a console that brands the next new Smash Brothers or Mario game as the next, and itself as a “bastion” for gamers who want out of the modern I’m enjoying them. If the bank is showing positives, and the military shooter regime. This line up seems like just the treat. games are still of a high quality, is it really Nintendo’s fault But there’s a very worrying trend that underlies these releases for staying the course? Despite my inner-critic I’m still as that I can feel reverberating precariously in the backs of minds excited as ever to see what 2015 brings for Nintendo fans. of all Nintendos fans. Where is the originality? —Ryan Barker What do we really have in that line up? An eighth iteration of Mario Kart that doesn’t do much to shake up the formula. A solid Bayonetta sequel that doesn’t do much to shake up the formula. A very playable Smash Brothers game that doesn’t do much to shake up the… And you can see where my concerns start to truly show themselves. You could argue this is just the matter of fact for this current console generation, but at least the PS4 had Infamous: Second Son, the Xbox One with Sunset Overdrive. I’m hard pressed to think of one game in 2014 that took true advantage of the Wii U’s system capabilities or the functionality of the dual screen design. But all is not lost for Nintendo fans and the sceptics amongst us. Nintendo’s 3DS continued to steamroll from its stellar line-up in 2013 with its larger screen and second stick to really bolster the Japanese company’s offerings. We saw Theatrythym bringing us a musical Final Fantasy offering. A new Ace Attorney and Professor Layton puzzling game and Bravely Default and several other titles that made excellent use of the 3DS’s functionalities. And let’s not forget about Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. In all honesty it was still relatively bare in comparison to 2013, but then again consoles hardly ever see such a fantastic year for game releases (The fawning for the 2013 3DS line up will stop post-haste). Both consoles were plagued with some absolutely awful software consistently throughout the year as well, with various “party” titles for both the 3DS and Wii U, but we need to be realistic here; these consoles are meandering to a fractional hard-core audience but also a much larger casual market that

Credit: Nintendo @ E3

NINTENDO

The biggest company in gaming has recently become the third cog in what has been a largely two-horse race. But has Nintendo suddenly begun to matter again?

Credit: IGN

Credit: psgamer.co.uk

VIDEO GAMES

DRAGONBALL XENOVERSE

Other than Pokémon, Dragonball Z is probably the most popular anime outside of Japan. It is known for its over-the-top action and planet-destroying explosions. So naturally it is the perfect candidate for a video game - and there have been many. Not since the excellent Budokai 3 has there been a truly great game based on the epic saga of Goku and his friends, until now. Coming in with its first true next-gen title is the most ambitious Dragonball Z game ever - Dragonball Xenoverse. Nearly all of the previous titles have taken the well-known and beloved story from the anime and told it in their own way. However, Xenoverse takes a new approach. History is changing in the Dragonball universe and not for the better; an unknown power is going back in time to ensure that the events that took place do not come to pass. Your job is to correct this by aiding the famous characters in the most iconic moments in the entire series. The battle against Vegeta, Frieza destroying planet Namek and the brutal Cell Games. This is a twist that is very much welcome since, as fantastic as the original story is, this version gave the developers licence to be creative in how the game works and this has led to the most comprehensive Dragonball Z video game experience to date. The most notable addition is the ability to create your own character. The nature of the story requires that a new hero be called to help correct history and this hero is you. This is the very first thing the game will ask you to do and the options are rather extensive. There are five races to choose from; human, saiyan, namekian, frieza and majin, all of which have distinct attributes such as high attack but low health

or low attack but high speed. This means that each race plays out very differently and these choices correspond to how they are portrayed in the anime. The customisation options, though not at the level as the likes of Mass Effect or Skyrim, are reasonably extensive with the ability to choose from presets for your face, height, hair etc. The real customisation comes when you actually play the game and start to gain new abilities and equipment. There is a vast array of different

the fighting mechanics they used. Often it didn’t feel like there was much weight behind the punches or the scaling was wrong with the weakest character having the chance to prevail against the strongest in the hands of a semi-competent player. These issues have, thankfully, been addressed in Xenoverse. The game really feels like the fights you saw on your TV screen. Players go flying across the arena when they are hit. Beam attacks are spectacular to watch and deal a hell of a lot of damage. The power scaling is spot on meaning that lesser characters have no chance of beating those above them. It is fair to say that this is the best fighter for DBZ yet. There are a few glaring errors though. The game has no local co-op, opting for online only instead. There is local PvP which is a relief, but this seems like an odd design choice and is rather disappointing. It would have been great for my housemate to have been able to make his own unique character and fought alongside me in the story while sitting on the sofa, but alas, this was not to be. The other oversight seems to be the lack of the android saga in the main story instead skipping straight to Cell after the end of the Frieza saga. This is not a major error but for true fans of the anime, this will be slightly annoying. Overall the best thing that Xenoverse gives you is fan service. For fans of the anime this is a must buy on whatever platform you own. It is fantastic as a DBZ fan. If you are someone who is interested in getting into the series then this is not a bad place to start but don’t take the story as canon. Even if you are not interested in DBZ then this is still a very solid 3D fighter with a lot of replayability thanks to the character creation. Ultimately this is worth the £45 price tag (£35 on PC). The story, while not the longest, can

"IT IS KNOWN FOR ITS OVER-THE-TOP ACTION AND PLANET-DESTROYING EXPLOSIONS. SO NATURALLY IT IS THE PERFECT CANDIDATE FOR A VIDEO GAME."

skills that you can learn, ranging from simple melee attacks to the iconic Kamehameha wave that popularised the show. This is also the closest since Budokai 3 that we have come to an open-world Dragonball Z game. Your main base of operations is Toki-Toki city which is essentially a hub world. You can wander around as your character, talk to NPCs, go on story missions, start side-quests and buy stuff at the various shops. It is pretty basic and has been done countless times before but the mere fact that it is DBZ adds that extra je ne sais quoi to the affair. However, at its core and like all of its predecessors, this is a fighting game. Previous entries have been criticised for

be replayed again and again with different character builds while the ocean of skills and equipment that can be unlocked gives that extra incentive to keep on playing. Reviewed on Xbox - Alex Glazer

8/10

VIDEO GAMES

V O

V E

The hunters so often become the hunted. This was what 2K Games would have been hoping to avoid with their newest IP Turtle Rock is a development studio that has been perceived as one for the lover of online multiplayer video games. Despite their small stature, they possess an impressive portfolio, including Counterstrike and Left 4 Dead. Now their latest release, Evolve has joined the fray as a contender for the latest and greatest in co-operative gaming. Given Turtle Rock’s reputation, and with Evolve probably being one of the most anticipated games of the year, this man against monster shooter has quickly become one of the most dividing and contentious major releases in recent memory due to its keen embracing of modern DLC-based game design. However, this is an issue that has split the opinions of many. It is completely dependent upon the individual: if you are a casual gamer who likes to pick up the controller and put it back down again after an hour or so or a die-hard single player campaign lover, then I will straight away say this game is probably not for you. Like Left 4 Dead, this game is an asymmetrical multiplayer game, and as such, each player is dependent upon the other if they are to progress and enjoy the game fully. It does have an AI teammate system, but it barely shines a light on the experience you can have with a team working with you. It is strongly advisable that a headset is used if you want to effectively communicate and work as a team. The objective of co-operative shooters such as this is simple: in this case there are hunters working together to take down one monster. Each hunter class is as distinctive from each other as the last, with each one having a progression system. There are four classes; assault, medic, trapper and support. Each class has three levels, in total providing you with 12 individual hunters to

choose from should you level up fully. It is a basic but sometimes arbitrary system to lengthen the experience much like Call of Duty’s prestige system. However, it does give you an incentive to persevere and try out each of the different classes. Personally, while assault class is fun, being a trapper does give you access to your own little beast by the name of Daisy, who assists you like a bloodhound when pursuing the monster of the day. Overall it is a great system that is different because it is not simply a skinunlock, like Gears of War. Each individual has their own weapons and dialogue and changes the dynamic of your group completely.

upon stealth, and is apparently female. There is a fourth monster on the way (for free apparently) in DLC coming soon, which the studio decided to let the fans name. The beast will be known as Behemoth and for a very good reason as apparently it will be the biggest and most ferocious of all the monsters. Assuming control of the monster is a little tedious as the third person experience makes it hard to see and at times the myriad of gunfire and tomfoolery on the screen will leave you a little stunned. The goal of the beast is simply to get a head start, eat as much as you can, and level up three times to your potential. This makes the confrontation between you and your assumed predators all the more interesting. I personally like it, but more for what it is trying to do than

"IT DOES HAVE HAVE AN AI TEAMMATE SYSTEM, BUT IT BARELY SHINES A LIGHT ON THE EXPERIENCE YOU CAN HAVE WITH A TEAM."

what is there right now. You will almost certainly need a headset, a group of friends who are all buying the game and planning on playing it with you, or at least a friendly yet competitive demeanour to go online and join up with people who you do not know and are able to communicate well with. At the bare bones of it, this is what community online gaming is about: communication. If you can do that you will enjoy the battles, and weapons and glorious aesthetic of Evolve. If you are a lone wolf and like to do your own thing, then I suggest you stick with Assassin’s Creed or wait for the glorious release of Arkham Knight in June. Reviewed on Xbox - Ian Dunne

7/10

The choice of monsters, and control of the monster in game however, is where the game falls frustratingly short. You have to play as the first monster and unlock the other two after a few brief stints of levelling up, and yes, there are only three monsters to choose from! First there is Goliath, who is a bruiser of sorts and as you might expect from the name, tends to Hulk-smash the shit out of things but also spits fire. Then there is the Kraken, which is more of a long-ranged Thor-like monster that attacks with electricity and lays mines everywhere and anywhere. Finally the Wraith, which is the Sam Fisher of the group and relies

INTERVIEW

BEYOND CLUELESS CHARLIE LYNE

It’s enough to make you cry angsty teen tears over your lack of life achievement. At the age of just 23, Charlie Lyne is editor of UK film blog Ultra Culture, home entertainment columnist for The Guardian and a contributor for the BBC’s The Film Programme. Last year saw the release of his debut film Beyond Clueless, a film documenting every teen movie hit and miss from Clueless to Mean Girls. Yes that’s right, these films are worthy of academic criticism now, so watching them doesn’t even count as procrastination! Film & TV had a chat with Charlie to see why this genre is one worth looking back on. What is Beyond Clueless? It’s an essay film about teen movies, so it’s something that attempts to critique the world of teen movies using teen movies themselves. I hope it feels like a love letter but also an analysis of the genre. We definitely got the vibe that teen movies are a passion of yours. I think they’d have to be otherwise I would have gone slightly insane! Well the man I sat next to was laughing slightly insanely but the less said about that the better… I promise you that wasn’t me!

So, what is it about the teen movie genre that allows its continued popularity today? When a teen movie works, it will always have a place in the landscape of cinema because there will always be teenagers. When movies come out that appeal to them, those movies will always be appreciated. These movies tend to come in waves, so when there is a lack of new films around people tend to look back at older teen movies. These films connect with each successive generation and stay close to those teenagers as they grow up. The films of my adolescence still feel incredibly meaningful to me today and they always will if they catch you at that right time when you’re most impressionable.

Do you think it’s interesting that British teens find these movies so relatable despite the majority of them being set in American high schools? I have an American half-sister, and even though that world is cosmetically modelled on the American experience, it still probably seems like an alternate universe to her just as it does to us. It’s still so heightened and bizarre; it follows its own rules. The importance of each film lies in its emotional resonance and whether that is true to life. That is what you are looking for more than a character that matches you exactly. Do you think there was a heyday for the teen movie? I’m always hesitant to say that because I think each generation thinks their own generation of teen movies was the best one. So obviously I feel the most passionate about the ones that I grew up with! The one thing that is nice about the era that we look at in the film itself [1995-2004], is that this was the time when teen movies really broadened out as a genre. In the 80s for example, teen movies were ruled over by a small number of people - John Hughes, the brat pack etc. What you see in the 90s is an incredible amount of diversification - to me this feels fitting for a genre that is mean to appeal to teenagers who themselves are such a disparate group. In an article about Beyond Clueless for The Independent, you wrote that teenagers are able to appreciate this genre because they are less likely to impose filters on what they are seeing. Do you think it is important that we develop these disapproving filters in adult life or are they a hindrance? I don’t know; it’s inevitable for sure. But one of the things that the process of making the film has taught me to do is not to switch off the second I sense that a movie isn’t great. One of my favourite things to do now is to persevere with a film even when I sense that it isn’t great, and look for one element that is really original or interesting or provocative for whatever reason and not worry so much about whether the film is wholly good or interesting. That is an immensely valuable thing to learn as it opens you up to such a wide array of movies and not just the tiny few that have been critically ordained as perfect films. Do you think this film is an attempt at rationalising the teen emotional charge for an adult audience? It’s a bit of everything really, it is certainly impossible to disconnect these movies from their audience. Watching the films for me as an adult is very much like watching

my teenage self. Where the emotion of those films is most resonant is because they remind me of my own emotions at 14/15. There is a certain amount of rationalising in that I felt like I was performing therapy on myself by rewatching these films and trying to make sense of them, but equally, I think there is always that sense of real power to these films that make them very hard to rationalise. The raw emotion of that world is hard to put into words but by making Beyond Clueless in this way, we didn’t have to - instead we could translate it and show it on screen. Faruiza Balk performed the narration for Beyond Clueless. Her characteristically adolescent cynical narration draws attention to the fact that in many of these films, the female character is made to sacrifice her individuality in order to be popular/get the guy. Do you think this suggests that teen movies are gendered at all? I’d be hesitant to make any big generalisations because it is such a broad genre, but there are many movies that are very progressive, and have really interesting takes on gender Faruiza was in many of them, not least The Craft. But at the same time, those prejudices have always been a part of the teen movie and still are today. Major problems with gender, sexuality and especially race are hard to get away from in this genre. The fact that these movies are so similar and visually and aesthetically occupy the same space makes it easy to start thinking of them as one film. Ginger Snaps is a brilliant feminist piece of work, and it’s enlivening to watch. I would go straight from watching that to something like The Girl Next Door, expecting it to be as progressive and obviously it’s not, so it’s quite disheartening. One of the nicest things about working with Faruiza is that she strikes the perfect balance between insider and outsider. It is clear that she is an insider, our guide through that world, but the cynicism and skepticism in her tone is so potent.

“The films of my adolescence still feel incredibly meaningful to me today and they always will if they catch you at that right time when you’re most impressionable.” What do you think the future holds for teen movies? It’s something that I always think is hard for me to say because I am no longer a teenager! To guess whether teen movies are working for the current generation is hard. They do seem to be on the up again and there are movies coming out now that are definitely working for that audience. I don’t think The Fault in Our Stars was a film that was seen by a lot of people over 19 and yet it made a third of a billion dollars at the box office. Something like that is as clear a sign as you are going to get that teen movies are finding their feet again. To me that movie was baffling and awful but that’s probably ideal in that it’s not for me and if I’m getting confused and angry about it that’s probably the best sign you could look for! Beyond Clueless is out on iTunes from March 9th

FILM & T V

N E E T MOVIES

TOP

With the release of the docu-essay Beyond Clueless; we give our verdict on the best teen movies that The Breakfast Club have inspired a generation. The Breakfast Club is the John Hughes movie that everyone has heard of: the story about ‘the princess’, ‘the brain’, ‘the athlete’, ‘the basket case’ and ‘the criminal’ all locked up in Saturday detention together. Often seen as one of the best teen movies by critics, and perhaps the most iconic, The Breakfast Club deals with cliques and stereotypes as all five teens come to realise how complex they all are. It had a huge influence on the horde of teen movies that followed, and is so funny and clever that it’s definitely worth watching.

Mean Girls It’s probably quite likely that no one under 30 has gone a week without hearing a Mean Girls quote in the past decade, thanks to Tina Fey’s hilarious and memorable screenplay. Love it or hate it, Mean Girls is the teen movie of the millennial generation. Inspired by a non-fiction book about teenage girls and their cliques, Mean Girls follows a previously home-schooled Lindsay Lohan as she tries to navigate the difficult rules of ‘Girl World’ in an American high school. A mustwatch, if only to finally understand the references most teens and twenty-somethings inevitably make. Cruel Intentions Following the trend of nineties teen movies based on literary works, Cruel Intentions is loosely based on French novel Les Liaisons Dangereuses, and centres around Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Phillipe as manipulative, slightly incestuous and very wealthy step siblings, Kathryn and Sebastian. Sebastian sets out to seduce committed virgin Annette (Reese Witherspoon) to win a bet, whilst Kathryn is determined to ruin her ex’s new relationship. From death to drugs, it’s unusually dark and dramatic, so if you’re after something a little less cheesy than the average teen movie then Cruel Intentions is perfect for you.

Submarine If American teen movies aren’t for you, Submarine is worth a watch. Far from the glamour of American rich kids, Submarine is set in 1980’s Swansea and is all about 15 year old Oliver’s search for his identity. Oliver narrates the movie with so much self-awareness that it avoids being too cheesy or cliché, and director Richard Ayoade gives it a quirky, clever style with flashbacks and dreams that makes it very different from the rest of the genre. Everything about this film is very British, including the humour, which avoids the heavy-handedness of a lot of American counterparts. Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist Based on the book by YA writers David Levithan and Rachel Cohn, Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist follows Nick (Michael Cera) and Norah (Kat Dennings) over one night in New York as they meet, befriend each other and search for Norah’s drunk best friend and their favourite band’s secret gig. Nick and Norah is a heartfelt rom-com that doesn’t patronise its audience, and with a great soundtrack and a very relatable premise (I’m sure the drama that drunk friends can cause on nights out is familiar to a lot of us) it’s a thoroughly enjoyable teen film.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off Another movie by John Hughes, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off isn’t quite as iconic as The Breakfast Club, but it definitely is just as funny. It follows Ferris as he skips school and brings his girlfriend and best friend along with him for one last hurrah before graduation. He drags them for a day of mischief around Chicago whilst trying to avoid his high school principal, his suspicious sister and his oblivious, naïve parents. The smart screenplay and excellent cast make this a charming classic all about seizing the day and breaking the rules. Clueless Set in writer/director Amy Heckerling’s fantasy of a Beverly Hills high school and based on Jane Austen’s w, Clueless follows popular girl Cher and her hobby of matchmaking and interfering in her friends’ lives. Between matchmaking teachers to earn better grades and transforming ‘clueless’ new girl Tai, Cher encounters many mishaps including a mugging, her terrible driving and an inability to correctly pronounce the word ‘Haitian’. Whilst Clueless is definitely as cheesy as teen movies come, it’s fun, incredibly quotable and is quickly becoming a classic teenage rom-com. 10 Things I Hate About You In this clever retelling of The Taming of the Shrew, the new kid, Cameron, has to get someone to date hostile outcast Kat, so he can date her sister. He seems to succeed with mysterious outsider Patrick, but it is all a little more complicated than he planned. 10 Things has a brilliant cast including Julia Stiles, Heath Ledger and an adorably baby faced Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and the dialogue is witty without ever ruining more genuine, heartfelt moments. —Emma Tranter

DUDES IN DISTRESS: changing gender representation

With several recent releases detailing the lives of fairytale princesses; Quench Film and TV explore whether female representation is changing in film.

It is impossible to discuss gender representation without discussing arguably the hottest topic of the 21st century: feminism. The negative connotations surrounding the term ‘feminist’ may encourage you to throw this magazine on the floor and never look back, so I would like to clarify from the onset that by ‘feminist’ I am referring to someone who believes in the equality of the sexes. Discussion of the female gender has become almost synonymous with the overall discussion of gender representation in contemporary media. This is because the previously singular representation of women in film has increased to a variety of different roles. They are increasingly in control of the part they play in the narrative, and almost control their sexualisation in a way they did not before. Similarly male representation has altered, as men are given the opportunity to subvert the complete masculinity they were previously forced to adopt. It is becoming more acceptable for actors to play the role of a doting father and

husband, without their sexuality coming into question. Disney films are arguably the most obvious kind of film associated with gender representation. The stereotypical view of females in Disney films has come under copious amount of criticism, forcing them to adapt their characters. Disney has begun to stray from the overtly feminine and vulnerable presentation of women, instead using contemporary notions of womanhood today to create more realistic characters. Frozen epitomises this change. The film openly contradicts everything that it has previously endeavoured to represent, with Elsa and Anna saving each other, as opposed to relying on ‘true love’s kiss’ from a man they have just met. The male characters are similarly forced to adapt in response to their female counterparts. Disney cast Hans in the villain role, to promote the idea that not everyone is who they appear to be. After the unrealistic representation of happily-ever-afters and princes in previous Disney films, this implicit message is used as a warning to

all the little girls running around in Cinderella and Snow White costumes and looking for their Prince Charming. However, fairytales are so ingrained in society that it is almost impossible to disregard them entirely. The release of films such as Into the Woods and the upcoming live-action remake of Cinderella signify this impossibility, but the message they promote has changed. Society has matured in the sense that it does not look to fairy tales for answers. Instead they are watched and enjoyed because they are prevalent in the majority of childhoods. Personally I do not believe in fairytale stereotypes, because they only provide a pleasant escape from the mundane normalities of everyday life. I grew up watching the animated Disney version of Cinderella, and it is safe to say that I have not based my entire life’s beliefs on the storyline. Into the Woods makes for an interesting watch as it seems to subvert fairytale stereotypes, while also representing them. In an absurd twist of the tales the baker’s wife cheats on her husband with the prince, and meets her end soon after (a coincidence we think not). In contrast, the prince and Cinderella decide to call it quits on their marriage and go their separate ways (no death for the Prince here). Not only is Into the Woods a dire film, it reinforces the idea that women face many more troubles than their male counterparts to get their ‘happily ever after’. Alfred Hitchcock’s films typify past gender

FILM & T V

between actor and character. The media is now delving further and further into the personal lives of the film industry, and it is becoming diﬃcult to disassociate the real lives of people and the characters that they play. Emma Watson’s speech at the UN highlights this: “You might think: who is this ‘Harry Potter’ girl? What is she doing at the UN?”. This lack of differentiation that Watson has faced signifies that society has a long way to go in the fight for equality on screen. That being said, it is unfair to expect representations to change overnight. It is important to remember that films are part of a moneymaking industry, and so must follow society’s trends. Nonetheless, women are becoming increasingly prevalent in films, enabling a multitude of representations to emerge from the previously singular overtly feminine woman. - Amandeep Turna representations. Women are presented as weak and useless, and often do not drive the plot in the way a male lead is able to. They exist purely as objects of desire, as something for male characters to fawn over. They are largely overshadowed by men, a factor which is a reflection upon patriarchal society. However, they soon began to challenge their typical ‘housewife’ status. The USA dominated the film industry, and was slightly ahead of the UK in terms of gender equality. Films fought to keep up with the changing position of women, with female characters increasing their own control over how they were percieved. ‘Bond girls’ have become a symbol of not just self-sexualised characters, but capable ones with their own power; adding to the transformation of gender. Women have seized the opportunity to outmanoeuvre men and run with it! They are cast as more capable characters, and are allowed to be more than the simpering damsel in distress. They are increasingly present in leading roles due to characters such as Ellen Ripley and Lara Croft, who have paved the way for the powerful female in cinema. However, women are still incredibly outnumbered by men. In the 2015 Oscars, all of the nominees for Best Picture consisted of male leads. It seems as though every step forward for females in cinema is followed by two steps forward for men. It is important to remember that the film industry is based on making money; they produce films which will sell, and for women to match men they must become equally as popular. Female characters are only given a voice after they have proved themselves worthy of one. In The Dark Knight Rises, Catwoman primarily opposes Batman’s male dominance, and asserts her own form of power. However, while doing so she similarly opposes the law and justice, and so is punished by being forced to conform to patriarchal power. This lack of power is prevalent in many superhero films; X-Men, Fantastic Four and Avengers: Assemble all feature a female lead, but compared to the much wider variety of male heroes, they are deemed almost insignificant. However, this negative representation of gender can be ascribed to the comic books that these films are based on. They were published during the early 1960’s, and therefore include archetypal female characters, because gender equality was only just starting to be taken seriously. The opportunities for women in film increased, creating a multitude of roles. Double Jeopardy features a powerful woman who is able to outmanoeuvre her husband, after he has her wrongly jailed for his murder. Her success at the end of the film highlights the rise of female dominance, but is undercut through the help she receives

from a man. Women are unable to assert their power without help from the supposed superior male gender. More recently, Amy Dunne in Gone Girl is an example of a woman who uses the power she has to manipulate the lives of those surrounding her. If you haven’t seen the film then, again, I suggest you skip this paragraph and watch it right now. Rosamund Pike plays the role of the psycho to

“Women have seized the opportunity to outmanoeuvre men and run with it!”

SPOILER ALERT: We couldn’t discuss such a hefty issue without revealing some plot twists/endings, turn the pagew if you have yet to see Frozen, Into the Woods or Gone Girl.

perfection; her character successfully outwits the male lead, but her dominance is warped by the sympathy we feel for her husband Nick. Amy becomes isolated from the audience due to her mental instability, and so we are forced to direct our sympathy towards the male protagonist. There is no denying that Gone Girl is a superb film, but it raises many questions surrounding gender representations. Is it only possible for a film to succeed when women are either marginalised or hated? Personally, I believe that it is becoming increasingly diﬃcult to answer this question due to the blurred boundary

GENRE IN REVIEW

R E L L I R H

As we hit the penultimate entry in our

review series, we explore the Thriller genre.

The thriller genre is centred on two prime factors, suspense and intrigue. The chain of events leading up to a climax revolves completely around these factors, feeding the curiosity and anticipation of any viewer. Throughout the history of the thriller, there have been many filmmakers who have pioneered their own sub genres. Hitchcock is indeed the father of the psychological thriller; however, through the different ages of film much like the genre - it has undergone significant tweaks and adjustments regarding its mechanics. Often in a thriller, the protagonist faces an issue, or mystery, usually in the form of a crime or misdemeanour of some kind. The upset of the equilibrium is then addressed through a series of events that present the protagonist with difficult choices, dangerous situations and antagonists of equal or superior capability. The events within a thriller will aim to provide the audience with a sense of tension and when successful, can cause the audience to feel as if they are in the midst of the action.. You can still see traditional elements within sub-genres,

which revolve around the mystery of the antagonist, who usually has a motive of revenge or destruction, and whose identity is either fully obscured or merely hinted at until the climax of the film. The thriller is, however, the one genre that continues to appeal to mainstream audiences very successfully, and this is due in part to the endless variety offered by the genre. The list is easy to ream off; action thriller, sci-fi thriller, psychological thriller, crime thriller, horror thriller, noir thriller. The soul of a thriller film is still however, suspense and intrigue. Thriller films usually have their own unique mise-enscene dependent upon the director or cinematographer, and the way a film is shot, lit and located help to establish the theme for the audience. Watching films by Michael Mann, you can observe his distinct use of colour and camera effects. Mann’s tendency is to lean toward a colour spectrum that is tinted with a shade of blue, to evoke the coldness of the atmosphere, adding a chilling edge to his work. This is exemplified perfectly in Heat and Collateral, which are both classified within the sub-genre of crime thriller. The way both films are shot is typical of not just Mann, but typical of a

classic crime thriller. Shots include close-ups on the faces of the main characters, fast-paced editing and sound, and also a great focus on scenery, like the cityscape of Los Angeles observable in the two films mentioned. The basic plot within crime thrillers tends to revolve around the classic ‘cops and robbers’ motif, but it can be a little more complex. The production team behind The Usual Suspects changed the way crime thrillers were perceived through their clever manipulation of chronology, and certainly evoked a sense of mystery as the “whodunnit” theme was concurrent throughout. Who is Keyser Soze? No one knows. He is a legend, a myth, a story, but one thing is certain, he is real, and the idea of him is far more potent that the realisation of him. The web of interconnecting events that unfold during the climax of the film lead the viewer down the path of recollection and double-taking, so that we are completely shocked at the climatic revelation of the antagonist’s identity, and chilled by a horrible truth; the bad guys can win.

FILM & T V

Thrillers can become complicated if too much is going on. There has to be a structure in place to maintain order and keep the viewer ‘in the room’. If there is too much, or too little going on, interest will be lost. Memento is a neo-noirpsychological thriller that will certainly lose you if you don’t pay full attention. It is presented as two different sequences of scenes interwoven throughout the film: a series in black-and-white that is shown chronologically, and a series of colour sequences shown in reverse order (simulating for the audience the mental state

of the protagonist, who suffers from short term memory loss). Though the film has two narratives that are shot and edited differently, they meet neatly and cohesively to explain the events of the film at its end. I admit I did not see the end coming, and did have to watch the film a second time to wrap my head around it, however it was the first time for a while that I was so gripped by a film, let alone a thriller. The Dark Knight Trilogy was a realistic take on the action/superhero genre, and The Prestige and Inception showcased director Christopher

Nolan’s talents in the science fiction thriller area. Scream was a game changer. It revolutionised the stalker/slasher genre by becoming the first horror thriller film that killed off a hollywood star (Drew Barrymore) in the first ten minutes. Barrymore personally requested her role, her mentality being that if she could die in the first ten minutes, then anyone could. It has since inspired an unconventional approach to scriptwriting within film and television that spawned shows like 24 and Game of Thrones where many main characters and key names

“Who is Keyser Soze? No one knows. He is a legend, a myth, a story, but one thing is certain, he is real, and the idea of him was far more potent that the realisation of him.”

were killed early on. It added a further element of suspense that has since become monotonously formulaic, but when directors first started adopting this trend, it heightened the intrigue and increased the credibility of the thriller genre. Ultimately, thrillers are cerebral and aim to make the viewer think. It is not always what is on the screen, but rather what is not.The question of “what happens next?” should always be ringing through the mind of anyone watching a thriller. It is the cornerstone of the genre. It is the question that feeds the suspense and curiosity

of an individual, and only through watching thrillers and enjoying them can that suspense be gratified and curiosity sated. — Ian Dunne

MULTICULTURAL TELEVISION With the ever changing landscape that is our society; television has long been the place to see yourself represented. Here we chart the movement of the multicultural TV

In 1977, the American Broadcasting Association (ABC) started broadcasting Roots, a twelve-hour miniseries that aired for eight consecutive nights. What was remarkable about this series was that it was led by a predominantly African-American cast, and that its plot was based on a book by author Alex Haley which told the story of Kunta Kinte, an African teen who was brought to America to be sold as a slave, as well as the other generations of his family. Despite initial fears amongst network executives that such a programme would be a disaster for ratings, the programme ended up becoming the highest rated entertainment programme ever shown in America at the time.

Apart from adding to discussions on American race relations, the landmark success of Roots was also revolutionary in defying industry conventions about ‘black-oriented programming’, as executives had not expected that a show that starred predominantly black actors as heroes would gain such high viewing figures. Today, Roots is still commonly regarded by many in the entertainment industry as a turning point for the representation of black people in American TV. Roots paved the way for the relative increase in black-led casts on American television, as can be seen in NBC’s landmark The Cosby Show in the 1980s; centred on a successful, middle class black family, or the 1990s’ iconic The Fresh Prince of BelAir. Both of these programmes were remarkable for portraying black characters as more than clowns for comedic value, or solely in service positions such as waiters or housemaids, as was common before.

Fast-forward to the TV we watch today (though I am still partial to an old episode of Fresh Prince from time of time), and we can see that TV has come a long way from the days of black performers relegated to minstrel or maid roles. Thanks to bold and brilliant minds such as screenwriter-director-producer-behemoth Shonda Rhimes, the woman behind Grey’s Anatomy, we are now able to see black actors and actresses performing in rich, multi-faceted, strong roles such as Scandal’s Olivia Pope and How to Get Away with Murder’s Annalise Keating. There has also been a rise in Asian-led casts, exemplified by Fresh Off the Boat, a new American sitcom based on the memoir of prominent AsianAmerican food personality Eddie Huang. The comedy series, set in the mid-1990s in Orlando, features a Taiwanese-American family who has recently moved into an exclusively white community, and details the struggles of the family to fit in. The sitcom was said

film & T V

“The fact that such characters are viewed as progressive speaks volumes about how much there is left to do about the issue of racial representation in television.”

to be the first television series centred on an Asian family since Margaret Cho’s ill-fated All-American Girl in 1994, which was cancelled after only one season due to poor critical reception and audience ratings. Another popular series featuring an Asian actor in a lead role is The Mindy Project a well-loved American romantic comedy series created by Mindy Kaling, an Indian American, who also plays the titular character Mindy Lahiri. The show, which premiered in 2012, follows the confident and comedic Mindy’s attempts to balance her professional and personal life as she works as an obstetrician/gynaecologist in a small medical practice in New York City with her quirky co-workers, and has been well-received and praised for Kaling’s performance and writing, as well as the unique and likeable character of Mindy Lahiri. Before this there was Grey’s Anatomy’s Christina Yang. The character, portrayed by Asian American actress Sandra Oh, was a confident, ambitious, fiercely intelligent surgeon and an irreplaceable part of the series for 10 seasons. In 2009, when asked why she decided to take on the role, Oh said, “I’m very proud of this show and I think it came along at the right time for me. It’s a changing time on television because five or ten years ago you wouldn’t have a major network show where half of the cast were not white.” showing the progress that has undergone in the representation of minority races in television. However, although there has been an increased presence of Asian actors in television, their portrayals, especially that of Asian males, leave much to be desired. For instance, 2 Broke Girls’ Han Lee is the Korean-American owner of the diner in which much of the series is set in, is portrayed as short, emasculated, and failing to assimilate into American culture, with a strong, somewhat Asian accent, often becoming the butt of jokes on the series. The Big Bang Theory’s Rajesh Koothrapalli is another such character. The character has a thick accent, crippling lack of confidence around women, and has to face an attempt by his parents to force him into an arranged marriage. A common trait between these two characters is that they play into common stereotypes of the Asian male as emasculated, socially awkward and weak, often to comedic effect. While the increased presence of Asian males is a sign of progress in diversity in television, such exaggerated portrayals of the Asian could be said to stem from imperialism. The fact that such characters are viewed as progressive speaks volumes about how much there is left to do about the issue of racial

representation in television. The non-verbal message to Asian males seems to be this: “just be glad you are represented on TV, even if it’s in an inaccurate manner that reduces you to mere caricatures and clowns to entertain the masses and stems from imperialism – at least you’re not invisible anymore! Yay for progress!” If this piece seems to be rather America-centric so far, this is because British TV still suffers from a comparative lack of diversity in lead characters, a fact bemoaned in 2014 by David Harewood, a starring black actor in American series Homeland in an article for The Guardian. Harewood wrote, “Somehow and for some reason BAME (Black and Mixed Ethnicity) actors have not been cast in such central and leading parts in British television. In fact, I can only recall five shows in my lifetime with a BAME lead actor in British TV and that includes Luther and Hustle.” This sentiment is highlighted by the fact that several black British actors have only found fame after moving to America, such as Without a Trace’s Marianna Jean-Baptise and The Wire’s Idris Elba. Furthermore, in recent years, an overwhelming majority of actors who have found success in British TV and become household names, such as Benedict Cumberbatch, Dominic West and David Tennant, have all been white actors. British actor Treva Etienne, himself the son of a bus driver, attributes this partly to a lack of opportunities available for young people, saying, “Acting should not just work for one class of kids. It should work for all kids.” However, Etienne also acknowledged that the greater opportunities in American TV could also be a reflection of the size of the industry and hence the willingness of networks to try new ideas. This, however, should not be an excuse for the lack of diversity in British television, as it will only lead to greater domination of American TV over British TV, should producers refuse of take risks and depart from the safe and familiar. Perhaps the hope for minority race representations on television can be best summed up in this quote from Harewood: “I hope in 40 years, when a black kid sits channel-surfing in the UK and stumbles across UKTV Drama, he’ll stop for a minute and watch British lawyers, lovers, heroes and champions who look and sound just like he does. Hopefully, I won’t be asked to write these articles any more because there won’t be any need for them.” The same could be said for Asian viewers and actors. Harewood’s hope raises the all-too-common concern regarding the lack of diversity in television on young viewers in particular, as the absence of visible, authentic role models on television for young viewers of minority races could lead issues of confusion and self-esteem, as entire groups of youths in society are made to feel invisible. To end on a lighter note, according to research done by Alyssa Rosenberg of ThinkProgress, in American primetime network TV, the number of robots and magical creatures seen is roughly equal to the combined number of Asian and Latino men represented, a finding that should also serve as a reminder that claims of ‘authenticity’ should not stand in this debate – if even robots and magical creatures can be represented, why not minority races? - Zenn Wong

QUENCH FOOD EVENING:

APPLE JACKS This month the Quench team headed to one of the cities latest dining hot-spots, Apple Jacks: American Diner Deluxe. Promising to offer some of the best US dishes this side of the Atlantic, all creatively infused with a gastronomic twist, there was no doubt that The States had to be the next stop on our gourmet exploration. So grab your cowboy boots, don the stars and stripes and get ready to loosen your belt; here’s what we thought… I’d been dying to visit Apple Jacks since the new city centre eatery opened its doors at the end of last year, and what better way to enjoy it than with a Quench shaped hole in the bill. Spying a few sly pics on Instagram and snippets of the menu online, the American-gastro fusion menu was beyond tempting. Incorporating all the best bits of state-side dining, such as fully loaded burgers and breakfast taccos, along with the creativity and sophistication of gastronomy, it looked like the food here was going to be a winner. Taking a seat in the sleek and stylish restaurant, the owners had done a top job of picking the finest parts of the US dining scene. With comfy booths and a quirky yet sophisticated interior, Apple Jacks has definitely created a character of its own and a great space to enjoy impromptu drinks as well as a more formal meal. Still making a name for itself, the restaurant was pretty quiet when we visited so the service was quick and attentive, and before no time my dish of dreams was in front of me, just waiting to be devoured. Now, I’ll admit it, I have a sweet tooth, and yes, I can be known to skip mains

altogether and go straight from starter to dessert, so when I spotted the duck with waffles on the menu there were no two ways about it. This was main and dessert all in one and boy was it good. Let’s start from the bottom up; a thick but fluffy American waffle set up base camp, drizzled with a delightfully sweet orange, maple butter. Topping the waffle was a crispy confit duck leg; the meat, deliciously succulent and melt in the mouth, complemented wonderfully by the subtle hints of orange in the sauce. Two crispy rashers of bacon blanketed the duck, adding a salty juxtaposition to the sweetness of the other components. And to top it off? A poached egg of course. Slightly misfitting with the rest of the dish if I’m honest, but beautifully cooked all the same. It may be hard to believe, but the meal came together beautifully. And, unsurprisingly, I couldn’t quite make dessert, as the hearty portion left me content at both the savoury and sweet spectrums of my appetite. I’m glad to say my expectations were well and truly satisfied and I’ll definitely be returning to tackle the enticing breakfast offerings. - Kathryn Lewis

FOOD & DRINK I was spoilt for choice by the menu and spent a good while trying to choose; unfortunately this was one of the times that my decision making let me down. The plate sounded appetising; newMexican pan-fried chicken with a peanut jus, but it disappointed in flavour and aesthetics, especially in comparison to my fellow diners dishes. To be honest it resembled chicken and chips you could get from your local pub, not particularly appetising. I had serious food envy as the burger, duck and scallops that my friends had ordered looked and tasted great. What Apple Jack’s lacked in taste was made up in its friendly and attentive service, and cool, relaxed atmosphere. I would visit Apple Jack’s again but definitely avoid the chicken and wholeheartedly go for one of their massive burgers! - Elizabeth Jones

“The unmissable table nestled between two halves of a VW camper-van was particularly charming and definitely a statement feature of the city centre eatery. I’m not ashamed to admit I even had my photo taken sat inside.”

Having already had a sneaky peek at the menu to prepare myself for the oncoming feast, it’s safe to say I was excited for what Apple Jacks had to offer; and I’m glad to say my expectations were not disappointed. From the quirky music to the sleek seating booths, the American diner atmosphere was set as soon as we walked in. A lot more open and spacious than typical diner-esque restaurants, Apple Jacks have created a welcoming, friendly and comfortable atmosphere. But let’s be honest, what we were really here for was the food. After changing my mind too many times, and awkwardly turning the waitress away once again, I finally decided on the ‘House Burger’, and chucked in a mojito for good measure. Best-decision-ever. I normally find myself left slightly disappointed by restaurant’s cocktail offerings, but I was pleasantly surprised. It’s doubtful that I would have paid full price for it, but that’s coming from a student who finds it difficult to pay full price for anything these days. The burger didn’t disappoint either, it was incredible. Cooked to perfection and the ideal portion size to leave me suitably full, the taste and textures were a real celebration of flavour. The only letdown of the evening was my decision to skip dessert, completely my own fault. The green-eyed monster came out alongside the brownie a fellow diner had ordered, something I will definitely be returning for in the future. Overall, Apple Jacks is well worth a recommendation, and needless to say, I will be visiting again at some point in the near future. - Amandeep Turner

With a quirky vibe and busy menu, Apple Jacks certainly appears to have a lot to offer to its hungry revellers in need of a treat. I was intrigued to see whether the restaurant could meet my expectations and was delighted to have the opportunity to try it out with Quench. Initially, I liked the restaurant’s décor and light atmosphere. The unmissable table nestled between two halves of a VW camper-van was particularly charming and definitely a statement feature of the city centre eatery. I’m not ashamed to admit I even had my photo taken sat inside! First impressions were definitely good. Next for the ‘meaty’ bit – the dinner! Being a Quench Food Evening, I felt I had to push the boat out and indulge in a sirloin steak. There was a variety of sauces and sides to accompany the steaks, which I liked as it meant you could customise the flavours; I chose sweet potato fries cooked with chorizo. The steak itself was cooked how I had asked, medium rare, and the tomatoes were grilled nicely. However, the steak itself was very fatty, and the fries, although tasty with the saltiness of chorizo, were extremely greasy. To say I was disappointed is fair, yet I did still enjoy my meal. For the price I paid, I cannot complain; it was well worth the money. Would I, on the other hand, pay for the same meal without the Quench Food Evening discount (£17.95)? Unfortunately not. Despite not wanting to return to Apple Jacks for a steak, I would definitely go back to try out the burger! Two of my fellow diners had burgers, which were accompanied with copious amounts of tasty looking fries and toppings! The burgers were obviously handmade and were really delicious (I may have had a sneaky bite). Overall, my Apple Jacks experience was a mixed one. The staff were friendly and very attentive, the layout and décor was very comfortable and pleasing. For me, it was only the quality of the steak and the greasiness of the sweet potato fries that let it down. - Sophie Hickles

“The only letdown of the evening was my decision to skip dessert, completely my own fault. The green - eyed monster came out alongside the brownie a fellow dinner had ordered, something I will definitely be returning for in the future.”

MICRO BREWERIES Rebels and Dogs, Pipes and Brains…

This may sound like a disparate collection of potentially rather unpleasant experiences, but in fact, it’s a small insight into a burgeoning band of individuals with some refreshingly genuine interests at heart. Dafydd Haine explores the impressive, decisive rise of Cardiff ’s microbreweries and craft beer In the two years or so since I’ve been living here, Cardiff seems to have exponentially increased its appeal as a fresh destination for taste and flavour. Whether it be via the slick London-based expansions arriving almost monthly on the Hayes, the intriguing pop-ups that offer all manner of palate-provoking delights, or the wonderfully numerous independents embedded across the city, the Welsh capital awards residents and visitors alike with a truly fruitful selection to choose from. Commonly, a core feature of this superb range of eateries and drinking dens would appear to be the interest shown by many of the establishments to offer something new, high-grade, or original to its customers. Fortunately, for the beer fans among us, Cardiff ’s craft beer/microbrewery scene offers all three. Although many of the most popular craft hubs on Westgate St. – affectionately

dubbed the ‘Craft Beer Quarter’ by its aficionados – have only opened in the past few years or so, there stands one institution that has been around for a good while longer. The City Arms pub, that sits just behind the Westgate strip, is a longtime favourite of Cardiff ’s rugby fans, and has been around in one form or another since the 1880’s. Voted the capital’s ‘Pub of the Year’ by CAMRA (Campaign for Real Ale Association) in 2012, the City Arms retains not only an extensive collection of traditional real ales, but also offers a range of more contemporary craft beers, many from locals Brains’ nascent microbrewery - also established in 2012. If the City Arms is the ancient - and relatively wise - player on the independently-brewed scene, around the corner on Westgate St. sits what could be considered the adolescent of the group – Zero Degrees. A member of a small chain

of microbreweries established over a decade ago, the Cardiff branch is set out in a minimalistic, brightly-lit fashion, with the gleaming brewing tanks taking up a large proportion of the cavernous space. All beers served are produced on site, and range from European-style Pilsners to more adventurous brews such as their Black Ale or Mango Beer. Similarly, although they do have as much of a permanent commercial front as Zero Degrees, another of the youngsters in Cardiff ’s craft community can be found in the form of Pipes Brewery, located in Pontcanna. Set up in 2008, Pipes create a range of IPA’s, lagers, ales and pilsners from their base on Kings Rd., and are stocked not only across various venues throughout the city, but further afield as well. Beers can also be bought from their on-site shop every Saturday between 12.00 and 7.00pm. Evidently then, the process and distribution of independent-

FOOD & DRINK

primary distributors of the Tiny Rebel microbrewery based in Newport, whilst BrewDog Cardiff is one of a number of the Scottish microbrewery’s expanding chain of bars ranging from the UK, Sweden and Italy to Brazil and even Japan. Despite this growth, the company remain fiercely proud of their independent and humble origins, and aim to continue their ethos by trading with microbreweries across the world – when the writer visited recently, they had a large import of Colorado’s Oskar Blues on offer alongside a range of other beers, including their signature Punk IPA and Five AM and Dead Pony ales. Although not situated amongst the core collection of bars in the Craft Quarter, the fledgling – and brilliantly named – The Gravity Station on Barrack Lane (behind the St. David’s Centre) also takes a similar

approach and realisation to that of its Westgate St. counterparts. Linked with the Waen microbrewery in mid-Wales, it offers a selection of cask, keg and bottled beers, from their own range as well from across the globe, but with an emphasis on ‘local’ brewers – think Celt, Seren, and the aforementioned Pipes. Combined with an intimately communal drinking space – in the form of a singular, twisting table top – and the fact they close at 7pm, The Gravity Station offers a decidedly pleasant atmosphere in which to share a drink. Alongside its companions down in the Craft Quarter and beyond, it’s yet another welcome addition to the refreshing, unique community that valuably contributes to Cardiff ’s beer-drinking experience.

IMAGE CREDIT: SADIA PINEDA HAMEED

brewing is not wholly unknown to Cardiff, and there are likely many other small outlets, and even producers, that have been steadily sharing their creations over the years. However, since 2013, the presence of a few new, youthful additions has bolstered the community, as they introduced not only a number of exciting additions in terms of beer, but also a fresh and tenacious approach to the business of microbrewing. Shoring up the Westgate Quarter, Urban Tap House opened in September 2013, whilst Aberdeenbased innovators BrewDog arrived the following year. In a sense, both operate on a similar basis – they are essentially the front bar of their respective breweries, but also stock an impressively expansive range of national and international craft beers. Urban Tap House are the

... the Welsh capital awards residents and “ visitors alike with a truly fruitful selection to choose from ” ” 51

the rise of

FOOD BLOGGERS

Whether you are looking for some new inspiration to mix things up in the kitchen, or just enjoy looking through reams of drool-worthy food photos, exploring food blogs can be a great way to unleash your inner foodie. Ciara Rafter gives us the lowdown on the interest behind food blogging and some examples of blogs to check out for yourself. Food blogs are pretty self-explanatory and have seen a massive increase in recent years, with more and more people looking online to get their cooking inspiration. “But what is wrong with a good old recipe book?” I hear you ask. I, myself, have a whole shelf dedicated to recipe books. They taught me how to make numerous dishes when I was a fresher who lacked cooking skills. There are various student cookbooks on the market and they still prove a popular present for parents who need reassurance that their children will be able to fend for themselves. They are great starting points for anyone who hasn’t got much experience cooking but once you get a feel for cooking and actually start enjoying it, student cookbooks become too basic and quite unaﬀordable. Food blogs are a marvellous equivalent for foodies who get a thrill out of finding new ideas that will season their taste-buds and challenge their cooking skills. They are easily accessible, free of charge and provide adventurous, creative recipes that may not be found in cookbooks. Recipe books are often specific and tied down by themes whereas blogs are free to experiment in terms of culture, story and the variety of recipes. One of the greatest aspects of food blogs is that bloggers write with a personal style, often revealing the inspiration behind their recipes and anecdotes that add human interest. Through this, their

passion and love for cooking becomes established and it is easy to see how their blogs gain publicity (this is, of course, as well as the amazing, drool-worthy food they create). It is impossible to judge which food blog is the best, as it is all subjective. This is actually the advantage of them - there is one for everybody. Whether you are interested in food from around the world, baking or gluten-free, chances are, there is a blog out there for you. Personally, my go-to-blog is ohmyveggies.com; a vegetarian food blog with endless flavoursome dishes that well and truly takes away the stigma of being a veggie - showing that meat is not always necessary for having a delicious meal. Eatlikeagirl.com is a food blog with a twist - it combines a love of food with a love of travel. The blogger’s slogan is “always cooking, eating and on the move” and she oﬀers a wide range of recipes from diﬀerent countries, all with an interesting story to tell. Food blogs are the place to explore whether you are clueless as to what to cook, or are in need of some inspiration to cook up something you have never tried before. So put away the dusty cookbooks and let food blogs unleash your passion for cooking. - Ciara Rafter

FOOD & dRINK After procrastinating to the max and trawling through food blogs all in the name of ‘research’, here is one of our favourite recipes from eatlikeagirl.com which perfectly illustrates the freedom and creativity that can be had when it comes to food blogging.

piri piri chicken Bertus says that you should leave this overnight to let the flavours settle, but I would go even further and say that it tastes better after a couple of days. I used Spanish smoked paprika which is quite dominant so maybe that is why. The only change that I made is to add a bit of fresh lemon juice to give it a lift, you could just squeeze some on the chicken when it is finished (which I do also, play it by ear and season according to your preferences). Thank you Bertus, for sharing this terrific marinade recipe.

ingredients Marinade (this makes enough for about 4 – 6 chickens and will keep well in the fridge) 3 hot chillies 60g paprika 6og cayenne pepper 4 red peppers, seeds removed 2 tomatoes, skinned 1 onion 4 cloves garlic, peeled

200ml spirit or white vinegar 100g sugar (I used a light brown sugar) 20g sea salt the juice of one lemon (pref unwaxed as they are just better, and not coated with gunk) 1 chicken, spatchcocked (easy to do, or ask your butcher to do it) – the size depends on how many you will feed, mine was a small one the juice of half a lemon (as above)

method - At least a day before, make your marinade. Toast the paprika and cayenne in a dry pan over a medium heat for a couple of minutes, stirring or tossing gently, to ensure it doesn’t burn. In a blender, add to the remaining ingredients, and blitz until smooth. Leave for at least a night, covered in the fridge. - Remove your chicken from the fridge and stick a sharp knife in it in several places, so that the marinade will soak in. Rub a few tablespoons of the marinade into the chicken and massage it in. Leave for at least a couple of hours to marinade, covered in the fridge, preferably overnight. - Preheat your oven to 180 deg C. Take the chicken out of the oven a half an hour before roasting, to bring it to room temperature so that it roasts evenly. Place in the oven on a shallow tray and leave until your chicken is almost done* (my small chicken took just under an hour, so I checked it at 45 minutes), then add a little further marinade, brushing it on with your pastry brush, gently, so as not to disturb the piri piri crust that has developed. - Turn the heat up to 200 deg C and put it back in the oven for 10 minutes (this will crisp the skin and crust a bit). - Serve with a squeeze of lemon and with a bowl of 1 tbsp marinade whisked with 3 tbsp of extra virgin olive oil and a pastry brush, so that you can add more as required. Check out eatlikeagirl.com for more great stories and recipes.

FOODIE So you’ve decided to go out for a meal on a Saturday night but you’re stuck on where to go. Do you go back to that loyal chain restaurant, or try something a little different? Here to make the decision easier, we have pitted chain restaurants up against independent eateries to see what there is to be said about both choices.

Just so you know, this article is going against everything I normally stand for. One of my favourite pastimes is exploring the exciting variety of independent eateries hidden in different places, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t appreciate (and enjoy, I hasten to add) the existence of the evergrowing number of chain restaurants. Come on, we all have our favourites: Sloppy Giuseppe from Pizza Express, anyone? Also, the number of times ‘chicken katsu curry craving’ is uttered among the general population speaks for itself. One of the benefits of these chain restaurants are that you can always rely on the same meal and taste that you originally fell in love with (probably because the meals are pre-prepared and packaged but hey, a meal is a meal right?) You know that they have the dish you want and that it will taste how you expect – a constant and reliable option. Imagine, you’re in a foreign place where you’re feeling lost, hungry and confused in a world full of unfamiliar streets and stores.

Suddenly, in the distance, you catch a glimpse of one of those oh-so-familiar signs and all hope is restored. Prezzo? Café Rouge? Chimichanga? The list goes on…. And this brings me to my next point, the list really does goes on! There the range of cuisines catered for are endless: American, English, Spanish, Mexican, Italian – you name it. Whatever mood you’re in, there’s almost a guaranteed chance of your cravings being satisfied by the popular and well-known brands. A problem, however, that may be induced by providing the same menu with only seasonal additions, is ensuring a constant flow of people coming back for the same experience. This problem is commonly dealt with (luckily for us, the ever-hungry consumer) by regular deals, vouchers and promotions being available. Offers including 25% off food, two for one and set meals at a certain price allow smug groups to return and feel like they’re getting their money’s worth. You have to admit, we all enjoy the thrill of ‘beating the system’ and not

paying full price, especially as students. Another bonus for the chain restaurants are that they really are located in the most convenient places: shopping centres, cinemas and leisure complexes, places where it is almost certain that hunger will strike the masses. Their fun atmosphere and family-friendly vibe means that these places are perfectly suited for birthday parties, work do’s, stag nights and so on. The variety of dishes served on the menus means that even the fussiest of party-goers will be satisfied and the meals are all roughly the same price so nobody can really overshoot the budget. I’m not saying don’t explore new places and take a risk every now and again with an independently run eatery, but just appreciate the safety net that comes with chain restaurants. They are popular for a reason, and you know that you can rely on them.

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FOOD & DRINK

DEBATE “THERE ARE SO MANY HIDDEN GEMS THROUGHOUT THE STREETS OF CARDIFF WHICH NOT ONLY PROVIDE FANTASTIC FOOD, BUT A NEW DINING EXPERIENCE.” Just to clear things up, this isn’t going to be an anti-establishment, anti-conglomerate rant at the many restaurants that line the streets of every city in the UK as I am more than partial to the occasional trip to beloved Pizza Express. But, after straying away from the trustworthy chain restaurant, prying myself from those balls of doughy goodness and reaching out to some of Cardiff ’s independent eateries, I have been enlightened to an experience that has made me re-think my dining habits. With so many chain-restaurants offering uniform experiences that supposedly capture cultural essences in their food, we’re often led to believe that we’re going to be given an authentic taste of that culture. Whilst I can’t deny that some of them do this well, exploring local independent alternatives can open your eyes to a different sort of experience; an experience founded

in culinary passion and often family tradition. Svagos, located on Crwys Road is a great example of this. With paintings on the wall composed by friends of the owners, the restaurant serves a welcome reminder of the human pursuit behind the running of a restaurant. That is what is so enchanting about independent eateries, the fact that you’re often eating in the presence of the creator who has taken the risky decision to pour their passion into a project that stands alongside the formidable popularity of chain restaurants. To me, this sense of enterprise should be supported so long as the food is worthy. In my experiences of these independent venues, the food has been more than worthy of my time, money and well worth venturing out the realms of familiarity. There are so many hidden gems throughout the streets of Cardiff which not only provide fantastic food, but a

new dining experience. It’s so easy to head to the eating quarter in St David’s and indulge in the restaurants which continue to confirm your expectations, but why do it? Maybe because it’s reliable? That’s all very well, but there is so much more to discover in terms of both atmosphere and menu variety. For me, eating out is a treat, an exciting event where it is as much about the atmosphere as it is the food. Why continue to have predictable meals at predictable places when you can discover something new, something that regains and realigns your excitement with food? Frankly, food is exciting and I feel that independent eateries can harness this excitement in more unexpected and pleasantly surprising ways than chains.

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Illustration: Bryn Evans