The Downward Spiral

Local author, Stuart Steen McFaull, discusses his debut novel, Yesterday’s Dirt - an IOM-based story of grief, love and hope.

On the Isle of Man - an island of idyllic hills and tranquil waters, battles for the land and sea have long since been relegated to the past. Times change. But conflict and struggle still rage on, though far from the whirlwind of swinging axes and warships, these wars are mostly suppressed. They remain silent - condemned to the turmoil inside one’s own mind. It is within these confines that local author, Stuart Steen McFaull, is most interested.

In his powerful, emotionally raw, and darkly comic debut novel, Yesterday’s Dirt, McFaull - a copywriter at local media agency DotPerformance - brings us on a journey through the smothering realities of small island life, whilst living in the tumultuous wake of grief. From this point onward, there will be mentions of suicide.

A fictionalised version of McFaull’s own true-life experiences, Yesterday’s Dirt follows protagonist Dylan Blakeney in the months following the traumatic suicide of his mother, Jane . We join Dylan on a downward spiral of selfdestruction as his life falls apart.

As McFaull puts it, the novel speaks of ‘the intensity of love and grief’. But it is also about so much more. With mental health rightfully making its way to the forefront of our social consciousness, Yesterday’s Dirt is an important read.

‘Mum struggled with her mental health’, McFaull says. ‘I’m by no means an expert. But I have witnessed first-hand the devastating impact that failing mental health can have on a person. It can chew up a soul. My Mum was a warm, gentle and kind person. By the end, she was unfamiliar to any of us. She was gone, a shell of who she once was’

McFaull also thought it important to feature the IOM prominently. Rather than a place of serenity and respite, the writer uses the setting to create a deep sense of foreboding oppressiveness.

‘I wanted the island to be its own character - this curious place of atmospheric isolation and beauty’, he says. ‘Mum was a proper Manxie. It felt important, somehow’

Jane is a haunting presence throughout, appearing in the form of flashbacks, memories, and half-truths. While McFaull admits that the Dylan character has evolved into a more fictionalised, higher concept version

‘I wanted the island to be its own character - this curious place of atmospheric isolation and beauty’

of reality, Jane is anchored to reality. It took its toll on the writer.

‘At times, the impact it had on me was pretty big’, he admits. ‘There were certain chapters that were close to the bone. Despite not being a memoir, Yesterday’s Dirt is tangled up with truth. I was writing while I was grieving for the loss of my Mum and also, in a strange way, trying to bring her back to me. It was this odd mixture of despair and comfort. Hopefully, I’ve captured the spirit of her in the book’

There are many chapters that pack an emotional, guttural punch. Losing his own Mum to suicide, it is understandable why the lines between McFaull’s and Dylan’s grief became blurred. ‘Suicide turns you into a detective. There’s an obsessiveness to being the one left behind’, he explains.

‘A big aspect of Yesterday’s Dirt is cracking this big case, but the reality with Dylan - and myself - is you have to make peace with the fact you won’t find a satisfactory answer. The case will always remain unsolved. You need to learn to live with that. I’m still trying’

This element of detective work is a long reaching arm that stretches throughout the novel. It conveys the obsession felt by the character of Dylan, in his unwillingness to let his mother’s death be for something without meaning.

Though the subject matter may seem like an untraversable swamp too difficult to wade through, McFaull has woven elements of dark comedy throughout.

This elevates the story and prevents it from slipping into complete, unyielding tragedy. While the story’s themes are heavily laced with melancholy, he is quick to inject a darkly humorous anecdote, or a wild side-quest.

The humour is weaved naturally throughout, without ever tonally jarring. Supporting characters bring mischief and chaotic devilment to the unfolding story which is, at its core, as much about hope as it is about loss. The writer concurs.

‘All I wanted to do was to create something real. To make people laugh one minute, cry the next. Intense grief is an endurance test but one that we are all united in. To grieve is as inevitable as it is painful, but tomorrow can always be better.. It’s what keeps us marching on. Hope is what sustains us, I think’

The book is certainly an emotional read. However, with its striking moments of enlightenment, infusion of humour, and defiantly hopeful response to dealing with trauma, Yesterday’s Dirt really is a journey worth embarking on.

Words: Jorja Gaskell @journalsandjorja

Photography: Dave Bell @dkphotographyiom

Cover artwork:

@courtesy.work