Back to School Dr. Vicki Handfield

ARGH!!!!!

Oh no/Oh goody, it’s almost that time again. Grade school, middle school, high school— different generations. Kids generally hate the idea of going back to school, parents love it!

Parents—how do you take care of yourself? Parents need to include themselves in the care plan, otherwise, we get emptied out and have little left to give. Then all family relationships suffer. Parents, who take good care of themselves, are also major role models for their growing children.

Putting others first starts as a necessity. It begins with a newborn, and over time becomes a habit—then a compulsion. Give yourself credit first for the good work you have done, and commit to gradually shifting some time and energy to yourself. Let the others know you are doing this too.

Now for the children: at all ages they need things for school as well as emotional preparation and support. Make the shopping lists together to help each child learn more about preparing in general. Naturally, this won’t be totally realistic coming from the younger ones! Give them credit anyway. Give older children credit for knowing more since they are getting older.

Making the lists is a good opportunity to talk about expectations. It helps to have a general conversation first: what does the child expect the next grade to be like? What are they hoping for? What are they nervous about? Asking opens doors for communication in general. Often children like to go on and on, and parents then tire of listening. Totally understandable.

Take a break and try again. Use slightly different words the next time, so the child, especially the middle school age and teen children, don’t roll their eyes at you too much. If talking doesn’t ever happen, that needs some investigating—what is the problem?

At any age it helps to talk about expectations, wishes, and fears often, since these can change or are more than one thing. What are the images of the class, the teacher, the other children, the school itself? What kind of homework is expected? What are their likes and dislikes regarding subjects to be learned? What clothes would feel good?

For all ages, but especially the younger child, messages of love and support are the most important communication. Admitting it is scary to do something new is a major positive. Parents often try to talk children out of fears, trying to be supportive. But sometimes this doesn’t work—the child might think they can’t really say how they feel.

Facing middle school and high school is tough, especially with the changes of adolescence going on. Hormonal changes are happening earlier for many children, bringing very special challenges to them and to their parents. Working on good communication is essential at this point; pre-teens, tweens, and teens can be highly volatile and difficult for parents to handle with love. It’s useful to accept the mood swings and offer to talk later; checking in is a good thing even if you get rejected repeatedly. Yes, it’s hard to take—and the child has no idea how much you are really doing for them.

Dr. Vicki Handfield Clinical psychologist dvickihandfield.com

BEST WISHES FOR AN AWESOME SCHOOL YEAR FOR ALL OF YOU!!

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