Happiness in Marriage Pastor Jay McCollum

from May 2021 Gallup Journey Magazine

Small Business Development Center at UNM Cyndi Jarvison

Happiness in Marriage

Well, we did it again! A layer of drywall dust has settled on most every piece of furniture in every room in the house. The carpet is ripped up and rolled up where the dining room table was, exposing a bare subfloor. Wires dangle where light fixtures once burned brightly, and the downstairs shower is out of commission and upstairs hot water is out, and will be until the tile work is finished. The doorbell is broke and strange people are in our house each day.

You guessed it. We’re remodeling. Our house is getting an extensive face-lift. In fact, it’s more like radical surgery.

There are four things nobody can deny who has endured remodeling. 1. It takes longer than you planned

2. It costs more than you figured.

3. It is messier than you anticipated.

4. It requires greater determination than you expected.

A marriage is a lot like our house. When we first moved in, it sparkles. Fresh smells, fun surprises and new discoveries make each day, snap, crackle, and, pop. Sure, keeping a house up is work. The newness takes away the hassle. As time passes, however, things change. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the grit of responsibility mixed with the grind of routine starts to take its toll. Most of us have experienced it.

Bills come due. Weeds sprout. Doors squeak and sag. Windows stick. Paint peels. Roofs leak. Faucets drip. Drains clog. Floors lose their luster. The “Fun” erodes into relentless, demanding, irritating tasks. Then, we watch the old movie “The Way We Were.” At this point many have entertained the thought of selling out. Laws in our country have made it easier to bail out than to work through our marriage. On top of all of that so many “authorities” say “it’s easier to start a new fire which is so much more exciting than stoking an old one.” No wonder young adults don’t get married.

Deep down inside you, there’s something tugging at you, urging you to stay at it, to pay the price, to stir up what’s there rather than kick aside the charred remains of what was a glowing fire. Its time to get happy being married. Remember these words, I love you, …for better,

…for worse, …till death do us part. I am NOT a marriage counselor; I am a Baptist Preacher. Remember this, Death is better than Divorce! Why, you say? Because you never can bring a closure to divorce.

If you and I want happiness in marriage, we must do it God’s way. When we get married, like it, are not, we just started a home in God’s eyes.

Proverbs 24:3-4 states “By wisdom a house built. And by understanding it is established; and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.”

These two verses don’t even mention people. A home is built by wisdom… its structure is established by understanding…its rooms are enriched by knowledge. When you read this passage the word “built” comes from the Hebrew term meaning “to restore”. It is the idea of rebuilding something so that it flourishes. The home is the “marriage” and any home can be restored, rebuilt. It is never too late. But it is not automatic. Wisdom is needed.

Tangible “stuff” (possessions) will never bring happiness to a marriage. The things needed are positive attitudes, good relationships, pleasant memories, mutual respect, depth of character.

There must be a starting place. My life long friend and I were “Best Man” in each other’s weddings and have been talking to him about this subject as I write this article. There must be unconditional love! Knowing each other and everything about each other, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still choose to love each other.

To have a happy marriage there must be a commitment to two things; the person you marry and the institution of marriage. This will be a starting place to hold a marriage together. During the process of building a life together, two people, a husband and a wife, commit to each other in a bond to love, to honor, and to cherish each other till the end of life. When we become tried and weary of marriage, we must be committed to the person. When life happens and the person, we married just doesn’t seem to have that sparkle anymore. We must have a commitment to the institution of marriage. Remember marriage is God’s invention, He holds the patent.

In a marriage relationship where there is happiness for a lifetime, we all must hold to these three key principles. First one is marriage is permanent. God’s design is for a lifetime. Next, marriage is chaste. We become a one-woman man and a one-man woman. Finally, marriage is exclusive. All rights and privileges are reserved for one particular person, a husband or a wife.

As we all know any remodeling job at the end of it there must be the cleanup. The Biblical concept is forgiveness. We start forgiving each other and the person to change is you. Not your mate. Not your circumstance. With God’s wisdom, understanding and knowledge, you can experience a whole new frame of mind. You can actually be fulfilled in spite of less-than-ideal circumstances. To be “Happy in Marriage” the focus must be on what you must do!

Jay McCollum, Pastor First Baptist Church Gallup, New Mexico

Lights Camera Action!

Capturing those once in a life-time moments on your wedding day is a must. Make sure that those precious moments will never be forgotten.

Making memories you will be able to share forever.

Flowers

Picking out the flowers can be the best part of the wedding. It allows you to show off your personality. It lets you be creative with colors, texture and design. Choosing your bouquet is such a special moment because it is the bride’s bouquet that everyone sees first.