Lessons Learned Kathy Polich

Lessons Learned

By Kathy Polich

I was driving my favorite toy this morning. There is no air conditioning in my 1981 GMC truck, so the windows were down, and the warm morning air was blowing strands of hair that had escaped my ponytail into my eyes. I rolled into a stop sign, shifted and pushed the hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear. For a second, I had this brief nostalgic feeling, something like Deja Vu, I guess. I almost felt my boys in the back of the truck giggling and roughhousing as we unloaded hay at the barn. I could see them jumping out and engaging in a brief chase that ended in the older one on top of the little brother after a very unorthodox tackle. The giggles were turning into torturous screams, and back to giggling simultaneously. I could smell the pine trees and horse manure. Just as quickly as those thoughts came to me, they were gone, and the reality of having a Freshman in college and a Freshman in high school returned. I snapped back to the present, hit the gas, and listened to the glass packs purr as I drove off.

I recently helped the oldest move into his first apartment, eight hours away. That kid is sunshine and comedy in our house,

and I'm still trying to sift through what the day to day will look like without him. I thought about sitting down and writing him a mushy letter full of advice on A-Z's life topics. You know, something epic like Tim McGraw's song, Humble and Kind. I started reflecting on the lessons I tried to teach him and the things I wanted to put in print to emphasize their importance. I kept writing and deleting sentences. Then, it occurred to me: He taught me more than I ever taught him! I may have given him the instructions verbally, but I tell you what, that kid has shown me those lessons by example!

1. Be Polite! I’ve rarely heard that boy be mean just for the sake of being mean. Even when he was a little boy, he was polite. I can remember telling him to clean up his room when he was about five. Very sweetly and full of confidence, he replied, "No, thank you!" He takes off his hat indoors, especially at the table. He'll sprint full speed in a parking lot to get a door open for someone. He doesn't complain when it's time to write thank-you notes!

2. Be a good friend! I love that he doesn't turn green with envy all the time. He is happy for his friends even when they get things he may want. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes, but he does it well. I loved watching him play baseball. He always cheered for everyone, even when some of those brats didn't do the same! If one of his buddies gets in a bind, he'll drop what he's doing and run off to the rescue. He's the first one to help his 4-H friends with their animals at the fair! He's one of my best friends, that's for sure!

3. Enjoy each day! That kid is the first to rise and the last to go to bed! Waking up each morning in a good mood is a trait he blesses our house with. Like most parents, I spent many mornings prodding and yelling at him to hurry up and not be late to school. That never stopped him from taking time out to snuggle and pet his pups. While the rest of the house was running around getting stressed for the day, you could find him curled up on the floor, getting a dog kiss bath. He does things on his own time. I like that he doesn't let anyone pressure him.

4. Always make time for fishing! If you're trying to hunt down my boy, he's probably in one of two places the woods or a lake. He has a fishing addiction that I don't understand.

He adds lures and reels to his collection whenever possible. A few months ago, after graduation from high school, he confessed a secret. He said that the year before, during a few stressful times, he had ditched school and went fishing. I choked back a smile and asked him if he caught anything. No was the answer; I guess that might be what you call fishing karma. I called him the second day that he was at his new apartment. He didn't have class until that afternoon. I could hear the wind rustling through his phone. I asked him if he was outside. He responded, "Hold on, momma, I think I caught one!" He had managed to find a pond between his apartment and school!

I could list a million lessons I learned from my boy. I am going to try really hard to put those mentioned above into my everyday practice.

As a teacher and mom of a student in this district, I'm beyond frustrated. I want to respond with what my mom would call an attitude full of piss and vinegar. Instead, I'm going to choke that back and be polite. I'm usually pretty good about being a good friend, but I'm going to go out of my way to be nicer to some of the folks that didn't learn that polite lesson. I'm going to enjoy each day. Heck, I may even let a pup or two give me a wake-up kiss each morning. I'm probably not going to make time for fishing, but I am going to try and find something that would be my "fishing."

I can't wait to see what lessons my 14-year-old teaches me during the next few years. I can tell you one thing, the sequel to this will be about patience!!

SESSIONS BY INTERNET OR PHONE

Dr. Vicki Handfield

Clinical psychologist

Practicing for over 30 years. Treating anxiety, depression, and life issues.

In Gallup 609-841-9159 drvickihandfield.com