Funerals and the Day of the Dead Jay Mason

FUNERALS AND THE DAY OF THE DEAD

By Jay Mason Break, break, break, On thy cold gray stones, O Sea! And I would that my tongue could utter The thoughts that arise in me And the stately ships go on To their haven under the hill; But O for the touch of a vanish’d hand, and the sound of a voice that is still

~Alfred, Lord Tennyson

No one likes going to a funeral. I have noticed lately that some people are requesting to not have a funeral at all when they die. I worry that some day there will be no funerals at all. We will all be cremated and forgotten as quickly as possible. Why have funerals been around since the beginning of time?

The word itself was first used in English by Geoffrey Chaucer around 1386 in The Knight’s Tale. Two Thebean knights, Arcite and Palaamon, were captured by Theseus, King of Athens, and imprisoned for life. From their prison they both fell in love with the beautiful Emily, sister of the king, as she walked daily in the garden beneath the prison. By chance, Arcite was released through the intervention of a friend of the king and was sent home on the condition that he never return to Athens. His love for Emily was so great that he came back to Athens disguised as a laborer and eventually became the chief steward of the King. In the meantime, Palamon escaped from the prison and was hiding in the forest where Arcite is pining one day over his love for Emily. They meet and agree that they should fight to the death to decide who should be the suitor of Emily, and soon thereafter meet, don armor and begin the fight for Emily. The King is hunting in the same forest and comes upon the two knights who have almost beaten each other to death. They confess to the King of their past misdeeds and unrequited love for Emily. The King is about to have them slain, but his wife, and sister Emily, prevail upon the King to spare them. He proclaims that a great contest will be held and that the winner of the jousting shall be the husband of Emily. Palamon defeats Arcite, but the wise king takes the wounded Arcite back to the palace to try to heal him. Arcite dies, and he is given a royal funeral. Palamon, Emily, the King and Queen all participate and celebrate the valiant knight and his love for truth and beauty. There is true grief by all who participate. It takes several months to recover from the grand event, but eventually Palamon and Emily are wed.

November is the month to remember those who have gone before us. It begins with All Saints

Day when we pray that all our loved one are in Heaven and is immediately followed by All Souls Day when we pray for deceased family and friends. These holy days were started by Pope Boniface IV, when he consecrated the Pantheon (a former Roman temple) in Rome to all Christian martyrs in 609 A.D., and have been celebrated by Catholics since that time. Recently, there has been a growing recognition in America of the Day of the Dead from the Hispanic culture which lasts three days from October 31st to November 2nd. Many cultures around the world cherish their ancestors and pray to them.

The Romans built family mausoleums and would regularly have family gatherings surrounded by their deceased loved ones. It sounds strange today, but it was common in ancient Greece and Rome. When they excavated under St. Peter’s in Rome (looking for the bones of St. Peter which they eventually found), the first thing they discovered was a Roman cemetery. When I took the tour of the excavations, I walked in a Roman family’s mausoleum where many family members were buried

over 2,000 years ago. It was fascinating to see how important family was to this civilization which has impacted our lives in the West. It was no less important to Eastern cultures.

The Day of the Dead (actually days) fascinates many people. For many secular people it is a time to dress up like a skeleton, put on a mask, and party. But in Mexico, it is more serious than just an excuse for a party. Special foods are prepared; graves are spruced up for the celebration, and families come together. The first day is dedicated to the “angelitos,” the children who have died. Children make altars and ask the little ones to come to visit. The next day, All Saint’s Day, is for the adults who have died. Finally, on the third day the families go the graves, place little altars on them, and pray to their loved ones. The Mexican government made it a national holiday. Once again it is an important time for “la familia” to get together and remember those who have gone before them.

Even Hollywood has gotten into the act, and Pixar made a cartoon (Coco) about the Day of the Dead which won several Academy awards. I don’t watch many cartoons; I was cured by watching the same cartoons over and over again raising five children. But I watched Coco. I won’t ruin the story for those who have not seen it, but the story happens during a Day of the Dead celebration. It revolves around a boy Miguel who loves music and returns to the Land of the Dead to find his real great-great grandfather. Coco is his grandmother, and in the only family photograph of Coco and her parents, the face of Coco’s father is torn, and the family believes that their great-great grandfather left the family to become a famous musician. As a result, music is forbidden in the household by Miguel’s mother and grandmother, Coco. Miguel makes a surprising discovery in the Land of the Dead and returns to this world to share it with his grandmother and family which changes their minds about music and their great-great grandfather. Even the song, which was a lullaby sung to Coco each night by her father won awards: Remember me Though I have to say goodbye Remember me Don’t let it make you cry For even if I’m far away I hold you in my heart I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart

Why are funerals or burials so important? The loved one has died, but as Christians we believe that his or her soul does not die but lives forever. We come together to not only celebrate their life but their life after death. The funeral mass is replete with Scripture that reminds us that the trials and tribulations of this life will be absent when we live in an eternal world with God. So please give us a chance to celebrate your life here and more importantly your eternal life to come. Have a funeral.

And while I am encouraging you, please don’t have your ashes scattered all over the place. Please give us a place to go to pray for you and spend some time remembering your gifts to us. Everyone makes his or her own choice; I am just saying think about it. The people left behind need to remember you. Whenever I go to my hometown to see old friends, I go to the cemetery as well. My mom and dad and grandparents and aunts and uncles are all there. I spend some time praying to and for them. You might say why bother? Maybe we all go to heaven (or hell), but I am not sure since I have not been there. I have learned that men and women do not always get to finish what they have started here or forgive all those that they have hurt in this life. Thus, I am betting some of my relatives might need my prayers, and I know that if some of them have made it to heaven, I certainly need their prayers for me back here on Earth.

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