This hadn’t been the first time I had been questioned about my age, abilities, or even citizenship..

“This hadn’t been the first time I had been questioned about my age, abilities, or even citizenship...”

“Growing up of Asian descent in a relatively conservative city in Canada, I was used to being looked at differently.

Throughout high school I was constantly peppered with the questions of ‘where are you really from’ and ‘wow I can’t even hear your accent’ despite being third generation Canadian. People didn’t associate how I looked with a family [that had been] in Canada for more than 100 years. People would also dismiss my opinion because of my Asian heritage; I can’t count how many times I was told, ‘it’s because you’re Asian’ or ‘that’s so Asian of you.’ It was frustrating because I was consistently not heard, because of the way I looked. This all starts to make you question your own abilities. Maybe you really just express lackluster opinions or have a general lack of knowledge.

I thought education would be the answer; ‘if I could just get a degree or two from a prestigious university, maybe people would start to listen to me.’ So like many of you reading this, I went to the University of Waterloo, and attended the architecture program. Once I was done both my degrees, I returned home (broke) looking for a job. Thankfully, I was offered a job by a contact that I had known in my community, and I was quickly swept up and started design work for a small residential firm. I did a lot of good work at this company, in fact a couple of the projects have won Canadians awards in design and the clients felt similarly about their homes. Finally, I felt like my voice was being heard and my work was being seen for its quality, not the person behind it.

However, for one client in particular, this was not the case. We started a new project with a husband and wife looking to tear down their home and build a new one. On our kick-off meeting we met with the wife while the husband was away at work. The design partner and myself started to explain the process to the client. Once the contractual portion was explained I stepped in and began on the design component, but a few sentences in the wife stopped me and said ‘I’m sorry, but why are you here?’

I was a little shocked at the forwardness of the question and the confused look on my new client’s face - we had just met. ‘I work with the partner and we’ll be designing your project’ I replied, but just as quickly she retorted ‘Oh so you’re the intern then?’ still confused about who I was. ‘Actually, I’m the project manager and I oversee all the design projects, including this one in the office.’ She was stunned and clearly taken aback by my response. ‘Well, how much experience do you have, and did you study architecture?’ she once again asked, this time a little bit agitated about why I was defending myself.

I started getting confused as to why I was being grilled about all of this, but remaining professional I said, ‘Well I have about 5 years of experience at different firms and I have an undergrad and masters from Waterloo.’ This was not the end of it though - she quickly replied ‘Well, how much of that was internships then, and where did you work? And so, you only have one degree?’ She paused and then asked 2 more questions: ‘How old are you anyways? And you weren’t born here then, were you?’ This was a lot to take in at one meeting, but I explained to her that I had worked all over the world, that 2.5 years of experience were internships, but another 2.5 years were spent between my degrees working

as an associate at another design studio. I also explained that I was 30 years old and that I and my parents had all been born in Canada.

She was again very surprised, but said I looked very young and it must have been because I was Asian. So, after 15 minutes of being grilled we were finally able to resume talking about design. This hadn’t been the first time I had been questioned about my age, abilities, or even citizenship, but it had been the first time in a professional setting. I was a little heartbroken, considering the partner who I was sitting beside was not exposed to the same line of questioning, nor did he jump to my aid during this... ‘conversation.’ I thought, ‘we worked through it, and I’ll get to do a pretty cool project’, so we finished the meeting, I went back to the office, and I started the residence.

After designing an awesome home and having two great reviews with the wife, we were finally ready to finalize the design, and the husband was attending the last meeting with us. I had done the vast majority of design work, so I did the entire presentation; starting with the inspiration of the project, and then going room-by-room with the intentions for each. At the end of the meeting the two of them were thrilled and the husband couldn’t believe ‘just how talented I was.’ I was glowing.

So after the meeting I had another site visit, and then went back to the office late in the afternoon. I had one email from the husband and wife. They had loved the design, but had a couple questions for me - ‘What was my experience as a designer, how much responsibility did I have, and what was my education?’ This time it was the husband asking. I quickly wrote out a response explaining my background at the company and my various experiences and education, not thinking it would be a problem. They quickly emailed back, and they responded by asking if it would be okay to look at my LinkedIn profile as well, which I was okay with.

A day later myself, both partners, and the accountant got an email stating that the couple felt it had been irresponsible to have let me design their home given my lack of experience, lack of expertise and junior position. They couldn’t understand why such a junior designer would be given so much responsibility. Hence, the clients decided to immediately terminate their contract and ask for the deposit back. There was a bit of a panic and many phone calls but their minds were made up - they did not want me working on the project, and hence did not want the firm either. This was hugely upsetting. I felt like it had been my fault and I had done something wrong, even though I couldn’t put my finger on it. I was comforted by the rest of the firm and told I could have the day off.

The next day however, the design partner came and spoke with me stating that one of the reasons we had lost the contract was my ‘lack of gravitas.’ Again, I was confused, and I asked for clarity around that. I even counter-argued that the clients had both loved the design until they realized I had done it. My boss couldn’t define it other than I needed to have more presence in the room. I felt I had spoken confidently, prepared for the presentation, and had been clear in my communication during the presentation and couldn’t under-

stand how to achieve more gravitas. I finally caved after the ensuing debate and said I would try to develop more of this quality, despite not really understanding what he meant. Did I mention that the clients, my boss, and the rest of the firm were all white?

Though not explicitly said, my Asian heritage did not inspire the confidence needed for a professional to succeed in this situation. The clients couldn’t understand how I possibly had achieved the education, experience, or even age to be competent enough for the project’s success, and my boss could only attribute it to my personal presentation. Though I had gotten two degrees from a prestigious university, I still felt like I was [again] being judged for the way I looked rather than for the skills that I possessed.

I eventually left the company. [Despite] winning them multiple awards and having clients very happy with my work and project management, I was constantly reminded of my failures on that project and my lack of gravitas.

Workplaces are hard. [You] never know who your clients are or [what] their personal perspectives [may be], and you may [subsequently] find yourself defending your ethnicity. Even this is challenging, but to then have to defend yourself inside of your workplace feels like a tidal wave going over your head. It’s important as professionals [that] we stand up for each other, and for the abilities and competencies of our colleagues, rather than judging them based on their outer appearances. I’ve learned it’s also important to surround yourself with people who see your value; as a designer I know I’ve done lots of good work, and created really beautiful spaces for people who appreciate them.

Though the promise of a good project may be enticing, it’s never worth degrading yourself or your talents simply for a paycheck or perceived opportunity.”