02/03/23, Vol. 13 Issue 22

Emily Carrico and Denys Nedak. Photo by Rachel Neville.

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THE POWER OF THE EROTIC

Katie Burkholder

Valentine’s Day is one of the most misunderstood and underappreciated holidays. It’s one of my favorites, despite often being reduced to consumerist anti-single propaganda. While I relish Valentine’s Day for the opportunity to celebrate love and romance, I more love Valentine’s Day as a celebration of eroticism.

When I say eroticism, sexual connotations may come to mind. But eroticism extends far beyond sex — as lesbian feminist poet Audre Lorde argues in her 1978 essay (one of the most important of the 20th century), “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power.”

While associated with all things sex, true eroticism is rooted in pleasure: it’s the deep well of enjoyment and divine satisfaction that exists within each of us (as Lorde argues, particularly women — or rather, this erotic pleasure is rooted in that which is labeled feminine) that is accessed through feeling. While sex can inspire the erotic, sex in and of itself is not necessarily erotic; it’s the openness and release of orgasm, the sensation of physical connection, the feeling of skin against skin. As Lorde puts it, “… the erotic is not a question only of what we do; it is a question of how acutely and fully we can feel in the doing.” Sex that is nonerotic, that denies and disempowers feeling and divine pleasure, is the pornographic. It is the pornographization of sex (extending beyond the literal porn industry to the ethos of hookup culture, rape culture, and the feminization — and therefore subjugation — of emotion) that is weaponized against women.

Anything that can be done with present, uninhibited, somatic, and divine joy is erotic: eating a delicious meal, feeling the sun on your face, writing poetry, dancing. The erotic is everywhere, in everything that makes us

feel not only good (as merely hedonistic pleasures do) but fulfilled, embodied, and at peace. Regardless of if and how we have sex, the erotic is available to us all, a divine power resting within that, when set free, connects us to our truest selves.

“Another important way in which the erotic connection functions is the open and fearless underlining of my capacity for joy,” Lorde writes. “In the way my body stretches to music and opens into response, hearkening to its deepest rhythms, so every level upon which I sense also opens to the erotically satisfying experience, whether it is dancing, building a bookcase, writing a poem, examining an idea. That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all of my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage, nor god, nor an afterlife. This is one reason why the erotic is so feared, and so often relegated to the bedroom alone, when it is recognized at all.”

This erotic pleasure, though undefined and undervalued by most, is not only our

birthright, but our natural inclination. The way we choose to celebrate love during Valentine’s Day inclines toward a celebration of pleasure: the richness of chocolate and wine, the delicate beauty of lingerie and flowers, the intimacy of a bubble bath and candlelit dinner. Whether we consciously know it or not, erotic satisfaction is something we all pursue and are capable of experiencing. However, when we do consciously acknowledge and pursue it — and don’t diminish it, as we (especially women) are taught to — it can be a source of empowerment.

“We have been raised to fear the yes within ourselves, our deepest cravings,” Lorde says. “… As we begin to recognize our deepest feelings, we begin to give up, of necessity, being satisfied with suffering and self-negation, and with the numbness which so often seems like their only alternative in our society.”

Whether you’re single or just cynical, you love love or think it’s overrated, or you’re aromantic or asexual and don’t think V-Day is for you, the power of eroticism is for all of us. When we build a life around genuine, life-affirming pleasure, we build a life that is loving, joyful, present, emotive, and above all else, empowering. That is what each of us deserves.

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / KHRYSTYNA SHYNKARUK

Staff reports

Read these stories and more online at thegavoice.com

LGBTQ Groups Commemorate 50th Anniversary of Roe v. Wade

The U.S. Supreme Court on January 22, 1973, issued its Roe v. Wade ruling that ensured the constitutional right to an abortion for all American citizens. The Supreme Court last June overruled this landmark decision.

Fifty years later, LGBTQ activists are among those who have commemorated Roe, despite the fact the Supreme Court has overturned it. The decision, which has since caused tension between liberal and conservative groups, prompted federal and state lawmakers to act upon the sudden revocation of what many consider to be a fundamental right.

Roe’s legal premise relied heavily upon the right to privacy that the 14th Amendment provided; however, legal experts argued that it was a vague interpretation of the amendment.

Vice President Kamala Harris delivered remarks on Roe’s anniversary in Tallahassee, Florida, saying how most “Americans relied on the rights that Roe protected.”

“The consequences of the Supreme Court’s ruling are not only limited to those who need reproductive care,” Harris said. “Other basic healthcare is at risk.”

The overruling of Roe put into question the security of other long-held precedents, such as Obergefell v. Hodges, the 2015 case that legalized same-sex marriages, and Loving v. Virginia, the 1967 decision that legalized interracial marriages, because they rely on the same right to privacy that upheld Roe.

In that same speech, Harris announced President Joe Biden would issue a presidential memorandum to direct all government departments to ensure access to abortion pills at pharmacies.

“Members of our Cabinet and our administration are now directed, as of the president’s order, to identify barriers to access to prescription medication and to recommend actions to make sure that doctors can legally prescribe, that pharmacies can

dispense, and that women can secure safe and effective medication,” Harris affirmed.

LGBTQ organizations and other human rights groups continue to work to protect reproductive rights.

Human Rights Campaign President Kelley Robinson said she found it intolerable that “an extremist set of judges” had taken away an important right not only for women, but also nonbinary people, trans men, and the entire LGBTQ+ community.

“Because we know that reproductive rights are LGBTQ+ rights, and that so many in our community rely on access to abortion care and other reproductive health services,” said Robinson in regards to Roe’s 50th anniversary. “The ripple effects of this decision will impact the most marginalized among us the most, and we cannot stand for that.”

“Overturning Roe v. Wade was the first time in history that the Supreme Court has taken away rights, and we know that they will not stop there,” added Robinson. “This is a dangerous turning point for our country, and we have to affirmatively defend against this assault.”

Robinson said HRC is working with coalition partners to fight the roll-back of abortion rights at the state and federal level.

GOP Continues Pushing

Anti-LGBTQ Legislation in 2023

Last year, more than 400 anti-LGBTQ bills by Republican-controlled state legislatures, setting a record for anti-LGBTQ legislation. Just weeks into 2023, more than 100 anti-LGBTQ bills have already been filed in 22 states.

The Equality Federation, a coalition of state LGBTQ organizations that works collaboratively on critical non-partisan issues has cataloged the bills. Equality Federation data shows that state legislators pre-filed bills where possible in eight states. The states with the most bills are Texas (36), Missouri (26), North Dakota (8), and Oklahoma (6).

The bills mirror those in 2022, including restrictions on gender-affirming care for trans youth and on participation by trans youth in school sports. There are also more “Don’t Say Gay” style bills curtailing access to LGBTQ books and history in schools — a pledge newly elected House Speaker Kevin McCarthy alluded to in his acceptance speech when he said, “We’re gonna pass bills to fix the nation’s challenges” like “woke indoctrination in our schools.”

New areas outlined by some states include bills that would restrict access to genderaffirming health care for trans adults and bills that would restrict or ban drag shows, particularly Drag Story Time programs that some legislators claim are pornographic and the same as taking children to strip clubs.

More than two dozen bills focused on restricting health care access for trans people have been filed for the 2023 legislative sessions in 14 states: Alaska, Arizona, Florida, Kansas, Kentucky, Missouri, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah and Virginia.

For more info on individual bills, visit the Equality Federation state legislation tracker at https://www.equalityfederation. org/state-legislation/.

The U.S. Supreme Court on June 24, 2022, overturned the landmark Roe v. Wade decision that had been issued on Jan. 22, 1973. LGBTQ advocacy groups this week commemorated the 50th anniversary of the landmark decision. (WASHINGTON BLADE PHOTO BY MICHAEL KEY)

HIGH MUSEUM OF ART ATLANTA | FEBRUARY 24—MAY 21 | HIGH.ORG

This exhibition is co-organized by the High Museum of Art, Atlanta, and the Brandywine River Museum of Art.

LEAD SPONSORSHIP IS PROVIDED BY

MAJOR SUPPORT FOR THE EXHIBITION CATALOGUE IS PROVIDED BY THE Andrew Wyeth Foundation for American Art

PREMIER EXHIBITION SERIES SPONSOR

PREMIER EXHIBITION SERIES SUPPORTERS

ACT Foundation, Inc.

Cousins Foundation

Burton M. Gold

Louise Sams and Jerome Grilhot

Sarah and Jim Kennedy

BENEFACTOR EXHIBITION SERIES SUPPORTERS

Robin and Hilton Howell

Joseph Stella (American, born Italy, 1877–1946), Flowers, Italy (detail), 1931, oil on canvas, Phoenix Art Museum, gift of Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Marshall, 1964.20.

HEALTHCARE CHALLENGES FOR MEN IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY GO BEYOND HIV/AIDS

Victoria A. Brownworth, Philadelphia Gay News courtesy of the National LGBTQ Media Association

Read the full article online at thegavoice.com.

The AIDS crisis in the U.S. redefined healthcare for gay, bisexual and men who have sex with men as trauma-based emergency care. Prior to the current range of PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) drugs, an HIV diagnosis, with full-blown AIDS the next phase, was often a death sentence. But in this era of PrEP, are gay, bi, and trans men, and men who have sex with men (MSM), getting appropriate healthcare for their non-HIV needs?

The recent monkeypox outbreak suggests that healthcare for GBT men and MSM is still limited to crisis management and that stigmas attach to this group of men that do not attach to cis-het men. Everyone failed men with monkeypox — including the federal government, which was revealed to have no control over its own vaccine stockpile, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), which was slow to respond to the needs of the GBT community during the height of the outbreak last year.

GBT men and MSM are at constant risk of a plethora of avoidable and controllable health issues, including heart disease, diabetes, and cancer.

Studies are disturbingly clear: despite a myriad of advances in medical science and available treatment protocols, men live sicker lives and die younger than women, on average by over five years. More babies assigned male at birth are born every year, yet by as early as age 35, women outnumber men demographically. This gap only widens with age: 57 percent of all those ages 65 and older are female; 65 percent of people over age 80 are women.

Women are twice as likely to get preventative health care. Basic preventative health care is blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar checks, sigmoidoscopy and colonoscopy, flu shots, and annual or semi-annual dental checkup. Men are more likely to have high blood pressure and diabetes, both of which can lead to serious health concerns and in some cases death.

Men not getting necessary preventive care leads to missed opportunities for early detection and treatment for a range of conditions, including the top two causes of death for men: cardiovascular disease and cancer.

Social and cultural differences also play a

part. Men are more likely to have high-risk jobs, die of heart disease more often and at a younger age (men are 50 percent more likely than women to die of heart disease), commit suicide more often than women, and be less socially connected; all are contributing factors to illness and death that are largely avoidable. Since men tend to avoid medical care far more often than women, getting men to report symptoms (including depression) and go for regular follow-up for chronic medical problems (high blood pressure) could increase quality of life and life expectancy.

The CDC leads with STIs as their main concern for “gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men.” CDC says, “For all men,

heart disease and cancer are the leading causes of death. However, compared to other men, gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are additionally affected by: Higher rates of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs); tobacco and drug use; depression.”

The CDC states risk factors that can negatively impact men’s health, including “Homophobia; stigma (negative and usually unfair beliefs); discrimination (unfairly treating a person or group of people differently); lack of access to culturally- and orientation-appropriate medical and support services; heightened concerns about confidentiality; fear of losing your job; fear of talking about your sexual practices or orientation.”

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / GORODENKOFF

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One of the Largest Adult Entertainment Companies in the U.S. Is Prioritizing Inclusion

Sukainah Abid-Kons

“The goal is to constantly grow and evolve and be more inclusive,” said Armand Peri, CEO of Hunk-O-Mania, one of the largest adult entertainment companies in the United States.

While many might picture homogenous crowds at adult entertainment shows — men watching women perform and vice-versa — Peri and his business partner Jeffrey Wachman are committed to creating experiences at Hunk-O-Mania shows that make everyone feel welcome and comfortable.

Founded in 1998 by Peri, Hunk-O-Mania started with just three performers and two backup dancers. Now, almost 25 years later, the company operates more than 40 locations across the United States and Canada. Peri came from humble beginnings and actually worked as a club bouncer and performer while he pursued his bodybuilding career.

Peri said that when he founded Hunk-OMania, the crowds were almost exclusively women. But as public opinion on the LGBTQ community in the United States started to change and become more

accepting, Peri said he began to see more men attending the shows. After noticing this, Peri and his business partners started thinking of ways to make their shows more welcoming and inclusive to people of all genders.

“Everyone should have the same opportunities to be happy and enjoy a good, entertaining show,” he said.

Wachman agreed.

“I’m gay myself, and I get this question all the time if [the show] is gay-friendly, and my response is always, ‘Well it better be!’” he said.

Wachman added that the company has always had an open-door policy and they want to create a positive and memorable experience for everyone who attends their shows.

“We absolutely love being able to be a part of everyone, and I mean that wholeheartedly, everyone’s special event,” he said.

Wachman, who has been with the company for 13 years (five as an owner), agreed that the diversifying of their crowds isn’t a result of Hunk-O-Mania changing its policy, which he

said has always been welcoming of everyone, but more based in the more widespread acceptance of the LGBTQ community that has happened in America in recent decades.

One thing that shows this change is how the audience has reacted to men being in the “hot seat,” the seat on stage where a selected audience member will sit for a portion of the show. Wachman said that 13 years ago, guys didn’t typically end up in the hot seat and it tended to create an uncomfortable atmosphere when they did. Nowadays, he the crowd is equally comfortable with both men and women being in the hot seat.

While a big contributing factor to Hunk-OMania’s crowds becoming more diverse is the societal changes we’ve witnessed, Peri noted that the company has made conscientious decisions to create show experiences that cater to different audience members.

One example of this is Hunk-O-Mania’s drag show, “Diva Royale,” which is explicitly marketed to both bachelorette and gay bachelor parties. Wachman said that the show draws in every type of audience member, from gay bachelor parties to mothers and

daughters on a girls’ day out.

“When we created the drag show, we created it for everyone,” Wachman said.

Peri and Wachman said they are both proud to create an inclusive experience. On top of that, their business has benefited from expanding marketing and the target audience. Like other nightclubs, shows, and socially based businesses, Hunk-O-Mania definitely felt the impact of lockdowns during the COVID-19 pandemic. They were, however, able not only to return to pre-pandemic business levels, but have been able to grow. Peri credits that to their larger audience base, which has helped generate demands for their services.

They also said they’re not done evolving and are always working to keep up with the times and keep their shows enjoyable for all audience members.

“We’re just going to continue to evolve as times are evolving, and become more mainstream,” said Peri.

Learn more at hunkomania.com.

Armand Peri (inset), CEO of Hunk-O-Mania, and his business partner Jeffrey Wachman (main photo) are committed to creating experiences at the shows that make everyone feel welcome and comfortable. COURTESY PHOTOS

DATING WHILE QUEER IN THE MODERN AGE: ON ETHICAL NONMONOGAMY AND POLYAMORY

Divine Ikpe

Names have been changed for anonymity.

Dating is difficult. Humans are complex creatures with varying wants and needs, expectations and values. But the great thing about being queer is that you get to define what your relationships look like. When you erase all the preconceived, heteronormative notions of what a relationship should be, you’re left with a blank page that you can fill with whatever you’d like. It’s a daunting task, but an exciting one as well. When you begin the process of fully embracing your queerness, you may start to consider things in romantic relationships that you may not have considered earlier, perhaps even nonmonogamy.

Ethical nonmonogamy (ENM) has been gaining a lot of popularity among Generation Z in recent years. Anyone who has used a dating app recently has probably seen “ENM and partnered” on many people’s profiles. With the online stigma against polyamory, this seems like a surprising development, but from my discussions with my queer peers, I’ve found that although monogamy is still overwhelmingly the norm, it has gone out of favor with many. People are tired of the possessiveness, insecurity and uncertainty that can come along with heteronormative monogamous relationships.

I spoke to two different polyamorous queer people: Opal, who is just starting to consider polyamory as a viable option for herself, and Fay, who is in a long-term polyamorous throuple.

Opal, who is in her 20s, is still figuring out her bisexuality and battling compulsive heterosexuality along the way. She frequently kissed girls when she was in elementary school and didn’t think anything of it until she overheard a classmate talk negatively

about one of the girls she had kissed. They had called the girl a lesbian in a clearly derogatory way. Opal didn’t really know what it meant at the time; all she knew was that it was frowned upon, so she buried her bisexuality until adulthood. Throughout her self-exploration journey, she has questioned not only her sexuality, but also her gender and views on monogamy as well.

After meeting a few people in polyamorous and ENM relationships, Opal began to gain an interest in and understanding of polyamory. She realized that she now had a label for how she will experience love in both platonic and romantic relationships all her life.

To be polyamorous, you can actively have multiple partners, but you don’t have to. You can be poly without having any partners if you feel the capacity to genuinely love and connect with multiple people in your life in a nonmonogamous capacity.

Currently, Opal is in the “feeling poly” category without any partners, exploring the countless possibilities Atlanta has to offer. She said that there’s value in all her interactions with people. She views many of her close friendships as romantic ones; this phenomenon of romantic friendships has been described as “queer platonic relationships” by people on Twitter. This term doesn’t seem to be getting as much traction as ENM, but it’s a concept that Opal and other peers have been looking into.

On the other side of the spectrum, Fay has been happily married for the past two years. Fay grew up in a church with a pastor as a parent, and despite those odds against them, they realized their queerness early on. They tried to come out as bisexual when they were younger, but their family didn’t want to acknowledge it at the time. By the time they went to college, they were fully out to everyone around them. Fay and their wife, Willow, have known each other since childhood and have been together

for the past six years. Their third partner, Phoebe, “officially” entered their relationship around three years ago. It may seem like an unusual situation to outsiders looking in, but for them, it makes perfect sense.

Trust and communication are important to any relationship, especially in any nonmonogamous context. Lack of proper communication in a poly relationship can lead to cheating — yes, despite popular belief, it is possible to cheat in a poly relationship, according to Fay. Transparency is the main mode of trust in a healthy polycule. In Fay’s experience with having two partners, there’s triple the communication: between Fay and Willow, Fay and Phoebe, and Willow and Phoebe. So, creating a safe space where you’re able to comfortably check in on each other is important. Fay says that even if your partner seems to be doing okay, it’s still good to make sure you’re on top of things because people have trouble no matter how comfortable they are in a relationship.

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / PANYA_ANAKOTMANKONG

AROMANTIC IN THE SEASON OF LOVE

Shortly after moving to Georgia, Dawsonville resident Cipher Willett started a group on meetup.com for local asexual and aromantic people to help foster a sense of community and build a local support system.

“I moved here for my first job in my career,” Willett told Georgia Voice. “I had just realized within the last year I was asexual. I was trying to build a community and a support system, and I didn’t know a lot of people that identified as asexual or aromantic. This is a group where we can have discussions about our identities. There are aspects of being aromantic and asexual that are unique to us.”

While some people, Willett included, are both asexual and aromantic, the two terms refer to different identities.

According to the It Gets Better Project, an asexual person is “someone who either: experiences little or no sexual attraction, experiences attraction but doesn’t feel the need to act out that attraction sexually, or experiences sexual attraction differently depending on other variables.”

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are two different things. Aromantic people are those who typically experience little to no romantic attraction.

Asexuality exists on a spectrum, and aromanticism exists on a different spectrum. As with other queer identities, a beautifully diverse set of experiences and identities exists on each of these spectrums.

On the asexual spectrum, a demisexual person is someone who only experiences sexual attraction after forming a close bond with someone. On the aromantic spectrum, a demiromantic person is someone who only experiences romantic attraction after forming a close bond with someone.

Most members of the meetup.com group are on the spectrum of asexuality, with about a quarter of the group identifying as aromantic.

Blake Wilson found the group after growing frustrated with a lack of understanding from straight friends.

Wilson, a Marietta resident, identifies as demisexual and aromantic, having realized they were on the asexual spectrum in their teen years. After years of learning about queer identities, Wilson realized they are also aromantic and poly.

“When people talk about dating, I never understood what that meant,” Wilson said. “I don’t get it. Someone asked me out once, and we went on a date. I realized that I didn’t click with their idea of romance and that I didn’t like that at all moving forward. I don’t like the level of intensity and weird possessiveness. I don’t understand exclusivity of emotions. To me [being] poly doesn’t apply to sexual or romantic relationships, [but rather] the desire to have or engage in multiple explicitly defined relationships as you want to define them.”

Willett started the group in late 2019, with a few meetings taking place before the pandemic put a stop to social gatherings. For several months, all communication among

the group was virtual, but coffee shop meetups and hiking trips came back into the picture once public spaces were reopened and vaccinations were available.

The group mostly consists of people living in Atlanta and the metro area, with other members spread across north Georgia. Multiple friendships have blossomed in the group, with some group members even becoming roommates.

“It’s really nice to have this group of people,” Willett said. “There are societal expectations to have a romantic partner, and that’s not something I want. Having a group that can say, ‘I get what you’re talking about’ and act as a support system is great.”

The social pressures to have sex and find a partner are enforced across various media, from being the central plot in movies and television to the more subliminal messaging on sexualized billboard advertising and romantic getaway commercials.

The idea that everyone is better off in a romantic relationship and/or the assumption that everyone is seeking a monogamous romantic relationship is called amatonormativity.

Perhaps at no other time of year are these concepts more on display than during Valentine’s Day.

“I hate the commodification of human emotions, especially ones I don’t have,” Wilson said. “My most intimate relationships are with friends I get close to, and it feels like a day where friendship is rejected and other

feelings are prioritized over friendship.”

Willett’s feelings toward the holiday are different.

“When I first figured it out and was accepting this identity, Valentine’s Day felt more like it was a lot of pressure about being in a romantic relationship,” Willett said. “Now I think of Valentine’s Day as an expression of love in general. I still deeply experience feelings of love, just as much as you would feel in a romantic relationship.”

Aromantic awareness week takes place the week after Valentine’s Day. Willett explained that in his youth he knew he didn’t feel attraction, but he didn’t have the words to describe his experience. Many queer people have felt this way, especially those with underrepresented identities.

Willett talked about friends who discovered their identity through knowing him and mentioned a married couple who both learned they were asexual years after getting married. These stories of queer people finding themselves warm his heart, but also speak to the need for awareness.

“There are so many different kinds of love possible, even if someone is aromantic and asexual,” Willett said. “The differences in attraction that we experience are part of what makes the human experience so wide and colorful. So even if a person can’t relate to the aromantic or asexual identities, I hope they can approach them with kindness.”

You can join the aromantic and asexual support group at meetup.com/north-gaaces-and-aros.

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / KARTA-IVREA

Luke Gardner

A V-DAY TO REMEMBER: SPECIAL DATE IDEAS FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and you know what that means: it’s time to buy the same roses and chocolate hearts and make the same fancy dinner reservations. If you’re bored of the same old V-Day plans or you want to impress your boo with a date as special as they are, this year, why don’t you ditch the dinner reservations? These unique date ideas are sure to wow and make this Valentine’s Day one you’ll never forget.

1. Get Married

Yep, you read that right — if you’re going to celebrate Valentine’s Day, why not go big? This V-Day, Atlanta Mayor Andre Dickens will be officiating a mass wedding in the heart of Atlanta at Piedmont Park’s Greystone building. Expected to be one of the biggest mass weddings to take place in Atlanta, “Marry We” was created to offer a unique experience for statement-making couples who are straying away from conventional nuptials or vow renewals. The unique celebration will include a mass ceremony, reception with entertainment and dancing, dinner, an open bar, and dessert. The cost of the marriage license will be included in the package, and each couple will receive an official wedding portrait and gift compliments of the event organizer.

Packages for the “Marry We” ceremony are only $1,000 and open to all couples regardless of sexual orientation, nationality, and religion. You can register at marryweevents.com.

2. Wild at Heart at Zoo Atlanta

Celebrate Valentine’s Day at the only venue in the city where an elephant may stroll by as you’re toasting your special someone. Guests will enjoy a delectable dinner and dessert buffet, plus a complimentary glass

of sparkling wine and one other beverage of their choice (along with access to a cash bar), all while overlooking Zoo Atlanta’s Savanna in the Michael & Thalia Carlos Ballroom in Savanna Hall. Following dinner, the Zoo’s Ambassador Animals Team — joined by live animals — will treat guests to an exclusive presentation centered on the relationships between animals and their care team members. Finish off the evening on the dance floor with a live DJ.

Reservations are $234/couple for Zoo Atlanta Members and $260/couple for nonmembers. Reserve your spot and view the menu at zooatlanta.org/heart.

3. A Casual Night of Darts

If you like a game of darts, you’re going to LOVE Flight Club Social Darts, a new

interactive experience that just opened in Howell Mill. Enjoy craft cocktails and delicious bites while playing darts like you’ve never played it before. A high-tech dart board tracks your points onscreen and guides you through different games — throw your dart to roll the dice in a game of Snakes and Ladders or hit your assigned area to kill your opponents — all while taking photos and videos for you to remember a date night you’ll never forget.

Learn more and make reservations at flightclubdarts.com.

4. Dance by the Water

Roses are red, the ocean is blue, get out of your seat and put on your dancing shoes!

Join the Georgia Aquarium for a special Valentine’s Day dance class with an aquatic

view. Fred Astaire Dance Studio instructors will teach the dance, suitable for all experience levels, in the Oceans Ballroom alongside incredible views of manta, white sharks, and more.

Tickets are $25 and the event begins at 6:30pm. Learn more at georgiaaquarium. org/events/event/dance-by-the-water-salsamerengue.

5. Valentines in the Garden

This event celebrates your love for both your sweetie and your city! On February 11, the Atlanta Botanical Gardens will showcase what Atlanta is best known for. SCAD Honeybees and Georgia Tech Goldrush Dance will perform on the Great Lawn; Atlanta’s worldfamous drink comes to life in the “Cola Sweetheart Diner,” a 1950s-themed diner featuring the Infinity Band; Skyline Garden transforms into a vibrant dance party celebrating Atlanta’s renowned hip-hop scene with dance by break-dance crew Burn Unit; the Piedmont Strings Quintet plays throughout the evening, Alexis Seminario and Gretchen Krupp of the Atlanta Opera will perform, professional swing dancers will teach guests to get their groove on, and Atlanta’s finest caterers will offer small bite tastings throughout the Garden.

Upgrade your ticket to VIP to get exclusive access to the VIP lounge with special entertainment and unlimited hors d’oeuvres, two complimentary drinks, a special VIP swag bag, and a complimentary parking pass.

The event will be held from 7pm to 11. Tickets start at $70 for general admission. Learn more and buy tickets at atlantabg.org/calendar/valentines-in-thegarden-2.

Katie Burkholder

Celebrate Valentine’s Day at Wild at Heart at Zoo Atlanta. PHOTO COURTESY OF ZOO ATLANTA

VALENTINE’S GIFT GUIDE:

Naughty

Bikinis are sexy while offering protection and promising pleasure. Starting at $25 for a pack of four; Lorals; mylorals.com.

A. Leather Posture Collar

This black-and-white Leather Posture Collar is perfect for puppy play and bondage. Also, the collar locks… for extra fun. $54.99, Barking Leather; 1510 Piedmont Ave. NE; barkingleather.com.

B. Season 1 Poly Pack

Cute Little Fuckers has the cutest and most accessible toys on the market. Founded by Step, a queer and disabled person, who combined their love of monsters and sex to create easy-to-play toys that everyone can use. The Season 1 Poly Pack includes the Starsi vibrator, Trinity vibrating dildo, and the adorable Princette. The perfect gift to yourself, your friends, or your partner(s). Bonus: all three are waterproof. $199, Cute Little Fuckers; cutelittlefuckers.com.

C. LELO Massage Candle

enby is a Black, trans-owned company that makes gender-affirming accessories and toys for queer, nonbinary, and gendernonconforming people. Currently, two percent of all proceeds are donated to organizations dedicated to helping queer and trans POC. The erotic massage candle is made of soy wax, shea butter, and apricot kernel oil to create a sensual oil blend for massage. $36.97, enby; shopenby.com.

D. Black Protection Bikinis

Lorals is changing the game for people with vulvae. There’s nothing sexier than a partner or partners who care about your health. Lorals offer thin, latex underwear that offers STI protection, while still allowing the wearer to engage in oral sex. The Black Protection

E. Bondage Hook + Suspension Kit

Agreeable Agony is a queer-owned shop dedicated to kink visibility. They offer a variety of kinky accessories and toys, including the Bondage Hook. The stainlesssteel rope hook has a butt plug to maximize rope play. You can use the plug by itself, or with their Suspension Kit. $79.95 for the hook, $159 for the suspension kit; Agreeable Agony; agreeableagony.com.

F. The Hush Ball Silicone Comfort Forming Ball Gag

The Hush Ball Gag is designed to silence your plaything while providing complete comfort The unique 1.65-inch ball design includes corner straps to avoid the normal chafing that may happen with standard ball gags. The strap is adjustable from 16 to 22 inches to fit snuggly, and includes a locking buckle, to which you may add your own padlock. The gag itself is made of odorless, tasteless, phthalate-free silicone. Price available in-store, Brushstrokes Pleasures; 1510-D Piedmont Ave. NE

G. Sensual Massage Materials

Give the gift of a sexy massage this Valentine’s Day. Set the stage for sensual play with the Jo All-in-One Massage Kit. Use the tea light candle to add an inviting flare of romance and if you are new to the art of massage, use the included massage guide and massager to enhance your experience. Or try the Dona Aphrodisiac and Pheromone Infused Massage Oil or the Jo Naturals Peppermint and Eucalyptus Massage Oil. Price available in-store, Brushstrokes Pleasures

Adalei Stevens

VALENTINE’S GIFT GUIDE:

Nice

SPLURGE) on a bottle of champagne, what better time than Valentine’s Day?

A. Flower Arrangement

Nothing beats a classic. Surprise your sweetheart with this romantic arrangement from gay-owned Flower Cottage. $54.95, Flower Cottage on Main; 1744 Connally Dr; flowercottageonmain.com.

B. Gemstone Heart Stud Earrings

Nothing says “I love you” quite like a gem. Either peridots or blue topazes are set in 14k yellow gold with a diamond heart-shaped bezel to create a gift as special as your special someone. $449, Worthmore Jewelers; 500 L3, Amsterdam Ave. NE; worthmorejewelers.com.

C. Queer Love in Color

What better way to celebrate your love than celebrate the love of ALL queer people of color? Queer Love in Color features photographs and stories of couples and families across the United States and around the world. This singular, moving collection offers an intimate look at what it means to live at the intersections of queer and POC identities today, and honors an inclusive vision of love, affection, and family across the spectrum of gender, race, and age. $28, Charis Books and More; 184 Candler St.; charisbooksandmore.com.

D. Ace of Spades Brut Rose

If you’re gonna splurge (and we mean

Armand de Brignac Rosé is among the finest examples of the famous pink Champagne blend ever conceived and is packaged in a brilliant pink-gold bottle with matching adornments. $455.99, Tower Beer, Wine, and Spirits; 2162 Piedmont Rd. NE; Buckhead. towerwinespirits.com.

E. The Wonderfully Various Chocolate Surprise

Take the classic v-day gift of chocolates to the next level. In this surprise package, Xocolatl combines $75 worth of unique chocolates and confections and ships it directly to you. $65, Xocolatl Small Batch Chocolate at Krog Street Market; 99 Krog St. NE; xocolatlchocolate.com.

F. Sequin Front Tank Top

This black sequin tank top blurs the lines between casual and glam, making it a perfect choice for your Valentine’s date — regardless of what you’re doing! $44, Boy Next Door Menswear; 1000 Piedmont Ave. NE; boynextdoormenswear.com.

G. Love Script Throw Pillow

PillowScript’s royal-hued love script pillows — in coral, green, blue or gray — imbue your personal space with optimism and openness, making it the perfect way to share the love with your honey. $50, PillowScript; pillowscript.com.

Katie Burkholder

Love Is …

Buck Jones

Yesterday I chatted on the phone with my brother. We’re not particularly close, either physically (I live in Paris, France; he lives in Houston, Texas) or personality-wise (ditto), but we try despite our differences. Since our parents died, we are all we have left in our immediate family, and conversation tends to revolve around shared childhood memories of going to elementary school together (“Do you remember that crazy jungle gym built out of old tires?”), playing in the neighborhood (“What was the name of that kid who used to pee his pants all the time?”), or attending church.

Our family was deeply religious. Growing up in the South, you’ll hear that a lot, but in our case, besides going to church each Sunday morning, we’d also go on Sunday nights, and then on Wednesday nights was the prayer meeting with a potluck dinner, and Thursday nights the misleadingly

named “Adventure Time” youth night. Oh, plus there was Vacation Bible School in the summer. Suffice to say our social lives revolved around the church.

Today he is still religious and has a wife and two daughters, while I have my faith in Dolly Parton, a husband, and a slightly spoiled dog.

So, we chatted, and I learned that my niece had broken up with her boyfriend over Christmas. “That’s too bad,” I said.

“Especially over the holidays, that’s rough.” He sighed and paused, as if in agreement. It had been her first romantic relationship, and I had always been concerned about her social skills because she had been home-schooled.

Sensing that the subject was still a bit raw, I added that perhaps it was for the better.

“She’s only 20 years old, and everyone needs to go through a couple of broken hearts, and to learn what to look for in finding one’s match,” I said.

I privately remembered my own struggles when I had first come out, much later than my 20th year. I always seemed to gravitate toward the wrong kind of guy. Physically impressive, but his intellect, or personality, or career (usually all three) were less so. Plus, there were the real-life lessons of being in a dating relationship — how to navigate disagreement, how to learn to trust, to forgive, to compromise.

One of the many lessons that seeped into my childhood consciousness spent at church was the passage in First Corinthians chapter 13, the oft-quoted “love is patient, love is kind” exhortation of Saint Paul. As I consider what it is that has been the foundation of the love I share with my husband of over 20 years, it is his ability on a daily basis to demonstrate his patience and kindness to me, which has pushed my own limits to grow in those same virtues.

What is ironic is that despite not growing up in a religious family, he lives a more Christian example of love than most “believers.”

I suggested to my brother that in the case of my niece, she will move on and hopefully have more confidence having had a boyfriend, a first love, even if it had been short term. But knowing what to look for in a relationship, what the red flags are, perhaps nothing is more important than that simple phrase of “love is patient, love is kind.”

“She is going to be alright,” my brother said. “I’d rather that he hadn’t broken up with her at Christmas, of course, but he was going to move back to Washington because he didn’t like Houston. Something to consider next time she’s casually dating a guy.”

“Yeah, long-distance relationships only work in Hallmark movies,” I added. “And even then, there is usually a complication that happens involving a mix up of a pumpkin latte at the local coffee shop.”

He laughed.

“She does love a pumpkin latte.”

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / MASSON

Wallace Thurman,

HARLEM RENAISSANCE REBEL: 1902–1934

María Helena Dolan

“It was the bright young talents of the [19]20s who went cosmopolite when they were advised to go racial, who went exhibitionist instead of going documentarian, who got jazz-mad and cabaret-crazy instead of getting folk-wise and sociologically sober.” Alain Locke, editor of The New Negro (Wallace Thurman: Gay Impresario of the Harlem Renaissance by Stephen O. Murray).

In a massively influential 1903 essay, W.E.B. Du Bois wrote, “[The Negro race] is going to be saved by its exceptional men ... the Talented Tenth; it is the problem of developing the Best of this race that they may guide the Mass away from the contamination and death of the Worst.”

Wallace Thurman epitomized all the qualities of Alain Locke’s above lament, as well as that of Du Bois. Wallace boldly excoriated the statements of Du Bois and his legions, all that “celebrating the Black bourgeoisie rather than writing about lowdown (and proto down-low) rural and urban life ways about which Du Bois was ashamed,” according to Murray.

The Black bourgeoisie? Arriving on Labor Day, 1925, from Salt Lake City via University of Southern California, Wallace was darkskinned, a heavy drinker, usually broke and someone who evidently had a strong appetite for public sex (he had been arrested within weeks of arriving in New York for having sex with a white hairdresser in a bathroom,

according to George Chauncey in “Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890–1940.”

Thurman lived with his white lover in a famous rooming house on West 136th Street. The building’s arts-loving owner, Iolanthe Syd, welcomed all sorts of artists, who could snag rooms for free so they could create.

Dubbed Niggerati Manor by Zora Neale Hurston, Wallace was the acknowledged mayor while she was the queen. The swirling cavalcade of citizenry included Uptown Renaissance members, sometimes Downtown bohemians and various hangers-on.

Hurston’s biographer, the late Atlantan Valerie Boyd, described Niggerati as “an inspired moniker that was simultaneously self-mocking and self-glorifying, and sure to shock the stuffy Black bourgeoisie.”

Essentially, the Niggerati were the self-styled avant-garde, who refused to propagandize how alike Black Americans were to whites. Instead, the Niggerati eschewed this and sought to show the lives of the vast majority of African Americans, in all their vivid cacophony.

Wallace would say things such as, “Beloved, we join hands here to pray for gin. An aridity defiles us. Our innards thirst for the juice of juniper. Something must be done. The drought threatens to destroy us. Surely, God who let manna fall from the heavens so that the holy children of Israel might eat, will not let the equally holy children of Niggerati Manor die from the want of a little gin. Children, let us pray.”

Such a crew! Wallace and Hurston and Hughes, plus almost everyone who worked on the legendary Fire!! magazine, including the openly queer Bruce Nugent.

Wallace had serious issues with his queerness. Despite all evidence to the contrary, he denied it. In fact, he married Louise Thompson on August 22, 1928. This union lasted only six months. Thompson subsequently called Wallace, who refused to declare it, “a homosexual.”

His outsider status is reflected in his work, especially 1929’s “The Blacker the Berry, the Sweeter the Juice.” The story tracks the difficult experiences of the dark-skinned Emma Lou, who runs from Boise to U.S.C. to Harlem, and at each turn must deal with sexism and colorism. For instance, she stops to check her reflection in a Harlem shop window, notices a few men nearby, and hears, “There’s a girl for you Fats,” to which Fats replies, “Man, you know I don’t shovel no coal.”

In 1929, an adaptation of a Thurman short story opened on Broadway as the play Harlem. It ran for 93 performances. By then, though, disillusionment gripped him.

He looked at the personalities around him and the era and he found selfish, snobbish social and artistic “elites.”

His final project was quite a roman a clef: Infants of the Spring. Lightly spooled, with much action consisting of talking, it features a house full of sex, partying, crazy pairings, and some art.

Shortly thereafter, Wallace died at age 32 from tuberculosis, probably exacerbated by his long years of alcoholism. He left a compelling bulk of work behind, including short stories, two plays, essays, the sharp editing he did for young writers, a co-written novel, and his own two books.

LEARN MORE

Wallace Thurman: Gay Impresario of the Harlem Renaissance, Stephen O. Murray, https://www.tangentgroup.org/wallace-thurman/ Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890 – 1940—George Chauncey. 1994. Wallace Thurman, http://blackusa.com/wallace-thurman

The Niggerati Manor In Harlem, https://www.harlemworldmagazine. com/the-niggerati-manor-in-harlem/ https://abtc.ng/wallace-thurman-biography-quotes-familyeducation-and-cause-of-death/

Wallace Thurman HISTORICAL PHOTO

Billy Porter Works with Acting Legends in ‘80 for

Brady,’

Melissa Foulger Directs First Play at Out Front

He’s been around for decades, achieving tremendous success on stage, TV, and film, but even Billy Porter was awed by his co-stars in the new film, “80 for Brady.” Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, Sally Field, and Rita Moreno star in the comedy about four friends who decide to go to the 2017 Super Bowl and see their icon Tom Brady in action. It’s based on a true story that the actor was not familiar with until after reading the script.

“As a student of the arts, these actresses have been inspirational to me for a very long time, not just the work but their lives off-screen, their philanthropy, the activism, the engagement with community,” Porter told Georgia Voice “All of those things so publicly have been a blueprint for me in terms of how I understood how to show up once I got my opportunity to be in this space. I never dreamed I would be in a movie with any of them, much less all four at the same time. It was magical.”

Porter appears in the film as Gugu, who he sees as “fabulous,” a director and choreographer of huge stadium shows who has a chance encounter with the four women.

“I imagine he is the master of those type shows,” he said. “In my mind’s eye, that is how I played it.”

He loves the fact that the film features vital women in their 70s and 80s, a Hollywood rarity, as well as an affirming message.

“This reminds people that there are no time limits on your dreams,” Porter said. “Continue to live your life to the fullest. It’s not over until the wheels fall off. I know that that kind of representation matters because when you see it actively, one can then filter that. It’s inspiring and encouraging.”

Someone told Porter this was the gayest sports film ever made, and he agrees.

“It cracks open such a subversive conversation in a way that we need right now to remind us that we are all human and the only healing is through love,” he said, jokingly calling the movie “Golden Girls” meets “Bridesmaids” on crack.

“80 for Brady” also examines the role of extended family.

“I don’t know anyone who can live without unconditional love and it doesn’t always necessarily come from blood relatives,” Porter said. “Often it comes from people and energies that you curate to be in your life.”

Atlanta Falcons fans may not be happy with the project. The film painfully recreates the Falcons’ loss to the New England Patriots in what is considered the greatest sports choke of all time.

The series “Pose” changed the world for Porter. He won an Emmy Award for his portrayal of Pray Tell and the show was celebrated for its authenticity.

“I lived through the AIDS crisis,” he said. “I am 53 years old and have been HIV positive since 2007. I always wondered why I survived. I had survivor’s guilt for a very long time — and then ‘Pose’ came along and it was clear to me. I have always known there was a calling in my life, but it was ‘Pose’ that sat me in the center of that calling. The fact that my community was finally seen in the mainstream has cracked open a different kind of conversation, a space where we are no longer unconsciously or unknowingly dehumanized.”

Out Front Theatre Company’s new “I Wanna F***ing Tear You Apart” tells the story of two friends and the wedge that comes between them when a third enters the picture. The show is directed by Melissa Foulger, who is working with the company for the first time.

Leo is a gay man who has been friends with Sam for approximately 15 years. They are writers who went to college together and remained “Will and Grace”-type best buds into their 30s. Sam is overweight and struggling with selfesteem issues. The two spend almost all their time together, bingeing “Grey’s Anatomy.”

“They rely on each other as being on the outside, not accepted by society, and that is what links them together and makes them a team,” Foulger told Georgia Voice

Over time, Leo decides that, as he gets older,

he wants more than just one friendship and begins hanging out with Chloe from his office, who is in her 20s.

“Sam gets jealous and it breaks things up in their relationship,” Foulger said. “The way Leo and Chloe interact is the way Leo and Sam used to interact.”

One reason Foulger wanted to do this piece is getting to examine the idea of this specific friendship.

“That relationship has an unhealthy nature to it,” she said. “There is some dysfunction, and it’s fun to explore all of that.”

Written by Morgan Gould, the show is making its Southeastern premiere and will also be staged at Fort Lauderdale’s Island City Stage with the same two lead performers.

Foulger has been watching Out Front for a long time, and when she was contacted, she was proud to be able to do something at a theater that represents her community.

“I was excited to do something that is about a relationship I have been in and I love the work they do, putting such a spotlight on the LGBTQ community,” she said.

MORE INFO

“80 For Brady” is now in theaters

“I Wanna F***ing Tear You Apart” runs through February 18 at Out Front Theatre Company.

Jim Farmer

Counter clockwise from bottom left: Billy Porter, Rita Moreno, Lily Tomlin, and Jane Fonda star in “80 For Brady.” PHOTO COURTESY OF PARAMOUNT PICTURES

Melissa Foulger COURTESY PHOTO

Jim Farmer

HIGH FREQUENCY FRIDAY

FEBRUARY 3, 6 TO 10PM

HIGH MUSEUM OF ART

Atlanta’s favorite DJs join every first Friday for High Frequency Friday, a cultural experience designed to raise the vibration. Take in the High Museum of Art’s collection, create a piece of art, and participate in a docent-led tour. Grab a drink and food and meet new friends where Atlanta and art collide.

URINETOWN THE MUSICAL

FEBRUARY 3, 8PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 19

OGLETHORPE UNIVERSITY

Freddie Ashley directs “Urinetown the Musical,” a co-production by Actor’s Express and Oglethorpe University.

I WANNA F***ING TEAR YOU APART

FEBRUARY 4, 8PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 18

OUT FRONT THEATRE COMPANY

In “I Wanna F**ing Tear You Apart,” Samantha and Leo are a team— best friends and roommates, fat girl and gay guy against the world— until a new friend upends their cozy co-dependent diet of mutual self-loathing and “Grey’s Anatomy”  marathons.  The play is an ode to the complications of friendship in its many messed-up forms, with a special nod to a kind of love that sometimes looks a lot like rage.

TRANS AND FRIENDS

FEBRUARY 6, 7 TO 8PM FOR YOUTH, 8 TO 9PM FOR ADULTS

CHARIS BOOKS AND MORE

Trans and Friends is a youth-focused group for trans people, people questioning their own gender and aspiring allies, providing a facilitated space to discuss gender, relevant resources and activism around social issues.

ATLANTA JEWISH FILM FESTIVAL

FEBRUARY 8 THROUGH FEBRUARY 21

MULTIPLE VENUES

The Atlanta Jewish Film Festival, the city’s biggest film festival, returns with its usual slate of international films and many queer films. Learn more at ajff.org.

BUSINESS BUILDER LUNCH

FEBRUARY 9, 11:45AM

HENRY’S MIDTOWN

OUT Georgia Business Alliance hosts its Business Builder Lunch (BBL) Midtown, hosted by Chip Ivie at Henry’s Midtown Tavern on the second Thursday of each month.  The Business Builder Lunch networking series brings small groups together across Atlanta and Georgia with a focus on building business connections and driving referrals over lunch. Registration is free for members and guests, but seating is limited and each attendee is

EVENT SPOTLIGHT

THE HOT WING KING

FEBRUARY 10, 7:30PM, THROUGH MARCH 5

ALLIANCE THEATRE

Winner of the 2021 Pulitzer Prize for Drama, “The Hot Wing King” is a fierce new comedy about the risks and rewards of celebrating who you are. It’s time for Memphis’s annual “Hot Wang Festival,” and Cordell knows he has the wings that’ll make him king. Supported by his beau Dwayne and best friends who serve as his fry crew “The New Wing Order,” the group settles in for a fun night of pre-competition prep. But when a family emergency forces Dwayne’s troubled nephew into the mix, it quickly becomes a recipe for disaster. Suddenly, the first-place trophy isn’t the only thing that Cordell risks losing. This is directed for the first time by its award-winning playwright Katori Hall (TV’s “P-Valley,” Broadway’s “Tina: The Tina Turner Musical”). (Photo via Facebook)

responsible for their own lunch bill.

HAWKS PRIDE NIGHT

FEBRUARY 9, 7:30PM

STATE FARM ARENA

The Atlanta Hawks host Pride Night tonight, with in-game programming and performances that celebrate members and allies of the LGBTQ community, as well as a rainbow lighting of the iconic Atlanta letters and a performance by Keri Hilson.

MOULIN GOTHIC VALENTINE PARTY

FEBRUARY 10, 10PM

HERETIC ATLANTA

DJs Caz10 and Aesthetic headline Ritual’s Moulin Gothic Valentine Party.

WHO’S AFRAID OF VAGINA WOLF?

FEBRUARY 12, 7PM

OUT FRONT THEATRE COMPANY

Out On Film and Lesflicks present a ten-year

anniversary screening of the comedy classic “Who’s Afraid of Vagina Wolf?,” starring Guinevere Turner, Carrie Preston and AnnMargarita Albelo, about a young woman who inspires a director to make an all-female version of “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?”

RUBY REDD’S BIRDCAGE BINGO

FEBRUARY 15, 8PM

ATLANTA EAGLE

It’s a local favorite!

CHOOSING FAMILY: A MEMOIR OF QUEER MOTHERHOOD AND BLACK RESISTANCE

FEBRUARY 17, 7:30PM

VIRTUAL

Charis welcomes Francesca Royster in conversation with Julietta Singh for a discussion of “Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer

Motherhood and Black Resistance,”  a brilliant literary memoir of chosen family and chosen heritage, told against the backdrop of Chicago’s North and South Sides. As a multiracial household in Chicago’s North Side community of Rogers Park, race is at the core of Francesca T. Royster and her family’s world, influencing everyday acts of parenting and the conception of what family truly means. Like Maggie Nelson’s “The Argonauts,” this lyrical and affecting memoir focuses on a unit of three: the author; her wife Annie, who’s white; and Cecilia, the Black daughter they adopt as a couple in their forties and fifties.  A powerful, genre-bending memoir of family, identity, and acceptance, “Choosing Family” ultimately is about joy — about claiming the joy that society did not intend to assign to you, or to those like you.

MARDI GRAS MASQUERADE BALL

FEBRUARY 17, 9PM TO 2AM

DOMAINE ATLANTA

Let the good times roll at the Mardi Gras Masquerade Ball. Domaine Atlanta is bringing New Orleans to Atlanta. Start your Mardi Grass weekend off right with Cajun delights, traditional New Orleans-style drinks, stilt walkers, and more! Put on your best mask and come party.

PFLAG SUPPORT GROUP

FEBRUARY 19, 2:30 TO 4PM

SPIRITUAL LIVING CENTER

The PFLAG support group for parents and families of LGBTQ children meets in person today.

MARDI GRAS BINGO

FEBRUARY 19, 7:30PM

LIPS ATLANTA

Hostesses Bubba D. Licious and Erica Lee and special guest performers will delight, amaze, and shock you as they call bingo, put on a show, and help raise money for PALS Atlanta. Tonight’s theme is Fat Tuesday — Mardi Gras.

TINA — THE TINA TURNER MUSICAL

FEBRUARY 21, 7:30PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 25

FOX THEATRE

An uplifting comeback story like no other, “Tina – The Tina Turner Musical” is the inspiring journey of a woman who broke barriers and became the Queen of Rock n’ Roll. Featuring her much loved songs, the musical is written by Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Katori Hall and directed by the internationally acclaimed Phyllida Lloyd.

R&B THURSDAYS

FEBRUARY 23

MY SISTER’S ROOM

DJs Miss Milan, Face and Bomshell Boogie spark up R&B Thursdays.

LGBTQ NIGHTLIFE FORECAST FEBRUARY 3-17

Katie Burkholder

BLOWN CARTRIDGE IMPROV

FEBRUARY 3, 8:30PM

JOYSTICK GAMEBAR

Enjoy improv from Baron Vaughn and Business Bitches.

CHOLO/LATINX QUEER DANCE PARTY

FEBRUARY 3, 10PM

THE BASEMENT

Scream your lungs out to classics from DJs La Superior, Geezella, and Nena Linda and make friends with other queerdos in español! Tickets at basementatl.com.

DJ HUGEL

FEBRUARY 3, 10PM

DISTRICT ATLANTA

Tickets at bit.ly/HUGElATL2023.

ROOKIE SOCIAL

FEBRUARY 4, 4PM

OSCAR’S ATLANTA

Hosted by Lauren Phillips with special guest Kitty Love Antoinette.

DJ ISIS MURETECH

FEBRUARY 4, 10PM

HERETIC

Tickets at hereticatlanta.com/ticketlinks.html.

HEYDAY: GLOW IN THE DARK

‘80S DANCE PARTY

FEBRUARY 4, 10PM

THE BASEMENT

Wear white or neon to glow in the blacklight and dance to your favorite hits from the era of Rainbow Brite, breakdancing, and crimped hair. Tickets at basementatl.com.

InvAsian

FEBRUARY 4, 10PM

DISTRICT ATLANTA

This InvAsian is going to be one you’ve never seen before! Get ready for a night of non-stop beats, bubbling drinks, and girl power with an all-female DJ line-up: Chika Takai, Azella, Kydkong, and Krimey. Tickets via Eventbrite.

XION

FEBRUARY 5, 3AM

FUTURE ATLANTA

With Jesus Montanez. Tickets at gaboyevents.com.

TRIVIA TUESDAY

FEBRUARY 7, 8:30PM

THE HIDEAWAY

Enjoy trivia with host DeWayne Morgan. No cover.

ATLANTA ALL STARS WEEK 4

FEBRUARY 7, 9PM

FUTURE ATLANTA

Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

KARAOKE NIGHT

FEBRUARY 8, 8PM

BULLDOGS

Party, sing, drink, and dance at Bulldogs’ weekly karaoke night with your hosts Adonis and DJ Kaye G.

KARAOKE NIGHT

FEBRUARY 8, 9PM

MY SISTER’S ROOM

Hosted by Thad Stevens. No cover.

EVENT SPOTLIGHT

MARYOKE

FEBRUARY 8, 9PM

MARY’S

TRITONAL: COALESCE TOUR

FEBRUARY 10, 10PM

DISTRICT ATLANTA

Tickets at bit.ly/TRITONALATL2023.

EVENT SPOTLIGHT

XION

HOUSE BY DEFINITION

FEBRUARY 11, 3AM

FUTURE ATLANTA

This event celebrates all genres of House music, from tech and tribal to soulful and melodic. With Eddie Martinez. Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

XION

FEBRUARY 12, 3AM

FUTURE ATLANTA

With Seth Breezy. Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

GAME DAY PARTY

FEBRUARY 12, 5PM

FELIX’S ATLANTA

The Superbowl is here, and Felix’s has you covered with food, promotions, & more! Claim your seat at 5pm for kickoff at 6:30pm.

SUPER SUNDAY KICKOFF PARTY

FEBRUARY 12, 5PM

THE HIDEAWAY

Enjoy free tailgate food with a drink purchase, drink specials, surround sound, and big TV views this Superbowl Sunday. Wear your NFL jersey and get your first “TouchDown” shot free!

THE BIG GAME AND AFTERPARTY

FEBRUARY 12, 5PM

MY SISTER’S ROOM

Enjoy the Superbowl on over 20 TVs with huge screens and full surround sound and celebrate your team’s win (or commiserate

over defeat) with a drag show after the game, hosted by Ivana Humpalot. No cover.

TRIVIA TUESDAY

FEBRUARY 14, 8:30PM

THE HIDEAWAY

Enjoy trivia with host DeWayne Morgan. No cover.

ATLANTA

ALL STARS WEEK 5

FEBRUARY 14, 9PM

FUTURE ATLANTA Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

KARAOKE NIGHT

FEBRUARY 15, 8PM

BULLDOGS

Party, sing, drink, and dance at Bulldogs’ weekly karaoke night with your hosts Adonis and DJ Kaye G.

KARAOKE NIGHT

FEBRUARY 15, 9PM

MY SISTER’S ROOM

Hosted by Thad Stevens. No cover.

MARYOKE

FEBRUARY 15, 9PM

MARY’S

SIDEPIECE PRESENTS KISS AND TELL:

THIRD BASE TOUR

FEBRUARY 17, 10PM

DISTRICT ATLANTA Tickets at bit.ly/SIDEPIECEATL2023.

DJ HUGEL

DISTRICT ATLANTA

FEBRUARY 3, 10PM

Tickets at bit.ly/HUGElATL2023.

FUTURE ATLANTA

FEBRUARY 12, 3AM

With Seth Breezy. Tickets at future-atlanta.com. (Photos via Facebook)

JUDY BLUME AND SELF-LOVE

Melissa Carter

As I enter the phase of life where my period is ending, how appropriate now to look back at my anxious preteen years when my cycle first arrived. No person helped an entire generation of girls’ transition to this new challenge more than Judy Blume.

A goddess to Baby Boomers and Gen Xers, Blume stripped away the mystery and taboo of the menstrual cycle in her book, “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret.” First published in 1970, it’s the story of young Margaret Simon and all the “firsts” that come with being a girl in the middle school arena, especially those things not easily expressed to friends. The trailer for the movie adaptation was released recently, and even in 2023 there isn’t enough open conversation around the menstrual cycle except in hushed or offended tones.

Seeing the news surrounding the movie makes me think about my 50th birthday in Key West. It was my first time in the Keys, and I invited several friends to go with me. During my research, I noted several places I wanted to see, including the Southernmost Point and the Hemingway Home. But I found something else that topped even those famous destinations for me: Blume’s bookstore, Books & Books.

I knew the chances she would actually be there when we visited were slim, so I didn’t go with high expectations. A male companion on the trip had no connection to Blume, but could see how hushed we were entering the building, as if going to church, so he decided to “I Spy” his way around the bookstore in search of its owner. A few minutes later he whispered to me, “Is that her?”

Sure enough, in an employee lounge she was spotted talking to a colleague, and our group nervously requested an audience. She was gracious enough to comply, asking we keep our distance due to the mysterious new

COVID-19 threat. A great way to do that was for her to help check us out, and so we each got to speak with her individually across the counter. I asked for her autograph in a new copy of “Are You There, God?” and this is what she wrote:

To Melissa Happy Birthday!

You & Margaret are the same age!

Love, Judy Blume

I confess there were tears in my eyes as she wrote this, watching this petite woman who served as such a giant figure in my young life. And it wasn’t lost on me that I was exactly the age she had in mind for Margaret back in the ’70s, so no wonder the book spoke to me like no other.

When we celebrate romantic love this time of year, there is always the message you are incomplete without a lover to make you feel appreciated and beautiful. But in my time alive, I’ve learned that you attract what you are, and if you don’t have much love for yourself, then you’ll end up with people who don’t really care about you or serve your needs. That’s why I honor Blume and her works for young women, because she wanted us to understand that you must love yourself before you can truly love anybody else.

Judy Blume PHOTO VIA WIKICOMMONS

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