Empty Closet, May 2010 Sec A

The Empty Closet

Section A

New York State’s Oldest LGBT Publication

number 434 a publication of the gay alliance of the genesee valley

may 2010

DADT policy unfair, local soldier says

NewsBriefs LOCAL & STATE NEWS

PFLAG, GAGV sponsor safety workshop

photo: allegra anka

By Susan Jordan Army Reserve Specialist Joe Soel, an Iraq veteran, may still be serving in the military when this article reaches print, but it won’t be for long. Soel has requested a discharge due to what he sees as the Pentagon’s discriminatory policy against LGBT military personnel.

“Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is currently being re-appraised by the Pentagon, as part of the repeal process initiated by the Obama administration. Meanwhile, however, gay and lesbian soldiers are still being booted out of the military, under what (DADT continues page 3)

Light in the darkness: Day of Silence draws 202 youth

Army Reservist Joe Soel

By Susan Jordan Two hundred and two youth attended the Rochester Day of Silence observance on April 16.

Nationally, around 4,700 middle and high schools participated this year, according to GLSEN (Gay Lesbian Straight Education Network).

The youth gathered in the Apollo Room at the Auditorium Center to remember those whose voices have been lost to homophobic hatred and discrimina-

tion. Representatives from Gay/ Straight Alliances (GSAs) from area schools performed a candle lighting ceremony. The GSA members were from School of the Arts, School Without Walls Foundation, Greece Arcadia, Bloomfield, Gates Chili and NW College Prep Home Tutoring. Students from Rush Henrietta and SOTA read poems As the last candle was lit, the silence was broken by loud cheering and noisemakers, as confetti

flew through the air. Michael Steck, a.k.a. Pandora Boxx, spoke with the youth, much to their excitement, and the event ended with a dance, with music provided by DJ Chuck Argento.

Youth Services Director Jessica Cohen said, “It’s amazing when teenagers can be quiet for more than 30 seconds. The GAGV Youth Center is usually loud on any given drop-in day, no matter if there are two (Light continues page 3)

Pride Agenda Spring Dinner will take place May 22

CRF plans local action for Harvey Milk’s birthday

Linked by Love: Walk at Marketplace Mall

The Empire State Pride Agenda’s Spring Dinner will take place on Saturday, May 22 at the Rochester Riverside Convention Center.

State Senator Eric Adams will give the keynote address.

The Pride Agenda’s Community Service Award will be presented to Gay Alliance Board member Emily Jones, and Special Recognition will go to Mayor Robert J. Duffy.

Mark Valley of “Human Target” will be emcee. The evening will start with a reception at 5:45 p.m. Dinner and the program begin at 7 p.m.

To purchase tickets, sponsorships or journal advertisements, or for more information, visit www.prideagenda.org or call 212-627-0305.

The Afterparty will be at Tilt.■

“On Oct. 11, 2009, more than 200,000 people marched on Washington D.C. in the National Equality March with one single demand: Equal protection in all matters governed by civil law in all 50 states.

“On May 22, 2010 – the anniversary of Harvey Milk’s birthday – we will take action again to DEMAND full equality for all LGBT people,” says Equality Across America.

The International Day Against Homophobia, May 17, kicks off a week of local actions and on Harvey Milk’s birthday, May 22, Equality Across America (EAA) calls on activists to converge in each of the 50 states for the Harvey Milk Day Action.

Rochester’s Civil Rights Front, organizers of the Feb(CRF continues page 7)

Equality ROC is planning a couple of events the week of May 17 to honor Harvey Milk (his birthday is May 22) and encourage members of the Rochester’s LGBT community to take a more active role in securing their

full equality.

All across the country on Saturday, May 22, those who support equal rights and protections for LGBT Americans and their families will assemble to demand full equality. Equality ROC is staging an equality walk at Marketplace Mall for National Harvey Milk Day, meeting at the Food Court at (Walk continues page 7)

The Gay Alliance appreciates the continuing partnership of businesses within our community who support our mission and vision.

Gold Eastman Kodak Company; Excellus, Mass Mutual Financial Group; Merrill Lynch; MetLife, Nixon Peabody, LLP Silver Ace Mailing Services; Bausch & Lomb Inc.; Cor ning Incorporated; Harter Secrest & Emory LLP; Heveron & Heveron CPAs; ITT Corporation; Monroe Plan for Medical Care; Sage Advisors of Sage Rutty; St. John Fisher College; Tim Tompkins Enterprises; Xerox Capital Services Bronze Canandaigua National Bank; Empire State College; Galaxe Pride at Work; Kittleberger Florist & Gifts; Open Arms Metropolitan Community Church; Third Presbyterian Church; Wegmans Food Markets; The Woolbright Group Pride Thomson Reuters

Lipstick Massacre hits Geva: page B 1

On May 4, Kelly Clark, Gay Alliance Community Safety Program Director, will address “LGBT safety” as part of anti-violence efforts, at an empowerment workshop to be held in the lower level of St. Thomas’ Episcopal Church, 2000 Highland Ave, corner of South Winton, from 7 to 9 p.m.

LGBT people, their relatives and allies will learn how to be safer while being out in the community and will examine effective ways of responding to overt threats, implied put-downs, bullying at school or work, or any kind of harassment.

This free event is co-sponsored by PFLAG and the Gay Alliance InQueery program.

Starry Night: Big Gay Prom is May 7 Youth will have stars in their eyes at the Big Gay Prom on May 7, “Starry Nights,” which gives LGBT youth what straight youth take for granted – a glamorous night out when they can be themselves, safe from harassment.

The Prom for LGBT youth and allies, ages 13-23, will be held from 7-11 p.m. at the Strathallan Hotel, 550 East Ave. Chuck Argento will provide the music, the Gay Alliance will provide food, raffles and fun, and the youth themselves will provide the magic and the stardust.

Admission is $10 at the door for this drug and alcohol-free event. For more information, call Youth Services Director Jess Cohen at 244-8640 ext. 13.

May 18 is Vaccine Awareness Day May 18, national HIV Vaccine Awareness Day (HVAD), is a day to recognize and thank those who are working to find a safe and effective HIV vaccine, and to educate about the importance of vaccine research.

Rochester is home to one of the oldest research units in the country. A celebration will take place at noon on May 18, in the Community Room on the fourth floor at the Damon City Campus of Monroe Community College.

Inside

Section A Newsfronts..................................4 Interview: Joe Tarver...................6 Gay men: a call to action........... 14 Making The Scene................... 18 Section B Entertainment: Lipstick Massacre. at Geva.......................................1 Columnists..................................5 GAGV News: Spiritual abuse..... 12 Groups: Unmasking BDSM: Episode 2................................ 15 Calendar................................... 18 Classifieds................................ 18 Ongoing Calendar................... 19

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 434 • may 2010

Perspectives From the Empty Closet Editor Susan Jordan

Marriage equality: a threat to straight families?

On what grounds do homophobes base their claim that our legal marriages and happy families are a “threat” to heterosexual marriages and families? It just doesn’t make sense. It’s a slogan chanted by bigots with an extremist political agenda. But what does it really mean?

Like a lot of irrational hatepropaganda, it speaks to the emotions on a subconscious level.

If you define traditional marriage as a institution that maintains heterosexual male control of society, then for two women or two men to be legally wed might be seen as a threat – not to heterosexual marriages and families – but to male supremacy itself. Maybe that’s what really scares the right. That’s the real bat in their belfries.

The word “marriage” means different things to different people.

To most gay men and lesbians, it means the central connection in their lives, which they want and need to have recognized by society. Denying that gay people are capable of love and commitment — denying that our families are “real” – defines us as less than human.

Love is a crucial human ability. If gays are “sexual predators incapable of love,” we are less than human – and those who are

not really human don’t deserve human rights. All oppressors everywhere try to justify their crimes by de-humanizing their victims as “vermin,” “a bacillus” or “animals”. The Right’s ugly rhetoric says that gays are “bestial” and equates homeless people with stray animals that “will breed” if fed (so let them starve). Legal marriage affirms our humanity and protects our human and civil rights.

To lgbt people who are not interested in marrying, however, marriage equality may seem like imitation of an oppressive straight institution.

To many heterosexuals, marriage is respected and also seen as an institution that gays can be part of.

But to conservative extremists, “marriage” equals “male control,” which is seen as “what God wants”. They believe males are superior to females, females are property, and Patriarchy – absolute control of society by upper class males – is a given. No Patriarch Left Behind; no frame of reference except totalitarian male power. If heterosexual men lose control of the central institution of male-female relationships – if women and “woman-like” males (such is the homophobic stereotype) gain equal power in society – Patriarchy is doomed and the sky will fall.

Hardly. In reality, the ethical choice is to transform unjust institutions; end hatred, violence and discrimination against women, transgender people and gay and bi men, and create an egalitarian society that is fair to all genders and orientations. Heterosexual families will be fine; in fact, all families will be better off. Patriarchy can be hard on straight men too – especially those who think that “real” men can express emotions (other than anger) and that women and queers are human beings.

Change can be a good thing.

But those who look through the lens of patriarchal ideology and privilege see a very different picture. ■

Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley The Empty Closet is published by the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley 875 E. Main Street, Suite 500 Rochester, New York 14605 © 2010, All rights reserved.

From the Executive Director Sue Cowell

The Gay Alliance Community Center and Beyond I continue to be amazed at the number of LGBT organizations in our community. In addition to increasing our partnerships with LGBT organizations, we have also expanded our community spaces.

Over the past year, the Gay Alliance has expanded its number of partnerships with other organizations. In the fall of 2009 we added a large community room and the library, both of which are on the first floor of the Auditorium Center. We continue to make available the Nopper Conference room for smaller meetings. The Youth Center is a large special location for larger events and meetings.

We are also hosting InQueery Classes and information on classes, dates and times are available on our web site at gayalliance.org.

Although we do not yet own our own center, there are many nights that we are full to capacity. In the first three and a half months of 2010, more than 600 people have attended meetings or events in our Center. There have been 20 different groups with a variety of missions and all age ranges.

One newly formed local group is COLAGE, which is for all children who have a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered

Editor-in-Chief: Susan Jordan Staff Reporters: Ove Overmyer, Laura McSpadden Graphic Design: Jim Anderson

parent. The Gay Alliance has also partnered with Pride and Joy Families based in Binghamton to provide family oriented programming and activities in our area. Look for family oriented Pride events this year in addition to the anchor events of the Parade, Festival and Picnic.

Our partnership with Rainbow SAGE of the Genesee Valley continues to grow. We hosted a meeting with members of SAGE leadership, Gay Alliance staff and Kindred Care. Kindred Care is a locally owned company providing home health care services to the LGBT community.

In April Scott Fearing, Program Director at the Gay Alliance, and Sherlea Dony, Toni Perri and Brian Hurlburt from the Board of Rainbow Sage attended a “train the trainer” in Syracuse on Senior Issues Cultural Competency. The LGBT Health and Human Services Network Senior Committee developed the curriculum. I also had the pleasure to speak with the SAGE membership about all the programs the Gay Alliance has and ways to increase our partnership to better provide for our community as we all age. Together we will increase our capacity to provide Cultural Competency Training to agencies serving the elder LGBT community.

To recoin the old phrase about familiarity breeding contempt– in the case of the Gay Alliance and Rainbow SAGE, Familiarity breeds cooperation, understanding, respect and collaboration. It helps to create a huge umbrella big enough for everyone. ■

PRIDE 2010 Planning Meeting May 18 Gay Alliance Youth Center 6pm

Never miss an event!

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enefits include a subscription to the Empty Closet – mailed to home or work, plus privileges at each level. Phone: 585 244-8640 or mail to the Gay Alliance, 875 E. Main St., Suite 500, Rochester, NY 14605

Home Delivery of The Empty Closet is Free with your annual membership in the Gay Alliance.

Submissions: For publication, submit news items, ads, photos, letters, stories, poetry, ads, photographs or art by mail or in person to The Empty Closet office by the 15th of the month.

Design services for non-camera ready ads are available for a fee. (www.emptycloset@ gagv.us) Publication Information: The Empty Closet is published 11 times a year (December and January combined) by The Empty Closet Press for the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley, Inc. Approximately 5000 copies of each issue are distributed during the first week of the month, some by mail in a plain sealed envelope. The publication of the name or photograph of any person or organization in articles is not an indication of the sexual or affectional orientation of that person or the members of that organization. For further information, please write to The Empty Closet, 875 E. Main St., Rochester NY. 14605, call (585) 244-9030 or e-mail emptycloset@gagv.us.

The Empty Closet is the official publication of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley, Inc., as stated in the bylaws of that organization. Its purpose is to inform the Rochester gay community about local and national gay-related news and events; to provide a forum for ideas and creative work from the local gay community; to help promote leadership within the community, and to be a part of a national network of lesbian and gay publications that exchange ideas and seek to educate.

Part of our purpose is to maintain a middle position with respect to the entire community. We must be careful to present all viewpoints in a way that takes into consideration the views of all – women, men, people of color, young and old, and those from various walks of life.

The opinions of columnists, editorial writers and other contributing writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the collective attitude of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley or The Empty Closet. The Empty Closet shall not be liable for any loss or expense that results from the publication (whether correctly or incorrectly) or omission of an ad. In the event of non-payment, your account may be assigned to a collection agency or an attorney, and will be liable for the charges paid by us to such collection agency or attorney.

Letters to the editor: The opinions of columnists, editorial writers and other contributing writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the collective attitude of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley or The Empty Closet. We will print letters at the editor’s discretion and on a space available basis. Only one letter by the same writer in a six-month period is allowed. We will not print personal attacks on individuals, nor will we be a forum for ongoing disputes between individuals. We reserve the right to edit for space and clarity. We will print anonymous letters if the name and phone number are provided to the Editor; confidentiality will be respected. Submissions are due by the 15th of the month at: The Empty Closet, 875 E. Main Street, Suite 500, Rochester, NY 14605; e-mail: emptycloset@gagv. us. Online edition of EC available at www. gayalliance.org.

New York State’s oldest continuously-published LGBT newspaper is only ONE of the many benefits of membership. Become a member today and get all the Pride 2010 news, events and goings-on delivered right to your door.

PRIDE 2010 is coming your way

Advertising policy: The Empty Closet does not print advertisements that contain nude drawings or photographs, nor does it print advertising that states that the person pictured in the ad is for sale, or that you will “get” that particular person if you patronize the establishment advertised. Advertisements that are explicitly racist, sexist, ageist, ableist or homophobic will be refused; advertisements from organizations that are sexist, racist, ageist, ableist or anti-gay will also be refused. All political advertisements must contain information about who placed them and a method of contact. Additionally, The Empty Closet does not print negative or “attack” advertisements, whether they relate to a product or politics and no matter in whose interest the ad is being produced. A negative advertisement is defined as one that focuses upon a rival product, or in the political area, a rival election candidate or party, in order to point out supposed flaws and to persuade the public not to buy it (or vote for him or her). The Empty Closet maintains, within legal boundaries, neutrality regarding products, political candidates and parties. However, “attack” ads that fail to provide undisputable evidence that the information in the ad is true do not further in any way the objectives and policies of the Gay Alliance or The Empty Closet, including the primary tenet that The Empty Closet’s purpose is to inform the Rochester gay community and to provide an impartial forum for ideas.

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may 2010 • number 434 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet from page 0ne

(Light from page 1) youth present or 20. So, when quiet filled the room on Friday, April 16, I was a bit in awe. Throughout the day, students from all over Monroe County joined together in observing the National Day of Silence. They duct-taped their mouths, wrote greetings on paper or texted with cell phones, their body language grew wide and expressive. And in their silent language -- a passionate message of support for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students.

“According to the 2007 GLSEN National School Climate Survey, approximately 32 percent of LGBT students reported missing a day of school due to feeling unsafe. This is eight times the number of a sample of their heterosexual peers. In the halls, 90 percent of students hear the term ‘gay’ being used in a negative way on a frequent basis. Despite the long travel our community has taken since Stonewall in 1969, homophobia/ transphobia (and the internalized counterpart) is still rampant in the lives of young people. I feel blessed to be part of a pocket of acceptance and a community of support and safety. But for some youth who may live in the same zip code, their household and daily lives are much different.

“Every year, I make dozens of referrals for emergency housing for LGBT youth. I don’t like to call them ‘homeless.’ Because they have homes. The term more fitting would be ‘throw-away’ youth. Kicked out. Rejected. Disowned. With the loss of home often comes loss of family support, religious community, access to previous care providers, health insurance, education and safety. So why do they come out, younger and younger each year?

“I’d like to think that these youth find new families, as so many members of the community have had to do. It’s funny, as the younger generation doesn’t seem to understand the phrase ‘are you family?’ as their elders do. But the surrogate families they create are budding branches of the LGBTQ family tree. I know that our community takes care of ‘its young.’

I see it every day in the bright, cheerful youth center. In the volunteer chaperons, facilitators and donors. I observe it within schools as teachers, both out and closeted, take these kids under their wings and attempt to shelter them from the hateful language and environment that is so often the norm in educational settings.

On the Day of Silence, I am always proud beyond words. For the energy it takes to be silent when the whole of a person wants to scream and be seen. For the courage it takes to return to school day after day, the faith they have that things, indeed, will get better for lgbt students. I believe them.

I believe that in their lifetime, gay marriage will become legal, that GSA clubs will be treated like all other clubs. That the term transgender will be discussed in standard school curriculum.

“For the 200+ students who participated in the Day of Silence rally, they need not worry if their silence was heard... It was thunderous. Heard not only by the schools and politicians that they petition for safety, but also by me (and many other adults in the community) who didn’t have words to express myself at their age, thus the comparable silence was just that -silence.” ■ (DADT from page 1) even former advocate General Colin Powell now calls a policy which should be revoked. The discharge figures for 2009 stand at 443, according to Servicemembers United on April 22.

Soel decided that he could no longer live a lie while he was serving in southern Iraq in 2008-2009. “I was out to most of my unit in Iraq and no one seemed to have a problem with it,” Soel told The Empty Closet. “I still felt the policy was unfair. I decided that coming out was the right thing to do, not only because of the policy, but because of the discrimination

here at home as well. No one who is gay has equal rights.”

When Soel returned from Iraq he served eight or nine months in the Reserve and then came out to his First Sgt. who in turn informed Soel’s commanding officer. Soel said, “I decided resignation was the right thing to do. You’re officially lying, and gay marriage is still against military rules. So I decided that having the option to get married would be better than lying.”

Soel has a partner and would like to marry legally and have children.

He said, “I had dreams of continuing my career, but the policy weighed heavily on me in Iraq and I knew in my next posting I would still have to lie. I couldn’t accept this evil policy and couldn’t end the internalized homophobia – and there is a lot of it.”

Soel’s honorable discharge should come through in several months. “I’ve done everything I could on my end, and now it’s up to my commanding officer,” he said. “I told them it is an unfair policy and I was unwilling to serve. My commanding officer said she didn’t want to discharge me, but if I felt this was the way it had to be, that would be fine. She said she was proud of me for standing up for what I believe in.”

Lt. Dan Choi, who has chained himself to the White House fence to protest DADT twice, most recently on April 20, is an inspiration to Soel. “He’s a combat vet also,” Soel said, “and for him to say it’s an unfair policy inspired me to get out, and I hope it inspires others.

“The part I feel is insulting is that our society feels it can ask gay men and women to go and fight, and literally bleed on the flag to keep it red and yet not give us equal rights – to me that’s an unacceptable level of sacrifice and that’s the reason I came out – to say, I am here and there are thousands like me. The only way we can force the government’s hand is to come out, one by one.”

Although many in Soel’s unit accepted him as gay, he says that homophobia is endemic in the military. “In Iraq, homophobic jokes were made at a sexual harassment and equal opportunity class, when the instructor said that sexual harassment could be male-male and female-female – ‘but we hope not.’

“Gay people just aren’t accepted,” Soel said. “Some people in my unit in Iraq and here at home still have a big problem with this. There are a lot of harassing comments, but if you complain you are outing yourself. It’s a culture of silence.”

He said, “When I joined up in 2006, I knew I’d have to live a lie, and I felt that was OK if I could get a chance to respond to 9/11. But it became harder and harder to lie – and it was for no reason, since I could perform my job just as well as anyone else. It’s something that is always over your head; you know that at any point you could slip and say the wrong thing, or someone could spot you on the street holding hands with your partner and report you. You realize that no matter how much they talk about tolerance, you’re not going to get equal rights. Someone could be a dirtbag soldier and still get rights good gay soldiers don’t have, and that’s just wrong.”

Soel agrees that LGBT military personnel are getting confusing, frustrating mixed messages. The Army needs “warm bodies” – yet discharged 56 crucial Arabic linguists. The Obama administration is trying to get DADT repealed, yet Department of Defense lawyers are simultaneously defending it in court. Soel’s fellow soldiers were mostly accepting of his orientation and he wrote an article critical of DADT for the military newspaper Stars and Stripes, which had no problems printing it – but the Pentagon says that as a gay man he is unacceptable. Then there is the “moral waiver” through which convicted rapists, kidnappers and thieves can be released from prison to join the Army – yet highly qualified gay men and lesbians who want to serve their country and have never committed any crimes are barred as (DADT continues page 7)

NewsFronts LOCAL AND STATE The Mississippi Safe Schools Coalition’s second annual Second Chance Prom will be held on May 8 in downtown Tupelo, Miss. (See article on page A 5)

Older women get free mammograms on May 8

Constance McMillan to be grand marshal for NYC Pride on June 27 NYC Pride announced on April 13 that Constance McMillen will be one of its Grand Marshals for the 41st Annual Manhattan LGBT Pride March, which will occur on June 27. Constance McMillen, a Mississippi high school honors student, fought back when her school told her she couldn’t take her girlfriend to the prom.

“I never dreamed so many people would support my fight to take my girlfriend to the prom, much less that I’d end up being asked to be a Grand Marshal at NYC Pride,” said McMillen, an 18-yearold high school senior from Fulton, Mississippi, adding, “I’m really honored and touched to be asked to be part of this celebration.”

It all started when her school board canceled prom for the entire school – all because Constance McMillen wanted to bring her girlfriend, said Joe Solmonese of the Human Rights Campaign.

“Then parents organized a secret prom. Needless to say, Constance and her girlfriend weren’t invited. They were sent to a different location.

“The school board went to court to defend their bigoted policy of canceling the prom. The court stopped short of forcing them to reinstate the original prom, because the school board told the judge that Constance would be ‘welcome and encouraged to attend’ a private prom sponsored by parents.

“That invitation never came. Instead, when Constance asked the organizers of the private prom about the time and place of the event, she was sent to the fake prom, which was attended by just five other students. The rest of the school partied at a secret location.

“To add bigotry on top of bigotry: two of the people at the fake prom were students with learning difficulties. Clearly they weren’t good enough for the prom either.”

Students then bragged about their “cleverness” online and sent her hate mail.

While McMillen has been ostracized and harassed by her classmates at IAHS over the prom cancellation, her struggle has attracted national and even international support. She was invited to attend the GLAAD Awards with Wanda Sykes, was presented with a $30,000 scholarship check on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and a Facebook group supporting her has attracted over 400,000 supporters.

The American Humanist Association (AHA), along with the Grammy-winning band Green Day and popular singer and performer Lance Bass, will co-sponsor a prom for Mississippi youth, including students from Itawamba County Agricultural High School in Fulton, Miss.

Highland Breast Imaging, in conjunction with the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester and the Cancer Services Program of Monroe County, are celebrating Mothers Day by offering free mammograms to women 40 and older who do not have health insurance or whose health insurance does not cover mammograms.

The date is Saturday, May 8 from 8 a.m. to 12 p.m. at Highland Breast Imaging, 500 Red Creek Drive, Suite 130.

Thanks to a generous donation from the Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester, a Nurse Practitioner will be available to perform clinical breast exams for women who have not had one during the past year.

Massage Therapists will be on hand to provide free 10-minute chair massage after mammograms. Women can schedule appointments with a friend or family member and receive a “buy one get one free” certificate for lunch at Lorraine’s Food Factory.

Parking is free and refreshments will be provided.

Call Highland Breast Imaging at 4873300 to make an appointment in advance.

Women who cannot make the screening day can be scheduled for a different day.

Highland Breast Imaging Center is dedicated to helping women meet their healthcare needs. For more detailed information about screening day or other services, please contact Sue Swift, Coordinator, Patient and Community Relations, at 487-3305.

Pride Agenda wants to “Find Our Friends” Beginning in May, the Empire State Pride Agenda will be launching a new campaign to identify people who support same sex couples’ freedom to marry.

Mary Zicari of the Pride Agenda says, “We know from polling that most New Yorkers are in favor of marriage equality.

But we need to ‘Find Our Friends’ and ask them to join the network of support for LGBT families. We will be conducting one-on-one conversations with thousands of New Yorkers in targeted areas of the state, and we need you to volunteer to ensure the success of this historic effort.”

This campaign, running from May through September, will bring Pride Agenda staff and volunteers in direct contact with New Yorkers across the state to have conversations with thousands of New Yorkers about how LGBT families need access to marriage and the safety net of protections it provides. Until GENDA becomes law, the Pride Agenda will also speak with New Yorkers about the need for transgender civil rights.

Volunteers will go to the places where New Yorkers gather: at weekend street festivals and farmer’s markets, concerts in the park and at evening arts events.

Locally, the organization will be concentrating its efforts across Monroe County, holding a “Find Our Friends” training on Wednesday, May 5.

The training will be in Webinar format, so all that is needed is a telephone and the internet to participate. The first “Find Our Friends” activity will be at the Lilac Festival in mid-May. Anyone interested in learning more or signing up for (Pride continues page 7)

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 434 • may 2010

NewsFronts national and international Comments fly on Catholic church abuse The clergy abuse scandal facing the Catholic church has drawn massive adverse publicity around the world, with the Vatican claiming that the problem is not child abuse or the long term cover-up by church authorities, but rather a diabolical conspiracy of gays, Masons, pro-choice activists and “the media” to damage the church. At the same time, the church continues to oppose marriage equality and to claim that gay parents endanger their children merely by having them.

However, many in Catholic countries are questioning the Vatican’s homophobic policies. Oscar Arias, president of Costa Rica, said in April that the Roman Catholic Church should end its policy of celibacy for priests because it “goes against nature”.

Arias also said, according to the Associated Press, that he supports some civil rights for same sex couples.

DignityUSA, a national Catholic organization serving LGBT Catholics, observed that the recent comments were simply the latest, and most defamatory, in the Vatican’s recent attempts to distract from the unfolding revelations about the Catholic Church’s failure to deal with abusive priests.

“These are just the latest, desperate attempts from the Vatican to change the subject,” said Marianne Duddy-Burke, Executive Director of Dignity USA. “It’s time for our church leaders to stop looking for someone else to blame, and to confront the abuse of power and the cover-ups that are the real root of this scandal.”

GLAAD urges any media that are considering whether to publicize this antigay rhetoric to carefully examine the timing and apparent motives behind the comments.

“There’s a clear pattern here,” said Rashad Robinson, Senior Director of Media Programs at GLAAD. “Every day we seem to be seeing a new attempt by some church leaders to distract people from the real issues at the heart of the abuse crisis. And as the desperation increases, the ugliness of the attacks seems to be worsening.

“If the last two weeks have shown us anything, it’s that if one distraction strategy doesn’t stick, Vatican officials will try another,” Robinson continued.

“Media need to see and understand this latest round of attacks for what it is: ugly, defamatory anti-gay scapegoating that contributes to the hostile climate that gay people face in the U.S. and worldwide. It’s

wrong, it’s unacceptable, and no credible media outlet should be providing a platform for these spurious anti-gay attacks.”

GLAAD is encouraging journalists to talk with groups like the Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests (SNAP), Call to Action, Voice of the Faithful, and other organizations that are giving voice to the victims of clergy abuse and calling for accountability by the church.

Church cuts funding for Maine homeless; Governor fights back The church was a leader in last year’s successful fight to overthrow marriage equality for LGBT citizens of Maine.

Maine’s Catholic bishop recently denied funding to a homeless shelter in Portland on the grounds that the shelter supported marriage rights for same sex couples. The decision implied that opposing recognition of gay families is more important than sheltering the homeless or feeding the hungry.

Pam Spaulding, a Maine resident, wrote on pamshouseblend.com on April 15, “Recently it was announced that Preble Street’s Homeless Voices For Justice program was informed by Bishop Malone that they were losing… funding from the RCC/ Portland Diocese, because of their support of marriage equality.

“Well, that did NOT sit well with our Catholic Governor John Baldacci, who with others quickly organized a spaghetti dinner fundraiser.”

On April 14 at the Portland Italian Heritage Center, Gov. Baldacci personally served each of the 1,000 people who came for a plate of his delicious Baldacci Family recipe spaghetti. Among those bussing tables were Maine Attorney General Janet Mills and Maine Catholics for Marriage Equality head Anne Underwood.

Maine political figures, such as gubernatorial candidates Libby Mitchell and Pat McGowan, were in attendance, showing their support for the homeless center, which will lose over $33,000 in funding from the Catholic church.

Molesting priest shuffled off to Brazil From the investigative piece “Predator priests shuffled around globe,” by AP’s Bradley Brooks and Alessandra Rizzo: “There he was, five decades later, the priest who had raped Joe Callander in Massachusetts. The photo in the Roman Catholic newsletter showed him with a smile across his wrinkled face, near-naked Amazon Indian children in his arms and at his feet. The Rev. Mario Pezzotti was working with children and supervising other priests in Brazil.

“It’s not an isolated example.

“In an investigation spanning 21 countries across six continents, The Associated Press found 30 cases of priests accused of abuse who were transferred or moved abroad. Some escaped police investigations. Many had access to children in another country, and some abused again. “‘The pattern is if a priest gets into trouble and it’s close to becoming a scandal or if the law might get involved, they send them to the missions abroad,’ said Richard Sipe, a former Benedictine monk and critic of what he says is a practice of international transfers of accused and admitted priest child abusers. ‘Anything to avoid a scandal.’”

The man who was abused in Massachusetts, Joe Callander, was 14 when he was raped three times by Pezzoti in 1959 at Xaverian Missionary Faith High School in Holliston, Mass., which is no longer open. There was a settlement in 1993 for $175K; at that time there were at least two other charges that Pezzoti had molested others. The same year, Pezzoti wrote a letter of apology to Callander, in which he said he had “cured himself in the jungle.”

Pezzoti served in the jungle with the Kayapo Indians -- and their children -and he did so from 1970-2003. No word yet on whether any Indian children were raped. But as Pam Spaulding noted, the Catholic Church has taken the moral stand that it needs to protect children -from the terror of marriage equality for gay and lesbian couples.

National gay rights actions set for May National Harvey Milk Day is May 22, the late activist’s birthday. Equality Across America has issued a call to action for Harvey Milk Day and the week leading up to it.

“Inspired and initiated by the National Equality March on Washington, LGBTQ people are taking to the streets and coming together to forge a national grassroots movement,” Equality Across America (EAA), organizer of the March, says.

“They’re tired of corporate-dominated organizing strategies and pleading hat-inhand to politicians and recognize the need for an activist movement with groups rooted firmly on campuses and in communities. That’s what EAA is building.”

On May 2, a DADT protest will take place in Washington D.C. On May 17, the International Day Against Homophobia, EAA calls for a week of local actions, to culminate on Harvey Milk’s Birthday, May 22. The Harvey Milk Day Action will be complemented by a series of regional conferences where activists from Seattle to Gainesville will debate political questions, discuss strategy and tactics and begin developing a broad new leadership.

“Because LGBT people come from all racial, ethnic, national, class and other backgrounds,” says Aiyi’nah Ford, a member of EAA’s Interim National Governing Board, “we believe that winning full equality is inconceivable without building a broad grassroots network of people

— regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. We encourage all grassroots activist groups that support full LGBT equality to affiliate with EAA. In unity there is strength!”

Visit www.equalityacrossamerica.org to learn more about the network, or to share actions from local organizations and organizers.

Obama signs hospital visitation measure On April 15, President Obama signed a presidential memorandum taking important steps to protect the visitation and healthcare decision-making rights of LGBT people.

This action was inspired by last year’s New York Times profile of the tragic experience of partners Lisa Pond and Janice Langbehn. Despite having an advanced healthcare directive, Janice, and the couple’s children, were kept from Lisa’s bedside as she lay dying. Lambda Legal represented Janice in a lawsuit against Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami and worked with them to revise their policies in the wake of the tragedy.

“Discrimination touches every facet of the lives of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people, including at times of crisis and illness, when we need our loved ones with us more than ever,” said HRC President Joe Solmonese. “No one should experience what befell the Pond-Langbehn family, and the President’s action today will help ensure that the indignities Janice and her children faced do not happen to another family.”

Congresswoman Tammy Baldwin said, “President Obama’s decision to direct the Secretary of Health and Human Services to take steps to ensure that hospitals participating in Medicare or Medicaid respect the rights of patients to receive visitors and designate others to make decisions about medical care in the case of an emergency is the right one. It follows the lead of many states and makes a strong statement about who we are as a nation and what we value.

“No one should face the distress of lying ill or injured in a hospital bed with the loved one you designate barred from your bedside for any other than a compelling medical reason. For too long, such access has been arbitrarily denied many individuals, most especially to gay and lesbian Americans.

“President Obama’s action tonight puts us another step closer toward our goal of equal rights for all Americans and I applaud his decision.”

According to the April 15 announcement, the memorandum directs the Secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) to promulgate a regulation requiring all hospitals that receive federal Medicare and Medicaid funding – nearly every hospital in America – to allow patients to designate who may visit them and prohibiting discrimination in visitation based on a number of factors, including sexual orientation and gender identity.

may 2010 • number 434 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet In addition, the memorandum calls on the Secretary to issue new guidance and provide technical assistance to hospitals to help them comply with existing federal regulations that require them to respect individuals’ advanced healthcare directives and other documents establishing who should make healthcare decisions for them when they are unable to do so.

Finally, the memorandum directs HHS to conduct a larger study of the barriers LGBT people and their families face in accessing healthcare.

protecting some of Arkansas’ most vulnerable citizens – children in state care,” said Stacey Friedman, attorney with Sullivan and Cromwell, co-counsel with the ACLU. “The court reached the right result. Our firm is honored to be associated with this effort to protect the kids who just want loving, forever families, as well as the couples who want to provide homes for these kids.”

Arkansas court: gays may adopt, foster

Kate Kendell of the National Center for Lesbian Rights has written a piece about the unspeakable treatment of two elderly gay men by Sonoma Co., Calif, which was featured on The Bilerico Project website.

“Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place: wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.

“One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold’s care from the first moment. County and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes.

“Ignoring Clay’s significant role in Harold’s life, the county continued to treat Harold as if he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf.

Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold’s ‘roommate.’ The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold’s bank accounts to pay for his care.

“What happened next is even more chilling: without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold’s possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together, or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold’s lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.

“Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home.

Because of the county’s actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up

An Arkansas court on April 16 struck down a law challenged by the American Civil Liberties Union that bans any unmarried person who lives with a partner from serving as an adoptive or foster parent in the state of Arkansas.

“We are happy that the court recognized that Act 1 harms Arkansas’s foster children because it eliminates potential qualified parents,” said Holly Dickson, staff attorney with the ACLU of Arkansas. “We have a critical shortage of homes now and this ban was denying good, loving homes to our most vulnerable children.”

The ACLU filed its complaint against the law, known as Act 1, in December 2008. Plaintiffs participating in the case included a lesbian couple who adopted an Arkansas foster child before Act 1 was passed and would like to open their home to a second special needs child; a grandmother who was barred by Act 1 from adopting her own grandchild and several married heterosexual couples who would have been prohibited by Act 1 from arranging for certain friends or relatives to adopt their children if they die or become incapacitated.

“As the proud parents of a former foster child, we are relieved that the court recognized how Act 1 harms the many children in the state in need of homes,” said Wendy Rickman, who, along with her partner of 11 years, Stephanie Huffman, would like to provide a home to another child in need.

In the order, Judge Christopher C. Piazza of the Pulaski County Circuit Court held that the law casts an unreasonably broad net and did not “serve the State’s interest in determining what is in the best interest of the child.” He also noted that he was troubled by the fact that the law targeted gay people. The state of Arkansas is expected to appeal the decision.

“This law was harmful to families and children,” said Christine Sun, senior counsel with the ACLU Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Project. “The discriminatory policies embodied by this law did a disservice to children in need of a loving home by reducing the number of potential adoptive and foster parents. We are delighted that the court has found that it should not stand.”

“This case was fundamentally about

Bias wrecks lives of California gay seniors

until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property. The only memento Clay has is a photo album that Harold painstakingly put together for Clay during the last three months of his life.”

The case is Greene v. County of Sonoma et al.

Senate passes Feingold resolution against Uganda anti-gay bill The U.S. Senate has unanimously passed a resolution introduced by U.S. Senators Russ Feingold (D-WI), Tom Coburn (R-OK), Ben Cardin (D-MD) and Susan Collins (R-ME) calling on members of the Ugandan Parliament to reject the so-called “Anti-Homosexuality Bill.”

The bill, which was introduced in the Ugandan parliament in October 2009, would expand penalties for homosexuality in Uganda to include the death penalty, and require citizens to report information about homosexuals to the police or face imprisonment.

In addition to condemning the proposed legislation in Uganda, the bipartisan resolution also urges all countries around the world to reject and repeal similar laws that criminalize homosexuality, and encourages the United States Department of State to closely monitor human rights abuses based on sexual orientation. In addition to the proposed bill in Uganda, there are laws on the books in nations around the world criminalizing homosexuality. In several countries, including Iran, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia and Sudan, the punishments for homosexuality include the death penalty.

“I am glad that so many political, religious and civic leaders in Uganda and around the world have spoken out against this hateful and dangerous bill before the Ugandan Parliament. Sadly, this legislation is just one example of actions taken around the world to restrict the rights of people just because of their gender or sexual orientation. We need to speak out consistently against all such discrimination. The Senate’s passage of this resolution begins to move us in that direction, and I will continue working with my colleagues and the administration to continue to address this issue,” said Feingold, Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Subcommittee on African Affairs.

The resolution reads: Calling on members of the Parliament in Uganda to reject the proposed ‘‘AntiHomosexuality Bill’’, and for other purposes.

Whereas a bill introduced on October 14, 2009, by a member of Parliament in Uganda would expand penalties for homosexuality to include the death penalty and requires citizens to report information about homosexuality to the police or face imprisonment; Whereas many countries criminalize homosexuality, and in some countries, such as Iran, Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, and

A5 Sudan, the penalty for homosexuality includes the death penalty; Whereas the United States, in seeking to promote the core American principles of equality and ‘‘Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness,’’ has long championed the universality of human rights; Whereas religious leaders in the United States, along with representatives from the Vatican and the Anglican Church, have stated that laws criminalizing homosexuality are unjust; and Whereas the people and Government of the United States recognize that such laws undermine our commitment to combating HIV/AIDS globally through the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) by stigmatizing and criminalizing vulnerable communities: Now, therefore, be it Resolved, That the Senate— (1) calls on members of the Parliament in Uganda to reject the ‘‘Anti-Homosexuality Bill’’ recently proposed in that country; (2) urges the governments of all countries to reject and repeal similar criminalization laws; and (3) encourages the Secretary of State to closely monitor human rights abuses that occur because of sexual orientation and to encourage the repeal or reform of laws such as the proposed ‘‘Anti-Homosexuality Bill’’ in Uganda that permit such abuses.

ACLU sues Miss. school again for cruelty to lesbian student The American Civil Liberties Union filed legal papers on April 22 in federal court on behalf of lesbian high school student Constance McMillen regarding a cruel plan to put on a “decoy” prom for her while the rest of her classmates were at a private prom 30 miles away.

The amended complaint alleges that the district’s violation of the free speech rights of McMillen, an 18-year-old high school senior who sued her school for canceling the prom rather than let her attend with her girlfriend, have repeatedly caused McMillen to be humiliated and harassed.

“I really hoped that prom night would make all that I’ve been through worth it, then April 2 came and those hopes went out the window,” said McMillen. “All I ever wanted was to go to my school prom with my classmates and my date, like anyone else, and instead I was the target of a mean, nasty joke.”

On March 23, the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Mississippi issued a preliminary ruling in McMillen’s case that school officials violated McMillen’s First Amendment rights when it canceled the high school prom rather than let McMillen attend with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo. The court stopped short of ordering Itawamba Agricultural High School (IAHS) to put the school prom back on the calendar relying on assurances that an alternative “private” prom being (NewsFronts continues page 8)

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 434 • may 2010

Interview A Conversation with Joe Tarver: ESPA’s Interim Executive Director

By Ove Overmyer In a varied career that includes several major victories for the LGBT community, Joe Tarver brings to his new position as Interim Executive Director of the Empire State Pride Agenda (ESPA) a proven track record of accomplishment and a management style that has won him praise from his peers.

Many colleagues say that Joe has garnered a keen marketing acumen from both the public and private sectors, and has rubbed elbows with countless rough and tumble political operatives who have been rolling in and out of Washington D.C. since 1986. His ability to lead the organization through a transition period was never questioned.

Joe became the Interim Executive Director on March 1, when Alan Van Capelle left ESPA after seven prosperous years. Van Capelle now works for the New York City Comptroller’s office.

Tarver says Van Capelle is now one of the highest paid openly gay government employees in N.Y.C. Many new laws and changes in government policies benefiting the LGBT community occurred under Alan Van Capelle’s leadership, and Tarver thinks the most critical impact Alan had on the Pride Agenda was his strong organizational skills.

Tarver began his employment with ESPA back in 2001, just before the Sexual Orientation Non Discrimination Act (SONDA) became law in New York State.

Joe served as Managing Director of Operations, responsible for the day-to-day work of the Pride Agenda. Earlier, Joe was the Pride Agenda’s Communications Director, playing key roles in the Pride Agenda’s groundbreaking work with gay and lesbian survivors of 9/11 victims, building bipartisan support that resulted in the passage of SONDA in 2002, and furthering the organization’s current public policy and legislative priorities.

In Washington, D.C., Joe was Director of the Office of White House Liaison at the Department of State during the first Clinton Administration and was one of a group of first-ever openly gay political appointees by any Presidential Administration.

Before that, he was a senior aide to Presidential Transition Committee Deputy Director Mark Gearan and assistant to Treasurer Robert Farmer on the 1992 Clinton for President Campaign and part of the Campaign’s senior finance staff.

From 1986-1990 he was in the private sector, first with the public affairs com-

Joe Tarver

pany Arnold and Porter Consultants and then with Cassidy and Associates. He was also a Legislative Aide in the U.S. House of Representatives for Texas Congressman Solomon Ortiz.

The Empty Closet caught up with Joe a few weeks ago. He said, “My first priority is to keep the Pride Agenda strong and to make progress on the important work that must be done for our community while a new Executive Director is being hired. I have to say, however, that I am very fortunate because we have an incredibly talented staff here at the Pride Agenda, a solid work plan in place for 2010 and a Board that is committed to seeing that we move forward without a hiccup during this transition period. I want the new Executive Director to take over an organization that is already poised to win this year and next in Albany on marriage equality, GENDA and Dignity for All Students.”

Tarver says hiring the new Executive Director is a Board-driven process that includes input from many LGBT leaders and our allies from across the state, including some from the Rochester area.

He added, “The Board has indicated its goal of having the new person in place by the spring and perhaps even by the Rochester Spring Dinner on May 22. If not then, I feel sure it will be soon thereafter.” The Spring Dinner in Rochester is one of the largest annual fundraisers for the nonprofit organization.

Tarver added that he is not a candidate for the position and this was a decision he communicated to the Board at the same time he was asked to step up to become the Interim Executive Director.

Many ESPA Board members, and Tarver, quickly admit that Rochester has always been a fundamental part of achieving LGBT equality and justice in New York State. Historically, Rochester has led

the state in victories for our community, even ahead of seemingly more progressive places like New York City. Tarver said, “Because it is such a population center — both for LGBT people and for deeply committed allies — the Pride Agenda recognizes that both the institutional support and community activism of Rochester is essential for legislative and social progress statewide on LGBT issues.”

On March 13, Tarver traveled to a cold and rainy Rochester to hear what local activists had to say. He told The Empty Closet after his visit, “We’re all New Yorkers, but we do approach LGBT issues differently. There’s a great deal of value in the viewpoints that I may not hear, living downstate in NYC. When I first started with ESPA, my first trip outside NYC as the then Communications Director was to Rochester to meet the community. So it was entirely appropriate that my first trip as the Interim Executive Director was again to Rochester to hear the concerns and viewpoints of those who are doing the day-to-day local work that’s necessary to win statewide equality.”

Asked point-blank why Rochesterians should support ESPA, Tarver said, “We can’t win statewide equality without the work of our allies across the state. Rochesterians’ powerful advocacy and contributions don’t just help us win our statewide legislative priorities — they also make a huge difference directly in your community.”

Tarver added, “Critical funds raised from events like the Spring Dinner go directly to the work we are doing in and around Monroe County, including trainings for local Marriage Ambassadors, organizing local union members and staff, and strengthening relationships with faith leaders through work with the Rochester Interfaith Alliance. Rochester’s support also helps us secure millions of dollars in state funding for the members of our LGBT Health and Human Services Network, including local organizations like GAGV, MOCHA, AIDS Care and Rainbow SAGE.”

Tarver sounds convinced that ESPA will continue as a leader in the fight for full equality for all New Yorkers. Looking forward to the Spring Dinner later this month, he added, “What stands out is how much the LGBT community in Rochester is an integral part of the fabric of the political and social life of the city. I don’t see this anywhere else in New York State and it’s a really special experience.”

Asked about the long-term vision for the Pride Agenda, Tarver said, “The Pride Agenda exists to achieve equality under the law for LGBT people, with the larger goal of justice for all. Winning legislation is just one step — we also need to make sure that these laws, once passed, are implemented fully and that LGBT New Yorkers have every opportunity to live full lives. Our relationships with allies who care about our issues will continue to be important as we work toward the larger vision of racial, economic and social justice for all people.” ■

may 2010 • number 434 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet from page 0ne

(DADT from page 1) “immoral”.

So what is next for Joe Soel after his discharge comes through? “The next step for me is working on a book about serving under DADT in Iraq,” he said.

“I comment on a variety of political issues involved in war and on internalized homophobia. It’s the power of an entire organization against an isolated individual who may not realize that there are other gay people in the same unit or battalion.

It’s constantly looking over your shoulder.

I’ll have to wait until I’m out to publish.

“I’ll look for work as a stylist and settle down with my partner and hopefully raise a family in the Rochester area – and just live in peace.”

Although marriage is not yet legal for Soel and his partner in NYS, they can marry elsewhere and have their marriage recognized here. “I feel like staying in under this policy would take away my chance of marrying and having a family before my term of service expires in 2014.

I don’t want to wait that long.”

He ended, “I would like to say that I still love the people in my unit like brothers and they want the same things out of life that I do – which is a home and a family. They are straight and can have that.

As long as I wear the uniform I can’t – and after serving in Iraq I find that totally unacceptable.

“My First Sgt. was respectful of me when I came out, and helped me – I have the greatest respect for him and my commanding officer. In spite of the attitudes of the institution, most people in it are good, decent people.

“I need to speak out. If I’m silent and just take my discharge and walk away, then I’m not fulfilling my responsibility to stand up for what I believe.” ■ (CRF from page 1) ruary “Out of the Closets and Into the Streets” conference, and the group that organized two buses to Washington, DC for the National Equality March, is planning a local action for Harvey Milk Week at Rochester’s City Hall. The rally will take place on Friday, May 21.

CRF says, “We need people to help us plan this event and participate in a rally outside, and also people who are interested in participating in a direct action.”

The CRF has regular planning meetings each Tuesday at 7 p.m. at Equal Grounds, 750 South Ave. For more information, contact the group at rochesterCRF@gmail.com. ■ (Linked from page 1) 2 p.m. “Linked-by-Love” t-shirts will be provided to those who register by Monday, May 17.

Also, on Wednesday, May 19 at 7 p.m. there will be a free screening of the documentary “The Times of Harvey Milk” at the Gay Alliance’s Youth Center. Light refreshments will be served.

Contact Todd Plank at 278-4190 or Anne Tischer at 426-0862. ■ local and state

( Pride Agenda continued from page 3) the training should contact Mary Zicari, at the Empire State Pride Agenda (585271-2420) or mzicari@prideagenda.org.

3,000 letters of support for GENDA The campaign to pass GENDA (the Gender Expression Non Discrimination Act) is moving forward. Advocates from around New York State have continued educating their State Senators about the importance of passing this civil rights bill.

During the first quarter of the year, activists and volunteers helped collect and distribute close to The Pride Agenda organized a letter drop day in early March. Those letters were delivered by trans activists from around the state. The Statewide GENDA Call-In Day was implemented

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in late March, and in-district meetings are continuing in key Senate Districts across the state.

If you would like to participate in an in-district meeting, or are interested in working with the Pride Agenda and being involved in this campaign, advocates from key districts will be traveling to Albany on May 11 to meet with key senators who are crucial to the passage of GENDA before the end of session in 2010. For more information about key districts, please contact Mary Zicari at the Empire State Pride Agenda (585-271-2420) or at mzicari@ prideagenda.org.

Vandals hit Manhattan LGBT Center on April 14 The New York City Anti-Violence Project (AVP) expressed outrage at an incident that occurred on April 14, at the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center (The Center) in Manhattan.

Staff members arriving to work discovered a burned rainbow flag hanging on a poster display case outside The Center. Center staff immediately contacted the NYPD and called AVP to report this despicable act of hate violence. The NYPD’s Hate Crimes unit is handling the investigation and AVP is working with the NYPD and The Center to respond to this incident. Over 100 people rallied outside the Center on April 21 to protest the vandalism.

“Hate violence comes not only in the form of physical assault, but in the bias, harassment, bullying and intimidation that LGBTQ people face every day,” said Sharon Stapel, Executive Director of the New York City Anti-Violence Project.

“This act of hate, aimed at The Center, a valued and valuable space for LGBTQ community members, cannot be tolerated in a city and world as diverse as ours.”

“The act of hate demonstrated outside the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center in the Village is unacceptable,” said Council Speaker Christine C. Quinn. “I was angered and deeply disturbed when I heard someone would go to such great lengths to burn a rainbow flag and pin it to the outside of the building. The Center has long been a safe space for LGBT people and will continue to serve New Yorkers who need specific health and social resources. We will continue to combat hate through education to ensure spaces like the Center stay safe. We will continue to speak out against hate and to ensure spaces like the Center stay safe. Our community will continue to stand up against all acts of hate.”

“I was deeply aggrieved and angered to hear that the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Community Center was vandalized under the cover of darkness Tuesday night,” said New York State Senator Tom Duane. “The Center represents an entire community whose sense of security has been violated by this targeted violence, but we will not be intimidated and we will not be victimized. The Center is working with the New York City Police Department’s 6th precinct and Hate Crimes Unit and the New York City Anti-Violence Project to respond to this apparent hate crime and I am confident that those responsible will be brought to justice. This event is only the latest indicator of the continued need to reduce ignorance, hatred and bigotry in our society.”

“I am appalled by the recent hate crime incident at the LGBT Community Center,” said Assembly Member Danny O’Donnell. “Leaving a burned pride flag at the symbolic doorstep of our community is an act of intimidation that should be condemned by every New Yorker. I am grateful that the New York Police Department is taking this incident seriously and will make every effort to catch the culprit and bring them to justice. As an out and proud member of this community and patron of the LGBT Center, I will do everything in my power to ensure that the Center remains a safe space.”

(Local & State continues page 8)

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 434 • may 2010 local and state

(Local & State continued from page 7) “The LGBT community will not be intimidated by acts of vandalism directed at this important institution in our community,” said Assembly Member Deborah Glick. “We stand united with the broader Village community to ensure the safety all those who visit the Center.”

“This chilling act of hate reminds us that despite the gains the LGBT community has made violent intolerance is still a very real and disquieting aspect of our society,” said Assembly Member Micah Z. Kellner. “It is critical that justice is delivered swiftly because it sends a message — particularly to LGBT youth — that civil society does not align itself with bigotry, but rather embraces the diversity that makes our city great. As an openly bisexual man, I understand acutely how important these messages are in the social and emotional health of the younger members of our community. I am pleased to learn that the NYPD has acted appropriately in the investigation of this deplorable hate crime.”

“The LGBT community is a strong and proud community that will not be intimidated by cowardly acts of ignorance. Intolerance like this should not be tolerated by anyone,” said Assemblymember Matthew Titone.

“This hateful act is yet another reminder of how far we have to go toward making our City one that is free of hatred and bigotry at all times and for all people,” said Council Member Jimmy Van Bramer of Queens. “I am confident that the NYPD, along with the help of New Yorkers, will find those responsible for this attempt at intimidation.” ■ national and international

(NewsFronts continued from page 5) planned by parents would be open to all students, including McMillen.

However, according to legal papers, at a meeting with school officials, parents then decided to cancel that private prom without notifying McMillen because they did not want to allow McMillen to attend, instead organizing a “decoy” prom for McMillen and her date and still another prom for the rest of the class.

McMillen and her date then attended the event the school had told her was “the prom for juniors and seniors” on April 2, where they found only seven other students attending. Principal Trae Wiygul and several school staff members were supervising that event while most of McMillen’s classmates were at the other prom in Evergreen, Mississippi.

“Constance is a very brave young woman, and she has suffered tremendously because of the animosity and hate she’s felt coming from her classmates and her community which the school’s actions have encouraged,” said Kristy Bennett, Legal Director of the ACLU of Mississippi. “Even after a federal court found that the school violated her constitutional rights, an 18-year-old girl has been made the scapegoat and an outsider in the town where she’s lived all her life. For the school to subject Constance to this type of hostility is simply inexcusable.”

The amended complaint contains new details about events that have taken place since the ACLU first filed McMillen’s case on March 11, including about the way her classmates have treated her. Most of McMillen’s classmates no longer speak to her, and some

have posted Facebook messages saying they wish she were dead and sent her such text messages as, “I don’t know why you come to this school because no one likes your gay ass anyways.”

In response to the court’s March 23 order, the complaint also adds a request for compensatory damages for an amount to be determined later at trial.

“After the court ruled that IAHS acted illegally when it canceled the prom, we hoped that Constance would be able to attend the private prom without further incident,” said Christine P. Sun, Senior Counsel with the ACLU national LGBT Project, who represents McMillen along with the ACLU of Mississippi.

“But instead there was a malicious plan to further ostracize and humiliate her. It is hard to conceive of adults behaving in such a cruel way.”

McMillen is represented by Bennett and Sun, as well as by Norman C. Simon, Joshua Glick, and Jason Moff of Kramer Levin Naftalis & Frankel LLP, and Alysson Mills of New Orleans.

The case name is Constance McMillen v. Itawamba County School District, et al. Additional information is available at www.aclu.org/lgbt-rights/fultonms-prom-discrimination. There is also a Facebook group for people who want to support McMillen, “Let Constance Bring Her Girlfriend to the Prom,” at www.facebook.com/pages/Let-Constance-TakeHer-Girlfriend-to-Prom/357686784817.

APA revises DSM statement on gender identity; much more remains to be done The American Psychiatric Association (APA) proposes changes to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

The public comment phase of the review process ended April 20.

“Upon reviewing the APA’s proposed revisions, it appears that they no longer consider gender identity that differs from birth sex to be a basis for psychiatric diagnosis,” said Human Rights Campaign Associate Director of Diversity Allyson Robinson. “By focusing instead on the experience of incongruence, an often distressing conflict between a person’s physical characteristics and their sense of gender identity, the APA has made an important step toward the destigmatization of transgender lives.”

While affirming this shift, HRC President Joe Solmonese pressed the APA to do more. “These diagnostic categories are frequently used by opponents of equality to deny basic civil rights to transgender Americans, and in that way become a significant source of emotional distress themselves,” said Solmonese.

“The APA must address this heinous practice and do more to empower mental health professionals as they seek to heal the damage caused by stigma, bias, and prejudice.”

HRC also called in its commentary for the complete removal of “transvestic disorder,” which pathologizes maleto-female cross-dressing, from the final DSM-5 document.

“The persistence of this archaic category contradicts the positive shift the APA made with gender incongruence and tacitly affirms an understanding of gender based in sexism, not science,” said Solmonese.

The proposed changes are slated to go into effect in 2013. ■

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Pride Family Day at the Memorial Art Gallery When: Saturday July 17, 12-3pm Where: Memorial Art Gallery (Parking in the Memorial Art Gallery lot is free for participants.)

Cost: $5 (Six and under free) The Experience: Upon entering the Gallery, register children at the Pride table for an art class (taught in one of the MAG classrooms by a professional artist). Three different times will be offered. Visit the museum collection or take a guided tour and see the wondrous art that lives right here in Rochester. Then take a walk on the grounds. You never know what you might encounter: the bubble man, a face painter or one of Rochester’s finest storytellers spinning a yarn. Don’t forget the Parade starts at 3pm so get a good seat along Goodman Street. Most of all enjoy Pride with your family and your community. RSVP to (585) 244-8640 ext. 16 Contact: Brian Doran, Gay Alliance (585) 244–8640, ext. 16.

E-mail: BrianD@GayAlliance.org or Karen Goulet, Pride & Joy Families (585) 244-8640, ext. 37 E-mail: kgoulet@prideandjoyfamilies.org

may 2010 • number 434 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet

A broad selection of wines from around the world

Fine Wines & Spirits at Corn Hill Landing

Gift Certificates Available 260 Exchange Street • Rochester • 232-5530 Mon-Sat: 10am-8pm • Sunday: 12-5pm Regular Friday wine tastings through September Save the date:

May 22 for our grand opening We are three blocks from downtown.

One & one-half blocks south of the War Memorial.

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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 434 • may 2010

Pride 2010 Welcome to Pride 2010 Corner!

This is where you can learn about the progress in planning for Pride 2010. We want you to know what is happening, and we want you to share this information with all those you love – let’s get our straight pals involved too!

Mark your Calendars!

Saturday, July 10: .....Gay Day at Seabreeze, 11am-4pm Sunday, July 11: ........Rainbow Flag Raising at City Hall, RGMC to perform; Tea Dance at Boulder Coffee, Clinton Avenue Monday, July 12: .......Youth Pride Dance Friday, July 16: ..........Pride Kick-Off at the Strathallan Hotel Saturday, July 17: . ....Pride Parade Registration forms online now!

Theme is “Living History” Saturday, July 17:.......Festival, Headliner - Amber (same location as last year: parking lot on College Street behind Auditorium Theatre Sunday, July 18: ........Pride Picnic, New Family Area, Genesee Valley Park, 1-7pm

Pride in May:

Attend Pride 2010 meetings if you have ideas and/or want to get involved. May 18 in the Gay Alliance Youth Center, 6pm.

If you enjoyed last year’s Pride events, you, your friends and family will love to attend all the events this year!

We have no formal May PRIDE 2010 fundraisers or events. In June, the Laramie Project - 10 Years Later on 6/24-26 will be a benefit for PRIDE 2010. Please see ad on page B-20 in this Empty Closet.

PRIDE GUIDE coming in June EC! PRIDE-fully, Pride 2010 Co-Chairs: Carrie Vernon and Michael J. Hardy

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History Corner History Corner Famous Midge Costanza quotes: Human dignity is a right, not a privilege, a right inherited at birth.

The goal of all governments should be to create a social environment in which every person can reach their full potential.

I’m not a woman who just happens to be an Assistant to the President… I’m an Assistant to the President who just happens to be a woman.

The White House should be the president’s window to the nation, a place where the people can voice what they want, what they feel and what they need.

When anybody’s rights are threatened, nobody’s rights are secure.

We cannot expect government to guarantee equal results -- but… we can expect government to provide and guarantee equal opportunity.

When we start electing and appointing mediocre women -- then, and only then, we will achieve total equality with men.

The right to choose your own destiny -- it’s not what you choose that merits respect; it’s the right to make that choice.

I have come a long way. Was it because I earned it? I don’t know. Is it because I had opportunities that kinda fell before me, and I made the right choices? I don’t know. All I know is, I’m very proud to have participated in my life. I feel that I’ve never wasted it or disrespected this opportunity of making choices and going as far as I can.

A daughter of Italian immigrants from Rochester, New York, who never went to college, I say to those people who ask if I’m qualified to make comments or to call myself a leader, I say to them: Out of 23 million Americans in the United States, the president asked me to help him serve and run the most powerful government in the world. I think I’m qualified.

Shoulders To Stand On: Midge Costanza, an icon of women’s rights

By Evelyn Bailey Margaret “Midge” Costanza, a trailblazing Rochester political figure and social and political activist who rose to become a presidential adviser, has died.

Ms. Costanza, 77, died in San Diego on March 23, after a battle with cancer. Midge, as she is remembered by Rochestarians, was born Nov. 28, 1932, in LeRoy, Genesee County, to Philip Joseph Costanza and Concetta (Granata) Costanza. When she was five, the family moved to Rochester, where Midge attended School 33 and graduated from

East High School in 1950.

Politics had been a consuming sideline for Midge Costanza since 1954, when she became a “boiler room girl” for Averell Harriman’s gubernatorial campaign. Two years later she worked for Adlai Stevenson. She entered politics in 1959 as an executive committee member of the 22nd Ward of Rochester. In 1964, she managed the senatorial campaign in Monroe County for Sen. Robert Kennedy, and became vice-chairman of the local Democratic committee. She was the first woman elected to the Rochester city council in 1973, and then became the city’s vice-mayor. “If Bella Abzug and Gloria Steinem had not started it, I’d never have been considered a serious candidate,” Midge said.

“She was the leading vote-getter when we all ran in 1973 and took the city back from the Republicans. She was a great campaigner, no doubt about it,” said former city councilor John “Jerry” G. Curran.

“She brought enormous vitality to the political life of Rochester in the late ‘60s and early ‘70s,” former city councilor Chris Lindley said. “I think she had an ability to connect with people that was quite remarkable.”

Former Mayor William A. Johnson said that Ms. Costanza was “a natural politician” and noted, “Many may have wanted to see her become the first female mayor in Rochester.”

Her effort to unseat the GOP’s entrenched Rep. Barber Conable Jr. in 1974 was unavailing, except that she met Jimmy Carter, who came to campaign for her. When Carter announced his candidacy for president, she served as co-chairwoman of his New York state campaign.

He asked her to second his nomination at the 1976 Democratic National Convention. Carter later appointed her to the post of Assistant to the President for Public Liaison to youth, the elderly, minorities, women, gays and lesbians.

“The White House should be the president’s window to the nation,” Costanza said. “(It should be) a place where the people can voice what they want, what they feel and what they need.”

Bob Burke, another openly gay longtime politico who runs his own political consulting company, worked in the White House and remembers Midge this way: “I had just started working in the Carter Administration when this power package of a woman strode up to me and said, ‘We’re unique here.’ She had found out that I worked for Robert F. Kennedy in Los Angeles in the Presidential Campaign of 1968 and she had worked for him in the 1964 Senatorial campaign, as well as the Presidential race. The inner circle of the Carter White House was

not partial to the Kennedys (as the 1980 Democratic presidential primary would bear out). We were walking on eggshells.”

In 1977, Midge Costanza facilitated a historic meeting of lesbian and gay activists in the White House, the first meeting of its kind. The late Jean O’Leary, then the co-executive director (with Bruce Voeller) of the National Gay Task Force, was one of those present and remembered Midge’s opening remarks: “This is the first time in the history of this country that a president has seen fit to acknowledge the rights and needs of some 20 million Americans. We are highly optimistic that it will soon lead to complete fulfillment of President Carter’s pledge to end all forms of federal discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.”

The Rev. Troy Perry, who founded the Metropolitan Community Church in 1967, sighed with deep sorrow when told the news of Midge’s passing. Troy recalled: “I met Midge in 1977 as one of the first gays and lesbians to be invited to the White House to talk to the federal government. Midge welcomed us to the White House for that historical meeting. In the 1980s, she was honored by the Metropolitan Community Churches for her work for the gay community. Midge and I both spoke to the Western Gay Pride organizations at the end of January this year (2010). While I know – because she told me – that she was a closeted lesbian – she always fought for LGBT rights and for that, I will always be grateful.”

But Midge wasn’t solely focused on gay rights. She was also a strong advocate for women’s rights, as longtime lesbian politico Diane Abbitt remembers: “I knew Midge very well during the Carter International Women’s Year era. She and Bella Abzug were quite a pair. She did so much for all marginalized Americans and especially for the LGBT community. She was the first person in any administration to formally recognize our community and the discrimination we experience. She was smart and funny. People loved her

Disappearing disappearing Disappearing Disappearing LGBT Records are Disappearing

Records are no longer accessible or available due to individuals dying, organizations, agencies, and groups relocating, and not having a repository to preserve records.

Help preserve Rochester’s GLBT history

The Gay Alliance in conjunction with the Documentary Heritage Program wants to be sure the record of work done by these groups and their impact on Rochester and the Genesee Valley region survive as a part of New York State’s rich cultural, political, social and economic history.

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and, upon meeting her, felt that she was a longtime friend. Midge was a unique individual who took her opportunity to serve, to recognize and give credibility to the plight of others.”

Her forthright manner and occasionally biting humor brought Midge, who once described herself as “a loudmouthed, pushy little broad,” the admiration of some, but rankled others.

After resigning from her White House job in 1978, Midge moved to Los Angeles. During the ‘80s she became a vice president of a West Los Angeles film company. In 1990, she moved to San Diego, where she worked on several political campaigns. For West Hollywood City Councilmember and civil rights attorney John Duran, who chaired the board of LIFE Lobby during the 1990s, Midge was a mentor: “Midge Costanza was an early teacher for many of us after Harvey Milk’s death. She taught us about having access to power and was one of the first who demanded that we have a seat at the table.”

From 2000 to 2003, she was a spe(Shoulders continues on page 16)

Organizational records: Financial, Minutes of Meetings, Formal and Informal Records - Written and Electronic, Public Relations Material, Posters, Informational Brochures, Event Advertising Flyers, Correspondence To and From, Photographs, Ephemera. Individual Collections: Gay Civil Rights, HIV AIDS, Religious Response to GLBT Community, Political Development at Local, State, and Federal level. Publications (other than the Empty Closet).

If you have any information you can share, to identify and locate these records, Contact GAGV or the Archival Consultant, Nicole Menarchem, at NicoleM@gayalliance.org or (585) 244-8640 x32

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16 A (Shoulders from page 13) cial assistant to Gov. Gray Davis of California, serving as a liaison to women’s groups. In 2003, Ms. Costanza founded the Midge Costanza Institute for the Study of Politics and Public Policy, affiliated with the women’s studies department at San Diego State University In 2005 she became a public affairs officer for the San Diego District Attorney’s Office.

“I’m the first woman DA in San Diego because Midge paved the way,” said Bonnie Dumanis, a former judge and now the San Diego County District Attorney, for whom Midge worked as a public affairs officer since 2005. “She helped me in my judicial races. That’s how we met. Midge was just a wonder — effervescent, irreverent, revered and adored by so many people. I’m just beginning to see how many people she has touched through the students she has worked with, politicians she has worked with, attorneys she has worked with. It’s such a big loss to all of us.”

Bonnie Dumanis also said that Jimmy Carter called Midge a week or so before she died. She said, “He called and told her she was in his and Rosalynn’s thoughts and prayers and thanked her for all she did for the country.”

Hilary Rosen, now a Democratic political strategist who also works with the Huffington Post, was a board member for HRCF. Of Midge, Hilary said, “Midge was an LGBT rights pioneer of the inside game. From her high ranking but closeted perch in the Carter White House, Midge created inclusion where none existed before. She burst out of that closet years later and became a wonderful firebrand – cementing her important place in LGBT history.”

“On behalf of the board of directors and staff of The San Diego LGBT Community Center, I want to express our deep sadness at the passing of Midge Costanza,” said Dr. Delores A. Jacobs, chief executive officer for The Center. “She was truly a pioneer in our movement, and

the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 434 • may 2010 made historic contributions to the struggle for equality for women and the LGBT community. Our thoughts go out to all those who cherished Midge,” Jacobs said.

“We have all lost a dedicated champion and a strong and forceful advocate for true social justice and equality.”

“From her days on the City Council of Rochester, NY, to the White House staff, to her recent service on the staff of District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis, Midge never lost sight of her one true purpose in life: to make our nation a better place, where women are full and equal partners, not just in theory – but in every real aspect of our lives from the classroom to the boardroom to the White House.

She was an amazing friend to us all,” said Vince Hall, vice president of public affairs and communications for Planned Parenthood in San Diego and Riverside Counties.

Former Rochester City Council President Lois Geiss said that Midge, a strong supporter of woman’s rights, “certainly paved the way for the rest of us and made it possible for all who followed.... She was a trailblazer.”

Assemblyman Joseph Morelle, D-Irondequoit, chairman of the Monroe County Democratic Party, said, “Midge Costanza became a national figure, something that local Democrats were very proud of.” Mayor Robert Duffy echoed the same sentiments.

There is no doubt that Midge Costanza has left her mark on the political life of Rochester and the country. Shoulders To Stand On is proud and humbled to recognize Midge Costanza as an icon Midge Costanza of liberation and equality whose contributions will not be forgotten and who continues to live in the hearts and minds of all those she touched. ■

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Making the Scene

SCENEMAKERS OF THE MONTH: Sherwin Bethel prepares a pomegranate martini and Liza drops by at Mamooche Bistro. Gay Alliance raffles and many other events often take place at the fabulous new restaurant at the corner of East Ave. and Alexander (that round building). Photos: Susan Jordan

CASINO NIGHT: Top left/right: Jeanne Gainsberg/Michael Hardy.

Above: Sue Cowell, Gay Alliance Executive Director, with Carrie Vernon and Tom Ferrarese of the Board, at 140 Alex for a March fundraiser.

Photos: Laura McSpadden

NEARLY WED: The panel at the Nearly Wed Game on March 24 at the Gay Alliance Youth Center. Photo: Bess Watts

PAW PROTESTS: Mary Ann Sanford, Pride At Work Member, at the County contract protest on March 9. Photos: Bess Watts

Tax Day Unhappy Hour: The EqualityROC executive board - Todd Plank, Mir Buchanan, Anne Tischer and Blanche Harling – at 140 Alex after the Tax Day protest. Photo: Bess Watts

SINS OF SCRIPTURE: Rev. Jim Mulcahy, Judy Pfoltzer and Patti LaRosa at the PFLAG workshop on the negative use of the Bible, held at St. Thomas Episcopal Church on April 6. Photos: Bess Watts

Anne Tischer at the PAW protest in defense of County workers.

UNFAIR GAY TAX DAY: 15 people picketed at the Federal Building on April 15. Right: Judy Johnson and Steve Tucker at the protest. Photos: Bess Watts

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LIPSYNCH FOR YOUR LIFE: At RIT’s drag show. Photos: Laura McSpadden

THE LATEST THING: The fabulous fashion show took place at RIT Inn on April 16. Above right: Thomas Warfield. Photos: Laura McSpadden

ON THE AVENUE: A Manhattan Easter by Eric Bellmann

COLORFEST: Top left: Geo Kartheiser and Kris Pumphrey, co-directors of RIT’s Colorfest 2010, at the opening ceremony. Photos: Tony Correa

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