The Empty Closet number 441
Section B Arts, Entertainment and Community
a publication of the gay alliance of the genesee valley
dec-jan 2011
RGMC, RWCC plan holiday concerts Holiday traditions in Rochester’s LGBT community have long included concerts by the Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus and the Rochester Women’s Community Chorus – both are right up there with stuffing the stockings and the turkey and decking the halls. This year, the Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus will present their holiday concert, “The Christmas Experience” on Dec. 3 and Dec. 4 at 8 p.m. at the Hochstein Performance Hall, 50 N. Plymouth Ave. For full information, go to www.thergmc.org. On Dec. 11, the Rochester Women’s Community Chorus concert, “’Tis the Season”, will take place at 7:30 p.m. at Hochstein. Tickets are $12/adult, $10 students/seniors, $7 children 12 and under and are available at Equal=Grounds, Parkleigh, and from Chorus members. Information: 234-4441; www.therwcc.org. ■
David Jason Kyle stars in “The Santaland Diaries” at Blackfriars, Dec. 17-23.
You have to dive in and believe it: Jack Haldoupis and the history of Blackfriars
Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey.
I Love You Phillip Morris opens at Little The Little Theatre will bring the acclaimed film “I Love You Phillip Morris” to Rochester beginning Friday, Dec. 24. The fact-based film stars Jim Carrey as a married con man who falls in love with his cellmate —
Ewan McGregor — and commits all kinds of crazy misdeeds, like breaking out of Texas prisons four times, to be with his lover. The film was adapted from the book I Love You Phillip Morris: A True Story of Life, Love, and Prison Breaks by Steve McVicker. The story begins with Russell (Jim Carrey), on his death(I Love You continues page 4)
By Susan Jordan Jack Haldoupis, artistic director of Blackfriars Theatre, has spent over 30 years honing his skills as director, producer and designer, and in the process has created a successful, professional not-for-profit theatre. The new Blackfriars Theatre at 795 E. Main St., now in its second season, is a testimony to his efforts over the years and to the efforts of innumerable volunteer actors, stage crew, costume designers, carpenters, lighting designers, sound technicians, etc. Blackfriars is now in its 61st year. The December shows are “Shakespeare in Hollywood” (running until Dec. 11) and “The Santaland Diaries” by David Sedaris, from Dec. 17-23 and starring David Jason Kyle. In January, Blackfriars will present the musical revue “Jacques Brel Is Alive and Well and Liv-
ing in Paris,” from Jan. 1-22. (Box office: 454-1260; wwwblackfriars.org.) Not many people know that Blackfriars was founded in 1949 as the Catholic Theatre of Rochester. It has never been connected with the Catholic church, but received the name in recognition of the origins of modern theatre in medieval mystery plays. When it was re-named in 1964, “Blackfriars” was chosen by the board in honor of the original name. Jack Haldoupis has been artistic director for 25 years, and was a guest director for five years previous to that. A native of Webster, he was a successful artist as a young man and gradually became interested in theatre and set design, and then directing. “Joan Dixon, an early board member, championed me,” he says. “My first design job was ‘Man of La Mancha’ and my
Jack Haldoupis
first directing job was a double bill of ‘A Day in Hollywood’ and ‘A Night in the Ukraine’ (a Marx Brothers parody). It made quite an impression because at that time Blackfriars was floundering a bit and didn’t have an artistic director. So it was a bit in decline. “Then the following year I directed and designed a production of ‘Evita’ – everybody said it couldn’t be done. There were two graphic designers who pro(Blackfriars continues page 3)
important to do benefit performances? Mary Callanan: I feel VERY strongly about volunteerism, (Callanan continues page 4)
David Hein and Irene Sankoff
The cast of “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding”.
JCC stages “Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding” JCC CenterStage will present the new musical, “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding” Dec. 4 -19 at the Jewish Community Center, 1200 Edgewood Ave. “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish
Wiccan Wedding” is the outrageous, true story of an adult woman’s journey of self-discovery and the son who turns her life into a hit musical. The musical is written by singer/songwriter David Hein and his wife Irene Sankoff in tribute to David’s real life mother. The authors are coming to Rochester to play themselves in
the show along side a Rochester cast of eight. Set in Canada, where gay marriage has been legal since 2005, the musical explores the life of a divorced woman (Rochester actress Jodi Beckwith) with a teenage son (John Queenan as a teen, author David Hein as an adult) who takes a new job in Canada. On a routine tour of her new city, she meets a lesbian woman (Esther Winter) with whom she ultimately falls in love. The show is a rare opportunity for Rochester actors to work directly with writers during the development process for (JCC stages continues page 4)
Mary Callanan of “Mamma Mia” believes in giving back as volunteer By Susan Jordan Mary Callanan is one of the stars of “Mamma Mia,” playing at the Auditorium Theatre Dec. 10-12. Abba fans take heed! Mary, a Boston native, spoke recently with The Empty Closet about her volunteerism and her delight at heading home for the holidays on a break from a yearlong tour. Empty Closet: I see you have done benefits for Provincetown Cares (breast cancer research and treatment) and for the Fenway Community Health “Men’s Event.” Why do you feel it’s
Tom in tutu.
Thomas Somerville celebrates birthday at Equal=Grounds Equal=Grounds Coffee Shop, 750 South Ave., will host “Fifty,” an exhibit of Tom Somerville’s art, for his 50th birthday party on Friday, Dec. 10 at 7:30 p.m. “I am also excited to be able to (Somerville continues page 17)
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
Dining Well, La Tea Dah! By Merle Exit Esther, Eunice and I found this most darling place to have lunch. It’s called LaTea-Da!, located at 258 Alexander St. at the corner of Park Ave. in an old purplepainted Victorian home. This tearoom/ parlour is owned by Maureen Becker, whose title is “Lady of the House”. It appears that if you are going to have an afternoon tea you might as well play the part. Various old hats are provided to set that Victorian mood. However, it’s the
young girls who get the whole “dress up” experience, with dresses, boas, hats, etc. Needless to say, children’s tea parties are one of Maureen’s mainstreams. Play date for moms brings them and their daughters for lunch and tea. That’s not to say that grown ups, including some men, don’t flock to LaTea-Da! for a fabulous afternoon, where one should expect to spend at least a few hours enjoying both the teas and delicious morsels of food. Waitstaff are referred to as “Nippies”. Your table is set with a large teapot as the
centerpiece and you are equipped with a bell to ring when you require the assistance of a Nippy. Maureen purchases the loose teas and bags most of them. I think that it makes it easier to clean out the pot. Black, English, White, Green, Herbal and an entire category dedicated to Roobois, my favorite. This is a “tea” that derives from a honey bush and usually comes from South Africa. I had the pleasure of sampling the Roobois “teas” of Belgian Chocolate, Red Mango, White Palace Marzipan, and Florida Orange. As for the food, what could be richer or tastier than Blueberry Soup? Hey, that’s
Travel Ladies of La Tea Dah! Photo: Merle Exit
The harbor at Santa Catalina Island.
Santa Catalina, The Island Of... Fun By Merle Exit Southern California has a few fabulous vacation spots between San Diego and Los Angeles that include Long Beach, Irvine and Catalina Island. I had heard so much about this romantic destination and I could understand the reputation. Romance may be one aspect; just plain fun and adventure is another. Esther, Eunice and I were transported via Long Beach on the Catalina Express, a “fast ferry”, about an hour or so trip. I was on the “Jet Cat” which offered the Commodore Lounge with plush seating, tables, pre-boarding privileges, a snack and one drink for an extra $15. There is an area for baggage as well. We arrived in the main city of Avalon with the Casino Tour as the first destination. Although the building has always been called The Casino, it does not house anything to do with gambling. It was built by the same Wrigley guy associated with both the gum and the baseball field. The term “casino” referred to a building of entertainment with ballrooms and a movie theatre. We saw some of the extraordinary Art Deco murals and a classic 1929 pipe organ inside the Avalon Theatre, which still shows movies on its massive screen. With a few choices of adventure or relaxation, I opted to tour Avalon on a golf cart. It’s more common for residents to own a golf cart than a car. In fact, there is a waiting list of more than five years to own a car and you do need a driver’s
license to operate the golf cart. As we drove I was able to get some great photos of the area including the entrance to the botanical gardens and some animals (deer and quail). We checked into Villa Portofino Hotel, situated on the waterfront. The Portofino Suite had sliding french doors that opened on the panorama of Avalon Bay and Casino. It featured a living area with a gas fireplace, double sofa bed and a “sumptuous” bath with a large soaking tub, and glass enclosed shower finished with Spanish marble. The room also included a refrigerator (which I didn’t need to use), cable television and internet access as well. In fact, I did my radio show later that night. An Italian restaurant with an outdoor cafe was underneath my room. I could see the outdoor cafe from the french doors as well as hearing the romantic Italian music. It was totally reminiscent of my experience of the Amalfi Coast. The next morning got us on Catalina Island Rafting for a tour of Avalon’s coast to view many pods of dolphins. Every once in a while a sea lion would be jumping up from the group as if to say, “I’m a dolphin, too. Look at me. Forget that I don’t have a fin.” The Catalina Express back to Long Beach didn’t experience as rough waters. After two boats, it took me quite awhile to recover from “sea legs”. As for Catalina Island, I hope to go back for more of the sight seeing adventures. ■
even more antioxidants! Add a sampling of salads and a croissant of turkey, cranberry and gouda. Yummy! When it comes to desserts, a scone with Devonshire Cream (her most delicious version) and jam is the one that stands out and goes with the tea experience. It is not your ordinary scone. Maureen has created a more warm and moist recipe that looks and tastes as if a slice of biscuit-y cake is being served. La-Tea-Da! has a veranda option for summer dining outdoors with a view of a lovely garden below. As for Esther and Eunice, they commented, “Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its tea.” ■
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
Book Review
Gender Outlaws By Laur McSpadden Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, Edited by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman. Paperback: 302 pages. Publisher: Seal Press (2010); ISBN-10: 1580053084; ISBN-13: 978-1580053082 Of all the books I have read throughout the last year, there is one in particular that I would like to publicly endorse as Beyond the Binary’s trans-friendly holiday gift suggestion — Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation. This book is a collection of essays, poems, prose poems, and manifestos that articulate the diversity, beauty, pain and passion of trans and genderqueer experiences in today’s world. It is at times pensive, confrontational, sexy and funny — and sometimes all at once. Furthermore, it does an impressive job of presenting the diversity of perspectives on trans realities in a plethora of ways. This book is culturally diverse, representing voices of trans people from countries and continents around the world. If you are at all curious about gender experiences from Spain, Saudi Arabia, America, England, Singapore, Argentina, Mexico, Kenya, Thailand, New Zealand, Canada, and more, Gender Outlaws: TNG is here to help. It is socially diverse, offering the perspectives of people representing different classes, ages, politics, religions, and professions. Just a small illustration of this: there is an essay about the lessons that come from being a transman in a corporate setting regarding skillful communication, one about a transwoman who finds peace with her feminine toughness thanks to her experiences on a roller derby league, and one about the gritty reality of gender on the streets (“In my world, gender was something to be done, not studied.”). Each is equally engaging and illuminating, while together they gently suggest the true breadth and depth of the trans communities. It is diverse across different genders. There are, of course, essays that reflect the experiences of transsexual, transgender, MTF, FTM, and genderqueer people: there are also essays that illuminate the aspects of gendered expression and identity that we simply do not have words for yet. For example, one particularly engaging explanation of a gender identity that has not been explored much is offered in “A Drag Queen Born in a Female Body” by Adrian Dalton (aka Lola Lypsinka). The multiplicity of perspectives in the essays, as well as the breadth of their emotional range, does better at revealing the beauty, value, power, and potential of the
trans community than any other book I’ve previously read. I do, of course, have a few favorites from the book. “make me a vessel for anomaly” by simon iris is a prose poem that explores, with pensive intensity, the strength that arises from the aching difficulty of honoring both one’s past and present after change. Ryka Aoki’s essay “On Living Well and Coming Free” expertly weaves together her personal experiences as a trans woman, black belt and former judo instructor with a manifesta on how to live well, develop empathy, and be an activist in a way that is grounded in the hard realities of life (rather than intellectual theory), all without losing hope. In this essay, she writes, “Living well is not an essay topic. It is not a theory. It is a practice. We must do it with intention, as often as we can…. Being an outlaw means understanding that freedom is not a zero sum game. Freedom depends on its abundance. For it to mean anything more than another layer of oppression, my emancipation necessitates the emancipation of others — even of those who oppressed me.” The graphic-novel-esque piece “trancension” by Katie Diamond and Johnny Blazes is another one of my absolute favorites from the book. It is a clever, heart-felt exploration of the complexities of embracing a genderqueer identity and the process of accepting experiences that don’t fit the textbook understanding of how trans people are “supposed” to feel. This piece also offers a deeply intelligent and accessible explanation of why language, labels, and self-acceptance are so important for the trans-liberation movement. I was absolutely tickled by the contrast that is drawn in “transcention” between the assertions that “I have always been this way” and “I have always been becoming what I am right now.” Which is then followed by “And what am I? Well, just look at me. I’m a female-bodied, queer, flaming, faggy boi. Isn’t it obvious?” Fabulous. While some of the essays are dark and contemplative, others are lighthearted (like, for example, the whimsical piece “the secret life of my wiener”). All of the essays, however, have one thing in common: they all communicate different perspectives regarding “faith in the cultural power of trannies to make and be change.” (Incidentally, for an interesting dialogue between Bornstein and Bergman on the history and use of the word “tranny,” be sure to read the introduction!) Not only will readers of this book be entertained, educated and roused by the passionately written selections in the book: I can personally guarantee that, after reading Gender Outlaws: TNG, you will never again be able to look at Sarah Palin (or, for that matter, Clint Eastwood) in the same way. And you will be grateful and amused by the change. Transpeople will, without a doubt, appreciate this book for its at times humorous, at times inspiring, and always honest presentation of trans-radical ideas. However, this is also a great book for cisgendered people. Maybe you know a trans-ally who is enthusiastic about expanding their knowledge and empathy. Maybe you have a friend who doesn’t quite understand what the deal is with the need for trans-activism. Maybe you have made a New Year’s resolution to learn more about the trans experiences in the world and become more of an ally for the trans community. Regardless, I strongly suggest that you give this book as a gift, and get one for yourself. And check out the interview with Bear Bergman online at www.gayalliance.org -- Empty Closet News. ■
(Blackfriars from page 1) jected slide images onto fabric. I asked them to come on board. As you sat in the balcony at Xerox (the theatre’s home at the time), you felt you were inside the set. It was a very special production…. Then the next year I did ‘Sunday in the Park with George,’ by Stephen Sondheim -- a piece I really love and relate to, to this day – which made my mark in Rochester theatre. I put a year into that production… a couple of years went by and then I became artistic director.” Haldoupis is fascinated by textiles, “obsessive detail” and multi-layering effects. “I make my living in the theatre and see myself as an artist who works in many media,” he said. “Everything I do is stemming from creative thought. The work I do in the theatre is collaboration, while I do my own work as an artist in my studio. I still paint but haven’t done a show in a long time… Now I am working on paintings that are primarily black and incorporate Victorian black beadwork immersed into the paint. I feel like I’m channeling something that people put a lot of time into many years ago. There’s something about black mourning beading that I find obsessing. I like a lot of tooled, layered colors in my art and set design.” Blackfriars left Xerox when the corporation closed the theatre. Haldoupis says, “They were doing trade shows and didn’t want our scenery and props, which were growing by leaps and bounds. I had started to do very elaborate productions and we kind of took off. “So we became theatre in residence at the School of the Arts. We were the inaugural production at the new theatre with ‘Windy City,’ a musical based on ‘The Front Page’. The set was multi-tiered and very elaborate, and we never did anything quite that elaborate again, because they wanted to use the stage for other things during the week. So we needed another space. We moved to the old auditorium of Christ Church, on Lawn St. downtown. We still rent the space today; it’s where we store our costumes. We renovated the space to a 200-seat theatre, and there was a movement just then to promote the East End as an entertainment center. “It was an amazing thing. Ron Brainard designed the theatre and with 90 percent volunteers over four months, we transformed the space. They were screwing in the chairs the night before we opened. The one drawback was that it was on the second floor. Otherwise I loved the space. But gradually I realized that we were losing ground. People couldn’t get upstairs or couldn’t find Lawn St. I went back to my board a second time and said, ‘If we don’t move I don’t want to do this anymore.’ I went back to Ron Brainard and asked if he’d design a second theater.” Haldoupis had driven by the building at 795 E. Main two years ago and really noticed it for the first time. “It used to be where they washed buses. We had searched for over a year. The toughest thing was that it had to be accessible. Also I refused to go anywhere like a caba-
ret space with a low ceiling because of my sets. And it had to be in a place our subscribers would feel comfortable going to. “We put in a bid and lost it to our present landlord, who owns Mr. Glass (next door) and who needed the parking lot during the day – while we needed it at night. So it worked out perfectly. “It’s crazy when I think that in my lifetime I’ve built two theatres – nice ones. It’s a testimony to our volunteers. We’re still working on it. The dressing rooms just got finished, although there are some details still to be done. “The thing the media obsesses about is ‘how much did it cost’. But almost everything was done by volunteers – for the love of Blackfriars. The design work – almost everything – was all donated.” Haldoupis became interested in theatre while a scholarship student and then artist in residence at Chautauqua Institute. “I became friends with people who worked in theatre – the Cleveland Playhouse used to bring their seasons to Chautauqua. I started hanging out with designers and artists and got involved in helping out with operas.” Haldoupis’s favorite Broadway composer is Stephen Sondheim. “I don’t think the world will ever again see someone develop a body of work the way he has,” he says. His favorite director is Hal Prince, “because I feel I channel him a lot. He always needs to know what the show looks like or he can’t direct it. He always asks, ‘What’s the motor of the show?’” Haldoupis says he has learned about directing by working over the years with actors and learning what they need – and what they don’t need. He believes that the director goes on a journey with the actors and he is dedicated to uncovering layers of meaning in playwrights’ work. “What excites me is people having something to say and a way to say it. I’ve often used that as an inspiration. Also the saying ‘Know the lines and don’t bump into the furniture’ – an old Blackfriars line. I do subscribe to the idea that I’m interested in works that are provocative and say something and are presented in a thoughtful way. “In my theatre work I do a lot of things. I do like my plays to be funny and my musicals to be serious. We have a saying, ‘It’s not a Blackfriars musical unless somebody dies.’ I’m not really into frivolous musicals.” Haldoupis recently won City’s Hall of Fame award as director and designer. “I thought it was weird to give an award in the theatre to one person,” he said. “It’s collaboration and if actors, lighting designers, sound people, etc. don’t come together, it won’t work. But I understand (the award) is about a body of work, and getting good people around you. I sometimes can’t believe that this has all happened. “I think everything in the life of the theatre is crazy. You have to dive in and believe it, and then other people will believe it too. That’s what it’s all about.” ■
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(Callanan continued from page 1) “giving back,” if you will. Frankly, I believe that if an organization thinks they can raise money using me, I’ll be there! EC: How do you decide to support a particular organization? MC: Although my heart does lie mainly in the GLBT community, if my calendar allows I will do just about any benefit that I can. EC: How have you approached the role of Rosie and what is special to you about this production of “Mamma Mia”? MC: I should admit here that I have waited six years to become part of “Mamma Mia”! I approach(ed) Rosie as a no-nonsense writer, friend-to-all type with a slight feminist nod. She likes to have fun on vacation -- I mean, who doesn’t? -- and lets her hair down with her oldest friends. EC: Where is your hometown and how did you get into show business? Is your focus on musicals, or do you also enjoy doing drama and comedy? MC: I’m from Boston, and I actually got into theatre after having performed in clubs for years. I love a good drama, but I am more readily employable in comedies or musicals, so in the name of practicality......! EC: What are your hopes and plans for your future career? How would you like it to evolve? MC: I just love to work. I want to work up until my last breath -- it’s what makes me happiest. EC: Have you ever been to Rochester before? How long is the tour and where is your next stop? Is the travel part difficult? MC: I don’t believe I’ve ever played Rochester before, but it’s been 12 years since I’ve last toured and my memory’s shaky! We are going to be out for at least a year and I’m happy to say our stop after Rochester is HOME for the holidays! I am very much looking forward to seeing my family and friends again. EC: What performers have been inspirations to you? MC: For music, folks like Rosemary Clooney -- a great storyteller, by the way – and Ella Fitzgerald and for things theatrical, Angela Lansbury. EC: Anything you’d like to add? MC: Yes -- come to see “Mamma Mia!” and dance your pants off!
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(JCC stages continued from page 1) a new show, and for Rochester audiences to see a new musical that’s moving toward a Broadway run. JCC artistic Director Ralph Meranto discovered the beloved show in Toronto after its sell-out run in the Toronto Fringe Festival lead to a yearlong run in Toronto’s Canon Theatre and immediately wanted to bring the show to Rochester. Meranto contacted Hein and Sankoff about to helping to adapt the show for American audiences. The trio hit it off and CenterStage became the first American theatre company to secure the rights to the show. Soon after, the show was accepted into the prestigious New York Musical Theatre Festival, which launched several Tony Award winning shows including “Next to Normal,” “Altar Boyz” and many others. “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding” was the breakout hit of the festival, selling out every performance including two extensions. It won four awards, including the top prize of Most Promising New Musical. It’s been a whirlwind journey for the show which started when Hein wrote a song called “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding” to sing to his moms on their wedding day. Over time, additional songs about growing up with two moms and co-writer Sankoff’s experiences coming into a lesbian family evolved, leading to the sell-out Toronto Fringe Festival production. The show was so popular that it was immediately picked up by Mirvish Productions for a longer run in Toronto. The central story and most of the songs remain from Toronto, but the productions in NYC and Rochester have allowed the writers to clarify stories, delve deeper into the characters and add more humor. “The show was great as-is in Toronto,” says Meranto, “but there were a few things that needed to be expanded and clarified, and there were Canadian historical, geographical and political references that needed to be made understandable to American audiences.” Rochester audiences will see the new and improved version, which is being pursued by theatres throughout North America. The show also resonates differently in America, where gay marriage is still hotly
debated, unlike Canada, which legalized gay marriage in 2005. The writers have made great effort to maintain the focus as a story about family and love rather than making a political statement, but the implications are unavoidable with this subject matter. “When you watch these two women fall in love, you can’t imagine a person on the planet that wouldn’t want them to be able to marry,” summarizes Meranto. Rounding out the ensemble cast are Stacy Homola, Michael Radi, Kimberly Schwenzer and Corinne Scott, along with Director/Choreographer Ralph Meranto in a cameo role as “The Ex”. “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding” is suggested for teens and adults due to some adult references. “My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding”: Book, Music and Lyrics by David Hein & Irene Sankoff; Directed and Choreographed by Ralph Meranto; Musical Direction by Andy Pratt. Showtimes Saturday, Dec. 4 at 8 p.m.; Sunday, Dec. 5 at 2 p.m.; Wednesday, Dec. 8 at 7 p.m.; Thursday, Dec. 9 at 7 p.m.; Saturday, Dec. 11 at 8 p.m.; Sunday, Dec. 12 at 2 p.m.; Wednesday, Dec. 15 at 7 p.m.; Thursday, Dec. 16 at 7 p.m.; Saturday, Dec. 18 at 8 p.m.; Sunday, Dec. 19 at 2 p.m. ■
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(I Love You continued from page 1) bed recalling the events of his life that led him there. He begins with his life in Virginia Beach as a happily married police officer who plays the organ at church, has plenty of sex with his wife (Leslie Mann) and spends his free time searching for his biological mother who gave him up as a child. But after a violent car crash, Russell leaves his life and family behind to go out into the world and explore life as an openly gay man. He moves to Miami, finds a boyfriend (Rodrigo Santoro) and begins living an extravagant lifestyle. He realizes quickly, though, that a life of luxury is expensive, leading this resourceful former cop to turn to a life as a conman. But when his con work finally catches up with him, Russell is sent to prison where he meets and almost instantly falls in love with Phillip Morris (Ewan McGregor). Later, when Russell is freed from prison, his devotion to freeing Morris from prison as well leads him to attempt, and often succeed, in pulling off one seemingly impossible con after another so they can be together. Damon Wise of The Times gave the film four stars out of five, stating, “I Love You Phillip Morris is an extraordinary film that serves as a reminder of just how good Carrey can be when he’s not tied into a generic Hollywood crowd-pleaser. His comic timing remains as exquisite as ever.” The Guardian also gave the film a positive review, describing it as “fast, funny and rather daring. A whisk of caffeine with a center that’s sweet.” Tickets are $8 for evening shows, $6 for matinees. ■
the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
Columnists
The opinions of columnists, editorial writers and other contributing writers are their own and do not necessarily reflect the collective attitude of the Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley or The Empty Closet.
Growing Up At The Edge By Eric Bellmann And how did you feel the day after election day? I spent the whole day as well as several after that rehearsing a speech quitting this column. No, not a speech, a screed, a tirade. I’ve had it! Enough already! I am turning my back on this world, retiring to the countryside, only interested in gazing at autumn foliage. Actually I didn’t get very far along the path leading to what would come next. I settled in to a mad fit of anger and hurt. I have become, rather unwittingly, a one-issue citizen. The gay marriage/ equal rights/anti-bullying stew simmers and gurgles inside my brain, never far from boiling over. I think anyone who wants to be in the army is nuts, ditto marriage, to me a very unnatural way of living out one’s better years. Be that as it may, you guys who want those options should have them hands down, no questions asked. And where are those topics being addressed and by whom? Not too many politicians that I can tell. I did an absentee vote in Rochester before I left for New York. I cannot tell you how dispirited I felt as a life long Democrat, just checking off the top line on my ballot, ho hum, yes, fine folks all of them, and what exactly has being a life long Democrat got me? Well, I can look myself in the mirror without it exploding, which I think would happen if I ever voted Republican, all of whom I consider vermin. But, jeez, folks, the Democrats have left me and my ilk, queers, in the dust. My President, who has heroic stature on so many counts, just doesn’t think gay marriage is OK. Separate and unequal! If that were all, it would be bad enough. But then I have to consider John Boehner and Sarah Palin. The first is without any doubt in my mind living proof of what happens to a man with a three-inch dick! And my opinions about the latter, should I dare voice them, would most likely get me remanded to Guantanamo. Spare me pundits on TV. Hate them all. So, you can see, I am having a crabby stretch. And I decided to get even with you, you who have never done anything to insult or betray me. Phrases turned and danced in my head. I thought of the marvelous old lady in Henry James’ “The Aspern Papers”, who when asked why she moved to Venice in her twenties, why she left America, replied, “Oh, you had me quite long enough.” Yes, Empty Closet, yes, Growing Up, you’ve had me quite long enough. I’ve served my time. It’s been more than twenty years. More than 200 columns. I have been loyal and true, honest and intimate and what the fuck have I to show for it? That’s how deep the pain of the current situation is. I want to be mean and vengeful because I haven’t a clue what else to do. Sob? Show you my pain, never! I will not be vulnerable any more. I will not care. I’m quitting you. Relax, I chilled out. While there hasn’t been much feedback on the column (am I taken for granted, like a piece of furniture that’s always been there?), the feedback that has come has been adorable. An unsigned letter from a Mom who loves her gay son, wishes him well after the death of his long time partner as he embarks on a new
relationship. A funny message on my answering machine from a gay man who goes to my health club and assures me that, contrary to my experiences early in the morning, later in the day there are plenty of gay men there working out. There have been a sprinkling of others over the years, not many, but the ones that have come through have been genuine and meaningful. No one has ever really taken me to task, at least not to my face, though years ago, I’m told, a GAGV staffer thought I was sexist and racist and ought to be dumped. Ta da! I have a supportive editor, so much for that. Like I say, I chilled out and reflected that what I’ve always done is what I will continue to do: speak my mind, speak my feelings. It’s not as if I run the risk of being dropped from your A list. Parties never were a big part of my life. Yet years ago I did go to a reception for people involved in ImageOut, thought I should try something social for a change. It was a fancy do with lots of good desserts. I knew, feared, that there would be no one there I knew. I’ve become a recluse, odd for an activist to regard himself that way, nonetheless I figured sugar would sustain me through the event. Oh, what to wear? I pulled myself together, God knows what I wore. I grabbed some goodies and plastered my back against a wall. As I recall I had to wear a name tag. And then a good-looking man came over and introduced himself. In the flash before he spoke, I thought, Prince Charming, Prince Charming, he is real, he has found me, at last, at last. Then he spoke. “Your columns made all the difference in my life, in my coming out. I have read them forever. I owe you so much. I want you to meet my partner.” Solid going until the last sentence. Sigh. You know what? What he said made a difference. Good enough is good enough. Guess I can’t quit you after all. Email: ELBCAD@ RIT.EDU
Cleaning My Closet PESTS By Meredith Elizabeth Reiniger Beware the Jabberwock, “the jaws that bite, the claws that catch” and beware the dermatophagoides farinae. Not to worry, I believe the Jabberwock is still “whiffling through the tulgey wood.” On the contrary, those dermathingies, they are living in your bedding. And mine. I am not pleased to know that those dermas, affectionately called dust mites, exist, sight unseen, in MY mattress and MY pillow. I am not really crazy about their dining habits either. They eat dead skin. That they eat MY dead skin is disgusting. It gets worse. Those creamy blue, eight-legged, virtually invisible invaders gather moisture from my perspiration and my saliva. Now I admit that, perhaps from passion, maybe from Hormonal Heatwaves, I sweat at night. In addition, I confess, I drool, which, in the past, has made overnight dating rather embarrassing. Which calls forth another advantage of Legal Lesbian Marriage… my bedmate is permanent and willing to tolerate my nocturnal seepings. Regardless, the mites are mightier than we.
My first encounter with visible bugs was made possible by alphabetical seating charts. Jackie R’s little lice fascinated me. Joyfully I created little tales about the travels of the little lice, their little picnics, their little excursions into the deep brown caves of her big, bushy pony tail. Third grade had never been so fun. But not so fun during a bedtime bath. Bugs in the tub. Mommy in hysterics. Gasoline in a can. Mommy poured. Daddy bought nit combs. And nit pesticides (as though the gasoline did not suffice.) My thick curly hair housed approximately one billion BugEggs and BugBabies. Frantically Mommy and Aunt Janie went on a search and destroy mission. They combed for hours. Now I wonder, was I rescued by chemicals or love. In my old days, Mommy chanted, “Sleep tight; don’t let the bedbugs bite,” and I smiled myself to sleep. Were I to hear those words tonight, I would worry myself into nightmares. Frankly, I am utterly shocked that the twenty-first century is beset with a boom of bedbugs. I thought the 1941 bugicides had annihilated every single one of those despicable bloodsuckers. All these many years I have been so certain that biblical plagues of frogs and crickets had been the end of it. Not so. Bedbugs were recently sighted in the basement of the Empire State Building. Well, to assure, myself, I abandoned all plans to go into that basement. And thus I am safe. Then, a single (purportedly) bedbug was exposed in a fancy NYC department store. Fortunately, I will not be shopping in that too-far-away place. And so, I reason, I am totally out of harm’s way. Without a doubt, if distance shields me from tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, and rampant rural rashes, surely I am safe from mere bugs. Except those dastardly bedbugs are collecting Frequent Flier Miles. Case in point, my sister’s friend’s husband, who travels for business, carelessly stored his suitcase on the hotel floor. Sure enough, his bug buddies arrived at Traveling Man’s very own house, feasting their eyes on the wife and kids. A two thousand dollar exterminator bill later, Traveling Man heaved a sigh of relief. Apparently he does not know that bedbugs are very good at hiding and can live a year without feeding. A moment of panic: Oh noooooo, is the scourge moving closer to ME? A wave of calm: No way is the bedbug gang stalking me because, after all, I do not even know that naughty husband’s name, and I actually feel quite safe when bad things happen to perfect strangers. What really bugs me is careless hygiene. My mother taught me to frequently wash my hands in near scalding water. Plus Serious Scrubbing with 99 and 44/100 percent pure Ivory. Believe me, those Mother Warnings are deeply imbedded in my brain. However, based on my painstaking observations, not every person has such Mother Messages. Multitudes merely pause at the sink to run a small stream over eight fingertips. Sure the Government has posted WASH THEM signs in public toilet rooms. But printed words do not have the power of Mother Threats. The solution: hire unemployed mothers to stand next to every public sink. Arms crossed, the sink monitors will bellow a Mother Reprimand: “NO, not just the tips of your fingers, my dear. You stay right there and suds up from the wrist down.” Or finger pointing, the sanitation guards will shout a Mother Warning: “HEY, little mister, you get back here this second and you use soap on those hands of yours.” How I wish we all believed in personal hygiene. I think the old-fashioned Mother Method worked just fine… hot water, abundant suds, and elbow grease. But no, we reject common sense solutions. In fact, the current fad of chemically induced cleanliness is counter-productive. Only mean-spirited Microorganisms should be targeted. Sadly all bacteria are found guilty. And every little bac is sentenced to death by rejection. Regretfully, helpful
b5 bacteria become innocent victims. The culprits are antibacterial soap, advertisers’ lies, and gullible consumers. Basically it is packaged hysteria. And it burns my skin. Surely some germs deserve brutal attacks. Certainly, death to all Toilet Seat Germs that, according to my father’s Sex Lecture circa 1955, could give me syphilis. Likewise, we can all agree that Toilet Bowl Germs require serious obliteration. And Madison Avenue is right on it. They gladly hawk breathtaking weapons: Scrubbing Bubbles; Cling; Vanish! And Toilet Wand. Thankfully the end results are Clean and Fresh, no more Yuck, and Sparkling! Strangely enough, toilets are often quite clean. Cleaner than drinking fountains. True. Some kid, for his science project, collected and identified School Germs. With shocking results. Most Germs Award: drinking fountains. Award for Fewer And Less Viral Germs: the toilets. Makes sense. We have shelves of products to clean, disinfect, sanitize, and deodorize toilet bowls. And we hire oodles of employees to keep those bowls dazzling white. But fluids and folks to clean the fountains? Forget it. And to think I have spent years perfecting my fountain bend and head drop technique to avoid lip to spigot contact. While all along I should have been drinking out of the toilet bowl. Theoretically. By the way, the Jabberwock just posted this on his Facebook page: BEWARE the pillow!! If it is a mere two years old, your pillow is 10 percent dust mite carcasses and dust mite feces. Be very afraid. You are sleeping on dead bodies and poop. Sweet dreams, dear friends, don’t let the bedbugs bite. MeredithElizabethReiniger@frontiernet.net
Gay and Transgender Issues in the Workplace Enabling Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender employees to feel safe and valued By Brian McNaught A few years ago, my spouse Ray was a managing director of global equity sales for Lehman Brothers. To the surprise and great regret of his firm, he took an early retirement because he felt tolerated there as a gay person, not accepted. As one of the first gay people out of the closet on Wall Street, he felt alone in coping with the silence he experienced when he brought up my name with fellow employees, and with the lack of questions he received from them about our weekend or holiday plans. His colleagues were not hostile to him. But their ignorance-based anxiety about homosexuality made it hard for them to engage Ray socially. Some may have feared using the wrong words. Others may have worried about wandering into a discussion for which they were ill prepared. The result of their anxiety was emotional exhaustion for Ray, and with his departure, a major financial loss for the company. Not only did Lehman forfeit the talent, years of experience, and good relationships with clients that Ray represented, but they also lost the most effective tool they had in marketing to the gay community. Not long ago, I was approached by the Chief Financial Officer of an organization for which I was providing diversity training on gay and transgender issues. She asked me after an executive session for help in talking with a closeted gay man on her staff. “I sense he wants to come out to me, but I don’t know how to have the conversation with him about being gay.” After learning that her objective was
6 b (Columnists continued from page 5) to make it easier for her colleague to fully participate in corporate life, and that it was acceptable to her if he chose not to come out after her overture, I proposed to the CFO a way to make it a comfortable conversation for them both. “Go out for coffee,” I suggested, “and, in your own words, say something to the effect of, ‘You and I have worked together for many years, and you know how very fond of you I am. I feel as if I’ve shared everything there is to know about me, but I have the nagging feeling that perhaps I’m not making it easy for you to share as openly with me’.” The next time I saw her, the CFO pulled me aside to thank me for the coaching. “It worked perfectly,” she reported. “He came out to me, and we’re both so happy that he did.” Thousands of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people are out of the closet in the corporate world today, including senior executives in Disney, AT&T, American Airlines, Microsoft, McDonalds, Goldman Sachs, Clorox, and IBM, to name only a few, but the majority of us are still hidden, despite promises by our companies that nothing bad will happen to us if we come out. Toward the end of the twenty sessions I did for the 800 senior managers at a major banking firm, having heard them all describe the company’s working environment as “very welcoming” for gay people, I asked them why it was then that only two people out of the 800 had yet to identify themselves as gay in an affirming four-hour program on gay and transgender issues. “If it’s so safe, where are they?” I asked. They decided maybe it wasn’t as welcoming as they had assumed. Gay and transgender people who are out of the closet today often report feeling invisible, just like Ray. They either become the person to whom every heterosexual turns for information on the gay community, or, more likely, they are marginalized. Closeted gay people see how their openly gay colleagues have become identified more as “gay” than as “team players,” and they decide to continue to expend the extraordinary energy it takes to hide who they are. This problem can be solved. A successful global diversity initiative on gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender workplace issues must include educating heterosexual managers and colleagues on sexual orientation and on gender identity and expression. It must also provide them with helpful guidance so that they don’t unconsciously offend others by assuming their sexual orientation, or by using inappropriate language. They need to know that asking a closeted gay man if he has a girlfriend, assuming that a heterosexually-unmarried woman is necessarily single, and referring to homosexuality as an “alternative lifestyle,” a “preference,” a “choice,” or as something that is “admitted” or “confessed,” creates for gay people an unwelcoming environment in which they can’t come out, and from which
the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011 they’d like to depart. This is true for gay employees and gay customers alike. It’s the small but significant things today that create unwelcoming workplaces for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees in the workplace. Most people probably assume that gay people fear that their boss or colleague will quote “damning” religious texts or use blatantly homophobic words such as “fag.” That doesn’t happen very often in Fortune 500 companies, at least not in those with which I have worked. The reason that most gay and transgender people fear coming out is that despite their company having all of the right policies, and a 100 percent rating on the Human Rights Campaign’s Corporate Equality Index, the “music” of their work area creates warnings of caution. When I say the “music,” I’m referring to the verbal and non-verbal cues gay and transgender employees get from their managers and colleagues that tell them there is a lack of awareness, a discomfort, and a hope that the issue will never come up. Silence on the issue is deafening. The lack of people being out on the job is clear evidence of a problem. Watching an openly gay person be left out of social conversations on Monday mornings is proof of their “untouchable” status. At least in North America, Europe, and Australia, there is an assumption that corporations understand and affirm the need to create a welcoming environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender employees in order to compete for talent and full market share. (This awareness is growing in Asia and in Latin America.) Regrettably, many heterosexuals in major urban areas such as New York, Toronto, London, and Sydney mistakenly assume that being gay in the workplace is not an issue there because of the popular cultural support gay people experience locally. This false belief prompts professionals in the offices of Diversity and Inclusion, and of Human Resources, to assume that there are no problems. Policies are in place, they say. Senior executives are supportive of diversity initiatives. A table of tickets was bought by the company at a local gay benefit dinner. But their uninformed colleagues are nevertheless still stepping on the toes of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people regularly, creating fear and frustration, particularly among young gay employees who were recruited from college with the promise that the workplace was “gay affirming,” and among young gay consumers who see ads touting the company’s gay-positive policies. The most helpful advice that can be provided to heterosexual managers and colleagues throughout the world is not to assume other people are heterosexual. Always allow for the probability that a gay person is present. The second most helpful advice to provide them is about what words and expressions are experienced by gay and transgender people as welcoming, and what words and expressions are expe-
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rienced as fingernails scratching on a chalkboard. They need also to be aware how their everyday behaviors communicate clearly their comfort level on the issues. Refraining from asking a gay person about his or her weekend, or about the picture of their partner on the desk, tells the gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender employee to be prepared to lose status and visibility if they come out. Managers, especially, should be encouraged to proactively engage with gay people, particularly when they sense discomfort among their heterosexual employees. Welcoming “music” includes mentoring, saying the words “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual,” and “transgender,” and not just the acronym “LGBT,” insisting upon diversity training for the team, sitting with a gay person at lunch, sharing stories with others about gay family members, using inclusive language about marriage and families, making eye contact, smiling, attending events sponsored by the company’s gay employee resource group, and speaking up when a demeaning comment or word is used, among other actions. In all areas of diversity, corporations are now in the place where next steps are required. Supportive policies have been secured. To make every person in the workplace feel safe and valued, though, every other person in the workplace needs to be taught how to make those with whom they feel the most anxiety feel like full and equal members of the team. The only way to do that is through diversity training. What a big difference it would have made in our lives if one of Ray’s colleagues had been enabled to get past his or her fear of the unknown successfully enough to ask the questions, “How is Brian?” and, “What are you guys doing for the holidays?” Copyright 2010 by Brian McNaught
Conundrums Progressives need to fight a little harder By Ove Overmyer What did the 2010 elections tell us? While the pundits and prognosticators would give you different opinions and their own spin on the truth as they see fit, one thing is very clear: It’s time for the LGBT community and progressives to immediately get back to work. We have to expect more from ourselves. The right wing anti-equality folks run a “ministry of truth” on television and radio 24/7, whipping up misinformation and anger and pushing an anti-gay, antidemocratic agenda. On Election Day, voters ousted numerous LGBT allies in the US House and Senate, such as Pennsylvania Democrat Patrick Murphy, who led the effort in the House of Representatives to overturn the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. We need to continue to build a trustworthy and powerful hub for expressing a true progressive morality. We need to engage more allies who are ready to hear the truth -- and ready to fight for economic fairness, equality, peace and the cultivation of real sense of democracy. Americans need to see political champions out there, every day, fighting tooth and nail for equality and the regular folks. But far too often, on things like the AIG bonus scandal and the housing foreclosure crisis, they saw the big banks, the rich and corporate stakeholders getting their way, while the average working class families suffered terrible indignities like losing a job and being thrown out of their homes. The majority of social scientists believe that income inequality currently poses a problem for American society. Alan Greenspan calls it “a very disturbing trend.” It can not be overstated that Obama
and the 111th Congress Democrats made genuine and significant progress on issues like health care, pay equity and hate crimes legislation. But the Republicans, their media mouthpiece Fox News and corporate front groups systematically misled America about what really transpired in the past 24 months -- and then those same groups spent hundreds of millions to put Republicans in Congress. This election was bought, plain and simple, and we are now seeing first hand how destructive the Citizens United vs. FC Supreme Court case was to our democratic ideals. Progressive heroes like Russ Feingold, Alan Grayson, and Tom Perriello stood up for everything the LGBT community and working families believe in -- but they were overwhelmed by voter frustration and unlimited corporate cash. Remember that change we can believe in? Well, it’s not looking too good right now, is it? We can’t give up hope because our country and families are still hurting. And if corporate Republicans and tea partiers have their way, things will get a lot worse for those who identify as lesbian or gay, or do not have “disposable incomes.” We can’t stop fighting because we carry in our hearts a vision of Americans coming together to take care of each other in times of crisis and provide equality for all citizens. And if the LGBT community and our progressive partners don’t fight for that vision, what kind of world will we be giving our next generation?
Beyond the Binary On Train Rides, Families, and Coming Out in the Digital Age By Laur McSpadden As I write this, I am riding on an Amtrak train for the first time. My point of origin: Rochester, NY. My destination: Elkhart, IN. I am going to spend some time with some very dear friends, and to see my family for the first time in over a year. This isn’t my first time on a train, just my first time on an Amtrak. I used to take the train from Andover to Boston frequently through my time in high school. It was during that time that I first donned men’s clothing and passed as male. My haircut was the same then as it is now — buzzed short, too short even to be fuzzy — plus I was still young enough then that my chest was easier to hide and my complete lack of facial hair was not suspicious. I will never forget the first time I went into Boston with my chest bound, my button-down shirt baggy, my gait intentionally direct and unflourished, my sentences abrupt and to the point. Even the air felt different — bigger, more expansive, full of purpose and potential. People approached me with the subtlest of halfgrins and a curt nod, instead of the leering smiles and intrusive gazes that infringed their way up and down my contours when I looked feminine I felt — and I honestly don’t know how else to say this — I felt real. But still, in the back of my head, the treasonous voice of fear whispered that it wouldn’t be okay — worse, that it would be my shame, my doom — if others knew. If they knew that my truth was that I am a proudly cunted being whose thoughts and body move through the world to the syncopation of a man’s strut, it would all be over, whatever it is. When I left high school and returned to the Midwest, I pushed my honestly and complexly gendered self back into hiding. I was just barely brave enough at the time to tell others that I was bisexual — not queer, and certainly not trans. No, I was just another bi girl — rare enough in the Midwest, but generally safe, and accepted as long as I was girly enough and cute enough for the idea to be appealing to the
b7
dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet average red-blooded American male. It felt at the time that being semi-out as a queer necessitated that I be that much more vigilant about hiding my gender fluidity and masculinity. I collected drawers full of makeup and hair products. I wore tight clothes, flowered dresses, and high heels as though they were my protective coat of armor. Because they were. I think that it is likely that, during this period, my family forgot or downplayed the fact that I had told them I was bi. I certainly gave them cause to believe that my proclamation had been, in fact, no more than a phase. I had taken one small step towards letting the people in my life know that I identified as part of the LGBT communities in my heart, but I used this limited linguistic freedom to frighten myself into a life of inauthentic choices, relationships, and ways of showing myself to the world. I now live a life that, for better or for worse, is about as out as it is possible to be. From my job at the Gay Alliance to the community discussions on transgenderinclusive language, trans identities, and effective queer activism and education strategies that I’ve facilitated; from my prominent usage of gender-neutral pronouns in speech, writing and Facebook statuses to this very column that you are reading now, I aspire to live in such a way as to shine a light of loving acceptance towards the truths of who I am. I am coming face-to-face with these thoughts because this trip, like that train ride 16 years ago when I first experienced the freedom of embracing my masculinity and showing it to the world, is another mile-marker along the way towards living out, honest and free. I’m in the curious situation of having come out to so many people as trans by writing about it — I’ve always been more comfortable with crafting collocations with written words than with face-to-face conversation. This isn’t because I don’t desire to communicate with the people in my life, because I do — I just like to sort
some things through on paper first. The result of my preference for sharing my most heartfelt thoughts through writing rather than speech is that many people who I do not see often in my day-to-day life (which includes not only many of my friends but also most of my family) were first exposed to my declaration of myself as a queer (no, not bi, queer), trans, genderqueer person through such venues as the Gay Alliance’s website and Facebook. This fact didn’t even occur to me until recently. However, within the last year I have become Facebook friends with several members of my family — siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, and even one of my parents. This has not led me to change the posts or comments I make to my profile, and it certainly can’t change the fact that both my blog and this column illuminate aspects of my experiences as a genderqueer person. However, it has made me think about them in a new light. Every time a new Beyond the Binary column is posted online — first on the Empty Closet’s website, then the link to it on my profile — I am coming out to people all over again, many of whom I know very well, some of whom I don’t know at all. And so it is that I am on a train, and later today I will be seeing my Dad for the first time since he has read in print the confirmation of what my increasingly androgynous appearance says without words — I am transgender. My gender is queered long before I get dressed each day, and goes much deeper than the aesthetics of a wardrobe. I share this truth with the people in my life because it matters to me that I do my best to share myself with the world in a way that is consistent with my truest understanding of who I am. But I’d just as soon do the explaining step just once, writing it out as honestly as I can and putting it out in the world, and then spend my time with the people in my life just being who I am, without feeling (Binary continues page 8)
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8 b the need to explain it. I wonder, though, sometimes, how it has felt for my family members to learn that I am trans through the internet rather than a face-to-face conversation. I wonder if they have wondered why I didn’t just tell them, or why I think it’s necessary to post quite so much stuff regarding LGB and especially T issues to my profile and blog. I hope they know that it’s because I see how much the world as a whole has to learn before trans people are acknowledged by the dominant paradigm as sentient beings worthy of equality and respect, endowed with inherent worth and deserving safety from violence and discrimination, and I feel that it is important to bring visibility to this fact. And yet, I trust that my family members will see that my gender identity is the way it is, no more and no less. I am their daughterson and their brothersister, the same insightful and (at times) infuriating person they’ve always known, and my ever-deepening acceptance of myself doesn’t change nearly as much as many less-enlightened cispeople might think. And I believe that they already know that. But maybe that’s chicken shit, I don’t know. Maybe I’m more cowardly about having these conversations with my family than I’d like to admit. I do wonder if the ever-expanding online social networking in which we, as a society, are immersing ourselves is going to have any long-term effects on the ways and timing of how people come out, as well as on the way we all experience the emotions that can occur through the coming-out process. When I first came out (albeit only partially) 16 years ago, there was no way available except through a conversation or a letter. That was it — if you wanted people to know, you had to tell each person, repeating as necessary through one nervewracking conversation after another. What does it mean that we can now come out to hundreds (even thousands) of people at once, protected by a cushion of physical distance as well as by the impersonal, disembodied nature of online posts? Is there bravery and rebellion in being so unequivocally expressive about our right to authenticity? Or is there cowardice in the shift away from those risky, heart-pounding conversations of first disclosure of identity? Right now, in this moment, I think it’s a bit of both, that each of these perspectives is one side of the truth. I wonder if my family agrees. One thing I do understand is that the online outing — as bold and in-your-(and everyone else’s)-face as it can be — is at best a temporary, stopgap sort of declaration. It does not replace the need for and importance of coming out to the people in our lives in person, even if they already know the basic facts and the labels. I don’t know yet what this visit will be like, how many conversations about my
the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011 trans identity I may or may not have, how many dirty looks I will get when I use the “wrong” public bathroom (whichever one I pick, I’m likely to get The Look, especially here in the Bible Belt). However, I am beginning to suspect that the importance of coming out to someone is maybe only one-quarter about the words, and three-quarters about the trust it takes to say them and talk it all through. Here’s hoping for the best from this visit home.
Faith Matters Re-introducing lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women of African descent By Rev. Irene Monroe I thought I would re-introduce a subgroup in our LGBTQ community that is too often forgotten and/or ignored -- lesbian, bisexual, and transgender women of African descent. I want to re-introduce this group because a groundbreaking study in July came out titled “Black Lesbians Matter” examining the unique experiences, perspectives, and priorities of the Black LBT community, and sadly little is known about it. This report reveals that LBT women of African descent are among the most vulnerable in our society and need advocacy in the areas of financial security, healthcare, access to education, and marriage equality. The study is akin to a census conducted over several months in 2009 - 2010 where 1,596 LBT women from regional, statewide, and local organizations in New York, Atlanta, Chicago, and Denver, and also through an on-line survey participated. The study focused on five key areas: health, family/parenting, identity, aging, and invisibility. Key findings of the survey revealed the following: Health - There is a pattern of higher suicide rates among us. Scholars have primarily associated these higher suicide rates with one’s ability to deal with “coming out.” Family/Parenting – 45 percent of Black female same-sex households include a biological child of one of the partners in their household. Anti-gay parenting policies in the United States will disproportionately affect Black LBT parents, or would-be parents. Identity - In the 18-24 age group 69 percent are least likely to identify as lesbian. Most identify as queer. Aging – 25 percent over the age of 50 live alone and fear poverty and homelessness. Invisibility – 48 percent have been rejected and discriminated against, dis-
closing one’s identity in the workplace leading to exclusion from company events, and even termination. It’s clear the survey brings to the forefront information from a traditionally marginalized group, highlighting the needs and concerns defined by the community. But Zuna is the first to gather the data on us. Although Zuna Institute has been around since 1999, people still ask who they are. In the inimitable way that black women’s kitchens function as “think tanks” on social justice and civil rights issues, birthing numerous organizations, is also how Zuna Institute was founded. Zuna is the first of its kind in becoming a national organization providing services to the Black LBT community. Believing that the development of a healthy Black LBT identity can only come about by advocating specifically for LBT of African descent on a national level, and it would effectively eliminate the stigma and the barriers of race, class, gender, and sexual orientation discrimination we face daily, Zuna aims at bettering our quality of life by holding national conferences providing relational/ social and educational resources to use for healthcare, political, and economic advocacy. Since the 1970s there has been nearly a twenty-year hiatus since the country has seen collective black LBT activism on a national level. However, back in the 1970s LBT women of African descent had a more prominent and visible role in queer and feminist politics. Two of the hot spots were New York and Boston. In New York the “Salsa Soul Sisters, Third World Wimmin Inc Collective” was the first “out” women of color organization and oldest black lesbian organization in the country. Today the group is known as “African Ancestral Lesbians United for Social Change.” And in Boston the “Combahee River Collective,” referring to Harriet Tubman, Conductor on the Underground Railroad,
who freed 750 slaves near the Combahee River in South Carolina in 1863, was an active black feminist lesbian organization from 1974 - 1980. The group is most known for “The Combahee River Collective Statement,” a key document in the history and shaping of black feminist thought. The document presented a new paradigm to look at oppressions by not ranking them, like race, class, gender and sexual orientation, on a hierarchy of oppression, but rather to look at them all from a multidimensional analysis, recognizing them as interlocking oppressions. Today here in Greater Boston the ethos of the “Combahee River Collective” is continued with “Queer Women of Color and Friends” (QWOC+ Boston), a grassroots organization dedicated to creating a diverse social space for LGBTQ women of color. Deceased African-American poet and activist Pat Parker, in her book “Movement in Black,” wrote about how society did not embrace her multiple identities. “If I could take all my parts with me when I go somewhere, and not have to say to one of them, ’No, you stay home tonight, you won’t be welcome, because I’m going to an all-white party where I can be gay, but not Black.’ Or I’m going to a Black poetry reading, and half of the poets are antihomosexual, or thousands of situations where something of what I am cannot come with me. The day all the different parts of me can come along, we would have what I would call a revolution.” After nearly two decades of LBT women of African descent’s invisibility on a national level, Zuna is causing a revolution by taking the bold step in this era of single-issue queer politics to remind us all we, too, matter. ■ Read all the Empty Closet columnists. Go to www.gayalliance.org and click on Empty Closet News
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
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First Tuesdays
7-9pm: Education Sessions St Thomas’ Episcopal Church, 2000 Highland Avenue, Rochester 14618. Guest speakers present information followed by a group discussion.
Third Sundays
2-4pm: Support & Discussion Auditorium Theatre 5th Floor 875 East Main Street Rochester 14605 Facilitated discussion to provide support to attendees while engaging the group in a variety of topics. (Occurs at the same time as the youth and young adult support groups that occur in the Youth Center on the first floor of the building)
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
Gay Alliance News
Gay Alliance Youth The Gay Alliance offers Youth Services for Rochester area LGBTQ and allied youth ages 13-25 Check out what’s happening at: www.gayalliance.org or contact JessC@gagv.us Monday and Wednesday Drop-in: 2-6pm Sunday Support Groups: ages 13-23: 2-4pm; ages 18-25: 4:30-6pm Special Interest: Transgender Youth, Arts/Crafts, Movies, Writing Special Events: Youth Dances, Day of Silence, Big Gay Prom, Pool Table, LGBTQ Youth Library, Internet Access Fun, friendly, safe adults are needed to volunteer their time and talents, providing positive role models, maybe sharing a talent or skill. Contact Scott Fearing, Outreach Coordinator for an application: ScottF@gagv.us or 585-244-8640, ext. 14
WAY OUT WEST: Gay Alliance Outreach Coordinator Jeanne Gainsburg and her sister Julie Gainsburg represented Rochester in November at Palm Springs Pride.
“”
WINNER: Jess Cohen points out the name of the Gay Alliance, winner of a City newspaper “Best of Rochester” award, at the Village Gate party on Nov. 9.
Educational and outreach work of the Gay Alliance staff and volunteers
November 2010
Speaking engagements/presentations:
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11/2: 11/2:
11/3: 11/3: 11/5:
11/9: 11/9: 11/10: 11/10: 11/15: 11/16: 11/17: 11/18: 11/18: 11/19:
11/19: 11/26:
A Hidden Life: Film and Discussion for the Baobab Cultural Center Creating Safe Schools for the Rochester City School District (three sessions) LGBT Issues on Campus for the SUNY Brockport Women’s Center Gender Spectrum at St. John Fisher College LGBT Youth Issues for the Finger Lakes Region HIV/STDs Coalition Personal Safety in the LGBT Community for the NYS LGBTQ Domestic Violence Network Gender/Homophobia/Safe Schools at SUNY Brockport Safe School Summit at the Gay Alliance (trainings all day) Creating Safe Schools School Without Walls (two sessions) SafeZone Training at St. John Fisher College LGBT 101 at St. John Fisher College Lifeguard Training at the Gay Alliance Advanced SafeZone at Xerox Center at Geneseo LGBT Issues in the Workplace for the Workplace Diversity Network Straight Ally Workshop at St. John Fisher College Community Safety and Anti-Violence for the WNY Coalition for Crime Victims Transgender Panel at Nazareth College Lifeguard Training for the Greece School District
THUMBS UP: Jess Cohen, Alex Gasparre, Dontaee Williams and Lindsay D’Arcangelo at the Nov. 9 Safe School Summit. Photos: Jeff Markarian
50 LGBTA youth attended the Nov. 9 summit held at the GAGV Youth Center.
dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
Program Notes InQueery Session explores BDsM
On Wednesday, Dec. 8, from 7 to 8:30 p.m., InQueery will partner with the Rochester Kink Society to host an introductory session to BDsM. “So you’ve determined that you want to know more about BDsM and kink. You’ve gone on-line and looked at the myriad of sites and found confusing information, OTK, CBT, BDsM, SSC, RACK, Sadist, Masochist, safe word, blah, blah, blah, and so on. On top of that there’s talk of etiquette... what?” How do you get solid, reliable, honest answers to your questions? Well stop clicking, relax, and attend this free discussion, which will offer you some answers in a safe and supportive environment. You will not sound stupid asking all sorts of dumb questions at this special session. In fact, we will ask the questions and answer them too. We will share information about Terminology & Acronyms, Etiquette & Expectations, Hygiene & Safety, and Negotiation. We will also discuss myths and stereotypes about BDsM and our community. This is an open forum that provides a great opportunity to converse and learn in a stress free and positive environment. The InQueery class will be facilitated by Todd and Kat of the Rochester Kink Society and held in the Gay Alliance Community Room on the first floor of the Auditorium Center at 875 East Main St., Rochester 14605.
Screening of award winning documentary on marriage equality
On Sunday, Dec. 5, from 6-8 p.m., The Gay Alliance InQueery program will feature a free screening of “Tying the Knot,” considered by many to be the best of the plethora of documentaries that have been made about marriage equality. Filmmaker Jim De Seve presents an eye-opening examination of marriage, featuring amazing archival footage of “gay hippies” storming the Manhattan marriage bureau in 1971, plus inspired interviews with gay activists, historians, and rightwing-politicos. Intertwined with the interviews are the amazing stories of two people who face unbelievable challenges because they and
their partners were denied access to the rights and responsibilities of marriage. The film digs deep into the past and the present to uncover the meaning of marriage and bring focus on such key issues as rights, privilege, and end of life decisions, while not ignoring the human reality of love. The film is 83 minutes, and a short discussion facilitated by staff of the Gay Alliance will follow the screening. The film will be screened in the Youth and Community Center, First Floor, 875 East Main St., 14605. Details at http://www.gayalliance.org/education/ inqueery/329-ty-knot.html
Community Safety Program update By Kelly Clark On Nov. 18, I participated in a Homeless and Housing Truth Commission held by the Rochester chapter of the Social Welfare Action Alliance, also known to many in the local activist community as SWAA. You’re likely familiar with truth and reconciliation commissions from abroad, the most famous being those held in South Africa. During truth commissions, people speak on how their human rights, rights established by the United Nations in 1948 and outlined as the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, have been violated. Commissioners representing a wide variety of entities both governmental and private, must “bear witness” to the testimony and respond with suggestions for change. I was honored to be asked to serve as a Commissioner for the event and was invited by event organizers because of my interest in the development of homeless services for transgender people. There were a wide variety of issues brought to the floor by members of the Greater Rochester community. Many of the stories were difficult to listen to. All who testified before the Commission were incredibly strong and brave to share their stories so that others would not have to endure those fates. While many issues that were brought up pointed to deep systemic problems, some were simple fixes such as increased communication and referral to services that are available here in Rochester. This experience helped me see how the Truth Commission model could be
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of great benefit to the LGBT community. I eagerly look forward to planning one or several in the coming year hosted by the GAGV Community Safety Program.
Community Safety Program’s Anti Violence Project Report By Kelly Baumgartner In the month of October there were seven incidents reported to the AVP office. Three were domestic violence incidents; the other four were bias/hate incidents. Of the three domestic violence incidents reported, one was from a male, two from females. The four bias/hate incidents were against one man and three women. The incident against the man was another violent beating that required facial reconstruction. One call was by a grandmother concerned about the harassing of her granddaughter, one by a woman whose boss was saying homophobic things at work, and the last was a transwoman being stalked and harassed by her neighbors in public housing.
Speakers Bureau creates It Gets Better Project (for grownups) By Jeanne Gainsburg, Gay Alliance Outreach Coordinator A few months ago, in response to the many recent teen suicides, Dan Savage, Seattle advice columnist, launched his It Gets Better Project* as a way of supporting and providing hope to youths who are experiencing anti-LGBT bullying in school. I have been moved by the stories that I have seen and reminded how powerful a personal story can be. A personal story cannot be refuted as false data or misinformation. It has a way of tugging at that part of our conscience that instinctively knows right from wrong. And it touches people’s hearts in ways that dates and statistics never will. Those of you who saw Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns** publicly share his coming out story and tell LGBT youths that it gets better know what I mean. Numbers, facts and figures quickly fade in my memory, but I am not sure I am capable of ever forgetting Joel Burns’ story or his bravery. Hail Dan Savage! I love that guy and I hope these powerful messages get out to the young people who most need to hear them. But what about the adults? Jessica Cohen, Gay Alliance Youth Director, recently told the Gay Alliance staff that the youth seem to be handling the news of the suicides fairly well. They are living with the name calling and the bullying every day at school and the recent suicides, although horrible, have not affected them all that much. They are just carrying on and trying to get by, as always. Not so with the adult population. We are saddened and outraged. Clearly in most individual cases, after middle school and high school it gets better, but what about the bigger picture? How is it possible that in the year 2010 so many young people would rather be dead than gay or perceived to be gay? Those of us who are old enough to have lived many decades look back and see very little change over the years. The word “fag” still flies freely in school hallways, mostly unchecked by teachers and staff. Very few teachers are willing to be out and open with their students about their LGBT
Mir Buchanan is a Speakers Bureau volunteer and Rochester representative for Pride & Joy Families.
identities for fear of negative consequences. And suicides among LGBT youths are still a huge issue. Where is our boost of hope? Where is the light at the end of our tunnel? Will it get better? I believe the answer is yes! Every cloud has a silver lining and the positive that has come from this black cloud of youth suicides is that the Gay Alliance has gotten more requests from local schools and organizations for presentations on LGBT awareness and inclusion than ever before. Many local teachers, therapists, and health care specialists are appropriately outraged and they are asking for our help. Welcome to Jeanne Gainsburg’s It Gets Better Project for Grown Ups (aka The Gay Alliance Speakers Bureau). Here is an opportunity to get active, get involved and make a difference. With all of the incoming requests for presentations, we need more trained speakers! What better way to ensure that it will get better than to get out there, share our stories and touch the hearts and minds of folks who are in a position to create change in our schools and in our youth service organizations? Here is how it works: 1) You attend our upcoming SpeakOUT Training on Friday, Feb. 18 from 6-9pm and Saturday, Feb. 19 from 8:30 a.m.-5:30p.m. (To register go to: http:// www.gayalliance.org/education/speakouttraining-tot.html) If you are unable to attend this training, get me your contact information and I will inform you of future trainings. 2) You practice telling your personal story to a small group of Speakers Bureau members at one of our practice sessions. 3) You go out to a presentation to observe. 4) When you and I both feel that you are ready, you go out with an experienced co-presenter to a speaking engagement at your convenience to share your personal story and answer questions. We work with your schedule. There is no pressure and no obligation. You present if you can, when you can. Currently the Gay Alliance Speakers Bureau is a small group of dedicated volunteers made up of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, straight, pansexual, and gender queer individuals. All people are welcome. All have something to offer. Please consider joining us and becoming part of the solution to ensure that it gets better. For more information on the Gay Alliance Speakers Bureau, please contact Jeanne Gainsburg at jeanneg@gayalliance. org or 585-244-8640 ext. 14. The Gay Alliance Speakers Bureau: It’s a Mind Opening Experience. * It Gets Better Project website: http://www.itgetsbetterproject.com/ **Joel Burn’s It Gets Better video: http://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=ax96cghOnY4 ■
The Gay Alliance 875 E. Main St., Suite 500 Rochester, NY 14605 • Hours Mon.-Fri., 9 am-5 pm • Phone: (585) 244-8640 • Fax: (585) 244-8246 • Website: www.gayalliance.org Empty Closet Phone: (585) 244-9030 • Empty Closet Fax: (585) 244-8246 • Empty Closet Advertising: (585) 244-9030 • Empty Closet E-mail: emptycloset@gagv.us Board President John Altieri • Executive Director Sue Cowell • Administrative Assistant Laur McSpadden • Program Director Scott Fearing Empty Closet Editor Susan Jordan • Graphics Jim Anderson • Community Safety Kelly Clark • Development Brian Doran • Victim Advocate Kelly Baumgartner Youth Services Coordinator Jessica Cohen • CampusOut Assistant Mariam Mull • Outreach Coordinator Jeanne Gainsburg Youth Group: Youth Center, 1st floor - Ages 13-23 Sundays 2-4 pm; Ages 18-25 Sundays 4:30-6pm • http://youth.gayalliance.org for after school schedule and special events. The Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley is a non-profit agency, dedicated to cultivating a healthy, inclusive environment where lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans-gender (LGBT) people are safe, thriving and enjoying equal rights. We are a coalition of individuals and groups working to empower LGBT people, to affirm their identities, and to create an atmosphere where the diversity of our community can thrive both collectively and separately. We educate and advocate for civil rights for all and for the eradication of homophobia.
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
Resources Aids
Free testing for HIV exposure is available from New York State Department of Health: call Rochester Area Regional Hotline at (585) 423-8081, or 1-800-962-5063 for pay phones or calls outside Rochester. Deaf or hearing impaired people should call (585)423-8120 (TDD.) New Rapid HIV Testing now available — test results in 30-40 minutes! Statewide information can be obtained by calling 1-800-541-AIDS. Other organizations which provide AIDS-related services are as follows: AIDS Care AIDS Care, the leading provider of HIV/AIDS services in Rochester and the Finger Lakes, was formed by the January 2010 merger of AIDS Community Health Center and AIDS Rochester. On-site services include: HIV testing and limited STD screenings, Primary and HIV Specialty Medical Care, Pharmacy, Behavioral Wellness, Case Management, Prevention and Education, Clinical Trials, Dental Screenings, Hepatitis C Co-Infection Clinic, Housing Services, Laboratory, Nutrition Services, Peer Interaction, Smoking Cessation, Substance Use and Addiction Counseling, Support Groups, Transportation Services, Treatment Adherence Counseling, and Women’s Health Care. AIDS Care is also a leader in providing services and education to members of the LGBT community. Contact Information: Website: www. acRochester.org. Main Office: 259 Monroe Ave., Rochester, NY 14607; Main Phone: 585-5457200 - Health Services After Hours: 585-2583363; Case Management After Hours (Lifeline): 585-275-5151; Fax: 585-244-6456. Finger Lakes Office: 605 W. Washington St., Geneva, NY 14456, 315-781-6303. Southern Tier Office: 122 Liberty St. P O Box 624, Bath, NY 14810 607-776-9166. The Health Outreach Project: 416 Central Ave., Rochester, NY 14605; 585-454-5556. Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley provides referrals to physicians and service agencies. (585) 244-8640; www.gayalliance.org. Victory Alliance University of Rochester Medical Center. One of several research sites worldwide that comprise the HIV Vaccine Trials Network. Rochester site conducts research vaccine studies sponsored by National Institutes of Health (NIH) in the attempt to discover a vaccine that may one day prevent HIV infection or AIDS. Imagine a world without AIDS, learn how you can help create it. 585-7562329; www.vaccineunit.org. Center for Health and Behavioral Training of Monroe County 853 Main St., Rochester 14611. Collaboration of Monroe County Health Department and U.R. Provides year-round training in prevention and management of STDs, HIV, TB and related issues, such as domestic violence and case management. (585)753-5382 v/tty. Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/ Syracuse Region 114 University Ave., Rochester, NY 14605; Tollfree Helpline: 1-866-600-6886. Offers confidential HIV testing and information. When you make your appointment, be sure to ask about our sliding scale fees. No one is turned away for lack of ability to pay. Rochester Area Task Force on AIDS A collection of agencies providing a multiplicity of resources and services to the upstate New York community. Their offices are located through the Finger Lakes Health Systems Agency, which also provides medical literature and newspaper clippings, as well as demographic and statistical data for use in developing health care services. (585) 461-3520. MOCHA Center of Rochester Our mission is to improve health and wellness in communities of color through intervention and service, with emphasis on LGBTQ programming. Youth drop-in center, HIV testing, peer education, support groups, computer lab, referral services and more. Stop by 107 Liberty Pole Way (corner of Pleasant) or call (585)420-1400. Monroe County Health Department at 855 W. Main St., offers testing and counseling for HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. (585)753-5481.
Strong Memorial Hospital provides a complete range of HIV medical care, including access to experimental treatment protocols, and HIV testing. Also provides individual and group psychotherapy. Training of health care professionals also available. Infectious Disease Clinic, (585) 275-0526. Department of Psychiatry, (585) 275-3379. AIDS Training Project, (585) 275-5693. Planned Parenthood of Rochester and Genesee Valley offers testing and information (585) 546 2595. Rural HIV testing anonymous and confidential, in Alleghany, Livingston, Ontario, Schuyler, Seneca, Steuben, Wayne or Yates Counties, call 1-800-962-5063. Action Front Center (Action for a Better Community.) Provides HIV prevention education and case management services. Training and technical assistance to service providers. Resource library open to public. All services free and confidential. Multicultural and bilingual staff. Jearald Noble, program manager. 33 Chestnut St., second floor. Hours 8:30-5 pm, Monday-Friday. 262-4330; fax 262-4572. Free anonymous HIV testing on walk-in basis, Tuesdays, Wednesdays 1-4 pm, provided through NYSDOH. Thursdays 1-4 pm at Aenon Baptist Church, 175 Genesee St. Anthony L. Jordan Health Center Prevention & Primary Care Program Provides Medical Case Management, Mental Health, Primary Care, HIV Counseling and Testing using the Orasure Rapid Test, Education presentations, and access to other Jordan services. Prevention & Primary Care is a walk-in program; no appointments necessary. Office hours: Mon.– Fri., 8:30am– 5 pm: extended hours on Monday until 8 pm. (585) 423-2879; fax (585) 423-2876. Website: www.jordanhealth.org. For more information, call Program Director Patrick M. Trevor, (585) 423-2879. CDC National STD and AIDS Hotline 1-800-CDC-INFO (800-232-4636) 24 hours a day. TTY service: 1-888-232-6348. E-mail address: cdcinfo@cdc.gov. Fair Housing Enforcement Project of Monroe County 585-325-2500; 1-800-669-9777. Deals with housing discrimination on basis of race, orientation, HIV status, etc. Public Interest Law Office of Rochester 80 St. Paul St., Suite 701. Free legal services to HIV positive persons, families. Spanish bilingual advocates available. All civil cases except divorce; no criminal cases. Ask to speak to someone in PILOR. 454-4060. Evergreen Health Services, Buffalo Primary care, HIV and family care, HIV testing and counseling. (716) 847-0328 Westside Health Services Brown Square Health Center, 175 Lyell Ave. (2546480); Woodward health Center, 480 Genesee St. (436-3040). HIV/AIDS services, support, more. McCree McCuller Wellness Center at Unity Health's Connection Clinic (585) 368-3200. 89 Genesee St., Bishop Kearney Bldg., 3rd floor. Full range of servcies, regardless of ability to pay. Caring, confidential and convenient. Catholic Charities AIDS Services A multicultural and bi-lingual staff providing services to a diversity of people infected and affected with HIV.Intensive home-based case management for all ages; a clinical crisis manager; a child/ adolescent case worker; transitional case management for children and family members going through bereavement; recreational and support groups for children and teens, and camping experiences including Camp SOAR. We coordinate HOPWA (Housing Opportunities for People with AIDS) short term emergency assistance with rent/ mortgage/utility payments and limited subsidized housing. 1945 E. Ridge Rd., Suite 24, Rochester NY 14622. (585) 339-9800. Huther Doyle 360 East Ave., Rochester 14604. Offers drug, alcohol prevention, education, treatment. Risk Reduction Plus Team offers servcies to HIV positive and those at risk through substance use. Programs include outreach, transitional case
management, free cconfidential testing (OraQuick Rapid Testing). NYS Dep't. of Health offers free on-site confidential and anonymous testing. (585)325-5100, M-F 8 am-9 pm, www.hutherdoyle.com. Geneva Community Health 601 W. Washington St., Geneva. Provides HIV testing, HIV specialty and primary care for residents of Ontario and surrounding counties. Mon.-Thurs. 9 am-5 pm; Fridays 9 am-noon. 315-781-8448.
family Rochester Gay Moms’ Group Support group for lesbian mommies and wannabe mommies in Rochester and surrounding areas. Subscribe: RochesterGayMoms-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Pride & Joy Families In Rochester, contact Mir Buchanan, mbuchanan@PrideandJoyFamilies.org or 244-8640 x 37. Lesbian & Gay Family Building Project Headquartered in Binghamton and with a presence throughout Upstate NY, the Project is dedicated to helping LGBTQ people achieve their goals of building and sustaining healthy families. We do this by providing support, advocacy, information, and access to community and sensitive healthcare and other services. Our network of Pride and Joy Families offers social and educational opportunities to LGBTQ parents, their children and prospective parents. Claudia Stallman, Project Director, 124 Front St., Binghamton, NY 13905; 607-724-4308; e-mail: LesGayFamBldg@ aol.com. Web: www.PrideAndJoyFamilies.org. Families Joined by Love Books and resources for LGBT families. www.familiesjoinedebylove.org. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) PFLAG’s threefold mission: supporting parents and family members in coming out process; educating the community; advocating on behalf of LGBT family members. Regular meetings: first Tuesday 7-9 pm, St. Thomas Episcopal Church, corner Winton and Highland; third Sunday, 2-4 pm, Nopper Room, fifth floor, Auditorium Center, 875 E. Main St. PFLAG@ gagv.us; 585-244-8640 x27.
transgender Rochester Transgender Organization: see Ongoing calendar
lgbt health
For a list of LGBT-friendly and competent health and human service providers in the Rochester and Finger Lakes area, visit the resource directory page(s) at www.everybodysgood.com. These pages are compiled and managed by AIDS Care. If you are a provider, or know of one, who would like to be included, contact them through the website or contact Erik Libey directly at (585) 210-4192.
Monroe County Women’s Health Partnership 111 Westfall Rd., Rochester NY 14692; (585)274-6978. Comprehensive breast cancer screening services for uninsured and underinsured women. Elizabeth Wende Breast Clinic 170 Sawgrass Drive. 442-8432. Dr. Wende Logan-Young and an all-woman staff provide mammograms. SHARE: Self Help for Women with Breast or Ovarian Cancer NYS Hotline: 1-866-53SHARE or 1-866-5374273. AIDS Rochester Women’s Health Outreach 259 Monroe Ave. ARI has services for HIV positive women and others in the lesbian community. 442-2220. AIDS Care 259 Monroe Ave. 244-9000; TTY (585)4619202. HIV and Primary care medical services for HIV positive women, their negative partners and family members. OB/GYN, HIV pre-test and post-test counseling. Confidential or free HIV testing. Alternatives for Battered Women 232-7353; TTY 232-1741. Shelter (women only), counseling. Lesbians, gay men welcome. GAGV Anti Violence Project 585-244-8640 ext 17. For women and men. Victim Resource Center of Wayne County Newark N.Y. Hotline 800-456-1172; office (315)331-1171; fax (315)331-1189. Mary Magdalene House Women's outreach center for HIV positive women and women at risk. 291 Lyell Ave. Open Mon-Fri. 6:30-9:30 pm 458-5728. Planned Parenthood of the Rochester/Syracuse Region 114 University Ave., Rochester, NY 14605; Toll-free Helpline: 1-866-600-6886. Planned Parenthood has led the way in providing high quality, affordable reproductive health care since 1916. Our experienced and compassionate medical staff will listen to your concerns and answer your questions in a warm, welcoming atmosphere. All our services are confidential. We accept most insurances; including Medicaid. You may even qualify for low- to no-cost family planning services. When you make your appointment, be sure to ask about our sliding scale fees. No one is turned away for lack of ability to pay.
POLITICAL:
National Organization for Women (Greater Rochester NOW) PO Box 93196; (585)234-7019. E-mail: info@rochesternow.org Web page: http:// www.rochesternow.org.
CULTURAL:
Rochester Women’s Community Chorus 234-4441. (See Ongoing calendar).
ONLINE:
Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley See www.gayalliance.org Resource Directory under “Health” for GAGV referrals to physicians and service agencies.
WOWcny: e-mail: WOWcny@aol.com Rochester NY Lesbians; groups.aol.com/rochstrlesbians
Women
GENERAL:
HEALTH:
Highland Hospital Breast Imaging Center 500 Red Creek Drive, Rochester 14623; 585487-3300. Specializing in breast health, diagnostic breast imaging and treatment and mammography outreach and education. Breast Cancer Coalition of Rochester 840 University Ave.; 585-473-8177; www.bccr. org; email: info@bccr.org. Breast Cancer Coalition provides support services that include Brown Bag Fridays: an informal discussion group that meets weekly from 12:00-1:30; Breast Cancer 101 and 201: programs designed to help those coping with a recent breast cancer diagnosis and those coping with an advanced breast cancer diagnosis; Sister Sak: a program that addresses the issues facing young women with breast cancer; and the Advanced Breast Cancer Support Group to support women living with metastatic breast cancer. The Breast Cancer Coalition also provides information about breast cancer, a lending library, and a monthly educational program. All BCCR programs and support services are free.
Women’s Resource Center YWCA, 175 N. Clinton Ave. 546-7740.
SOCIAL:
Color Outside the Line Crew Contact Jackie Williams, 482-4945. Butch Femme Connection: 288-7208; DressyFemme@aol.com Check our monthly and ongoing Calendars and the Gay Groups section for more groups and events. For more information, call the GAGV at 244-8640 or see www.gayalliance. org. And send us your information!
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
Groups
per. The staff is very good to us, and the food is great. Also in December, we plan to see “Christmas with the Calamari Sisters”. It’ll be a blast. Have a great holiday season. Talk to you in 2011. WOOF!
Find the friends and fun you need in your neighborhood of the LGBT community.
Butch Femme Connection The Rochester Butch-Femme Connection will have two dinner events in December 2010. On Dec. 4 we will meet at Zebb’s Restaurant in the Tops Loehmann’s Plaza on South Clinton Ave. in Brighton at 7 p.m. On Dec. 18, we will meet at Mike’s New York Diner at 3423 Winton Place in Brighton/Henrietta at 7 p.m. In January, we will also have two dinner events. On Jan. 8, we will meet at East Ridge Diner (not East Ridge Family Restaurant, this one is new and located at 766 East Ridge Road, just down the road from Monte Alban) at 7 p.m. On Jan. 22, we will meet at South City Garden at 798 South Clinton Ave. in the South Wedge area of Rochester at 7 p.m. For more information, contact Kerry/ Max at (585) 288-7208, e-mail DressyFemme@aol.com or visit our Facebook page under The Rochester Butch-Femme Connection.
Calling All LGBTQ Families: Pride & Joy Is Here For You! By Mir Buchanan Did you know that there is an organization in Rochester that is here to offer networking, education, support and a sense of community to LGBTQ families? Pride and Joy Families is that organization. Founded in Binghamton several years
ago, P&JF’s focus is to assist lesbian/ gay/bisexual/transgender/queer people in upstate New York to achieve their goals of building and sustaining healthy families. All LGBTQ families and aspiring families are invited to join. PJ&F and its Binghamton-based parent Lesbian and Gay Family Building Project offer not only fun, family-oriented events throughout the year, but also provide educational programs for LGBTQ parents and aspiring parents, sponsor the Healthy Families Initiative (website: www.LGBTHealthInitiative. org), offer provider training for health and human services providers, maintain an on-line directory of services for LGBTQ individuals and families (www.LGBTServicesDirectory.com), and work to provide advocacy around the specific needs of LGBTQ families. Pride and Joy Families is excited to co-host the upcoming Rochester LGBTQ Families Conference April 8-10, 2011. Check out the P&JF website at www. PrideandJoyFamilies.org or, connect with P&JF’s Rochester Outreach Educator Mir Buchanan at 585-244-8640, ext. 37, or at mir@prideandjoyfamilies.org.
Dignity-Integrity D-I Rochester continues to meet weekly at St. Luke’s and St. Simon’s Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St., corner of Broad St. We have the following services and activities for the month of December and January. Please note that all services start at 5 p.m. First Sunday: Episcopal Mass, with music.
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(On Dec. 5, there will be a healing service as part of the Mass.) Second Sunday: Roman Catholic Liturgy of the Word, with music. Third Sunday: Episcopal Mass in the Chapel; no music this week. Fourth Sunday: ANNUAL HYMN SING: DEC. 26, 5 p.m. FREE. NOTE: No Pot Luck in December... there will be a fantastic reception after the Hymn Sing! (See below for details.) Join us for dinner out at a local restaurant after the reception! January Pot Luck Theme: “New Year -- New Recipe”. Try out something from that cookbook you got for Christmas, or something you’ve just not had time to serve at home. No time to fix something? Join us anyway; there is always plenty for everyone! There is a lot of news from the pews here at D-I in this issue. First a quick look back at the fall of 2010.... The Labor Day picnic and mass at Fr. John’s in Lima was a great success. Probably the “best in show” for food was a bowl of rainbow jello... it was gorgeous, but not too beautiful to eat; I think there was about a tablespoon’s worth left at the end of the evening. In October, our 35th Anniversary Mass and Dinner had a nice surprise... Patty Hayes, formerly our chaplain and the GAGV Youth Director, travelled down from Toronto to attend both service and dinner. Our meals at Shea’s were fantastic, too. DECEMBER HYMN SING with TIM SCHRAMM.... back by popular demand, Tim will lead us in song on Sunday, Dec. 26 at 5 p.m. This replaces our regularly scheduled Evening Prayer and Potluck for this month. This is becoming a holiday tradition and we hope that you can make it part of yours. Sit back and sing the hymns and carols that make the season memorable. The cost is FREE.... there will be a yummy reception following the HYMN SING. Get a taste of what you’ll hear on the following YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/user/ Timtheorganman#p/u/26/iC7w_fI2_PE There are other things on the drawing table for the New Year. As always, you can check for any additions or changes to the schedule by looking at our website… here’s the address: http://www.di-rochester.org/. We hope to see you there!
EMPIRE BEARS By Alan van Camp The BEARS had a busy November. We saw “Young Frankenstein,” went to dinner at Fratelli’s, enjoyed some movies, and met new friends. Bearnight at the Forum continues every first Saturday. 12/4 the theme is Sexy Santa, so wear something furry, red, and hot! We’ll collect personal care items for a donation to AIDS Care; stop by the store before Bearnight. Then January’s Bearnight will be on Jan. 1. It’s New Year’s Day. Wear your bibs and get comfy with the Bears. Remember, the “street meat” at the Forum is the best in Rochester. Potlucks are always popular with the Bears. We hold ‘em second Saturdays at 6:30 in the GAGV Youth Center. On 12/11 the theme is holiday favorites, and Jan. 8 it’ll be comfort foods. Fill a casserole or a crockpot. We provide paper, plastic, and pop. All guys are welcome. Sometimes after dinner, we play cards or games. Bring a friend and meet some new friends. Friday and Saturday, Dec. 3 and 4, the RGMC sings its Holiday concert. Most of our members attend, and some are in it. Hope we see you at the Hochstein at 8. The Bears continue to go to the Wintonaire every Wednesday at 6 for sup-
Gay Square Dance Group – The Lilac Squares Our new class has started for the 2010 year, and it is fun watching them learn something new and really wanting to get it right. They will make some great additions to our club. The Lilac Squares meets each Monday at the Open Arms Metropolitan Community Church, located on 740 Marshall Rd., Rochester 14624, at 7 p.m. We are a lively and friendly group made up of singles, couples, men, and women, young and young at heart; when we aren’t learning new calls, we are telling stories, jokes, and lively anecdotes. We usually learn a couple of new calls each night, and if we make mistakes, our caller will review the calls for us. We are a very easy-going group, and missteps happen. There will someone there to guide you to where you need to be. The night is for fun and having a good time. Great friends have been created in our club. For more information, call Bob at 467-6456, or e-mail Robert.danie@juno. com. Hope to see you soon.
Rainbow SAGE By Tony Perri Wow, It’s almost a new year and what a year this has been for Rainbow SAGE! Our affiliation with the GAGV has been going strong for the past six months and we anticipate full merger in the near future. We have broadened our reach with GAGV affiliation. Several new programs have been initiated and we continued with a full year of social activities that have been enjoyed by our community. Most of these programs have continued with a minimum of interruption, and with the dedicated support of our volunteers and members. If you have been contemplating getting involved with Rainbow SAGE, now is the time to do it. We can only accomplish our future goals, and there are many, with support from our members, both in service and monetary support if you can do it. Brian, our current Board of Directors President, has been manning our SAGE office at the GAGV on a part-time basis and has been doing an outstanding job. I am sure he would welcome any support. Due to severe budget cuts in the future, our hope of getting a paid SAGE staff member is on hold, which necessitates reaching out to our constituency for support. As mentioned before, this support could be in service or a monetary donation so that we can carry on our mission.
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
(Groups continued from page 15) Your membership in Rainbow SAGE offers you full access to our programs and many of the GAGV programs, such as GAGV library access, SAGE monthly potlucks, men’s and woman’s discussion groups, annual members-only events and reduced ticket rate for SAGE dances, among others. It also provides many advocacy opportunities, such as the Speakers Bureau of the GAGV, maybe teaching a workshop, or hosting an event. Several members of SAGE are on the GAGV Speakers Bureau and we, along with Scott of the Gay Alliance, are developing a program to present to providers of Elder service in our community. This is an exciting venture. In February SAGE launched the National Resource Center on LGBT Aging in Washington, D.C. It is the country’s first and only technical assistance resource center aimed at improving the quality of services and support offered to the LGBT older adult. To learn more about the Resource Center and the national SAGE organization, please visit www. lgbtagingcenter.org. Wishing everyone a very Happy Holiday and a Healthy New Year. We hope to see you at our Christmas potluck on Dec. 19, 4 p.m. at the Unitarian Universalist church, 150 S. Clinton at the corner of Court. On Jan. 16, the potluck will include a brown bag auction. Please bring a dish to pass (leftover cookies?) and an item to donate to the Brown Bag Auction at 5 p.m. The Brown Bag Auction is a yearly event and proceeds help support the work of Rainbow SAGE. It’s loads of fun! Your donated item needs to be something that would be of value to others that is in good condition, maybe a “regift” of something you received during the holidays. These events are open to our entire community, so please join us. Tell your family and friends! For more information, visit our website at www.rainbowsage.org or email us at rainbowsage@gayalliance.org.
Rochester GLBTQI Motorcycle Group The riding season is winding down except for a few hardcore people; most have put their bikes away for the winter. Come join us sometime at our scheduled meet on the second Fridays of every month, at a place that changes around. We are all joined, apart from the obvious, by our sport, and helping each other. A real nice group of people! For more information, look at our Yahoo group profile: RochesterGLBTQIbikers. You can also call Bob at 4676456, or E-mail robert.daniels@juno.com. Let’s ride with pride!
Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus The Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus will hold voice placements and first rehearsal of the spring season on Thursday, Jan. 6, 6:30 p.m. at the Downtown United Presbyterian Church, 121 North Fitzhugh St. in Rochester. If you can’t join us for the Christmas show, January is the time to consider joining us as we celebrate in the spring and on into the summer. Singing together with a common purpose is not only fun and enjoyable, but also builds friendships. Under the artistic direction of Dr. Robert Strauss, this season bursts with promise. Strauss looks forward to meeting new members and longtime friends at the first rehearsal in January. In March 2011, “Moments in Time” will feature songs such as “Many a New Day,” “Getting Married Today” and “Music of the Night”. Broadway favorites will invite us to reminisce, in this special tribute to the stage on March 19 at 8 p.m. Just in time for a summer rendezvous, we’ll present “Walking on Sunshine,” a musical tribute to summer love. Long days on the beach and the warm summer
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nights always feel alright. Come celebrate summer with us on June 18, at 8 p.m. Rehearsal begins at 7 p.m. at the church on Jan. 6. Those interested in joining the chorus are welcome to arrive at 6:30 p.m. for voice placement. Further information is available at www.thergmc. org or by calling (585) 423-0650.
Rochester Rams M.C. Season’s Greetings from the Rochester Rams. We wish you all the Happiest and Merriest of Holidays along with the safest and most prosperous New Year ever. IT GETS BETTER! As 2010 draws to an end, the Rams and all of us in the greater leather community would like to add our voices to the chorus that is telling GLBT people everywhere, and especially our youth, that it really does get better. Always be proud of who you are and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. We are happy to report that our Annual Toy Drive was a great success. The pool table area of the Forum was again overflowing with an unbelievable array of goodies. The toys and the cash collected will again be taken to the Roosevelt Children’s Center in Newark to brighten the holidays for “our kids”. This event just gets better every year. Our heartfelt thanks go to Peter and the staff at the Forum, to Outlandish for supplying a collection box there, to The Empty Closet for donating ad space and to all of you in the community who so generously contributed toys or cash. Be sure to join us for our December and January barnights at the Forum. December’s barnight is Saturday the 18th and January 2011’s date is the 15th. Due to popular demand we are bringing back theme barnights. December’s theme will be “Long Johns”. We will supply bags for your outer clothing at the coat check so we encourage everyone to dress appropriately. January will be “Blue Collar Night” so use
your imagination and suit up in your best workman’s gear. The Rochester Rams M.C. is Western New York’s foremost gay motorcycle & leather club as well as being one of the oldest clubs of its type in the country. All who are interested in the leather club scene are invited to check us out. Our general meeting is open to the public and we meet the Wednesday before bar night at 7:30 p.m. each month. Meetings are held in our clubhouse at our home bar, the Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. Our next general meeting will be on Wednesday, Dec. 15. In January 2011 we will meet on Wednesday the 12th. For more info, please visit our website: www.rochesterrams.com.
Romans
Are you a closet naturist? Do you wish you could enjoy clothes-free swimming, camping, dining, and social activities? Check out the Romans (Rochester Male Naturists). If you are hesitant, attend one of our monthly clothed Meet and Greets at a local restaurant before the clothes-free swim and gym. The group is open to all gay-friendly men ages 21 and up. The next clothed Meet and Greet will be Saturday, Jan. 8 at 5:45 p.m. Feb. 5 will be the Meet and Greet for the month of February. Interested men should check out the group’s new website www.wnyromans.com or call 585-281-4964 for times and locations. Romans have been hosting clothes-free events and social nudity in western New York since 1991. Swims are held monthly October through April. The group holds monthly social meetings and dinners, and hosts nude camping in the summer. Recent group activities have included a wine tasting party and a nude yoga demonstration. The group is looking for people interested in doing presentations to the group on hobbies, travel, health, fetish, investing, local history, and any topic related to gay issues or naturism. ■
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet (Somerville continued from page 1) be part of the quilt’s appearance in Rochester (at Equal=Grounds through Dec. 8). The quilt has been very special to me since its conception, having lost so many friends to AIDS in the eighties. I don’t know how many panels I have worked on,” Somerville said. A long-term survivor, Tom says he never thought he would live to see his 50th birthday. “I was originally unofficially diagnosed in a public clinic in New York City back in October of 1982 when there was no test. It was more like they guessed based on symptoms. There were no medications and they still called it GRIDS (Gay Related Immune Deficiency Syndrome). Life expectancy was less than six months.” ■
time input is flexible depending on the domain you are interested in. First-timers are always welcome! V-Day Rochester 2011 will raise awareness and funds in a global effort to end violence against women and girls. This year, 90 percent of all proceeds will benefit the Rape Crisis Service and 10 percent will go to the 2011 V-Day National Spotlight, the women and girls of Haiti. Come join us and be a part of this meaningful event. Please email vdayrochester@gmail. com if you are interested in volunteering or would like information on donating and sponsorship opportunities.
Vagina Monologues 2011 seeks volunteers
What’s up at MuCCC, 142 Atlantic Ave., for the holidays? On Dec. 10 at 8 p.m., The Bloody Noes Present the Third Annual Santanalia Pageant and Holiday Spectacular. Held at the MUCCC Theater for one night only… a holiday party with sundry entertainments. Festivities will be capped off by The Bloody Noes Santanalia Pageant. Attendees are encouraged to bring a snack for sharing, and/or a wrapped “gift” for under the tree (if you bring one you can take one). There will be a cash Nog and Wine Bar. Events are more or less family friendly, maybe depending on your family. There is a $7 suggested donation at the door. ■
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By Xin Yi Chan Planning has already begun for Planned Parenthood-Rochester’s 2011 V-Day production of Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues. The performance is scheduled for Saturday, March 26 at 7 p.m. The planning committee for The Vagina Monologues is currently seeking volunteers to assist in different domains: there are opportunities to help on the fundraising crew, public-relations crew, special events crew and/or the day-of-show crew (a four-hour, one-time commitment). The
“Santanalia” revels are Dec. 10 at MuCCC
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011
Dec-Jan 2011 WEDNESDAY 1
World AIDS Day World AIDS Day benefit concert: “Embrace Life”. Raising funds for orphans in South Africa 7:30 pm at Hochstein, 50 N. Plymouth Ave.
THURSDAY 2
Bar outreach by MOCHA Center, Gay Alliance, Victory Alliance; honoring World AIDS Day. First of three nights, Deictory Boys”.c. 2-4, with “The V
FRIDAY 3
Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus concert, “The Christmas Experience”. Also Dec. 4. 8 pm. Hochstein, 50 N. Plymouth Ave. AIDS Quilt panels opening reception. Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. Display runs from Dec. 1-8.
SATURDAY 4
ROMANS (Rochester Male Naturists) clothed meet/greet at local restaurant prior to monthly clothes-free swim, gym. 5:45 pm. Contact www.wnyromans.com or call 585-281-4964 for location. My Mother’s Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding opening at JCC, 1200 Edgewood Ave. Through Dec. 19. Empire Bears Bearnight. “Sexy Santa”. Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. Bring personal items for AIDS Care. Addressing male sexual assault. With Grant Watkins. 12:30-2 pm, GAGV Community Room, first floor, 875 E. Main St.
SUNDAY 5
Dignity Integrity: Episcopal Mass, with music. Healing service as part of the Mass. 5 pm at St. Luke’s and St. Simon’s Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. Rainbow SAGE Euchre. 3 pm, South Wedge Planning Commission. Call Ginny to RSVP/directions, 585-473-4765. InQueery screening of “Tying the Knot,” documentary on marriage equality. 6-8 pm. Short discussion facilitated-
will follow. GAGV Youth/Community Center, first floor, 875 East Main St., 14605. Details at http://www.gayalliance. org/education/inqueery/329-ty-knot.html
WEDNESDAY 8
InQueery partners with Rochester Kink Society to host introductory session to BdsM, facilitated by Todd and Kat of RKS. 7-8:30 pm. Gay Alliance Community Room, first floor of Auditorium Center, 875 East Main St. 2448640 ext 20.
THURSDAY 9
Out & Equal Finger Lakes Second Thursday Monthly Social at Pier 45 at The Port, 1000 River St. 585-865-4500. Early start 5 pm to 7-ish, 50/50 drawing at 6:30. Dinner specials will be offered. Complementary holiday goodies. Festive drink specials. Free self parking, valet available.
FRIDAY 10
Thomas Somerville’s 50th birthday party and art opening. Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. 7:30 pm.
SATURDAY 11
Rochester Women’s Community Chorus concert, “’Tis the Season. 7:30 pm, Hochstein, 50 N. Plymouth Ave. $12/ adult, $10 students/seniors, $7 children 12 and under. Tickets: Equal=Grounds, Parkleigh, from Chorus members. 2344441; www.therwcc.org. Rainbow SAGE Coffee & Conversation. 10 am, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. Empire Bears potluck. “Holiday Favorites.” 6:30 pm, GAGV Youth Center, first floor, 875 E. Main St.
SUNDAY 12
Dignity Integrity: Roman Catholic Liturgy of the Word, with music. 5 pm at St. Luke’s and St. Simon’s Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St.
MONDAY 13
Marriage Equality/EROC Meet-Up. 6:30–8 pm. Equal Grounds, 750 South Ave., open to all. Sponsored by Equality Rochester/Marriage Equality New York (MENY). (585) 426-0862 atischer@frontiernet.net
TUESDAY 14
Just Us Guys Holiday Potluck, 6 pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. Contact Ron at 223-2629 or email rmatter1@ rochester.rr.com. Spirituality for the LGBT Community. Panel discussion, 7-8:30 pm. For location call Rev. C.D. Baginski, 2448640 or CDBaginski@gayalliance.org.
WEDNESDAY 15
Rainbow SAGE Men’s Group Meeting. 6 pm, GAGV Community Room, first floor, 875 E. Main St. Contact Tony for RSVP/directions, rtony13@aol.com.
FRIDAY 17
The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris. Featuring David Jason Kyle. Blackfriars Theatre, 795 E. Main St. Through Dec. 23. 454-1260.
SATURDAY 18
Rochester Rams bar night. Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. Theme: Long Johns.
SUNDAY 19
Rainbow SAGE holiday potluck. Universalist Church, S. Clinton Ave., 4 pm. www.rainbowsage.org Dignity Integrity: Episcopal Mass in the Chapel; no music this week. 5 pm at St. Luke’s and St. Simon’s Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St.
SUNDAY 26
Dignity Integrity: Hymn sing with Tim Schramm and reception: 5 p.m. Free. St. Luke’s and St. Simon’s Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St.
MONDAY 27
Rainbow SAGE Women’s Group. 11 am, GAGV Community Room, first floor, 875 E. Main St. Contact Eileen at ebrophy@frontiernet.net
JANUARY SATURDAY 1
Bearnight At The Forum. Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave.
SUNDAY 2
Classifieds
Classified ads are $5 for the first 30 words; each additional 10 words is another $1. We do not bill for classifieds, so please send or bring ad and payment to: The Empty Closet, 875 E. Main Street, Suite 500, Rochester, NY 14605. Paying by check: checks must be made out to Gay Alliance or GAGV. The deadline is the 15th of the month, for the following month’s issue. We cannot accept ads over the phone. Pay when you place your ad. We will accept only ads accompanied by name and phone number. Neither will be published, but we must be able to confirm placement. The Empty Closet is not responsible for financial loss or physical injury that may result from any contact with an advertiser. Advertisers must use their own box number, voice mail, e-mail or personal address/phone number.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Free to good home, two Yorkie puppies re-homing, AKC Reg., contact me via email for more details on: patjonson03@ gmail.com.
SERVICES
Rochester’s Best Man to Man Rubdown. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Thanks for your support in 2010. Why not treat yourself or give the gift of relaxation to your best friend, lover, partner or roommate? Unwind with this degreed, employed, fit, friendly, healthy, Italian GWM. Middle aged, 5’8”, 16 5lbs., 32” waist, nonsmoker, d & d free, HIV negative. My 10-plus years experience guarantees your relaxation and satisfaction. Hotel visit, in call in my home or out call in your residence. Reasonable rates. Discretion appreciated and practiced. Don’t delay, call me today at 585-773-2410(cell) or 585-235-6688(home) or e-mail me at: magichands@rochester.rr.com. Martin Ippolito master electrician. Electrical work, telephone jacks, cable
TV, burglar alarm systems, paddle fans. 585-266-6337.
HOUSEMATES WANTED
Lesbian Housemate Wanted. Room to rent for $550 per month. Includes all utilities and cable. Immediately available. Contact Anne 585-747-6853 for more information.
FOR SALE
17 Averill Avenue. (Historical South Wedge). Call Gallagher Realty: Justin Gallagher, 585-230-6955; 585-317-6683. Asking price $93,500. Four-bedroom home, bath and a half, enclosed porch, patio, private and fenced in backyard. New windows, hardwood floors. Plus more updates. Great neighborhood and neighbors. CITY NE: Outstanding three bedroom two-story, steps from the most popular Public Market in America! Gleaming wood floors, entry area, classic front porch, nice rear yard. $43,900. Call George, 721-7653, HUNT ERA Columbus Division.
Rainbow SAGE Euchre. 3 pm, South Wedge Planning Commission. Call Ginny: RSVP/directions, 585-473-4765.
WEDNESDAY 5
Tying the Knot… Community Forum on Marriage Equality. Discuss impact of extending full marriage rights to same-sex couples. 7–8:30, Irondequoit Public Library, 2180 East Ridge Rd. Sponsored by Equality Rochester/Marriage Equality New York (MENY). (585) 426-0862 atischer@frontiernet.net
THURSDAY 6
Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus first rehearsal of season. 6:30 pm, Downtown United Presbyterian Church, 121 North Fitzhugh St. 423-0650.
SATURDAY 8
Rainbow SAGE Coffee & Conversation. 10 am, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. ROMANS (Rochester Male Naturists) clothed meet/greet at local restaurant prior to monthly clothes-free swim, gym. Contact www.wnyromans.com or call 585-281-4964 for location.
THURSDAY 13
Out & Equal Second Thursday. 5:30-7:30 pm, Max’s of Eastman Place. Partners: Victory Alliance, SUNY Empire State College.
FRIDAY 14
Empire Bears potluck. “Comfort foods.” 6:30 pm, GAGV Youth Center, first floor, 875 E. Main St. SpeakOut training. 6-9 pm. $5. Scholarships available. ASL interpretation available if requested before Dec. 20. www.gayalliance.org (click on SpeakOut under Education tab) or call 585-2448640 ext 14. Empty Closet deadline for February issue. 244-9030; susanj@gayalliance.org.
SATURDAY 15
SpeakOut training. 8:30 am-5:30 pm. $5 includes lunch. Scholarships available. ASL interpretation available if requested before Dec. 20. www.gayalliance.org (click on SpeakOut under Education tab) or call 585-244-8640 ext 14. Marriage Equality Advocate Training, 9:30 am–2:30 pm. Metro Justice Conference Room, 167 Flanders St.14619. Snowdate Jan. 22. Lunch, snacks included. Contact by Dec. 15 if you require an interpreter, special accommodations. Sponsored by Metro Justice & Equality Rochester/Marriage Equality New York. (585) 426-0862 atischer@frontiernet.net; todd.plank@gmail.com; (585) 278-4190. Erotic Night at Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave., 8 pm. Poetry, art and music. Rochester Rams bar night. Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. Theme: Blue Collar Night.
SUNDAY 16
Rainbow SAGE potluck and brown bag auction. 4 pm, Unitarian Universalist Church, 150 S. Clinton at Court. Website at www.rainbowsage.org or email rainbowsage@gayalliance.org.
WEDNESDAY 19
Rainbow SAGE Men’s Group Meeting. 6 pm, GAGV Community Room, first floor, 875 E. Main St. Contact Tony for RSVP/directions, rtony13@aol.com. Understanding and Managing GLBT Issues in the Workplace. SUNY Empire State College, 8-10 am. 1475 Winton Rd., Rom 106. $15. 266-5804; fingerlakesout&equal.org.
SATURDAY 23
Winter Light: Celebrating GAGV Library/Archives. Open house, 11 am-1 pm, First floor, 875 E. Main St.
MONDAY 31
Rainbow SAGE Women’s Group. 11 am, GAGV Community Room, first floor, 875 E. Main St. Contact Eileen at ebrophy@frontiernet.net.
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dec-jan 2011 • number 441 • gay alliance of the genesee valley • the empty closet
Ongoing Calendar
GLBTQI Motorcycle Group Second Fridays, 5:30pm, Various locations. RochesterGLBTIQbikers@yahoo.com; 478-1565; bmdaniels@frontiernet.net.
Monday
SATURDAY
LGBT Support Group New Life Presbyterian Church, 243 Rosedale. First, 3rd Mondays, 7:30-9:30 pm. Carol, 482-3832. Lilac Squares Gay Square Dance Group Mondays, 7pm, Open Arms MCC, 740 Marshall Rd. 520-5358; mfleig@rochester.rr.com. Free syphilis testing AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave., 5-8pm. 442-2220. Rochester Historical Bowling Society 7:15pm, Mondays. Clover Lanes, 2750 Monroe Ave. (Group is full.) HIV Positive Gay Men Support group Every Monday, 5pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. GAGV Youth Drop-In Hours Mondays, Wednesdays, 2-6pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. Prince St. entrance, first floor. 244-8640, ext 13. Frontrunners/Frontwalkers Mondays, 6pm, George Eastman House parking lot. www.rochesterfrontrunners.org. Steps Beyond Stems Crack Support Group Mondays, 7-8pm, 289 Monroe Ave. GAGV Library & Archives, David Bohnett Cyber Center Every Monday. 6-8pm. First floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640.
Tuesday Just Us Guys Gay men of all ages. Second Tuesdays, 6:30pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. 223-2629 Two Spirit Group Second Tuesdays, 7:30pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave.
Support Group for Parents Who Have Lost Children First, 3rd Wednesdays, 11am-12:30pm, Third Presbyterian Church, 4 Meigs St. Genesee Region Home Care. Free. 325-1880 COAP Come Out and Play. Business meeting last Wednesday. Equal Grounds Coffee Shop, 750 South Ave. 7pm, John S., 261-7263. Empire Bears First Wednesdays, 7:45pm, GAGV Community Center, 875 E. Main St., fifth floor. info@ empirebears.org Rochester Rams General Meeting 2nd Wednesdays, 7:30pm, Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. www.rochesterrams.com Multicom-4 Coffee Talk 7pm, Spin Café, 739 Park Av. Social for former Multicom-4 BBS members; other glbt cyber geeks welcome, every fourth Wednesday, 8pm Brothers Keeper Support group for men over 30. Third Wednesdays, 5:30-7:30pm, MOCHA Center, 107 Liberty Pole Way. 420-1400 GAGV Youth Drop-In Hours Mondays, Wednesdays, 3-7pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. Prince St. entrance, first floor. 244-8640 ext 13. Frontrunners/Frontwalkers 6pm, Eastman House parking lot. www.rochesterfrontrunners.org. GAGV Library & Archives, David Bohnett Cyber Center Every Wednesday. 6-8pm. First floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640.
Thursday Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns 6:30pm, first Thursday. Ralph, 271-7649
PFLAG program meeting First Tuesdays. 7-9pm meeting. St. Thomas Church, Winton & Highland.
Queer Radical Reading Group First and third Thursdays, 7pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave.
CampusOut Coffee Night First Tuesdays, 7-10pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave.
Pride at Work First Thursdays, 5:30pm. 167 Flanders St. off Thurston Rd. 426-0862.
MOCHA Youth Drop-In Tues.-Fri., 1-9pm, MOCHA Center, 107 Liberty Pole Way, 420-1400; 244-8640
Trans Action Group (TAG) Information: Peter Vaillancourt, sk8forether@ gmail; list serve at transactiongroup@ googlegroups.com
MOCHA Hepatitis Clinic Free Hepatitis A & B vaccinations, third Tuesdays, 5:30-7pm, 107 Liberty Pole Way, 420-1400 Rainbow SAGE Yoga 6-7pm Open Arms MCC, 125 Norris Drive, 442-6369. Women’s Community Chorus Rehearsals each Tuesday, 6:30-9pm, Downtown United Pres. Church, 121 N. Fitzhugh Street. 234-4441, www.therwcc.org Free HIV Testing Every Tuesday, 9am-7pm. AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave.
Wednesday Charlie’s Group Third Wednesdays. Monthly peer-facilitated suppport group for married men who have sex with men. Confidential, free. 6:30pm. For info: Scott, 244-8640 x 20; ScottF@gagv.us.
GLOB&L (Gays and Lesbians of Bausch & Lomb). Meets every third Thursday in Area 67 conference room at the Optic Center. Voice mail: 338-8977 Rochester Gay Men’s Chorus Downtown United Presbyterian Church, 121 N. Fitzhugh St. 6:30-9pm, 423-0650 Free confidential walk-in HIV testing Every Thursday night, 5-8pm, AIDS Care, 259 Monroe Ave. 442-2220 Partner Bereavement Group First and third Thursdays, 5:30-7pm. Open dropin session; professionally led. Freewill donation to hospice requested. Lifetime Care, 3111 Winton Road, 214-1414 MOCHA/GAGV Youth Trans Group First Thursdays, 5-7pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St., first floor (Prince St. entrance). 244-8640 ext 13.
Country Line Dancing/Two Stepping Every Wednesday, Muthers, 40 S. Union, 7pm, Lessons followed by dancing until 10pm, Beginners to advanced.
AQA Support group for transgender people of color. Third Thursdays, 5:30-7pm, MOCHA, 107 Liberty Pole Way. 420-1400.
U.R. Pride Network 7:30pm, Gamble Room in Rush Rhees Library. urpride@gmail.com
Second Thursdays Social and business networking, 5:30-7:30pm. Changing venues. E-mail fingerlakes@ outandequal.org
Rochester Transgender Organization Third Wednesdays. 6:30-9pm. 140 Alex Bar & Grill 140 Alexander St. second floor meeting room Gay Alliance Board of Directors Meets Third Wednesdays, 6pm, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640 New Freedom New Happiness AA Gay meeting, 7pm, Unitarian Church, 220 Winton Rd. Men and women. Open.
Gay & Lesbian Cancer Support Group Second Thursdays, 6-7:30pm, Gilda’s Clubhouse, 255 Alexander St. RSVP: 423-9700; info@ gildasclubrochester.org
FRIDAY Gay Men's AA meeting Fridays, 7:30-8:30pm, Closed meeting. Emmanuel Baptist Church, 815 Park Ave.
Rochester Rams Bar Night Third Saturdays, 8pm-2am, Bachelor Forum, 670 University Ave. 271-6930 Empire Bears Bar Night First Saturdays. Bachelor Forum, 470 University Ave. www.empirebears.org. Frontrunners/Frontwalkers 9am, George Eastman House parking lot.www. rochesterfrontrunners.org. Empire Bears Potluck 2nd Saturdays, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main, first floor, Prince St. entrance. 6:30pm greet; 7pm dinner. Bring dish to pass. www. empirebears.org. Cross Dresser Support Group First Saturdays, 6-9pm, call for location: 251-2132; RCDNET@hotmail.com Rochester Transgender Organization Last Saturdays, 2:30-5pm, Gay Alliance Community Room, 875 E. Main St., first floor (next to Youth Center). Guys Night Out Third Saturdays. Social group for transguys. 1pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. tguysnightout@ gmail.com. Saturday Night Special Gay AA 7pm, Unitarian Church, 220 Winton Rd. S. Men and women. Open meeting. Lilac Rainbow Alliance for the Deaf (LRAD) 2nd Saturdays, 6-9pm. rcoaster@rochester.rr.com
Sunday Parents Families & Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Third Sundays, 2-4pm. Nopper Room, Gay Alliance, fifth floor, 875 E. Main St. PFLAG@ gayalliance.org. GAGV Library & Archives, David Bohnett Cyber Center Every Sunday. 6-8pm. First floor, 875 E. Main St. 244-8640. Unity Fellowship Church Sundays, 10am, Auditorium Center, 875 E. Main St., Prince St. wing. 568-8391 Dignity-Integrity 5pm, St. Luke’s/St. Simon Cyrene Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. Every Sunday, 234-5092 Open Arms Metropolitan Community Church 740 Marshall Rd., Chili, 10:30am. 271-8478 Gay Men’s Alcoholics Anonymous St. Luke’s/St. Simon Cyrene Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. 8:30pm, 232-6720, Weekly. Closed meeting GAGV Youth Group Ages 13-23. Every Sunday, 2-4pm, GAGV Youth Center, 875 E. Main St. or satellite location. For weekly location check Youth Calendar, www. gayalliance.org or e-mail Jess at JessC@gagv.us. Rainbow SAGE First Sundays: Euchre Club, 3-6pm. Third Sundays, Potluck at First Universalist Church, 150 S. Clinton Ave., 4pm. Men’s Cooking Group Third or fourth Sundays, 355-7664. Civil Rights Front Every Tuesday, 5pm, Equal=Grounds, 750 South Ave. http://www.civilrightsfront.wordpress.com
AA Meetings in Rochester
Every week there are four regularly scheduled GLBTI AA meetings in Rochester.
Wednesdays
New Freedom/New Happiness Group
7 p.m. at the First Unitarian Church, 220 S. Winton Rd. Bus riders: Take the last #18 University bus to 12 Corners. Use the stop just past the top of the hill at Hillside Ave. and before Highland Ave. Or take the #1 Park Ave. to the corner of East and Winton, then walk five minutes south (uphill) on Winton. This is an open discussion meeting. All issues – as they relate to our alcoholism/addiction and recovery – are fair game.
Fridays Gay Men’s
7:30 p.m. Immanuel Baptist Church, 815 Park Ave. • Closed meeting, restricted to alcoholics and addicts • Men’s meeting • Handicapped accessible This is a round-robin discussion meeting. If you are shy about meeting people or speaking up in a group, you will find this meeting particularly warm and inviting because everyone gets their turn to speak (or pass). As a result, this meeting often runs long, so plan on more than the usual hour.
Saturdays
Saturday Night Special
7 p.m. at the First Unitarian Church, 220 S. Winton Rd. Bus riders: The #18 University Ave. bus does not go by the church on weekend evenings. Take the #1 Park Ave. bus to the corner of East and Winton, then walk five minutes south (uphill) on Winton. • Open meeting, all are welcome, “straight-friendly” • Mixed men and women • Handicapped accessible, take the elevator to the basement Meeting begins with a speaker, followed by open discussion.
Sundays
Rochester Gay Men
8 p.m. at St. Luke/St. Simon’s Episcopal Church, 17 S. Fitzhugh St. Bus riders use the Fitzhugh St. stop on Main St. at the County Office Building and walk south one block. • Closed meeting, restricted to alcoholics and addicts • Men’s meeting • NOT handicapped accessible Meeting begins with a speaker, followed by open discussion.
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the empty closet • the gay alliance of the genesee valley • number 441 • dec-jan 2011